now they're telling us to take all the gold off and that's it taking the gold off. we've all taken our gold off. there's a gold chain around my neck. i always think this guy has seen too many films because-

N-AW1 TH-EH1-R T-EH1 L-IH0 NG-AH1-S T-UW1 T-EY1 K-AO1-L DH-AH0 G-OW1-L D-AO1 F-AH0-N-D TH-AE1-T S-IH1-T T-EY1 K-IH0-NG DH-AH0 G-OW1-L D-AO1 F-W-IY1 V-AO1-L T-EY1 K-AH0 N-AW1 ER0 G-OW1-L D-AO1-F DH-EH1-R Z-AH0 G-OW1-L-D CH-EY1 N-ER0 AW1-N D-M-AY1 N-EH1 K-AY1 AO1 L-W-EY2-Z TH-IH1-NG-K DH-IH1-S G-AY1 HH-AE1-Z S-IY1-N T-UW1 M-EH1 N-IY0 F-IH1-L-M-Z B-IH0 K-AO1-Z


you know in the films it always comes off. in real life that shit doesn't happen.

Y-UW1 N-OW1 IH0-N DH-AH0 F-IH1-L-M Z-IH1 T-AO1 L-W-EY2-Z K-AH1-M Z-AO1 F-IH0 N-R-IY1-L L-AY1-F DH-AE1-T SH-IH1-T D-OW1 S-AH0-N-T HH-AE1 P-AH0-N


so the gold chain, it's just really silly but you need... because it's 22 karat gold.

S-OW1 DH-AH0 G-OW1-L-D CH-EY1 N-IH1-T-S JH-AH1-S T-R-IH1 L-IY0 S-IH1 L-IY0 B-AH1 T-Y-UW1 N-IY1-D B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-IH1-T-S T-W-EH1-N T-IY0 T-UW1 K-EH1 R-AH0-T G-OW1-L-D


they're going around and i'm thinking just clock them. and what you have to do is hope to do a little photo thing when the police come round and i shall do-

TH-EH1-R G-OW1 IH0 NG-ER0 AW1-N D-AH0-N D-IH1-M TH-IH1-NG K-IH0-NG JH-AH1-S-T K-L-AA1-K DH-EH1 M-AH0-N D-W-AH1 T-Y-UW1 HH-AE1-V T-UW1 D-UW1 IH1-Z HH-OW1-P T-UW1 D-UW1 AH0 L-IH1 T-AH0-L F-OW1 T-OW2 TH-IH1 NG-W-EH1-N DH-AH0 P-AH0 L-IY1-S K-AH1 M-R-AW1-N D-AH0-N D-AY1 SH-AE1-L D-UW1


the description and he starts getting panic, he goes, "what are you looking at? what are you looking at?.

DH-AH0 D-IH0-S K-R-IH1-P SH-AH0 N-AH0-N-D HH-IY1-S T-AA1-R-T-S G-EH1 T-IH0-NG P-AE1 N-IH0-K HH-IY1 G-OW1 Z-W-AH1 T-AA1 R-Y-UW1 L-UH1 K-IH0 NG-AE1 T-W-AH1 T-AA1 R-Y-UW1 L-UH1 K-IH0 NG-AE1-T


i don't like you". and i like, "what?" it's only because i'm taller than him. he's got small man syndrome. i told you, right?

AY1 D-AA1-N T-L-AY1 K-Y-UW1 AH0-N D-AY1 L-AY1 K-W-AH1 T-IH1-T S-OW1 N-L-IY0 B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-IH1-M T-AO1 L-ER0 DH-AE1-N HH-IH1-M HH-IY1-Z G-AA1-T S-M-AO1-L M-AE1-N S-IH1-N D-R-OW2 M-AY1 T-OW1-L D-Y-UW1 R-AY1-T


[inaudible 00:03:57] so we can sacrifice. you can take one for the team. but basically we hear a thought.

IH0 N-AO1 D-AH0 B-AH0-L Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z TH-R-IY1 M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D F-IH1-F T-IY0 S-EH1 V-AH0-N S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D-Z S-OW1 W-IY1 K-AE1-N S-AE1 K-R-AH0 F-AY2 S-Y-UW1 K-AE1-N T-EY1 K-W-AH1-N F-AO1-R DH-AH0 T-IY1-M B-AH1-T B-EY1 S-IH0 K-L-IY0 W-IY1 HH-IY1 R-AH0 TH-AO1-T


the tragedy of history and the tragedy of legacy learning.

DH-AH0 T-R-AE1 JH-AH0 D-IY0 AH1-V HH-IH1-S T-ER0 IY0 AH0-N-D DH-AH0 T-R-AE1 JH-AH0 D-IY0 AH1 V-L-EH1 G-AH0 S-IY0 L-ER1 N-IH0-NG


there's you don't create you just curate pass on us taught, serve, stand and wait-

DH-EH1-R Z-Y-UW1 D-AA1-N-T K-R-IY0 EY1 T-Y-UW1 JH-AH1-S-T K-Y-UH0 R-AH1-T P-AE1 S-AA1 N-AH1-S T-AO1-T S-ER1-V-S T-AE1-N D-AH0-N D-W-EY1-T


on the burren and in western ireland, they have these signs saying "move-

AA1-N DH-AH0 B-ER1 N-AH0 AH0-N D-IH0 N-W-EH1-S T-ER0 N-AY1 ER0 L-AH0-N-D DH-EY1 HH-AE1-V DH-IY1-Z S-AY1-N-Z S-EY1 IH0-NG M-UW1-V


no stones, build no cans", which has a poetry of its own. but which otherwise is entirely dismal.

N-OW1-S T-OW1-N-Z B-IH1-L D-N-OW1 K-AE1-N Z-W-IH1-CH HH-AE1 Z-AH0 P-OW1 AH0 T-R-IY0 AH1 V-IH1-T S-OW1-N B-AH1 T-W-IH1 CH-AH1 DH-ER0 W-AY2 Z-IH1 Z-IH0-N T-AY1 ER0 L-IY0 D-IH1 Z-M-AH0-L


the intention of course is to preserve the natural landscape.

DH-AH0 IH0-N T-EH1-N CH-AH0 N-AH1-V K-AO1-R S-IH1-Z T-UW1 P-R-AH0 Z-ER1-V DH-AH0 N-AE1 CH-ER0 AH0-L L-AE1-N-D-S K-EY2-P


the burren is covered in evidence of humans piling-

DH-AH0 B-ER1 N-AH0 IH1-Z K-AH1 V-ER0 D-IH0 N-EH1 V-AH0 D-AH0-N S-AH1-V HH-Y-UW1 M-AH0-N-Z P-AY1 L-IH0-NG


the stones, setting them up, right? building elegant diamonds, leaving their natural mark on the landscape for other humans to see.

DH-AH0-S T-OW1-N-Z S-EH1 T-IH0-NG DH-EH1 M-AH1 P-R-AY1-T B-IH1-L D-IH0 NG-EH1 L-AH0 G-AH0-N-T D-AY1 M-AH0-N-D Z-L-IY1 V-IH0-NG DH-EH1-R N-AE1 CH-ER0 AH0-L M-AA1-R K-AA1-N DH-AH0 L-AE1-N-D-S K-EY2-P F-AO1 R-AH1 DH-ER0 HH-Y-UW1 M-AH0-N-Z T-UW1 S-IY1


move no stones, build no cans. the past's not yours to future's-

M-UW1 V-N-OW1-S T-OW1-N-Z B-IH1-L D-N-OW1 K-AE1-N-Z DH-AH0 P-AE1-S-T S-N-AA1 T-Y-UH1-R-Z T-UW1 F-Y-UW1 CH-ER0-Z


just spectate. you're here to serve. wait at the gate.

JH-AH1-S-T-S P-EH1-K T-AH0 T-Y-UH1-R HH-IY1-R T-UW1 S-ER1 V-W-EY1 T-AE1-T DH-AH0 G-EY1-T


it seems to me, it's a human instinct to mark your environment, to leave a trace, mark your passage through the place from cave paintings, to graffiti from [inaudible 00:04:55] to the path and onto the gherkin.

IH1-T S-IY1-M-Z T-UW1 M-IY1 IH1-T S-AH0 HH-Y-UW1 M-AH0 N-IH1-N-S T-IH0-NG-K-T T-UW1 M-AA1-R K-Y-AO1 R-IH0-N V-AY1 R-AH0-N M-AH0-N-T T-UW1 L-IY1 V-AH0 T-R-EY1 S-M-AA1-R K-Y-AO1-R P-AE1 S-AH0-JH TH-R-UW1 DH-AH0 P-L-EY1-S F-R-AH1-M K-EY1-V P-EY1-N T-IH0-NG-Z T-UW1 G-R-AH0 F-IY1 T-IY0 F-R-AH1 M-IH0 N-AO1 D-AH0 B-AH0-L Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z F-AO1-R M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D F-IH1-F T-IY0 F-AY1-V S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D-Z T-UW1 DH-AH0 P-AE1 TH-AH0-N D-AA1-N T-UW0 DH-AH0 G-ER1 K-IH0-N


i was here. you feel the need to say, to let those to come know what you were building for them to let those around. you know, you were there to naturally-

AY1 W-AA1-Z HH-IY1 R-Y-UW1 F-IY1-L DH-AH0 N-IY1-D T-UW1 S-EY1 T-UW1 L-EH1-T DH-OW1-Z T-UW1 K-AH1-M N-OW1 W-AH1 T-Y-UW1 W-ER0 B-IH1-L D-IH0-NG F-AO1-R DH-EH1-M T-UW1 L-EH1-T DH-OW1 Z-ER0 AW1-N D-Y-UW1 N-OW1 Y-UW1 W-ER0 DH-EH1-R T-UW1 N-AE1 CH-ER0 AH0 L-IY0


mark you're naturally awarded by birth places and natural being and the natural world.

M-AA1-R K-Y-UH1-R N-AE1 CH-ER0 AH0 L-IY0 AH0 W-AO1-R D-AH0-D B-AY1 B-ER1-TH P-L-EY1 S-AH0 Z-AH0-N D-N-AE1 CH-ER0 AH0-L B-IY1 IH0 NG-AH0-N-D DH-AH0 N-AE1 CH-ER0 AH0 L-W-ER1-L-D


move no stones, built no cans. the past's not yours. the future's-

M-UW1 V-N-OW1-S T-OW1-N-Z B-IH1-L T-N-OW1 K-AE1-N-Z DH-AH0 P-AE1-S-T S-N-AA1 T-Y-UH1-R-Z DH-AH0 F-Y-UW1 CH-ER0-Z


there's you'll not create the [inaudible 00:05:22]. sit down, shut up. just serve and wait.

T-IY1 HH-IY1 R-IH1 Z-Y-UW1-L N-AA1-T K-R-IY0 EY1-T DH-AH0 IH0 N-AO1 D-AH0 B-AH0-L Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z F-AY1 V-M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D T-W-EH1-N T-IY0 T-UW1 S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D-Z S-IH1-T D-AW1-N SH-AH1 T-AH1-P JH-AH1-S-T S-ER1 V-AH0-N D-W-EY1-T


you just respect the marks others make. you don't make history-

Y-UW1 JH-AH1-S T-R-IH0-S P-EH1-K-T DH-AH0 M-AA1-R-K S-AH1 DH-ER0 Z-M-EY1 K-Y-UW1 D-AA1-N T-M-EY1-K HH-IH1-S T-ER0 IY0


you watch it. look at it passively and smile. complicit-

Y-UW1 W-AA1 CH-IH1 T-L-UH1 K-AE1 T-IH1-T P-AE1 S-IH0 V-L-IY0 AH0-N-D S-M-AY1-L K-AH0-M P-L-IH1 S-AH0-T


you don't participate actively. we have no agency. and we are told we should gaze admiringly-

Y-UW1 D-AA1-N-T P-AA0-R T-IH1 S-AH0 P-EY2 T-AE1-K T-IH0 V-L-IY0 W-IY1 HH-AE1 V-N-OW1 EY1 JH-AH0-N S-IY0 AH0-N D-W-IY1 AA1-R T-OW1-L D-W-IY1 SH-UH1-D G-EY1 Z-AE0 D-M-AY1 R-IH0 NG-L-IY0


but we don't make any apparently. and we mustn't make what's there. look untidy with our insignificance.

B-AH1 T-W-IY1 D-AA1-N T-M-EY1 K-EH1 N-IY0 AH0 P-EH1 R-AH0-N T-L-IY0 AH0-N D-W-IY1 M-AH1-S T-AH0-N T-M-EY1 K-W-AH0-T-S DH-EH1-R L-UH1 K-AH0-N T-AY1 D-IY0 W-IH1 DH-AW1 ER0 IH2-N S-IH0 G-N-Y-IH1 F-IH0 K-AH0-N-S


move no stones, build no cans. the past's not yours, the future's-

M-UW1 V-N-OW1-S T-OW1-N-Z B-IH1-L D-N-OW1 K-AE1-N-Z DH-AH0 P-AE1-S-T S-N-AA1 T-Y-UH1-R-Z DH-AH0 F-Y-UW1 CH-ER0-Z


so you can grow debt, but leave no legacy. so you can watch that repeat, but make no telly of your own. so you can own the past, but not pay the future-

S-OW1 Y-UW1 K-AE1-N G-R-OW1 D-EH1-T B-AH1 T-L-IY1 V-N-OW1 L-EH1 G-AH0 S-IY0 S-OW1 Y-UW1 K-AE1 N-W-AA1-CH DH-AE1 T-R-IH0 P-IY1-T B-AH1 T-M-EY1 K-N-OW1 T-EH1 L-IY0 AH1 V-Y-AO1 R-OW1-N S-OW1 Y-UW1 K-AE1 N-OW1-N DH-AH0 P-AE1-S-T B-AH1 T-N-AA1-T P-EY1 DH-AH0 F-Y-UW1 CH-ER0


so you can buy the t-shirt but not go see or do yourself.

S-OW1 Y-UW1 K-AE1-N B-AY1 DH-AH0 SH-ER1-T B-AH1 T-N-AA1-T G-OW1 S-IY1 AO1-R D-UW1 Y-ER0 S-EH1-L-F


so you can charge towards a forgone cliff and leave nothing of worth. but well-

S-OW1 Y-UW1 K-AE1-N CH-AA1-R-JH T-AH0 W-AO1-R-D Z-AH0 F-AO0-R G-AA1-N K-L-IH1 F-AH0-N D-L-IY1 V-N-AH1 TH-IH0 NG-AH1 V-W-ER1-TH B-AH1 T-W-EH1-L


i say, move those stones, build your can, shape your tools, bear your bands, shape your cares, take those dares, split-

AY1 S-EY1 M-UW1-V DH-OW1-Z-S T-OW1-N-Z B-IH1-L D-Y-AO1-R K-AE1-N SH-EY1 P-Y-AO1-R T-UW1-L-Z B-EH1 R-Y-AO1-R B-AE1-N-D-Z SH-EY1 P-Y-AO1-R K-EH1-R-Z T-EY1-K DH-OW1-Z D-EH1-R-Z-S P-L-IH1-T


those hair, raise concerns, harm no bears, reap no tears.

DH-OW1-Z HH-EH1-R R-EY1-Z K-AH0-N S-ER1-N-Z HH-AA1-R-M N-OW1 B-EH1-R Z-R-IY1 P-N-OW1 T-EH1-R-Z


please move those stones, build those cans-

P-L-IY1 Z-M-UW1-V DH-OW1-Z-S T-OW1-N-Z B-IH1-L-D DH-OW1-Z K-AE1-N-Z


show those to come the way we work because we create-

SH-OW1 DH-OW1-Z T-UW1 K-AH1-M DH-AH0 W-EY1 W-IY1 W-ER1-K B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-W-IY1 K-R-IY0 EY1-T


that's about making history and this is about teaching it, which i don't do.

TH-AE1-T S-AH0 B-AW1 T-M-EY1 K-IH0-NG HH-IH1-S T-ER0 IY0 AH0-N-D DH-IH1 S-IH1 Z-AH0 B-AW1-T T-IY1 CH-IH0 NG-IH1 T-W-IH1 CH-AY1 D-AA1-N-T D-UW1


i did. i did tell them my school careers-

AY1 D-IH1 D-AY1 D-IH1-D T-EH1-L DH-EH1-M M-AY1-S K-UW1-L K-ER0 IH1-R-Z


[inaudible 00:06:48] i asked for no quarter by the great elvish scientists knelt over water.

IH0 N-AO1 D-AH0 B-AH0-L Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z S-IH1-K S-M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D F-AO1-R T-IY0 EY1-T S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D Z-AY1 AE1-S-K-T F-AO1-R N-OW1 K-W-AO1-R T-ER0 B-AY1 DH-AH0 G-R-EY1 T-EH1-L V-IH0-SH S-AY1 AH0-N T-IH0-S-T S-N-EH1-L T-OW1 V-ER0 W-AO1 T-ER0


there's just not enough pixie dust to go round. so your children are better off under the ground.

DH-EH1-R-Z JH-AH1-S T-N-AA1 T-IH0 N-AH1-F P-IH1-K S-IY0 D-AH1-S-T T-UW1 G-OW1 R-AW1-N-D S-OW1 Y-AO1-R CH-IH1-L D-R-AH0 N-AA1-R B-EH1 T-ER0 AO1 F-AH1-N D-ER0 DH-AH0 G-R-AW1-N-D


i've got two of my own, but it's counterproductive to cry and to moan and to-

AY1-V G-AA1-T T-UW1 AH1 V-M-AY1 OW1-N B-AH1 T-IH1-T-S K-AW1-N T-ER0 P-R-AH0 D-AH2-K T-IH0-V T-UW1 K-R-AY1 AH0-N-D T-UW1 M-OW1 N-AH0-N-D T-UW1


ululate [inaudible 00:07:07], kings scream, [inaudible 00:07:09]. if your kids have to die-

UH1 L-AH0 L-EY2 T-IH0 N-AO1 D-AH0 B-AH0-L Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z S-EH1 V-AH0-N M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D S-EH1 V-AH0-N S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D-Z K-IH1-NG-Z-S K-R-IY1 M-IH0 N-AO1 D-AH0 B-AH0-L Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z S-EH1 V-AH0-N M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N D-N-AY1-N S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D Z-IH1 F-Y-AO1-R K-IH1-D-Z HH-AE1-V T-UW1 D-AY1


you see these mittens we make, see they're known across the world, known soft and, and find [inaudible 00:07:17] softly curled-

Y-UW1 S-IY1 DH-IY1 Z-M-IH1 T-AH0-N Z-W-IY1 M-EY1-K S-IY1 TH-EH1-R N-OW1 N-AH0 K-R-AO1-S DH-AH0 W-ER1-L D-N-OW1-N S-AA1-F T-AH0-N D-AH0-N-D F-AY1-N D-IH0 N-AO1 D-AH0 B-AH0-L Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z S-EH1 V-AH0-N M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D S-EH1 V-AH0-N T-IY1-N S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D-Z S-AO1-F T-L-IY0 K-ER1-L-D


elves. glory. fellow elves. don't be [inaudible 00:07:23]. the best foot wear for young cats. it's defiantly, elvish-

EH1-L-V-Z G-L-AO1 R-IY0 F-EH1 L-OW0 EH1-L-V-Z D-AA1-N-T B-IY1 IH0 N-AO1 D-AH0 B-AH0-L Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z S-EH1 V-AH0-N M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D T-W-EH1-N T-IY0 TH-R-IY1 S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D-Z DH-AH0 B-EH1-S-T F-UH1 T-W-EH1-R F-AO1 R-Y-AH1-NG K-AE1-T S-IH1-T-S D-IH0 F-AY1 AH0-N T-L-IY0 EH1-L V-IH0-SH


and so do you want your kids died in vain?

AH0-N-D S-OW1 D-UW1 Y-UW1 W-AA1-N T-Y-AO1-R K-IH1-D-Z D-AY1 D-IH0-N V-EY1-N


i mean, these complainants will say that they won't come again. that a life is a life-

AY1 M-IY1-N DH-IY1-Z K-AH0-M P-L-EY1 N-AH0-N-T S-W-IH1-L S-EY1 DH-AE1-T DH-EY1 W-OW1-N-T K-AH1 M-AH0 G-EH1-N DH-AE1 T-AH0 L-AY1 F-IH1 Z-AH0 L-AY1-F


once he's gone, lost forever, but you're young and you're vigorous. go make another.

W-AH1-N-S HH-IY1-Z G-AO1 N-L-AO1-S-T F-ER0 EH1 V-ER0 B-AH1 T-Y-UH1 R-Y-AH1 NG-AH0-N D-Y-UH1-R V-IH1 G-ER0 AH0-S G-OW1 M-EY1 K-AH0 N-AH1 DH-ER0


and so that your lives and the lives of your children do not go to waste-

AH0-N-D S-OW1 DH-AE1 T-Y-AO1-R L-IH1-V Z-AH0-N-D DH-AH0 L-IH1-V Z-AH1 V-Y-AO1-R CH-IH1-L D-R-AH0-N D-UW1 N-AA1-T G-OW1 T-UW1 W-EY1-S-T


we must still export mittens.

W-IY1 M-AH1-S-T-S T-IH1 L-IH0-K-S P-AO1-R T-M-IH1 T-AH0-N-Z


the divorce of our friends to keep order. they'll stay here.

DH-AH0 D-IH0 V-AO1-R S-AH1 V-AW1 ER0 F-R-EH1-N-D-Z T-UW1 K-IY1 P-AO1-R D-ER0 TH-EY1-L-S T-EY1 HH-IY1-R


as he pauses, breath held.

AE1-Z HH-IY1 P-AO1 Z-AH0-Z B-R-EH1-TH HH-EH1-L-D


they are rising a chair.

DH-EY1 AA1-R R-AY1 Z-IH0 NG-AH0 CH-EH1-R


and it's in this way, they can't sue sell education is your passive compliance from the knowledge staff nation, you show the lessons of history.

