Deposit your paychecks from him into your own (new) checking account. Tell him instead of the allowance thing, you can each pay half of home expenses (including savings) and then feel free to spend your "earned" money as you wish.
He would probably think I was crazy if I said I'm going to start billing for teaching our kids.
I do want to say that not everything that is needed for the kids comes out of my allowance but our views of the kids needs are different. He will pay for their necessities. My oldest is 7 and likes doing projects like making bracelets, for example. That is the stuff I buy for her. If it's something school related and he thinks she doesn't need it he will state that and not purchase said thing. At that point I will have to pay for it myself if I want to have said thing.
You should have equal say in how money is spent. He should not be the decision maker. You are equals. Financial control over your spouse is never okay. It is abuse. You are not a child.
I would not wait. I would go out and find a job right away. He likes the control he has over you and will always find an excuse for you not to get a job.
He is being very unfair to you, but expects you to put your ambitions on hold so he can 'settle in' at his new job? How nice for him. Does the marriage generally revolve around him?
And make sure that your paycheck gets deposited into an account only you have access to. Only transfer money from that account into the joint account once you both agree how to manage the family finances. If the money he earns is his, then the money you earn is yours. Right?
And make it absolutely clear that once you start working responsibilities around the home will be split equally.
He does something similar like saying that he was going to do something nice but decided not to for x reason. So he does not say he is going to do it but says he thought about doing it.
Does the reason usually involve you having done something wrong or not having done something you were supposed to do?
So full disclosure, we separated four years ago. I left one morning to my sister's house and he didn't see the kids for about a month. We got back together shortly after. So now when he calls/texts and I don't answer the phone right away he gets mad and starts lecturing me how I'm supposed to answer because when I don't hear thinks I've taken off with the kids again.
A few months ago he said that he pays my phone bill and that if I don't answer him then he's not gonna pay the phone. I told him that that was abusive so he stopped saying it, but still gets mad if I don't answer when he texts or calls.
Are you scared of him? Has he ever been violent (or made you feel like he could be)?
Yep, your husband is abusing you financially and emotionally. Telling you about what he was going to do, but did not is emotional abuse.
I homeschool. And I've never worked a real job a day of our 14 year marriage. I am in charge of all finances. My dh (dear husband) has never even logged into our accounts - his choice. We discuss big purchases (anything over $100/$200) and decide together. We are a team. It is OUR money.
I cannot imagine my husband EVER denying a purchase for homeschooling. Or deciding that a child's reasonable hobby should not be supported.
Your husband loves control more than he loves you. Your husband loves HIS money more than his family. Those are very strong statements. Think about them.
You are being financially and emotionally abused as PP (previous poster) have said.
Also my spidey senses are pinging with him not coming home until late several nights a week that he ugh be having an affair too!
Why did you leave 4 years ago? Why did you go back?
So, you're married to a financially and emotionally abusive man.