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Posted by Hannah Rae on Sep 28, 2012 in Life in the Stubborn house It was winter. We were mourning over babies lost, and babies never had, And then, in a dream, God told me your name. He told me to get ready for you. And then the phone rang, and there was a baby who was very sick who needed a mommy and daddy who knew how to take care of sick babies. And then we said yes, because God had already told us you were coming. And then you came. And you were so tiny, and I told Isa over the phone how tiny you were, and I sent him a picture, but he still didn’t understand. And you were so dirty, so I immediately washed you in a warm bath with lavender oil, and I held you in the palm of one hand, and I got some clean clothes out of the closet, but you were so tiny that I didn’t have anything small enough. And then Isa came home and marveled at how small you were, and how sick you looked. And then we heard you cry, and we saw the pain that you were in, and we promised to help you heal, and we swaddled you up and held you close. And I washed you again, because you still smelled like smoke. And that was the beginning. And then you got bigger, and stronger, and healthier, and smiley-er, and happier. And then you amazed everyone with your over-coming spirit. And then you confused your doctor, so we had to be patient. And then you started to do things early, not late. And then you became this beautiful, healthy, strong baby girl. And then you became ours in our hearts, and we started to believe it might be possible that you might stay. And then you became ours forever. Well, we are almost there, aren’t we, Bitty Girl? God is so faithful. Blessings! Hannah Leave a comment | | Tags: Adoption, Being set apart, Bitty Babe, foster care, parenting, the hard stuff, The SAHM Adventure Posted by Hannah Rae on Aug 1, 2012 in Life in the Stubborn house Note: I started this post June 25, and was interrupted by a call from our worker asking us to take an emergency placement of two girls, thus the interruption of time. Also, things are even more intense and chaotic right now, but we are getting it figured out. I’ve been trying to figure out the best way to introduce you to Busy Boy as well as let you in to the complexity that is life in the Stubborn house right now, and I think what might be effective is to give you a daily breakdown. 7:00 AM – Bitty Babe wakes up. Depending on the kind of day it is, she is either cooing and playing in her crib, or screaming bloody murder. There is no in between. Also, depending on what kind of night it was, I am either well rested and ready to start the day, or am dragging my legs over the edge of the bed trying to explain to my screaming baby why it is taking me so long. “Hold on, Honey!” “I’m almost there, Baby Girl!” “My eyes are having a little trouble opening, Darling. Be patient!” God graciously made me a morning person, so as soon as my feet hit the floor and I start moving, I wake up very quickly and am ready to get things started. I pick up my precious baby girl and greet her with ‘good morning’s’ and lots and lots of kisses. I bring her to the changing area on our living room floor and soak up the love as she coos and smiles at me as I change her butt. I then sit her down (‘cuz she can sit now!) with a couple of toys while I take care of some….ahem…personal business. Then it’s time to get her morning bottle made as well as dose up her morning med. Update: When I originally wrote this, Bitty was not crawling yet. This has since changed in a big way. There is no more sitting her on the floor while she contentedly plays with a toy, because she has figured out very quickly how to climb our sunken living room’s stairs to follow me where ever I go, so now she goes into the bathroom with me and plays with a roll of toilet paper. Feeding Bitty is one of my favorite things. I love how she gazes up at my face and strokes my hair. She still needs to be swaddled to eat effectively most of the time, but she usually works her right arm out, and it goes straight to my hair and face. She has this thing about scratching too, so I really have to stay on top of her nails. 8:00 AM – Busy Boy wakes up. I usually know this because he either knocks on his door, which he can’t open yet, or he cries, which stops as soon as I open the door. He greets me with a smiley “Hi!” and gives me a hug around the legs. I melt. He carries his sippy cup of water and his blanket out with him, but he usually drops them somewhere between his bedroom and the living room. I always give him kisses as soon as I see him, and I ask him how he rested, which he usually replies to in his own lovely little language. Busy Boy, at 29 months of age, has the language skills of an 15-18 month-old, but he makes up for his lack of words with his expressiveness in his own language. He wants to make himself known so much, and we are determined to give him the tools to do that, so the day he moved in I began using sign language with him. He picked it up so quickly those first couple of days that I was convinced that his guardians had been using sign with him, which I found out was not the case. He already knows more than 20 signs, learns new ones instantly, and signs 3 word sentences. He even makes up his own signs to make himself understood. For example, at lunch one day he pointed to the grilled cheese sandwich I had on the stove and he signed “hot cheese.” What I love about the use of sign language with speech-delayed kids is that it gives them a chance to build vocabulary and confidence as they learn to speak. More on that another time. After Busy Boy gets up, I get his butt changed and then wait to see what kind of morning it will be. Sometimes Busy Boy is ready to go right away and immediately wants to go to his high chair and eat breakfast. Other mornings he needs some time to play before he realizes he is hungry. 8:15 AM – Breakfast. I have been enjoying breakfast time so much! This used to be a hard time of the morning for me before Busy Boy came. Most mornings I would spend the first hour sitting on the couch with the babe watching TLC’s morning lineup. Because of Bitty Babe’s high needs, it was just easier to not have any morning expectations. Now that Busy Boy is here, I don’t have a choice. I have to feed the child! I definitely think it helps that Bitty is old enough now that she is interested in playing with things, so she is not needing my constant attention and entertainment. Even though she’s not eating solid food yet, I’ve been putting her in her high chair with some of her favorite toys, or a graham cracker to gnaw on, so she can join us in the breakfast fun. I know I haven’t been writing much about it recently, but I love to cook, and I’ve always thought that cold cereal was more of a snack food than a breakfast food, which leads me to the conclusion that I should make hot breakfast as often as possible. This is actually a very practical thing with two little ones because they eat in the kitchen, and I want to be with them, so cooking for them makes my time well spent. Lately I’ve been making Busy Boy blueberry pancakes and a simple cheese omelette. They are quick, nutritious dishes, and Busy Boy gobbles them up. While I’m making the hot items, I give him him his choice of fruit, which he uses his new found sign language skills to communicate. Busy Boy is a big eater, which is wonderful, because he will try just about anything, but he is also a slow eater, which means that breakfast takes up a good 45 minutes of our morning. 9:00 AM – New butt and play time. This is when I am really glad that Bitty is getting so independent and will play on her own, because this allows me time to get some morning chores done. During this time, Busy Boy is exploring. He is such a thinker. He loves finding out how objects might work together, especially in combinations I would never have thought of, like plastic stacking rings strung onto a wagon handle. 10:00 AM – Snack time for Busy Boy, nap time for Bitty. Yes, you read that right, Bitty is actually going down for regular morning naps! This started about a month ago, and I am loving it! Depending on how she’s feeling, she will sleep anywhere from 1-3 hours. It’s wonderful! Snack time is another time of the day that I am so thankful for my ASL background, because Busy Boy is able to let me know when he is hungry and exactly what he wants. It’s incredible. I seriously almost cried the day when instead of whining and grunting for his hat that he saw in his diaper bag, he signed “hat please.” Amazing. 10:30 AM – More play time. Since Bitty is usually asleep at this time, I try to take this time to spend some good one-on-one time with Busy Boy and work on more specific skills. It’s pretty obvious that Busy Boy was never really read to, as he has no idea what to do with a book, and cannot identify objects in pictures…like any. So this is something I am really trying to work with him on. It’s hard sometimes, because he is so active he doesn’t really want to sit still with me. Now, don’t get me wrong, he is a very cuddly kid, and loves to be rocked and snuggled, but right now reading seems like a waste of good play time to him. So I am trying to read AROUND him a lot, and catch him during his few quiet times. I’ve been collecting children’s books for years, so I am super excited to share these wonderful books with my kiddos. We’ll get there. Update: Since I wrote this, Busy Boy is now choosing to get books off the bookshelf and look at them independently! He has been pointing to pictures and telling me about them, such as pointing to a picture of Elmo taking a bath and signing and saying “bath time,” or “night nights” for Ernie in bed. 11:30 AM – Lunch. More good food. Enough said. 12:15 PM – Busy Boy goes down for his nap. The first few days were rough simply because we had no idea what kind of schedule he was on. Now that we know, and we know how routine oriented he is, nap time is a breeze. After I get him cleaned up from lunch, I change his butt and tell him it’s time for night nights. He grabs his bunny blanket and his sippy cup (with water) and heads to his room. He’s usually fussing as he walks, but it’s so fake it’s