AH0-N D-IH1-T S-IH0-N DH-IH1 S-W-EY1 DH-EY1 K-AE1-N-T S-UW1 S-EH1 L-EH2 JH-AH0 K-EY1 SH-AH0 N-IH1 Z-Y-AO1-R P-AE1 S-IH0-V K-AH0-M P-L-AY1 AH0-N-S F-R-AH1-M DH-AH0 N-AA1 L-AH0-JH-S T-AE1 F-N-EY1 SH-AH0 N-Y-UW1 SH-OW1 DH-AH0 L-EH1 S-AH0-N Z-AH1-V HH-IH1-S T-ER0 IY0


go on alert. so repeated thanks to doublespeak. lies and can't, rhetoric reheated. we'll watch history-

G-OW1 AA1 N-AH0 L-ER1-T S-OW1 R-IH0 P-IY1 T-IH0-D TH-AE1-NG-K-S T-UW1 D-AH1 B-AH0-L-S P-IY2 K-L-AY1 Z-AH0-N-D K-AE1-N T-R-EH1 T-ER0 IH0 K-R-IY0 HH-IY1 T-IH0 D-W-EH1 L-W-AA1-CH HH-IH1-S T-ER0 IY0


if you've recognized what it's meant to be a parody of herrad if you don't find that-

IH1 F-Y-UW1 V-R-EH1 K-AH0 G-N-AY2-Z D-W-AH1 T-IH1-T S-M-EH1-N-T T-UW1 B-IY1 AH0 P-EH1 R-AH0 D-IY0 AH1-V HH-EH1 R-AH0 D-IH1 F-Y-UW1 D-AA1-N-T F-AY1-N-D DH-AE1-T


right. so our next performer, she is doing a show called "a work in progress" at the stand at 09:30 every day, till the 30th, apart from on the 17th-

R-AY1-T S-OW1 AW1 ER0 N-EH1-K-S-T P-ER0 F-AO1-R M-ER0 SH-IY1 IH1-Z D-UW1 IH0 NG-AH0 SH-OW1 K-AO1-L D-AH0 W-ER1 K-IH0-N P-R-AA1 G-R-EH2 S-AE1-T DH-AH0-S T-AE1-N D-AE1 T-N-AY1-N TH-ER1 D-IY0 EH1 V-ER0 IY0 D-EY1 T-IH1-L DH-AH0 TH-ER1 T-IY0 AH0 TH-AH0 P-AA1-R-T F-R-AH1 M-AA1-N DH-AH0 S-EH1 V-AH0-N T-IY1-N-TH


we could have done this in my living room. there's more people in my family.

W-IY1 K-UH1-D HH-AE1-V D-AH1-N DH-IH1 S-IH0-N M-AY1 L-IH1 V-IH0 NG-R-UW1-M DH-EH1-R Z-M-AO1-R P-IY1 P-AH0 L-IH0-N M-AY1 F-AE1 M-AH0 L-IY0


and i'm going to tell you, i used to be a thief. i used to steal a lot and it's not something i did on purpose.

AH0-N D-IH1-M G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 T-EH1 L-Y-UW1 AY1 Y-UW1-Z-D T-UW1 B-IY1 AH0 TH-IY1 F-AY1 Y-UW1-Z-D T-UW1-S T-IY1 L-AH0 L-AA1 T-AH0-N D-IH1-T S-N-AA1-T S-AH1-M TH-IH0 NG-AY1 D-IH1 D-AA1-N P-ER1 P-AH0-S


and that's why i bought my bag in because i also think other people are thieves.

AH0-N-D TH-AE1-T S-W-AY1 AY1 B-AA1 T-M-AY1 B-AE1 G-IH0-N B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-AY1 AO1-L S-OW0 TH-IH1-NG K-AH1 DH-ER0 P-IY1 P-AH0 L-AA1-R TH-IY1-V-Z


and as we were leaving, i just was looking for things to steal.

AH0-N D-AE1 Z-W-IY1 W-ER0 L-IY1 V-IH0 NG-AY1 JH-AH1-S T-W-AA1 Z-L-UH1 K-IH0-NG F-AO1-R TH-IH1-NG-Z T-UW1-S T-IY1-L


i wasn't looking for them deliberately.

AY1 W-AO1-S T-L-UH1 K-IH0-NG F-AO1-R DH-EH1-M D-IH0 L-IH1 B-ER0 AH0 T-L-IY0


i just, when i get bored, i look for things to steal.

AY1 JH-AH1-S T-W-EH1 N-AY1 G-EH1-T B-AO1-R D-AY1 L-UH1-K F-AO1-R TH-IH1-NG-Z T-UW1-S T-IY1-L


and there was a massive wedding cake. and i thought i can't steal that.

AH0-N-D DH-EH1 R-W-AA1 Z-AH0 M-AE1 S-IH0 V-W-EH1 D-IH0-NG K-EY1 K-AH0-N D-AY1 TH-AO1 T-AY1 K-AE1-N-T-S T-IY1-L DH-AE1-T


and then behind the cake, somebody had left a pair of sunglasses and i got loads of sunglasses at home.

AH0-N-D DH-EH1-N B-IH0 HH-AY1-N-D DH-AH0 K-EY1-K S-AH1-M B-AA2 D-IY0 HH-AE1 D-L-EH1-F T-AH0 P-EH1 R-AH1-V S-AH1-N G-L-AE2 S-IH0 Z-AH0-N D-AY1 G-AA1 T-L-OW1-D Z-AH1-V S-AH1-N G-L-AE2 S-IH0 Z-AE1-T HH-OW1-M


i live in england, we don't need sunglasses.

AY1 L-AY1 V-IH0 N-IH1-NG G-L-AH0-N D-W-IY1 D-AA1-N T-N-IY1-D S-AH1-N G-L-AE2 S-IH0-Z


but somebody had left this pair of sunglasses and i looked on them and it said, "louis vuitton". and i-

B-AH1-T S-AH1-M B-AA2 D-IY0 HH-AE1 D-L-EH1-F-T DH-IH1-S P-EH1 R-AH1-V S-AH1-N G-L-AE2 S-IH0 Z-AH0-N D-AY1 L-UH1-K T-AA1-N DH-EH1 M-AH0-N D-IH1-T S-EH1 D-L-UW1 IH0-S V-UW1 T-AH0 N-AH0-N D-AY1


haven't got enough money, but i looked at that and i thought "that's really expensive".

HH-AE1 V-AH0-N-T G-AA1 T-IH0 N-AH1 F-M-AH1 N-IY0 B-AH1 T-AY1 L-UH1-K T-AE1-T DH-AE1 T-AH0-N D-AY1 TH-AO1-T TH-AE1-T S-R-IH1 L-IY0 IH0-K-S P-EH1-N S-IH0-V


i stole the sunglasses. not because they were nice, because actually they were too big for my face.

AY1-S T-OW1-L DH-AH0 S-AH1-N G-L-AE2 S-IH0 Z-N-AA1-T B-IH0 K-AO1-Z DH-EY1 W-ER0 N-AY1-S B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-AE1-K CH-AH0 W-AH0 L-IY0 DH-EY1 W-ER0 T-UW1 B-IH1-G F-AO1-R M-AY1 F-EY1-S


they were really big, it looked like a balaclava, not really sunglasses. but, i just stole them because-

DH-EY1 W-ER0 R-IH1 L-IY0 B-IH1 G-IH1 T-L-UH1-K T-L-AY1 K-AH0 B-AA0 L-AA1-L K-AH0 N-AA1 T-R-IH1 L-IY0 S-AH1-N G-L-AE2 S-IH0-Z B-AH1 T-AY1 JH-AH1-S-T-S T-OW1-L DH-EH1-M B-IH0 K-AO1-Z


... i can show them to people. i can walk down the champs-elysees in paris, and people will say, "oh, look at that woman, isn't she rich?".

AY1 K-AE1-N SH-OW1 DH-EH1-M T-UW1 P-IY1 P-AH0 L-AY1 K-AE1 N-W-AO1-K D-AW1-N DH-AH0 CH-AE1-M-P S-AH0 L-AH0 S-AH0 S-IH0-N P-EH1 R-IH0 S-AH0-N-D P-IY1 P-AH0 L-W-IH1-L S-EY1 OW1 L-UH1 K-AE1-T DH-AE1 T-W-UH1 M-AH0 N-IH1 S-AH0-N-T SH-IY1 R-IH1-CH


so, i stole them and i felt really bad about it because as i was leaving-

S-OW1 AY1-S T-OW1-L DH-EH1 M-AH0-N D-AY1 F-EH1-L T-R-IH1 L-IY0 B-AE1 D-AH0 B-AW1 T-IH1-T B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-AE1 Z-AY1 W-AA1 Z-L-IY1 V-IH0-NG


... i ignored them and i carried on and walked out with them. these women were devastated-

AY1 IH0 G-N-AO1-R-D DH-EH1 M-AH0-N D-AY1 K-AE1 R-IY0 D-AA1 N-AH0-N D-W-AO1-K T-AW1 T-W-IH1-DH DH-EH1-M DH-IY1 Z-W-IH1 M-AH0 N-W-ER0 D-EH1 V-AH0-S T-EY2 T-AH0-D


... they were like, "oh, my husband bought them for me for my birthday"-

DH-EY1 W-ER0 L-AY1 K-OW1 M-AY1 HH-AH1-Z B-AH0-N-D B-AA1-T DH-EH1-M F-AO1-R M-IY1 F-AO1-R M-AY1 B-ER1-TH D-EY2


i just went, i stole them and walked out.

AY1 JH-AH1-S T-W-EH1-N T-AY1-S T-OW1-L DH-EH1 M-AH0-N D-W-AO1-K T-AW1-T


then, about two weeks later, my friends whose wedding it was, sent an email round to all the guests at the wedding saying that so-and-so had lost their sunglasses-

DH-EH1 N-AH0 B-AW1-T T-UW1 W-IY1-K S-L-EY1 T-ER0 M-AY1 F-R-EH1-N-D-Z HH-UW1 Z-W-EH1 D-IH0 NG-IH1 T-W-AA1-Z S-EH1-N T-AE1 N-IY0 M-EY1-L R-AW1-N-D T-UW1 AO1-L DH-AH0 G-EH1-S-T S-AE1-T DH-AH0 W-EH1 D-IH0-NG S-EY1 IH0-NG DH-AE1-T S-OW0 D-AA1-N S-OW0 HH-AE1 D-L-AO1-S-T DH-EH1-R S-AH1-N G-L-AE2 S-IH0-Z


... if anybody found them, could they please hand them in? i deleted the email.

IH1 F-EH1 N-IY0 B-AH0 D-IY0 F-AW1-N-D DH-EH1-M K-UH1-D DH-EY1 P-L-IY1-Z HH-AE1-N-D DH-EH1 M-IH0 N-AY1 D-IH0 L-IY1 T-AH0-D DH-AH0 IY0 M-EY1-L


i had many opportunities to hand those glasses in and i just ignored them. you know what? i never even wore the glasses.

AY1 HH-AE1 D-M-EH1 N-IY0 AA2 P-ER0 T-UW1 N-AH0 T-IY0-Z T-UW1 HH-AE1-N-D DH-OW1-Z G-L-AE1 S-AH0 Z-IH0 N-AH0-N D-AY1 JH-AH1-S T-IH0 G-N-AO1-R-D DH-EH1 M-Y-UW1 N-OW1 W-AH1 T-AY1 N-EH1 V-ER0 IY1 V-IH0 N-W-AO1-R DH-AH0 G-L-AE1 S-AH0-Z


about two weeks after that, i went on holiday to france, to montpellier.

AH0 B-AW1-T T-UW1 W-IY1-K S-AE1-F T-ER0 DH-AE1 T-AY1 W-EH1-N T-AA1-N HH-AA1 L-AH0 D-EY2 T-UW1 F-R-AE1-N-S T-UW1 M-AA0-N-T P-EH1 L-IY0 ER0


i went for a cycle ride-

AY1 W-EH1-N-T F-AO1 R-AH0 S-AY1 K-AH0-L R-AY1-D


... one night with my friend, and i had this handbag-

W-AH1-N N-AY1 T-W-IH1 DH-M-AY1 F-R-EH1-N D-AH0-N D-AY1 HH-AE1-D DH-IH1-S HH-AE1-N-D B-AE2-G


... this gold handbag, which is my favorite handbag, which i bought from a vintage shop-

DH-IH1-S G-OW1-L-D HH-AE1-N-D B-AE2 G-W-IH1 CH-IH1 Z-M-AY1 F-EY1 V-ER0 IH0-T HH-AE1-N-D B-AE2 G-W-IH1 CH-AY1 B-AA1-T F-R-AH1 M-AH0 V-IH1-N T-IH0-JH SH-AA1-P


... so it was a one-off. it could never be replaced.

S-OW1 IH1 T-W-AA1 Z-AH0 W-AH1 N-IY0 F-IH1-T K-UH1 D-N-EH1 V-ER0 B-IY1 R-IY2 P-L-EY1-S-T


i put the sunglasses in there and i put them in the basket in the back of the cycle. one night it was about midnight-

AY1 P-UH1-T DH-AH0 S-AH1-N G-L-AE2 S-IH0 Z-IH0-N DH-EH1 R-AH0-N D-AY1 P-UH1-T DH-EH1 M-IH0-N DH-AH0 B-AE1-S K-AH0 T-IH0-N DH-AH0 B-AE1 K-AH1-V DH-AH0 S-AY1 K-AH0 L-W-AH1-N N-AY1 T-IH1 T-W-AA1 Z-AH0 B-AW1 T-M-IH1 D-N-AY2-T


... we were cycling along this pathway and there was a river and it was really dark and there was no lights. my bike slipped and fell in the river and i was on the bike.

W-IY1 W-ER0 S-AY1 K-AH0 L-IH0 NG-AH0 L-AO1-NG DH-IH1-S P-AE1 TH-W-EY2 AH0-N-D DH-EH1 R-W-AA1 Z-AH0 R-IH1 V-ER0 AH0-N D-IH1 T-W-AA1 Z-R-IH1 L-IY0 D-AA1-R K-AH0-N-D DH-EH1 R-W-AA1 Z-N-OW1 L-AY1-T S-M-AY1 B-AY1-K S-L-IH1-P T-AH0-N-D F-EH1 L-IH0-N DH-AH0 R-IH1 V-ER0 AH0-N D-AY1 W-AA1 Z-AA1-N DH-AH0 B-AY1-K


i didn't give a shit about the sunglasses, but i wanted to save my handbag.

AY1 D-IH1 D-AH0-N-T G-IH1 V-AH0 SH-IH1 T-AH0 B-AW1-T DH-AH0 S-AH1-N G-L-AE2 S-IH0-Z B-AH1 T-AY1 W-AA1-N T-AH0-D T-UW1 S-EY1 V-M-AY1 HH-AE1-N-D B-AE2-G


the glasses had been all moldy with mud and they were damaged a bit.

DH-AH0 G-L-AE1 S-AH0-Z HH-AE1-D B-IH1 N-AO1-L M-OW1-L D-IY0 W-IH1 DH-M-AH1 D-AH0-N-D DH-EY1 W-ER0 D-AE1 M-AH0-JH D-AH0 B-IH1-T


i dragged the bike out and then we got on this tube to go home. as got on the tube-

AY1 D-R-AE1-G-D DH-AH0 B-AY1 K-AW1 T-AH0-N-D DH-EH1 N-W-IY1 G-AA1 T-AA1-N DH-IH1-S T-UW1-B T-UW1 G-OW1 HH-OW1 M-AE1-Z G-AA1 T-AA1-N DH-AH0 T-UW1-B


... we were waiting and there was loads of crowds of people. as we got on the tube-

W-IY1 W-ER0 W-EY1 T-IH0 NG-AH0-N-D DH-EH1 R-W-AA1 Z-L-OW1-D Z-AH1-V K-R-AW1-D Z-AH1-V P-IY1 P-AH0 L-AE1 Z-W-IY1 G-AA1 T-AA1-N DH-AH0 T-UW1-B


.. i sat down and i looked back-

AY1 S-AE1-T D-AW1 N-AH0-N D-AY1 L-UH1-K-T B-AE1-K


... and somebody had stolen my handbag with the sunglasses in, which was attached to my basket in the back of the bicycle.

AH0-N-D S-AH1-M B-AA2 D-IY0 HH-AE1-D-S T-OW1 L-AH0-N M-AY1 HH-AE1-N-D B-AE2 G-W-IH1-DH DH-AH0 S-AH1-N G-L-AE2 S-IH0 Z-IH0 N-W-IH1 CH-W-AA1 Z-AH0 T-AE1-CH-T T-UW1 M-AY1 B-AE1-S K-AH0 T-IH0-N DH-AH0 B-AE1 K-AH1-V DH-AH0 B-AY1 S-IH0 K-AH0-L


i was really pissed off.


because of my handbag-

B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-AH1 V-M-AY1 HH-AE1-N-D B-AE2-G


... and the sunglasses and i'd lost the sunglasses. but the thing was-

AH0-N-D DH-AH0 S-AH1-N G-L-AE2 S-IH0 Z-AH0-N D-IH1 D-L-AO1-S-T DH-AH0 S-AH1-N G-L-AE2 S-IH0-Z B-AH1-T DH-AH0 TH-IH1 NG-W-AA1-Z


... that night, i'd made an intention that i was going to give the sunglasses back.

DH-AE1 T-N-AY1 T-IH1 D-M-EY1 D-AE1 N-IH0-N T-EH1-N CH-AH0-N DH-AE1 T-AY1 W-AA1-Z G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 G-IH1-V DH-AH0 S-AH1-N G-L-AE2 S-IH0-Z B-AE1-K


i said, when this holiday is over-

AY1 S-EH1 D-W-EH1-N DH-IH1-S HH-AA1 L-AH0 D-EY2 IH1 Z-OW1 V-ER0


... i'm going to post those glasses back to my friend, andrea-

IH1-M G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 P-OW1-S-T DH-OW1-Z G-L-AE1 S-AH0-Z B-AE1-K T-UW1 M-AY1 F-R-EH1-N D-AE1-N D-R-IY0 AH0


... and they got stolen. not only did they get stolen, my handbag got stolen too.

AH0-N-D DH-EY1 G-AA1-T-S T-OW1 L-AH0-N N-AA1 T-OW1 N-L-IY0 D-IH1-D DH-EY1 G-EH1-T-S T-OW1 L-AH0-N M-AY1 HH-AE1-N-D B-AE2-G G-AA1-T-S T-OW1 L-AH0-N T-UW1


... it was also karma because i lost the sunglasses and i lost my favorite handbag too.

IH1 T-W-AA1 Z-AO1-L S-OW0 K-AA1-R M-AH0 B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-AY1 L-AO1-S-T DH-AH0 S-AH1-N G-L-AE2 S-IH0 Z-AH0-N D-AY1 L-AO1-S T-M-AY1 F-EY1 V-ER0 IH0-T HH-AE1-N-D B-AE2-G T-UW1


so that's my tragic story.

S-OW1 TH-AE1-T S-M-AY1 T-R-AE1 JH-IH0-K-S T-AO1 R-IY0


thank you very much, everyone.shout out [imerza 00:03:43] everybody. (clapping).

TH-AE1-NG K-Y-UW1 V-EH1 R-IY0 M-AH1 CH-EH2 V-ER0 IY0 AE1-N SH-AH0 W-AH0 T-AW1 T-IH0 M-ER1 Z-AH0 Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z TH-R-IY1 M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D F-AO1-R T-IY0 TH-R-IY1 S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D Z-EH1 V-R-IY0 B-AA2 D-IY0 K-L-AE1 P-IH0-NG


doing a show called the world's full of idiots. let's live in-

D-UW1 IH0 NG-AH0 SH-OW1 K-AO1-L-D DH-AH0 W-ER1-L-D-Z F-UH1 L-AH1 V-IH1 D-IY0 AH0-T S-L-EH1-T S-L-AY1 V-IH0-N


i'm 34 now. and all i could think of as i listened to it was god-

AY1 AE1-M TH-ER1 D-IY0 F-AO1-R N-AW1 AH0-N D-AO1 L-AY1 K-UH1-D TH-IH1-NG K-AH1 V-AE1 Z-AY1 L-IH1 S-AH0-N-D T-UW1 IH1 T-W-AA1-Z G-AA1-D


... he's got a stupid voice. (laughing). why does he put on such a stupid voice? is that how he talks all the time is it-

HH-IY1-Z G-AA1 T-AH0-S T-UW1 P-AH0-D V-OY1 S-L-AE1 F-IH0 NG-W-AY1 D-AH1-Z HH-IY1 P-UH1 T-AA1-N S-AH1 CH-AH0-S T-UW1 P-AH0-D V-OY1 S-IH1-Z DH-AE1-T HH-AW1 HH-IY1 T-AO1-K S-AO1-L DH-AH0 T-AY1 M-IH1 Z-IH1-T


... can i have a biscuit? fuck off and grow up. (laughing).

K-AE1 N-AY1 HH-AE1 V-AH0 B-IH1-S K-AH0-T F-AH1 K-AO1 F-AH0-N-D G-R-OW1 AH1 P-L-AE1 F-IH0-NG


but i went to this music festival-

B-AH1 T-AY1 W-EH1-N-T T-UW1 DH-IH1 S-M-Y-UW1 Z-IH0-K F-EH1-S T-AH0 V-AH0-L


... the last music festival i went to, because of the acts that were on. people-

DH-AH0 L-AE1-S T-M-Y-UW1 Z-IH0-K F-EH1-S T-AH0 V-AH0 L-AY1 W-EH1-N-T T-UW1 B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-AH1-V DH-AH0 AE1-K-T-S DH-AE1 T-W-ER0 AA1-N P-IY1 P-AH0-L


... i really liked. the headliner was stevie wonder. i don't need to justify that to you. stevie wonder, absolute legend-

AY1 R-IH1 L-IY0 L-AY1-K-T DH-AH0 HH-EH1 D-L-AY2 N-ER0 W-AA1-Z-S T-IY1 V-IY0 W-AH1-N D-ER0 AY1 D-AA1-N T-N-IY1-D T-UW1 JH-AH1-S T-AH0 F-AY2 DH-AE1-T T-UW1 Y-UW1-S T-IY1 V-IY0 W-AH1-N D-ER0 AE1-B S-AH0 L-UW2 T-L-EH1 JH-AH0-N-D


... of course. but, before stevie wonder, was an act that i really wanted to see, a band called sigur ros.

