This is no sweet fairy tale. This is a story of mind boggling events in my life. It starts the night I had to say goodbye. Some days I ask myself if it was only a dream. I am Charline Mare' Swanson, but most call me Char. I'll tell you it exactly as I saw it.
Tears run red down my face. Is this the end for me? I've asked myself when will it end, before, yet as I think I may die I see happy times of myself, times that I've forgotten. He walks up to me and takes my face in his hands, his love till the end. Do I still love him? Yes, I do, and let tears fall.
"Don't cry, my sweet girl." he tells me and wipes these bloody tears from my face. He kisses me softly and I cry one last time. "Please. Please. Don't cry. I love you. I swear." he says and the world turns dark. "Goodbye." I whisper and I feel his soft lips one last time. He lifts me up in his arms, even blind I know how his arms feel.
Feeling disappears and I am in nothing. Is this what it's like to die? So there's no God? I'm lost in emptiness. Just as I think this is it, the burning begins. So painful, I'm in Hell.
I was a horrible person now; I'm in a horrible place. I feel the tears even though I know they're not there. I scream and burn my lungs even though I know no one hears. I scream until my screams fall silent and I hear his sobs. I've only heard them once before when she dumped him and I came in. I felt like I was walking on air when he asked me out now I'm falling and there's no net, only fire.
Deeper and deeper into the pain I go, only the sobs make me wish I was never born. I listen and slowly die inside. I feel as if I'm being torn in half. I wish to repent my sins. I wish to live. I wish to stop the sobs I hear.
I guess I was the one to prolong her end, but bring forth my own. There was no one to prolong my own death. The end for me, but I am nothing to the government. There is little record of me in any country. There is no one to ask for a missing person's report. I shall not be his end.
Death is said to be easy and life hard, but I guess the people who said these things haven't died. Then again, it could be just me feeling this way. I quit listening as of the pain I feel from his sobs. The pain slows to a dull and I start to rethink my life. My home was nice, I had a family, and then I ran away. I miss my big brother and my little sisters I think.
I remember the reason I left, mom and dad fighting. He beat her and forced her to have sex. It was horrible, but it wasn't always like that. We were once a normal happy family. Then, Shon died, my littlest sibling, a baby brother. The car crash killed him and my mom felt so guilty.
She said it was her fault, but it was really my fault. I was the one who didn't see the stop sign. We had almost made it, but the truck couldn't stop. Our minivan couldn't take the power of the truck and the back end was as flat as a pancake. Shon was only a few days old, and his end came. I guess that is why I'm in hell, not heaven.
My older brother has long moved out, but my sisters are still there. I thought if I left, life for them would be better. Maybe dad would stop drinking and mom would forgive him if I left. Now, I'm not so sure it's that simple. My life as a street walker hadn't been so bad. I was my own person and I found a job as a pizza girl.
I had a little room in a motel. Life was sweet and simple, back then. On the day he and I met, I saw his bright green eyes through his tears. I went and sat beside him in the alleyway. He looked hungry, maybe a new streetwalker I thought to myself. I opened my pizza box that was part of my pay and handed him a slice.
He looked at it in surprise and looked up at me. I smiled and said to him "I understand how it feels to be new, a first time runaway. If you need a place to stay while you figure this out, I'm at the 'ol motel down on Elmer Drive in room 107.". I got up and went back on my way to deliver the other pizzas. Once I finished with work, I went to my little home and sat on my bed. I munched on pizza while watching the news. Then I heard a knock and I looked out the peephole.
There he was and I opened the door. "Hello. Come on in. It's not much. Sorry." I said to him and he didn't say much for a while. We just stood there. Then he spoke with the most amazing voice ever and said "Thank you, but I don't need it. I'm not a runaway." I sat on my bed and pat beside me. He stood at the open door.
"If you're not a new runaway, why are you sad? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." I whispered. He laughed such a beautiful, but sad laugh and he looked down as he spoke. "It's just someone." he said. "Oh. I'm sorry." I said and looked at his sad face and a tear found its way from my eye down my cheek. He looked at my face for a while and sat beside me. He took my hand and placed it in his and spoke slowly, looking me in the eye "Why are you crying?"
I smiled a tiny bit and said "It's just someone." He just stared at me for a while. Do I wish I never met him? No, I don't, he was the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me. He took my face in both his hands and came forward about to kiss me, but then he stopped. He got up and left.
He rattled me; I needed to see him again. I went back to school. The angers of high school all for him. I thought to myself even if I didn't find him, I'd have graduated. I found my old ID and said my family moved. It worked.
