Instead of my usual "Payne's Perspective," this week I'm going to change this column to "Payne's Peculiar Predictions" (you have to love alliteration). Basically I'm going to make some predictions for the upcoming football season that are pretty far-fetched, but ones that I actually see as having a possibility of happening.
Disclaimer: Since these are totally meant for entertainment purposes, don't get mad if I slam one of your players or team.
1. Tom Brady passes for over 6,000 yards and 60 touchdowns.
To put that in perspective, that would be an average of 375 passing yards and almost four touchdowns per game. If there's a quarterback in the league who can do that, it's Brady. The Patriots are one of the few teams that will throw up four touchdowns in the fourth quarter, which means that unlike Mike Shanahan, Bill Belichick loves fantasy football. Brandon Lloyd has been added to the mix and Rob Gronkowski appears to be completely healthy after offseason surgery. The Patriots go 14-2 in the regular season, losing both times to my Buffalo Bills.
2. The Jets start the season 1-7 and Rex Ryan is fired during their Week 9 bye.
The Mark Sanchez/Tim Tebow experiment goes down in flames with Tony Sparano (who takes over as head coach) switching back and forth between the two during games. Sanchez has a difficult time finding any type of rhythm during the game and the team's struggles are amplified in the New York media. Upper brass realizes that getting to the AFC Championship game is nice, but that's not the team's ultimate goal.
3. Kyle Rudolph finishes as a top-3 tight end, amassing over 1,000 receiving yards and 13 receiving touchdowns.
Reports are glowing on Christian Ponder, who has had a full preseason to work with the first team as the unquestioned starter. Ponder has developed enough chemistry with Rudolph that he consistently targets him in the red zone throughout the season. At 6-6, 259 pounds, teams simply have no answer on defense for Rudolph, failing to cover him with either a defensive back or linebacker.
4. Kenny Britt doesn't play a snap the entire season.
Roger Goodell hands Britt an eight-game suspension for his off-field transgressions. At some point during his suspension, Britt is arrested for the ninth time and Goodell drops the hammer on his season. At the end of the season, the Titans release Britt who ends up signing with the Cincinnati Bengals.
5. It becomes the season of the second wide receiver.
Like Victor Cruz emerging on the Giants a year ago, around the league the perceived top receiving options on most teams is outperformed by the No. 2 wide receiver. Brandon Lloyd over Wes Welker, Mike Williams over Vincent Jackson, Jon Baldwin over Dwayne Bowe, Brandon LaFell over Steve Smith, Stephen Hill over Santonio Holmes, etc. Younger receivers (who are/may be ahead on some cheat sheets) outproduce their veteran teammates ' Julio Jones, Dez Bryant and Jordy Nelson.
6. Chris Johnson breaks his own yards from scrimmage record, finishing with over 3,000 yards.
With a full camp, Johnson hits the ground running (literally) to start the season and never looks back. Four times during the season Johnson gains more than 300 yards from scrimmage leading his fantasy owners to a championship. He then switches his nickname to CJ3K. On a serious note, you'd have a tough time convincing me why he's not the No. 4 running back right now after the Trent Richardson and Ryan Mathews injuries.
7. Matt Flynn finishes the season as a top-5 quarterback.
I find the notion that he won't be the starting quarterback in Week 1 absurd, given that the Seahawks gave him $10 million guaranteed. Quick note ' Russell Wilson is a name to know in dynasty leagues. Flynn will have a (hopefully) healthy Sidney Rice, who at age 25 has a 1,300-receiving yard season under his belt. Doug Baldwin is a solid slot guy and Flynn has two tight end weapons in Zach Miller and Kellen Winslow. There's a ton of value here considering his ADP is 209.
8. The Packers are the disappointment of the season, finishing 9-7 as they fail to make the playoffs.
This one is going to go over really well at our Madison headquarters. Being in the same division as the Bears and Lions proves to be too much and even the Vikings split the season series with them. Aaron Rodgers (obviously) regresses from 45 touchdown passes and only six interceptions to 32 touchdown passes and 12 interceptions. Before you think that's too wild, Tom Brady went from 50 touchdown passes and eight interceptions to 28 interceptions and 13 interceptions from 2007 to 2008. The team's lack of a running game is exploited and the Packers target Marcus Lattimore in the 2013 draft.
9. In PPR formats, Lance Moore has a better fantasy season than Wes Welker.
Long has Welker been PPR gold, but the addition of Brandon Lloyd could hurt Welker the most in the Patriots' offense. Moore, who has the trust of Drew Brees, has surprisingly had the same number of touchdown catches as Welker over the last two seasons (16) and should benefit slightly from the absence of Robert Meachem.
10. The Houston Texans win the Super Bowl.
While we all know that my Bills are actually going to win the Super Bowl, the Texans would be my next choice. Andre Johnson manages to play a full season and the defense is the best in the league. J.J. Watt records 15 sacks and Matt Schaub is comeback player of the year. No team figures out how to stop the Arian Foster/Ben Tate duo and they rush for a combined total of over 3,000 yards. The Texans are currently 12:1 to win the Super Bowl, so this isn't too much of an outlandish prediction.
Have any predictions of your own that are out in left field? Let me know in the comments.
I'll be on hiatus next week taking the family to visit the Mouse in Orlando. I currently have reservations next Sunday night at Don Shula's Steakhouse, one of my favorite restaurants; I strongly recommend. As a Bills fan the heart says no, the stomach says yes.
See you in two weeks.