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Posted by Hannah Rae on Jul 23, 2012 in Life in the Stubborn house ‘Cuz paragraphs require too much brain power. - I was working on a really nice post to introduce you to my beautiful Busy Boy in a more in-depth way, but just as I was doing that, literally as I was typing it, we got a call at 11:30 PM to take an emergency placement of two girls, a 16 year-old, and her two year-old little sister. We said yes to a temporary placement. That was a month ago. The post is getting closer to completion, but just not “there” yet. - Life with two two year-olds has been an adventure. - The best parts of having two year-olds a month apart is that they entertain each other, enjoy each other’s company, entertain me with their antics, and are learning all kinds of fun things together. - The worst parts of having two year-olds a month apart is that they teach each other not-so-fun habits, they enjoy screaming at each other, a lot, just for fun, and with the addition of our 8 month-old, it’s really hard to get any chores or shopping done effectively. - The best parts of having a 16 year-old in the house are getting the chance to teach important life skills, encouraging her that she is a capable person who can make good choices, and my house getting really clean when she does not make such good choices. - The worst part of having a 16 year-old who has not been taught many appropriate life skills in the house is that it sometimes makes it seems like we have 3 toddlers. - I have felt very isolated this month. Between visits for the girls, therapies, and other appointments, I have not been able to spend much of any quality time with friends this month. We didn’t even get to do anything for our anniversary. The girls will only be here for another week, and then I am hoping things can settle down into a more practical schedule. Ugh! - Bitty’s health has been a struggle. We are having medication issues, but thankfully we have a wonderful pediatrician who is working very hard to make sure Bitty grows into the healthiest girl she can be. - Now that we’ve got some of the med stuff under control, Bitty decided it was time to START CRAWLING! She is everywhere! This is a milestone that we never got to experience with Bright Eyes, because although she moved to her new home when she was about 9 months old, she didn’t start crawling till she was almost a year old. Bitty is actually the first child I’ve gotten to experience this milestone with, and that is so incredibly special to me. - Although her motor development has always been ahead of the curve, Bitty has some continual special needs as a result of the substances she was exposed to in utero. One of these issues is that she is a very sensory-sensitive kid. She startles really easily, and gets over-stimulated without warning. She is also having trouble starting solid foods. She will not open her mouth to eat off of a spoon, and if I do manage to get some in there, she gags to the point of throwing up as soon as it hits the back of her throat. She will, however, eat a graham cracker, although most of it ends up on her face and chest. We have an OT coming out this week to help us address these issues, which are becoming even more of a concern now that she is so mobile. Formula alone is just not cutting it even more. - As I briefly mentioned earlier, Hubby and I just passed our 11th anniversary. Crazy. Last year we didn’t get to celebrate because we were in the middle of our battle with Jeremiah. This year, there was too much going on with our current wards. My birthday is coming up this weekend, and I am hoping that Hubby and I will be able to etch some time out for each other. It really feels hard to breathe sometimes with all that is going on, and August is going to be NUTS! Lord Jesus, have mercy! - Gabe came home to visit this weekend for the first time in over a year! It was wonderful! There was absolutley no awkwardness. I just really enjoyed spending time with my son. Plus, it was super cool to see him bond with Busy Boy and Bitty. I got some great pictures of my 19 year-old holding and playing with my littles. It warmed my heart so much. He is not always making the best choices, but our relationship has been restored, and that is more than I hoped for a year ago. Plus, it was really funny watching him watch me discipline the 16 year-old. He said that he almost wanted to go into the kitchen and tell her “It’s just not worth it!” Hehehe. Wonderful. Okay, I think that my brain cleared out some cobwebs now. Blessings! Hannah Leave a comment | | Tags: behavior challenges, Being Real, Being set apart, Bitty Babe, blogging, Bright Eyes, Busy Boy, foster care, parenting, The SAHM Adventure Posted by Hannah Rae on Jan 9, 2012 in Life in the Stubborn house I’m not going to do a post summarizing 2011. Not going to do it. Why? Oh, because 2011 SUCKED! Right up to the end. And I wouldn’t be able to share very much about why it sucked, so it’s just not worth it. 2012 has started out with slightly less trauma, because we only had to say goodbye to Bright Eyes (Baby E’s new name, cuz’ the whole initial thing was getting too confusing.) But at least she is in a loving, Godly home, where she is with her two sisters, and close enough that we can visit her on a regular basis. That’s why it’s less trauma. Bitty Babe (Baby A’s new name) is doing extremely well, and now that I only have 1 babe to focus on, things have calmed down considerably. She is a sweet little thing, but is really struggling with her weaning process. She’s so much more rigid and spastic than Bright Eyes ever was. She is in pain the majority of the time, so if she’s awake, it’s rare that she’s not crying. I can’t wait till she is completely done with her wean so we can see what little girl will get to emerge. Bitty’s case is so up in the air at this point that we have no idea how long she will be with us. There is a lot of family involved, so it’s possible that someone could step up to take custody at any point, but that’s not the impression that I’m getting. Visits so far have not been consistent, so we’ll see how that develops. Hubby and I are a little more guarded with this placement because of the heartbreak that happened with Bright Eyes. We want to make sure we have all the information possible before we commit to any decision. For now, our job is to love Bitty as completely as we can so that we can give her the same opportunity to thrive as we did for Bright Eyes. Our baby girls have been amazing ambassadors for the need for foster parents. They both have attracted so much attention when we are out and it almost always results in at least one good conversation about the need for foster parents in our community. Unfortunately these conversations usually include the phrase/question that I have come to dread and despise. It comes out something like “Oh, I could never do that. How could you give them back?” Or “Doesn’t it just kill you when you have to give them back?” or, the worst of them all, “Oh, I couldn’t do that. I would just love them too much.” As if we don’t love them with all of our hearts. As if it is easy for us to send these babies on to whatever is in store for them. It’s called SACRIFICE, people! We love