Andrew Healan
New Orleans comedian and host of the podcast That Sounds Reasonable
| Andrew Healan
Driving Under The Influence Of Hunger
Washingotn, DC — People need to get off Nicole Richie's ass. For years, there was constant public outcry about her eating disorders. Now, people are down on her about a DUI arrest. If she was still bulimiac, she would have vomited up that alcohol and then known the difference between east and west on the 134. This coming just months after Paris's Hilton's DUI arrest. When was Hilton pulled over? On her way to In-N-Out Burger for a Double Double. Once again, another starlet that could've been saved from a DUI if only she had an eating disorder. It is often stated how the actions of these two stars of unscripted television (sic) impact America's impressionable youth. If that is the case, we will now see females too young to drink or drive doing both simultaneously. Oh, and they'll be fat.
A Season Less Destructive Than The Raiders'
In recognition of the end of hurricane season, I would like to share this little ditty. I recently impregnated a girl. It wasn't my fault, the condom was designed by the Army Corps of Engineers.
Another Tragic Blow To My Pop Music Career
A few weeks ago I was down in Baja California. I tried to bring sexy back. But it was confiscated by customs.
Towing The Company Line
I was going to stalk Clay Aiken in Los Angeles today. But then I remembered neither of us are gay.
Rich Man? Poor Man?
I have never held a job where I got paid hourly. Yet another way I have difficulty relating to the common man. Yesterday, a friend was telling me about his new job making $15 per hour. I have no immediate frame of reference for this. Sure, I can do the math and multiply 15 x 40 and come up with his weekly earnings, but there is a pause before I decide whether I should congratulate or console him. Further more, since I spent most of my employment history in the service industry, my understanding of the federal and state tax programs are rather remedial. My point is, when I find out a buddy landed a new job, and he tells me what he will make per hour, I don't know which one of should buy the next round.
Don't Forget To Wear Your Lifejacket
I met a girl at a party the other night who was telling me of her plans to leave Los Angeles and move to North Carolina. She reasoned that with all the filming now taking place in the Tar Heel state, she would be able to find work. The aspiring thespian said she'd prefer to be a big fish in a small pond. Well, I've seen her attempt to act. I resisted the urge to tell her that the size of the pond doesn't matter if you can't swim.
Yeah, I Watched It
I spent four + hours to watching When The Levees Broke: A Requiem In Four Acts. It had no shortage of great stories. Those aren't hard to find. Walk up to anybody on the streets in any town across the Gulf South and they will have hours of Katrina stories for you. It was well shot, superbly edited and overall I would recomend it. Of course I had a few problems. One of my favorite segments was the man who told Vice-President Cheney "go fuck yourself Mr. Cheney." But he was the only person from Mississippi that was interviewed. And the time spent with him was the only footage shown from the Sip. If Spike Lee wanted to make a film just about New Orleans, that's OK. But it seemed kind of cheap to only cover Mississippi for that one segment. That a second was spent on the issue of calling displaced peoples refugees was a second too much. That was as much of a non-issue then as it is now. A refugee is someone seeking refuge, which is what we were, and still are. And that Congress members were calling press conferences to complain about insignifigant language while people were still on rooftops and not a single citizen had been evacuated from the Superdome or Convention Center is appaling. This was the event that inspired Mayor Nagin to yell "no more god damned press conferences." But the thing that really chapped my hide was the interviewing of Al Sharpton and Harry Belefonte. What the fuck did they have to do with anything? Neither of them has ever lived on the Gulf Coast. Why talk to these two men? There are hundreds of outstanding black activists in New Orleans.
The media is talking about New Orleans again as the anniversary approaches. This is a huge landmark, but it's day 362 of hurricane Katrina. That storm still is destroying lives. As the 12 month mark looms, I've been counting down all the other little anniversaries. Every day, for the past week or so, it has dawned on me that one year ago that day was the last time I worked a normal day, the last time I performed a show, the last time I hung out at a certain bar, the last time I ate at a favorite resturant or the last time I saw a friend. There's way too many people, places and events to remember and memorialize in a single day.
PS – TD 5 is scaring the ever living crap out of me.
Alert Level Flesh
A guy tries to use his shoes to blow up a plane and now we have to take off our shoes. Some guys try to use liquids to blow up a plane and now we can't bring fluids on board. How about someone leak word to the DHS that hot chicks are going to use their shirts to blow up planes. Then, all hot chicks have to fly topless.
Dumbcon 5
Maybe over the holiday weekend people will stop talking about the tensions between Barbra Walters and Star Jones. This dust up is overblown and has no bearing on most peoples lives… like India vs Pakistan.
This Summer I Hear The Drumming
In response to the continually rising crime rate, the National Guard is back in New Orleans. Having these guys around in the fall was both comforting and unnerving. The peace of mind that comes with having armed military patrols was conflicted with the freaked out "this doesn't even feel like America" weirdness of having armed military patrols.
The increasing murder rate shouldn't surprise anyone. It's not exactly breaking news that long before the storm hit and the levees and flood walls failed, New Orleans had problems with violent crime and drugs. Now, let's look at the situation of the last few months. Many of the neighborhoods that suffered the most devastation were also the neighborhoods that has the highest crime rates. When the repopulation began, criminals would return to their city, but not be able to return to their neighborhood. This would of course eventually lead to turf wars (something New Orleans is all to familiar with, most recently after the closing of St. Thomas).
Now there's 50+ murdered people this year and the streets are patrolled by guys in camo carrying M-16s. Sometimes I don't miss it all that much
Archives Select Month February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 September 2018 August 2018 December 2017 August 2017 January 2017 December 2016 August 2016 April 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 July 2015 May 2015 March 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 August 2014 June 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 April 2013 March 2013 January 2013 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 November 2011 October 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 February 2011 December 2010 November 2010 March 2010 August 2009 July 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 March 2008 December 2007 November 2007 August 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006 September 2006 August 2006 July 2006 June 2006 May 2006 April 2006 March 2006 February 2006 January 2006 December 2005 November 2005 October 2005 September 2005 August 2005 July 2005 June 2005 May 2005 April 2005 February 2005 January 2005 December 2004 November 2004 October 2004 September 2004 August 2004 July 2004 June 2004 May 2004 April 2004 February 2004 January 2004 December 2003 November 2003 October 2003 September 2003 August 2003 July 2003 June 2003 May 2003 April 2003 March 2003 February 2003 January 2003 December 2002
Drunken Ramblings