How Couples Can Resolve Intimacy Challenges and Re-ignite Sexual Chemistry
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Celine and Kevin's partnership represents aligned and inter-dependent sexy and playful relating in so many ways – in their love connection, sexual alchemy, as best friends, and in their shared vision of bringing healthy and fulfilling sexuality to partnerships everywhere.
Celine and I met during our Somatic Sex Educator's training at the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco and we found a kinship immediately. She was very excited about her blossoming partnership with Kevin at the time, so I feel like I was getting to know Kevin then as well. I have since enjoyed witnessing and experiencing their partnership in love and purpose evolve and expand into new realms of service for a worldwide audience.
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Today's Guest:
Céline Remy and Kevin Anthony are an international husband and wife team who decided to join forces to create a worldwide movement of true sexual empowerment.
Kevin, "The Truth Warrior," is a Men's Coach & Tantra Counselor.
Céline, "The Intimacy Angel," is a Holistic Sexologist, Certified Sexological Bodyworker, Relationship, and Intimacy Coach for men, women and couples.
Together, they are truly the 'Power Couple.' They host 'The Love Lab Podcast,' and are co-creators of 'Sexual Power and Mastery,' an online educational training system that teaches the exact process to any man who desires to bring his 'A' game consistently to the bedroom.
They guide couples and men on how to go from 'good' to'AMAZING' in the bedroom and beyond.
We explore:
How attending a Taoist female sexual energy workshop at 19, crystalized Celine's life journey & purpose and how Kevin's insatiable curiosity regarding sexuality and the body's potential led to tantra & sacred sexuality "inner circles" until they both met and realized they needed to bring their love, sexual wisdom, and practical expertise to audiences worldwide.
How for many couples, issues arise from a lack of basic sexual education and somatic understanding of the body's erogenous zones and how they are designed to respond.
How Celine and Kevin guide their clients to do a 180 from their previous habits and let go of any goal or destination making it all about the journey and exploration of pleasure – re-igniting the love for connection, esp for women who feel a relief from the pressure or need to orgasm.
How what we think our needs are within a partnership are usually not our root needs, and how identifying what our real needs are within a partnership illuminates the process.
How male ejaculation issues can be a result of one's partner wanting to get the sex over with and thus, drawing on the penis in a way as to complete the experience.
How "the wisdom of the penis" can pick up on the lack of emotional engagement or judgment by their partner and out of a sense of self-protection, hides as a result, and how "the wisdom of the vagina" can sense the unconscious intentions of their partner.
How many male clients come to Kevin and Celine thinking there's something wrong with them physically, and how the issue is usually a series of poor lifestyle habits which combine to create an unresponsive sexual body.
How when sexual and body habits that formed as children change, lifetime behaviors can also change.
How our sexuality can serve as a sacred window through which our life issues get resolved.
Transcription of Podcast
Speaker 1: Welcome to Organic Sexuality, where we explore the restoration of pleasure, the reclamation of sexual sovereignty and the realization of our embodied sexual nature: an invitation to honor the pleasures of your body by embodying the pleasures of your nature. I'm your host, Rahi Chun. I'm a certified somatic sex educator, sexological bodyworker and creator of Somatic Sexual Wholeness. Today we invite Celine Remi and Kevin Anthony also known as the intimacy angel and the truth warrior to the podcast, both Celine and Kevin, each developed an in-depth expertise in sexuality and intimacy before coming together into a beautiful marriage and partnership to realize their shared vision and love for empowering couples, men, and women, through their signature power and mastery programs and intimate work with clients. Today, they share their insights from successfully resolving a range of issues getting in the way of desired, fulfilling sexual partnerships.
Rahi: Today I'm really, really happy and thrilled to be inviting my dear friends and colleagues, Celine Remy and Kevin Anthony onto the show. Celine also known as the intimacy angel, has a really, really fascinating path having grown up in Switzerland, really in a sexually more open environment than what we're used to being conditioned here in the US. Um, but her path included working in depth, a deep dive into various Taoists sexual arts with Master Mantak Chia, in Thailand, as well as living in an ashram and doing a deep dive into the Ayurvedic practices as well as meditation practices in India - that involves sexuality before working with hundreds of male clients as a sensual bodyworker before becoming a somatic sex educator, which is where I met Celine at the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality.
Rahi: And since then, she has been in partnership with her beloved Kevin, also known as the truth warrior and they have built an incredible resource for women, men and couples around sexual health and healthy embodiment in a holistic way. Now, Kevin, I feel like I also met Kevin in my sexological bodyworker training with Celine because she introduced me to him with a photo at the time and immediately saw immediately I saw his talent and the assets he brought to their partnership. He, has a history of, being a martial artist, a second degree, black belt in Japanese sportsmanship, as well as really being attuned with nature. He's an avid lover of nature - hiking all over the world. And he's also a men's relationship coach and a certified tantra counselor. So between the truth warrior and the intimate angel, we're in very good hands today, welcome to the podcast to both
Celine: And Kiera here. It's a pleasure being here. Thanks for having me.
