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Children who have not yet become familiar with the way money works (but also those who have) have endless requests and wishes. Just as they wish to see, touch and experience everything they see in their surroundings, objects in shop windows and advertisements lure them as well. Manufacturers and marketing experts dedicate a lot of time and effort to unscrupulous strategies for luring children to desire their product. They know that many parents cannot easily refuse their children's requests and that they will often spend money on the child, rather than themselves. Even if some parents are not like this, if the child desires something strongly enough, his persistent pleas sooner or later may cause the parents to give in just to get some peace. At the beginning, children know no sense of limits and believe that money comes "from ATMs", just as many children believe that food comes from supermarkets before somebody teaches them about reality. For a small child, the money flow system can be too complex to comprehend, and they can be shocked and hurt by the fact that so many interesting things remain beyond their reach. It is almost impossible to avoid this disappointment completely; however, you can mitigate it by a wise approach. The problem arises when parents, due to their fears, shame or guilt related to the issue of money, attempt to shut up their children's wishes and requests as soon as possible, to avoid their own unpleasant feelings. For example, if a mother feels guilty to say "No", she might defend herself by anger and induce guilt into the child. Often, parents start to use manipulative approaches: criticism, guilt or playing a victim. The younger the child, and the more intense the manipulation, the more likely it will generate unpleasant impressions and feelings regarding money. That can lead to the children's unhealthy behavior as adults; ranging from spending their entire lives in a victimy attitude, to greed and rapacity. If your financial situation is average, you will have to limit the number of children's requests which you will satisfy, especially considering the quantity of attractive offers on the market. However, we recommend it even if you are wealthy, to avoid that your child becomes a slave of the consumer society, manipulated by the media and focused to external, material objects. Children are prone to absorbing manipulative messages of the mass media and are attracted to colorful packaging. Children who, at the same time, feel they are not getting enough healthy love and attention (and these needs are often difficult to fulfil in the industrial society, if parents work long hours and come home stressed) can very easily develop dependency on external objects that will draw their attention away from the inner void. This problem can become aggravated when peer groups of children fight and compete for power. Some children can become focused on external demonstrations of power. Children can make life almost unbearable and cause many traumas to those who cannot or do not want to buy status symbols. Sometimes school bullies choose as their victims the very children who do not display external symbols of wealth such as branded sneakers or clothes. However, you will notice that the lack of status symbols is frequently only an excuse, and the main child's features for which he is terrorised are insecurity and shyness. Confident people with strong personalities are valued regardless of the quantity of status symbols, both among adults and children. While children are still small, it's important to do everything in your power to set healthy boundaries, but without making children feel that they are helpless, that their wishes are not heard and that they have to expect scarcity. The main goal is to develop in children a healthy feeling that they are capable and that they deserve to have their wishes taken into consideration, as well as the ability to distinguish between deep inner wishes that really make her happy, and superficial wishes influenced by her environment. Explain to the child, as simply as you can, that money is the way people exchange their products. In order to avoid that some