Parents gather in Hillsdale to learn from father of drug addict
HILLSDALE – Before David Sheff, a journalist and author, stepped on the Pascack Valley High School stage to discuss his son’s journey through drug addiction and rehabilitation, a Woodcliff Lake mother approached him in a small office in the school.
Susan Loeb’s 27-year-old son, Mark, died last summer of a heroin overdose.
Loeb was blindsided. “I really just didn’t know,” she said.
To Sheff, author of two books on drug addiction and recovery, "Beautiful Boy: A Father's Journey Through His Son's Addiction" and "Clean: Overcoming Addiction and Ending America's Greatest Tragedy," Loeb’s story is familiar. Sheff’s son Nic spent 10 years in a vicious cycle of drug use and rehab, putting Sheff’s family on an endless search for answers. And like Loeb, Sheff did not at first recognize the severity of his son’s issues.
Sheff, from San Francisco, told his family’s tale Wednesday night at the high school at an event about heroin and drug addiction hosted by the Hills Valley Coalition. The grassroots group of parents, students, school administrators, businesses and health care providers works to prevent high-risk behavior among youth in the Pascack Valley community.
The gymnasium was packed with parents and community members to listen to Sheff’s talk. Vendors outside the gym before the talk shared resources on addiction, drugs and treatment. And after Sheff spoke, numerous parents and former addicts shared their stories and struggles with rehab and relapsing.
“We can no longer hide this problem,” Sheff said. “We can no longer pretend it’s not happening.”
Nic appeared to be a golden child – he had friends and did well in school, Sheff said. But underneath was a child in anguish. Sheff found marijuana in one of Nic’s bags when Nic was 12.
Nic’s teachers assured Sheff and his wife that Nic was fine – he looked and acted like it. But looking back on Nic’s adolescence, through mood changes and strange behavior, Sheff said he wrote off a lot of signs of a future and dangerous drug addiction. And through his research, Sheff has learned that early drug use can be an indicator for addiction.
“I think that we are hardwired for denial because we want so badly for our kids to be okay,” Sheff said.
Nic’s addiction came to a head when Nic went missing for several days. Eventually he called Sheff, who picked up his son, inches from death, in an alley.
Sheff and his family struggled with what to do next. Online searches for help were overwhelming, and some treatment centers lie or offer misinformation, Sheff said. He added that some programs use generalized plans that might not work for everyone.
Nic has been sober for five years, after being placed on medication for depression and bipolar disorder.
“He was trying to medicate himself for a condition that never was recognized,” Sheff said.
Sheff said anyone is susceptible to the disease.
“When we don’t talk about what we’re going through, we’re alone,” he said. “We can’t deal with it in any way that’s constructive.”
Dona Eichner, the coalition’s co-coordinator, said it was critical that the group bring the program and its focus on heroin addiction to light, as heroin deaths are on the rise in the region.
Eichner said parents need to look for warning signs.
“Don’t wait until they’re in the midst of it,” she said.