Body shaming is seemingly never-ending — if you have a body, you've probably felt that it's been subject to scrutiny or commentary at some point, especially given that we live in a society with narrow beauty ideals and an insidious diet culture.
Plenty of body shaming is overt, even when it comes from a seemingly well-meaning place. Yes, body shaming is often veiled as a compliment, especially since we live in a society that values weight loss and thinness as something everyone should be striving for.
The truth is that bodies come in all shapes and sizes, and that all bodies are valuable no matter what they look like or how healthy they are. But that doesn't mean many of us aren't subject to subtle or inadvertent shaming even by those closest to us … or that we aren't accidentally shaming others without realizing it, too.
Here are 12 things you don't think of as body shaming, but actually are.
"I feel so fat today."
In a society that values thinness, fat shaming exists in a dizzying amount of ways, because thanks to print and media advertising, as well as social media, we are constantly sent messages that being fat is the worst thing a person can be.
Fat people are often treated differently by doctors, employers, and those disguising their commentary as well-meaning concerns about "health," and it’s become so normalized to view fat as a negative that many of us use it that way to describe a day where we don’t love our bodies.
We all have days when we don’t like the way we look, or when we’ve eaten more than usual and feel uncomfortably full, but using "fat" as a negative perpetuates the myth that being fat or having fat on your body is a bad thing, when research continues to prove that healthy bodies exist at all sizes.
Also, fat is not a feeling. It’s simply a measure of body size.
"You’re so brave" for exercising or wearing certain clothes
People whose bodies fall outside the societal standards of beauty face criticism no matter what they choose to do or wear, simply by existing in the world. Fat people are constantly told they should just "work out" and "lose weight," and then, they are told they're "brave" for stepping foot in a gym. But people of all body types work out for all kinds of reasons (like that it makes them feel strong or powerful) — the same way that people of all body types don't or can't work out for all kinds of reasons.
Similarly, calling someone brave for wearing a crop top or something that shows some skin implies that dressing in a certain way in spite of body size is an act of bravery when people should be allowed to wear whatever they want.
Fashion and clothes shopping is already a minefield because many mainstream brands carry limited sizing options, so finding something that makes you feel confident is hard enough on its own for plenty of people — without being applauded for their "bravery."
"You're not fat, you're beautiful."
As mentioned above, when a fat person tries to reclaim the word that has consistently been used against them, they might be trying to view their size from a neutral place by accepting their current body, no matter what the scale says.
"Do I look fat?"
The classic question posed by a woman to her bumbling husband before date night on any given prime time sitcom is actually yet another example of fat-shaming because it's really asking, "Do I look good?" but being veiled with the meaning that fat equals "bad," unattractive, or undesirable … when it's not at all.
"Eat a burger."
Similarly, joking about or encouraging someone to eat because they appear "too thin" is a subtle form of shaming, because some people are thin for all kinds of reasons, from their natural genetic makeup to a medical reason.
Commenting on someone's choice of food or how much they're eating, even in a joking manner, is body shaming and can be painful, especially if you don't know that person's relationship to food.
"Real women have curves"
As the body positivity movement continues to grow in momentum on social media, it's hopefully helping to shatter the stereotype that there is one narrow standard of beauty for all of us to try and fit into, helping all people view their bodies from a loving, positive place.
On the surface, this comment certainly seems like a positive one, because it's acknowledging that "curves" are desirable. But here's the thing: all people who identify as women are "real" women, regardless of shape, size, or the number on the tag in their jeans.
"Did you lose weight? You look great!"
It's impossible for most of us to go five minutes without hearing about someone's new diet, cleanse, or fitness regimen, that assuming weight loss as most people's end goal becomes surprisingly common.
But bodies change all the time, and weight loss can often be unintentional due to a physical or mental health condition or illness. Assuming that someone is losing weight by choice further adds to the belief that any kind of weight loss is good — or perhaps that the person looked worse at a larger size — when you simply don't know what a person is going through privately.
Correlating weight loss with happiness is nearly impossible to ignore, especially when we're bombarded with diet and weight loss "transformations" and "before and after" pictures (#fitspo or #thinspo, anyone?), but not everyone is trying to lose weight or even wants to.
"Do you really want to eat all of that?"
For lots of people (women, especially) having a large appetite at any given moment is viewed as taboo, because eating less (and, in turn, losing weight) is viewed as a positive. But as mentioned earlier, concern trolling or policing someone's food choices is definitely a form of shaming, especially in a culture that prizes diets and weight loss.
"You have such a pretty face for your size"
Another reminder that compliments are often a subtle form of fat shaming because this one implies that a person would look better if they lost weight, or as if they're attractive in spite of their body size. Beauty exists at all sizes.
"You're so lucky you can eat whatever you want"
Diet culture constantly finds ways to remind us that certain foods are "good" and "bad," but the truth is that by placing moral value on food, we’re only feeding in to the belief that somehow carrots are "better" than carrot cake, and that a person perceived to have a fast metabolism based on their weight is somehow superior to others.
Yes, certain foods have more nutritional value than others, but that doesn't mean that a wide range of foods don't have a place in a "normal" or "healthy" diet.
Commenting on someone's food choices — even when meant in a positive way — continues to place a moral value on someone based on what they’re eating, or that they "get to" eat whatever they want because their metabolism might burn it off faster. Every person has unique nutritional wants and needs because every person’s body is different.
"You look so skinny in that!" or remarks about dressing for your figure
"Figure flattering" is a term largely perpetuated by the media and women’s magazines disguised as a positive attribute, but we all know what "flattering" really means: slimmer, smaller, or skinnier.
"Dressing for your body type" is another arbitrary term likely created by someone in fashion or the media who decided that "playing up" certain features (and, in turn, "downplaying" less attractive ones) is something we should all be doing. We all have body parts we probably don’t love, but we also all have a right to wear whatever makes us feel comfortable and confident.
There are plenty of ways to compliment someone’s outfit without making them feel lousy. Here’s an idea: "You look great/gorgeous/wonderful/lovely!" Easy enough, right?
Any kind of unsolicited diet or exercise advice.
People love talking about their diet or exercise routine, especially if it's "working" and they're losing weight or getting toned. But even if you're not advising that someone lose weight, these remarks can cause a lot of grief for someone who might be struggling with body image issues or disordered eating.
Mentioning numbers (as in weight gained or lost or dress sizes) can be especially triggering even for people who don't have body image issues, and we're already bombarded with messages telling us about the latest miracle diet or workout trend to follow.
Also, while maintaining a healthy lifestyle is important to plenty of people, there are lots of people who are differently abled who already fit outside the societal norm due to illness, disability, chronic pain, or other circumstances. They — and their bodies — are no less worthy of support because they can't run a million miles or take a boot camp class. It's a gentle reminder that "smaller" doesn't always equal "better," no matter what messages we continue to hear on a daily basis.
What we say — and how we say it — matter, so it's worth taking a beat before commenting on someone's body to see how even the most well-meaning comment can come across to a different person.