I picked out visual art, genetics, astronomy, and world history, boy; I did not know how that would help me understand what I should have never found out. In the few weeks I had before school, I got myself 7 pairs of jeans, 7 black band tees, and a pair of tall black combat boots. I took a razor and started to thin my long black hair. I gave my hair an emo look. I dragged the jeans along the pavement so they had that worn and torn look. I put black duct tape over the holes I made.
I got my nose, eyebrow, tongue, and belly button pierced, each had a black stud. I got a black studded bracelet. I got black snake bites. I got black gauges in my ears. I took a pocket knife and put it on a chain around my neck. I got a black messenger bag and put a lot of little buttons on it.
I got a black I-phone and I was ready for school. Getting ready for school, I applied a lot of eyeliner and fluffed my hair. I grabbed my checkerboard skateboard and skated to school making myself a little late. I smacked my 5 gum and kicked open the school doors. Everyone stopped rushing to class and looked at me. I smirked and strode into class a couple of seconds after the bell rang.
Mr. Bondin or Mr. B pointed to a seat next to him. I sat down and looked him up and down. "You never told me your name." I whispered. His eyes got big for a second and he whispered back "Alex. Yours?" I smiled a little and said "Char.". That was the beginning of everything. It turned out he had all my classes and my lunch.
7:30 – 8:25
8:30 – 9:25
9:30 – 10:25
10:30 – 11:25
11:30 – 12:25
12:30 – 1:25
1:30 – 2:25
2:30 – 3:30
And so the day went on. Mr. Bondin was a little crazy. Coach Fitzgerald was nice and kind and respected my hate for Gym. Ms. Joejeep was boring and mighty mean. Señor Jesule (Pronounced He-sool) was a retired Army Officer and taught us using Army methods.
Mr. Marsh was hilarious and short! Alex invited me to sit with him at lunch. SCORE! Mrs. Johnson and Mrs. Hastan were okay. Mrs. Hastan is also my homeroom class. It was a really cool day. Alex walked me home.
I walked in and sat down on my bed. He shut the door behind him then he looked at me almost sadly. "Why?" he whispered those words with such sadness that I started crying. He came over and pulled me in him lap. I cried into his shirt and he stroked my hair. He didn't utter a word and I soon fell asleep.
When I opened my eyes, he was in the kitchen. He was drinking Starbucks and staring out my little boarded up, broken window. I yawned just for effect and he turned. He looked me over then gazed in my eyes and smiled. "Good morning." he said. "You stayed." I whispered.
He nodded. I looked at my clock. "Crap! We gotta go to school!" I almost screeched and ran to my bag. Suddenly, it was as if he teleported beside me, grabbed my wrist. "One day absent isn't gonna hurt." he whispered and pulled me forward. He placed my hand on his chest and wrapped his arms around me.
Then he kissed me. So gentle and sweet at first and then with more desire and passion. We fell onto the carpet with me on top. Sparks surged through my body and I lost track of time and place. When we stopped the sun was shining through my window. I smiled and laid there.
He eased me off him and got up. I sat in the kitchen. He opened my fridge and stared at the boxes of pizza. "I guess we're having pizza." he mumbled and pulled out a random box. He heated up two slices and put them on paper towels. It wasn't much, but all the same it was romantic and sweet.
He handed me a slice and sat in the other chair. He stretched out his legs and we ate in silence. He finished long before me, but didn't complain. Once I finished, he lifted me up and kissed me. He set me down gently on the bed. "I'll be back at 5 to pick you up." he said and left. I looked at the clock and it was only 3 in the afternoon.
I groaned and took a slow shower. I used my nice soap and washed the best I'd ever had since before Shon died. I dressed in my BOTDF tee and pulled on a clean pair of jeans. I noticed Alex left his jacket so I pulled it on. Sure, it covered the back. The shirt was bare on the front.
I smirked and fluffed my hair. I pulled on my boots and looked at the clock. It was 4:30. My stomach growled, but I silently willed it to hush. I thought to myself maybe he'll take me out to dinner. I lay on my bed and wrote a fake excuse for being absent today.
Just as I was singing it, I heard a knock on my door. I looked at the clock. 5 'o clock! It's him! I practically ran to the door and swung it open. He smiled and kissed me.
"Where are we going?" I asked. He tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear and sparks sizzled through me. "It's a surprise." he whispered, teasing. I pouted. He raised an eyebrow and then kissed me, gently. I smiled and he picked me up.
I giggled and he kissed me again. I wrapped my arms around his neck. He opened the door and walked out, carrying me. He shut it behind me and pulled out a pair of keys. He set me down beside a motorcycle. He hopped on and handed me a black helmet as he put on his.
I pulled on the helmet and got on behind him and wrapped my hands around his waist. He put up the kick stand and then we were screeching out of the parking lot. We hit the empty interstate and I smiled. I yelled. I heard him chuckle and then we were going faster. I watched as the glare of the main city came up.
