<p>I tried my best to convert the pinyin to characters and also added my translation in ()s and my comments (吐槽) in []s. Note that some of these comments are for fun only and should not be taken seriously. The XXX is where I can't read your handwriting:</p>

<blockquote>
  <p>两个饺子 (two dumplings)</p>
  
  <p>一个漂亮的女士坐在贵的饭馆。她点两个饺子。(a beautiful woman is at an expensive restaurant. She orders two dumplings.) [A better way to say this: 一位漂亮的女士坐在一个很贵的饭馆里。她点了两个饺子 yī wèi piāo liàng de nǚ shì zuò zài yī gè hěn guì de fàn guǎn lǐ 。tā diǎn le liǎng gè jiǎo zǐ][For a beautiful woman, use the counter word wèi] [Ordering just 2 dumplings at an expensive restaurant is kind of weird...]</p>
  
  <p>晚上八点十分 (8:10 p.m.)</p>
  
  <p>服务员说“对不起，我们只有一个饺子” (The waiter says, "sorry, we only have one dumpling") [You should add a colon before the quote] [How does a restaurant have only <em>one</em> dumpling? Why?]</p>
  
  <p>女士吃半的饺子，她说“这是冷的和不好吃的饺子，我要XXX饺子” (The woman eats half of the dumpling. She says, "this is a cold and disgusting dumpling. I want a XXX dumpling") [You got the grammar of this sentence quite wrong, but it's still understandable. A better version: 女士吃了半个饺子，她说：“这饺子又冷又不好吃 nǚ shì chī le bàn gè jiǎo zǐ ，tā shuō ：“zhè jiǎo zǐ yòu lěng yòu bú hǎo chī] [How can disgusting and cold dumplings be served at an expensive restaurant?]</p>
  
  <p>八点十六分 (8:16 p.m.)</p>
  
  <p>服务员说“请等一会儿，第二个饺子来自天堂” (The waiter says, "Please wait a minute, the second dumping is from Heaven") [This sentence's grammar feels natural, but... The waiter <em>just</em> said there is only one! And why is the second dumpling from Heaven? Is that even possible?]</p>
  
  <p>八点十七分 (8:17 p.m.)</p>
  
  <p>女士吃半的第二个饺子。(The woman eats half of the second dumpling) [As it is now, this sentence is ungrammatical but understandable. I can't think of a better alternative without using complicated grammar: 第二个饺子女士也只吃了一半 dì èr gè jiǎo zǐ nǚ shì yě zhī chī le yī bàn]</p>
  
  <p>她说“这是太嫩和太甜” (She says, "This is too tender and too sweet") [A better version: 这个太嫩太甜了 zhè gè tài nèn tài tián le] [How can a dumpling be too tender and too sweet? Is that even a dumpling anymore?]</p>
  
  <p>她结合两半和说“可是一起这是完美的饺子” (She combines the two halves and says, "But together, this is the perfect dumpling") [A better version: 她结合了两半，然后说，“可是在一起，就是完美的饺子” tā jié hé le liǎng bàn ，rán hòu shuō ，“kě shì zài yī qǐ ，jiù shì wán měi de jiǎo zǐ ”] [I don't think a cold, disgusting, too tender and too sweet dumpling is perfect...]</p>
</blockquote>

CC BY-SA 3.0
2017-04-18T22:35:14.940Z
Many thanks for your comments. The abstract/vague nature of this story is by intention. Almost all of it 'the beautiful woman', 'the dumplings' etc. are merely metaphors and I did not mean for them to be interpreted literally. Perhaps Chinese is a more 'to the point' language with less room for 'metaphors'? The XXX is dì èr gè (for second dumpling).
P.S. You said "_How can a dumpling be too tender and too sweet? Is that even a dumpling anymore?_" You're correct. It is in fact not a dumpling but a girl, also the recipient of this story :)
user230821
CC BY-SA 3.0
2017-04-19T13:31:23.583Z
@user230821 There certainly are metaphors in Chinese. But I think you overused it in this story... It's almost cryptic (to me at least)... If you think my answer helped you, please consider accepting it by clicking on that checkmark!
Sweeper
CC BY-SA 3.0
2017-04-18T17:46:32.017Z
2017-04-18T17:46:32.017Z
Sweeper
<p>Two Thoughts:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Although you are a beginner in Chinese, please write in Chinese characters instead of pinyin. Pinyin system is not designed for writing but providing pronunciation.</p></li>
<li><p>I can't tell your feeling from your article, but a story about 饺子.  </p></li>
</ol>

