Cryptosporidium-623: So long and thanks for all the fish!
filled to the brim with food, folks, and fun from 5:00PM - 6:30PM!
The Event at the End of the Universe is one of the most extraordinary ventures in the entire history of social events.
It is built on the fragmented remains of an eventually ruined planet (this one) and enclosed in a vast time bubble and projected forward in time to the precise moment of the End of the Universe.
In it, humanoid geocachers shall take their places in the designated meeting and greeting area for the purposes of meeting and greeting other like-minded entities from across the galaxy (hence the designated titling of the aforementioned meeting and greeting area), sharing stories, trading and discovering trackables, and feasting on sumptuous, garlic-infused meals while watching the whole of creation explode around them in a pleasant and drama-free manner.
Why towels? A towel is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value. You can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapors; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy River Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (such a mind-boggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.
Given the universal usefulness of towels (and having an event with such close proximity to Towel Day (minus 42 x 2 standard hours, of course)), and the high likelihood that many visitors to the Event at the End of the Universe would not be caught in such a exclusive venue without these essential terrycloth companions, the executive event staff have decided to turn this opportunity into a bit of a competition.
Simply bring in your most "creative towel" design and present it, proudly, to your fellow geocachers (including our rather superior-minded judging alien judges). The creature with the most creative towel will depart the Event at the End of the Universe with their very own unactivated geocoin (enjoy it while you still can)!
Each geocacher will have one opportunity to guess the exact day the universe will be ending by signing their identity on the supplied logging calendar. Before the Event at the End of the Universe concludes, we shall have a guest (likely a small humanoid) identify the correct date in which the universe actually ended. The geocacher who selected this date (or closest to this date without going past) shall be declared the winner of a 2016 GCCO gold geocoin! And, no, the contest will not be rigged to select the 53rd of May which, coincidentally, is when you should be receiving your 8000% tax refund checks in the mail.
What would the Event at the End of the Universe be without some other-worldly cuisine? Your event hosts shall be ordering some Intergalactic "Garrrrlick Naughts" and other small, digestible items to be consumed as "community edibles", but all are welcome to *also* purchase their own personal beverages and/or food as well.
PLEASE NOTE: As the former President of the Galaxy Zaphod Beeblebrox will *not* be in attendance, you will be responsible for your own purchases made at the event.
Make your time travel arrangements now for 5/22/2016 from 5:00PM - 6:30PM and we'll see *you* at the Event at the End of the Universe!
Bar bs gur znwbe ceboyrzf rapbhagrerq va gvzr geniry vf abg gung bs orpbzvat lbhe bja sngure be zbgure. Gurer vf ab ceboyrz va orpbzvat lbhe bja sngure be zbgure gung n oebnq-zvaqrq naq jryy-nqwhfgrq snzvyl pna'g pbcr jvgu. Gurer vf ab ceboyrz jvgu punatvat gur pbhefr bs uvfgbel—gur pbhefr bs uvfgbel qbrf abg punatr orpnhfr vg nyy svgf gbtrgure yvxr n wvtfnj. Nyy gur vzcbegnag punatrf unir unccrarq orsber gur guvatf gurl jrer fhccbfrq gb punatr naq vg nyy fbegf vgfrys bhg va gur raq.
Gur znwbe ceboyrz vf fvzcyl bar bs tenzzne, naq gur znva jbex gb pbafhyg va guvf znggre vf Qe. Qna Fgerrgzragvbare'f Gvzr Geniryre'f Unaqobbx bs 1001 Grafr Sbezngvbaf. Vg jvyy gryy lbh, sbe vafgnapr, ubj gb qrfpevor fbzrguvat gung jnf nobhg gb unccra gb lbh va gur cnfg orsber lbh nibvqrq vg ol gvzr-whzcvat sbejneq gjb qnlf va beqre gb nibvq vg. Gur rirag jvyy or qrfpvorq qvssreragyl nppbeqvat gb jurgure lbh ner gnyxvat nobhg vg sebz gur fgnaqcbvag bs lbhe bja angheny gvzr, sebz n gvzr va gur shegure shgher, be n gvzr va gur shegure cnfg naq vf shgure pbzcyvpngrq ol gur cbffvovyvgl bs pbaqhpgvat pbairefngvbaf juvyr lbh ner npghnyyl geniryvat sebz bar gvzr gb nabgure jvgu gur vagragvba bs orpbzvat lbhe bja zbgure be sngure.
Cyrnfr or cercnerq sbe pbairefngvbaf va Shgher Frzvpbaqvgvbanyyl Zbqvsvrq Fhovairegrq Cyntny Cnfg Fhowhapgvir Vagragvbany grafr naq EFIC nppbeqvatyl. Gunax lbh!