you should be up here instead of me, mate. you'd be running circles around me?

Y-UW1 SH-UH1-D B-IY1 AH1-P HH-IY1 R-IH0-N-S T-EH1 D-AH1 V-M-IY1 M-EY1 T-Y-AH1-D B-IY1 R-AH1 N-IH0-NG S-ER1 K-AH0-L Z-ER0 AW1-N D-M-IY1


because he's got one leg shorter than the other.

B-IH0 K-AO1-Z HH-IY1-Z G-AA1 T-W-AH1 N-L-EH1-G SH-AO1-R T-ER0 DH-AE1-N DH-AH0 AH1 DH-ER0


hide your daughter's everyone. it's graham.

HH-AY1 D-Y-AO1-R D-AO1 T-ER0 Z-EH1 V-R-IY0 W-AH2 N-IH1-T-S G-R-EY1 AH0-M


oh, hide your daughters.


everybody hide your daughters. it's graham.

EH1 V-R-IY0 B-AA2 D-IY0 HH-AY1 D-Y-AO1-R D-AO1 T-ER0 Z-IH1-T-S G-R-EY1 AH0-M


hide your daughters everyone. hide them from graham.

HH-AY1 D-Y-AO1-R D-AO1 T-ER0 Z-EH1 V-R-IY0 W-AH2-N HH-AY1-D DH-EH1-M F-R-AH1-M G-R-EY1 AH0-M


oh, graham.


keep them safe. because there's a history there isn't-

K-IY1-P DH-EH1-M S-EY1-F B-IH0 K-AO1-Z DH-EH1-R Z-AH0 HH-IH1-S T-ER0 IY0 DH-EH1 R-IH1 S-AH0-N-T


and one day we met this tiny mousy haired little girl called rebecca. after that it was the three of us they're never bloody apart.

AH0-N D-W-AH1-N D-EY1 W-IY1 M-EH1-T DH-IH1-S T-AY1 N-IY0 M-AW1 S-IY0 HH-EH1-R D-L-IH1 T-AH0-L G-ER1-L K-AO1-L D-R-AH0 B-EH1 K-AH0 AE1-F T-ER0 DH-AE1 T-IH1 T-W-AA1-Z DH-AH0 TH-R-IY1 AH1 V-AH1-S TH-EH1-R N-EH1 V-ER0 B-L-AH1 D-IY0 AH0 P-AA1-R-T


joe's dad would say, "graham, seriously though. hide your daughters."

JH-OW1-Z D-AE1 D-W-UH1-D S-EY1 G-R-EY1 AH0-M S-IH1 R-IY0 AH0 S-L-IY0 DH-OW1 HH-AY1 D-Y-AO1-R D-AO1 T-ER0-Z


now, as you know, i'm a children's author.

N-AW1 AE1 Z-Y-UW1 N-OW1 IH1 M-AH0 CH-IH1-L D-R-AH0-N Z-AO1 TH-ER0


i wrote the fabulous fergus books and those will be available to buy in the lobby after the gig. sorry, the wedding.

AY1 R-OW1-T DH-AH0 F-AE1 B-Y-AH0 L-AH0-S F-ER1 G-AH0-S B-UH1-K S-AH0-N-D DH-OW1 Z-W-IH1-L B-IY1 AH0 V-EY1 L-AH0 B-AH0-L T-UW1 B-AY1 IH0-N DH-AH0 L-AA1 B-IY0 AE1-F T-ER0 DH-AH0 G-IH1-G S-AA1 R-IY0 DH-AH0 W-EH1 D-IH0-NG


and i wrote this story for rebecca and joe's special day.

AH0-N D-AY1 R-OW1-T DH-IH1-S-S T-AO1 R-IY0 F-AO1-R R-AH0 B-EH1 K-AH0 AH0-N-D JH-OW1-Z-S P-EH1 SH-AH0-L D-EY1


once upon a time, there was a caterpillar called paul.

W-AH1-N S-AH0 P-AA1 N-AH0 T-AY1-M DH-EH1 R-W-AA1 Z-AH0 K-AE1 T-AH0 P-IH2 L-ER0 K-AO1-L-D P-AO1-L


for the people listening to the podcast.

F-AO1-R DH-AH0 P-IY1 P-AH0-L L-IH1 S-AH0 N-IH0-NG T-UW1 DH-AH0 P-OW1-D K-AE2-S-T


once upon a time, there was a caterpillar called paul and he was so lonely.

W-AH1-N S-AH0 P-AA1 N-AH0 T-AY1-M DH-EH1 R-W-AA1 Z-AH0 K-AE1 T-AH0 P-IH2 L-ER0 K-AO1-L-D P-AO1 L-AH0-N-D HH-IY1 W-AA1-Z S-OW1 L-OW1 N-L-IY0


then paul ate the leaf. the two were best friends.

DH-EH1-N P-AO1 L-EY1-T DH-AH0 L-IY1-F DH-AH0 T-UW1 W-ER0 B-EH1-S-T F-R-EH1-N-D-Z


joe would follow paul wherever we went, and to [deloraine 00:00:18] road, to the building site-

JH-OW1 W-UH1-D F-AA1 L-OW0 P-AO1 L-W-EH0 R-EH1 V-ER0 W-IY1 W-EH1-N T-AH0-N-D T-UW1 D-EH1 L-ER0 AH0-N Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z Z-IH1 R-OW0 M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N D-EY0 T-IY1-N S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D Z-R-OW1-D T-UW1 DH-AH0 B-IH1-L D-IH0-NG S-AY1-T


... then one day they met another caterpillar called rebecca.

DH-EH1 N-W-AH1-N D-EY1 DH-EY1 M-EH1 T-AH0 N-AH1 DH-ER0 K-AE1 T-AH0 P-IH2 L-ER0 K-AO1-L D-R-AH0 B-EH1 K-AH0


the three caterpillars were inseparable.

DH-AH0 TH-R-IY1 K-AE1 T-AH0 P-IH2 L-ER0 Z-W-ER0 IH0-N S-EH1 P-ER0 AH0 B-AH0-L


they climbed the millbrook tree and got stuck, you remember.

DH-EY1 K-L-AY1-M-D DH-AH0 M-IH1-L B-R-UH2-K T-R-IY1 AH0-N-D G-AA1-T-S T-AH1 K-Y-UW1 R-IH0 M-EH1-M B-ER0


they built the sixth fastest go-kart in kent. we was robbed, eh?

DH-EY1 B-IH1-L-T DH-AH0 S-IH1-K-S-TH F-AE1-S T-AH0-S-T G-OW1 K-AA2-R T-IH0-N K-EH1-N T-W-IY1 W-AA1 Z-R-AA1-B D-EH1


... podium finish. they ran away one night, pitched a tent in a field, and stayed there for five days.

P-OW1 D-IY0 AH0-M F-IH1 N-IH0-SH DH-EY1 R-AE1 N-AH0 W-EY1 W-AH1-N N-AY1-T P-IH1-CH T-AH0 T-EH1-N T-IH0 N-AH0 F-IY1-L D-AH0-N-D-S T-EY1-D DH-EH1-R F-AO1-R F-AY1-V D-EY1-Z


paul would read his stories, joe would draw.

P-AO1 L-W-UH1 D-R-EH1-D HH-IH1-Z-S T-AO1 R-IY0-Z JH-OW1 W-UH1-D D-R-AO1


and rebecca would sing the most beautiful songs.

AH0-N D-R-AH0 B-EH1 K-AH0 W-UH1-D S-IH1-NG DH-AH0 M-OW1-S-T B-Y-UW1 T-AH0 F-AH0-L S-AO1-NG-Z


but then, paul found joe and rebecca.

B-AH1-T DH-EH1-N P-AO1-L F-AW1-N-D JH-OW1 AH0-N D-R-AH0 B-EH1 K-AH0


they had suspended themselves from the ceiling and molted to form shiny chrysalises.

DH-EY1 HH-AE1-D S-AH0-S P-EH1-N D-AH0-D DH-EH0-M S-EH1-L-V-Z F-R-AH1-M DH-AH0 S-IY1 L-IH0 NG-AH0-N D-M-OW1-L T-AH0-D T-UW1 F-AO1-R-M SH-AY1 N-IY0 K-R-AY1 S-AH0 L-IH0 S-IH0-Z


then joe and rebecca's bodies released enzymes that digested all of their tissue, turning them into protein-rich soup.

DH-EH1-N JH-OW1 AH0-N D-R-AH0 B-EH1 K-AH0-Z B-AA1 D-IY0 Z-R-IY0 L-IY1-S T-EH1-N Z-AY2-M-Z DH-AE1-T D-AY1 JH-EH2-S T-IH0 D-AO1 L-AH1-V DH-EH1-R T-IH1 S-Y-UW2 T-ER1 N-IH0-NG DH-EH1 M-IH0-N T-UW1 P-R-AH0 T-IH1 R-IH0 N-IH0-K S-UW1-P


their bodies had dormant disks of cells inside them, and when they dissolved to the soup-

DH-EH1-R B-AA1 D-IY0-Z HH-AE1-D D-AO1-R M-AH0-N-T D-IH1-S-K S-AH1-V S-EH1-L Z-IH0-N S-AY1-D DH-EH1 M-AH0-N D-W-EH1-N DH-EY1 D-IH0 Z-AA1-L-V-D T-UW1 DH-AH0 S-UW1-P


... the cocoons hatched.


and joe and rebecca became beautiful butterfly-

AH0-N-D JH-OW1 AH0-N D-R-AH0 B-EH1 K-AH0 B-IH0 K-EY1-M B-Y-UW1 T-AH0 F-AH0-L B-AH1 T-ER0 F-L-AY2


... looked amazing.


and then they flew away.

AH0-N-D DH-EH1-N DH-EY1 F-L-UW1 AH0 W-EY1


... spend target means that even if he gave permission to be used on the podcast, what he does is something that you can only really experience live.yeah.

S-P-EH1-N-D T-AA1-R G-AH0 T-M-IY1-N-Z DH-AE1 T-IY1 V-IH0 N-IH1-F HH-IY1 G-EY1-V P-ER0 M-IH1 SH-AH0-N T-UW1 B-IY1 Y-UW1-Z D-AA1-N DH-AH0 P-OW1-D K-AE2-S T-W-AH1-T HH-IY1 D-AH1 Z-IH1-Z S-AH1-M TH-IH0-NG DH-AE1 T-Y-UW1 K-AE1 N-OW1 N-L-IY0 R-IH1 L-IY0 IH0-K-S P-IH1 R-IY0 AH0-N S-L-AY2 V-EY1 AH0


he started to say that and it's pretty fucking annoying.in big terms, compared to the fucked up shit that happens generally in the patriarchy we live in, and is-

HH-IY1-S T-AA1-R T-AH0-D T-UW1 S-EY1 DH-AE1 T-AH0-N D-IH1-T-S P-R-IH1 T-IY0 F-AH1 K-IH0 NG-AE2 N-Y-UW0 IH1 JH-IH0-N B-IH1-G T-ER1-M-Z K-AH0-M P-EH1-R-D T-UW1 DH-AH0 F-AH1-K T-AH1-P SH-IH1-T DH-AE1-T HH-AE1 P-AH0-N-Z JH-EH1 N-ER0 AH0 L-IY0 IH0-N DH-AH0 P-EY1 T-R-IY0 AA2-R K-IY0 W-IY1 L-AY1 V-IH0 N-AH0-N D-IH1-Z


... going to be doing some spoken word for you. put your hands together for-

G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 B-IY1 D-UW1 IH0-NG S-AH1-M-S P-OW1 K-AH0 N-W-ER1-D F-AO1 R-Y-UW1 P-UH1 T-Y-AO1-R HH-AE1-N-D-Z T-AH0 G-EH1 DH-ER0 F-AO1-R


so, that was faye roberts doing her beautiful [da-da-da 00:02:27]. i mean, you now know that it was a mixture of singing and poetry.

S-OW1 DH-AE1 T-W-AA1-Z F-EY1 R-AA1 B-ER0-T-S D-UW1 IH0-NG HH-ER0 B-Y-UW1 T-AH0 F-AH0-L D-AA0 D-AA1 D-AH0 Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z T-UW1 M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D T-W-EH1-N T-IY0 S-EH1 V-AH0-N S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D Z-AY1 M-IY1 N-Y-UW1 N-AW1 N-OW1 DH-AE1 T-IH1 T-W-AA1 Z-AH0 M-IH1-K-S CH-ER0 AH1-V S-IH1 NG-IH0 NG-AH0-N-D P-OW1 AH0 T-R-IY0


[crosstalk 00:02:34] anyway-... favorites. makes it sound ... it's just making it more ... it's just giving it more gravity.

K-R-AO1-S T-AO1-K Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z T-UW1 M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D TH-ER1 D-IY0 F-AO1-R S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D Z-EH1 N-IY0 W-EY2 F-EY1 V-ER0 IH0-T S-M-EY1-K S-IH1-T S-AW1-N D-IH1-T-S JH-AH1-S T-M-EY1 K-IH0 NG-IH1 T-M-AO1 R-IH1-T-S JH-AH1-S-T G-IH1 V-IH0 NG-IH1 T-M-AO1-R G-R-AE1 V-AH0 T-IY0


for me, in that the writer is ... well, a good friend of mine. and i think her work is amazing. and this is-

F-AO1-R M-IY1 IH0-N DH-AE1-T DH-AH0 R-AY1 T-ER0 IH1 Z-W-EH1 L-AH0 G-UH1-D F-R-EH1-N D-AH1 V-M-AY1 N-AH0-N D-AY1 TH-IH1-NG-K HH-ER0 W-ER1 K-IH1 Z-AH0 M-EY1 Z-IH0 NG-AH0-N-D DH-IH1 S-IH1-Z


i mean, was it because i was late or because i was me?

AY1 M-IY1 N-W-AA1 Z-IH1-T B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-AY1 W-AA1 Z-L-EY1 T-AO1-R B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-AY1 W-AA1 Z-M-IY1


[inaudible 00:02:55] mortal. [inaudible 00:03:00]. we're going to need a bigger boat.

IH0 N-AO1 D-AH0 B-AH0-L Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z T-UW1 M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D F-IH1-F T-IY0 F-AY1-V S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D Z-M-AO1-R T-AH0 L-IH0 N-AO1 D-AH0 B-AH0-L Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z TH-R-IY1 M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D Z-IH1 R-OW0 S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D Z-W-ER0 G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 N-IY1 D-AH0 B-IH1 G-ER0 B-OW1-T


just, by the way ... i've just come back from anglo-saxons times to bamboozle you.like-

JH-AH1-S-T B-AY1 DH-AH0 W-EY1 AY1-V JH-AH1-S-T K-AH1-M B-AE1-K F-R-AH1 M-AE2-NG G-L-AH0 S-AA1 K-AH0-N-S T-AY1-M-Z T-UW1 B-AE1-M B-OW0 S-L-Y-UW1-L K-AY2-K


... like hugh jackman in kate & leopold.

L-AY1-K HH-Y-UW1 JH-AE1 K-M-AH0 N-IH0-N K-EY1 T-L-IY1 AH0 P-OW2-L-D


niche reference there. okay. john [rennie 00:03:21] in [inaudible 00:03:22].

N-IH1 CH-R-EH1 F-ER0 AH0-N-S DH-EH1 R-OW2 K-EY1 JH-AA1 N-R-EH1 N-IY0 Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z TH-R-IY1 M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D T-W-EH1-N T-IY0 W-AH1-N S-EH1 K-AH0-N D-IH0 N-IH0 N-AO1 D-AH0 B-AH0-L Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z TH-R-IY1 M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D T-W-EH1-N T-IY0 T-UW1 S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D-Z


no, that's it, that's it. don't you? no, then.

N-OW1 TH-AE1-T S-IH1-T TH-AE1-T S-IH1-T D-AA1-N T-Y-UW1 N-OW1 DH-EH1-N


okay. you could imagine what the effect of hearing-

OW2 K-EY1 Y-UW1 K-UH1 D-IH0 M-AE1 JH-AH0 N-W-AH1-T DH-AH0 IH0 F-EH1-K T-AH1-V HH-IY1 R-IH0-NG


beowulf must've been on a lot of burley anglo-saxon warriors back in the day, because he knew they'd be there in their mead hall, drinking their mead-

B-EY1 AH0 W-UH2-L F-M-AH1-S-T V-IH0 B-IH1 N-AA1 N-AH0 L-AA1 T-AH1-V B-ER1 L-IY0 AE1-NG G-L-AH0 S-AA2-K S-AH0 N-W-AO1 R-IY0 ER0-Z B-AE1 K-IH0-N DH-AH0 D-EY1 B-IH0 K-AO1-Z HH-IY1 N-UW1 TH-IY1-D B-IY1 DH-EH1 R-IH0-N DH-EH1-R M-IY1-D HH-AO1-L D-R-IH1-NG K-IH0-NG DH-EH1-R M-IY1-D


... on their mead benches, which is where you drink mead.

AA1-N DH-EH1-R M-IY1-D B-EH1-N CH-IH0 Z-W-IH1 CH-IH1 Z-W-EH1 R-Y-UW1 D-R-IH1-NG K-M-IY1-D


and then a [scoppe 00:03:53] would come in, a ceremonial storyteller-

AH0-N-D DH-EH1 N-AH0-S K-AA1-P Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z TH-R-IY1 M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D F-IH1-F T-IY0 TH-R-IY1 S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D Z-W-UH1-D K-AH1 M-IH0 N-AH0 S-EH2 R-AH0 M-OW1 N-IY0 AH0-L-S T-AO1 R-IY0 T-EH2 L-ER0


it's about a lot of burley guys in a hall, just like you.

IH1-T S-AH0 B-AW1 T-AH0 L-AA1 T-AH1-V B-ER1 L-IY0 G-AY1 Z-IH0 N-AH0 HH-AO1-L JH-AH1-S T-L-AY1 K-Y-UW1


and they're in there drinking their mead, just like you. on their mead benches, which is where you drink-

AH0-N-D TH-EH1 R-IH0-N DH-EH1-R D-R-IH1-NG K-IH0-NG DH-EH1-R M-IY1-D JH-AH1-S T-L-AY1 K-Y-UW1 AA1-N DH-EH1-R M-IY1-D B-EH1-N CH-IH0 Z-W-IH1 CH-IH1 Z-W-EH1 R-Y-UW1 D-R-IH1-NG-K


... your mead, just like you. and then a monster happens. no. so, they're all like-

Y-AO1-R M-IY1-D JH-AH1-S T-L-AY1 K-Y-UW1 AH0-N-D DH-EH1 N-AH0 M-AA1-N-S T-ER0 HH-AE1 P-AH0-N Z-N-OW1 S-OW1 TH-EH1 R-AO1-L L-AY1-K


no. it was very much the anglo-saxon equivalent, but the calls were coming from inside the house.

N-OW1 IH1 T-W-AA1-Z V-EH1 R-IY0 M-AH1-CH DH-AH0 AE1-NG G-L-AH0 S-AA2-K S-AH0 N-IH0 K-W-IH1 V-AH0 L-AH0-N-T B-AH1-T DH-AH0 K-AO1-L Z-W-ER0 K-AH1 M-IH0-NG F-R-AH1 M-IH0-N S-AY1-D DH-AH0 HH-AW1-S


but actually, just on the subject of martyrs briefly-

B-AH1 T-AE1-K CH-AH0 W-AH0 L-IY0 JH-AH1-S T-AA1-N DH-AH0 S-AH1-B JH-IH0-K T-AH1 V-M-AA1-R T-ER0-Z B-R-IY1 F-L-IY0


... the theme. beowulf actually, we don't know too much about it.

DH-AH0 TH-IY1-M B-EY1 AH0 W-UH2-L F-AE1-K CH-AH0 W-AH0 L-IY0 W-IY1 D-AA1-N T-N-OW1 T-UW1 M-AH1 CH-AH0 B-AW1 T-IH1-T


we know that the text, as we have it, comes from the 9th century. and we can say with some certainty that the author was some monks.

W-IY1 N-OW1 DH-AE1-T DH-AH0 T-EH1-K-S T-AE1 Z-W-IY1 HH-AE1 V-IH1-T K-AH1-M-Z F-R-AH1-M DH-AH0 N-AY1-N-TH S-EH1-N CH-ER0 IY0 AH0-N D-W-IY1 K-AE1-N S-EY1 W-IH1-DH S-AH1-M S-ER1 T-AH0-N T-IY0 DH-AE1-T DH-AH0 AO1 TH-ER0 W-AA1-Z S-AH1-M M-AH1-NG-K-S


and so, they know, beowulf, who's going to hell.

AH0-N-D S-OW1 DH-EY1 N-OW1 B-EY1 AH0 W-UH2-L-F HH-UW1-Z G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 HH-EH1-L


which is very unfortunate for beowulf-

W-IH1 CH-IH1-Z V-EH1 R-IY0 AH0-N F-AO1-R CH-AH0 N-AH0-T F-AO1-R B-EY1 AH0 W-UH2-L-F


... and very unfortunate for the monks, because the thing is, they wrote that story down and they think beowulf's pretty fucking cool.

AH0-N-D V-EH1 R-IY0 AH0-N F-AO1-R CH-AH0 N-AH0-T F-AO1-R DH-AH0 M-AH1-NG-K-S B-IH0 K-AO1-Z DH-AH0 TH-IH1 NG-IH1-Z DH-EY1 R-OW1-T DH-AE1-T-S T-AO1 R-IY0 D-AW1 N-AH0-N-D DH-EY1 TH-IH1-NG-K B-IY1 OW0 F-AH0-L-Z P-R-IH1 T-IY0 F-AH1 K-IH0-NG K-UW1-L


so, they don't want him to die. and so, basically, he becomes a kind of a structured storyteller.

