Money and business are such essential parts of our lives, it's understandable that when things are tight or tough and you're up against it, you're going to feel worried, stressed and up tight. Anyone would. In truth, we've been there - lots of times - so we know how painful and downright frightening it can be.
FIRST - TO START...
To help you relax and be receptive to what that we offer,we suggest you start with a bit of relaxation breathing now. Takes just a minute - truly - and really helps.
Here we go...
Take a deep, deep breath through your nose. Deeeeep - and slowwww - all the way in - and release it slowly through your pursed lips- like blowing a kiss - all the way out...
Once more - another deep, deep breath - in through your nose - count up to 8... - sit up straight so you can fill your lungs all the way to the bottom of your diaphragm - and very slowly, very gently - out through your pursed lips as you count down from 8...
Close your eyes, relax your muscles and allow the tension to leave your body.
And one more deeeeep breath - in through your nose - and - blow kiss - out slowly and gently through your pursed lips. And relax your muscles - all over - let every one of them relaaaax - like butter - like crusty, old snow melting on a sunny, spring morning - from the tip of your head to the tip of your toes.
Good. Feel a bit better? We hope so. Now we're ready to begin.
The most helpful thing you can do for yourself now is to work out a Plan of Action to deal with your situation in a constructive way - starting right now. Again, take out those mighty tools - a piece of paper and a pencil or pen - (ok, your computer) - sit down and analyze your situation.
First, you have to assess the real problem - the root problem. Write out your answers to this statement: The real problem here is: - and list every possible Real Problem involved - and every possible real PART of the problem involved. This may take a while. Come back to your list and add new thoughts as they occur to you.
Second - Once you understand the REAL PROBLEM you're dealing with, make a list of every single thing you could possibly do to help yourself out of your situation. Organize these ideas into actions you can take - steps - even small steps. Small steps can add up to big results.
Third, write down every single resource you can think of that could help you - such as financial advisors or counselors, trusted friends or relatives, co-workers, books or educational courses. There is always someone or something that can help you. Always. And there are always more stones to turn over. You just have to keep turning 'em over 'til you find what you need to help yourself.
In doing anything difficult in life, we have seen the power of support systems. Everyone can use a support system to help her/him accomplish her/his goals. Don't overlook this crucial component of success. Keep an eye out for social or group situations that can help you - such as good friends, sympathetic relatives, a synagogue or church group, an athletic association, or other special-interest group. There are all kinds of support groups - and surely there are organizations of people who do the same thing you do. That's one of the wonderful things about living in this country at this time - there's so much support available. No one needs to struggle on alone without some kind of help or support. If nothing else, you can be sure there's something on the web for you. Don't make the mistake of telling yourself you're not a "social-type." That's silly. All human beings are social, to some extent. We all need help and support and company and love and affection and someone to laugh with and comfort us when we're down. Even if that's an area that is not easy for you, don't eliminate the possibilities. See what's out there that you can use to help yourself.
AFTER A WHILE, TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT
Sometimes you've got to try doing something different - so that a new idea can pop up inside your head - and then - bink! - the solution - or a new source of help - or a new idea - comes to mind. If you're stuck for ideas, why not try making a list of COMPLETELY WILD IDEAS. Put down all kinds of things that come into your mind - even if they don't seem practical at first. Maybe they're not - but they might lead you to something that is very practical - something that will help. Ultimately you'll feel much better once you've actually written out a methodical plan of action you can follow. If there are no solutions you can see, then make a list of people and institutions that can be of help to you coping with your problem. There are always clergy and other helpful people ready and willing and able to give you comfort. There are all kinds of support groups - there are organizations of people who do the same thing you do - there are organizations that help people dig their way out of debt - there are lawyers - there's no end to the people who can help you when you've got a sticky problem.
Let's take another common problem - you've got too much to do in too little time with too few resources. When you're dealing with big business or financial problems, that's a very likely situation. Naturally it produces stress. But taking a few moments to write down all the elements that are causing you this stress - and all the possible resolutions that could help you - and coping strategies for each - will help you to view your overloaded situation with a bit of equanimity. And as a result, perhaps you will come to see - through this process - some resolutions you didn't see or think of previously. For instance, maybe you should delegate some of the tasks you've taken on yourself. Or maybe you should hire more help. Or maybe you've got to explain to your boss that there's only so much you can reasonably be responsible for. Or maybe you should give yourself more time off to do other activities that are pleasurable. That might give your system some temporary relief from constant stress and also allow you to return to your tasks with fresh energy and a new view. There are usually more resources for help with our problems than we've been thinking of. Make a list of every possible source of help for your financial or business problem.
