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Official medicine recognizes more and more often that psychological processes influence certain diseases, as well as recovery from a disease. Stress is most often mentioned as the main cause of chronic psychosomatic symptoms. Yet, psychological background of a disease can be much more complex than stress by itself. In Integrative Systemic Coaching, we explore such complexities in depth. Here I will describe some of our conclusions and experience. Many physical symptoms, whether acute or chronic, can bring unconscious benefits. Some of such benefits can be: - avoiding unwanted chores, - avoiding emotional stress within unhealthy relationships, - attracting attention, sympathy or help Some people can feel offended with such a statement. "I suffer enough already, are you trying to tell me that I created this on purpose? Do you claim that I manipulate people around me?" Others are more prone to guilt and self-blame: "Yet another of my mistakes / faults!" It's important to understand that the benefits of a disease are usually not conscious. Some people learn about them instinctively, as children, by observing important adults and their behavior. Just as with other problematic patterns within families, the goal is not to find somebody to blame, but to recognize and resolve causes and their consequences. Perhaps you lived with a sick grandparent who other people tiptoed around and who received a lot of attention and support? Or a family member suddenly fell ill and received health benefits, consideration and care by the rest of the family? As a child, perhaps you spontaneously perceived it as a legitimate, acceptable escape from otherwise unavoidable expectations. Many people, when they become parents, spontaneously start repeating their own parents' behaviors. In a similar way, when we get to a certain age or circumstances, we can unconsciously feel that disease is the obvious next step. Consider the following questions: Some parents give most love, attention and compassion, and least criticism to children when they are sick. If children feel significant relief and emotional pleasure in such circumstances, they can spontaneously and unconsciously start using diseases for such purposes and continue to do so as adults. Some children might perceive that conflicts and tension between other family members decrease when a child is sick. Such children can develop chronic physical symptoms or a succession of acute symptoms as a strategy of diverting other family members' attention. Of course, we pay a very high price for such advantages. However, it is similar with many other emotional problems which are commonly created in one's childhood as defense mechanisms from stress (such as: anxiety, guilt, OCD, ADHD, anger, victim games...). They also replace original suffering with other kinds of suffering. This can by resolved when you reach your unconscious mind and help it finally recognize that there is no more need for this, that you are not a helpless child anymore, and that there are other, healthier solutions. Just as with emotional issues, physical pain or other physical symptoms can be attempts of our bodies to warn us about certain problems, for example relationship issues, outdated emotions or beliefs, imbalance in our thoughts, behavior and lifestyles. Sometimes physical symptoms can be expressions of passive aggression against our own selves, similarly as when people unconsciously sabotage their own goals. While keeping this information in mind, do not neglect other aspects of your lifestyle: nutrition, exercise, stress levels etc. Many people only focus on one aspect of a problem, forgetting that a disease, just like many other parts of life, is a complex issue. Be also aware that psychological background of a disease itself is usually not simple. Most of the time it reflects a cluster of unhealthy emotional patterns, not just one or two. "Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung Subscription: through contact form below © Kosjenka Muk. All rights reserved.
