http___mentor-coach.eu_HR_articles_stetne_navike.html_1.xml
1.1 1.2 2.1 2.2 2.3 2.4 2.5 3.1 4.1 4.2 4.3 4.4 4.5 4.6 5.1 5.2 5.3 6.1 6.2 6.3 6.4 7.1 7.2 7.3 7.4 7.5 7.6 7.7 7.8 8.1 8.2 8.3 8.4 8.5 8.6 9.1 9.2 9.3 9.4 10.1 10.2 10.3 10.4 11.1 11.2 11.3 12.1 12.2 12.3 13.1 13.2 13.3 13.4 14.1 14.2 14.3 14.4 15.1 15.2 15.3 16.1 16.2 17.1 18.1 18.2
How many times did you make such a decision: starting tomorrow, I will quit smoking, biting my nails, overeating, drinking coffee... or: I will start exercising, watch less television, be more organized... Typically, such decisions appear easy to put into practice, starting tomorrow, of course, just a little effort and attention needed. Tomorrow comes and we start to feel stronger and stronger resistance to our decisions. Continuing old habits feels so comfortable and harmless, while new habits appear unpleasant, difficult or boring. Your body starts sending signals that something is missing, and your brain readily comes with excuses: just a little bit... it's not THAT harmful, really... today can be the last day... I guess my body needs it when I feel such an urge for it...other people do it and it doesn't seem to hurt them that much... I need some pleasure in my life... and you yield almost without noticing. Sooner or later, we find our own nails amongst our teeth, or a cookie in our hand, or we open a video game that stopped being interesting quite a while ago. Rational decisions and willpower are rarely enough to enable us to keep our decisions, except if the problem is relatively simple and recently created. If you have unsuccessfully tried to quit a bad habit several times, probably there is some deeper, unconscious motivation that needs some way to manifest itself. Similarly as if we try to suppress emotions, such needs will create stronger and stronger physical and mental pressure, until they finally break through. Then we might turn back to old habits, or develop new ones as a substitute. (Remember, for example, how many people quit smoking only to start overeating instead.) If we succeed in avoiding any of that, our unconscious needs might manifest themselves through auto-aggression, i.e. causing come kind of psychosomatic disorder. Many habits, just as most addictions, are used as a way of controlling emotions, whether suppressing unpleasant emotions, or creating the pleasant ones. Notice, after you spend some time fighting the urge to continue with a toxic habit, do you start to experience emotions like anger, nervousness, anxiety, depression? Or maybe something is missing - pleasure, excitement, comfort, fun, relaxation, feeling of achievement (like with video games)? To get rid of a bad habit, firstly you need to resolve those emotions, or find a different, healthier way to feel better. As a first step, when you feel the urge to return to a bad habit, instead of trying to control it rationally, close your eyes and focus on your emotions. Maybe some parts of you need just a little attention and comfort, or there is some chronic emotion that needs to be resolved? Or maybe you need to invest some time and effort to learn to create good feelings you want? There might be other unconscious urges or benefits that need to be resolved besides specific problematic emotions. Consider, what might be the benefit of your toxic habit, which might not be obvious and conscious? Perhaps you try to distract yourself to avoid facing specific challenges or unpleasant tasks? Or do you punish yourself because of suppressed guilt or self-hatred? (This is common with anorexia and bulimia, for example.) Maybe your bad habit creates an illusion of control, while otherwise you would feel lost and insecure? Maybe there is a fear of a positive change: what if you lose current friends (or even intimate partner) who share your habit, what if you attract unwanted attention or envy... You will need to learn how to face such issues, or how to achieve those benefits in a different way. Toxic habits might be a part of a family tradition and the way to feel close with a member or members of our family. This is something that people rarely consider. Sometimes you might feel an unconscious need to understand a family member better, or to express loyalty. Or perhaps, along with "inherited" anxiety, anger etc. we have accepted the traditional family ways of suppressing those feelings? Or do you maybe express some feelings that your parents were suppressing, like sexuality or anger? That might be the cause of obsessive behavior, for example internet porn addiction (although