When I was a little girl, you made me warm chocolate milk every day, kissed my boo boos and wiped my tears. You dressed me, rocked me and sang me to sleep at night.
You taught me how to count to ten, color between the lines and share with my friends. You taught me right from wrong, the importance of faith and helping others.
You taught me how to ride a bike, sew a button, bake a cake, and weather unkind words from others.
You taught me to save money and how to spend it wisely. You were proud when I received my driver's license on the first try, got my first job and graduated from high school. You encouraged me to go to college, to strive for more and that hard work pays off in the end.
You raised me, nurtured me and shaped the woman, mother and wife I've become today. You showed me how to be strong, resilient and empowered me to be independent.
Then, you died without warning. You were taken from me at age 18 and I don't know why. I just know the pain I've felt for many years since. I've lived more years without you in my life, than with you and it hurts!
At times, it feels as though a small part of me died along with you. Sometimes I won't allow myself to even think about you because I don't want to relive the pain of missing you, to make the reality easier to bare.
You weren't there during either of my college graduation ceremonies. I looked for you in the crowd and only saw the other proud parents cheering on their children. I couldn't see the look on your face to watch your only child receive her college diploma with years of adversity.
You weren't there when I landed my first professional job or when I received my first promotion.
You weren't there when I bought my first house and my first car. I didn't get your advice.
You weren't there on my wedding day to kiss me on the cheek and tell me I looked beautiful .
You weren't there the days each of our boys were born. I couldn't see the happiness in your eyes to meet your beautiful grandsons. I can't help but, think part of you lives on in my children. They don't know you.
You weren't there to see the woman I've become because of your influence.
I can only imagine you being there and hoping you were in spirit.
I am grateful you made sacrifices to give me a better life.
I am grateful for the unconditional love you gave me. A mother's love is irreplaceable.
I am grateful for the 18 years I knew you. I'm honored you raised me. I forgive you for the mistakes you made and I am sorry for my own.
I am grateful you taught me how to be independent, think for myself and survive in this tough world without you.
You see mom, now that I have two children of my own, I know just how much you loved me. I am eternally grateful for the love you gave me and how you shaped the strong woman I am today. Every day that passes, I miss you more and am even more grateful to have known you.
Sharing the memories of your mother and passing them on is such a wonderful honor to her. Adding your memories to them while passing them down will make them even more golden for your family.
Awe! Your thoughts are so beautiful. And you look just like your mom!
Thanks Cindi! I appreciate you reading it.
This is beautiful! Thank you for sharing such a power post. I'm one of those weird people that thinks about death and dying every day. It helps me appreciate my loved ones more than ever, especially my Mother. At my age, my Grandmother wasn't with us. I couldn't imagine being unable to call my Mom whenever I feel like it. I make sure to cherish all the time I have with her because I know one day she won't be here and there will be a hole in my heart.
Thanks Mary. Your comment is likewise beautiful. You have a post started for your own blog with this comment.
I recently nominated you for the blogger recognition award . Thanks for having a great blog to follow.
I really love this post it was so beautiful and touching! I couldn't imagine a day without my mother. Love that you shared something so deep.
Jenna, I have my post ready to nominate others but, I can't figure out how to download the award badge. Can you tell me how? Thanks again for the nomination!
Hi Joanne, that was hard for me to figure out as well. I actually screenshot the image on my phone and cropped it then emailed it to myself and added it in as an image. I think you could also right click and save the image or copy the image and paste if you're doing it from your computer and insert it that way? A lot of work for a picture! But you're so welcome for the nomination and I'm glad you're doing your own post now too!
Beautifully written. My father passed away suddenly last month. And although I was fortunate enough to have him around my entire life, there were so many things I wish I could have said to him before he passed. Goes to show one should never take anything for granted.
Yes, that is one of the points I was trying to make. I've been through so many different emotions over the years. It is ok to feel however you feel at the time. Feel free to reach out to me if you ever need to talk. Sorry for your loss.
Totally love this, my mom's birthday is tomorrow.. it's nice to know I'm not alone in my grief.
Thanks Laura. It is always nice to know others feel similarly and we aren't alone.
Thank you Farrah. It is written from the heart. Give your mom a hug, even if it has to be virtually.
You wrote a beautiful post about you and your mom. It made me cry. I am sure she is very proud of you and the wonderful person you became.
I wrote it from the heat and how much I miss her. Thanks for reading!
Thank you. She was quite a woman.