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Službena medicina sve više priznaje psihološki utjecaj na pojedine bolesti, kao i na ozdravljenje. Obično se pritom spominje općeniti stres kao uzrok kroničnih psihosomatskih simptoma. No, psihološka podloga može biti mnogo složenija od toga. U Integrative Systemic Coachingu, posvećujemo detaljnu pažnju istraživanju svih aspekata takvih problema, te ću ovdje navesti neka od iskustava i zaključaka. Mnoge tjelesne bolesti, kronične, ali i akutne, mogu imati nesvjesne dobrobiti. Primjerice, izbjeći neželjene obaveze, izbjeći pritisak i stres unutar toksičnih odnosa, privući pažnju, podršku i slično. Poneki ljudi mogu se naći uvrijeđeni ovom idejom. "Ja već dovoljno patim, želite li mi reći da sam to namjerno izazvao/la? Tvrdite li da pokušavam manipulirati ljudima oko sebe?" Netko drugi može biti sklon krivnji i samooptužbi: "Evo, još nešto što radim krivo / loše!" Važno je razumjeti da se ovdje u pravilu radi o nesvjesnim dobrobitima, ili obrascima instinktivno preuzetima u djetinjstvu. Kao i kod drugih problematičnih obrazaca u obitelji, cilj nije okrivljavanje, nego prepoznavanje i rješavanje uzroka i posljedica. Možda ste gledali bolesnu baku ili djeda kojima se uvijek popuštalo i koji su dobivali puno pažnje i pomoći? Ili drugog člana obitelji koji je iznenada obolio te dobio socijalnu pomoć i obiteljsku skrb? Kao dijete, možda ste to spontano protumačili kao legitimni, prihvatljivi izlaz iz inače naizgled bezizlaznih situacija. Kao što se, kad postanemo roditelji, često spontano počnemo identificirati s vlastitim roditeljima i imitirati njihove postupke, tako u određenoj dobi ili okolnostima možemo, potpuno nesvjesno, osjećati da je bolest rješenje. Razmislite o sljedećim mogućnostima: Što možete činiti ili izbjeći činiti ako ste bolesni, što ne bi mogli ako ste zdravi? (Odnosi se ne samo na vidljive, konkretne aktivnosti, nego i na direktnu i indirektnu komunikaciju.) što dobivate od okoline za vrijeme bolesti, ali ne i ako ste zdravi? Poneki roditelji pokazuju najviše ljubavi, brige i pažnje, a najmanje kritike upućuju djeci kad je dijete bolesno. Ako dijete intezivno osjeća olakšanje i emocionalnu ugodu u takvim situacijama, ono može spontano i nesvjesno početi koristiti bolest u takve svrhe, te nastaviti to činiti i kao odrasla osoba. Neka djeca mogu doživjeti da se svađe i napetost između roditelja ili drugih ukućana smanjuju kad se dijete razboli. Tada dijete može razviti kroničnu ili niz akutnih bolesti kao strategiju preusmjeravanja obiteljske pažnje. Naravno, za takve dobrobiti plaćamo visoku cijenu. Međutim, i mnogi drugi uobičajeni emocionalni problemi nastaju kao mehanizam obrane od snažnog stresa, obično u ranoj dobi. I za njih ćemo godinama, pa i desetljećima, plaćati cijenu (drugačija vrsta stresa, drugačiji oblik problema u odnosima), sve dok naša podsvijest konačno ne primi na znanje da više nema potrebe za tim, da nismo više mala djeca, te da je moguće i drugačije rješenje. Slično kao i emocionalni simptomi, fizički bol ili drugi problem može biti pokušaj tijela da komunicira ili privuče pažnju na određeni problem: na probleme u odnosu, na emocije ili uvjerenja koja više ne služe svrsi, na različite oblike neravnoteže u razmišljanju, ponašanju i životnom stilu. Može se raditi i o "pasivnoj agresiji" prema samima sebi, slično kao kod nesvjesne sabotaže vlastitih ciljeva. Ne zanemarite niti druge elemente životnog stila: prehranu, kretanje, razinu stresa... Mnogi ljudi su skloni usmjeriti se samo na jedan aspekt problema, ali bolest je, kao i štošta drugo, složena pojava. U svakom slučaju, provjerite i psihološku podlogu i uzmite u obzir da se kod bolesti često ne radi o pojedinačnom, nego o skupu nezdravih obrazaca. "Dok god ne učinite podsvjesno svjesnim, ono će upravljati vašim životom i zvat ćete to sudbinom." - C.G. Jung Individualni rad i rad s parovima predbilježba: preko kontakt obrasca u dnu stranice © Kosjenka Muk. Sva prava pridržana.