<p>Say you meet an attractive person of the opposite gender (or of the same gender, as the case may be). You are attracted to this person because of one or more salient qualities, intelligence, personality, or good looks. You revel in this discovery and look forward to being able to enjoy this person's desirable qualities. More to the point, you expect that your appreciation of someone will help generate an appreciation of you by that person, with your other qualities doing the rest. Even if this person doesn't fully reciprocate, if s/he agrees to spend time with, and perhaps "date" you, this might be the beginning of love.</p>

<p>But suppose the object of your affection studiously ignores you, or worse, seems to date everyone except you, not noticing, or downplaying your attention and your good qualities. You no longer have any reasonable expectation of benefiting from whatever desirable qualities this person may have. Does your potential love now turn into hate, or at least jealousy?</p>

<p>Some people will poinr to the love of parents and children, and the fact that a parent may seem to blindly love a worthless child (or in a few cases, the opposite). But the fact is that the parent-child relationship is bound by real ties; each person possesses roughly half of the other's genes. That would probably create a strong expectation that whatever benefits the other person produces in life will accrue to you at some point.</p>

<p>Can love exist in a seeming vacuum, that is with the realization that the beloved does not have the power to benefit you in any way, or worse, has no intention of ever benefiting you in any way?</p>

<social-psychology><emotion><motivation>
Could the basis of love be the expectation of a future benefit?
Tom Au
# Could the basis of love be the expectation of a future benefit?

(Asked by: username_0 on 2013-09-25)

Say you meet an attractive person of the opposite gender (or of the same gender, as the case may be). You are attracted to this person because of one or more salient qualities, intelligence, personality, or good looks. You revel in this discovery and look forward to being able to enjoy this person's desirable qualities. More to the point, you expect that your appreciation of someone will help generate an appreciation of you by that person, with your other qualities doing the rest. Even if this person doesn't fully reciprocate, if s/he agrees to spend time with, and perhaps "date" you, this might be the beginning of love.

But suppose the object of your affection studiously ignores you, or worse, seems to date everyone except you, not noticing, or downplaying your attention and your good qualities. You no longer have any reasonable expectation of benefiting from whatever desirable qualities this person may have. Does your potential love now turn into hate, or at least jealousy?

Some people will poinr to the love of parents and children, and the fact that a parent may seem to blindly love a worthless child (or in a few cases, the opposite). But the fact is that the parent-child relationship is bound by real ties; each person possesses roughly half of the other's genes. That would probably create a strong expectation that whatever benefits the other person produces in life will accrue to you at some point.

Can love exist in a seeming vacuum, that is with the realization that the beloved does not have the power to benefit you in any way, or worse, has no intention of ever benefiting you in any way?

**Tags:** social-psychology, emotion, motivation


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## 0 answers

