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The expression "flying monkey" might sound cute, but it actually describes something quite dark: a person who was manipulated into tormenting somebody on behalf of the manipulator. It originates from the book "The Wizard of Oz", in which a group of winged monkeys serves an evil witch and executes her destructive commands. This term is most commonly used in the context of narcissists and narcissistic abuse; a "flying monkey" is somebody who is directly or indirectly persuaded by a narcissist into making a victim's life difficult. However, it's not necessarily only narcissists or psychopaths who manipulate in these ways; such games are often played by average people too, although usually to a lesser extent. There can be a whole flock (swarm?) of "flying monkeys". These are, for example, people who join online persecution of somebody they barely even know, except they heard something bad about them, or read a quote taken out of context. Or anybody who harasses victims of revenge porn. Or groups of teenagers who decide to ostracize a less popular classmate. You don't really need a true narcissist for such things to happen. Various religions organizations can make big parts of whole populations into their flying monkeys, by spreading unreasonable fears, misconceptions and falsehoods about any group of people they don't approve of (historical "witch hunts" are a perfect example, but there are plenty examples in modern times, too, all over the world). Organized ideologies in general are full of flying monkeys. Neonacism, sexism, any kind of intolerance and labeling people, anything that encourages discrimination and dehumanizing of somebody else for the sake of an ideology... there is not necessarily a single narcissistic person who manipulates others into it, but there are often several distinguished cases somewhere in the background. These kinds of games often start already in childhood. Did you ever join into ostracizing or abusing another child just because most other kids were doing it too? Maybe one child started it, maybe several were the leaders, but most were flying monkeys. Some children (and adults) do it because they truly enjoy malice and the power it seems to give them, and some do it because they are afraid they might become victims themselves if they don't follow the crowd. The reason doesn't matter; the results do. On a more individual level, you might be a "flying monkey" if you spread rumors and gossip. Or if you start acting hostile towards somebody after hearing rumors and gossip about them, without checking their side of the story. It fairly often happens after love breakups, but it's also common within business and family relationships. Even helping professionals can sometimes become "flying monkeys" for abusers, if inexperienced and overly trusting. The person who initiates such abuse might want revenge, or some form of tangible profit, or just to release frustration and gain sympathy, for example. Do you believe you wouldn't fall for such a thing? Narcissists often choose well intentioned, but inexperienced, naive or impulsive people for the role of a flying monkey. Children and young people fit this description, but also adult people with strong sense of justice and not enough objectivity. Narcissists often present themselves as victims, trying to incite righteous anger toward the true victim. Some people are very skilled in this. Another category of well intentioned "flying monkeys" are people who spread various conspiracy theories and alarming articles without carefully checking how realistic, logical and proven they are. Spreading alarm can be a powerful feeling (Hey, look at me! I know more than others, my eyes are wide open, I defy powerful authorities!), or it might be a result of fear or desire to help others, but not only it's often a waste of time and deflects focus from real, urgent problems; it can and does create real damage to others (such as decreasing group immunity by refusing to vaccinate children). (To be clear: some conspiracies do happen and create huge damage, but it's a big difference between believing in a conspiracy that includes a narrow circle of people (or corporations), and realistic motives and proofs, and a conspiracy theory that theoretically includes whole professions worldwide without any obvious motivation or profit, or proven data.) You might be manipulated into being a "flying monkey" even if you love the victim and dislike the abuser. A jealous ex of your partner (or a jealous parent, sometimes) might tell you something bad about your partner and make you suspect or put pressure on them, or even leave them. On the other hand, some warnings might be genuine and realistic. How to distinguish between facts and fantasy? Part 2: how to recognize manipulation and deal with "flying monkeys" "Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung Subscription: through contact form below © Kosjenka Muk. All rights reserved.