them completely so that we know that we didn’t hold anything back. We give them everything we have to give so that we never have to wonder “Did I do enough?” We give them the gift of a strong bond. The gift of knowing that they were loved and cherished. Not just safety, although that is critical, but nurturing. I’m not strong enough, but the love is not from me. I just pass it on. How could I knowingly chose to not do that? Okay. Venting over. Who knows what this next season will bring, but I definitely hoping for something better. Blessings! Hannah Leave a comment | | Tags: Being set apart, Bitty Babe, blogging, Bright Eyes, faith, foster care, parenting, the hard stuff, The SAHM Adventure Posted by Hannah Rae on Dec 17, 2011 in Life in the Stubborn house The Stubborn house has a new member. Thursday afternoon a worker from our agency called and said “I know you and [Hubby] wanted to take a break…” “But?” “But there’s a baby girl who needs a home. Would you be willing?” After a short discussion of the few details she knew, which wasn’t much, I told her the answer would most likely be “yes”, but I had to check with Hubby. So I did. The answer was yes. Baby A arrived at 2 o’clock Friday afternoon. She’s so tiny! She’s less than 3 weeks old, so much more “newborn” ish than Baby E was. She’s had a rough start as another victim of the ever popular “white r*sh” epidemic. She is so spastic and rigid that I couldn’t even straighten her arm to get her gown on. She’s not on phenob*rb like Baby E was, so I’m going to talk to our pediatrician about that when I take her in ASAP next week. It’s definitely a challenge with two infants who both need attention, often at the same times. Baby E heard me get up with Baby A at 5:30 this morning and decided that she wanted to join the party, so I sat her on the floor with a toy while I made two bottles (thankfully they use the same formula!), and then I held Baby A on my lap and had Baby E next to me lying on a pillow holding her bottle by herself. It’s so amazing to see the size and developmental differences between the two girls. Baby E is practically a toddler compared to the itsy bitsy Baby A. She is just so little. Anywho, my brain is sleep deprived and I am having trouble making sense, so since both babes are sleeping at the moment, I am going to head to bed. I will write more details very soon…maybe even tonight if someone gets rambunctious. Blessings! Hannah Leave a comment | | Tags: Being set apart, Bitty Babe, Bright Eyes, foster care, the hard stuff, The SAHM Adventure Posted by Hannah Rae on Dec 12, 2011 in Life in the Stubborn house It’s really started. Baby E is starting to transition to her new home. Her new family. I can type those things, but the words get stuck in my throat and I avoid them at all cost. I caught myself avoiding calling Miss C. Mom or Mama. I didn’t want to say it, because saying it would get me a little closer to the reality that I am never going to be that to this precious baby girl. Now, if you remember when we brought Baby E home we decided to refer to ourselves as Äiti and Isä, the Finnish words for Mom and Dad. This was mainly for Jeremiah’s benefit; later on we thought we were just being trendy and different, but we soon found out that it also was a way that we were attempting to protect our hearts. A disassociation barrier of sorts. I can still sort of pretend that I am just taking her to a babysitter. I might have to for a while, otherwise I just get too angry. Hubby will be going with me Wednesday when I go to pick her up. I hope this will help give him some peace. He’s really been struggling with this. The fact that she came home smelling like someone else’s house tonight just drove him nuts. No one is good enough for his little girl, and in his heart these people are taking her away from us. It’s so hard. I guess I feel that way too sometimes, but I can’t let myself go there. I have to fake being okay with this, otherwise I’m going to be more crushed than I already am. It’s hard because I really like this family. They are wonderful. They’re sweet, and gentle, and super helpful. They’re patient with us and they know how much we are hurting…well, as much as they could know. They love Jesus and will raise her up right. But they are not us. She is not the woman who rocked E for hours when E couldn’t stop screaming from the pain of the m*th withdrawals. He is not the man who stayed up till 3 AM because E decided she was hungry right before he was going to bed. She is not the woman who worked so meticulously on all the exercises the physical therapist prescribed, despite E’s fussing and crying because her legs and hips were just too tight. He is not the man who snuggled with E in his big chair reading books, because that would be “their thing”. They’re just not us. And we have to deal with the fact that although we are so blessed to know that we gave her a great start, and that she knows what love and security feels like because of us, she will not remember all those things above. She won’t remember my silly songs or Hubby’s silly voices. Unless we actively stay in her life, she won’t even remember our faces. That stabs me right in the mama heart. So this is my sacrifice? This is laying myself down? This is putting her above me? And I’m not even being asked to slit her throat. (That’s an Isaac reference BTW.) And now to quote Mother Therese…sort of… Lord, you told me you won’t give me more than I can handle, but right now I wish you didn’t trust me so much. Blessings! Hannah Leave a comment | | Tags: Being Real, Being set apart, Bright Eyes, foster care, the hard stuff Posted by Hannah Rae on Dec 8, 2011 in Life in the Stubborn house I’m sorry I’ve been quiet again. My heart is hurting and I want so badly to write about it, but I can’t. Everything is just to confidential and sensitive. Things are changing. Big time changing. Like…. I don’t know what God is doing, but I hope this season is coming to an end and the next is full of all kinds of joy….kind of changing. One thing that has my heart in a vice is that Baby E will be moving on after Christmas. We thought we might have the opportunity to make her ours forever, we fought for it, but it just wasn’t meant to be….apparently. The family she will be going to has her older two sisters as well, and they are an amazing family. They love Jesus, and they will raise her up in the right way. If I could pick a family to take care of my precious girl, they would be it….but they just aren’t us. Hubby is crushed. We both are. It comes in waves. Every time she smiles at us it makes it worse. It feels like our joy is leaving. Okay, Lord. I know. You want to be our joy. But this still hurts. Too much mourning in too little time. Too much loss. Too much change. So what’s next? The challenge for me is going to be to rest and wait and try not to jump into something to try to fill these holes I am feeling. The holes are in my identity. Who am I now? What am I here for? How do I wait effectively? How do I allow myself to be healed? How can Kaleb and I heal together? Lots of questions. No easy answers. So there you go. Be patient with me. Blessings! Hannah Leave a comment | | Tags: Being set apart, Bright Eyes, foster care, prayer, the hard stuff