AH1-V K-AO1-R-S B-AH1-T B-IH0 F-AO1-R-S T-IY1 V-IY0 W-AH1-N D-ER0 W-AA1 Z-AE1 N-AE1-K-T DH-AE1 T-AY1 R-IH1 L-IY0 W-AA1-N T-AH0-D T-UW1 S-IY1 AH0 B-AE1-N-D K-AO1-L-D S-IH1 G-ER0 R-AO1-S


do any of you know sigur ros? few of you. okay, yeah. if you don't just watch any bbc one nature documentary and it'll be that. (laughing).

D-UW1 EH1 N-IY0 AH1 V-Y-UW1 N-OW1 S-IH1 G-ER0 R-AO1-S F-Y-UW1 AH1 V-Y-UW1 OW2 K-EY1 Y-AE1 IH1 F-Y-UW1 D-AA1-N-T JH-AH1-S T-W-AA1 CH-EH1 N-IY0 B-IY2 B-IY0 S-IY1 W-AH1-N N-EY1 CH-ER0 D-AA2 K-Y-AH0 M-EH1-N T-ER0 IY0 AH0-N D-IH1 T-AH0-L B-IY1 DH-AE1 T-L-AE1 F-IH0-NG


sigur ros are actually quite a hard band to describe. they're sort of-

S-IH1 G-ER0 R-AO1 S-AA1 R-AE1-K CH-AH0 W-AH0 L-IY0 K-W-AY1 T-AH0 HH-AA1-R-D B-AE1-N-D T-UW1 D-IH0-S K-R-AY1-B TH-EH1-R S-AO1-R T-AH1-V


... alternative rock with the sounds of icelandic wailing over the top. i mean singing, i don't mean get the harpoon.

AO0-L T-ER1 N-AH0 T-IH0 V-R-AA1 K-W-IH1-DH DH-AH0 S-AW1-N-D Z-AH1 V-AY0 S-L-AE1-N D-IH0 K-W-EY1 L-IH0 NG-OW1 V-ER0 DH-AH0 T-AA1 P-AY1 M-IY1-N S-IH1 NG-IH0 NG-AY1 D-AA1-N T-M-IY1-N G-EH1-T DH-AH0 HH-AA0-R P-UW1-N


no, no, no. that'd be horrible and i wouldn't listen to that. it's not soothing. (laughing).

N-OW1 N-OW1 N-OW1 TH-AE1 T-AH0-D B-IY1 HH-AO1 R-AH0 B-AH0 L-AH0-N D-AY1 W-UH1 D-L-AH0-N T-L-IH1 S-AH0-N T-UW1 DH-AE1 T-IH1-T S-N-AA1-T S-UW1 DH-IH0 NG-L-AE1 F-IH0-NG


it's beautiful wailing and singing over the top and-

IH1-T-S B-Y-UW1 T-AH0 F-AH0 L-W-EY1 L-IH0 NG-AH0-N-D S-IH1 NG-IH0 NG-OW1 V-ER0 DH-AH0 T-AA1 P-AH0-N-D


... i love it because it reminds me of iceland. i don't know if any of you have been, but it's an incredible place-

AY1 L-AH1 V-IH1-T B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-IH1 T-R-IY0 M-AY1-N-D Z-M-IY1 AH1 V-AY1 S-L-AH0-N D-AY1 D-AA1-N T-N-OW1 IH1 F-EH1 N-IY0 AH1 V-Y-UW1 HH-AE1-V B-IH1-N B-AH1 T-IH1-T S-AE1 N-IH0-N K-R-EH1 D-AH0 B-AH0-L P-L-EY1-S


... iceland. they do so many things right there.

AY1 S-L-AH0-N-D DH-EY1 D-UW1 S-OW1 M-EH1 N-IY0 TH-IH1-NG Z-R-AY1-T DH-EH1-R


there's volcanic sands and glaciers and volcanoes. everything there feels a bit magical and other worldly.

DH-EH1-R-Z V-AA0-L K-AE1 N-IH0-K S-AE1-N-D Z-AH0-N-D G-L-EY1 SH-ER0 Z-AH0-N-D V-AA0-L K-EY1 N-OW0 Z-EH1 V-R-IY0 TH-IH2-NG DH-EH1-R F-IY1-L Z-AH0 B-IH1 T-M-AE1 JH-IH0 K-AH0 L-AH0-N D-AH1 DH-ER0 W-ER1-L D-L-IY0


the way they live their lives is remarkable-

DH-AH0 W-EY1 DH-EY1 L-AY1-V DH-EH1-R L-IH1-V Z-IH1 Z-R-IH0 M-AA1-R K-AH0 B-AH0-L


... they do so many clever things. all their energy comes from underneath the volcano-

DH-EY1 D-UW1 S-OW1 M-EH1 N-IY0 K-L-EH1 V-ER0 TH-IH1-NG Z-AO1-L DH-EH1 R-EH1 N-ER0 JH-IY0 K-AH1-M-Z F-R-AH1 M-AH2-N D-ER0 N-IY1-TH DH-AH0 V-AA0-L K-EY1 N-OW0


... so it's environmentally friendly. it's renewable, it's efficient.

S-OW1 IH1-T S-IH0-N V-AY2 R-AH0-N M-EH1-N T-AH0 L-IY0 F-R-EH1-N D-L-IY0 IH1-T S-R-IY0 N-UW1 AH0 B-AH0 L-IH1-T S-IH0 F-IH1 SH-AH0-N-T


it means the entire island smells like sulfur-y farts. as a result-

IH1 T-M-IY1-N-Z DH-AH0 IH0-N T-AY1 ER0 AY1 L-AH0-N-D S-M-EH1-L Z-L-AY1-K S-AH1-L F-ER0 IY0 F-AA1-R-T S-AE1 Z-AH0 R-IH0 Z-AH1-L-T


... there's no blame culture at all. it's impossible. (laughing). you can't have one, it's brilliant.

DH-EH1-R Z-N-OW1 B-L-EY1-M K-AH1-L CH-ER0 AE1 T-AO1 L-IH1-T S-IH0-M P-AA1 S-AH0 B-AH0-L L-AE1 F-IH0 NG-Y-UW1 K-AE1-N-T HH-AE1 V-W-AH1 N-IH1-T-S B-R-IH1 L-Y-AH0-N-T


they're so good as people. there was a thing that i really liked about iceland that i realized wasn't a real thing-

TH-EH1-R S-OW1 G-UH1 D-AE1-Z P-IY1 P-AH0-L DH-EH1 R-W-AA1 Z-AH0 TH-IH1-NG DH-AE1 T-AY1 R-IH1 L-IY0 L-AY1-K T-AH0 B-AW1 T-AY1 S-L-AH0-N-D DH-AE1 T-AY1 R-IY1 L-AY2-Z D-W-AO1-S T-AH0 R-IY1-L TH-IH1-NG


... recently. i was watching a documentary on eyjaf-

R-IY1 S-AH0-N T-L-IY0 AY1 W-AA1 Z-W-AA1 CH-IH0 NG-AH0 D-AA2 K-Y-AH0 M-EH1-N T-ER0 IY0 AA1 N-EY1 JH-AH0-F


this documentary is hosted by kate humble-

DH-IH1-S D-AA2 K-Y-AH0 M-EH1-N T-ER0 IY0 IH1-Z HH-OW1-S T-IH0-D B-AY1 K-EY1-T HH-AH1-M B-AH0-L


... who you have to fucking like. she's called kate humble, that's amazing. she was interviewing an icelandic volcanologist-

HH-UW1 Y-UW1 HH-AE1-V T-UW1 F-AH1 K-IH0 NG-L-AY1-K SH-EH1-S K-AO1-L-D K-EY1-T HH-AH1-M B-AH0-L TH-AE1-T S-AH0 M-EY1 Z-IH0-NG SH-IY1 W-AA1 Z-IH1-N T-ER0 V-Y-UW2 IH0 NG-AE1 N-AY0 S-L-AE1-N D-IH0-K V-AO2-L K-AH0 N-AO1 L-AH0 JH-IH0-S-T


... lots of volcanoes and his job, volcanologist, deals with volcanoes.

L-AA1-T S-AH1-V V-AA0-L K-EY1 N-OW0 Z-AH0-N-D HH-IH1-Z JH-AA1-B V-AO2-L K-AH0 N-AO1 L-AH0 JH-IH0-S-T D-IY1-L Z-W-IH1-DH V-AA0-L K-EY1 N-OW0-Z


he had the unfortunate vocal inflection where he pronounced the word ash as ass. (laughing). incredible, right? so she said to him, "what happened when the volcano exploded?" and he said-

HH-IY1 HH-AE1-D DH-AH0 AH0-N F-AO1-R CH-AH0 N-AH0-T V-OW1 K-AH0 L-IH0-N F-L-EH1-K SH-AH0 N-W-EH1-R HH-IY1 P-R-AH0 N-AW1-N-S-T DH-AH0 W-ER1 D-AE1 SH-AE1 Z-AE1 S-L-AE1 F-IH0 NG-IH0-N K-R-EH1 D-AH0 B-AH0-L R-AY1-T S-OW1 SH-IY1 S-EH1-D T-UW1 HH-IH1 M-W-AH1-T HH-AE1 P-AH0-N D-W-EH1-N DH-AH0 V-AA0-L K-EY1 N-OW0 IH0-K-S P-L-OW1 D-AH0 D-AH0-N-D HH-IY1 S-EH1-D


... "oh, there was ass everywhere". (laughing).

OW1 DH-EH1 R-W-AA1 Z-AE1 S-EH1 V-R-IY0 W-EH2-R L-AE1 F-IH0-NG


"my house was completely covered in ass. my children had ass in their hair."

M-AY1 HH-AW1 S-W-AA1-Z K-AH0-M P-L-IY1 T-L-IY0 K-AH1 V-ER0 D-IH0 N-AE1 S-M-AY1 CH-IH1-L D-R-AH0-N HH-AE1 D-AE1 S-IH0-N DH-EH1-R HH-EH1-R


but it was sadly just him and not the whole island.

B-AH1 T-IH1 T-W-AA1-Z S-AE1 D-L-IY0 JH-AH1-S-T HH-IH1 M-AH0-N D-N-AA1-T DH-AH0 HH-OW1 L-AY1 L-AH0-N-D


it's an amazing place.

IH1-T S-AE1 N-AH0 M-EY1 Z-IH0-NG P-L-EY1-S


in iceland, there's only 320,000 people, that's it. in a country that's bigger than england-

IH0 N-AY1 S-L-AH0-N-D T-IY1 HH-IY1 R-IH1 Z-OW1 N-L-IY0 TH-R-IY1 HH-AH1-N D-R-AH0-D T-W-EH1-N T-IY0 TH-AW1 Z-AH0-N-D P-IY1 P-AH0-L TH-AE1-T S-IH1 T-IH0 N-AH0 K-AH1-N T-R-IY0 TH-AE1-T-S B-IH1 G-ER0 DH-AE1 N-IH1-NG G-L-AH0-N-D


... wales combined, there's only 320,000 people. that is why people there are happy because.

W-EY1-L-Z K-AH0-M B-AY1-N-D T-IY1 HH-IY1 R-IH1 Z-OW1 N-L-IY0 TH-R-IY1 HH-AH1-N D-R-AH0-D T-W-EH1-N T-IY0 TH-AW1 Z-AH0-N-D P-IY1 P-AH0-L DH-AE1 T-IH1 Z-W-AY1 P-IY1 P-AH0-L DH-EH1 R-AA1-R HH-AE1 P-IY0 B-IH0 K-AO1-Z


(laughing). sigur ros can make this beautiful, sweeping noise because there's no one around to go, "shut up, i'm trying to watch the tele".

L-AE1 F-IH0-NG S-IH1 G-ER0 R-AO1-S K-AE1-N M-EY1-K DH-IH1-S B-Y-UW1 T-AH0 F-AH0-L S-W-IY1 P-IH0-NG N-OY1-Z B-IH0 K-AO1-Z DH-EH1-R Z-N-OW1 W-AH1 N-ER0 AW1-N-D T-UW1 G-OW1 SH-AH1 T-AH1 P-IH1-M T-R-AY1 IH0-NG T-UW1 W-AA1-CH DH-AH0 T-EH1 L-IY0


(laughing). jonsi, the lead singer of sigur ros, plays his guitar with a violin bow like that.

L-AE1 F-IH0-NG JH-AA1-N S-IY0 DH-AH0 L-EH1-D S-IH1 NG-ER0 AH1-V S-IH1 G-ER0 R-AO1-S P-L-EY1-Z HH-IH1-Z G-IH0 T-AA1 R-W-IH1 DH-AH0 V-AY0 AH0 L-IH1-N B-AW1 L-AY1-K DH-AE1-T


he can do that because there's no one around to go, "what are you doing?"

HH-IY1 K-AE1-N D-UW1 DH-AE1-T B-IH0 K-AO1-Z DH-EH1-R Z-N-OW1 W-AH1 N-ER0 AW1-N-D T-UW1 G-OW1 W-AH1 T-AA1 R-Y-UW1 D-UW1 IH0-NG


sigur ross' music reminds me of some kind of space and other worldliness and i feel calm when i hear it.

S-IH1 G-ER0 R-AA1 S-M-Y-UW1 Z-IH0 K-R-IY0 M-AY1-N-D Z-M-IY1 AH1-V S-AH1-M K-AY1-N D-AH1-V-S P-EY1 S-AH0-N D-AH1 DH-ER0 W-ER1-L D-L-IY0 N-AH0 S-AH0-N D-AY1 F-IY1-L K-AA1 M-W-EH1 N-AY1 HH-IY1 R-IH1-T


i'd got everything planned at this festival to see them-

IH1-D G-AA1 T-EH1 V-R-IY0 TH-IH2-NG P-L-AE1-N D-AE1-T DH-IH1-S F-EH1-S T-AH0 V-AH0-L T-UW1 S-IY1 DH-EH1-M


... i was going to enjoy this, make sure it wasn't ruined. i'd been to the loo-

AY1 W-AA1-Z G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 EH0-N JH-OY1 DH-IH1 S-M-EY1-K SH-UH1 R-IH1 T-W-AO1-S T-R-UW1 AH0-N D-IH1-D B-IH1-N T-UW1 DH-AH0 L-UW1


... i had a raclette, which is a wheel of cheese. holy shit-

AY1 HH-AE1 D-AH0 R-AE1 K-L-IH0 T-W-IH1 CH-IH1 Z-AH0 W-IY1 L-AH1-V CH-IY1-Z HH-OW1 L-IY0 SH-IH1-T


... it's like chocolate buttons. where's the jacket? (laughing).

IH1-T S-L-AY1-K CH-AO1 K-L-AH0-T B-AH1 T-AH0-N Z-W-EH1-R-Z DH-AH0 JH-AE1 K-AH0 T-L-AE1 F-IH0-NG


i was with my girlfriend and my friend and i'd found somewhere to stand and watch and i could see things, which is rare for someone of my height and-

AY1 W-AA1 Z-W-IH1 DH-M-AY1 G-ER1-L F-R-EH2-N D-AH0-N D-M-AY1 F-R-EH1-N D-AH0-N D-IH1-D F-AW1-N-D S-AH1 M-W-EH2-R T-UW1-S T-AE1-N D-AH0-N D-W-AA1 CH-AH0-N D-AY1 K-UH1-D S-IY1 TH-IH1-NG Z-W-IH1 CH-IH1 Z-R-EH1-R F-AO1-R S-AH1 M-W-AH2 N-AH1 V-M-AY1 HH-AY1 T-AH0-N-D


... i had this sudden realization that the only thing that could fuck this up now-

AY1 HH-AE1-D DH-IH1-S S-AH1 D-AH0 N-R-IY1 L-AH0 Z-EY1 SH-AH0-N DH-AE1-T DH-AH0 OW1 N-L-IY0 TH-IH1-NG DH-AE1-T K-UH1-D F-AH1-K DH-IH1 S-AH1 P-N-AW1


... other people might get in the way, or they might talk through it-

AH1 DH-ER0 P-IY1 P-AH0-L M-AY1-T G-EH1 T-IH0-N DH-AH0 W-EY1 AO1-R DH-EY1 M-AY1-T T-AO1-K TH-R-UW1 IH1-T


... or they might make noise, or they might ruin it somehow and i didn't want that to happen.

AO1-R DH-EY1 M-AY1 T-M-EY1 K-N-OY1 Z-AO1-R DH-EY1 M-AY1 T-R-UW1 AH0 N-IH1-T S-AH1-M HH-AW2 AH0-N D-AY1 D-IH1 D-AH0-N T-W-AA1-N-T DH-AE1-T T-UW1 HH-AE1 P-AH0-N


i spoke to the guy that was next to me and he was a student. he traveled all the way there by himself just to see sigur ros.

AY1-S P-OW1-K T-UW1 DH-AH0 G-AY1 DH-AE1 T-W-AA1 Z-N-EH1-K-S-T T-UW1 M-IY1 AH0-N-D HH-IY1 W-AA1 Z-AH0-S T-UW1 D-AH0-N-T HH-IY1 T-R-AE1 V-AH0-L D-AO1-L DH-AH0 W-EY1 DH-EH1-R B-AY1 HH-IH0-M S-EH1-L-F JH-AH1-S-T T-UW1 S-IY1 S-IH1 G-ER0 R-AO1-S


i said, "okay, well you really want to see them. they're your favorite band"-

AY1 S-EH1 D-OW2 K-EY1 W-EH1 L-Y-UW1 R-IH1 L-IY0 W-AA1-N-T T-UW1 S-IY1 DH-EH1-M TH-EH1 R-Y-AO1-R F-EY1 V-ER0 IH0-T B-AE1-N-D


... "how about we make a little pact right now that while they're on, we're both going to shut the fuck up and not ruin it for each other?" and he went-

HH-AW1 AH0 B-AW1 T-W-IY1 M-EY1 K-AH0 L-IH1 T-AH0-L P-AE1-K T-R-AY1 T-N-AW1 DH-AE1 T-W-AY1-L TH-EH1 R-AA1 N-W-ER0 B-OW1-TH G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 SH-AH1-T DH-AH0 F-AH1 K-AH1 P-AH0-N D-N-AA1 T-R-UW1 AH0 N-IH1-T F-AO1 R-IY1 CH-AH1 DH-ER0 AH0-N-D HH-IY1 W-EH1-N-T


they liked it, so i had a little bit of power. so i said, "glad you liked it."-

DH-EY1 L-AY1-K T-IH1-T S-OW1 AY1 HH-AE1 D-AH0 L-IH1 T-AH0-L B-IH1 T-AH1-V P-AW1 ER0 S-OW1 AY1 S-EH1-D G-L-AE1 D-Y-UW1 L-AY1-K T-IH1-T


i managed to get about 15, 16 of us, this little huddled group, that had all promised not to ruin it for each other.

AY1 M-AE1 N-AH0-JH-D T-UW1 G-EH1 T-AH0 B-AW1-T F-IH0-F T-IY1-N S-IH0-K-S T-IY1 N-AH1 V-AH1-S DH-IH1 S-L-IH1 T-AH0-L HH-AH1 D-AH0-L-D G-R-UW1-P DH-AE1-T HH-AE1 D-AO1-L P-R-AA1 M-AH0-S T-N-AA1-T T-UW1 R-UW1 AH0 N-IH1-T F-AO1 R-IY1 CH-AH1 DH-ER0


we wanted to, and nobody ruined it for each other and jonsi started-

W-IY1 W-AA1-N T-AH0-D T-UW1 AH0-N D-N-OW1 B-AA2 D-IY2 R-UW1 AH0-N D-IH1-T F-AO1 R-IY1 CH-AH1 DH-ER0 AH0-N-D JH-AA1-N S-IY0-S T-AA1-R T-AH0-D


... playing his guitar with a violin bow and nobody called him a dick. it was incredible.

P-L-EY1 IH0-NG HH-IH1-Z G-IH0 T-AA1 R-W-IH1 DH-AH0 V-AY0 AH0 L-IH1-N B-AW1 AH0-N D-N-OW1 B-AA2 D-IY2 K-AO1-L-D HH-IH1 M-AH0 D-IH1 K-IH1 T-W-AA1 Z-IH0-N K-R-EH1 D-AH0 B-AH0-L


(laughing). about four or five songs in, this man decides to barge passed us and he's a big, big guy-

L-AE1 F-IH0 NG-AH0 B-AW1-T F-AO1 R-AO1-R F-AY1-V S-AO1-NG Z-IH0-N DH-IH1 S-M-AE1-N D-IH0 S-AY1-D-Z T-UW1 B-AA1-R-JH P-AE1-S T-AH1 S-AH0-N-D HH-IY1 Z-AH0 B-IH1-G B-IH1-G G-AY1


... he's got a bandana, a handlebar mustache, a sleeveless top, and he's big. he looks like a sort of henchman from any eighties action film-

HH-IY1-Z G-AA1 T-AH0 B-AE2-N D-AE1 N-AH0 AH0 HH-AE1-N D-AH0-L B-AA2-R M-AH1-S T-AE2 SH-AH0 S-L-IY1 V-L-IH0-S T-AA1 P-AH0-N-D HH-IY1-Z B-IH1-G HH-IY1 L-UH1-K S-L-AY1 K-AH0 S-AO1-R T-AH1-V HH-EH1-N CH-M-AH0-N F-R-AH1 M-EH1 N-IY0 EY1 T-IY0 Z-AE1-K SH-AH0-N F-IH1-L-M


... that's ever happened. (laughing). one of the guys who would do a swear, that isn't really a swear like-

TH-AE1-T S-EH1 V-ER0 HH-AE1 P-AH0-N D-L-AE1 F-IH0 NG-W-AH1 N-AH1-V DH-AH0 G-AY1-Z HH-UW1 W-UH1-D D-UW1 AH0 S-W-EH1-R DH-AE1 T-IH1 S-AH0-N T-R-IH1 L-IY0 AH0 S-W-EH1-R L-AY1-K


... "hey you, mother kisser", is that bad? i don't know.