S-OW1 DH-EY1 D-AA1-N T-W-AA1-N-T HH-IH1-M T-UW1 D-AY1 AH0-N-D S-OW1 B-EY1 S-IH0 K-L-IY0 HH-IY1 B-IH0 K-AH1-M Z-AH0 K-AY1-N D-AH1 V-AH0-S T-R-AH1-K CH-ER0-D-S T-AO1 R-IY0 T-EH2 L-ER0


we know he's great. we know he kills loads of monsters and dragons-

W-IY1 N-OW1 HH-IY1-Z G-R-EY1 T-W-IY1 N-OW1 HH-IY1 K-IH1-L Z-L-OW1-D Z-AH1 V-M-AA1-N-S T-ER0 Z-AH0-N-D D-R-AE1 G-AH0-N-Z


but ultimately, he's going to hell and let that be a lesson to all that no matter how cool you, you will go to hell.

B-AH1 T-AH1-L T-AH0 M-AH0 T-L-IY0 HH-IY1-Z G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 HH-EH1 L-AH0-N D-L-EH1-T DH-AE1-T B-IY1 AH0 L-EH1 S-AH0-N T-UW1 AO1-L DH-AE1 T-N-OW1 M-AE1 T-ER0 HH-AW1 K-UW1 L-Y-UW1 Y-UW1 W-IH1-L G-OW1 T-UW1 HH-EH1-L


i do actually ... but i do have something which is about the theme tonight.

AY1 D-UW1 AE1-K CH-AH0 W-AH0 L-IY0 B-AH1 T-AY1 D-UW1 HH-AE1-V S-AH1-M TH-IH0 NG-W-IH1 CH-IH1 Z-AH0 B-AW1-T DH-AH0 TH-IY1-M T-AH0 N-AY1-T


i've got a favorite martyr. i come from the island of jersey-

AY1-V G-AA1 T-AH0 F-EY1 V-ER0 IH0 T-M-AA1-R T-ER0 AY1 K-AH1-M F-R-AH1-M DH-AH0 AY1 L-AH0-N D-AH1-V JH-ER1 Z-IY0


... coming out of jersey. anyone know what the patron saint of jersey is?

K-AH1 M-IH0 NG-AW1 T-AH1-V JH-ER1 Z-IY0 EH1 N-IY0 W-AH2-N N-OW1 W-AH1-T DH-AH0 P-EY1 T-R-AH0-N S-EY1-N T-AH1-V JH-ER1 Z-IY0 IH1-Z


no, the patron saint of jersey is st. helier.

N-OW1 DH-AH0 P-EY1 T-R-AH0-N S-EY1-N T-AH1-V JH-ER1 Z-IY0 IH1-Z-S T-R-IY1-T HH-EH1 L-IY0 ER0


st. helier, no? that's our town center.

S-T-R-IY1-T HH-EH1 L-IY0 ER0 N-OW1 TH-AE1-T S-AW1 ER0 T-AW1-N S-EH1-N T-ER0


you will be intimately familiar with st. helier. best thing about those, while we're on the subject-

Y-UW1 W-IH1-L B-IY1 IH1-N T-AH0 M-AH0 T-L-IY0 F-AH0 M-IH1 L-Y-ER0 W-IH1-DH-S T-R-IY1-T HH-EH1 L-IY0 ER0 B-EH1-S-T TH-IH1 NG-AH0 B-AW1-T DH-OW1 Z-W-AY1 L-W-ER0 AA1-N DH-AH0 S-AH1-B JH-IH0-K-T


let me just abuse a few of you.

L-EH1 T-M-IY1 JH-AH1-S T-AH0 B-Y-UW1 Z-AH0 F-Y-UW1 AH1 V-Y-UW1


but if john [nettles 00:06:27] goes in a building in st. helier, in bergerac

B-AH1 T-IH1-F JH-AA1-N N-EH1 T-AH0-L-Z Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z S-IH1-K S-M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D T-W-EH1-N T-IY0 S-EH1 V-AH0-N S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D-Z G-OW1 Z-IH0 N-AH0 B-IH1-L D-IH0 NG-IH0-N-S T-R-IY1-T HH-EH1 L-IY0 ER0 IH0-N B-ER1 G-R-AE0-K


... he couldn't very easily come out on the other side of the island.

HH-IY1 K-AW1-L D-AH0-N-T V-EH1 R-IY0 IY1 Z-AH0 L-IY0 K-AH1 M-AW1 T-AA1-N DH-AH0 AH1 DH-ER0 S-AY1 D-AH1-V DH-AH0 AY1 L-AH0-N-D


now, none of you who've never been to jersey and don't care, evidently, by the sight of that chair, won't be able to notice that. but when i watch bergerac, i watch.

N-AW1 N-AH1 N-AH1 V-Y-UW1 HH-UW1 V-N-EH1 V-ER0 B-IH1-N T-UW1 JH-ER1 Z-IY0 AH0-N-D D-AA1-N-T K-EH1 R-EH1 V-AH0 D-AH0-N T-L-IY0 B-AY1 DH-AH0 S-AY1 T-AH1-V DH-AE1-T CH-EH1 R-W-OW1-N-T B-IY1 EY1 B-AH0-L T-UW1 N-OW1 T-AH0-S DH-AE1-T B-AH1 T-W-EH1 N-AY1 W-AA1-CH B-ER1 G-R-AE0 K-AY1 W-AA1-CH


... 3:00 pm on sunday afternoons.

TH-R-IY1 P-IY1 EH1 M-AA1-N S-AH1-N D-EY2 AE2-F T-ER0 N-UW1-N-Z


... check it out. you notice-

CH-EH1 K-IH1 T-AW1 T-Y-UW1 N-OW1 T-AH0-S


... says, "no, he's gone in that door. he's come on the other side of the island."

S-EH1 Z-N-OW1 HH-IY1-Z G-AO1 N-IH0-N DH-AE1-T D-AO1-R HH-IY1-Z K-AH1 M-AA1-N DH-AH0 AH1 DH-ER0 S-AY1 D-AH1-V DH-AH0 AY1 L-AH0-N-D


and so bergerac becomes like another episode. it becomes like an episode of doctor who.

AH0-N-D S-OW1 B-ER1 G-R-AE0-K B-IH0 K-AH1-M Z-L-AY1 K-AH0 N-AH1 DH-ER0 EH1 P-AH0 S-OW2 D-IH1-T B-IH0 K-AH1-M Z-L-AY1 K-AE1 N-EH1 P-AH0 S-OW2 D-AH1-V D-AA1-K T-ER0 HH-UW1


last, arthur comes to green the land. with britain's darkest hour at hand, he burns the alien ships on high-

L-AE1-S T-AA1-R TH-ER0 K-AH1-M-Z T-UW1 G-R-IY1-N DH-AH0 L-AE1-N D-W-IH1-DH B-R-IH1 T-AH0-N-Z D-AA1-R K-AH0-S T-AW1 ER0 AE1-T HH-AE1-N-D HH-IY1 B-ER1-N-Z DH-AH0 EY1 L-IY0 AH0-N SH-IH1-P S-AA1-N HH-AY1


... tends to his battle there to lie-

T-EH1-N-D-Z T-UW1 HH-IH1-Z B-AE1 T-AH0-L DH-EH1-R T-UW1 L-AY1


then england of its kings did bore-

DH-EH1 N-IH1-NG G-L-AH0-N D-AH1 V-IH1-T-S K-IH1-NG-Z D-IH1-D B-AO1-R


... there's one more, paul, and then-

DH-EH1-R Z-W-AH1-N M-AO1-R P-AO1 L-AH0-N-D DH-EH1-N


thanks for whooping. it's always nice. this next song is one that i recorded in january and it's a title-

TH-AE1-NG-K-S F-AO1 R-W-UW1 P-IH0 NG-IH1-T S-AO1 L-W-EY2 Z-N-AY1-S DH-IH1 S-N-EH1-K-S-T S-AO1 NG-IH1 Z-W-AH1-N DH-AE1 T-AY1 R-AH0 K-AO1-R D-AH0 D-IH0-N JH-AE1 N-Y-UW0 EH2 R-IY0 AH0-N D-IH1-T S-AH0 T-AY1 T-AH0-L


it is not so, and it was not so.

IH1 T-IH1 Z-N-AA1-T S-OW1 AH0-N D-IH1 T-W-AA1 Z-N-AA1-T S-OW1


... the fox's brand new waistcoat. mister-

DH-AH0 F-AA1-K-S B-R-AE1-N D-N-UW1 W-EY1-S-T K-OW2 T-M-IH1-S T-ER0


the fox looked down and there it lay, a small white hand-

DH-AH0 F-AA1-K S-L-UH1-K-T D-AW1 N-AH0-N-D DH-EH1 R-IH1 T-L-EY1 AH0 S-M-AO1 L-W-AY1-T HH-AE1-N-D


... wearing a diamond ring. and there was lady mary on her feet, and there was lady mary pointing her finger like a fury-

W-EH1 R-IH0 NG-AH0 D-AY1 M-AH0-N D-R-IH1 NG-AH0-N-D DH-EH1 R-W-AA1 Z-L-EY1 D-IY0 M-EH1 R-IY0 AA1-N HH-ER0 F-IY1 T-AH0-N-D DH-EH1 R-W-AA1 Z-L-EY1 D-IY0 M-EH1 R-IY0 P-OY1-N T-IH0-NG HH-ER0 F-IH1-NG G-ER0 L-AY1 K-AH0 F-Y-UH1 R-IY0


it is so, and it was so. his hand and ring-

IH1 T-IH1-Z S-OW1 AH0-N D-IH1 T-W-AA1-Z S-OW1 HH-IH1-Z HH-AE1-N D-AH0-N D-R-IH1-NG


i have to show it is so, and it was so. his hand and ring.

AY1 HH-AE1-V T-UW1 SH-OW1 IH1 T-IH1-Z S-OW1 AH0-N D-IH1 T-W-AA1-Z S-OW1 HH-IH1-Z HH-AE1-N D-AH0-N D-R-IH1-NG


i have to show it is so, and it was so. his hand and ring, i have to show. a dozen sword blades flashed-

AY1 HH-AE1-V T-UW1 SH-OW1 IH1 T-IH1-Z S-OW1 AH0-N D-IH1 T-W-AA1-Z S-OW1 HH-IH1-Z HH-AE1-N D-AH0-N D-R-IH1 NG-AY1 HH-AE1-V T-UW1 SH-OW1 AH0 D-AH1 Z-AH0-N S-AO1-R-D B-L-EY1-D-Z F-L-AE1-SH-T


... in the air and mister fox fell dead.

IH0-N DH-AH0 EH1 R-AH0-N D-M-IH1-S T-ER0 F-AA1-K-S F-EH1-L D-EH1-D


so, yeah. so, that's ... we're getting to the ... we've got to the end of-

S-OW1 Y-AE1 S-OW1 TH-AE1-T S-W-ER0 G-EH1 T-IH0-NG T-UW1 DH-AH0 W-IY1-V G-AA1-T T-UW1 DH-AH0 EH1-N D-AH1-V


right and your phd is in social policy, which is what you're kind of handling at tragic autumn. you're going to be looking at the tragedy of what-of the-

R-AY1 T-AH0-N D-Y-AO1-R F-IH1-D Z-IH1 Z-IH0-N S-OW1 SH-AH0-L P-AA1 L-AH0 S-IY0 W-IH1 CH-IH1 Z-W-AH1 T-Y-UH1-R K-AY1-N D-AH1-V HH-AE1-N D-L-IH0 NG-AE1-T T-R-AE1 JH-IH0 K-AO1 T-AH0 M-Y-UH1-R G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 B-IY1 L-UH1 K-IH0 NG-AE1-T DH-AH0 T-R-AE1 JH-AH0 D-IY0 AH1 V-W-AH1 T-AO0-F DH-AH0


so, the conceit that we decided was that it'd be tragic back to school. and in this case-

S-OW1 DH-AH0 K-AH0-N S-IY1-T DH-AE1 T-W-IY1 D-IH0 S-AY1 D-IH0 D-W-AA1-Z DH-AE1 T-AY1 T-AH0-D B-IY1 T-R-AE1 JH-IH0-K B-AE1-K T-UW1-S K-UW1 L-AH0-N D-IH0-N DH-IH1-S K-EY1-S


some of my lovely colleagues are going to be performing for the first time, talking about how they see the tragedy of the welfare-

S-AH1 M-AH1 V-M-AY1 L-AH1 V-L-IY0 K-AA1 L-IY0-G Z-AA1-R G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 B-IY1 P-ER0 F-AO1-R M-IH0-NG F-AO1-R DH-AH0 F-ER1-S-T T-AY1-M T-AO1 K-IH0 NG-AH0 B-AW1-T HH-AW1 DH-EY1 S-IY1 DH-AH0 T-R-AE1 JH-AH0 D-IY0 AH1-V DH-AH0 W-EH1-L F-EH2-R


... state, depending on their different disciplines and talking to them about what they're going to do.

S-T-EY1-T D-IH0 P-EH1-N D-IH0 NG-AA1-N DH-EH1-R D-IH1 F-ER0 AH0-N-T D-IH1 S-AH0 P-L-AH0-N Z-AH0-N-D T-AO1 K-IH0-NG T-UW1 DH-EH1 M-AH0 B-AW1 T-W-AH1-T TH-EH1-R G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 D-UW1


they're giving their opinions and thoughts in a way that they wouldn't be doing-

TH-EH1-R G-IH1 V-IH0-NG DH-EH1 R-AH0 P-IH1 N-Y-AH0-N Z-AH0-N-D TH-AO1-T S-IH0 N-AH0 W-EY1 DH-AE1-T DH-EY1 W-UH1 D-L-AH0-N-T B-IY1 D-UW1 IH0-NG


... i think normally, and i think it'd be really nice for the audience, and i think will be a really unique experience-

AY1 TH-IH1-NG K-N-AO1-R M-AH0 L-IY0 AH0-N D-AY1 TH-IH1-NG K-AY1 T-AH0-D B-IY1 R-IH1 L-IY0 N-AY1-S F-AO1-R DH-AH0 AA1 D-IY0 AH0-N S-AH0-N D-AY1 TH-IH1-NG K-W-IH1-L B-IY1 AH0 R-IH1 L-IY0 Y-UW0 N-IY1 K-IH0-K-S P-IH1 R-IY0 AH0-N-S


because none of them have ever performed like that before.

B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-N-AH1 N-AH1-V DH-EH1-M HH-AE1 V-EH1 V-ER0 P-ER0 F-AO1-R-M D-L-AY1-K DH-AE1-T B-IH0 F-AO1-R


actually, a bunch of credit to steve [cotts 00:09:47], because that's one of the things that sort of i was playing with was the idea that scientists get to do this a lot, but people in the social sciences don't end up doing it a-

AE1-K CH-AH0 W-AH0 L-IY0 AH0 B-AH1-N CH-AH1-V K-R-EH1 D-AH0-T T-UW1-S T-IY1-V K-AA1-T-S Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0 Z-N-AY1-N M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D F-AO1-R T-IY0 S-EH1 V-AH0-N S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D-Z B-IH0 K-AO1-Z TH-AE1-T S-W-AH1 N-AH1-V DH-AH0 TH-IH1-NG-Z DH-AE1-T S-AO1-R T-AH1 V-AY1 W-AA1-Z P-L-EY1 IH0 NG-W-IH1 DH-W-AA1-Z DH-AH0 AY0 D-IY1 AH0 DH-AE1-T S-AY1 AH0-N T-IH0-S-T-S G-EH1-T T-UW1 D-UW1 DH-IH1 S-AH0 L-AA1-T B-AH1-T P-IY1 P-AH0 L-IH0-N DH-AH0 S-OW1 SH-AH0-L S-AY1 AH0-N S-AH0-Z D-AA1-N T-EH1-N D-AH1-P D-UW1 IH0 NG-IH1 T-AH0


... what a shame because we deal with people. we're studying people and people are-

W-AH1 T-AH0 SH-EY1-M B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-W-IY1 D-IY1 L-W-IH1-DH P-IY1 P-AH0 L-W-ER0-S T-AH1 D-IY0 IH0-NG P-IY1 P-AH0 L-AH0-N-D P-IY1 P-AH0 L-AA1-R


... fascinating and weird and funny and tragic. and so it's, i think, good to talk about that kind of thing as well outside of-

F-AE1 S-AH0 N-EY2 T-IH0 NG-AH0-N D-W-IH1-R D-AH0-N-D F-AH1 N-IY0 AH0-N-D T-R-AE1 JH-IH0 K-AH0-N-D S-OW1 IH1-T S-AY1 TH-IH1-NG-K G-UH1-D T-UW1 T-AO1 K-AH0 B-AW1-T DH-AE1-T K-AY1-N D-AH1-V TH-IH1 NG-AE1 Z-W-EH1 L-AW1-T S-AY1 D-AH1-V


i did.yeah, you chose to. i didn't expect you toi chose to do it. no, no, no, no, no. i chose to do it. and it was fascinating to go back through for a couple of reasons. one-

AY1 D-IH0 D-IY1 AH0 Y-UW1 CH-OW1-Z T-UW1 AY1 D-IH1 D-AH0-N T-IH0-K-S P-EH1-K T-Y-UW1 T-OY1 CH-OW1-Z T-UW1 D-UW1 IH1 T-N-OW1 N-OW1 N-OW1 N-OW1 N-OW1 AY1 CH-OW1-Z T-UW1 D-UW1 IH1 T-AH0-N D-IH1 T-W-AA1-Z F-AE1 S-AH0 N-EY2 T-IH0-NG T-UW1 G-OW1 B-AE1-K TH-R-UW1 F-AO1 R-AH0 K-AH1 P-AH0 L-AH1 V-R-IY1 Z-AH0-N Z-W-AH1-N


... this was originally supposed to be. one was that it was impossible to choose. it's choosing between your children. it's choosing between many talented performers, many of whom were my friends-

DH-IH1 S-W-AA1 Z-ER0 IH1 JH-AH0 N-AH0 L-IY0 S-AH0 P-OW1-Z-D T-UW1 B-IY1 W-AH1 N-W-AA1-Z DH-AE1 T-IH1 T-W-AA1 Z-IH0-M P-AA1 S-AH0 B-AH0-L T-UW1 CH-UW1 Z-IH1-T-S CH-UW1 Z-IH0-NG B-IH0 T-W-IY1 N-Y-AO1-R CH-IH1-L D-R-AH0 N-IH1-T-S CH-UW1 Z-IH0-NG B-IH0 T-W-IY1-N M-EH1 N-IY0 T-AE1 L-AH0-N T-AH0-D P-ER0 F-AO1-R M-ER0 Z-M-EH1 N-IY0 AH1-V HH-UW1 M-W-ER0 M-AY1 F-R-EH1-N-D-Z


... many really beautiful, really personal performances. the thing that i found though was that a lot of the comedy ones didn't translate as well-

M-EH1 N-IY0 R-IH1 L-IY0 B-Y-UW1 T-AH0 F-AH0-L R-IH1 L-IY0 P-ER1 S-IH0 N-IH0-L P-ER0 F-AO1-R M-AH0-N S-AH0-Z DH-AH0 TH-IH1-NG DH-AE1 T-AY1 F-AW1-N-D DH-OW1 W-AA1-Z DH-AE1 T-AH0 L-AA1 T-AH1-V DH-AH0 K-AA1 M-AH0 D-IY0 W-AH1-N-Z D-IH1 D-AH0-N-T T-R-AE0-N Z-L-EY1 T-AE1 Z-W-EH1-L


... so it may seem a bit spoken word heavy, but that's why they're three, and that's why there's a big old spreadsheet. but i started listening from the beginning, and that was quite interesting.yeah, you bas-

S-OW1 IH1 T-M-EY1 S-IY1 M-AH0 B-IH1-T-S P-OW1 K-AH0 N-W-ER1-D HH-EH1 V-IY0 B-AH1-T TH-AE1-T S-W-AY1 TH-EH1-R TH-R-IY1 AH0-N-D TH-AE1-T S-W-AY1 DH-EH1-R Z-AH0 B-IH1 G-OW1-L-D-S P-R-EH1-D SH-IY2-T B-AH1 T-AY1-S T-AA1-R T-AH0 D-L-IH1 S-AH0 N-IH0-NG F-R-AH1-M DH-AH0 B-IH0 G-IH1 N-IH0 NG-AH0-N-D DH-AE1 T-W-AA1-Z K-W-AY1 T-IH2-N T-ER0 EH0-S T-IY1-N SH-IH2 JH-Y-UW1 B-AE1-S


... gone back and time travel. and i mean, that made me cringe when you said you've been listening from the beginning because i remember how bad those original podcasts are compared to where we're at now.

G-AO1-N B-AE1 K-AH0-N-D T-AY1-M T-R-AE1 V-AH0 L-AH0-N D-AY1 M-IY1-N DH-AE1 T-M-EY1 D-M-IY1 K-R-IH1-N JH-W-EH1 N-Y-UW1 S-EH1 D-Y-UW1-V B-IH1 N-L-IH1 S-AH0 N-IH0-NG F-R-AH1-M DH-AH0 B-IH0 G-IH1 N-IH0-NG B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-AY1 R-IH0 M-EH1-M B-ER0 HH-AW1 B-AE1-D DH-OW1 Z-ER0 IH1 JH-AH0 N-AH0-L P-OW1-D K-AE2-S-T S-AA1-R K-AH0-M P-EH1-R-D T-UW1 W-EH1 R-W-ER0 AE1 T-N-AW1


i kind of thought this was a good approach to do just because they've been so variable, and i didn't want to not give credit to some of the earlier work.

