http___www.stubbornfishtales.com_ga_tag_faith__1.xml
1.1 2.1 2.2 2.3 2.4 2.5 2.6 2.7 3.1 3.2 3.3 4.1 4.2 4.3 4.4 5.1 5.2 5.3 5.4 5.5 6.1 7.1 7.2 7.3 7.4 7.5 7.6 7.7 8.1 9.1 10.1 11.1 12.1 12.2 12.3 12.4 12.5 12.6 12.7 12.8 12.9 13.1 13.2 13.3 13.4 13.5 14.1 15.1 16.1 16.2 16.3 17.1 17.2 17.3 17.4 17.5 18.1 18.2 18.3 18.4 18.5 18.6 19.1 19.2 19.3 19.4 19.5 19.6 19.7 20.1 21.1 22.1 23.1 23.2 23.3 23.4 23.5 24.1 24.2 24.3 25.1 25.2 26.1 27.1 28.1 28.2 29.1 29.2 29.3 30.1 30.2 30.3 30.4 30.5 30.6 30.7 30.8 30.9 31.1 31.2 31.3 31.4 32.1 32.2 32.3 32.4 33.1 33.2 33.3 33.4 33.5 33.6 34.1 34.2 34.3 35.1 35.2 35.3 35.4 35.5 35.6 35.7 35.8 36.1 36.2 36.3 36.4 36.5 36.6 36.7 36.8 36.9 37.1 38.1 38.2 39.1 39.2 40.1 41.1 42.1 42.2 42.3 42.4 43.1 43.2 43.3 43.4 44.1 45.1 45.2 46.1 47.1 47.2 47.3 47.4 48.1 49.1 50.1 51.1 51.2 51.3 52.1 53.1 54.1 55.1 56.1 56.2 56.3 56.4 56.5 56.6 56.7 56.8 56.9 56.10 56.11 56.12 56.13 56.14 56.15 57.1 57.2 57.3 57.4 57.5 57.6 57.7 57.8 57.9
The past two weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions, hard choices, and great rewards. As I said in my last video blog, we were faced with the opportunity to take in a sibling group of 4 little ones. We went to meet them and fell in love. The DHS worker wanted us to take the two babies that night, sight unseen, but we did not feel comfortable with that arrangement. For one, we had to talk to Rachel about it. This is her house too, after all. So we told the worker that we needed a couple of days to think and pray about it, then we would make our decision. It would be a major life change, taking on four, especially four so young (6 months, 2, 4, and 6), but we had one question nagging at our hearts that just wouldn’t go away: If not us, then who? So we prayed about it for two days, and then we took the leap of faith and said “Yes!” We made the decision as a family; Rachel, Hubby, and myself all had to be in agreement, and we were. There were definite concerns, things that freaked us out completely, but in the end we knew that we had to be obedient and say what our hearts were crying, and they were crying for these kids. So after we said yes, we waited. We waited to hear what the next step was going to be and when the kids would be coming home. We were determined to be their last foster placement, so we wanted to be as prepared as possible. We immediately started preparing our home and I put out an SOS to everyone who might care to start gathering supplies. Oddly, there was little communication from the DHS of the county the kids currently resided in. It was days before we heard anything, and then what we heard was that the DHS worker wasn’t sure about the placement any more. She thought that we were “standoffish” at the meeting, which we found incredibly ironic, as would anyone who knows us at all. We were incredibly confused, especially after she initially tried to get us to take the kids immediately, without ever even meeting us. Anywho, our agency’s amazing foster care director was a great mediator and tried to get things figured out, but the DHS worker was being incredibly confusing on all sides. But we kept preparing. That next Monday I had to travel up their way to bring Bitty Babe to a doctor’s appointment, and their DHS worker thought it would be a good idea for us to meet the children again, for them to get to see us, and for us to get any questions answered, since we were told at this point that the move-in date would be that Friday. Rachel was going to be with me, so that would be a great opportunity for her to meet them. The meeting was really, really odd. We had a great time playing with the kids, but the DHS worker disappeared! When she did show back up, she wouldn’t answer any of my questions. She was being incredibly elusive, even with simple things like the kids’ clothing sizes and food preferences. I thought that maybe she just didn’t want to talk in front of the children, so I asked her if we could talk later that evening, and she said she would give me a call after she dropped the kids off. She didn’t call. She didn’t call the next day either, after I left her a message asking her to PLEASE give me a call back. She never called. What in the world was up? Finally I got a call from our agency saying that the DHS worker had been working with a different family trying to get them to take all four, but they had 4 already and so they were working on getting them a variance, since 8 is above the state’s licensing limit. We (our agency worker included) were dumbfounded! Suddenly, the tables had totally turned. The DHS worker went from handing over the babies sight unseen, to totally changing her tune and trying to keep the kids in her county. The part that frustrated me was the unprofessionalism of leading us on, allowing us to continue to prepare for these kids, even having us come out and spend more time with them, when all the while she had another plan. Also, the lack of communication was very irritating. Why didn’t she just tell us that they