HH-EY1 Y-UW1 M-AH1 DH-ER0 K-IH1 S-ER0 IH1-Z DH-AE1-T B-AE1 D-AY1 D-AA1-N T-N-OW1


(laughing). he pushed passed us, all elbows and we were so angry. but we realized the flaw in our plan-

L-AE1 F-IH0-NG HH-IY1 P-UH1-SH-T P-AE1-S T-AH1 S-AO1 L-EH1-L B-OW2 Z-AH0-N D-W-IY1 W-ER0 S-OW1 AE1-NG G-R-IY0 B-AH1 T-W-IY1 R-IY1 L-AY2-Z-D DH-AH0 F-L-AO1 IH0 N-AW1 ER0 P-L-AE1-N


... we couldn't have a go at him because then we'd break her own pact so-

W-IY1 K-AW1-L D-AH0-N-T HH-AE1 V-AH0 G-OW1 AE1-T HH-IH1-M B-IH0 K-AO1-Z DH-EH1 N-W-EH1-D B-R-EY1-K HH-ER0 OW1-N P-AE1-K-T S-OW1


... (laughing) we just stared at him and went, oh-

L-AE1 F-IH0 NG-W-IY1 JH-AH1-S-T-S T-EH1-R D-AE1-T HH-IH1 M-AH0-N D-W-EH1-N T-OW1


(laughing). then he pushed passed us, ruining it-

L-AE1 F-IH0-NG DH-EH1-N HH-IY1 P-UH1-SH-T P-AE1-S T-AH1 S-R-UW1 IH0 N-IH0 NG-IH1-T


... we were so upset. then he walked behind a man that was watching it and just held him for the whole of one song-

W-IY1 W-ER0 S-OW1 AH1-P S-EH2-T DH-EH1-N HH-IY1 W-AO1-K-T B-IH0 HH-AY1-N D-AH0 M-AE1-N DH-AE1 T-W-AA1 Z-W-AA1 CH-IH0 NG-IH1 T-AH0-N-D JH-AH1-S-T HH-EH1-L-D HH-IH1-M F-AO1-R DH-AH0 HH-OW1 L-AH1 V-W-AH1-N S-AO1-NG


... and at the end of the song, let go and walked off.

AH0-N D-AE1-T DH-AH0 EH1-N D-AH1-V DH-AH0 S-AO1 NG-L-EH1-T G-OW1 AH0-N D-W-AO1-K T-AO1-F


(laughing) it was perfect. it was a perfect gig. until the end, about three songs before the end, they were playing hoppi-

L-AE1 F-IH0 NG-IH1 T-W-AA1-Z P-ER1 F-IH2-K T-IH1 T-W-AA1 Z-AH0 P-ER1 F-IH2-K-T G-IH1 G-AH0-N T-IH1-L DH-AH0 EH1-N D-AH0 B-AW1-T TH-R-IY1 S-AO1-NG-Z B-IH0 F-AO1-R DH-AH0 EH1-N-D DH-EY1 W-ER0 P-L-EY1 IH0-NG HH-AA1 P-IY0


so when that is repeatedly used on bbc one nature documentaries, and-

S-OW1 W-EH1-N DH-AE1 T-IH1 Z-R-IH0 P-IY1 T-IH0 D-L-IY0 Y-UW1-Z D-AA1-N B-IY2 B-IY0 S-IY1 W-AH1-N N-EY1 CH-ER0 D-AA2 K-Y-AH0 M-EH1-N T-ER0 IY0 Z-AH0-N-D


... three songs before the end, people started to come in to see stevie wonder, right?

TH-R-IY1 S-AO1-NG-Z B-IH0 F-AO1-R DH-AH0 EH1-N-D P-IY1 P-AH0-L-S T-AA1-R T-AH0-D T-UW1 K-AH1 M-IH0-N T-UW1 S-IY1-S T-IY1 V-IY0 W-AH1-N D-ER0 R-AY1-T


of course, you went, he's a legend, of course, you would, you want a good place to see him.

AH1-V K-AO1-R S-Y-UW1 W-EH1-N-T HH-IY1 Z-AH0 L-EH1 JH-AH0-N D-AH1-V K-AO1-R S-Y-UW1 W-UH1 D-Y-UW1 W-AA1-N T-AH0 G-UH1-D P-L-EY1-S T-UW1 S-IY1 HH-IH1-M


look, i'm a standup, i hear all sorts of language, i am not offended by language in any way-

L-UH1 K-IH1 M-AH0-S T-AE1-N D-AH2 P-AY1 HH-IY1 R-AO1-L S-AO1-R-T S-AH1 V-L-AE1-NG G-W-AH0 JH-AY1 AE1-M N-AA1 T-AH0 F-EH1-N D-AH0-D B-AY1 L-AE1-NG G-W-AH0 JH-IH0 N-EH1 N-IY0 W-EY1


... or what other people say, but sometimes there is a time and a place for vulgarity. and at that time they're playing hoppy-

AO1 R-W-AH1 T-AH1 DH-ER0 P-IY1 P-AH0-L S-EY1 B-AH1-T S-AH0-M T-AY1-M-Z DH-EH1 R-IH1 Z-AH0 T-AY1 M-AH0-N D-AH0 P-L-EY1-S F-AO1-R V-AH0-L G-EH1 R-IH0 T-IY0 AH0-N D-AE1-T DH-AE1-T T-AY1-M TH-EH1-R P-L-EY1 IH0-NG HH-AO1 P-IY0


and this group of teenage girls barges in front of me, and one of them shouts very loudly-

AH0-N-D DH-IH1-S G-R-UW1 P-AH1-V T-IY1 N-EY2-JH G-ER1-L-Z B-AA1-R JH-AH0 Z-IH0-N F-R-AH1-N T-AH1 V-M-IY1 AH0-N D-W-AH1 N-AH1-V DH-EH1-M SH-AW1-T-S V-EH1 R-IY0 L-AW1 D-L-IY0


... in five days but i'm going to have to vag wash because it's gone manky.

IH0-N F-AY1-V D-EY1-Z B-AH1 T-IH1-M G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 HH-AE1-V T-UW1 V-AE1 G-W-AA1-SH B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-IH1-T-S G-AO1-N M-AE1-NG K-IY0


no, not now. don't ruin my glacier, don't do it, don't do it now.

N-OW1 N-AA1 T-N-AW1 D-AA1-N T-R-UW1 AH0-N M-AY1 G-L-EY1 SH-ER0 D-AA1-N-T D-UW1 IH1-T D-AA1-N-T D-UW1 IH1 T-N-AW1


and then the one behind her said, "this one-

AH0-N-D DH-EH1-N DH-AH0 W-AH1-N B-IH0 HH-AY1-N-D HH-ER0 S-EH1-D DH-IH1 S-W-AH1-N


... the blind one or the one that sings hello?" fucking read a thing. read a fucking thing in your life.

DH-AH0 B-L-AY1-N D-W-AH1 N-AO1-R DH-AH0 W-AH1-N DH-AE1-T S-IH1-NG-Z HH-AH0 L-OW1 F-AH1 K-IH0 NG-R-EH1 D-AH0 TH-IH1 NG-R-EH1 D-AH0 F-AH1 K-IH0-NG TH-IH1 NG-IH0 N-Y-AO1-R L-AY1-F


and then they stood in front of us and they raised up this massive banner so that we couldn't see anything, and on the front of it, it said, "we love you-

AH0-N-D DH-EH1-N DH-EY1-S T-UH1 D-IH0-N F-R-AH1-N T-AH1 V-AH1 S-AH0-N-D DH-EY1 R-EY1-Z D-AH1-P DH-IH1 S-M-AE1 S-IH0-V B-AE1 N-ER0 S-OW1 DH-AE1 T-W-IY1 K-AW1-L D-AH0-N-T S-IY1 EH1 N-IY0 TH-IH2 NG-AH0-N D-AA1-N DH-AH0 F-R-AH1-N T-AH1 V-IH1 T-IH1-T S-EH1 D-W-IY1 L-AH1 V-Y-UW1


stevie." he will never see that.

S-T-IY1 V-IY0 HH-IY1 W-IH1-L N-EH1 V-ER0 S-IY1 DH-AE1-T


yes, so that is the end of the tragedy for-

Y-EH1-S S-OW1 DH-AE1 T-IH1-Z DH-AH0 EH1-N D-AH1-V DH-AH0 T-R-AE1 JH-AH0 D-IY0 F-AO1-R


hello, how you guys doing? i don't have a microphone. hello, how you guys going?

HH-AH0 L-OW1 HH-AW1 Y-UW1 G-AY1-Z D-UW1 IH0 NG-AY1 D-AA1-N-T HH-AE1 V-AH0 M-AY1 K-R-AH0 F-OW2-N HH-AH0 L-OW1 HH-AW1 Y-UW1 G-AY1-Z G-OW1 IH0-NG


show all about failure, this is the traditional star, ladies and gentlemen.i need-

SH-OW1 AO1 L-AH0 B-AW1-T F-EY1 L-Y-ER0 DH-IH1 S-IH1-Z DH-AH0 T-R-AH0 D-IH1 SH-AH0 N-AH0-L-S T-AA1-R L-EY1 D-IY0 Z-AH0-N-D JH-EH2-N T-AH0-L M-EH1 N-IY0 N-IY1-D


hello, everybody, welcome to stand up tragedy fails better.

HH-AH0 L-OW1 EH1 V-R-IY0 B-AA2 D-IY0 W-EH1-L K-AH0-M T-UW1-S T-AE1-N D-AH1-P T-R-AE1 JH-AH0 D-IY0 F-EY1-L-Z B-EH1 T-ER0


... how that works. so, yeah, welcome to stand up tragedy fails better.

HH-AW1 DH-AE1 T-W-ER1-K-S S-OW1 Y-AE1 W-EH1-L K-AH0-M T-UW1-S T-AE1-N D-AH1-P T-R-AE1 JH-AH0 D-IY0 F-EY1-L-Z B-EH1 T-ER0


tragedy fails better. we probably need to define fails better and we have to define standup tragedy, right?yeah-

T-R-AE1 JH-AH0 D-IY0 F-EY1-L-Z B-EH1 T-ER0 W-IY1 P-R-AA1 B-AH0 B-L-IY0 N-IY1-D T-UW1 D-IH0 F-AY1-N F-EY1-L-Z B-EH1 T-ER0 AH0-N D-W-IY1 HH-AE1-V T-UW1 D-IH0 F-AY1-N-S T-AE1-N D-AH2-P T-R-AE1 JH-AH0 D-IY0 R-IY0 T-AY1 HH-IY0


and fail better is a monthly podcast that we run, which is all about dying on stage, failing, and the hilariously awful.

AH0-N-D F-EY1-L B-EH1 T-ER0 IH1 Z-AH0 M-AH1-N TH-L-IY0 P-OW1-D K-AE2-S-T DH-AE1 T-W-IY1 R-AH1 N-W-IH1 CH-IH1 Z-AO1 L-AH0 B-AW1-T D-AY1 IH0 NG-AA1-N-S T-EY1-JH F-EY1 L-IH0 NG-AH0-N-D DH-AH0 HH-IH0 L-EH1 R-IY0 AH0 S-L-IY0 AA1 F-AH0-L


... saying. all right, so i think it's time to get our first guest up onto the stage here at stand up tragedy fails better. all right, ladies and gents, i want you to go wild and crazy for our first act up onto the-

S-EY1 IH0 NG-AO1-L R-AY1-T S-OW1 AY1 TH-IH1-NG K-IH1-T-S T-AY1-M T-UW1 G-EH1 T-AW1 ER0 F-ER1-S-T G-EH1-S T-AH1 P-AA1-N T-UW0 DH-AH0-S T-EY1-JH HH-IY1 R-AE1-T-S T-AE1-N D-AH1-P T-R-AE1 JH-AH0 D-IY0 F-EY1-L-Z B-EH1 T-ER0 AO1-L R-AY1 T-L-EY1 D-IY0 Z-AH0-N-D JH-EH1-N-T S-AY1 W-AA1-N T-Y-UW1 T-UW1 G-OW1 W-AY1-L D-AH0-N-D K-R-EY1 Z-IY0 F-AO1 R-AW1 ER0 F-ER1-S T-AE1-K T-AH1 P-AA1-N T-UW0 DH-AH0


... couldn't get into oxford.

K-AW1-L D-AH0-N-T G-EH1 T-IH0-N T-UW1 AA1-K-S F-ER0-D


it's quite erotic. are you ready?yeah.

IH1-T-S K-W-AY1 T-IH0 R-AA1 T-IH0 K-AA1 R-Y-UW1 R-EH1 D-IY0 AH0


... strap in. it's quarter to seven on a saturday morning.

S-T-R-AE1 P-IH0 N-IH1-T-S K-W-AO1-R T-ER0 T-UW1 S-EH1 V-AH0 N-AA1 N-AH0 S-AE1 T-ER0 D-IY0 M-AO1-R N-IH0-NG


she moves her body towards my kisses. i taste her, breathe her in, she's like chocolate on my lips. and what was-

SH-IY1 M-UW1-V-Z HH-ER0 B-AA1 D-IY0 T-AH0 W-AO1-R-D Z-M-AY1 K-IH1 S-AH0 Z-AY1 T-EY1-S-T HH-ER0 B-R-IY1-DH HH-ER0 IH0-N SH-EH1 S-L-AY1-K CH-AO1 K-L-AH0 T-AA1-N M-AY1 L-IH1-P S-AH0-N D-W-AH1 T-W-AA1-Z


... like squirrels. tense, rigid, ears sharp as reeds. i think it's just claws on a scratch post.

L-AY1-K-S K-W-ER1 AH0-L-Z T-EH1-N S-R-IH1 JH-AH0 D-IH1-R-Z SH-AA1-R P-AE1 Z-R-IY1-D Z-AY1 TH-IH1-NG K-IH1-T-S JH-AH1-S-T K-L-AO1 Z-AA1 N-AH0-S K-R-AE1-CH P-OW1-S-T


... seconds later but naked from the waist down. and i'm lower still underneath the covers, it's warm, she's warm and we don't need any further persuasion.

S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D Z-L-EY1 T-ER0 B-AH1 T-N-EY1 K-AH0-D F-R-AH1-M DH-AH0 W-EY1-S-T D-AW1 N-AH0-N D-IH1 M-L-OW1 ER0-S T-IH1 L-AH2-N D-ER0 N-IY1-TH DH-AH0 K-AH1 V-ER0 Z-IH1-T S-W-AO1-R-M SH-EH1 S-W-AO1-R M-AH0-N D-W-IY1 D-AA1-N T-N-IY1 D-EH1 N-IY0 F-ER1 DH-ER0 P-ER0 S-W-EY1 ZH-AH0-N


we plunged beneath the duvet like divers in a cotton lagoon. and i'm moving on top of her, in her, with her, but i'm still listening. and i'm feeling-

W-IY1 P-L-AH1-N-JH-D B-IH0 N-IY1-TH DH-AH0 D-UW1 V-IH0 T-L-AY1-K D-AY1 V-ER0 Z-IH0 N-AH0 K-AA1 T-AH0 N-L-AH0 G-UW1 N-AH0-N D-IH1-M M-UW1 V-IH0 NG-AA1-N T-AA1 P-AH1-V HH-ER0 IH0-N HH-ER0 W-IH1-DH HH-ER0 B-AH1 T-IH1-M-S T-IH1-L L-IH1 S-AH0 N-IH0 NG-AH0-N D-IH1-M F-IY1 L-IH0-NG


and it's good, she's so good, the framework creaks loud as a mouse, so i go slower.

AH0-N D-IH1-T-S G-UH1-D SH-EH1-S S-OW1 G-UH1-D DH-AH0 F-R-EY1 M-W-ER2-K K-R-IY1-K S-L-AW1 D-AE1 Z-AH0 M-AW1-S S-OW1 AY1 G-OW1 S-L-OW1 ER0


but i want her so much the momentum find its voice. it whispers, it groans, it creaks, the cat scratches and i strain hear what i don't want to, but i'm feeling it and it's so good, and i'm a piston now, i-

B-AH1 T-AY1 W-AA1-N-T HH-ER0 S-OW1 M-AH1-CH DH-AH0 M-OW0 M-EH1-N T-AH0-M F-AY1-N D-IH1-T-S V-OY1 S-IH1 T-W-IH1-S P-ER0 Z-IH1-T G-R-OW1-N Z-IH1-T K-R-IY1-K-S DH-AH0 K-AE1-T-S K-R-AE1 CH-AH0 Z-AH0-N D-AY1-S T-R-EY1-N HH-IY1 R-W-AH1 T-AY1 D-AA1-N T-W-AA1-N-T T-UW1 B-AH1 T-IH1-M F-IY1 L-IH0 NG-IH1 T-AH0-N D-IH1-T-S S-OW1 G-UH1 D-AH0-N D-IH1 M-AH0 P-IH1-S T-AH0-N N-AW1 AY1


... steam train, loud and fast. and she's with me running, speeding towards the station, and we're almost there. wait, what you doing?

S-T-IY1-M T-R-EY1 N-L-AW1 D-AH0-N-D F-AE1-S T-AH0-N-D SH-EH1 S-W-IH1 DH-M-IY1 R-AH1 N-IH0-NG-S P-IY1 D-IH0-NG T-AH0 W-AO1-R-D-Z DH-AH0-S T-EY1 SH-AH0 N-AH0-N D-W-ER0 AO1-L M-OW2-S-T DH-EH1 R-W-EY1 T-W-AH1 T-Y-UW1 D-UW1 IH0-NG


... quicker. "we're having a tickle fight." genius. it's-

K-W-IH1 K-ER0 W-ER0 HH-AE1 V-IH0 NG-AH0 T-IH1 K-AH0-L F-AY1-T JH-IY1 N-Y-AH0 S-IH1-T-S


... so convincing that her daughter yells, "brilliant," and leaps onto the bed and onto my-

S-OW1 K-AH0-N V-IH1-N S-IH0-NG DH-AE1-T HH-ER0 D-AO1 T-ER0 Y-EH1-L-Z B-R-IH1 L-Y-AH0-N T-AH0-N D-L-IY1-P S-AA1-N T-UW0 DH-AH0 B-EH1 D-AH0-N D-AA1-N T-UW0 M-AY1


... back, thus pushing me deeper into her mum, who shrieks-

B-AE1-K DH-AH1-S P-UH1 SH-IH0-NG M-IY1 D-IY1 P-ER0 IH0-N T-UW1 HH-ER0 M-AH1-M HH-UW1 SH-R-IY1-K-S


i'm trapped in an obscene sandwich-

IH1-M T-R-AE1-P T-IH0 N-AE1 N-AA0-B S-IY1-N S-AE1-N D-W-IH0-CH


... mother and daughter. i am fortune's pervert.

M-AH1 DH-ER0 AH0-N-D D-AO1 T-ER0 AY1 AE1-M F-AO1-R CH-AH0-N-Z P-ER1 V-ER0-T


her mother skillfully tickles her off my back affording me seconds to release myself. but i'm still-

HH-ER0 M-AH1 DH-ER0-S K-IH1-L F-AH0 L-IY0 T-IH1 K-AH0-L-Z HH-ER0 AO1 F-M-AY1 B-AE1 K-AH0 F-AO1-R D-IH0-NG M-IY1 S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D-Z T-UW1 R-IY0 L-IY1 S-M-AY2 S-EH1-L-F B-AH1 T-IH1-M-S T-IH1-L


... and my shorts could be anywhere. the tickle fight is in full swing so i dive back under to find my-

AH0-N D-M-AY1 SH-AO1-R-T-S K-UH1-D B-IY1 EH1 N-IY0 W-EH2-R DH-AH0 T-IH1 K-AH0-L F-AY1 T-IH1 Z-IH0-N F-UH1-L S-W-IH1-NG S-OW1 AY1 D-AY1-V B-AE1 K-AH1-N D-ER0 T-UW1 F-AY1-N D-M-AY1


... my shorts. i can reach them, but i'm spotted by-

M-AY1 SH-AO1-R-T S-AY1 K-AE1 N-R-IY1-CH DH-EH1-M B-AH1 T-IH1-M-S P-AA1 T-AH0-D B-AY1


... eyes so i panic and blow raspberries into her belly. she's laughing, i'm reaching, and i'm putting shorts on blind with-

AY1-Z S-OW1 AY1 P-AE1 N-IH0 K-AH0-N-D B-L-OW1 R-AE1-Z B-EH2 R-IY0 Z-IH0-N T-UW1 HH-ER0 B-EH1 L-IY0 SH-EH1 S-L-AE1 F-IH0 NG-IH1 M-R-IY1 CH-IH0 NG-AH0-N D-IH1-M P-AH1 T-IH0-NG SH-AO1-R-T S-AA1-N B-L-AY1-N D-W-IH1-DH


... one hand, whilst blowing into a child's belly-

W-AH1-N HH-AE1-N D-W-AY1-L-S-T B-L-OW1 IH0 NG-IH0-N T-UW1 AH0 CH-AY1-L-D-Z B-EH1 L-IY0


... that men can't multitask. i'm safe now-

DH-AE1 T-M-EH1-N K-AE1-N T-M-AH1-L T-IY0 T-AE2-S K-IH1-M S-EY1 F-N-AW1


i lure the child off the bed with coco pops-

AY1 L-UH1-R DH-AH0 CH-AY1-L D-AO1-F DH-AH0 B-EH1 D-W-IH1-DH K-OW1 K-OW2 P-AA1-P-S


... make coffee and switch on cartoons, and i look at my partner in crime.

