http___margaretcho.com_hr_2011_12_05_birthday-pie__1.xml
1.1 2.1 2.2 2.3 2.4 3.1 3.2 3.3 4.1 4.2 4.3 4.4 4.5 4.6 4.7 5.1 5.2 6.1 6.2 6.3 6.4 6.5 6.6 7.1 7.2 7.3
My wonderful friends made me a pie on my birthday, and not just any old pie, but my favorite pie, a humble pie no less, made from a box of chocolate pudding mix and Cool Whip, layered together in almost equal proportions and chilled into a store bought graham cracker shell. It is the most beloved sweet of my childhood, having lived in close proximity to a Kentucky Fried Chicken. My favorite part of this oddly homespun hometown ‘n’ homegrown fast food chain’s offering wasn’t the chicken, as i didn’t love the peppery thick wet crust, made with floury mud and clay, packed around an overly large antibiotic plumped chicken breast like a grenade, too salty savory and breadlike, an american cold war chicken kiev. No, i didn’t care much for the dripping pickle and pimento mayonnaise coating desperately short ends of macaroni, although i wouldn’t kick it out of bed for eating crackers if you know what i mean. Not even the peristalsis stopping southern style biscuits, that would coat your teeth with the unpleasantly squeaky chemical effect of buttermilk as it filled your mouth with salt and dryness inspired my ardor. I loved the desserts. The dessert I loved most there in the 70s was the plastic cup o’ chocolate parfait – rich inches of cold chocolate pudding, toothpaste white whipped cream (de facto Cool Whip) and crushed graham crackers lining the bottom like sandy gravel in an aquarium. as a child, i actually thought that someone over at kfc had a janitor friend at Nabisco, and that this friend would routinely sweep up the kill room at the main nabisco bakery and then turn around and cheaply sell the contents of his dustpan to make the base of this lowbrow garbagey treat. Chocolate pudding, the most processed kind, not the artisanal kind that often circumnavigates a refrigerated case in better diners the world over, the kind that grows a skin, proteins in the milk coagulating and creating a protective border between you and the pudding, a sweet, self-excreted condom, that sticks to the roof of your mouth and can be pulled from your lips like a caul, the lacy fat which sometimes surrounds infants to cushion them from the blows of birth, but the kind that comes to you as a powder, like a dark, sugary cocaine, mixed with liquid and treated with temperature like crack. It looks fake and tastes fake and is fake – all preservatives and milk solids and extracts and something that controls your mind – and is delicious beyond compare. Foamy whipped cream which is essentially Cool Whip tops off this genius creation, its texture plumped up with air bubbles setting off the glossy egg glamour of the pudding and dulling the decadence. For some reason the graham cracker crust chastens the sinful dessert even further, the crunch like pop rocks but without the fruit flavor. as you can tell I have thought much about this concoction. It is truly one of my favorite dishes, trashy as it is. I can’t help it. In the unlikely event of my execution, please get me this. If this is in my mouth, at least I’d go into the abyss with the taste of glory, which is just as fine as a blaze any day. I even made my own version at home after school, almost unable to bear the hour it took to chill that motherfucker. I wanted it so bad and i wanted it fast and the longer i had to wait for it the more i would end up eating because it was like i was trying to sate not only my hunger but my desire. And so began my long love affair with chocolate, to whom I am monogamous, but the chocolate in this recipe is not quite the lure, as I can’t even really taste the cocoa in the dense bland background. It tastes more like eggs and it also tastes shiny, if light reflected could be perceived as a flavor. The texture is what I am after. It fills me, and I feel so empty all the time and this stuff, It just fills me and that is why I am writing this love letter to it right now. I brought the birthday pie home, but not before texting my husband that it was coming home with me, as if I had found a stray animal to rescue. He was excited about the pie, but he must not have been that excited because he was asleep by the time I got home and so I ate that pie because yes, you snooze you lose, especially when it comes to this pie and hell – it’s my goddamned birthday and I can cry and eat a whole pie if I want to. Thanks to Ian and Sarah and Selene for making my birthday treat and making my birthday great and my wonderful husband for letting me have the whole thing to myself.