were exploring other options? Why didn’t she call me back when she said she would? COMMUNICATION, PEOPLE! Anywho, even after we were told about the new plan, we still had to wait to see if the variance would be approved for the other family. If it wasn’t approved, than we would be the only choice to keep the 4 together. So we waited. In the mean time, we knew that even if this placement didn’t work out, that the Lord had been preparing us for a reason. Whether it were just an exercise in obedience, or whether He had another child in mind that He wanted to open our hearts for, we knew that He had a plan that was bigger than any DHS worker. Finally, this past Tuesday our agency gave us a call to tell us that the variance for other family had been approved, so we would not be getting the 4-pack, but before she even took a breath she had something else to ask us…. And I wouldn’t be able to share very much about why it sucked, so it’s just not worth it. 2012 has started out with slightly less trauma, because we only had to say goodbye to Bright Eyes (Baby E’s new name, cuz’ the whole initial thing was getting too confusing.) But at least she is in a loving, Godly home, where she is with her two sisters, and close enough that we can visit her on a regular basis. That’s why it’s less trauma. Bitty Babe (Baby A’s new name) is doing extremely well, and now that I only have 1 babe to focus on, things have calmed down considerably. She is a sweet little thing, but is really struggling with her weaning process. She’s so much more rigid and spastic than Bright Eyes ever was. She is in pain the majority of the time, so if she’s awake, it’s rare that she’s not crying. I can’t wait till she is completely done with her wean so we can see what little girl will get to emerge. Bitty’s case is so up in the air at this point that we haveĀ no idea how long she will be with us. There is a lot of family involved, so it’s possible that someone could step up to take custody at any point, but that’s not the impression that I’m getting. Visits so far have not been consistent, so we’ll see how that develops. Hubby and I are a little more guarded with this placement because of the heartbreak that happened with Bright Eyes. We want to make sure we have all the information possible before we commit to any decision. For now, our job is to love Bitty as completely as we can so that we can give her the same opportunity to thrive as we did for Bright Eyes. Our baby girls have been amazing ambassadors for the need for foster parents. They both have attracted so much attention when we are out and it almost always results in at least one good conversation about the need for foster parents in our community. Unfortunately these conversations usually include the phrase/question that I have come to dread and despise. It comes out something like “Oh, I could never do that. How could you give them back?” Or “Doesn’t it just kill you when you have to give them back?” or, the worst of them all, “Oh, I couldn’t do that. I would just love them too much.” As if we don’t love them with all of our hearts. As if it is easy for us to send these babies on to whatever is in store for them. It’s called SACRIFICE, people! We love them completely so that we know that we didn’t hold anything back. We give them everything we have to give so that we never have to wonder “Did I do enough?” We give them the gift of a strong bond. The gift of knowing that they were loved and cherished. Not just safety, although that is critical, but nurturing. I’m not strong enough, but the love is not from me. I just pass it on. How could I knowingly chose to not do that? Okay. Venting over. Who knows what this next season will bring, but I definitely hoping for something better. I love the stories behind how traditions are formed. Growing up we had a lot of Christmas traditions, and as a kid I took them as a given. It wasn’t until later that I found out the simple reasons that formed those traditions. For example, we always open all of our presents on Christmas Eve, so obviously we weren’t a Santa Claus kind of family. It wasn’t that our parents didn’t allow us to believe in the magic of Santa, it just was not taught or emphasized. I asked my parents about this later and they said that they didn’t want to teach us that Santa was real, and then turn around and teach us that Jesus was real, because one really is, and really loves us, and really wants a relationship with us, and the other is a legend who has become a symbol of a lot of things, and some of those things are not worth teaching your children (i.e. commercialism, and being good to get stuff.) Christ was the center of our household growing up, especially at Christmas. Being a pastor’s kid meant late night services Christmas Eve, but that didn’t stop us from having our own little Christmas pageant before we opened our gifts. We’d get all dressed up and act out the story as Mom read from Luke and Dad videotaped. When we were very young David and Sarah played