“If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never were.”
Negative Consequences of Divorce
In Australia, over 40 per cent of all marriages end in divorce over a 30 year period. The costs associated with divorce, including mortgage loan payments and court proceedings, run close to a staggering 3 billion dollars a year in Australia alone.
Divorce has recently been reported to be the number one ‘wealth buster’ of all the financial hazards in life. Divorce and separation can be damaging in many other ways. There is an increased risk of severe mental health problems and physical illness for both male and female divorcees. There are also higher fatality rates among divorcees from things such as malfunctioning autoimmune systems, suicide and even automobile accidents. Other studies have found correlations between marital separations and alcoholism, anxiety and eating disorders.
The effects of divorce don’t spare children either. Those, growing up in ‘fatherless families’ show ten times more risk of having behavioural problems. They are also nine times more likely to leave school before graduation and ten times more likely to become users and abusers of drugs. Girls whose parents divorce are more likely to drop out of school and are more likely to become pregnant outside of marriage, while children of divorce report lower levels of happiness in their adult years and are more likely to endure similar challenges in their marriages.
Benefits of Being in Relationship
Being in a relationship can have a profoundly nourishing effect on your sense of self and wellbeing. Proven benefits of sustaining good relationships are: people in healthy relationships tend to live longer and experience less physical, emotional and mental health issues. Conversely, being in a relationship beset by problems, can have a crippling effect on one’s self-esteem and capacity to live life to the fullest.
Reasons for Marriage Breakdown
Some of the most frequently cited marital problems involve:
- communication difficulties and loss of trust
- general incompatibility
- loss of intimacy
- sexual difficulties
- not spending enough time at home
- disagreements over money
- controlling or abusive behavior
The dissatisfaction of women is a better predictor of divorce than is the dissatisfaction of men. Extra-marital sex is found to be prevalent where relationships have deteriorated to the level where divorce proceedings are considered or started. If you’re experiencing difficulties in any of the areas listed above, you’re not alone. When problems arise in these areas, couples often seek help. Rest assured that all of these concerns may be addressed and resolved with effective relationship counselling.
How relationship counselling can help you
Marriage is a commitment, but one should keep in mind that there are different types of commitment in marriage. There is the fear of the social, financial and emotional costs of ending a marriage. There is a commitment based on the idea of the importance of the social institution of marriage.
These commitments have their relevance according to what individuals value. Ideally, commitment base on attraction, devotion, satisfaction and love.
Couples who are in a lasting marriage are found to be more accommodating towards each other and more tolerant of each other’s faults. They are also found to be better and more consistent in communicating and problem-solving, including the way they handle conflict.
Your counsellor or life coach will form a collaborative alliance with you. Together, you will identify critical areas for change and learn practical tools to help you and your partner create a mutually beneficial, rewarding relationship.
What can I expect in a relationship counselling session?
Awakening program is excellent for individuals in a relationship. If you have found “Couples Counselling” to be prone to causing more arguments you wouldn’t be alone in that. This is not to say it isn’t of great value to many couples out there. We are merely offering a fresh approach, and we believe that is often better when one person in a relationship chooses to create subtle, positive ripples within the relationship, for the greater good.
We are recommending a general interview at the beginning of the counselling, of getting to know the couple’s individual needs and some history of the relationship. Then an approach can be tailored to suit them. Marriage and relationship counselling often involves a blend of joint and solo counselling sessions, depending on your personal therapeutic needs. A counsellor may need to be a bridge between the two at times, and there may be issues that some people are sensitive about discussing in front of their partner. The client is given a private and confidential space to discuss their concerns and find ways in which to deal with them. Together we will develop realistic goals and expectations of marriage and their marital partner.
Seek help early and see results faster
If you are going through a difficult time right now, then you may already be considering counselling, but are hesitant in taking on the challenge. Counselling and therapy are unfortunately, still considered to be the last resort for people who are mentally disturbed and unstable. Although this is accurate in a way, you may be in your situation living in an abusive relationship or trying to come to terms with the break-up of your relationship, or marriage.
Research indicates that couples counselling is more successful when couples seek expert help early. Studies suggest that the average couple endures six years of unhappiness before considering professional advice. Too often, they will opt to split up. The sooner you can start working on improving your relationship, the better.
Acting now and entering into a counselling or life coaching situation might very well be a giant leap out of your comfort zone, but as many before you, you may never look back.