Kevin: Uh, yeah, you definitely saw my talents.
Rahi: Yes. Yeah, it was, uh, it was, it was hard to, uh, it was hard.
Kevin: Yes, it was,
Rahi: It was hard to, you know, the strength and the power of your assets were very clear.
Celine: Thank you. And just to be clear to our listeners, he did not just send me a random Dick pic. I did ask for a really sexy picture because I was away and missing him. And then I was so proud of my man that I had to share it with Rahi. I mean, you know,
Rahi: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. That was my first introduction to Kevin and it was an impressive first introduction and a very, very fun one. And, you know, I feel like it really reflects the playfulness, the alignment. I mean, I know I've said this often, but I really feel like Celine and Kevin represent really a very, very healthy, loving, sexually alive and, wise, I mean, that's the word that comes to mind because each of you have really explored your,, you're both very embodied, you're both very, sexually aware and you've explored your sexuality before coming together to really share your, that embodiment with each other. So, you know, I'd love to start by asking each of you, I mean, I've shared a little bit about each of your paths, but, in your work as sacred sexuality guides for couples, for women, for men, through your online courses, what do you each feel like has been the most instrumental experiences that have informed your, journey of sexual ownership of really owning your sexual embodiment?
Celine: So I'll get started. I think for me, it was about growing up in Switzerland that set a really good foundation for my understanding about my sexuality and my body, because we don't have the same hangups in many places in Europe than there are here in the U S. And when I was 16, my mom, got diagnosed with cancer, and that was a big wake up call that forced us to look at some of the habits we were having, what we were eating our lifestyle, and that started this whole journey for me to change how I..., What I put into my body. And I started questioning a lot of the things that had been taught, and that was like, what else am I being lied to? What else is out there? That is not really the truth. And so I was on this like journey of inquiry of discovering what was not being fully taught to me and, and getting into like new age-y work, like work bookstores and reading books on the power of affirmations, becoming a vegetarian.
Celine: I mean, there were so many things happening in that time. And so over the next following three years or so of my life, I witnessed my mom healing herself through changing how she thought and what she ate and all of these different things. And one of the big catalysts was that she wanted to reconnect with her body and sexuality in a different way. She had her ovaries removed and she found this, that was the workshop for women. It was a weekend for women where we were learning all about our inner alchemy and using your sexual energy to heal yourself and empower yourself. And she said, this is what I need to do. And she's like, let's do this together. So here I was 19 years old with my mom. We went to this two days workshop on the, how is sexual energy, all of these weird things that are, I had no idea about from learning about the breast massage, ovarian breathing and moving sexual energy.
Celine: And while being at the workshop, I was like, this is it. This is amazing. It really all felt very natural to me. And at the same time, fascinating and knew there was so much more that in that weekend, I was only just briefly touching the surface of what was possible. So that sets me on a journey to study with some of the masters like Master Mantak Chia. I went to Thailand to study with him and really this journey that started when I was 16, I've been on it all of these years - through different levels, I would say, but always wanting to learn deeper knowledge and understanding of our bodies, because I'm fascinated about we have bodies, and I want you to know, like, I want to be a master of my body. I want to know how to use this sexual energy. And I want to know what's beyond the physical. And so for me, that was this thirst for knowledge understanding and this passion and ease around sexuality. To me, it always felt like it was beautiful, natural and healing. And I still decided was a gift that I had this upbringing that I could bring that to other people to help them heal their own shame and issues around sexuality. So it wouldn't been pointed to one moment, but really to all one thing leading to another, that would be my journey.
Rahi: But at such a young age at 19, to take the journey with your mom of, you know, understanding like what really is our sexual nature and how can we use our bodies to nourish and expand this life force, what an incredible influence and an opportunity. And it sounds like you just kind of like grabbed it and ran with it and try to explore, you know, all that you could with it. That's really,
Kevin: I don't think your mom knew what she was getting you into at the time.
Rahi: Yeah, yeah, yeah. unbeknownst to her, but wow. What a blessing. That's just really incredible. How about you, Kevin? I'm curious about your path, because I know you have a path as a martial artist, so you're always in your body and you probably had just so much.. In many ways, I think it seems to me like your influences were almost, unintentionally the influences that would naturally lead to a multi-orgasmic man. What were your influences?
Kevin: Yeah. Oh, it's such a great question because my story really is just, it starts with just a curiosity. So even as a young boy, I was always curious about sexuality and much like Celine was saying where she was like, well, Hey, this, I found out this particular thing was a lie. I wonder what else? You know, isn't true that I've been told that's been my entire life. That's how I ended up with the nickname, the truth warrior. Cause I'm constantly looking under every rock to go. Where's the truth. Where's the truth. It's here somewhere. I got to find it right. So my whole life really was every girlfriend I ever had was, Hey, let's try this. You know, I don't care if they say I'm not supposed to do that, or we're not supposed to do that. Like let's just try it and see what happens.
