Lunch with my Mum this afternoon.
My grandfather was born in 1897.
He came to Malaysia from China (Yong Chun, Fujian) when he was 19 and the only kin he was with, his older cousin, proceeded to ditch him to fend for himself. Interestingly, my grandmother was also born on this very same day. My maternal great grandparents were also from the same province, Xiamen, Fujian.
Mum had 2 older brothers (15 and 10 years her senior) and a total of 23 nephews and nieces. During the better days my grandfather owned a mini patrol station, a reasonable plot of rubber trees and a few other business. He even returned to his hometown with pride. My 2 uncles were being carried in baskets hung at the ends of a pole by a hired man. Rad thing to do at that time.
Patrol station was confiscated during the war, the rubber plantation became unworkable after decades and the miscellaneous businesses eventually wound up on their own.
Despite the lack of money, my mother managed to complete her secondary education and was the one with the most education among her siblings.
Mum came over to Singapore at 26 and met my Dad at 36. They got married just 11 months later and bro and me was born 2 and 3 years later. A sibling before me had to be artificially removed and sometimes I do wonder if I am so incredible that I got reincarnated twice. xD
Life was not without challenges and being some old 70 year old woman, she always tell me that what got her to make the decision to marry my Dad, 12 years her senior, was that, “Love need not be long, it just have to be good.”
Over lunch today I was just filled with gratitude.
A week ago today I was burying my head and pretending that I need not be in the hospital while her minor operation (laparoscopic cholecystectomy) is going on and a week later I am here with her eating. Her recovery have been sO good I think she is a medical miracle.
However, even as I am brimming with tears and FEELING the gratitude (Day 15 – Appreciation and Gratitude), I might need to repay my training fees to my company even though it was my boss who told me to go. I am very grateful that Singapore is such a fair and just place, and deep in me I know that if my boss decides to be a jerk, I can easily win the case again her.
Still, being with my Mother makes me SO happy that I was at peace with having to pay the training fees and leave with no fights. Things come and go (Day 30). If we can truly accept things as it is, there will be no stress. ❤ (Prof Rao’s TED TALK on Happiness)
And then the whole universe conspired and we met my old cousin at the mall’s bakery. She works there. She was about to go for lunch when my Mum grabbed her and they hugged and them insisting to pay for my purchase jammed up the whole queue. NEVER in my life I see queues in bakeries jammed up. Staff usually work at such speed that cameras cannot catch them.
And meeting my cousin is what inspired me to write this post.
Mum is just 10 years older than my oldest cousin and at one point the girls were working with my Mum. Lots of drama, lots of unhappiness. And I can safely say that if I were to go through those deep programmes on how childhood affected us, I would say this crazy environment had got me to think that the world suck and I must as well kill myself than participate in this insanity against my will. (Also why in my desperate attempt I took up this course last September.)
Today, it just hit me that it is sO true that ALL was in my head.
I was beating myself up over and over again through my growing years thinking that I have the jerks of jerks as relatives. When I started working, I would fly myself alone overseas to avoid ALL family gathering. One time my brother asked why I do that, I broke down and said one more moment in these stressful environment, I would probably jumped down our 10 story flat.
But the good thing out of it was, all those trips I saw all the most beautiful things ever, ever. I also earned the good name of a sole female traveler. I too got many people telling me that they would love to travel someday too. SOMEDAY. From there I learned that it is best to not leave too much regrets in our lives.
Also, I still look forward to travel with friends.
Wooo, look here ebibody, the good thing, bad thing who knows eh??
So! For decades I hated my extended family and eat the poison with it. Today my cousin is so lovable I almost burst from the love. I never hung around with folks 20-30 years older than me. Kinda like I never had people at what should been my parents age. I often felt that I was born an entire generation later.
The reality that I lived with wasn’t even real.
The “reality” today truly served me.
And I was fed with so much ideas that I would be despised once my family background is known to others. So much that I had took off 10 – 20 off my parents’ ages in application forms, lie about everything as much as I can and all those.
Since I was leaving my job, I begun to get very open with my colleagues whom I really enjoy being around and only then I realised, I again had a reality that didn’t serve me.
Suddenly I feel empowered and want to write about this to share with you guys.
Good thing, bad thing, who knows. A liberating and kinda scary thing! xD