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I am working on photos from my Manali trip that I hope to post tomorrow. Meanwhile, I share with you a page (or two?) from my Meghalaya diary. A version of this article, in Nepali, first appeared in Kantipur daily (मेघालयका “घरज्वाइँ’हरु). First, second and last paragraphs of this article have also been used in a piece that I wrote for July 2010 issue of Himal Southasian magazine (Dakhar still) By Dinesh Wagle Wagle Street Journal Patriarchal and Hindu Nepali migrant coalminers marry matriarchal and Christian Khasi indigenous women in India’s Meghalaya state. Read on to find out what happens Kul Bahadur Magar, his wife Deng and their children. Marriages, history shows us, are often tactical arrangements between rulers to expand empires, strengthen political alliances, establish peace between warring nations, avoid wars or create harmony in a conflict-ridden society. The Romans did it, the Mughals followed suit, and Nepal’s rulers were no different, in the seventh century marrying off Princess Bhrikuti to powerful emperor Songtsan Gampo of Tibet. Similarly, in the eighth century, King Jayadev II of Nepal brought home Rajyamati, daughter of Harshavardan, the king of Kamrup, Assam. In contrast, when Kul Bahadur Magar, a Nepali coalmine worker in an area of Meghalaya that borders Kamrup, married Deng, a local ethnic Khasi woman, he did not have lofty goals of alliance building or peace-making. “Who thinks like that?” asked 45-year-old Magar. “I liked her, she liked me. We were both young and one day we married.” That was 13 years ago. Since then, the couple has been living peacefully in a shack with their four children, near the coalmine where Magar works. But their peace has now been shattered. The simmering mistrust between Nepali-speakers and the local Khasi community erupted into full-scale conflict during the course of May. Several Gorkhas (Nepali-speaking Indians) and migrants from Nepal were killed, the tragedies highlighting the constant vulnerability of both categories of Nepali-speaking residents of the Northeast. (Khasi Nepali Ethnic Conflict in Meghalaya, India) Two years ago an ethnic conflict arose in a small town called Barsora in East Khasi Hills district of Meghalaya, a north-eastern Indian state. The Khasis who are majority in the state that has other indigenous communities like Garos and Jaintias, started evicting Nepali migrant labourers who toiled in the coal mines there. A group of leading Nepali migrants from Ladrampai, the commercial hub of neighbouring Jaintai Hills district, went there to hold talks with the locals. Locals had four complaints against migrants: 1. You steal our jobs. You consume alcohol and crate nuisance at public places. You are involved in terrorist activities. You marry our women and help destroy our culture. “The land here belongs to you; the mines are yours, men from your