When I stepped away from actively doing any theater I also stopped attending the kinds of plays I had liked to perform in and direct. I had a hard time listening to people talk about "the craft" and I even stopped reading very much about new work, especially experimental or political theater.
I had good reasons for stepping away from 20 years of work.
One thing that occurred to me as I was mulling what is making me consider trying to inch my way into theater again is the realization that I never played an ingenue. Not even when I was technically the correct age. There are two reasons for this: First, I have a strong presence and didn't learn for many years how to temper it, and second, the ingenue never seemed as interesting to me as other characters.
I still am not sure why I am thinking about theater, or performing, or what I would even do to make motions in that direction. Nor have I completely resolved the question "was I ever any good anyway"?, that lurks around the edges.
Questions without answers, blog posts without a point – they go hand in hand don't they?