Offenders for the week ending May 11, 2018:
#3 THOMAS RAVENEL
In case you don't know, this former state treasurer is a cast member of the Bravo reality TV show Southern Charm. The reason he's a former state treasurer is because he went away on a federal drug conviction. And trust me, there is nothing charming about this f*ck waffle. He has a nasty case of "wandering wang disease" and has never seen a "pink taco" he didn't want to get a handful of.
The 55-year-old is most infamous for twice impregnating his 25-year-old toxic on-again-off-again lover, Kathryn Dennis. Well, he's making headlines again-- this time accused of meeting a woman on Tinder in 2015 and sexually assaulting her. The alleged victim's daughter had this to share:
"(My mother) told me that he grabbed her by the wrist and held her down. He then proceeded to pull his penis out... She said 'no' and then he shoved his fingers inside of her..."
Mom didn't report the assault because he's powerful. And has a lot of money. The woman settled and agreed to zip it. Which is what this "cookie jar" burglar needs to do. Grow up; act like a true gentleman; quit dating your granddaughters; and... concentrate on raising your children, Rape-enel!
#2 DRAKE
What do you have to say now, Drakey-poo? Your boys got swept by the Cavs. BWAA HAAA HAAAA! Anywho, the NBA the the Toronto Raptors organization have reprimanded him for his verbal altercation with our own Kendrick Perkins during Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Semifinals in Toronto. Why is this a problem? Drake is the global ambassador for the Raptors, so you kinda need to keep your shizz in line.
Drake and Perkins started trading jabs at halftime.
"What happened was I was talking to my old teammate Serge walking into halftime telling him 'We about to win this game.' and Drake butted in talking sh*t to me. So I said something back to him."
At the end of the game (the Cavs won in OT) Drake allegedly called Perkins a "f*cking p*ssy."
Drake would know what a meow meow is. Mr. Scaredy-Cat-Commitment-Phobe. Being a famous rapper you can't come up with a better insult? Sad.
Well, at least you're good at putting the "ass" in ambassador.
#1 DJ KHALED
Somebody dug up an old interview with this dude. So what. Well, the "who-ha" is over comments he made about his lack of desire. Of "orating" on the ladies... if you're feelin' what I mean. See, Khaled is "the king" and while his wife is "the queen", he's not down with going down. Take a listen:
Let's clarify. He wants you to be into woodwinds, but he won't play the ocarina. Douchebag.
What about yin and yang; give and receive; goose and gander? The internets fellated, I mean, filleted Mr. No Munch. Proving why The Rock is forever awesome, Dwayne Johnson commented:
"Ahem... *clears throat* as a man, I take great pride in mastering ALL performances. This is probably a little TMI..."
Don't knock it 'til ya try it, Khaled. It's never to late to learn and it doesn't make you any less of a man, you fool.
​So, open yo mouth wide and become a linguist...