A director of mine once said, “If a friend is in a terrible show, you can always tell him you liked the costumes.”
No one wants to hurt people’s feelings. One way to get around that is to praise something you actually liked to draw attention away from things you didn’t. The costumes in my shows are always impeccable.
There’s a more constructive technique for giving feedback used in personnel management which is called "PIP," or “Positive, Improvement, Positive." You start with the good, then the thing you want to change, then another good.
That goes something like this:
“Alien Bob, I really love the new space ship. All the lights look amazing; it’s going to drive the earthlings crazy.”
“I’d love to see the hyperdrive a little more hyper. We need to get out of there fast if someone grabs a camera!
“Great job. The Overlord is going to love it!”
Sometimes this is called “the compliment sandwich.” I prefer to call it “the compliment cake.” For one thing, alliteration is much more memorable. For another, who doesn’t want a piece of cake!
But, there’s a second piece to this approach that is almost always overlooked. How should the recipient respond to this criticism mashed between two compliments? I’ve worked so hard! I know it’s perfect just the way it is!
Luckily, the solution is three more layers of cake. A second PIP: "Professional, Informative, Productive."
To be open to change and a different point of view Alien Bob might respond to the criticism about his spaceship like this:
“Thanks Alien Joe. I was thinking the hyperdrive was hyper enough, but you make a good point."
“Should I make it so fast the Earthlings only get blurry photos, or just enough to scare farmers?"
“I’ll check the specs on the F-15 jet fighter and see if they could catch us. You can tell the Overlord we’ll be ready to attack on Tuesday, as scheduled.”
Giving constructive feedback can be challenging. Accepting it gracefully even more so. But with this feedback and response technique, you can have your cake and eat it, too!
PIP PIP HOORAY!