Mary and Joseph, I was usually the angel of the Lord (fitting, right?) , and Rachel was baby Jesus. One of my favorite Christmas memories is a video we have of Rachel at about 16 months old in a laundry basket manger. She would just not stay in! So Sarah kept pushing her down and Rachel kept standing right back up, smiling up a storm. When Rachel was too old to be baby Jesus any more, her role was changed to a shepherd and a cabbage patch kid replaced her as the Holy child. Christmas Eve dinner was fondue! I guess my parents got a few fondue pots as wedding presents or something, and it was a fun way to do dinner with four kids. We had a spread of all kinds of fruit to dip in chocolate, yummy bread to dip in hot cheese, and good ole’ red meat (venison or beef steak) to fry in oil. Yes, our parents apparently trusted us enough to allow us to fry our own meat, although I’m not sure when that started. Anywho, another reason we opened our presents Christmas Eve, I found out later, is because we would always head to our Grandma’s place in Duluth very early Christmas morning. Our parents would pack us up in our PJ’s and load us into the maroon minivan while it was still hours from daybreak. That way, we would sleep most of the 8 hour drive and wake up just before we arrived. Smart people, my parents. The experts say that smell is one of the most intense senses that trigger memories. I can attest to that because I can still distinctly remember how my grandma’s apartment building smelled. There was a gas fireplace in the lobby and the smell of Christmas-y potpourri from the holly wreaths and other decorations that residents hung on their doors. Grandma’s apartment had a very unique combination of scents as well, although the one that sticks out in my mind the most is the aroma of turkey loaf. You know, the Jennie-O frozen kind that cooks in its own gravy. Sometimes I cook that up just because I’m missing Grandma. Both of my parent’s families lived in Duluth, so although we stayed with our dad’s mom (grandpa died before I was born), we spent time with our mom’s dad and his wife as well. Our maternal grandma died before I was born, but grandpa had remarried to a wonderful woman who totally accepted us as her grand kids. After opening presents at Grandma’s and hanging out with our uncles, aunts, and cousins, we would head out to Grandpa’s to do the same. Grandpa was a very quiet, stoic man, but Grandma Marie was loud and boistorous. She had kids from her previous marriage, and they had kids, so we had a lot of step-cousins running around to play with. There would be a huge spread of snacky foods on the dining room table, and I remember loading up on broccoli and ham buns. Grandma Marie bought us the most interesting presents, most of which she bought on the home shopping network. One year I got a plastic doll that crawled. It broke the next day. My dad’s brother, Bill, said he could fix it because his brother, Richard, was a doctor. He couldn’t. Anywho, after opening presents the cousins would head downstairs to the basement where there would be a roaring fire in the fireplace. Rachel and I were talking about the basement not to long ago and she asked me if I remembered the mugs that Grandpa had on a shelf on the wall. Oh yes, I do. They were a series of mugs that had a nak*d woman (was it a mermaid?) climbing out of the mugs. It’s just one of those really odd things that sticks out in our minds. Hehe. We also remember our cousin (Donny? Scott?) that would always roast his socks in the fireplace. Odd. Those kinds of family memories make up a childhood and are something that I want to be able to share with my kids someday, and I hope that our boys have benefitted from the effort we put into making their Christmases special, and will remember them fondly. Do you have any quirky traditions? I’d love to hear about them. Leave me some comments, people! Over 300 of you are reading this blog daily, so now would be a great time to hear from you. We are appealing the decision, but I have no confidence. Jeremiah’s situation is so up in the air. Where will he be? Who can help him? What role are we supposed to play? How much can our hearts handle? It’s been hard to be thankful because I’ve been so angry. Angry that we are having to go over yet another hurdle, and another. The past two years have been so hard and it’s just not letting up. We are asking a lot of questions that there just are not easy answers to. It’s hard to breathe. This weight that’s on my heart feels so overwhelming that it makes every breath a conscious effort. Every smile is a decision. My friend Eileen said it so well. “If it looks to you as if I don’t take something seriously enough because you cannot see the blood from my broken heart spilling out all over, ok, that’s good cause that would scare the kids. And maybe what you see is me standing on the rock of my faith – my incredible Father, Who is working things out in our lives. Or, maybe what you are seeing is some therapeutic dancing