god, you might want to just crank that down.

G-AA1 D-Y-UW1 M-AY1 T-W-AA1-N-T T-UW1 JH-AH1-S-T K-R-AE1-NG-K DH-AE1-T D-AW1-N


when she bends, when she turns up, because she's already, she's doing a show and she's going to be galloping up here-

W-EH1-N SH-IY1 B-EH1-N-D Z-W-EH1-N SH-IY1 T-ER1-N Z-AH1-P B-IH0 K-AO1-Z SH-EH1 S-AO0-L R-EH1 D-IY0 SH-EH1-S D-UW1 IH0 NG-AH0 SH-OW1 AH0-N-D SH-EH1-S G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 B-IY1 G-AE1 L-AH0 P-IH0 NG-AH1-P HH-IY1-R


after that. but you know, we can, we can get into that later and then you'll have a little bit from me cause i don't just jabber.

AE1-F T-ER0 DH-AE1-T B-AH1 T-Y-UW1 N-OW1 W-IY1 K-AE1 N-W-IY1 K-AE1-N G-EH1 T-IH0-N T-UW1 DH-AE1 T-L-EY1 T-ER0 AH0-N-D DH-EH1 N-Y-UW1-L HH-AE1 V-AH0 L-IH1 T-AH0-L B-IH1-T F-R-AH1-M M-IY1 K-AA1 Z-AY1 D-AA1-N-T JH-AH1-S-T JH-AE1 B-ER0


i think she'll prefer applause and clapping and whooping and all that kind of thing so welcome the wonderful ms. tina sederholm.

AY1 TH-IH1-NG-K SH-EH1-L P-R-AH0 F-ER1 AH0 P-L-AO1 Z-AH0-N-D K-L-AE1 P-IH0 NG-AH0-N D-W-UW1 P-IH0 NG-AH0-N D-AO1-L DH-AE1-T K-AY1-N D-AH1-V TH-IH1-NG S-OW1 W-EH1-L K-AH0-M DH-AH0 W-AH1-N D-ER0 F-AH0-L M-IH1-Z T-IY1 N-AH0 S-EH1 D-ER0 HH-OW0-M


so the fringe, we sort of count success in numbers here.how many stars, how many audience members what'd you get in your bucket? how much product have you sold? fuck that-

S-OW1 DH-AH0 F-R-IH1-N JH-W-IY1 S-AO1-R T-AH1-V K-AW1-N-T S-AH0-K S-EH1 S-IH0-N N-AH1-M B-ER0-Z HH-EH1-R HH-OW2 M-EH1 N-IY0-S T-AA1-R-Z HH-AW1 M-EH1 N-IY0 AA1 D-IY0 AH0-N S-M-EH1-M B-ER0 Z-W-AH1 T-Y-UW1 G-EH1 T-IH0 N-Y-AO1-R B-AH1 K-AH0-T HH-AW1 M-AH1-CH P-R-AA1 D-AH0-K-T HH-AE1 V-Y-UW1 S-OW1-L-D F-AH1-K DH-AE1-T


as i was also a facsimile of myself back then-

AE1 Z-AY1 W-AA1 Z-AO1-L S-OW0 AH0 F-AE0-K S-IH1 M-AH0 L-IY0 AH1 V-M-AY2 S-EH1-L-F B-AE1-K DH-EH1-N


let me celebrate those lucky escapes and let me praise you. like i should. thanks too. for my love affair, with an art form, that is the world.

L-EH1 T-M-IY1 S-EH1 L-AH0 B-R-EY2-T DH-OW1 Z-L-AH1 K-IY0 IH0-S K-EY1-P S-AH0-N D-L-EH1 T-M-IY1 P-R-EY1 Z-Y-UW1 L-AY1 K-AY1 SH-UH1-D TH-AE1-NG-K-S T-UW1 F-AO1-R M-AY1 L-AH1 V-AH0 F-EH1 R-W-IH1 DH-AE1 N-AA1-R-T F-AO1-R-M DH-AE1 T-IH1-Z DH-AH0 W-ER1-L-D


more exponents than justin bieber's got beliebers and fewer audience than an arachnids fan club. still-

M-AO1 R-IH0-K-S P-OW1 N-AH0-N-T-S DH-AE1-N JH-AH1-S T-AH0-N B-IY1 B-ER0-Z G-AA1-T B-IH0 L-AY1 B-ER0 Z-AH0-N-D F-Y-UW1 ER0 AA1 D-IY0 AH0-N-S DH-AE1 N-AE1 N-ER0 AE1 K-N-AH0-D-Z F-AE1-N K-L-AH1-B-S T-IH1-L


poets make generous friends. well until someone gets a book tail.

P-OW1 AH0-T S-M-EY1-K JH-EH1 N-ER0 AH0-S F-R-EH1-N-D Z-W-EH1 L-AH0-N T-IH1-L S-AH1 M-W-AH2-N G-EH1-T S-AH0 B-UH1-K T-EY1-L


even then let me praise you. like i should. failure.

IY1 V-IH0-N DH-EH1 N-L-EH1 T-M-IY1 P-R-EY1 Z-Y-UW1 L-AY1 K-AY1 SH-UH1-D F-EY1 L-Y-ER0


we've come a long way to gather you have gifted me-

W-IY1-V K-AH1 M-AH0 L-AO1 NG-W-EY1 T-UW1 G-AE1 DH-ER0 Y-UW1 HH-AE1-V G-IH1-F T-AH0 D-M-IY1


with pouchy cheeks and cellulite draws your the midnight bar of cadbury's. when the diets run short of aphorisms.

W-IH1-DH P-AW1 CH-IY0 CH-IY1-K S-AH0-N-D S-EH1 L-Y-AH0 T-AH0-L D-R-AO1 Z-Y-AO1-R DH-AH0 M-IH1 D-N-AY2-T B-AA1 R-AH1-V K-AE1-D B-EH2 R-IY0 Z-W-EH1-N DH-AH0 D-AY1 IH0-T S-R-AH1-N SH-AO1-R T-AH1 V-AE1 F-ER0 IH2 Z-AH0-M-Z


thank you for all the jobs i didn't get the medals.

TH-AE1-NG K-Y-UW1 F-AO1 R-AO1-L DH-AH0 JH-AA1-B Z-AY1 D-IH1 D-AH0-N-T G-EH1-T DH-AH0 M-EH1 D-AH0-L-Z


i didn't have an all the ones i faked. if i'd won those battles-

AY1 D-IH1 D-AH0-N-T HH-AE1 V-AE1 N-AO1-L DH-AH0 W-AH1-N Z-AY1 F-EY1-K T-IH1 F-IH1 D-W-AH1-N DH-OW1-Z B-AE1 T-AH0-L-Z


i'd be constantly on the run, chanting failure is not an option when you absolutely are. so let me celebrate you failure.

IH1-D B-IY1 K-AA1-N-S T-AH0-N T-L-IY0 AA1-N DH-AH0 R-AH1-N CH-AE1-N T-IH0-NG F-EY1 L-Y-ER0 IH1 Z-N-AA1 T-AE1 N-AA1-P SH-AH0 N-W-EH1 N-Y-UW1 AE2-B S-AH0 L-UW1 T-L-IY0 AA1-R S-OW1 L-EH1 T-M-IY1 S-EH1 L-AH0 B-R-EY2 T-Y-UW1 F-EY1 L-Y-ER0


let me praise you like i should. thank you.

L-EH1 T-M-IY1 P-R-EY1 Z-Y-UW1 L-AY1 K-AY1 SH-UH1-D TH-AE1-NG K-Y-UW1


please. don't be good.


forget what teachers, parents, lovers say. we're straight swiss spots, trot to the shops in your dressing gown if it tickles you.

F-ER0 G-EH1 T-W-AH1-T T-IY1 CH-ER0-Z P-EH1 R-AH0-N-T S-L-AH1 V-ER0-Z S-EY1 W-ER0-S T-R-EY1-T S-W-IH1-S-S P-AA1-T-S T-R-AA1-T T-UW1 DH-AH0 SH-AA1-P S-IH0 N-Y-AO1-R D-R-EH1 S-IH0-NG G-AW1 N-IH1 F-IH1-T T-IH1 K-AH0-L Z-Y-UW1


please don't be good.


there's so little space between g and d two circles to shackle your feet while you typed tomorrow's essay, report, obituary.

DH-EH1-R-Z S-OW1 L-IH1 T-AH0-L-S P-EY1-S B-IH0 T-W-IY1-N JH-IY1 AH0-N-D D-IY1 T-UW1 S-ER1 K-AH0-L-Z T-UW1 SH-AE1 K-AH0 L-Y-AO1-R F-IY1 T-W-AY1 L-Y-UW1 T-AY1-P-T T-AH0 M-AA1 R-OW2 Z-EH0 S-EY1 R-IY0 P-AO1-R T-OW0 B-IH1 CH-UW0 EH2 R-IY0


be a dog. work like a dog, play like a dog, love like a dog, tail wagging paws scrabbling until tongue longing.

B-IY1 AH0 D-AO1 G-W-ER1 K-L-AY1 K-AH0 D-AO1-G P-L-EY1 L-AY1 K-AH0 D-AO1 G-L-AH1 V-L-AY1 K-AH0 D-AO1-G T-EY1 L-W-AE1 G-IH0-NG P-AO1-Z-S K-R-AE1 B-AH0 L-IH0 NG-AH0-N T-IH1-L T-AH1 NG-L-AO1 NG-IH0-NG


you corpse out in the sun refusing to move, unless someone throws a stick-

Y-UW1 K-AO1-R-P S-AW1 T-IH0-N DH-AH0 S-AH1 N-R-AH0 F-Y-UW1 Z-IH0-NG T-UW1 M-UW1 V-AH0 N-L-EH1-S S-AH1 M-W-AH2-N TH-R-OW1 Z-AH0-S T-IH1-K


please be a dog. rejoice in limbs. spin till giddy greet friends as travelers returned from the high seas-

P-L-IY1-Z B-IY1 AH0 D-AO1 G-R-IH0 JH-OY1 S-IH0 N-L-IH1-M-Z-S P-IH1-N T-IH1-L G-IH1 D-IY0 G-R-IY1-T F-R-EH1-N-D Z-AE1-Z T-R-AE1 V-AH0 L-ER0 Z-R-IH0 T-ER1-N-D F-R-AH1-M DH-AH0 HH-AY1 S-IY1-Z


even when they've only been gone five minutes-

IY1 V-IH0 N-W-EH1-N DH-EY1 V-OW1 N-L-IY0 B-IH1-N G-AO1-N F-AY1 V-M-IH1 N-AH0-T-S


and while you might not sniff someone's arse when you meet them-

AH0-N D-W-AY1 L-Y-UW1 M-AY1 T-N-AA1-T S-N-IH1-F S-AH1 M-OW2-N Z-AA1-R S-W-EH1 N-Y-UW1 M-IY1-T DH-EH1-M


you're going to get a poem for me. now, what i like about standup tragedy is it gives you a chance to do the poems-

Y-UH1-R G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 G-EH1 T-AH0 P-OW1 AH0-M F-AO1-R M-IY1 N-AW1 W-AH1 T-AY1 L-AY1 K-AH0 B-AW1-T-S T-AE1-N D-AH2-P T-R-AE1 JH-AH0 D-IY0 IH1 Z-IH1-T G-IH1-V Z-Y-UW1 AH0 CH-AE1-N-S T-UW1 D-UW1 DH-AH0 P-OW1 AH0-M-Z


...you wouldn't necessarily do anywhere else where the pressure is perhaps to be-

Y-UW1 W-UH1 D-L-AH0-N T-N-EH2 S-AH0 S-EH1 R-AH0 L-IY0 D-UW1 EH1 N-IY0 W-EH2 R-EH1-L S-W-EH1-R DH-AH0 P-R-EH1 SH-ER0 IH1-Z P-ER0 HH-AE1-P-S T-UW1 B-IY1


frankly, you can be a little tragic.

F-R-AE1-NG K-L-IY0 Y-UW1 K-AE1-N B-IY1 AH0 L-IH1 T-AH0-L T-R-AE1 JH-IH0-K


this was written on and for the 31st of july and well-

DH-IH1 S-W-AA1 Z-R-IH1 T-AH0 N-AA1 N-AH0-N-D F-AO1-R DH-AH0 TH-ER1 D-IY0 F-ER1-S T-AH1-V JH-UW2 L-AY1 AH0-N D-W-EH1-L


...you know, this is standup tragedy. so it's going to be swearing. we've already had-

Y-UW1 N-OW1 DH-IH1 S-IH1-Z-S T-AE1-N D-AH2-P T-R-AE1 JH-AH0 D-IY0 S-OW1 IH1-T-S G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 B-IY1 S-W-EH1 R-IH0 NG-W-IY1 V-AO0-L R-EH1 D-IY0 HH-AE1-D


we've had the swearing. it's good. and we're going to have more and yeah-

W-IY1-V HH-AE1-D DH-AH0 S-W-EH1 R-IH0 NG-IH1-T-S G-UH1 D-AH0-N D-W-ER0 G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 HH-AE1 V-M-AO1 R-AH0-N D-Y-AE1


it's not always happy, but it's about the catharsis.

IH1-T S-N-AA1 T-AO1 L-W-EY2-Z HH-AE1 P-IY0 B-AH1 T-IH1-T S-AH0 B-AW1-T DH-AH0 K-AH0 TH-AA1-R S-AH0-S


16 years today-


16 years and gray hairs salt me, multiple choices mock me, you're recategorized. never mind.

S-IH0-K-S T-IY1 N-Y-IH1-R Z-AH0-N-D G-R-EY1 HH-EH1-R-Z S-AO1-L T-M-IY1 M-AH1-L T-AH0 P-AH0-L CH-OY1 S-AH0 Z-M-AA1 K-M-IY1 Y-UW1 AA1-R R-IY0 K-AE1-T G-AH0 S-AY2 ER0 D-N-EH1 V-ER0 M-AY1-N-D


and i'm joined every year by more companions in grief, reaching out, each one, bludgeoned by all the memories-

AH0-N D-IH1-M JH-OY1-N D-EH1 V-ER0 IY0 Y-IH1-R B-AY1 M-AO1-R K-AH0-M P-AE1 N-Y-AH0-N Z-IH0-N G-R-IY1 F-R-IY1 CH-IH0 NG-AW1 T-IY1 CH-W-AH1-N B-L-AH1 JH-AH0-N-D B-AY1 AO1-L DH-AH0 M-EH1 M-ER0 IY0-Z


sweet and bitter, all the feelings, hot and cold, all the exploded notions of continuity-

S-W-IY1 T-AH0-N-D B-IH1 T-ER0 AO1-L DH-AH0 F-IY1 L-IH0-NG-Z HH-AA1 T-AH0-N-D K-OW1-L D-AO1-L DH-AH0 IH0-K-S P-L-OW1 D-AH0 D-N-OW1 SH-AH0-N Z-AH1-V K-AA2-N T-AH0 N-UW1 AH0 T-IY0


record houses, now ash, and she'd want to know.

R-EH1 K-ER0-D HH-AW1 S-AH0 Z-N-AW1 AE1 SH-AH0-N-D SH-EH1 D-W-AA1-N-T T-UW1 N-OW1


be trying to outline what we've got now, what we've left behind.

B-IY1 T-R-AY1 IH0-NG T-UW1 AW1 T-L-AY2 N-W-AH1 T-W-IY1-V G-AA1 T-N-AW1 W-AH1 T-W-IY1 V-L-EH1-F-T B-IH0 HH-AY1-N-D


i'm finding modern culture quite hard to describe, winding fists into minefields in high definition.

IH1-M F-AY1-N D-IH0-NG M-AA1 D-ER0-N K-AH1-L CH-ER0 K-W-AY1-T HH-AA1-R-D T-UW1 D-IH0-S K-R-AY1 B-W-AY1-N D-IH0-NG F-IH1-S-T S-IH0-N T-UW1 M-AY1-N F-IY2-L-D Z-IH0-N HH-AY1 D-EH2 F-AH0 N-IH1 SH-AH0-N


some of it music so profound that i'm listed higher than i ever thought-

S-AH1 M-AH1 V-IH1 T-M-Y-UW1 Z-IH0-K S-OW1 P-R-OW0 F-AW1-N-D DH-AE1 T-IH1 M-L-IH1-S T-AH0-D HH-AY1 ER0 DH-AE1 N-AY1 EH1 V-ER0 TH-AO1-T


i could reach. and i'm preaching redemption at every soul. it gets better-

AY1 K-UH1 D-R-IY1 CH-AH0-N D-IH1-M P-R-IY1 CH-IH0 NG-R-IH0 D-EH1-M-P SH-AH0 N-AE1 T-EH1 V-ER0 IY0 S-OW1 L-IH1-T G-EH1-T-S B-EH1 T-ER0


no me. i'm a poet now.


and yes, i still sing and i'm happy in my life. and i thump drums so-

AH0-N D-Y-EH1 S-AY1-S T-IH1-L S-IH1 NG-AH0-N D-IH1-M HH-AE1 P-IY0 IH0-N M-AY1 L-AY1 F-AH0-N D-AY1 TH-AH1-M-P D-R-AH1-M-Z S-OW1


...no child, but i'm proud of what i'm passing on.

N-OW1 CH-AY1-L-D B-AH1 T-IH1-M P-R-AW1 D-AH1 V-W-AH1 T-IH1-M P-AE1 S-IH0 NG-AA1-N


his noise for its own sake and hate still hold sway in too many hearts and i worry that we've parted ways.

HH-IH1 Z-N-OY1-Z F-AO1 R-IH1-T S-OW1-N S-EY1 K-AH0-N-D HH-EY1-T-S T-IH1-L HH-OW1-L-D S-W-EY1 IH0-N T-UW1 M-EH1 N-IY0 HH-AA1-R-T S-AH0-N D-AY1 W-ER1 IY0 DH-AE1 T-W-IY1-V P-AA1-R T-AH0 D-W-EY1-Z


those who sing have common spirit and those who bang gavels, gabbling "common sense." rhetoric of division-

DH-OW1-Z HH-UW1 S-IH1-NG HH-AE1-V K-AA1 M-AH0-N-S P-IH1 R-AH0 T-AH0-N-D DH-OW1-Z HH-UW1 B-AE1-NG G-EY1 V-AH0-L-Z G-AE1 B-AH0 L-IH0-NG K-AA1 M-AH0-N S-EH1-N S-R-EH1 T-ER0 IH0 K-AH1-V D-IH0 V-IH1 ZH-AH0-N


flinging new walls higher. and while people are dying-

F-L-IH1 NG-IH0-NG N-UW1 W-AO1-L-Z HH-AY1 ER0 AH0-N D-W-AY1-L P-IY1 P-AH0 L-AA1-R D-AY1 IH0-NG


others are crying about lions and decrying the desperate, let them eat cake, let them baking their own ovens. let them scramble and fail. let them be inconvenient.

AH1 DH-ER0 Z-AA1-R K-R-AY1 IH0 NG-AH0 B-AW1 T-L-AY1 AH0-N Z-AH0-N-D D-IH0 K-R-AY1 IH0-NG DH-AH0 D-EH1-S P-R-IH0 T-L-EH1-T DH-EH1 M-IY1-T K-EY1 K-L-EH1-T DH-EH1-M B-EY1 K-IH0-NG DH-EH1 R-OW1 N-AH1 V-AH0-N Z-L-EH1-T DH-EH1-M-S K-R-AE1-M B-AH0 L-AH0-N-D F-EY1-L L-EH1-T DH-EH1-M B-IY1 IH2-N K-AH0-N V-IY1 N-Y-AH0-N-T


let them be the graffiti on the marble bank fronts and a front to property. no ladder for them.

L-EH1-T DH-EH1-M B-IY1 DH-AH0 G-R-AH0 F-IY1 T-IY0 AA1-N DH-AH0 M-AA1-R B-AH0-L B-AE1-NG-K F-R-AH1-N-T S-AH0-N D-AH0 F-R-AH1-N-T T-UW1 P-R-AA1 P-ER0 T-IY0 N-OW1 L-AE1 D-ER0 F-AO1-R DH-EH1-M


let them stay right there. let them bear the marks of our big hells.

L-EH1-T DH-EH1-M-S T-EY1 R-AY1-T DH-EH1-R L-EH1-T DH-EH1-M B-EH1-R DH-AH0 M-AA1-R-K S-AH1 V-AW1 ER0 B-IH1-G HH-EH1-L-Z


we can clean that stain off.

W-IY1 K-AE1-N K-L-IY1-N DH-AE1-T-S T-EY1 N-AO1-F


you've got all the chemicals you could possibly want.

Y-UW1-V G-AA1 T-AO1-L DH-AH0 K-EH1 M-IH0 K-AH0-L Z-Y-UW1 K-UH1-D P-AA1 S-AH0 B-L-IY0 W-AA1-N-T


and we drop taxes and edited credits and let everything that was fought for be no more than two pages in a textbook.