Posted by Hannah Rae on Nov 28, 2011 in Life in the Stubborn house It’s been tough. I failed at the thankfulness countdown. More trauma. The babe might be moved soon. Too soon. We are appealing the decision, but I have no confidence. Jeremiah’s situation is so up in the air. Where will he be? Who can help him? What role are we supposed to play? How much can our hearts handle? It’s been hard to be thankful because I’ve been so angry. Angry that we are having to go over yet another hurdle, and another. The past two years have been so hard and it’s just not letting up. We are asking a lot of questions that there just are not easy answers to. It’s hard to breathe. This weight that’s on my heart feels so overwhelming that it makes every breath a conscious effort. Every smile is a decision. My friend Eileen said it so well. “If it looks to you as if I don’t take something seriously enough because you cannot see the blood from my broken heart spilling out all over, ok, that’s good cause that would scare the kids. And maybe what you see is me standing on the rock of my faith – my incredible Father, Who is working things out in our lives. Or, maybe what you are seeing is some therapeutic dancing and singing because we are intentionally choosing not to live in the pain every. moment. You know they say you cannot judge a book by its cover… along those same lines – you cannot always see the brokenness of a life by looking at someones’ face. Imma gonna dance on – with you or without you, it’s ok, I have friends who get it.” But sometimes there are just too many unanswered “what if’s,” and sanity is just not possible. But I am choosing to be thankful. Choosing very carefully what attitudes I hold onto. The emotions and the feelings and the thoughts come like darts and hit at some very inconvenient and even inappropriate times, piercing me to the deepest parts of my…depths, but I choose what stays. Somehow, I’m going to have to choose to say “You give and take away, blessed be Your name.” Somehow. But be patient with me, and remind me gently, and if I yell at you and tell you to shut up, love me anyways, and then try again later. And keep praying for us, ‘cuz none of this makes any flippin’ sense. We need our suddenly. Blessings! Hannah Leave a comment | | Tags: Adoption, Being set apart, blogging, Bright Eyes, faith, foster care, marriage, parenting, prayer, RAD, the hard stuff Posted by Hannah Rae on Oct 27, 2011 in Life in the Stubborn house Well, I’ll get to that. I met my friend Lindsay at the Parenting in SPACE conference back in April, ya’ know, right before everything EXPLODED. We immediately clicked. I think our first conversation was about how our trauma kids smell….like, bad. We are both drama geeks, and we both love to laugh, even when it’s hard…especially when it’s hard. I trust her. She has become another amazing mommy mentor that I wish I could carry around in my back pocket. I really do trust her, but dangit (‘cuz I’m not good at swearing) do I ever want to smack her sometimes because she is so very good at challenging my heart when I’d rather not go “there”. She wrote this today. I don’t get it. It is not sinking in. Sure, I’ve learned a lot about myself, and I’ve let God use the trauma to root out and replace some major issues in my heart, so in that I am thankful, but I’m not thankful for the truama itself, I’m thankful for what God has used it to do, but I’d rather that He chose a different way. AND THEN Diana, who writes over here, dared to write this in the comments of Lindsay’s post: “THIS is why we keep going. THIS is why our children aren’t our greatest burden. THIS is why hurt kids don’t ruin our lives…but rather bless it with heaven’s richest blessing if we just allow ourselves to get down and get dirty and stop fighting this precious gift, a gift more priceless that rubies, that just happens to be wrapped in a ripped up, peed on, spit on, moldy old package.” I am not there yet. I still feel like one child in particular is a burden, or rather, not him, but what the trauma has turned him into. I don’t really know how to say that, and to admit it makes me feel so icky. I still feel like this kid came really close to ruining my life, and I don’t feel like I was blessed with heaven’s richest blessing through him. I’m not there yet. Will I ever be? Don’t know. Really, really don’t know. (See, you know I’ m frazzled when my grammar goes out the window.) But this is why I surround myself with people who “get” what this journey is like, what I am going through, what our family is going through, and what my kids are going through. I can trust them to show me what life CAN be, and that it won’t always be how I see it today. And some days, I hope I can be that for them, although I am definitely feeling like the baby in the group most of the time. But I’m learning. Blessings! Hannah Baby E had her 6 month appointment today and rockin’ all the doctor’s expectations. No one would know that this little wonder had such a rough start. Praise Jesus! Leave a comment | | Tags: Adoption, behavior challenges, Being set apart, blogging, Bright Eyes, faith, parenting, RAD, the hard stuff, The SAHM Adventure Posted by Hannah Rae on Oct 24, 2011 in Life in the Stubborn house One of my buttons, that is. This whole journey to get to know myself can be so interesting at times. I laugh sometimes when I get those “Ah ha!” moments about MYSELF! Anywho, I realized today that it pushes a major irratation button when people don’t trust my knowledge about child development or what is appropriate to expect from a child of a certain age, namely Baby E. One of the challenging things about doing foster care is that you are purposefully putting yourself and your family under a big-ass microscope. Everything you do and every decision you make can be put under scrutiny. You just have to get used to it. Thankfully, I am not typically a defensive person. In fact, Hubby says I am an excellent PR representative for this family, but something got my goat today. Basically, I felt like one of our workers was questioning my ability to work for Baby E’s best interest. The details aren’t important, but the feelings are, and they were real. I wanted to shout “I’ve got a Bachelor’s degree in this, Damnit!” Yeah, I’ve never sounded convincing when I swear. So we’ll go with “Dangit!” You see, not only do I have a passion for kids, babies especially, but I spent 4 years learning about best practice, how to advocate for children with special needs, and how to work with public agencies to access resources. I was one of the top students in my class, and dangit (see, that’s much more Hannah-ish) I’m good at what I do! I know what I know! All that to say, now that I know that I have this button, how am I going to respond to it next time it gets pushed? Should I respond? To myself, I know I should. There is an insecurity there that has popped up, and I need to know why, and see what God wants to do with it, and how He wants to fill it. Is it an infertility thing? Maybe. It could very well be tied to the fact that it is because I have not been able to bare a child of my own, I feel like I have to prove my right to be a mother. That, and, because we are foster parents, all the professional people that I