I need to figure what to do so I thought I try writing out my crazy thoughts.
I know my reaction was irrational. Well I think I know.
How can I talk to her about why I can't talk to her. She said that she wonders if I'm angry at her and my not talking is sort of a 'fuck you'. She's probably right.
I'm sick of reacting this way. I'm sick of needing her.
I bet she's thinking that because she 'knows me' that I'll be sending her some pathetic text shortly. Well I can play that game, and I won't!
And I haven't been ruminating for a while, but looks like that short stint might be over.
I don't like that she has 'power' over me. I hate how nonchalantly, without even looking up at me, she made known her upcoming plans known. I wanted to have the same blaise reaction.
Part of me wants to write that pathetic text, part of me doesn't. I'm trying to make a deal with myself that I'll hold off on texting until tomorrow and if I still feel crappy I will contact her. That sounds almost rational except if there was a possibility of seeing her tomorrow I would have to set up that time today.