not necessarily the only cause). All these emotional elements of the issue are the reason why the attempts to change a toxic habit rationally are often in vain. Many people hope that somebody or something else - a pill, or tea, or positive suggestions - can solve their problem. However, if the cause is not addressed, the results will be short-term and the person will soon return to the unwanted habit, or the emotional urges will find some other way to manifest themselves (through creating other kinds of issues). The only long-term solution is to resolve the cause of the problem. After you have faced the emotional aspects of your bad habits and resolved them, you will still need to deal with physiological aspects. It might be a chemical addiction like with smoking or junk food, or a neurological automatism created by repetitive behavior. Once an automatism is created, your neurological system will try to keep it going for the purpose of preserving energy, so it might sabotage your intent of creating a new habit. You might feel like swimming against a stream, or you might notice your body starting to move according to the old routine almost without your conscious involvement. Physiological aspects of a toxic habit might take less time to resolve, but sometimes might be more intense, like the effects of detoxification. It's often more difficult to find even short-term relief for physiological than emotional component of a bad habit. Here is some advice to help you "fool your brain" and motivate yourself. Write these tips down and keep them in an easily accessible place (or several places), where you can be easily reminded of them. It's important to take time, close your eyes and check your feelings every time you feel an urge to follow your excuses and automated behavior. You might come up with some of your own helpful tricks, and to help you get started, we offer the following: Motivate yourself with the "carrot/stick system". Imagine benefits and good feelings you will have if you succeed, as well as uncomfortable feelings and consequences if you yield to the temptation. Imagine long-term consequences - they are usually much more obvious. Imagine the feelings and consequences intensely, even exaggerate them if necessary. Imagine your bad habits having an influence to somebody very important to you. Would you smoke if you were pregnant or had a little child around? Would you overeat or procrastinate if you knew your child would copy that behavior? Often we feel more motivated to avoid harming others than ourselves. Keep in mind that you will experience most difficulties in the beginning, especially considering physiological habit or addiction. However, you will probably feel much better already after two or three weeks. A couple of months later, you might find it difficult to imagine going back to old habits. "Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung Subscription: through contact form below © Kosjenka Muk. All rights reserved.
1.1 1.2 1.3 1.4 1.5 1.6 2.1 2.2 2.3 3.1 3.2 3.3 3.4 4.1 4.2 4.3 4.4 4.5 5.1 5.2 5.3 5.4 5.5 5.6 5.7 6.1 6.2 6.3 6.4 6.5 7.1 7.2 7.3 7.4 7.5 8.1 8.2 8.3 9.1 9.2 9.3 9.4 10.1 11.1 11.2 12.1 13.1 14.1 14.2
Koliko puta ste odlučili: od sutra prestajem gristi nokte, pušiti, prejedati se, piti kavu... ili: počinjem vježbati, manje gledati televiziju, redovito pospremati... Redovito, čini nam se da ćemo takve odluke lako provesti, počevši od sutra, naravno, uz samo malo volje i pažnje. Sutrašnji dan stiže i počinjemo osjećati sve jači i jači otpor svojim odukama. Nastaviti sa starim čini se tako lako i prihvatljivo, a nove navike čine se dosadnima, napornima ili neugodnima. Prije ili kasnije, nađemo vlastite nokte među zubima, ili kolačić u ruci, ili otvaramo igru koja nam je odavno dosadila. Tijelo vam šalje osjećaj da nešto nedostaje, a mozak spremno počinje stvarati izgovore: ma samo ću malo... ma nije to baš toliko štetno... ma samo još danas... i popustili ste gotovo prije nego što ste i primijetili. Racionalne odluke i snaga volje rijetko su dovoljne da bi se takve odluke održale, osim ako se radi o navici koja je površna i tek nedavno stvorena. No ako ste već više puta neuspješno pokušali donijeti neku odluku, najvjerojatnije postoje i dublje, nesvjesne motivacije koje moraju naći neki način da se manifestiraju. Slično kao i s potisnutim emocijama, takve potrebe će stvarati sve jači i jači mentalni pritisak sve dok ne izbiju van , bilo kroz vraćanje starim navikama, ili razvoj neke nove, zamjenske (sjetite se, na primjer, koliki broj ljudi