community need cheap labour and they hire poor Nepalis,” the migrant leaders replied, according to Toplal Bhandari, chairman of the Ladrampai unit of Mool Pravaha Akhil Bharat Nepali Ekata Samaj. “No Nepalis are allowed to sell liquor here. These are men from your community who own and run liquor shops. No Nepalis are involved in terrorist activities and terrorism is not ethnicity-specific. In fact, Nepalis secure you borders, let alone the thought of them harming India. As for Nepali men destroying your culture by marring your women, why don’t you look at the issue from this angle that yours is a matriarchal society where men have no ownership of properties, therefore, Nepalis never get hold of any of the properties that your women own. Instead, they serve your women till they become old and one day they are kicked out of their ‘homes’ to go back to Nepal where they have nothing. They are treated as if they were date expired medicine.” In the family of the matriarchal Khasis and Garos (another ethnic community of Meghalaya with whom Nepalis enjoy relatively warm relations) women are the authority. The youngest daughter inherits the property from her mother. The child bears mother’s surname and in some cases the husband, who moves into his wife’s house after marriage to look after the family, changes his surname to his wife’s. If the man is Hindu, like many Nepalis and Gorkhas, he will have to convert to Christianity. (They are usually given surname Dakhar, a Khasi word that also means foreigner. “A Nepali Brahman has become Burman,” said a Gorkha.) Some Khasi men complain of ‘female hegemony’ just as women do of male supremacy in patriarchal society like Nepali. In his New York Times article of February 18, 1994 Syed Zubair Ahmed had written that a men’s right organization had been founded in Meghalaya to look after the interests of men. Alleging women as overbearing and dominating, according to the article, the men complained: “We are sick of playing the roles of breeding bulls and baby-sitters. We have no lines of succession. We have no land, no business.” On the other hand, women say that they prefer to marry outsiders- like Nepalis- because their own tribesmen tend to be irresponsible in family matters. The only domain that completely belongs to men in Meghalaya is politics and governance. No woman has ever become chief minister of the state. Against the said background the Nepali argument seems convincing (a Nepali man was recently kicked out by his Khasi wife) but, to be honest, that is not the only truth. There are many instances of cunning Nepalis using the marriage with a Khasi woman as means to enter into the business and make money. In some cases Khasi women, on their part, take commission from their Nepali husbands. “I wanted to do timber business,” said an elderly Gorkha in Shillong who didn’t want to be identified as the issue was too embarrassing for him. “I had