Is good communication a mystery sometimes between you and your partner--especially if you both lead busy lives and time for the two of you is hard to come by?
Try our 5-step communication recipe for busy couples (especially when it's tough)...
It might seem crazy to suggest that you relax because you're probably stretched to the limit on demands for your time and attention.
If your mind goes a mile a minute, you're always on the go, you never have time for yourself or your partner--it's even more important for you to help yourself by doing some inner relaxation.
There are lots of ways to start doing this but we urge you to start before it's too late--either for the sake of your relationship or for your physical body.
Inner relaxation can be as simple as taking a long, deep breath every hour or saying to yourself in a gentle tone--"relax."
You can start a simple meditation practice of sitting and breathing for 10 minutes or so.
Whatever it is, focus inward and feel the knots untie.
Can't stop your mind?
Our new favorite phrase from singer-songwriter Shawn Mullins might help--
"What if it's all okay without me knowing?"
When you are relaxed, you are more open. When you are more open, you can communicate better.
Release old hurts from the past--with old partners as well as your current one.
When you are carrying around old, unresolved hurts, it's so much easier for you to get triggered and close down communication with others, especially your loved one.
If you are carrying around a hurt that needs to be expressed to your partner, do something to resolve it.
And a starting point is to just feel it inside your body instead of mentally explaining it away or mulling it over and over.
Whatever it takes, release it.
Remember why you are with your partner--what it is that you love about him or her, what it is that you admire.
So often, as relationships age and lives get busy, one of the first things to go is gratefulness and admiration for each other.
Take one moment in the morning and one moment before you go to bed to remember why you love your partner.
Start voicing that admiration.
It just takes one moment.
Watch how you begin to open deeper with each other.
Re-focus your attention on what is important to you--even if your life is really busy.
Be sure that you are making conscious choices about how you spend your time and energy.
If your partner is important to you--and communicating with him or her is also--stop yourself from going on auto-pilot as you go through your day and just take a moment to focus on it.
If you are focused on the thought that you don't have time, you won't have time.
If you are focused on the thought that you love your partner and want to get close, that's what can happen.
Notice your focus and then be conscious about it.
Be conscious about your commitment to each other.
Most of us take our commitment to each other for granted and we never think about it.
To begin truly communicating again, get conscious about what your commitment means.
It might be that you commit to finding opportunities to connect during the day, like emailing or texting.
It might be that you commit to having 30 minutes of time on Wednesdays to be together without distractions.
Whatever your commitment might be, find ways to re-commit to each other each day--and your communication will begin to flow.
It might seem that we've given you all sorts of advice instead of communication tips.
Well--just like any building, you have to have a foundation.
In our experience, this recipe we are giving you is part of the foundation for a close, long-last relationship where communication is nurtured and open.
Our wish for you is to move toward this kind of relationship, if that is your desire.