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Many people become grumpier and grumpier as they age. Perhaps you notice that you are more judgmental and critical than you used to be? Perhaps you feel that people were nicer and more polite when you were younger, that the sun shone brighter and grass was greener? Every day, every moment, our brains scan our environments and (subconsciously) keep comparing them with all of our memories. This is an important survival mechanism that enables us to react to external triggers as quickly and efficiently as possible. Without such an ability, we would be as small children all of the time. However, besides benefits there are also disadvantages, just as with many other aspects of life. As a result of such continuous memory scanning, most of our emotions reflect our histories more than current experiences. What happens if you are in a relationship, or if you are spending time with your children, and most of your emotions are reactions to your past, not your present? You can see the consequences everywhere: in broken marriages, parents alienated from children, meaningless conflicts, crimes, even wars. One of the aspects of this survival mechanism is an instinctive habit of searching for danger signals in our environments - anything that could threaten our physical bodies, emotions, beliefs or social status - while mostly ignoring non-threatening information. Similarly, as our brains scan our memories, they are more likely to focus on the unpleasant and frightening ones, rather than pleasant or neutral events. The older you are, the more memories you have - and many of them are unpleasant. In everyday situations, small triggers can make you react not just to one or two of such memories, but to their accumulated force. Most married couples or long-term life partners sooner or later start reacting not just to current behavior of the other person, not even only to all the frustrating memories, but also to expectations of future unpleasant behavior. It's good to mention at this point that our brains also tend to seek for potential dangers in our projections of future, not only in our present and past experiences. Predicting problems, recognizing potential future threats, preparing for them and finding ways of dealing with them - all of these abilities were vitally important in the dangerous environment in which the human species evolved. Perhaps you remember your childhood with nostalgia. Perhaps you remember it as happier than it actually was, or believe that people were nicer, kinder and more honest at that time. In reality, as a child or a young person, you simply had much fewer unpleasant memories trailing behind you, so you were less able to recognize unhealthy behavior of people around you and its consequences. As we gain experience, our understanding of complex causes and consequences of human behavior becomes better and better, and we can more and more easily recognize potential threats and react to them. With time, this can also lead to stronger and stronger habits of criticism and prejudice. With such aspects of our nature, many people want to feel different than others and prove themselves as better and more advanced. They can try to suppress such instincts and convince themselves that they have "raised above" them. Such an attitude actually makes people more likely to fall into the trap of hypocrisy. The fact is, you cannot so easily change your biological heritage and neurological structure. Human brain developed in this way because of survival needs. This won't be changed by wishful thinking. If you convince yourself that you are above prejudice, you are more likely to find convoluted excuses for judgmental and prejudiced attitude, instead of recognizing it as it is. The same works with prejudice against groups of people, such as different races, different sexual preferences, different religions and the opposite gender. Sorting people into categories is another of our brains' strategies which purpose is to simplify our experience, predict possible threats and support group cohesion. This cannot be changed by a logical decision, and pretending we are above such urges will only make them worse. The honest approach is to recognize and be aware when your brain comes with prejudiced thoughts. Then you can remind yourself to think differently and see other perspectives. With practice, this can become your knee-jerk reaction to your own prejudice. "Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung Subscription: through contact form below © Kosjenka Muk. All rights reserved.
