I’ve had a lesson or two about expectations along the past year or so. It wasn’t easy because expecting is something we commonly do. I mean, sit and think for a minute: How do you imagine your perfect relationship with someone to be? How would you like someone else to respond to something you say to them? Maybe you expected your life to become this thing that you imagined and it turned out to be something very different.
Expectations. All of the above are expectations.
Expectations are also unavoidable to be honest. We will always think that a specific situation is more likely based on the patterns we’ve seen or on how we feel about that specific event happening. Maybe we fear the situation and therefore we expect it to happen or maybe we anticipate great joy from that scenario. Either way, expectations are a way in which our minds try to foresee and prepare us to what may happen. Oh how little does our mind knows about the limited control we have on the responses of others or on what could happen*. Truth is, we came here on earth with a sense of unknowingness, with lack of control of many things and it was all part of the game/learning process.
So how can we manage ourselves once we face this situations where very few or none of our expectations were met? It is troubling. Many people when facing this situation start pointing out fingers towards the person who didn’t met their needs. “You weren’t careful about how I felt, you didn’t take into account my perspective, you could’ve responded in a nicer way and you could’ve said that in another tone”. In fact, if you analyze the situation, most of the arguments that you’ve ever had or ever will started from a crushed expectation or eventually became one. And there are two sides to this expectations story. Sometimes yes, it is important to let the other person know how they could’ve done better or how they could improve in general, and other times it is important to realize that these crushed expectations are nothing but an idealization of different situations that actually wouldn’t benefit any of the involved. Other times, it’s a mixture of both.
Let me explain. If you haven’t noticed, there are many things in the world that are not what we would like them to be and that’s because it is part of what we came here to experience. I can assure you that many of the interactions you will ever have will not be as you expected. If you think of this you will find why it is very inconvenient to see the world through the lens of expectations and you can also see why this mindset has never completely worked out for anyone. On the other hand, if we were to see a situation/interaction with someone for what it is we would:
- Accept that which other people have chosen to portray or simply accept who they are. (Sometimes people may be not as you expect simply because it is not in their essence). In the case of a specific situation you would simply accept a situation for what it is and for what it has to offer.
- For me this is a fundamental one: see pass your emotional body and background. Emotions are not something to ignore and in fact we have to see what’s behind them in order to heal. However, in an active situation where you need to respond right away, try to see past them. What else would this situation be if I focus my attention pass the hurting feeling of the moment for example?
- Take advantage of the situation for what it is. What does it have to offer to you? Is it a chance to actually help someone not because you’re hurt or because you disagree with them but because they genuinely need it?
- Once you have been able to see pass the appearances I hope you will appreciate the love that lies within a situation. How did it bring a lesson for you and others and how did you play an active helping role in that particular instance? That’s the work we came here to do.
This is a work of patience and practice. It is a work of love, faith and higher knowledge. When you are able to see pass the appearances of this experience you are working on a Higher Level of Consciousness. You are working with and for the one and only Creator as One.
I propose the evolution of the phrase:
“If you expect nothing from nobody you are never disappointed” -Sylvia Path
I would rather say:
” It is ok for you to expect things, just be aware that some gifts may not have the wrapping paper that you expected. If you can see the gift regardless of its wrapping, you will never be disappointed”
How have your expectations served you?
*One of the paradoxes of this experience is that we have very little control on some things and yet we are Creators of our own reality. We create a lot more than what we believe we do. Never forget the infinite potential you have. In fact, by acting conciously upon your responses, you are creating, molding and directioning any situation that comes upon you.