<p>大家好! 我是____, 我来自俄罗斯, 今年20岁。 目前还是[一个]__<em>大学外国语学院的学生。 我是一个渴望知识的人, 学得很认真和努力。 我家不太富裕, 我从中学<strong>開始</strong>工作[和]帮助解决金钱问题。 从那时起，我试图<strong>着</strong>了解金融和经济[学]是如何运作的, <strong>對那</strong>觉得很有[意思]<strong>興趣</strong>。 <strong>而</strong>在我上学期间, [也]对数学和分析<strong>也</strong>非常感兴趣, 所以想在[</em>]大学]<strong>同時</strong>学习金融<strong>和外国语</strong>。 日常的生活我喜欢看小说, 学外语和[聊天}跟外国人<strong>聊天</strong>。 感谢您的收看。</p>
<p>The writing is very fluent, congratulation! I've made minor changes to make it a little smoother.</p>
<p><strong>[  ]</strong> - delete the word(s).</p>

CC BY-SA 4.0
2022-05-15T03:22:12.393Z
All  those who answered to date probably felt that  感谢您的收看 requires no "improvement" So, my question is, is "收看" all that appropriate given OP's intention and request?
Wayne Cheah
CC BY-SA 4.0
2022-05-15T13:56:23.357Z
Yes. Because he is making a video resume.
r13
CC BY-SA 4.0
2022-05-13T16:34:52.430Z
2022-05-13T16:34:52.430Z
r13
<p>大家好! 我叫_, 来自俄罗斯, 今年20岁。 目前还是_大学外国语学院的学生。我是一个渴望知识的人, 学得很认真也很努力。我家不太富裕, 所以我从中学就开始打工，帮助家里解决经济困难。从那时起，我开始试图了解金融和经济是如何运作的, 并对它们产生了兴趣。在我上学期间, 也对数学和分析非常感兴趣, 所以想在_大学学习金融。 在日常生活中，我喜欢看小说、学外语和跟外国人聊天。我的自我介绍就到这里，感谢您的收看。</p>

CC BY-SA 4.0
2022-05-14T17:17:22.283Z
2022-05-14T17:19:12.667Z
2022-05-14T17:19:12.667Z
Weiwei Wu
<p>大家好!我是_,我来自俄罗斯,今年20岁。目前是_大学外国语学院的学生。我是一个渴望知识的人, 学得很认真努力。我家不太富裕,我从中学开始工作以解决金钱问题。从那时起，我试图了解金融和经济学是如何运作的, 觉得很有意思。在我上学期间, 也对数学和分析非常感兴趣, 所以想在_大学学习金融。 在日常生活中我喜欢看小说, 学外语和跟外国人聊天。感谢您的观看。</p>
<p>No space is needed. 空格是不需要的。</p>
<p>Use less “and”. &quot;and&quot; doesn't have many meaning in chinese. 在中文中，“和”有时可以被省略，或使用更具体的关联词，“和”没有那么多的隐藏含义。</p>

