I like to base my blog posts around the mood and emotion in the photographs. I can spend a lot of time just staring at the photos on the screen, trying to associate with the mood and emotions being offered. Albeit photos of myself. These photographs felt romantic and whimsical to me, primarily due to the rich and romantic fabrics, lace work and details in the fabric. But also the mood I was conveying in these photographs via my expressions. I guess in some cases it looks like I have my sh*t together, but equally, there's a hesitance and a naivety in there somewhere. A doubt and a moment of thought. And so, it sent me down a mental pathway to my feelings, thoughts, faults and doubts. And I ended up here. A picture can say a thousand words, but it can't tell you the truth. This is a very open, personal account of me, myself and I. And I hope you may be able to relate.
I used to believe in fairytale romances.
...differences I was facing, compared to my rose tinted fairytale, led me to think that my relationship wasn't good enough. I had an image in my mind of the perfect relationship, and this pre-composed vision of what a relationship was supposed to be, led me to doubt what I actually had. It took me some time to realise that actually this is real life, not everything is perfect and in fact it's much more fun living a life that isn't frilly around the edges.
I believe in fate, energy and little else when it comes to faith. I 'touch wood' probably once a day, and I am a true believer in karma. Many times I have witnessed signs of karma, and I believe or at least hope, that those who do wrong will face something similar later down the line. The guy that drove into Alex 4 years ago, throwing him from his bike and leaving him with a bone sticking into this hand – yep I truly hope that karma came back to haunt him, in a big way. Alex could have potentially died that day, and the fact that he drove away as Alex was screaming on the floor, makes my blood boil whenever I think about it.
But I also believe in positive energy and the connection between life. The way that coral reefs are connected and live as a body of organisms is just astounding and further cements the idea that so much of the world is connected together. I feel this is probably one for a long conversation over a few glasses of wine. But when it comes to any further faiths or beliefs, that is far as I go. Everyone is entitled to believe in their own faith as long as it is not harmful to others. But for me, I'm an Atheist and a true believer in science and evolution.
I can be quite stubborn sometimes, I think I'm right most of the time and I definitely don't say sorry, easily. For me, a minor accident, where there is no need to place blame, doesn't warrant an apology. An accident should be more of an oops situation, than a 'oh my goodness I am so sorry!' situ. And thus, I get into discussions about this often, where Alex feels I should apologise, when all I see is an accident that affects no one and doesn't warrant a sorry and a claim of responsibility. If I crashed his car, then of course I would apologise… if I was in the wrong. Is this just me? I just feel that the word sorry is thrown around so often that it almost dilutes the actual meaning of a real apology. Anyway, I'm working on it and I say sorry a hell of a lot more now than I ever did. So, that's progress. Yet, when I'm out and about shopping, and I accidentally bump into a stranger, I'm the first to say sorry in a panic. It's a funny one.
And on that note, I don't forget easily. I can be a friend of anyone and everyone, as a happy, welcoming and very accepting person. I don't like to judge anyone on first appearances and on times when I have incorrectly done so, I have been wonderfully proven wrong. But because I do like to offer love, empathy, sympathy and kindness wherever I can, I don't easily forgive and certainly do not forget those who decide to spread their negativity over me or my name or hurt me in any way shape or form. Apparently this is the Cancerian in me, I have been told a number of times. I just can't forget what they said or what they did, and it just eats me up. And I think it's because, if a person can diss you or speak negatively about your character to another, it says so much about that person's personality, character and morals, and ultimately I don't want that person in my life. So I push them out and never let them back in.
And thus, I am extremely sensitive. My Mum is the same, and we often cry together on the phone over something as simple as how much we love each other. Often, a card of love will set my Mum off into tears, and I have definitely inherited this from her. Alex has noted just how sensitive I can be, from crying at sad films, to music, to wonderful memories and moments. There have been times when I have shed a tear at a beautiful landscape or singing along at a music concert to my favourite song.
I adore music. I feel like it soothes my soul. There are often nights when I will sit and listen to music, singing along wherever I can and just letting the music dictate which song I next listen to. And the number of times that singing my heart out will lead to me feeling so overwhelmed that I literally burst out crying. There are a number of songs that I know will end up with me in floods of tears, and it's not just because of the lyrics. In a lot of cases, the lyrics are not overly emotional. Rather, I have attached moments and feelings to these songs and now I can't deal with how overwhelmed they make me feel. Plus, that raw emotion in their vocals is something else.
And this lack of control with my emotions (it would seem) also leads to mood swings. I think most people could relate. We are all allowed bad days as well as excellent days. And I know that I have an issue dealing with bad days, sometimes sending me into a funk that I just can't climb out of until the next morning, and sometimes into the next day. I don't know what it is. I don't suffer with anxiety of any kind and I'm actually quite a confident and laid back person. But there are definitely days when I can snap, which I feel all relates to tiredness and stress. But still, I wish I could control it better. I'm certainly working on it, and I feel I may take up meditation really soon!
And yet, so many of these faults are ultimately strengths. They offer me perspective, make me into who I am and will consequently have an affect on my character. I'm happy to be sensitive and emotional if it means that I can empathise and sympathise. I'm happy to not say sorry all the time, if it means that I am stronger and not so easy to push around. And I'm also so happy to live a life without a faith to follow, and instead allow myself to believe in what my mind feels is a more positive and fulfilling belief. I'm also extremely loyal, caring and loving. Hard-working, grounded and I don't take myself too seriously. I'm absolutely not perfect, nobody is, but I must admit that I'm pretty happy with the woman I am, that my parents helped to raise and that my upbringing helped to nurture. And that is all that matters. Faults and all.
Both of these absolutely divine statement pieces, the frilly, lace and mesh jumpsuit, and the lacy, pleated romantic burgundy dress, completely inspired this post and everything in it. I have always been a huge fan of Three Floor, for fashion that is bold, brave and unique. I can always count on their collections to find a piece I can wear to an upcoming event, and I still have so many items hanging in my wardrobe, as that little something exciting and statement. Head over to the Three Floor website to check out their whole collection, and you can also find an amazing selection on Harvey Nichols and in-store. There is currently a Three Floor X Harvey Nichols Pop Up in the Knightsbridge store, treating every customer to a Christian and Filippa candle with every purchase over £200, so make sure you take a peek in store if you see anything you love!