Kevin: And then just tons of exploration. And after every one of those things, it would be like, okay, what worked? What didn't, how can I do better? And, you know, I was always going, what else could I learn? How could I be better? How could I help her enjoy this more? How could I make her want to have sex more? Right. Which is more like when I say make her want, it's like giving her the kind of sex that she really wants so that she's inspired to do it more often kind of thing, you know? And so that really just sent me on a path of wanting to learn as much as I could. And so I read all kinds of books on it. I experimented with girlfriends, you know, we went to sex toy stores, we went to sex clubs. There's all kinds of funny stories to barricading anal beads and having to go fishing for them and showing up to sex clubs and the chickening out and going home.
Kevin: And then, and then going back again, later on to have an amazing experience later on, I ended up becoming very close with a local tantra slash poly community here. And so through that, I ended up being lovers with several somewhat prominent tantra slash poly teachers and spent a lot of time immersed in that culture because they, a lot of them were teachers in the subject matter. And so they hung around with other teachers. And so all the big names would travel through Southern California and we would end up having them for workshops and talks and different things like that. And of course, being sort of in the inner circle, you know, the audience would go home and then we would all hang out on, on whoever was hosting them on their couch, you know, and we would just get to talk to them and hang out with them.
Kevin: Or we would do private play parties with them or whatever it is. And so I got lots and lots of experience and added knowledge there. And then eventually I decided that I wanted to become a sort of counselor coach in that. And so I went out and actually sought training and did actual training at a local somewhat well-known tantra school. So all of those things really came out of my own desire to want to learn and be better. I actually really never originally planned on teaching it to anybody. I just like, I just want to know it for myself. Like when I got involved in martial arts, I didn't start learning martial arts because is someday I'm going to be a martial arts instructor someday. I'm going to teach people how to use a sword. No, I just went out and learned it.
Kevin: Cause one day I was like, this is really cool. And I want to learn how to do this. And then as I got into the higher levels of martial arts, I found out that teaching is actually a requirement to start moving up into the higher black belt levels. So the teaching just came as part of it. Once you become about a first degree black belt, they really start grooming you to be a teacher. And it was the same thing here. It's like once I had done all the trainings and the workshops, and once I was just really living it, people started naturally saying, Hey, you know, can you help me with this? Can you help me produce this event that I'm doing? Can do you want to speak at this event that I'm doing? Oh, you know, you should be teaching this to other people through your own practice. And so that's how I kind of got into doing that and still, I wasn't fully embracing it until Celine and I got together. So I was doing kind of part-time on the side here and there, but then of course, with what Celine was doing, it was just so natural when we got together that this, this needed to happen. We needed to bring our talents together. We needed to teach together. We needed to take our message out there to the world.
Rahi: Yeah. I mean, the two of you guys coming together, it's an alchemy where it's like, I'm trying to think of a good example. It's kind of like, you know, your favorite salad dressing. Like if, just, if there's just olive oil it's okay. And if it's just like vinegar it's okay. But like when you're together,, like you it's so good, you, you have to share it, you know, it's like, but you know, what I'm hearing in both of your stories is you're both naturally curious, you know, both of you guys took it upon yourselves to really take deep dives into different areas of learning just because you had a curiosity and I'm guessing that because you were so like both somatically embodied, like your bodies had a natural curiosity of what this was, what this would be like or what that would be like, you know? Yeah. I think which all teachers need. I feel like the sexual intimacy for couples is kind of an area where, where everything in the relationship can get magnified, you know, both on the really, you know, deep connection, bonding love side, as well as, you know, any disagreements or resentment certainly, or, you know, unexpressed emotions.
Kevin: Yeah, absolutely going to say, that's why, not to single out, but poly or open relationships, that's one of the reasons why they're so difficult is because just with two people, everything can be sort of magnified. Now you bring in a third person that's magnified even more or a fourth person's magnified even more. So those relationships can be even more challenging.
Celine: I also want to bring the aspect of intimacy. That intimacy is not just physical, there's multiple facets of intimacy. And in some of our courses, we talk about that a lot because there's emotional intimacy, for example, there's a spiritual intimacy. There are so many different levels that are beyond the physical. And often people focus a lot, let's say on the physical, but what's lacking in the relationship might be more that emotional connection or a purpose or something deeper that just a physical is not going to bring. And unless you address all of these different aspects of the intimacy and there's always going to be something missing.
