<p>Here is my edition. Some are real grammar mistakes, some are more native way of phrasing. You can study it first, to see what you can discover on your own, and then ask specific questions on items you can't figure out</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>我妈注意到我当时变胖了，她想要帮我减肥但是长期以来的饮食习惯改不掉。</em></p>
<p>(当时)我妈注意到我变胖了，想要帮我减肥，但(我)(始終)改不掉长期以来的饮食习惯。</p>
</blockquote>
<p>~</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>难道说 ，我已经患有饮食失调了吗？我妈终于要求我总是忙于工作的爸爸帮我的忙，因此我爸带我去看医生。</em></p>
<p>难道说 ，我已经患有饮食失调了吗？(最后)我妈终于要求我(那个)总是忙于工作的爸爸帮忙。 (就这样)，我爸带(了)我去看医生。</p>
</blockquote>
<p>~</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>虽然我说“医生”，但即使到现在我也不确认。</em></p>
<p>虽然说(是)“医生”，但到现在我也(不敢肯定)(那人真的是医生。)</p>
</blockquote>
<p>~</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>我问道，“老爸，我们去看医生吗？妈妈已经带我去看过了，但是没用”。</em></p>
<p>我问道: “老爸，我们去看医生吗？妈妈已经带我去看过了，但是没用”。</p>
</blockquote>
<p>~</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>我爸犹豫地答道，“噢，这位医生不一样” 。 那么神秘的一句话！怎么“不一样”呢？ 现在我对那情况了解得更清楚，</em></p>
<p>我爸犹豫地答道: “噢，这位医生不一样”。 (当时我心想): &quot;(真是)神秘的一句话！怎么'不一样'呢？&quot; (到了)现在我(才)更(清楚了解)(当时的)情况，</p>
</blockquote>
<p>~</p>
<blockquote>
<p><em>但是当时我才是小女孩。我经常去看医生，也相信我爸， 没想到那件事影响我那么久。</em></p>
<p>但当时我(還)小。(而且)经常去看医生，也相信我爸， 没想到那件事(對我的)影响(會)那么(深)。</p>
</blockquote>

CC BY-SA 4.0
2019-11-26T06:55:08.333Z
2019-11-26T11:57:03.387Z
2020-06-17T09:50:11.587Z
Tang Ho
<p>I think you did a great job! </p>

<p>If you let me correct, I would change the following sentences:</p>

<p><code>但是(我)长期以来的饮食习惯改不掉</code> - to change the subject from mom to me. </p>

<p><code>但即使到现在我也不确(定)</code> - 确认 is to confirm something, 确定 is a status， and here we need a status </p>

CC BY-SA 4.0
2019-11-26T16:04:28.770Z
2019-11-26T16:04:28.770Z
sylvia
<p>Continuing from <a href="https://chinese.stackexchange.com/questions/35763/writing-critique-request-zhou-ziwang-was-fat-when-she-was-young">part 2</a> (see also <a href="https://chinese.stackexchange.com/questions/35746/writing-critique-request-zhou-ziwang-and-the-revolutionary-new-technology">part 1</a>):</p>

<blockquote>
  <p>我妈注意到我当时变胖了，她想要帮我减肥但是长期以来的饮食习惯改不掉。<a href="http://youdao.com/w/%E9%9A%BE%E9%81%93%E8%AF%B4" rel="nofollow noreferrer">难道说</a> ，我已经<a href="http://youdao.com/w/%E6%82%A3%E6%9C%89" rel="nofollow noreferrer">患有</a>饮食<a href="http://youdao.com/w/%E5%A4%B1%E8%B0%83" rel="nofollow noreferrer">失调</a>了吗？我妈终于要求我总是忙于工作的爸爸帮我的忙，因此我爸带我去看医生。虽然我说“医生”，但即使到现在我也不确认。我问道，“老爸，我们去看医生吗？妈妈已经带我去看过了，但是没用”。我爸<a href="http://youdao.com/w/%E7%8A%B9%E8%B1%AB" rel="nofollow noreferrer">犹豫</a>地答道，“噢，这位医生不一样”。那么神秘的一句话！怎么“不一样”呢？现在我对那情况了解得更清楚，但是当时我才是小女孩。我经常去看医生，也相信我爸，没想到那件事影响我那么久。</p>
</blockquote>