M-EY1-K K-AA1 F-IY0 AH0-N-D S-W-IH1 CH-AA1-N K-AA0-R T-UW1-N Z-AH0-N D-AY1 L-UH1 K-AE1 T-M-AY1 P-AA1-R T-N-ER0 IH0-N K-R-AY1-M


we smile. we laugh. we connect. and we check the calendar to see when the child is next with her dad.

W-IY1 S-M-AY1 L-W-IY1 L-AE1 F-W-IY1 K-AH0 N-EH1-K T-AH0-N D-W-IY1 CH-EH1-K DH-AH0 K-AE1 L-AH0-N D-ER0 T-UW1 S-IY1 W-EH1-N DH-AH0 CH-AY1-L D-IH1 Z-N-EH1-K-S T-W-IH1-DH HH-ER0 D-AE1-D


... oh, hello. sorry, grab a seat, grab a seat, grab a seat. we're going to do a-

OW1 HH-AH0 L-OW1 S-AA1 R-IY0 G-R-AE1 B-AH0 S-IY1-T G-R-AE1 B-AH0 S-IY1-T G-R-AE1 B-AH0 S-IY1 T-W-ER0 G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 D-UW1 AH0


... this evening at stand up tragedy fails better is we're going to have the poem, we're going to have the piece of the music, or whatever-

DH-IH1 S-IY1 V-N-IH0 NG-AE1-T-S T-AE1-N D-AH1-P T-R-AE1 JH-AH0 D-IY0 F-EY1-L-Z B-EH1 T-ER0 IH1 Z-W-ER0 G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 HH-AE1-V DH-AH0 P-OW1 AH0 M-W-ER0 G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 HH-AE1-V DH-AH0 P-IY1 S-AH1-V DH-AH0 M-Y-UW1 Z-IH0 K-AO1 R-W-AH2 T-EH1 V-ER0


... we have from each act. hello, come in, come in. wonderful. and then we're going to have a little chat about it. scott, first question, is this your partner on the front row?

W-IY1 HH-AE1-V F-R-AH1 M-IY1 CH-AE1-K-T HH-AH0 L-OW1 K-AH1 M-IH0-N K-AH1 M-IH0 N-W-AH1-N D-ER0 F-AH0 L-AH0-N-D DH-EH1 N-W-ER0 G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 HH-AE1 V-AH0 L-IH1 T-AH0-L CH-AE1 T-AH0 B-AW1 T-IH1-T-S K-AA1-T F-ER1-S-T K-W-EH1-S CH-AH0 N-IH1-Z DH-IH1 S-Y-AO1-R P-AA1-R T-N-ER0 AA1-N DH-AH0 F-R-AH1-N T-R-OW1


... basically going to ask, have you ever performed that in front of your-

B-EY1 S-IH0 K-L-IY0 G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 AE1-S-K HH-AE1 V-Y-UW1 EH1 V-ER0 P-ER0 F-AO1-R-M-D DH-AE1 T-IH0-N F-R-AH1-N T-AH1 V-Y-AO1-R


... these days? so i thought it was fun to watch. it's like george lucas being told that star wars was crap.

DH-IY1-Z D-EY1-Z S-OW1 AY1 TH-AO1 T-IH1 T-W-AA1-Z F-AH1-N T-UW1 W-AA1 CH-IH1-T S-L-AY1-K JH-AO1-R JH-L-UW1 K-AH0-S B-IY1 IH0-NG T-OW1-L-D DH-AE1-T-S T-AA1 R-W-AO1-R Z-W-AA1-Z K-R-AE1-P


... but, yeah. when i first wrote it, i did-

B-AH1 T-Y-AE1 W-EH1 N-AY1 F-ER1-S T-R-OW1 T-IH1 T-AY1 D-IH1-D


... and said, "are you actually going to do that?" i said, "yes, i am-

AH0-N-D S-EH1 D-AA1 R-Y-UW1 AE1-K CH-AH0 W-AH0 L-IY0 G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 D-UW1 DH-AE1 T-AY1 S-EH1 D-Y-EH1 S-AY1 AE1-M


amazing. so that's the thing with that sort of true stories, do you feel like despite it being potentially-

AH0 M-EY1 Z-IH0-NG S-OW1 TH-AE1-T-S DH-AH0 TH-IH1 NG-W-IH1-DH DH-AE1-T S-AO1-R T-AH1-V T-R-UW1-S T-AO1 R-IY0-Z D-UW1 Y-UW1 F-IY1-L L-AY1-K D-IH0-S P-AY1 T-IH1-T B-IY1 IH0-NG P-AH0 T-EH1-N SH-AH0 L-IY0


... i imagine very embarrassing for your stepdaughter and your partner. you still feel you have to embrace that and just go for it.

AY1 IH0 M-AE1 JH-AH0-N V-EH1 R-IY0 IH0-M B-EH1 R-AH0 S-IH0-NG F-AO1 R-Y-AO1-R-S T-EH1-P D-AO2 T-ER0 AH0-N D-Y-AO1-R P-AA1-R T-N-ER0 Y-UW1-S T-IH1-L F-IY1 L-Y-UW1 HH-AE1-V T-UW1 EH0-M B-R-EY1-S DH-AE1 T-AH0-N-D JH-AH1-S-T G-OW1 F-AO1 R-IH1-T


obviously, it was one of those things where it's like-

AA1-B V-IY0 AH0 S-L-IY0 IH1 T-W-AA1 Z-W-AH1 N-AH1-V DH-OW1-Z TH-IH1-NG Z-W-EH1 R-IH1-T S-L-AY1-K


... how do i tell anybody about this? because as soon as you start to approach it, you start looking instantly like a pedophile.

HH-AW1 D-UW1 AY1 T-EH1 L-EH1 N-IY0 B-AH0 D-IY0 AH0 B-AW1-T DH-IH1-S B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-AE1-Z S-UW1 N-AE1 Z-Y-UW1-S T-AA1-R-T T-UW1 AH0 P-R-OW1 CH-IH1 T-Y-UW1-S T-AA1-R T-L-UH1 K-IH0 NG-IH1-N-S T-AH0-N T-L-IY0 L-AY1 K-AH0 P-EH1 D-OW0 F-AY0-L


and it is just tread the line between "oh, my god-

AH0-N D-IH1 T-IH1-Z JH-AH1-S-T T-R-EH1-D DH-AH0 L-AY1-N B-IH0 T-W-IY1 N-OW1 M-AY1 G-AA1-D


... so i basically thought i'll do it in real time. i'll write the whole thing in real time so everybody's there with me, everybody can experience the pain blow-by-blow-

S-OW1 AY1 B-EY1 S-IH0 K-L-IY0 TH-AO1 T-IH1-L D-UW1 IH1 T-IH0 N-R-IY1-L T-AY1 M-IH1-L R-AY1-T DH-AH0 HH-OW1-L TH-IH1 NG-IH0 N-R-IY1-L T-AY1-M S-OW1 EH1 V-R-IY0 B-AA2 D-IY0-Z DH-EH1 R-W-IH1 DH-M-IY1 EH1 V-R-IY0 B-AA2 D-IY0 K-AE1 N-IH0-K-S P-IH1 R-IY0 AH0-N-S DH-AH0 P-EY1-N B-L-OW1 B-AH0 B-OW2 L-UW2


so yeah, i thought that would be the way of getting over it. and i don't really have much shame anyway, so-

S-OW1 Y-AE1 AY1 TH-AO1-T DH-AE1 T-W-UH1-D B-IY1 DH-AH0 W-EY1 AH1-V G-EH1 T-IH0 NG-OW1 V-ER0 IH1 T-AH0-N D-AY1 D-AA1-N T-R-IH1 L-IY0 HH-AE1 V-M-AH1-CH SH-EY1 M-EH1 N-IY0 W-EY2 S-OW1


... so we forgot to say, the thing about varjack and simpson is we like clashing art forms-

S-OW1 W-IY1 F-ER0 G-AA1-T T-UW1 S-EY1 DH-AH0 TH-IH1 NG-AH0 B-AW1-T V-AA1-R JH-AE2 K-AH0-N-D S-IH1-M-P S-AH0 N-IH1 Z-W-IY1 L-AY1-K K-L-AE1 SH-IH0 NG-AA1-R-T F-AO1-R-M-Z


... so dan is usually the programmer of all things poetry-

S-OW1 D-AE1 N-IH1 Z-Y-UW1 ZH-AH0 W-AH0 L-IY0 DH-AH0 P-R-OW1 G-R-AE2 M-ER0 AH1 V-AO1-L TH-IH1-NG-Z P-OW1 AH0 T-R-IY0


... and i'm the programmer of all things not poetry. it's like every everything else.

AH0-N D-IH1-M DH-AH0 P-R-OW1 G-R-AE2 M-ER0 AH1 V-AO1-L TH-IH1-NG Z-N-AA1-T P-OW1 AH0 T-R-IY0 IH1-T S-L-AY1 K-EH1 V-ER0 IY0 EH1 V-R-IY0 TH-IH2 NG-EH1-L-S


i think i want to call up-

AY1 TH-IH1-NG K-AY1 W-AA1-N-T T-UW1 K-AO1 L-AH1-P


so i brought her handbag so that she's at least with us in the space. and in her handbag is her-

S-OW1 AY1 B-R-AO1-T HH-ER0 HH-AE1-N-D B-AE2-G S-OW1 DH-AE1-T SH-EH1 S-AE1 T-L-IY1-S T-W-IH1 DH-AH1 S-IH0-N DH-AH0-S P-EY1 S-AH0-N D-IH0-N HH-ER0 HH-AE1-N-D B-AE2 G-IH1-Z HH-ER0


she doesn't wear very much makeup, she wears lipstick and eyeshadow. and the reason i brought this is because it reminds me of a gig, so i carry it, that's how she carries her bag-

SH-IY1 D-OW1 S-AH0-N T-W-EH1-R V-EH1 R-IY0 M-AH1 CH-M-EY1 K-AH2-P SH-IY1 W-EH1-R Z-L-IH1-P-S T-IH2 K-AH0-N D-AY1 SH-AH0 D-OW2 AH0-N-D DH-AH0 R-IY1 Z-AH0 N-AY1 B-R-AO1-T DH-IH1 S-IH1-Z B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-IH1 T-R-IY0 M-AY1-N-D Z-M-IY1 AH1 V-AH0 G-IH1-G S-OW1 AY1 K-AE1 R-IY0 IH1-T TH-AE1-T-S HH-AW1 SH-IY1 K-AE1 R-IY0-Z HH-ER0 B-AE1-G


i've had some disastrous gigs as samantha and this one wasn't the most disastrous-

AY1-V HH-AE1-D S-AH1-M D-IH0 Z-AE1-S T-R-AH0-S G-IH1-G Z-AE1-Z S-AH0 M-AE1-N TH-AH0 AH0-N-D DH-IH1 S-W-AH1 N-W-AO1-S-T DH-AH0 M-OW1-S-T D-IH0 Z-AE1-S T-R-AH0-S


... i suppose, it was a comedy club in wimbledon. and i do all right in this kind of setting-

AY1 S-AH0 P-OW1 Z-IH1 T-W-AA1 Z-AH0 K-AA1 M-AH0 D-IY0 K-L-AH1 B-IH0 N-W-IH1-M B-AH0-L D-AH0 N-AH0-N D-AY1 D-UW1 AO1-L R-AY1 T-IH0-N DH-IH1-S K-AY1-N D-AH1-V S-EH1 T-IH0-NG


... samantha does fairly well in mixed bill kind of gigs. comedy clubs are not her natural home-

S-AH0 M-AE1-N TH-AH0 D-AH1-Z F-EH1-R L-IY0 W-EH1 L-IH0-N M-IH1-K-S-T B-IH1-L K-AY1-N D-AH1-V G-IH1-G-Z K-AA1 M-AH0 D-IY0 K-L-AH1-B Z-AA1-R N-AA1-T HH-ER0 N-AE1 CH-ER0 AH0-L HH-OW1-M


... she doesn't tell jokes. and i have a... i'm a contrarian. so given that it's not a good place for me to go-

SH-IY1 D-OW1 S-AH0-N-T T-EH1-L JH-OW1-K S-AH0-N D-AY1 HH-AE1 V-AH0 IH1 M-AH0 K-AA2-N T-R-EH1 R-IY0 AH0-N S-OW1 G-IH1 V-AH0-N DH-AE1 T-IH1-T S-N-AA1 T-AH0 G-UH1-D P-L-EY1-S F-AO1-R M-IY1 T-UW1 G-OW1


... i think, yeah, if i could get that right-

AY1 TH-IH1-NG K-Y-AE1 IH1 F-AY1 K-UH1-D G-EH1-T DH-AE1 T-R-AY1-T


... then i would be king of the world.

DH-EH1 N-AY1 W-UH1-D B-IY1 K-IH1 NG-AH1-V DH-AH0 W-ER1-L-D


it hasn't happened yet-

IH1-T HH-AE1-S-N-T HH-AE1 P-AH0-N D-Y-EH1-T


but the dirty secret about samantha is that she's just me with a dress on, it's not really a secret-

B-AH1-T DH-AH0 D-ER1 T-IY0 S-IY1 K-R-AH0 T-AH0 B-AW1-T S-AH0 M-AE1-N TH-AH0 IH1-Z DH-AE1-T SH-EH1-S JH-AH1-S T-M-IY1 W-IH1 DH-AH0 D-R-EH1 S-AA1 N-IH1-T S-N-AA1 T-R-IH1 L-IY0 AH0 S-IY1 K-R-AH0-T


but i like to believe that when i'm performing as samantha people see samantha-

B-AH1 T-AY1 L-AY1-K T-UW1 B-IH0 L-IY1-V DH-AE1 T-W-EH1 N-IH1-M P-ER0 F-AO1-R M-IH0 NG-AE1-Z S-AH0 M-AE1-N TH-AH0 P-IY1 P-AH0-L S-IY1 S-AH0 M-AE1-N TH-AH0


people say it every now and then, "you're so brave to do this."

P-IY1 P-AH0-L S-EY1 IH1 T-EH1 V-ER0 IY0 N-AW1 AH0-N-D DH-EH1 N-Y-UH1-R S-OW1 B-R-EY1-V T-UW1 D-UW1 DH-IH1-S


i think all performers get that, every now and then someone says, "you're so brave to do that."

AY1 TH-IH1-NG K-AO1-L P-ER0 F-AO1-R M-ER0-Z G-EH1-T DH-AE1 T-EH1 V-ER0 IY0 N-AW1 AH0-N-D DH-EH1-N S-AH1 M-W-AH2-N S-EH1 Z-Y-UH1-R S-OW1 B-R-EY1-V T-UW1 D-UW1 DH-AE1-T


and i always shrug it off. i say, "no, there's no bravery involved-

AH0-N D-AY1 AO1 L-W-EY2-Z SH-R-AH1 G-IH1 T-AO1 F-AY1 S-EY1 N-OW1 DH-EH1-R Z-N-OW1 B-R-EY1 V-ER0 IY0 IH0-N V-AA1-L-V-D


... just standup and do it." but i realize that i think a big part of me is pushing away-

JH-AH1-S-T-S T-AE1-N D-AH2 P-AH0-N-D D-UW1 IH1-T B-AH1 T-AY1 R-IY1 L-AY2-Z DH-AE1 T-AY1 TH-IH1-NG K-AH0 B-IH1-G P-AA1-R T-AH1 V-M-IY1 IH1-Z P-UH1 SH-IH0 NG-AH0 W-EY1


... which is that people will realize it's just me in a dress standing at the microphone. and this is-

W-IH1 CH-IH1-Z DH-AE1-T P-IY1 P-AH0 L-W-IH1-L R-IY1 L-AY2 Z-IH1-T-S JH-AH1-S T-M-IY1 IH0 N-AH0 D-R-EH1-S-S T-AE1-N D-IH0 NG-AE1-T DH-AH0 M-AY1 K-R-AH0 F-OW2 N-AH0-N-D DH-IH1 S-IH1-Z


... it's something that i find very shameful. and i realize it only occasionally.

IH1-T-S S-AH1-M TH-IH0-NG DH-AE1 T-AY1 F-AY1-N-D V-EH1 R-IY0 SH-EY1-M F-AH0 L-AH0-N D-AY1 R-IY1 L-AY2 Z-IH1 T-OW1 N-L-IY0 AH0 K-EY1 ZH-AH0 N-AH0 L-IY0


i realize it when i'm standing on george street and somebody shouts-

AY1 R-IY1 L-AY2 Z-IH1 T-W-EH1 N-IH1-M-S T-AE1-N D-IH0 NG-AA1-N JH-AO1-R-JH-S T-R-IY1 T-AH0-N-D S-AH1-M B-AA2 D-IY0 SH-AW1-T-S


... "it's a man." or i was at a gig recently and somebody in the front-

IH1-T S-AH0 M-AE1 N-AO1 R-AY1 W-AA1 Z-AE1 T-AH0 G-IH1 G-R-IY1 S-AH0-N T-L-IY0 AH0-N-D S-AH1-M B-AA2 D-IY0 IH0-N DH-AH0 F-R-AH1-N-T


there's nothing funny i can say right now that's going to dissipate this.

DH-EH1-R Z-N-AH1 TH-IH0-NG F-AH1 N-IY0 AY1 K-AE1-N S-EY1 R-AY1 T-N-AW1 TH-AE1-T-S G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 D-IH1 S-AH0 P-EY2-T DH-IH1-S


i've always liked dressing up in women's clothes, that's something that i guess-

AY1 V-AO1 L-W-EY2 Z-L-AY1-K-T D-R-EH1 S-IH0 NG-AH1 P-IH0 N-W-IH1 M-AH0-N-Z K-L-OW1-DH-Z TH-AE1-T-S S-AH1-M TH-IH0-NG DH-AE1 T-AY1 G-EH1-S


... i have to accept. it's not that i think samantha isn't just a brilliant idea that came out of my head-

AY1 HH-AE1-V T-UW1 AE0-K S-EH1-P T-IH1-T S-N-AA1-T DH-AE1 T-AY1 TH-IH1-NG-K S-AH0 M-AE1-N TH-AH0 IH1 S-AH0-N-T JH-AH1-S T-AH0 B-R-IH1 L-Y-AH0-N T-AY0 D-IY1 AH0 DH-AE1-T K-EY1 M-AW1 T-AH1 V-M-AY1 HH-EH1-D


... samantha exists because i liked dressing up in women's clothes and when i got the chance to create a character-

S-AH0 M-AE1-N TH-AH0 IH0-G Z-IH1-S-T-S B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-AY1 L-AY1-K-T D-R-EH1 S-IH0 NG-AH1 P-IH0 N-W-IH1 M-AH0-N-Z K-L-OW1-DH Z-AH0-N D-W-EH1 N-AY1 G-AA1-T DH-AH0 CH-AE1-N-S T-UW1 K-R-IY0 EY1 T-AH0 K-EH1 R-IH0-K T-ER0


... i already had a wig and i thought this would be really fun.

AY1 AO0-L R-EH1 D-IY0 HH-AE1 D-AH0 W-IH1 G-AH0-N D-AY1 TH-AO1-T DH-IH1 S-W-UH1-D B-IY1 R-IH1 L-IY0 F-AH1-N


i didn't sleep at all the night before i first played samantha-

AY1 D-IH1 D-AH0-N-T S-L-IY1 P-AE1 T-AO1-L DH-AH0 N-AY1-T B-IH0 F-AO1 R-AY1 F-ER1-S-T P-L-EY1-D S-AH0 M-AE1-N TH-AH0


... i was so nervous and so sure that people were going to point at me and say, "who is this freak who enjoys dressing up in women's clothes?" and i know that it's not unusual for a man to enjoy dressing up in women's clothes-

AY1 W-AA1-Z S-OW1 N-ER1 V-AH0 S-AH0-N-D S-OW1 SH-UH1-R DH-AE1-T P-IY1 P-AH0 L-W-ER0 G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 P-OY1-N T-AE1 T-M-IY1 AH0-N-D S-EY1 HH-UW1 IH1-Z DH-IH1-S F-R-IY1-K HH-UW1 EH0-N JH-OY1-Z D-R-EH1 S-IH0 NG-AH1 P-IH0 N-W-IH1 M-AH0-N-Z K-L-OW1-DH Z-AH0-N D-AY1 N-OW1 DH-AE1 T-IH1-T S-N-AA1 T-AH0 N-Y-UW1 ZH-AH0 W-AH0-L F-AO1 R-AH0 M-AE1-N T-UW1 EH0-N JH-OY1 D-R-EH1 S-IH0 NG-AH1 P-IH0 N-W-IH1 M-AH0-N-Z K-L-OW1-DH-Z


it feels strange for me to do it.

IH1-T F-IY1-L-Z-S T-R-EY1-N-JH F-AO1-R M-IY1 T-UW1 D-UW1 IH1-T


i remember being a teenager and dressing up as women's clothes at home.

AY1 R-IH0 M-EH1-M B-ER0 B-IY1 IH0 NG-AH0 T-IY1 N-EY2 JH-ER0 AH0-N-D D-R-EH1 S-IH0 NG-AH1 P-AE1 Z-W-IH1 M-AH0-N-Z K-L-OW1-DH Z-AE1-T HH-OW1-M


i was in high heels and a skirt, and i was pretending to be ginger rogers.

