13 may be the right age to let the kid on Facebook
Knowing when children are mature enough to handle Facebook is complicated
By Claudia Feldman | January 26, 2011
Adults do it; teens do it; kids do it, too.
Which brings up the question:
How young is too young to be on Facebook and other social networking sites?
The magic number is 13, says Amanda Lenhart with the Pew Research Center's Internet and American Life Project. That's the minimum age requirement, in theory, for young people to sign up on most of the social networking sites.
As it turns out, however, controlling children's online activities or even knowing when they're mature enough to manage their own accounts is more complicated than it sounds.
At present, the sites don't have effective methods for verifying minimum ages, Lenhart says. Many children simply thumb their noses at the age restrictions, type in fake birth dates and jump in.
What happens next, Lenhart says, depends very much on the kid.
Parents' worst fears are that the underage or immature children will become targets for online predators.
That does happen, Lenhart acknowledges, but not as often as parents think. "Mostly kids at risk already have a bunch of social and emotional problems in their lives. These kids are the ones who might engage in risky behaviors, seek out sex talk online and knowingly meet people who are older. And when law enforcement gets involved, the kids are not cooperative. They don't think anything bad has happened."
Peer-to-peer harassment and bullying are much more common threats to online youngsters, Lenhart says. And a lengthy report on child safety and online technologies published by The Berkman Center for Internet & Society at Harvard University says essentially the same thing:
"Bullying and harassment, most often by peers, are the most frequent threats that minors face, both online and offline."
Lenhart says it's not hard to understand why some young people have so much trouble with social networking, specifically, and the Internet in general. "It's a complicated place that feels private but is very public," she says.
When signing up for a Facebook page, for example, many children don't understand that any identifying information, ranging from full names, addresses, birth dates and phone numbers, can be dangerous.
"Even savvy teens and adults don't always know what they're sharing or what's publicly available," says Lenhart. "It's hard to navigate in a world where there are no visual or oral cues. Offline, we get a lot of context from the sound of a person's voice, body language, facial expressions, gestures. Online, all that is missing."
Just one example: Lenhart and John Sileo, an expert on identity theft, say some Internet users are inadvertently broadcasting their locations if they're using phones or cameras with geo-positioning devices, then updating their Facebook status or posting photos on Flickr.
"It's a double-edged sword," Lenhart says. "If parents want to monitor their kids, then the geo-positioning devices are positive. If stalkers (or thieves) are using it, of course, that's negative. As far as I know, teens aren't using geo-positioning tools very much yet, but it's coming down the pike."
Lenhart, based in Washington, D.C., and Sileo, in Denver, Colo., have advice for parents trying to protect their children as they navigate the Internet in general and Facebook in particular:
Use your judgment. If your child is engrossed in a social networking site but seems to be struggling — maybe his grades are falling or her behavior is changing - put a stop to it.
Be aware that teens use all kinds of mobile devices to surf the Internet, not just the laptop computer in the dining room.
"For example," Sileo says, "we may not think of the iPod Touch as a communication device, but of course, it is. And if your teens break your rules about the Internet, handle it just as you would if they were drinking under age or driving the car without permission."
Make sure that your children don't spend so much time typing shorthand online that they lose the skills needed to communicate in person. Tomorrow's leaders, Sileo says, have to be able to do both.
When the children are mature enough for Facebook accounts, make sure that they limit the information they put online. No exceptions, says Sileo, author of the Facebook Safety Survival Guide. Also, he says, put limits on the time they spend online.
Parents tend to lag behind their kids in online skills. Catch up. Both experts ask, "How can you help your children adjust their privacy settings on Facebook if you don't know how to do it yourself?"
Sileo also recommends that parents require that their kids "friend" them on Facebook, fully understanding that the adults will be monitoring their accounts. Lenhart demurs, saying trustworthy kids might be entitled to their own space, real or virtual.
Judy Wallace, a writer for socialmediamom.com from Louisville, Ky., has a few final thoughts:
Remember that kids appreciate Facebook for some of the same reasons as adults - it allows them to keep up with friends whether they're across the street or 1,000 miles away, and it keeps them current on all sorts of activities including dates and times for soccer games, choir practices and club meetings.
Parents shouldn't be fooled by phony Facebook pages that kids set up for them and them only, Wallace says. If your child posts only one photo a week and fills his page with "dumb forwards" from you, be suspicious.
"They may have a real Facebook page where they post 10 drunk pictures every weekend," she says.
By the way, Wallace has an 18-year-old daughter who doesn't bother with Facebook. She loves her cell phone, her mother says, and she's happy to stay out of trouble.