Ten thoughts about last night’s GLEE:
1. I wish they’d just give up and make episodes full of hilarious one-liners instead of continuing to come up with these halfassed attempts at plots.
2. Am I the only one who remembers Rachel is Jewish? DOESN’T SHE?
3. “Don’t They Know It’s Christmas” is a song that, while touching in a very First World Problem sort of way, should only be trotted out on telethons. After a year which contains more than its fair share of charity work, I make no apologies for sitting comfortably with my family on Christmas morning, in a house we’ve earned, opening presents we bought with money made from hard work. We don’t buy each other gifts because we have to, and we would be fine if we didn’t buy each other a thing: we like to do it. The song is designed to make me feel bad about that, and I have a one-finger response to it. And the day I wander into a homeless shelter and start singing at them them to FEED THE WORLD I want someone to chuck me right into a mental institution.
Also… shameless, Glee. Shameless. Last year, handicapped; this year, homeless. Oh, and when we need some warmth let’s have Sue talk about her dead handicapped sister. And turn nice again. Next year’s Christmas special: Lepers and Cancer Patients! And then they’ll sing “Heal the World” at them.
4. I don’t care how often it’s lumped in with Christmas, “My Favorite Things” is not a Christmas song.
5. I don’t know where the haters come from on Damian McGinty. He’s adorable and Blue Christmas was lovely. Maybe if we did MORE with him, others could see that.
6. Artie’s super expensive magic legs broke? This is one of Glee’s habitual throwaway lines that they think suffice for plot, because they are too lazy to figure out how to make that plot point make sense in the story. ‘freakin ‘ell, Glee.
7. The Christmas special was boring, full of crazy caricatured acting, and referencing something most people aren’t even old enough to know exists. Glee does this hilarious thing where sometimes it’s super pop-sensitive, doing Ke$ha and C-Lo, and then insists that we pay homage to Judy Garland and Babs as though any self-respecting teen knows all about them. But, quick thing… if they don’t, THIS IS NOT THE WAY to show how awesome they were. “Happy Days,” THAT was the way. Desaturated Swiss Chalet is not.
8. “But if you finally hold me tight”?
9. At least someone made fun of Blaine’s clothing, because honestly, it feels like a crime against Darren.
10. This SHOULD be Glee’s wheelhouse: a super light, enjoyable, Christmas review. Why twist it into this faux 50-year-old play? Is it so inconceivable that the Glee chorus puts on a Christmas show for the school? Don’t most schools DO that? If Ryan Murphy et al can’t make some good plot involving actual high schoolers out of that, instead of forcing teens to act like middle-aged crooners in Pleasantville, they have given up.
Don’t give up, Glee. It could be good. But not like this.
(One last thing: Whoever is styling Amber Riley should be given a medal. Girl looks amazing.)
Best lines and reactions:
1. “Oh my god I’m dating Kim Kardashian.”
2. Two Darren Criss moments: the reaction to “Young Burt Reynolds” and Kurt’s “Jesus?”
3. “I may actually be dead right now.”
4. Rachel’s face on, “Are you telling me I’m not invited to Kurt and Blaine’s for Christmas?”
5. “You gave me a dead pig for Christmas?”
6. “My brother Seamus gets lost all the time so my dad made him wear a bell around his neck.”