hilarious. He puts himself into bed, I give him a kiss, say good night, go out, and shut the door. DONE! Time for Mama ( Äiti) to get busy! This is when I try to get caught up on dishes and laundry. If Bitty is awake, I work in our bedroom putting clothes away, which is my LEAST favorite chore. If Bitty is asleep, I work somewhere else in the house, maybe even getting some deeper sorting and organizing done. If Bitty is really sleeping, I might even lie down for a while, although she has this Äiti radar and has an annoying habit of waking up within minutes of me lying down. 3:00 PM – Busy Boy is up and ready for a new butt and a snack. He always wakes up in good spirits, so I am excited to see him when he wakes up from his nap. Then it’s play time, hopefully including some outside time, especially now that Bitty can sit in the grass and play as well. Our physical therapist blessed us with a playskool turtle sandbox, complete with sand, so Busy Boy has been thoroughly enjoying that along with the inexpensive water table I found earlier this summer. Bitty usually naps at this time too. 5:00 PM – More snack as I start dinner, ‘cuz we always end up eating late. 6:00 PM – Hubby gets home from work and helps with the littles as I try to finish dinner. I love, LOVE, love seeing Hubby in his amazing role as Isä. He and Busy Boy are bonding incredibly well. It helps that Busy Boy is such an easy going, funny, interesting kid of coarse, but he has taken to Hubby in a huge way. 7:00 PM – Dinner. It’s fun eating as a family again. 8:00 PM – Bath time. Busy Boy loves to sit and play in his little tub. He also likes it when Bitty Babe comes to join him. He enjoys helping to wash her and he likes to tickle her belly and her toes. After his bath I rub him down with coconut oil infused with lavender and eucalyptus oils. I started this when Bitty Babe had RSV this past winter, but it’s a great way to get more touch opportunities, as well as check for booboos, and nourish their skin. One of my favorite heart-warming moments included this little ritual. As I rub the oil into his skin, I sing Busy Boy a song, “This is the way we rub the oil, rub the oil, rub the oil, this is the way we rub the oil right before bed time.” One night, Busy Boy got his fingers into the jar and took out a little too much oil, so I asked him if he would rub it on my arm. As he lovingly rubbed the oil in, he sang the song to me in his beautiful little way. It was a great little reward from heaven. 8:15 PM – Bed time for Busy Boy! Just like nap time, Busy Boy gets his blankets and his sippy cup of water, gives Isä kisses, and heads to bed. After I close his curtains, I sit with him on the floor and rock him as I sing my favorite lullaby from Psalty to him. Then I pray over him, thanking God for putting this amazing child in my life. I put him back into his bed, kiss him good night, tell him I love him and leave the room. He might fuss a little, but is usually out before I get to the living room. 8:30 PM – Chill time with Hubby. I might get some dinner clean-up done, but I usually do most of my dishes the next morning during breakfast. I need this time with my sweet husband. Plus, Bitty doesn’t go down until at least 9, and is extra needy in those evening hours. 11:30 PM – Night night! I take the dog out, brush my teeth, crawl between the sheets, read my Bible, turn my music on, and am out! 4:00 AM – Bitty usually wakes up declaring that she is starving to death, so I stumble out of bed, use the facilities as fast as possible, make her a bottle, and try not to fall asleep on my child as I give her the sustenance she so desperately desires. Then back to sleep for as long as possible. Wow. Just writing all that really reminds me of how much life has changed since Jeremiah and Gabe were here. Gabe came to visit last weekend, and he commented multiple times how funny it was to see all the baby stuff around the house. He loves it though, and is so glad to have the opportunity to be big brother to Busy Boy and Bitty. God is good. He restores. He renews. More on that later. Blessings! Hannah Leave a comment | | Tags: Adoption, Bitty Babe, Busy Boy, Family Traditions, foster care, marriage, parenting, The SAHM Adventure Posted by Hannah Rae on Jul 23, 2012 in Life in the Stubborn house ‘Cuz paragraphs require too much brain power. - I was working on a really nice post to introduce you to my beautiful Busy Boy in a more in-depth way, but just as I was doing that, literally as I was typing it, we got a call at 11:30 PM to take an emergency placement of two girls, a 16 year-old, and her two year-old little sister. We said yes to a temporary placement. That was a month ago. The post is getting closer to completion, but just not “there” yet. - Life with two two year-olds has been an adventure. - The best parts of having two year-olds a month apart is that they entertain each other, enjoy each other’s company, entertain me with their antics, and are learning all kinds of fun things together. - The worst parts of having two year-olds a month apart is that they teach each other not-so-fun habits, they enjoy screaming at each other, a lot, just for fun, and with the addition of our 8 month-old, it’s really hard to get any chores or shopping done effectively. - The best parts of having a 16 year-old in the house are getting the chance to teach important life skills, encouraging her that she is a capable person who can make good choices, and my house getting really clean when she does not make such good choices. - The worst part of having a 16 year-old who has not been taught many appropriate life skills in the house is that it sometimes makes it seems like we have 3 toddlers. - I have felt very isolated this month. Between visits for the girls, therapies, and other appointments, I have not been able to spend much of any quality time with friends this month. We didn’t even get to do anything for our anniversary. The girls will only be here for another week, and then I am hoping things can settle down into a more practical schedule. Ugh! - Bitty’s health has been a struggle. We are having medication issues, but thankfully we have a wonderful pediatrician who is working very hard to make sure Bitty grows into the healthiest girl she can be. - Now that we’ve got some of the med stuff under control, Bitty decided it was time to START CRAWLING! She is everywhere! This is a milestone that we never got to experience with Bright Eyes, because although she moved to her new home when she was about 9 months old, she didn’t start crawling till she was almost a year old. Bitty is actually the first child I’ve gotten to experience this milestone with, and that is so incredibly special to me. - Although her motor development has always been ahead of the curve, Bitty has some continual special needs as a result of the substances she was exposed to in utero. One of these issues is that she is a very sensory-sensitive kid. She startles really easily, and gets over-stimulated without warning. She is also having trouble starting solid foods. She will not open her mouth to eat off of a spoon, and if I do manage to get some in there, she gags to the point of throwing up as soon as it hits the back of her throat. She will, however, eat a graham cracker, although most of it ends up on her face and chest. We have an OT coming out this week to help us address these issues, which are becoming even more of a concern now that she is so mobile. Formula alone is just not cutting it even more. - As I briefly mentioned earlier, Hubby and I just passed our 11th anniversary. Crazy. Last year we didn’t get to celebrate because we were in the middle of our battle with Jeremiah. This year, there was too much going on with our current wards. My birthday is coming up this weekend, and I am hoping that Hubby and I will be able to etch some time out for each other. It really feels hard to breathe sometimes with all that is going on, and August is going to be NUTS! Lord Jesus, have mercy! - Gabe came home to visit this weekend for the first time in over a year! It was wonderful! There was absolutley no awkwardness. I just really enjoyed spending time with my son. Plus, it was super cool to see him bond with Busy Boy and Bitty. I got some great pictures of my 19 year-old holding and playing with my littles. It warmed my heart so much. He is not always making the best choices, but our relationship has been restored, and that is more than I hoped for a year ago. Plus, it was really funny watching him watch me discipline the 16 year-old. He said that he almost wanted to go into the kitchen and tell her “It’s just not worth it!” Hehehe. Wonderful. Okay, I think that my brain cleared out some cobwebs now. Blessings! Hannah Leave a comment | | Tags: behavior challenges, Being Real, Being set apart, Bitty Babe, blogging, Bright Eyes, Busy Boy, foster care, parenting, The SAHM Adventure Posted by Hannah Rae on Jun 18, 2012 in Life in the Stubborn house As I said in the last post, we knew that God knew what He was doing, and that even if the sib placement didn’t work out, that He had a reason that He was preparing us. Finally, two weeks after we got the initial referral for the sibling group, our agency gave us a call to tell us that the variance for other family had been approved, so we would not be getting the 4-pack, but before she even took a breath she had something else to ask us. She asked me, because Hubby was at work, if we would consider taking a two year-old boy. She and his assigned worker spent the next few minutes on speaker phone with me telling me the little they knew about him. He had only been in care a few days, and was initially placed with a foster family who decided they couldn’t handle his tantrums. They told me that apparently he tantrums when he hears “No,” hits himself, and hits his head on the floor. All I was thinking at this point was, “Does this family not know ANYTHING about 2 year-olds?” Everything else about the boy was extremely positive, and the tantrums didn’t scare me a bit. I actually really enjoy the strong-willed-ness that comes with toddler-hood. I love how they are developing their sense of self, and literally learning how to be human. I love their creativity