no option but to marry a Khasi woman.” A few years after the marriage the Meghalaya government banned the extraction of timber that rendered the marriage useless for this Gorkha. He then married a Nepali woman from Nepal. He has a daughter with the Khasi women and some more kids with the Nepali wife. He said he didn’t stay for long in his Khasi wife’s home. “We still have contact,” he said. “But we hardly meet. She is happy with her own life and I am happy with mine.” Many Nepalis or Gorkhas who are staying in their Khasi wives’ homes in Meghalaya find it very difficult to admit so. To admit that they are living the life of a ghar jwain under the authority of a woman is a matter of humiliation for them who were born and raised in a patriarchal setup, some Gorkhas and Nepalis of Meghalaya who haven’t married Khasi women told me. But not all become ghar jwains. Opposite has happened in Kul Bahadur Magar’s case. The Magar couple has been living in a shack near a coal mine where Magar works. Deng’s mother, who lives in a different village, is too poor to own a house. Some Nepalis have taken their Khasi wives to Nepal where they are living a peaceful life. One such woman, by the way, wrote to me after reading an article that I wrote for the Kathmandu Post (Meghalaya Diary). She introduced herself as ‘a daughter of Meghalaya and daughter-in law of Nepal’. Just as Nepalis mistakenly brand all Khasis and Jaintias as gaikhane (beef eaters), she said, Khasis also wrongly put migrant Neaplis and Gorkhas in the same basket. When Khais become angry with Nepalis or Gorkhas they don’t differentiate between those who are married to Khasi women and those who aren’t. People like Kul Bahadur Magar and Deng also appear to have concluded that their marriage alone cannot bring the two communities together. After the current unrest, the couple has been rethinking the wisdom of continuing to live in their shack near the coalmine. “Our daughters are growing,” said Magar, “and it is becoming difficult for them to live here. The Khasi target them as they are the children of a woman who ‘went for a dakhar’ – the Khasi word for foreigner. ‘Deng’, in fact, is just a nickname that means ‘second daughter’ in Khasi, as her formal name is Goma. In fact, she is a Hindu, the daughter of a Nepali man (a Tamang from Ramechhap, Nepal) and a Khasi woman. Because of the growing insecurity, Deng, who speaks fluent Nepali, is now insisting that the family move to Nepal, where Magar continues to own ancestral land. “I didn’t think I would go to Nepal,” said Magar. ‘But now I am thinking about it.” मेघालयमा मे महिनामा भएको तनावबारे कान्तिपुरमा प्रकाशित रिपोर्टहरु यहाँ छन् ।
