Since she was a child, Chloe has been that friend you could chat with for hours about the real, raw stuff that’s going on in your life.
“I loved being that person. It fuelled me to know that people could come to me to explore what was happening in their lives and how they felt,” Chloe expressed.
Her compassion and sensitivity, paired with her desire to help and support others, led her to build many close friendships; however, Chloe’s home life was much more complicated. She watched as her loved ones suffered from painful and cyclical relationships with other family members, with food, and with their own emotions. These challenges were beyond Chloe’s capacity, and she grappled with her own feelings of hurt and frustration.
“I was placed in the middle of it all. No matter how much I tried to stop the conflict and the fighting and try to help them communicate their feelings…I felt like I couldn’t fix it. As a result, I truly lost myself, felt helpless, and I began to hate myself,” Chloe honestly shared.
By the time she reached her early teens, her inner battle had grown stronger as a result of the negative influences and heavy emotions around her.
“I absorbed the problems as my own, and overtime this transitioned into a severe eating disorder, depression, anxiety, and – at the extremes – cutting and severe bulimia. It was tough during high school, and it took changing my physical environment (moving to Vancouver) to really cause a shift. Once I came to Vancouver, a lot of the underlying anxiety remained, but my eating disorder subsided,” Chloe said.
Chloe started her journey back to health through the conscious choice of becoming a Holistic Nutritionist.
“When I began learning about food, my body, and what true nourishment means, my relationship with food and with myself began to shift. I started making my own food, my interest in food styling and presentation started to grow, and I began sharing this newfound passion with family and friends.”
Soon, Chloe’s Countertop emerged: an online space where Chloe shares her favourite recipes, authentic stories, and traveling adventures. The website is also home to her Conscious Conversations podcast series, where among many guests, she interviews inspiring Vancouverites about their connection to food, body image, and mindful living.
“My life literally began to change overnight. For the first time, I was listening to myself and allowing emotions, thoughts, and beliefs to move through me. When I began to write and share, my own self-awareness grew and a profound knowing emerged. That is when the real work began: the deep exploration of self, inner child, and higher self,” Chloe shared.
So, how do clothing and fashion weave through Chloe’s experiences?
Chloe explained that style has always been an influential part of her life. However, it hasn’t always represented peace, happiness, or self-expression. During her mental health challenges, in fact, clothes represented anxiety, stress, and fear:
“No matter what I wore, how I looked, or how many new clothes I would buy, I didn’t feel good about myself. Taking it even further, style and clothing would be a factor in how I felt on a certain day. If the clothes that I wanted to fit me, fit- then I would feel great and life would go on. If they didn’t, then it would be a different story.”
Today, Chloe has rejuvenated her relationship with clothing and style. She describes her fashion choices as changeable and comfortable:
“I’m all about epic jeans and trousers, amazing jewelry, and classic cuts. Things need to fit properly for me, and I like clothes that aren’t too oversized. I do have a small and curvy frame, and my body feels best when it can feel the clothes. Ultimately, I do like to feel put together and proper.”
For Chloe, style goes beyond what is seen; it is a form of expression and ties into a greater theme of wellbeing.
“It’s a way to know who you are and how you want to feel,” Chloe explained.
“There is nothing I love more than putting on a fresh outfit and just feeling like a rockstar. The best part about this, though, is in knowing that it may not have to do with the outfit. Sometimes, you wake up and feel awesome and other days you wake up not feeling so great. When I’m not feeling great, for example, this emotion will project itself into what I’m wearing and how I’m wearing it. It’s a holistic approach…there is so much more at play than just how a piece of clothing looks, and how it looks on your body,” she expressed.
Chloe continues to explore the connection between her past health obstacles, her current holistic perspectives on wellbeing, and her future ambitions for both her business and blog. Having recently written a book called Living in Light, which is a collection of thoughts, recipes, and stories catered towards her growing online community, Chloe continues to use her voice to inspire others to find their own.
The truth is, with all of that aside, I didn’t really plan the book…it just happened after many months and years of wanting to create something like it. I channeled a lot of the chapters, and even after sending in the designs and giving my stamp of approval on it, I would get hit with chapters and thoughts and sentences and realize that I had to get them in there. I would say one of the most difficult parts of creating a book, especially self-publishing, is knowing when to say “it’s finished”, and let it go.
2. What did you learn about yourself in the process of writing a book?
When I was in the thick of the process, I was very focused and didn’t feel that I was learning that much. I was just doing. It was only after the book was done, and the first time that I held it in my hands, printed, that I began to learn more about myself.
I have learned that I am highly capable of doing anything that I want to. I’ve always carried a belief that I am not good enough and that what I have is not worthy of others’ time and attention. I also carried a limiting belief that I am not dedicated enough to finish projects. Now, I see how silly and untrue these thoughts are. I didn’t only self-publish a book (complete with my own recipes, food photography, title, and choices) but I also completed the project, from start to end, in six months. Now, I know that I can do that. When it comes to entrepreneurship, each new journey gives you a stronger belief in who you are and what you can do in this world. It also strengthens your ability to trust yourself. Since I finished the book, I am much more confident in what I can offer and how I can help others. I am more comfortable with speaking, hosting retreats and saying “yes” to things that light my soul on fire. Because it’s no longer a question of, “Can I do it?”…it’s a question of, “Do I want to do it?”
3. What advice would you give to others who are going through a similar health challenge that you went through? What has helped you or made you feel better emotionally along this journey?
I would say the biggest and most important thing to do is to share. Find someone or find a space that you feel 60-70% comfortable with (it’s okay to feel a little bit scared) and begin to express yourself. This doesn’t always have to be with other people. It can be in a journal, on a canvas, or through a microphone. We often hold everything in and pretend that we can do it alone. I can guarantee to you that there is someone out there in the world who is experiencing what you are experiencing in some
Start there, and see where that takes you.
There are so many signs and messages in the world that are here to guide us on our journey. From physical (body imbalance, pain) to emotional (anxiety, stress, excitement) to spiritual (coincidences, chance meetings). It’s important that we pay more attention to these messages.
4. In consideration of the challenges you have faced, what are you most proud of?
There have been many times where I’ve been challenged in my choices. For the past 5 years, I have made some pretty life-changing decisions: moving to Dubai, getting engaged, leaving my full-time job, leaving Dubai, getting married, being an entrepreneur, self-publishing a book, hosting a retreat, starting a podcast, leaving financial stability…and I will say that they have all been challenging in more ways than one. I am most proud that I have made it my life’s calling to pay attention to my heart and really have intuition as my guiding force. My mind doesn’t always understand why I’m doing something and why I’ve taken a certain direction; however, it’s reassuring to know that I am trusting myself and trusting something far beyond my mind.
5. What are you grateful for in this moment?
I am grateful for my passion. Since I started Chloe’s Countertop and became a Holistic Nutritionist 4 years ago my life has transformed in immeasurable ways. On the surface – yes, I got married to my best friend, I am eating disorder free, I have a business that I love so much, and I am back living in Vancouver and loving it. Beyond that, I wake up almost daily with a ferocious joy for life and an intensity that is supportive of who I am as opposed to being destructive and harmful. I still have my days and moments where things get too much and life becomes overwhelming- however, for the most part- I continue to feel such excitement and butterflies for what is happening around me. And when those days do come, I know how to offer my self the space to process what comes up and feel my way through it. I feel like abundance surrounds me and I am no longer searching for ways to fill holes temporarily and superficially.