seemingly DO have to prove myself to on a continual basis. I know that I have moments of bitterness where I don’t like the fact that I even have to deal with these things. I ask God a lot of hard questions then. I have no problem being very honest and brutal at times, with Him and myself. So this is where the reflection and ranting need to turn into healing, and getting to know who God has created me to be a little bit better. Ugh. Blessings! Hannah Leave a comment | | Tags: Being set apart, Bright Eyes, foster care, infertility, The SAHM Adventure Posted by Hannah Rae on Oct 21, 2011 in Laughter Lives Tuesday I’m finally starting to feel like the real me. It is my theory that when you are living in trauma for a really long time, especially when you are required to have extreme self-awareness and self-control during that extended trauma, you start to lose sight of who you really are, because it all becomes a pretending game (AKA “fake it till you make it”). When I went to the amazing Parenting in SPACE conference back in April, ya’ know, right before my life as I knew it collapsed, I conferred with a number of trauma mamas who turned out to also have a background in theater. It’s a good skill to have, to be able to smile and speak calmly when most “normal” people would be frothing at the mouth. But that skill comes with a curse of possibly losing sight of how you truly feel, or even HOW to feel. Anywho, the continual trauma, at least within this household, has been greatly reduced recently. J will finally be getting the help he needs, which means he is not here, which means both we and he are safer, which means less trauma, hopefully, for all involved. With less trauma here, plus the addition of a darn cute baby girl, of whom I am unfortunately not able to write a whole lot about, I am healing. With that healing comes a rediscovery of who this now 27-year-old Hannah Rae person is. Even my sweet hubby has remarked a number of times that he’s starting to see “me” again. So here’s what I’ve discovered so far: - I love being Aiti (Mommy in Finnish) to a precious little girl. Her eyes make mine cry with happiness, and her laugh makes anything worth while. I could breathe her in all day (who knew?). And instead of dreading the morning hours, I look forward to getting to see her again, and miss her when she is sleeping. - I love to cook and challenge myself to learn new culinary skills. Now, I’ve known for a long time that I am a good cook, but recently I’ve rediscovered the JOY of being good at making quality, tasty food for those I love. It makes me smile when I get hose MMmmm’s and Yums, especially from my hungry FIL. - I don’t mind doing dishes. This was a HUGE discovery, because for YEARS I’ve loathed nothing more. It doesn’t help that we live in house that was built by tiny Finnish people, which means that Hubby (6’5″) and myself (6’1″) have suffered many a backache scrubbing those daily dishes. Well, whether by excessive back exercise, (my fellow trauma mamas may be able to relate) or by sheer will, I can now gleefully do the dishes while I am entertained by “The Cosby Show” or “M*A*S*H” DVD’s that my sweet hubby has blessed me with. I joked with him the other day that he didn’t know that getting me those series as birthday gifts would make his house cleaner, did he? He replied with “What other series would you like, dear?” I think he’s just concerned that Juji is learning the theme songs a little too well. - I love to laugh and be silly. Okay, I knew this about myself already, but I had forgotten HOW. I had forgotten that it is not only okay, but entirely necessary to be ridiculously silly and let down all guards to just laugh. Now, I did a lot of being silly to help my sons heal, especially during stressful times, but it was an act. I did not enjoy it. It was work. Now, my sister and I can laugh about the silliest of things, just because we want to. Sure, I go through more pairs of underwear, but it is so worth it. - I am a romantic. Again, I knew this already, but it is such a joy to rediscover this part of myself as my beloved and I get to know each other again and draw closer to each other as friends and lovers during this time of stress and healing. Yes, it is possible for those two entities to coexist. So this journey takes its twist and turns, far more than I expected to have by this point in my life, but I am starting to see how my Heavenly Father uses them to build true character. I definitely do not like the refiner’s fire at times, but as this new anthem of mine says, He makes all things new….and beautiful. Blessings! Hannah WHOOHOO! Day 2 of successful blogging consistency! And I came up with this one all on my own! Leave a comment | | Tags: behavior challenges, Being set apart, Bright Eyes, faith, marriage, RAD, the hard stuff
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Posted by Hannah Rae ar 23 Iúil, 2012 i Saol sa teach stubborn 'Gá le míreanna Cuz chumhacht inchinn i bhfad ró. - Bhí mé ag obair ar an bpost í gur deas tú a thabhairt isteach le mo Boy Busy álainn ar bhealach níos doimhne, ach díreach mar a bhí mé ag déanamh go, literally mar a bhí clóscríobh mé é, fuair muid le glao ag 11:30 a ghlacadh socrúchán éigeandála beirt chailíní, le 16 bliain d'aois, agus a beirt bliain d'aois deirfiúr beag. Dúirt muid tá a socrúchán sealadach. Go raibh mí ó shin. Tá an post ag fáil níos gaire a thabhairt chun críche, ach amháin nach "ann" go fóill. - Tá Life with dhá dhá bhliain d'aois ar eachtra. - Na codanna is fearr a bhfuil dhá bhliain d'aois in aghaidh na míosa ar leith go bhfuil siad siamsaíocht a chur ar a chéile, gach ceann eile cuideachta taitneamh a bhaint as, dom siamsaíocht a chur lena n-antics, agus ag foghlaim gach cineál rudaí spraoi le chéile. - Na codanna is measa a bhfuil dhá bhliain d'aois in aghaidh na míosa ar leith é a mhúineadh siad a chéile ní-sin-spraoi nósanna, mbaineann siad taitneamh as screadaíl ar a chéile, go leor, ach le haghaidh spraoi, agus leis an Chomh maith lenár 8 mí d'aois, tá sé i ndáiríre deacair a fháil ar aon chores nó siopadóireacht a dhéanamh go héifeachtach. - Na codanna is fearr ar a bhfuil 16 bliain d'aois sa teach ag fáil an deis a mhúineadh scileanna saoil tábhachtach, a spreagadh di go bhfuil sí ina duine ann ar féidir leo a roghanna a dhéanamh go maith, agus mo theach ag dul i ndáiríre glan nuair nach bhfuil sí a dhéanamh go maith den sórt sin roghanna. - Tá an chuid is measa ar a bhfuil 16 bliain d'aois nach raibh múineadh scileanna saoil go leor cuí sa teach a dhéanann sé uaireanta is cosúil sé cosúil ní mór dúinn 3 leanaí óga. - Bhraith mé an-scoite amach an mhí seo. Idir cuairteanna do na cailíní, teiripí, agus ceapacháin eile, ní raibh mé in ann a chaitheamh i bhfad ar aon am cáilíochta le cairde an mhí seo. Ní raibh muid a fháil fiú aon ní a dhéanamh ar ár chomóradh. Beidh na cailíní ach anseo le haghaidh eile na seachtaine, agus ansin tá mé ag súil gur féidir rudaí a réiteach síos i sceideal níos praiticiúla. Ugh! - Tá sláinte Bitty s streachailt. Táimid ag a bhfuil saincheisteanna cógas, ach buíochas le Dia ní mór dúinn a pediatrician iontach atá ag obair an-deacair a dhéanamh cinnte go Bitty fhásann isteach an cailín healthiest is féidir léi a bheith. - Anois go atá againn