The term ‘miscarriage’ is heavy loaded, and for good reason.
It refers to the life altering and traumatizing experience of losing a baby in-utero.
After my miscarriage I thought about all the things I did and did not do, questioned my daily choices and deliberated on the details of my days. I was searching for a reason and an answer – if it was my fault, I wanted to know.
It came to my attention that the term ‘miscarriage’ in and of itself leans towards the implication that the mother did something wrong.
According to Dictionary.com the prefix ‘mis-‘ can mean: wrong, wrongly, incorrectly, and ill.
The origin of the second half – carriage – comes from the verb ‘to carry’.
When placed together, it can be deciphered as “wrongly carried” or “incorrectly carried” your baby.
However, this is just one way to perceive and read it.
You can choose to see it as an implication of wrongdoing, or you can choose to consider other options.
The prefix ‘mis-‘ can also mean ‘lack of’ or simply negate something.
When considering ‘miscarriage’ in this context, the term can simply mean: to no longer carry something. In other words, to no longer carry your baby.
Why is this important?
The reason this is important is because everything in life has more than one angle and perspective.
You may be thinking that your miscarriage was your fault which is a haunting and destructive thought.
But there is another, highly probable, option – your miscarriage was NOT your fault (or anyones fault).
Did you know that about 50% of early pregnancy losses have chromosome abnormalities?
Chromosomal abnormalities are unforeseeable, unpredictable, and naturally occurring – in other words: not your fault.
If you are reading this, than you truly are guilty of something. You are guilty of loving, supporting, and nurturing your little one. You are guilty of wanting to give them all you had, your whole heart, and the world if you could.
When we are in the throws of pain, feeling raw and vulnerable after losing a baby (or babies), it can be easy to feel like the world is against us – it can be easy to be hard on ourselves.
There are so many things to process that it becomes overwhelming.
ASK YOURSELF TWO QUESTIONS:
1) Is this (whatever trigger or challenge is present) really worth my time and energy to think about and work through?
2) If yes: is there another side to this situation I am not seeing? Would seeing this from an alternative perspective help to alleviate some stress?
Like with the word “miscarriage”, we can choose to see it as an attack or see it simply as a technical term. The latter frees up energy we can place towards healing and figuring out how to carry our miscarriage forward.