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Push Jokes Funny Jokes Can you give me a push? Hot 2 years ago A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger stands in the pouring down rain. "Can you give me a push?" he asks while hanging onto the door frame. "Not a chance" says the husband -- "It's 3 o'clock in the morning!". He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was it?" asks his wife." Just some drunk wanting a push" he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I didn't -- it's three in the morning and raining like crazy out." "Well, you have a short memory" says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down on vacation and those two strangers helped us? I think you should help him." The man does as he is told and gets dressed and goes out into the pounding rain and calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"" Yes," comes the more... Delivered WomanHot 2 years ago A woman is in the delivery room giving birth, the doctor tells her to push. She does and the baby's head pops out. The doctor says, "Oh! Your baby has slanted eyes." To which she replies "Yeah I heard them Chinese men were pretty good, so I decided to give them a try. The doctor shrugs it off and tells her to push again. This time the baby's body comes out. "Holy Shit, your baby has a white body," the doctor says. "Yeah I heard them white men were pretty good so I decided to give them a try," she said. The doctor shrugs it off again and tells her to push again and that will be it. So she does and the legs come out. "Holy Shit! Your baby has black legs," the doctor said. "Yeah I heard them black men were pretty good so I decided to give them a try," she said. So the doctor shrugs it off again and ties the umbilical cord and slaps the baby on the ass, it starts to cry. The doctor turns to the woman and asks, "How more... Uconn cheerleaderHot 4 years agoby grad Q: How do you get an UConn cheerleader into your dorm room? A: Grease her hips and push. INSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILLHot 3 years ago Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub more... How to give your Cat a Pill. Hot 2 years ago Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. Retrive cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cats head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler more... - Add a Useful Link External Links - humor - Push cxpush.cx/tag/humor1540 - Crazy push jokesjokes.aspcode.net/push-jokes.aspx15613 - Need a Push? | kids | Jokes.com1265Jokes.com - Q: Why did the girl fall off the swing. A: She had no arms.jokes.com/…/need-a-push- Show More Recent Activity
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Uzmite macku i smestite je na levu podlakticu, kao da držite bebu. Desnim kažiprstom i palcem obuhvatite macija usta sa obe strane i nežno pritiskajte obraze držeci tabletu u desnoj ruci. Kad macka otvori usta, ubacite tabletu. Dopustite macki da zatvori usta i proguta tabletu. Pokupite tabletu s poda i macku iza kauca. Smestite macku na levu ruku i ponovite postupak. Pokupite macku iz spavace sobe i bacite mokru tabletu. Uzmite novu tabletu iz pakovanja, smestite macku na levu ruku, istovremeno levom rukom cvrsto držeci šape. Prisilno otvorite celjust i pogurajte tabletu u dno usta desnim kažiprstom. Zatvorite joj usta i držite ih zatvorenima dok odbrojite do deset. Pokupite tabletu iz akvarijuma i macku iz ormana. Pozovite supruga iz bašte. Kleknite na pod s mackom cvrsto uklještenom izmedu kolena, držeci joj prednje i zadnje noge. Ignorišite potmulo režanje koje dolazi od macke. Supruga navedite da joj cvrsto drži glavu jednom rukom, dok joj vi u usta gurate drveni lenjir. Namestite tabletu da sklizne niz lenjir i žustro istrljajte mackin vrat. Pokupite macku s garnišne, izvadite novu tabletu iz pakovanja. Zapišite u podsetnik da kupite nov lenjir i zakrpite zavese. Oprezno pocistite razbijene figurice i delove vaze s polica i ostavite ih sa strane za kasnije lepljenje. Zamotajte macku u debeli peškir i supruga zamolite da legne na macku tako da joj samo glava viri iz njegovog pazuha. Stavite tabletu na kraj slamke, olovkom macki prisilno otvorite usta i snažno dunite u slamku. Procitajte uputstvo s kutije tableta i proverite da nisu štetne za ljude, zatim popijte pivo da odstranite ukus tablete. Zalepite flaster na ranu na ruci supruga, te hladnom vodom i sapunom operite krv s tepiha. Pokupite macku iz komšijine garaže. Uzmite novu tabletu. Otvorite još jedno pivo. Stavite macku u kuhinjski ormaric, zatvorite vrata ormarica na mackin vrat, tako da samo glava viri. Kafenom kašicicom odlucno otvorite usta macki. Elasticnom gumicom ubacite tabletu u grlo. Donesite šrafciger iz garaže i ponovo montirajte vrata kuhinjskog ormarica. Popijte pivo. Dohvatite bocu šljivovice. Sipajte u vecu cašu i popijte. Stavite hladne obloge na obraz i proverite datum kad ste zadnji put primili injekciju protiv tetanusa. Dezinfikujte povrede na obrazu gazom namocenom u šljivovicu. Popijte još jednu cašicu. Bacite pocepanu majicu koju ste nosili i uzmite novu iz spavace sobe. Pozovite vatrogasce da skinu macku s drveta preko puta ulice. Izvinite se komšiji koji se zabio u ogradu dok je pokušavao da izbegne macku. Uzmite poslednju tabletu iz kutije. Zavežite prednje noge prokletog skota konopcem za kuhinjski sto, pronadite debele baštenske rukavice u garaži. Ugurajte joj tabletu u grlo i nakon toga veliki zalogaj mesa. Slobodno budite grubi. Držite joj glavu vertikalno i sipajte pola litre vode u grlo kako bi se sprala tableta. Popijte ostatak šljivovice. Zamolite supruga da vas odveze u hitnu pomoc, mirno sedite dok vam doktor zašije prste i podlakticu, te odstrani komadice tablete iz desnog oka. Na putu kuci nazovite prodavnicu nameštaja i narucite novi kuhinjski sto.