AY1 K-AY1-N D-AH1-V TH-AO1-T DH-IH1 S-W-AA1 Z-AH0 G-UH1 D-AH0 P-R-OW1-CH T-UW1 D-UW1 JH-AH1-S-T B-IH0 K-AO1-Z DH-EY1-V B-IH1-N S-OW1 V-EH1 R-IY0 AH0 B-AH0 L-AH0-N D-AY1 D-IH1 D-AH0-N T-W-AA1-N-T T-UW1 N-AA1-T G-IH1-V K-R-EH1 D-AH0-T T-UW1 S-AH1 M-AH1-V DH-AH0 ER1 L-IY0 ER0 W-ER1-K


and i thought that was a bit interesting that listening back to that first season-

AH0-N D-AY1 TH-AO1-T DH-AE1 T-W-AA1 Z-AH0 B-IH1 T-IH1-N T-R-AH0-S T-IH0-NG DH-AE1 T-L-IH1 S-AH0 N-IH0-NG B-AE1-K T-UW1 DH-AE1-T F-ER1-S-T S-IY1 Z-AH0-N


... i think there's a great beauty in it, and it's this mother-

AY1 TH-IH1-NG-K DH-EH1-R Z-AH0 G-R-EY1-T B-Y-UW1 T-IY0 IH0 N-IH1 T-AH0-N D-IH1-T-S DH-IH1 S-M-AH1 DH-ER0


... well, i won't go into too much of it because you'll be listening to it-spoilers.spoilers, but-

W-EH1 L-AY1 W-OW1-N-T G-OW1 IH0-N T-UW1 T-UW1 M-AH1 CH-AH1 V-IH1-T B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-Y-UW1-L B-IY1 L-IH1 S-AH0 N-IH0-NG T-UW1 IH2-S T-AH0-S P-OY1 L-ER0 S-IY2-P-S B-AH1-T


... i think it's really wonderful. and i connect a little bit to the main character and what she's saying, even though it's sort of a fantasy-

AY1 TH-IH1-NG K-IH1-T S-R-IH1 L-IY0 W-AH1-N D-ER0 F-AH0 L-AH0-N D-AY1 K-AH0 N-EH1-K T-AH0 L-IH1 T-AH0-L B-IH1-T T-UW1 DH-AH0 M-EY1-N K-EH1 R-IH0-K T-ER0 AH0-N D-W-AH1-T SH-EH1-S S-EY1 IH0 NG-IY1 V-IH0-N DH-OW1 IH1-T-S S-AO1-R T-AH1 V-AH0 F-AE1-N T-AH0 S-IY0


... i think. but on the other hand, you can see how it could very easily not be a fantasy, and it is quite tragic. so that was my best of from london.

AY1 TH-IH1-NG-K B-AH1 T-AA1-N DH-AH0 AH1 DH-ER0 HH-AE1-N D-Y-UW1 K-AE1-N S-IY1 HH-AW1 IH1-T K-UH1-D V-EH1 R-IY0 IY1 Z-AH0 L-IY0 N-AA1-T B-IY1 AH0 F-AE1-N T-AH0 S-IY0 AH0-N D-IH1 T-IH1-Z K-W-AY1-T T-R-AE1 JH-IH0-K S-OW1 DH-AE1 T-W-AA1 Z-M-AY1 B-EH1-S T-AH1-V F-R-AH1 M-L-AH1-N D-AH0-N


and as mentioned, expect poor sound quality at this point in our journey, but it will get better. yeah. here we go.

AH0-N D-AE1 Z-M-EH1-N SH-AH0-N D-IH0-K-S P-EH1-K-T P-UH1-R S-AW1-N-D K-W-AA1 L-AH0 T-IY0 AE1-T DH-IH1-S P-OY1-N T-IH0 N-AW1 ER0 JH-ER1 N-IY0 B-AH1 T-IH1 T-W-IH1-L G-EH1-T B-EH1 T-ER0 Y-AE1 HH-IY1 R-W-IY1 G-OW1


... by jacqueline downs performed by [libby 00:02:02] edwards.

B-AY1 JH-AE1 K-W-AH0 L-IH0-N D-AW1-N-Z P-ER0 F-AO1-R-M-D B-AY1 L-IH1 B-IY0 Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z T-UW1 M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D T-UW1 S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D Z-EH1 D-W-ER0-D-Z


this and more can be found at lionsleague.com. writers-

DH-IH1 S-AH0-N D-M-AO1-R K-AE1-N B-IY1 F-AW1-N D-AE1 T-L-AY1 AH0-N S-L-OW2 M-AH0 K-R-AY1 T-ER0-Z


... i was like, "my dog died." but yeah, i don't really have any-

AY1 W-AA1 Z-L-AY1 K-M-AY1 D-AO1-G D-AY1-D B-AH1 T-Y-AE1 AY1 D-AA1-N T-R-IH1 L-IY0 HH-AE1 V-EH1 N-IY0


... but we all know who did it now, so it's not really-

B-AH1 T-W-IY1 AO1-L N-OW1 HH-UW1 D-IH1 D-IH1 T-N-AW1 S-OW1 IH1-T S-N-AA1 T-R-IH1 L-IY0


... but yeah. do you know what i mean? really rubbish this. so yeah, the next song i'm going to sing. it's called plastic and it's off my ep and this is about license.

B-AH1 T-Y-AE1 D-UW1 Y-UW1 N-OW1 W-AH1 T-AY1 M-IY1 N-R-IH1 L-IY0 R-AH1 B-IH0-SH DH-IH1-S S-OW1 Y-AE1 DH-AH0 N-EH1-K-S-T S-AO1 NG-IH1-M G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 S-IH1 NG-IH1-T-S K-AO1-L-D P-L-AE1-S T-IH0 K-AH0-N D-IH1-T S-AO1 F-M-AY1 EH1 P-AH0-N-D DH-IH1 S-IH1 Z-AH0 B-AW1 T-L-AY1 S-AH0-N-S


and i'm going to play a song called louie matthews. and i wrote louie matthews about someone i stalked on facebook

AH0-N D-IH1-M G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 P-L-EY1 AH0 S-AO1-NG K-AO1-L D-L-UW0 IY1 M-AE1 TH-Y-UW0 Z-AH0-N D-AY1 R-OW1 T-L-UW0 IY1 M-AE1 TH-Y-UW0 Z-AH0 B-AW1-T S-AH1 M-W-AH2 N-AY1-S T-AO1-K T-AA1-N F-EY1-S B-UH2-K


so i'm going to sing a song called he kissed my coccinelle. i don't often play this-

S-OW1 IH1-M G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 S-IH1 NG-AH0 S-AO1-NG K-AO1-L-D HH-IY1 K-IH1-S T-M-AY1 K-OW0 K-IH2 N-EH1 L-IY0 AY1 D-AA1-N T-AO1 F-AH0-N P-L-EY1 DH-IH1-S


... but because this is so like, in a lovely way, singing in your living-

B-AH1-T B-IH0 K-AO1-Z DH-IH1 S-IH1-Z S-OW1 L-AY1 K-IH0 N-AH0 L-AH1 V-L-IY0 W-EY1 S-IH1 NG-IH0 NG-IH0 N-Y-AO1-R L-IH1 V-IH0-NG


yes, i ended up writing about him. so discord is happening again. thank you so much. [inaudible 00:02:59].

Y-EH1 S-AY1 EH1-N D-AH0 D-AH1 P-R-AY1 T-IH0 NG-AH0 B-AW1-T HH-IH1-M S-OW1 D-IH1-S K-AO0-R D-IH1-Z HH-AE1 P-AH0 N-IH0 NG-AH0 G-EH1-N TH-AE1-NG K-Y-UW1 S-OW1 M-AH1 CH-IH0 N-AO1 D-AH0 B-AH0-L Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z T-UW1 M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D F-IH1-F T-IY0 N-AY1-N S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D-Z


given that extra theme gives that different focus to what happens and that did definitely change things. sometimes the themes were impossible to actually-

G-IH1 V-AH0-N DH-AE1 T-EH1-K-S T-R-AH0 TH-IY1-M G-IH1-V-Z DH-AE1-T D-IH1 F-ER0 AH0-N-T F-OW1 K-AH0-S T-UW1 W-AH1-T HH-AE1 P-AH0-N Z-AH0-N-D DH-AE1-T D-IH1-D D-EH1 F-AH0 N-AH0 T-L-IY0 CH-EY1-N-JH TH-IH1-NG-Z S-AH0-M T-AY1-M-Z DH-AH0 TH-IY1-M Z-W-ER0 IH0-M P-AA1 S-AH0 B-AH0-L T-UW1 AE1-K CH-AH0 W-AH0 L-IY0


going to put me away, they're going to put me in-

G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 P-UH1 T-M-IY1 AH0 W-EY1 TH-EH1-R G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 P-UH1 T-M-IY1 IH0-N


to his paranoia about an insignificant benefits fraud and worse-

T-UW1 HH-IH1-Z P-EH2 R-AH0 N-OY1 AH0 AH0 B-AW1 T-AE1 N-IH2-N S-IH0 G-N-Y-IH1 F-IH0 K-AH0-N-T B-EH1 N-AH0 F-IH0-T-S F-R-AO1 D-AH0-N D-W-ER1-S


... shouldn't be here. you shouldn't be here.

SH-OW1-L T-AH0-N-T B-IY1 HH-IY1 R-Y-UW1 SH-OW1-L T-AH0-N-T B-IY1 HH-IY1-R


downstairs in his pajamas and old football manager coat, he'd given up finding the notes and made his way to the back-

D-AW1-N-S T-EH1-R Z-IH0-N HH-IH1-Z P-AH0 JH-AA1 M-AH0 Z-AH0-N D-OW1-L-D F-UH1-T B-AO2-L M-AE1 N-AH0 JH-ER0 K-OW1-T HH-EH1-D G-IH1 V-AH0 N-AH1-P F-AY1-N D-IH0-NG DH-AH0 N-OW1-T S-AH0-N D-M-EY1-D HH-IH1 Z-W-EY1 T-UW1 DH-AH0 B-AE1-K


then i had to stay outside to get mobile reception while i called an ambulance.

DH-EH1 N-AY1 HH-AE1-D T-UW1-S T-EY1 AW1-T S-AY1-D T-UW1 G-EH1 T-M-OW1 B-AH0-L R-IH0 S-EH1-P SH-AH0 N-W-AY1 L-AY1 K-AO1-L D-AE1 N-AE1-M B-Y-AH0 L-AH0-N-S


i had to disarm him of that before he could cut his own throat in front of me.

AY1 HH-AE1-D T-UW1 D-IH0 S-AA1-R-M HH-IH1 M-AH1-V DH-AE1-T B-IH0 F-AO1-R HH-IY1 K-UH1-D K-AH1-T HH-IH1 Z-OW1-N TH-R-OW1 T-IH0-N F-R-AH1-N T-AH1 V-M-IY1


then when he tried to get up again-

DH-EH1 N-W-EH1-N HH-IY1 T-R-AY1-D T-UW1 G-EH1 T-AH1 P-AH0 G-EH1-N


... punched him in the guts and threatened him with a beating to stop him from killing himself.

P-AH1-N-CH-T HH-IH1 M-IH0-N DH-AH0 G-AH1-T S-AH0-N-D TH-R-EH1 T-AH0-N-D HH-IH1 M-W-IH1 DH-AH0 B-IY1 T-IH0-NG T-UW1-S T-AA1-P HH-IH1-M F-R-AH1-M K-IH1 L-IH0-NG HH-IH0-M S-EH1-L-F


and they persuaded him to go back to the ward.

AH0-N-D DH-EY1 P-ER0 S-W-EY1 D-AH0-D HH-IH1-M T-UW1 G-OW1 B-AE1-K T-UW1 DH-AH0 W-AO1-R-D


i didn't realize then that in what manner i'd touched him-

AY1 D-IH1 D-AH0-N T-R-IY1 L-AY2-Z DH-EH1-N DH-AE1 T-IH0 N-W-AH1 T-M-AE1 N-ER0 IH1-D T-AH1-CH-T HH-IH1-M


exhausted and angry, i phoned my granddad, then 90, to come and look after mum and decided that yeah-

IH0-G Z-AO1-S T-AH0 D-AH0-N D-AE1-NG G-R-IY0 AY1 F-OW1-N D-M-AY1 G-R-AE1-N D-AE2-D DH-EH1-N N-AY1-N T-IY0 T-UW1 K-AH1 M-AH0-N D-L-UH1 K-AE1-F T-ER0 M-AH1 M-AH0-N-D D-IH0 S-AY1 D-IH0-D DH-AE1 T-Y-AE1


i would catch the train i'd booked to the hotel.

AY1 W-UH1-D K-AE1-CH DH-AH0 T-R-EY1 N-IH1-D B-UH1-K-T T-UW1 DH-AH0 HH-OW0 T-EH1-L


i'd booked in manchester and would shag-

IH1-D B-UH1-K T-IH0-N M-AE1-N CH-EH2-S T-ER0 AH0-N D-W-UH1-D SH-AE1-G


... the nice 22 year old girl i'd met up there while touring my show.

DH-AH0 N-AY1-S T-W-EH1-N T-IY0 T-UW1 Y-IH1 R-OW1-L-D G-ER1 L-IH1 D-M-EH1 T-AH1-P DH-EH1 R-W-AY1-L T-UH1 R-IH0-NG M-AY1 SH-OW1


should i have gone in the ambulance with my dad like the police wanted?

SH-UH1 D-AY1 HH-AE1-V G-AO1 N-IH0-N DH-AH0 AE1-M B-Y-AH0 L-AH0-N S-W-IH1 DH-M-AY1 D-AE1 D-L-AY1-K DH-AH0 P-AH0 L-IY1 S-W-AA1-N T-AH0-D


i still don't think it would've made any difference.

AY1-S T-IH1-L D-AA1-N-T TH-IH1-NG K-IH1 T-W-UH1-D-L V-M-EY1 D-EH1 N-IY0 D-IH1 F-ER0 AH0-N-S


life is a constant series of decisions between spending your life ameliorating present mis-

L-AY1 F-IH1 Z-AH0 K-AA1-N-S T-AH0-N-T S-IH1 R-IY0 Z-AH1-V D-IH0 S-IH1 ZH-AH0-N-Z B-IH0 T-W-IY1-N-S P-EH1-N D-IH0 NG-Y-AO1-R L-AY1 F-AH0 M-IY1 L-Y-ER0 AY2 T-IH0-NG P-R-EH1 Z-AH0-N T-M-IH1-S


... no matter how slim the chances, and she was a real goer.

N-OW1 M-AE1 T-ER0 HH-AW1 S-L-IH1-M DH-AH0 CH-AE1-N S-AH0 Z-AH0-N-D SH-IY1 W-AA1 Z-AH0 R-IY1-L G-OW1 ER0


my dad was in and out of hospital.

M-AY1 D-AE1 D-W-AA1 Z-IH0 N-AH0-N D-AW1 T-AH1-V HH-AA1-S P-IH2 T-AH0-L


under and out from section-

AH1-N D-ER0 AH0-N D-AW1-T F-R-AH1-M S-EH1-K SH-AH0-N


... crimper, then returned with a knife and tried to cut his throat again.

K-R-IH1-M P-ER0 DH-EH1 N-R-IH0 T-ER1-N D-W-IH1 DH-AH0 N-AY1 F-AH0-N-D T-R-AY1-D T-UW1 K-AH1-T HH-IH1-Z TH-R-OW1 T-AH0 G-EH1-N


apparently this time he got a formidable scar.

AH0 P-EH1 R-AH0-N T-L-IY0 DH-IH1-S T-AY1-M HH-IY1 G-AA1 T-AH0 F-AO1-R M-AH0 D-AH0 B-AH0-L-S K-AA1-R


so i could tell myself that this was another cry for help. the fourth.

S-OW1 AY1 K-UH1-D T-EH1-L M-AY2 S-EH1-L-F DH-AE1-T DH-IH1 S-W-AA1 Z-AH0 N-AH1 DH-ER0 K-R-AY1 F-AO1-R HH-EH1-L-P DH-AH0 F-AO1-R-TH


i talked to him on the phone and told him he didn't have to worry about money or anything.

AY1 T-AO1-K-T T-UW1 HH-IH1 M-AA1-N DH-AH0 F-OW1 N-AH0-N-D T-OW1-L-D HH-IH1-M HH-IY1 D-IH1 D-AH0-N-T HH-AE1-V T-UW1 W-ER1 IY0 AH0 B-AW1 T-M-AH1 N-IY0 AO1 R-EH1 N-IY0 TH-IH2-NG


we take care of mum to remove the pressure from him.

W-IY1 T-EY1-K K-EH1 R-AH1 V-M-AH1-M T-UW1 R-IY0 M-UW1-V DH-AH0 P-R-EH1 SH-ER0 F-R-AH1-M HH-IH1-M


he was even more unresponsive than before.

HH-IY1 W-AA1 Z-IY1 V-IH0-N M-AO1 R-AH2 N-R-IY0-S P-AA1-N S-IH0-V DH-AE1-N B-IH0 F-AO1-R


but i thought due to our fractious history, it might be best if i stayed away.

B-AH1 T-AY1 TH-AO1-T D-UW1 T-UW1 AW1 ER0 F-R-AE1-K SH-AH0-S HH-IH1-S T-ER0 IY0 IH1 T-M-AY1-T B-IY1 B-EH1-S T-IH1 F-AY1-S T-EY1 D-AH0 W-EY1


he'd never taken any advice from anyone while he was well, except for from the daily mail.

HH-EH1 D-N-EH1 V-ER0 T-EY1 K-AH0 N-EH1 N-IY0 AE0-D V-AY1-S F-R-AH1 M-EH1 N-IY0 W-AH2 N-W-AY1-L HH-IY1 W-AA1 Z-W-EH1 L-IH0-K S-EH1-P-T F-AO1-R F-R-AH1-M DH-AH0 D-EY1 L-IY0 M-EY1-L


so if he did recover, it wouldn't be thanks to me. if he didn't-

S-OW1 IH1-F HH-IY1 D-IH1 D-R-IH0 K-AH1 V-ER0 IH1 T-W-UH1 D-L-AH0-N-T B-IY1 TH-AE1-NG-K-S T-UW1 M-IY1 IH1-F HH-IY1 D-IH1 D-AH0-N-T


well, i didn't want to remember him as being in a hospital.

W-EH1 L-AY1 D-IH1 D-AH0-N T-W-AA1-N-T T-UW1 R-IH0 M-EH1-M B-ER0 HH-IH1 M-AE1-Z B-IY1 IH0 NG-IH0 N-AH0 HH-AA1-S P-IH2 T-AH0-L


i didn't want madness, sadness to run my life.

AY1 D-IH1 D-AH0-N T-W-AA1-N T-M-AE1 D-N-AH0-S S-AE1 D-N-AH0-S T-UW1 R-AH1-N M-AY1 L-AY1-F


on 9th of december, my sister sent me an encouraging picture of the folks decorating the tree. on monday, the 17th of december-

AA1-N N-AY1-N TH-AH1-V D-IH0 S-EH1-M B-ER0 M-AY1 S-IH1-S T-ER0 S-EH1-N T-M-IY1 AE1 N-EH0-N K-ER1 IH0 JH-IH0-NG P-IH1-K CH-ER0 AH1-V DH-AH0 F-OW1-K-S D-EH1 K-ER0 EY2 T-IH0-NG DH-AH0 T-R-IY1 AA1-N M-AH1-N D-IY0 DH-AH0 S-EH1 V-AH0-N T-IY1-N TH-AH1-V D-IH0 S-EH1-M B-ER0


i'd been drinking exclusively heavily in the youth hostel-

IH1-D B-IH1-N D-R-IH1-NG K-IH0 NG-IH0-K-S K-L-UW1 S-IH0 V-L-IY0 HH-EH1 V-AH0 L-IY0 IH0-N DH-AH0 Y-UW1-TH HH-AA1-S T-AH0-L


... bar cagliari. watching from the sidelines as some locals did traditional singing and dancing with no news being good news.

B-AA1-R K-AE2 G-L-IY0 AA1 R-IY0 W-AA1 CH-IH0-NG F-R-AH1-M DH-AH0 S-AY1 D-L-AY2-N Z-AE1-Z S-AH1 M-L-OW1 K-AH0-L-Z D-IH1-D T-R-AH0 D-IH1 SH-AH0 N-AH0-L S-IH1 NG-IH0 NG-AH0-N-D D-AE1-N S-IH0 NG-W-IH1 DH-N-OW1 N-UW1-Z B-IY1 IH0-NG G-UH1 D-N-UW1-Z


i'd already decided to come back for christmas, booked-

IH1 D-AO0-L R-EH1 D-IY0 D-IH0 S-AY1 D-IH0-D T-UW1 K-AH1-M B-AE1-K F-AO1-R K-R-IH1 S-M-AH0-S B-UH1-K-T


... my flight for the next day. then i checked emails.

M-AY1 F-L-AY1-T F-AO1-R DH-AH0 N-EH1-K-S-T D-EY1 DH-EH1 N-AY1 CH-EH1-K T-IY0 M-EY1-L-Z


my sister wanted me to phone her.

M-AY1 S-IH1-S T-ER0 W-AA1-N T-AH0 D-M-IY1 T-UW1 F-OW1-N HH-ER0


i typed, "oh, he's not gone back into the hospital again, has he? you better email me what's happened."

AY1 T-AY1-P T-OW1 HH-IY1 Z-N-AA1-T G-AO1-N B-AE1 K-IH0-N T-UW1 DH-AH0 HH-AA1-S P-IH2 T-AH0 L-AH0 G-EH1-N HH-AE1-Z HH-IY1 Y-UW1 B-EH1 T-ER0 IY0 M-EY1-L M-IY1 W-AH0-T-S HH-AE1 P-AH0-N-D


it felt like the bottom had fallen out of the world.

IH1-T F-EH1-L T-L-AY1-K DH-AH0 B-AA1 T-AH0-M HH-AE1-D F-AA1 L-AH0 N-AW1 T-AH1-V DH-AH0 W-ER1-L-D


i thought i was going to be sick. but-

AY1 TH-AO1 T-AY1 W-AA1-Z G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 B-IY1 S-IH1-K B-AH1-T


... visited my sister on sunday and recklessly, put his hand in a drain filled with drain unblocker without gloves, but at least he'd wanted to help.