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Koliko god možda simpatično zvučao, termin "krilati majmun" opisuje nešto prilično mračno; odnosi se na osobu koja je izmanipulirana da bude sredstvo maltretiranja neke treće osobe. Potječe iz knjige "Čarobnjak iz Oza", u kojoj grupa krilatih majmuna služi zloj vještici i izvršava destruktivne zadatke u njezino ime. Ovaj termin najčešće se spominje u kontekstu narcisista i njihovih žrtvi; "krilati majmun" je osoba koju narcisist direktno ili indirektno navodi da zagorčava život žrtvi. No, ne mora se raditi samo o narcisistima ili psihopatima; i prosječni ljudi mogu vrlo lako igrati takve igre. "Krilatih majmuna" može biti cijelo jato. To su, na primjer, ljudi koji sudjeluju u "internet hajkama" na osobu o kojoj ne znaju gotovo ništa, samo su nešto loše čuli ili pročitali o njoj (npr. napadi na književnike čija su djela proglašena nepoćudnima u školskoj lektiri). "Krilati majmuni" su, primjerice, svi koji uznemiruju djevojke čije su golišave slike na internetu objavili osvetoljubivi bivši dečki. Razne (z)vjerske organizacije i udruge mogu učiniti velik dio populacije svojim krilatim majmunima, šireći neosnovane strahove, zablude i dezinformacije. Organizirane ideologije općenito prepune su "krilatih majmuna". Neonacizam, seksizam, svaka vrsta netolerancije i ukalupljivanja ljudi, sve što potiče na omalovažavanje i marginaliziranje drugih radi ideologije... u ovim primjerima ne postoji nužno uvijek samo jedan narcisistični pojedinac koji upravlja ponašanjem drugih, ali obično ih se izdvoji nekoliko, ili unutar tih struja povremeno ispliva na površinu posebno očit slučaj. Takve igre počinju već u osnovnoj školi. Jeste li se pridružili maltretiranju ili ignoriranju nekoga od vršnjaka samo zato što su i druga djeca to radila? Možda je samo jedno dijete bilo kolovođa, možda ih je bilo više, ali većina su bili "krilati majmuni". Neka djeca (i ljudi) to rade zato što zaista uživaju u zlobi i takvoj vrsti moći, a neka zato što se boje da će inače i sama postati žrtve. Razlog nije bitan; rezultati jesu. Na individualnoj razini, "krilati majmun" ste ako širite glasine i tračeve. Isto tako, ako vas glasine i tračevi, pa čak i priče koje zvuče vjerodostojno, navedu da se prema nekome odnosite neprijateljski bez da ste provjerili drugu stranu priče. To se često događa nakon prekida ljubavnih veza, ali i unutar obitelji i poslovnih okruženja. I neiskusni profesionalni pomagači (psiholozi, terapeuti, socijalni radnici) mogu postati žrtve manipulacije narcisista i njihovi krilati majmuni. Zlostavljač može željeti materijalnu korist za sebe, ili osvetu, ili čak i samo podršku istomišljenika ili ispucavanje frustracije. Mislite li da se ne biste dali navući? Narcisisti za ulogu "krilatog majmuna" često biraju dobronamjerne, ali neiskusne, naivne i možda impulzivne ljude. Mete mogu biti djeca i mladi, ili ljudi sa snažnim osjećajem za pravdu, ali nedovoljno objektivnosti. U takvom slučaju, nasilnik će se nastojati predstaviti kao da je sam žrtva, kako bi izazvao vašu pravedničku ljutnju prema stvarnoj žrtvi. Neki ljudi su vrlo vješti u tome. Još jedna kategorija dobronamjernih "krilatih majmuna" su ljudi koji šire razne teorije zavjere i alarmantne članke samo zato što su ih pročitali na internetu, bez da su provjerili ima li u njima realizma, logike i jesu li podaci vjerodostojni. Širiti teorije zavjere može biti moćan osjećaj ("Hej, pogledajte mene! Znam više od drugih, oči su mi otvorenije, opirem se moćnim autoritetima!"), ili može biti rezultat straha i želje da pomognete drugima, ali ne samo što se često radi o gubljenju vremena i skretanju pažnje s realnih i gorućih problema, nego se može nanijeti aktivna šteta drugima (npr. kroz oslabljivanje grupnog imuniteta necijepljenjem djece). (Da se razumijemo: neke zavjere postoje i stvaraju golemu štetu, ali velika je razlika vjerovati u zavjeru u kojoj sudjeluje manji broj pojedinaca i za koju postoje povodi i racionalni dokazi, u odnosu na "zavjeru" u kojoj teoretski sudjeluje cijela jedna profesija diljem zemaljske kugle bez očitih razloga i još manje dokaza.) Možete se naći u ulozi "krilatog majmuna" čak i ako volite žrtvu, a ne volite zlostavljača. Ljubomorna bivša djevojka/dečko vašeg partnera (ili ponekad ljubomoran roditelj) može vam reći nešto ružno o partneru i navesti vas da vršite pritisak na njega, ili da ga napustite. S druge strane, može se raditi i o iskrenom, dobronamjernom upozorenju. Kako razlikovati jedno od drugoga? 2. dio: kako prepoznati manipulaciju i suočiti se s "krilatim majmunima" "Dok god ne učinite podsvjesno svjesnim, ono će upravljati vašim životom i zvat ćete to sudbinom." - C.G. Jung Individualni rad i rad s parovima predbilježba: preko kontakt obrasca u dnu stranice © Kosjenka Muk. Sva prava pridržana.