THE SEEKER
THE SEEKER
I am in a house, I know it well, but I have never been there before. There is no light, just me. The halls are empty, it is without life, without the things to bring it to life, no pictures, no tables, no chairs. It is a bleak house, dark, shadows, and even the light that seeps through the cracks, is dark. In the middle of the room there is foreboding, it is under the floor. I feel my hair stand on end. 

I look to the door, the door, into which one must never go. 

I stand and know that I can't run, I can't hide, because the dark of the house, is outside too.  And I know it's time to leave, but I find myself walking, walking toward the door, the door that I must never open, as it leads to the room, the room into which one must never go.

I am sweating, I want to call out, I am trying to scream, it's primal, but there is no sound, there is no voice. I am unable to call for help. I try to move my arms, but they are frozen. 

I am though the door, the room that vibrates with fear, darkness  - something is moving in the secret passage, the secret passage that lies beyond the room.  It is a narrow corridor, and I am bending to walk into the passage, and it leads to a room above the house, in the attic, I feel the cold, it is icy, and I fear for my very soul - I feel the negative energy that seeping into my skin.  I am trying to shout, trying to leave, trying to turn away, wanting to run.  A shape emerges out of the wall, it comes to me, draining all the goodness from me, and I feel terrible fear and dread, I want to fight it, but I am helpless, I am powerless, I can't move, but I know now, I must face it, I must fight for my life, and every fibre in me is screaming - and I remember .

I have been here before, and it is always the same, when the presence comes I wake up screaming and sweating, my pulse is racing. I have been through this many times before, and I am shaking and quaking, but I realize - despite these confrontations - I do not wake up dead, just terrified, and I begin to feel that perhaps, perhaps, these is no danger here. I have spent nights telling myself before I fall asleep that if this dream comes to me again, meet fear with love. 
Now I know I was dreaming.  I am out of the icy house.  I am awake, lying in my bed.  I am calmer now, I try to move, but nothing happens.  I can't move anything, but I can see my room, and I feel a rising panic, and I feel the icy cold.  There is someone standing at the end of my bed, staring at me. I am trying to scream and move my arms, to wake up, nothing happens. I see him standing clearly in my room, he has followed me here . 

Now I will need to fight, but I can’t move, and he can, what are the rules in this situation, I am powerless. It is terrifying.  Move !, Move !, Run !  Nothing.  Then I remember “Do not get angry, that gives it power”.   I stop struggling, start to calm down.  He isn’t moving or doing anything, he never has, he just stands there. 

&quot;Hi&quot;, I think to myself. 

&quot;Can you hear me&quot; it says in a sweet peaceful voice. 

Oh that's great, he isn't even hostile, he’s doing his best not to terrify me and here I am like a wild animal, scared of the unknown, that's just great.  He has been coming to talk to me, to give me wisdom  -but his presence has seemed so terrifying , that he can’t even talk to me.  I guess he has been coming and waiting patiently for me to meet him with love, not anger and fear.  Well this is embarrassing.    
 
I didn't expect a dialog, and I am now wanting to wake up. It's not fear this time, this guy had a very calm and gentle voice, but James Bond just climbed through my window and I sensed things were only going to go downhill from here.
 
Note to self, you got to do something about the quality of your dreams - oh, and thanks for the lesson in love and fear.

PS - The next day, many, many years ago - we went swimming with friends in mountain pools. The river water in Africa is dark and you can’t even see your feet in the water. We swam across a large, deep pool. I jumped into a big pothole at the end of the pool. There was a waterfall crashing into one side of it and the sandy bottom felt soothing on my feet. No one else wanted to jump in, and I realized, I had forgotten to be scared. The dream sequence has never returned. 

PPS – Lucid dreaming is common, and trying to wake up during a nightmare is too – the immobility comes from your body preventing you from sleepwalking in response to dream situations – so it can feel disturbing while dreaming, but it is a good self preservation mechanism that is there to protect you from real harm. So the fear is gone and I am happy to dream on.   And I work with dreams and treat them as an active state.  If something is bugging you, think about it before you sleep, it can help resolve while you are off to never, never land 

© G P F for All images and text, please do not use without my express permission. From THE Book That Dreams.

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