and singing because we are intentionally choosing not to live in the pain every. moment. You know they say you cannot judge a book by its cover… along those same lines – you cannot always see the brokenness of a life by looking at someones’ face. Imma gonna dance on – with you or without you, it’s ok, I have friends who get it.” But sometimes there are just too many unanswered “what if’s,” and sanity is just not possible. But I am choosing to be thankful. Choosing very carefully what attitudes I hold onto. The emotions and the feelings and the thoughts come like darts and hit at some very inconvenient and even inappropriate times, piercing me to the deepest parts of my…depths, but I choose what stays. Somehow, I’m going to have to choose to say “You give and take away, blessed be Your name.” Somehow. But be patient with me, and remind me gently, and if I yell at you and tell you to shut up, love me anyways, and then try again later. And keep praying for us, ‘cuz none of this makes any flippin’ sense. Cloth diapers. I love our cloth diapers. We decided to use cloth long before we had a baby to diaper. When Baby E came into our lives, I almost forgot our choice until my sister-in-law reminded me, “Hey, weren’t you going to do cloth?” Oh, yeah. I was. Per her recommendation we decided on the Flip system by Cotton Babies. I like a lot of things about this system. It’s one of the least expensive and cost-efficient cloth-diapering systems I’ve found, and it’s very low maintenance. Hubby loves the money these modern beauties save us. We were gifted some disposables that we use when we are out and about, so we realize how many we go through in just one day. I love our flannel wipes just as much. They clean so well and prevent so much waste. See, we have to pay for every bag of trash we put out, so every bit counts. I’m so glad we made that choice. I am thankful for my sisters in Christ. I know I already said how thankful I am for our church family, but within that family are some very special women who chose to share life with me. They are honest, blunt, and loving. They are real and choose to be vulnerable. We laugh a lot. We cry a lot too. We are known to break out into spontaneous prayer for each other at a moment’s notice, and occasionally we break out into song too. I love these women, and I love their kids as well. I prayed for years for a community like them, and God brought them into my life at just the right time.
1.1 2.1 2.2 2.3 2.4 2.5 2.6 2.7 3.1 3.2 4.1 4.2 4.3 4.4 5.1 5.2 5.3 5.4 6.1 7.1 7.2 7.3 7.4 7.5 7.6 7.7 8.1 9.1 10.1 11.1 12.1 12.2 12.3 12.4 12.5 12.6 12.7 12.8 12.9 13.1 13.2 13.3 13.4 13.5 14.1 15.1 15.2 16.1 16.2 17.1 18.1 19.1 19.2 20.1 21.1 21.2 22.1 22.2 22.3 22.4 22.5 23.1 23.2 23.3 23.4 23.5 23.6 24.1 24.2 24.3 24.4 24.5 24.6 25.1 26.1 27.1 28.1 28.2 28.3 28.4 29.1 29.2 29.3 30.1 30.2 31.1 32.1 33.1 34.1 35.1 36.1 37.1 37.2 37.3 38.1 38.2 39.1 40.1 41.1 41.2 42.1 42.2 42.3 43.1 43.2 43.3 43.4 43.5 43.6 43.7 43.8 44.1 44.2 44.3 44.4 45.1 45.2 45.3 45.4 46.1 46.2 46.3 46.4 46.5 46.6 47.1 47.2 47.3 48.1 48.2 48.3 48.4 48.5 48.6 48.7 48.8 49.1 49.2 49.3 49.4 49.5 49.6 49.7 49.8 49.9 50.1 51.1 51.2 52.1 52.2 53.1 54.1 55.1 55.2 55.3 55.4 56.1 56.2 56.3 56.4 57.1 58.1 58.2 59.1 60.1 60.2 60.3 60.4 60.5 61.1 62.1 62.2 62.3 63.1 64.1 65.1 66.1 67.1 67.2 67.3 67.4 68.1 68.2 68.3 69.1 69.2 69.3 70.1 70.2 70.3 70.4 70.5 71.1 72.1 72.2 72.3 72.4 72.5 72.6 72.7 72.8 72.9 72.10 72.11 72.12 72.13 72.14 73.1 73.2 73.3 73.4 73.5 73.6 73.7 73.8 73.9
An dá anuas sheachtain a bheith ina sciobtha de mhothúcháin, roghanna crua, agus luach saothair mór. Mar a dúirt mé i mo bhlag físeán seo caite, bhí muid aghaidh leis an deis a ghlacadh i ngrúpa sibling de 4 cinn beag. Chuaigh muid chun freastal orthu agus thit i ngrá. An t-oibrí DHS ag iarraidh orainn a ghlacadh ar an dá leanaí an oíche, radharc unseen, ach ní raibh muid compordach leis an socrú sin. I gcás amháin, bhí againn chun labhairt le Rachel mar gheall air. Is é seo a teach freisin, tar éis gach. Mar sin, dúradh linn an t-oibrí go raibh gá againn le cúpla lá chun smaoineamh agus pray faoi, ansin ba mhaith linn a dhéanamh ar ár gcinneadh. Bheadh sé a bheith ina athrú ar an saol mór, ag cur ar cheithre, go háirithe ceithre sin óg (6 mhí, 2, 4, agus 6), ach bhí muid ar cheann nagging ceist ag ár gcroí nach mbeadh dul díreach amach: Más rud é nach linn, a? Mar sin, guí orainn faoi ar feadh dhá lá, agus ansin thóg muid an léim an chreidimh agus dúirt "Tá!" Rinne muid an cinneadh mar theaghlach; Rachel, Hubby, agus bhí mé féin go léir a bheith i gcomhaontú, agus bhí muid. Bhí imní cinnte, rudaí a freaked muid amach go hiomlán, ach sa deireadh bhí a fhios againn go raibh muid a bheith obedient agus a rá cad a bhí ár gcroí ag caoineadh, agus bhí siad ag caoineadh do na páistí. Mar sin, tar éis a dúirt muid yes, tar éis fanacht againn. Fhan muid a chloisteáil cad a bhí an chéad chéim eile ag dul a bheith agus nuair a bheadh na páistí ag teacht abhaile. A cinneadh i againn a bheith