Army major describes his attempted suicide
Maj. Mario Moreno Courtesy Story
FORT LEE — While stationed at Schofield Barracks, Hawaii, a 25-year-old specialist was serving as an infantryman. He had been married to his beautiful wife for two years. They had a four kids ranging in age from 3 weeks to 9 years.
This soldier arrived at his new duty station after two weeks of leave. He did not run or do much physical training while on vacation. He fell out of a few infantry squad runs. His team leader decided to make an example out of him, making him run everywhere he went and throwing in sporadic smoke sessions (superior-led exercise sessions designed to correct behavior). This was very common in the infantry back then.
The soldier soon fell out of platoon runs and failed an Army Physical Fitness Test by a couple of sit-ups. This infuriated his team leader. The smoke sessions became more frequent throughout the day, every day.
Four days after failing the APFT, the soldier was ordered to take part in another record test. He again failed by a few more sit-ups.
The specialist was so tired and sore when he made it home, he could not play with his kids nor hold his 3-week-old son. He believed he would drop his newborn due to fatigue. His wife continued to ask if anything was wrong. His reply was always, "Nothing, I just need to get in better shape to pass my PT test." She left it at that as she was not too familiar with the Army and infantry "standard operating procedures." Needless to say, he felt both embarrassed and angry.
The first APFT was on a Monday, the second on a Thursday. He was told he would be taking another record APFT first thing Monday morning. He felt relieved the weekend had come, and he could get some rest. However, he was so exhausted and sore from the previous week's smoke sessions, he could not enjoy the weekend with his family as he had hoped. He also worried about what to eat or not to eat.
Monday morning came, and the soldier was putting on his PT uniform in the laundry room as it had just been washed. While getting dressed, he began to feel nervous about the upcoming APFT. Bending over tying his shoelaces, he noticed an old box cutter on the dryer. Without hesitation, he grabbed it, opened it and slit his left wrist in relief.
He felt better because he knew he would not take the APFT. Nothing else was on his mind at that moment. He stood there, expressionless, watching the blood ooze from his wrist to the floor, forming a small pool.
After what seemed a lifetime, he realized this was not a good idea. He began to think of his wife and four kids. He became worried and scared he could actually die and make his wife a widow and kids fatherless. His wife did not have a job. How would they make it?
He yelled out to his wife saying he messed up. She ran downstairs, yelling, "What have you done?" He kept repeating to her how sorry he was and that he loved her. She called 911 and the ambulance arrived. It took him to the hospital where he was stitched up and placed in the mental ward (for seven days). His wife could not initially go visit her husband. She had four kids to manage on her own, and her husband was under "watch."
Fast forward to the present. I am a major with more than 26 years of military service. I have been deployed seven times. I have been to numerous countries throughout the world and experienced what many will never have the chance to. My wife of 24 years and our four children have accompanied me on many of my travels.
If I had succeeded with my suicide attempt, I would have never seen or experienced what a wonderful family I have.
I would've never seen my 28-year-old gorgeous, smart and independent daughter receive her bachelor's and master's degrees to become a compassionate first grade school teacher.
I would've never seen my 26-year-old son become an exceptional sailor who is fast tracking within the enlisted ranks. I would've never met his lovely wife or the two grandkids he has honored me with.
I would've never mended the relationship with my 24-year-old daughter whom I did not have the pleasure of raising. I would've never had the opportunity to meet my two grandchildren.
I would've never seen my 20-year-old son become a great basketball player and earn a college scholarship.
I would've never seen my intelligent, 19-year-old son begin a new life on his own.
I would've never been able to spend over 24 wonderful years with my strong, supportive and loving wife.
I would've never been able to say, "I love you" to my family ....
Accordingly, I take suicide awareness a bit more serious than most. I've experienced it firsthand. Many who know my story say I'm lucky or say I'm a success story. I tend to agree but not for the same reason.
Most couples I know don't have the privilege of being a part of a long and successful marriage or lucky enough to have a close-knit, supportive and caring family.
The ONLY reason I am still living was and is due to the love of family and the fear of losing them.
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