AY1 W-AA1 Z-IH0-N HH-AY1 HH-IY1-L Z-AH0-N D-AH0-S K-ER1 T-AH0-N D-AY1 W-AA1-Z P-R-IY0 T-EH1-N D-IH0-NG T-UW1 B-IY1 JH-IH1-N JH-ER0 R-AA1 JH-ER0-Z


and i mean, that's okay when you're five.

AH0-N D-AY1 M-IY1-N TH-AE1-T S-OW2 K-EY1 W-EH1 N-Y-UH1-R F-AY1-V


i think, but when you're 13 or 14, it's not considered acceptable. and luckily-

AY1 TH-IH1-NG-K B-AH1 T-W-EH1 N-Y-UW1 AA1-R TH-ER1 T-IY1 N-AO1-R F-AO1-R T-IY1 N-IH1-T S-N-AA1-T K-AH0-N S-IH1 D-ER0 D-AE0-K S-EH1-P T-AH0 B-AH0 L-AH0-N D-L-AH1 K-AH0 L-IY0


i think he probably heard me tattering about upstairs and tactfully decided to call from the bottom of the stairs.

AY1 TH-IH1-NG-K HH-IY1 P-R-AA1 B-AH0 B-L-IY0 HH-ER1 D-M-IY1 T-AE1 T-ER0 IH0 NG-AH0 B-AW1 T-AH0-P-S T-EH1-R Z-AH0-N-D T-AE1-K-T F-AH0 L-IY0 D-IH0 S-AY1 D-IH0-D T-UW1 K-AO1-L F-R-AH1-M DH-AH0 B-AA1 T-AH0 M-AH1-V DH-AH0-S T-EH1-R-Z


it sticks in my memory, is because it didn't go well.

IH1-T-S T-IH1-K S-IH0-N M-AY1 M-EH1 M-ER0 IY0 IH1-Z B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-IH1-T D-IH1 D-AH0-N-T G-OW1 W-EH1-L


and nobody laughed. they all looked at me.

AH0-N D-N-OW1 B-AA2 D-IY2 L-AE1-F-T DH-EY1 AO1-L L-UH1-K T-AE1 T-M-IY1


most of them looked at me in a very confused fashion.

M-OW1-S T-AH1-V DH-EH1 M-L-UH1-K T-AE1 T-M-IY1 IH0 N-AH0 V-EH1 R-IY0 K-AH0-N F-Y-UW1-Z-D F-AE1 SH-AH0-N


they were waiting for the guy to come on and tell mildly homophobic jokes-

DH-EY1 W-ER0 W-EY1 T-IH0-NG F-AO1-R DH-AH0 G-AY1 T-UW1 K-AH1 M-AA1 N-AH0-N-D T-EH1-L M-AY1-L D-L-IY0 HH-OW2 M-AH0 F-OW1 B-IH0-K JH-OW1-K-S


...after me. and there were a couple of people-

AE1-F T-ER0 M-IY1 AH0-N-D DH-EH1 R-W-ER0 AH0 K-AH1 P-AH0 L-AH1-V P-IY1 P-AH0-L


...here who were super supportive and it was horrible because they kept looking at me and smiling.

HH-IY1-R HH-UW1 W-ER0 S-UW1 P-ER0 S-AH0 P-AO1-R T-IH0 V-AH0-N D-IH1 T-W-AA1-Z HH-AO1 R-AH0 B-AH0-L B-IH0 K-AO1-Z DH-EY1 K-EH1-P T-L-UH1 K-IH0 NG-AE1 T-M-IY1 AH0-N-D S-M-AY1 L-IH0-NG


as if to say, "go on, do it. you're being really brave and it's-

AE1 Z-IH1-F T-UW1 S-EY1 G-OW1 AA1-N D-UW1 IH1 T-Y-UH1-R B-IY1 IH0 NG-R-IH1 L-IY0 B-R-EY1 V-AH0-N D-IH1-T-S


...great." and it was that that was so horrifying. and i felt completely naked to them. and i felt-

G-R-EY1 T-AH0-N D-IH1 T-W-AA1-Z DH-AE1-T DH-AE1 T-W-AA1-Z S-OW1 HH-AO1 R-AH0 F-AY2 IH0 NG-AH0-N D-AY1 F-EH1-L-T K-AH0-M P-L-IY1 T-L-IY0 N-EY1 K-AH0-D T-UW1 DH-EH1 M-AH0-N D-AY1 F-EH1-L-T


i felt ashamed standing there in wimbledon at this comedy club. and i've realized that that's-

AY1 F-EH1-L T-AH0 SH-EY1-M-D-S T-AE1-N D-IH0-NG DH-EH1 R-IH0 N-W-IH1-M B-AH0-L D-AH0 N-AE1-T DH-IH1-S K-AA1 M-AH0 D-IY0 K-L-AH1 B-AH0-N D-AY1 V-R-IY1 L-AY2-Z-D DH-AE1-T TH-AE1-T-S


there's is no hiding the fact that i am just a man in a dress when i play samantha. and that i have to, if-

DH-EH1-R Z-IH1 Z-N-OW1 HH-AY1 D-IH0-NG DH-AH0 F-AE1-K-T DH-AE1 T-AY1 AE1-M JH-AH1-S T-AH0 M-AE1 N-IH0 N-AH0 D-R-EH1 S-W-EH1 N-AY1 P-L-EY1 S-AH0 M-AE1-N TH-AH0 AH0-N-D DH-AE1 T-AY1 HH-AE1-V T-UW1 IH1-F


...if i'm going to conquer the comedy club environment-

IH1 F-IH1-M G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 K-AA1-NG K-ER0 DH-AH0 K-AA1 M-AH0 D-IY0 K-L-AH1 B-IH0-N V-AY1 R-AH0-N M-AH0-N-T


...which i haven't given up the idea of, i don't get booked for comedy clubs anymore.

W-IH1 CH-AY1 HH-AE1 V-AH0-N-T G-IH1 V-AH0 N-AH1-P DH-AH0 AY0 D-IY1 AH0 AH1 V-AY1 D-AA1-N-T G-EH1-T B-UH1-K-T F-AO1-R K-AA1 M-AH0 D-IY0 K-L-AH1-B Z-EH2 N-IY0 M-AO1-R


that was the last time. but maybe people will forget and book me again.

DH-AE1 T-W-AA1-Z DH-AH0 L-AE1-S-T T-AY1-M B-AH1 T-M-EY1 B-IY0 P-IY1 P-AH0 L-W-IH1-L F-ER0 G-EH1 T-AH0-N-D B-UH1 K-M-IY1 AH0 G-EH1-N


that's because it went so badly, i dropped my handbag and everything went everywhere-

TH-AE1-T-S B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-IH1 T-W-EH1-N-T S-OW1 B-AE1 D-L-IY0 AY1 D-R-AA1-P T-M-AY1 HH-AE1-N-D B-AE2 G-AH0-N D-EH1 V-R-IY0 TH-IH2 NG-W-EH1-N T-EH1 V-R-IY0 W-EH2-R


...and i didn't have time to pick everything up. so now when i do my makeup-

AH0-N D-AY1 D-IH1 D-AH0-N-T HH-AE1-V T-AY1-M T-UW1 P-IH1 K-EH1 V-R-IY0 TH-IH2 NG-AH1-P S-OW1 N-AW1 W-EH1 N-AY1 D-UW1 M-AY1 M-EY1 K-AH2-P


...i have to do it with my finger. and every time i do it-

AY1 HH-AE1-V T-UW1 D-UW1 IH1 T-W-IH1 DH-M-AY1 F-IH1-NG G-ER0 AH0-N D-EH1 V-ER0 IY0 T-AY1 M-AY1 D-UW1 IH1-T


...i remember standing on the stage in wimbledon with these people going.

AY1 R-IH0 M-EH1-M B-ER0-S T-AE1-N D-IH0 NG-AA1-N DH-AH0-S T-EY1 JH-IH0 N-W-IH1-M B-AH0-L D-AH0 N-W-IH1-DH DH-IY1-Z P-IY1 P-AH0-L G-OW1 IH0-NG


i think the thing that's really interesting for me is the tulsa the first time, really-

AY1 TH-IH1-NG-K DH-AH0 TH-IH1-NG TH-AE1-T S-R-IH1 L-IY0 IH1-N T-R-AH0-S T-IH0-NG F-AO1-R M-IY1 IH1-Z DH-AH0 T-AH1-L S-AH0 DH-AH0 F-ER1-S-T T-AY1 M-R-IH1 L-IY0


...i've seen you perform not as samantha. so do you ever think that maybe actually you're samantha in male drag?

AY1-V S-IY1 N-Y-UW1 P-ER0 F-AO1-R-M N-AA1 T-AE1-Z S-AH0 M-AE1-N TH-AH0 S-OW1 D-UW1 Y-UW1 EH1 V-ER0 TH-IH1-NG-K DH-AE1 T-M-EY1 B-IY0 AE1-K CH-AH0 W-AH0 L-IY0 Y-UH1-R S-AH0 M-AE1-N TH-AH0 IH0-N M-EY1-L D-R-AE1-G


and i'll tell you a secret. don't tell anyone, it's prerecorded.

AH0-N D-IH1-L T-EH1 L-Y-UW1 AH0 S-IY1 K-R-AH0-T D-AA1-N-T T-EH1 L-EH1 N-IY0 W-AH2 N-IH1-T-S P-R-IY2 R-IY0 K-AO1-R D-IH0-D


it goes out as live, but that's not how radio is done nowadays. it's all prerecorded.

IH1-T G-OW1 Z-AW1 T-AE1 Z-L-AY1-V B-AH1-T TH-AE1-T S-N-AA1-T HH-AW1 R-EY1 D-IY0 OW2 IH1-Z D-AH1-N N-AW1 AH0 D-EY2 Z-IH1-T S-AO1-L P-R-IY2 R-IY0 K-AO1-R D-IH0-D


it takes me, so to do a two hour-

IH1-T T-EY1-K S-M-IY1 S-OW1 T-UW1 D-UW1 AH0 T-UW1 AW1 ER0


...samantha show, it takes me under an hour to record. to do a one hour charles adrian show-

S-AH0 M-AE1-N TH-AH0 SH-OW1 IH1-T T-EY1-K S-M-IY1 AH1-N D-ER0 AE1 N-AW1 ER0 T-UW1 R-EH1 K-ER0-D T-UW1 D-UW1 AH0 W-AH1 N-AW1 ER0 CH-AA1-R-L Z-EY1 D-R-IY0 AH0-N SH-OW1


...an hour and a half, and that's because i don't have a character for me. and a lot of the time i have to rerecord because it sounds too much like samantha.

AE1 N-AW1 ER0 AH0-N D-AH0 HH-AE1 F-AH0-N-D TH-AE1-T-S B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-AY1 D-AA1-N-T HH-AE1 V-AH0 K-EH1 R-IH0-K T-ER0 F-AO1-R M-IY1 AH0-N D-AH0 L-AA1 T-AH1-V DH-AH0 T-AY1 M-AY1 HH-AE1-V T-UW1 R-EH1 R-AH0 K-ER0-D B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-IH1-T S-AW1-N-D-Z T-UW1 M-AH1 CH-L-AY1-K S-AH0 M-AE1-N TH-AH0


i can't let that line blur.

AY1 K-AE1-N T-L-EH1-T DH-AE1 T-L-AY1-N B-L-ER1


so yeah, it's much harder for me to be me. and i do think sometimes-

S-OW1 Y-AE1 IH1-T S-M-AH1-CH HH-AA1-R D-ER0 F-AO1-R M-IY1 T-UW1 B-IY1 M-IY1 AH0-N D-AY1 D-UW1 TH-IH1-NG-K S-AH0-M T-AY1-M-Z


...the language and the samantha voice comes much easier.

DH-AH0 L-AE1-NG G-W-AH0 JH-AH0-N-D DH-AH0 S-AH0 M-AE1-N TH-AH0 V-OY1-S K-AH1-M Z-M-AH1 CH-IY1 Z-IY0 ER0


everybody hates you except those two people. you don't have anyone on your side.

EH1 V-R-IY0 B-AA2 D-IY0 HH-EY1-T S-Y-UW1 IH0-K S-EH1-P-T DH-OW1-Z T-UW1 P-IY1 P-AH0 L-Y-UW1 D-AA1-N-T HH-AE1 V-EH1 N-IY0 W-AH2 N-AA1 N-Y-AO1-R S-AY1-D


yeah, i mean, i could just buy another thing of eyeshadow and use the baton from that, but i haven't done it yet. and it's going to be a while before it runs out.

Y-AE1 AY1 M-IY1 N-AY1 K-UH1-D JH-AH1-S-T B-AY1 AH0 N-AH1 DH-ER0 TH-IH1 NG-AH1 V-AY1 SH-AH0 D-OW2 AH0-N D-Y-UW1-Z DH-AH0 B-AH0 T-AA1-N F-R-AH1-M DH-AE1-T B-AH1 T-AY1 HH-AE1 V-AH0-N-T D-AH1 N-IH1 T-Y-EH1 T-AH0-N D-IH1-T-S G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 B-IY1 AH0 W-AY1-L B-IH0 F-AO1 R-IH1 T-R-AH1-N Z-AW1-T


and where-it's going to be a moment, isn't it? i should hold a party, shouldn't i, when i find new eyeshadow.

AH0-N D-W-EH1 R-IH0-T-S G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 B-IY1 AH0 M-OW1 M-AH0-N T-IH1 S-AH0-N T-IH1 T-AY1 SH-UH1-D HH-OW1-L D-AH0 P-AA1-R T-IY0 SH-OW1-L T-AH0-N T-AY1 W-EH1 N-AY1 F-AY1-N D-N-UW1 AY1 SH-AH0 D-OW2


our next guest coming up onto the stage is one of the poets i booked. please go wild and crazy for tina [sedaho 00:03:56]. make some-

AW1 ER0 N-EH1-K-S-T G-EH1-S-T K-AH1 M-IH0 NG-AH1 P-AA1-N T-UW0 DH-AH0-S T-EY1 JH-IH1 Z-W-AH1 N-AH1-V DH-AH0 P-OW1 AH0-T S-AY1 B-UH1-K-T P-L-IY1-Z G-OW1 W-AY1-L D-AH0-N-D K-R-EY1 Z-IY0 F-AO1-R T-IY1 N-AH0 S-EY0 D-AA1 F-OW0 Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z TH-R-IY1 M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D F-IH1-F T-IY0 S-IH1-K-S S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D Z-M-EY1-K S-AH1-M


this is already going to be a fail because i've decided to have props and i've realized that props and a-

DH-IH1 S-IH1 Z-AO0-L R-EH1 D-IY0 G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 B-IY1 AH0 F-EY1-L B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-AY1-V D-IH0 S-AY1 D-IH0-D T-UW1 HH-AE1-V P-R-AA1-P S-AH0-N D-AY1 V-R-IY1 L-AY2-Z-D DH-AE1-T P-R-AA1-P S-AH0-N D-AH0


this is why we call the show fail better, ladies and gentlemen.

DH-IH1 S-IH1 Z-W-AY1 W-IY1 K-AO1-L DH-AH0 SH-OW1 F-EY1-L B-EH1 T-ER0 L-EY1 D-IY0 Z-AH0-N-D JH-EH1-N T-AH0-L M-IH0-N


going to win. sometimes-

G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 W-IH1-N S-AH0-M T-AY1-M-Z


...kids do the craziest things. i pinned my hopes on a tongue twisting spouse.

K-IH1-D-Z D-UW1 DH-AH0 K-R-EY1 Z-IY0 AH0-S-T TH-IH1-NG Z-AY1 P-IH1-N D-M-AY1 HH-OW1-P S-AA1 N-AH0 T-AH1-NG T-W-IH1-S T-IH0-NG-S P-AW1-S


unaware that the sting in the tail of dreams is not that they don't always come true-

AH2 N-AH0 W-EH1-R DH-AE1-T DH-AH0-S T-IH1 NG-IH0-N DH-AH0 T-EY1 L-AH1-V D-R-IY1-M Z-IH1 Z-N-AA1-T DH-AE1-T DH-EY1 D-AA1-N T-AO1 L-W-EY2-Z K-AH1-M T-R-UW1


...but that thought's repeated a thousand times.

B-AH1-T DH-AE1-T TH-AO1-T S-R-IH0 P-IY1 T-IH0 D-AH0 TH-AW1 Z-AH0-N-D T-AY1-M-Z


i made practical preparations as well. at home-

AY1 M-EY1-D P-R-AE1-K T-AH0 K-AH0-L P-R-EH2 P-ER0 EY1 SH-AH0-N Z-AE1 Z-W-EH1 L-AE1-T HH-OW1-M


... i built endless cross country courses for my ponies, even jumping in and out of the garden-

AY1 B-IH1-L T-EH1-N D-L-AH0-S K-R-AO1-S K-AH1-N T-R-IY0 K-AO1-R S-AH0-Z F-AO1-R M-AY1 P-OW1 N-IY0 Z-IY1 V-IH0-N JH-AH1-M P-IH0 NG-IH0 N-AH0-N D-AW1 T-AH1-V DH-AH0 G-AA1-R D-AH0-N


...when i thought my parents weren't looking. i would ride around these with the theme tune to the horse of the year-

W-EH1 N-AY1 TH-AO1 T-M-AY1 P-EH1 R-AH0-N-T S-W-EH1 R-AH0-N T-L-UH1 K-IH0 NG-AY1 W-UH1 D-R-AY1 D-ER0 AW1-N-D DH-IY1 Z-W-IH1-DH DH-AH0 TH-IY1-M T-UW1-N T-UW1 DH-AH0 HH-AO1-R S-AH1-V DH-AH0 Y-IH1-R


...show playing in my head. because one day i was going to be an international event rider and win.

SH-OW1 P-L-EY1 IH0 NG-IH0-N M-AY1 HH-EH1-D B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-W-AH1-N D-EY1 AY1 W-AA1-Z G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 B-IY1 AE1 N-IH2-N T-ER0 N-AE1 SH-AH0 N-AH0 L-IH0 V-EH1-N T-R-AY1 D-ER0 AH0-N D-W-IH1-N


the riders at badminton had been my heroes.

DH-AH0 R-AY1 D-ER0 Z-AE1-T B-AE1 D-M-IH2-N T-AH0-N HH-AE1-D B-IH1-N M-AY1 HH-IH1 R-OW0-Z


now they were my peers.


i was so close. i could feel the champagne bubbles pinging in my nose.

AY1 W-AA1-Z S-OW1 K-L-OW1 S-AY1 K-UH1-D F-IY1-L DH-AH0 SH-AE0-M P-EY1-N B-AH1 B-AH0-L-Z P-IH1 NG-IH0 NG-IH0-N M-AY1 N-OW1-Z


one day, a couple of weeks before badminton, i got up and ran my hands down [shanuke's 00:05:30] legs.

W-AH1-N D-EY1 AH0 K-AH1 P-AH0 L-AH1 V-W-IY1-K-S B-IH0 F-AO1-R B-AE1 D-M-IH2-N T-AH0 N-AY1 G-AA1 T-AH1 P-AH0-N D-R-AE1-N M-AY1 HH-AE1-N-D-Z D-AW1-N SH-AE1 N-UW0-K-S Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z F-AY1 V-M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D TH-ER1 D-IY0 S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D Z-L-EH1-G-Z


and found a hot raised lump-

AH0-N-D F-AW1-N D-AH0 HH-AA1 T-R-EY1-Z D-L-AH1-M-P


...no bigger than my thumbnail.

N-OW1 B-IH1 G-ER0 DH-AE1-N M-AY1 TH-AH1-M N-EY2-L


a sign of tendon strain.

AH0 S-AY1 N-AH1-V T-EH1-N D-AH0-N-S T-R-EY1-N


nine years of work.


7:01 on a monday morning. if you want to find out what happens next-

S-EH1 V-AH0 N-OW1 W-AH1 N-AA1 N-AH0 M-AH1-N D-IY0 M-AO1-R N-IH0 NG-IH1 F-Y-UW1 W-AA1-N-T T-UW1 F-AY1-N D-AW1 T-W-AH1-T HH-AE1 P-AH0-N Z-N-EH1-K-S-T


tina, i've got a couple of questions. so, i mean, i don't want to do too many spoiler alerts, but you did become a champion at three day eventing.

T-IY1 N-AH0 AY1-V G-AA1 T-AH0 K-AH1 P-AH0 L-AH1-V K-W-EH1-S CH-AH0-N-Z S-OW1 AY1 M-IY1 N-AY1 D-AA1-N T-W-AA1-N-T T-UW1 D-UW1 T-UW1 M-EH1 N-IY0-S P-OY1 L-ER0 AH0 L-ER1-T-S B-AH1 T-Y-UW1 D-IH1-D B-IH0 K-AH1 M-AH0 CH-AE1-M P-IY0 AH0 N-AE1-T TH-R-IY1 D-EY1 IH0 V-EH1-N T-IH0-NG


yes.and then after that, you've decided to become sort of a poet, an artist.

Y-EH1 S-AH0-N-D DH-EH1 N-AE1-F T-ER0 DH-AE1 T-Y-UW1-V D-IH0 S-AY1 D-IH0-D T-UW1 B-IH0 K-AH1-M S-AO1-R T-AH1 V-AH0 P-OW1 AH0 T-AE1 N-AA1-R T-AH0-S-T


how does it feel, going from something you are winning at, you're at the top of your game for-

HH-AW1 D-AH1 Z-IH1-T F-IY1-L G-OW1 IH0-NG F-R-AH1-M S-AH1-M TH-IH0 NG-Y-UW1 AA1 R-W-IH1 N-IH0 NG-AE1 T-Y-UH1 R-AE1-T DH-AH0 T-AA1 P-AH1 V-Y-AO1-R G-EY1-M F-AO1-R


...to something you're trying out. and of course you're not going to start up there, are you? how did it feel starting again at the bottom almost?