a socrúchán altrama seo caite, mar sin bhíomar ag iarraidh a bheith chomh hullmhaithe agus is féidir. Thosaigh muid láithreach a ullmhú ár n-bhaile agus chuir mé amach SOS le gach duine a d'fhéadfadh a thugann aire a thosú soláthairtí a bhailiú. Oddly, ní raibh cumarsáid beag ó DHS an chontae na páistí cónaí faoi láthair isteach Bhí sé lá roimh chuala muid rud ar bith, agus ansin cad a chuala muid go raibh nach raibh an t-oibrí DHS cinnte faoi na socrúchán ar bith níos mó. Shíl sí go raibh muid "standoffish" ag an gcruinniú, a fuair muid thar a bheith scéal é, bheadh duine ar bith a bhfuil aithne aige orainn ar chor ar bith. Bhí muid ar dhaoine eatarthu thar a bheith, go háirithe tar éis a rinne sí ar dtús chun a fháil ar ár gcumas a chur ar an páistí láithreach, gan riamh freastal ar fiú dúinn. Anywho, bhí ár gníomhaireachta stiúrthóir cúram altrama iontach idirghabhálaí mór agus iarracht a fháil ar rudaí figured amach, ach an t-oibrí DHS a bhí á thar a bheith mearbhall ar gach taobh. Ach choinnigh muid ag ullmhú. Sin Dé Luain seo chugainn bhí orm taisteal suas ar a mbealach chun Bitty Babe a thabhairt chuig an dochtúir le ceapachán, agus a n-DHS oibrí shíl mé go mbeadh sé ag smaoineamh maith dúinn chun freastal ar na páistí arís, chun iad a fháil chun sinn a fheiceáil, agus le linn a a fháil fhreagairt ceist ar bith, ós rud é dúradh linn ag an bpointe seo go mbeadh an t-aistriú i an dáta a bheith go Dé hAoine. Rachel a bhí ag dul a bheith liom, mar sin bheadh a bheith go deis iontach do di a freagairt dóibh. An cruinniú a bhí i ndáiríre, i ndáiríre corr. Bhí am iontach ag imirt leis na páistí, ach an t-oibrí DHS imithe! Nuair nár léirigh sí ar ais ar bun, ní bheadh sí freagra ar aon cheann de mo chuid ceisteanna. Bhí sí á incredibly elusive, fiú le rudaí simplí mar mhéideanna éadaí na páistí 'agus roghanna bia. Shíl mé go b'fhéidir sí nach raibh ach ag iarraidh a labhairt os comhair na leanaí, mar sin d'iarr mé uirthi más rud é go raibh muid ábalta labhairt níos déanaí an tráthnóna sin, agus dúirt sí go mbeadh sí a thabhairt dom glao tar éis thit sí na páistí amach. Ní raibh sí ag glaoch. Ní raibh sí ag glaoch ar an lá dár gcionn ach an oiread, tar éis d'fhág mé léi teachtaireacht ag iarraidh í a THOIL a thabhairt dom glao ar ais. Sí riamh ar a dtugtar. Cad ar fud an domhain a bhí suas? Ar deireadh, fuair mé glao ó ár gníomhaireachta rá go raibh an t-oibrí DHS ag obair le teaghlaigh éagsúla ag iarraidh a fháil dóibh gach ceithre, ach bhí siad 4 cheana féin, agus mar sin go raibh siad ag obair ar fáil dóibh Athraitheas, ó 8 os cionn an teorainn ceadúnaithe stáit. Táimid (ár oibrí gníomhaireachta san áireamh) a bhí dumbfounded! Go tobann, bhí na táblaí iompú go hiomlán. An t-oibrí DHS chuaigh ó handing thar an radharc leanaí unseen, go hiomlán ag athrú a tune agus ag iarraidh a choinneáil ar na páistí ina chontae. Ba é an chuid a frustrated dom an unprofessionalism le rá linn ar, a ligeann dúinn leanúint ar aghaidh ag ullmhú do na páistí, fiú tar éis dúinn teacht amach agus níos mó ama a chaitheamh leo, nuair a go léir agus go raibh sí plean eile. Chomh maith leis sin, bhí an easpa cumarsáide an-irritating. Cén fáth nach raibh sí ach a insint dúinn go raibh iniúchadh siad roghanna eile? Cén fáth nach raibh sí ag glaoch orm ar ais nuair a dúirt sí go mbeadh sí? CUMARSÁID, DAOINE! Anywho, fiú tar éis dúradh linn mar gheall ar an phlean nua, bhí muid fós ag fanacht a fheiceáil má bheadh an athraitheas a bheith ceadaithe le haghaidh an teaghlaigh eile. Más rud é nach raibh sé ceadaithe, ná mar ba mhaith linn a bheith ar an rogha amháin a choinneáil ar an 4 le chéile. Mar sin, tar éis fanacht againn. Idir an dá linn, bhí a fhios againn go fiú más rud é nach raibh an socrúchán ag obair amach, go raibh an Tiarna a ullmhú linn le haghaidh ar chúis. Cibé an raibh sé ach a fheidhmiú i obedience, nó cibé an raibh sé leanbh eile i gcuimhne go bhfuil Theastaigh sé a oscailt ár gcroí ar, bhí a fhios againn go raibh sé plean a bhí níos mó ná aon oibrí DHS. Ar deireadh, thug an am atá caite Dé Máirt ár gníomhaireachta dúinn glaoch a insint dúinn go raibh an athraitheas don teaghlach eile ceadaithe, mar sin ní ba mhaith linn a bheith ag fáil an 4-phacáiste, ach roimh thóg sí fiú anáil raibh sí rud éigin eile a iarraidh orainn ... . Things a bheith mhothúchánach le déanaí a rá a laghad. Cheap mé go raibh sé in am a roinnt mo chroí le leat arís. I leithscéal as an fad ... Go leor de na drámaíochta sosanna. Beannachtaí! Hannah BTW, tá mé cinnte atá tú faoi deara go bhfuil mé fós mo Nollag téama suas. Hubby bhí dÚsachtach gnóthach, a chur mar sin tá sé thar a bheith mildly, agus mar sin mé ag súil a fháil ar an téama earrach suas roimh Go raibh maith agat a thabhairt! Agus ní ba mhaith liom a bheith in ann a roinnt go mór faoi cén fáth sucked sé, mar sin tá sé ní hamháin fiú é. 2012 Tá tús curtha amach le tráma beagán níos lú, mar gheall go raibh muid ach amháin maidir le beannacht a rá le Súile geal (ainm nua Babaí E, bhí an cuz 'rud ar fad tosaigh ag