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Možda ste primijetili da mnogi ljudi postaju “čangrizavi” s godinama – možda ste i sami s vremenom postali sve skloniji ljutnji i osuđivanju? Možda imate osjećaj da je život bio bolji, a ljudi pristojniji i ljubazniji, kad ste vi bili mladi? Svakog dana i svakog trenutka, naši mozgovi pregledavaju naše okruženje, te (nesvjesno) pretražuju sva naša sjećanja kako bi ih usporedili s trenutnim događanjima. To je važan mehanizam preživljavanja koji nam pomaže da reagiramo na događaje čim brže i učinkovitije. Bez toga, bili bismo poput male djece cijelo vrijeme. Međutim, kao i kod većine drugih aspekata života, osim prednosti postoje i nedostaci. Kao rezultat tog stalnog procesa pretraživanja sjećanja, većina naših emocija odražava našu prošlost, a ne samo sadašnjost. Što se događa ako ste u vezi, ili ako ste roditelj s djecom, a većina vaših emocija je reakcija na prošlost umjesto sadašnjosti? Posljedice možete vidjeti posvuda, u razrušenim brakovima, roditeljima otuđenima od djece, besmislenim svađama, zločinima, pa i ratovima. Jedan od aspekata ovog mehanizma preživljavanja je da imamo urođenu naviku tražiti i primjećivati znakove opasnosti u svojoj okolini - bilo što što bi moglo ugroziti naša fizička tijela, emocije, uvjerenja i društveni položaj - te uglavnom ignorirati informacije koje ne predstavljaju prijetnju. Isto tako, i u nesvjesnom pretraživanju svojih sjećanja, tražit ćemo u prvom redu ona neugodna i prijeteća, radije nego ugodna ili neutralna. Što ste stariji, to više neugodnih sjećanja nosite u sebi. Štoviše, tokom svakodnevnih situacija, možete reagirati ne samo na jedno ili dva takva sjećanja, nego na njihovu nagomilanu masu. Većina bračnih parova ili dugogodišnjih životnih partnera prije ili kasnije počne reagirati na dijelove ponašanja onoga drugoga na načine koji odražavaju ne samo sva neugodna sjećanja iz njihovog zajedničkog života, nego i slična očekivanja za budućnost. Dobro je ovdje spomenuti da je uobičajen ljudski mehanizam tražiti potencijalne opasnosti i u svojoj budućnosti, ne samo sadašnjosti. Predvidjeti probleme, prepoznati moguće buduće opasnosti, pripremiti se na njih i naći načine da se nosimo s njima, bilo je životno važno u opasnoj okolini u kojoj smo se razvijali kao vrsta. Možda se sjećate svojeg djetinjstva s nostalgijom, osjećajem da je bilo sretnije nego što realno jest bilo, te uvjerenjem da su ljudi tada bili bolji, iskreniji i ljubazniji. U stvarnosti, kao dijete ili mlada osoba, jednostavno ste imali manje neugodnih iskustava iza sebe, te ste tako teže mogli prepoznati i biti svjesni nezdravog ponašanja ljudi oko sebe. Također ste teže mogli imati u vidu sve moguće posljedice nezdravog ponašanja. Kako stječemo iskustvo, naše razumijevanje složenih uzroka i posljedica postaje sve bolje, te ćemo tako sve lakše prepoznavati potencijalne prijetnje i reagirati na njih. To može s vremenom voditi do stvaranja navike osuđivanja i razdražljivosti. Kad se radi o ovakvim aspektima naše prirode, ljudi se ponekad žele osjećati drugačijima od drugih i dokazati se naprednijima i boljima. Tada mogu pokušati suspregnuti takve instinkte, pa i uvjeriti sami sebe da su se izdigli iznad njih. Takav stav povećava vjerojatnost licemjerja i nedostatka integriteta. Činjenica je, ne možete samo tako izmijeniti svoje biološko naslijeđe i neurološku strukturu. Ljudski mozak je razvio te strategije zbog životno važnih potreba. To se neće izmijeniti samo zato što to možda želimo. Slično je s predrasudama prema grupama ljudi, na primjer drugim rasama, drugačijoj seksualnoj orijentaciji, drugim religijama i suprotnom spolu. Razvrstavanje ljudi u kategorije još je jedna od strategija našeg mozga pomoću koje se on trudi pojednostaviti predviđanje budućih mogućnosti i pripremiti se za opasnosti. To ne možemo izmijeniti racionalnom odlukom, a pretvaranje da nemamo takvih poriva ne pomaže. Rješenje je u trajnom vježbanju svjesnosti, odgovornosti, te u pažljivom ispravljanju svojih misli kroz podsjećanje sebe na mnoge druge moguće perspektive. "Dok god ne učinite podsvjesno svjesnim, ono će upravljati vašim životom i zvat ćete to sudbinom." - C.G. Jung Individualni rad i rad s parovima predbilježba: preko kontakt obrasca u dnu stranice © Kosjenka Muk. Sva prava pridržana.