AH0-N D-W-IY1 D-R-AA1-P T-AE1-K S-AH0 Z-AH0-N D-EH1 D-AH0 T-AH0-D K-R-EH1 D-IH0-T S-AH0-N D-L-EH1 T-EH1 V-R-IY0 TH-IH2-NG DH-AE1 T-W-AA1-Z F-AO1-T F-AO1-R B-IY1 N-OW1 M-AO1-R DH-AE1-N T-UW1 P-EY1 JH-AH0 Z-IH0 N-AH0 T-EH1-K-S-T B-UH2-K


the cat is dancing and look, the puppies laughing, look, the meerkats' grip tightened, we're enlightened-

DH-AH0 K-AE1 T-IH1-Z D-AE1-N S-IH0 NG-AH0-N D-L-UH1-K DH-AH0 P-AH1 P-IY0 Z-L-AE1 F-IH0 NG-L-UH1-K DH-AH0 M-IY1-R K-AE2-T-S G-R-IH1-P T-AY1 T-AH0-N D-W-ER0 EH0 N-L-AY1 T-AH0-N-D


and in the meantime changes a grating, [inaudible 00:07:31] ingrate, scraping more for themselves off other's plates. and we've seen this before-

AH0-N D-IH0-N DH-AH0 M-IY1-N T-AY2-M CH-EY1-N JH-AH0 Z-AH0 G-R-EY1 T-IH0 NG-IH0 N-AO1 D-AH0 B-AH0-L Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z S-EH1 V-AH0-N M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D TH-ER1 D-IY0 W-AH1-N S-EH1 K-AH0-N D-IH0-NG G-R-EY1-T-S K-R-EY1 P-IH0-NG M-AO1-R F-AO1-R DH-EH0-M S-EH1-L-V Z-AO1 F-AH1 DH-ER0-Z P-L-EY1-T S-AH0-N D-W-IY1-V S-IY1-N DH-IH1-S B-IH0 F-AO1-R


...this sort of thing before, we can grade the school, draw the lines-

DH-IH1-S S-AO1-R T-AH1-V TH-IH1-NG B-IH0 F-AO1 R-W-IY1 K-AE1-N G-R-EY1-D DH-AH0-S K-UW1-L D-R-AO1 DH-AH0 L-AY1-N-Z


we've got to draw lines and draw the line.

W-IY1-V G-AA1-T T-UW1 D-R-AO1 L-AY1-N Z-AH0-N-D D-R-AO1 DH-AH0 L-AY1-N


well, rapists of all genders are engendered in silence and nurtured in shame or-

W-EH1-L R-EY1 P-IH0-S-T S-AH1 V-AO1-L JH-EH1-N D-ER0 Z-AA1 R-EH0-N JH-EH1-N D-ER0 D-IH0-N S-AY1 L-AH0-N S-AH0-N D-N-ER1 CH-ER0 D-IH0-N SH-EY1 M-AO1-R


you know, what will make for change? you know what will heal us, make us free?

Y-UW1 N-OW1 W-AH1 T-W-IH1-L M-EY1-K F-AO1-R CH-EY1-N JH-Y-UW1 N-OW1 W-AH1 T-W-IH1-L HH-IY1 L-AH1 S-M-EY1 K-AH1-S F-R-IY1


actually, that's not a question. you know how redemption goes and how love flows.

AE1-K CH-AH0 W-AH0 L-IY0 TH-AE1-T S-N-AA1 T-AH0 K-W-EH1-S CH-AH0 N-Y-UW1 N-OW1 HH-AW1 R-IH0 D-EH1-M-P SH-AH0-N G-OW1 Z-AH0-N-D HH-AW1 L-AH1-V F-L-OW1-Z


you know, you've got to show that instead of tribe, we are a species.

Y-UW1 N-OW1 Y-UW1-V G-AA1-T T-UW1 SH-OW1 DH-AE1 T-IH0-N-S T-EH1 D-AH1-V T-R-AY1 B-W-IY1 AA1 R-AH0-S P-IY1 SH-IY0-Z


we are the breathing, bleeding, leading, reaching, yearning, learning, teaching, evensong of starflesh-

W-IY1 AA1-R DH-AH0 B-R-IY1 DH-IH0-NG B-L-IY1 D-IH0 NG-L-IY1 D-IH0 NG-R-IY1 CH-IH0 NG-Y-ER1 N-IH0 NG-L-ER1 N-IH0-NG T-IY1 CH-IH0 NG-EH1 V-AH0-N-S G-AA2-N D-AH1-V-S T-AA1-R F-L-AH0-S


the coalescence of scattered sun-spun glass perfection in every cell. and we are all relative and who fights more than family.

DH-AH0 K-OW2 AH0 L-EH1 S-AH0-N S-AH1-V-S K-AE1 T-ER0-D S-AH1-N-S P-AH0-N G-L-AE1-S P-ER0 F-EH1-K SH-AH0 N-IH0 N-EH1 V-ER0 IY0 S-EH1 L-AH0-N D-W-IY1 AA1 R-AO1-L R-EH1 L-AH0 T-IH0 V-AH0-N-D HH-UW1 F-AY1-T S-M-AO1-R DH-AE1-N F-AE1 M-AH0 L-IY0


and that's why we're feeling jealous. see we know that we could have, what's held up as aspirations and we flail at neighbors, those within our grasp. and it's not fair.

AH0-N-D TH-AE1-T S-W-AY1 W-ER0 F-IY1 L-IH0-NG JH-EH1 L-AH0-S S-IY1 W-IY1 N-OW1 DH-AE1 T-W-IY1 K-UH1-D HH-AE1 V-W-AH0-T-S HH-EH1-L D-AH1 P-AE1 Z-AE2-S P-ER0 EY1 SH-AH0-N Z-AH0-N D-W-IY1 F-L-EY1 L-AE1 T-N-EY1 B-ER0-Z DH-OW1 Z-W-IH0 DH-IH1 N-AW1 ER0 G-R-AE1-S P-AH0-N D-IH1-T S-N-AA1-T F-EH1-R


i know it's not fair.


and maybe we can't reach the thieves who fleeced us yet.

AH0-N D-M-EY1 B-IY0 W-IY1 K-AE1-N T-R-IY1-CH DH-AH0 TH-IY1-V-Z HH-UW1 F-L-IY1-S T-AH1 S-Y-EH1-T


pay no attention to them. my mother always said she meant well, and to a certain extent, that works.

P-EY1 N-OW1 AH0 T-EH1-N SH-AH0-N T-UW1 DH-EH1-M M-AY1 M-AH1 DH-ER0 AO1 L-W-EY2-Z S-EH1-D SH-IY1 M-EH1-N T-W-EH1 L-AH0-N-D T-UW1 AH0 S-ER1 T-AH0 N-IH0-K-S T-EH1-N-T DH-AE1 T-W-ER1-K-S


but we'll be cursed if we let our gazes drift too far-

B-AH1 T-W-EH1-L B-IY1 K-ER1-S T-IH1 F-W-IY1 L-EH1 T-AW1 ER0 G-EY1 Z-AH0-Z D-R-IH1-F-T T-UW1 F-AA1-R


...too long. because they're not them.

T-UW1 L-AO1-NG B-IH0 K-AO1-Z TH-EH1-R N-AA1-T DH-EH1-M


they're us. this-


16 years to the day.

S-IH0-K-S T-IY1 N-Y-IH1-R-Z T-UW1 DH-AH0 D-EY1


he told me he was proud of me.

HH-IY1 T-OW1-L D-M-IY1 HH-IY1 W-AA1-Z P-R-AW1 D-AH1 V-M-IY1


now i am too. but like i said-

N-AW1 AY1 AE1-M T-UW1 B-AH1 T-L-AY1 K-AY1 S-EH1-D


... [inaudible 00:09:23]. ooh, i can see you now. hello. thanks for that.i've got a hat on, which means i'm the mc mode again, but let's have another round of applause for fay roberts.

IH0 N-AO1 D-AH0 B-AH0-L Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0 Z-N-AY1-N M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D T-W-EH1-N T-IY0 TH-R-IY1 S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D Z-UW1 AY1 K-AE1-N S-IY1 Y-UW1 N-AW1 HH-AH0 L-OW1 TH-AE1-NG-K-S F-AO1-R T-AE1 TH-IH0-V G-AA1 T-AH0 HH-AE1 T-AA1 N-W-IH1 CH-M-IY1-N Z-AY1 AE1-M DH-AH0 M-IH0 K-M-OW1 D-AH0 G-EH1-N B-AH1 T-L-EH1-T-S HH-AE1 V-AH0 N-AH1 DH-ER0 R-AW1-N D-AH1 V-AH0 P-L-AO1-Z F-AO1-R F-EY1 R-AA1 B-ER0-T-S


i'm going to introduce you now to my boy from the east. are you ready andy bennett?

IH1-M G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 IH2-N T-R-AH0 D-UW1 S-Y-UW1 N-AW1 T-UW1 M-AY1 B-OY1 F-R-AH1-M DH-AH0 IY1-S T-AA1 R-Y-UW1 R-EH1 D-IY0 AE1-N D-IY0 B-EH1 N-AH0-T


he is ready to go. he's got a show. he's well-

HH-IY1 IH1 Z-R-EH1 D-IY0 T-UW1 G-OW1 HH-IY1-Z G-AA1 T-AH0 SH-OW1 HH-IY1 Z-W-EH1-L


everyone who's coming up here, probably is going to shout out for me. this is my show. so yes, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to this stage, the rather wonderful, the lovely, this is andy bennett.

EH1 V-R-IY0 W-AH2-N HH-UW1-Z K-AH1 M-IH0 NG-AH1-P HH-IY1-R P-R-AA1 B-AH0 B-L-IY0 IH1-Z G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 SH-AW1 T-AW1-T F-AO1-R M-IY1 DH-IH1 S-IH1 Z-M-AY1 SH-OW1 S-OW1 Y-EH1 S-L-EY1 D-IY0 Z-AH0-N-D JH-EH1-N T-AH0-L M-IH0 N-W-EH1-L K-AH0-M T-UW1 DH-IH1-S-S T-EY1-JH DH-AH0 R-AE1 DH-ER0 W-AH1-N D-ER0 F-AH0-L DH-AH0 L-AH1 V-L-IY0 DH-IH1 S-IH1 Z-AE1-N D-IY0 B-EH1 N-AH0-T


as i woke, in pain and bleary, with a stench so foul and beery.

AE1 Z-AY1 W-OW1 K-IH0-N P-EY1 N-AH0-N-D B-L-IH1 R-IY0 W-IH1 DH-AH0-S T-EH1-N-CH S-OW1 F-AW1 L-AH0-N-D B-IH1 R-IY0


how'd i end up here once more? and distinctly i remember i'd been on a vodka bender-

HH-AW1 D-AY1 EH1-N D-AH1-P HH-IY1 R-W-AH1-N S-M-AO1 R-AH0-N-D D-IH0-S T-IH1-NG-K T-L-IY0 AY1 R-IH0 M-EH1-M B-ER0 IH1-D B-IH1 N-AA1 N-AH0 V-AA1-D K-AH0 B-EH1-N D-ER0


... when i woke with head so tender on the clammy kitchen floor. this i knew.

W-EH1 N-AY1 W-OW1 K-W-IH1-DH HH-EH1-D S-OW1 T-EH1-N D-ER0 AA1-N DH-AH0 K-L-AE1 M-IY0 K-IH1 CH-AH0-N F-L-AO1-R DH-IH1 S-AY1 N-UW1


well, it's lucky no one found me with those empties all around me, staring anxious and astounded through an open cupboard door.

W-EH1 L-IH1-T S-L-AH1 K-IY0 N-OW1 W-AH1-N F-AW1-N D-M-IY1 W-IH1-DH DH-OW1 Z-EH1-M-P T-IY0 Z-AO1 L-ER0 AW1-N D-M-IY1-S T-EH1 R-IH0 NG-AE1-NG-K SH-AH0 S-AH0-N D-AH0-S T-AW1-N D-IH0-D TH-R-UW1 AE1 N-OW1 P-AH0-N K-AH1 B-ER0-D D-AO1-R


because there under the sink was where i clearly had to drink, nestled-

B-IH0 K-AO1-Z DH-EH1 R-AH1-N D-ER0 DH-AH0 S-IH1-NG K-W-AA1 Z-W-EH1 R-AY1 K-L-IH1-R L-IY0 HH-AE1-D T-UW1 D-R-IH1-NG K-N-EH1 S-AH0-L-D


... next to the box of persil was a bottle of lenore.

N-EH1-K-S-T T-UW1 DH-AH0 B-AA1-K S-AH1-V P-ER1 S-AH0 L-W-AA1 Z-AH0 B-AA1 T-AH0 L-AH1 V-L-AH0 N-AO1-R


... or in the case of washing powder, snort.

AO1 R-IH0-N DH-AH0 K-EY1 S-AH1 V-W-AA1 SH-IH0-NG P-AW1 D-ER0 S-N-AO1-R-T


there as the sun began to rise-

DH-EH1 R-AE1-Z DH-AH0 S-AH1-N B-IH0 G-AE1-N T-UW1 R-AY1-Z


... it's just like the pain behind my eyes. i quite slowly realized that i was on my own no more. for as far as i could gather, at my feet there sat a badger-

IH1-T-S JH-AH1-S T-L-AY1-K DH-AH0 P-EY1-N B-IH0 HH-AY1-N D-M-AY1 AY1 Z-AY1 K-W-AY1-T S-L-OW1 L-IY0 R-IY1 L-AY2-Z-D DH-AE1 T-AY1 W-AA1 Z-AA1-N M-AY1 OW1-N N-OW1 M-AO1-R F-AO1 R-AE1-Z F-AA1 R-AE1 Z-AY1 K-UH1-D G-AE1 DH-ER0 AE1 T-M-AY1 F-IY1-T DH-EH1-R S-AE1 T-AH0 B-AE1 JH-ER0


... wet and splattered. blood red in tooth and claw.

W-EH1 T-AH0-N-D-S P-L-AE1 T-ER0-D B-L-AH1 D-R-EH1 D-IH0-N T-UW1 TH-AH0-N-D K-L-AO1


evil badger, steeped in gore. the badger-

IY1 V-AH0-L B-AE1 JH-ER0-S T-IY1-P T-IH0-N G-AO1-R DH-AH0 B-AE1 JH-ER0


... badger, wherefore? still he-

B-AE1 JH-ER0 W-EH1 R-IH0 F-AO0-R-S T-IH1-L HH-IY1


... there is this crashing like 50 cymbals clashing in my head with heated passion.

DH-EH1 R-IH1-Z DH-IH1-S K-R-AE1 SH-IH0 NG-L-AY1-K F-IH1-F T-IY0 S-IH1-M B-AH0-L-Z K-L-AE1 SH-IH0 NG-IH0-N M-AY1 HH-EH1 D-W-IH1-DH HH-IY1 T-AH0-D P-AE1 SH-AH0-N


... jaw. my senses are routing my sanity-

JH-AO1 M-AY1 S-EH1-N S-IH0 Z-AA1-R R-AW1 T-IH0-NG M-AY1 S-AE1 N-AH0 T-IY0


... can stripey bastard. don't you know that i got plastered last night while i was a wasted. drank this bottle of a lenore.

K-AE1-N-S T-R-AY1 P-IY0 B-AE1-S T-ER0-D D-AA1-N T-Y-UW1 N-OW1 DH-AE1 T-AY1 G-AA1-T P-L-AE1-S T-ER0 D-L-AE1-S T-N-AY1 T-W-AY1 L-AY1 W-AA1 Z-AH0 W-EY1-S T-AH0-D D-R-AE1-NG-K DH-IH1-S B-AA1 T-AH0 L-AH1 V-AH0 L-AH0 N-AO1-R


... dimension. that this ain't an intervention. more a sign of the dementia in the brain that you forswore

D-IH0 M-EH1-N SH-AH0-N DH-AE1-T DH-IH1 S-EY1-N T-AE1 N-IH2-N T-ER0 V-EH1-N CH-AH0-N M-AO1 R-AH0 S-AY1 N-AH1-V DH-AH0 D-IH0 M-EH1-N SH-IY0 AH0 IH0-N DH-AH0 B-R-EY1-N DH-AE1 T-Y-UW1 F-AO1-R S-W-ER0


no way. i'm here beside you, help you out, to guide you, but rather to do right-

N-OW1 W-EY1 IH1-M HH-IY1-R B-IH0 S-AY1 D-Y-UW1 HH-EH1-L P-Y-UW1 AW1-T T-UW1 G-AY1 D-Y-UW1 B-AH1 T-R-AE1 DH-ER0 T-UW1 D-UW1 R-AY1-T


you're a moron to be sure," quoth the badger with a r-

Y-UH1 R-AH0 M-AO1 R-AA2-N T-UW1 B-IY1 SH-UH1-R K-W-OW1-TH DH-AH0 B-AE1 JH-ER0 W-IH1 DH-AH0 AA1-R


... still is napping, despite the tappings, still is napping, and occasionally crapping on the clammy kitchen-

S-T-IH1 L-IH1 Z-N-AE1 P-IH0-NG D-IH0-S P-AY1-T DH-AH0 T-AE1 P-IH0-NG-Z-S T-IH1 L-IH1 Z-N-AE1 P-IH0 NG-AH0-N D-AH0 K-EY1 ZH-AH0 N-AH0 L-IY0 K-R-AE1 P-IH0 NG-AA1-N DH-AH0 K-L-AE1 M-IY0 K-IH1 CH-AH0-N


eyes begin to close. i feel him drooling on-

AY1-Z B-IH0 G-IH1-N T-UW1 K-L-OW1 Z-AY1 F-IY1-L HH-IH1-M D-R-UW1 L-IH0 NG-AA1-N


... there's no more shows. no returning. [french 00:02:17]. and i'll go drinking, nevermore. thank you.

T-IY1 HH-IY1 R-IH1 Z-N-OW1 M-AO1-R SH-OW1 Z-N-OW1 R-IH0 T-ER1 N-IH0-NG F-R-EH1-N-CH Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z T-UW1 M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D S-EH1 V-AH0-N T-IY1-N S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D Z-AH0-N D-IH1-L G-OW1 D-R-IH1-NG K-IH0-NG N-EH1 V-ER0 M-AO2-R TH-AE1-NG K-Y-UW1


three standard tragedy, and so edgar allen poe, who obviously wrote the badger-

TH-R-IY1-S T-AE1-N D-ER0-D T-R-AE1 JH-AH0 D-IY0 AH0-N-D S-OW1 EH1-D G-ER0 AE1 L-AH0-N P-OW1 HH-UW1 AA1-B V-IY0 AH0 S-L-IY0 R-OW1-T DH-AH0 B-AE1 JH-ER0


... wrote the raven. he said that-

R-OW1-T DH-AH0 R-EY1 V-AH0-N HH-IY1 S-EH1-D DH-AE1-T


... apparently the most fitting subject, through a long and torturous syllogism, said the most fitting subject for poetry was the death of a young and beautiful woman.

AH0 P-EH1 R-AH0-N T-L-IY0 DH-AH0 M-OW1-S-T F-IH1 T-IH0-NG S-AH1-B JH-IH0-K-T TH-R-UW1 AH0 L-AO1 NG-AH0-N-D T-AO1-R CH-UW2 AH0-S S-IH1 L-OW0 G-IH2 Z-AH0-M S-EH1-D DH-AH0 M-OW1-S-T F-IH1 T-IH0-NG S-AH1-B JH-IH0-K-T F-AO1-R P-OW1 AH0 T-R-IY0 W-AA1-Z DH-AH0 D-EH1 TH-AH1 V-AH0 Y-AH1 NG-AH0-N-D B-Y-UW1 T-AH0 F-AH0 L-W-UH1 M-AH0-N


i think we've just proved that the most fitting subject for poetry is the death of a young and middle-aged me.

AY1 TH-IH1-NG K-W-IY1-V JH-AH1-S-T P-R-UW1-V-D DH-AE1-T DH-AH0 M-OW1-S-T F-IH1 T-IH0-NG S-AH1-B JH-IH0-K-T F-AO1-R P-OW1 AH0 T-R-IY0 IH1-Z DH-AH0 D-EH1 TH-AH1 V-AH0 Y-AH1 NG-AH0-N D-M-IH0 D-AH0 L-EY1-JH D-M-IY1


and it's called, for the dick edge, you like those french jokes. it's called-

AH0-N D-IH1-T-S K-AO1-L-D F-AO1-R DH-AH0 D-IH1 K-EH1 JH-Y-UW1 L-AY1-K DH-OW1-Z F-R-EH1-N-CH JH-OW1-K S-IH1-T-S K-AO1-L-D


... i'm archetype of all mankind.

IH1 M-AA1-R K-IH0 T-AY2 P-AH1 V-AO1-L M-AE1-N K-AY1-N-D


i am adam, if you will, at the height of middle-aged-

AY1 AE1 M-AE1 D-AH0 M-IH1 F-Y-UW1 W-IH1 L-AE1-T DH-AH0 HH-AY1 T-AH1 V-M-IH0 D-AH0 L-EY1-JH-D


... despite my youthful good looks, these salty stubble tracks show wisdom-

D-IH0-S P-AY1 T-M-AY1 Y-UW1-TH F-AH0-L G-UH1 D-L-UH1-K-S DH-IY1-Z S-AO1-L T-IY0-S T-AH1 B-AH0-L T-R-AE1-K-S SH-OW1 W-IH1-Z D-AH0-M


... character, and in a way that makes no biological sense, backbone.

K-EH1 R-IH0-K T-ER0 AH0-N D-IH0 N-AH0 W-EY1 DH-AE1 T-M-EY1-K S-N-OW1 B-AY2 AH0 L-AA1 JH-IH0 K-AH0-L S-EH1-N-S B-AE1-K B-OW2-N


these proto [kroto 00:03:32] eyes have squinted over life's prairie. seeing the existential-

DH-IY1-Z P-R-OW1 T-AH0 K-R-OW1 T-OW0 Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z TH-R-IY1 M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D TH-ER1 D-IY0 T-UW1 S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D Z-AY1-Z HH-AE1-V-S K-W-IH1-N T-IH0 D-OW1 V-ER0 L-AY1-F-S P-R-EH1 R-IY0 S-IY1 IH0-NG DH-AH0 EH2-K S-IH0-S T-EH1-N CH-AH0-L


... tumbleweed and said, "yeah. bring it on." this abdominal buffer zone.

