Take a stroll through the clothing departments for boys and girls, and see what you find on the t-shirts. Some of what you’ll notice in the girls’ department, are shirts with sayings like: GIRL POWER, STRONG GIRLS RULE, GIRL TRIBE, or something like the one I bought a few years ago which says, POWER TO THE GIRLS. Looking through the boys’ department, you’re likely to find messages such as: BEAST MODE, PLAY HARD, LIKE A BOSS, or SCORING MACHINE.
The point of this post is not to criticize graphic tees and what kids are wearing, but rather to talk about something that is a polarizing and prevalent topic in our culture right now…..the gender gap.
In recent years, there has been even more of a narrative pushed about how women are being held back by men. Let me first say that if you’re a female living in the United States of America, then “oppressed” should never be a word that describes you or your female peers. As an American female, you are already more privileged than most women on planet earth. If you’re stuck in first gear, complaining about your oppressed womanhood status, making one excuse after another while blaming your male counterpart, then you are squandering every ounce of the privilege you’re so fortunate to have been given or were born with. That’s right—most of you were actually born into this lap of luxury status, yet still, you are teaching girls that they are somehow less than, and the boy sitting next to them in class is to blame.
Here is the truth though…..God made two genders, totally separate, but perfectly designed to go together. As the story (basically) goes, God made the Heavens and the Earth, and then He made Adam. All of it was good, but it was incomplete. So God made the GIRL.
Raising girls is hard. I’m sure raising boys is hard too, but God gave me four daughters, so that is the experience I have. The time in which I’m raising my girls, is even harder; with endless outside influences, mixed messages, social media, social pressures, and the list goes on. The t-shirt game is hot right now, and I’m not here to bash graphic tees……I’d love to sell some tees of my own! But the messaging of empowering your own girl, needs to begin at home, and it needs to be clear. Regardless of your own experiences, either when you were a little girl or as a grown woman, the message to your daughter should be simple: You are CALLED and CAPABLE, and you have been, since the day you were born. The success or failure of your girl, depends on her. Teach her to respect her male peer, just as she would her female peer.
With regard to people in America–continuing a narrative that men oppress women is not only outdated, but it provides nothing more than an excuse for girls to use as they grow up and go through life. Rather than buying into the media-driven messages of fearing or disparaging men, give your daughter the firm foundation she deserves to stand on……a strong identity. Its hard, emotionally draining, repetitive, often heart-wrenching, and completely exhaustive parental work, but if she doesn’t get her guidance in finding her identity from you, she will go everywhere you pray she won’t go in order to find it.
It is from a firmly rooted foundation in understanding who (and whose) we are, that enables us to support one another. I hear so much about women supporting women, yet they are often the first ones to name call, tear down, accuse, and chastise their fellow females. This behavior is learned, put into practice, and then taught to the next generation of girls. Exclusivity and cattiness starts in elementary school, and it is shameful and damaging in every direction. In my own experience, I have learned that if the girl is a brat, then the mother is also a brat. Its not rocket science, its just math.
As my Grandma used to say, “Don’t let your halo pinch.” So I write all of this with full acknowledgement that neither I, or my daughters, are anywhere close to perfect. They fail others, just as I fail others, and just as you fail others, because we are human. Thankfully, God’s mercies and grace are new every single day.
If you want to encourage your daughter in rooting in her identity, you have to speak what is true to her—out loud and in person…..in a letter….in a text message….in front of others and also at home. Its important and wonderful to tell her she’s beautiful. This is something that has been kind of looked down upon, which is absurd. Tell her anyway, especially if you’re her father. Also tell her that aside from her outer beauty, all the things which make her so beautiful: her kind and loving heart, her thoughtful mind, her discerning ears, the sweet words that she speaks to others, her strong body which puts forth great effort in all that she does, and her feet that she’ll use to become a leader among followers. Remind her all the time that God made her CALLED and CAPABLE, from the very first day she was here. Teach her to come along side of others, and to do what she can to be an encouragement to them. Teach her how to take a compliment. We all have enough burden to carry, so teach her not to carry any chips on those shoulders. Teach her that both girls and boys have different areas of strength and so much to offer each other. Sometimes those different areas cross over gender lines, or are shared by both. Sometimes they don’t. God made the Heavens and the Earth, and then He made Adam. All of it was good, but it was incomplete. So God made the GIRL.