We all have goals and ambitions, but often our busy schedules or lack of persistence get in the way of achieving them. So how do you actually make goals a reality? Here are my six top tips:
1. Never say you're 'trying'
Instead, say: 'I'm going to change.' You may think this is a small point but it actually makes a colossal difference. If you say that you're going to 'try' something, then you're not, in truth, fully committed. There's a sense you'll have a go, but that it'll be understandable if you fail. I believe the brain does not become engaged in making changes if it's not given very clear messages. 'Trying' is not definite enough. You can do better!
2. Make your plans SMART
If you say: 'I want to lose weight at some point this year' you're very unlikely to achieve this goal because change requires much more precision. Now's the time to stop being airy fairy about your plans and start making SMART goals, which is an acronym for
- S = Specific
- M = Measurable
- A = Achievable
- R = Realistic
- T = Time-bound
Often we fail at our objectives because we select unrealistic goals, or we let them drift on indefinitely. So for instance, if you want to lose weight, choose a SMART goal such as: 'I aim to lose five pounds this month.' This is specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and you've given yourself a time frame – so there's a strong probability you'll achieve it.
If you're considering changing jobs, your goal might be: 'I will register with a recruiting agency this month.' Or: 'I will do further training two evenings a week until the summer, then apply for promotion.' And if you're desperate to declutter your house you could start with this goal: 'I will clear out all the kitchen cupboards this Saturday.'
If you have a major task in mind – and decluttering a whole house is a big one! – you'll achieve it best by tackling it in a series of step-by-step SMART goals rather than one big one. That way you'll see real progress – which is hugely motivating – but won't feel overwhelmed (which is incredibly de-motivating).
3. Reduce your LFT
LFT or Low Frustration Tolerance is psychology-speak for 'giving up easily.' People with LFT tend not to stick with a diet, or anything else. They abandon their plans to stop drinking, rarely complete a course of study and so on. They also tend to think that they are less able than others to get things done. Sometimes, this is because they have poor self-esteem. If this sounds like you, read my article on improving self-esteem here.
4. Increase your HFT
Conversely, people with High Frustration Tolerance (HFT) understand that getting what you want frequently requires putting up with pain and effort. If you have HFT you are able to resist going out with your pals when you have revision to do. And if you want to run a marathon, your HFT will help because you'll know that you have to make time to train even when you're tired or bored of it. In other words, people with HFT are able to delay reward and gratification until they have achieved their goals. We can all increase our HFT. One way of doing it is to look back at past achievements and ask ourselves what we did then to make those all-important changes. Often we have skills and resilience that we've forgotten about, but if we've succeeded in triumphing over past difficulties and realising our ambitions once, we generally have the ability to do so again.
5. Recruit a friend
There's no doubt that telling a trusted friend about your goals will help you to achieve them. A plan becomes more concrete when you share it, and positive encouragement and feedback from a close friend makes any struggle much easier. Just choose with care – avoid anyone who might be envious of your success or too negative in his or her approach.
6. Stop believing it's harder for you
As a therapist, I often see clients who think that they are a 'special case', and that various tasks are more difficult for them than anyone else. Well, we're all special! But this should spur us on rather than hold us back. Here are some examples of what I hear in the consulting room:
- 'It's true that I'm always in debt, but I love beautiful things and I have to have them.'
- 'I know my heart attack was caused by smoking, but so far I've found it impossible to give up.'
- 'You see, my job is so stressful that I really need to drink a lot of alcohol.'
If you ever hear yourself uttering these sentences or something like them, ask yourself: 'Am I so special and unique that I am completely incapable of achieving the same goals as millions of other people?' The only answer to this is a resounding 'NO!' Changing anything in life is likely to be difficult, and I would be the last person to dispute that. However, human beings are programmed to surmount challenges. Good luck with yours!