people only work, and some only take, money is the way to achieve balance and honor the time and work invested in production. We do not live in an ideal world, therefore try to explain to the child that many people have sick, distorted beliefs about money. Those result in struggle, lies and injustice, so the majority of people unfortunately do not receive as much money as they deserve for their work. You can say that many people have learnt to believe that they are not able to achieve anything better, and that this is the reason why they remain in such circumstances, while other people take advantage of them. You can tell your children that due to certain circumstances in the society or in your life, at this moment you cannot fulfil some of their wishes, however, that they will be able to fulfil those wishes in the future, if they gain enough knowledge and invest enough time and effort. In that way you reduce the children's dissapointment and increase their motivation to be creative. The next key issue that needs attention, is to familiarise the child with the ways in which some people try to manipulate him. Explain to him that there are many people who are so unhealthy that for them it's more important to have more and more money than to produce good quality, and sometimes they don't even care if they will harm other people emotionally or physically, or even cause their death. Explain to the child that often these very people have the greatest influence on others, since they do not hesitate to con and manipulate, and frequently they succeed in making people believe them. You can tell children that such people will try to convince them that they are worth less, or that they will not feel good if they don't buy all kinds of products. Tell them that these people intentionally strive to arouse in children a strong desire for worthless, even harmful products, that they try to make children feel bad (frightened, lacking, not good enough) and to install a belief that they would feel better if they bought certain products. When you shop together, draw the child's attention to the attractive packaging and appearance of a product, and then to its quality. When you watch or read commercials, draw their attention to the manipulative messages and explain to them how such messages were chosen and what is their purpose. Children, as any healthy adult, feel when something is not OK, and gradually, they will learn to recognise lies and misleading messages. Likewise, they can feel what is healthy and sincere. However, small children need help and support in order to learn to recognise, value and consciously analyse this inborn instinct. Without other people's guidance, this inner voice can be choked in the flood of manipulative commercials. The next lesson for the child is to learn to distinguish and separate superficial, temporary or "false" wishes from those deep, joyful, true ones. Whenever you can, teach your children to stop, direct their attention inwards and listen to their bodies and feelings. Ask them what kind of feeling they have about a specific wish. Is it deep and happy, or "shallow"? Is there any unpleasant feeling connected to this wish - fear, urgency, insecurity, anger, greed? Ask them to imagine that they have already received the desired object, that they have been playing with it for several days or weeks already. When they imagine it, do they have a feeling that this object would make them happy long-term, or it would be forgotten very soon? Try to explain them, depending on their age, that many people wish for material objects, thinking that those will help them achieve a good feeling inside, but it does not work, since feelings they search for must come from the inside, not from the outside. Ask your children how they thinks they would feel if they receive the desired object, what kind of satisfaction would it cause them to feel? Tell them that by careless purchases, a pile of garbage is being created which burdens the planet, which is already poluted, and that it's important to choose those things which he is not going to discard so soon. At the beginning, don't expect the child to give entirely sincere answers, since children may not want to