Often stress is intensified by a sense of helplessness. The more you are able to take control of the situation, the better you will feel. Articulating a problem by writing it down - and listing possible resolutions by writing them down - helps to give you not only a sense of power and control - but actually gives you real power and control to help you resolve your issues.
If you are unable to get control - as is the case with many problems - for instance, with serious illness - still there are things you can do that will give you some comfort and will increase your sense of control over the moment, yourself and your own personal destiny. One is to reach out to others for comfort - or simply for a respite from the problem - a breather.
Another is to take some time off from your stressful situation to do something enjoyable - such as socialize or take a walk, go to a park and look at the trees and smell the roses - or take in a movie. You cannot deal with a stressful situation every minute of every day and not be seriously worn down by that experience. It's important to breathe some fresh air - in every sense of the term.
Sometimes it's a good idea to simply stop everything you're doing and take one long, deep breathe - counting to 8 as you breathe in through your nose - and then slowly, gently breathe out your mouth - as you count back down from 8 - just to give yourself a tiny moment of relaxation. Do it again - three times is most helpful. After you do this you might review in your mind everything that is ‘ok' with you right now. For instance, you can say to yourself, "I'm alive - I'm still breathing - I'm still here - I'm not starving to death - I'm not destitute - I've got a roof over my head and three squares a day - I'm a free person - I'm not in prison - I'm not being tortured - No one's trying to break down my door, etc. - (assuming that these statements are true, of course.)
Sometimes it helps to remind yourself that even though things are tough, you're truly not in the worst condition or situation in the world. There are always more wretched situations than yours. And that's the truth!
Sometimes we've actually said to ourself, 'Well, at least we're not a Kurd or a Kosovar stuck on a mountainside in the freezing rain / snow / sleet! - with little food and medical supplies - because those situations are truly worse than anything we've ever known.
Once you get a handle on your situation - or take a breather from it - you might be able to calm down and handle other aspects of the problem better. If you're dealing with a stressful situation, you need your wits about you - and that means you need to be operating efficiently and effectively. You cannot do that if you're worn down and worn out from constant stress. You've got to stand back every once in a while, take a break and assess the situation in order to make better decisions - or simply just get away - take a mini-vacation from the pain.
WHEN YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING...
If you're having trouble sleeping because you didn't do some task that you should have done - for instance you haven't even begun a report that's due in two days - you can help yourself by simply starting to do that task - now. If you're not able to complete the task right now - before going to bed - or back to bed - just starting it - or getting yourself organized to start it - can help. You'll feel much better once you get over the hurdle of actually starting the task.
STARTING AN UNPLEASANT TASK
Let's say the task was to write a letter that is unpleasant for you. Well, if you just start writing that letter - just a rough draft - nothing final - write it completely wrong - that's ok - it's just for now - it's just a beginning - - this starting action may well give you some relief - because you'll have overcome the first hurdle - and also you'll have created some material to start working with the next time you sit down to deal with the task. And you'll also have created something to think about - that will help get the wheels turning and the task completed.
WHEN YOU HAVE DONE SOMETHING YOU'RE NOT PLEASED ABOUT
If you have done something that, by your own assessment, was not so great, you will feel better by acknowledging your true feelings about that behavior: It takes a strong person - and a very good person - perhaps even a great person - to admit that "What I did was hurtful, even though I didn't mean it to be, or didn't want it to be," or, maybe, that "What I did, in truth, was mean, rotten and/or truly wrong."Next step is to think of ways you can make the situation better. Is an apology called for? Should you offer further explanations? - or comfort? Or perhaps send a gift? - or flowers? Maybe a phone call or a note expressing your feelings would be the best way to handle the problem.
Once again, write down all of your options and all the repercussions of each one and that will help you assess the best action to take. You'll feel much better once you've acknowledged your true assessment of your behavior and have decided on a positive course of action. You can always change your decision in the morning, but for the time being, having a plan will help calm you down and give you some peace of mind. And you'll know that you're a better person for having done this. And that is a good thing. The world is a better place when people behave decently and with integrity - and when people attempt to right the wrongs they have perpetrated on others.
You also may want to consider SEEKING PROFESSIONAL HELP. Sometimes business or financial problems are an indication that not everything is ok within you. And if that's the case with you, it would be wise to seek professional help. Professional therapists are in business to help you - that's what they like to do - that's what they get paid to do - and that's what they're good at. They can be extremely helpful and effective. Don't overlook this source of help and comfort for yourself. It can make the difference between merely coping with problem after problem - or - eventually, thriving in the important areas of your life.