Rahi: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And I'm guessing, because I've known you guys for a couple of years now, like I remember Celine was sharing with me. I can't forget if it was, the Enneagram or numerology or something where it just like the two of you guys just line up so well that all of that alignment, whether it's in the spiritual realm, the sexual realm, you know, the mental, emotional realm really does line up. Now having been in this relationship where you guys are, you know, clearly beloveds,, has it kind of illuminated for you? Like how things were missing in past relationships? So I'm, cause I'm wondering, a lot of our listeners are in relationships and, you know, may not be able to pinpoint exactly what is off in their relationship. They're just not feeling as comfortable as they would like to. So I'm wondering if you could speak to, like, in your past relate, like now that you're in this relationship, did it make you realize what was missing in past relationships and what those might've been?
Kevin: Oh yeah, for sure. So there are a lot of things where you didn't realize it was missing until you had it. But you know, the first thing I would say is that, you know, if you're, if you're in an existing relationship and you're committed to that relationship, even if you're not maybe as aligned in the stars as Celine and I are, you know, that doesn't mean that you can't find ways to make it work. And that's sort of the biggest difference. So when we're talking about, Oh, what did I realize that was missing from previous relationships? Okay. Maybe some things were missing. But what I really learned was that in some of those relationships, there were things that didn't line up. For instance, maybe we had different communication styles. Now, the way that we dealt with that was we learned tools to help us communicate.
Kevin: Right. And there's tons of tools. I mean, I've had two relationships in particular where, you know, I realized that we just communicated very differently. If I said something was black, she would go, don't tell me it's black. It's very obviously white, you know, like it's like we would have these just constant miscommunications. And so we learned to use tools to help that. So things like repeating back, okay, here's what I said. Can you tell me what you heard? Right. And not making them wrong if they misheard it. Another technique I had with a partner was I used to give a lot of information and it was too much for her to process at any one time. And so then I would pull back and just give her little bits and let her process that, ask her questions and then give her another piece. And so we learned tools and strategies to make it work.
Kevin: But when you get into a relationship where you feel super aligned and the communication is the same and everything is the same, you realize how much less energy you have to put in. And that was the big difference for me is I looked back at my past relationships and saw how much energy it took to make it work. And now how much easier it is. And that's when I went, Oh, wow. Okay. So what that really means is we all need to do a better job of choosing the right partners first. And then, you know, obviously not, everything's always going to be aligned and then employ strategies to help those areas that aren't in alignment.
Rahi: That's great. That's a great explanation. Thanks for that. Kevin. How about you Celine? Because I know you've been married in the past and when we're younger, we don't always realize what we,, when we have more experience.
Celine: You know, when I was talking about having, I had a good marriage, but I really wanted something great. And that's the reason why I left because we had a big age difference. Him and I were had 31 years. So, and I was young in my twenties, and I wanted different things. You know, there are different phases in life. And I was definitely more into the exploring outgoing phase of my life while he was more into settling, closer to retirement phase of his life. So that alone was very different, but there was something that's at the beginning of that relationship, we were talking about traveling and going through the different States in the United States. Cause I had never been to the mainland because back then we lived in Hawaii and he kept promising me. We're going to do it. And after five years it hadn't happened.
Celine: So I decided that I was going to go and do it anyway. I was done putting my life on hold for somebody who wasn't ready or willing to follow through. And we had a very amicable divorce. I mean, we filed it ourselves. It was done. It was super easy. Like the whole relationship was somewhat easy and the dissolving of it too, but it was good. And I knew I wanted something greater. And some of the things that I've learned is when you are in a relationship and you fantasize about other people, or you go out to a party and still look around, what if I wonder what it would be like to have sex with that person or whatever. If I was going to be intimate with their school worker, you know, these kind of thoughts that people have them that's because you are not fully into their relationship.
Celine: And it's a sign because when I got together with Kevin, I never had a thought of wanting another person. We were open at the beginning of our relationship. So it's not that we were like only in a monogamous setting. We we've explored different arrangements and structures of relationship. But what I've realized the biggest difference was for me is this little, like looking at the corner of my eyes when I went out was gone that little questioning and doubting, you know, even though you love your partner, but there's still this, whatever. I wonder if the grass is greener, he's appeared and I never had any fear. I even remember one day telling Kevin, if you were the only cock I would ever ride for the rest of my life, I'd be totally fine with that. While in previous relationships, I kept perving out. It's not the last one. You know, I mean, this one's great, but I know I want more,
Rahi: [inaudible]
Celine: Very subtle thing that unless you've experienced it, you won't really know it. And we both kind of realize that later in our life, like when we got together that little subtle, slight opening and looking that many people still keep and have, they're really, that's a sign that either you haven't fully chosen and committed to be fully in the relationship, then you have to do the work to, to decide this is it a normal in, or that, you know, deep down that it's not the best match that you can have. And it could be the relationship for now, but not forever.