<p>Please critique my writing.  Words with links are new for me.</p>

<p>Basically the idea is what <a href="https://chinese.stackexchange.com/a/35764/8099">Tang Ho</a> said: "Write more, get corrected more and analyze why a sentence you wrote is being corrected."  I've eventually concluded that it's not possible to learn Chinese without making many, many mistakes.</p>

<p>I feel totally blind a lot of the time: someone rewrites a sentence of mine and I'll feel is massively better, like I've been taken out of <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allegory_of_the_Cave" rel="nofollow noreferrer">Plato's cave</a>.</p>

<hr>

<p>English version:</p>

<blockquote>
  <p>My mother noticed I was getting fat, and she wanted to help me but a long-term eating habit is hard to break.  Perhaps I already have an eating disorder?  My mother eventually asked my father, who was always busy working, to help, so he took me to see a doctor.  While I say "doctor", to this day I'm still not sure.  I asked "Father, are we going to see the doctor? Mother already took me to see the doctor and it didn't work."  My father hesitantly replied "oh, this doctor is not the same."  What a mysterious sentence!  How are they "not the same"?  These days I have a clearer understanding of the situation, but back then I was just a little girl.  I would often go to the doctor, and I trusted my father, I wouldn't have thought it has such a long-term impact on my life.</p>
</blockquote>

CC BY-SA 4.0
2019-11-26T10:21:31.627Z
It's still unclear why that doctor is different and why it would have a long term impact after reading the paragraph.
dan
CC BY-SA 4.0
2019-11-26T10:29:14.487Z
I'm not up to that part yet.  (:
Becky 李蓓
CC BY-SA 4.0
2019-11-26T10:34:02.960Z
Then this part is confusing: "*These days I have a clearer understanding of the situation, but back then I was just a little girl. I would often go to the doctor, and I trusted my father, I wouldn't have thought it has such a long-term impact on my life*." Readers would be lost to read them before knowing the reason.
dan
CC BY-SA 4.0
2019-11-26T12:20:30.343Z
your writing is mostly understandable with some guess works, I would say above intermediate, half way to the advanced student level. If you keep  reading and writing everyday, I believe you can get there in a year or two
Tang Ho
<writing-critique>
Writing critique request: Zhou Ziwang's father takes her to the "doctor"
# Writing critique request: Zhou Ziwang's father takes her to the "doctor"

(Asked by: username_0 on 2019-11-26)

Continuing from [part 2](https://chinese.stackexchange.com/questions/35763/writing-critique-request-zhou-ziwang-was-fat-when-she-was-young) (see also [part 1](https://chinese.stackexchange.com/questions/35746/writing-critique-request-zhou-ziwang-and-the-revolutionary-new-technology)):

> 我妈注意到我当时变胖了，她想要帮我减肥但是长期以来的饮食习惯改不掉。[难道说](http://youdao.com/w/%E9%9A%BE%E9%81%93%E8%AF%B4) ，我已经[患有](http://youdao.com/w/%E6%82%A3%E6%9C%89)饮食[失调](http://youdao.com/w/%E5%A4%B1%E8%B0%83)了吗？我妈终于要求我总是忙于工作的爸爸帮我的忙，因此我爸带我去看医生。虽然我说“医生”，但即使到现在我也不确认。我问道，“老爸，我们去看医生吗？妈妈已经带我去看过了，但是没用”。我爸[犹豫](http://youdao.com/w/%E7%8A%B9%E8%B1%AB)地答道，“噢，这位医生不一样”。那么神秘的一句话！怎么“不一样”呢？现在我对那情况了解得更清楚，但是当时我才是小女孩。我经常去看医生，也相信我爸，没想到那件事影响我那么久。

Please critique my writing. Words with links are new for me.