1.1 2.1 2.2 2.3 2.4 3.1 3.2 4.1 4.2 4.3 4.4 4.5 4.6 5.1 5.2 6.1 6.2 6.3 6.4 6.5 6.6 7.1 7.2 7.3
Moji divni prijatelji su me pita na moj rođendan, i to ne samo bilo koji stari pitu, ali moja omiljena pita, ponizno pita ni manje, napravljen od kutije čokoladni puding mix i Cool Whip, slojevita zajedno u gotovo jednakom omjeru i ohlađeno u dućan kupili Graham kreker ljuske. To je najomiljenijih slatka moga djetinjstva, koji su živjeli u neposrednoj blizini na Kentucky Fried Chicken. Moj omiljeni dio ovog neobično domaćeg rodnom gradu 'n' domaću fast food lanca je ponuda nije bila piletina, jer nisam volim biberastom debelu mokru koru, sklopio s floury blata i gline, pakiran oko pretjerano velikom antibiotik Plumped pileća prsa poput bombe, previše slano ukusan i breadlike, američki hladnog rata pilećeg Kijevu. Ne, nije me bilo briga koliko za kaplje Pickle i piment majoneza premazivanje očajnički kratkim krajevima makarona, iako ja ne bih ga nogom iz kreveta za jesti krekere, ako znate što mislim. Ni peristaltika zaustavljanja južni stil kekse, da bi kaput zube s neugodno kreštav kemijski učinak mlaćenica jer se napuni usta sa soli i suhoća inspiriran moj žar. Voljela sam deserte. Desert sam voljela najviše ima u 70-ih bio je plastičnu šalicu o 'čokoladni parfait - bogati centimetara od hladnog čokoladni puding, pastu bijela šlagom (de facto Cool Whip) i slomiti Graham krekeri obloge dna poput pješčane šljunka u akvariju. kao dijete, zapravo sam mislio da je netko više u KFC imao prijatelj vratar na Nabisco, i da taj prijatelj bi rutinski pomesti i ubiti sobu u glavnoj Nabisco pekare, a zatim se okrene i jeftino prodati sadržaj njegovog lopatica za smeće da bi Baza ove prost garbagey poslastica. Čokoladni puding, najčešće obrađuju ljubazni, ne zanatski vrsta koja se često circumnavigates hladnjaču slučaj u boljim Diners diljem svijeta, o vrsti koja raste u kožu, proteini u koagulaciju mlijeka i stvara zaštitnu granicu između vas i puding, slatko , self-izlučuje kondom, koji se lijepi na krovu svojih usta i mogu se izvući iz vaših usana poput košuljici, Lacy masti koje se ponekad okružuje dojenčad da ih se ublaži od udaraca od rođenja, ali vrsta koja dolazi k vama kao u prahu, poput tamne, slatke kokaina, pomiješana s tekućinom i tretirana s temperaturom poput pukotine. Izgleda lažni i okusa varanje i lažni - sve konzervanse i tvar mlijeka i ekstrakti i nešto što kontrolira svoj um - i ukusna, neusporedivi. Pjenasta šlagom koji je u suštini Cool Whip vrhovima s ovog genijalnog stvaranje, njegova tekstura Plumped s mjehurića zraka polaska Sjajnu jaje glamur puding i otupljivanje u dekadenciju. Iz nekog razloga Graham kreker kore chastens grešnice desert i dalje, škripanje poput pop stijena, ali bez voćnog okusa. kao što možete reći da sam puno razmišljao o tom izmišljotina. To je uistinu jedan od mojih omiljenih jela, trashy kao što je to. Ne mogu si pomoći. U malo vjerojatnom slučaju mog izvršenja, molim te mi ovo. Ako je to u mojim ustima, barem bih otići u ponor s okusom slave, što je jednako u redu kao plamen bilo koji dan. Čak sam napravio svoju verziju kod kuće poslije škole, gotovo ne može podnijeti sat vremena trebalo je da se smiri tu mater. Htio sam to tako loše, a ja sam htjela da brzo i više sam morao čekati na njega više bih završiti jedući, jer to je kao da sam pokušavao zasititi ne samo moj glad, ali moja želja. I tako je počelo moje dugo ljubavnu aferu s čokoladom, s kojima sam monogamni, ali čokolada u ovom receptu nije baš mamac, kao što sam ja ne mogu ni stvarno okus kakao u gustoj blag pozadini. Ima okus više poput jaja i to je okusa sjajna, ako svjetlo odražava mogla biti percipirana kao okus. Tekstura je ono što sam poslije. To me ispunjava, a ja se osjećam tako prazno cijelo vrijeme i te stvari, to me ispunjava i to je razlog zašto pišem ovo ljubavno pismo na njega upravo sada. Donio sam rođendansku pita dom, ali ne prije nego što texting mog muža da je dolazio kući sa mnom, kao da sam pronašao izgubljenu životinju za spašavanje. Bio je uzbuđen zbog kolača, ali on ne mora biti da je uzbuđen jer on je spavao u trenutku kada sam došao kući i tako sam pojeo tu pitu, jer da, odgodu gubite, pogotovo kada je riječ o tom pita i pakao - to je moj prokleti rođendan i ja mogu plakati i jesti cijeli pita ako želim. Zahvaljujući Ian i Sarah i Selene za izradu moj rođendan liječiti i što moj rođendan veliko i moj divan suprug za dopuštajući mi da cijelu stvar za mene.