Why is my preschooler using bad language?
What should I do about swearing and toilet talk?
Has your preschooler suddenly started calling you a "poo poo head"? Or has she just picked up a new favourite swear word at childcare?
Don't worry – many young children go through this stage. Here's how you can make your little one understand that it's never acceptable.
Preschoolers have a budding sense of humour and are constantly learning how to communicate and interact with people.
Be reassured. This is a normal stage in your child's development.
In almost every case, you're witnessing a thoughtful experiment on your preschooler's part. She's clearly heard someone else say something with a level of intensity or distaste, and wants to see what happens when she gives it a go.
No matter where this language comes from, though, it's never too early to teach your child that it isn't acceptable.
Try not to wrinkle your nose every time you change your preschooler's pull-ups. Use a matter-of-fact tone to describe the contents of her nappy or what she's doing on the toilet.
Otherwise your preschooler will quickly realise that naming bodily functions guarantees a reaction. Don't forget that it's completely normal for a child who's recently been toilet-trained to be fascinated with her body and everything that comes out of it.
Teach your preschooler the appropriate names for body parts and use them in everyday conversation to remove the excitement of using those words.
When your preschooler says something rude, resist the urge to laugh. If you do, she'll only do it more. The ability to get such a reaction out of an adult is enormously satisfying when you're young.
Keep calm when your preschooler swears or uses toilet talk. If you react calmly, your child will soon find that using these words isn't as much fun as she thought!
As your preschooler starts to play with other children, she's much more likely to pick up different, and sometimes unsuitable, language. It's important to be very clear about which words are acceptable in your home and which ones aren't. Every family has slightly different values.
Using bad language is a sure way of getting attention, even if it's the negative kind. Make sure you're giving your preschooler plenty of positive ways to spend time with you, so that she doesn't need to use toilet talk or swear words to get a response.
Swear words and toilet talk won't be looked on kindly at childcare, at a friend's house or at Nana's dinner table. Explain to your preschooler that these words make people uncomfortable and may hurt their feelings.
Your little one is still learning to be empathetic and won't always remember to think of others. She does need to know though, that her actions have an effect on other people.
Also point out that even if other children use these words, your preschooler isn't allowed to.
If your preschooler hears you casually swearing on a day-to-day basis, it's highly likely that she'll copy what you say. If you swear in front of her, apologise and admit that you shouldn't have said it. If you have older children, make sure you monitor their use of bad language, too.
Small children absorb information from TV, the internet, movies and music lyrics. Your preschooler is growing up in a multimedia world. Make sure she only watches or listens to material that's appropriate for her age. Whenever possible, sit with her when she watches TV or movies.
If your child's just trying a new word out, you can probably persuade her to substitute it for another exciting phrase that she hasn't heard before. "Abracadabra" and "shazam" work well.
If she doesn't have enough vocabulary to express her frustration, it may help if you encourage her to say loudly, "I'm cross" or "I'm angry", when she feels the urge.
Praise your preschooler when she uses the appropriate term for body parts or uses jokes (instead of swear words) to get attention. Try to make a point of encouraging her "grown-up" ways.
If your preschooler has latched on to a serious profanity or two, you'll need to teach her that saying these words is wrong. Just make it clear, in a calm, matter-of-fact and uninterested voice, which words are off-limits.
If your preschooler is swearing out of frustration because she wants something, it's important not to give her whatever it is that she wants. If she won't stop being rude even after a warning or two, then you may need to come up with a plan to address the problem.
Try to agree a strategy with your partner. Realistically, you can't "make" your preschooler stop using toilet talk or stop swearing. Instead, decide what you will do when you hear offensive language.
You may want to start withdrawing privileges, such as stopping her watching her favourite TV show. But try not to use any form of discipline that may make your little one feel ashamed. It may stop her mentioning anything bathroom-related in the future.
Alternatively, let your child know that when you hear disrespectful language, you'll turn around and walk away without saying a word. Walking away without words isn't letting her "get away" with foul language, it's saying, "I deserve to be treated with respect".
If this doesn't work, give some thought to why your preschooler is being so resistant to your rules. Perhaps her use of foul language is a sign that something else is bothering her.
Rest assured that you're not alone. Almost all children go through this stage at some point or another. The likelihood is that with a little guidance and patience, your child will get the message that it's not acceptable behaviour.
Are you nervous about your child starting school? Vote now!
Why is my toddler such a fussy eater?
When will my child stop needing a nap?