and ingenuity, and how they can help you think outside the box, because they do it so naturally. Anywho, I told them that they would most likely get a “Yes,” but I had to call Hubby first, so I called Hubby and gave him the lowdown, and he asked me to give him an hour to think and pray about it. When the hour was up I gave him a buzz, and he said “Yes.” It wasn’t even a tentative “Yes.” It was the kind of answer that comes from knowing true peace. That was Tuesday. He would be coming the next day. We had painting to do. As a not so fun sidebar, I got a really bad case of the stomach flu that previous weekend, so I was not good for anything other than lying on the couch sipping water. That put all of our well-intentioned preparation plans on hold, so when we got the call about the little boy we had no choice but to go into overdrive. Hubby came home from work and got right to painting. I finished up the last coat Wednesday morning, just hours before our new little guy would be arriving. There was such a lack of info on this little one that we really didn’t know what to expect. When our worker pulled into the driveway, I was definitely excited, but not nervous at all. It’s a weird feeling, waiting to see who this little person will be. I’ve never given birth, but I imagine that it’s similar, except we often have mere days or even hours notice to anticipate these new members to our family. This time was particularly strange because, unlike Bright Eyes or Bitty Babe, this boy was already 2 years-old. He had 2 years of history that we were not a part of. 2 full years of experiences that shaped his little personality and his perception of this world of which we would never know the full extent. That is something unique to the foster care and adoption experience that is hard to describe completely. Anywho, the caseworker took him out of his car seat and I got my first glimpse of our new addition. He was tiny for a 27 month-old. He wore a blue camouflage hat that covered his strawberry blond curls. His bright blue eyes sparkled as he pointed at me and smiled and said something in his own little language. He reached up for me and I scooped him up and brought him up the stairs, and together we held the door open for the two workers (his worker and a worker in training) as they brought in his stuff. It only took a few moments for me to think of the perfect nickname for this little dude. As he raced around our house, exploring every detail along the way, I dubbed him “Busy Boy.” The workers (his worker and a workers spent about half an hour with us, answering questions as best they could, and observing his comfort level. They were both impressed at how observant he was and how quickly he figured out the house. One thing that struck me right away was how intelligent Busy Boy was. I showed him his room and told him “This is your room!” and that was that. His sense of humor caught me off guard. At one point, while the workers were still here, he found a small blanket, covered himself up, and pretended to snore. I cracked up! Anywho, I could talk about Busy Boy’s amazing personality all day, and I will definitely be expanding more about his first few days with us, but for now I will say that first impressions were better than I could have imagined. He is definitely strong-willed, and used to getting his way, but his “intense tantrums” were laughable, and he responded immediately to the structured environment we provided. We don’t know what the future holds for either of our little ones, but things are definitely heading toward the long term for both. This is an exciting time for Hubby and myself. We daily put our family in the Lord’s hands, and we are enjoying every moment that we are blessed with these precious little ones. More on enjoying mommy-hood later. Blessings! Hannah Leave a comment | | Tags: Being set apart, Bitty Babe, Busy Boy, foster care, marriage, parenting, The SAHM Adventure Posted by Hannah Rae on Jan 9, 2012 in Life in the Stubborn house I’m not going to do a post summarizing 2011. Not going to do it. Why? Oh, because 2011 SUCKED! Right up to the end. And I wouldn’t be able to share very much about why it sucked, so it’s just not worth it. 2012 has started out with slightly less trauma, because we only had to say goodbye to Bright Eyes (Baby E’s new name, cuz’ the whole initial thing was getting too confusing.) But at least she is in a loving, Godly home, where she is with her two sisters, and close enough that we can visit her on a regular basis. That’s why it’s less trauma. Bitty Babe (Baby A’s new name) is doing extremely well, and now that I only have 1 babe to focus on, things have calmed down considerably. She is a sweet little thing, but is really struggling with her weaning process. She’s so much more rigid and spastic than Bright Eyes ever was. She is in pain the majority of the time, so if she’s awake, it’s rare that she’s not crying. I can’t wait till she is completely done with her wean so we can see what little girl will get to emerge. Bitty’s case is so up in the air at this point that we have no idea how long she will be with us. There is a lot of family involved, so it’s possible that someone could step up to take custody at any point, but that’s not the impression that I’m getting. Visits so far have not been consistent, so we’ll see how that develops. Hubby and I are a little more guarded with this placement because of the heartbreak that happened with Bright Eyes. We want to make sure we have all the information possible before we commit to any decision. For now, our job is to love Bitty as completely as we can so that we can give her the same opportunity to thrive as we did for Bright Eyes. Our baby girls have been amazing ambassadors for the need for foster parents. They both have attracted so much attention when we are out and it almost always results in at least one good conversation about the need for foster parents in our community. Unfortunately these conversations usually include the phrase/question that I have come to dread and despise. It comes out something like “Oh, I could never do that. How could you give them back?” Or “Doesn’t it just kill you when you have to give them back?” or, the worst of them all, “Oh, I couldn’t do that. I would just love them too much.” As if we don’t love them with all of our hearts. As if it is easy for us to send these babies on to whatever is in store for them. It’s called SACRIFICE, people! We love them completely so that we know that we didn’t hold anything back. We give them everything we have to give so that we never have to wonder “Did I do enough?” We give them the gift of a strong bond. The gift of knowing that they were loved and cherished. Not just safety, although that is critical, but nurturing. I’m not strong enough, but the love is not from me. I just pass it on. How could I knowingly chose to not do that? Okay. Venting over. Who knows what this next season will bring, but I definitely hoping for something better. Blessings! Hannah Leave a comment | | Tags: Being set apart, Bitty Babe, blogging, Bright Eyes, faith, foster care, parenting, the hard stuff, The SAHM Adventure Posted by Hannah Rae on Dec 17, 2011 in Life in the Stubborn house The Stubborn house has a new member. Thursday afternoon a worker from our agency called and said “I know you and [Hubby] wanted to take a break…” “But?” “But there’s a baby girl who needs a home. Would you be willing?” After a short discussion of the few details she knew, which wasn’t much, I told her the answer would most likely be “yes”, but I had to check with Hubby. So I did. The answer was yes. Baby A arrived at 2 o’clock Friday afternoon. She’s so tiny! She’s less than 3 weeks old, so much more “newborn” ish than Baby E was. She’s had a rough start as another victim of the ever popular “white r*sh” epidemic. She is so spastic and rigid that I couldn’t even straighten her arm to get her gown on. She’s not on phenob*rb like Baby E was, so I’m going to talk to our pediatrician about that when I take her in ASAP next week. It’s definitely a challenge with two infants who both need attention, often at the same times. Baby E heard me get up with Baby A at 5:30 this morning and decided that she wanted to join the party, so I sat her on the floor with a toy while I made two bottles (thankfully they use the same formula!), and then I held Baby A on my lap and had Baby E next to me lying on a pillow holding her bottle by herself. It’s so amazing to see the size and developmental differences between the two girls. Baby E is practically a toddler compared to the itsy bitsy Baby A. She is just so little. Anywho, my brain is sleep deprived and I am having trouble making sense, so since both babes are sleeping at the moment, I am going to head to bed. I will write more details very soon…maybe even tonight if someone gets rambunctious. Blessings! Hannah Leave a comment | | Tags: Being set apart, Bitty Babe, Bright Eyes, foster care, the hard stuff, The SAHM Adventure Posted by Hannah Rae on Oct 27, 2011 in Life in the Stubborn house Well, I’ll get to that. I met my friend Lindsay at the Parenting in SPACE conference back in April, ya’ know, right before everything EXPLODED. We immediately clicked. I think our first conversation was about how our trauma kids smell….like, bad. We are both drama geeks, and we both love to laugh, even when it’s hard…especially when it’s hard. I trust her. She has become another amazing mommy mentor that I wish I could carry around in my back pocket. I really do trust her, but dangit (‘cuz I’m not good at swearing) do I ever want to smack her sometimes because she is so very good at challenging my heart when I’d rather not go “there”. She wrote this today. I don’t get it. It is not sinking in. Sure, I’ve learned a lot about myself, and I’ve let God use the trauma to root out and replace some major issues in my heart, so in that I am thankful, but I’m not thankful for the truama itself, I’m thankful for what God has used it to do, but I’d rather that He chose a different way. AND THEN Diana, who writes over here, dared to write this in the comments of Lindsay’s post: “THIS is why we keep going. THIS is why our children aren’t our greatest