give answers that might cause them to remain without the desired object, or they are simply unable to recognise their own feelings. Eventually, be ready to gently, but in a determined way, make your own decision. However, your goal in this communication is long-term - to help children gradually create the habit of asking themselves such questions and to listen to their deepest feelings. Even if they refuse, even if they don't seem to listen to your words, if repeated, those words will stay with them until time and experience teaches them to appreciate your lessons. If you buy a toy and soon enough you find it discarded or destroyed, take advantage of this situation to instruct the child additionally about superficial wishes. Avoid inducing guilt and "didn't I tell you". Many times, children will best learn their lessons from their mistakes, just like each one of us. Ask children how they feel about that object now, and tell them to compare that feeling with the earlier strong desire. Ask them what kind of feeling they were looking for (pleasure, fun, self-worth...), and whether they have an idea how to develop such a feeling from the inside, instead of through material objects. Do not expect instant results, but expect children to embrace such a way of thinking when they have gained enough experience to truly understand it. Think about how much money you are ready to spend monthly to satisfy your children's wishes. Be ready to satisfy some of their wishes, regardless of how they may seem insignificant or short lived. The fact is that even some of your wishes are not especially wise, deep or vitally important, still you enjoy fulfilling them. Try not to create a feeling of deprivation in your child, as if he was a "second-class citizen" by belittling his wishes while fulfilling yours. Subsequently, give your children a choice; tell them that they can choose the most important amongst their wishes if the amount of money that they can spend is decided in advance. At the same time, direct them to listen to their bodies and check what kind of feeling they want to achieve. This will teach them to prioritize and make financial decisions. As the time goes on, you can start giving pocket money to your children so that they learn from their independent decisions. However, in the beginning they will need your help and control. When the child reaches the school age, ideally you have already dedicated some time to creating these habits. Then it will be easier for the child to resist the peer pressure. Of course, life is rarely perfect and maybe a real challenge awaits you: how to avoid applying toxic educational methods and how to help your children develop a healthy attitude to money, in the society that exerts maximum pressure on them to make them succumb to materialism. Let's say that your children are mocked by their peers because they wear non-brand sneakers. The conversation with your child could unfold more or less like this: Child: Mum / dad, please buy me these sneakers! Parent: These are really expensive. There are many sneakers of different brands of the same quality, but a lower price, besides, you will outgrow them soon. Child: But everybody else at school is wearing such sneakers! Parent: What do you think / feel about it? (Smaller children can have difficulty with answering such direct questions, so be ready to help them.) Do you think it is important which brand of sneakers you wear? Child: But other children make fun of me because I don't have them. They tell me my parents must be some losers! Nobody wants to play with me! Parent (show respect and sympathy and adjust your words to the child's age): It is really tough to hear and suffer this every day. I wish to help you, but there are several reasons which make me feel bad when it comes to the purchase of these sneakers. Firstly, the manufacturers of these sneakers try to stimulate such an atmosphere, in which everybody must have them to avoid being ridiculed. This enables them to set such a high price, so they can take advantage of people to the fullest. I don't want to accept this and I don't want you to learn to accept this. Moreover, these manufacturers frequently abuse people in poor countries, even