fuair roinnt de na rudaí Med faoi smacht, chinn Bitty bhí sé in am chun TÚS crawling! Tá sí i ngach áit! Is cloch mhíle riamh go bhfuair muid chun taithí le Súile Bright, mar gheall ar cé go bhog sí ar a baile nua nuair a bhí sí thart ar 9 mí d'aois, ní raibh sí tús crawling till a bhí sí beagnach bliain d'aois. Bitty i ndáiríre an chéad leanbh mé gotten chun taithí cloch mhíle seo leis, agus go bhfuil speisialta sin incredibly dom. - Cé go bhfuil a fhorbairt mótair i gcónaí chun tosaigh ar an gcuar, tá Bitty roinnt riachtanais speisialta leanúnach mar thoradh ar na substaintí a bhí faoi lé sí i Utero. Ceann de na ceisteanna is go bhfuil sí ina kid an-céadfach-íogair. Startles sí i ndáiríre go héasca, agus faigheann ró-spreagadh gan rabhadh. Tá sí freisin go dtrioblóid ag tosú le bianna soladach. Ní bheidh sí ar oscailt a béal a ithe amach ar spúnóg, agus más rud é is féidir liom a bhainistiú a roinnt i ann, gags sí a fháil go dtí an pointe caitheamh suas chomh luath agus a bhuaileann sé an cúl a scornach. Beidh sí, áfach, a ithe scáinteoir Graham, cé go gcríochnaíonn an chuid is mó de sé suas ar a aghaidh agus cófra. Táimid tar éis an OT ag teacht amach an tseachtain seo chun cuidiú linn aghaidh a thabhairt ar na saincheisteanna seo, atá ag éirí níos níos mó de imní anois go bhfuil sí chomh soghluaiste. Foirmle ina n-aonar nach bhfuil a ghearradh ach é níos mó. - Mar a luaigh mé ar feadh tamaill níos luaithe, Hubby agus a rith mé díreach tar éis bliain ar an 11ú. Crazy. An bhliain seo caite nach raibh againn a fháil chun ceiliúradh a dhéanamh toisc go raibh muid i lár ár n-cath le Jeremiah. I mbliana, ní raibh an iomarca ag dul ar aghaidh leis an ár bardaí atá ann faoi láthair. Is é mo lá breithe ag teacht suas an deireadh seachtaine seo, agus tá mé ag súil go Hubby agus beidh mé in ann a etch am éigin amach do gach ceann eile. Mhothaíonn sé gur deacair a breathe uaireanta le gach a bhfuil ar siúl, agus i mí Lúnasa ag dul a bheith NUTS! A Thiarna Íosa, déan trócaire! - Gabe tháinig abhaile chun cuairt a thabhairt an deireadh seachtaine seo don chéad uair i níos mó ná bliain! Bhí sé iontach! Ní raibh absolutley aon awkwardness. Mé díreach tar éis taitneamh as am a chaitheamh le mo mhac. Plus, bhí sé Super cool a fheiceáil banna Boy Busy agus Bitty. Fuair mé roinnt pictiúir mór de mo 19 bliain d'aois a shealbhú agus ag súgradh le mo littles. Téite sé mo chroí sin i bhfad. Níl sé i gcónaí ag déanamh na roghanna is fearr, ach tá ár gcaidreamh a athchóiriú, agus go bhfuil níos mó ná súil agam ar feadh bliana ó shin. Plus, bhí sé i ndáiríre greannmhar ag breathnú air féachaint orm smacht na 16 bliana d'aois. Dúirt sé go raibh sé beagnach chun dul isteach sa chistin agus a "Tá sé ní hamháin fiú é!" Hehehe insint. Wonderful. Maith go leor, is dóigh liom go glanta mo inchinn amach roinnt cobwebs anois. Beannachtaí! Hannah Fág nóta tráchta | | Tags: dúshláin iompar , Bheith Real , Bheith atá leagtha amach , Bitty Babe , blogging , Súile geal , Boy Busy , cúram altrama , tuismitheoireachta , An Eachtraíochta SAHM Posted by Hannah Rae ar 9 Eanáir, 2012 i Saol sa teach stubborn Níl mé ag dul a dhéanamh ar phost achoimre 2011. Nach bhfuil ag dul a dhéanamh air. Cén fáth? Oh, mar gheall ar 2011 sucked! Ceart suas go dtí an deireadh. Agus ní ba mhaith liom a bheith in ann a roinnt go mór faoi cén fáth sucked sé, mar sin tá sé ní hamháin fiú é. 2012 Tá tús curtha amach le tráma beagán níos lú, mar gheall go raibh muid ach amháin maidir le beannacht a rá le Súile geal (ainm nua Babaí E, bhí an cuz 'rud ar fad tosaigh ag éirí ró-mearbhaill.) Ach ar a laghad go bhfuil sí i dteach, grámhar Godly, i gcás ina Tá sí lena beirt deirfiúracha, agus gar go leor gur féidir linn cuairt a thabhairt uirthi ar bhonn rialta. Sin an fáth tá sé tráma lú. Bitty Babe (ainm nua Babaí A san áireamh) ag déanamh go han-mhaith, agus anois go bhfuil mé ach 1 leanbh chun díriú ar, tá rudaí calmed síos go mór. Tá sí ina rud milis beag, ach tá ag streachailt i ndáiríre lena bpróiseas bhaint den chíoch. Tá sí i bhfad níos mó docht agus spastic ná Súile Bright riamh. Tá sí i bpian an chuid is mó den am, mar sin má tá sí awake, tá sé annamh go nach bhfuil sí ag gol. Ní féidir liom fanacht go dtí go bhfuil sí déanta go hiomlán lena wean ionas gur féidir linn a fheiceáil cad a bheidh cailín beag a fháil chun cinn. Is cás Bitty ionas suas san aer ag an bpointe seo nach bhfuil aon smaoineamh cá fhad a bheidh sí le linn. Tá a lán de na teaghlaigh i gceist, mar sin tá sé indéanta go bhféadfadh duine éigin céim suas faoi choimeád a ghlacadh ag aon phointe, ach ní go bhfuil an tuiscint go bhfuil mé ag fáil. Cuairteanna go dtí seo níor bheith comhsheasmhach, mar sin beidh orainn a fheiceáil conas a fhorbraíonn go. Tá Hubby agus mé beagán níos mó cosanta leis an socrúchán mar gheall ar an briseadh croí a tharla le Súile geal. Is mian linn a dhéanamh cinnte go bhfuil muid an fhaisnéis go léir is féidir sula geallaimid aon chinneadh. Chun anois, is é ár post chun grá Bitty chomh hiomlán agus is féidir linn ionas gur féidir linn a thabhairt di an deis chéanna a rathú mar a rinne muid le haghaidh Súile geal. Ár cailíní leanbh bhí ambasadóirí iontach an ngá atá le tuismitheoirí altrama. Bheirt acu a bheith idir lámha aird an oiread sin nuair a bhíonn muid amach agus torthaí sé beagnach i gcónaí i amháin ar a laghad comhrá maith mar gheall ar an ngá atá le tuismitheoirí altrama inár bpobal. Ar an drochuair, tá na comhráite de ghnáth ar an frása / ceist go bhfuil mé teacht ar dread agus ghrain. Tagann sé amach rud éigin cosúil le "Ó, ní raibh mé in ann é sin a dhéanamh. Conas is féidir leat a thabhairt dóibh ar ais? "Nó" Ní gcuireann sé tú a mharú ach nuair a bhfuil tú a thabhairt dóibh ar ais? "Nó, an ceann is measa ar fad," Oh, ní raibh mé in ann é sin a dhéanamh. Ba mhaith liom grá ach iad iomarca. " Mar más rud é nach bhfuil muid grá dóibh le gach ceann dár gcroíthe. Mar más rud é go bhfuil sé éasca dúinn a sheoladh ar na leanaí ar aghaidh go dtí cuma cad é i ndán dóibh. Sé ar a dtugtar íobairt, daoine! Is breá linn dóibh go hiomlán ionas go mbeidh a fhios againn nach raibh muid a shealbhú rud ar bith ar ais. Tugaimid dóibh gach a bhfuil againn a thabhairt ionas riamh go mór dúinn a Wonder "An bhfaca a dhéanfaidh mé go leor?" Táimid a thabhairt dóibh an bronntanas le bannaí láidir. An bronntanas a fhios agam go raibh grá acu agus chothaímid. Ní sábháilteachta ach, cé go bhfuil go criticiúil, ach a chothú. Níl mé láidir go leor, ach nach bhfuil an grá uaim. Mé pas ach é a chur ar. Conas is féidir roghnaigh mé feasach go dtí méid nach é sin a dhéanamh? Maith go leor. Scaoilte os a chionn. Cé a fhios cad a bheidh an séasúr seo chugainn a thabhairt, ach súil agam cinnte as rud éigin níos fearr. Beannachtaí! Hannah Fág nóta tráchta | | Tags: Bheith a leagtar amach , Bitty Babe , blogging , Súile geal , creideamh , cúram altrama , tuismitheoireachta , an stuif crua , An Eachtraíochta SAHM Posted by Hannah Rae ar 17 Nollaig, 2011 i Saol sa teach stubborn Tá an teach stubborn ina bhall nua. Déardaoin iarnóin ar a dtugtar oibrí as ár gníomhaireachta agus dúirt "Tá a fhios agam ort agus [Hubby] ag iarraidh a ghlacadh sos ..." "Ach níl a cailín leanbh a riachtanais sa bhaile. Ar mhaith leat a bheith sásta? " Tar éis plé