burden. THIS is why hurt kids don’t ruin our lives…but rather bless it with heaven’s richest blessing if we just allow ourselves to get down and get dirty and stop fighting this precious gift, a gift more priceless that rubies, that just happens to be wrapped in a ripped up, peed on, spit on, moldy old package.” I am not there yet. I still feel like one child in particular is a burden, or rather, not him, but what the trauma has turned him into. I don’t really know how to say that, and to admit it makes me feel so icky. I still feel like this kid came really close to ruining my life, and I don’t feel like I was blessed with heaven’s richest blessing through him. I’m not there yet. Will I ever be? Don’t know. Really, really don’t know. (See, you know I’ m frazzled when my grammar goes out the window.) But this is why I surround myself with people who “get” what this journey is like, what I am going through, what our family is going through, and what my kids are going through. I can trust them to show me what life CAN be, and that it won’t always be how I see it today. And some days, I hope I can be that for them, although I am definitely feeling like the baby in the group most of the time. But I’m learning. Blessings! Hannah Baby E had her 6 month appointment today and rockin’ all the doctor’s expectations. No one would know that this little wonder had such a rough start. Praise Jesus! Leave a comment | | Tags: Adoption, behavior challenges, Being set apart, blogging, Bright Eyes, faith, parenting, RAD, the hard stuff, The SAHM Adventure Posted by Hannah Rae on Oct 24, 2011 in Life in the Stubborn house One of my buttons, that is. This whole journey to get to know myself can be so interesting at times. I laugh sometimes when I get those “Ah ha!” moments about MYSELF! Anywho, I realized today that it pushes a major irratation button when people don’t trust my knowledge about child development or what is appropriate to expect from a child of a certain age, namely Baby E. One of the challenging things about doing foster care is that you are purposefully putting yourself and your family under a big-ass microscope. Everything you do and every decision you make can be put under scrutiny. You just have to get used to it. Thankfully, I am not typically a defensive person. In fact, Hubby says I am an excellent PR representative for this family, but something got my goat today. Basically, I felt like one of our workers was questioning my ability to work for Baby E’s best interest. The details aren’t important, but the feelings are, and they were real. I wanted to shout “I’ve got a Bachelor’s degree in this, Damnit!” Yeah, I’ve never sounded convincing when I swear. So we’ll go with “Dangit!” You see, not only do I have a passion for kids, babies especially, but I spent 4 years learning about best practice, how to advocate for children with special needs, and how to work with public agencies to access resources. I was one of the top students in my class, and dangit (see, that’s much more Hannah-ish) I’m good at what I do! I know what I know! All that to say, now that I know that I have this button, how am I going to respond to it next time it gets pushed? Should I respond? To myself, I know I should. There is an insecurity there that has popped up, and I need to know why, and see what God wants to do with it, and how He wants to fill it. Is it an infertility thing? Maybe. It could very well be tied to the fact that it is because I have not been able to bare a child of my own, I feel like I have to prove my right to be a mother. That, and, because we are foster parents, all the professional people that I seemingly DO have to prove myself to on a continual basis. I know that I have moments of bitterness where I don’t like the fact that I even have to deal with these things. I ask God a lot of hard questions then. I have no problem being very honest and brutal at times, with Him and myself. So this is where the reflection and ranting need to turn into healing, and getting to know who God has created me to be a little bit better. Ugh. Blessings! Hannah Leave a comment | | Tags: Being set apart, Bright Eyes, foster care, infertility, The SAHM Adventure Posted by Hannah Rae on Oct 23, 2011 in Life in the Stubborn house Hey, I missed a day of blogging. Sorry about that. I had to think for a few moments longer than I would like to admit about what I actually did yesterday. Oh, yeah! I spent the day with two amazing ladies jabbering away as we worked on random projects. Every month or so, a group of my amazing lady friends and I get together at the incredible Miss Angie’s (no, not the uber-cool Christian punk rocker from the 90′s) for a “craft day”. Normally this results in a lot more yakking getting done than crafts, but we enjoy it all the same. Yesterday nearly everyone bailed out, (wimps!) so it was just the three of us. Amazingly, we actually got some stuff done! I brought a box of my dad’s paper keepsakes that I’ve been sorting through, as well as a file box where I am neatly cataloging items that might be significant to various family members. I even remembered a paper bag to put the discarded items in. I was very proud of myself! Miss Sherry brought her sewing machine, which she admirably fixed herself after the foot fell off, and worked on a pocket advent calendar. Miss Angie made us all hungry as she attempted (successfully?) to make her first pumpkin pie from scratch. Okay, the filling was from scratch. Although I was glad to get some sorting done, the fellowship was, as always, the most valuable part. We talked about so many different subjects, and I got to know my friends so much better. These women, even the wimps that weren’t there, are such a blessing in my life. For years I prayed for female friends that I could truly get close to and share life with, and God has truly answered my prayer with these women. We support each other, pray for each other, and are blatantly honest with each other when necessary. We laugh a lot, cry a lot, and sometimes even laugh till we cry. Plus, we love each other’s kiddos, which is very important, because there are a lot of little ones in our church family right now. Anywho, it was a very worthwhile way to spend the day. I left my pitifully ill hubby in the good hands of my FIL, and brought home pizza at the end of the day, so all was well. And the gals were amazed at how happy and content Baby E was while we worked. Her healing amazes me every day. What relationships outside of your family are you most thankful for? What do you do, or pretend to do, on the days that you need to get away with those who lift you up? Blessings! Hannah To all the wimps, I LOVE YOU! I was just speaking out of pure disappointment that I didn’t get to be in your wonderful presence. Leave a comment | | Tags: Being set apart, cooking, Crafty Stuff, The SAHM Adventure Posted by Hannah Rae on Sep 1, 2011 in Life in the Stubborn house I had to apologize today… for being young, and naive, and head strong; for not seeing the signs, even when people tried to tell me; for letting love…or was it pride…blind my eyes. I had to say I’m sorry… for getting angry over what I knew was true, but didn’t want to be true, and now is so true that my windows are at risk of things flying them. And he’s not even here. So hopefully my ears are hearing better now, and wisdom has found a few more nooks and crannies to invade, and bitterness will stay away. Hopefully I can still have words of hope and encouragement for others, and maybe even help them hear. What are you doing, God? That. Blessings! Hannah Leave a comment | | Tags: Being set apart, faith, prayer, RAD, the hard stuff, The SAHM Adventure
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Posted by Hannah Rae ar 28 Meán Fómhair, 2012 i Saol sa teach stubborn Bhí sé an gheimhridh. Bhí muid ag caoineadh níos mó ná leanaí caillte, agus leanaí riamh go raibh, Agus ansin, i mbrionglóid, a dúirt Dia liom d'ainm. Dúirt sé liom a fháil réidh ar do shon. Agus ansin ghlaoigh an teileafón, agus bhí leanbh a bhí an-tinn ar theastaigh a mam agus daidí a bhí a fhios conas aire a thabhairt leanaí breoite. Agus ansin dúirt muid yes, toisc go raibh Dia inis dúinn cheana féin go raibh tú ag teacht. Agus ansin tháinig tú. Agus bhí tú beag bídeach sin, agus dúirt mé Isa ar an nguthán cé chomh beag bídeach a bhí tú, agus chuir mé pictiúr, ach tá sé fós ní raibh a thuiscint. Agus 's tú go salach, mar sin ní mé láithreach tú i ndabhach te leis an ola lavender, agus bhí mé tú i pailme ar lámh amháin, agus fuair mé roinnt éadaí glan amach as an closet, ach bhí tú beag bídeach sin go bhfuil mé didn' T bhfuil rud ar bith beag go leor. Agus ansin tháinig Isa bhaile agus iontas cé chomh beag a bhí tú, agus conas a d'fhéach tú tinn. Agus ansin chuala muid caoin tú, agus chonaic muid an pian go raibh tú i, agus geallta againn chun cabhrú leat a leigheas, agus swaddled muid tú suas agus tú i seilbh a dhúnadh. Agus ní mé leat arís, toisc go smelled tú fós mhaith deataigh. Agus go raibh an tús. Agus ansin fuair tú níos mó, agus níos láidre, agus níos sláintiúla, agus smiley-ER, agus níos sona. Agus ansin amazed tú do gach duine le spiorad do ró-romhainn. Agus ansin tú mearbhall do dhochtúir, agus mar sin bhí againn a bheith foighneach. Agus ansin thosaigh tú chun rudaí a dhéanamh nach luath, déanach. Agus ansin bhí tú é seo, álainn sláintiúil, cailín leanbh láidir. Agus ansin tháinig tú linne in ár gcroí, agus thosaigh muid chun a chreidiúint d'fhéadfadh go mbeadh sé indéanta go mb'fhéidir go mbeadh tú ag fanacht. Agus ansin tháinig tú linne go deo. Bhuel, tá muid beagnach ann, nach bhfuil muid, Cailín Bitty? Dia chomh dílis. Beannachtaí! Hannah Fág nóta tráchta | | Tags: Uchtála , Bheith atá leagtha amach , Bitty Babe , cúram altrama , tuismitheoireachta , an stuif crua , An Eachtraíochta SAHM Posted by Hannah Rae ar 1 Lúnasa, 2012 i Saol sa teach stubborn Tabhair faoi deara: Thosaigh mé an post seo 25 Meitheamh, agus cuireadh isteach ag glaoch as ár oibrí ag iarraidh orainn a ghlacadh socrúchán éigeandála beirt chailíní, dá bhrí sin an cur isteach ar an am. Chomh maith leis sin, tá rudaí níos déine agus chaotic ceart anois, ach táimid ag dul figured sé amach. Tá mé ag iarraidh a figiúr amach an bealach is fearr chun tú a thabhairt isteach chun Boy Busy chomh maith le tú a ligean i do chastacht go bhfuil an saol sa teach stubborn ceart anois, agus sílim go d'fhéadfadh a bheith éifeachtach a thabhairt duit briseadh síos laethúil . 