children, forcing them to work almost like slaves in order to reduce their costs. Secondly, I am afraid those children may convince you that your value depends on what you wear. These are sick ideas and I don't want you to accept them. Sneakers have no value. It is important what the person is like inside and how he treats other people. I don't want you to forget this. Do you think you have enough strength not to listen to them and not to allow them to force you into feeling bad about yourself? Child: I don't want to listen to them, but I can't help feeling bad when they treat me like that! Parent: Certainly you won't be happy because of that, but can you stand it? Or do you feel that they are right, that they know you better than you know yourself? That they really see you? Do you think they are more valuable, better people, because they wear such sneakers? Child: No, but.. Parent: What do you think it makes them act like that? What do they try to achieve with such behaviour? Why do they need it? (Be gentle when asking these questions, not demanding, and help the child in finding answers.) Do you think they could really see and respect you if you had these sneakers? Child: I know, but I would still like these sneakers. I don't want them to make fun of me. Parent: If it is too hard for you, I can buy them. But I think that, if you can stand it, you can develop great strength and become your own person, instead of following them. They will not love or respect you, no matter what you are wearing, since the problem is in their sick beliefs. If you buy the sneakers, they will find something else to mock about you. They might start to make fun of you because of your clothes, then because of your mobile phone...eventually you'll be spending a great amount of money just to become accepted by those who you do not like to begin with. Are there any other children who are not like that, with whom you could connect? Do you have any idea how you can respond to those children when they make fun of you? (Help him to create ideas). I have intentionally left the ending of the conversation open, since there is never only one solution. Maybe you will still buy the sneakers if the peer pressure makes your child's life truly unbearable and traumatic. The purpose of such a conversation is not to win the argument; the purpose is to teach your children different values, so that they learn to think for themselves and put other people's words in perspective. The healthier your children are and the more they truly value themselves, the easier they can understand and accept something like this. However, if they have already experienced certain traumas and lack self-esteem, maybe no amount of rational conversation can suffice. Then it is important to dedicate time and show them love and respect in a healthy way, long enough to create new subconscious impressions and new automatic reactions. "Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung Subscription: through contact form below © Kosjenka Muk. All rights reserved.
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Djeca koja nisu još upoznata s načinom kako novac funkcionira (a i ona koja jesu) imaju beskrajne zahtjeve i želje. Kao što žele vidjeti, opipati i iskusiti sve što vide u bližoj okolini, tako ih mame i predmeti u izlozima i reklamama. Proizvođači i marketinški stručnjaci posvećuju mnogo vremena i truda beskrupuloznim strategijama kako da namame djecu da požele njihov proizvod. Oni znaju da su mnogi roditelji slabi na dječje zahtjeve i da će možda i radije potrošiti novac na dijete nego na sebe. Što se tiče roditelja koji nisu takvi, ako dijete nešto dovoljno želi, možda će ih upornim inzistiranjem ipak prije ili kasnije navesti da popuste kako bi imali malo mira. Djeca u početku ne poznaju osjećaj ograničenja i vjeruju da novac dolazi „iz bankomata“, kao što mnoga djeca vjeruju da se hrana jednostavno dobiva u supermarketu dok ih netko ne poduči odakle ona zapravo dolazi. Za malo dijete, sustav protoka novca može biti presložen da bi ga ono potpuno shvatilo, te ono može biti šokirano i povrijeđeno činjenicom da mu toliko mnogo zanimljivih stvari ostaje izvan dohvata. Gotovo da nije moguće potpuno izbjeći