A cabbage, a faucet and a tomato had a race. How did it go?
The cabbage was ahead, the faucet was running, and the tomato tried to ketchup.
A dog was tied to a 15-foot rope, but he walked 30 feet. How come?
A lemon and an orange were on a high diving board. The orange jumped off. Why didn't the lemon?
Don't give him any food.
How do chickens start a race?
When someone says, "Ready, set, glow!"
How is a ghost child taught to count to ten?
If George Washington were alive today, why couldn't he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac?
Because a dollar doesn't go as far as it used to.