V-IH1 Z-AH0 T-AH0 D-M-AY1 S-IH1-S T-ER0 AA1-N S-AH1-N D-EY2 AH0-N D-R-EH1 K-L-AH0 S-L-IY0 P-UH1-T HH-IH1-Z HH-AE1-N D-IH0 N-AH0 D-R-EY1-N F-IH1-L D-W-IH1-DH D-R-EY1 N-AH0-N B-L-AA1 K-ER0 W-IH0 TH-AW1-T G-L-AH1-V-Z B-AH1 T-AE1 T-L-IY1-S-T HH-EH1 D-W-AA1-N T-AH0-D T-UW1 HH-EH1-L-P


he'd quietly watched bbc sports personality of the year with my mum before going to bed.

HH-EH1-D K-W-AY1 AH0 T-L-IY0 W-AA1-CH-T B-IY2 B-IY0 S-IY1-S P-AO1-R-T-S P-ER2 S-AH0 N-AE1 L-IH0 T-IY0 AH1-V DH-AH0 Y-IH1 R-W-IH1 DH-M-AY1 M-AH1-M B-IH0 F-AO1-R G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 B-EH1-D


that monday morning, nurses were supposed to have come around to assess mom's care needs.

DH-AE1 T-M-AH1-N D-IY0 M-AO1-R N-IH0-NG N-ER1 S-AH0 Z-W-ER0 S-AH0 P-OW1-Z-D T-UW1 HH-AE1-V K-AH1 M-ER0 AW1-N-D T-UW1 AH0 S-EH1 S-M-AA1-M-Z K-EH1-R N-IY1-D-Z


my sister came round early to meet them, and instead-

M-AY1 S-IH1-S T-ER0 K-EY1 M-R-AW1-N D-ER1 L-IY0 T-UW1 M-IY1-T DH-EH1 M-AH0-N D-IH0-N-S T-EH1-D


i imagine him again because i wasn't there.

AY1 IH0 M-AE1 JH-AH0-N HH-IH1 M-AH0 G-EH1-N B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-AY1 W-AO1-S-T DH-EH1-R


so let's portray him in detail and exhibit-

S-OW1 L-EH1-T-S P-AO0-R T-R-EY1 HH-IH1 M-IH0-N D-IH0 T-EY1 L-AH0-N D-IH0-G Z-IH1 B-IH0-T


... so i can finally cut him down.

S-OW1 AY1 K-AE1-N F-AY1 N-AH0 L-IY0 K-AH1-T HH-IH1-M D-AW1-N


the plastic curtain cord speaks of improvisation but not snapping.

DH-AH0 P-L-AE1-S T-IH0-K K-ER1 T-AH0-N K-AO1-R-D-S P-IY1-K S-AH1 V-IH2-M P-R-AA0 V-IH0 Z-EY1 SH-AH0-N B-AH1 T-N-AA1-T S-N-AE1 P-IH0-NG


he must have risen early, not manic.

HH-IY1 M-AH1-S-T HH-AE1 V-R-IH1 Z-AH0 N-ER1 L-IY0 N-AA1 T-M-AE1 N-IH0-K


his silk effect pajamas clean.

HH-IH1-Z S-IH1-L K-IH0 F-EH1-K-T P-AH0 JH-AA1 M-AH0-Z K-L-IY1-N


the 35 year old banisters held him-

DH-AH0 TH-ER1 D-IY0 F-AY1 V-Y-IH1 R-OW1-L-D B-AE1 N-IH0-S T-ER0-Z HH-EH1-L-D HH-IH1-M


... in an impossible position.

IH0 N-AE1 N-IH0-M P-AA1 S-AH0 B-AH0-L P-AH0 Z-IH1 SH-AH0-N


his face gray as his hair yet peaceful.

HH-IH1-Z F-EY1-S G-R-EY1 AE1-Z HH-IH1-Z HH-EH1 R-Y-EH1-T P-IY1-S F-AH0-L


there would have been kicking-

DH-EH1 R-W-UH1-D HH-AE1-V B-IH1-N K-IH1 K-IH0-NG


... but not enough to wake anyone.

B-AH1 T-N-AA1 T-IH0 N-AH1-F T-UW1 W-EY1 K-EH1 N-IY0 W-AH2-N


i do wonder if he thought about who would find him dangling like a christmas decoration.

AY1 D-UW1 W-AH1-N D-ER0 IH1-F HH-IY1 TH-AO1 T-AH0 B-AW1-T HH-UW1 W-UH1-D F-AY1-N-D HH-IH1-M D-AE1-NG G-AH0 L-IH0 NG-L-AY1 K-AH0 K-R-IH1 S-M-AH0-S D-EH2 K-ER0 EY1 SH-AH0-N


a memory to be brought out.

AH0 M-EH1 M-ER0 IY0 T-UW1 B-IY1 B-R-AO1 T-AW1-T


every year, every year.

EH1 V-ER0 IY0 Y-IH1 R-EH1 V-ER0 IY0 Y-IH1-R


my sister had to find the neighbor. go upstairs.

M-AY1 S-IH1-S T-ER0 HH-AE1-D T-UW1 F-AY1-N-D DH-AH0 N-EY1 B-ER0 G-OW1 AH0-P-S T-EH1-R-Z


wake my mum and making sure she got downstairs to the neighbors without once looking back at him like lot's wife in reverse.

W-EY1 K-M-AY1 M-AH1 M-AH0-N D-M-EY1 K-IH0-NG SH-UH1-R SH-IY1 G-AA1-T D-AW1-N-S T-EH1-R-Z T-UW1 DH-AH0 N-EY1 B-ER0 Z-W-IH0 TH-AW1 T-W-AH1-N S-L-UH1 K-IH0-NG B-AE1 K-AE1-T HH-IH1 M-L-AY1 K-L-AA1-T S-W-AY1 F-IH0 N-R-IH0 V-ER1-S


thankfully, she managed it.

TH-AE1-NG-K F-AH0 L-IY0 SH-IY1 M-AE1 N-AH0-JH D-IH1-T


the ambulance service actually asked her to cut him down with a pair of scissors.

DH-AH0 AE1-M B-Y-AH0 L-AH0-N-S S-ER1 V-AH0 S-AE1-K CH-AH0 W-AH0 L-IY0 AE1-S-K-T HH-ER0 T-UW1 K-AH1-T HH-IH1-M D-AW1 N-W-IH1 DH-AH0 P-EH1 R-AH1-V S-IH1 Z-ER0-Z


which seems a little insensitive-

W-IH1-CH S-IY1-M Z-AH0 L-IH1 T-AH0 L-IH0-N S-EH1-N S-AH0 T-IH0-V


and given the metal within a plastic cord thing, also ignorant to materials, sciences.

AH0-N-D G-IH1 V-AH0-N DH-AH0 M-EH1 T-AH0 L-W-IH0 DH-IH1 N-AH0 P-L-AE1-S T-IH0-K K-AO1-R-D TH-IH1 NG-AO1-L S-OW0 IH1 G-N-ER0 AH0-N-T T-UW1 M-AH0 T-IH1 R-IY0 AH0-L-Z S-AY1 AH0-N S-AH0-Z


back i say, it should have been the worst christmas ever.

B-AE1 K-AY1 S-EY1 IH1-T SH-UH1-D HH-AE1-V B-IH1-N DH-AH0 W-ER1-S-T K-R-IH1 S-M-AH0 S-EH1 V-ER0


but it wasn't because-


if nothing else, christmas that year was certainly purposeful.

IH1 F-N-AH1 TH-IH0 NG-EH1-L-S K-R-IH1 S-M-AH0-S DH-AE1 T-Y-IH1 R-W-AA1-Z S-ER1 T-AH0 N-L-IY0 P-ER1 P-AH0-S F-AH0-L


my austrian sister returned and we fell upon administrative tasks with two tonic gusto.

M-AY1 AO1-S T-R-IY0 AH0-N S-IH1-S T-ER0 R-IH0 T-ER1-N D-AH0-N D-W-IY1 F-EH1 L-AH0 P-AA1 N-AH0 D-M-IH1 N-AH0-S T-R-EY2 T-IH0-V T-AE1-S-K S-W-IH1-DH T-UW1 T-AA1 N-IH0-K G-AH1-S T-OW2


strange relief from thinking about what had happened. our christmas list that year was spartan-

S-T-R-EY1-N JH-R-IH0 L-IY1-F F-R-AH1-M TH-IH1-NG K-IH0 NG-AH0 B-AW1 T-W-AH1-T HH-AE1-D HH-AE1 P-AH0-N D-AW1 ER0 K-R-IH1 S-M-AH0 S-L-IH1-S-T DH-AE1 T-Y-IH1 R-W-AA1-Z-S P-AA1-R T-AH0-N


coroner's report, death certificate-

K-AO1 R-AH0 N-ER0 Z-R-IY0 P-AO1-R-T D-EH1-TH S-ER0 T-IH1 F-IH0 K-EY2-T


but the most important task was to cheer mum up and take her mind off it. and that-

B-AH1-T DH-AH0 M-OW1-S T-IH0-M P-AO1-R T-AH0-N-T T-AE1-S K-W-AA1-Z T-UW1 CH-IH1-R M-AH1 M-AH1 P-AH0-N-D T-EY1-K HH-ER0 M-AY1-N D-AO1 F-IH1 T-AH0-N-D DH-AE1-T


well, the dementia helped.

W-EH1-L DH-AH0 D-IH0 M-EH1-N SH-IY0 AH0 HH-EH1-L-P-T


on christmas day, we, me, my austrian sister, mum, brother-

AA1-N K-R-IH1 S-M-AH0-S D-EY1 W-IY1 M-IY1 M-AY1 AO1-S T-R-IY0 AH0-N S-IH1-S T-ER0 M-AH1-M B-R-AH1 DH-ER0


like non-austrian sisters who cooked the best christmas meal-

L-AY1 K-N-AA2 N-AH0-S T-IH1 R-IY0 AH0-N S-IH1-S T-ER0-Z HH-UW1 K-UH1-K-T DH-AH0 B-EH1-S-T K-R-IH1 S-M-AH0 S-M-IY1-L


ever. roast turkey, yorkies, cheesy leaks and red cabbage-

EH1 V-ER0 R-OW1-S-T T-ER1 K-IY0 Y-AO1-R K-IY0-Z CH-IY1 Z-IY0 L-IY1-K S-AH0-N D-R-EH1-D K-AE1 B-AH0-JH


roasted onion, sweet potato mash in asparagus, neeps and tatties, pigs in a blanket, my sister went to-

R-OW1-S T-AH0 D-AH1 N-Y-AH0-N S-W-IY1-T P-AH0 T-EY1 T-OW2 M-AE1 SH-IH0 N-AH0-S P-EH1 R-AH0 G-AH0 S-N-IY1-P S-AH0-N-D T-AE1 T-IY0-Z P-IH1-G Z-IH0 N-AH0 B-L-AE1-NG K-AH0 T-M-AY1 S-IH1-S T-ER0 W-EH1-N-T T-UW1


bit crazy. the crackers, hats, and fine wines from-

B-IH1-T K-R-EY1 Z-IY0 DH-AH0 K-R-AE1 K-ER0-Z HH-AE1-T S-AH0-N-D F-AY1 N-W-AY1-N-Z F-R-AH1-M


of course, you cried. my mum's always been-

AH1-V K-AO1-R S-Y-UW1 K-R-AY1 D-M-AY1 M-AH1-M Z-AO1 L-W-EY2-Z B-IH1-N


lachrymose, but they were good tears. tears-

K-AE1-L K-R-IY0 M-OW2-Z B-AH1-T DH-EY1 W-ER0 G-UH1-D T-EH1-R-Z T-EH1-R-Z


the relief, the madness had not-

DH-AH0 R-IH0 L-IY1-F DH-AH0 M-AE1 D-N-AH0-S HH-AE1 D-N-AA1-T


spoiled christmas. the spaniels didn't quite lick them off-

S-P-OY1-L-D K-R-IH1 S-M-AH0-S DH-AH0-S P-AE1 N-IY0 AH0-L-Z D-IH1 D-AH0-N-T K-W-AY1 T-L-IH1-K DH-EH1 M-AO1-F


per cheek, but they could have done. it was almost-

P-ER1 CH-IY1-K B-AH1-T DH-EY1 K-UH1-D HH-AE1-V D-AH1 N-IH1 T-W-AA1 Z-AO1-L M-OW2-S-T


daily mail, like he dreamed of doing when he-

D-EY1 L-IY0 M-EY1-L L-AY1-K HH-IY1 D-R-IY1-M D-AH1-V D-UW1 IH0 NG-W-EH1-N HH-IY1


was alive. i wish my dad could have been there.

W-AA1 Z-AH0 L-AY1 V-AY1 W-IH1 SH-M-AY1 D-AE1-D K-UH1-D HH-AE1-V B-IH1-N DH-EH1-R


but then, i've spent my whole life wishing he'd been-

B-AH1-T DH-EH1 N-AY1-V-S P-EH1-N T-M-AY1 HH-OW1-L L-AY1 F-W-IH1 SH-IH0-NG HH-EH1-D B-IH1-N


there emotionally. he hadn't been destroyed by his-

DH-EH1 R-IH0 M-OW1 SH-N-AH0 L-IY0 HH-IY1 HH-AE1 D-AH0-N-T B-IH1-N D-IH0-S T-R-OY1-D B-AY1 HH-IH1-Z


hip replacements, his retirement, his lack-

HH-IH1 P-R-IY0 P-L-EY1 S-M-AH0-N-T-S HH-IH1 Z-R-IY0 T-AY1 ER0 M-AH0-N-T HH-IH1 Z-L-AE1-K


of education, or mum's illness. in the end, he'd been destroyed by his lack of empathy.

AH1 V-EH2 JH-AH0 K-EY1 SH-AH0 N-AO1-R M-AH1-M Z-IH1-L N-AH0 S-IH0-N DH-AH0 EH1-N-D HH-EH1-D B-IH1-N D-IH0-S T-R-OY1-D B-AY1 HH-IH1 Z-L-AE1 K-AH1 V-EH1-M P-AH0 TH-IY0


i often worry... every winter, in fact, that i've-

AY1 AO1 F-AH0 N-W-ER1 IY0 EH1 V-ER0 IY0 W-IH1-N T-ER0 IH0-N F-AE1-K-T DH-AE1 T-AY1-V


inherited that. but last christmas, the love of-

IH0-N HH-EH1 R-AH0 T-IH0-D DH-AE1-T B-AH1 T-L-AE1-S-T K-R-IH1 S-M-AH0-S DH-AH0 L-AH1 V-AH1-V


my family was all that i could've-

M-AY1 F-AE1 M-AH0 L-IY0 W-AA1 Z-AO1-L DH-AE1 T-AY1 K-UH1 D-AH0-V


i'm looking around, i knew-

IH1 M-L-UH1 K-IH0 NG-ER0 AW1-N D-AY1 N-UW1


but now, every member of-

B-AH1 T-N-AW1 EH1 V-ER0 IY0 M-EH1-M B-ER0 AH1-V


my family was finally able to-

M-AY1 F-AE1 M-AH0 L-IY0 W-AA1-Z F-AY1 N-AH0 L-IY0 EY1 B-AH0-L T-UW1


give it. okay, my apologies to-

G-IH1 V-IH1 T-OW2 K-EY1 M-AY1 AH0 P-AA1 L-AH0 JH-IY0-Z T-UW1


beck hill, who is-


the comedian and has to come on next and make you laugh-

DH-AH0 K-AH0 M-IY1 D-IY0 AH0 N-AH0-N-D HH-AE1-Z T-UW1 K-AH1 M-AA1-N N-EH1-K-S T-AH0-N D-M-EY1 K-Y-UW1 L-AE1-F


after that, but luckily we've got-

AE1-F T-ER0 DH-AE1-T B-AH1 T-L-AH1 K-AH0 L-IY0 W-IY1-V G-AA1-T


[inaudible 00:03:53] with them as much as possible. i can't even... i was funding them. i was, but my finances have taken a tragic turn and i can't actually give them money anymore, but i do-but there's-

IH0 N-AO1 D-AH0 B-AH0-L Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z TH-R-IY1 M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D F-IH1-F T-IY0 TH-R-IY1 S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D Z-W-IH1-DH DH-EH1 M-AE1 Z-M-AH1 CH-AE1-Z P-AA1 S-AH0 B-AH0 L-AY1 K-AE1-N T-IY1 V-IH0 N-AY1 W-AA1-Z F-AH1-N D-IH0-NG DH-EH1 M-AY1 W-AA1-Z B-AH1 T-M-AY1 F-IH0 N-AE1-N S-IH0-Z HH-AE1-V T-EY1 K-AH0 N-AH0 T-R-AE1 JH-IH0-K T-ER1 N-AH0-N D-AY1 K-AE1-N T-AE1-K CH-AH0 W-AH0 L-IY0 G-IH1-V DH-EH1-M M-AH1 N-IY0 EH2 N-IY0 M-AO1-R B-AH1 T-AY1 D-AA1 B-AH0-T T-IY1 HH-IY1 R-IH1-Z


so, i mean, in richard's performance, like you said earlier on, it was very, very-

S-OW1 AY1 M-IY1 N-IH0 N-R-IH1 CH-ER0-D-Z P-ER0 F-AO1-R M-AH0-N S-L-AY1 K-Y-UW1 S-EH1 D-ER1 L-IY0 ER0 AA1 N-IH1 T-W-AA1-Z V-EH1 R-IY0 V-EH1 R-IY0


it was a raw performance. and one of those moments on stage where someone really properly-

IH1 T-W-AA1 Z-AH0 R-AA1 P-ER0 F-AO1-R M-AH0-N S-AH0-N D-W-AH1 N-AH1-V DH-OW1 Z-M-OW1 M-AH0-N-T S-AA1-N-S T-EY1 JH-W-EH1-R S-AH1 M-W-AH2 N-R-IH1 L-IY0 P-R-AA1 P-ER0 L-IY0


maybe cry, i think, it's standard tragedy. and i remember sort of hugging him clumsily afterwards in an attempt to try and give some-

M-EY1 B-IY0 K-R-AY1 AY1 TH-IH1-NG K-IH1-T-S-S T-AE1-N D-ER0-D T-R-AE1 JH-AH0 D-IY0 AH0-N D-AY1 R-IH0 M-EH1-M B-ER0 S-AO1-R T-AH1-V HH-AH1 G-IH0-NG HH-IH1-M K-L-AH1-M S-AH0 L-IY0 AE1-F T-ER0 W-ER0-D Z-IH0 N-AE1 N-AH0 T-EH1-M-P-T T-UW1 T-R-AY1 AH0-N-D G-IH1-V S-AH1-M


thing back to him because it was such an amazingly brave performance.

TH-IH1-NG B-AE1-K T-UW1 HH-IH1-M B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-IH1 T-W-AA1-Z S-AH1 CH-AE1 N-AH0 M-EY1 Z-IH0 NG-L-IY0 B-R-EY1-V P-ER0 F-AO1-R M-AH0-N-S


she had a brilliant piece of fiction, i love that.she was very close pick for me as well.yeah.

SH-IY1 HH-AE1 D-AH0 B-R-IH1 L-Y-AH0-N-T P-IY1 S-AH1-V F-IH1-K SH-AH0 N-AY1 L-AH1-V TH-AE1 CH-W-AA1-Z V-EH1 R-IY0 K-L-OW1-S P-IH1-K F-AO1-R M-IY1 AE1 Z-W-EH0 L-IY1 AH0


and larry was an old man and he was very sick, very sick.

AH0-N D-L-EH1 R-IY0 W-AA1 Z-AE1 N-OW1-L D-M-AE1 N-AH0-N-D HH-IY1 W-AA1-Z V-EH1 R-IY0 S-IH1-K V-EH1 R-IY0 S-IH1-K


and i haven't heard from him. i looked before i left.

AH0-N D-AY1 HH-AE1 V-AH0-N-T HH-ER1-D F-R-AH1-M HH-IH1 M-AY1 L-UH1-K-T B-IH0 F-AO1 R-AY1 L-EH1-F-T


i haven't heard from him in three years. he is probably dead.

AY1 HH-AE1 V-AH0-N-T HH-ER1-D F-R-AH1-M HH-IH1 M-IH0-N TH-R-IY1 Y-IH1-R-Z HH-IY1 IH1-Z P-R-AA1 B-AH0 B-L-IY0 D-EH1-D


just because i take money for it, doesn't mean it hurts any less.

JH-AH1-S-T B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-AY1 T-EY1 K-M-AH1 N-IY0 F-AO1 R-IH1-T D-OW1 S-AH0-N T-M-IY1 N-IH1-T HH-ER1-T S-EH1 N-IY0 L-EH1-S


feels like a long time, edinburgh, first edinburgh.yeah.this-

F-IY1-L Z-L-AY1 K-AH0 L-AO1-NG T-AY1 M-EH1 D-AH0-N B-ER0 OW0 F-ER1-S T-EH2 D-AH0-N B-IH1 R-W-IH0 CH-AH0-L-Z


in the middle of the run, everybody listening. that's quite hard when you're assigned a cell shows that, and if it's got a different name, the venue to the one that's on your flyers.

IH0-N DH-AH0 M-IH1 D-AH0 L-AH1-V DH-AH0 R-AH1 N-EH1 V-R-IY0 B-AA2 D-IY0 L-IH1 S-AH0 N-IH0-NG TH-AE1-T-S K-W-AY1-T HH-AA1-R D-W-EH1 N-Y-UH1 R-AH0 S-AY1-N D-AH0 S-EH1-L SH-OW1-Z DH-AE1 T-AH0-N D-IH1 F-IH1-T-S G-AA1 T-AH0 D-IH1 F-ER0 AH0-N T-N-EY1-M DH-AH0 V-EH1 N-Y-UW0 T-UW1 DH-AH0 W-AH1-N TH-AE1-T S-AA1 N-Y-AO1-R F-L-AY1 ER0-Z


[inaudible 00:05:18] doing amazing things. he sort of came as starting out people and now kind of mid-career sort of position that's doing better, yeah.