T-UW1 S-AH1-M TH-IH0 NG-Y-UH1-R T-R-AY1 IH0 NG-AW1 T-AH0-N D-AH1-V K-AO1-R S-Y-UH1-R N-AA1-T G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1-S T-AA1-R T-AH1-P DH-EH1 R-AA1 R-Y-UW1 HH-AW1 D-IH1 D-IH1-T F-IY1-L-S T-AA1-R T-IH0 NG-AH0 G-EH1 N-AE1-T DH-AH0 B-AA1 T-AH0 M-AO1-L M-OW2-S-T


always catches up with you. but no, actually it was magnificent to just be unknown.

AO1 L-W-EY2-Z K-AE1 CH-AH0 Z-AH1 P-W-IH1 DH-Y-UW1 B-AH1 T-N-OW1 AE1-K CH-AH0 W-AH0 L-IY0 IH1 T-W-AA1 Z-M-AE0 G-N-IH1 F-AH0 S-AH0-N-T T-UW1 JH-AH1-S-T B-IY1 AH0-N N-OW1-N


what was that sort of first gig like when you kind of decided, right, i'm going to go do this now? i've written something, i'm going to go to an open mic. i'm going to go to a gig and read, perform something.

W-AH1 T-W-AA1-Z DH-AE1-T S-AO1-R T-AH1-V F-ER1-S-T G-IH1 G-L-AY1 K-W-EH1 N-Y-UW1 K-AY1-N D-AH1-V D-IH0 S-AY1 D-IH0 D-R-AY1 T-IH1-M G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 G-OW1 D-UW1 DH-IH1 S-N-AW1 AY1 V-R-IH1 T-AH0-N S-AH1-M TH-IH0 NG-IH1-M G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 G-OW1 T-UW1 AE1 N-OW1 P-AH0-N M-IH1 K-IH1-M G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 G-OW1 T-UW1 AH0 G-IH1 G-AH0-N D-R-EH1-D P-ER0 F-AO1-R-M S-AH1-M TH-IH0-NG


i've seen the show and it's absolutely brilliant. it's an incredible-

AY1-V S-IY1-N DH-AH0 SH-OW1 AH0-N D-IH1-T S-AE2-B S-AH0 L-UW1 T-L-IY0 B-R-IH1 L-Y-AH0-N T-IH1-T S-AE1 N-IH0-N K-R-EH1 D-AH0 B-AH0-L


...true storytelling, kind of theatrical poetic experience of that kind of journey, i suppose.

T-R-UW1-S T-AO1 R-IY0 T-EH2 L-IH0-NG K-AY1-N D-AH1-V TH-IY0 AE1 T-R-IH0 K-AH0-L P-OW0 EH1 T-IH0 K-IH0-K-S P-IH1 R-IY0 AH0-N S-AH1-V DH-AE1-T K-AY1-N D-AH1-V JH-ER1 N-IY0 AY1 S-AH0 P-OW1-Z


one of the big themes in the show is trying to do better. trying to be good.

W-AH1 N-AH1-V DH-AH0 B-IH1-G TH-IY1-M Z-IH0-N DH-AH0 SH-OW1 IH1-Z T-R-AY1 IH0-NG T-UW1 D-UW1 B-EH1 T-ER0 T-R-AY1 IH0-NG T-UW1 B-IY1 G-UH1-D


whatever that definition of good is. do you find you need that kind of, i guess there's a kind of true storytelling. do you need to live with that honest-

W-AH2 T-EH1 V-ER0 DH-AE1-T D-EH2 F-AH0 N-IH1 SH-AH0 N-AH1-V G-UH1 D-IH1-Z D-UW1 Y-UW1 F-AY1-N D-Y-UW1 N-IY1-D DH-AE1-T K-AY1-N D-AH1 V-AY1 G-EH1-S DH-EH1-R Z-AH0 K-AY1-N D-AH1-V T-R-UW1-S T-AO1 R-IY0 T-EH2 L-IH0-NG D-UW1 Y-UW1 N-IY1-D T-UW1 L-AY1 V-W-IH1-DH DH-AE1 T-AA1 N-AH0-S-T


that's probably the complete opposite to being a champion three-day eventer, i imagine, where everything has to be perfectly poised and perfectly controlled, right?

TH-AE1-T-S P-R-AA1 B-AH0 B-L-IY0 DH-AH0 K-AH0-M P-L-IY1 T-AA1 P-AH0 Z-AH0-T T-UW1 B-IY1 IH0 NG-AH0 CH-AE1-M P-IY0 AH0-N TH-R-IY1 D-EY2 EH1 V-AH0-N T-ER0 AY1 IH0 M-AE1 JH-AH0 N-W-EH1 R-EH1 V-R-IY0 TH-IH2-NG HH-AE1-Z T-UW1 B-IY1 P-ER1 F-AH0-K T-L-IY0 P-OY1-Z D-AH0-N-D P-ER1 F-AH0-K T-L-IY0 K-AH0-N T-R-OW1-L D-R-AY1-T


so i highly recommend tina shows. she will fly you after, but it's the good delusion, it's on every day at 12:30. amazingly, beautiful, incredible show. ladies and gentlemen, give it up for tina.

S-OW1 AY1 HH-AY1 L-IY0 R-EH2 K-AH0 M-EH1-N-D T-IY1 N-AH0 SH-OW1-Z SH-IY1 W-IH1-L F-L-AY1 Y-UW1 AE1-F T-ER0 B-AH1 T-IH1-T-S DH-AH0 G-UH1-D D-IH0 L-UW1 ZH-AH0 N-IH1-T S-AA1 N-EH1 V-ER0 IY0 D-EY1 AE1-T T-W-EH1-L-V TH-ER1 D-IY0 AH0 M-EY1 Z-IH0 NG-L-IY0 B-Y-UW1 T-AH0 F-AH0 L-IH0-N K-R-EH1 D-AH0 B-AH0-L SH-OW1 L-EY1 D-IY0 Z-AH0-N-D JH-EH1-N T-AH0-L M-IH0-N G-IH1 V-IH1 T-AH1-P F-AO1-R T-IY1 N-AH0


lucy lumsden used to drive me to the gigs and lucy lumsden now fucking heather sky. so these girls, they [inaudible 00:07:19] lucy.

L-UW1 S-IY0 L-AH1-M-S D-AH0 N-Y-UW1-Z-D T-UW1 D-R-AY1 V-M-IY1 T-UW1 DH-AH0 G-IH1-G Z-AH0-N D-L-UW1 S-IY0 L-AH1-M-S D-AH0-N N-AW1 F-AH1 K-IH0-NG HH-EH1 DH-ER0-S K-AY1 S-OW1 DH-IY1-Z G-ER1-L-Z DH-EY1 IH0 N-AO1 D-AH0 B-AH0-L Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z S-EH1 V-AH0-N M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N D-N-AY1-N T-IY1-N S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D Z-L-UW1 S-IY0


greg, the bloke that didn't do the double out with me. they were going to be successes.

G-R-EH1-G DH-AH0 B-L-OW1-K DH-AE1-T D-IH1 D-AH0-N-T D-UW1 DH-AH0 D-AH1 B-AH0 L-AW1 T-W-IH1 DH-M-IY1 DH-EY1 W-ER0 G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 B-IY1 S-AH0-K S-EH1 S-AH0-Z


i facebooked karen corin. for some reason, she's my mate on facebook. i said, "karen-

AY1 F-EY1-S B-OW2-K-T K-EH1 R-AH0-N K-AO1 R-IH0-N F-AO1-R S-AH1 M-R-IY1 Z-AH0-N SH-EH1 S-M-AY1 M-EY1 T-AA1-N F-EY1-S B-UH2 K-AY1 S-EH1-D K-EH1 R-AH0-N


...do you remember me?" you're that russian woman.

D-UW1 Y-UW1 R-IH0 M-EH1-M B-ER0 M-IY1 Y-UH1-R DH-AE1 T-R-AH1 SH-AH0 N-W-UH1 M-AH0-N


all right. all right sweetheart. so that's what i'm doing. good night ladies and gentlemen.

AO1-L R-AY1 T-AO1-L R-AY1-T S-W-IY1-T HH-AA2-R-T S-OW1 TH-AE1-T S-W-AH1 T-IH1-M D-UW1 IH0-NG G-UH1 D-N-AY1 T-L-EY1 D-IY0 Z-AH0-N-D JH-EH1-N T-AH0-L M-IH0-N


you were giving me bad looks. you're my husband apparently and you didn't look like you wanted me anymore.

Y-UW1 W-ER0 G-IH1 V-IH0-NG M-IY1 B-AE1 D-L-UH1-K S-Y-UH1-R M-AY1 HH-AH1-Z B-AH0-N D-AH0 P-EH1 R-AH0-N T-L-IY0 AH0-N D-Y-UW1 D-IH1 D-AH0-N T-L-UH1 K-L-AY1 K-Y-UW1 W-AA1-N T-AH0 D-M-IY1 EH2 N-IY0 M-AO1-R


less sex is going on. you're doing major cunnilingus. right.

L-EH1-S S-EH1-K S-IH1-Z G-OW1 IH0 NG-AA1 N-Y-UH1-R D-UW1 IH0-NG M-EY1 JH-ER0 K-AH2 N-AH0 L-IH1-NG G-AH0 S-R-AY1-T


just going to ask you then. do you think standup comedy is responsible for your lesbian-

JH-AH1-S-T G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 AE1-S K-Y-UW1 DH-EH1-N D-UW1 Y-UW1 TH-IH1-NG-K-S T-AE1-N D-AH2-P K-AA1 M-AH0 D-IY0 IH1 Z-R-IY0-S P-AA1-N S-AH0 B-AH0-L F-AO1 R-Y-AO1-R L-EH1-Z B-IY0 AH0-N


no.do you think if you went to russia with your russian accent, you could get away with it for a little, little minute?

N-OW1 D-OW0 Y-UW1 TH-IH1-NG K-IH1 F-Y-UW1 W-EH1-N-T T-UW1 R-AH1 SH-AH0 W-IH1 DH-Y-AO1-R R-AH1 SH-AH0 N-AE1-K S-EH2-N T-Y-UW1 K-UH1-D G-EH1 T-AH0 W-EY1 W-IH1 DH-IH1-T F-AO1 R-AH0 L-IH1 T-AH0-L L-IH1 T-AH0-L M-IH1 N-AH0-T


i don't think so either i mean, i-

AY1 D-AA1-N-T TH-IH1-NG-K S-OW1 IY1 DH-ER0 AY1 M-IY1 N-AY1


i think no, they'd probably kill me. i don't know. i don't think so.

AY1 TH-IH1-NG K-N-OW1 TH-IY1-D P-R-AA1 B-AH0 B-L-IY0 K-IH1-L M-IY1 AY1 D-AA1-N T-N-OW1 AY1 D-AA1-N-T TH-IH1-NG-K S-OW1


do you think it's russian? this sounds russian? i think it sounds french.

D-UW1 Y-UW1 TH-IH1-NG K-IH1-T S-R-AH1 SH-AH0-N DH-IH1-S S-AW1-N-D Z-R-AH1 SH-AH0 N-AY1 TH-IH1-NG K-IH1-T S-AW1-N-D-Z F-R-EH1-N-CH


i'd love to go to russia. i am actually a russian jew.

IH1 D-L-AH1-V T-UW1 G-OW1 T-UW1 R-AH1 SH-AH0 AY1 AE1 M-AE1-K CH-AH0 W-AH0 L-IY0 AH0 R-AH1 SH-AH0-N JH-UW1


sorry. that's what my show [inaudible 00:08:27] it's about being a russian jew lesbian.

S-AA1 R-IY0 TH-AE1-T S-W-AH1 T-M-AY1 SH-OW1 IH0 N-AO1 D-AH0 B-AH0-L Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0 Z-EY1 T-M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D T-W-EH1-N T-IY0 S-EH1 V-AH0-N S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D Z-IH1-T S-AH0 B-AW1-T B-IY1 IH0 NG-AH0 R-AH1 SH-AH0-N JH-UW1 L-EH1-Z B-IY0 AH0-N


it's going down really well.can you do any other accents?

IH1-T-S G-OW1 IH0-NG D-AW1 N-R-IH1 L-IY0 W-EH1-L K-AH0 N-Y-UW1 D-UW1 EH1 N-IY0 AH1 DH-ER0 AE1-K S-EH0-N-T-S


a bad review about my accents, it's not my best thing. other things are. i don't know about-

AH0 B-AE1 D-R-IY2 V-Y-UW1 AH0 B-AW1 T-M-AY1 AE1-K S-EH0-N-T S-IH1-T S-N-AA1 T-M-AY1 B-EH1-S-T TH-IH1 NG-AH1 DH-ER0 TH-IH1-NG Z-AA1 R-AY1 D-AA1-N T-N-OW1 AH0 B-AW1-T


no, let's talk about your love life.i broke up-

N-OW1 L-EH1-T-S T-AO1 K-AH0 B-AW1 T-Y-AO1-R L-AH1 V-L-AY1 F-IY0 B-R-OW1 K-AH1-P


...with my girlfriend. she drove me out to... okay. you want to hear about it? she fucking drove me out to edinburgh. she's from north england, right?

W-IH1 DH-M-AY1 G-ER1-L F-R-EH2-N-D SH-IY1 D-R-OW1 V-M-IY1 AW1-T T-UW1 OW2 K-EY1 Y-UW1 W-AA1-N-T T-UW1 HH-IY1 R-AH0 B-AW1 T-IH1-T SH-IY1 F-AH1 K-IH0-NG D-R-OW1 V-M-IY1 AW1-T T-UW1 EH1 D-AH0-N B-ER0 OW0 SH-EH1-S F-R-AH1-M N-AO1-R TH-IH1-NG G-L-AH0-N D-R-AY1-T


oh, like it's scott's fault.

OW1 L-AY1 K-IH1-T-S-S K-AA1-T-S F-AO1-L-T


lancashire. and she hates when i do the lancashire accents. i wouldn't bother. and she broke up with me.aw.

L-AE1-NG K-AH0 SH-AY2 R-AH0-N-D SH-IY1 HH-EY1-T S-W-EH1 N-AY1 D-UW1 DH-AH0 L-AE1-NG K-AH0 SH-AY2 R-AE1-K S-EH0-N-T S-AY1 W-UH1 D-L-AH0-N-T B-AA1 DH-ER0 AH0-N-D SH-IY1 B-R-OW1 K-AH1 P-W-IH1 DH-M-IY1-W


and i was going to ask if it's because of the russian accent.she doesn't-

AH0-N D-AY1 W-AA1-Z G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 AE1-S K-IH1 F-IH1-T-S B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-AH1-V DH-AH0 R-AH1 SH-AH0 N-AH0 K-EH1-N-SH T-IY0 D-OW1 S-AH0-N-T


oh god, this is getting too weird, so bright lights. i do feel like i'm being interrogated by the nazis.

OW1 G-AA1-D DH-IH1 S-IH1-Z G-EH1 T-IH0-NG T-UW1 W-IH1-R-D S-OW1 B-R-AY1 T-L-AY1-T S-AY1 D-UW1 F-IY1-L L-AY1 K-IH1-M B-IY1 IH0 NG-IH0-N T-EH1 R-AH0 G-EY2 T-IH0-D B-AY1 DH-AH0 N-AA1-T S-IY0-Z


oh, hello. sorry. hey, i'm so sorry for earlier. you can't see anything on this stage. i'll do anything. that's [inaudible 00:09:29].

OW1 HH-AH0 L-OW1 S-AA1 R-IY0 HH-EY1 AY1 AE1-M S-OW1 S-AA1 R-IY0 F-AO1 R-ER1 L-IY0 ER0 Y-UW1 K-AE1-N-T S-IY1 EH1 N-IY0 TH-IH2 NG-AA1-N DH-IH1-S-S T-EY1 JH-IH1-L D-UW1 EH1 N-IY0 TH-IH2-NG TH-AE1-T S-IH0 N-AO1 D-AH0 B-AH0-L Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0 Z-N-AY1-N M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D T-W-EH1-N T-IY0 N-AY1-N S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D-Z


all right. so we have another poet coming up onto the stage. now i had share some true storytelling type stuff with you. so there's just, ladies and gents, give it up for-

AO1-L R-AY1-T S-OW1 W-IY1 HH-AE1 V-AH0 N-AH1 DH-ER0 P-OW1 AH0-T K-AH1 M-IH0 NG-AH1 P-AA1-N T-UW0 DH-AH0-S T-EY1 JH-N-AW1 AY1 HH-AE1-D SH-EH1-R S-AH1-M T-R-UW1-S T-AO1 R-IY0 T-EH2 L-IH0-NG T-AY1-P-S T-AH1 F-W-IH1 DH-Y-UW1 S-OW1 DH-EH1-R-Z JH-AH1-S T-L-EY1 D-IY0 Z-AH0-N-D JH-EH1-N-T-S G-IH1 V-IH1 T-AH1-P F-AO1-R


so usually... are we in? yep. cool.

S-OW1 Y-UW1 ZH-AH0 W-AH0 L-IY0 AA1 R-W-IY1 IH0 N-Y-EH1-P K-UW1-L


the memorized. but i've got a whole show in my head right now, which you need to see at 6:45 at pilgrim.

DH-AH0 M-EH1 M-ER0 AY2-Z-D B-AH1 T-AY1-V G-AA1 T-AH0 HH-OW1-L SH-OW1 IH0-N M-AY1 HH-EH1 D-R-AY1 T-N-AW1 W-IH1 CH-Y-UW1 N-IY1-D T-UW1 S-IY1 AE1-T S-IH1-K-S F-AO1-R T-IY0 F-AY1 V-AE1-T P-IH1-L G-R-AH0-M


my name is hannah chutzpah, only it's not really.

M-AY1 N-EY1 M-IH1-Z HH-AE1 N-AH0 CH-AH1-T-S P-AA2 OW1 N-L-IY0 IH1-T S-N-AA1 T-R-IH1 L-IY0


i've had quite a few people asking me, "is that name real?" for those that don't know, chutzpah is a yiddish word-

AY1-V HH-AE1-D K-W-AY1 T-AH0 F-Y-UW1 P-IY1 P-AH0 L-AE1-S K-IH0-NG M-IY1 IH1-Z DH-AE1 T-N-EY1 M-R-IY1-L F-AO1-R DH-OW1-Z DH-AE1-T D-AA1-N T-N-OW1 CH-AH1-T-S P-AA2 IH1 Z-AH0 Y-IH1 D-IH0 SH-W-ER1-D


that means guts, pazaz, or bare faced cheek, depending on the interpretation.

DH-AE1 T-M-IY1-N-Z G-AH1-T-S P-AA1 Z-AA0 Z-AO1-R B-EH1-R F-EY1-S-T CH-IY1-K D-IH0 P-EH1-N D-IH0 NG-AA1-N DH-AH0 IH0-N T-ER2 P-R-IH0 T-EY1 SH-AH0-N


and i took it as a stage name because my real name is double barrelled because my parents are hippies and no one can spell either half.

AH0-N D-AY1 T-UH1 K-IH1 T-AE1 Z-AH0-S T-EY1 JH-N-EY1-M B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-M-AY1 R-IY1-L N-EY1 M-IH1-Z D-AH1 B-AH0-L B-AE1 R-AH0-L-D B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-M-AY1 P-EH1 R-AH0-N-T S-AA1-R HH-IH1 P-IY0 Z-AH0-N D-N-OW1 W-AH1-N K-AE1-N-S P-EH1 L-IY1 DH-ER0 HH-AE1-F


but yeah. judaism is an in-joke to me, a semi secret identity.

B-AH1 T-Y-AE1 JH-UW1 D-EY0 IH2 Z-AH0 M-IH1 Z-AE1 N-IH1-N JH-OW2-K T-UW1 M-IY1 AH0 S-EH1 M-IY0 S-IY1 K-R-AH0 T-AY0 D-EH1-N T-AH0 T-IY0


it makes you smile when you find another from your tribe.

IH1 T-M-EY1-K S-Y-UW1 S-M-AY1 L-W-EH1 N-Y-UW1 F-AY1-N D-AH0 N-AH1 DH-ER0 F-R-AH1 M-Y-AO1-R T-R-AY1-B


oh, you were at that gig too. oh, you're a veggie too. yiddish-

OW1 Y-UW1 W-ER0 AE1-T DH-AE1-T G-IH1-G T-UW1 OW1 Y-UH1 R-AH0 V-EH1 JH-IY0 T-UW1 Y-IH1 D-IH0-SH


i sprinkle into conversation to see if someone picks it up.

AY1-S P-R-IH1-NG K-AH0 L-IH0-N T-UW1 K-AA2-N V-ER0 S-EY1 SH-AH0-N T-UW1 S-IY1 IH1-F S-AH1 M-W-AH2-N P-IH1-K S-IH1 T-AH1-P


i am a half jewish, dual national bisexual.

AY1 AE1 M-AH0 HH-AE1-F JH-UW1 IH0-SH D-UW1 AH0-L N-AE1 SH-AH0 N-AH0-L B-AY2 S-EH1-K SH-UW0 AH0-L


i live on a few fault lines, but i can blend right in.

AY1 L-AY1 V-AA1 N-AH0 F-Y-UW1 F-AO1-L T-L-AY1-N-Z B-AH1 T-AY1 K-AE1-N B-L-EH1-N D-R-AY1 T-IH0-N


yiddish is my verbal condiment, adds so much flavor.

Y-IH1 D-IH0 SH-IH1 Z-M-AY1 V-ER1 B-AH0-L K-AA1-N D-AH0 M-AH0-N T-AE1-D-Z S-OW1 M-AH1-CH F-L-EY1 V-ER0


i leave breadcrumb trails, but tonight four pints in, i have drowned my subtlety. tonight-

AY1 L-IY1-V B-R-EH1-D K-R-AH2-M T-R-EY1-L-Z B-AH1-T T-AH0 N-AY1-T F-AO1-R P-AY1-N-T S-IH0 N-AY1 HH-AE1-V D-R-AW1-N D-M-AY1 S-AH1 T-AH0-L T-IY0 T-AH0 N-AY1-T


i dropped a whole loaf of challah on the table. i liked your frum puns.