gearr ar an roinnt sonraí a fhios aici, nach raibh i bhfad, dúirt mé léi go mbeadh an freagra is dóichí ná a bheith "tá", ach bhí mé a sheiceáil leis Hubby. Mar sin, rinne mé. An freagra a bhí yes. Leanbh A tháinig ar tráthnóna 02:00 Aoine. Tá sí chomh beag bídeach! Tá sí níos lú ná 3 seachtaine d'aois, mar sin i bhfad níos mó "nuabheirthe" ish ná mar a bhí Babaí E. Tá sí go raibh tús garbh mar eile íospartach an tóir a bhí riamh "bán r * sh" eipidéim. Tá sí mar sin spastic agus docht nach raibh mé in straighten fiú a lámh a fháil ar a gúna ar. Níl sí ar phenob * rb cosúil le leanbh E a bhí, mar sin tá mé ag dul chun labhairt ar ár pediatrician faoi sin nuair a Rachaimid chun Niúir i ASAP an tseachtain seo chugainn. Tá sé cinnte dúshlán le dhá naíonáin a aird riachtanas araon, go minic ag an am céanna. Leanbh E chuala mé a fháil ar suas le leanbh A ag 5:30 ar maidin agus chinn siad go raibh sí ag iarraidh a bheith ar an bpáirtí, agus mar sin shuigh mé léi ar an urlár le bréagán agus rinne mé dhá bhuidéal (thankfully siad úsáid as an fhoirmle céanna!), agus ansin bhí mé leanbh A ar mo lap agus go raibh E Babaí atá suite in aice leis dom ar pillow a shealbhú buidéal ag í féin. Tá sé chomh iontach a fheiceáil ar an méid agus difríochtaí forbartha idir an dá cailíní. Babaí E beagnach tachrán i gcomparáid leis an bitsy itsy Babaí A. Tá sí ach beag sin. Anywho, tá mo inchinn codlata dhíothacha agus tá mé ag dtrioblóid ciall, mar sin ós rud é go bhfuil an dá babes codlata i láthair na huaire, tá mé ag dul a bheith mar cheannasaí a chodladh. Beidh mé ag scríobh níos mó sonraí go han-luath ... b'fhéidir fiú amháin más rud anocht fhaigheann duine éigin rambunctious. Beannachtaí! Hannah Fág nóta tráchta | | Tags: Bheith a leagtar amach , Bitty Babe , Súile geal , cúram altrama , an stuif crua , An Eachtraíochta SAHM Posted by Hannah Rae ar 12 Nollaig, 2011 i Saol sa teach stubborn Tá sé seo tús i ndáiríre. Leanbh E tá sé ag tosú a aistriú go dtí a teach nua. Bhí a teaghlach nua. Is féidir liom cineál na rudaí sin, ach na focail a fháil i bhfostú i mo scornach agus mé iad a sheachaint ar gach costas. Rug mé a sheachaint féin ag glaoch Miss C. Mam nó Mama. Ní raibh mé ag iarraidh a rá é, mar gheall ar ag rá go mbeadh sé a fháil dom beagán níos gaire don réaltacht riamh go bhfuil mé ag dul a bheith go dtí an cailín leanbh lómhara. Anois, más cuimhin leat nuair a thug muid Babaí E bhaile shocraigh muid chun tagairt a dhéanamh dúinn féin mar Äiti agus Isa, na focail Fionlainne do Mam agus Daid. Bhí sé seo go príomha le haghaidh sochar Jeremiah ar; ina dhiaidh sin ar cheap muid bhí muid a bheith díreach trendy agus éagsúil, ach fuair muid go luath amach go raibh sé freisin ar bhealach a bhí ag iarraidh muid a chosaint ar ár gcroí. A bacainn disassociation de shaghas. Is féidir liom a shórtáil fós de ligean go bhfuil mé ag cur ach í a babysitter. D'fhéadfadh liom go bhfuil ar feadh tamaill, ar shlí eile liom a fháil ach freisin feargach. Beidh Hubby a bheith ag dul le liom Dé Céadaoin nuair a théann mé a phiocadh suas í. Tá súil agam go gcabhróidh sé seo a thabhairt dó roinnt síochána. Sé i ndáiríre ag streachailt leis seo. Ós rud é gur tháinig sí abhaile smelling cosúil le teach anocht duine eile thiomáin díreach dó cnónna. Níl aon duine maith go leor chun a cailín beag, agus ina chroí tá na daoine ag cur sí ar shiúl ó dúinn. Tá sé chomh crua. Buille faoi thuairim mé is dóigh liom go bhealach ró-uaireanta, ach ní féidir liom a ligean mé féin dul ann. Caithfidh mé a bheith ceart go leor falsa leis seo, ar shlí eile tá mé ag dul a bheith níos brúite ná mé cheana féin. Tá sé deacair mar gheall ar mhaith liom i ndáiríre an teaghlaigh seo. Tá siad iontach. Tá siad milis, agus mhín, agus Super cabhrach. Tá siad othar le linn agus tá a fhios acu cé mhéid a bhfuil muid ag hurting ... go maith, an oiread agus is d'fhéadfadh siad a fhios. Is breá leo Íosa agus beidh ardú suas í ceart. Ach nach bhfuil siad dúinn. Nach bhfuil sí an bhean a rocked E le haghaidh uaireanta nuair nach bhféadfadh E stop screadaíl as an pian an aistarraingtí ú * m. Nach bhfuil sé an fear a d'fhan suas go dtí 3:00 toisc chinn E bhí sí ocras ceart sula raibh sé ag dul a chodladh. Nach bhfuil sí an bhean a bhí ag obair mar sin cúramach ar na cleachtaí an teiripeoir fisiciúil forordaithe, in ainneoin fussing E agus ag caoineadh toisc go raibh a cosa agus cromáin díreach daingean freisin. Nach bhfuil sé an fear a snuggled le E ina leabhar cathaoir mór léamh, mar a bheadh "a n-rud". Siad nach bhfuil ach dúinn. Agus ní mór dúinn chun déileáil leis an bhfíric go cé go bhfuil muid chomh beannaithe go mbeadh a fhios gur thug muid í tús iontach, agus go bhfuil a fhios aici cad grá agus mothaíonn slándála mar gheall ar linn, ní bheidh sí cuimhin rudaí sin go léir thuas. Ní bheidh sí ag cuimhneamh ar mo amhrán amaideach nó Hubby le guthanna amaideach. Mura linn fanacht go gníomhach i rith a saoil, ní bheidh sí cuimhin fiú ár n-aghaidh. Sin stabs mé ceart i gcroílár mama. Mar sin, is é seo mo íobairt? Tá sé seo ag leagan síos mé féin? Tá sé seo ag cur léi thuas dom? Agus ní mé ag iarraidh ar fiú a scoilt a scornach. (Sin an tagairt BTW Isaac.) Agus anois a lua Therese Máthair ... saghas ... A Thiarna, inis tú dom ní bheidh tú a thabhairt dom níos mó ná is féidir liom a láimhseáil, ach anois ba mhaith liom nach raibh tú muinín dom an oiread sin. Beannachtaí! Hannah Fág nóta tráchta | | Tags: Bheith Real , Bheith atá leagtha amach , Súile geal , cúram altrama , an stuif crua Posted by Hannah Rae ar 8 Nollaig, 2011 i Saol sa teach stubborn Tá mé leithscéal tá mé ciúin arís. Is é mo chroí hurting agus ba mhaith liom chomh híseal a scríobh faoi, ach ní féidir liom. Tá gach rud díreach tar éis a rúnda agus íogair. Tá rudaí ag athrú. Am mór ag athrú. Cosúil .... Níl a fhios agam cad é Dia a dhéanamh, ach tá súil agam go bhfuil an séasúr seo ag teacht chun deiridh agus an chéad cheann eile atá lán de gach cineál an-áthas .... chineál atá ag athrú. Rud amháin go bhfuil mo chroí i versa go mbeidh E leanbh ag bogadh ar aghaidh tar éis na Nollag. Shíl muid d'fhéadfadh muid go mbeadh an deis a dhéanamh linne í go deo, throid muid chun é, ach ní raibh i gceist ach a bheith .... réir dealraimh. Tá an teaghlach beidh sí ag dul go dtí a beirt deirfiúracha níos sine chomh maith, agus go bhfuil siad teaghlach iontach. Is breá leo Íosa, agus beidh siad a ardú suas í ar an mbealach ceart. Má raibh mé in ann Pioc teaghlaigh chun aire a thabhairt do mo chailín lómhara, bheadh siad go mbeadh sé .... ach tá siad nach bhfuil ach linn. Hubby bhfuil brúite. Táimid an dá. Tagann sé i dtonnta. Gach uair a smiles sí ag dúinn a dhéanann sé níos measa é. Measann sé cosúil go bhfuil ár n-áthas a fhágáil. Maith go leor, a Thiarna. Tá a fhios agam. Mian leat a bheith ár n-áthas. Ach nimhneach seo go fóill. Iomarca caoineadh i bhfad i am ró-beag. Caillteanas iomarca. Iomarca a athrú i bhfad. Mar sin, cad eile? Is é an dúshlán dom dul a bheith chun sosa agus fanacht agus déan iarracht gan a léim isteach rud éigin chun iarracht a dhéanamh a líonadh na poill Tá mé ag mothú. Is iad na poill i mo aitheantais. Cé mise anois? Cad Tá mé anseo? Conas is féidir liom fanacht go héifeachtach? Conas is féidir liom a cheadú mé féin a bheith healed? Conas is féidir