07:00 - Bitty Babe wakes suas. Ag brath ar an cineál lae é, tá sí ag crón ré ceachtar agus ag imirt ina crib, nó screadaíl dúnmharú fuilteach. Níl aon i idir. Chomh maith leis sin, ag brath ar cén cineál oíche a bhí sé, tá mé ceachtar rested go maith agus réidh chun tús a chur leis lá, nó tá tarraingt mo chos thar an imeall an leaba ag iarraidh a mhíniú do mo leanbh screadaíl cén fáth go bhfuil sé ag cur fada liom sin a dhéanamh. "Coinnigh ar, Mil!" "Tá mé beagnach ann, Cailín leanbh!" "Tá mo shúile ag oscailt dtrioblóid beag, Darling. Bí othar! " Dia chaoin mé ag duine ar maidin, amhlaidh a luaithe is a bhuail mo chosa ar an urlár agus tús a chur mé ag bogadh, dúisigh mé suas go han-tapa agus táim réidh chun a fháil rudaí a tosaithe. Mé Pioc suas mo cailín leanbh lómhara agus a beannú le 'dea-maidine' agus go leor agus go leor de póga. A thabhairt mé léi go dtí an ceantar atá ag athrú ar ár n-urlár seomra suí agus soak suas an grá mar atá sí COOS agus smiles ag dom mar mé athrú a Butt. Mé ag suí ansin léi síos ('cuz féidir léi suí anois!) Le cúpla bréagáin agus a ghlacadh mé aire a thabhairt ar roinnt .... ahem ... gnó pearsanta. Ansin, tá sé in am a fháil di buidéal maidin a rinneadh chomh maith le dáileog suas a maidin Med Nuashonrú:. Nuair a scríobh mé ar dtús seo, ní raibh Bitty crawling go fóill. Tá sé seo athraithe ó shin ar bhealach mór. Níl aon níos mó ina suí di ar an urlár agus imríonn sí contentedly le bréagán, toisc go bhfuil figured sí amach go han-tapa conas a tóg ár seomra suí bháite ar staighre a leanúint liom nuair a bhí riamh a théann mé, mar sin anois téann sí isteach sa seomra folctha liom agus drámaí le rolla de páipéar leithris. :) Is é Beathú Bitty ceann de mo rudaí is fearr leat. Is breá liom conas gazes sí suas ar mo aghaidh agus strokes mo chuid gruaige. Riachtanais sí fós le swaddled a ithe go héifeachtach is mó den am, ach oibríonn sí de ghnáth a lámh dheis amach, agus téann sé díreach go dtí mo chuid gruaige agus ar aghaidh. Tá sí an rud faoi scratching freisin, mar sin tá mé i ndáiríre chun fanacht ar barr na hingne. 08:00 - Dúisíonn Boy Busy suas. Tá a fhios agam de ghnáth seo toisc go knocks sé chucu ar a doras, nach féidir leis a oscailt go fóill, nó caoineadh sé, a stopann chomh luath agus a oscailt mé an doras. Mbeannaí sé dom le smiley "Dia duit!" Agus tugann dom le barróg ar fud na cosa. I leá. Déanann sé a cupán sippy uisce agus a blaincéad amach leis, ach titeann sé de ghnáth iad áit éigin idir a sheomra leapa agus seomra suí. Mé a thabhairt dó i gcónaí póga chomh luath agus a fheiceáil mé é, agus ceist a chur air agam conas a rested sé, a fhreagraíonn sé de ghnáth i dteanga a beag féin álainn. Boy Busy, ag 29 mhí d'aois, tá na scileanna teanga ar 15-18 mí d'aois, ach déanann sé suas as a chuid easpa focail lena expressiveness ina dteanga féin. Tá sé ag iarraidh a chur in iúl dó féin an méid sin, agus tá rún daingean againn a thabhairt dó na huirlisí sin a dhéanamh, agus mar sin an lá chuaigh sé i thosaigh mé ag baint úsáide as teanga chomharthaíochta leis. Phioc sé suas é chomh tapa sin chéad cúpla lá go raibh mé cinnte go raibh a caomhnóirí ag baint úsáide as comhartha leis, a fuair mé amach nach raibh an cás. Tá a fhios aige cheana féin níos mó ná 20 comhartha, foghlaimíonn cinn nua láithreach, agus a shíníonn 3 abairtí focal. Déanann sé fiú suas a comharthaí féin a dhéanamh thuiscint féin. Mar shampla, ag lón lá amháin dúirt sé leis an ceapaire cáise grilled a bhí agam ar an sorn agus shínigh sé "cáis te." Cad is breá liom mar gheall ar an úsáid a bhaint as teanga comharthaíochta le urlabhra-moillithe páistí is go dtugann sé dóibh an deis a thógáil stór focal agus muinín mar a fhoghlaimíonn siad a labhairt. Níos mó ar an am go chéile. Tar éis a fhaigheann Boy Busy suas, a fháil ar a Butt athrú agus ansin fanacht ar a fheiceáil cén cineál maidin a bheidh sé. Uaireanta is Boy Busy réidh le dul ar an bpointe boise agus láithreach ba mhaith leis dul chuig a chathaoirleach ard agus bricfeasta a ithe. Maidin Eile riachtanais sé roinnt ama a imirt sula tuigeann sé go bhfuil sé ocras. 08:15 - Bricfeasta. Bhí mé ag baint suilt as am bricfeasta an méid sin! Seo a úsáidtear a bheith am deacair ar maidin go dtí mé sular tháinig Boy Busy. Maidin an chuid is mó ba mhaith liom a chaitheamh ar an chéad uair ina suí ar an tolg leis an leanbh breathnú ar lineup maidin TLC ar. Mar gheall ar riachtanais ard Bitty Babe s, go raibh sé ach níos éasca a nach bhfuil aon súil ar maidin. Anois go bhfuil Boy Busy anseo, ní féidir liom a rogha. Tá mé chun beatha an leanbh! I mo thuairimse, cuidíonn sé cinnte go bhfuil Bitty sean go leor anois go bhfuil sí suim i seinm le rudaí, mar sin nach bhfuil gá sí mo aird leanúnach agus siamsaíochta. Cé nach bhfuil sí ag ithe bia soladach go fóill, tá mé ag cur léi ina cuid cathaoir ard le cuid de na h bréagán is fearr leat, nó scáinteoir Graham go gnaw ar, ionas gur féidir léi bheith linn sa spraoi bricfeasta. Tá a fhios agam nach bhfuil mé ag scríobh i bhfad faoi sé le déanaí, ach is breá liom chun cócaireacht, agus mé Shíl i gcónaí go raibh gránaigh fuar níos mó de bhia sneaiceanna ná bia bricfeasta, as a dtagann dom ar an tátal gur chóir dom a dhéanamh te bricfeasta chomh minic agus is féidir. Tá sé seo i ndáiríre an rud an-phraiticiúil le dhá cinn beag mar gheall ar a itheann siad sa chistin, agus ba mhaith liom a bheith leo, mar sin cócaireachta le haghaidh a dhéanann siad mo chuid ama a chaitear go maith. Lately tá mé ag déanamh pancóga fraochán Busy Boy agus cáis simplí omelette. Tá siad tapa, miasa cothaitheach, agus gobbles Boy Busy suas iad. Cé go bhfuil mé ag déanamh na nithe te, a thabhairt mé dó a rogha torthaí, a úsáideann sé a nua aimsithe scileanna teanga comharthaíochta a chur in iúl. Is Boy Busy eater mór, atá iontach, mar go mbeidh sé iarracht díreach faoi aon rud, ach tá sé chomh maith le eater mall, rud a chiallaíonn go dtarlaíonn bricfeasta suas 45 nóiméad maith ar ár maidin. 09:00 - Butt Nua agus am súgartha. Tá sé seo nuair atá mé i ndáiríre sásta go bhfuil Bitty fáil chomh neamhspleách agus beidh ról léi féin, mar is féidir an uair seo dom a fháil ar roinnt chores maidin dhéanamh. Le linn an ama sin, tá Boy Busy iniúchadh. Tá sé den sórt sin a thinker. Is breá leis a fháil amach conas a d'fhéadfadh rudaí ag obair le chéile, go háirithe i teaglaim riamh, ba mhaith liom a shíl de, cosúil le fáinní cruachta plaisteach strung isteach ar láimhseáil wagon. 10:00 - am Snack do Boy Busy, am nap do Bitty. Sea, léann tú an gceart sin, tá Bitty ag dul i ndáiríre síos do NAPS maidin rialta! Seo a thosaigh thart ar mhí ó shin, agus tá mé grámhara é! Ag brath ar conas a sí ag mothú, beidh sí chodladh ó áit ar bith 1-3 uair an chloig. Tá sé iontach! Is am Snack am eile den lá go bhfuil mé chomh buíoch as mo chúlra TCÉ, toisc go bhfuil Boy Busy in ann a in iúl dom nuair a bhíonn sé ocras agus go díreach cad ba mhaith aige. Tá sé dochreidte. Tromchúiseach mé cried beagnach an lá nuair a ionad whining agus grunting dá hata go bhfaca sé ina mála diaper, shínigh sé "hata le do thoil." Iontach. 10:30 - am spraoi níos mó. Ós rud é Bitty de ghnáth ina chodladh ag an am seo, déan iarracht liom an deis seo am a chaitheamh ag roinnt dea-aon-ar-aon am le Boy Busy agus obair a dhéanamh ar scileanna níos sainiúla. Tá sé soiléir go leor riamh go raibh Boy Busy a léamh i ndáiríre, mar tá sé aon smaoineamh cad atá le déanamh le leabhar, agus ní féidir a aithint rudaí i pictiúir ... mar aon. Mar sin, is é an rud Tá mé ag iarraidh i ndáiríre a bheith ag obair leis ar. Tá sé deacair uaireanta, toisc go bhfuil sé chomh gníomhach nach bhfuil sé ag iarraidh i ndáiríre chun suí go fóill liom. Anois, nach fháil dom mícheart, tá sé ina kid an-cuddly, agus loves a bheith rocked agus snuggled, ach anois is cosúil léamh cosúil le dramhaíl ó am spraoi go maith dó. Mar sin, tá mé ag iarraidh a léamh TIMPEALL dó go leor, agus é a ghabháil le linn a amanna ciúin cúpla. Tá mé ag bailiú leabhair do leanaí ar feadh na mblianta, agus mar sin tá mé ar bís Super a roinnt leis na leabhair iontach le mo kiddos. Beidh muid a fháil ann Nuashonrú:. Ós rud é go Scríobh mé seo, Boy Busy roghnú anois chun leabhair a fháil amach an Seilf Leabhar agus breathnú ar iad go neamhspleách! Tá sé ag cur in iúl le pictiúir agus ag insint dom mar gheall orthu, mar shampla dírithe ar pictiúr de Elmo cur le folctha agus a shíniú agus a rá "am folctha," nó "oíche oíche" do Ernie sa leaba. Níos mó bia maith. Go leor sin. 12:15 - Téann Boy Busy síos le haghaidh a chuid nap. An chéad chúpla lá a bhí garbh ach toisc go raibh muid aon smaoineamh cén cineál sceidil a bhí sé ar. Anois go bhfuil a fhios againn, agus tá a fhios againn conas ghnáthamh dírithe ar a bhfuil sé, tá am nap a Breeze. Tar éis a rachaidh mé glanta air suas ó lón, liom a athrú ar a Butt agus inis sé in am le haghaidh oíche oíche dó. Grabs sé a blaincéad Bunny agus a cupán sippy (le uisce) agus tá i gceannas go dtí a sheomra. Tá sé ag fussing de ghnáth mar siúlóidí sé, ach tá sé chomh falsa tá sé hilarious. Cuireann sé é féin isteach sa leaba, mé a thabhairt dó póg, a rá oíche mhaith, dul amach, agus an doras dúnta. ARNA DHÉANAMH! Am le haghaidh Mama (Äiti) a fháil gnóthach! Tá sé seo nuair a thugaim a fháil ghabháil suas ar miasa agus níocháin. Más rud é Bitty dhúiseacht, tá mé ag obair i ár gcuid éadaí seomra leapa a chur ar shiúl, a bhfuil mo chore LAGHAD is fearr leat. Má tá Bitty chodladh, tá mé ag obair áit éigin eile sa teach, b'fhéidir ag fáil fiú roinnt níos doimhne a shórtáil agus a eagrú a dhéanamh. Má tá Bitty codlata i ndáiríre, d'fhéadfadh liom a bheidh fiú síos ar feadh tamaill, cé go bhfuil sí an radar Äiti agus tá an nós annoying de Airdeallach suas laistigh de nóiméad atá suite liom síos. 03:00 - Is Boy Busy suas agus réidh le haghaidh Butt nua agus snack. Dúisíonn sé suas i gcónaí i biotáillí maith, mar sin tá mé excited a fheiceáil dó nuair a wakes sé suas as a nap. Ansin, tá sé in am spraoi, tá súil againn go n-áirítear roinnt ama taobh amuigh, go háirithe anois gur féidir Bitty suí sa bhféar agus spraoi chomh maith. Ár teiripeoir fisiciúil bheannaigh dúinn a turtle playskool bosca gainimh, iomlán, le gaineamh, tá Boy sin Busy ag baint suilt as go maith go maith leis an tábla uisce saor fuair mé níos luaithe an samhradh seo. Bitty NAPS de ghnáth ag an am seo freisin. 