Attempting To Change Patterns And Habits Can Be Very Challenging
Very often when we embark upon a new way of thinking, feeling and behaving
the results are not immediately obvious.
In fact it can often seem like we are getting
worse results than we were originally.
The key is to persist beyond the initial transition stage
before making your evaluation on the new way of being.
Reconnecting With a Difficult Teen
I recently suggested to someone to change the way
they were interacting with their 18 year old.
They were finding that things were becoming
very tense between the two of them.
There was a lot of anxiety and defensiveness
that often turned into arguments.
Their ability to communicate harmoniously was gone
and all of their interactions were strained.
Choose an Act of Love Rather Than a Reaction of Anger
My suggestion was anytime that she felt her daughter was being rude to her
instead of reacting, to step back, physically if necessary,
take a breath and respond with love.
Even when she is herself triggered by her child’s actions
she should own her trigger, take responsibility for her emotions
and work on them for herself.
To give herself love and validation
for the hurt she feels when hurt her kid is rude to her.
This hurt is real and valid.
It is important to give ourselves loving care
when we feel these things.
It is however, counterproductive to express
these emotions to our children in the moment.
It only makes them more defensive and
increases the distance between the two of you.
Profound Acceptance had Miraculous Results
My suggestion was to instead send back love and acceptance,
even when it seems she is undeserving of it,
especially when she seems undeserving of it.
The Initial Stages of Change Will Not Be Easy
I also warned her that at first she may not see positive results.
Her daughter may feel like something weird is going on and react more strongly.
And she herself may find her old programming asserts itself
more powerfully than before.
She may feel more angry, more hurt and more defensive.
The temptation to revert back to
her old way of doing things will be very strong.
She will have to be very determined and conscious
in order to choose a different reaction over her programming.
Planting Positive Seeds
She is planting seeds of a new life
for her and her daughter by making this change.
Seeds of love,
seeds of harmony,
seeds of healing and forgiveness.
The Seed Must Be Destroyed For The Flower To Bloom
When we plant a seed in the ground,
before it can sprout
first it must crack.
I am sure that when the seed cracks it is quite painful.
It may even seem like destruction.
It is destruction.
The old must be destroyed for the new to come into being.
The Journey Through The Darkness and Dirt
Even once the seed cracks open and the sprout is born
it still must push its way through the dirt.
It must fight to get through the darkness into the light.
It may seem like it will never reach the surface,
but if it keeps persisting it will find the sunshine.
Our Journey From Seed To Flower Is Much The Same
When we plant a seed of change in our lives
we ourselves must crack open and
push through much darkness
before we can see the light of positive results.
Once we do we will be basking in the sunlight.
We will be nourished by the sun throughout the rest of our journey to flower.
Persistence Creates Change
Don’t Give Up!
Eventually our old reactions will diminish
and the new habit pattern will take form.
Also our changing will change those around us
and soon they will be reacting to us in a new way.
So when we want to make a change in how we treat our children
(or any other significant change)
we must be willing to go through this initial growth stage,
regardless of how difficult it is.
If we can there is so much opportunity for healing and harmony.