Kevin: And it's subtle too, because I never thought about any of those past relationships as not being in. I never consciously thought, Oh, I'm still on the lookout. But I did notice that when we got together, like I used to say, Oh, I'm such an outgoing person. And I need to go out to all the events that are happening. And then we got together and I was suddenly like, I don't really care. You know, like I used to have FOMO, Oh, there's this great event, right? Oh, I'm going to meet, Oh, you want to stay home, but we're going to miss it. You know? And then we get together and she's like, well, I don't, I don't feel good. Or whatever it is, I don't feel like going out. Let's just stay home on the couch. I'm like, okay, cool. Yeah. Awesome. And then I realized afterwards why I was suddenly okay with it because I realized that yeah, I somehow in my subconscious, I knew those other relationships. Weren't the right ones. And I was still constantly out there looking.
Rahi: So guys, I mean, one, I love hearing that both of your needs are being satiated in this relationship with each other, which is so beautiful. You know, when you're working with couples and it's apparent that their needs are not being fulfilled by their partner, like there are many strategies to work with that. What are some common ways that listeners can start to try to align with their partners in that sexual realm, whether it's,, a different level of libido or a different level of, I feel like there's such a lack of sex ed in this country that when you're working with couples, it's, it must be a lot of just kind of basic sex education, learning how to communicate, what you, what you need, what you desire, what your body wants. Kind of like a lot of basics. Am I, am I off, is that, is that the case?
Celine: Absolutely basics all the way. Yeah. People need don't really know how their body operates. Uh, especially for women, like how to maximize the pleasure. They can feel in their body, how to direct their partner to go a certain way. For men, they sometime get lost in the vagina -land and they're like - I don't really know what's going on. And they don't know again, how to massage certain body parts. Um, one of the biggest thing is most people are very focused on destination, destination of orgasm, of an. And when they have sex is to have that, to reach that destination as fast as possible. We've flipped this around and change people's mindset. Most of our couples, they say like, so you mean basically I have to flip around everything I'm doing. I'm supposed to do the opposite of everything that I'm doing. And I'm like pretty much, yes.
Celine: So we make it more about the journey, learning to enjoy the moment without having a goal in mind that it has to be a certain way, especially for women. If you take off the pressure that she has to have an orgasm, she has to react a certain way. She can enjoy what's going on in her body. For men. It's the same that if his penis isn't working exactly the way he wants, like there's other ways to still pleasure each other and create intimacy. But then the biggest part is also about acknowledging the big elephant in the room, because most people don't talk about everything. Like Kevin said, we talk about everything, but most, couples don't really tell each other what's truly going on. That maybe they don't like the way she touches him or he touches her. Maybe they want more of this or less of that.
Celine: Maybe they would like, I mean, so many different scenarios and starting to being honest about what you truly want without shaming or blaming, and then working together as a team, we always say that we are team us, because we work together towards our goals and it's not like what's in it for me. And I'm going to take this all like, and then Kevin's like, Oh, what's in it for me. It's like all on my side. And we each bullying on the side, on the road and going nowhere, we both like pull in the same direction and get to what, what we want to create.
Kevin: Yeah. And I would add to that, that, you know, you brought up that part about people's needs not being met. And so one of the things that we help couples understand is why it's important that everybody have their needs met and then how they can help each other meet those needs because you're right. Sometimes one person has a need. The other person doesn't have. So one person is like, Hey, I need my need met. And the other person's going on, that's not really my need. So I mean, whatever, just take care of it on your own. Right. So we have to get couples to understand that you want to make it a win-win. So when your partner's needs are met, it's going to come back favorably towards you. Right. So you can't always be thinking, Oh, it's just about your needs or just about your needs that you actually, if you want to have a successful relationship, a happy relationship, a sexy relationship, you have to work together to help meet each other's needs. And so that's a big thing that we work with. And then we get them to really think outside the box, because sometimes it seems like the needs are so incompatible that there's just no way that they can, they can come to terms with it. So then we, okay. Well, how about these other ideas here that maybe you hadn't thought of that are ways that you could get those needs met?
Rahi: Mm that's great - thinking out of the box and well, one, you know, we all think we have a certain need, but that, and that need can only be fulfilled in a certain way. When in fact it can be fulfilled in a whole variety of ways and underneath that need, it may just, you know, it could be something else that the need that you think is the need may not be the real need.
Kevin: Yeah. That's a whole nother thing is getting down to what are the actual real needs like the base needs, not just all the stuff up here in your head.
