Doc Love: Asking Too Much
Are You Making Her Lose Interest?
back offBut you haven’t gone backwards at all, pal. Anytime someone attends law school or medical school or is in any professional training, you have to back off. Law school is one of the toughest regimens there is and getting through it requires an enormous amount of concentration and application. So you have to give way and not pressure Anastasia. Would you like her bugging you if you were in the same situation? Think about it.
You made a huge mistake in bringing up the subject of how much time Anastasia can spend with you. Remember, she should be chasing you. This is one of the core tenets of “The System.” Since you don’t mention having it, I wonder what you’re waiting for. If you had committed my program to memory, you would know that you should never be pressuring any woman for more attention.
Now think about this, Savarin. Anastasia is going to law school, and she has physical problems and you’re pressing her to see you more often? What does a tactic like this accomplish? To you Psych majors, when you pressure a woman, it is certain to have negative results. Like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says: “Dawg, her interest in you is gonna be in the toilet in about 10 minutes.”
be supportiveThere shouldn’t be any complications in your situation whatsoever, Savarin. You should support Anastasia when she’s not healthy and busy with her law studies, and you should let her call you when she wants to see you. Then you’ll go out. If she doesn’t call you, you don’t go out, simple as that. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says: “In a sense, my son, you’re going to have to let her run the show.”
Instead, you’re panicking about whether or not you’re going to be moved up on her list of priorities. Maybe you should force her to quit law school and get a job as a waitress so she can stay out late with you every night, have you thought of that?
But seriously, all of these discussions you’re forcing on Anastasia about the amount of time she spends with you have no doubt lowered her Interest Level because you’re not empathetic about her health or supportive of her future goals. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says: “Dude, you’re selfish.”
asking far too much of herYou shouldn’t want more than Anastasia can give you, guy. You should take whatever she’s able to give you and help her through this stressful time. In the long run, she’ll give you credit for being patient.
What would I coach you to do? Back off and let her ask you out. You’re asking — begging — for way too much. Most guys would be happy that their girlfriends couldn’t see them all the time. Actually, if you think about it, this situation is perfect. It allows you to indulge yourself in your hobbies, go out with the boys, play sports, and do whatever else it is you want to do. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says: “There are lots of miserably married men who would love to switch places with you.”
Remember, guys: If your girlfriend is trying to better herself, you have to be supportive.
To hear my LOVE RADIO SHOW, send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644. For the past 30 years, Doc Love has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”