T-AH1-M B-L-W-EH2 D-AH0-N-D S-EH1 D-Y-AE1 B-R-IH1 NG-IH1 T-AA1-N DH-IH1 S-AE0-B D-AA1 M-AH0 N-AH0-L B-AH1 F-ER0 Z-OW1-N


this is a man who can sign legally binding documents. this is a man who-

DH-IH1 S-IH1 Z-AH0 M-AE1-N HH-UW1 K-AE1-N S-AY1 N-L-IY1 G-AH0 L-IY0 B-AY1-N D-IH0-NG D-AA1 K-Y-AH0 M-AH0-N-T-S DH-IH1 S-IH1 Z-AH0 M-AE1-N HH-UW1


... is a man who likes a petrol law-

IH1 Z-AH0 M-AE1-N HH-UW1 L-AY1-K S-AH0 P-EH1 T-R-OW0-L L-AO1


... who knows that names will never hurt him. this is a man who knows about aphids. this-

HH-UW1 N-OW1-Z DH-AE1 T-N-EY1-M Z-W-IH1-L N-EH1 V-ER0 HH-ER1-T HH-IH1-M DH-IH1 S-IH1 Z-AH0 M-AE1-N HH-UW1 N-OW1 Z-AH0 B-AW1 T-AE1 F-IH0-D-Z DH-IH1-S


... is a man who sometimes eats quiche.

IH1 Z-AH0 M-AE1-N HH-UW1 S-AH0-M T-AY1-M Z-IY1-T-S K-IY1-SH


... man who, you probably still would. this is a man who knows-

M-AE1-N HH-UW1 Y-UW1 P-R-AA1 B-AH0 B-L-IY0-S T-IH1 L-W-UH1-D DH-IH1 S-IH1 Z-AH0 M-AE1-N HH-UW1 N-OW1-Z


this is a man who has fought and cried and lived and loved. this is a man. this is a man.

DH-IH1 S-IH1 Z-AH0 M-AE1-N HH-UW1 HH-AE1-Z F-AO1 T-AH0-N-D K-R-AY1 D-AH0-N D-L-AY1-V D-AH0-N D-L-AH1-V-D DH-IH1 S-IH1 Z-AH0 M-AE1-N DH-IH1 S-IH1 Z-AH0 M-AE1-N


this is a man with a kryptonite heel who gets both of those references.

DH-IH1 S-IH1 Z-AH0 M-AE1 N-W-IH1 DH-AH0 K-R-IH1-P T-AH0 N-AY2-T HH-IY1-L HH-UW1 G-EH1-T-S B-OW1 TH-AH1-V DH-OW1 Z-R-EH1 F-ER0 AH0-N S-IH0-Z


... is that someday, somewhere, a real grownup will entrust him some keys-

IH1-Z DH-AE1-T S-AH1-M D-EY2 S-AH1 M-W-EH2 R-AH0 R-IY1-L G-R-OW1 N-AH2 P-W-IH1 L-EH0-N T-R-AH1-S-T HH-IH1-M S-AH1-M K-IY1-Z


... an expense account, the code to the safe, an open bar tab-

AE1 N-IH0-K-S P-EH1-N S-AH0 K-AW1-N-T DH-AH0 K-OW1-D T-UW1 DH-AH0 S-EY1 F-AE1 N-OW1 P-AH0-N B-AA1-R T-AE1-B


... and that four drunken days, three broken promises, and two toys rust-

AH0-N-D DH-AE1-T F-AO1-R D-R-AH1-NG K-AH0-N D-EY1-Z TH-R-IY1 B-R-OW1 K-AH0-N P-R-AA1 M-AH0 S-AH0 Z-AH0-N-D T-UW1 T-OY1 Z-R-AH1-S-T


that same grownup will come back with a face like a body snatcher and go-

DH-AE1-T S-EY1-M G-R-OW1 N-AH2 P-W-IH1-L K-AH1-M B-AE1 K-W-IH1 DH-AH0 F-EY1 S-L-AY1 K-AH0 B-AA1 D-IY0 S-N-AE1 CH-ER0 AH0-N-D G-OW1


this is a man who shouldn't treat his knees that way.

DH-IH1 S-IH1 Z-AH0 M-AE1-N HH-UW1 SH-OW1-L T-AH0-N-T T-R-IY1-T HH-IH1 Z-N-IY1-Z DH-AE1 T-W-EY1


sorry. you're right. no, i don't care about house price.

S-AA1 R-IY0 Y-UH1-R R-AY1 T-N-OW1 AY1 D-AA1-N-T K-EH1 R-AH0 B-AW1-T HH-AW1-S P-R-AY1-S


is there any chocolate?

IH1-Z DH-EH1 R-EH1 N-IY0 CH-AO1 K-L-AH0-T


i have some friends round to play?

AY1 HH-AE1-V S-AH1-M F-R-EH1-N-D Z-R-AW1-N-D T-UW1 P-L-EY1


this is a man. this is a child, but this is a man. i've been [inaudible 00:05:41] thanks very much.

DH-IH1 S-IH1 Z-AH0 M-AE1-N DH-IH1 S-IH1 Z-AH0 CH-AY1-L-D B-AH1-T DH-IH1 S-IH1 Z-AH0 M-AE1 N-AY1-V B-IH1 N-IH0 N-AO1 D-AH0 B-AH0-L Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z F-AY1 V-M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D F-AO1-R T-IY0 W-AH1-N S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D TH-AE1-NG-K-S V-EH1 R-IY0 M-AH1-CH


honestly it will, but you should take them. it's beautiful.

AA1 N-AH0-S T-L-IY0 IH1 T-W-IH1-L B-AH1 T-Y-UW1 SH-UH1-D T-EY1-K DH-EH1 M-IH1-T-S B-Y-UW1 T-AH0 F-AH0-L


so, go and see more of that for longer in a different place. that'd be great.is hannah here?

S-OW1 G-OW1 AH0-N-D S-IY1 M-AO1 R-AH1-V DH-AE1-T F-AO1-R L-AO1-NG G-ER0 IH0 N-AH0 D-IH1 F-ER0 AH0-N-T P-L-EY1-S TH-AE1 T-AH0-D B-IY1 G-R-IY1 T-AH0-S HH-AE1 N-AH0 HH-IY1-R


hannah is not here. bloody poets. so, [crosstalk 00:06:00]me!i think it's keith.keith!keith.

HH-AE1 N-AH0 IH1 Z-N-AA1-T HH-IY1-R B-L-AH1 D-IY0 P-OW1 AH0-T-S S-OW1 K-R-AO1-S T-AO1-K Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z S-IH1-K S-M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D Z-IH1 R-OW0 S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D Z-M-AY1 TH-IH1-NG K-IH1-T-S K-IY2-TH K-IH0 TH-IH1 K-IH0-K


probably the nicest smile in poetry, as well as the most soothing-

P-R-AA1 B-AH0 B-L-IY0 DH-AH0 N-AY1 S-IH0-S-T S-M-AY1 L-IH0-N P-OW1 AH0 T-R-IY0 AE1 Z-W-EH1 L-AE1-Z DH-AH0 M-OW1-S-T S-UW1 DH-IH0-NG


... voice. pretty much. yeah, i think so. ladies and gentlemen go just a little bit crazy.

V-OY1-S P-R-IH1 T-IY0 M-AH1 CH-Y-AE1 AY1 TH-IH1-NG-K S-OW1 L-EY1 D-IY0 Z-AH0-N-D JH-EH1-N T-AH0-L M-IH0-N G-OW1 JH-AH1-S T-AH0 L-IH1 T-AH0-L B-IH1-T K-R-EY1 Z-IY0


welcome to this stage, mr. keith jo-

W-EH1-L K-AH0-M T-UW1 DH-IH1-S-S T-EY1 JH-M-IH1-S T-ER0 K-IY1-TH JH-OW1


you're only going to have to do that like three times or something.

Y-UH1 R-OW1 N-L-IY0 G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 HH-AE1-V T-UW1 D-UW1 DH-AE1 T-L-AY1-K TH-R-IY1 T-AY1-M Z-AO1-R S-AH1-M TH-IH0-NG


... but i have read and seen read and been ambiguous after i've drained myself of pride and piss, in a discreet corner over a drain, and-

B-AH1 T-AY1 HH-AE1 V-R-EH1 D-AH0-N-D S-IY1 N-R-EH1 D-AH0-N-D B-IH1 N-AE0-M B-IH1 G-Y-UW0 AH0 S-AE1-F T-ER0 AY1-V D-R-EY1-N D-M-AY2 S-EH1-L F-AH1-V P-R-AY1 D-AH0-N-D P-IH1 S-IH0 N-AH0 D-IH0-S K-R-IY1-T K-AO1-R N-ER0 OW1 V-ER0 AH0 D-R-EY1 N-AH0-N-D


... and after i've been that drain. after i've spilled my stories. after i've, once again, pulled-

AH0-N D-AE1-F T-ER0 AY1-V B-IH1-N DH-AE1-T D-R-EY1 N-AE1-F T-ER0 AY1-V-S P-IH1-L D-M-AY1-S T-AO1 R-IY0 Z-AE1-F T-ER0 AY1 V-W-AH1-N S-AH0 G-EH1-N P-UH1-L-D


... my tongue from the custody of its thirsty mouth and after i've drunk and after i've been promised living water and hell fire by the same features and-

M-AY1 T-AH1-NG F-R-AH1-M DH-AH0 K-AH1-S T-AH0 D-IY0 AH1 V-IH1-T-S TH-ER1-S T-IY0 M-AW1 DH-AH0-N D-AE1-F T-ER0 AY1-V D-R-AH1-NG K-AH0-N D-AE1-F T-ER0 AY1-V B-IH1-N P-R-AA1 M-AH0-S T-L-IH1 V-IH0 NG-W-AO1 T-ER0 AH0-N-D HH-EH1-L F-AY1 ER0 B-AY1 DH-AH0 S-EY1-M F-IY1 CH-ER0 Z-AH0-N-D


... wrote you a poem after that. and after i felt the hairs on my chest singe and one more time and-

R-OW1 T-Y-UW1 AH0 P-OW1 AH0 M-AE1-F T-ER0 DH-AE1 T-AH0-N D-AE1-F T-ER0 AY1 F-EH1-L-T DH-AH0 HH-EH1-R Z-AA1-N M-AY1 CH-EH1-S-T S-IH1-N JH-AH0-N D-W-AH1-N M-AO1-R T-AY1 M-AH0-N-D


... before. i mean, during these mean days when i have to endure the weight of a double-

B-IH0 F-AO1 R-AY1 M-IY1-N D-UH1 R-IH0-NG DH-IY1 Z-M-IY1-N D-EY1 Z-W-EH1 N-AY1 HH-AE1-V T-UW1 EH0-N D-Y-UH1-R DH-AH0 W-EY1 T-AH1 V-AH0 D-AH1 B-AH0-L


... i just wanted to say, "never look down." thanks.

AY1 JH-AH1-S T-W-AA1-N T-AH0-D T-UW1 S-EY1 N-EH1 V-ER0 L-UH1-K D-AW1-N TH-AE1-NG-K-S


my last relationship, in about 20 seconds-

M-AY1 L-AE1-S T-R-IY0 L-EY1 SH-AH0-N SH-IH2 P-IH0 N-AH0 B-AW1-T T-W-EH1-N T-IY0 S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D-Z


good music. so when we met, i knew you had to be on the side of the angels.

G-UH1 D-M-Y-UW1 Z-IH0-K S-OW1 W-EH1 N-W-IY1 M-EH1 T-AY1 N-UW1 Y-UW1 HH-AE1-D T-UW1 B-IY1 AA1-N DH-AH0 S-AY1 D-AH1-V DH-AH0 EY1-N JH-AH0-L-Z


so, yeah, i was writing a poem which i thought was about old stuff-

S-OW1 Y-AE1 AY1 W-AA1 Z-R-AY1 T-IH0 NG-AH0 P-OW1 AH0 M-W-IH1 CH-AY1 TH-AO1 T-W-AA1 Z-AH0 B-AW1 T-OW1-L-D-S T-AH1-F


... and it ended up being about an old rela-

AH0-N D-IH1 T-EH1-N D-AH0 D-AH1-P B-IY1 IH0 NG-AH0 B-AW1 T-AE1 N-OW1-L D-R-IY1 L-AH0


... take a mega drive by the way. was it just me? oh, cool. all right.

T-EY1 K-AH0 M-EH1 G-AH0 D-R-AY1-V B-AY1 DH-AH0 W-EY1 W-AA1 Z-IH1-T JH-AH1-S T-M-IY1 OW1 K-UW1 L-AO1-L R-AY1-T


cool. you say your mega drive has quietly gone to a better place.

K-UW1 L-Y-UW1 S-EY1 Y-AO1-R M-EH1 G-AH0 D-R-AY1-V HH-AE1-Z K-W-AY1 AH0 T-L-IY0 G-AO1-N T-UW1 AH0 B-EH1 T-ER0 P-L-EY1-S


... is drinking snowball cocktails with the fondue set, is making awkward love on the bed of shoulder pads.

IH1-Z D-R-IH1-NG K-IH0-NG S-N-OW1 B-AO2-L K-AA1-K T-EY2-L Z-W-IH1-DH DH-AH0 F-AA0-N D-Y-UW1 S-EH1 T-IH1 Z-M-EY1 K-IH0 NG-AA1 K-W-ER0 D-L-AH1 V-AA1-N DH-AH0 B-EH1 D-AH1-V SH-OW1-L D-ER0 P-AE1-D-Z


you will find it underneath the cheat codes printed on continuous paper with the holey edges fashioned into paper worms in an undisclosed location.

Y-UW1 W-IH1-L F-AY1-N D-IH1 T-AH2-N D-ER0 N-IY1-TH DH-AH0 CH-IY1-T K-OW1-D-Z P-R-IH1-N T-AH0 D-AA1-N K-AH0-N T-IH1 N-Y-UW0 AH0-S P-EY1 P-ER0 W-IH1-DH DH-AH0 HH-OW1 L-IY0 EH1 JH-AH0-Z F-AE1 SH-AH0-N D-IH0-N T-UW1 P-EY1 P-ER0 W-ER1-M Z-IH0 N-AE1 N-AH2-N D-IH0-S K-L-OW1-Z D-L-OW0 K-EY1 SH-AH0-N


you were told that energy never dies, only progresses through an infinite series of levels.

Y-UW1 W-ER0 T-OW1-L-D DH-AE1 T-EH1 N-ER0 JH-IY0 N-EH1 V-ER0 D-AY1 Z-OW1 N-L-IY0 P-R-OW0 G-R-EH1 S-AH0-Z TH-R-UW1 AE1 N-IH1-N F-AH0 N-AH0-T S-IH1 R-IY0 Z-AH1 V-L-EH1 V-AH0-L-Z


i hope this goes some way to explain in our demise.

AY1 HH-OW1-P DH-IH1-S G-OW1-Z S-AH1 M-W-EY1 T-UW1 IH0-K-S P-L-EY1 N-IH0 N-AW1 ER0 D-IH0 M-AY1-Z


one day i dislocated my cousin's eyeball with a karate finger.

W-AH1-N D-EY1 AY1 D-IH1 S-L-OW0 K-EY0 T-IH0 D-M-AY1 K-AH1 Z-AH0-N Z-AY1 B-AO2 L-W-IH1 DH-AH0 K-ER0 AA1 T-IY0 F-IH1-NG G-ER0


when i thought bruce lee could, true story-

W-EH1 N-AY1 TH-AO1-T B-R-UW1 S-L-IY1 K-UH1-D T-R-UW1-S T-AO1 R-IY0


... of a six button controller pad that's a-b-c-x-y-z, and then normal, turbo mode, slow.

AH1 V-AH0 S-IH1-K-S B-AH1 T-AH0-N K-AH0-N T-R-OW1 L-ER0 P-AE1-D TH-AE1-T S-AE1-K-B S-UW2 Z-AH0-N-D DH-EH1-N N-AO1-R M-AH0-L T-ER1 B-OW0 M-OW1-D S-L-OW1


and then today, thinking of you, i was struck by a blow that sent my memory free falling.

AH0-N-D DH-EH1-N T-AH0 D-EY1 TH-IH1-NG K-IH0 NG-AH1 V-Y-UW1 AY1 W-AA1-Z-S T-R-AH1-K B-AY1 AH0 B-L-OW1 DH-AE1-T S-EH1-N T-M-AY1 M-EH1 M-ER0 IY0 F-R-IY1 F-AA1 L-IH0-NG


i'm a sore loser still. pulling the plug before the final ko. answering phantom calls, calling foul play-

IH1 M-AH0 S-AO1-R L-UW1 Z-ER0-S T-IH1-L P-UH1 L-IH0-NG DH-AH0 P-L-AH1-G B-IH0 F-AO1-R DH-AH0 F-AY1 N-AH0-L K-OW1 AE1-N S-ER0 IH0-NG F-AE1-N T-AH0-M K-AO1-L-Z K-AO1 L-IH0-NG F-AW1-L P-L-EY1


... and then finally, finally giving way, giving in. inhaling heat, inhaling deep, and pressing on the bruises. cheers.

AH0-N-D DH-EH1-N F-AY1 N-AH0 L-IY0 F-AY1 N-AH0 L-IY0 G-IH1 V-IH0 NG-W-EY1 G-IH1 V-IH0 NG-IH0 N-IH0-N HH-EY1 L-IH0-NG HH-IY1 T-IH0-N HH-EY1 L-IH0-NG D-IY1 P-AH0-N-D P-R-EH1 S-IH0 NG-AA1-N DH-AH0 B-R-UW1 Z-AH0-Z CH-IH1-R-Z


it's my new book. it's all shiny and stuff. so yeah, ask me about it another time.

IH1-T S-M-AY1 N-UW1 B-UH1 K-IH1-T S-AO1-L SH-AY1 N-IY0 AH0-N-D-S T-AH1-F S-OW1 Y-AE1 AE1-S K-M-IY1 AH0 B-AW1 T-IH1 T-AH0 N-AH1 DH-ER0 T-AY1-M


... any shows of my own but i am going to be hosting stand up [chaturdy 00:09:17] tomorrow.

EH1 N-IY0 SH-OW1 Z-AH1 V-M-AY1 OW1-N B-AH1 T-AY1 AE1-M G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 B-IY1 HH-OW1-S T-IH0-NG-S T-AE1-N D-AH1-P CH-AE1 T-ER0 D-IY0 Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0 Z-N-AY1-N M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D S-EH1 V-AH0-N T-IY1-N S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D-Z T-AH0 M-AA1 R-OW2


there are a couple of people who are here, who you might wish to hear for fl-

DH-EH1 R-AA1 R-AH0 K-AH1 P-AH0 L-AH1-V P-IY1 P-AH0-L HH-UW1 AA1-R HH-IY1-R HH-UW1 Y-UW1 M-AY1 T-W-IH1-SH T-UW1 HH-IY1-R F-AO1-R F-EH1-L


and i'm excited about that and i hope you are too.

AH0-N D-IH1 M-IH0-K S-AY1 T-AH0 D-AH0 B-AW1-T DH-AE1 T-AH0-N D-AY1 HH-OW1 P-Y-UW1 AA1-R T-UW1


... wish. tesco's. discount rows. lucky girl, the cashier chimes.

W-IH1-SH T-EH1-S K-OW0-S D-IH1-S K-AW0-N T-R-OW1 Z-L-AH1 K-IY0 G-ER1-L DH-AH0 K-AE0 SH-IH1-R CH-AY1-M-Z


"yes," i smile, "he is."


building this is good because my blood pressure has just sunk just a little bit. oh what a good relief.

B-IH1-L D-IH0-NG DH-IH1 S-IH1-Z G-UH1-D B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-M-AY1 B-L-AH1-D P-R-EH1 SH-ER0 HH-AE1-Z JH-AH1-S-T S-AH1-NG-K JH-AH1-S T-AH0 L-IH1 T-AH0-L B-IH1 T-OW1 W-AH1 T-AH0 G-UH1 D-R-IH0 L-IY1-F


i'm going to explain briefly though, for those of you who have to dash out, about this whole free to get in but not so free to get out kind of-

IH1-M G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 IH0-K-S P-L-EY1-N B-R-IY1 F-L-IY0 DH-OW1 F-AO1-R DH-OW1 Z-AH1 V-Y-UW1 HH-UW1 HH-AE1-V T-UW1 D-AE1 SH-AW1 T-AH0 B-AW1-T DH-IH1-S HH-OW1-L F-R-IY1 T-UW1 G-EH1 T-IH0-N B-AH1 T-N-AA1-T S-OW1 F-R-IY1 T-UW1 G-EH1 T-AW1-T K-AY1-N D-AH1-V


just in case you're thinking you might sneak out before i say that, the guy-

JH-AH1-S T-IH0-N K-EY1 S-Y-UH1-R TH-IH1-NG K-IH0 NG-Y-UW1 M-AY1-T S-N-IY1 K-AW1-T B-IH0 F-AO1 R-AY1 S-EY1 DH-AE1-T DH-AH0 G-AY1


no. so yeah, pbh, free fringe.

N-OW1 S-OW1 Y-AE1 EH1 N-AY1 F-R-IY1 F-R-IH1-N-JH


it's all glorious poetry, comedy, tragedy, dance songs, sing along, whatever their thing is in pbh-

IH1-T S-AO1-L G-L-AO1 R-IY0 AH0-S P-OW1 AH0 T-R-IY0 K-AA1 M-AH0 D-IY0 T-R-AE1 JH-AH0 D-IY0 D-AE1-N-S S-AO1-NG-Z S-IH1 NG-AH0 L-AO1 NG-W-AH2 T-EH1 V-ER0 DH-EH1-R TH-IH1 NG-IH1 Z-IH0 N-EH1 N-AY1


free fringe. but the idea being that, well, while it's free to get the venue-

F-R-IY1 F-R-IH1-N-JH B-AH1-T DH-AH0 AY0 D-IY1 AH0 B-IY1 IH0-NG DH-AE1 T-W-EH1 L-W-AY1 L-IH1-T-S F-R-IY1 T-UW1 G-EH1-T DH-AH0 V-EH1 N-Y-UW0


we like to see. so, in either, chinking is good.

W-IY1 L-AY1-K T-UW1 S-IY1 S-OW1 IH0 N-IY1 DH-ER0 CH-IH1-NG K-IH0 NG-IH1-Z G-UH1-D


it helps not to damage the bucket, so everyone gets happy. are there actual things to give people?