pušenje zamjenjuje prejedanjem) ili kroz autoagresiju, tj. stvaranje neke vrste psihosomatskih poremećaja. Mnoge navike, slično kao i "klasične" ovisnosti, služe nekoj vrsti kontrole emocija: bilo potiskivanju neugodnih emocija, bilo stvaranju nekih ugodnih, koje zbog nekog razloga ne uspijevamo spontano stvoriti sami. Primijetite pojavljuju li se neke neugodne emocije nakon što neko vrijeme odolijevate porivima da nastavite sa štetnom navikom? Možda ljutnja, razdražljivost, depresija, tjeskoba? Ili kao da vam nešto nedostaje – zadovoljstvo, uzbuđenje, osjećaj postignuća, zabave (npr. kroz video igre), smirenost... Da biste se riješili štetne navike, prvo je potrebno riješiti te emocije, ili naći drugi, zdraviji način da se osjećate ugodno. Zato, kad osjetite poriv da se vratite štetnoj navici, umjesto da se nastojite racionalno kontrolirati, zatvorite oči i usmjerite se na svoje emocije. Možda je nekom dijelu vas potrebno da ga se samo malo posluša i prihvati, ili je potreban dublji rad na rješavanju uzroka kroničnih osjećaja? Možda vam je jednostavno potrebno uložiti malo vremena i vještine da naučite prizvati ugodan osjećaj koji želite? To je prvi i najvažniji korak. Osim problematičnih emocija, može biti potrebno riješiti još neke nesvjesne porive ili dobrobiti koje mogu proizlaziti iz štetne navike. Razmislite što možda postižete štetnom navikom što nije odmah ili očito vidljivo? Možda si odvlačite pažnju kako bi izbjegli suočavanje s pojedinim izazovima ili neugodnim obavezama? Ili kažnjavate sebe zbog prigušene krivnje ili mržnje prema sebi? (Ovo često primjećujemo kod anoreksije i bulimije.) Možda vam štetna navika služi osjećaju da imate kontrolu, dok se bez nje osjećate izgubljeno? Možda postoji strah od pozitivne promjene: što ako izgubimo dosadašnje prijatelje ili čak partnera s kojima smo dijelili naviku, što ako nam ljudi budu zavidni, ili privučemo neželjenu pažnju... Potrebno je naučiti kako se suočiti s uzrocima takvih poriva, te razmisliti kako na drugačiji način možete ostvariti takve indirektne dobrobiti. Štetne navike mogu biti i dio obiteljske tradicije i način da se osjećamo bliski s pojedinim članovima obitelji. To je nešto čega su rijetki ljudi odmah svjesni. Ponekad se radi o nesvjesnoj potrebi da nekog člana obitelji bolje razumijemo ili mu izrazimo solidarnost, ili smo možda zajedno s "naslijeđenom" tjeskobom, bijesom i sl. preuzeli i tradicionalan način njihovog potiskivanja. Izražavate li možda nešto što su vaši roditelji potiskivali, npr. seksualnost ili ljutnju? To može biti uzrok opsesivnog ponašanja, npr. ovisnosti o on-line pornografiji. Svi ovi emocionalni aspekti problema razlog su zašto pokušaji da izvana riješimo štetnu naviku ne pomažu. Mnogi ljudi se nadaju da im netko drugi ili nešto izvana – čaj, tableta, sugestije i sl. mogu trajno pomoći. No, nisam čula niti za jedan slučaj trajnog uspjeha pomoću takvih sredstava! U pravilu su rezultati, ako ih uopće ima, kratkotrajni, te se osoba vraća na staro ili emocionalni porivi nađu načina da se manifestiraju kroz neki drugi kanal i stvore neke druge poteškoće. Rad na uzroku problema je jedino trajno rješenje. Jednom kad se suočite s emocionalnim aspektima svojih neželjenih navika i riješite ih, potrebno je još razriješiti fiziološke aspekte, bilo da je to fizička ovisnost kao kod cigareta, kave ili slatkiša, bilo da se radi o neurološkom automatizmu stvorenom čestim ponavljanjem određenih ponašanja. Jednom kad je automatizam stvoren, vaš živčani sustav nastojati će ga održati i tako može sabotirati stvaranje novih navika. Možete imati osjećaj da plivate protiv struje ili primijetiti kako vaše tijelo radi pojedine radnje gotovo bez vašeg svjesnog učešća. Fiziološke aspekte štetnih navika može biti vremenski lakše, ali po intenzitetu teže riješiti. Detoksifikacija od štetnih tvari ili stvaranje novih neuronskih automatizama može potrajati nekoliko tjedana (nasuprot nekoliko mjeseci ili više za rješavanje kroničnih emocionalnih poteškoća), ali može privremeno stvoriti jaču neugodu i otpore nego emocionalne potrebe. Fiziološkim aspektima teže ćete naći čak i privremeno olakšanje u odnosu na emocionalne. Kao pomoć možete koristiti kombinaciju pojedinih trikova za "zavaravanje" uma i poticanje motivacije. 2. dio: "mentalni trikovi" i kako si pomoći u odolijevanju iskušenju "Dok god ne učinite podsvjesno svjesnim, ono će upravljati vašim životom i zvat ćete to sudbinom." - C.G. Jung Individualni rad i rad s parovima predbilježba: preko kontakt obrasca u dnu stranice © Kosjenka Muk. Sva prava pridržana.