Kaleb agus mé leigheas le chéile? Go leor de na ceisteanna. Níl aon freagraí éasca. Mar sin, ní théann tú. Bí othar le liom. Beannachtaí! Hannah Fág nóta tráchta | | Tags: Bheith a leagtar amach , Súile geal , cúram altrama , paidir , an stuif crua Posted by Hannah Rae ar 28 Samhain, 2011 i Saol sa teach stubborn Baineann sé le bheith diana. Theip mé ag an comhaireamh síos buíochas. Tráma Tuilleadh. D'fhéadfadh an leanbh a bhogadh go luath. Ró-luath. Táimid ag a bhfuil achomharc ar an gcinneadh, ach tá mé aon muinín. Is staid Jeremiah ionas suas san aer. Cá sé? Cé is féidir cabhrú leis? Cén ról atá ceaptha againn a imirt? Cé mhéad is féidir ár gcroí a láimhseáil? Baineann sé le bheith deacair a bheith buíoch mar tá mé a bheith chomh feargach. Angry go bhfuil muid ag dul thar eile fós hurdle, agus eile. Le dhá bhliain anuas bhí chomh crua agus é a ligean ar cíos gan ach suas. Táimid ag iarraidh a lán de na ceisteanna go bhfuil nach bhfuil ach éasca le freagraí. Tá sé deacair a breathe. Measann an meáchan go bhfuil ar mo chroí go mór go ndéanann sé gach anáil iarracht chomhfhiosach. Tá gach aoibh gháire ar chinneadh. Mo chara Eileen Dúirt sé chomh maith. "Má tá sé a thabhairt duit mar mura bhfuil mé in ann rud éigin dáiríre go leor toisc nach féidir leat a fheiceáil na fola ó mo chroí briste spilling amach ar fud, ceart go leor, go bhfuil cúis mhaith a bheadh scare na páistí. Agus b'fhéidir go bhfuil an méid a fheiceann tú mise I mo sheasamh ar an gcarraig mo chreideamh - Athair Is dochreidte, Cé atá rudaí a oibriú amach inár saol. Nó, b'fhéidir cad tá tú ag feiceáil go bhfuil roinnt damhsa agus amhránaíocht teiripeacha mar go bhfuil muid ag roghnú d'aon ghnó nach chun cónaí sa pian gach. faoi láthair. Tá a fhios agat a deir siad nach féidir leat breitheamh ar leabhar a chlúdach ... feadh na línte céanna - ní féidir leat a fheiceáil i gcónaí ar an brokenness ar an saol trí bhreathnú ar aghaidh someones '. IMMA gonna damhsa ar - a bhfuil tú nó gan tú, tá sé ceart go leor, tá mé cairde a fháil ". Ach uaireanta nach bhfuil ach an iomarca unanswered "cad má tá," agus sanity é ní hamháin is féidir. Ach tá mé ag roghnú a bheith buíoch. Roghnú go cúramach cad dearcadh a shealbhú mé isteach. Na mothúcháin agus na mothúcháin agus na smaointe a thagann mhaith dairteanna agus bhuail ag roinnt uaireanta an-deacair agus fiú míchuí, pholladh dom ar na codanna is doimhne de mo ... doimhneacht, ach roghnaigh mé cad a fhanann. Ar bhealach, tá mé ag dul go bhfuil a roghnú a rá "Tá tú thabhairt agus a ghlacadh ar shiúl, a bheith bheannaigh d'ainm." Ar bhealach. A bheith Ach othar liom, agus mé i gcuimhne go réidh, agus má yell ag tú agus tú ag insint go stoptar suas, grá anyways liom, agus ansin déan iarracht arís ar ball. Agus a choinneáil ag guí dúinn, 'a dhéanann cuz aon cheann de seo ar aon Flippin' ciall. Ní mór dúinn ár n-tobann. Beannachtaí! Hannah Fág nóta tráchta | | Tags: Uchtála , Bheith atá leagtha amach , blogging , Súile geal , creideamh , cúram altrama , pósadh , tuismitheoireachta , paidir , RAD , an stuif crua Posted by Hannah Rae ar 27 Deireadh Fómhair, 2011 i Saol sa teach stubborn Bhuel, beidh mé a fháil chun go. Bhuail mé le mo chara Lindsay ag an Tuismitheoireachta i gcomhdháil ar ais SPÁS i mí Aibreáin, 'ya a fhios, ceart roimh gach rud a phléasc. Chliceáil againn láithreach. I mo thuairimse, ár gcomhrá chéad faoi conas boladh ár gcuid páistí tráma .... mhaith, dona. Tá muid an dá geeks drámaíocht, agus muid araon breá le gáire, fiú nuair a tá sé deacair ... go háirithe nuair atá sé deacair. Tá súil agam léi. Tá sí ag éirí eile meantóir mam iontach gur mian liom raibh mé in ann a dhéanamh timpeall i mo phóca ar ais. Is féidir liom i ndáiríre muinín aici, ach dangit ('cuz Níl mé go maith ag eascainí) ar mhaith liom riamh a smack di uaireanta toisc go bhfuil sí chomh maith an-dúshlánach ag mo chroí nuair b'fhearr liom gan dul in áit "ann". Sí Scríobh an lá atá inniu ann. Ní féidir liom é a fháil. Níl go tóin poill isteach Cinnte, tá mé ag foghlaim go leor faoi féin, agus mé in iúl Dia a bhaint as an tráma a root amach agus roinnt ceisteanna tábhachtacha in áit i mo chroí, mar sin sa mhéid is go bhfuil mé buíoch, ach níl mé buíoch as an truama féin, tá mé buíoch as an méid atá Dia a úsáidtear é a dhéanamh, ach B'fhearr liom gur roghnaigh sé ar bhealach difriúil. AGUS ANSIN Diana, a scríobhann thar anseo dared, a scríobh i tuairimí an phoist Lindsay ar: "Is é SEO cén fáth a choinneáil orainn ag dul. SEO é an fáth nach bhfuil ár bpáistí ár n-ualach is mó. SEO é an fáth nach bhfuil na páistí ghortú ruin ár saol ... ach bless sé le neamh s beannacht is saibhre má táimid a cheadú ach sinn féin a fháil síos agus a fháil salach agus stop troid an bronntanas lómhara, le bronntanas níos priceless go rubies, a tharlaíonn go díreach a bheith fillte i sracadh suas, peed ar, spit ar, pacáiste d'aois moldy. " Níl mé ann go fóill. Is dóigh liom fós mar go bhfuil leanbh amháin go háirithe, a nach bhfuil ualach, nó in áit, dó, ach cad tá an tráma iompú isteach dó. Níl a fhios agam i ndáiríre conas a rá go bhfuil, agus a admháil a dhéanann sé bhraitheann orm mar sin icky. Is dóigh liom fós mar a tháinig an kid i ndáiríre gar do ruining mo shaol, agus ní féidir liom gur mhaith leat a bhí bheannaigh mé le beannacht is saibhre ar neamh ar tríd. Níl mé ann go fóill. Beidh mé riamh? Níl a fhios agam. Really, i ndáiríre nach bhfuil a fhios. (Féach, tá a fhios agat Tá mé toin nuair a théann mo gramadach amach an fhuinneog.) Ach é sin an fáth timpeall mé féin le daoine a "a fháil" cad é an turas cosúil le, cad tá mé ag dul tríd, a bhfuil ár teaghlaigh ag dul tríd, agus cad mo chuid páistí ag dul tríd. Is féidir liom muinín leo a thaispeáint dom cad FÉIDIR saol a bheith, agus nach mbeidh sé i gcónaí conas a fheictear domsa é sa lá atá inniu. Agus roinnt laethanta, tá súil agam gur féidir liom a bheith go dóibh, cé go bhfuil mé ag mothú cinnte cosúil leis an leanbh sa ghrúpa is mó den am. Ach tá mé ag foghlaim. Beannachtaí! Hannah ps Babaí E Bhí a ceapachán 6 mhí lá atá inniu ann agus rockin 'uile an dochtúra ionchais. Bheadh aon duine a fhios go raibh an Wonder beag den sórt sin tús garbh. Moladh Íosa! Fág nóta tráchta | | Tags: Uchtála , dúshláin iompar , Bheith atá leagtha amach , blogging , Súile geal , creideamh , tuismitheoireachta , RAD , an stuif crua , An Eachtraíochta SAHM Posted by Hannah Rae ar 24 Deireadh Fómhair, 2011 i Saol sa teach stubborn Ceann de mo cnaipí, is é sin. An turas ar fad a fháil a fhios is féidir mé féin a bheith chomh suimiúil ag amanna. Gáire mé uaireanta nuair a rachaidh mé na "Ah ha!" Chuimhneacháin fúm féin! Anywho, shíl mé inniu go pushes sé an cnaipe irratation mór nuair nach bhfuil daoine muinín mo chuid eolais faoi fhorbairt an linbh nó a bhfuil oiriúnach a bheith ag súil ó leanbh de aois áirithe, eadhon Babaí E. Ceann de na rudaí dúshlánach faoi chúram altrama a dhéanamh go bhfuil tú a chur purposefully tú féin agus do theaghlach faoin micreascóp mór-asal. Is féidir gach rud a dhéanann tú, agus gach cinneadh a dhéanann tú a chur faoi scrúdú. Tá tú ach a fháil a úsáidtear chun é. Thankfully, níl mé de ghnáth le duine cosanta. Go deimhin, a deir Hubby mé den scoth PR ionadaí don teaghlach, ach rud éigin a fuair mo gabhar lá atá inniu ann. Go