Horrorscopes: April Showers Bring May Flowers And Not All Of Them Are Carnivorous!
In this green season and new month, astrology enthusiasts, you will find that exciting opportunities and challenges await. I have looked into the skies, teased my awareness around the edges of the endless frozen expanse of space to bring you what's moving and shaking (and skittering and slithering root-like beneath the awakening earth) in your careers!
Aries, you know you are a go-getter. You go, you get. You journey, you procure. You scour the wastes for meaning and you plunder entire civilizations for purpose and status and The Chalice Of Reckoning. Maybe in the midst of this frenzied, blood-stained grasping you should take some time off! A vacation from the routine, from the Sisyphean endeavor of a futile search for what cannot be. An oasis in your work-year. The stars say, go tropical, Aries. The trees are thicker. They will hide your cowering in their reaching vines. They will muffle your screams.
Taureans, you know you are a stubborn lot—and stubborn gets things done! Take your career by the horns and drive it to where it needs to be. Drive it mercilessly, relentlessly as the march of time and being. Know that it will fight back and in its desperate drive to obliterate you, it might prove challenging in the coming days. By "it" I of course refer not just to your career but to the shadow of dread that has been growing more solid by the day, gaining substance and sentience and appearing earlier and earlier until not even dawn can vanquish it. That's right, Taurus—success must be won. Stubbornly won, at whatever the unreckonable cost.
If there is any one member of the zodiac who is thorough and methodical on the job, Virgo, it's YOU. We know. We have been monitoring your progress with ever-growing interest. We have watched you in the quiet moments, in the fray, in the in-between spaces where you are neither asleep nor awake and we like what we see! Potential—you have it. You will know just how to line up the tools of our trade. You will understand that order is necessary. That everything has its place. Way to play up that attention to detail, Virgo—turning critical tendencies into on-the-job awareness and a clinical exacting of our terrible retribution will be your strength in the coming days!
Scorpio, this April's career message is all about taking the time to listen. You are subtle, Scorpio. You understand this. Listen, Scorpio—stretch your awareness beyond the pattering of light spring rain, past the whoosh and rush of traffic. There…do you hear it? A distant hiss of breath from what was once hidden…a twinge of hope in the breast of that which should have been long-forgotten. Now might be a great time to read about active listening, Scorpio—both on the job, and off. Ssssshhhhh… Listen. Listen. You will hear…you will know.
Sagittarius, have you been experiencing interpersonal conflict on the job? Have you been beating your head against a wall trying to be heard by your managers and your colleagues? Or do you even have colleagues anymore? Your manager went "on vacation" months ago and why do you never leave the white room where you sit, waiting for your next orders, watching streams of letters and numbers scroll over the screen before you? Why do you never know where the messages are coming from these days? Is it really conflict if there is nobody there to hear your angry retorts degenerating into whimpers? Consider some quality, one-on-one training in communications skills, Sagittarius. Your life may well depend upon it.
So, Capricorn, you've hit it big! The winter was not a time of famine for you, no sirree. You sowed the seeds of your career–of your Grand Enterprise–in the dawn of the age and now you're watching the rewards grow, grow, grow! Organic growth, in fact—the best kind! Watered by your tears, fed by your blood, quickened by the trampled earth of the lands you conquered. Capricorn, you've done the work and now you will see the rewards. Just don't find yourself resting on your laurels—there is always more work to be done. Always.
Pisces, you may not be normally thought of as the career-focused go-getter that some of the other signs are purported to be but we all know, they are wrong. Everyone is wrong. Everything they knew about you, about the company, about their place in the pecking order—it's ALL WRONG! Has the world ever been more misled? Has anything ever been more misunderstood than your presence, your powers, your iron and infallible will? THEY WILL SEE THE ERROR OF THEIR WAYS, PISCES. Oh, yes. And when they do, it will be a cold and cruel light that shines brightly a terrible truth. Remember to dress for success—a smart new wardrobe can go a long way in commanding the fear and awe you deserve both on the job and off the clock. They will take one look at that crisp new suit and wonder, how can we have been so awfully, fatally wrong?
You had me at non-Euclidean.
How could I have missed this response? And all the other fascinating comments?
If you saw it, my dear Robin, then surely it must be happening. "Queasy stomach-churning carnival trailers?" My my, your vision is keen, indeed! And ah, your way with words! Let us hope we do not find ourselves so awfully, fatally wrong today, Robin. :D And I'm so glad you enjoyed reading this! I enjoyed reading your comment. Enough that I'll give the carnival trailers the wrong address if they call for directions. <3 Happy Friday!