CC BY-SA 4.0
2022-05-17T07:08:27.460Z
2022-05-17T07:08:27.460Z
wznmickey
<p>Here's my take on it (I'm late-HSK6 student).  To begin, note that there is no space after a full stop in Chinese, and the Chinese comma is written ， and not ,.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>大家好！我是_，我来自俄罗斯，今年20岁。</p>
</blockquote>
<p>That's fine.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>目前<strong>我</strong>还是一个_大学外国语学院的学生。</p>
</blockquote>
<p>This sentence originally lacked a subject (although maybe you can infer the subject).  I'd also be tempted to add a 属于, but it looks like it's okay without it.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Original: 我是一个渴望知识的人，学得很认真和努力。<br />
Mine: 我是一个渴望知识的人，学得<strong>又认真又努力</strong>。</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Perhaps this is one of those rare cases where <a href="https://resources.allsetlearning.com/chinese/grammar/Expressing_%22and%22_with_%22he%22_(advanced)#Linking_Adjectives_with_.E5.92.8C" rel="nofollow noreferrer">和 can be used to connect adjectives</a>, but ordinarily <a href="https://resources.allsetlearning.com/chinese/grammar/Expressing_%22and%22_with_%22he%22" rel="nofollow noreferrer">和 connects nouns</a> (and sometimes verbs with common subjects and objects), while <a href="https://resources.allsetlearning.com/chinese/grammar/Expressing_%22both_A_and_B%22_with_%22you%22" rel="nofollow noreferrer">又……又…… is used to connect adjectives</a>.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Original: 我家不太富裕, 我从中学工作和帮助解决金钱问题。<br />
Mine: 我家不太富裕，<strong>所以为了</strong>帮助<strong>减轻家庭的经济负担</strong>，我从中学<strong>开始</strong>工作。</p>
</blockquote>
<p>This sentence gives (a) a reason why you need to help (so it's natural to use 所以), and (b) what you goal of helping is (so it's natural to use 为了).  I use a common way of saying &quot;help out financially&quot; in Chinese, 减轻家庭的经济负担 = &quot;lighten the family's economic burden&quot;.  I don't have a good explanation here, but 从中学 by itself feels incomplete.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Original: 从那时起，我试图了解金融和经济学是如何运作的, 觉得很有意思。<br />
Mine: 从那时起，我<strong>尽量</strong>了解金融和经济学是如何运作的, 觉得<strong>这些话题</strong>很有意思。</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Here 试图 needs to be modified to indicate an ongoing process; there are multiple ways of achieving this.  The issue with 我……觉得很有意思 is that it doesn't specify what is interesting (such as in 我觉得<strong>它</strong>很有意思).</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Original: 在我上学期间, 也对数学和分析非常感兴趣, 所以想在_大学学习金融。<br />
Mine: <strong>我</strong>在上学时, 也对数学和分析非常感兴趣, 所以想在_大学学习金融。</p>
</blockquote>
<p>The problem here is there is no subject (the 我 comes after the 在, so it only plays a role in specifying the timeframe); it doesn't say who is interested in math and analysis.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Original: 日常的生活我喜欢看小说, 学外语和聊天跟外国人。 感谢您的收看。<br />
Mine: <strong>在</strong>日常的生活<strong>中</strong>，我喜欢看小说、学外语和<strong>跟外国人聊天</strong>。</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Using 在日常的生活中 without the 在……中 might be acceptable, but it's not familiar to me.  Note the use of the <a href="https://chinese.stackexchange.com/q/12299/8099">、 comma instead of the ， comma</a>.  Most important here is that 聊天 is a <a href="https://resources.allsetlearning.com/chinese/grammar/Separable_verb" rel="nofollow noreferrer">separable verb</a> so we need to use separable verb grammar.  In this case, we need to use the structure 跟……聊天.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>感谢您的收看。</p>
</blockquote>
<p>That's fine.</p>

CC BY-SA 4.0
2022-05-15T08:08:19.143Z
While 属于 is grammatical to add, it makes the sentence very unnatural. 试图 is better than 尽量. It is a still-going process from then. 了解 cannot be the predicate here; I don't know the term, but it's not "verbal" enough. 尽量去了解 solves the problem.
lilysirius
CC BY-SA 4.0
2022-05-15T08:09:53.410Z
Another thing feels awkward is 看小说、学外语和跟外国人聊天. Change 和 to 以及 is much better. This is phonetic.
lilysirius
CC BY-SA 4.0
2022-05-17T15:25:51.493Z
Chinese language is more flexible than English and other western languages. But there is still some work to be done for better reading. 看小说、学外语还有跟外国人聊天 is a better choice, 谢谢您的观看 is more natural than 感谢您的收看. 收看is a formal word often used to highlight the show to be watched, like an important event, and sounds a little awkward when what you like others to watch is a short video of your self-introduction.
NanningYouth
CC BY-SA 4.0
2022-05-14T23:20:54.490Z
2022-05-14T23:33:51.423Z
2022-05-14T23:33:51.423Z
Becky 李蓓
<p>Please help me to check if my text for the video is correct. 大家好! 我是_, 我来自俄罗斯, 今年20岁。 目前还是一个_大学外国语学院的学生。 我是一个渴望知识的人, 学得很认真和努力。 我家不太富裕, 我从中学工作和帮助解决金钱问题。 从那时起，我试图了解金融和经济学是如何运作的, 觉得很有意思。 在我上学期间, 也对数学和分析非常感兴趣, 所以想在_大学学习金融。 日常的生活我喜欢看小说, 学外语和聊天跟外国人。 感谢您的收看。</p>