AY1 D-R-AA1-P T-AH0 HH-OW1-L L-OW1 F-AH1-V CH-AE1 L-AH0 AA1-N DH-AH0 T-EY1 B-AH0 L-AY1 L-AY1-K T-Y-AO1-R F-R-AH1-M P-AH1-N-Z


he shakes my hand, replies in three whole sentences of yiddish.

HH-IY1 SH-EY1-K S-M-AY1 HH-AE1-N D-R-IH0 P-L-AY1 Z-IH0-N TH-R-IY1 HH-OW1-L S-EH1-N T-AH0-N S-AH0 Z-AH1 V-Y-IH1 D-IH0-SH


and a dude in an east london pub has just out-jewed me.

AH0-N D-AH0 D-UW1 D-IH0 N-AE1 N-IY1-S T-L-AH1-N D-AH0-N P-AH1-B HH-AE1-Z JH-AH1-S T-AW2 T-Y-UW1-JH D-M-IY1


erasing your erasure.

IH0 R-EY1 S-IH0 NG-Y-AO1 R-EH0 R-AA0 S-UW1 ER0


i dye my shiksa blonde hair dark red. i'm nostalgic for a new york-

AY1 D-AY1 M-AY1 SH-IH1-K S-AH0 B-L-AA1-N-D HH-EH1-R D-AA1-R K-R-EH1 D-IH1-M N-AO0-S T-AE1-L JH-IH0-K F-AO1 R-AH0 N-UW1 Y-AO1-R-K


i never knew, and wish for more links to the past that you couldn't wait to escape.

AY1 N-EH1 V-ER0 N-UW1 AH0-N D-W-IH1-SH F-AO1-R M-AO1-R L-IH1-NG-K-S T-UW1 DH-AH0 P-AE1-S-T DH-AE1 T-Y-UW1 K-AW1-L D-AH0-N T-W-EY1-T T-UW1 IH0-S K-EY1-P


your success was your daughter's suburbia.

Y-AO1-R S-AH0-K S-EH1 S-W-AA1 Z-Y-AO1-R D-AO1 T-ER0-Z S-AH0 B-ER1 B-IY0 AH0


i was born with a bbc accent, but can't shout-

AY1 W-AA1-Z B-AO1-R N-W-IH1 DH-AH0 B-IY2 B-IY0 S-IY1 AE1-K S-EH2-N-T B-AH1-T K-AE1-N-T SH-AW1-T


growing up second generation means growing grafted. but my branch of the family tree doesn't stay still for two generations.

G-R-OW1 IH0 NG-AH1-P S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D JH-EH2 N-ER0 EY1 SH-AH0-N M-IY1-N-Z G-R-OW1 IH0-NG G-R-AE1-F T-IH0-D B-AH1 T-M-AY1 B-R-AE1-N CH-AH1-V DH-AH0 F-AE1 M-AH0 L-IY0 T-R-IY1 D-OW1 S-AH0-N-T-S T-EY1-S T-IH1-L F-AO1-R T-UW1 JH-EH2 N-ER0 EY1 SH-AH0-N-Z


i flower in london soil. the seam was small. the transplant took longer ago.

AY1 F-L-AW1 ER0 IH0 N-L-AH1-N D-AH0-N S-OY1-L DH-AH0 S-IY1 M-W-AA1-Z S-M-AO1-L DH-AH0 T-R-AE1-N-S P-L-AE0-N-T T-UH1 K-L-AO1-NG G-ER0 AH0 G-OW1


but the name i am happiest in is one i made up.

B-AH1-T DH-AH0 N-EY1 M-AY1 AE1-M HH-AE1 P-IY0 AH0-S T-IH0 N-IH1 Z-W-AH1 N-AY1 M-EY1 D-AH1-P


the same as you did. the same as my mother did. our tradition is transformation.

DH-AH0 S-EY1 M-AE1 Z-Y-UW1 D-IH1-D DH-AH0 S-EY1 M-AE1 Z-M-AY1 M-AH1 DH-ER0 D-IH1 D-AW1 ER0 T-R-AH0 D-IH1 SH-AH0 N-IH1-Z T-R-AE2-N-S F-ER0 M-EY1 SH-AH0-N


that and shouting.


i was named after you, the first initial h to appease my grandmother's angry ghost, my mother said.

AY1 W-AA1 Z-N-EY1-M D-AE1-F T-ER0 Y-UW1 DH-AH0 F-ER1-S T-IH0 N-IH1 SH-AH0 L-EY1-CH T-UW1 AH0 P-IY1 Z-M-AY1 G-R-AE1-N D-M-AH2 DH-ER0 Z-AE1-NG G-R-IY0 G-OW1-S T-M-AY1 M-AH1 DH-ER0 S-EH1-D


and i don't think you would have liked me much.

AH0-N D-AY1 D-AA1-N-T TH-IH1-NG K-Y-UW1 W-UH1-D HH-AE1 V-L-AY1-K T-M-IY1 M-AH1-CH


i am my mother's daughter -

AY1 AE1-M M-AY1 M-AH1 DH-ER0-Z D-AO1 T-ER0


the one you left at ellis island as my first penname.

DH-AH0 W-AH1 N-Y-UW1 L-EH1-F T-AE1 T-EH1 L-IH0 S-AY1 L-AH0-N D-AE1 Z-M-AY1 F-ER1-S-T P-EH1 N-AH0-M


but i am shickered shiksa tonight. and a dude in an east london pub has just out -

B-AH1 T-AY1 AE1-M SH-IH1 K-ER0-D SH-IH1-K S-AH0 T-AH0 N-AY1 T-AH0-N D-AH0 D-UW1 D-IH0 N-AE1 N-IY1-S T-L-AH1-N D-AH0-N P-AH1-B HH-AE1-Z JH-AH1-S T-AW1-T


which i do not speak.


and my bread crumbs are just breadcrumbs. adds so much flavor.

AH0-N D-M-AY1 B-R-EH1-D K-R-AH1-M Z-AA1-R JH-AH1-S-T B-R-EY1-D K-R-AH0-M Z-AE1-D-Z S-OW1 M-AH1-CH F-L-EY1 V-ER0


couldn't cook a whole meal with it.

K-AW1-L D-AH0-N-T K-UH1 K-AH0 HH-OW1-L M-IY1 L-W-IH1 DH-IH1-T


what nature should have done is made me taller. thinner. with -

W-AH1 T-N-EY1 CH-ER0 SH-UH1-D HH-AE1-V D-AH1 N-IH1 Z-M-EY1 D-M-IY1 T-AO1 L-ER0 TH-IH1 N-ER0 W-IH1-DH


you feel it kind of gets you closer to your kind of like truest self, i suppose. that's what i guess i'm getting at.

Y-UW1 F-IY1 L-IH1-T K-AY1-N D-AH1-V G-EH1-T S-Y-UW1 K-L-OW1 S-ER0 T-UW1 Y-AO1-R K-AY1-N D-AH1 V-L-AY1-K T-R-UW1 IH0-S-T S-EH1-L F-AY1 S-AH0 P-OW1-Z TH-AE1-T S-W-AH1 T-AY1 G-EH1 S-IH1-M G-EH1 T-IH0 NG-AE1-T


accounts. but yeah, i feel like i've grown into it a bit.

AH0 K-AW1-N-T-S B-AH1 T-Y-AE1 AY1 F-IY1-L L-AY1 K-AY1-V G-R-OW1 N-IH0-N T-UW1 IH1 T-AH0 B-IH1-T


and entitled to like. we don't belong and we don't deserve, and i use rhymes, reasons -

AH0-N D-EH0-N T-AY1 T-AH0-L-D T-UW1 L-AY1 K-W-IY1 D-AA1-N-T B-IH0 L-AO1 NG-AH0-N D-W-IY1 D-AA1-N-T D-IH0 Z-ER1 V-AH0-N D-AY1 Y-UW1 S-R-AY1-M Z-R-IY1 Z-AH0-N-Z


lots of science and audience participation. swearing.

L-AA1-T S-AH1-V S-AY1 AH0-N S-AH0-N D-AA1 D-IY0 AH0-N-S P-AA0-R T-IH2 S-AH0 P-EY1 SH-AH0-N S-W-EH1 R-IH0-NG


all right. thank you very much, hannah. so you can grab her flyer after the show as well.

AO1-L R-AY1-T TH-AE1-NG K-Y-UW1 V-EH1 R-IY0 M-AH1-CH HH-AE1 N-AH0 S-OW1 Y-UW1 K-AE1-N G-R-AE1-B HH-ER0 F-L-AY1 ER0 AE1-F T-ER0 DH-AH0 SH-OW1 AE1 Z-W-EH1-L


and last but not least, i would like to call to the stage, the lead singer of the black diamond express, toby.

AH0-N D-L-AE1-S-T B-AH1 T-N-AA1 T-L-IY1-S T-AY1 W-UH1 D-L-AY1-K T-UW1 K-AO1-L T-UW1 DH-AH0-S T-EY1-JH DH-AH0 L-EH1-D S-IH1 NG-ER0 AH1-V DH-AH0 B-L-AE1-K D-AY1 M-AH0-N D-IH0-K-S P-R-EH1-S T-OW1 B-IY0


julie put my guitars over here and kicked over the glass in the corner of the room, which is an auspicious start to.

JH-UW1 L-IY0 P-UH1 T-M-AY1 G-IH0 T-AA1-R Z-OW1 V-ER0 HH-IY1 R-AH0-N-D K-IH1-K T-OW1 V-ER0 DH-AH0 G-L-AE1 S-IH0-N DH-AH0 K-AO1-R N-ER0 AH1-V DH-AH0 R-UW1 M-W-IH1 CH-IH1 Z-AE1 N-AA0-S P-IH1 SH-AH0-S-S T-AA1-R-T T-UW1


it was called the station bar and it was a real spit and sawdust bar. they used to be a train line running nearby.

IH1 T-W-AA1-Z K-AO1-L-D DH-AH0-S T-EY1 SH-AH0-N B-AA1 R-AH0-N D-IH1 T-W-AA1 Z-AH0 R-IY1-L-S P-IH1 T-AH0-N-D S-AO1 D-AH2-S-T B-AA1-R DH-EY1 Y-UW1-S-T T-UW1 B-IY1 AH0 T-R-EY1 N-L-AY1 N-R-AH1 N-IH0-NG N-IH1-R B-AY1


hence the name station bar. there's no longer a train line there anymore.

HH-EH1-N-S DH-AH0 N-EY1-M-S T-EY1 SH-AH0-N B-AA1-R DH-EH1-R Z-N-OW1 L-AO1-NG G-ER0 AH0 T-R-EY1 N-L-AY1-N DH-EH1 R-EH2 N-IY0 M-AO1-R


but they had this great sign that said "free house" on the left side.

B-AH1-T DH-EY1 HH-AE1-D DH-IH1-S G-R-EY1-T S-AY1-N DH-AE1-T S-EH1-D F-R-IY1 HH-AW1 S-AA1-N DH-AH0 L-EH1-F-T S-AY1-D


no window. and it had this neon sign that said "safari lounge", which looked a hell of a lot more exciting than the reality that was within.

N-OW1 W-IH1-N D-OW0 AH0-N D-IH1-T HH-AE1-D DH-IH1 S-N-IY1 AA0-N S-AY1-N DH-AE1-T S-EH1-D S-AH0 F-AA1 R-IY0 L-AW1-N JH-W-IH1 CH-L-UH1-K T-AH0 HH-EH1 L-AH1 V-AH0 L-AA1 T-M-AO1 R-IH0-K S-AY1 T-IH0-NG DH-AE1-N DH-AH0 R-IY0 AE1 L-AH0 T-IY0 DH-AE1 T-W-AA1 Z-W-IH0 DH-IH1-N


i used to live upstairs from this place. and on the top floor.

AY1 Y-UW1-Z-D T-UW1 L-AY1 V-AH0-P-S T-EH1-R-Z F-R-AH1-M DH-IH1-S P-L-EY1 S-AH0-N D-AA1-N DH-AH0 T-AA1-P F-L-AO1-R


i'd gotten back and none of my flatmates were there. and i didn't have my key because i'm a musician and -

IH1-D G-AA1 T-AH0-N B-AE1 K-AH0-N D-N-AH1 N-AH1 V-M-AY1 F-L-AE1 T-M-EY2-T S-W-ER0 DH-EH1 R-AH0-N D-AY1 D-IH1 D-AH0-N-T HH-AE1 V-M-AY1 K-IY1 B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-IH1 M-AH0 M-Y-UW0 Z-IH1 SH-AH0 N-AH0-N-D


so i sat up that i rolled a joint, but because i'm a considerate sort of guy, i thought it probably shouldn't smoke it in my own fucking stairwell.

S-OW1 AY1 S-AE1 T-AH1-P DH-AE1 T-AY1 R-OW1-L D-AH0 JH-OY1-N-T B-AH1-T B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-IH1 M-AH0 K-AH0-N S-IH1 D-ER0 AH0-T S-AO1-R T-AH1-V G-AY1 AY1 TH-AO1 T-IH1-T P-R-AA1 B-AH0 B-L-IY0 SH-OW1-L T-AH0-N-T S-M-OW1 K-IH1 T-IH0-N M-AY1 OW1-N F-AH1 K-IH0-NG-S T-EH1 R-W-EH2-L


somebody might ask me for a toke or something.

S-AH1-M B-AA2 D-IY0 M-AY1 T-AE1-S K-M-IY1 F-AO1 R-AH0 T-OW1 K-AO1-R S-AH1-M TH-IH0-NG


i went across the street and stood next to the super, like the sort of scott med place.

AY1 W-EH1-N T-AH0 K-R-AO1-S DH-AH0-S T-R-IY1 T-AH0-N-D-S T-UH1 D-N-EH1-K-S-T T-UW1 DH-AH0 S-UW1 P-ER0 L-AY1-K DH-AH0 S-AO1-R T-AH1-V-S K-AA1 T-M-EH1-D P-L-EY1-S


you know? and i was looking at the safari lounge, thinking that place looks really cool.

Y-UW1 N-OW1 AH0-N D-AY1 W-AA1 Z-L-UH1 K-IH0 NG-AE1-T DH-AH0 S-AH0 F-AA1 R-IY0 L-AW1-N-JH TH-IH1-NG K-IH0-NG DH-AE1-T P-L-EY1 S-L-UH1-K S-R-IH1 L-IY0 K-UW1-L


far out, man.


and this lady came across, a middle-aged lady. she'd been in there drinking all afternoon.

AH0-N-D DH-IH1 S-L-EY1 D-IY0 K-EY1 M-AH0 K-R-AO1 S-AH0 M-IH0 D-AH0 L-EY1-JH D-L-EY1 D-IY0 SH-EH1-D B-IH1 N-IH0-N DH-EH1-R D-R-IH1-NG K-IH0 NG-AO1 L-AE2-F T-ER0 N-UW1-N


but this chick on the bus, she's looking at me. she keeps looking at me and think i've got one of them got one of them. and as a performer -

B-AH1-T DH-IH1-S CH-IH1 K-AA1-N DH-AH0 B-AH1-S SH-EH1 S-L-UH1 K-IH0 NG-AE1 T-M-IY1 SH-IY1 K-IY1-P S-L-UH1 K-IH0 NG-AE1 T-M-IY1 AH0-N-D TH-IH1-NG K-AY1-V G-AA1 T-W-AH1 N-AH1-V DH-EH1-M G-AA1 T-W-AH1 N-AH1-V DH-EH1 M-AH0-N D-AE1 Z-AH0 P-ER0 F-AO1-R M-ER0


you're always looking to just get one person who... that i've got this guy on my side, fuck, i'm in there. you know what i mean? might get laid tonight.

Y-UH1 R-AO1 L-W-EY2 Z-L-UH1 K-IH0-NG T-UW1 JH-AH1-S-T G-EH1 T-W-AH1-N P-ER1 S-AH0-N HH-UW1 DH-AE1 T-AY1-V G-AA1-T DH-IH1-S G-AY1 AA1-N M-AY1 S-AY1-D F-AH1 K-IH1 M-IH0-N DH-EH1 R-Y-UW1 N-OW1 W-AH1 T-AY1 M-IY1-N M-AY1-T G-EH1 T-L-EY1-D T-AH0 N-AY1-T


after a while, i played a bunch of songs and she keeps on looking me. and then eventually this guy leans over the bar -

AE1-F T-ER0 AH0 W-AY1 L-AY1 P-L-EY1 D-AH0 B-AH1-N CH-AH1-V S-AO1-NG Z-AH0-N-D SH-IY1 K-IY1-P S-AA1 N-L-UH1 K-IH0-NG M-IY1 AH0-N-D DH-EH1 N-IH0 V-EH1-N CH-AH0 W-AH0 L-IY0 DH-IH1-S G-AY1 L-IY1-N Z-OW1 V-ER0 DH-AH0 B-AA1-R


"you're wasting your time with that one. she's deep and dumb."

Y-UH1 R-W-EY1-S T-IH0 NG-Y-AO1-R T-AY1 M-W-IH1-DH DH-AE1 T-W-AH1-N SH-EH1-S D-IY1 P-AH0-N-D D-AH1-M


no, she was. she really was. and so that was that.

N-OW1 SH-IY1 W-AA1-Z SH-IY1 R-IH1 L-IY0 W-AA1 Z-AH0-N-D S-OW1 DH-AE1 T-W-AA1-Z DH-AE1-T


yeah, that was the best pale tale i could come up with. it painted me in the best possible light. thank you.

Y-AE1 DH-AE1 T-W-AA1-Z DH-AH0 B-EH1-S-T P-EY1-L T-EY1 L-AY1 K-UH1-D K-AH1 M-AH1 P-W-IH1 DH-IH1-T P-EY1-N T-AH0 D-M-IY1 IH0-N DH-AH0 B-EH1-S-T P-AA1 S-AH0 B-AH0-L L-AY1-T TH-AE1-NG K-Y-UW1


disadvantage as a blues musician, which is, if you ever say anything awkward, you can just be like (mimics guitar).

D-IH2 S-AH0-D V-AE1-N T-IH0 JH-AE1 Z-AH0 B-L-UW1 Z-M-Y-UW0 Z-IH1 SH-AH0 N-W-IH1 CH-IH1 Z-IH1 F-Y-UW1 EH1 V-ER0 S-EY1 EH1 N-IY0 TH-IH2 NG-AA1 K-W-ER0 D-Y-UW1 K-AE1-N JH-AH1-S-T B-IY1 L-AY1 K-M-IH1 M-IH0-K-S G-IH0 T-AA1-R


isn't that my show or the whole time. the way things have been happening, i've been like, "i'm a blues man. i'm just going to use it in my art."

IH1 S-AH0-N-T DH-AE1 T-M-AY1 SH-OW1 AO1-R DH-AH0 HH-OW1-L T-AY1-M DH-AH0 W-EY1 TH-IH1-NG-Z HH-AE1-V B-IH1-N HH-AE1 P-AH0 N-IH0 NG-AY1-V B-IH1 N-L-AY1 K-IH1 M-AH0 B-L-UW1 Z-M-AE1 N-IH1-M JH-AH1-S-T G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 Y-UW1 Z-IH1 T-IH0-N M-AY1 AA1-R-T


stories of people that you thought you were going to go home with after a gig that well -

S-T-AO1 R-IY0 Z-AH1-V P-IY1 P-AH0-L DH-AE1 T-Y-UW1 TH-AO1 T-Y-UW1 W-ER0 G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 G-OW1 HH-OW1 M-W-IH1 DH-AE1-F T-ER0 AH0 G-IH1-G DH-AE1 T-W-EH1-L


move. fucking move. i'm going to do the mad thing.

M-UW1-V F-AH1 K-IH0-NG M-UW1 V-IH1-M G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 D-UW1 DH-AH0 M-AE1-D TH-IH1-NG


and they were kind of like, "oh, well, okay." and they moved. and i jumped in the air and i decided i'm going to do... i don't even do somersaults. i went to do a fucking somersault.

AH0-N-D DH-EY1 W-ER0 K-AY1-N D-AH1 V-L-AY1 K-OW1 W-EH1 L-OW2 K-EY1 AH0-N-D DH-EY1 M-UW1-V D-AH0-N D-AY1 JH-AH1-M-P T-IH0-N DH-AH0 EH1 R-AH0-N D-AY1 D-IH0 S-AY1 D-IH0 D-IH1-M G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 D-UW1 AY1 D-AA1-N T-IY1 V-IH0-N D-UW1 S-AH1 M-ER0 S-AO2-L-T S-AY1 W-EH1-N-T T-UW1 D-UW1 AH0 F-AH1 K-IH0-NG S-AH1 M-ER0 S-AO2-L-T


"are you okay?" and then the son was like "oh, fuck off, would you?"

AA1 R-Y-UW1 OW2 K-EY1 AH0-N-D DH-EH1-N DH-AH0 S-AH1 N-W-AA1 Z-L-AY1 K-OW1 F-AH1 K-AO1 F-W-UH1 D-Y-UW1


and as i said, there are other stories, but they don't pay me in a very good light. ho ho, ho, merry christmas. sorry. don't come and see my show.

AH0-N D-AE1 Z-AY1 S-EH1-D DH-EH1 R-AA1 R-AH1 DH-ER0-S T-AO1 R-IY0-Z B-AH1-T DH-EY1 D-AA1-N-T P-EY1 M-IY1 IH0 N-AH0 V-EH1 R-IY0 G-UH1 D-L-AY1-T HH-OW1 HH-OW1 HH-OW1 M-EH1 R-IY0 K-R-IH1 S-M-AH0-S S-AA1 R-IY0 D-AA1-N-T K-AH1 M-AH0-N-D S-IY1 M-AY1 SH-OW1