Rahi: Right, right. But you know what you're speaking to guys, I feel like is a reflection of our society where sexuality is really not discussed openly sex ed is really absent. And so people aren't even sure what their sexual needs are much less practiced in expressing or discussing it. We get to a situation where it's like, people are speaking different languages, both body languages, as well as not knowing how to communicate those languages. Um, so like having you guys who have been so curious and exploring your bodies, your sensations, your pleasure, it's like you have more of a fuller context of what's possible and what some remedies can be. Um, so, you know, you mentioned, I want to ask you, because it seems like,, your signature courses focus on, is it sexual power and mastery and it's, it's focused on issues that mostly men are challenged with namely erection issues and premature ejaculation. I believe they're like the number one and two challenges or issues for men when it comes to sexuality. What has surprised you guys about what men in general assume is the problem when it comes to their erections or their premature ejaculation? Like, are they really way off, you know, as to what the real issue is
Celine: Sometimes yes, most of the time, you know, number one, they assume something must be wrong with me. There's something wrong. I'm not good enough. And they're being really hard on themselves. And I like to remind our clients that it takes two to tango and that when it comes to your erections or to lasting, a woman, plays a big role in that too. Let me explain that to you a little bit more for our listeners are wondering like, well, how does she play a role? And when it comes to lasting in the bedroom, if there's a couple and they're making love, and the woman comes into the lovemaking with the idea of I'm exhausted, I don't really want to do this. How soon is he going to be done? I want to get it over with, she pulls on him and energetically, she's not into this.
Celine: And she kind of like pulls and draws out of him and can make him come faster. And that's one way that she can play a role because she might have trained him to like, just get it over with quickly and be done so that I can go do some other things. And you know, it's not everybody like this, but I'm just giving you a situation where the woman plays a good role. When it comes to an erection. We talk a lot about the wisdom of the penis. And so when the woman, for example, holds a lot of resentment towards her man, or they have unspoken things, and she's also not really into it and his body feels it she's been as might not show up because he's, there's the wisdom, you know, where are you like actually there's, my heart is not being mad.
Celine: There's, there's so many more things. So my penis can be working. And so her attitude and how she views the sex and then what she does when he's not having the erection that he wants. Let's say, if she takes it very personally, or if she's spanking, it's because I'm not beautiful enough or there's something wrong with me. So then they both really stuck in their hurt in the pain and the disappointment, and this would be how the woman can play a role. And what happens. Now I'm sure Kevin, you have things to add for the mouse perspective.
Kevin: I think the biggest mistake that our male clients make is that they think that there's something physically wrong with them. And sometimes they think there's something mentally wrong, but mostly they think that there's something physically wrong with their bodies in their penis. And that's almost never the case with the clients we work with. And it becomes really obvious when, you know, it used to be the clients coming in with erectal dysfunction, where, you know, sixties and then fifties and then forties, and now they're coming in thirties and sometimes even late twenties wow. With those issues. And they're being told when they go to their doctors, Oh, here, just take this pill. Right. But what is the pill? The pills addressing a physical problem. These people in their twenties and thirties and forties, they don't have physical problems. Right. They don't realize that. So then they come to us to work with us and we're like, Oh, okay, let's peel back the layers of the onion here.
Kevin: Because most likely there are emotional problems. There are mental problems. There are just poor habits or habits of training, their physical body, the wrong way, whether it's through excessive, in use or poor masturbation techniques, all of those things together are what's causing their problems. So they come in thinking, I just got a physical problem. Can you help me with this physical problem? We start peeling back the layers of the onion and go, Oh, okay. We can see that you are using too much porn. You're desensitizing yourself. We can see that your masturbation habits are training you to too quickly. We can see that you've got trauma there that are, that is preventing you from really accessing your sexuality and in a healthy and so on and so on. So that's what I see is really the big disconnect is what they think is causing the problem versus what is actually causing the problem.
Rahi: That is so, so great. And I love how you guys approach it really holistically. You know, you're looking at the whole picture, all of the influences that do affect a man's a sense of safety and a sense of virility. Um, yeah. You know, you had mentioned earlier, like, I think someone mentioned how, every male at some point gets caught, self-pleasuring and it's usually, an either an embarrassing or a shaming kind of experience. And so we just learn, I mean, it's really ironic, but we learned to get it over with when we're kids, cause we don't want to get caught and that trains our bodies, to cum quickly. I just think it's one of those life ironies for boys turning into men, you know? Cause I remember the scene from Y Tu Mama Uh, it was a Mexican film.
Celine: Y Tu Mama Tambien.
Rahi: Yes, yes. Do you remember the scene when the two boys are lying on like, a diving board and they're having a contest as to who can ejaculate faster to Selma Hayek and you know, of course in my mind, as a somatic sex educator, I'm like, okay, there it is. That's, that's the training.
Rahi: And you know, what you spoke to Celine about, it does take two to tango. And if a woman is feeling agitated or, you know, just not welcome, the man's nervous system is going to feel it. And you know, when the nervous system contracts, there's just less blood flow, there's more tension in the body. So it's going to lead to a quicker ejaculation.
Celine: Yeah. And then imagine too, if she doesn't like what he's doing and she doesn't know how to verbalize it and her body tenses up cause their spin and discomfort. Cause he's not a great lover or giving her the kind of sex she wants and needs, then her body will give that information to his body. It might kill his because they'd be like, okay, like we don't want this to continue. This is not pleasurable. So it's such a viscious cycle. Like you're stuck in this real, that's never ending disappointment.
