Monday, May 29, 2006
How To Keep Your Mental Health!!!
!!! Sit in your parked car wearing your sunglasses and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
!!! Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
!!! Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone is over their caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.
!!! In the memo field of all your checks, write "For sexual favors."
!!! End all your sentences with, "in accordance with prophecy."
dont use any punctuation
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!!! As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
!!! Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
!!! Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
!!! Put mosquito netting around your cubicle and play tropical sounds all day.
!!! Make co-workers call you by your wrestling name: "Rock Hard."
!!! When your money comes out of the ATM, scream, "I won! I won!"
!!! When leaving the zoo, start running towards the lot, yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!!"
!!! Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
!!! When someone says "have a nice day", tell them you have other plans.
!!! Make a list of things to do that you have already done.
!!! Dance naked in front of your pets.
!!! Put your toddler's clothes on backwards and send him to pre-school as if nothing is wrong.
!!! Tape pictures of your boss on watermelons and launch them from high places.
!!! Simulate a drug deal in a public restroom.
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!!! Pay your electric bill in pennies.
!!! Drive to work in reverse.
!!! When ordering from a restaurant, inquire whether they have any live food.
!!! Find out what a frog in a blender really looks like.
!!! Polish your car with earwax.
!!! Write a letter to a friend using alphabet cereal.
!!! Replace the filling of a Twinkie with shaving cream and put it back in the wrapper.
!!! Bill your doctor for time spent in his waiting room.
!!! Buy a box of condoms. Ask the cashier where the fitting rooms are,
and ask for help.
!!! See if you can be the first one off the plane, even if you are sitting by a window
!!! Put a title like Senator or Doctor before your name when making dinner and hotel reservations
!!! Before exiting the elevator, push all the buttons
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!!! Wear a Dr Seuss "Cat -in the- Hat" cap next time you go to the movies
!!! Serve TV dinners, wine coolers, and cherry Twinkies for Thanksgiving
!!! Sit in the home bleachers and cheer for the other team
!!! Collect the salt shakers from all of the tables in the
restaurant, and balance them in a tower on your table.
!!! Ask for crayons to color the placemat.