There is nothing wrong with a singular focus on accomplishing a task or goal. However, if goal achievement becomes more important than integrity, then long-term problems develop. The expression “Winning isn’t the only thing, it’s everything” really typifies the extreme selfish mindset.
All sorts of problems emerge when selfishness rules. Relationships get damaged when you don’t care about others’ needs as you pursue yours. Our inner guidance system knows something isn’t right and guilt creeps in. Productivity goes down because people disengage when they sense a hidden or selfish agenda. There are plenty of examples of corporate selfishness, including Enron, World Com, and Bernie Madoff.
The antidote to selfishness is the full expression of universal values in action, which I call integrity. Integrity is the alignment of one’s behavior with principles like honesty, love, respect, and excellence. Nelson Mandela and John Wooden, the renowned UCLA basketball coach, are great examples of people who have really demonstrated integrity throughout their lives.
Being able to say you gave your best and conducted yourself with dignity, in victory or defeat, is the marking of a true champion and great leader. Living in alignment with your values and paying attention to how you achieve your dreams and goals is the way to long-lasting fulfillment. When the pressure is on, short-term sacrifices may need to made and yet, at the end of a long day, long week, or long life, don’t you really want to be able to say that you are most proud about how you went about accomplishing your dreams and goals?
As a society, we are often surprised when a celebrity or political figure does something immoral or illegal and suddenly their unblemished image is tarnished overnight. It’s like the answer given by a character from the Hemingway novel The Sun Also Rises. When asked “How did you go bankrupt?” the character answers, “Gradually, then suddenly.” Like the other mindsets, deceptiveness begins with a way of thinking and then manifests in behavior.
Deceptiveness can be as simple as holding back important information during a tough conversation or being in denial about something you are doing in your personal life that you really know is not good for you. It can manifest as being unable or unwilling to tell someone how you really feel about how upset you are, how much you really care about them, or how well you feel they are really performing.
On the other hand, authenticity is the ability to be in alignment with what you feel, what you think, and what you believe through the actions you take. In order to behave authentically, you have to first be authentic with yourself. That means having the awareness and courage to be uncompromisingly honest with yourself. I have found that questions like the following are very useful in generating inner honesty: “What do I really care about?” “What really concerns me?” “What is really important to me?” “How am I really spending my time?” “What is it that I really want to have happen?”
Authenticity is being able to express yourself fully and completely, and having the courage and skill to do it with care and respect. It means being able to apologize with sincerity when you are wrong, take a stand when you feel strongly about something, and bring all of yourself to an important conversation—your thoughts, feelings, wishes, and hopes.
What you do in life is a result of what you think and believe. Therefore, the more you understand your mindset and develop the ability to live based on the mindsets that bring out your best and the best in those around you, the more effective you can be. It’s totally up to you.
You can choose mindsets of arrogance or humility, blamefulness or responsible choice, selfishness or integrity, deceptiveness or authenticity. Your ultimate freedom is the freedom to choose your attitude, mindset, and way you behave. A skillful, conscious individual develops the ability to choose mindsets of humility, responsible choice, integrity, and authenticity and acts with openness, accountability, dignity, and truthfulness.