IH1-T HH-EH1-L-P S-N-AA1-T T-UW1 D-AE1 M-AH0-JH DH-AH0 B-AH1 K-AH0-T S-OW1 EH1 V-R-IY0 W-AH2-N G-EH1-T-S HH-AE1 P-IY0 AA1-R DH-EH1 R-AE1-K CH-AH0 W-AH0-L TH-IH1-NG-Z T-UW1 G-IH1-V P-IY1 P-AH0-L


oh yes. i'm also going to tell you what other voices is because this lady, who's about to come up, was the other founder member-

OW1 Y-EH1 S-IH1 M-AO1-L S-OW0 G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 T-EH1 L-Y-UW1 W-AH1 T-AH1 DH-ER0 V-OY1 S-AH0 Z-IH1-Z B-IH0 K-AO1-Z DH-IH1 S-L-EY1 D-IY0 HH-UW1 Z-AH0 B-AW1-T T-UW1 K-AH1 M-AH1 P-W-AA1-Z DH-AH0 AH1 DH-ER0 F-AW1-N D-ER0 M-EH1-M B-ER0


the person who i rang up and i said, this needs to happen. and she said-

DH-AH0 P-ER1 S-AH0-N HH-UW1 AY1 R-AE1 NG-AH1 P-AH0-N D-AY1 S-EH1-D DH-IH1 S-N-IY1-D-Z T-UW1 HH-AE1 P-AH0 N-AH0-N-D SH-IY1 S-EH1-D


hell yes. so basically this is why we are other voices-

HH-EH1 L-Y-EH1-S S-OW1 B-EY1 S-IH0 K-L-IY0 DH-IH1 S-IH1 Z-W-AY1 W-IY1 AA1 R-AH1 DH-ER0 V-OY1 S-AH0-Z


which is great. and they have lots of things to say, but we wanted to hear all the other stories-

W-IH1 CH-IH1-Z G-R-EY1 T-AH0-N-D DH-EY1 HH-AE1 V-L-AA1-T S-AH1-V TH-IH1-NG-Z T-UW1 S-EY1 B-AH1 T-W-IY1 W-AA1-N T-AH0-D T-UW1 HH-IY1 R-AO1-L DH-AH0 AH1 DH-ER0-S T-AO1 R-IY0-Z


it's like realizing that you've got a nutrient missing from your diet. and we wanted people to come along here and go, "oh-

IH1-T S-L-AY1 K-R-IY1 L-AY2 Z-IH0-NG DH-AE1 T-Y-UW1-V G-AA1 T-AH0 N-UW1 T-R-IY0 AH0-N T-M-IH1 S-IH0-NG F-R-AH1 M-Y-AO1-R D-AY1 AH0 T-AH0-N D-W-IY1 W-AA1-N T-AH0-D P-IY1 P-AH0-L T-UW1 K-AH1 M-AH0 L-AO1-NG HH-IY1 R-AH0-N-D G-OW1 OW1


here's a path less trod, or at least trod by, in some cases, 50% of the population, but not shown quite as much.

HH-IY1 R-IH1 Z-AH0 P-AE1 TH-L-EH1-S T-R-AA1 D-AO1 R-AE1 T-L-IY1-S-T T-R-AA1-D B-AY1 IH0-N S-AH1-M K-EY1 S-AH0-Z F-IH1-F T-IY0 P-ER0 S-EH1-N T-AH1-V DH-AH0 P-AA2 P-Y-AH0 L-EY1 SH-AH0-N B-AH1 T-N-AA1-T SH-OW1-N K-W-AY1 T-AE1 Z-M-AH1-CH


this show passes the bachdel test.

DH-IH1-S SH-OW1 P-AE1 S-AH0-Z DH-AH0 B-AA1-K D-AH0-L T-EH1-S-T


so, like i say, i was getting sick of-

S-OW1 L-AY1 K-AY1 S-EY1 AY1 W-AA1-Z G-EH1 T-IH0-NG S-IH1 K-AH1-V


being sent the same stories to show on stages. i knew there was all sorts of other stuff to come and be shown and heard and seen and felt. and this lady said-

B-IY1 IH0-NG S-EH1-N-T DH-AH0 S-EY1-M-S T-AO1 R-IY0-Z T-UW1 SH-OW1 AA1-N-S T-EY1 JH-AH0 Z-AY1 N-UW1 DH-EH1 R-W-AA1 Z-AO1-L S-AO1-R-T S-AH1 V-AH1 DH-ER0-S T-AH1-F T-UW1 K-AH1 M-AH0-N-D B-IY1 SH-OW1 N-AH0-N-D HH-ER1 D-AH0-N-D S-IY1 N-AH0-N-D F-EH1-L T-AH0-N-D DH-IH1 S-L-EY1 D-IY0 S-EH1-D


yes, let's do it. and you are going to celebrate that and bring her to this bodet microphone. ladies and gentlemen, our final act is hannah chutzpah.

Y-EH1 S-L-EH1-T-S D-UW1 IH1 T-AH0-N D-Y-UW1 AA1-R G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 S-EH1 L-AH0 B-R-EY2-T DH-AE1 T-AH0-N-D B-R-IH1-NG HH-ER0 T-UW1 DH-IH1-S B-OW0 D-EH1 T-M-AY1 K-R-AH0 F-OW2 N-L-EY1 D-IY0 Z-AH0-N-D JH-EH1-N T-AH0-L M-IH0 N-AW1 ER0 F-AY1 N-AH0 L-AE1-K T-IH1-Z HH-AE1 N-AH0 CH-AH1-T-S P-AA2


i had to run from mine. is it still a tight ten, or should i? [inaudible 00:02:02] okay, cool. in which case, i have longer to ramble in between-

AY1 HH-AE1-D T-UW1 R-AH1-N F-R-AH1-M M-AY1 N-IH1 Z-IH1-T-S T-IH1 L-AH0 T-AY1-T T-EH1 N-AO1-R SH-UH1 D-AY1 IH0 N-AO1 D-AH0 B-AH0-L Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z T-UW1 M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D T-UW1 S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D Z-OW2 K-EY1 K-UW1 L-IH0 N-W-IH1-CH K-EY1 S-AY1 HH-AE1 V-L-AO1-NG G-ER0 T-UW1 R-AE1-M B-AH0 L-IH0-N B-IH0 T-W-IY1-N


this first one is from my show asking nicely, which is all about permission and what makes us feel either confident and entitled or like

DH-IH1-S F-ER1-S T-W-AH1 N-IH1-Z F-R-AH1-M M-AY1 SH-OW1 AE1-S K-IH0-NG N-AY1 S-L-IY0 W-IH1 CH-IH1 Z-AO1 L-AH0 B-AW1-T P-ER0 M-IH1 SH-AH0 N-AH0-N D-W-AH1 T-M-EY1-K S-AH1-S F-IY1 L-IY1 DH-ER0 K-AA1-N F-AH0 D-AH0-N T-AH0-N D-EH0-N T-AY1 T-AH0-L D-AO1-R L-AY1-K


at 6:45 at pilgrim, which is just down the end of newdury street and left for about three meters.

AE1-T S-IH1-K-S F-AO1-R T-IY0 F-AY1 V-AE1-T P-IH1-L G-R-AH0 M-W-IH1 CH-IH1-Z JH-AH1-S-T D-AW1-N DH-AH0 EH1-N D-AH1 V-N-UW1 D-ER0 IY0-S T-R-IY1 T-AH0-N D-L-EH1-F-T F-AO1 R-AH0 B-AW1-T TH-R-IY1 M-IY1 T-ER0-Z


after five hugs, two hours, and four cups of.

AE1-F T-ER0 F-AY1-V HH-AH1-G-Z T-UW1 AW1 ER0 Z-AH0-N-D F-AO1-R K-AH1-P S-AH1-V


come out too fast.


the gasses can crop up anywhere. in the joints, in the bloodstream.

DH-AH0 G-AE1 S-IH0-Z K-AE1-N K-R-AA1 P-AH1 P-EH1 N-IY0 W-EH2 R-IH0-N DH-AH0 JH-OY1-N-T S-IH0-N DH-AH0 B-L-AH1-D-S T-R-IY2-M


the bends can blister skin like bubble wrap, affect breathing or the central nervous system.

DH-AH0 B-EH1-N-D-Z K-AE1-N B-L-IH1-S T-ER0-S K-IH1 N-L-AY1-K B-AH1 B-AH0-L R-AE1 P-AH0 F-EH1-K-T B-R-IY1 DH-IH0 NG-AO1-R DH-AH0 S-EH1-N T-R-AH0-L N-ER1 V-AH0-S S-IH1-S T-AH0-M


it just knows you need to be alert, aware, always scanning the situation.

IH1-T JH-AH1-S T-N-OW1 Z-Y-UW1 N-IY1-D T-UW1 B-IY1 AH0 L-ER1 T-AH0 W-EH1 R-AO1 L-W-EY2-Z-S K-AE1 N-IH0-NG DH-AH0 S-IH2 CH-UW0 EY1 SH-AH0-N


and my friend? sure, she could shout now.

AH0-N D-M-AY1 F-R-EH1-N-D SH-UH1-R SH-IY1 K-UH1-D SH-AW1 T-N-AW1


but she learned not to.

B-AH1-T SH-IY1 L-ER1 N-IH0 D-N-AA1-T T-UW1


learned that, no was an avenue she had no right to go down.

L-ER1 N-IH0-D DH-AE1 T-N-OW1 W-AA1 Z-AE1 N-AE1 V-AH0 N-UW2 SH-IY1 HH-AE1 D-N-OW1 R-AY1-T T-UW1 G-OW1 D-AW1-N


we are marked by our memories, thought patterns good or bad, and unlearning can take longer.

W-IY1 AA1-R M-AA1-R-K-T B-AY1 AW1 ER0 M-EH1 M-ER0 IY0-Z TH-AO1-T P-AE1 T-ER0-N-Z G-UH1 D-AO1-R B-AE1 D-AH0-N D-AH0 N-L-EH1-R N-IH0-NG K-AE1-N T-EY1 K-L-AO1-NG G-ER0


the past can still bubble up.

DH-AH0 P-AE1-S-T K-AE1-N-S T-IH1-L B-AH1 B-AH0 L-AH1-P


make us choke or stagger when we thought we were clear.

M-EY1 K-AH1-S CH-OW1 K-AO1-R-S T-AE1 G-ER0 W-EH1 N-W-IY1 TH-AO1 T-W-IY1 W-ER0 K-L-IH1-R


is still legal tender.

IH1-Z-S T-IH1-L L-IY1 G-AH0-L T-EH1-N D-ER0


buy some time. whether you decompress in a boxing gym, on a therapist's couch, or with hugs and mugs of tea.

B-AY1 S-AH1-M T-AY1 M-W-EH1 DH-ER0 Y-UW1 D-IH0 K-AA1-M P-R-AH0 S-IH0 N-AH0 B-AA1-K S-IH0-NG JH-IH1 M-AA1 N-AH0 TH-EH1 R-AH0 P-IH0-S-T-S K-AW1 CH-AO1 R-W-IH1-DH HH-AH1-G Z-AH0-N D-M-AH1-G Z-AH1-V T-IY1


breathe in to the cramps. gas dissipates. scars fade. fists-

B-R-IY1 DH-IH0-N T-UW1 DH-AH0 K-R-AE1-M-P-S G-AE1-S D-IH1 S-AH0 P-EY2-T-S-S K-AA1-R-Z F-EY1-D F-IH1-S-T-S


leading to something better,

L-IY1 D-IH0-NG T-UW1 S-AH1-M TH-IH0-NG B-EH1 T-ER0


i love this gig. thank you for bringing it back. and this next one is going to be a bit more stupid.

AY1 L-AH1-V DH-IH1-S G-IH1-G TH-AE1-NG K-Y-UW1 F-AO1-R B-R-IH1 NG-IH0 NG-IH1-T B-AE1 K-AH0-N-D DH-IH1 S-N-EH1-K-S T-W-AH1 N-IH1-Z G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 B-IY1 AH0 B-IH1 T-M-AO1-R-S T-UW1 P-AH0-D


anyway. i can't see anyone, so can i have a whoop for who here's-

EH1 N-IY0 W-EY2 AY1 K-AE1-N-T S-IY1 EH1 N-IY0 W-AH2-N S-OW1 K-AE1 N-AY1 HH-AE1 V-AH0 W-UW1-P F-AO1-R HH-UW1 HH-IH1-R-Z


round that looks like the brixton bomber's to do list.

R-AW1-N-D DH-AE1 T-L-UH1-K S-L-AY1-K DH-AH0 B-R-IH1-K-S T-AH0-N B-AA1 M-ER0-Z T-UW1 D-UW1 L-IH1-S-T


pick nine squares each week for the starter game, or 25 if you're playing pro. congratulations.

P-IH1 K-N-AY1-N-S K-W-EH1-R Z-IY1 CH-W-IY1-K F-AO1-R DH-AH0-S T-AA1-R T-ER0 G-EY1 M-AO1-R T-W-EH1-N T-IY0 F-AY1 V-IH1 F-Y-UW1 AA1-R P-L-EY1 IH0-NG P-R-OW1 K-AH0-N G-R-AE2 CH-AH0 L-EY1 SH-AH0-N-Z


you are now ready to play shit head bingo. whenever a square on your card is called by your shitty colleagues.

Y-UW1 AA1-R N-AW1 R-EH1 D-IY0 T-UW1 P-L-EY1 SH-IH1-T HH-EH1-D B-IH1-NG G-OW0 W-EH0 N-EH1 V-ER0 AH0-S K-W-EH1 R-AA1 N-Y-AO1-R K-AA1-R D-IH1-Z K-AO1-L-D B-AY1 Y-AO1-R SH-IH1 T-IY2 K-AA1 L-IY0-G-Z


shitty jokes. cross it off. the bitter smile-

SH-IH1 T-IY2 JH-OW1-K-S K-R-AO1 S-IH1 T-AO1-F DH-AH0 B-IH1 T-ER0 S-M-AY1-L


this gives you will distract you from digging nails into.

DH-IH1-S G-IH1-V Z-Y-UW1 W-IH1-L D-IH0-S T-R-AE1-K T-Y-UW1 F-R-AH1-M D-IH1 G-IH0-NG N-EY1-L Z-IH0-N T-UW1


palms, doodling violent doom, or going to the bathroom again to text a friend, self-harm, or cry.

P-AA1-M-Z D-UW1 D-L-IH0-NG V-AY1 AH0 L-AH0-N-T D-UW1 M-AO1-R G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 DH-AH0 B-AE1 TH-R-UW2 M-AH0 G-EH1-N T-UW1 T-EH1-K-S T-AH0 F-R-EH1-N-D S-EH1-L-F HH-AE2 M-ER0 AO1-R K-R-AY1


i've got this hole in my trousers, and now i look like i'm homeless. cross.

AY1-V G-AA1-T DH-IH1-S HH-OW1 L-IH0-N M-AY1 T-R-AW1 Z-ER0 Z-AH0-N D-N-AW1 AY1 L-UH1 K-L-AY1 K-IH1-M HH-OW1 M-L-AH0-S K-R-AO1-S


castrate your computer, along with any colleagues you wish.

K-AE1-S T-R-EY2 T-Y-AO1-R K-AH0-M P-Y-UW1 T-ER0 AH0 L-AO1 NG-W-IH1 DH-EH1 N-IY0 K-AA1 L-IY0-G Z-Y-UW1 W-IH1-SH


parade of security guards or police. why don't we just send them all back?

P-ER0 EY1 D-AH1-V S-IH0 K-Y-UH1 R-AH0 T-IY0 G-AA1-R-D Z-AO1-R P-AH0 L-IY1 S-W-AY1 D-AA1-N T-W-IY1 JH-AH1-S-T S-EH1-N-D DH-EH1 M-AO1-L B-AE1-K


people shouldn't breed. cross. the special olympics are kind of funny though. cross. if you have-

P-IY1 P-AH0-L SH-OW1-L T-AH0-N-T B-R-IY1-D K-R-AO1-S DH-AH0-S P-EH1 SH-AH0 L-OW0 L-IH1-M P-IH0-K S-AA1-R K-AY1-N D-AH1-V F-AH1 N-IY0 DH-OW1 K-R-AO1 S-IH1 F-Y-UW1 HH-AE1-V


been playing for weeks and have not yet won, remember that you are not wasting years of your life surrounded by assholes.

B-IH1-N P-L-EY1 IH0-NG F-AO1 R-W-IY1-K S-AH0-N-D HH-AE1 V-N-AA1 T-Y-EH1 T-W-AH1 N-R-IH0 M-EH1-M B-ER0 DH-AE1 T-Y-UW1 AA1-R N-AA1 T-W-EY1-S T-IH0 NG-Y-IH1-R Z-AH1 V-Y-AO1-R L-AY1-F S-ER0 AW1-N D-AH0-D B-AY1 AE1-S HH-OW2-L-Z


you are just playing a very long game of shit head bingo.

Y-UW1 AA1-R JH-AH1-S-T P-L-EY1 IH0 NG-AH0 V-EH1 R-IY0 L-AO1-NG G-EY1 M-AH1-V SH-IH1-T HH-EH1-D B-IH1-NG G-OW0


stapler's retarded. cross. these are my tranny shoes. cross. i got so tan, this one time, i looked like a terrorist.

S-T-EY1 P-AH0 L-ER0 Z-R-IH0 T-AA1-R D-IH0-D K-R-AO1-S DH-IY1 Z-AA1-R M-AY1 T-R-AE1 N-IY0 SH-UW1-Z K-R-AO1 S-AY1 G-AA1-T S-OW1 T-AE1-N DH-IH1 S-W-AH1-N T-AY1 M-AY1 L-UH1-K T-L-AY1 K-AH0 T-EH1 R-ER0 IH0-S-T


promise him you'll do better, and you will. next week, you'll pick a card so good, that by friday, you'll be sitting in the job center victorious.

P-R-AA1 M-AH0-S HH-IH1 M-Y-UW1-L D-UW1 B-EH1 T-ER0 AH0-N D-Y-UW1 W-IH1-L N-EH1-K-S T-W-IY1 K-Y-UW1-L P-IH1 K-AH0 K-AA1-R-D S-OW1 G-UH1-D DH-AE1-T B-AY1 F-R-AY1 D-IY0 Y-UW1-L B-IY1 S-IH1 T-IH0 NG-IH0-N DH-AH0 JH-AA1-B S-EH1-N T-ER0 V-IH0-K T-AO1 R-IY0 AH0-S


wonderful stuff. [inaudible 00:06:06] that was hannah chutzpah.

W-AH1-N D-ER0 F-AH0-L-S T-AH1 F-IH0 N-AO1 D-AH0 B-AH0-L Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z S-IH1-K S-M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D S-IH1-K-S S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D-Z DH-AE1 T-W-AA1-Z HH-AE1 N-AH0 CH-AH1-T-S P-AA2


all right, normally we have a mixed bill show. we are storytellers, comedians, spoken word artists, musicians, and more. we sort of put together a smorgasbord of feelings for you. many of which would be happy-

AO1-L R-AY1 T-N-AO1-R M-AH0 L-IY0 W-IY1 HH-AE1 V-AH0 M-IH1-K-S-T B-IH1-L SH-OW1 W-IY1 AA1-R-S T-AO1 R-IY0 T-EH2 L-ER0-Z K-AH0 M-IY1 D-IY0 AH0-N-Z-S P-OW1 K-AH0 N-W-ER1 D-AA1-R T-AH0-S-T S-M-Y-UW0 Z-IH1 SH-AH0-N Z-AH0-N D-M-AO1 R-W-IY1 S-AO1-R T-AH1-V P-UH1-T T-AH0 G-EH1 DH-ER0 AH0 S-M-AO1-R G-AH0-S B-AO2-R D-AH1-V F-IY1 L-IH0-NG-Z F-AO1 R-Y-UW1 M-EH1 N-IY0 AH1 V-W-IH1 CH-W-UH1-D B-IY1 HH-AE1 P-IY0


but today we've got a really special edition of what we do. we've got one act and it is all of these people and, spoiler alert, that keyboard.

B-AH1-T T-AH0 D-EY1 W-IY1-V G-AA1 T-AH0 R-IH1 L-IY0-S P-EH1 SH-AH0 L-AH0 D-IH1 SH-AH0 N-AH1 V-W-AH1 T-W-IY1 D-UW1 W-IY1-V G-AA1 T-W-AH1 N-AE1-K T-AH0-N D-IH1 T-IH1 Z-AO1 L-AH1-V DH-IY1-Z P-IY1 P-AH0 L-AH0-N-D-S P-OY1 L-ER0 AH0 L-ER1-T DH-AE1-T K-IY1 B-AO2-R-D


and they're going to be doing some sketch comedy for you tonight.

AH0-N-D TH-EH1-R G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 B-IY1 D-UW1 IH0-NG S-AH1-M-S K-EH1-CH K-AA1 M-AH0 D-IY0 F-AO1 R-Y-UW1 T-AH0 N-AY1-T


this is part of that idea of having some sort of special shows to get our teeth into this year.

DH-IH1 S-IH1-Z P-AA1-R T-AH1-V DH-AE1 T-AY0 D-IY1 AH0 AH1-V HH-AE1 V-IH0-NG S-AH1-M S-AO1-R T-AH1-V-S P-EH1 SH-AH0-L SH-OW1-Z T-UW1 G-EH1 T-AW1 ER0 T-IY1 TH-IH0-N T-UW1 DH-IH1 S-Y-IH1-R


this year there is getting better acquainted, which is a conversation podcast that i run. and at 12:05 every day at the cabaret voltaire.

DH-IH1 S-Y-IH1-R DH-EH1 R-IH1-Z G-EH1 T-IH0-NG B-EH1 T-ER0 AH0 K-W-EY1-N T-IH0 D-W-IH1 CH-IH1 Z-AH0 K-AA2-N V-ER0 S-EY1 SH-AH0-N P-OW1-D K-AE2-S-T DH-AE1 T-AY1 R-AH1 N-AH0-N D-AE1-T T-W-EH1-L V-OW1 F-AY1 V-EH1 V-ER0 IY0 D-EY1 AE1-T DH-AH0 K-AE2 B-ER0 EY1 V-OW0-L T-EH1-R


what about the men?: man-mainspring masculinity. and it really isn't a comedy.

