“Jealousy is the most fatal enemy to man. Once you start to look over someone else’s shoulder or back garden, and view it in envious eyes, you forget the focus from you own life projection. If and when this time strikes, your life isn’t worth living.”
The above words were spoken from the mouth of my late grandfather, approximately seven months before he passed away. If I was to shortlist my five most memorable phrases, whether it is from real life, a poem, a novel, a television program or a film, this would be in there without question. As an eighty year old man who knew he was living his final months, having once been a teenager serving his country in the second world war in experiencing and viewing scenes most of us will never come close to, it is my opinion someone can only sit, respect and admire the wisdom, accuracy and philosophy of this statement.
However, in our human nature, we often only digest words of this kind for a few solitary moments before we return to our usual habits of bitterness, regrets, envy, hostility and worst of all, jealousy. Most people have jealous traits in their character make-up. If it is born out from parental genes then maybe is isn’t their fault, but other times it has progressed through external factors like reality television programs, social media or day to day perceptions or proof of others having an easier life than their existence. In the latter case, these people did not inherit natural jealousy, and instead they adapted the accumulative effect of this negative trait. Jealousy doesn’t just go away overnight unless something in a person’s life forces them to find perspective, and even then they often resort back to their old ways. Jealousy is usually a domino effect, and consequently it only results in breeding off the last jealous act from yesterday.
You often see or hear in this day and age the cockney slang phrase of “wel jel” – “well jealous”. My interpretation of this phrase is a comment of light humour behind a small touch of natural jealousy. This could be someone hearing of another person going on a luxurious holiday - so their response is to say they are “wel jel”. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this, as I doubt there is a person on the planet that doesn’t attain a certain level of jealousy within their bones. At the end of the day, facing up to a negative characteristic is worth a thousand times that of a person who possesses a weakness, yet lives in denial of this pronounced obviousness. The problem is when we allow jealousy to border over a healthy level, and we have all been guilty of this in our life.
A great example of how jealousy can be examined is through a social media website. Women of all ages, but especially younger women, are at the front row of the firing line when it comes to this, and it hits them at their weakest moments. Imagine a girl who is having an ordinary day. She is in the office, nothing exhilarating happening, when she receives an alert on her phone of an activity notification from a friend. The friend posts a status report of:
“I’m having a great day in the sun, off work for a fortnight, and with the man of my dreams.”
This immediately causes the office girl to bring jealousy to the forefront of her mind, without an ounce of rationalization or perspective to level it out. Is it possible that her friend is actually over exaggerating her happiness to inflate her ego? Does the office girl stop to think that in a couple of month’s time it will be her in a sunny place? The answer is - rarely. These moments are when strong people rationalize, or they even go beyond this to be the bigger person, and they wish the other person well in a genuine manner. Unfortunately most people are weak, and they choose, often without deliberation, to bask themselves in jealousy.
Whether it is friends, work colleagues, acquaintances or family members, these people are not immune from being jealous of another person’s life. The higher value they are seen upon by others, the more likely this is to be the case. One of the easiest signs of jealousy is when someone refrains from asking you any questions, despite the fact you have delivered some, or many, to them. At first you can be forgiven for thinking they are just ignorant, but in truth it goes far beyond ignorance or even arrogance. The reality is they know you are higher value than they are, and they believe, often wrongly, that you must have a hugely interesting life. Due to this belief, they act like a snail hiding in its shell, and they block their ears from any information that causes them to feel de-valued. Unless I missed something along the way, I always had the conception a normal two-way conversation involved both people asking questions to each other?
How does all this fit into interaction with men and women? In both cases, each produce unobvious jealous executions that is not clear to the eyes of many outsiders. If a man approaches a woman who shows interest in him, it is displayed in a genuine and comfortable manner, and she takes the stand to not ask him any questions, it will usually mean she is attempting to keep her own perceived value a little higher than his. This may be a fictitious belief, but it is her non-verbal way of saying she doesn’t desire him to know she is interested. She acts like this out of jealousy or knowledge that her sexual market value is blatantly lower than his, and the doubts of this inferiority complex force her to act in a more hostile and disinterested way. This can usually be despite her visceral attraction producing impulses that find him sexually appealing. These women of bitter inclinations, when in the vicinity of good looking men, will be the most prone to use compliance tests of aggressive tone and content. Like anything in life, there are always a small percentage of positive people amongst the many negative foes, and some women will embrace men who brighten up the day through their unique look and style.
When a man makes little effort to ask a woman questions, or he takes a stance to talk constantly about himself, then this is a policy of attempting to prove to her of his value. Some women do fall for this vain exploitation, because if wealth, talent or status is emphasized, no matter how far from the truth it may be, she can be carried away with the fairytale thoughts in her mind of being a part of this make believe, false life. However, a clever and astute woman sees through this and realizes that men who have value do not need to force and exploit it. It is shown through humility and natural procedures. A man’s lack of verbal interest in a woman is through insecurity of knowing other men may be better mate candidates for her. Beta characteristic men are guilty of these deficiencies, as deep down they are aware of women seeking out better looking or higher value men. An alpha male’s disposition is always one of calmness whether she talks a little or a lot about her past. When it all boils down to it, he is in a “take it or leave it” mindset, in the knowledge another woman will come along if the current one doesn’t appreciate his worth.
I always try to trace my mind back to my grandfather’s wisest words. Jealousy is cruel, jealousy is unproductive, jealousy is time and energy consuming, but most importantly, jealousy takes your eyes off your own purpose. Over time I’ve noticed people showing jealous behaviour towards me, and it is predominantly unjustified. Nevertheless, once you understand the reasons, it is easier to comprehend their actions. It was so obvious how their emotions and interaction changed, in a positive way, once they observed me deteriorating and struggling through the cancer process as hair loss, weight loss and a basically weak looking man pumped down my value quicker than falling out a plane without a parachute. Once recovered, and looking in peak physical condition once more, it was like the cancer never even happened. People have short memories, and jealousy is a cause of how people will choose to engage with you. Jealousy is probably the quickest crash course to an unhappy and lonely life. If I could offer only one commodity in life to erase from an existence, it would be jealousy.