éirí ró-mearbhaill.) Ach ar a laghad go bhfuil sí i dteach, grámhar Godly, i gcás ina Tá sí lena beirt deirfiúracha, agus gar go leor gur féidir linn cuairt a thabhairt uirthi ar bhonn rialta. Sin an fáth tá sé tráma lú. Bitty Babe (ainm nua Babaí A san áireamh) ag déanamh go han-mhaith, agus anois go bhfuil mé ach 1 leanbh chun díriú ar, tá rudaí calmed síos go mór. Tá sí ina rud milis beag, ach tá ag streachailt i ndáiríre lena bpróiseas bhaint den chíoch. Tá sí i bhfad níos mó docht agus spastic ná Súile Bright riamh. Tá sí i bpian an chuid is mó den am, mar sin má tá sí awake, tá sé annamh go nach bhfuil sí ag gol. Ní féidir liom fanacht go dtí go bhfuil sí déanta go hiomlán lena wean ionas gur féidir linn a fheiceáil cad a bheidh cailín beag a fháil chun cinn. Is cás Bitty ionas suas san aer ag an bpointe seo nach bhfuil aon smaoineamh cá fhad a bheidh sí le linn. Tá a lán de na teaghlaigh i gceist, mar sin tá sé indéanta go bhféadfadh duine éigin céim suas faoi choimeád a ghlacadh ag aon phointe, ach ní go bhfuil an tuiscint go bhfuil mé ag fáil. Cuairteanna go dtí seo níor bheith comhsheasmhach, mar sin beidh orainn a fheiceáil conas a fhorbraíonn go. Tá Hubby agus mé beagán níos mó cosanta leis an socrúchán mar gheall ar an briseadh croí a tharla le Súile geal. Is mian linn a dhéanamh cinnte go bhfuil muid an fhaisnéis go léir is féidir sula geallaimid aon chinneadh. Chun anois, is é ár post chun grá Bitty chomh hiomlán agus is féidir linn ionas gur féidir linn a thabhairt di an deis chéanna a rathú mar a rinne muid le haghaidh Súile geal. Ár cailíní leanbh bhí ambasadóirí iontach an ngá atá le tuismitheoirí altrama. Bheirt acu a bheith idir lámha aird an oiread sin nuair a bhíonn muid amach agus torthaí sé beagnach i gcónaí i amháin ar a laghad comhrá maith mar gheall ar an ngá atá le tuismitheoirí altrama inár bpobal. Ar an drochuair, tá na comhráite de ghnáth ar an frása / ceist go bhfuil mé teacht ar dread agus ghrain. Tagann sé amach rud éigin cosúil le "Ó, ní raibh mé in ann é sin a dhéanamh. Conas is féidir leat a thabhairt dóibh ar ais? "Nó" Ní gcuireann sé tú a mharú ach nuair a bhfuil tú a thabhairt dóibh ar ais? "Nó, an ceann is measa ar fad," Oh, ní raibh mé in ann é sin a dhéanamh. Ba mhaith liom grá ach iad iomarca. " Mar más rud é nach bhfuil muid grá dóibh le gach ceann dár gcroíthe. Mar más rud é go bhfuil sé éasca dúinn a sheoladh ar na leanaí ar aghaidh go dtí cuma cad é i ndán dóibh. Sé ar a dtugtar íobairt, daoine! Is breá linn dóibh go hiomlán ionas go mbeidh a fhios againn nach raibh muid a shealbhú rud ar bith ar ais. Tugaimid dóibh gach a bhfuil againn a thabhairt ionas riamh go mór dúinn a Wonder "An bhfaca a dhéanfaidh mé go leor?" Táimid a thabhairt dóibh an bronntanas le bannaí láidir. An bronntanas a fhios agam go raibh grá acu agus chothaímid. Ní sábháilteachta ach, cé go bhfuil go criticiúil, ach a chothú. Níl mé láidir go leor, ach nach bhfuil an grá uaim. Mé pas ach é a chur ar. Conas is féidir roghnaigh mé feasach go dtí méid nach é sin a dhéanamh? Maith go leor. Scaoilte os a chionn. Cé a fhios cad a bheidh an séasúr seo chugainn a thabhairt, ach súil agam cinnte as rud éigin níos fearr. Nuair a bheidh na mothúcháin neamhdhóthanacht agus emptiness a thagann leis an infertility teacht ar ais i bhfeidhm go hiomlán, agus immeasurably níos láidre ná riamh mar anois a fhios aici cad atá ar iarraidh í? Nuair a prayed sí níos deacra ná mar tá sí prayed riamh cheana agus tá an freagra go fóill "ní hea"? Nuair a bhfuil sí ag am deacair trusting a Athair ar Neamh lena croí mar gheall ar hurts sé ach i bhfad ró, agus tá sí eagla? Nuair a bhriseann ag dul chun an tséipéil a croí mar gheall ar na leanaí i ngach áit? Nuair a bhíonn gach mian léi a bheith duine Mamaí? Fanann sí. Fanann sí a fheiceáil cad is eachtra nua timpeall an chúinne. Fanann sí éisteann agus agus tá súil agam ar chomh crua agus is féidir léi, fiú nuair a bhfuil ar a dhéanann dóchas sé chomh deacair a breathe. Agus worships sí. Go háirithe nuair a tá sé deacair, toisc go nuair a nithe sé i ndáiríre. Agus cries sí lena cairde nuair a riachtanais sí, mar gheall ar roinnt acu a fháil i ndáiríre é, agus na cinn nach bhfuil a roghnú chun grá di léir mar an gcéanna. Is breá liom na scéalta taobh thiar conas traidisiúin atá déanta. Ag fás suas bhí againn a lán de na traidisiúin na Nollag, agus mar kid ghlac mé iad mar a thugtar. Ní raibh sé go dtí ina dhiaidh sin fuair mé amach na cúiseanna simplí gur foirmíodh na traidisiúin sin. Mar shampla, táimid oscailte i gcónaí i ngach ceann dár bronntanais ar Oíche Nollag, agus mar sin ar ndóigh ní raibh muid ag Santa Claus chineál teaghlaigh. Ní raibh sé nach raibh ár dtuismitheoirí ar ár gcumas chun a chreidiúint i an draíocht de Santa, ní múineadh díreach nó béim. D'iarr mé ar mo thuismitheoirí faoi seo níos déanaí agus dúirt siad nach raibh siad ag iarraidh a mhúineadh dúinn go raibh Santa fíor, agus ansin cas timpeall agus sinn a mhúineadh go raibh Íosa fíor, toisc go bhfuil duine i ndáiríre, agus