Basically the idea is what [username_2 Ho](https://chinese.stackexchange.com/a/35764/8099) said: "Write more, get corrected more and analyze why a sentence you wrote is being corrected." I've eventually concluded that it's not possible to learn Chinese without making many, many mistakes.

I feel totally blind a lot of the time: someone rewrites a sentence of mine and I'll feel is massively better, like I've been taken out of [Plato's cave](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allegory_of_the_Cave).

---

English version:

> My mother noticed I was getting fat, and she wanted to help me but a long-term eating habit is hard to break. Perhaps I already have an eating disorder? My mother eventually asked my father, who was always busy working, to help, so he took me to see a doctor. While I say "doctor", to this day I'm still not sure. I asked "Father, are we going to see the doctor? Mother already took me to see the doctor and it didn't work." My father hesitantly replied "oh, this doctor is not the same." What a mysterious sentence! How are they "not the same"? These days I have a clearer understanding of the situation, but back then I was just a little girl. I would often go to the doctor, and I trusted my father, I wouldn't have thought it has such a long-term impact on my life.

**Tags:** writing-critique

> **Comments:**
> **username_1**: It's still unclear why that doctor is different and why it would have a long term impact after reading the paragraph.  
> **username_0**: I'm not up to that part yet.  (:  
> **username_1**: Then this part is confusing: "*These days I have a clearer understanding of the situation, but back then I was just a little girl. I would often go to the doctor, and I trusted my father, I wouldn't have thought it has such a long-term impact on my life*." Readers would be lost to read them before knowing the reason.  
> **username_2**: your writing is mostly understandable with some guess works, I would say above intermediate, half way to the advanced student level. If you keep  reading and writing everyday, I believe you can get there in a year or two  

---

## 2 answers

### Answer by username_2 on 2019-11-26. Score: 2 | Accepted answer

Here is my edition. Some are real grammar mistakes, some are more native way of phrasing. You can study it first, to see what you can discover on your own, and then ask specific questions on items you can't figure out

> *我妈注意到我当时变胖了，她想要帮我减肥但是长期以来的饮食习惯改不掉。*
>
> (当时)我妈注意到我变胖了，想要帮我减肥，但(我)(始終)改不掉长期以来的饮食习惯。

~

> *难道说 ，我已经患有饮食失调了吗？我妈终于要求我总是忙于工作的爸爸帮我的忙，因此我爸带我去看医生。*
>
> 难道说 ，我已经患有饮食失调了吗？(最后)我妈终于要求我(那个)总是忙于工作的爸爸帮忙。 (就这样)，我爸带(了)我去看医生。

~

> *虽然我说“医生”，但即使到现在我也不确认。*
>
> 虽然说(是)“医生”，但到现在我也(不敢肯定)(那人真的是医生。)

~

> *我问道，“老爸，我们去看医生吗？妈妈已经带我去看过了，但是没用”。*
>
> 我问道: “老爸，我们去看医生吗？妈妈已经带我去看过了，但是没用”。

~

> *我爸犹豫地答道，“噢，这位医生不一样” 。 那么神秘的一句话！怎么“不一样”呢？ 现在我对那情况了解得更清楚，*
>
> 我爸犹豫地答道: “噢，这位医生不一样”。 (当时我心想): "(真是)神秘的一句话！怎么'不一样'呢？" (到了)现在我(才)更(清楚了解)(当时的)情况，

~

> *但是当时我才是小女孩。我经常去看医生，也相信我爸， 没想到那件事影响我那么久。*
>
> 但当时我(還)小。(而且)经常去看医生，也相信我爸， 没想到那件事(對我的)影响(會)那么(深)。


---

### Answer by username_3 on 2019-11-26. Score: 1

I think you did a great job!

If you let me correct, I would change the following sentences:

`但是(我)长期以来的饮食习惯改不掉` - to change the subject from mom to me.

`但即使到现在我也不确(定)` - 确认 is to confirm something, 确定 is a status， and here we need a status


---