I lost track of time, who I was, and where exactly I was, when I was riding on the back of that motorcycle. He parked it beside a meter in a little square. He pulled out load of quarters from his pocket. I helped him put them in the meter. There was a total of 20 quarters. Each quarter meant 30 minutes of parking; I wondered what we'd be doing for 10 hours.
We took off our helmets and set them on the bike. He grabbed my hand and we walked hand in hand to a motorcycle clothing shop. We walked in together. "Stay here." he said. He dropped my hand and disappeared into the racks.
I smiled and sat down on one of the black benches with bordering silver studs. He came back carrying leather. There were leather jackets, and leather pants. He handed the piles to me and sat down. "Try them on." he said, beaming. I smiled and got up.
I wound my way through the racks when I saw her. Long blonde hair rippled down over her shoulders and her eyes were a beautiful blue-gray. She had a way about her that made her seem mean, almost evil. I stopped straight there as she stared at me and looked me over. She walked up and hugged me. "I'm Alice. I'm Alex's ex. Thank you. I'm gonna try and help you since you helped Me." she said.
"Okay." I said and continued on my way, confused. All of it was black with orange just like his Harley-Davidson motorcycle. The first set, the jacket was too big and the chaps were too short. The next set, the jacket was too huge and the pants were too big. The last set was snug. I zipped up the jacket and my boobs looked amazing.
I smiled at my reflection and walked out to show him, but he was talking to Alice. I took off the clothes and went out the back way. I walked until my legs were sore and I ended up on a bridge over a lake. I remembered my journey here from Texas. I bathed by jumping off bridges like this.
I sighed. I saw him trying to touch her face. I stood up at the edge and got ready to dive. I heard the rumble of a motorcycle. I turned and saw his face and at the same time I tripped. I was falling.
I was screaming. I heard his yell "Char!" I heard him screech down the bridge and lay it down beside the water. I heard him running, splashing through the water. Then I was in him arms. I sobbed into his chest as he patted my hair and whispered calming words.
When I regained my composure, he asked me "Why'd you leave?" I shoved him away and started to walk home. He followed behind me slowly. I heard the rumble all the way home. I slammed my door and heard him park his motorcycle. I slid down behind my door and cried.
I didn't even remember falling asleep. I jumped up. SCHOOL! I looked in the mirror before hopping in the shower and saw how my eyeliner had run. I noted I was going to start buying water-proof eyeliner. I rushed and grabbed my bag and fake excuse.
I opened the door and there he was. He hugged me and kissed me. "I'm sorry. Please forgive me." he said, his voice cracking. I hugged him and kissed him. "Of course." I whispered. "Do you need a ride today at all?" he asked, smiling.
"This evening I do." I whispered, smirking. He got on his motorcycle and sped off. I hopped on my board and stuck a piece of gum in my mouth. I started smacking. I kicked open the doors again today. I strut to class and made it to my seat just as the bell rang.
"Well hello, Ms. Smexy." he whispered to me as he walked to his seat. I giggled and pulled him towards me by the shirt. Then I kissed him. We broke for a second before he went back with some tongue. Mr. B coughed and I noticed the entire class was looking at us. I smirked and smacked my gum.
We hid out in the janitor's closet after that and made out. We came out just in time for our lunch period. I smiled and grabbed his hand. "I never really got introduced to your friends, baby." I whispered. He groaned. "Fine, but you have to finish our date from yesterday." he whispered back as we walked into the cafeteria.
It suddenly got very quiet. Then I heard heels, 4 pairs of heels walking after us. I turned. It was her and her little group of cheerleaders. I smacked my gum. One came up to me and whispered in my ear "Slut.".
As she started to continue, I grabbed her by her shirt and pushed her on the ground. I pulled my gum from my mouth and stuck it between her boobs. Everyone was staring at me. Then I grabbed my skateboard and hit her in the face. "BITCH!" I practically yelled in her face. I pulled out another stick of gum and started smacking again.
Alex came and threw one arm around me protectively. I blew a bubble for emphasis and when it popped, I gave each and every one staring a glare. The second each single person saw it they turned and ate their meal silently. Once everyone was back to eating, I smirked. Alex tucked my hair behind my ear and kissed me. We walked to his table and sat down.
Everyone sitting there looked up. I blushed. There were 3 guys and 1 girl. The girl took off her glasses and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Hello, I'm Daniella Dawn Dinte', but ever call me any of those names and I'll kill you." she said, smirking. "I'm Char. So what should I call you?" I asked.
