Always teaching - whether we know it or not
Our 11-year-old grandson Walt is playing basketball again this year. He's not the star of his team, but he has so much fun playing, it doesn't really matter.
This year's team also is not the best in the league, but the boys really like each other and get along well, on and off the court.
During the season, although not every game. the coach hands out medals - for sportsmanship, hustle, great offense, great defense and team spirit. Walt has earned two or three, including defense and sportsmanship for passing the ball so others could shoot.
Last Saturday, Walt earned the medal for great defensive play … and he promptly gave it away. When I asked his reason, he was very clear: "I've already gotten some medals this year. Sean hasn't gotten any, and he played good defense this game, so I gave my medal to him."
It was one of those "Grandmother moments," when I couldn't stop hugging my grandson. I also couldn't hide the tears of pride because Walt, in his 11-year-old wisdom, had done the right thing.
That's what we all want, right? For our kids and, later, our grand darlings to do the right thing? So how do we teach that?
When I asked my friend, a practicing psychologist about when children first "want" to do the right thing, he said, "By age 2, children have a sense of wanting to please and of knowing how to do that." I had no idea it came so early.
As with most things, teaching children to do the right thing - especially when parents or grandparents aren't standing by their side - also takes a village … all of us, all the time.
First of all, we are model. At our house, we say, "Please" and "Thank you." My husband and I have made it a habit to thank each other - not just for gifts but for every day, mundane things, like making the morning coffee, bringing in the newspaper, getting the mail, putting meals on the table and taking out the garbage.
We use these same courtesies with our grandchildren: "Thank you" for holding the rail when you walk up the stairs, "please" remember to put away your crayons, "thank you" for washing your hands before you eat, "thank you for sharing with your little sister."
During various times of the year, we make an "adventure" out of going to the grocery store, selecting food for several meals and then take it to the food bank. Sometimes the kids take "chore money" they've saved to help pay for our donations. It's important to teach them early to focus on the needs of someone other than themselves.
They also know we keep dollar bills in our car for the express purpose of helping the homeless we often see at intersections.
We also believe in children volunteering. Opportunities for younger children to volunteer occur in around Houston. However, we've heard of one Austin-based organization, called "Little Helping Hands," which coordinates volunteer activities kids can do with their parents, from toddlers to teens. It might be as simple as putting personal hygiene items - such as toothpaste and toothbrushes - into bags for kids in public day-care or picking up litter in a park. All kids need is guidance, good models and opportunities to "do the right thing."
But when you think about, every single one of our interactions with a grandchild is guidance … and as grandparents, we're always teaching, whether we know it or not.
So, here's how kids learn to do the right thing.
We model, beginning with saying please and thank you, to each other, to others (servers) and patiently waiting our turn (in the check-out line, on the freeway, in parking lots, etc.).
We notice and celebrate sharing with others, caring for the environment, being kind, considerate and respectful, first within the family and then with friends and, finally, with anyone we meet.
We ask questions, and listen as our granddarlings learn by reflecting on an experience, such as "How did you feel when nobody wanted to play with Sally, and you asked her to jump rope with you?" "What would you do if you needed food and someone gave you a dollar?"
Now, I am certain our Walt is not the "golden" child and will, at some point, not be willing to do the right thing. However, last Saturday brought one of those moments I'll never forget.
Perhaps it was a glimpse of the future, of the man Walt will grow up to be. Or, perhaps it was reassurance he's on track to want to do the right thing.