Interesting piece in the NY Times that made me think about the sorts of fears and other road blocks that get in between students and exam success. (“Time to Be Honest about the Fear that’s Getting in Your Way” by Carl Richards, April 17, 2017)
Let’s look at some possibilities:
- I really do not love what I am studying and would rather spend time doing ________ [FILL IN THE BLANK] than studying.
Fear? [For college students]: Maybe there is no major for me. [For graduate students: Maybe I’ve chosen the wrong field. But what then? I’ve put in so much time and money, how do I turn back or change things now? I will incur more costs, more time, I’ll disappoint others….] This is an issue, no doubt. A couple of thoughts. What do you love? Can you articulate it? Is there training to get a job that would involve doing what you love? Also, remember, even work one “loves” is often hard. If you are well into a course of study, think carefully before deciding something “isn’t for you” solely because you may be struggling. If you are now just first deciding what to study, research what people do professionally with the degree you are seeking and see if any of it sounds appealing. Go on informational interviews. Talk with people. Research. You might find you were on a good path all along, or you might conclude that you do need to make a change. Bottom line here, the more strongly you believe you are on a positive path, the more likely you are to succeed in the various steps along that path.
- I do not believe that the price I’d have to pay to get the best grades possible is worth it. Everyone says that no one in my generation will get jobs unless they are in STEM, so why bother.
Fear? I won’t get a job. True may of today’s college grads, and even law school grads, are having a harder time than in previous generations finding good jobs. But there are still jobs. And, the better your grades are the you are more likely to get one of them. Instead of deliberately putting your head in the sand, or sabotaging yourself, make yourself the best possible stand-out graduate you can be. (Make an appointment with someone in your university’s career services center.)
- If I really put in every ounce of energy and an immense amount of time and I still don’t do as well as I’d like, the “truth” will come out that I’m just not as smart as people think I am. If I don’t put in that much, I can blame B’s, C’s, or D’s on something other than my own intelligence.
Fear? I am not smart enough. OK, this is a layered and nuanced concern. Some people are not suited for certain studies. But being admitted to a degree program is at least one objective measure that you are capable. Your grades are another measure. But, sometimes grades are an indicator that you have to try a different approach or seek a different explanation. Haven’t you ever had something just not make sense at all until that one moment when someone explained it in a different way, and “click,” -you got it?
Don’t let the fact that you haven’t yet figured something out push you into an imposter syndrome –where you fear you are not cut out for whatever you are seeking to accomplish. Instead of fearing you are not smart enough and falling into a self-fulfilling prophecy, try believing you are smart enough and find ways to live up to your high expectations. Seek help. Try different ways to studying. Experiment with different places to study. Research learning science techniques. Harness all the tools out there to help you become and stay your absolute best. Look for articles, books, videos, professors, TA’s, tutors, academic support or writing centers to see if any of them can help you get it –maybe with a different approach. There is a really good chance that persistence will pay off!
- If I put in my all, I will do better than [FILL IN THE BLANK – perhaps this might include friends, siblings, or even parents.] My success will make them jealous.
Fear? I won’t be as well liked or loved if I show how smart I really am. OK, if the last point was nuanced, this one is even more complex –but oh so real for many people. There are jealous people and those who are not supportive. We could spend hours, days really, strategizing about how to handle this. For now, think about it this way –no one has the right to diminish your potential. And, certainly don’t let anyone into your head to keep you down before you’ve even given yourself the chance to soar.
Put this fear on hold. (Hit the pause button.) Do your best, succeed to the best of your ability, then deal with the fallout afterward. What’s the worst that can happen? You might lose friends. (If you lose a friend because he or she is jealous of your success, decide if you were best served by keeping such a person in your life anyway.) You might alienate family. (Ok, maybe. Sometimes people close to you are jealous or resent the time that your success takes you away from them. But you can find tools to repair such relationships, especially if they are truly grounded in love. Sometimes people need time and reassurance to know that your success will not diminish them or your relationship.) And, you may be surprised and find some or all of those you thought would not be supportive are. You may find people you thought would be jealous are immensely proud of you.
Is there something standing between you and doing your best? What is it? Break it down. Look closely to see if there are underlying fears, and if so, can you work through them without sabotaging yourself. Bottom line, struggling to do the best you can, in whatever you are studying at the moment, will give you more choices –even if you end up making a change.