IH0 N-AO1 D-AH0 B-AH0-L Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z F-AY1 V-M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N D-EY0 T-IY1-N S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D-Z D-UW1 IH0 NG-AH0 M-EY1 Z-IH0-NG TH-IH1-NG-Z HH-IY1 S-AO1-R T-AH1-V K-EY1 M-AE1-Z-S T-AA1-R T-IH0 NG-AW1-T P-IY1 P-AH0 L-AH0-N D-N-AW1 K-AY1-N D-AH1 V-M-IH1-D K-ER0 IY2 ER0 S-AO1-R T-AH1-V P-AH0 Z-IH1 SH-AH0-N TH-AE1-T-S D-UW1 IH0-NG B-EH1 T-ER0 Y-AE1


hi, i'm louise. i'm a poet from the north of england. you can start laughing now.

HH-AY1 IH1 M-L-UW0 IY1 Z-IH1 M-AH0 P-OW1 AH0-T F-R-AH1-M DH-AH0 N-AO1-R TH-AH1 V-IH1-NG G-L-AH0-N D-Y-UW1 K-AE1-N-S T-AA1-R T-L-AE1 F-IH0-NG N-AW1


and a dad, he's a postman by day, and a bouncer by night, like mr. domestic violence i call him.

AH0-N D-AH0 D-AE1-D HH-IY1 Z-AH0 P-OW1-S T-M-AH0-N B-AY1 D-EY1 AH0-N D-AH0 B-AW1-N S-ER0 B-AY1 N-AY1 T-L-AY1 K-M-IH1-S T-ER0 D-AH0 M-EH1-S T-IH0-K V-AY1 AH0 L-AH0-N S-AY1 K-AO1-L HH-IH1-M


oh, word of a lie, his show in...

OW1 W-ER1 D-AH1 V-AH0 L-AY1 HH-IH1-Z SH-OW1 IH0-N


"admit it, admit it, admit it! next thing i know, this girl-

AH0 D-M-IH1 T-IH1 T-AH0 D-M-IH1 T-IH1 T-AH0 D-M-IH1 T-IH1 T-N-EH1-K-S-T TH-IH1 NG-AY1 N-OW1 DH-IH1-S G-ER1-L


big, tiny eyes he has to seen-

B-IH1-G T-AY1 N-IY0 AY1-Z HH-IY1 HH-AE1-Z T-UW1 S-IY1-N


make some money on a bit of weed. liam, you smoked all-

M-EY1-K S-AH1-M M-AH1 N-IY0 AA1 N-AH0 B-IH1 T-AH1 V-W-IY1 D-L-IY1 AH0 M-Y-UW1 S-M-OW1-K T-AO1-L


me. jesus christ, why do i always attract the freaks? her, i-

M-IY1 JH-IY1 Z-AH0-S K-R-AY1-S T-W-AY1 D-UW1 AY1 AO1 L-W-EY2 Z-AH0 T-R-AE1-K-T DH-AH0 F-R-IY1-K-S HH-ER0 AY1


blonde, feathers, racing hearts, last flat, breath, no last rights for a pigeon.

B-L-AA1-N-D F-EH1 DH-ER0 Z-R-EY1 S-IH0-NG HH-AA1-R-T S-L-AE1-S-T F-L-AE1-T B-R-EH1 TH-N-OW1 L-AE1-S T-R-AY1-T-S F-AO1 R-AH0 P-IH1 JH-AH0-N


and she was in the first show i ever took to edinburgh.

AH0-N-D SH-IY1 W-AA1 Z-IH0-N DH-AH0 F-ER1-S-T SH-OW1 AY1 EH1 V-ER0 T-UH1-K T-UW1 EH1 D-AH0-N B-ER0 OW0


edinburgh, like you say, high energy. i feel like we didn't sleep at all-

EH1 D-AH0-N B-ER0 OW0 L-AY1 K-Y-UW1 S-EY1 HH-AY1 EH1 N-ER0 JH-IY0 AY1 F-IY1-L L-AY1 K-W-IY1 D-IH1 D-AH0-N-T S-L-IY1 P-AE1 T-AO1-L


there were loads of people coming through the house. we were like a big family-

DH-EH1 R-W-ER0 L-OW1-D Z-AH1-V P-IY1 P-AH0-L K-AH1 M-IH0-NG TH-R-UW1 DH-AH0 HH-AW1 S-W-IY1 W-ER0 L-AY1 K-AH0 B-IH1-G F-AE1 M-AH0 L-IY0


named the dad.he was the dad.and i was nicknamed the mum because we have different parental styles and we fit sort of the different... we go against gender expectations.

N-EY1-M-D DH-AH0 D-AE1 D-W-AA1-Z DH-AH0 D-AE1 D-AH0-N D-AY1 W-AA1 Z-N-IH1 K-N-EY2-M-D DH-AH0 M-AH1-M B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-W-IY1 HH-AE1-V D-IH1 F-ER0 AH0-N-T P-ER0 EH1-N T-AH0-L-S T-AY1-L Z-AH0-N D-W-IY1 F-IH1-T S-AO1-R T-AH1-V DH-AH0 D-IH1 F-ER0 AH0-N T-W-IY1 G-OW1 AH0 G-EH1-N-S-T JH-EH1-N D-ER0 EH2-K-S P-EH0-K T-EY1 SH-AH0-N-Z


dave is very caring and worrying and wants to make sure everybody's having a good time and taken care of and taking care of themselves.and you're-

D-EY1 V-IH1-Z V-EH1 R-IY0 K-EH1 R-IH0 NG-AH0-N D-W-ER1 IY0 IH0 NG-AH0-N D-W-AA1-N-T-S T-UW1 M-EY1-K SH-UH1 R-EH1 V-R-IY0 B-AA2 D-IY0-Z HH-AE1 V-IH0 NG-AH0 G-UH1-D T-AY1 M-AH0-N-D T-EY1 K-AH0-N K-EH1 R-AH1 V-AH0-N-D T-EY1 K-IH0-NG K-EH1 R-AH1-V TH-EH2-M S-L-IH0 V-EH1-S T-AH0-N D-Y-UH1-R


oh, immediately after the event. it's like he wrote it that night pretty much and then performed it.

OW1 IH0 M-IY1 D-IY0 AH0 T-L-IY0 AE1-F T-ER0 DH-AH0 IH0 V-EH1-N T-IH1-T S-L-AY1-K HH-IY1 R-OW1 T-IH1-T DH-AE1 T-N-AY1-T P-R-IH1 T-IY0 M-AH1 CH-AH0-N-D DH-EH1-N P-ER0 F-AO1-R-M D-IH1-T


everybody, [watsama gatzhan 00:06:52]!

EH1 V-R-IY0 B-AA2 D-IY0 W-AA2-T S-AA1 M-AH0 G-AE1-T S-AH0-N Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z S-IH1-K S-M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D F-IH1-F T-IY0 T-UW1 S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D-Z


hi guys. so you guys heard about robin williams killing himself, right? that freaks me out. so i'm writing about that.

HH-AY1 G-AY1-Z S-OW1 Y-UW1 G-AY1-Z HH-ER1 D-AH0 B-AW1 T-R-AA1 B-AH0 N-W-IH1 L-Y-AH0-M-Z K-IH1 L-IH0-NG HH-IH0-M S-EH1-L F-R-AY1-T DH-AE1-T F-R-IY1-K S-M-IY1 AW1-T S-OW1 IH1 M-R-AY1 T-IH0 NG-AH0 B-AW1-T DH-AE1-T


so i didn't get much sleep. so forgive me, i'm not performing-

S-OW1 AY1 D-IH1 D-AH0-N-T G-EH1 T-M-AH1-CH S-L-IY1-P S-OW1 F-ER0 G-IH1 V-M-IY1 IH1-M N-AA1-T P-ER0 F-AO1-R M-IH0-NG


this, i'm more reading it because i wrote it last night. if dream catchers worked i'd get better sleep-

DH-IH1 S-IH1-M M-AO1-R R-EH1 D-IH0 NG-IH1-T B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-AY1 R-OW1 T-IH1 T-L-AE1-S T-N-AY1 T-IH1-F D-R-IY1-M K-AE1 CH-ER0 Z-W-ER1-K T-IH1-D G-EH1-T B-EH1 T-ER0 S-L-IY1-P


so part of this, if you guys... i moved from egypt to america-

S-OW1 P-AA1-R T-AH1-V DH-IH1 S-IH1 F-Y-UW1 G-AY1 Z-AY1 M-UW1-V-D F-R-AH1 M-IY1 JH-AH0-P-T T-UW1 AH0 M-EH1 R-AH0 K-AH0


immigrated. and do you guys remember mork from ork?

IH1 M-AH0 G-R-EY2 T-IH0 D-AH0-N-D D-UW1 Y-UW1 G-AY1 Z-R-IH0 M-EH1-M B-ER0 M-AO1-R-K F-R-AH1 M-AO1-R-K


yeah, so that was a really important show to me. and also there was one other film that robin williams did called moscow on the hudson. and those two things really important to me-

Y-AE1 S-OW1 DH-AE1 T-W-AA1 Z-AH0 R-IH1 L-IY0 IH0-M P-AO1-R T-AH0-N-T SH-OW1 T-UW1 M-IY1 AH0-N D-AO1-L S-OW0 DH-EH1 R-W-AA1 Z-W-AH1 N-AH1 DH-ER0 F-IH1-L-M DH-AE1 T-R-AA1 B-AH0 N-W-IH1 L-Y-AH0-M-Z D-IH1-D K-AO1-L D-M-AA1-S K-OW2 AA1-N DH-AH0 HH-AH1-D S-AH0 N-AH0-N-D DH-OW1-Z T-UW1 TH-IH1-NG Z-R-IH1 L-IY0 IH0-M P-AO1-R T-AH0-N-T T-UW1 M-IY1


here it is. moving from egypt to america, from the third world to the first world, was a lot like moving to another planet.

HH-IY1 R-IH1 T-IH1 Z-M-UW1 V-IH0-NG F-R-AH1 M-IY1 JH-AH0-P-T T-UW1 AH0 M-EH1 R-AH0 K-AH0 F-R-AH1-M DH-AH0 TH-ER1 D-W-ER1-L-D T-UW1 DH-AH0 F-ER1-S T-W-ER1-L D-W-AA1 Z-AH0 L-AA1 T-L-AY1 K-M-UW1 V-IH0-NG T-UW1 AH0 N-AH1 DH-ER0 P-L-AE1 N-AH0-T


so it's no surprise that my first hero was an alien who seemed to be from a kinder, gentler place.

S-OW1 IH1-T S-N-OW1 S-ER0 P-R-AY1-Z DH-AE1 T-M-AY1 F-ER1-S-T HH-IH1 R-OW0 W-AA1 Z-AE1 N-EY1 L-IY0 AH0-N HH-UW1 S-IY1-M-D T-UW1 B-IY1 F-R-AH1 M-AH0 K-AY1-N D-ER0 JH-EH1-N T-L-ER0 P-L-EY1-S


the only other thing i had ever watched was, as much as a boy was a film called the black stallion.

DH-AH0 OW1 N-L-IY0 AH1 DH-ER0 TH-IH1 NG-AY1 HH-AE1 D-EH1 V-ER0 W-AA1-CH T-W-AA1 Z-AE1 Z-M-AH1 CH-AE1 Z-AH0 B-OY1 W-AA1 Z-AH0 F-IH1-L-M K-AO1-L-D DH-AH0 B-L-AE1-K-S T-AE1 L-Y-AH0-N


when my mom asked me why i kept watching that film so much-

W-EH1-N M-AY1 M-AA1 M-AE1-S-K T-M-IY1 W-AY1 AY1 K-EH1-P T-W-AA1 CH-IH0-NG DH-AE1-T F-IH1-L-M S-OW1 M-AH1-CH


i said it was because the horse was a hero. and for once in american film, the hero was arabian.

AY1 S-EH1 D-IH1 T-W-AA1-Z B-IH0 K-AO1-Z DH-AH0 HH-AO1-R S-W-AA1 Z-AH0 HH-IH1 R-OW0 AH0-N-D F-AO1 R-W-AH1-N S-IH0 N-AH0 M-EH1 R-AH0 K-AH0-N F-IH1-L-M DH-AH0 HH-IH1 R-OW0 W-AA1 Z-ER0 EY1 B-IY0 AH0-N


later in life, i heard that that short conversation had made my mom cry.

L-EY1 T-ER0 IH0 N-L-AY1 F-AY1 HH-ER1-D DH-AE1-T DH-AE1-T SH-AO1-R-T K-AA2-N V-ER0 S-EY1 SH-AH0-N HH-AE1 D-M-EY1 D-M-AY1 M-AA1-M K-R-AY1


but mork from ork was bigger than the black stallion to me. he was an alien on earth who made me feel better for being an alien in america.

B-AH1 T-M-AO1-R-K F-R-AH1 M-AO1-R K-W-AA1-Z B-IH1 G-ER0 DH-AE1-N DH-AH0 B-L-AE1-K-S T-AE1 L-Y-AH0-N T-UW1 M-IY1 HH-IY1 W-AA1 Z-AE1 N-EY1 L-IY0 AH0 N-AA1 N-ER1-TH HH-UW1 M-EY1 D-M-IY1 F-IY1-L B-EH1 T-ER0 F-AO1-R B-IY1 IH0 NG-AE1 N-EY1 L-IY0 AH0 N-IH0 N-AH0 M-EH1 R-AH0 K-AH0


he constantly made silly mistakes, which made me feel okay about the fact that i did to.

HH-IY1 K-AA1-N-S T-AH0-N T-L-IY0 M-EY1-D S-IH1 L-IY0 M-IH0-S T-EY1-K S-W-IH1 CH-M-EY1 D-M-IY1 F-IY1 L-OW2 K-EY1 AH0 B-AW1-T DH-AH0 F-AE1-K-T DH-AE1 T-AY1 D-IH1-D T-UW1


but i also smile when i remember that he laughed-

B-AH1 T-AY1 AO1-L S-OW0 S-M-AY1 L-W-EH1 N-AY1 R-IH0 M-EH1-M B-ER0 DH-AE1-T HH-IY1 L-AE1-F-T


so hard that he had to cup his hands over his mouth and ran away from his post and hysterics.

S-OW1 HH-AA1-R-D DH-AE1-T HH-IY1 HH-AE1-D T-UW1 K-AH1-P HH-IH1-Z HH-AE1-N-D Z-OW1 V-ER0 HH-IH1 Z-M-AW1 DH-AH0-N D-R-AE1 N-AH0 W-EY1 F-R-AH1-M HH-IH1-Z P-OW1-S T-AH0-N-D HH-IH2-S T-EH1 R-IH0-K-S


his laugh pleased me a lot. he told me he never laughed that hard at work before he put his hand on my shoulder and gave me a big piece of chocolate cake.

HH-IH1 Z-L-AE1-F P-L-IY1-Z D-M-IY1 AH0 L-AA1-T HH-IY1 T-OW1-L D-M-IY1 HH-IY1 N-EH1 V-ER0 L-AE1-F-T DH-AE1-T HH-AA1-R D-AE1 T-W-ER1-K B-IH0 F-AO1-R HH-IY1 P-UH1-T HH-IH1-Z HH-AE1-N D-AA1-N M-AY1 SH-OW1-L D-ER0 AH0-N-D G-EY1 V-M-IY1 AH0 B-IH1-G P-IY1 S-AH1-V CH-AO1 K-L-AH0-T K-EY1-K


i still feel the touch of his hand on my shoulder and the warmth of that genuine smile on his face.

AY1-S T-IH1-L F-IY1-L DH-AH0 T-AH1 CH-AH1-V HH-IH1-Z HH-AE1-N D-AA1-N M-AY1 SH-OW1-L D-ER0 AH0-N-D DH-AH0 W-AO1-R-M TH-AH1-V DH-AE1-T JH-EH1 N-Y-AH0 W-AH0-N S-M-AY1 L-AA1-N HH-IH1-Z F-EY1-S


i needed that. i needed it the way a dehydrated athlete needed water.

AY1 N-IY1 D-AH0-D DH-AE1 T-AY1 N-IY1 D-AH0 D-IH1-T DH-AH0 W-EY1 AH0 D-IH0 HH-AY1 D-R-EY0 T-AH0 D-AE1 TH-L-IY2 T-N-IY1 D-AH0 D-W-AO1 T-ER0


it made me feel like i was funny. something unus-

IH1 T-M-EY1 D-M-IY1 F-IY1-L L-AY1 K-AY1 W-AA1-Z F-AH1 N-IY0 S-AH1-M TH-IH0 NG-Y-UW1 N-AH0-S


until then i'd felt like a caterpillar in a school full of butterflies. this moment was my cocoon.

AH0-N T-IH1-L DH-EH1 N-IH1-D F-EH1-L T-L-AY1 K-AH0 K-AE1 T-AH0 P-IH2 L-ER0 IH0 N-AH0-S K-UW1-L F-UH1 L-AH1-V B-AH1 T-ER0 F-L-AY2-Z DH-IH1 S-M-OW1 M-AH0-N T-W-AA1 Z-M-AY1 K-AH0 K-UW1-N


his laughter softened by embarrassment. his laughter made me laugh at me and taught me that it was okay to laugh at my mistakes because sometimes those mistakes create moments of joy.

HH-IH1 Z-L-AE1-F T-ER0 S-AO1 F-AH0-N-D B-AY1 IH0-M B-EH1 R-AH0 S-M-AH0-N-T HH-IH1 Z-L-AE1-F T-ER0 M-EY1 D-M-IY1 L-AE1 F-AE1 T-M-IY1 AH0-N-D T-AO1 T-M-IY1 DH-AE1 T-IH1 T-W-AA1 Z-OW2 K-EY1 T-UW1 L-AE1 F-AE1 T-M-AY1 M-IH0-S T-EY1-K-S B-IH0 K-AO1-Z S-AH0-M T-AY1-M-Z DH-OW1 Z-M-IH0-S T-EY1-K-S K-R-IY0 EY1 T-M-OW1 M-AH0-N-T S-AH1-V JH-OY1


my thought, because sometimes in america i felt that people were mean to immigrants.

M-AY1 TH-AO1-T B-IH0 K-AO1-Z S-AH0-M T-AY1-M Z-IH0 N-AH0 M-EH1 R-AH0 K-AH0 AY1 F-EH1-L-T DH-AE1-T P-IY1 P-AH0 L-W-ER0 M-IY1-N T-UW1 IH1 M-AH0 G-R-AH0-N-T-S


and i feel that they didn't empathize with how difficult it was to have to move to a new country.

AH0-N D-AY1 F-IY1-L DH-AE1-T DH-EY1 D-IH1 D-AH0-N T-EH1-M P-AH0 TH-AY2 Z-W-IH1-DH HH-AW1 D-IH1 F-AH0 K-AH0-L T-IH1 T-W-AA1-Z T-UW1 HH-AE1-V T-UW1 M-UW1-V T-UW1 AH0 N-UW1 K-AH1-N T-R-IY0


i remember watching moscow on the hudson in our first apartment in america, an apartment i-

AY1 R-IH0 M-EH1-M B-ER0 W-AA1 CH-IH0-NG M-AA1-S K-OW2 AA1-N DH-AH0 HH-AH1-D S-AH0 N-IH0 N-AW1 ER0 F-ER1-S T-AH0 P-AA1-R T-M-AH0-N T-IH0 N-AH0 M-EH1 R-AH0 K-AH0 AE1 N-AH0 P-AA1-R T-M-AH0-N T-AY1


and a flower box full of mint leaves overlooking sunset boulevard. to this day-

AH0-N D-AH0 F-L-AW1 ER0 B-AA1-K-S F-UH1 L-AH1 V-M-IH1-N T-L-IY1-V Z-OW1 V-ER0 L-UH2 K-IH0-NG S-AH1-N S-EH2-T B-UH1 L-AH0 V-AA2-R-D T-UW1 DH-IH1-S D-EY1


every time i smell mint, i see '70s hollywood in my mind's eye.

EH1 V-ER0 IY0 T-AY1 M-AY1 S-M-EH1-L M-IH1-N T-AY1 S-IY1 S-EH1 V-AH0-N T-IY0-Z HH-AA1 L-IY0 W-UH2 D-IH0-N M-AY1 M-AY1-N-D Z-AY1


one early morning, that street was especially loud and filled with what looked like these giant colorful ants.

W-AH1 N-ER1 L-IY0 M-AO1-R N-IH0-NG DH-AE1-T-S T-R-IY1 T-W-AA1 Z-AH0-S P-EH1 SH-L-IY0 L-AW1 D-AH0-N-D F-IH1-L D-W-IH1 DH-W-AH1 T-L-UH1-K T-L-AY1-K DH-IY1-Z JH-AY1 AH0-N-T K-AH1 L-ER0 F-AH0 L-AE1-N-T-S


like those colorful ants transformed into tiny people running in the la marathon.

L-AY1-K DH-OW1-Z K-AH1 L-ER0 F-AH0 L-AE1-N-T-S T-R-AE0-N-S F-AO1-R-M D-IH0-N T-UW1 T-AY1 N-IY0 P-IY1 P-AH0-L R-AH1 N-IH0 NG-IH0-N DH-AH0 L-AA1 M-EH1 R-AH0 TH-AA2-N


i'd never seen a marathon before. egypt had no room for such an event in its over-populated streets.

IH1 D-N-EH1 V-ER0 S-IY1 N-AH0 M-EH1 R-AH0 TH-AA2-N B-IH0 F-AO1 R-IY1 JH-AH0-P-T HH-AE1 D-N-OW1 R-UW1-M F-AO1-R S-AH1 CH-AE1 N-IH0 V-EH1-N T-IH0 N-IH1-T S-OW2 V-ER0 P-AA1 P-Y-AH0 L-EY0 T-IH0-D-S T-R-IY1-T-S


as i watched, my brain began to digest-

AE1 Z-AY1 W-AA1-CH T-M-AY1 B-R-EY1-N B-IH0 G-AE1-N T-UW1 D-AY0 JH-EH1-S-T


... this new concept, and i began to envy the people running below.

