For more than 50 years of his life, Robert Davis was on a mission to make everyone round him happy.
Outgoing and cheerful the self-confessed “people pleaser” told jokes and made people laugh - but behind the smiles he was struggling.
Now 57 farmer Robert first attempted suicide at 17 and has battled depression ever since.
“I’ve had bouts of it all my life,” he said. “For years it wasn’t talked about. My parents knew what had happened, but I didn’t want to be a burden on them or anyone else so I kept my fears, my feelings and everything that was worrying me completely to myself.
“I kept going on, head down, and it worked - mostly. I got married and had three children, and tried my best to manage. It took a breakdown for me to finally get help. I wish I’d got help sooner.”
Speaking out as part of Mental Health Awareness Week, Robert is now managing his illness more successfully than ever - and is even using his farm to help others.
“Part of what keeps me steady is social farming,” said Robert, whose farm is based in Templepatrick, Co Antrim .
“I know the positive impact animals can have on mental health, so now we get groups up at the farm who have learning disabilities or mental illness, and it’s a great help. They help with the horses and the cattle, because being with the animls is a therapy in itself, and helping them helps me,” he said.
For most of his life, Robert coped with his illness in private.
“I’d dealt with my depression OK for years,” he said. “At least I kept it a secret, which is what I thought I needed to do.
“When I was a young man it just wasn’t the done thing to talk about it, because people don’t want to heart that sort of thing, and I felt ashamed.
“As I got older I found I wasn’t able to cope with it as well and eventually I wasn’t able to hide it anymore.
“I was always a jokey, cheerful person. I’ve always wanted to be liked and to make people around me feel happy. I was a typical people pleaser.
“So moaning and going on about not feeling well or happy all the time wasn’t something I could do. I didn’t want to drag everyone down with me, so I’d just joke my way through and carry on - and feel awful on my own.”
Then three years ago, the anxieties and stresses Robert had bottled up for decades became too much to bear.
“It was a whole mountain of things just got on top of me,” he said. “The pressures of work and life got too much, and in the end I couldn’t sleep and I couldn’t eat. I completely lost my appetite and I couldn’t switch my mind off and in the end, I spent days without sleeping.”
As his mental state deteriorated, Robert began to feel his family would be better off without him.
“It’s something you hear when people talk about depression, and it really did become a big thing in my mind,” he said.
“I felt like I had nobody to talk to because I didn’t want to be a burden and I let myself get isolated.”
And while Robert didn’t make another direct attempt on his life, he admits he considered it.
“I started doing things that were quite reckless around the farm,” he said. “Things that were dangerous, because I wanted people to think I’d had an accident. I just wasn’t coping.
“In the end my wife got involved. She took me to the GP, and I ended up in hospital.”
From there, after a few weeks of treatment and medication, Robert began working towards his recovery - and has now figured out a much more successful way to deal with his mental health.
As well as a series of intensive counselling sessions, he continues to attend meetings with depression charity Aware where he talks about his worries - and supports other people struggling in the same way.
“Going to the groups and hearing from other people there about their situations really helps,” he said.
“Hearing about the devastating impact suicide can have on people triggers an instinctive self-preservation and makes me want to live, for my family. There are people there because someone they loved died from suicide 20 or 30 years ago, so the impact is huge. I don’t want that for my family.
“When you’re in that dark place you feel you can’t see anythimg positive and the thing I did was to let it build up too much in my mind.
“I know now the right thing to do is to talk about it as it happens and now I’m very open with my wife and my children. It makes such a difference because I know they won’t be better off without me.
“My wife and children are very understanding and I’ve started to enjoy things again, where I hadn’t for a long time - life as a family, the animals on the farm, I’m getting a social life back and I know life’s very much worth living.”
Exercise is proven to have a positive impact on our mental health helping us to feel better and improve our mood. Some ideas to help you move more would be getting off the bus a stop earlier and walking the rest; walking the kids to school; take the stairs instead of the lift or perhaps getting the trainers on after dinner and taking yourself off for a walk. Good luck with today’s challenge.
2 - Watch what you eat
What we fuel ourselves with has a massive impact on how we feel. If we eat foods high in sugar, we give ourselves a temporary high but then we crash quite quick and can feel worse. So today’s tips are swap the bun for a banana, ditch the coffee for a glass of water or swap the sugar for a sweetener. By making these changes today, you’ll notice a difference in your mood and energy levels in a few weeks’ time.
3 - Keep in touch
How often do we bump into someone and say ‘we must get a catch up’ then never get round to it. Get in touch with that person and arrange to meet them for a walk or some lunch. The saying is often true, “laughter is the best form of medicine.”
4 - Take time for you
Perhaps you used to enjoy running, singing, knitting, reading or another hobby but you’ve given it up now. #DoOneThing and get a plan in place to start taking time out for you. By making some time for yourself, you are helping yourself.
5 - Do something nice
Perhaps you have considered volunteering with a charity, like AWARE. #DoOneThing today - make time for your colleagues by offering them a cup of tea or coffee, it might be just what they need. A simple smile to the bus driver on the morning commute or to the person in the car beside you might just be enough the cheer someone up.