I’ve been discussing recently specific examples of when couples need towork on their relationship. Articles on this site have discussed romanceideas, how to make things better, and what to do when things go bad. But Ihaven’t given a list of good relationship tips. Below, you’ll findgeneral relationship advice that can make just about any romancebetter–whether it’s going really well already or it’s veering over therelationship ledge.
Follow the advice below and you’re relationship will be stronger,healthier, and more fulfilling.
Some of these involve “exercises” ormental processes, so don’t roll your eyes. Ask yourself, if you actuallytake these suggestions, if these won’t make your romantic partnership morerewarding. You know they will.
Appreciate Your Partner
Nomatter how small a gesture your partner makes, notice it and show youappreciate it. Pay attention to the good things he or she does in yourlife and call attention to them. This not only makes your lover feel better,but it assures you’ll have more things done for you in the future. Peoplelike to know they are pleasing their love partner.
Convey Your Wants and Needs
When something is important to you, communicate it to your girlfriendor boyfriend. Tell them what it is you find important and why you findit important. Your partner is not a mind reader, so you can’t blame them ifthey don’t know what it is you want. Most of the time, when you makeexplicit your wants and desires–and give a reason why you want it thatway–your partner will try to please you.
Avoid a Pattern of Blame
Don’t make it a habit to criticize and blame your girlfriend orboyfriend for every little thing. Issues have to be resolved sometimes,but usually not every day. Try to make it a rare day that the two of youfight and argue. Living with another person means you have to put up withoccasional quirky behavior–don’t make it notable. Let it roll off. Don’ttry to invalidate your love partner or the two of you will get caught in apattern of negativity.
Have Compassion for Your Partner
This might sound simple, but it’s often one of the hardest things in arelationship. Develop a sense of compassion for your lover.Aself-involved student once told one of my professors in college that peoplecouldn’t truly understand other peoples’ lives. The professor, quiteoffended, said, “God gave me the power of imagination. I can imagine whatit’s like to be you.”
Imagination lets you empathize with your partner, and that should letyou sympathize with him or her. Imagine what it must be like to be theguy or girl you date. Try to understand their life to this point and theissues they deal with. This is called empathizing with them. Once youimagine their life, you can sympathize with them–you have compassion foryour partner. Truly having compassion for your partner is a way you grow inthe relationship.
Write Down Your Special Thoughts
Have your partner write down what makes them feel loved and special ina relationship and in life, then write down the same for yourself.Exchange lists and act on the information. Even if the two of you are havingtrouble, try to go through the steps that makes the other person feelspecial. This act should draw you closer, in good times and bad.
Be a Little More Introspective
Either as an exercise or in your own mind, think about the things youdo in the relationship that causes problems and stress. You have toknow, in your heart of hearts, you do things that annoy, frustrate, orsadden your boyfriend or girlfriend. Figure out what these things are andeliminate them from your behavior. If both of you can do this, you caneliminate a significant amount of frustration, anger, and sadness from yourlove affair.
Find Ways to Compromise
Don’t make your relationship about who wins and loses. Instead,find ways to resolve issues by pleasing each other. The spirit of compromisedoesn’t appear to happen much in public life these days, but you should makecompromise a big part of your private life. Compromising on big issues andsmall issues fosters a sense of partnership.
Don’t Punish Your Lover
When you do things to punish your love partner, you are building arelationship on negative emotions. Also, while you can punish him orher, you’ll be punished in due time, one way or another. Find ways tomotivate your lover through positive reinforcement, not negativereinforcement.
Forgive Them Their Quirks
Many of the traits that first attracted you to a person can becomeannoying after seeing them on display through the years. It’s been said thata person’s strengths are also their weaknesses. If you were first attractedto your girlfriend or boyfriend because they were outspoken, you can’treally blame them for being outspoken. If their energy and exuberance wasattractive to you in the first place, you can’t expect to change them ifthat becomes annoying to you later. All of us have quirks, so don’t bejudgmental.
Reveal Your Resentment
People tend to be resentful by their very nature, but hiddenresentments in a relationship are absolute poison. If you have lingeringissues that you won’t discuss with your partner, they can’t correct theirmistakes and change their behavior. Eventually, your unwillingness to calltheir attention to what you resent makes it your fault things don’t change.Get your resentments out in the open, so the two of you can start to resolvethese issues. Again, they aren’t a mind reader.
Establish Quality Time
Your relationship will never work if you don’t maintain quality timeto build and grow the relationship. Whether you’ve been dating forhalf-a-year or you’ve been married ten years, the two of you need qualitytime. This means time when no friends are around and no kids arearound–nobody but the two of you are there. Make this a steady part of yourrelationship. Watching television together doesn’t count.