i ndáiríre Is breá linn, agus i ndáiríre mian le Tá caidreamh le linn, agus an ceann eile a legend a tháinig chun bheith ina siombail ar a lán de rudaí, agus nach bhfuil roinnt de na rudaí is fiú a mhúineadh do leanaí (ie commercialism, agus a bheith dea-rudaí a fháil.) Ba é Críost an t-ionad ar ár teaghlaigh ag fás aníos, go háirithe ag na Nollag. A bheith ina sagart ar kid i gceist go déanach oíche seirbhísí Oíche Nollag, ach nach raibh stop a chur chugainn as a bhfuil ár gcuid féin beag Nollag pageant roimh oscail muid ár bronntanais. Ba mhaith linn a fháil ar fad gléasta suas agus gníomhóidh an scéal amach mar Mam léamh ó Luke agus a Dhaidí videotaped. Nuair a bhí muid an-óg bhí David agus Sarah Mary agus Joseph, bhí mé de ghnáth ar an aingeal an Tiarna (fheistiú, ceart?) Bhí, agus Rachel leanbh Íosa. Is é ceann de mo is fearr leat Nollag cuimhní físeán atá againn de Rachel ag thart ar 16 mí d'aois i bascaed mhainséar níocháin. Ní bheadh sí ag fanacht go díreach i! Mar sin, choinnigh Sarah brú anuas í agus Rachel choinneáil ina sheasamh ceart ar ais ar bun, miongháire suas stoirm. Nuair a bhí Rachel ró-shean le bheith leanbh Íosa ar bith níos mó, athraíodh a ról le aoire agus a kid paiste cabáiste ionad léi mar an leanbh Naofa. Oíche Nollag dinnéar a bhí fondue! Buille faoi thuairim mé mo thuismitheoirí fuair potaí cúpla fondue mar láthair bainise nó rud éigin, agus bhí sé ar bhealach spraíúil dinnéar a dhéanamh le ceithre páistí. Bhí leathadh de gach cineál na torthaí ar snámh i seacláide, arán yummy a snámh i cáis te, agus Ole maith 'feoil dhearg (fiafheola nó steak mairteola) a Fry i ola. Sea, ár dtuismitheoirí muinín cosúil go leor dúinn ar ár gcumas ár Fry feola féin, cé nach bhfuil mé cinnte nuair a thosaigh a. Anywho, chúis eile oscail muid ár láthair Oíche Nollag, fuair mé amach níos déanaí, toisc go mbeadh muid ag ceann i gcónaí ar ár Mhamó ar siúl i Duluth an-luath ar maidin Nollag. Bheadh ár dtuismitheoirí pacáiste dúinn suas inár PJ agus sinn lódáil isteach sa minivan maroon fad agus a bhí sé fós uair an chloig ó lae. Sa chaoi sin, ba mhaith linn codlata chuid is mó de tiomáint an 8 uair an chloig agus dúisigh díreach sular tháinig muid. Daoine cliste, mo thuismitheoirí. Deir na saineolaithe go bhfuil boladh ar cheann de na céadfaí is déine a cuimhní spreagadh. Is féidir liom a fhianú go toisc nach féidir liom fós cuimhneamh go soiléir conas a smelled árasán mo grandma. Bhí teallach gáis sa stocaireacht agus boladh na Nollag-y potpourri ó na fleasca cuileann agus maisiúcháin eile a crochadh cónaitheoirí ar a n-doirse. Árasán Mhamó Bhí meascán an-uathúil de scents chomh maith, cé go bhfuil an ceann a bataí amach i mo intinn an chuid is mó an aroma de builín turcaí. Tá a fhios agat, an cineál Jennie-O reoite cócairí gur ina gravy féin. Uaireanta liom cócaireacht go bhfuil suas díreach toisc go bhfuil mé ag iarraidh Grandma. Tá an dá mo tuismitheora teaghlach ina gcónaí i Duluth, mar sin cé go fhan muid lenár daidí mam (grandpa fuair bás roimh a rugadh I), chaith muid uair lenár mamaí ar daidí agus a bhean chéile chomh maith. Ár grandma máithreacha a fuair bás sular rugadh mé, ach bhí grandpa athphós le bean iontach a ghlac go hiomlán dúinn mar a páistí mhór. Tar éis oscailt i láthair ag Grandma agus crochta amach lenár uncail, aintín, agus Cousins, ba mhaith linn ceann amach chun Grandpa chun an rud céanna. Bhí Grandpa an-chiúin, fear stoic, ach Grandma Marie bhí os ard agus boistorous. Bhí sí na páistí as a phósadh roimhe seo, agus tá siad páistí a bhí, mar sin bhí againn a lán de na céim-ar Cousins ag rith thart ag súgradh leis. Bheadh leathadh ollmhór bianna snacky ar an tábla seomra bia, agus cuimhin liom luchtú suas ar brocailí agus borróga liamhás. Grandma Marie cheannaigh dúinn ar an láthair is suimiúla, an chuid is mó a cheannaigh sí ar an líonra siopadóireachta sa bhaile. Bliain amháin fuair mé doll plaisteach a crawled. Tá sé bhris an lá dár gcionn. Mo dhaid deartháir, Bhille, dúirt d'fhéadfadh sé a shocrú toisc go raibh a dheartháir, Richard, dochtúir. Ní fhéadfadh sé. Anywho, tar éis oscailt i láthair a bheadh an col ceathracha thíos staighre ceann ar an íoslach i gcás ina mbeadh go mbeadh tine roaring sa teallach. Rachel agus mé ag caint faoi an íoslach nach fada ó shin agus d'iarr sí orm má chuimhnigh mé ar an mugaí go raibh Grandpa ar sheilf ar an mballa. Oh yes, is féidir liom. Bhí siad sraith de mugaí go raibh * Nak d bean (bhí sé mermaid?) Dreapadh amach as an mugaí. Tá sé díreach ar cheann de na rudaí i ndáiríre corr go bataí amach in ár n-intinn. Hehe. Táimid ag cuimhneamh freisin ar ár col ceathrar (Donny? Scott?) A bheadh rósta i gcónaí a chuid stocaí sa teallach. Odd. A dhéanamh ar na cineálacha sin cuimhní teaghlaigh suas óige agus go bhfuil rud éigin gur mhaith liom a bheith in ann a roinnt le mo chuid páistí someday, agus tá súil agam go bhfuil ár buachaillí tairbhe as an iarracht a chuir muid isteach a dhéanamh a n-Christmases speisialta, agus beidh cuimhneamh orthu fondly. An bhfuil aon