- giving alternative interpretations of the incident,
- informing me that I am too sensitive,
- wondering why I am offended by such a minor incident, and/or
- telling me that I must hate men (or asking me why I hate men so much).
I agree that any one single minor incident could be interpreted in other (non-sexist) ways. It is important to realize, however, that many of these little incidents are examples of micro-inequities.
Micro-inequities are ways in which people are ignored, disrespected, undermined, or somehow treated in a different (negative) way because of their gender or race (or some other intrinsic characteristic).
A micro-inequity can be very micro. It can involve an action or words or even a tone of voice or a gesture. The inequity can be a deliberate attempt to harm someone or it can be unintentional, rooted in a person's perceptions about others.
Whatever the source and however minor each separate event, over the years the cumulative effect of these little incidents, words, and gestures on an individual and on various segments of society (academia, business, even within families) is not so micro.
There is a complete spectrum between the mini-incidents and the big unambiguous ones that most people would agree are sexist or racist. Clearly we need to eradicate the big unambiguous examples of discrimination, but are some (most?) people willing to accept micro-inequities because the incidents are, in many cases, so ambiguous? Where do you draw the line between deciding that someone is oversensitive vs. the target of habitual disrespect?
Even if most people support the general concept that people should not be disrespected or marginalized because of gender or race, in reality quite a few people are willing to overlook micro-inequities. It is certainly easier to label someone as oversensitive or too quick to see things through the notorious gender (or race) lenses in a mundane situation than to deal with the ambiguity of identifying a micro-inequity.
The conversation I described in my post last Friday was of a type I think of as an I-can't-believe-you're-a-professor incident. For me, this is one of the more micro kinds. I was not harmed by that particular incident. I was not even particularly inconvenienced by it. It was but one of many such incidents I have experienced in the past 20+ years. Any one of them is indeed a micro-incident, and many have multiple possible interpretations.
Over time, however, these incidents are a constant reminder that many people find it difficult to believe that women can or should be scientists and/or professors. They reinforce our sense of isolation, and together they send the strong message that women don't get the same level of respect that men do, even when we are doing the same jobs.
You don't have to believe that every such incident is an example of a micro-inequity, but in the case of FSPs who experience such things routinely, the alternative is to label us all as oversensitive man-haters who feel victimized by the slightest hint of disrespect (which we are probably misinterpreting because we are actively looking for sexism). That doesn't sound like any of the women scientists I know.