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दिनेश वाग्ले लाड्रम्पाई (मेघालय)- इतिहासले बताउँछ विवाहलाई कहिलेकाहीं रणनीतिक प्रयोग गरिन्छ । जस्तो कि, साम्राज्य फैलाउन, राजनीतिक गठबन्धनलाई सुदृढ तुल्याउन, मुलुकबीच युद्ध पन्साउन र द्वन्द्वपीडित समाजमा सौहार्द्रता कायम गर्न । रोमनले त्यही गरे, मुगलले त्यसैलाई पछ्याए । त्यो अर्थमा नेपालका शासक पनि फरक थिएनन् । राजा अंशुबर्माले छोरी भृकुटीलाई तिब्बतका शक्तिशाली सम्राट् स्रङचङ्गम्पोसँग पठाए । राजा जयदेव द्वितीयले दुई देशबीच मित्रता कायम होस भनेर अहिले पूर्वोत्तर भारतीय राज्य असमको एउटा जिल्लाका रूपमा रहेको कामरूप देशका राज हर्षबर्मनकी छोरी राज्यमतीलाई भित्र्याए । तर जब त्यही कामरूपसँग सीमा जोडिएको मेघालयको कोइलाखानीमा मजदुरी गर्ने मोरङका कुलबहादुर मगरले स्थानीय खासी युवती ड्याङसँग विवाह गरे, उनले नमज्जासँग विभाजित आफ्ना दुई समुदायहरूलाई एकैठाउँमा ल्याउने उद्देश्य राखेका थिएनन् । ‘त्यस्तो कल्ले सोच्छ र ?’ ४५ वर्षे मगर भने, ‘मैले उसलाई मन पराएँ । उसले मलाई मन पराई । हामी दुवै जवान थियौं । एक दिन विवाह गर्यौं ।’ त्यो १३ वर्षअघिको कुरा । त्यसयता जोडी आफ्ना चार बच्चाहरूसँग मगरले काम गर्ने कोइलाखानी नजिकैको छाप्रोमा शान्तिपूर्वक बसिरहेको छ । ती दिन अब सकिएजस्ता छन् । शान्ति भंग भएको छ । गत महिना मेघालयभरिका प्रवासी नेपाली मजदुर र नेपालीभाषी भारतीय (गोर्खा) हरूलाई खासीहले कुट्न र मार्न थालेपछि दुई समुदायबीचको अविश्वास र कपट झन् बढेको छ । खासमा नेपाली र खासीबीचको विवाहै पनि तुसको एउटा कारण बनेको छ । दुई वर्षअघि पश्चिम खासी हिल्स जिल्लाको बस्ती बर्सोरामा खासीहरूले नेपाली प्रवासीलाई लखेट्न थाले । नजिकैको जयन्तीया जिल्लाको व्यावसायिक केन्द्र लाड्रम्पाईबाट केही अग्रज नेपाली प्रवासीहरू वार्ता गर्न त्यहाँ पुगे । स्थानीयहरूले नेपालीमाथि चारवटा आरोप लगाएका थिए १) तिमीहरूले हाम्रो जागिर खाइदियौ, २) जाँड खाएर सार्वजनिक स्थलमा बबाल गर्छौ, ३) आतंकवादी गतिविधिमा सामेल भयौ, ४) हाम्रा आइमाई बिहे गरिदिएर तिमीहरूले हाम्रो संस्कृति नष्ट गरिदिन आट्यौं । ‘यो जमिन तिमीहरूको, खानी तिमीहरूका,’ खासीहरूलाई आफूहरूले दिएको जवाफ मूलप्रवाह अखिल भारत नेपाली एकता समाज, लाड्रम्पाई इकाईका अध्यक्ष टोपलाल भण्डारीले कान्तिपुरसँग सम्भिmए, ‘तिमै्र मान्छेहरूलाई सस्तो श्रम चाहिन्छ जो गरिब नेपालीबाट लिएका छौ । नेपालीलाई रक्सी बेच्न यहाँ दिइँदैन, पसल खोल्ने र श्रमिकलाई बेच्ने तिम्रै समुदायका मान्छे हुन् । नेपालीहरू आतंकवादी गतिविधिमा सामेल छैनन् र आतंकवाद जाति विषेशमा सीमित हुँदैन । खासमा नेपालीले तिमीहरूको सीमा रक्षा गरिदिएका छन्, तिनले भारतको अहित चिताउने कुरै छाडिदेऊ । अब रह्यो हाम्रा मान्छेले तिमीहरूका आइमाई बिहे गरेर संस्कृति बिगारेको कुरो । तिमीहरूको समाज मातृसत्तात्मक हो जहाँ पुरुषको नाममा सम्पत्ति हुँदैन त्यसैले तिम्रा महिलाबाट नेपालीले सम्पत्ति लाने कुरै भएन । बरु उमेर छउन्जेल तिनले सेवा गर्छन् र बूढो भएपछि तिनै महिलाले ‘म्याद सकिएको औषधि’ फालेझै लात्ताले हानेर निकालिदिन्छन् । अनि उनीहरू नेपाल फर्किनुपर्छ जहाँ उनीहरूको केही हुँदैन ।’ खासी र मेघालयको अर्को आदिवासी समूह गारो (जोसँग नेपालीहरूको तुलनात्मक रूपमा सौहार्दता छ) मातृसत्तात्मक हुन् जसको परिवारमा महिला सर्वेसर्वा हुन्छिन् । सम्पत्ति आमाको नामबाट कान्छी छोरीमा सर्छ र बच्चाहरूले आमाको थर राख्छन् । बिहेपछि पुरुष श्रीमतीको घरमा सर्छन् र प्रायले थर बदलेर श्रीमतीकै प्रयोग गर्छन् । धेरै नेपाली र गोर्खाझैं पुरुष हिन्दू छ भने ऊ क्रिश्चियन बन्नुपर्छ । (त्यस्ता पतिले सामान्यतः डखार भन्ने खासी थर पाउँछन् जसको अर्थ ‘विदेशी’ भन्ने पनि लाग्छ । केही नेपाली