traidisiúin quirky? Ba bhreá liom a chloisteáil mar gheall orthu. Fág liom roinnt tuairimí, daoine! Níos mó ná 300 de tú ag léamh an bhlag seo gach lá, agus mar sin bheadh anois am iontach le cloisteáil uait. Táimid ag a bhfuil achomharc ar an gcinneadh, ach tá mé aon muinín. Is staid Jeremiah ionas suas san aer. Cá sé? Cé is féidir cabhrú leis? Cén ról atá ceaptha againn a imirt? Cé mhéad is féidir ár gcroí a láimhseáil? Baineann sé le bheith deacair a bheith buíoch mar tá mé a bheith chomh feargach. Angry go bhfuil muid ag dul thar eile fós hurdle, agus eile. Le dhá bhliain anuas bhí chomh crua agus é a ligean ar cíos gan ach suas. Táimid ag iarraidh a lán de na ceisteanna go bhfuil nach bhfuil ach éasca le freagraí. Tá sé deacair a breathe. Measann an meáchan go bhfuil ar mo chroí go mór go ndéanann sé gach anáil iarracht chomhfhiosach. Tá gach aoibh gháire ar chinneadh. Mo chara Eileen Dúirt sé chomh maith. "Má tá sé a thabhairt duit mar mura bhfuil mé in ann rud éigin dáiríre go leor toisc nach féidir leat a fheiceáil na fola ó mo chroí briste spilling amach ar fud, ceart go leor, go bhfuil cúis mhaith a bheadh scare na páistí. Agus b'fhéidir go bhfuil an méid a fheiceann tú mise I mo sheasamh ar an gcarraig mo chreideamh - Athair Is dochreidte, Cé atá rudaí a oibriú amach inár saol. Nó, b'fhéidir cad tá tú ag feiceáil go bhfuil roinnt damhsa agus amhránaíocht teiripeacha mar go bhfuil muid ag roghnú d'aon ghnó nach chun cónaí sa pian gach. faoi láthair. Tá a fhios agat a deir siad nach féidir leat breitheamh ar leabhar a chlúdach ... feadh na línte céanna - ní féidir leat a fheiceáil i gcónaí ar an brokenness ar an saol trí bhreathnú ar aghaidh someones '. IMMA gonna damhsa ar - a bhfuil tú nó gan tú, tá sé ceart go leor, tá mé cairde a fháil ". Ach uaireanta nach bhfuil ach an iomarca unanswered "cad má tá," agus sanity é ní hamháin is féidir. Ach tá mé ag roghnú a bheith buíoch. Roghnú go cúramach cad dearcadh a shealbhú mé isteach. Na mothúcháin agus na mothúcháin agus na smaointe a thagann mhaith dairteanna agus bhuail ag roinnt uaireanta an-deacair agus fiú míchuí, pholladh dom ar na codanna is doimhne de mo ... doimhneacht, ach roghnaigh mé cad a fhanann. Ar bhealach, tá mé ag dul go bhfuil a roghnú a rá "Tá tú thabhairt agus a ghlacadh ar shiúl, a bheith bheannaigh d'ainm." Ar bhealach. A bheith Ach othar liom, agus mé i gcuimhne go réidh, agus má yell ag tú agus tú ag insint go stoptar suas, grá anyways liom, agus ansin déan iarracht arís ar ball. Agus a choinneáil ag guí dúinn, 'a dhéanann cuz aon cheann de seo ar aon Flippin' ciall. Tost. Is é seo fionnachtain nua dom. Bhí mé an deis chun dul ar Retreat adh an deireadh seachtaine seo agus bhí blown away ag cé dteagmháil léi Dia mo chroí. Níos mó ar sin ina dhiaidh sin tá súil agam. Chai tae agus seacláide te ... le chéile. Fuair mé roinnt iontach chai tae go bhfuil roinnt ciceáil fíor dó, agus nuair a chomhcheangal le mo cócó te is fearr leat. Feabhas MmmMmmMmm. Mo POT crock. Cad uirlis versatile go bhfuil rud. Love it. Mo sabhna. Cabhraíonn sé a dhéanamh dom glan. Really, glan i ndáiríre. Agus is féidir buachaill leat a insint nuair a tá tú ag ithe gairleog. Hehehe. Superficial, ach is fiú a bheith buíoch do gach duine mar an gcéanna. Diapers éadach. Is breá liom ár diapers éadach. Shocraigh muid úsáid a bhaint as éadach fada roimh bhí againn leanbh a diaper. Nuair a tháinig Babaí E isteach inár saol, Rinne mé dearmad beagnach ár rogha go dtí go gcuimhne mo dheirfiúr-i-dlí dom, "Hey, nach raibh tú ag dul a éadach a dhéanamh?" Oh, yeah. Bhí mé. Per a mholadh shocraigh muid ar an gcóras Smeach ag Babies Cotton . Is maith liom a lán rudaí faoi seo gcóras. Tá sé ar cheann de na laghad costasaí agus éifeachtúil ó thaobh costais éadach-diapering córais mé le fáil, agus tá sé cothabháil an-íseal. Hubby Is breá an t-airgead na beauties nua-aimseartha a shábháil dúinn. Bhí muid roinnt cumasach disposables go n-úsáideann muid nuair a bhíonn muid amach agus thart, mar sin a bhaint amach againn cé mhéad a théann muid tríd i díreach lá amháin. Is breá liom wipes ár flannel ach oiread agus is. Siad glan chomh maith agus dramhaíl an oiread sin a chosc. Féach, ní mór dúinn a íoc as gach mála bruscar chuir muid amach, mar sin gach comhaireamh giotán. Tá mé chomh sásta a rinne muid an rogha sin. Tá mé buíoch do mo dheirfiúracha i gCríost. Tá a fhios agam Dúirt mé cheana féin conas buíoch mé le haghaidh ár teaghlaigh eaglais, ach laistigh den teaghlach iad roinnt de na mná an-speisialta a roghnaigh an saol a roinnt le liom. Tá siad ionraic, blunt, agus grámhara. Tá siad fíor agus a roghnú chun a bheith leochaileach. Táimid ag gáire go leor. Táimid ag caoin go leor freisin. Táimid ar eolas a bhriseadh amach i paidir spontáineach do gach ceann eile ar láthair fógra, agus uaireanta táimid ag briseadh amach i amhrán freisin. Is breá liom na mná, agus is breá liom a gcuid páistí chomh maith. Prayed mé do na blianta do phobal mar iad, agus Dia thug siad isteach i mo shaol ag an am ach an ceart.