Crises Of A Mother's Life!
Luke 2: 19; 40-57
As parents, we have learned to appreciate the deeper meaning of the sign on the door of a church nursery:
"We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed."
At a much higher level, we think we've learned something of the double combination of privilege and responsibility
bound up in the ministry and mystery of parenthood.
Of course, our best efforts will never be quite good enough.
But if it's true that well begun is half done, the first few years of our children's lives have been well worth
the most intense concentration that we've been able to give them.
Proverbs 22: 6: "Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it."
This message is not intended to be a digest of easy answers for beleaguered parents, nor will it provide
quick formulas to already broken relationships.
This message is an attempt to set forth a few sound principles to help parents find direction
in this difficult task of rearing children.
Luke describes the onset of one teachable mother's experience like this:
"Mary kept all these things, pondering them in her heart." (Luke 2: 19)
What a great start for Jesus' life!
But our Lord, like all other babies became a teenager before Mary realized what was happening.
She was soon faced with the crises of a growing child.
The only glimpse we have into the boyhood of Jesus is one found in Luke 2: 40-51.
At the age of 12, Jesus was obviously a normal, healthy, determined young man.
Jesus and His family visited Jerusalem to celebrate a typical Passover festival.
Wanting to be where the action was, Jesus stayed behind in the temple while His parents were beginning
the long trip back to Nazareth.
After missing Him, they returned to the city to find him three days later.
Understandably annoyed, Mary said to Him, "Son, why have you treated us so?
Behold, your father and I have been looking for you anxiously."
To say the least, Jesus' answer was a bit cryptic.
His parent's response to it was one of bewilderment.
The answer and its response are excellent examples of what is sometimes called, "The generation gap."
Teenagers are struggling for a much needed independence.
Maturity and independence for the child should be the goal of every parent.
As the exploring, maturing, process begins, tension between parents and children is inevitable.
Tension inevitably develops as parents and children are operating from differing vantage points.
The struggle for independence and direction is clearly seen in the response Jesus gives to His mother.
"Why is it that you were looking for me?" Said Jesus. (Verse 49)
The surprise is evident.
Surely, reasoned our Lord, of all people, they who knew Him best should have known where He would be.
Ah, but that was the problem!
In the mind of Jesus, the only place for Him was His Father's house.
For Mary and Joseph it was a different story.
They strongly felt that His place was with the group traveling back to Nazareth.
Within the differing viewpoints resides the tension.
In Promises to Peter, Charlie Shedd, says that one of the first jobs of a parent is to be able to say
with real meaning: "Listen to me, children! Your first loyalty is not to me.
You came by me, but you were not from me. In you there is a native self.
The secret is to discover who God wants you to be and be true to that.
This moment, I set you free to be the best person you can be for yourself."
Jesus, in His uniqueness, struggled for His independence.
He, too, had to find and commit Himself to the will of His Father.
Tension is inevitable when operating from two distinct vantage points.
Some years ago, Robert Paul Smith wrote a book entitled,
"Where Did You Go?" "Out" "What Did You Do?" "Nothing".
Those two brief questions and their even briefer answers summarize humorously -- on one hand,
but tragically on the other -- parent-child conversations in all too many homes.
Because the interest and needs of parents and teenagers differ radically from each other,
statements exchanged between parents and teenagers often become shorter
and more meaningless as time marches on.
The parents, hopefully being the more mature of the two, should make the first moves
toward clarity and comprehension.
If the parents and the teenagers remained on different wavelengths, communication will become impossible,
and the crisis will become unmanageable.
How will parents handle that unpredictable teen?
The teenager is no longer a child, but not yet an adult.
The teenager demands the privileges of a child and denies the responsibilities of the adult.
Your teenagers will try your patience, and then tease you into forgiving them.
They will break your heart and expect your love.
If you always react in anger, your teenager will soon withdraw into a shell, and you may lose your teenager.
But if you respond with affectionate concern, you have a better-than-even chance of winning your teenager back.
Commend them for the good things they do, and try to overlook the things that annoy you,
if they are otherwise harmless.
Paul's words to fathers in Ephesians 6: 4 apply to mothers also:
"Do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."
This should be telling us that young people need to be affirmed.
Regarding criticism, one father said, "When I quit being a bloodhound for all the family's faults,
they actually began doing better."
Every child needs a lot of good, parental affirmation.
Katherine Anne Porter powerfully states this need of affirmation in her book, Ship of Fools.
One of the characters, a wealthy, self-sufficient divorcee, expresses herself in a bitter, but touching monologue:
"Love me. Love me in spite of all!
Whether or not I love you, whether I am fit to love, whether you are able to love, even if
there is no such thing as love, love me."
Are we, as parents, providing the quality of affirming love that will enable our young people to grow to healthy maturity?
Children will inevitably become what they are told they are.
They will inevitably project upon others the way they feel about themselves.
Capt. Kangaroo closed most of his shows with a plea to parents to "spend some time with your child today."
Failure to spend time with children is tantamount to saying, "You are not worth my time."
Fred Rogers of "Mr. Roger's Neighborhood," used every opportunity to tell his little friends
that they are "special," and he likes them just the way they are.
We must work toward solutions rather than establishing blame.
Often, when a child does something wrong, parents tend to attack the person rather than the problem.
Usually, they accuse by asking, "Why did you do that?"
That's the wrong question!
Nine out of 10 times the young person will respond, "I don't know."
He is usually honest at that point.
He probably doesn't know why.
So the parent should make a clear statement about what is wrong, and then ask,
"What are we going to do about resolving the matter?"
This approach will usually produce brokenness in spirit and also produce a learning experience
for both the child and the parent.
Take a page from the life of Mary.
After Jesus, always obedient to His parents, accompanied them back to Nazareth,
"His mother kept all these things in her heart." (Luke 2: 51)
Happily for Jesus, she was as teachable in this instance as she had been twelve years earlier.
As "Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature, and in favor with God and men, "
Mary tried her best to learn with Him.
Even when she didn't fully understand Him, she maintained her confidence in Him,
knowing that His sense of divine vocation would be His guide.
No doubt, this godly mother fiercely struggled with the ultimate destiny of her son that
would take Him far away from her grasp.
How do you fill the void left behind, when that completely, self-sufficient teenager leaves the nest -- forever?