DH-IH1 S-N-UW1 K-AA1-N S-EH0-P T-AH0-N D-AY1 B-IH0 G-AE1-N T-UW1 EH1-N V-IY0 DH-AH0 P-IY1 P-AH0-L R-AH1 N-IH0-NG B-IH0 L-OW1


i envied how strangers on the sidelines would help and cheer people on and hand them water and give them words of encouragement.

AY1 EH1-N V-IY0-D HH-AW1-S T-R-EY1-N JH-ER0 Z-AA1-N DH-AH0 S-AY1 D-L-AY2-N Z-W-UH1-D HH-EH1-L P-AH0-N-D CH-IH1-R P-IY1 P-AH0 L-AA1 N-AH0-N-D HH-AE1-N-D DH-EH1 M-W-AO1 T-ER0 AH0-N-D G-IH1-V DH-EH1 M-W-ER1-D Z-AH1 V-EH0-N K-ER1 IH0 JH-M-AH0-N-T


and i thought, "why couldn't people be that kind to immigrants?"

AH0-N D-AY1 TH-AO1 T-W-AY1 K-AW1-L D-AH0-N-T P-IY1 P-AH0-L B-IY1 DH-AE1-T K-AY1-N-D T-UW1 IH1 M-AH0 G-R-AH0-N-T-S


but no one offered support from my sidelines.

B-AH1 T-N-OW1 W-AH1 N-AO1 F-ER0-D S-AH0 P-AO1-R-T F-R-AH1-M M-AY1 S-AY1 D-L-AY2-N-Z


my immigration marathon was filled with people yelling mean things like, "learn to speak english," or, "go back to where you came from."

M-AY1 IH2 M-AH0 G-R-EY1 SH-AH0-N M-EH1 R-AH0 TH-AA2 N-W-AA1-Z F-IH1-L D-W-IH1-DH P-IY1 P-AH0 L-Y-EH1 L-IH0-NG M-IY1-N TH-IH1-NG Z-L-AY1 K-L-ER1-N T-UW1-S P-IY1 K-IH1-NG G-L-IH0 SH-AO1-R G-OW1 B-AE1-K T-UW1 W-EH1 R-Y-UW1 K-EY1-M F-R-AH1-M


i hadn't become fully american yet and people reminded me of that daily.

AY1 HH-AE1 D-AH0-N-T B-IH0 K-AH1-M F-UH1 L-IY0 AH0 M-EH1 R-AH0 K-AH0 N-Y-EH1 T-AH0-N-D P-IY1 P-AH0-L R-IY0 M-AY1-N D-AH0 D-M-IY1 AH1-V DH-AE1-T D-EY1 L-IY0


i watched moscow on the hudson that same night that i experienced the la marathon, and that's when i began to grow very fond of robin williams.

AY1 W-AA1-CH T-M-AA1-S K-OW2 AA1-N DH-AH0 HH-AH1-D S-AH0-N DH-AE1-T S-EY1-M N-AY1-T DH-AE1 T-AY1 IH0-K-S P-IH1 R-IY0 AH0-N-S-T DH-AH0 L-AA1 M-EH1 R-AH0 TH-AA2 N-AH0-N-D TH-AE1-T S-W-EH1 N-AY1 B-IH0 G-AE1-N T-UW1 G-R-OW1 V-EH1 R-IY0 F-AA1-N D-AH1 V-R-AA1 B-AH0 N-W-IH1 L-Y-AH0-M-Z


i was very young, but i had already noticed a pattern in his characters.

AY1 W-AA1-Z V-EH1 R-IY0 Y-AH1-NG B-AH1 T-AY1 HH-AE1 D-AO0-L R-EH1 D-IY0 N-OW1 T-AH0-S T-AH0 P-AE1 T-ER0 N-IH0-N HH-IH1-Z K-AE1 R-IH0-K T-ER0-Z


he played... the characters that he played in his prolific career-

HH-IY1 P-L-EY1-D DH-AH0 K-AE1 R-IH0-K T-ER0-Z DH-AE1-T HH-IY1 P-L-EY1 D-IH0-N HH-IH1-Z P-R-OW0 L-IH1 F-IH0-K K-ER0 IH1-R


... all had the eyes of an outsider. every single one had the facial expression of someone who wanted to fit in with others.

AO1-L HH-AE1-D DH-AH0 AY1 Z-AH1 V-AE1 N-AW0-T S-AY1 D-ER0 EH1 V-ER0 IY0 S-IH1-NG G-AH0 L-W-AH1-N HH-AE1-D DH-AH0 F-EY1 SH-AH0 L-IH0-K-S P-R-EH1 SH-AH0 N-AH1-V S-AH1 M-W-AH2-N HH-UW1 W-AA1-N T-AH0-D T-UW1 F-IH1 T-IH0 N-W-IH1 DH-AH1 DH-ER0-Z


so, i didn't just like mork for mork anymore. i loved robin williams.

S-OW1 AY1 D-IH1 D-AH0-N-T JH-AH1-S T-L-AY1 K-M-AO1-R-K F-AO1-R M-AO1-R K-EH2 N-IY0 M-AO1 R-AY1 L-AH1-V D-R-AA1 B-AH0 N-W-IH1 L-Y-AH0-M-Z


robin williams did a lot of things for me that i wish my own father knew how to do. he comforted me and he made me feel less alone.

R-AA1 B-AH0 N-W-IH1 L-Y-AH0-M-Z D-IH1 D-AH0 L-AA1 T-AH1-V TH-IH1-NG-Z F-AO1-R M-IY1 DH-AE1 T-AY1 W-IH1 SH-M-AY1 OW1-N F-AA1 DH-ER0 N-UW1 HH-AW1 T-UW1 D-UW1 HH-IY1 K-AH1-M F-ER0 T-IH0 D-M-IY1 AH0-N-D HH-IY1 M-EY1 D-M-IY1 F-IY1-L L-EH1 S-AH0 L-OW1-N


i imagine what it would be like to have him as my father when my dad wasn't around. see, my dad was abused and that led to me being abused.

AY1 IH0 M-AE1 JH-AH0 N-W-AH1 T-IH1 T-W-UH1-D B-IY1 L-AY1-K T-UW1 HH-AE1-V HH-IH1 M-AE1 Z-M-AY1 F-AA1 DH-ER0 W-EH1-N M-AY1 D-AE1 D-W-AO1-S T-ER0 AW1-N-D S-IY1 M-AY1 D-AE1 D-W-AA1 Z-AH0 B-Y-UW1-Z D-AH0-N-D DH-AE1 T-L-EH1-D T-UW1 M-IY1 B-IY1 IH0 NG-AH0 B-Y-UW1-Z-D


i don't blame my dad for this anymore. i understand the dynamics of abuse now.

AY1 D-AA1-N-T B-L-EY1-M M-AY1 D-AE1-D F-AO1-R DH-IH1 S-EH2 N-IY0 M-AO1 R-AY1 AH2-N D-ER0-S T-AE1-N-D DH-AH0 D-AY0 N-AE1 M-IH0-K S-AH1 V-AH0 B-Y-UW1 S-N-AW1


i understand that the person who abused my dad was a vampire, and that that vampire had bit-

AY1 AH2-N D-ER0-S T-AE1-N-D DH-AE1-T DH-AH0 P-ER1 S-AH0-N HH-UW1 AH0 B-Y-UW1-Z D-M-AY1 D-AE1 D-W-AA1 Z-AH0 V-AE1-M P-AY0 R-AH0-N-D DH-AE1-T DH-AE1-T V-AE1-M P-AY0-R HH-AE1-D B-IH1-T


and as hard as my dad tried not to, my dad ended up biting me. and now, i have to work really hard to not be a vampire.

AH0-N D-AE1-Z HH-AA1-R D-AE1 Z-M-AY1 D-AE1-D T-R-AY1 D-N-AA1-T T-UW1 M-AY1 D-AE1 D-EH1-N D-AH0 D-AH1-P B-AY1 T-IH0-NG M-IY1 AH0-N D-N-AW1 AY1 HH-AE1-V T-UW1 W-ER1 K-R-IH1 L-IY0 HH-AA1-R-D T-UW1 N-AA1-T B-IY1 AH0 V-AE1-M P-AY0-R


it's why i've stayed single my whole life. i'm afraid of me.

IH1-T S-W-AY1 AY1-V-S T-EY1-D S-IH1-NG G-AH0-L M-AY1 HH-OW1-L L-AY1 F-IH1 M-AH0 F-R-EY1 D-AH1 V-M-IY1


i'm afraid of having a kid and treating him the way my dad treated me.

IH1 M-AH0 F-R-EY1 D-AH1-V HH-AE1 V-IH0 NG-AH0 K-IH1 D-AH0-N-D T-R-IY1 T-IH0-NG HH-IH1-M DH-AH0 W-EY1 M-AY1 D-AE1-D T-R-IY1 T-AH0 D-M-IY1


my dad died 12 years ago, but sometimes in the morning-

M-AY1 D-AE1-D D-AY1-D T-W-EH1-L V-Y-IH1-R Z-AH0 G-OW1 B-AH1-T S-AH0-M T-AY1-M Z-IH0-N DH-AH0 M-AO1-R N-IH0-NG


... i'll make an identical expression to one he would have made. my face will become his face-

IH1-L M-EY1 K-AE1 N-AY0 D-EH1-N T-IH0 K-AH0 L-IH0-K-S P-R-EH1 SH-AH0-N T-UW1 W-AH1-N HH-IY1 W-UH1-D HH-AE1 V-M-EY1 D-M-AY1 F-EY1 S-W-IH1-L B-IH0 K-AH1-M HH-IH1-Z F-EY1-S


... but just for a brief moment. and i'll quickly look away or i'll throw water on my face as if to wash it off. needing to bring the expression-

B-AH1-T JH-AH1-S-T F-AO1 R-AH0 B-R-IY1 F-M-OW1 M-AH0-N T-AH0-N D-IH1-L K-W-IH1 K-L-IY0 L-UH1 K-AH0 W-EY1 AO1 R-IH1-L TH-R-OW1 W-AO1 T-ER0 AA1-N M-AY1 F-EY1 S-AE1 Z-IH1-F T-UW1 W-AA1 SH-IH1 T-AO1 F-N-IY1 D-IH0-NG T-UW1 B-R-IH1-NG DH-AH0 IH0-K-S P-R-EH1 SH-AH0-N


sometimes i'll even say the words, "you're not a vampire," to the scared face in the mirror, out loud.

S-AH0-M T-AY1-M Z-IH1 L-IY1 V-IH0-N S-EY1 DH-AH0 W-ER1-D Z-Y-UH1-R N-AA1 T-AH0 V-AE1-M P-AY0-R T-UW1 DH-AH0-S K-EH1-R-D F-EY1 S-IH0-N DH-AH0 M-IH1 R-ER0 AW1 T-L-AW1-D


so, robin williams was medicine for my fears because he was the opposite of vampire. where vampires suck the life out of people-

S-OW1 R-AA1 B-AH0 N-W-IH1 L-Y-AH0-M Z-W-AA1 Z-M-EH1 D-AH0 S-AH0-N F-AO1-R M-AY1 F-IH1-R-Z B-IH0 K-AO1-Z HH-IY1 W-AA1-Z DH-AH0 AA1 P-AH0 Z-AH0 T-AH1-V V-AE1-M P-AY0 R-W-EH1-R V-AE1-M P-AY0-R-Z S-AH1-K DH-AH0 L-AY1 F-AW1 T-AH1-V P-IY1 P-AH0-L


... he would blow joy and life back in, like someone performing an emotional version of cpr.

HH-IY1 W-UH1-D B-L-OW1 JH-OY1 AH0-N D-L-AY1-F B-AE1 K-IH0 N-L-AY1-K S-AH1 M-W-AH2-N P-ER0 F-AO1-R M-IH0 NG-AE1 N-IH0 M-OW1 SH-AH0 N-AH0-L V-ER1 ZH-AH0 N-AH1-V K-ER1-P


now that i have grown up to become a comedian-

N-AW1 DH-AE1 T-AY1 HH-AE1-V G-R-OW1 N-AH1-P T-UW1 B-IH0 K-AH1 M-AH0 K-AH0 M-IY1 D-IY0 AH0-N


... he's left me with one final important life lesson in the tragic taking of his own life.

HH-IY1 Z-L-EH1-F T-M-IY1 W-IH1 DH-W-AH1-N F-AY1 N-AH0 L-IH0-M P-AO1-R T-AH0-N T-L-AY1 F-L-EH1 S-AH0 N-IH0-N DH-AH0 T-R-AE1 JH-IH0-K T-EY1 K-IH0 NG-AH1-V HH-IH1 Z-OW1 N-L-AY1-F


oh, man, burn. see right, the-

OW1 M-AE1-N B-ER1-N S-IY1 R-AY1-T DH-AH0


dave told me to write about tragedy, so that's what i've done.

D-EY1-V T-OW1-L D-M-IY1 T-UW1 R-AY1 T-AH0 B-AW1-T T-R-AE1 JH-AH0 D-IY0 S-OW1 TH-AE1-T S-W-AH1 T-AY1-V D-AH1-N


the tragedy of history and the tragedy of legacy, learning old and new. moving-

DH-AH0 T-R-AE1 JH-AH0 D-IY0 AH1-V HH-IH1-S T-ER0 IY0 AH0-N-D DH-AH0 T-R-AE1 JH-AH0 D-IY0 AH1 V-L-EH1 G-AH0 S-IY0 L-ER1 N-IH0 NG-OW1-L D-AH0-N D-N-UW1 M-UW1 V-IH0-NG


no stones built, no cairns. the past, not yours, the future's-

N-OW1-S T-OW1-N-Z B-IH1-L T-N-OW1 K-EH1-R-N-Z DH-AH0 P-AE1-S T-N-AA1 T-Y-UH1-R-Z DH-AH0 F-Y-UW1 CH-ER0-Z


on the barren in western ireland, they have these signs saying "move-"

AA1-N DH-AH0 B-AE1 R-AH0 N-IH0 N-W-EH1-S T-ER0 N-AY1 ER0 L-AH0-N-D DH-EY1 HH-AE1-V DH-IY1-Z S-AY1-N-Z S-EY1 IH0-NG M-UW1-V


"... no stones, build no cairns," which has a poetry of its own, but which otherwise is entirely dismal.

N-OW1-S T-OW1-N-Z B-IH1-L D-N-OW1 K-EH1-R-N Z-W-IH1-CH HH-AE1 Z-AH0 P-OW1 AH0 T-R-IY0 AH1 V-IH1-T S-OW1-N B-AH1 T-W-IH1 CH-AH1 DH-ER0 W-AY2 Z-IH1 Z-IH0-N T-AY1 ER0 L-IY0 D-IH1 Z-M-AH0-L


the intention, of course, is to preserve a natural landscape.

DH-AH0 IH0-N T-EH1-N CH-AH0 N-AH1-V K-AO1-R S-IH1-Z T-UW1 P-R-AH0 Z-ER1 V-AH0 N-AE1 CH-ER0 AH0-L L-AE1-N-D-S K-EY2-P


the barren is covered in evidence of humans piling-

DH-AH0 B-AE1 R-AH0 N-IH1-Z K-AH1 V-ER0 D-IH0 N-EH1 V-AH0 D-AH0-N S-AH1-V HH-Y-UW1 M-AH0-N-Z P-AY1 L-IH0-NG


... the stones, setting them upright, building elegant dolmens, leaving their natural mark on the landscape for other humans to see.

DH-AH0-S T-OW1-N-Z S-EH1 T-IH0-NG DH-EH1 M-AH0 P-R-AY1-T B-IH1-L D-IH0 NG-EH1 L-AH0 G-AH0-N-T D-AA1-L M-AH0-N Z-L-IY1 V-IH0-NG DH-EH1-R N-AE1 CH-ER0 AH0-L M-AA1-R K-AA1-N DH-AH0 L-AE1-N-D-S K-EY2-P F-AO1 R-AH1 DH-ER0 HH-Y-UW1 M-AH0-N-Z T-UW1 S-IY1


move no stones, build no cairns. the past not yours, the future's-

M-UW1 V-N-OW1-S T-OW1-N-Z B-IH1-L D-N-OW1 K-EH1-R-N-Z DH-AH0 P-AE1-S T-N-AA1 T-Y-UH1-R-Z DH-AH0 F-Y-UW1 CH-ER0-Z


you just spectate. you're here to serve. wait at the gate.

Y-UW1 JH-AH1-S-T-S P-EH1-K T-AH0 T-Y-UH1-R HH-IY1-R T-UW1 S-ER1 V-W-EY1 T-AE1-T DH-AH0 G-EY1-T


it seems to me, it's a human instinct to mark your environment, to leave a trace, mark your passage through the place. from cave paintings to graffiti. from avery to the parthenon, to the gherkin.

IH1-T S-IY1-M-Z T-UW1 M-IY1 IH1-T S-AH0 HH-Y-UW1 M-AH0 N-IH1-N-S T-IH0-NG-K-T T-UW1 M-AA1-R K-Y-AO1 R-IH0-N V-AY1 R-AH0-N M-AH0-N-T T-UW1 L-IY1 V-AH0 T-R-EY1 S-M-AA1-R K-Y-AO1-R P-AE1 S-AH0-JH TH-R-UW1 DH-AH0 P-L-EY1-S F-R-AH1-M K-EY1-V P-EY1-N T-IH0-NG-Z T-UW1 G-R-AH0 F-IY1 T-IY0 F-R-AH1 M-EY1 V-ER0 IY0 T-UW1 DH-AH0 P-AA1-R TH-AH0 N-AA2-N T-UW1 DH-AH0 G-ER1 K-IH0-N


"i was here," you feel the need to say. to let those to come know what you were building for them. to let those around you know you were there. to naturally-

AY1 W-AA1-Z HH-IY1 R-Y-UW1 F-IY1-L DH-AH0 N-IY1-D T-UW1 S-EY1 T-UW1 L-EH1-T DH-OW1-Z T-UW1 K-AH1-M N-OW1 W-AH1 T-Y-UW1 W-ER0 B-IH1-L D-IH0-NG F-AO1-R DH-EH1-M T-UW1 L-EH1-T DH-OW1 Z-ER0 AW1-N D-Y-UW1 N-OW1 Y-UW1 W-ER0 DH-EH1-R T-UW1 N-AE1 CH-ER0 AH0 L-IY0


... mark your naturally awarded by birthplaces and natural being in the natural world.

M-AA1-R K-Y-AO1-R N-AE1 CH-ER0 AH0 L-IY0 AH0 W-AO1-R D-AH0-D B-AY1 B-ER1-TH P-L-EY2 S-IH0 Z-AH0-N D-N-AE1 CH-ER0 AH0-L B-IY1 IH0 NG-IH0-N DH-AH0 N-AE1 CH-ER0 AH0 L-W-ER1-L-D


... theirs. you'll not create, they'll adjudicate. sit down, shut up. just serve and wait.

DH-EH1-R Z-Y-UW1-L N-AA1-T K-R-IY0 EY1-T TH-EY1 L-AH0 JH-UW1 D-IH0 K-EY2-T S-IH1-T D-AW1-N SH-AH1 T-AH1-P JH-AH1-S-T S-ER1 V-AH0-N D-W-EY1-T


but making history has stopped, it seems. people no longer make a mark.

B-AH1 T-M-EY1 K-IH0-NG HH-IH1-S T-ER0 IY0 HH-AE1-Z-S T-AA1-P T-IH1-T S-IY1-M-Z P-IY1 P-AH0-L N-OW1 L-AO1-NG G-ER0 M-EY1 K-AH0 M-AA1-R-K


you just respect the marks others make. you don't make history.

Y-UW1 JH-AH1-S T-R-IH0-S P-EH1-K-T DH-AH0 M-AA1-R-K S-AH1 DH-ER0 Z-M-EY1 K-Y-UW1 D-AA1-N T-M-EY1-K HH-IH1-S T-ER0 IY0


you watch it. look at it passively and smile complicitly.

Y-UW1 W-AA1 CH-IH1 T-L-UH1 K-AE1 T-IH1-T P-AE1 S-IH0 V-L-IY0 AH0-N-D S-M-AY1-L K-AH0-M P-L-IH1 S-AH0 T-L-IY0


you don't participate actively. we have no agency and we are told we should gaze admiringly.

Y-UW1 D-AA1-N-T P-AA0-R T-IH1 S-AH0 P-EY2 T-AE1-K T-IH0 V-L-IY0 W-IY1 HH-AE1 V-N-OW1 EY1 JH-AH0-N S-IY0 AH0-N D-W-IY1 AA1-R T-OW1-L D-W-IY1 SH-UH1-D G-EY1 Z-AE0 D-M-AY1 R-IH0 NG-L-IY0


but we don't make any apparently. and we mustn't make what's there look untidy with our insignificance.

B-AH1 T-W-IY1 D-AA1-N T-M-EY1 K-EH1 N-IY0 AH0 P-EH1 R-AH0-N T-L-IY0 AH0-N D-W-IY1 M-AH1-S T-AH0-N T-M-EY1 K-W-AH0-T-S DH-EH1-R L-UH1 K-AH0-N T-AY1 D-IY0 W-IH1 DH-AW1 ER0 IH2-N S-IH0 G-N-Y-IH1 F-IH0 K-AH0-N-S


... theirs. you don't create, you just curate. pass honors taught, serve, stand, and wait.

DH-EH1-R Z-Y-UW1 D-AA1-N-T K-R-IY0 EY1 T-Y-UW1 JH-AH1-S-T K-Y-UH0 R-AH1-T P-AE1 S-AA1 N-ER0-Z T-AO1-T S-ER1-V-S T-AE1-N D-AH0-N D-W-EY1-T


so you can grow debt but leave no legacy. so you can watch the repeats, but make no telly of your own. so you can owe the past, but not pay the future.