05:00 - sneaiceanna níos mó mar a thosaíonn mé dinnéar, 'cuz muid ag deireadh suas i gcónaí ag ithe go déanach. 06:00 - Faigheann Hubby abhaile ón obair agus cabhraíonn sé leis an littles mar iarracht mé an dinnéar a chríochnú. Is breá liom, LOVE, grá bhfaca Hubby ina ról iontach mar Isa. Sé agus Boy Busy ag nascáil incredibly maith. Cabhraíonn sé go bhfuil Boy Busy den sórt sin atá éasca, ag dul greannmhar, kid suimiúla garbh, ach tá sé tar éis glacadh le Hubby ar bhealach mór. 07:00 - Dinnéar. Tá sé an spraoi ag ithe mar theaghlach arís. 20:00 - am folctha. Is breá Boy Busy chun suí agus spraoi ina tub beag. Is maith sé freisin nuair a thagann Bitty Babe chun páirt a dó. Is maith leis ag cuidiú le nigh di agus maith sé chun tickle a bolg agus a bharraicíní. Tar éis a folctha mé rub dó síos leis an ola cnó cócó infused le olaí lavender agus eucalyptus. Thosaigh mé seo nuair a bhí Bitty Babe RSV an geimhreadh seo caite, ach tá sé ina slí iontach a fháil deiseanna dteagmháil níos mó, chomh maith le a sheiceáil le haghaidh booboos, agus a n-craiceann cothaigh. Ceann de mo chroí-téamh chuimhneacháin is fearr leat san áireamh an dóiteán beag. Mar a rub mé an ola isteach ina craiceann, ag canadh mé Boy Busy amhrán, "Is é seo an bealach rub againn ar an ola, rub an ola, an ola rub, is é seo an bealach rub againn an ceart ola roimh am leaba." Oíche amháin , Boy Busy fuair a mhéara isteach sa phróca agus thóg amach ola beag an iomarca, mar sin d'iarr mé air más rud é go mbeadh sé rub sé ar mo lámh. Mar a rubbed sé lovingly an ola i, chan sé an t-amhrán chugam ina bhealach beag álainn. Bhí sé ar luaíocht mór beag ó neamh. 8:15 PM - am le haghaidh Leaba Boy Busy! Díreach cosúil le am nap, faigheann Boy Busy a pluideanna agus a cupán sippy uisce, tugann póga Isa, agus ceannairí a chodladh. Tar éis dom deireadh a chur lena cuirtíní, suí mé leis ar an urlár agus carraig air mar chanadh mé mo lullaby fearr leat ó Psalty dó. Ansin pray mé air, ag gabháil buíochais le Dia as a chur an leanbh seo iontach i mo shaol. Chuir mé ar ais isteach ina leaba, póg dó oíche mhaith, a insint dó Is breá liom é agus fág an seomra. D'fhéadfadh sé fuss beag, ach tá de ghnáth amach sula n-éireoidh mé go dtí an seomra suí. 08:30 - am Chill le Hubby. D'fhéadfadh liom a fháil ar roinnt dinnéar ghlanadh suas a dhéanamh, ach is féidir liom de ghnáth is mó de mo miasa an mhaidin dár gcionn le linn bricfeasta. An gá dom an am seo le mo fhear céile milis. Plus, ní Bitty dul síos go dtí ar a laghad 9, agus tá sé ngéarghátar breise i na n-uaireanta oíche. 23:30 - Oíche na! Mé in ann an madra amach, mo fiacla Scuab, crawl idir na bileoga, mo Bíobla léamh, mo ceol cas ar, agus tá mé amach! 04:00 - Bitty Dúisíonn de ghnáth suas dhearbhú go bhfuil sí ag starving chun báis, mar sin mé stumble amach as an leaba, bain úsáid as na háiseanna chomh tapa agus is féidir, a dhéanamh di buidéal, agus déan iarracht gan titim ina chodladh ar mo pháiste mar a dom a thabhairt an cothú mian sí amhlaidh desperately. Ansin ar ais a chodladh chomh fada agus is féidir. Wow. Just a scríobh go léir go reminds go mór liom cé mhéad saol athraithe ó bhí Jeremiah agus Gabe anseo. Gabe tháinig chun cuairt a thabhairt ar deireadh seachtaine seo caite, agus dúirt sé amanna éagsúla cé chomh greannmhar a bhí sé a fheiceáil go léir an stuif leanbh ar fud an tí. Is breá leis é, áfach, agus mar sin sásta go bhfuil an deis a bheith deartháir mór go Boy Busy agus Bitty. Dia maith. Restores sé. Athnuachan sé. Níos mó ar sin ina dhiaidh sin. Beannachtaí! Hannah Fág nóta tráchta | | Tags: Uchtála , Bitty Babe , Boy Busy , Traidisiúin Teaghlaigh , cúram altrama , pósadh , tuismitheoireachta , An Eachtraíochta SAHM Posted by Hannah Rae ar 23 Iúil, 2012 i Saol sa teach stubborn 'Gá le míreanna Cuz chumhacht inchinn i bhfad ró. - Bhí mé ag obair ar an bpost í gur deas tú a thabhairt isteach le mo Boy Busy álainn ar bhealach níos doimhne, ach díreach mar a bhí mé ag déanamh go, literally mar a bhí clóscríobh mé é, fuair muid le glao ag 11:30 a ghlacadh socrúchán éigeandála beirt chailíní, le 16 bliain d'aois, agus a beirt bliain d'aois deirfiúr beag. Dúirt muid tá a socrúchán sealadach. Go raibh mí ó shin. Tá an post ag fáil níos gaire a thabhairt chun críche, ach amháin nach "ann" go fóill. - Tá Life with dhá dhá bhliain d'aois ar eachtra. - Na codanna is fearr a bhfuil dhá bhliain d'aois in aghaidh na míosa ar leith go bhfuil siad siamsaíocht a chur ar a chéile, gach ceann eile cuideachta taitneamh a bhaint as, dom siamsaíocht a chur lena n-antics, agus ag foghlaim gach cineál rudaí spraoi le chéile. - Na codanna is measa a bhfuil dhá bhliain d'aois in aghaidh na míosa ar leith é a mhúineadh siad a chéile ní-sin-spraoi nósanna, mbaineann siad taitneamh as screadaíl ar a chéile, go leor, ach le haghaidh spraoi, agus leis an Chomh maith lenár 8 mí d'aois, tá sé i ndáiríre deacair a fháil ar aon chores nó siopadóireacht a dhéanamh go héifeachtach. - Na codanna is fearr ar a bhfuil 16 bliain d'aois sa teach ag fáil an deis a mhúineadh scileanna saoil tábhachtach, a spreagadh di go bhfuil sí ina duine ann ar féidir leo a roghanna a dhéanamh go maith, agus mo theach ag dul i ndáiríre glan nuair nach bhfuil sí a dhéanamh go maith den sórt sin roghanna. - Tá an chuid is measa ar a bhfuil 16 bliain d'aois nach raibh múineadh scileanna saoil go leor cuí sa teach a dhéanann sé uaireanta is cosúil sé cosúil ní mór dúinn 3 leanaí óga. - Bhraith mé an-scoite amach an mhí seo. Idir cuairteanna do na cailíní, teiripí, agus ceapacháin eile, ní raibh mé in ann a chaitheamh i bhfad ar aon am cáilíochta le cairde an mhí seo. Ní raibh muid a fháil fiú aon ní a dhéanamh ar ár chomóradh. Beidh na cailíní ach anseo le haghaidh eile na seachtaine, agus ansin tá mé ag súil gur féidir rudaí a réiteach síos i sceideal níos praiticiúla. Ugh! - Tá sláinte Bitty s streachailt. Táimid ag a bhfuil saincheisteanna cógas, ach buíochas le Dia ní mór dúinn a pediatrician iontach atá ag obair an-deacair a dhéanamh cinnte go Bitty fhásann isteach an cailín healthiest is féidir léi a bheith. - Anois go atá againn fuair roinnt de na rudaí Med faoi smacht, chinn Bitty bhí sé in am chun TÚS crawling! Tá sí i ngach áit! Is cloch mhíle riamh go bhfuair muid chun taithí le Súile Bright, mar gheall ar cé go bhog sí ar a baile nua nuair a bhí sí thart ar 9 mí d'aois, ní raibh sí tús crawling till a bhí sí beagnach bliain d'aois. Bitty i ndáiríre an chéad leanbh mé gotten chun taithí cloch mhíle seo leis, agus go bhfuil speisialta sin incredibly dom. - Cé go bhfuil a fhorbairt mótair i gcónaí chun tosaigh ar an gcuar, tá Bitty roinnt riachtanais speisialta leanúnach mar thoradh ar na substaintí a bhí faoi lé sí i Utero. Ceann de na ceisteanna is go bhfuil sí ina kid an-céadfach-íogair. Startles sí i ndáiríre go héasca, agus faigheann ró-spreagadh gan rabhadh. Tá sí freisin go dtrioblóid ag tosú le bianna soladach. Ní bheidh sí ar oscailt a béal a ithe amach ar spúnóg, agus más rud é is féidir liom a bhainistiú a roinnt i ann, gags sí a fháil go dtí an pointe caitheamh suas chomh luath agus a bhuaileann sé an cúl a scornach. Beidh sí, áfach, a ithe scáinteoir Graham, cé go gcríochnaíonn an chuid is mó de sé suas ar a aghaidh agus cófra. Táimid tar éis an OT ag teacht amach an tseachtain seo chun cuidiú linn aghaidh a thabhairt ar na saincheisteanna seo, atá ag éirí níos níos mó de imní anois go bhfuil sí chomh soghluaiste. Foirmle ina n-aonar nach bhfuil a ghearradh ach é níos mó. - Mar a luaigh mé ar feadh tamaill níos luaithe, Hubby agus a rith mé díreach tar éis bliain ar an 11ú. Crazy. An bhliain seo caite nach raibh againn a fháil chun ceiliúradh a dhéanamh toisc go raibh muid i lár ár n-cath le Jeremiah. I mbliana, ní raibh an iomarca ag dul ar aghaidh leis an ár bardaí atá ann faoi láthair. Is é mo lá breithe ag teacht suas an deireadh seachtaine seo, agus tá mé ag súil go Hubby agus beidh mé in ann a etch am éigin amach do gach ceann eile. Mhothaíonn sé gur deacair a breathe uaireanta le gach a bhfuil ar siúl, agus i mí Lúnasa ag dul a bheith NUTS! A Thiarna Íosa, déan trócaire! - Gabe tháinig abhaile chun cuairt a thabhairt an deireadh seachtaine seo don chéad uair i níos mó ná bliain! Bhí sé iontach! Ní raibh absolutley aon awkwardness. Mé díreach tar éis taitneamh as am a chaitheamh le mo mhac. Plus, bhí sé Super cool a fheiceáil banna Boy Busy agus Bitty. Fuair mé roinnt pictiúir mór de mo 19 bliain d'aois a shealbhú agus ag súgradh le mo littles. Téite sé mo chroí sin i bhfad. Níl sé i gcónaí ag déanamh na roghanna is fearr, ach tá ár gcaidreamh a athchóiriú, agus go bhfuil níos mó ná súil agam ar feadh bliana ó shin. Plus, bhí sé i ndáiríre greannmhar ag breathnú air féachaint orm smacht na 16 bliana d'aois. Dúirt sé go raibh sé beagnach chun dul isteach sa chistin agus a "Tá sé ní hamháin fiú é!" Hehehe insint. Wonderful. Maith go leor, is dóigh liom go glanta mo inchinn amach roinnt cobwebs anois. Beannachtaí! Hannah Fág nóta tráchta | | Tags: dúshláin iompar , Bheith Real , Bheith atá leagtha amach , Bitty Babe , blogging , Súile geal , Boy Busy , cúram altrama , tuismitheoireachta , An Eachtraíochta SAHM Posted by Hannah Rae ar 18 Meith, 2012 i Saol sa teach stubborn Mar a dúirt mé sa phost seo caite, bhí a fhios againn go raibh a fhios Dia cad a bhí á dhéanamh aige, agus go fiú más rud é nach raibh an socrúchán SIB ag obair amach, go raibh sé ina chúis go raibh ullmhú sé dúinn. Mar fhocal scoir, dhá sheachtain tar éis fuair muid an atreorú tosaigh don ghrúpa sibling, thug ár gníomhaireachta dúinn glaoch a insint dúinn go raibh an athraitheas don teaghlach eile ceadaithe, mar sin ní ba mhaith linn a bheith ag fáil an 4-phacáiste, ach roimh thóg sí fiú anáil go raibh sí rud éigin eile a iarraidh orainn. D'iarr sí liom, toisc go raibh Hubby ag an obair, más rud é ba mhaith linn a mheas ag cur dhá bhliain d'aois buachaill. Sí féin agus a oibrí sannta chaith an nóiméad