Discretion shall preserve thee, understanding shall keep thee.
Take heed to yourselves; If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.
Mark and I joined or were recruited into a "Reunion" or small accountability group after our Christian retreat weekend. There were four couples in the group, including our Pastor and his wife. We did not know each other very well but we thought it would be a spiritual growth experience. Unfortunately we did more gossiping than praying and confidential information about seeing a marriage counselor before the weekend spread throughout the church. I was vivid and felt betrayed. The couple who leaked the information passed it of as unimportant, that all married couples go through hard times and see counselors. They never apologized or addressed the betrayal at all. My trust and ability to be transparent in the group never returned and after a period of time the group self-destructed.
We did sponsor three other couples and a widow for the retreat over time but we never found another accountability group as a couple. Mark has met with a group of men for about twenty years now and it has at times literally been a life saver for him.
The experience taught me the value and necessity of confidentiality in any intimate group such as a prayer, spiritual accountability or even a small bible study that the Lord draws together in vulnerability and trust.
Prayer: Help me to forgive and the grace to forget.
Thought: Does the Lord allow us to suffer the consequences of sin so that we don't commit the same sin and hurt others? We must forgive to go on with the Lord however; I believe, trust is a separate issue and must be built back by both parties.
Our financial situation was so strained when Jonathan started kindergarten in a private church school I went back to work part-time. The commute was an hour both ways and the competitive nature of the other Registered Record Administrators (RRAs) was difficult, not to mention the learning curve of a new job. I had resigned when I was seven months along with Bobby.
Jonathan's teacher was Mrs. Armstrong and he seemed okay with the first day as he slid into the front seat of the car. He told me later that Mrs. Armstrong really didn't have strong arms and was genuinely relieved! Children's thinking is so literal at that age, I rationalized. It had only been a few months when Jonathan's teacher approached me one day to talk about some odd behavior she had seen in him. I was shocked and had no explanation. He had always been a solitary player in pre-school but no one saw that as odd. But there was no pressure, time limitations, comparison to other children, competition, or social interaction. All of this was new to Jonathan and it seemed to unreasonably terrify him.
Jonathan would hide behind the bookcase and hope Mrs. Armstrong didn't see him. I had noticed that one week his work would look like a pre-schooler had done it and the next like a fourth grader had completed it. Mrs. Armstrong was very kind and just coped with Jonathan's odd behavior. I knew how bright Jonathan was, so what was the problem? At the end of the year I was summarily warned about the first grade teacher, Mrs. Black, more clouds were gathering.
Prayer: Lord, do you allow confusion to warn us of problems we did not know existed?
Thought: We can cry out to God for wisdom and understanding. He can handle our concern and provide peace despite the circumstances.
A key verse is prayerfully selected by the lay leader for the weekend. Isaiah 43:1b was selected for both the men and women, which was somewhat unusual. It became our first "life verse", which is a verse that the Holy Spirit highlights to you personally in a particular time and situation that speaks to your deepest need.
Mark talked to me at length the next two weeks about his experience. It was obvious something extraordinary had happened to him. I despised being among strangers and speaking in public due to my low self-esteem issues although the Lord had been dealing with me concerning them. Mark told me almost everything or he knew I would not go. It seemed to mean so much to Mark that I reluctantly and fearfully went.
I was overwhelmed and shocked. I had never experienced such unconditional love period much less from total strangers. I simply had no reference point! I was confused about all these women who had mothers, sisters, aunts, etc., who taught them about God and prayer. I threatened to leave, but decided to stay and meet someone I had never known before, the Holy Spirit. I had so many moments of calm reflection and feeling totally loved in the midst of these not so perfect yet kind people.
It took me months to sort out the download from the weekend and at times I perceived the Lord and the enemy was fighting over my very soul! Brother Stan knew I was struggling and watched over me prayerfully. Finally, Praise the Lord, He won my free will and choice to serve Him. I was one more step further along to being a Christian rather than doing Christian work. I had an insatiable desire to know more of the Lord through prayer and Bible study. And to serve Him according to His will.
Prayer: Provide the courage and boldness to follow you Lord to the next step in relationship.