I don't wanna suggest anything that might be uncomfortable for you, but you might consider, just consider the possibility that part of your problem, part of the thing that's making you so miserable, is the angst of killing a lot of people. Maybe I'll just put it in the background there.
Ég vil ekki valda Ūér vanlíđan en hugsađu um ađ hluti vandamáls Ūíns, hluti Ūess sem veldur Ūér vanlíđan er ķttinn viđ ađ drepa marga.