amach romhainn ar an teileafón cainteoir liom ag insint dom an beag a fhios acu mar gheall air. Bhí sé ach amháin faoi chúram ar feadh cúpla lá, agus cuireadh i dtús báire le teaghlach altrama a chinn nach raibh siad láimhseáil a tantrums. Dúirt siad liom go cosúil tantrums sé nuair a cloiseann sé "Níl," amas féin, agus amas a cheann ar an urlár. Gach Bhí mé ag smaoineamh ag an bpointe seo bhí, "An bhfuil nach bhfuil an teaghlach a fhios rud ar bith thart ar 2 bliain d'aois?" Gach rud eile mar gheall ar an buachaill a bhí thar a bheith dearfach, agus ní raibh an tantrums scanradh le beagán dom. I ndáiríre taitneamh a bhaint as i ndáiríre an láidir-willed-gnó a thagann le cochall tachrán-. Is breá liom conas atá siad ag forbairt ar a bhféiniúlacht féin, agus literally ag foghlaim conas a bheith an duine. Is breá liom a gcuid cruthaitheachta agus intleacht, agus conas is féidir leo cabhrú cheapann tú taobh amuigh den bhosca, mar a dhéanann siad é sin go nádúrtha. Anywho, Dúirt mé leo go mbeadh siad is dócha a fháil "Tá," ach bhí orm a ghlaoch Hubby ar dtús, mar sin d'iarr mé Hubby agus thug an lowdown, agus d'iarr sé orm a thabhairt dó ar uair an chloig chun smaoineamh agus pray faoi. Nuair a bhí an uair an chloig ar bun thug mé dó Buzz, agus dúirt sé "Is ea." Ní raibh sé fiú trialach "Is ea." Bhí sé an cineál freagra a thagann as a fhios agam síocháin fíor. Ba é sin Máirt. Bheadh sé a bheith ag teacht ar an lá dár gcionn. Bhí muid ag péinteáil a dhéanamh. Mar sidebar nach spraoi sin, fuair mé cás go dona ar an fliú boilg an deireadh seachtaine sin roimhe seo, mar sin ní raibh mé go maith do rud ar bith eile seachas ina luí ar an tolg sipping uisce. Go léir a chur ar ár gcuid pleananna a ullmhú le dea-rún ar a shealbhú, mar sin nuair a fuair muid an glaoch mar gheall ar an buachaill beag a bhí againn aon rogha ach chun dul isteach overdrive. Hubby tháinig abhaile ón obair agus fuair ceart chun péintéireacht. Chríochnaigh mé suas an cóta deiridh Dé Céadaoin ar maidin, ach uair an chloig roimh bheadh ár Guy beag nua a bheith ag teacht. Bhí a leithéid de easpa eolais ar an gceann seo beag go bhfuil muid i ndáiríre ní raibh a fhios agat cad a bheith ag súil. Nuair a tharraing ár n-oibrí isteach an cabhsa, bhí mé ar bís cinnte, ach ní neirbhíseach ar chor ar bith. Tá sé mothú aisteach, ag fanacht a fheiceáil cé a bheidh an duine beag a bheith. Riamh mé a thabhairt breithe, ach samhlaím go bhfuil sé den chineál céanna, ach amháin ní mór dúinn go minic ach ní bhíonn ach lá nó fiú uair an chloig fógra a réamh-mheas ar na baill nua ar ár teaghlaigh. An uair seo thar a bheith aisteach mar, murab ionann agus Súile Bright nó Bitty Babe, bhí an buachaill cheana 2 bhliain d'aois. Bhí sé 2 bliain de stair nach raibh muid mar chuid de. 2 bhliain iomlán de thaithí a mhúnlaigh a phearsantacht beag agus a dearcadh ar an saol a riamh go mbeadh a fhios againn an méid iomlán. Is é sin an rud éigin ar leith le cúram altrama agus taithí a ghlacadh atá deacair cur síos a dhéanamh go hiomlán. Anywho, ghlac an chásoibrí air as a suíochán cairr agus fuair mé mo chéad spléachadh ar ár theannta sin nua. Bhí sé beag bídeach ar feadh 27 mhí d'aois. Chaith sé hata duaithníocht gorm go bhfuil clúdaithe a gcuacha fionn sútha talún. A shúile gorm geal sparkled mar a dúirt sé ag dom agus aoibh agus dúirt sé rud éigin ina dteanga beag féin. Shroich sé suas chun dom agus scooped mé suas agus thug sé suas an staighre, agus le chéile ar siúl againn ar an doras ar oscailt le haghaidh an dá oibrithe (a oibrí agus oibrí in oiliúint) mar a thug siad ina stuif. Thóg sé ach cúpla nóiméad le haghaidh dom smaoineamh ar an leasainm idéalach chun an gaige beag. Mar a raced sé timpeall ár dteach, ag fiosrú gach mion ar an mbealach, fuair teideal mé "Boy Busy." Na hoibrithe (a oibrí agus a n-oibrithe caitheadh thart ar leath uair an chloig le linn, ag freagairt ceisteanna mar is fearr a d'fhéadfadh siad, agus breathnú ar a leibhéal chompord . Bhí siad araon tógtha ar conas observant a bhí sé agus conas go tapa figured sé amach an teach. Rud amháin a bhuail mé ar an bpointe boise a bhí conas a bhí Boy Busy Chliste. Thaispeáin mé dó a sheomra agus dúradh leis "Is é seo do sheomra!" Agus go raibh sin. Tá a chiall de greann ghabháil dom as garda. Ag pointe amháin, fad is a bhí na hoibrithe fós anseo, fuair sé brat beag, clúdaithe féin suas, agus lig a snore. Scáinte mé suas! Anywho, raibh mé in ann labhairt faoi Boy Busy pearsantacht iontach an lá ar fad, agus beidh mé cinnte a bheith ag leathnú níos mó mar gheall ar a cúpla lá den chéad uair le linn, ach do anois beidh mé a rá go bhfuil an chéad imprisean níos fearr ná raibh mé in ann a shamhlú. Tá sé cinnte láidir-willed, agus a úsáidtear chun dul a bhealach, ach a "tantrums dian" a bhí laughable, agus d'fhreagair sé láithreach leis an timpeallacht struchtúrtha ar fáil againn. Níl a fhios againn cad atá i ndán do cheachtar de na cinn beag, ach tá rudaí gceannteideal cinnte i dtreo an téarma fada le haghaidh an dá rud. Is é seo an am spreagúil do Hubby agus mé féin. Chuir muid laethúil ár teaghlaigh i lámha an Tiarna, agus táimid ag baint suilt as gach nóiméad go bhfuilimid bheannaigh leis na seoide beag. Breis faoi taitneamh a bhaint as mam-cochall níos déanaí. Beannachtaí! Hannah Fág nóta tráchta | | Tags: Bheith a leagtar amach , Bitty Babe , Boy Busy , cúram altrama , pósadh , tuismitheoireachta , An Eachtraíochta SAHM Posted by Hannah Rae on Jan 9, 2012 in Life in the Stubborn house Níl mé ag dul a dhéanamh ar phost achoimre 2011. Not going to do it. Cén fáth? Oh, mar gheall ar 2011 sucked! Ceart suas go dtí an deireadh. And I wouldn't be able to share very much about why it sucked, so it's just not worth it. 2012 has started out with slightly less trauma, because we only had to say goodbye to Bright Eyes (Baby E's new name, cuz' the whole initial thing was getting too confusing.) But at least she is in a loving, Godly home, where she is with her two sisters, and close enough that we can visit her on a regular basis. Sin an fáth tá sé tráma lú. Bitty Babe (ainm nua Babaí A san áireamh) ag déanamh go han-mhaith, agus anois go bhfuil mé ach 1 leanbh chun díriú ar, tá rudaí calmed síos go mór. She is a sweet little thing, but is really struggling with her weaning process. She's so much more rigid and spastic than Bright Eyes ever was. Tá sí i bpian an chuid is mó den am, mar sin má tá sí awake, tá sé annamh go nach bhfuil sí ag gol. Ní féidir liom fanacht go dtí go bhfuil sí déanta go hiomlán lena wean ionas gur féidir linn a fheiceáil cad a bheidh cailín beag a fháil chun cinn. Bitty's case is so up in the air at this point that we have no idea how long she will be with us. There is a lot of family involved, so it's possible that someone could step up to take custody at any point, but that's not the impression that I'm getting. Visits so far have not been consistent, so we'll see how that develops. Tá Hubby agus mé beagán níos mó cosanta leis an socrúchán mar gheall ar an briseadh croí a tharla le Súile geal. We want to make sure we have all the information possible before we commit to any decision. For now, our job is to love Bitty as completely as we can so that we can give her the same opportunity to thrive as we did for Bright Eyes. Our baby girls have been amazing ambassadors for the need for foster parents. They both have attracted so much attention when we are out and it almost always results in at least one good conversation about the need for foster parents in our community. Unfortunately these conversations usually include the phrase/question that I have come to dread and despise. It comes out something like “Oh, I could never do that. Conas is féidir leat a thabhairt dóibh ar ais? "Nó" Ní gcuireann sé tú a mharú ach nuair a bhfuil tú a thabhairt dóibh ar ais? "Nó, an ceann is measa ar fad," Oh, ní raibh mé in ann é sin a dhéanamh. I would just love them too much.” Mar más rud é nach bhfuil muid grá dóibh le gach ceann dár gcroíthe. As if it is easy for us to send these babies on to whatever is in store for them. It's called SACRIFICE, people! We love them completely so that we know that we didn't hold anything back. We give them everything we have to give so that we never have to wonder “Did I do enough?” We give them the gift of a strong bond. The gift of knowing that they were loved and cherished. Not just safety, although that is critical, but nurturing. Níl mé láidir go leor, ach nach bhfuil an grá uaim. Mé pas ach é a chur ar. How could I knowingly chose to not do that? Maith go leor. Venting over. Who knows what this next season will bring, but I definitely hoping for something better. Beannachtaí! Hannah Leave a comment | | Tags: Being set apart , Bitty Babe , blogging , Bright Eyes , faith , foster care , parenting , the hard stuff , The SAHM Adventure Posted by Hannah Rae on Dec 17, 2011 in Life in the Stubborn house Tá an teach stubborn ina bhall nua. Déardaoin iarnóin ar a dtugtar oibrí as ár gníomhaireachta agus dúirt "Tá a fhios agam ort agus [Hubby] ag iarraidh a ghlacadh sos ..." "Ach níl a cailín leanbh a riachtanais sa bhaile. Ar mhaith leat a bheith sásta? " Tar éis plé gearr ar an roinnt sonraí a fhios aici, nach raibh i bhfad, dúirt mé léi go mbeadh an freagra is dóichí ná a bheith "tá", ach bhí mé a sheiceáil leis Hubby. Mar sin, rinne mé. An freagra a bhí yes. Leanbh A tháinig ar tráthnóna 02:00 Aoine. Tá sí chomh beag bídeach! Tá sí níos lú ná 3 seachtaine d'aois, mar sin i bhfad níos mó "nuabheirthe" ish ná mar a bhí Babaí E. Tá sí go raibh tús garbh mar eile íospartach an tóir a bhí riamh "bán r * sh" eipidéim. Tá sí mar sin spastic agus docht nach raibh mé in straighten fiú a lámh a fháil ar a gúna ar. Níl sí ar phenob * rb cosúil le leanbh E a bhí, mar sin tá mé ag dul chun labhairt ar ár pediatrician faoi sin nuair a Rachaimid chun Niúir i ASAP an tseachtain seo chugainn. Tá sé cinnte dúshlán le dhá naíonáin a aird riachtanas araon, go minic ag an am céanna. Leanbh E chuala mé a fháil ar suas le leanbh A ag 5:30 ar maidin agus chinn siad go raibh sí ag iarraidh a bheith ar an bpáirtí, agus mar sin shuigh mé léi ar an urlár le bréagán agus rinne mé dhá bhuidéal (thankfully siad úsáid as an fhoirmle céanna!), agus ansin bhí mé leanbh A ar mo lap