Kevin: Yeah. And you know, from the guy's point of view, it actually changes as we get older. So, you know, as when you're young, you got all the time and you're like, well, all right, she's not really into it, but whatever, at least I'm having sex. Right. You can do that. But the older you get, the more important, all those other things surrounding the sex become the intimacy, the love, the fact that she's actually into it and wanting it. Right. So I noticed as I got older that, you know, if the woman wasn't really like really into it, I just really had no desire. I'd be like, you know what, if you're not into it, let's not even go there. Right. So that's, you can really see that with the older men that when the woman's role comes in, if she's not into it and she's not wanting to really participate, then it can definitely affect him. He's going to lose interest. He's gonna be like, I don't know. I used to, I used to get an erection with her and I don't know why I don't anymore. Right. It's because he's sensing that that's not there anymore.
Rahi: Yeah. It goes back to the wisdom of the penis. I mean, there is, there really is. I mean, both, you know, there's the wisdom of the vagina and the wisdom of the cock. I mean, both can just incredibly intuitive. I mean, as a cock owner, I can say it's part of,, I mean, it's like an intuitive survival thing. It's like, I don't want to enter an unfriendly territory. It's just, it's uncanny. It's almost like my cock has an intelligence far greater than this up here, because it knows before this knows sometimes, you know? But you know, that's really speaks to the wisdom of our genitalia can pick up the unconscious intentions of our partner, you know, whether you're married or dating to really get clear on understanding, the safety of the entire terrain, both emotionally, you know, hopefully physically it's clear, but emotionally and energetically as well. What has been the most kind of joyous things that you've seen in working with men and with couples, because I'm sure there's been, I'm sure it's what, you know, gets you very excited about working and being in this field. Well, I'd love to hear some stories of just of joy and unexpected discoveries with your clients,
Celine: There are so many here, so we can be there forever. But some of the things that surprised me were okay, some there was a man I worked with several years ago and after working with me, he stopped work. he stopped drinking. And to him, he realized that he was using alcohol to get more feeling - to numb out, and having this new connection with himself, he didn't need to use alcohol anymore. And that was fascinating. Another client who totally changed his career after feeling the connection with his body, he felt so empowered that he decided to quit working for the hospital and created his own private practice and totally reinvented himself. And he was in his late fifties. You know, it's like, not really when you're thinking people would do that. Wow. never a couple of clients. They had been together many years and they had been trying to conceive for a long time with no success.
Celine: And that kind of had started to erode at their sex life. So they started working with me and within a few months of working with me, they conceived. And then, you know, like nine months later, I got an email with cute picture of their baby. And, he was thanking me. They cause it really helped them recreate their heart connection and, and finding the fun and sex and then letting go of that, help them conceive. The biggest thing we see too, is the confidence piece at one of our latest client was he had stopped dating because he had, problem with his erections. And he was too embarrassed. And after three months of like totally changing his mindset, his habits, and now he's like dating and he feels comfortable. And he has tools when he's been, as doesn't work the way he wants.
Celine: Now, he's not freaking out. And he knows what to do. , These are really, for me, like some of the biggest moment there's even been couples who decided to separate, but separate, beautifully. And so rather than like saying in misery, they find a way to connect the stay. So they were not on the same path anymore and they gracefully separated. And what people might think, Oh, it's always all rosy, but it actually was a success story because they were deciding then that they were holding each other back and that in letting each other go, they could find that perfect match.
Kevin: Yeah. Not every couple is a good match. Some couples together and torture each other for years. So sometimes it's better off, but I would add to your list too. One of the things that I love seeing is people break out of patterns that have controlled their lives for sometimes decades. Like Celinel You mentioned earlier, we see this quite a lot. People who learn things when they were literally in the single digits old, right. You know, five, six, nine, whatever, and they're still living their lives. According to that thing, that pattern that habit, whether it's how they were masturbating or the shame they had, cause they got caught masturbating or you know, any of that stuff. And then they can come work with you. And finally break that. Finally, break it finally shift and do something different to me. That is amazing.
Rahi: That is amazing. That is amazing. You know, all of those stories that you shared, it really highlights how, you know, people assume that their sexual issues have to do with sex. But I feel like they're really, I mean, sexuality is almost a window or like a gateway to addressing real core life issues. You know, like you were saying, Kevin, that can go all the way back to childhood. So it's really, really profound. I mean, I really do feel like our sexuality like is, kind of a sacred window where everything in life shows up, you know, everything gets magnified or, or, you know, our life issues get, get an opportunity to get resolved.
Kevin: Um, yeah, I would say that the thing is, is our sexuality is not separate from the rest of us, right? So we think, Oh, our careers over here and our relationships over here and sexuality over here and they're all neatly in their little separate containers. No, that's not the way it works. And that's why when you take something that is so fundamental to who we are as human beings, which is our sexuality and you fix it, you improve it, you make it better. You see the ripples of that go across the whole rest of their life. And all of a sudden they get a promotion at work or they get a raise or some other friendship or relationship with their child that wasn't working suddenly starts working.
