http___margaretcho.com_hr_2012_05_01_trucks__1.xml
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I learned to drive in a beater of a car, an old Buick Le Sabre, massive and almost impossible to park on the curb starved streets of San Francisco. because of that thing I can parallel park with the precision of a jeweler laying a flawless diamond into a six prong setting with one stroke of my talented hand. I can back into any space with less than an inch of breathing room on the front and back end on a steep incline in the rain at night without streetlights. I am like a parallel parking jedi and adjacent parkers may curse me and leave their angry rubber bumper comments on mine but they are just jealous. Don’t you wish your girlfriend could park like me? I didn’t appreciate that car when I had it but I reap a lifetime of defensive driving skills from my tenure with that awkward monster so I look back on it fondly. I was told time and time again, just don’t hit anything, and I didn’t. The huge car got me and a variety of other comics to gigs in and out of the city and it was a tremendous boost for my then fledgling comedy career. I drove mostly at night and surrounded by the heavy chrome and steel and glass embrace of the gas guzzler I felt safe even though I may not have been always. Once after a late night at the Holy City Zoo, I returned alone to my parents home in the sunset district. I had been nervous with the car all night. It had been smoking and stalling unpredictably. I didn’t know enough about driving to know what I had done and hadn’t done. It was a relief to finally park and turn the wheels at an angle for the last time that day. I walked the block or so to the house and I was stopped as I turned in to go up the stairs by a man yelling from his tow truck. It was cold and I didn’t have a jacket and I was anxious to go inside but the man insisted that I come closer. “You hit her….” he said it several times. “You need to come with me. You hit a woman’s car back there. Didn’t you feel it? You gotta come with me.” He was a large and fearsome man, his flesh pressing up against the driver’s side window like an octopus lying its soft body against the glass of an aquarium, still and covert, like he could change color to match the interior of his truck if he needed to hide himself from predators. He insisted that I get into the tow truck, with lights on the roof making it seem like he was law enforcement, like he was for real. I believed the lights and I almost got into the truck, fearing that I had actually hit someone, my inexperience and insecurity outweighing my common sense. I was relentlessly replaying the drive home in my mind, searching my memory for bumps and thumps but there were none. I got closer to the man and he kept saying I needed to come with him, and that I had hit someone and as I turned to get in the tow truck I saw his eyes shift in untruth. Just a flicker in my peripheral vision was enough to know something bad was happening and I ran like lightning up the stairs and he did not call after me but drove away quickly, screeching his tires because he knew he was big and easy to catch.
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Naučio sam voziti u gonič od auta, stari Buick Le Sabre, masivni i gotovo nemoguće parkirati na pločnik izgladnjelo ulicama San Francisca. zbog toga što mogu paralelno park s preciznošću zlatara polaganje besprijekoran dijamant u okruženju šest zubac s jednim potezom moje talentirani ruke. Mogu vratiti u bilo koji prostor s manje od dva centimetra od disanja soba na prednjem i stražnjem kraju na strminama u kiši noću bez rasvjete. Ja sam poput bočnog parkiranja Jedija i susjedna Parkers me može psuju i ostavite svoje ljutite komentare gume branik na minu, ali oni su samo ljubomorni. Zar ne želite vaša djevojka mogla parkirati poput mene? Nisam cijenim taj auto kad sam ga imala, ali sam žeti vijek obrambeni vožnje vještina iz mog mandata s tom neugodnom čudovište, tako sam se osvrnuti na to nježno. Rečeno mi je vrijeme i vrijeme opet, samo ne pogoditi ništa, a ja nisam. Ogroman automobila mene i niz drugih stripova na nastupe i izvan grada dobio i to je bio veliki poticaj za moj onda žutokljunac komedija karijere. Odvezao sam se uglavnom noću i okružen teškim krom čelika i stakla zagrljaju guzzler plina osjećao sam sigurna iako sam možda bio i uvijek. Jednom nakon što kasne noći u zoološkom vrtu svetog grada, vratio sam se sama s mojim roditeljima kući u sumrak okrugu. I bio nervozan s autom cijelu noć. To je pušio i odugovlačenje nepredvidivo. Nisam znala dovoljno o vožnji znati što sam učinio, a nije učinio. Bilo je olakšanje napokon parkirati i okrenuti kotače pod kutom posljednji put toga dana. Hodao sam blok ili kako se u kuću, a ja sam prestala kad sam se okrenuo u ići stubama muškarac deranja iz njegove vučno vozilo. Bilo je hladno i nisam imala jaknu, a ja sam bio zabrinut da ide unutra, ali čovjek je inzistirao da dođem bliže. "Vi udario ju je ....", Rekao je on to nekoliko puta. "Morate poći sa mnom. Pogodio si žensko auto tamo. Nije li to osjetiti? Moraš poći sa mnom. Bio je velik i strašan čovjek, njegovo tijelo pritiskom protiv bočnog prozora na vozačevoj poput hobotnice laže svoje mekano tijelo uz staklo akvarija, još i tajne, kao što je on mogao promijeniti boju kako bi odgovarao unutrašnjost njegovog kamiona, ako je potrebno da se skrivaju od predatora. On je inzistirao da sam se u vučno vozilo, sa svjetlima na krovu što ga čini kao da je provođenje zakona, kao što je bio za real. Vjeruje se da su svjetla i skoro sam dobio u kamion, bojeći se da sam zapravo udario nekoga, moje neiskustvo i nesigurnost outweighing moj zdrav razum. Bio sam neumorno ponavljaju se voziti kući u mojoj glavi, u potrazi za moju uspomenu udaraca i thumps, ali bilo je nitko. Dobio sam bliže čovjeku, a on je stalno govorio je potrebno da bi se s njim, i da sam pogodio nekoga i kad sam se okrenuo da se u vučno vozilo Vidio sam njegove oči pomak u neistinu. Samo treperenja u mom periferni vid je dovoljno da znam nešto loše se događa i trčao sam kao munja uza stube, a on nije pozvao na mene, ali se odvezao brzo, škripe svoje gume, jer je znao da je velika i lako uhvatiti.