W-AH1 T-AH0 B-AW1-T DH-AH0 M-EH1-N M-AE1-N M-AH0 P-R-IH2 Z-IH0-NG M-AE2-S K-Y-AH0 L-IH1 N-AH0 T-IY0 AH0-N D-IH1 T-R-IH1 L-IY0 IH1 S-AH0-N T-AH0 K-AA1 M-AH0 D-IY0


so if you're laughing all the time today, don't expect any of that laughter in my show.

S-OW1 IH1 F-Y-UH1-R L-AE1 F-IH0 NG-AO1-L DH-AH0 T-AY1-M T-AH0 D-EY1 D-AA1-N T-IH0-K-S P-EH1-K T-EH1 N-IY0 AH1-V DH-AE1 T-L-AE1-F T-ER0 IH0-N M-AY1 SH-OW1


but yes. do come to it though, i'd really like you to come. yes.

B-AH1 T-Y-EH1-S D-UW1 K-AH1-M T-UW1 IH1-T DH-OW1 IH1 D-R-IH1 L-IY0 L-AY1 K-Y-UW1 T-UW1 K-AH1 M-Y-EH1-S


so, we are part of the pbh free fringe, which means it's free to come in and it is also free to leave.

S-OW1 W-IY1 AA1-R P-AA1-R T-AH1-V DH-AH0 EH1 N-AY1 F-R-IY1 F-R-IH1-N JH-W-IH1 CH-M-IY1-N Z-IH1-T-S F-R-IY1 T-UW1 K-AH1 M-IH0 N-AH0-N D-IH1 T-IH1 Z-AO1-L S-OW0 F-R-IY1 T-UW1 L-IY1-V


but if you can afford to support the arts, and the arts tonight includes all of the people on this stage, it's quite a lot of people. so it would be good to get somebody for them to pay them at the end.

B-AH1 T-IH1 F-Y-UW1 K-AE1 N-AH0 F-AO1-R-D T-UW1 S-AH0 P-AO1-R-T DH-AH0 AA1-R-T S-AH0-N-D DH-AH0 AA1-R-T-S T-AH0 N-AY1 T-IH0-N K-L-UW1-D Z-AO1 L-AH1-V DH-AH0 P-IY1 P-AH0 L-AA1-N DH-IH1-S-S T-EY1 JH-IH1-T-S K-W-AY1 T-AH0 L-AA1 T-AH1-V P-IY1 P-AH0-L S-OW1 IH1 T-W-UH1-D B-IY1 G-UH1-D T-UW1 G-EH1-T S-AH1-M B-AA2 D-IY0 F-AO1-R DH-EH1-M T-UW1 P-EY1 DH-EH1 M-AE1-T DH-AH0 EH1-N-D


at the end, if you wish to. we're not embarrassed by paper money.

AE1-T DH-AH0 EH1-N D-IH1 F-Y-UW1 W-IH1-SH T-UW1 W-ER0 N-AA1 T-IH0-M B-EH1 R-AH0-S-T B-AY1 P-EY1 P-ER0 M-AH1 N-IY0


we wont to be ashamed to be holding it in the street.

W-IY1 W-OW1-N-T T-UW1 B-IY1 AH0 SH-EY1-M-D T-UW1 B-IY1 HH-OW1-L D-IH0 NG-IH1 T-IH0-N DH-AH0-S T-R-IY1-T


although i discovered that there are these one pound notes that you control me with, if you want to. ah, yes. okay. so-

AO2-L DH-OW1 AY1 D-IH0-S K-AH1 V-ER0-D DH-AE1-T DH-EH1 R-AA1-R DH-IY1 Z-W-AH1-N P-AW1-N D-N-OW1-T-S DH-AE1 T-Y-UW1 K-AH0-N T-R-OW1-L M-IY1 W-IH1 DH-IH1 F-Y-UW1 W-AA1-N-T T-UW1 AA1 Y-EH1 S-OW2 K-EY1 S-OW1


we are going to teach you letters of the alphabet.

W-IY1 AA1-R G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 T-IY1 CH-Y-UW1 L-EH1 T-ER0 Z-AH1-V DH-AH0 AE1-L F-AH0 B-EH2-T


sure is, jim. why don't you take it away? nice and slow, like a well-meaning snail.

SH-UH1 R-IH1-Z JH-IH1 M-W-AY1 D-AA1-N T-Y-UW1 T-EY1 K-IH1 T-AH0 W-EY1 N-AY1 S-AH0-N-D S-L-OW1 L-AY1 K-AH0 W-EH1-L M-AH0 N-IH0-NG S-N-EY1-L


the most elusive letter.

DH-AH0 M-OW1-S T-IH0 L-UW1 S-IH0 V-L-EH1 T-ER0


b is for? but i thought you were dead?

B-IY1 IH1-Z F-AO1-R B-AH1 T-AY1 TH-AO1 T-Y-UW1 W-ER0 D-EH1-D


gang warfare. now, you got to watch out for gene, kids.

G-AE1 NG-W-AO1-R F-EH2-R N-AW1 Y-UW1 G-AA1-T T-UW1 W-AA1 CH-AW1-T F-AO1-R JH-IY1-N K-IH1-D-Z


[inaudible 00:08:14] who shot my wife?

IH0 N-AO1 D-AH0 B-AH0-L Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0 Z-EY1 T-M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D F-AO1-R T-IY1-N S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D-Z HH-UW1 SH-AA1 T-M-AY1 W-AY1-F


hunter, looks like this gang's been responsible to over 100 deaths in the chicago area alone.

HH-AH1-N T-ER0 L-UH1-K S-L-AY1-K DH-IH1-S G-AE1-NG-Z B-IH1 N-R-IY0-S P-AA1-N S-AH0 B-AH0-L T-UW1 OW1 V-ER0 W-AH1-N HH-AH1-N D-R-AH0-D D-EH1-TH S-IH0-N DH-AH0 SH-AH0 K-AA1 G-OW2 EH1 R-IY0 AH0 AH0 L-OW1-N


guilty by association.

G-IH1-L T-IY0 B-AY1 AH0 S-OW2 S-IY0 EY1 SH-AH0-N


harold? oh fiddlesticks. don't really know what to do with myself now.

HH-EH1 R-AH0-L D-OW1 F-IH1 D-L-EH2-S T-IH0-K-S D-AA1-N T-R-IH1 L-IY0 N-OW1 W-AH1-T T-UW1 D-UW1 W-IH1 DH-M-AY2 S-EH1-L F-N-AW1


don't worry, harold, i'll go find help.

D-AA1-N T-W-ER1 IY0 HH-EH1 R-AH0-L D-IH1-L G-OW1 F-AY1-N-D HH-EH1-L-P


kids. [inaudible 00:08:47] lisa.

K-IH1-D Z-IH0 N-AO1 D-AH0 B-AH0-L Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0 Z-EY1 T-M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D F-AO1-R T-IY0 S-EH1 V-AH0-N S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D Z-L-IY1 S-AH0


that's the poetry draft from the original drama school.sorry, sir.

TH-AE1-T-S DH-AH0 P-OW1 AH0 T-R-IY0 D-R-AE1-F-T F-R-AH1-M DH-AH0 ER0 IH1 JH-AH0 N-AH0-L D-R-AA1 M-AH0-S K-UW1 L-AO2-R S-IY0 S-ER1


the wedding guests have sat on the stone.

DH-AH0 W-EH1 D-IH0-NG G-EH1-S-T-S HH-AE1-V S-AE1 T-AA1-N DH-AH0-S T-OW1-N


off of the ancient mariner.

AO1 F-AH1-V DH-AH0 EY1-N CH-AH0-N T-M-EH1 R-AH0 N-ER0


always have to rhyme. poetry downs always have to rhyme. rule one, that's why i-

AO1 L-W-EY2-Z HH-AE1-V T-UW1 R-AY1-M P-OW1 AH0 T-R-IY0 D-AW1-N Z-AO1 L-W-EY2-Z HH-AE1-V T-UW1 R-AY1 M-R-UW1 L-W-AH1-N TH-AE1-T S-W-AY1 AY1


it's pretentious, and not everyone will like it.it's the end of a phrase.that's no excuse.

IH1-T-S P-R-IY0 T-EH1-N SH-AH0 S-AH0-N D-N-AA1 T-EH1 V-R-IY0 W-AH2 N-W-IH1-L L-AY1 K-AY1 T-AH0-T-S DH-AH0 EH1-N D-AH1 V-AH0 F-R-EY1-Z HH-AE2 T-AH0 Z-N-OW1 IH0-K-S K-Y-UW1-S


but, anyway. what about that other poem you'd have finished for today?

B-AH1 T-EH1 N-IY0 W-EY2 W-AH1 T-AH0 B-AW1-T DH-AE1 T-AH1 DH-ER0 P-OW1 AH0 M-Y-AH1-D HH-AE1-V F-IH1 N-IH0-SH-T F-AO1-R T-AH0 D-EY1


you didn't finish it?the postman came and i got distracted.

Y-UW1 D-IH1 D-AH0-N-T F-IH1 N-IH0 SH-IH1 TH-AH0 P-OW1-S T-M-AH0-N K-EY1 M-AH0-N D-AY1 G-AA1-T D-IH0-S T-R-AE1-K T-AH0-D


you there, how much for one of those bubblegum shooters, please?

Y-UW1 DH-EH1-R HH-AW1 M-AH1-CH F-AO1 R-W-AH1 N-AH1-V DH-OW1-Z B-AH1 B-AH0 L-AH0-M SH-UW1 T-ER0-Z P-L-IY1-Z


you'll love me. employee of the month, three weeks running.

Y-UW1-L L-AH1 V-M-IY1 EH0-M P-L-OY1 IY0 AH1-V DH-AH0 M-AH1-N-TH TH-R-IY1 W-IY1-K S-R-AH1 N-IH0-NG


pick up crap. now, give me my change at once, please.

P-IH1 K-AH1-P K-R-AE1 P-N-AW1 G-IH1 V-M-IY1 M-AY1 CH-EY1-N JH-AE1 T-W-AH1-N-S P-L-IY1-Z


i wish i wasn't me.


all of you are lucky to be here in this kitchen. ask where we are now.

AO1 L-AH1 V-Y-UW1 AA1-R L-AH1 K-IY0 T-UW1 B-IY1 HH-IY1 R-IH0-N DH-IH1-S K-IH1 CH-AH0 N-AE1-S K-W-EH1 R-W-IY1 AA1-R N-AW1


then you meet the requirements, you're poor, you're stupid, no one will miss you.

DH-EH1 N-Y-UW1 M-IY1-T DH-AH0 R-IH0 K-W-AY1-R M-AH0-N-T S-Y-UH1-R P-UH1 R-Y-UH1-R-S T-UW1 P-AH0 D-N-OW1 W-AH1 N-W-IH1-L M-IH1 S-Y-UW1


you actually are a perfect, love what's your name?

Y-UW1 AE1-K CH-AH0 W-AH0 L-IY0 AA1 R-AH0 P-ER1 F-IH2-K T-L-AH1 V-W-AH0-T S-Y-AO1-R N-EY1-M


those are the three commandments that you must adhere to. if you wish to remain employed here as a royal family poison.

DH-OW1 Z-AA1-R DH-AH0 TH-R-IY1 K-AH0 M-AE1-N D-M-AH0-N-T-S DH-AE1 T-Y-UW1 M-AH1-S T-AH0-D HH-IH1-R T-UW1 IH1 F-Y-UW1 W-IH1-SH T-UW1 R-IH0 M-EY1 N-EH0-M P-L-OY1-D HH-IY1 R-AE1 Z-AH0 R-OY1 AH0-L F-AE1 M-AH0 L-IY0 P-OY1 Z-AH0-N


if anyone dies, any point, for any reason you're fired. is that clear? yes, chef.

IH1 F-EH1 N-IY0 W-AH2-N D-AY1 Z-EH1 N-IY0 P-OY1-N-T F-AO1 R-EH1 N-IY0 R-IY1 Z-AH0 N-Y-UH1-R F-AY1 ER0 D-IH1-Z DH-AE1-T K-L-IH1 R-Y-EH1-S SH-EH1-F


that's [aouise00:00:35], not louise. do not make the same mistake i did. i miss her every day.

TH-AE1-T S-W-EY1 UW0-Z Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z Z-IH1 R-OW0 M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D TH-ER1 D-IY0 F-AY1-V S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D Z-N-AA1 T-L-UW0 IY1-Z D-UW1 N-AA1 T-M-EY1-K DH-AH0 S-EY1-M M-IH0-S T-EY1 K-AY1 D-IH1 D-AY1 M-IH1-S HH-ER0 EH1 V-ER0 IY0 D-EY1


my phones, ipods, eyeballs.

M-AY1 F-OW1-N Z-AY1 P-AA2-D Z-AY1 B-AO2-L-Z


captain must go down with the ship, after all it's tradition.are you sure?yes.

K-AE1-P T-AH0-N M-AH1-S-T G-OW1 D-AW1 N-W-IH1-DH DH-AH0 SH-IH1 P-AE1-F T-ER0 AO1 L-IH1-T-S T-R-AH0 D-IH1 SH-AH0 N-ER0 Y-UW1 SH-Y-ER0 EY1-Z


i'm just a care taker.

IH1-M JH-AH1-S T-AH0 K-EH1-R T-EY1 K-ER0


everybody casual violence, everybody.

EH1 V-R-IY0 B-AA2 D-IY0 K-AE1 ZH-AH0 W-AH0-L V-AY1 AH0 L-AH0-N S-EH1 V-R-IY0 B-AA2 D-IY0


james hamilton, is so lonely and the whole of this other judging crew, apart from me have seen it. and they said it was amazing. so yeah, i definitely recommend it. so yes.

JH-EY1-M-Z HH-AE1 M-AH0-L T-AH0 N-IH1-Z S-OW1 L-OW1 N-L-IY0 AH0-N-D DH-AH0 HH-OW1 L-AH1-V DH-IH1 S-AH1 DH-ER0 JH-AH1 JH-IH0-NG K-R-UW1 AH0 P-AA1-R-T F-R-AH1-M M-IY1 HH-AE1-V S-IY1 N-IH1 T-AH0-N-D DH-EY1 S-EH1 D-IH1 T-W-AA1 Z-AH0 M-EY1 Z-IH0-NG S-OW1 Y-AE1 AY1 D-EH1 F-AH0 N-AH0 T-L-IY0 R-EH2 K-AH0 M-EH1-N D-IH1-T S-OW1 Y-EH1-S


thanks for coming to stand up tragedy special edition, tragic...

TH-AE1-NG-K-S F-AO1-R K-AH1 M-IH0-NG T-UW1-S T-AE1-N D-AH1-P T-R-AE1 JH-AH0 D-IY0-S P-EH1 SH-AH0 L-AH0 D-IH1 SH-AH0-N T-R-AE1 JH-IH0-K


violence today, as i said earlier on.

V-AY1 AH0 L-AH0-N-S T-AH0 D-EY1 AE1 Z-AY1 S-EH1 D-ER1 L-IY0 ER0 AA1-N


we are free, it's free to get in and it's free to go out.

W-IY1 AA1-R F-R-IY1 IH1-T-S F-R-IY1 T-UW1 G-EH1 T-IH0 N-AH0-N D-IH1-T-S F-R-IY1 T-UW1 G-OW1 AW1-T


right, so our next performance, she is doing a show called how was it for you at clark's bar? and so the 30th of august at 3:30 pm.

R-AY1-T S-OW1 AW1 ER0 N-EH1-K-S-T P-ER0 F-AO1-R M-AH0-N-S SH-IY1 IH1-Z D-UW1 IH0 NG-AH0 SH-OW1 K-AO1-L-D HH-AW1 W-AA1 Z-IH1-T F-AO1 R-Y-UW1 AE1-T K-L-AA1-R-K-S B-AA1 R-AH0-N-D S-OW1 DH-AH0 TH-ER1 T-IY0 AH0 TH-AH1 V-AA1 G-AH0-S T-AE1-T TH-R-IY1 TH-ER1 D-IY0 P-IY1 EH1-M


okay, so our next performer, she normally keeps the time but now she's going to be standing on a stage. and who's going to keep the time, who knows?

OW2 K-EY1 S-OW1 AW1 ER0 N-EH1-K-S-T P-ER0 F-AO1-R M-ER0 SH-IY1 N-AO1-R M-AH0 L-IY0 K-IY1-P-S DH-AH0 T-AY1-M B-AH1 T-N-AW1 SH-EH1-S G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 B-IY1-S T-AE1-N D-IH0 NG-AA1 N-AH0-S T-EY1 JH-AH0-N-D HH-UW1-Z G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 K-IY1-P DH-AH0 T-AY1-M HH-UW1 N-OW1-Z


she is an academic as well as a producer of stand up tragedy.

SH-IY1 IH1 Z-AE1 N-AE2 K-AH0 D-EH1 M-IH0 K-AE1 Z-W-EH1 L-AE1 Z-AH0 P-R-AH0 D-UW1 S-ER0 AH1-V-S T-AE1-N D-AH1-P T-R-AE1 JH-AH0 D-IY0


she said that you can find her on linkedin.

SH-IY1 S-EH1-D DH-AE1 T-Y-UW1 K-AE1-N F-AY1-N-D HH-ER0 AA1 N-L-IH1-NG K-IH0 D-IH0-N


if you want to, because she's an academic and that's what they do. they don't go on about facebook and twitter and all that sort of stuff. so yes.

IH1 F-Y-UW1 W-AA1-N-T T-UW1 B-IH0 K-AO1-Z SH-EH1 S-AE1 N-AE2 K-AH0 D-EH1 M-IH0 K-AH0-N-D TH-AE1-T S-W-AH1-T DH-EY1 D-UW1 DH-EY1 D-AA1-N-T G-OW1 AA1 N-AH0 B-AW1-T F-EY1-S B-UH2 K-AH0-N-D T-W-IH1 T-ER0 AH0-N D-AO1-L DH-AE1-T S-AO1-R T-AH1-V-S T-AH1-F S-OW1 Y-EH1-S


was highly influenced by the tv series, the west wing. anyone familiar with that?

W-AA1-Z HH-AY1 L-IY0 IH1-N F-L-UW0 AH0-N-S-T B-AY1 DH-AH0 T-IY1 V-IY1 S-IH1 R-IY0-Z DH-AH0 W-EH1-S T-W-IH1 NG-EH1 N-IY0 W-AH2-N F-AH0 M-IH1 L-Y-ER0 W-IH1-DH DH-AE1-T


yeah, there's going to be a reoccurring theme about arts and cinema throughout my set.

Y-AE1 DH-EH1-R-Z G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 B-IY1 AH0 R-IY0 AH0 K-ER1 IH0-NG TH-IY1 M-AH0 B-AW1 T-AA1-R-T S-AH0-N-D S-IH1 N-AH0 M-AH0 TH-R-UW0 AW1 T-M-AY1 S-EH1-T


i don't know why they're a key point for me. i do watch a lot of movies and tv, so that might be why.

AY1 D-AA1-N T-N-OW1 W-AY1 TH-EH1 R-AH0 K-IY1 P-OY1-N-T F-AO1-R M-IY1 AY1 D-UW1 W-AA1 CH-AH0 L-AA1 T-AH1 V-M-UW1 V-IY0 Z-AH0-N-D T-IY1 V-IY1 S-OW1 DH-AE1 T-M-AY1-T B-IY1 W-AY1


it showed an idealized vision of what it could be like in the u.s.

IH1-T SH-OW1 D-AE1 N-AY0 D-IY1 AH0 L-AY2-Z-D V-IH1 ZH-AH0 N-AH1 V-W-AH1 T-IH1-T K-UH1-D B-IY1 L-AY1 K-IH0-N DH-AH0 AH1-S


what a government could be like, it could be a president who cared, who was socialist and leftist and cared about those sorts of things. so for me...

W-AH1 T-AH0 G-AH1 V-ER0 M-AH0-N-T K-UH1-D B-IY1 L-AY1 K-IH1-T K-UH1-D B-IY1 AH0 P-R-EH1 Z-AH0 D-EH2-N-T HH-UW1 K-EH1-R-D HH-UW1 W-AA1-Z S-OW1 SH-AH0 L-AH0-S T-AH0-N D-L-EH1-F T-IH0-S T-AH0-N-D K-EH1-R D-AH0 B-AW1-T DH-OW1-Z S-AO1-R-T S-AH1-V TH-IH1-NG-Z S-OW1 F-AO1-R M-IY1


i wanted to be the chief of staff, the one contributing and making things better, without the alcoholism.

AY1 W-AA1-N T-AH0-D T-UW1 B-IY1 DH-AH0 CH-IY1 F-AH1-V-S T-AE1-F DH-AH0 W-AH1-N K-AH0-N T-R-IH1 B-Y-UW0 T-IH0 NG-AH0-N D-M-EY1 K-IH0-NG TH-IH1-NG-Z B-EH1 T-ER0 W-IH0 TH-AW1-T DH-AH0 AE1-L K-AH0 HH-AO2 L-IH2 Z-AH0-M


and the other thing...


the really nerdy thing, was i was studying history alongside and i got obsessed.

DH-AH0 R-IH1 L-IY0 N-ER1 D-IY0 TH-IH1 NG-W-AA1 Z-AY1 W-AA1-Z-S T-AH1 D-IY0 IH0-NG HH-IH1-S T-ER0 IY0 AH0 L-AO1-NG S-AY1 D-AH0-N D-AY1 G-AA1 T-AH0-B S-EH1-S-T


with the creation of the american welfare state. yes, we do have a welfare state.

W-IH1-DH DH-AH0 K-R-IY0 EY1 SH-AH0 N-AH1-V DH-AH0 AH0 M-EH1 R-AH0 K-AH0 N-W-EH1-L F-EH2-R-S T-EY1 T-Y-EH1 S-W-IY1 D-UW1 HH-AE1 V-AH0 W-EH1-L F-EH2-R-S T-EY1-T


fdr, president franklin delano roosevelt.