"Dani 2-D." she replied. The guy who had black hair and green eyes spoke next. "This one's a nice catch, bro. Hey, I'm little Alex James' bro. I'm Roland Allen Lamia, but you can call me Ro-Ro." he said, showing his teeth the guy with red dreadlocks moved his head towards me as if he was looking at me. Maybe he was, but his dreads were in the way. "Hi. I'm Dani's bro, Drake Drew aka Dreads." he said.
Ro-Ro pulled Dani 2-D towards him and kissed her. "They go out." said the third boy in a girly voice. He had shoulder length blonde hair and grey eyes. "I'm Fawn Amelia Franklin, but just call me Fawn." he said and I realized it wasn't a guy, but a girl. She unzipped her massive jacket, revealing her tiny body. She scooched and snuggled with Dreads.
"And he's mine." she said staring at Dreads' invisible face. I smiled and laughed. They were all so amazing and now I was a part of this mismatched, amazing group. Alex kissed me. "So what do you think?" he asked aloud. "Is there a ceremony I have to go through to be apart or is that the wedding?" I asked, jokingly.
They all laughed and Alex kissed me. "Maybe someday." he whispered in my ear. I smiled. He pulled me into his lap. I snuggled towards his chest. He wrapped his arms around me.
"Wanna hang at the mall? I hate Ms. Joejeep. She's always getting me in trouble with coach. I have her next and I don't have practice today." suggested Ro-Ro. I looked at Alex for an answer, but he only asked "Do you want to?" I nodded. He breathed in deep as if it were a problem, and whispered "Okay.". "I'm in!" Fawn practically screeched. Dreads pulled Fawn closer and nodded.
Ro-Ro looked at Dani 2-D sadly. "I can't believe you." she said, frowning. Ro-Ro looked at his hands. "I can't believe you think I'd say no!" she said and kissed him. He beamed like he won national football championship by himself. Everyone laughed.
The bell rung signaling the end of lunch and we all headed into the courtyard with our stuff. I looked around. "What now?" I asked. Ro-Ro laughed and went and stood next to the wall. "I'll go first." said Fawn. Ro-Ro interlocked his hands and placed them on top of his knee.
Fawn ran as fast as lightning and jumped onto his hands and he vaulted her over the wall onto the roof. I gulped. "My turn!" yelled Dani 2-D excitedly. She placed her glasses in her bag and did the same and did a flip in the air. Fawn, Dreads and Alex clapped as she bowed and put her glasses back on. Ro-Ro looked at me expectantly.
Dreads turned to look at me and said "Your turn." I shook my head. Alex turned to Ro-Ro. "Can you lift hoist her up?" asked Alex. "She's too short." Ro-Ro said, shaking his head. "I can do it." I said with more confidence.
"That's the spirit!" yelled Fawn as Dani 2-D shook her head. I looked at my skateboard in my hands. "But what about my 'board?" I asked. Alex pulled out some straps. "I was gonna give them to you later." he said as he strapped my skateboard to my book bag. I ran and jumped as Ro-Ro pushed up and I landed on my butt on the roof but I gave a thumbs up.
Alex smiled and backed up and ran towards the wall and pulled himself up. Alex came and hugged me as Ro-Ro and Dreads were getting on the roof. I looked over the other side of the roof. Fawn slid down on top of a dumpster. Dreads jumped off. Dani 2-D and I followed Fawn off and Ro-Ro and Alex followed Dreads off.
I took my skateboard off my back and started to skate. "We going?" I asked, not looking back. "We're taking the Jeep." Ro-Ro said. "Oh.. Okay." I said, getting off my skateboard. I turned around and saw they had all piled into a white Jeep Wrangler. I climbed in.
I smiled. "Fawn and I can get your ride, Alex." said Dreads. "Thanks." said Alex. Fawn and Dreads hopped out. They ran off. I kissed Alex's cheek.
"Where do ya live?" asked Ro-Ro. Alex looked at me, scared almost. "I umm... I live in a motel room down on Elmer Drive." I whispered. Ro-Ro slammed on the brake. "WHAT?" Ro-Ro yelled and glared at Alex. I gulped and scooted closer to Alex and wrapped my arms around him.
"You're moving in with us. Don't try to argue." said Ro-Ro and we started moving again. "Oh.. Okayy.." I said. Alex held me the entire ride. We drove not to the mall, but my motel room. Fawn and Dreads were already there. My stuff was with them.
"You really need a wardrobe makeover." said Fawn. My face reddened at the fact they ransacked my closet. "Don't worry. We'll go shopping." said Dani 2-D as she came up behind me. "Uhh okayyy.." I whispered. "You're scaring her." spoke Dreads aka the guy who never speaks. Dani 2-D shook her head.
The scary thing was, he was right, they were creeping me out with all these major changes to my life so suddenly.