S-OW1 Y-UW1 K-AE1-N G-R-OW1 D-EH1-T B-AH1 T-L-IY1 V-N-OW1 L-EH1 G-AH0 S-IY0 S-OW1 Y-UW1 K-AE1 N-W-AA1-CH DH-AH0 R-IH0 P-IY1-T-S B-AH1 T-M-EY1 K-N-OW1 T-EH1 L-IY0 AH1 V-Y-AO1 R-OW1-N S-OW1 Y-UW1 K-AE1 N-OW1 DH-AH0 P-AE1-S-T B-AH1 T-N-AA1-T P-EY1 DH-AH0 F-Y-UW1 CH-ER0


so you can buy the t-shirt, but not go see or do yourself.

S-OW1 Y-UW1 K-AE1-N B-AY1 DH-AH0 SH-ER1-T B-AH1 T-N-AA1-T G-OW1 S-IY1 AO1-R D-UW1 Y-ER0 S-EH1-L-F


so you can charge towards a foregone cliff and leave nothing of worth, but wealth.

S-OW1 Y-UW1 K-AE1-N CH-AA1-R-JH T-AH0 W-AO1-R-D Z-AH0 F-AO1-R G-AO1-N K-L-IH1 F-AH0-N D-L-IY1 V-N-AH1 TH-IH0 NG-AH1 V-W-ER1-TH B-AH1 T-W-EH1-L-TH


i say move those stones, build your cairns, shape your tools, bear your bands, shape your cares, take those dares, split-

AY1 S-EY1 M-UW1-V DH-OW1-Z-S T-OW1-N-Z B-IH1-L D-Y-AO1-R K-EH1-R-N-Z SH-EY1 P-Y-AO1-R T-UW1-L-Z B-EH1 R-Y-AO1-R B-AE1-N-D-Z SH-EY1 P-Y-AO1-R K-EH1-R-Z T-EY1-K DH-OW1-Z D-EH1-R-Z-S P-L-IH1-T


... those hairs, raise concerns, arm no bears, reap no tears.

DH-OW1-Z HH-EH1-R Z-R-EY1-Z K-AH0-N S-ER1-N Z-AA1-R-M N-OW1 B-EH1-R Z-R-IY1 P-N-OW1 T-EH1-R-Z


please move those stones, build those cairns.

P-L-IY1 Z-M-UW1-V DH-OW1-Z-S T-OW1-N-Z B-IH1-L-D DH-OW1-Z K-EH1-R-N-Z


show those to come the way we work was we create.

SH-OW1 DH-OW1-Z T-UW1 K-AH1-M DH-AH0 W-EY1 W-IY1 W-ER1 K-W-AA1 Z-W-IY1 K-R-IY0 EY1-T


yes, we create. we'll show them yet, you fucking wait.

Y-EH1 S-W-IY1 K-R-IY0 EY1 T-W-EH1-L SH-OW1 DH-EH1 M-Y-EH1 T-Y-UW1 F-AH1 K-IH0 NG-W-EY1-T


oh, i did. i did. i did. i did tell my school careers officer that that's what i was going to be, so i got really fucking boring work experience.

OW1 AY1 D-IH1 D-AY1 D-IH1 D-AY1 D-IH1 D-AY1 D-IH1-D T-EH1-L M-AY1-S K-UW1-L K-ER0 IH1-R Z-AO1 F-AH0 S-ER0 DH-AE1-T TH-AE1-T S-W-AH1 T-AY1 W-AA1-Z G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 B-IY1 S-OW1 AY1 G-AA1 T-R-IH1 L-IY0 F-AH1 K-IH0-NG B-AO1 R-IH0 NG-W-ER1 K-IH0-K-S P-IH1 R-IY0 AH0-N-S


they made me wear my school uniform.

DH-EY1 M-EY1 D-M-IY1 W-EH1-R M-AY1-S K-UW1 L-Y-UW1 N-AH0 F-AO2-R-M


everybody else got two weeks off. do you know what i mean? like, "oh, i wore a t-shirt. i fix photocopiers." no, not me.

EH1 V-R-IY0 B-AA2 D-IY0 EH1-L-S G-AA1-T T-UW1 W-IY1-K S-AO1-F D-UW1 Y-UW1 N-OW1 W-AH1 T-AY1 M-IY1 N-L-AY1 K-OW1 AY1 W-AO1 R-AH0 SH-ER1 T-AY1 F-IH1-K-S F-OW1 T-OW0 K-AA2 P-IY0 ER0 Z-N-OW1 N-AA1 T-M-IY1


this one's a for michael [gove 00:06:33]. he's a lovely chap. and now for nikki morgan, who's also wonderful.

DH-IH1 S-W-AH1-N Z-AH0 F-AO1-R M-AY1 K-AH0-L G-OW1-V Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z S-IH1-K S-M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D TH-ER1 D-IY0 TH-R-IY1 S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D-Z HH-IY1 Z-AH0 L-AH1 V-L-IY0 CH-AE1 P-AH0-N D-N-AW1 F-AO1-R N-IH1 K-IY0 M-AO1-R G-AH0-N HH-UW1 Z-AO1-L S-OW0 W-AH1-N D-ER0 F-AH0-L


this examines the... oh, it's got the c-word in it and i feel i should explain the use of the c-word, if i've just about got time.

DH-IH1 S-IH0-G Z-AE1 M-AH0-N-Z DH-AH0 OW1 IH1-T-S G-AA1-T DH-AH0 K-W-AO1-R D-IH0 N-IH1 T-AH0-N D-AY1 F-IY1 L-AY1 SH-UH1 D-IH0-K-S P-L-EY1-N DH-AH0 Y-UW1 S-AH1-V DH-AH0 K-W-AO1-R D-IH1 F-AY1-V JH-AH1-S T-AH0 B-AW1-T G-AA1-T T-AY1-M


it becomes that much more transgressive and that much more powerful, and that's why it's the most offensive of the swear words because-

IH1-T B-IH0 K-AH1-M-Z DH-AE1 T-M-AH1 CH-M-AO1-R T-R-AE0-N-Z G-R-EH1 S-IH0 V-AH0-N-D DH-AE1 T-M-AH1 CH-M-AO1-R P-AW1 ER0 F-AH0 L-AH0-N-D TH-AE1-T S-W-AY1 IH1-T-S DH-AH0 M-OW1-S T-AH0 F-EH1-N S-IH0 V-AH1-V DH-AH0 S-W-EH1 R-W-ER1-D-Z B-IH0 K-AO1-Z


... it breaks more rules. it's actually feminist to say the word cunt.

IH1-T B-R-EY1-K S-M-AO1-R R-UW1-L Z-IH1-T S-AE1-K CH-AH0 W-AH0 L-IY0 F-EH1 M-AH0 N-AH0-S-T T-UW1 S-EY1 DH-AH0 W-ER1-D K-AH1-N-T


yes, lots of people have said it. germaine-

Y-EH1 S-L-AA1-T S-AH1-V P-IY1 P-AH0-L HH-AE1-V S-EH1 D-IH1-T ZH-ER0 M-EY1-N


... greer, chiefly. and jacques lacan as a rereading of freud. and yeah, and a french feminist of the '70s, for those of you who are into that shit.

G-R-IH1-R CH-IY1 F-L-IY0 AH0-N-D ZH-AA1 K-L-EY1 K-AH0 N-AE1 Z-AH0 R-IY1 R-IY1 D-IH0 NG-AH1-V F-R-OY1 D-AH0-N D-Y-AE1 AH0-N D-AH0 F-R-EH1-N-CH F-EH1 M-AH0 N-AH0-S T-AH1-V DH-AH0 S-EH1 V-AH0-N T-IY0-Z F-AO1-R DH-OW1 Z-AH1 V-Y-UW1 HH-UW1 AA1 R-IH0-N T-UW1 DH-AE1-T SH-IH1-T


it's wild stuff. this one's called the burdens of power, which examines history through the medium of elves.

IH1-T S-W-AY1-L-D-S T-AH1-F DH-IH1 S-W-AH1-N-Z K-AO1-L-D DH-AH0 B-ER1 D-AH0-N Z-AH1-V P-AW1 ER0 W-IH1 CH-IH0-G Z-AE1 M-AH0-N-Z HH-IH1-S T-ER0 IY0 TH-R-UW1 DH-AH0 M-IY1 D-IY0 AH0 M-AH1 V-EH1-L-V-Z


and he stood on the diocese regime to enforce with what he'd learned on a management training course.

AH0-N-D HH-IY1-S T-UH1 D-AA1-N DH-AH0 D-AY1 AH0 S-IY2 Z-R-AH0 ZH-IY1-M T-UW1 EH0-N F-AO1-R S-W-IH1 DH-W-AH1-T HH-EH1 D-L-ER1 N-IH0 D-AA1 N-AH0 M-AE1 N-AH0 JH-M-AH0-N-T T-R-EY1 N-IH0-NG K-AO1-R-S


conclusively, i asked for no quarter by the great elvish scientist knelt over water, there's just not enough pixie dust to go round so your children are better off on-

K-AH0-N K-L-UW1 S-IH0 V-L-IY0 AY1 AE1-S-K-T F-AO1-R N-OW1 K-W-AO1-R T-ER0 B-AY1 DH-AH0 G-R-EY1 T-EH1-L V-IH0-SH S-AY1 AH0-N T-IH0-S T-N-EH1-L T-OW1 V-ER0 W-AO1 T-ER0 DH-EH1-R-Z JH-AH1-S T-N-AA1 T-IH0 N-AH1-F P-IH1-K S-IY0 D-AH1-S-T T-UW1 G-OW1 R-AW1-N-D S-OW1 Y-AO1-R CH-IH1-L D-R-AH0 N-AA1-R B-EH1 T-ER0 AO1 F-AA1-N


... across the world. none softer, none finer. i've got fleece softly curled that-

AH0 K-R-AO1-S DH-AH0 W-ER1-L D-N-AH1-N S-AA1-F T-ER0 N-AH1-N F-AY1 N-ER0 AY1-V G-AA1-T F-L-IY1-S S-AO1-F T-L-IY0 K-ER1-L-D DH-AE1-T


... is a chair. and it's in this way, the cunts would sell education, you show a passive compliance from the knowledge-starved nation. ensure the lessons of history.

IH1 Z-AH0 CH-EH1 R-AH0-N D-IH1-T S-IH0-N DH-IH1 S-W-EY1 DH-AH0 K-AH1-N-T S-W-UH1-D S-EH1 L-EH2 JH-AH0 K-EY1 SH-AH0 N-Y-UW1 SH-OW1 AH0 P-AE1 S-IH0-V K-AH0-M P-L-AY1 AH0-N-S F-R-AH1-M DH-AH0 N-AO2-L JH-AH0-T-S V-EH1-L D-IH0 K-N-EY1 SH-AH0 N-EH0-N SH-UH1-R DH-AH0 L-EH1 S-AH0-N Z-AH1-V HH-IH1-S T-ER0 IY0


... go unlearned, so repeated next to doublespeak. lies and can't-

G-OW1 AH0 N-L-EH1-R-N-D S-OW1 R-IH0 P-IY1 T-IH0 D-N-EH1-K-S-T T-UW1 D-AH1 B-AH0-L-S P-IY2 K-L-AY1 Z-AH0-N-D K-AE1-N-T


... repeat, thanks to lessons unlearned as the killing fields swell and the corpses are burnt.

R-IH0 P-IY1-T TH-AE1-NG-K-S T-UW1 L-EH1 S-AH0-N Z-AH0 N-L-EH1-R-N D-AE1-Z DH-AH0 K-IH1 L-IH0-NG F-IY1-L-D-Z S-W-EH1 L-AH0-N-D DH-AH0 K-AO1-R-P S-AH0 Z-AA1-R B-ER1-N-T


there's a man i think should make his own podcast because he's got so much knowledge in his head and i just want to hear it all. and that comes to the end, really of the tragedy.

DH-EH1-R Z-AH0 M-AE1 N-AY1 TH-IH1-NG-K SH-UH1 D-M-EY1-K HH-IH1 Z-OW1-N P-OW1-D K-AE2-S-T B-IH0 K-AO1-Z HH-IY1-Z G-AA1-T S-OW1 M-AH1 CH-N-AA1 L-AH0 JH-IH0-N HH-IH1-Z HH-EH1 D-AH0-N D-AY1 JH-AH1-S T-W-AA1-N-T T-UW1 HH-IY1 R-IH1 T-AO1 L-AH0-N-D DH-AE1-T K-AH1-M-Z T-UW1 DH-AH0 EH1-N D-R-IH1 L-IY0 AH1-V DH-AH0 T-R-AE1 JH-AH0 D-IY0


but i like to think of it, if it is too white men heavy, i like to think that because it's-

B-AH1 T-AY1 L-AY1-K T-UW1 TH-IH1-NG K-AH1 V-IH1 T-IH1 F-IH1 T-IH1-Z T-UW1 W-AY1 T-M-EH1-N HH-EH1 V-IY0 AY1 L-AY1-K T-UW1 TH-IH1-NG-K DH-AE1-T B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-IH1-T-S


hello? hi. hello, lovely audience, and welcome to stand up tragedy. and stand up tragedy is a variety-

HH-AH0 L-OW1 HH-AY1 HH-AH0 L-OW1 L-AH1 V-L-IY0 AA1 D-IY0 AH0-N S-AH0-N D-W-EH1-L K-AH0-M T-UW1-S T-AE1-N D-AH1-P T-R-AE1 JH-AH0 D-IY0 AH0-N-D-S T-AE1-N D-AH1-P T-R-AE1 JH-AH0 D-IY0 IH1 Z-AH0 V-ER0 AY1 AH0 T-IY0


... [inaudible 00:08:37] style of comparing is not fit for this prestigious occasion.

IH0 N-AO1 D-AH0 B-AH0-L Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0 Z-EY1 T-M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D TH-ER1 D-IY0 S-EH1 V-AH0-N S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D-Z-S T-AY1 L-AH1-V K-AH0-M P-EH1 R-IH0 NG-IH1 Z-N-AA1-T F-IH1-T F-AO1-R DH-IH1-S P-R-EH0-S T-IH1 JH-AH0 S-AH0 K-EY1 ZH-AH0-N


and so yeah, the normal host is a guy called dave [paquin 00:08:45] who's-

AH0-N-D S-OW1 Y-AE1 DH-AH0 N-AO1-R M-AH0-L HH-OW1-S T-IH1 Z-AH0 G-AY1 K-AO1-L-D D-EY1-V P-AE1 K-W-IH0-N Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0 Z-EY1 T-M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D F-AO1-R T-IY0 F-AY1-V S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D-Z HH-UW1-Z


... wonderful and he's been doing it for years, and... but he's allowed some guest hosts-

W-AH1-N D-ER0 F-AH0 L-AH0-N-D HH-IY1-Z B-IH1-N D-UW1 IH0 NG-IH1-T F-AO1 R-Y-IH1-R Z-AH0-N-D B-AH1-T HH-IY1 Z-AH0 L-AW1-D S-AH1-M G-EH1-S-T HH-OW1-S-T-S


... to come up and do stand up tragedy. and i've performed in such a-

T-UW1 K-AH1 M-AH1 P-AH0-N-D D-UW1-S T-AE1-N D-AH1-P T-R-AE1 JH-AH0 D-IY0 AH0-N D-AY1-V P-ER0 F-AO1-R-M D-IH0-N S-AH1 CH-AH0


... stand up tragedy for a few years. so i said, "yes, please. i'll do it." and i've programmed all the acts. yes.

S-T-AE1-N D-AH1-P T-R-AE1 JH-AH0 D-IY0 F-AO1 R-AH0 F-Y-UW1 Y-IH1-R-Z S-OW1 AY1 S-EH1 D-Y-EH1-S P-L-IY1 Z-IH1-L D-UW1 IH1 T-AH0-N D-AY1-V P-R-OW1 G-R-AE2-M D-AO1-L DH-AH0 AE1-K-T S-Y-EH1-S


yes. "hurrah," everyone says. and so tonight-

Y-EH1-S HH-UH0 R-AA1 EH1 V-R-IY0 W-AH2-N S-EH1 Z-AH0-N-D S-OW1 T-AH0 N-AY1-T


... [inaudible 00:09:07] tall and jarvis' lean. i love you, jarvis. marry me.

IH0 N-AO1 D-AH0 B-AH0-L Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0 Z-N-AY1-N M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D S-EH1 V-AH0-N S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D-Z T-AO1 L-AH0-N-D JH-AA1-R V-AH0 S-L-IY1 N-AY1 L-AH1 V-Y-UW1 JH-AA1-R V-AH0 S-M-EH1 R-IY0 M-IY1


this is the beginning of our roller coaster ride. our first act up is the terrifyingly talented, mr. ian hales. he's an actor-

DH-IH1 S-IH1-Z DH-AH0 B-IH0 G-IH1 N-IH0 NG-AH1 V-AW1 ER0 R-OW1 L-ER0 K-OW1-S T-ER0 R-AY1 D-AW1 ER0 F-ER1-S T-AE1-K T-AH1 P-IH1-Z DH-AH0 T-EH1 R-AH0 F-AY2 IH0 NG-L-IY0 T-AE1 L-AH0-N T-AH0 D-M-IH1-S T-ER0 IY1 AH0-N HH-EY1-L-Z HH-IY1 Z-AE1 N-AE1-K T-ER0


... a director, an improviser, and a writer based in the northwest. he improvs with impropriety, which is an amazing improv company. and he's currently writing a novel called chains. give him a big-

AH0 D-ER0 EH1-K T-ER0 AE1 N-IH1-M P-R-AH0 V-AY2 Z-ER0 AH0-N D-AH0 R-AY1 T-ER0 B-EY1-S T-IH0-N DH-AH0 N-AO2-R TH-W-EH1-S-T HH-IY1 IH1-M P-R-AA2-V Z-W-IH1 DH-IH2-M P-R-AH0 P-R-AY1 AH0 T-IY0 W-IH1 CH-IH1 Z-AE1 N-AH0 M-EY1 Z-IH0 NG-IH1-M P-R-AA2-V K-AH1-M P-AH0 N-IY0 AH0-N-D HH-IY1-Z K-ER1 AH0-N T-L-IY0 R-AY1 T-IH0 NG-AH0 N-AA1 V-AH0-L K-AO1-L-D CH-EY1-N-Z G-IH1-V HH-IH1 M-AH0 B-IH1-G


i think here is a completely fitting atmosphere to hear that. if you're-

AY1 TH-IH1-NG-K HH-IY1 R-IH1 Z-AH0 K-AH0-M P-L-IY1 T-L-IY0 F-IH1 T-IH0 NG-AE1 T-M-AH0-S F-IH2-R T-UW1 HH-IY1-R DH-AE1 T-IH1 F-Y-UH1-R


... listening at home, i hope you've shut your curtains and put the cot duvet over your head.

L-IH1 S-AH0 N-IH0 NG-AE1-T HH-OW1 M-AY1 HH-OW1 P-Y-UW1-V SH-AH1 T-Y-AO1-R K-ER1 T-AH0-N Z-AH0-N-D P-UH1-T DH-AH0 K-AA1-T D-UW1 V-IH0 T-OW1 V-ER0 Y-AO1-R HH-EH1-D


okay. a change of tone on this rollercoaster of a journey. our next guest, witty, wise-

OW2 K-EY1 AH0 CH-EY1-N JH-AH1-V T-OW1 N-AA1-N DH-IH1 S-R-OW1 L-ER0 K-OW2-S T-ER0 AH1 V-AH0 JH-ER1 N-IY0 AW1 ER0 N-EH1-K-S-T G-EH1-S T-W-IH1 T-IY0 W-AY1-Z


with a natural talent for rhythm and rhyme. superheroes of slam winner and poet extraordinaire, as i like to say, it's the lovely, the wonderful joy france-

W-IH1 DH-AH0 N-AE1 CH-ER0 AH0-L T-AE1 L-AH0-N-T F-AO1-R R-IH1 DH-AH0 M-AH0-N D-R-AY1-M S-UW2 P-ER0 HH-IY1 R-OW0 Z-AH1-V S-L-AE1 M-W-IH1 N-ER0 AH0-N-D P-OW1 AH0 T-EH2-K-S T-R-AH0 AO1-R D-IH0 N-EH2 R-AE1 Z-AY1 L-AY1-K T-UW1 S-EY1 IH1-T-S DH-AH0 L-AH1 V-L-IY0 DH-AH0 W-AH1-N D-ER0 F-AH0-L JH-OY1 F-R-AE1-N-S


my mum was right, she said-

M-AY1 M-AH1 M-W-AA1 Z-R-AY1-T SH-IY1 S-EH1-D


she said frequently, something to me and it's turned out to be true.

SH-IY1 S-EH1-D F-R-IY1 K-W-AH0-N T-L-IY0 S-AH1-M TH-IH0-NG T-UW1 M-IY1 AH0-N D-IH1-T-S T-ER1-N D-AW1-T T-UW1 B-IY1 T-R-UW1


i've just come to edinburgh for the first time as a performer, and i've got... arrived for this last week-

AY1-V JH-AH1-S-T K-AH1-M T-UW1 EH1 D-AH0-N B-ER0 OW0 F-AO1-R DH-AH0 F-ER1-S-T T-AY1 M-AE1 Z-AH0 P-ER0 F-AO1-R M-ER0 AH0-N D-AY1-V G-AA1 T-ER0 AY1-V-D F-AO1-R DH-IH1 S-L-AE1-S T-W-IY1-K


all excited, and i walked down the royal mile, and then i discovered that i have a new superpower.

AO1 L-IH0-K S-AY1 T-AH0 D-AH0-N D-AY1 W-AO1-K-T D-AW1-N DH-AH0 R-OY1 AH0-L M-AY1 L-AH0-N-D DH-EH1 N-AY1 D-IH0-S K-AH1 V-ER0-D DH-AE1 T-AY1 HH-AE1 V-AH0 N-UW1 S-UW2 P-ER0 P-AW1 ER0


i am actually invisible. my mum said it-

AY1 AE1 M-AE1-K CH-AH0 W-AH0 L-IY0 IH0-N V-IH1 Z-AH0 B-AH0-L M-AY1 M-AH1-M S-EH1 D-IH1-T


when you get older you become invisible, and it's happened here in edinburgh.