taj šok, ali možete ga ublažiti mudrim pristupom. Problem nastaje kad roditelji iz svojih strahova, stida ili krivnje vezanih uz pitanje novca, nastoje ugušiti dječje želje i zahtjeve što je prije moguće, kako im ono ne bi poticalo te neugodne osjećaje. Tako se nerijetko počinju služiti manipulativnim pristupima: kriticizmom, izazivanjem krivnje ili igranjem uloge žrtve. Što je dijete mlađe i što je manipulacija intenzivnija, to će vjerojatnije ono stvoriti snažne neugodne osjećaje i dojmove u vezi novca. Oni ga u odrasloj dobi mogu navesti na nezdravo ponašanje; od provođenja cijelog života u ulozi žrtve, do pohlepe i grabeža. Ako ste prosječnog materijalnog stanja, morat ćete itekako ograničiti broj zahtjeva kojima ćete udovoljiti, posebno s obzirom na količinu primamljive ponude na tržištu. No postoji i još jedan razlog, neovisan o vašem materijalnom statusu, a to je da izbjegnete da vam se dijete pretvori u roba potrošačkog društva, izmanipuliranog medijima i orijentiranog isključivo na vanjske, materijalne stvari. Djeca su sama po sebi sugestibilna na manipulativne poruke medija i privlačnu ambalažu. Djeca koja uz to osjećaju da ne dobivaju dovoljno zdrave ljubavi i pažnje (a te potrebe je teško ispuniti u potpunosti), mogu lako razviti ovisnost o vanjskim stvarima koje će im odvlačiti pažnju od unutarnje praznine. Posebno se taj problem može pojačati kad dođe do borbe za moć i nadmetanja među vršnjacima. Neka djeca mogu postati ovisna o vanjskom dokazivanju moći, dok onoj koja ne mogu ili ne žele kupiti određeni proizvod, druga djeca mogu učiniti život gotovo nepodnošljivim i izazvati mnoge traume. Često se događa da školski nasilnici odaberu kao žrtvu upravo onu djecu koja ne nose vanjske statusne simbole „moći“ kao što su tenisice ili odjeća određenih marki. No primijetit ćete da je nedostatak statusnih simbola često samo izlika, a osnovna karakteristika djeteta nad kojim se vrši nasilje biti će nesigurnost i plahost. Samopouzdane osobe snažne individualnosti cijenjene su bez obzira na količinu statusnih simbola, kako među odraslima tako i među djecom. U najmlađoj dobi, važno je učiniti sve što možete da postavite zdrave granice, ali da kod djeteta ne izazovete osjećaj da je nemoćno, da se njegove želje ne uvažavaju i da se mora pomiriti s oskudicom. Osnovni cilj je razviti u djetetu istovremeno zdravi osjećaj da je sposobno i da zaslužuje ostvariti svoje želje, kao i sposobnost razlikovanja dubokih unutarnjih želja koje ga stvarno raduju, od privremenih, površnih želja uvjetovanih utjecajem okoline. Objasnite djetetu koliko god jednostavno možete, da je novac način na koji ljudi razmjenjuju ono što proizvedu. Kako ne bi došlo do toga da neki samo rade, a drugi samo uzimaju, novac je način na koji se poštuje vrijeme i rad uloženi u proizvodnju. Naravno, ne živimo u idealnom svijetu pa mu nastojte objasniti da mnogi ljudi imaju bolesne, iskrivljene stavove o novcu, zbog kojih postoji mnogo borbe i nepravednih postupaka, te da većina ljudi nažalost ne prima onoliko novaca koliko zaslužuju svojim radom. Možete reći da su mnogi ljudi naučili vjerovati da nisu sposobni ostvariti nešto bolje, pa zato niti ne pokušavaju i ostaju u takvim uvjetima, dok ih drugi iskorištavaju. Možete reći, ako je takva situacija, da mu zbog određenih okolnosti u društvu ili vašem životu, u ovom trenutku ne možete ispuniti neke želje, ali da će ih ono u budućnosti samo moći ostvariti, ako skupi dovoljno znanja i uloži vremena i truda. To će dati djetetu motivaciju za budućnost i smanjiti frustraciju i mogući osjećaj bespomoćnosti. Sljedeća ključna stvar kojoj je potrebno posvetiti pažnju je upoznati dijete s načinima na koje se njime pokušava manipulirati. Objasnite mu da ima ljudi koji su toliko bolesni da im je važnije da imaju što više novaca nego da proizvedu nešto dobro, a ponekad im nije čak niti važno hoće li naštetiti ljudima, emocionalno ili fizički, ili čak indirektno uzrokovati njihovu smrt. Objasnite mu da često upravo ti ljudi imaju najviše utjecaja na druge, jer ne biraju sredstva manipulacije i spremni su lagati koliko god treba, pa često i uspiju navesti ljude da im povjeruju. Možete mu reći da ga oni nastoje uvjeriti da manje vrijedi ili da se neće dobro