CC BY-SA 4.0
2022-05-15T03:28:49.663Z
Just for curiosity sake, may I ask how long have you been studying the language?
Wayne Cheah
<grammar><meaning-in-context><usage><sentence-structure><writing-critique>
这段课文写对了没有? 请你们检查一下。谢谢
# 这段课文写对了没有? 请你们检查一下。谢谢

(Asked by: username_0 on 2022-05-13)

Please help me to check if my text for the video is correct. 大家好! 我是\_, 我来自俄罗斯, 今年20岁。 目前还是一个\_大学外国语学院的学生。 我是一个渴望知识的人, 学得很认真和努力。 我家不太富裕, 我从中学工作和帮助解决金钱问题。 从那时起，我试图了解金融和经济学是如何运作的, 觉得很有意思。 在我上学期间, 也对数学和分析非常感兴趣, 所以想在\_大学学习金融。 日常的生活我喜欢看小说, 学外语和聊天跟外国人。 感谢您的收看。

**Tags:** grammar, meaning-in-context, usage, sentence-structure, writing-critique

> **Comments:**
> **username_1**: Just for curiosity sake, may I ask how long have you been studying the language?  

---

## 4 answers

### Answer by username_2 on 2022-05-13. Score: 2

大家好! 我是\_\_\_\_, 我来自俄罗斯, 今年20岁。 目前还是[一个]\_\_*大学外国语学院的学生。 我是一个渴望知识的人, 学得很认真和努力。 我家不太富裕, 我从中学**開始**工作[和]帮助解决金钱问题。 从那时起，我试图**着**了解金融和经济[学]是如何运作的, **對那**觉得很有[意思]**興趣**。 **而**在我上学期间, [也]对数学和分析**也**非常感兴趣, 所以想在[*]大学]**同時**学习金融**和外国语**。 日常的生活我喜欢看小说, 学外语和[聊天}跟外国人**聊天**。 感谢您的收看。

The writing is very fluent, congratulation! I've made minor changes to make it a little smoother.

**[ ]** - delete the word(s).

> **Comments:**
> **username_1**: All  those who answered to date probably felt that  感谢您的收看 requires no "improvement" So, my question is, is "收看" all that appropriate given OP's intention and request?  
> **username_2**: Yes. Because he is making a video resume.  

---

### Answer by username_3 on 2022-05-14. Score: 2

大家好! 我叫\_, 来自俄罗斯, 今年20岁。 目前还是\_大学外国语学院的学生。我是一个渴望知识的人, 学得很认真也很努力。我家不太富裕, 所以我从中学就开始打工，帮助家里解决经济困难。从那时起，我开始试图了解金融和经济是如何运作的, 并对它们产生了兴趣。在我上学期间, 也对数学和分析非常感兴趣, 所以想在\_大学学习金融。 在日常生活中，我喜欢看小说、学外语和跟外国人聊天。我的自我介绍就到这里，感谢您的收看。


---

### Answer by username_4 on 2022-05-17. Score: 1

大家好!我是\_,我来自俄罗斯,今年20岁。目前是\_大学外国语学院的学生。我是一个渴望知识的人, 学得很认真努力。我家不太富裕,我从中学开始工作以解决金钱问题。从那时起，我试图了解金融和经济学是如何运作的, 觉得很有意思。在我上学期间, 也对数学和分析非常感兴趣, 所以想在\_大学学习金融。 在日常生活中我喜欢看小说, 学外语和跟外国人聊天。感谢您的观看。

No space is needed. 空格是不需要的。

Use less “and”. "and" doesn't have many meaning in chinese. 在中文中，“和”有时可以被省略，或使用更具体的关联词，“和”没有那么多的隐藏含义。


---

### Answer by username_5 on 2022-05-14. Score: 1

Here's my take on it (I'm late-HSK6 student). To begin, note that there is no space after a full stop in Chinese, and the Chinese comma is written ， and not ,.

