I can't explain myself anymore. People who don't understand OCD don't get why I turn up my nose at the sight of their dirty house. I can't help but show my emotion on my face as I have to eat off of partly cleaned plates. I can't get those thoughts out of my mind. I decide not to eat or to drink. I only keep to myself not wanting to hug or touch anyone.
People get so offended. Unfortunately, these things are hard to explain to others. I know that it's not really them, but they don't know that. They don't know that dirt on my skin irritates me. They don't know that I will wash my hands about twenty times while I'm in their home. They just see me being snobbish.
But I'm not a snob. I have OCD. This illness causes me to over think things. I start to repeat actions to soothe myself. If I can't do that I freak out. I think about the whole picture while others think about a part. That one part might look bad but the whole picture reveals something else.
I would like for people to see what I see. I would like to be understood, not seen as a snob. Explaining myself can help, but if people don't try to understand then we continue to go round and round.
I appreciate your honesty about living with OCD and giving a picture of what it looks like on a daily basis. Some of the challenge is that people don't really understand what OCD is. You began this article with – I can't explain myself anymore. In a way, the world needs you to explain yourself.
Thanks for the comment! I agree. I do feel like I need to explain myself a lot. That's why telling my story is so important to me. I want people to know the truth. I want people to know me.