osjećati ako ne kupi njihov proizvod. Recite mu da ti ljudi svjesno nastoje izazvati u njemu što jaču želju za bezvrijednim, pa i štetnim proizvodima, da ga nastoje navesti da se osjeća loše i da vjeruje da će se zbog njihovih proizvoda osjećati bolje. Kad ste u trgovini zajedno, obratite djetetovu pažnju na privlačnu ambalažu i izgled proizvoda, a zatim na njegovu kvalitetu. Kad gledate ili čitate reklame, usmjerite njegovu pažnju na manipulativne poruke i objasnite mu na temelju čega su odabrane i što se njima pokušava postići. Djeca, kao i svaka zdrava odrasla osoba, osjećaju kad nešto nije u redu i malo po malo naučit će prepoznavati laži. Isto tako osjećaju i što je zdravo i iskreno. No maloj djeci potrebna je pomoć i podrška da taj urođeni instinkt nauče prepoznavati, cijeniti i svjesno analizirati. Bez vodstva drugih ljudi, taj se unutarnji glas može ugušiti u moru manipulativnih poruka. Sljedeća lekcija za dijete je naučiti prepoznati i odvajati površne, privremene ili „lažne“ želje od onih dubokih, radosnih i istinskih. Kad god možete, učite dijete da zastane, usmjeri se prema unutra i posluša svoje tijelo i osjećaje. Pitajte ga kakav je osjećaj kad ima tu želju. Je li ona duboka i radosna, ili je „plitka“? Ima li bilo kakve neugode vezane uz tu želju – straha, hitnje, nesigurnosti, ljutnje, pohlepe? Uputite ga da što bolje zamisli da je već dobilo željeni predmet i da se s njim igra već nekoliko dana ili tjedana. Kad to zamišlja, ima li osjećaj da bi ga taj predmet dugo radovao, ili bi bio brzo zaboravljen? Pokušajte mu objasniti, ovisno o dobi, da mnogi ljudi žele stvari misleći da će njima postići neki dobar osjećaj, ali se svaki put razočaraju, jer osjećaj koji žele mora doći iznutra, a ne izvana. Pitajte ga kako misli da će se osjećati ako dobije taj predmet, kakvu vrstu zadovoljstva će on u njemu izazvati? Recite mu da se stalnim kupovanjem stvara gomila smeća koja opterećuje već ionako opterećeni planet, te da je važno odabrati stvari koje neće brzo odbaciti. Na sva ova pitanja, pogotovo u početku, nemojte očekivati da ćete dobiti potpuno iskrene odgovore, jer djeca možda ne žele dati odgovor koji bi ih udaljio od željene stvari, ili jednostavno ne znaju prepoznati vlastite osjećaje. Budite spremni da ćete na kraju morati blago, ali odlučno izreći, pa i nametnuti, svoje mišljenje. No vaš cilj je dugoročan – da dijete malo po malo stvori naviku samo sebi postavljati ta pitanja i slušati svoje najdublje osjećaje. Ako i kupite neku stvar, i ona se za nekoliko dana nađe odbačena ili rastrgana, iskoristite to da biste dijete dodatno podučili kako prepoznati površnu želju. Izbjegavajte izazivanje krivnje i „jesam li ti rekla“; dijete će ponekad najbolje naučiti neku lekciju na pogreškama, kao uostalom i svatko od nas. Pitajte dijete kako se sada osjeća u vezi te stvari i recite mu da usporedi taj osjećaj s osjećajem kad ju je toliko željelo. Pitajte ga je li ostvarilo osjećaj koji je željelo postići, i ima li ideju kako može drugačije razviti taj osjećaj u sebi, umjesto pomoću stvari. Ne očekujte trenutne rezultate, ali očekujte da će dijete prihvatiti takav način razmišljanja kad stekne dovoljno iskustva da ga uistinu razumije. Razmislite o tome koliko ste novca mjesečno spremni potrošiti na djetetove želje. Budite spremni nekim njegovim željama udovoljiti, koliko god vam se one činile beznačajne i kratkoročne. Činjenica je, niti neke vaše želje nisu posebno mudre, duboke i životno važne, ali ipak ih uživate ispunjavati. Nastojte ne stvoriti u djetetu osjećaj lišenosti i „građanina drugog reda“ tako što ćete omalovažavati njegove želje. Zatim dajte djetetu izbor, recite mu da može birati koje su mu između njegovih želja najvažnije ako je svota novca koju može potrošiti unaprijed određena. Pritom ga također usmjerite da osluhne svoje tijelo i provjeri kakav osjećaj želi postići. S vremenom možete djetetu početi davati džeparac, kako bi ono moglo početi učiti na samostalno donesenim odlukama, ali u početku bit će mu potrebna vaša pomoć i kontrola. Kad dijete dođe do školske dobi, u idealnom slučaju već ste proveli neko vrijeme stvarajući ove navike. Tada će djetetu biti daleko lakše nositi se s pritiskom vršnjaka. No, naravno, život je rijetko