http___margaretcho.com_hr_2012_08_28_bully__1.xml
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I don’t think that we can talk about bullying enough, I mean, I know I complain still, and this is stuff that happened easily over thirty years ago, but I think it’s hurting me, and continues to. It’s not one of those things that therapy and stuff like that can fix. I am just going to be mad about it until the day I am not, and the way that makes me not mad is writing about it. There was once a weird thing that happened that gave me lots to think about. This one kid was really a nasty one, just an awful boy, and he was relentless to me about everything. He was not even in my grade – he was totally a younger kid, but I had such a hard time growing up that even younger kids were a threat. I think that when you are a queer kid, other kids can sense that you are different, and if you don’t have the words or the ideas or whatever it takes to understand and love yourself, then you end up kind of like the littlest kid of all. You just feel super small and it’s hard to be the runt. It sucks and one of the reasons why I just wanted to grow up faster because I was sick of being around kids and being a kid. Anyway, this shitty kid grew up and decided he wanted to be in show business, and called me to help him. I may have been in my twenties at that point, doing well for myself. I kind of didn’t know what to do when he said who he was on the phone. I couldn’t believe he didn’t remember how terrible he was to me, and that he now looked up to me and was proud of my achievements and was hoping I would be able to give him advice and help him out. I tried to be encouraging but I was engulfed in my own child rage and I wasn’t sure how to help him anyway. It made me sick but I was also satisfied too. I hope that he is doing well now, and I am not sure if he stuck with it. Showbiz is very hard, so good luck to anyone who tries. Over the years, I heard about lots of bad things that happened to the terrible kids that I suffered an intensely awful childhood with and I don’t feel sorry or anything. It’s weird. I wish I could feel bad about how life is filled with pain and no one is exempt from it and I just don’t. there’s this Buddhist meditation where you breathe in the world’s suffering and breathe out compassion and I try to do it and choke. Anyway, if you are a kid and you are being bullied now, try to remember that the bullies will get it in the end, they really will. And you, I hope you grow up strong and proud and are not mad still like I am. I want you to be happy and glad. Stay up everyone. Stay up.
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Ne mislim da možemo govoriti o dosta nasilničkog ponašanja, mislim, znam da se žale i dalje, i to je stvar koja se dogodila prije jednostavno više od trideset godina, ali mislim da me boli, i dalje. To nije jedna od onih stvari koje terapije i takve stvari koje se mogu popraviti. Ja sam samo će biti luda za njim sve dok dan nisam, i način na koji čini mi se ne ljuti se o tome piše. Bio jednom čudno što se dogodilo da mi je dao puno za razmišljati o tome. To je jedan mali je stvarno gadno jedan, samo strašno dječak, a on je bio nemilosrdan mi o svemu. On uopće nije bio u mom razredu - on je bio potpuno mlađi dečko, ali imao sam takav teško vrijeme odrastanja da čak i mlađa djeca su prijetnja. Mislim da kad si peder dijete, druga djeca mogu osjetiti da su različiti, a ako nemate riječi ili ideje ili što god je potrebno razumjeti i voljeti sebe, onda ćete završiti vrsta kao Littlest klinac od svega. Vi samo osjećam super mali i teško je biti kržljavac. To je sranje, a jedan od razloga zašto sam samo željela da odraste brže, jer sam bila bolesna da bude oko djece i biti dijete. U svakom slučaju, ovaj usrani klinac odrastao i odlučio da želi biti u show business, i pozvao me da mu pomognem. Možda sam bio u mojim dvadesetima u tom trenutku, radi dobro za mene. Nekako sam nije znao što učiniti kad je rekao tko je bio na telefonu. Nisam mogao vjerovati da se ne sjeća kako je strašno da je za mene, i da je sada gledao do mene i bio je ponosan na moje uspjehe i bio nadajući bih biti u mogućnosti da će mu dati savjet i pomoći mu se. Pokušao sam se ohrabrujući, ali je sam progutao u svoje dijete bijesa i nisam bio siguran kako da mu pomognem u svakom slučaju. To mi je pozlilo, ali sam također bio zadovoljan previše. Nadam se da je sada dobro, a ja sam ne siguran ako je zapeo s njim. Showbiz je vrlo teško, pa sretno svima koji se pokušavaju. Tijekom godina, čuo sam puno loših stvari koje su se dogodile u strašnim djecu da sam pretrpjela intenzivno strašno djetinjstvo s a ja ne žalim ili nešto. Bilo je čudno. Volio bih da mogu osjećati loše o tome kako je život pun boli i nitko nije izuzet od toga, a ja jednostavno ne znam. tu je ovo budističke meditacije u kojoj udišete svjetske patnje i izdahnite suosjećanje i ja pokušati to učiniti i gušiti se. U svakom slučaju, ako ste dijete, a vi ste žrtva mobbinga sada, pokušajte se sjetiti da su nasilnici će ga dobiti na kraju, što doista hoće. A ti, nadam se da bi izrasla jaka i ponosna, a nisu ludi i dalje kao što sam ja. Želim da budete sretni i veseli. Budite u svima. Ostanite gore.