D-F-ER1 P-R-EH1 Z-AH0 D-EH2-N-T F-R-AE1-NG K-L-IH0-N D-IH0 L-AA1 N-OW0 R-OW1 Z-AH0 V-EH2-L-T


created something called the new deal. well, in fact, there's two new deals.

K-R-IY0 EY1 T-AH0-D S-AH1-M TH-IH0-NG K-AO1-L-D DH-AH0 N-UW1 D-IY1 L-W-EH1 L-IH0-N F-AE1-K-T DH-EH1-R-Z T-UW1 N-UW1 D-IY1-L-Z


it began because of economic and social change.

IH1-T B-IH0 G-AE1-N B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-AH1 V-EH2 K-AH0 N-AA1 M-IH0 K-AH0-N-D S-OW1 SH-AH0-L CH-EY1-N-JH


it was the crashing of the banks and the great depression, which left people devastated, destroyed unemployed, hungry, starving, and dying.

IH1 T-W-AA1-Z DH-AH0 K-R-AE1 SH-IH0 NG-AH1-V DH-AH0 B-AE1-NG-K S-AH0-N-D DH-AH0 G-R-EY1-T D-IH0 P-R-EH1 SH-AH0 N-W-IH1 CH-L-EH1-F-T P-IY1 P-AH0-L D-EH1 V-AH0-S T-EY2 T-AH0-D D-IH0-S T-R-OY1 D-AH2 N-EH0-M P-L-OY1-D HH-AH1-NG G-R-IY0-S T-AA1-R V-IH0 NG-AH0-N-D D-AY1 IH0-NG


so what are you going to do? well...

S-OW1 W-AH1 T-AA1 R-Y-UW1 G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 D-UW1 W-EH1-L


maybe sound a bit familiar, where you take your economic policy and try to promote and protect the banks and restart your economy, maybe throwing a lot of money at the banks.

M-EY1 B-IY0 S-AW1-N D-AH0 B-IH1-T F-AH0 M-IH1 L-Y-ER0 W-EH1 R-Y-UW1 T-EY1 K-Y-AO1 R-EH2 K-AH0 N-AA1 M-IH0-K P-AA1 L-AH0 S-IY0 AH0-N-D T-R-AY1 T-UW1 P-R-AH0 M-OW1 T-AH0-N-D P-R-AH0 T-EH1-K-T DH-AH0 B-AE1-NG-K S-AH0-N D-R-IY0-S T-AA1-R T-Y-AO1 R-IH0 K-AA1 N-AH0 M-IY0 M-EY1 B-IY0 TH-R-OW1 IH0 NG-AH0 L-AA1 T-AH1 V-M-AH1 N-IY0 AE1-T DH-AH0 B-AE1-NG-K-S


everybody's doing a show in here called danger man, after this show.

EH1 V-R-IY0 B-AA2 D-IY0-Z D-UW1 IH0 NG-AH0 SH-OW1 IH0-N HH-IY1-R K-AO1-L-D D-EY1-N JH-ER0 M-AE1 N-AE1-F T-ER0 DH-IH1-S SH-OW1


put your hands together for [matthew harvey 00:03:50].

P-UH1 T-Y-AO1-R HH-AE1-N-D-Z T-AH0 G-EH1 DH-ER0 F-AO1-R M-AE1 TH-Y-UW0 HH-AA1-R V-IY0 Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z TH-R-IY1 M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D F-IH1-F T-IY0 S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D-Z


good evening. are you all alright?

G-UH1 D-IY1 V-N-IH0 NG-AA1 R-Y-UW1 AO1 L-AO2-L R-AY1-T


yeah.you know what i really expected there was for you to...

Y-IY1 Y-UW0 Y-UW0 N-OW1 W-AH1 T-AY1 R-IH1 L-IY0 IH0-K-S P-EH1-K T-AH0-D DH-EH1 R-W-AA1-Z F-AO1 R-Y-UW1 T-UW1


say, ah no, i'm actually feeling a little bit tragic, so can we try that again?

S-EY1 AA1 N-OW1 IH1 M-AE1-K CH-AH0 W-AH0 L-IY0 F-IY1 L-IH0 NG-AH0 L-IH1 T-AH0-L B-IH1-T T-R-AE1 JH-IH0-K S-OW1 K-AE1 N-W-IY1 T-R-AY1 DH-AE1 T-AH0 G-EH1-N


yeah, that was a tragic sound, thank you.

Y-AE1 DH-AE1 T-W-AA1 Z-AH0 T-R-AE1 JH-IH0-K S-AW1-N-D TH-AE1-NG K-Y-UW1


like an introduction, i am a last minute replacement. so i was upstairs.

L-AY1 K-AE1 N-IH2-N T-R-AH0 D-AH1-K SH-AH0 N-AY1 AE1 M-AH0 L-AE1-S T-M-IH1 N-AH0 T-R-IH0 P-L-EY1 S-M-AH0-N-T S-OW1 AY1 W-AA1 Z-AH0-P-S T-EH1-R-Z


i was supposed to be flyering, but what was really going? i said, where in this city of joy.

AY1 W-AA1-Z S-AH0 P-OW1-Z-D T-UW1 B-IY1 F-L-AY1 ER0 IH0-NG B-AH1 T-W-AH1 T-W-AA1 Z-R-IH1 L-IY0 G-OW1 IH0 NG-AY1 S-EH1 D-W-EH1 R-IH0-N DH-IH1-S S-IH1 T-IY0 AH1-V JH-OY1


and this festival of excitement.

AH0-N-D DH-IH1-S F-EH1-S T-AH0 V-AH0 L-AH1 V-IH0-K S-AY1 T-M-AH0-N-T


can i find a story of personal tragedy, so i was racking my brains. and then i remembered as far back as last night.

K-AE1 N-AY1 F-AY1-N D-AH0-S T-AO1 R-IY0 AH1-V P-ER1 S-IH0 N-IH0-L T-R-AE1 JH-AH0 D-IY0 S-OW1 AY1 W-AA1 Z-R-AE1 K-IH0-NG M-AY1 B-R-EY1-N Z-AH0-N-D DH-EH1 N-AY1 R-IH0 M-EH1-M B-ER0 D-AE1-Z F-AA1-R B-AE1 K-AE1 Z-L-AE1-S T-N-AY1-T


and this is exactly true, my audience was 20% canine.

AH0-N-D DH-IH1 S-IH1 Z-IH0-G Z-AE1-K T-L-IY0 T-R-UW1 M-AY1 AA1 D-IY0 AH0-N S-W-AA1-Z T-W-EH1-N T-IY0 P-ER0 S-EH1-N-T K-EY1 N-AY2-N


by that i don't mean the room was full of some kind of weird mutant, no.

B-AY1 DH-AE1 T-AY1 D-AA1-N T-M-IY1-N DH-AH0 R-UW1 M-W-AA1-Z F-UH1 L-AH1-V S-AH1-M K-AY1-N D-AH1 V-W-IH1-R D-M-Y-UW1 T-AH0-N T-N-OW1


there were four people and a dog.

DH-EH1 R-W-ER0 F-AO1-R P-IY1 P-AH0 L-AH0-N D-AH0 D-AO1-G


i could have handled scrappy-doo. you know, i think it broke me.

AY1 K-UH1-D HH-AE1-V HH-AE1-N D-AH0-L-D-S K-R-AE1-P T-OW2 Y-UW1 N-OW1 AY1 TH-IH1-NG K-IH1-T B-R-OW1 K-M-IY1


so i wrote a little poem on my way...

S-OW1 AY1 R-OW1 T-AH0 L-IH1 T-AH0-L P-OW1 AH0 M-AA1-N M-AY1 W-EY1


home. it's called, my fringe life a poem by [matthew harvey 00:05:18] aged in his thirties.

HH-OW1 M-IH1-T-S K-AO1-L D-M-AY1 F-R-IH1-N JH-L-AY1 F-AH0 P-OW1 AH0-M B-AY1 M-AE1 TH-Y-UW0 HH-AA1-R V-IY0 Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z F-AY1 V-M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N D-EY0 T-IY1-N S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D Z-EY1-JH D-IH0-N HH-IH1-Z TH-ER1 T-IY0-Z


they count as two audience members.

DH-EY1 K-AW1-N T-AE1-Z T-UW1 AA1 D-IY0 AH0-N S-M-EH1-M B-ER0-Z


this is how you do it, i'll make these lights change faster, i'm better at pressing than you.

DH-IH1 S-IH1-Z HH-AW1 Y-UW1 D-UW1 IH1 T-IH1-L M-EY1-K DH-IY1 Z-L-AY1-T-S CH-EY1-N-JH F-AE1-S T-ER0 IH1-M B-EH1 T-ER0 AE1-T P-R-EH1 S-IH0-NG DH-AE1 N-Y-UW1


and as i try and suppress the rage that's building inside.

AH0-N D-AE1 Z-AY1 T-R-AY1 AH0-N-D S-AH0 P-R-EH1-S DH-AH0 R-EY1-JH TH-AE1-T-S B-IH1-L D-IH0 NG-IH0-N S-AY1-D


you blatantly, and without any visible signs of remorse commit one of life's more unforgivable crimes.

Y-UW1 B-L-EY1 T-AH0-N T-L-IY0 AH0-N D-W-IH0 TH-AW1 T-EH1 N-IY0 V-IH1 Z-AH0 B-AH0-L S-AY1-N Z-AH1 V-R-IH0 M-AO1-R-S K-AH0 M-IH1 T-W-AH1 N-AH1 V-L-AY1-F S-M-AO1 R-AH2-N F-AO0-R G-IH1 V-AH0 B-AH0-L K-R-AY1-M-Z


by pressing the button again, a further five or six times in quick succession.

B-AY1 P-R-EH1 S-IH0-NG DH-AH0 B-AH1 T-AH0 N-AH0 G-EH1 N-AH0 F-ER1 DH-ER0 F-AY1 V-AO1-R S-IH1-K-S T-AY1-M Z-IH0-N K-W-IH1-K S-AH0-K S-EH1 SH-AH0-N


now, this is not something i can forgive or get over. no bridge can span this behavioral rift, because i know if we have this sort of carry on...

N-AW1 DH-IH1 S-IH1 Z-N-AA1-T S-AH1-M TH-IH0 NG-AY1 K-AE1-N F-ER0 G-IH1 V-AO1-R G-EH1 T-OW1 V-ER0 N-OW1 B-R-IH1-JH K-AE1-N-S P-AE1-N DH-IH1-S B-IH0 HH-EY1 V-Y-ER0 AH0-L R-IH1-F-T B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-AY1 N-OW1 IH1 F-W-IY1 HH-AE1-V DH-IH1-S S-AO1-R T-AH1-V K-AE1 R-IY0 AA1-N


a pedestrian crossing. imagine what it would be like if we both waiting for a lift, which is fine.

AH0 P-AH0 D-EH1-S T-R-IY0 AH0-N K-R-AO1 S-IH0 NG-IH0 M-AE1 JH-AH0 N-W-AH1 T-IH1 T-W-UH1-D B-IY1 L-AY1 K-IH1 F-W-IY1 B-OW1 TH-W-EY1 T-IH0-NG F-AO1 R-AH0 L-IH1-F T-W-IH1 CH-IH1-Z F-AY1-N


if you say i'm going down and you're going up.

IH1 F-Y-UW1 S-EY1 IH1-M G-OW1 IH0-NG D-AW1 N-AH0-N D-Y-UH1-R G-OW1 IH0 NG-AH1-P


but if we're both going in the same direction.

B-AH1 T-IH1 F-W-ER0 B-OW1-TH G-OW1 IH0 NG-IH0-N DH-AH0 S-EY1-M D-ER0 EH1-K SH-AH0-N


what the fuck? i hate to be the one to burst this particular bubble, but the fact that that little button there is illuminated...

W-AH1-T DH-AH0 F-AH1 K-AY1 HH-EY1-T T-UW1 B-IY1 DH-AH0 W-AH1-N T-UW1 B-ER1-S-T DH-IH1-S P-ER0 T-IH1 K-Y-AH0 L-ER0 B-AH1 B-AH0-L B-AH1-T DH-AH0 F-AE1-K-T DH-AE1-T DH-AE1 T-L-IH1 T-AH0-L B-AH1 T-AH0-N DH-EH1 R-IH1 Z-IH0 L-UW1 M-AH0 N-EY2 T-AH0-D


means i've already pressed it without too much trouble. and then of course we'll have to stand together.

M-IY1-N Z-AY1 V-AO0-L R-EH1 D-IY0 P-R-EH1-S T-IH1 T-W-IH0 TH-AW1-T T-UW1 M-AH1-CH T-R-AH1 B-AH0 L-AH0-N-D DH-EH1 N-AH1-V K-AO1-R S-W-EH1-L HH-AE1-V T-UW1-S T-AE1-N-D T-AH0 G-EH1 DH-ER0


we'll stand there, eyes forward, silence.

W-EH1-L-S T-AE1-N-D DH-EH1 R-AY1-Z F-AO1 R-W-ER0-D S-AY1 L-AH0-N-S


i'll pretend to read the emergency evacuation notice.

IH1-L P-R-IY0 T-EH1-N-D T-UW1 R-EH1-D DH-AH0 IH0 M-ER1 JH-AH0-N S-IY0 IH0 V-AE2 K-Y-AH0 W-EY1 SH-AH0-N N-OW1 T-AH0-S


you'll think i'm being safety conscious, but no.

Y-UW1-L TH-IH1-NG K-IH1-M B-IY1 IH0-NG S-EY1-F T-IY0 K-AA1-N SH-AH0-S B-AH1 T-N-OW1


i'm seething, i'm making a mental list of all your character flaws.

IH1-M S-IY1 TH-IH0 NG-IH1-M M-EY1 K-IH0 NG-AH0 M-EH1-N T-AH0-L L-IH1-S T-AH1 V-AO1 L-Y-AO1-R K-EH1 R-IH0-K T-ER0 F-L-AO1-Z


i bet you own a copy of sting's greatest hits.

AY1 B-EH1 T-Y-UW1 OW1 N-AH0 K-AA1 P-IY0 AH1-V-S T-IH1-NG-Z G-R-EY1 T-AH0-S-T HH-IH1-T-S


i bet you...


think that bono actually would be a worthwhile recipient of the nobel peace prize.

TH-IH1-NG-K DH-AE1-T B-OW1 N-OW0 AE1-K CH-AH0 W-AH0 L-IY0 W-UH1-D B-IY1 AH0 W-ER1 TH-W-AY1-L R-AH0 S-IH1 P-IY0 AH0-N T-AH1-V DH-AH0 N-OW0 B-EH1-L P-IY1-S P-R-AY1-Z


spoiling point. but by now it's too late, you've alighted at your required floor and left me here alone full of hate.

S-P-OY1 L-IH0-NG P-OY1-N-T B-AH1-T B-AY1 N-AW1 IH1-T-S T-UW1 L-EY1 T-Y-UW1 V-AH0 L-AY1 T-AH0 D-AE1 T-Y-AO1-R R-IY0 K-W-AY1 ER0-D F-L-AO1 R-AH0-N D-L-EH1-F T-M-IY1 HH-IY1 R-AH0 L-OW1-N F-UH1 L-AH1-V HH-EY1-T


and there is no coming back from this. what you see before you is just a shell, a dried up husk of a man lost in button pressing etiquette.

AH0-N-D DH-EH1 R-IH1 Z-N-OW1 K-AH1 M-IH0-NG B-AE1-K F-R-AH1-M DH-IH1 S-W-AH1 T-Y-UW1 S-IY1 B-IH0 F-AO1 R-Y-UW1 IH1-Z JH-AH1-S T-AH0 SH-EH1 L-AH0 D-R-AY1 D-AH1-P HH-AH1-S K-AH1 V-AH0 M-AE1 N-L-AO1-S T-IH0-N B-AH1 T-AH0-N P-R-EH1 S-IH0 NG-EH1 T-AH0 K-AH0-T


now, this is the kind of sad meme section of the show and then we'll get started with some actual proper performance in a minute. but we are alive show, as well as...

N-AW1 DH-IH1 S-IH1-Z DH-AH0 K-AY1-N D-AH1-V S-AE1 D-M-EH1-M S-EH1-K SH-AH0 N-AH1-V DH-AH0 SH-OW1 AH0-N-D DH-EH1 N-W-EH1-L G-EH1-T-S T-AA1-R T-AH0 D-W-IH1-DH S-AH1 M-AE1-K CH-AH0 W-AH0-L P-R-AA1 P-ER0 P-ER0 F-AO1-R M-AH0-N S-IH0 N-AH0 M-IH1 N-AH0-T B-AH1 T-W-IY1 AA1 R-AH0 L-AY1-V SH-OW1 AE1 Z-W-EH1 L-AE1-Z


a podcast, so you can listen back to tonight and hear it again.

AH0 P-OW1-D K-AE2-S-T S-OW1 Y-UW1 K-AE1 N-L-IH1 S-AH0-N B-AE1-K T-UW1 T-AH0 N-AY1 T-AH0-N-D HH-IY1 R-IH1 T-AH0 G-EH1-N


if you'd like, and direct your friends to listen to it in the future. we're here in the [inaudible 00:08:18] labyrinth at 7:30 every day until the 30th of august.

IH1 F-Y-AH1 D-L-AY1 K-AH0-N-D D-ER0 EH1-K T-Y-AO1-R F-R-EH1-N-D-Z T-UW1 L-IH1 S-AH0-N T-UW1 IH1 T-IH0-N DH-AH0 F-Y-UW1 CH-ER0 W-ER0 HH-IY1 R-IH0-N DH-AH0 IH0 N-AO1 D-AH0 B-AH0-L Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0 Z-EY1 T-M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N D-EY0 T-IY1-N S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D Z-L-AE1 B-ER0 IH2-N TH-AE1-T S-EH1 V-AH0-N TH-ER1 D-IY0 EH1 V-ER0 IY0 D-EY1 AH0-N T-IH1-L DH-AH0 TH-ER1 T-IY0 AH0 TH-AH1 V-AA1 G-AH0-S-T


we've got some really great guest hosts, if you hate me, you'll love them.

W-IY1-V G-AA1-T S-AH1 M-R-IH1 L-IY0 G-R-EY1-T G-EH1-S-T HH-OW1-S-T S-IH1 F-Y-UW1 HH-EY1 T-M-IY1 Y-UW1-L L-AH1-V DH-EH1-M


'cause they much better than me. who are doing various different dates, so get a flyer of us and find out what guest collaborations...

K-AA1-Z DH-EY1 M-AH1-CH B-EH1 T-ER0 DH-AE1-N M-IY1 HH-UW1 AA1-R D-UW1 IH0-NG V-EH1 R-IY0 AH0-S D-IH1 F-ER0 AH0-N-T D-EY1-T-S S-OW1 G-EH1 T-AH0 F-L-AY1 ER0 AH1 V-AH1 S-AH0-N-D F-AY1-N D-AW1 T-W-AH1-T G-EH1-S-T K-AA2 L-AH0 B-ER0 EY1 SH-AH0-N-Z


we have at the comedy sketch group, casual violence doing...

W-IY1 HH-AE1 V-AE1-T DH-AH0 K-AA1 M-AH0 D-IY0-S K-EH1-CH G-R-UW1-P K-AE1 ZH-AH0 W-AH0-L V-AY1 AH0 L-AH0-N-S D-UW1 IH0-NG


a hour of tragic violence for us in this room. and then on sunday...

AH0 AW1 ER0 AH1-V T-R-AE1 JH-IH0-K V-AY1 AH0 L-AH0-N-S F-AO1 R-AH1 S-IH0-N DH-IH1 S-R-UW1 M-AH0-N-D DH-EH1 N-AA1-N S-AH1-N D-EY2


we've got, the other voices cabaret, who are going to do...

W-IY1-V G-AA1-T DH-AH0 AH1 DH-ER0 V-OY1 S-AH0-Z K-AE2 B-ER0 EY1 HH-UW1 AA1-R G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 D-UW1


other tragedies for us in this room on sunday. and then on monday...

AH1 DH-ER0 T-R-AE1 JH-AH0 D-IY0-Z F-AO1 R-AH1 S-IH0-N DH-IH1 S-R-UW1 M-AA1-N S-AH1-N D-EY2 AH0-N-D DH-EH1 N-AA1-N M-AH1-N D-IY0


we've got guest host, [keith jarrett 00:08:56], who is a fantastic spoken word artist.

W-IY1-V G-AA1-T G-EH1-S-T HH-OW1-S-T K-IY1-TH JH-EH1 R-AH0-T Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0 Z-EY1 T-M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D F-IH1-F T-IY0 S-IH1-K-S S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D-Z HH-UW1 IH1 Z-AH0 F-AE0-N T-AE1-S T-IH0-K-S P-OW1 K-AH0 N-W-ER1 D-AA1-R T-AH0-S-T


it's also free. but when you leave, we would ask you if you can, if you could afford to pay what you think the show is worth with some donations.

IH1-T S-AO1-L S-OW0 F-R-IY1 B-AH1 T-W-EH1 N-Y-UW1 L-IY1 V-W-IY1 W-UH1 D-AE1-S K-Y-UW1 IH1 F-Y-UW1 K-AE1 N-IH1 F-Y-UW1 K-UH1 D-AH0 F-AO1-R-D T-UW1 P-EY1 W-AH1 T-Y-UW1 TH-IH1-NG-K DH-AH0 SH-OW1 IH1 Z-W-ER1 TH-W-IH1-DH S-AH1-M D-OW0 N-EY1 SH-AH0-N-Z


so we'd live in tragic times at the moment, we live in a politically pretty tragic times.