idealan, i možda vas čeka pravi izazov: kako ne pribjeći nekonstruktivnim metodama odgoja, i kako razviti kod djeteta zdrav odnos prema novcu, u sredini koja na njega vrši maksimalan pritisak da se pokori konzumerizmu. Recimo da se vršnjaci rugaju vašem djetetu što ne nosi tenisice određenog proizvođača. Vaš razgovor s njim mogao bi teći otprilike ovako: Dijete: Mama / tata, kupi mi ove tenisice! Roditelj: Ove su stvarno pretjerano skupe, ima i mnogo jednako kvalitetnih tenisica za nižu cijenu, a ionako ćeš ih brzo prerasti. Dijete: Ali svi drugi u školi nose te tenisice! Roditelj: Što ti misliš / osjećaš u vezi toga? (Mlađoj djeci ovakva direktna pitanja mogu biti teška, pa im budite spremni pomoći.) Misliš li da je važno koju marku tenisica nosiš? Dijete: Ali u školi mi se rugaju što ih nemam! Kažu mi da su mi sigurno mama i tata neki seljaci! Nitko se neće igrati sa mnom! Roditelj (pokažite poštovanje i suosjećanje, te prilagodite svoje riječi dobi djeteta): To je stvarno teško čuti i podnositi svaki dan. Ja ti želim pomoći, ali postoji nekoliko stvari zbog kojih se loše osjećam u vezi kupnje ovih tenisica. Prvo, proizvođači tih tenisica upravo i potiču takvu atmosferu u kojoj ih svatko mora imati da mu se ne bi rugali, i to im omogućava da stave pretjerano visoku cijenu kako bi što više iskorištavali ljude. Ja ne želim pristati na to, i ne želim da ti naučiš pristajati na to. Osim toga, ti proizvođači često iskorištavaju ljude u siromašnim zemljama, čak i djecu prisiljavaju na gotovo robovski rad kako bi smanjili svoje troškove. Drugo, bojim se da te ne uvjere da tvoja vrijednost ovisi o tome što imaš na sebi. To su bolesne ideje i ne želim da ih i ti prihvatiš. Tenisice nemaju nikakvu vrijednost. Važno je kakva je osoba iznutra. Ne želim da to zaboraviš. Misliš li da imaš snage ne slušati ih i ne dopustiti im da te natjeraju da se osjećaš loše? Dijete: Ja ih ne želim slušati, ali se ne mogu ne osjećati loše kad su oni takvi prema meni! Roditelj: Sigurno da nećeš biti sretna / sretan zbog toga, ali možeš li to izdržati? Ili imaš osjećaj da su oni u pravu, da te poznaju bolje nego ti? Da te stvarno vide? Misliš li da su oni vredniji, bolje osobe zato što nose takve tenisice? Dijete: Ne, ali... Roditelj: Što misliš što ih tjera da se tako ponašaju? Što oni pokušavaju time postići? Zašto im je to potrebno? (Postavljajte pitanja blago, ne zahtjevno, i pomozite djetetu u pronalaženju odgovora.) Misliš li da bi te mogli stvarno vidjeti i cijeniti kad bi imao / imala te tenisice? Dijete: Znam, ali ja bih ipak te tenisice. Ne želim da mi se rugaju. Roditelj: Ako ti je preteško, mogu ti ih kupiti. No mislim da, ako uspiješ izdržati, možeš razviti veliku snagu i postati svoj / svoja, umjesto da slijediš njih. Oni te neće znati voljeti i poštovati, bez obzira što imaš na sebi, jer je problem u njihovom bolesnom razmišljanju. Kad kupiš tenisice, naći će nešto drugo. Onda će ti se početi rugati zbog odjeće, pa zbog mobitela... i na kraju ćeš trošiti puno novaca da te prihvate oni koji ti se ionako ne sviđaju. Postoje li druga djeca koja nisu takva, s kojima se možeš povezati? Imaš li ideju kako možeš odgovoriti toj djeci, kad ti se rugaju? (Pomozite mu oko stvaranja ideja.) Namjerno sam razgovor ostavila nedovršenim, jer nema samo jednog rješenja. Možda ćete ipak na kraju kupiti tenisice, ako vršnjaci vašem djetetu život čine dovoljno nepodnošljivim. No bitna svrha ovakvog razgovora nije postići da bude po vašemu; svrha je da naučite dijete važnim vrijednostima, te da ono nauči razmišljati i staviti ponašanje drugih ljudi u perspektivu. Što je zdravije vaše dijete, i što više cijeni sebe, to će lakše ovako nešto razumjeti i prihvatiti. No ako već ima određene traume i nedostatni osjećaj vlastite vrijednosti, možda nikakva racionalna uvjeravanja neće biti dovoljna. Tada je važno istinski mu posvetiti vrijeme i na kvalitetan način izražavati ljubav i poštovanje, dovoljno dugo da se stvore novi podvjesni dojmovi i nove automatske reakcije. "Dok god ne učinite podsvjesno svjesnim, ono će upravljati vašim životom i zvat ćete to sudbinom." - C.G. Jung Individualni rad i rad s parovima predbilježba: preko kontakt obrasca u dnu stranice © Kosjenka Muk. Sva prava pridržana.