Did you know frustration is all rooted in the need to control? We all want things to be a certain way and as long as they comply, we’re ok. We expect people to be what we think they should be (after, who knows better than I how others should behave?). When they conform to our dictates, we get along just fine. However, when unexpected challenges arise (my camera batteries went dead just as my son hit a fly ball to center field; my husband didn’t plan a romantic evening for our anniversary), we become agitated and frustrated. “I knew it!” we scream. “Stuff like this always happens to me!” Feelings of victimization and powerless consume us and we fight to regain control. However, control is an illusion. We can only influence the outcome of any given situation; we can inspire the changes we would like to see in others but cannot force anyone to comply. Each individual has free will and will ultimately make their own decisions.
When we try to coerce things to kowtow to our orders, we set ourselves up for frustration. People do not have an obligation to fulfill my desires. Things don’t always have to go my way. We learn nothing when life is easy. It is only in disappointment, challenge and change that we grow.
Here are a few tips to reducing frustration in your life:
1 1. Put everything into perspective. How important is this issue really? Will you even remember it in 10 years?
2 2. Is what you are seeking fair and reasonable with this individual, at this time, under these conditions, in my time frame? If no, make some adjustments that are more realistic.
3 3. If the situation or person will not change, (it is what it is), can you accept and be ok with your current circumstances? Being “ok with” does not mean being “happy about”. It simply means you have put the issue to rest and are no longer troubled by it.
Remember: acceptance of that which we cannot change is the key to inner peace.
Let go. Allow things to unfold naturally. Don’t try to force a square peg into a round hole. It takes far too much effort and will never work.
The betrayals of my past have taught me much: first, that everything that happens in my life is a very necessary part of my journey. Each experience is absolutely essential for me to become the person God created me to be and to fulfill His Divine Plan. Much as an athlete must endure painful hours in the gym with demanding coaches and aching muscles in order to break world records, so must I face devastating hardships to achieve personal greatness.
The same applies to family and friends: each must realize their own mistakes and suffer the consequences of their imperfections in order that they, too, may find their appointed path in life. It is not for me to say what decisions they must make nor lessons they must learn in order to fulfill their destiny. This is between them and God and I must remove myself from their equation.
My life is my relationship between me and God. I am here to live my life in ways that please Him. I share my life with others but my life is not about them. When I err, I have failed against God and He is saddened by my poor judgment. My struggles and indiscretions are between Him and me exclusively.
I have also discovered that everything that comes into my life is here to teach and benefit me. Infidelity, blackmail, abuse all have the potential to make me a better person. Each can enrich my life should I allow it. Those who bring these experiences to me are merely messengers in my script of life. I have since learned to welcome them for they bring gifts of immeasurable value for me to unwrap and apply.
Pain has allowed me to come to know God on a deeper more intimate level that a life of ease could never provide. When I hurt, I instinctively turn to Him for healing and He never disappoints. When I feel abandoned, He comforts. When I'm confused, He offers clarity and guidance. Where is there room for anger or hurt towards anyone who has paved the way for me to profoundly know God? There isn't.
Do I need to forgive my boss for requiring me to put in long exhausting hours to earn the title of VP of sales? No. I understand the sacrifices required for success.
And now I understand this great myth of forgiveness: it is redundant when one recognizes the necessity of all experiences. My life is a spiritual journey of knowing God. I am grateful to all who provide me the opportunity to experience His Love. And while the events they bring may not be pleasant, the rewards are immeasurable. For me, there is no longer the need to ever forgive anyone for each has blessed me in ways unimaginable. Thanks to them, my life is exactly as it should be.