People take different approaches to improving their marriage. Some couples ignore their relationship problems altogether. Other couples try to address their problems on their own, perhaps with the help of family or friends. Many people find that their efforts to improve their marriage themselves have not been successful and they wish to consult with a professional. If you are reading this, you are probably contemplating marriage counseling. I hope this article will help you decide whether it is right for you.
Some couples would like to have a deeper, more intimate bond with each other. Often these marriages work smoothly and the couple is able to solve problems without conflict. However, you and your spouse may feel more like friends rather than lovers. Sex may have become infrequent or lacking in spontaneity. You may wish to connect on a deeper level emotionally or physically. You may want to feel more love from your partner. You may want the sex to be better or more frequent. Marriage counseling can help you have a deeper, more satisfying relationship with your spouse by connecting on a deeper emotional and physical level.
Some couples enter marriage counseling so they can understand each other better. In the beginning of a relationship people usually focus on how similar they are, how much they have in common, and how much they understand each other. It is natural for people to change and focus more on their individual needs as the relationship progresses. Often the source of conflict in a marriage is that people feel like they no longer understand their spouse and their spouse does not understand them. Marriage counseling can help bring back this mutual understanding and help couples feel more like a team again.
Many couples come to marriage counseling to solve specific problems. Certain problems are just too complex or difficult to solve using the usual give and take that works for other situations. Some of the more common problems that couples come to marriage counseling for involve raising children, extended family, financial issues, sexual difficulties, or housework. Busy couples often would like to improve their work/life balance. Addictions can cause problems for a couple. Often couples bring more than one big problem to counseling. The initial work in marriage counseling is often figuring out which of these problems is the most severe and needs immediate attention. This brings focus to the work and making progress on even one problem can give a couple a renewed sense of enthusiasm and optimism for the relationship.
Most couples that enter marriage counseling have issues with communication. Most couples have certain problems that they are not ever able to resolve. Often couples stop talking about these difficult problems because they are too sensitive and lead to arguments. Other couples have difficulty expressing negative emotions such as anger or fear and these emotions can become bottled up. Many people would their spouse to listen better. Others have a hard time getting their point across to their spouse. Marriage counseling offers you a safe, supportive environment to express all your thoughts and feelings and can give you both new skills to express yourself better.
For some couples, the relationship has deteriorated to such an extent that the relationship has become very unpleasant. There may be frequent arguments, financial problems, and a lack of physical and emotional intimacy. What was once a supportive and loving relationship has become a source of conflict and hurt feelings. The good news is that most relationships go through difficult periods. You can actually have a better and closer marriage by addressing your problems in marriage counseling.
Some couples come to marriage counseling because of a recent crisis in the marriage. It may be the disclosure of an infidelity or the announcement that one spouse is considering divorce. These sorts of problems are very serious and require immediate action. The existence of an affair usually involves a breach in trust and is often a sign that there are deeper problems in the marriage. Someone threatening divorce or separation is a good indication of very serious problems in the relationship and that this person is very close to giving up. Contrary to much conventional wisdom, couples can heal and thrive after an affair. The same goes for being on the brink of a divorce. However, these are some of the most difficult problems to solve because of the time and effort involved.
The good news is that by addressing difficult problems you can have an even stronger marriage and be happier than ever with your spouse. In addition, you will learn tools and skills that will help your marriage stay strong and vibrant for the future.