agus go raibh E Babaí atá suite in aice leis dom ar pillow a shealbhú buidéal ag í féin. Tá sé chomh iontach a fheiceáil ar an méid agus difríochtaí forbartha idir an dá cailíní. Babaí E beagnach tachrán i gcomparáid leis an bitsy itsy Babaí A. Tá sí ach beag sin. Anywho, tá mo inchinn codlata dhíothacha agus tá mé ag dtrioblóid ciall, mar sin ós rud é go bhfuil an dá babes codlata i láthair na huaire, tá mé ag dul a bheith mar cheannasaí a chodladh. Beidh mé ag scríobh níos mó sonraí go han-luath ... b'fhéidir fiú amháin más rud anocht fhaigheann duine éigin rambunctious. Beannachtaí! Hannah Fág nóta tráchta | | Tags: Bheith a leagtar amach , Bitty Babe , Súile geal , cúram altrama , an stuif crua , An Eachtraíochta SAHM Posted by Hannah Rae on Oct 27, 2011 in Life in the Stubborn house Bhuel, beidh mé a fháil chun go. Bhuail mé le mo chara Lindsay ag an Tuismitheoireachta i gcomhdháil ar ais SPÁS i mí Aibreáin, 'ya a fhios, ceart roimh gach rud a phléasc. Chliceáil againn láithreach. I mo thuairimse, ár gcomhrá chéad faoi conas boladh ár gcuid páistí tráma .... mhaith, dona. Tá muid an dá geeks drámaíocht, agus muid araon breá le gáire, fiú nuair a tá sé deacair ... go háirithe nuair atá sé deacair. Tá súil agam léi. Tá sí ag éirí eile meantóir mam iontach gur mian liom raibh mé in ann a dhéanamh timpeall i mo phóca ar ais. Is féidir liom i ndáiríre muinín aici, ach dangit ('cuz Níl mé go maith ag eascainí) ar mhaith liom riamh a smack di uaireanta toisc go bhfuil sí chomh maith an-dúshlánach ag mo chroí nuair b'fhearr liom gan dul in áit "ann". Sí Scríobh an lá atá inniu ann. Ní féidir liom é a fháil. Níl go tóin poill isteach Cinnte, tá mé ag foghlaim go leor faoi féin, agus mé in iúl Dia a bhaint as an tráma a root amach agus roinnt ceisteanna tábhachtacha in áit i mo chroí, mar sin sa mhéid is go bhfuil mé buíoch, ach níl mé buíoch as an truama féin, tá mé buíoch as an méid atá Dia a úsáidtear é a dhéanamh, ach B'fhearr liom gur roghnaigh sé ar bhealach difriúil. AGUS ANSIN Diana, a scríobhann thar anseo dared, a scríobh i tuairimí an phoist Lindsay ar: "Is é SEO cén fáth a choinneáil orainn ag dul. SEO é an fáth nach bhfuil ár bpáistí ár n-ualach is mó. SEO é an fáth nach bhfuil na páistí ghortú ruin ár saol ... ach bless sé le neamh s beannacht is saibhre má táimid a cheadú ach sinn féin a fháil síos agus a fháil salach agus stop troid an bronntanas lómhara, le bronntanas níos priceless go rubies, a tharlaíonn go díreach a bheith fillte i sracadh suas, peed ar, spit ar, pacáiste d'aois moldy. " Níl mé ann go fóill. Is dóigh liom fós mar go bhfuil leanbh amháin go háirithe, a nach bhfuil ualach, nó in áit, dó, ach cad tá an tráma iompú isteach dó. Níl a fhios agam i ndáiríre conas a rá go bhfuil, agus a admháil a dhéanann sé bhraitheann orm mar sin icky. Is dóigh liom fós mar a tháinig an kid i ndáiríre gar do ruining mo shaol, agus ní féidir liom gur mhaith leat a bhí bheannaigh mé le beannacht is saibhre ar neamh ar tríd. Níl mé ann go fóill. Beidh mé riamh? Níl a fhios agam. Really, i ndáiríre nach bhfuil a fhios. (Féach, tá a fhios agat Tá mé toin nuair a théann mo gramadach amach an fhuinneog.) Ach é sin an fáth timpeall mé féin le daoine a "a fháil" cad é an turas cosúil le, cad tá mé ag dul tríd, a bhfuil ár teaghlaigh ag dul tríd, agus cad mo chuid páistí ag dul tríd. Is féidir liom muinín leo a thaispeáint dom cad FÉIDIR saol a bheith, agus nach mbeidh sé i gcónaí conas a fheictear domsa é sa lá atá inniu. Agus roinnt laethanta, tá súil agam gur féidir liom a bheith go dóibh, cé go bhfuil mé ag mothú cinnte cosúil leis an leanbh sa ghrúpa is mó den am. Ach tá mé ag foghlaim. Beannachtaí! Hannah ps Babaí E Bhí a ceapachán 6 mhí lá atá inniu ann agus rockin 'uile an dochtúra ionchais. Bheadh aon duine a fhios go raibh an Wonder beag den sórt sin tús garbh. Moladh Íosa! Fág nóta tráchta | | Tags: Uchtála , dúshláin iompar , Bheith atá leagtha amach , blogging , Súile geal , creideamh , tuismitheoireachta , RAD , an stuif crua , An Eachtraíochta SAHM Posted by Hannah Rae on Oct 24, 2011 in Life in the Stubborn house Ceann de mo cnaipí, is é sin. An turas ar fad a fháil a fhios is féidir mé féin a bheith chomh suimiúil ag amanna. Gáire mé uaireanta nuair a rachaidh mé na "Ah ha!" Chuimhneacháin fúm féin! Anywho, shíl mé inniu go pushes sé an cnaipe irratation mór nuair nach bhfuil daoine muinín mo chuid eolais faoi fhorbairt an linbh nó a bhfuil oiriúnach a bheith ag súil ó leanbh de aois áirithe, eadhon Babaí E. Ceann de na rudaí dúshlánach faoi chúram altrama a dhéanamh go bhfuil tú a chur purposefully tú féin agus do theaghlach faoin micreascóp mór-asal. Is féidir gach rud a dhéanann tú, agus gach cinneadh a dhéanann tú a chur faoi scrúdú. Tá tú ach a fháil a úsáidtear chun é. Thankfully, níl mé de ghnáth le duine cosanta. Go deimhin, a deir Hubby mé den scoth PR ionadaí don teaghlach, ach rud éigin a fuair mo gabhar lá atá inniu ann. Basically, I felt like one of our workers was questioning my ability to work for Baby E's best interest. The details aren't important, but the feelings are, and they were real. I wanted to shout “I've got a Bachelor's degree in this, Damnit!” Yeah, I've never sounded convincing when I swear. So we'll go with “Dangit!” You see, not only do I have a passion for kids, babies especially, but I spent 4 years learning about best practice, how to advocate for children with special needs, and how to work with public agencies to access resources. I was one of the top students in my class, and dangit (see, that's much more Hannah-ish) I'm good at what I do! I know what I know! All that to say, now that I know that I have this button, how am I going to respond to it next time it gets pushed? Should I respond? To myself, I know I should. There is an insecurity there that has popped up, and I need to know why, and see what God wants to do with it, and how He wants to fill it. Is it an infertility thing? B'fhéidir. It could very well be tied to the fact that it is because I have not been able to bare a child of my own, I feel like I have to prove my right to be a mother. That, and, because we are foster parents, all the professional people that I seemingly DO have to prove myself to on a continual basis. I know that I have moments of bitterness where I don't like the fact that I even have to deal with these things. I ask God a lot of hard questions then. I have no problem being very honest and brutal at times, with Him and myself. So this is where the reflection and ranting need to turn into healing, and getting to know who God has created me to be a little bit better.Ugh. Beannachtaí! Hannah Leave a comment | | Tags: Being set apart , Bright Eyes , foster care , infertility , The SAHM Adventure Posted by Hannah Rae on Oct 23, 2011 in Life in the Stubborn house Hey, I missed a day of blogging. Sorry about that. I had to think for a few moments longer than I would like to admit about what I actually did yesterday. Oh, yeah! I spent the day with two amazing ladies jabbering away as we worked on random projects. Every month or so, a group of my amazing lady friends and I get together at the incredible Miss Angie's (no, not the uber-cool Christian punk rocker from the 90′s) for a “craft day”. Normally this results in a lot more yakking getting done than crafts, but we enjoy it all the same. Yesterday nearly everyone bailed out, (wimps!) so it was just the three of us. Amazingly, we actually got some stuff done! I brought a box of my dad's paper keepsakes that I've been sorting through, as well as a file box where I am neatly cataloging items that might be significant to various family members. I even remembered a paper bag to put the discarded items in. I was very proud of myself! Miss Sherry brought her sewing machine, which she admirably fixed herself after the foot fell off, and worked on a pocket advent calendar. Miss Angie made us all hungry as she attempted (successfully?) to make her first pumpkin pie from scratch. Okay, the filling was from scratch. Although I was glad to get some sorting done, the fellowship was, as always, the most valuable part. We talked about so many different subjects, and I got to know my friends so much better. These women, even the wimps that weren't there, are such a blessing in my life. For years I prayed for female friends that I could truly get close to and share life with, and God has truly answered my prayer with these women. We support each other, pray for each other, and are blatantly honest with each other when necessary. We laugh a lot, cry a lot, and sometimes even laugh till we cry. Plus, we love each other's kiddos, which is very important, because there are a lot of little ones in our church family right now. Anywho, it was a very worthwhile way to spend the day. I left my pitifully ill hubby in the good hands of my FIL, and brought home pizza at the end of the day, so all was well. And the gals were amazed at how happy and content Baby E was while we worked. Her healing amazes me every day. What relationships outside of your family are you most thankful for? What do you do, or pretend to do, on the days that you need to get away with those who lift you up? Beannachtaí! Hannah ps To all the wimps, I LOVE YOU! I was just speaking out of pure disappointment that I didn't get to be in your wonderful presence. Leave a comment | | Tags: Being set apart , cooking , Crafty Stuff , The SAHM Adventure Posted by Hannah Rae on Sep 1, 2011 in Life in the Stubborn house I had to apologize today… for being young, and naive, and head strong; for not seeing the signs, even when people tried to tell me; for letting love…or was it pride…blind my eyes. I had to say I'm sorry… for getting angry over what I knew was true, but didn't want to be true, and now is so true that my windows are at risk of things flying them. And he's not even here. So hopefully my ears are hearing better now, and wisdom has found a few more nooks and crannies to invade, and bitterness will stay away. Hopefully I can still have words of hope and encouragement for others, and maybe even help them hear. What are you doing, God? That. Beannachtaí! Hannah Leave a comment | | Tags: Being set apart , faith , prayer , RAD , the hard stuff , The SAHM Adventure