bunúsach, bhraith mé cosúil le ceann amháin de na ár n-oibrithe a bhí ag ceistiú mo chumas a bheith ag obair le haghaidh úis is fearr a leanbh E. Níl na sonraí tábhachtach, ach na mothúcháin go bhfuil, agus bhí siad fíor. Bhí mé a shout "Tá mé céim Baitsiléir i seo, Damnit!" Yeah, riamh mé sounded áititheach nuair I swear. Mar sin, beidh muid ag dul le "Dangit!" Féach tú, ní hamháin dóigh liom go bhfuil paisean do na páistí, leanaí go háirithe, ach chaith mé 4 bliana foghlaim faoi chleachtas is fearr, conas a mholadh le haghaidh leanaí le riachtanais speisialta, agus conas a bheith ag obair le gníomhaireachtaí poiblí chun acmhainní a rochtain. Bhí mé ar cheann de na mic léinn is fearr i mo rang, agus dangit (féach, go bhfuil i bhfad níos mó Hannah-ish) Tá mé go maith ar cad a dhéanann mé! Tá a fhios agam cad a fhios agam! Gach sin le rá, anois go bhfuil a fhios agam go bhfuil mé an cnaipe seo, conas tá mé ag dul chun freagra a thabhairt air an chéad uair eile go bhfaigheann sé bhrú? Ar cheart dom freagra a thabhairt? Chun mé féin, tá a fhios agam ba chóir dom. Tá easpa sábháilteachta an tsoláthair ann go bhfuil popped suas, agus is gá dom a fhios cén fáth, agus féach cad ba mhaith Dia a dhéanamh leis é, agus conas sé ag iarraidh é a líonadh. An bhfuil sé rud infertility? B'fhéidir. D'fhéadfadh sé go han-mhaith a bheith ceangailte ar an bhfíric go bhfuil sé toisc nach raibh mé in ann a arbh fhéidir leanbh de mo chuid féin, dar liom go bhfuil mé a chruthú mo cheart a bheith ina máthair. Sin, agus, mar go bhfuil muid tuismitheoirí altrama, na daoine go léir gairmiúla go bhfuil mé seemingly NÁ bhfuil mé féin a chruthú ar bhonn leanúnach. Tá a fhios agam go bhfuil mé chuimhneacháin de bitterness i gcás nach maith liom an bhfíric go bhfuil mé fiú chun déileáil leis na rudaí seo. Iarr mé Dia a lán de na ceisteanna crua ansin. Tá mé aon fhadhb a bheith an-macánta agus brutal ag amanna, le Eisean agus mé féin. Mar sin, is é seo nuair is gá an machnamh agus ranting chun dul i leighis, agus aithne a chur ar a chruthaigh Dia dom a bheith ina better.Ugh beagán. Beannachtaí! Hannah Fág nóta tráchta | | Tags: Bheith a leagtar amach , Súile geal , cúram altrama , infertility , An Eachtraíochta SAHM Posted by Hannah Rae ar 21 Deireadh Fómhair, 2011 i Lives Gáire Dé Máirt Tá mé ag tosú ar deireadh a bhraitheann cosúil leis an fíor dom. Is é mo teoiric gur nuair a tá cónaí ort i tráma ar feadh tréimhse fada i ndáiríre, go háirithe nuair a tá tú ag teastáil a bheith acu mhór féin-feasachta agus féin-smacht le linn na tráma fadaithe, dtosaíonn tú chun radharc a chailleadh ar a bhfuil tú i ndáiríre, toisc go bhfuil sé thiocfaidh chun bheith go léir cluiche ligean (aka "falsa sé till leat é a dhéanamh"). Nuair a chuaigh mé go dtí an iontach Tuismitheoireachta i SPÁS ais comhdháil i mí Aibreáin, 'ya a fhios, ceart roimh mo shaol mar bhí a fhios agam thit sé, a thugtar mé le roinnt mamas tráma a iompú amach a bheith chomh maith le cúlra i amharclann. Is dea-scileanna a bheith acu, a bheith in ann a aoibh gháire agus labhairt na chodhladh go nuair a bheadh an chuid is mó "gnáth" daoine a bheith ag frothing ag béal. Ach a thagann scil le Mallacht, b'fhéidir, a chailliúint radharc ar conas a bhraitheann tú go fírinneach, nó fiú CONAS a bhraitheann. Anywho, an tráma leanúnach, ar a laghad laistigh den teaghlach, tá laghdaithe go mór le déanaí. Beidh J ar deireadh a bheith ag fáil an cúnamh riachtanais sé, rud a chiallaíonn nach bhfuil sé anseo, rud a chiallaíonn an dá linn agus tá sé níos sábháilte, rud a chiallaíonn tráma níos lú, tá súil againn, do gach duine. Le tráma lú anseo, móide an Chomh maith le cailín leanbh darn gleoite, a mbeidh mé nach bhfuilim ar an drochuair in ann a scríobh a lán iomlán faoi, tá mé ag cneasaithe. Le go leighis a thagann athfhionnachtana de a bhfuil sé seo anois 27 bliain d'aois Hannah Rae duine. Tá dúirt Fiú amháin mo hubby milis roinnt uaireanta go tá sé ag tosú a fheiceáil "dom" arís. Mar sin, tá anseo cad tá mé amach go dtí seo: - Is breá liom a bheith Aiti (Mamaí sa Fionlainnis) le cailín lómhara beag. A dhéanamh ar a súile mianach caoin le sonas, agus déanann sí gáire rud ar bith fiú tamaill. Raibh mé in ann análú í i ngach lá (a fhios?). Agus in ionad dreading an uair an chloig ar maidin, táim ag tnúth le dul chun í a fheiceáil arís, agus a chailleann sí nuair a bhíonn codlata aici. - Is breá liom chun cócaireacht agus dúshlán a thabhairt mé féin a fhoghlaim scileanna cócaireachta nua. Anois, tá mé ar a dtugtar ar feadh i bhfad go bhfuil mé cócaireacht maith, ach le déanaí tá mé ar tháinig na Joy a bheith go maith ag a dhéanamh ar chaighdeán, bia blasta dóibh siúd a breá liom. Déanann sé dom gáire nuair a rachaidh mé stocaí Mmmmm agus Yums, go háirithe ó mo FIL ocras. - Ní miste liom miasa a dhéanamh. Ba é seo fionnachtain ollmhór, mar gheall ar do BLIAIN mé fuath aon rud níos mó. Ní chuireann sé cabhrú go bhfuil cónaí orainn i dteach a tógadh ag daoine Fionlainnis beag bídeach, rud a chiallaíonn go Hubby (6'5 ") agus mé féin (6'1") d'fhulaing go leor backache sciúradh na miasa laethúil. Bhuel, cibé acu trí fheidhmiú ar ais iomarcach, (is féidir mo mamas tráma eile a bheith in ann go mbaineann) nó a bheidh ag teann, is féidir liom anois a dhéanamh ar an miasa gleefully fad orm aird ag "The Show Cosby" nó "M * A * S * H "Tá DVD go bhfuil mo hubby milis bheannaigh mé leis. Joked mé leis an lá eile nach raibh a fhios aige go mbeadh fáil dom na sraitheanna mar bronntanas lá breithe a dhéanamh ar a chuid níos glaine tí, rinne sé? D'fhreagair sé le Ha "Cad sraith eile mhaith leat, a stór?"! Sílim go bhfuil sé díreach i gceist go bhfuil Juji foghlaim an amhráin téama beagán ró maith. - Is breá liom a gáire agus a bheith amaideach. Maith go leor, bhí a fhios agam seo fúm féin cheana féin, ach bhí dearmad déanta agam CONAS. Raibh dearmad déanta agam nach bhfuil sé ach ceart go leor, ach go hiomlán is gá a bheith ridiculously amaideach agus lig gach gardaí a gáire díreach síos. Anois, rinne mé a lán de bheith amaideach chun cabhrú le mo mhac leigheas, go háirithe le linn uaire struis, ach bhí sé gníomh. Ní raibh mé taitneamh as. Bhí sé ag obair. Anois, is féidir le mo dheirfiúr agus mé ag gáire faoi silliest na rudaí, ach mar ba mhaith linn a. Cinnte, téim trí péirí níos mó de éadaí, ach tá sé sin fiú é. - Tá mé rómánsúil. Arís, bhí a fhios agam seo cheana féin, ach tá sé den sórt sin a áthas a rediscover an chuid seo den féin mar mo beloved agus rachaidh mé aithne ar a chéile arís agus a tharraingt níos cóngaraí dá chéile mar chairde agus lovers le linn an ama de strus agus leighis. Sea, is féidir do na dhá aonán a bheith i gceist. Mar sin, glacann an turas a twist agus anois, i bhfad níos mó ná súil agam go bhfuil ag an bpointe seo i mo shaol, ach tá mé ag tosú a fheiceáil conas a úsáideann mo Athair ar Neamh iad a thógáil carachtar fíor. I cinnte nach bhfuil cosúil leis an refiner tine ag amanna, ach de réir mar seo amhrán nua de mo deir, a dhéanann sé gach rud nua .... agus álainn. Beannachtaí! Hannah ps WHOOHOO! Lá 2 le comhsheasmhacht blogging rathúil! Agus tháinig mé suas leis an gceann seo go léir ar mo chuid féin! Fág nóta tráchta | | Tags: dúshláin iompar , Bheith atá leagtha amach , Súile geal , creideamh , pósadh , RAD , an stuif crua