S-OW1 W-EH1 D-L-AY1 V-IH0-N T-R-AE1 JH-IH0-K T-AY1-M Z-AE1-T DH-AH0 M-OW1 M-AH0-N T-W-IY1 L-AY1 V-IH0 N-AH0 P-AH0 L-IH1 T-IH0 K-AH0 L-IY0 P-R-IH1 T-IY0 T-R-AE1 JH-IH0-K T-AY1-M-Z


but that means that it's also an important time to support the arts, so if you do have any money, if you could give that to us at the end of the show.

B-AH1-T DH-AE1 T-M-IY1-N-Z DH-AE1 T-IH1-T S-AO1-L S-OW0 AE1 N-IH0-M P-AO1-R T-AH0-N-T T-AY1-M T-UW1 S-AH0 P-AO1-R-T DH-AH0 AA1-R-T-S S-OW1 IH1 F-Y-UW1 D-UW1 HH-AE1 V-EH1 N-IY0 M-AH1 N-IY0 IH1 F-Y-UW1 K-UH1-D G-IH1-V DH-AE1-T T-UW1 AH1 S-AE1-T DH-AH0 EH1-N D-AH1-V DH-AH0 SH-OW1


just however much you could afford to pay, then that would be really great. not just for the arts, but also for me. 'cause i lost my job...

JH-AH1-S-T HH-AW2 EH1 V-ER0 M-AH1 CH-Y-UW1 K-UH1 D-AH0 F-AO1-R-D T-UW1 P-EY1 DH-EH1-N DH-AE1 T-W-UH1-D B-IY1 R-IH1 L-IY0 G-R-EY1 T-N-AA1-T JH-AH1-S-T F-AO1-R DH-AH0 AA1-R-T-S B-AH1 T-AO1-L S-OW0 F-AO1-R M-IY1 K-AA1 Z-AY1 L-AO1-S T-M-AY1 JH-AA1-B


a couple of years ago as a result of the cuts and now i'm a proper artist all the time, which means i have no...

AH0 K-AH1 P-AH0 L-AH1 V-Y-IH1-R Z-AH0 G-OW1 AE1 Z-AH0 R-IH0 Z-AH1-L T-AH1-V DH-AH0 K-AH1-T S-AH0-N D-N-AW1 IH1 M-AH0 P-R-AA1 P-ER0 AA1-R T-AH0-S T-AO1-L DH-AH0 T-AY1 M-W-IH1 CH-M-IY1-N Z-AY1 HH-AE1 V-N-OW1


if you want me and my partner to be able to pay our rent for the rest of the year, pay wisely at the end of the show. so, yes.

IH1 F-Y-UW1 W-AA1-N T-M-IY1 AH0-N D-M-AY1 P-AA1-R T-N-ER0 T-UW1 B-IY1 EY1 B-AH0-L T-UW1 P-EY1 AW1 ER0 R-EH1-N-T F-AO1-R DH-AH0 R-EH1-S T-AH1-V DH-AH0 Y-IH1-R P-EY1 W-AY1 Z-L-IY0 AE1-T DH-AH0 EH1-N D-AH1-V DH-AH0 SH-OW1 S-OW1 Y-EH1-S


if you want to find us on facebook, you can make friends.

IH1 F-Y-UW1 W-AA1-N-T T-UW1 F-AY1-N D-AH1 S-AA1-N F-EY1-S B-UH2 K-Y-UW1 K-AE1-N M-EY1-K F-R-EH1-N-D-Z


i think. you can also follow the tragedy on twitter @standup4tragedy. if you want to tweet about the night, use the hashtag tragic moments.

AY1 TH-IH1-NG K-Y-UW1 K-AE1 N-AO1-L S-OW0 F-AA1 L-OW0 DH-AH0 T-R-AE1 JH-AH0 D-IY0 AA1-N T-W-IH1 T-ER0-S T-AE1-N D-AH2-P F-AO1-R T-R-AE1 JH-AH0 D-IY0 IH1 F-Y-UW1 W-AA1-N-T T-UW1 T-W-IY1 T-AH0 B-AW1-T DH-AH0 N-AY1 T-Y-UW1-S DH-AH0 HH-AE1-SH T-AH0-G T-R-AE1 JH-IH0 K-M-OW1 M-AH0-N-T-S


so there we go, sadmin over the more exciting and interesting stuff is now going to start happening. so everybody-

S-OW1 DH-EH1 R-W-IY1 G-OW1 S-AE1 D-M-IH0 N-OW1 V-ER0 DH-AH0 M-AO1 R-IH0-K S-AY1 T-IH0 NG-AH0-N D-IH1-N T-R-AH0-S T-IH0-NG-S T-AH1 F-IH1 Z-N-AW1 G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1-S T-AA1-R-T HH-AE1 P-AH0 N-IH0-NG S-OW1 EH1 V-R-IY0 B-AA2 D-IY0


it's amazing to have them on. they come on like a really short notice. they did a show up-

IH1-T S-AH0 M-EY1 Z-IH0-NG T-UW1 HH-AE1-V DH-EH1 M-AA1-N DH-EY1 K-AH1 M-AA1 N-L-AY1 K-AH0 R-IH1 L-IY0 SH-AO1-R T-N-OW1 T-AH0-S DH-EY1 D-IH1 D-AH0 SH-OW1 AH1-P


4:30 today, and then they came out of that and said, "yes, we'll do the slots". and that's the great stuff.

F-AO1-R TH-ER1 D-IY0 T-AH0 D-EY1 AH0-N-D DH-EH1-N DH-EY1 K-EY1 M-AW1 T-AH1-V DH-AE1 T-AH0-N-D S-EH1 D-Y-EH1 S-W-EH1-L D-UW1 DH-AH0 S-L-AA1-T S-AH0-N-D TH-AE1-T-S DH-AH0 G-R-EY1-T-S T-AH1-F


i've seen them a couple of times doing slots everywhere. so i think they are very poly-slotterous.

AY1-V S-IY1-N DH-EH1 M-AH0 K-AH1 P-AH0 L-AH1-V T-AY1-M-Z D-UW1 IH0-NG S-L-AA1-T S-EH1 V-R-IY0 W-EH2-R S-OW1 AY1 TH-IH1-NG-K DH-EY1 AA1-R V-EH1 R-IY0 P-AA2 L-IY0-S T-AH0 L-EH1 T-AH0 L-AH0-S


i think. so yes, their show is jiggly bits at 4:30 at cowgatehead from now to the-

AY1 TH-IH1-NG-K S-OW1 Y-EH1-S DH-EH1-R SH-OW1 IH1-Z JH-IH1 G-AH0 L-IY0 B-IH1-T S-AE1-T F-AO1-R TH-ER1 D-IY0 AE1-T K-AW1 G-AH0 Y-EY2 T-IH0-D F-R-AH1-M N-AW1 T-UW1 DH-AH0


so, and i did, and i'd only tried it once because i got over 60,000 hits because he has one of the most common names-

S-OW1 AH0-N D-AY1 D-IH1 D-AH0-N D-IH1 D-OW1 N-L-IY0 T-R-AY1 D-IH1 T-W-AH1-N-S B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-AY1 G-AA1 T-OW1 V-ER0 S-IH1-K-S T-IY0 TH-AW1 Z-AH0-N-D HH-IH1-T-S B-IH0 K-AO1-Z HH-IY1 HH-AE1 Z-W-AH1 N-AH1-V DH-AH0 M-OW1-S-T K-AA1 M-AH0-N N-EY1-M-Z


there is. so i wrote this song for each and every one of you who's ever dated an adam smith. it's called ungoogleable you.

DH-EH1 R-IH1-Z S-OW1 AY1 R-OW1-T DH-IH1-S S-AO1-NG F-AO1 R-IY1 CH-AH0-N D-EH1 V-ER0 IY0 W-AH1 N-AH1 V-Y-UW1 HH-UW1 Z-EH1 V-ER0 D-EY1 T-IH0 D-AE1 N-AE1 D-AH0-M S-M-IH1 TH-IH1-T-S K-AO1-L D-AH0-N G-OW0 G-OW0 L-EY1 B-AH0 L-Y-UW1


like a gang of them, which i guess you have to move in a gang because of astrophysicists all by himself, he'll be dead in five minutes. are you ready?

L-AY1 K-AH0 G-AE1 NG-AH1-V DH-EH1 M-W-IH1 CH-AY1 G-EH1 S-Y-UW1 HH-AE1-V T-UW1 M-UW1 V-IH0 N-AH0 G-AE1-NG B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-AH1 V-AE2-S T-R-AH0 F-IH1 S-AH0 K-AH0-S-T S-AO1-L B-AY1 HH-IH0-M S-EH1-L-F HH-EH1-L B-IY1 D-EH1 D-IH0-N F-AY1 V-M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AA1 R-Y-UW1 R-EH1 D-IY0


oh, dude.that's loud.we're from berlin, we're techno.

OW1 D-UW1-T HH-EH2 T-AH0 Z-L-AW1 D-W-ER0 F-R-AH1-M B-ER0 L-IH1 N-W-ER0 T-EH1 K-N-OW0


so i'm doing a show myself about masculinity, and 12.

S-OW1 AY1 AE1-M D-UW1 IH0 NG-AH0 SH-OW1 M-AY2 S-EH1-L F-AH0 B-AW1 T-M-AE2-S K-Y-AH0 L-IH1 N-AH0 T-IY0 AH0-N-D T-W-EH1-L-V


five every day, the cabaret voltaire and my shaking arms, that's the kind of thing that men get mocked for not being strong enough.

F-AY1 V-EH1 V-ER0 IY0 D-EY1 DH-AH0 K-AE2 B-ER0 EY1 V-OW0-L T-EH1 R-AH0-N D-M-AY1 SH-EY1 K-IH0 NG-AA1-R-M-Z TH-AE1-T-S DH-AH0 K-AY1-N D-AH1-V TH-IH1-NG DH-AE1 T-M-EH1-N G-EH1 T-M-AA1-K-T F-AO1-R N-AA1-T B-IY1 IH0-NG-S T-R-AO1 NG-IH0 N-AH1-F


but i don't care about that because that's why i'm doing that show. so you can come and see that.

B-AH1 T-AY1 D-AA1-N-T K-EH1 R-AH0 B-AW1-T DH-AE1-T B-IH0 K-AO1-Z TH-AE1-T S-W-AY1 IH1-M D-UW1 IH0-NG DH-AE1-T SH-OW1 S-OW1 Y-UW1 K-AE1-N K-AH1 M-AH0-N-D S-IY1 DH-AE1-T


yeah. that was kind of crowbarred in. but i realized i had mentioned it early on. right. so our next performer.

Y-AE1 DH-AE1 T-W-AA1-Z K-AY1-N D-AH1-V K-R-AW1 B-R-AA2 D-ER0 IH0-N B-AH1 T-AY1 R-IY1 L-AY2-Z D-AY1 HH-AE1 D-M-EH1-N SH-AH0-N D-IH1 T-ER1 L-IY0 AA1 N-R-AY1-T S-OW1 AW1 ER0 N-EH1-K-S-T P-ER0 F-AO1-R M-ER0


that obviously i'm santa. i've been-

DH-AE1 T-AA1-B V-IY0 AH0 S-L-IY0 IH1-M S-AE1-N T-AH0 AY1-V B-IH1-N


and there were other tables were getting invitations to other people's parties like we'd-

AH0-N-D DH-EH1 R-W-ER0 AH1 DH-ER0 T-EY1 B-AH0-L Z-W-ER0 G-EH1 T-IH0 NG-IH2-N V-IH0 T-EY1 SH-AH0-N-Z T-UW1 AH1 DH-ER0 P-IY1 P-AH0-L-Z P-AA1-R T-IY0 Z-L-AY1 K-W-EH1-D


it's true. i saw it in her eyes. like it'd been this just melancholy thing of like a fling with a married man. it's on this determination of want-

IH1-T-S T-R-UW1 AY1 S-AO1 IH1 T-IH0-N HH-ER0 AY1 Z-L-AY1 K-AY1 T-AH0-D B-IH1-N DH-IH1-S JH-AH1-S T-M-EH1 L-AH0-N K-AA2 L-IY0 TH-IH1 NG-AH1 V-L-AY1 K-AH0 F-L-IH1 NG-W-IH1 DH-AH0 M-EH1 R-IY0 D-M-AE1 N-IH1-T S-AA1-N DH-IH1-S D-IH0 T-ER2 M-AH0 N-EY1 SH-AH0 N-AH1 V-W-AA1-N-T


you're a famous person. what you say is-

Y-UH1 R-AH0 F-EY1 M-AH0-S P-ER1 S-AH0 N-W-AH1 T-Y-UW1 S-EY1 IH1-Z


right, i remember the words pour-

R-AY1 T-AY1 R-IH0 M-EH1-M B-ER0 DH-AH0 W-ER1-D-Z P-AO1-R


out her mouth, she actually said it. like everyone had been thinking it, no one say it.

AW1-T HH-ER0 M-AW1-DH SH-IY1 AE1-K CH-AH0 W-AH0 L-IY0 S-EH1 D-IH1 T-L-AY1 K-EH1 V-R-IY0 W-AH2-N HH-AE1-D B-IH1-N TH-IH1-NG K-IH0 NG-IH1 T-N-OW1 W-AH1-N S-EY1 IH1-T


she stayed in the flat sobbing like the way a hyena laughs.

SH-IY1-S T-EY1 D-IH0-N DH-AH0 F-L-AE1-T S-AA1 B-IH0 NG-L-AY1-K DH-AH0 W-EY1 AH0 HH-AY0 IY1 N-AH0 L-AE1-F-S


i got back barbara was there to meet us and she was lovely. and matt was fine by the way.

AY1 G-AA1-T B-AE1-K B-AA1-R B-ER0 AH0 W-AA1-Z DH-EH1-R T-UW1 M-IY1 T-AH1 S-AH0-N-D SH-IY1 W-AA1 Z-L-AH1 V-L-IY0 AH0-N D-M-AE1 T-W-AA1-Z F-AY1-N B-AY1 DH-AH0 W-EY1


it wasn't the same anymore though, like the spark had gone. i think she knew like we've never really talked about that holiday.

IH1 T-W-AO1-S-T DH-AH0 S-EY1 M-EH2 N-IY0 M-AO1-R DH-OW1 L-AY1-K DH-AH0-S P-AA1-R-K HH-AE1-D G-AO1 N-AY1 TH-IH1-NG-K SH-IY1 N-UW1 L-AY1 K-W-IY1 V-N-EH1 V-ER0 R-IH1 L-IY0 T-AO1-K T-AH0 B-AW1-T DH-AE1-T HH-AA1 L-AH0 D-EY2


most years she's on the good list. right?

M-OW1-S T-Y-IH1-R-Z SH-EH1 S-AA1-N DH-AH0 G-UH1 D-L-IH1-S T-R-AY1-T


i get to see her and... i like to think that she's like really good.

AY1 G-EH1-T T-UW1 S-IY1 HH-ER0 AH0-N D-AY1 L-AY1-K T-UW1 TH-IH1-NG-K DH-AE1-T SH-EH1 S-L-AY1 K-R-IH1 L-IY0 G-UH1-D


saving the whales and working for a cancer charity on the weekends.

S-EY1 V-IH0-NG DH-AH0 W-EY1-L Z-AH0-N D-W-ER1 K-IH0-NG F-AO1 R-AH0 K-AE1-N S-ER0 CH-EH1 R-IH0 T-IY0 AA1-N DH-AH0 W-IY1 K-EH2-N-D-Z


and the reality is she's probably just getting by. it's become a lot easier to get on the good list since business has started going so well,

AH0-N-D DH-AH0 R-IY0 AE1 L-AH0 T-IY0 IH1-Z SH-EH1-S P-R-AA1 B-AH0 B-L-IY0 JH-AH1-S-T G-EH1 T-IH0-NG B-AY1 IH1-T-S B-IH0 K-AH1 M-AH0 L-AA1 T-IY1 Z-IY0 ER0 T-UW1 G-EH1 T-AA1-N DH-AH0 G-UH1 D-L-IH1-S-T S-IH1-N-S B-IH1 Z-N-AH0-S HH-AE1-Z-S T-AA1-R T-AH0-D G-OW1 IH0-NG S-OW1 W-EH1-L


one or two years, she's been on the bad list and that's worse.

W-AH1 N-AO1-R T-UW1 Y-IH1-R-Z SH-EH1-S B-IH1 N-AA1-N DH-AH0 B-AE1 D-L-IH1-S T-AH0-N-D TH-AE1-T S-W-ER1-S


job. it's beyond that now, that decision was made a long, long time ago, but-

JH-AA1 B-IH1-T-S B-IH0 AA1-N-D DH-AE1 T-N-AW1 DH-AE1-T D-IH0 S-IH1 ZH-AH0 N-W-AA1 Z-M-EY1 D-AH0 L-AO1 NG-L-AO1-NG T-AY1 M-AH0 G-OW1 B-AH1-T


theoretically are important, but basically you do all the grunt work-

TH-IY2 ER0 EH1 T-IH0 K-AH0 L-IY0 AA1 R-IH0-M P-AO1-R T-AH0-N-T B-AH1-T B-EY1 S-IH0 K-L-IY0 Y-UW1 D-UW1 AO1-L DH-AH0 G-R-AH1-N T-W-ER1-K


that's totally fine. but i didn't want to take him for walkies.

TH-AE1-T-S T-OW1 T-AH0 L-IY0 F-AY1-N B-AH1 T-AY1 D-IH1 D-AH0-N T-W-AA1-N-T T-UW1 T-EY1-K HH-IH1-M F-AO1 R-W-AO1 K-IY0-Z


i know. and i wasn't really on hormones at the time. and you know, i'd been to a party, i'd been to that particular party.

AY1 N-OW1 AH0-N D-AY1 W-AO1-S T-R-IH1 L-IY0 AA1-N HH-AO1-R M-OW2-N Z-AE1-T DH-AH0 T-AY1 M-AH0-N D-Y-UW1 N-OW1 IH1-D B-IH1-N T-UW1 AH0 P-AA1-R T-IY0 IH1-D B-IH1-N T-UW1 DH-AE1-T P-ER0 T-IH1 K-Y-AH0 L-ER0 P-AA1-R T-IY0


i'm flattered, cause you, you.

IH1-M F-L-AE1 T-ER0-D K-AA1 Z-Y-UW1 Y-UW1


well, she, isn't doing a show in edinburgh, which is great actually. it's good to have people who aren't doing shows occasionally on non-variety nights.

W-EH1-L SH-IY1 IH1 S-AH0-N-T D-UW1 IH0 NG-AH0 SH-OW1 IH0 N-EH1 D-AH0-N B-ER0 OW0 W-IH1 CH-IH1-Z G-R-EY1 T-AE1-K CH-AH0 W-AH0 L-IY0 IH1-T-S G-UH1-D T-UW1 HH-AE1-V P-IY1 P-AH0-L HH-UW1 AA1 R-AH0-N-T D-UW1 IH0-NG SH-OW1 Z-AH0 K-EY1 ZH-AH0 N-AH0 L-IY0 AA1-N N-AA0-N V-EH1 R-IH0 T-IY0 N-AY1-T-S


yes. so she's not doing a show in edinburgh, but you can follow her on twitter at @wordgeeksarah. put your hands together everyone.

Y-EH1-S S-OW1 SH-EH1 S-N-AA1-T D-UW1 IH0 NG-AH0 SH-OW1 IH0 N-EH1 D-AH0-N B-ER0 OW0 B-AH1 T-Y-UW1 K-AE1-N F-AA1 L-OW0 HH-ER0 AA1-N T-W-IH1 T-ER0 AE1 T-W-ER2 D-IH0 G-IH0 S-AA1 V-AH0-N P-UH1 T-Y-AO1-R HH-AE1-N-D-Z T-AH0 G-EH1 DH-ER0 EH1 V-R-IY0 W-AH2-N


for sarah thomason.

F-AO1-R S-EH1 R-AH0 TH-AA1 M-AH0 S-AH0-N


use someone's real name in a poem, but i forgive but i don't forget.

Y-UW1-S S-AH1 M-OW2-N Z-R-IY1-L N-EY1 M-IH0 N-AH0 P-OW1 AH0-M B-AH1 T-AY1 F-ER0 G-IH1-V B-AH1 T-AY1 D-AA1-N-T F-ER0 G-EH1-T


she was big, joanne seaton, not fat.

SH-IY1 W-AA1-Z B-IH1-G JH-OW2 AE1-N S-IY1 T-AH0-N N-AA1-T F-AE1-T


amazonian. her victims were beaten.

AE2 M-AH0 Z-OW1 N-IY0 AH0-N HH-ER0 V-IH1-K T-AH0-M Z-W-ER0 B-IY1 T-AH0-N


her reign was draconian. she ruled us with fear. it scared.

HH-ER0 R-EY1 N-W-AA1-Z D-R-EY0 K-OW1 N-IY0 AH0-N SH-IY1 R-UW1-L D-AH1 S-W-IH1-DH F-IH1 R-IH1-T-S K-EH1-R-D


the permanent sneer distorted her features. now me.

DH-AH0 P-ER1 M-AH0 N-AH0-N-T S-N-IH1-R D-IH0-S T-AO1-R T-AH0-D HH-ER0 F-IY1 CH-ER0 Z-N-AW1 M-IY1


i was shy, undersized and precocious. that's probably why i first caught joanne's-

AY1 W-AA1-Z SH-AY1 AH1-N D-ER0 S-AY2-Z D-AH0-N-D P-R-IH0 K-OW1 SH-AH0-S TH-AE1-T-S P-R-AA1 B-AH0 B-L-IY0 W-AY1 AY1 F-ER1-S-T K-AA1-T JH-OW0 N-AA1-N-Z


notice. she threatened and ridicule each day. the.

N-OW1 T-AH0-S SH-IY1 TH-R-EH1 T-AH0-N D-AH0-N D-R-IH1 D-AH0 K-Y-UW2 L-IY1-CH D-EY1 DH-AH0


same. she made me feel minuscule, burned me with shame. i ignored-

S-EY1-M SH-IY1 M-EY1 D-M-IY1 F-IY1-L M-IH1 N-AH0-S K-Y-UW2-L B-ER1-N D-M-IY1 W-IH1-DH SH-EY1 M-AY1 IH0 G-N-AO1-R-D


all. virgin, lesbians.