> 大家好！我是\_，我来自俄罗斯，今年20岁。

That's fine.

> 目前**我**还是一个\_大学外国语学院的学生。

This sentence originally lacked a subject (although maybe you can infer the subject). I'd also be tempted to add a 属于, but it looks like it's okay without it.

> Original: 我是一个渴望知识的人，学得很认真和努力。  
> Mine: 我是一个渴望知识的人，学得**又认真又努力**。

Perhaps this is one of those rare cases where [和 can be used to connect adjectives](https://resources.allsetlearning.com/chinese/grammar/Expressing_%22and%22_with_%22he%22_(advanced)#Linking_Adjectives_with_.E5.92.8C), but ordinarily [和 connects nouns](https://resources.allsetlearning.com/chinese/grammar/Expressing_%22and%22_with_%22he%22) (and sometimes verbs with common subjects and objects), while [又……又…… is used to connect adjectives](https://resources.allsetlearning.com/chinese/grammar/Expressing_%22both_A_and_B%22_with_%22you%22).

> Original: 我家不太富裕, 我从中学工作和帮助解决金钱问题。  
> Mine: 我家不太富裕，**所以为了**帮助**减轻家庭的经济负担**，我从中学**开始**工作。

This sentence gives (a) a reason why you need to help (so it's natural to use 所以), and (b) what you goal of helping is (so it's natural to use 为了). I use a common way of saying "help out financially" in Chinese, 减轻家庭的经济负担 = "lighten the family's economic burden". I don't have a good explanation here, but 从中学 by itself feels incomplete.

> Original: 从那时起，我试图了解金融和经济学是如何运作的, 觉得很有意思。  
> Mine: 从那时起，我**尽量**了解金融和经济学是如何运作的, 觉得**这些话题**很有意思。

Here 试图 needs to be modified to indicate an ongoing process; there are multiple ways of achieving this. The issue with 我……觉得很有意思 is that it doesn't specify what is interesting (such as in 我觉得**它**很有意思).

> Original: 在我上学期间, 也对数学和分析非常感兴趣, 所以想在\_大学学习金融。  
> Mine: **我**在上学时, 也对数学和分析非常感兴趣, 所以想在\_大学学习金融。

The problem here is there is no subject (the 我 comes after the 在, so it only plays a role in specifying the timeframe); it doesn't say who is interested in math and analysis.

> Original: 日常的生活我喜欢看小说, 学外语和聊天跟外国人。 感谢您的收看。  
> Mine: **在**日常的生活**中**，我喜欢看小说、学外语和**跟外国人聊天**。

Using 在日常的生活中 without the 在……中 might be acceptable, but it's not familiar to me. Note the use of the [、 comma instead of the ， comma](https://chinese.stackexchange.com/q/12299/8099). Most important here is that 聊天 is a [separable verb](https://resources.allsetlearning.com/chinese/grammar/Separable_verb) so we need to use separable verb grammar. In this case, we need to use the structure 跟……聊天.

> 感谢您的收看。

That's fine.

> **Comments:**
> **username_6**: While 属于 is grammatical to add, it makes the sentence very unnatural. 试图 is better than 尽量. It is a still-going process from then. 了解 cannot be the predicate here; I don't know the term, but it's not "verbal" enough. 尽量去了解 solves the problem.  
> **username_6**: Another thing feels awkward is 看小说、学外语和跟外国人聊天. Change 和 to 以及 is much better. This is phonetic.  
> **username_7**: Chinese language is more flexible than English and other western languages. But there is still some work to be done for better reading. 看小说、学外语还有跟外国人聊天 is a better choice, 谢谢您的观看 is more natural than 感谢您的收看. 收看is a formal word often used to highlight the show to be watched, like an important event, and sounds a little awkward when what you like others to watch is a short video of your self-introduction.  

---