Celine: Oh, they find their mate. I mean, it's all connected.
Rahi: Connected. Yeah. Yeah. And I feel like what you're speaking to Kevin is like, when we allow a greater voltage of energy into our lives, like in the form of pleasure or goodness, like it just expands our containers capacity to receive good energy, whether that's a promotion or better relationships, the ripple happens, you know, in every area of the life. And it's almost like this, a sacred vortex where everything is interconnected. Guys. Thank you so much for being with us today. I really, really enjoyed our conversation and I'll have the links to, well here, here's a question. So, you know, online, I know you guys have your online courses and you work, personally with couples, with men and for men with women in 2021, which is when this podcast is airing, are there going to be any new offerings or anything? Oh, and Celine and Kevin have a fabulous podcast at the love lab podcast, um, over a hundred episodes and going strong. Um, how can people either work with you or check you out?
Celine: The best is to go to Celine Remy.com. It's C E L I N E R E M Y.com. And you can find everything that we do there, on this one platform. So our podcast, our YouTube channel, our couples coaching that Kevin and I do together, our relationship synergy program, and then offerings that we do for men and women, and then our courses that are power and mastery, power and mastery.com. But everything is@celineremy.com. We also have the passion vault, which is our free library with everything that we've done for over several years, like videos and eBooks and tips to help you have better intimacy, greater sex. So yeah, sign up. It's totally free to get access to the passion vault.
Kevin: And if you do sign up to get access to the passion vault, you will get our regular emails where we give you more tips and all kinds of awesomeness. Good. It's all free. Like we're just giving you free value and information all the time through email. So it's really worth being on there.
Rahi: Yeah, no, it's a phenomenal resource. I'm sorry. Go ahead.
Celine: And I was saying in anything you really, 21 is a year we focusing on working with couples. So if you are a couple who love each other and everything's great, but the sex and, you know, there's something more and you would love to get some support. We really want to offer you the opportunity to work with both of us, because this is really unique. You would get both Kevin and I, a masculine and feminine. I look on your relationship, you have the dynamic of your own coupleship. So we're very excited about this offering and we really recommend you check it out if that's you
Rahi: Sounds great, guys, thank you so much for being with us today. And yeah, it's always great to see you.
Celine: Thank you. Right here was a pleasure. Thanks for having us. Always good to see you.
Rahi: Notice how this episode is landing in your body. If you're single, are there parts of your body that have needs wanting to be clarified, voiced and explored either with yourself or with a trusted partner, if you're in partnership, are there parts of your body that feel neglected, avoided, or disregarded that want attention? And if so, how might you voice this to your partner honoring your needs and inquiring about theirs? And if you're neither single, nor in partnership, what is it that your body wants to say, receive and experience and how might you support your body to receive and experience exactly what it wants next week, we explore the field of somatic sex education and the various programs in North America with somatic sex educator, trainer, and co-founder of the Institute for Somatic Sex Education. Dr. Liam Snowden. Until next time take good care.
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With some of the wisest Somatic Sexologists in the Field.
Dr. Aline LaPierre
Creator of Neuroaffective Touch Therapy and author of Healing Developmental Trauma
Mike Lousada
Creator of Psychosexual Somatics Therapy and author of Real Sex
Susanne Roursgaard
Psychotherapist/Sexologist/Mid-Wife and Creator of The Gaia Method
Devi Ward Erickson
Founder of The Institute of Authentic Tantra Education
Dr. Liam Snowdon
Co-Founder: Somatic Sex Educators Association
Kimberly Ann Johnson
Author of The Call of the Wild & The Fourth Trimester
Dr. Ellen Heed
STREAM: Scar Tissue Remediation and Management
Keli Garza
Founder of Steamy Chick & The Peristeam Hydrotherapy Institute
Kris Gonzalez, L.Ac.
Founder of The Way of Yin
"Coocky" Tassanee Boonsom
Founder of Loi Kroh Traditional Thai Massage School
Dr. Betty Martin
The Wheel of Conset & Author: The Art of Receiving and Giving
We explore the restoration of pleasure, the reclamation of sexual sovereignty, and the realization of our organic sexual wholeness. We engage with leading somatic therapists, sexologists & sexological bodyworkers, and holistic practitioners worldwide who provide practical wisdom from hands-on experiences of working with clients and their embodied sexuality. We invite a deep listening to the organic nature of the body, its sexual essence, and the bounty of wisdom embodied in its life force.
Creator: Somatic Sexual Wholeness
Rahi is fascinated by the intersection of sexuality, psychology, spirituality and their authentic embodiment. Based in Los Angeles, he is an avid traveler and loves exploring cultures, practices of embodiment, and healing modalities around the world.
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