ब्राह्मणचाहिँ बुर्मान भएका छन् ।) केही खासी/गारो पुरुषहरूले चाहिँ ‘महिलाहरूको थिचोमिथो’ प्रति गुनासो गर्ने गरेका छन् । १८ फेब्रुअरी १९९४ को ‘न्युयोर्क टाइम्स’मा लेख्दै सइद जुबइर अहमतले तिनताका मेघालयका पुरुषहरूको हितार्थ पुरुष अधिकार संस्था खुलेको उल्लेख गरेका छन् । महिलाहरू बढी नै घमण्डी र थिचोमिचो गर्ने भएको उल्लेख गर्ने पुरुषका अनेक गुनासा हुन्थे, ‘हामी महिलाहरूका लागि बच्चा जन्माउने साधन र बच्चा हेर्नेको भूमिकाबाट वाक्क भएका छौं । हाम्रोबाट वंशज पनि हुँदैन । हामीसँग जग्गा पनि छैन, व्यवसाय पनि छैन ।’ अर्कोतिर महिलाहरूचाहिँ आफ्ना समुदायका पुरुष पारिवारिक मामिलामा गैरजिम्मेवार भएको भन्दै नेपालीजस्ता बाहिरियाहरू रुचाउने बताउन थाले । मेघालयमा पूरै पुरुषकैमात्र राज भएको क्षेत्र राजनीति र सत्ता सञ्चालन हो । राज्यमा अहिलेसम्म महिला मुख्यमन्त्री भएकी छैनन् । उल्लेखित पृष्ठभूमिमा प्रवासी नेपालीहरूले गरेको तर्क पत्यारिलो लाग्छ जसलाई हालै मात्र पनि एक जना नेपालीलाई उनकी खासी पत्नीले घरबाट निकालिदिएको घटनाले थप बलियो तुल्याउँछ । तर त्यो नै सम्पूर्ण सत्य होइन । कतिपय धूर्त नेपालीहरूले व्यापार गर्न र पैसा कमाउनकै लागि खासी महिलाहरूसँग विवाह गरेका छन् । ‘मलाई टिम्बरको कारोबार गर्नु थियो,’ सिलाङस्थित एक जना गोर्खाले आफैंलाई लाज लाग्ने भएकाले नाम उल्लेख नगर्न भन्दै कान्तिपुरसँग भने, ‘त्यसका लागि एउटी खसिनी नखोजी भयो ? गर्नै पर्यो ब्ये ।’ केही वर्षमै मेघालय सरकारले टिम्बरको व्यापारमा प्रतिबन्ध लगाएपछि उनका लागि बिहेको उपादेयता पनि सकियो । उनले अर्की नेपाली महिला बिहे गरे जसबाट केही बच्चा जन्मेका छन् । खासी पत्नीबाट एउटी छोरी भएकी छन् । खासी पत्नीको घरमा धेरै समय नबसेको उल्लेख गर्दै उनले भने, ‘सधैं नभेटे पनि सम्पर्कमा छौं । दुवै आआफ्नो जिन्दगीबाट खुसी छौं ।’ खासी पत्नीकै घरमा बस्ने थुप्रै नेपाली या गोर्खाहरू त्यो स्वीकार्न गाह्रो मान्छन् । कतिपयले कान्तिपुरसँग कुरै गर्न रुचाएनन् । पितृसत्तात्मक समाजमा जन्मेहुर्केका उनीहरू एउटी महिलाको अधिनमा घरज्वाइँ भएर बसेको स्वीकार्न अप्ठ्यारो मान्ने खासी महिलासँग विवाह नगरेको सिलाङका केही गोर्खाले बताए । तर सबै घरज्वाइँ भएका छैनन् । जस्तै कुलबहादुर जसकी पत्नीको नाम खास नाम ड्याङ होइन, त्यो बोलाउने नाम मात्र हो । उनी आफैं पनि रामेछापका तामाङ र खासी महिलाकी छोरी हुन् । आमाको पनि घर नभएकाले उनी बिहेपछि मगरको छाप्रोमा सरेकी थिइन् । अहिले उनी प्रस्ट नेपाली बोल्छिन् तर नेपालको चलन पूरै सिकिसकेकी छैनन् जो उनले बताएको थरबाट झल्किन्छ । ‘गोमा,’ उनले कान्तिपुरको ‘नाम के हो’ भन्ने प्रश्नमा भनिन् । ‘थर ?’ ‘बहादुर तामाङ,’ उनले भनिन् । हालैका दिनमा भएका अशान्तिले हुर्कंदा छोराछोरीलाई अप्ठ्यारो पर्ने महसुस गरेका कुलबहादुर र गोमाले अब नेपाल फर्किने कुरा सोच्न थालेका छन् । ‘छोरीहरू हुर्किंदै छन्,’ बाल्यकालमै देब्रे आँखो गुमाएका मगरले भने, ‘आफ्नो जातको केटा छोडेर डखारसँग बिहे गरेकी आइमाईका छोराछोरी भन्दै खासीहरूले तिनलाई हेप्न थालेका छन् ।’ केराबारी, मोरङमा पैतृक सम्पत्ति भएको बताउने कुलबहादुरलाई गोमाले पनि ‘नेपालै जाउँ, यता गाह्रो होलाजस्तो छ,’ भनेर हैरान पार्न थालेकी छिन् । ‘यति छिटो नेपाल फर्किनुपर्ला भन्ने सोचेकै थिइनँ,’ २०४६ सालमा नेपाल छाडेर यहाँ आएका कुलबहादुरले भने, ‘तर अब जतिसक्दो चाँडो फर्किने विचार गर्दैछु ।’ यो लेख आजको कान्तिपुरको पृष्ठ तीनमा प्रकाशित भएको हो ।