CC BY-SA 3.0
2017-04-17T18:26:27.273Z
*Pinyin system is not designed for writing but providing pronunciation.* Sometimes one pronunciation can fit several different characters and cause the meaning of a sentence change completely.
Tang Ho
CC BY-SA 3.0
2017-04-17T18:32:58.303Z
@TangHo you misunderstand my logic. pinyin is providing a standard way to say the character(pronunciation), but 1 pronunciation is never bound with 1 character.  This is not 1-to-1 relationship.
Kevman
CC BY-SA 3.0
2017-04-17T19:15:29.397Z
I meant, for example: 證 and 正 have the same pronunciation; 仁 and 人 also have the same pronunciation. Just by looking at the Pinyin, people  can't tell which is which.
Tang Ho
CC BY-SA 3.0
2017-04-17T19:17:14.277Z
That's why I ask him to write in Chinese characters instead of Pinyin. It's not readable but since he is beginner, it's understandable.
Kevman
CC BY-SA 3.0
2017-04-17T18:22:32.283Z
2017-04-17T18:22:32.283Z
Kevman
<p>I have written a short story in pinyin for a special person. As for grammar/vocab, feel free to suggest corrections. More importantly, what was your interpretation of the story? The recipient knows I am a beginner in Chinese but I want to get my <em>feelings</em> across through this piece.</p>
<blockquote>
<h3>Liǎng ge jiǎozi</h3>
<p>Yīge piàoliang de nǚshì zuò zài guì de fànguǎn. Tā diǎn liǎng gè jiǎozi.</p>
<p>Wǎnshàng bā diǎn shí fēn.</p>
<p>Fúwùyuán shuō “Duìbuqǐ, wǒmen zhǐ yǒu yīge jiǎozi”</p>
<p>Nǚshì chī bàn de jiǎozi, tā shuō “Zhè shì lěng de hé bù hǎo chī de jiǎozi. Wǒ yào dìèrge jiǎozi.”</p>
<p>Bā diǎn shí liù fēn</p>
<p>Fúwùyuán shuō “Qǐng děng yīhuìr. Dì èr ge jiǎozi láizì tiāntáng”</p>
<p>Bā diǎn shíqī fēn</p>
<p>Nǚshǐ chī bàn de dìèrge jiǎozi.</p>
<p>Tā shuō “zhè shì tài nèn hé tài tián”</p>
<p>Tā jiéhé liǎng bàn hé shuō: “kěshì yī qǐ zhè shì wánměi de jiǎozi”</p>
</blockquote>
<p>(<a href="https://i.sstatic.net/L3qhj.jpg" rel="nofollow noreferrer">Original image</a>.)</p>

<meaning><word-choice><pinyin><writing-critique>
Please critique my short story: Liǎng ge jiǎozi
# Please critique my short story: Liǎng ge jiǎozi

(Asked by: username_0 on 2017-04-17)

I have written a short story in pinyin for a special person. As for grammar/vocab, feel free to suggest corrections. More importantly, what was your interpretation of the story? The recipient knows I am a beginner in Chinese but I want to get my *feelings* across through this piece.

> ### Liǎng ge jiǎozi
>
> Yīge piàoliang de nǚshì zuò zài guì de fànguǎn. Tā diǎn liǎng gè jiǎozi.
>
> Wǎnshàng bā diǎn shí fēn.
>
> Fúwùyuán shuō “Duìbuqǐ, wǒmen zhǐ yǒu yīge jiǎozi”
>
> Nǚshì chī bàn de jiǎozi, tā shuō “Zhè shì lěng de hé bù hǎo chī de jiǎozi. Wǒ yào dìèrge jiǎozi.”
>
> Bā diǎn shí liù fēn
>
> Fúwùyuán shuō “Qǐng děng yīhuìr. Dì èr ge jiǎozi láizì tiāntáng”
>
> Bā diǎn shíqī fēn
>
> Nǚshǐ chī bàn de dìèrge jiǎozi.
>
> Tā shuō “zhè shì tài nèn hé tài tián”
>
> Tā jiéhé liǎng bàn hé shuō: “kěshì yī qǐ zhè shì wánměi de jiǎozi”

([Original image](https://i.sstatic.net/L3qhj.jpg).)