AO1-L V-ER1 JH-IH0 N-L-EH1-Z B-IY0 AH0-N-Z


and i started to laugh if you're talking to.

AH0-N D-AY1-S T-AA1-R T-AH0-D T-UW1 L-AE1 F-IH1 F-Y-UH1-R T-AO1 K-IH0-NG T-UW1


pick one, cause i can't be all three. didn't say that out loud.

P-IH1 K-W-AH1-N K-AA1 Z-AY1 K-AE1-N-T B-IY1 AO1-L TH-R-IY1 D-IH1 D-AH0-N-T S-EY1 DH-AE1 T-AW1 T-L-AW1-D


cause i like being alive, but i stopped feeling-

K-AA1 Z-AY1 L-AY1-K B-IY1 IH0 NG-AH0 L-AY1-V B-AH1 T-AY1-S T-AA1-P-T F-IY1 L-IH0-NG


cowed and i knew i'd survived because being called gay felt bizarrely empowering. so i just away and i left

K-AW1 D-AH0-N D-AY1 N-UW1 IH1-D S-ER0 V-AY1-V-D B-IH0 K-AO1-Z B-IY1 IH0-NG K-AO1-L-D G-EY1 F-EH1-L-T B-IH0 Z-AA1-R L-IY0 IH0-M P-AW1 ER0 IH0-NG S-OW1 AY1 JH-AH1-S T-AH0 W-EY1 AH0-N D-AY1 L-EH1-F-T


in a glee. joanne should be glad she got two out of three, and for her that's not bad.

IH0 N-AH0 G-L-IY1 JH-OW2 AE1-N SH-UH1-D B-IY1 G-L-AE1-D SH-IY1 G-AA1-T T-UW1 AW1 T-AH1-V TH-R-IY1 AH0-N-D F-AO1-R HH-ER0 TH-AE1-T S-N-AA1-T B-AE1-D


kids. and all kids when they're under five, you think you can see the goodness in them. like at that age you can see all of them. you can see the goodness in them and you know that they're going to school and you know what school-

K-IH1-D Z-AH0-N D-AO1-L K-IH1-D Z-W-EH1-N TH-EH1 R-AH1-N D-ER0 F-AY1 V-Y-UW1 TH-IH1-NG K-Y-UW1 K-AE1-N S-IY1 DH-AH0 G-UH1 D-N-AH0 S-IH0-N DH-EH1 M-L-AY1 K-AE1-T DH-AE1 T-EY1 JH-Y-UW1 K-AE1-N S-IY1 AO1 L-AH1-V DH-EH1 M-Y-UW1 K-AE1-N S-IY1 DH-AH0 G-UH1 D-N-AH0 S-IH0-N DH-EH1 M-AH0-N D-Y-UW1 N-OW1 DH-AE1-T TH-EH1-R G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1-S K-UW1 L-AH0-N D-Y-UW1 N-OW1 W-AH1-T-S K-UW1-L


is going to do to them. or at least i know what school did to me.

IH1-Z G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 D-UW1 T-UW1 DH-EH1 M-AO1 R-AE1 T-L-IY1-S T-AY1 N-OW1 W-AH1-T-S K-UW1-L D-IH1-D T-UW1 M-IY1


you can find out about it at 12:05 every day at cabaret, voltaire.

Y-UW1 K-AE1-N F-AY1-N D-AW1 T-AH0 B-AW1 T-IH1 T-AE1-T T-W-EH1-L V-OW1 F-AY1 V-EH1 V-ER0 IY0 D-EY1 AE1-T K-AE2 B-ER0 EY1 V-OW0-L T-EH1-R


apart from on mondays. right? okay. so i'm going to bring on our last piece of tragedy.

AH0 P-AA1-R-T F-R-AH1 M-AA1-N M-AH1-N D-IY0 Z-R-AY1 T-OW2 K-EY1 S-OW1 IH1-M G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 B-R-IH1 NG-AA1 N-AW1 ER0 L-AE1-S-T P-IY1 S-AH1-V T-R-AE1 JH-AH0 D-IY0


today. he's doing a show called christian talbot is shite at being irish, which gives away his name.

T-AH0 D-EY1 HH-IY1-Z D-UW1 IH0 NG-AH0 SH-OW1 K-AO1-L-D K-R-IH1-S CH-AH0-N T-AE1-L B-AH0 T-IH1-Z SH-AY1 T-AE1-T B-IY1 IH0 NG-AY1 R-IH0 SH-W-IH1-CH G-IH1-V Z-AH0 W-EY1 HH-IH1 Z-N-EY1-M


please welcome to the stage paddy joe mcginty.

P-L-IY1 Z-W-EH1-L K-AH0-M T-UW1 DH-AH0-S T-EY1-JH P-AE1 D-IY0 JH-OW1 M-AH0 G-IH1-N T-IY0


are you drinking? are you drinking? are you drinking? are you drinking? are you drinking? are you drinking? are you drinking? are you drinking? are you drinking? what are you? a protestant?

AA1 R-Y-UW1 D-R-IH1-NG K-IH0 NG-AA1 R-Y-UW1 D-R-IH1-NG K-IH0 NG-AA1 R-Y-UW1 D-R-IH1-NG K-IH0 NG-AA1 R-Y-UW1 D-R-IH1-NG K-IH0 NG-AA1 R-Y-UW1 D-R-IH1-NG K-IH0 NG-AA1 R-Y-UW1 D-R-IH1-NG K-IH0 NG-AA1 R-Y-UW1 D-R-IH1-NG K-IH0 NG-AA1 R-Y-UW1 D-R-IH1-NG K-IH0 NG-AA1 R-Y-UW1 D-R-IH1-NG K-IH0 NG-W-AH1 T-AA1 R-Y-UW1 AH0 P-R-AA1 T-AH0-S T-AH0-N-T


go hit the back garden and you'd just kill a poor defenseless animal.

G-OW1 HH-IH1-T DH-AH0 B-AE1-K G-AA1-R D-AH0 N-AH0-N D-Y-AH1-D JH-AH1-S-T K-IH1 L-AH0 P-UH1-R D-IH0 F-EH1-N S-L-AH0 S-AE1 N-AH0 M-AH0-L


here, her tinder.


i'm not the crack.


i'm not, i'm not the crack.

IH1-M N-AA1 T-IH1-M N-AA1-T DH-AH0 K-R-AE1-K


i don't care where you're from.

AY1 D-AA1-N-T K-EH1 R-W-EH1 R-Y-UH1-R F-R-AH1-M


i actually consider myself to be, if not one of the first, perhaps the only.

AY1 AE1-K CH-AH0 W-AH0 L-IY0 K-AH0-N S-IH1 D-ER0 M-AY2 S-EH1-L-F T-UW1 B-IY1 IH1 F-N-AA1 T-W-AH1 N-AH1-V DH-AH0 F-ER1-S-T P-ER0 HH-AE1-P-S DH-AH0 OW1 N-L-IY0


an englishman, an irishman and a scotsman are in a pub in london. of course it's.

AE1 N-IH1-NG G-L-IH0 SH-M-AH0 N-AE1 N-AY1 R-IH0 SH-M-AH0 N-AH0-N D-AH0-S K-AA1-T S-M-AH0 N-AA1 R-IH0 N-AH0 P-AH1 B-IH0 N-L-AH1-N D-AH0 N-AH1-V K-AO1-R S-IH1-T-S


a married couple are on their wedding night, having just consummated the union.

AH0 M-EH1 R-IY0-D K-AH1 P-AH0 L-AA1 R-AA1-N DH-EH1 R-W-EH1 D-IH0-NG N-AY1-T HH-AE1 V-IH0-NG JH-AH1-S-T K-AA1-N S-AH0 M-EY2 T-AH0-D DH-AH0 Y-UW1 N-Y-AH0-N


"was amazing, darling. aren't you glad we waited?" and the other-

W-AA1 Z-AH0 M-EY1 Z-IH0-NG D-AA1-R L-IH0 NG-AA1 R-AH0-N T-Y-UW1 G-L-AE1 D-W-IY1 W-EY1 T-AH0 D-AH0-N-D DH-AH0 AH1 DH-ER0


the road, because a group of men were walking towards it and because of our current culture, that's what it needs to do to feel safe.

DH-AH0 R-OW1-D B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-AH0 G-R-UW1 P-AH1 V-M-EH1 N-W-ER0 W-AO1 K-IH0-NG T-AH0 W-AO1-R-D Z-IH1 T-AH0-N-D B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-AH1 V-AW1 ER0 K-ER1 AH0-N-T K-AH1-L CH-ER0 TH-AE1-T S-W-AH1 T-IH1 T-N-IY1-D-Z T-UW1 D-UW1 T-UW1 F-IY1-L S-EY1-F


why did the child of a homosexual couple cross the road?

W-AY1 D-IH1-D DH-AH0 CH-AY1-L D-AH1 V-AH0 HH-OW2 M-OW0 S-EH1-K SH-AH0 W-AH0-L K-AH1 P-AH0-L K-R-AO1-S DH-AH0 R-OW1-D


couple of asking for directions.

K-AH1 P-AH0 L-AH1 V-AE1-S K-IH0-NG F-AO1-R D-ER0 EH1-K SH-AH0-N-Z


says where's the soap? that's as far as that joke goes due to the decreasing number of-

S-EH1 Z-W-EH1-R-Z DH-AH0 S-OW1-P TH-AE1-T S-AE1-Z F-AA1 R-AE1-Z DH-AE1-T JH-OW1-K G-OW1-Z D-UW1 T-UW1 DH-AH0 D-IH0 K-R-IY1 S-IH0-NG N-AH1-M B-ER0 AH1-V


a horse walks into a bar. the barman says, "why the long face?" the horse says, "because we're living in a time of economic-"

AH0 HH-AO1-R S-W-AO1-K S-IH0-N T-UW1 AH0 B-AA1-R DH-AH0 B-AA1-R M-AH0-N S-EH1 Z-W-AY1 DH-AH0 L-AO1-NG F-EY1-S DH-AH0 HH-AO1-R-S S-EH1-Z B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-W-ER0 L-IH1 V-IH0 NG-IH0 N-AH0 T-AY1 M-AH1 V-EH2 K-AH0 N-AA1 M-IH0-K


"austerity and political and social conservativism". an irish woman goes to the-

AO2-S T-EH1 R-IH0 T-IY0 AH0-N-D P-AH0 L-IH1 T-AH0 K-AH0 L-AH0-N-D S-OW1 SH-AH0-L K-AH0-N S-ER1 V-AH0 T-IH0 V-IH2 Z-AH0 M-AE1 N-AY1 R-IH0 SH-W-UH1 M-AH0-N G-OW1-Z T-UW1 DH-AH0


doctor, she says, "doctor, doctor, i think i'm pregnant". and the doctor says, "i hope you don't have any complications as the statewide-"

D-AA1-K T-ER0 SH-IY1 S-EH1-Z D-AA1-K T-ER0 D-AA1-K T-ER0 AY1 TH-IH1-NG K-IH1-M P-R-EH1 G-N-AH0-N T-AH0-N-D DH-AH0 D-AA1-K T-ER0 S-EH1 Z-AY1 HH-OW1 P-Y-UW1 D-AA1-N-T HH-AE1 V-EH1 N-IY0 K-AA2-M P-L-AH0 K-EY1 SH-AH0-N Z-AE1-Z DH-AH0-S T-EY1 T-W-AY2-D


"your unborn child over yours". i was in dublin the other day, i ordered a coffee. the barman said to me,

Y-AO1 R-AH1-N B-AO1-R-N CH-AY1-L D-OW1 V-ER0 Y-UH1-R Z-AY1 W-AA1 Z-IH0-N D-AH1 B-L-IH0-N DH-AH0 AH1 DH-ER0 D-EY1 AY1 AO1-R D-ER0 D-AH0 K-AA1 F-IY0 DH-AH0 B-AA1-R M-AH0-N S-EH1-D T-UW1 M-IY1


"hey, would you like me to irish that up?" i said, "sure." so he charged me twice and-

HH-EY1 W-UH1 D-Y-UW1 L-AY1 K-M-IY1 T-UW1 AY1 R-IH0-SH DH-AE1 T-AH1 P-AY1 S-EH1-D SH-UH1-R S-OW1 HH-IY1 CH-AA1-R-JH D-M-IY1 T-W-AY1 S-AH0-N-D


last anti-crack joke, ladies and gentlemen, here we go. an englishman and-

L-AE1-S T-AE1-N T-IY0 K-R-AE2-K JH-OW1 K-L-EY1 D-IY0 Z-AH0-N-D JH-EH1-N T-AH0-L M-IH0-N HH-IY1 R-W-IY1 G-OW1 AE1 N-IH1-NG G-L-IH0 SH-M-AH0 N-AH0-N-D


a scotsman are having a drink. and the barman asked them if you were a woman-

AH0-S K-AA1-T S-M-AH0 N-AA1-R HH-AE1 V-IH0 NG-AH0 D-R-IH1-NG K-AH0-N-D DH-AH0 B-AA1-R M-AH0 N-AE1-S-K-T DH-EH1 M-IH1 F-Y-UW1 W-ER0 AH0 W-UH1 M-AH0-N


i'd go to work and wonder why i'm-

IH1-D G-OW1 T-UW1 W-ER1 K-AH0-N D-W-AH1-N D-ER0 W-AY1 IH1-M


oh, it's been a great hour of tragedy, right? so we've got different-

OW1 IH1-T-S B-IH1 N-AH0 G-R-EY1 T-AW1 ER0 AH1-V T-R-AE1 JH-AH0 D-IY0 R-AY1-T S-OW1 W-IY1-V G-AA1-T D-IH1 F-ER0 AH0-N-T


lineup every single night at the fringe, pretty much, and tuesday's-

L-AY1 N-AH2 P-EH1 V-ER0 IY0 S-IH1-NG G-AH0-L N-AY1 T-AE1-T DH-AH0 F-R-IH1-N-JH P-R-IH1 T-IY0 M-AH1 CH-AH0-N-D T-UW1-Z D-EY2-Z


so basically obviously due to my condition i've been-

S-OW1 B-EY1 S-IH0 K-L-IY0 AA1-B V-IY0 AH0 S-L-IY0 D-UW1 T-UW1 M-AY1 K-AH0-N D-IH1 SH-AH0 N-AY1-V B-IH1-N


in and out of hospital a lot as a kid, i have a very visible disability, which is my height that-

IH0 N-AH0-N D-AW1 T-AH1-V HH-AA1-S P-IH2 T-AH0 L-AH0 L-AA1 T-AE1 Z-AH0 K-IH1 D-AY1 HH-AE1 V-AH0 V-EH1 R-IY0 V-IH1 Z-AH0 B-AH0-L D-IH2 S-AH0 B-IH1 L-IH0 T-IY0 W-IH1 CH-IH1 Z-M-AY1 HH-AY1-T DH-AE1-T


obviously draws a lot of attention to myself. my life has been very varied because of that.

AA1-B V-IY0 AH0 S-L-IY0 D-R-AO1 Z-AH0 L-AA1 T-AH1 V-AH0 T-EH1-N SH-AH0-N T-UW1 M-AY2 S-EH1-L F-M-AY1 L-AY1-F HH-AE1-Z B-IH1-N V-EH1 R-IY0 V-EH1 R-IY0-D B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-AH1-V DH-AE1-T


so i think that automatically entitles me to a major part in a hollywood film.

S-OW1 AY1 TH-IH1-NG-K DH-AE1 T-AO2 T-AH0 M-AE1 T-IH0 K-L-IY0 EH0-N T-AY1 T-AH0-L Z-M-IY1 T-UW1 AH0 M-EY1 JH-ER0 P-AA1-R T-IH0 N-AH0 HH-AA1 L-IY0 W-UH2-D F-IH1-L-M


that hasn't happened yet, which is a fucking tragedy in my eyes.

DH-AE1-T HH-AE1-S-N-T HH-AE1 P-AH0-N D-Y-EH1 T-W-IH1 CH-IH1 Z-AH0 F-AH1 K-IH0-NG T-R-AE1 JH-AH0 D-IY0 IH0-N M-AY1 AY1-Z


so it's not through lack of trying as well, because i really have, because the movie industry needs people like me. doesn't it?

S-OW1 IH1-T S-N-AA1-T TH-R-UW1 L-AE1 K-AH1-V T-R-AY1 IH0 NG-AE1 Z-W-EH1-L B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-AY1 R-IH1 L-IY0 HH-AE1-V B-IH0 K-AO1-Z DH-AH0 M-UW1 V-IY0 IH1-N D-AH0-S T-R-IY0 N-IY1-D-Z P-IY1 P-AH0-L L-AY1 K-M-IY1 D-OW1 S-AH0-N T-IH1-T


yeah, it needs people like me, but it never is me, basically. so for years now-

Y-AE1 IH1 T-N-IY1-D-Z P-IY1 P-AH0-L L-AY1 K-M-IY1 B-AH1 T-IH1 T-N-EH1 V-ER0 IH1 Z-M-IY1 B-EY1 S-IH0 K-L-IY0 S-OW1 F-AO1 R-Y-IH1-R Z-N-AW1


so my first break nearly came when i was about 21. and that guy, a warwick davis, willow, whatever.

S-OW1 M-AY1 F-ER1-S-T B-R-EY1 K-N-IH1-R L-IY0 K-EY1 M-W-EH1 N-AY1 W-AA1 Z-AH0 B-AW1-T T-W-EH1-N T-IY0 W-AH1 N-AH0-N-D DH-AE1-T G-AY1 AH0 W-AO1 R-W-IH0-K D-EY1 V-AH0 S-W-IH1 L-OW2 W-AH2 T-EH1 V-ER0


but it actually does now because he wasn't even at our university. hanging out at a graduation ceremony, which is a little bit weird, spotted me and he'd set up an agency for short people in film.

B-AH1 T-IH1 T-AE1-K CH-AH0 W-AH0 L-IY0 D-AH1 Z-N-AW1 B-IH0 K-AO1-Z HH-IY1 W-AO1-S T-IY1 V-IH0 N-AE1 T-AW1 ER0 Y-UW2 N-AH0 V-ER1 S-AH0 T-IY0 HH-AE1 NG-IH0 NG-AW1 T-AE1 T-AH0 G-R-AE2 JH-UW0 EY1 SH-AH0-N S-EH1 R-AH0 M-OW2 N-IY0 W-IH1 CH-IH1 Z-AH0 L-IH1 T-AH0-L B-IH1 T-W-IH1-R-D-S P-AA1 T-AH0 D-M-IY1 AH0-N-D HH-EH1-D S-EH1 T-AH1 P-AE1 N-EY1 JH-AH0-N S-IY0 F-AO1-R SH-AO1-R-T P-IY1 P-AH0 L-IH0-N F-IH1-L-M


so he decided to give me a call to see what i was doing, see if i wanted to be in the movies.

S-OW1 HH-IY1 D-IH0 S-AY1 D-IH0-D T-UW1 G-IH1 V-M-IY1 AH0 K-AO1-L T-UW1 S-IY1 W-AH1 T-AY1 W-AA1-Z D-UW1 IH0-NG S-IY1 IH1 F-AY1 W-AA1-N T-AH0-D T-UW1 B-IY1 IH0-N DH-AH0 M-UW1 V-IY0-Z


so in my head is what you have to remember [inaudible 00:00:52] although you're seeing me with very visible disability at the moment, in my head...

S-OW1 IH0-N M-AY1 HH-EH1 D-IH1 Z-W-AH1 T-Y-UW1 HH-AE1-V T-UW1 R-IH0 M-EH1-M B-ER0 IH0 N-AO1 D-AH0 B-AH0-L Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z Z-IH1 R-OW0 M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D F-IH1-F T-IY0 T-UW1 S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D Z-AO2-L DH-OW1 Y-UW1 AA1-R S-IY1 IH0-NG M-IY1 W-IH1-DH V-EH1 R-IY0 V-IH1 Z-AH0 B-AH0-L D-IH2 S-AH0 B-IH1 L-IH0 T-IY0 AE1-T DH-AH0 M-OW1 M-AH0-N T-IH0-N M-AY1 HH-EH1-D


i don't really see it. so in my head, i am beyonce.

AY1 D-AA1-N T-R-IH1 L-IY0 S-IY1 IH1-T S-OW1 IH0-N M-AY1 HH-EH1 D-AY1 AE1-M B-EY1 S-AH0-N


so i take on every single task in my life and do what beyonce would do, basically. so when he called me about a role in the movies, i'm like, "oh man."

S-OW1 AY1 T-EY1 K-AA1 N-EH1 V-ER0 IY0 S-IH1-NG G-AH0-L T-AE1-S K-IH0-N M-AY1 L-AY1 F-AH0-N-D D-UW1 W-AH1-T B-EY1 S-AH0 N-W-UH1-D D-UW1 B-EY1 S-IH0 K-L-IY0 S-OW1 W-EH1-N HH-IY1 K-AO1-L D-M-IY1 AH0 B-AW1 T-AH0 R-OW1 L-IH0-N DH-AH0 M-UW1 V-IY0 Z-IH1 M-L-AY1 K-OW1 M-AE1-N


i'm like madonna in desperately seeking susan. that's what he wants to, did it?

IH1 M-L-AY1 K-M-AH0 D-AA1 N-AH0 IH0-N D-EH1-S P-ER0 AH0 T-L-IY0 S-IY1 K-IH0-NG S-UW1 Z-AH0-N TH-AE1-T S-W-AH1-T HH-IY1 W-AA1-N-T-S T-UW1 D-IH1 D-IH1-T


he wants me as like, "oh, what's her face in silence of the lambs?

HH-IY1 W-AA1-N-T S-M-IY1 AE1 Z-L-AY1 K-OW1 W-AH0-T-S HH-ER0 F-EY1 S-IH0-N S-AY1 L-AH0-N S-AH1-V DH-AH0 L-AE1-M-Z