W-EH1 N-Y-UW1 G-EH1 T-OW1-L D-ER0 Y-UW1 B-IH0 K-AH1 M-IH0-N V-IH1 Z-AH0 B-AH0 L-AH0-N D-IH1-T-S HH-AE1 P-AH0-N-D HH-IY1 R-IH0 N-EH1 D-AH0-N B-ER0 OW0


i walked down the mile and everybody's struggling under these weights of leaflets and flyers and things. nobody gave me any-

AY1 W-AO1-K-T D-AW1-N DH-AH0 M-AY1 L-AH0-N D-EH1 V-R-IY0 B-AA2 D-IY0-Z-S T-R-AH1 G-AH0 L-IH0 NG-AH1-N D-ER0 DH-IY1 Z-W-EY1-T S-AH1 V-L-IY1 F-L-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D F-L-AY1 ER0 Z-AH0-N-D TH-IH1-NG Z-N-OW1 B-AA2 D-IY2 G-EY1 V-M-IY1 EH1 N-IY0


what am i going to do about this? what's happened? i've turned invisible. so instead of accepting it-

W-AH1 T-AE1 M-AY1 G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 D-UW1 AH0 B-AW1-T DH-IH1 S-W-AH0-T-S HH-AE1 P-AH0-N D-AY1-V T-ER1-N D-IH0-N V-IH1 Z-AH0 B-AH0-L S-OW1 IH0-N-S T-EH1 D-AH1 V-AE0-K S-EH1-P T-IH0 NG-IH1-T


in the face of such tragic situation, i turned round.

IH0-N DH-AH0 F-EY1 S-AH1-V S-AH1-CH T-R-AE1 JH-IH0-K S-IH2 CH-UW0 EY1 SH-AH0 N-AY1 T-ER1-N D-R-AW1-N-D


and every time i went past somebody and they didn't-

AH0-N D-EH1 V-ER0 IY0 T-AY1 M-AY1 W-EH1-N-T P-AE1-S-T S-AH1-M B-AA2 D-IY0 AH0-N-D DH-EY1 D-IH1 D-AH0-N-T


in they inch. warm bodies flinch-

IH0-N DH-EY1 IH1-N CH-W-AO1-R-M B-AA1 D-IY0-Z F-L-IH1-N-CH


the water's cold and they... they're old, spent, bent backed, stick stacked to hobble, and women's bodies exposed in ill-fitting cozzies-

DH-AH0 W-AO1 T-ER0-Z K-OW1-L D-AH0-N-D DH-EY1 TH-EH1 R-OW1-L-D-S P-EH1-N-T B-EH1-N-T B-AE1-K-T-S T-IH1-K-S T-AE1-K-T T-UW1 HH-AA1 B-AH0 L-AH0-N D-W-IH1 M-AH0-N-Z B-AA1 D-IY0 Z-IH0-K-S P-OW1-Z D-IH0 N-IH1-L F-IH0 T-IH0-NG K-AA1 Z-IY0-Z


white bits normally covered by [cardy's 00:01:48] glare, and i wonder what on earth i'm doing there. my first aqua zumba class is going to be my last.

W-AY1-T B-IH1-T S-N-AO1-R M-AH0 L-IY0 K-AH1 V-ER0-D B-AY1 K-AA1-R D-IY0-Z Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0 Z-W-AH1-N M-IH1 N-AH0 T-AH0-N-D F-AO1-R T-IY0 EY1-T S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D-Z G-L-EH1 R-AH0-N D-AY1 W-AH1-N D-ER0 W-AH1 T-AA1 N-ER1 TH-AY1 AE1-M D-UW1 IH0-NG DH-EH1-R M-AY1 F-ER1-S T-AE1 K-W-AH0 Z-AH1-M B-AH0 K-L-AE1 S-IH1-Z G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 B-IY1 M-AY1 L-AE1-S-T


i'm used to exuberant instructors and pounding, push yourself mantras, and i'm out of place amongst these-

IH1 M-Y-UW1-Z-D T-UW1 IH0-G Z-UW1 B-ER0 AH0-N T-IH0-N-S T-R-AH1-K T-ER0 Z-AH0-N-D P-AW1-N D-IH0-NG P-UH1 SH-Y-ER0 S-EH1-L F-M-AE1-N T-R-AH0 Z-AH0-N D-IH1 M-AW1 T-AH1-V P-L-EY1 S-AH0 M-AH1-NG-S-T DH-IY1-Z


empty shells. but the music starts and ironically it's pharrell's 'happy'.

EH1-M-P T-IY0 SH-EH1-L-Z B-AH1-T DH-AH0 M-Y-UW1 Z-IH0-K-S T-AA1-R-T S-AH0-N D-AY0 R-AA1 N-IH0 K-L-IY0 IH1-T-S F-AE1 R-AH0-L-Z HH-AE1 P-IY0


...babes. then the tempo changes. salsa, boom-

B-EY1-B-Z DH-EH1-N DH-AH0 T-EH1-M P-OW2 CH-EY1-N JH-AH0-Z S-AO1-L S-AH0 B-UW1-M


boom, boom, booms faster and they hit each beat. for they are a slick of black cat-

B-UW1-M B-UW1-M B-UW1-M-Z F-AE1-S T-ER0 AH0-N-D DH-EY1 HH-IH1 T-IY1-CH B-IY1-T F-AO1-R DH-EY1 AA1 R-AH0 S-L-IH1 K-AH1-V B-L-AE1-K K-AE1-T


jouncers. some are floating twix stick dancers. one leaps high and her belly bounces-

JH-AW1-N S-ER0-Z S-AH1 M-AA1-R F-L-OW1 T-IH0-NG T-W-IH1-K-S-S T-IH1-K D-AE1-N S-ER0 Z-W-AH1 N-L-IY1-P-S HH-AY1 AH0-N-D HH-ER0 B-EH1 L-IY0 B-AW1-N S-IH0-Z


[what a lapse 00:02:30]. another's flappy breasts slap on the surface like fish on a marble slab.

W-AH1 T-AH0 L-AE1-P-S Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z T-UW1 M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D TH-ER1 D-IY0 S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D Z-AE1 N-AH0 DH-ER0-Z F-L-AE1 P-IY0 B-R-EH1-S-T-S S-L-AE1 P-AA1-N DH-AH0 S-ER1 F-AH0 S-L-AY1-K F-IH1 SH-AA1 N-AH0 M-AA1-R B-AH0-L S-L-AE1-B


schlap, schlap and his sister-

SH-L-AE1-P SH-L-AE1 P-AH0-N-D HH-IH1-Z S-IH1-S T-ER0


[inaudible 00:02:39] tap like ginger. we are salmon leaping torso twisters-

IH0 N-AO1 D-AH0 B-AH0-L Z-IH1 R-OW0 AW1 ER0-Z T-UW1 M-IH1 N-AH0-T S-AH0-N-D TH-ER1 D-IY0 N-AY1-N S-EH1 K-AH0-N-D-Z T-AE1 P-L-AY1-K JH-IH1-N JH-ER0 W-IY1 AA1-R S-AE1 M-AH0 N-L-IY1 P-IH0-NG T-AO1-R S-OW2 T-W-IH1-S T-ER0-Z


...pipered, hear them say: come join us, don't be alone.

P-AY1 P-ER0-D HH-IY1-R DH-EH1-M S-EY1 K-AH1-M JH-OY1 N-AH1-S D-AA1-N-T B-IY1 AH0 L-OW1-N


and i wouldn't have been surprised to see them heel click and high kick and cartwheel and-

AH0-N D-AY1 W-UH1 D-L-AH0-N-T HH-AE1-V B-IH1-N S-ER0 P-R-AY1-Z-D T-UW1 S-IY1 DH-EH1-M HH-IY1-L K-L-IH1 K-AH0-N-D HH-AY1 K-IH1 K-AH0-N-D K-AA1-R T-W-IY2 L-AH0-N-D


women need their own range because they've struggled with men pens-

W-IH1 M-AH0-N N-IY1-D DH-EH1 R-OW1 N-R-EY1-N-JH B-IH0 K-AO1-Z DH-EY1-V-S T-R-AH1 G-AH0-L D-W-IH1 DH-M-EH1-N P-EH1-N-Z


all these years, and the pens they need-

AO1-L DH-IY1 Z-Y-IH1-R Z-AH0-N-D DH-AH0 P-EH1-N-Z DH-EY1 N-IY1-D


are pastel, slim and dear. so in two responses, the first one is not mine.

AA1-R P-AE0-S T-EH1-L S-L-IH1 M-AH0-N-D D-IH1-R S-OW1 IH0-N T-UW1 R-IH0-S P-AA1-N S-IH0-Z DH-AH0 F-ER1-S T-W-AH1 N-IH1 Z-N-AA1 T-M-AY1-N


dear mr. beck-


i send this letter in writing so neat to say my new pen makes my life complete. before i didn't know how to think, but now i have a pen that slim p-

AY1 S-EH1-N-D DH-IH1 S-L-EH1 T-ER0 IH0 N-R-AY1 T-IH0-NG S-OW1 N-IY1-T T-UW1 S-EY1 M-AY1 N-UW1 P-EH1-N M-EY1-K S-M-AY1 L-AY1-F K-AH0-M P-L-IY1-T B-IH0 F-AO1 R-AY1 D-IH1 D-AH0-N T-N-OW1 HH-AW1 T-UW1 TH-IH1-NG-K B-AH1 T-N-AW1 AY1 HH-AE1 V-AH0 P-EH1-N DH-AE1-T S-L-IH1-M P-IY1


now has a heart on top, and i draw a pretty flower-

N-AW1 HH-AE1 Z-AH0 HH-AA1-R T-AA1-N T-AA1 P-AH0-N D-AY1 D-R-AO1 AH0 P-R-IH1 T-IY0 F-L-AW1 ER0


instead of a full stop. so you've made my life complete with this bic for her. now i'm demure-

IH0-N-S T-EH1 D-AH1 V-AH0 F-UH1-L-S T-AA1-P S-OW1 Y-UW1 V-M-EY1 D-M-AY1 L-AY1-F K-AH0-M P-L-IY1 T-W-IH1-DH DH-IH1-S B-IH1-K F-AO1-R HH-ER0 N-AW1 IH1-M D-IH0 M-Y-UH1-R


and to men always defer. my world is filled with glittery magic-

AH0-N-D T-UW1 M-EH1 N-AO1 L-W-EY2-Z D-IH0 F-ER1 M-AY1 W-ER1-L D-IH1-Z F-IH1-L D-W-IH1-DH G-L-IH1 T-ER0 IY0 M-AE1 JH-IH0-K


kissy kiss from a grateful chick. no, that isn't what i thought.

K-IH1 S-IY0 K-IH1-S F-R-AH1 M-AH0 G-R-EY1-T F-AH0-L CH-IH1 K-N-OW1 DH-AE1 T-IH1 S-AH0-N T-W-AH1 T-AY1 TH-AO1-T


do you really think that we're so daft as to say we prefer a narrower shaft. pay twice as much for a pen because-

D-UW1 Y-UW1 R-IH1 L-IY0 TH-IH1-NG-K DH-AE1 T-W-ER0 S-OW1 D-AE1-F T-AE1-Z T-UW1 S-EY1 W-IY1 P-R-AH0 F-ER1 AH0 N-EH1 R-OW0 ER0 SH-AE1-F-T P-EY1 T-W-AY1 S-AE1 Z-M-AH1-CH F-AO1 R-AH0 P-EH1-N B-IH0 K-AO1-Z


in case i didn't mention it. i'm off to boring scotland tomorrow-

IH0-N K-EY1 S-AY1 D-IH1 D-AH0-N T-M-EH1-N SH-AH0 N-IH1 T-IH1 M-AO1-F T-UW1 B-AO1 R-IH0-NG-S K-AA1 T-L-AH0-N-D T-AH0 M-AA1 R-OW2


and i'm also off to vienna this summer, but scotland is a dump, i've been before.

AH0-N D-IH1 M-AO1-L S-OW0 AO1-F T-UW1 V-IY0 EH1 N-AH0 DH-IH1-S S-AH1 M-ER0 B-AH1-T-S K-AA1 T-L-AH0-N D-IH1 Z-AH0 D-AH1-M P-AY1-V B-IH1-N B-IH0 F-AO1-R


i'm a teenager, right? sunday, 11:30 about. soon-ish-

AY1 AE1 M-AH0 T-IY1 N-EY2 JH-ER0 R-AY1-T S-AH1-N D-EY2 IH0 L-EH1 V-AH0-N TH-ER1 D-IY0 AH0 B-AW1-T S-UW1 N-IH0-SH


i'm taking 20 pounds, but i'm hoping to spend 10-

AY1 AE1-M T-EY1 K-IH0-NG T-W-EH1-N T-IY0 P-AW1-N-D-Z B-AH1 T-AY1 AE1-M HH-OW1 P-IH0-NG T-UW1-S P-EH1-N-D T-EH1-N


i've got loads of books to read, so it won't be too boring.

AY1-V G-AA1 T-L-OW1-D Z-AH1-V B-UH1-K-S T-UW1 R-EH1-D S-OW1 IH1 T-W-OW1-N-T B-IY1 T-UW1 B-AO1 R-IH0-NG


about 9:00, sunday. here-

AH0 B-AW1 T-N-AY1 N-AH0 K-L-AA1-K S-AH1-N D-EY2 HH-IY1-R


i am in scotland. scotland's not for me.

AY1 AE1 M-IH0-N-S K-AA1 T-L-AH0-N-D-S K-AA1 T-L-AH0-N-D Z-N-AA1-T F-AO1-R M-IY1


i locked my diary in my rucksack and left the key and i had to pick it, quite easy.

AY1 L-AA1-K T-M-AY1 D-AY1 ER0 IY0 IH0-N M-AY1 R-AH1-K S-AE2 K-AH0-N D-L-EH1-F-T DH-AH0 K-IY1 AH0-N D-AY1 HH-AE1-D T-UW1 P-IH1 K-IH1-T K-W-AY1 T-IY1 Z-IY0


monday morning, i've just gotten dressed, and my old top is soaked-

M-AH1-N D-IY0 M-AO1-R N-IH0 NG-AY1-V JH-AH1-S-T G-AA1 T-AH0-N D-R-EH1-S T-AH0-N D-M-AY1 OW1-L-D T-AA1 P-IH1-Z S-OW1-K-T


i'll have to brave it into the caravan. this is a caravan holiday-

IH1-L HH-AE1-V T-UW1 B-R-EY1 V-IH1 T-IH0-N T-UW1 DH-AH0 K-AE1 R-AH0 V-AE2-N DH-IH1 S-IH1 Z-AH0 K-AE1 R-AH0 V-AE2-N HH-AA1 L-AH0 D-EY2


for grotty breakfast. monday about 2:00 pm. as per usual, mum is in a bad mood.

F-AO1-R G-R-AA1 T-IY0 B-R-EH1-K F-AH0-S T-M-AH1-N D-IY0 AH0 B-AW1-T T-UW1 P-IY1 EH1 M-AE1-Z P-ER1 Y-UW1 ZH-AH0 W-AH0-L M-AH1 M-IH1 Z-IH0 N-AH0 B-AE1 D-M-UW1-D


on the front of the diary is a table of the days. those are across the top there-

AA1-N DH-AH0 F-R-AH1-N T-AH1-V DH-AH0 D-AY1 ER0 IY0 IH1 Z-AH0 T-EY1 B-AH0 L-AH1-V DH-AH0 D-EY1-Z DH-OW1 Z-AA1 R-AH0 K-R-AO1-S DH-AH0 T-AA1-P DH-EH1-R


i can only shade in a seventh of it now-

AY1 K-AE1 N-OW1 N-L-IY0 SH-EY1 D-IH0 N-AH0 S-EH1 V-AH0-N TH-AH1 V-IH1 T-N-AW1


i can't wait to go home. god i'm bored. in a week-

AY1 K-AE1-N T-W-EY1-T T-UW1 G-OW1 HH-OW1-M G-AA1 D-IH1-M B-AO1-R D-IH0 N-AH0 W-IY1-K


i'll look back and think, god that was boring.

IH1-L L-UH1-K B-AE1 K-AH0-N-D TH-IH1-NG-K G-AA1-D DH-AE1 T-W-AA1-Z B-AO1 R-IH0-NG


well this is how lucky you are now. watch tv, lie on the bed. stroke-

W-EH1-L DH-IH1 S-IH1-Z HH-AW1 L-AH1 K-IY0 Y-UW1 AA1-R N-AW1 W-AA1-CH T-IY1 V-IY1 L-AY1 AA1-N DH-AH0 B-EH1-D-S T-R-OW1-K


the cat have a pack of monster munch.

DH-AH0 K-AE1-T HH-AE1 V-AH0 P-AE1 K-AH1 V-M-AA1-N-S T-ER0 M-AH1-N-CH


think of me stuck in the past. i'm still there. a bit of me is still there.

TH-IH1-NG K-AH1 V-M-IY1-S T-AH1 K-IH0-N DH-AH0 P-AE1-S T-IH1-M-S T-IH1-L DH-EH1 R-AH0 B-IH1 T-AH1 V-M-IY1 IH1-Z-S T-IH1-L DH-EH1-R


nobody in the crapper van, except mother.

N-OW1 B-AA2 D-IY2 IH0-N DH-AH0 K-R-AE1 P-ER0 V-AE1 N-IH0-K S-EH1-P T-M-AH1 DH-ER0


i'm in the tent on the scottish grounds.

IH1 M-IH0-N DH-AH0 T-EH1-N T-AA1-N DH-AH0-S K-AA1 T-IH0-SH G-R-AW1-N-D-Z


here's some mud from scotland, and i want to show you a picture of that mud. is that visible?

HH-IH1-R-Z S-AH1-M M-AH1-D F-R-AH1-M-S K-AA1 T-L-AH0-N D-AH0-N D-AY1 W-AA1-N-T T-UW1 SH-OW1 Y-UW1 AH0 P-IH1-K CH-ER0 AH1-V DH-AE1 T-M-AH1 D-IH1-Z DH-AE1-T V-IH1 Z-AH0 B-AH0-L


i hate scotland. i want to go home.

AY1 HH-EY1-T-S K-AA1 T-L-AH0-N D-AY1 W-AA1-N-T T-UW1 G-OW1 HH-OW1-M


i can't stand anymore. i want to go home.

AY1 K-AE1-N-T-S T-AE1-N D-EH2 N-IY0 M-AO1 R-AY1 W-AA1-N-T T-UW1 G-OW1 HH-OW1-M


you should hear the cows outside my tent, from behind a flimsy fence of wire.

Y-UW1 SH-UH1-D HH-IY1-R DH-AH0 K-AW1 Z-AW1-T S-AY1 D-M-AY1 T-EH1-N-T F-R-AH1-M B-IH0 HH-AY1-N D-AH0 F-L-IH1-M Z-IY0 F-EH1-N S-AH1 V-W-AY1 ER0


they terrorize me and eat my tent.

DH-EY1 T-EH1 R-ER0 AY2 Z-M-IY1 AH0-N D-IY1 T-M-AY1 T-EH1-N-T


10 to 9:00 pm.


fab news. when mum gets back, we're going to talk about going home.

F-AE1 B-N-UW1 Z-W-EH1-N M-AH1-M G-EH1-T-S B-AE1 K-W-ER0 G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 T-AO1 K-AH0 B-AW1-T G-OW1 IH0-NG HH-OW1-M


tuesday, 11:00 am in my tent.

T-UW1-Z D-IY0 IH0 L-EH1 V-AH0 N-AE1 M-IH0-N M-AY1 T-EH1-N-T


i'm not going home, but my mum might be. if she does, she'll have to go on the train because nobody is going to drive her home.

IH1-M N-AA1-T G-OW1 IH0-NG HH-OW1-M B-AH1 T-M-AY1 M-AH1-M M-AY1-T B-IY1 IH1-F SH-IY1 D-AH1-Z SH-EH1-L HH-AE1-V T-UW1 G-OW1 AA1-N DH-AH0 T-R-EY1-N B-IH0 K-AO1 Z-N-OW1 B-AA2 D-IY2 IH1-Z G-OW1 IH0-NG T-UW1 D-R-AY1-V HH-ER0 HH-OW1-M


i hope she does go. four people in a tin box, and a plastic bag in a muddy field isn't much fun.

AY1 HH-OW1-P SH-IY1 D-AH1-Z G-OW1 F-AO1-R P-IY1 P-AH0 L-IH0 N-AH0 T-IH1-N B-AA1-K S-AH0-N D-AH0 P-L-AE1-S T-IH0-K B-AE1 G-IH0 N-AH0 M-AH1 D-IY0 F-IY1-L D-IH1 S-AH0-N T-M-AH1-CH F-AH1-N


i still have five days left in this hell hole.

AY1-S T-IH1-L HH-AE1-V F-AY1-V D-EY1 Z-L-EH1-F T-IH0-N DH-IH1-S HH-EH1-L HH-OW1-L


i've never been out of this crappy tent. no, actually it isn't crappy-

AY1 V-N-EH1 V-ER0 B-IH1 N-AW1 T-AH1-V DH-IH1-S K-R-AE1 P-IY2 T-EH1-N T-N-OW1 AE1-K CH-AH0 W-AH0 L-IY0 IH1 T-IH1 S-AH0-N-T K-R-AE1 P-IY2


it's a good place to retreat to when the going... and i don't finish that sentence for some reason.

IH1-T S-AH0 G-UH1-D P-L-EY1-S T-UW1 R-IY0 T-R-IY1-T T-UW1 W-EH1-N DH-AH0 G-OW1 IH0 NG-AH0-N D-AY1 D-AA1-N-T F-IH1 N-IH0-SH DH-AE1-T S-EH1-N T-AH0-N-S F-AO1-R S-AH1 M-R-IY1 Z-AH0-N