**Tags:** meaning, word-choice, pinyin, writing-critique


---

## 2 answers

### Answer by username_1 on 2017-04-18. Score: 1

I tried my best to convert the pinyin to characters and also added my translation in ()s and my comments (吐槽) in []s. Note that some of these comments are for fun only and should not be taken seriously. The XXX is where I can't read your handwriting:

> 两个饺子 (two dumplings)
>
> 一个漂亮的女士坐在贵的饭馆。她点两个饺子。(a beautiful woman is at an expensive restaurant. She orders two dumplings.) [A better way to say this: 一位漂亮的女士坐在一个很贵的饭馆里。她点了两个饺子 yī wèi piāo liàng de nǚ shì zuò zài yī gè hěn guì de fàn guǎn lǐ 。tā diǎn le liǎng gè jiǎo zǐ][For a beautiful woman, use the counter word wèi] [Ordering just 2 dumplings at an expensive restaurant is kind of weird...]
>
> 晚上八点十分 (8:10 p.m.)
>
> 服务员说“对不起，我们只有一个饺子” (The waiter says, "sorry, we only have one dumpling") [You should add a colon before the quote] [How does a restaurant have only *one* dumpling? Why?]
>
> 女士吃半的饺子，她说“这是冷的和不好吃的饺子，我要XXX饺子” (The woman eats half of the dumpling. She says, "this is a cold and disgusting dumpling. I want a XXX dumpling") [You got the grammar of this sentence quite wrong, but it's still understandable. A better version: 女士吃了半个饺子，她说：“这饺子又冷又不好吃 nǚ shì chī le bàn gè jiǎo zǐ ，tā shuō ：“zhè jiǎo zǐ yòu lěng yòu bú hǎo chī] [How can disgusting and cold dumplings be served at an expensive restaurant?]
>
> 八点十六分 (8:16 p.m.)
>
> 服务员说“请等一会儿，第二个饺子来自天堂” (The waiter says, "Please wait a minute, the second dumping is from Heaven") [This sentence's grammar feels natural, but... The waiter *just* said there is only one! And why is the second dumpling from Heaven? Is that even possible?]
>
> 八点十七分 (8:17 p.m.)
>
> 女士吃半的第二个饺子。(The woman eats half of the second dumpling) [As it is now, this sentence is ungrammatical but understandable. I can't think of a better alternative without using complicated grammar: 第二个饺子女士也只吃了一半 dì èr gè jiǎo zǐ nǚ shì yě zhī chī le yī bàn]
>
> 她说“这是太嫩和太甜” (She says, "This is too tender and too sweet") [A better version: 这个太嫩太甜了 zhè gè tài nèn tài tián le] [How can a dumpling be too tender and too sweet? Is that even a dumpling anymore?]
>
> 她结合两半和说“可是一起这是完美的饺子” (She combines the two halves and says, "But together, this is the perfect dumpling") [A better version: 她结合了两半，然后说，“可是在一起，就是完美的饺子” tā jié hé le liǎng bàn ，rán hòu shuō ，“kě shì zài yī qǐ ，jiù shì wán měi de jiǎo zǐ ”] [I don't think a cold, disgusting, too tender and too sweet dumpling is perfect...]

> **Comments:**
> **username_0**: Many thanks for your comments. The abstract/vague nature of this story is by intention. Almost all of it 'the beautiful woman', 'the dumplings' etc. are merely metaphors and I did not mean for them to be interpreted literally. Perhaps Chinese is a more 'to the point' language with less room for 'metaphors'? The XXX is dì èr gè (for second dumpling). P.S. You said "_How can a dumpling be too tender and too sweet? Is that even a dumpling anymore?_" You're correct. It is in fact not a dumpling but a girl, also the recipient of this story :)  
> **username_1**: @username_0 There certainly are metaphors in Chinese. But I think you overused it in this story... It's almost cryptic (to me at least)... If you think my answer helped you, please consider accepting it by clicking on that checkmark!  

---

### Answer by username_2 on 2017-04-17. Score: 0

Two Thoughts:

1. Although you are a beginner in Chinese, please write in Chinese characters instead of pinyin. Pinyin system is not designed for writing but providing pronunciation.
2. I can't tell your feeling from your article, but a story about 饺子.

> **Comments:**
> **username_3**: *Pinyin system is not designed for writing but providing pronunciation.* Sometimes one pronunciation can fit several different characters and cause the meaning of a sentence change completely.  
> **username_2**: @username_3 you misunderstand my logic. pinyin is providing a standard way to say the character(pronunciation), but 1 pronunciation is never bound with 1 character.  This is not 1-to-1 relationship.  
> **username_3**: I meant, for example: 證 and 正 have the same pronunciation; 仁 and 人 also have the same pronunciation. Just by looking at the Pinyin, people  can't tell which is which.  
> **username_2**: That's why I ask him to write in Chinese characters instead of Pinyin. It's not readable but since he is beginner, it's understandable.  

---

