I've always been close with my parents, but they can be a bit over bearing at times, if that's the right word. I think they tend to forget/have a hard time accepting that I'm an adult, not a teenager living under their roof anymore. I own my own house, have my own family, have my own life. I of course want them to be a part of it, but I'm just getting frustrated by them always interjecting their opinions where they don't neccessarily belong.
For example, when DH (dear husband) and I decided to go forward with IVF (in vitro fertilization) after more than a year of trying and being told that was our only option, my parents didn't agree and we literally got a lecture from my dad about how it was basically a stupid decision and that we should take our infertility as sign that we should just be done trying. He still says that I already have two (from a previous relationship, DH (dear husband) does not have a child of his own yet) and should just be happy with what I have, and that even though DH (dear husband) wants his own, he should just accept that it might not happen. Or that "maybe 3 (kids) is not the charm, and you die, and leave your current kids motherless, and we don't get to see them more", etc. I just don't understand why my dad thinks he has so much of a say so in what I do with my body and if DH (dear husband) and I choose to not give up growing our family. As you can tell I'm still a bit salty about that.
My mom also has her fair share of unwanted opinions. i.e. how clean my house is, mine and the kids schedules, what we do with our days, the money I spend, the school the kids go to, etc. Generally I just let it roll of my back because I've been used to it and I know it's just how she is, and she apologizes sometimes. But yesterday, it just went too far. We've always been in disagreement regarding preschool; they think it's a must, I don't. Except for the social aspect of it, I can prepare them for kindergarten and teach them things from home. However, after being in daycare, DD (dear daughter) told me she was interested in going to preschool, so I put her on the waitlist for the only good one in town that didn't cost an arm and a leg. The start of the school year passed and I didn't hear anything so I assumed that was that and she wouldn't get in. My mom wanted me to try to get her into other preschools but I explained to her that I didn't think it was necessary and that DD (dear daughter) was still happy learning things from home and doing other activities out of the home to help with social growth and whatnot. Then a few months into the school year a spot in the preschool opened up for DD, so she started going.
The past couple months as the year is coming to an end, we've gotten pretty relaxed with not going (someones not feeling the greatest, we all want to sleep in, I want to take the kids out on a fun adventure, etc.) and she misses a day about every other week. To me this isn't a big deal. It's preschool, not kindergarten or "real" school. It's not a requirement. But to my parents it's completely unacceptable and they make their opinion very known to me. I can see their side of things, with needed to be a good role model for my kids, being responsible, etc, but once again, it's preschool and I just don't think it's that big of a deal. But irregardless of my opinion about it, at the end of the day, she's my child, not theirs. As long as I'm not harming my children, it's my choice to raise them how I see fit. But aparently to my parents, me not taking my daughter to preschool every day is neglect. Yesterday my mom came over and of course found out I didn't take DD (dear daughter) to preschool because she had to comment about how they weren't down for a nap yet which means we slept in. She then proceeded to get so upset that she stormed out of the house, leaving our front gate open even though she knows to close it because our puppy will get out. I had to chase her around the entire neighborhood, and she is a shiba inu and VERY fast...we almost lost her. Which I'm still a bit peeved about.
But anyways, once my mom came back inside she went downstairs and I could hear her calling/talking to my dad over the monitor. They were talking about the whole preschool thing and that "something must be done. Maybe we should call CPS...we need to have an intervention."...like really though? They make it sound like I am doing drugs or something! That just made me so upset and hurt also. My parents really think that it's so horrible just because my daughter does not have perfect preschool attendance, that calling CPS is even a thought?! I don't even understand that thought process. Like okay lets open up a whole can of worms and have even the slightest possibility that the kids could get taken away from me and put in the foster system. You really think the system is going to be a better quality life for my kids, all because my daughter has preschool attendance issues? It just makes my blood boil even thinking about it. Now I have my parents trying to get together with me to have an intervention or lecture of some sort. And that makes me upset too. I don't need either of those. I already know their opinion, they already know mine. I don't need to hear anymore about how they're worried this'll continue into Kindergarten and so on, which I've already explained won't happen, because the difference here is that kindergarten and the such are a requirement. It is a big deal. She HAS to go to actual school.
Why do your parents know the minutiae of your lives?
Why are they given the (honorable) position of having a say in what happens in your family/how your money is spent/what days the kids going to school/etc.?
Why are you giving them the opportunity to constantly interject into things they have no "right" knowing?
I don't sugarcoat it. I'm not Willy Wonka.
Do you live with them?
Are you telling your mom every time your child misses preschool? If so put an end to that. Stop the info train. If she brings it up say "DD's preschool attendance is not up for discussion. I am her parent I have it handled" then bean dip. I personally would take a step waaaaayyyyy back from your relationship with your parents. It just sounds exhausting. They sound like they judge every single detail of your life instead of supporting you.
And now, they are threatening the integrity of your family by calling CPS to enforce their choices for your family. Seriously. All it would take is one over-zealous social worker to wreak havoc on your DD's life. And yes, as someone who's worked too many years in juvenile courts, that is a possibility.
It is your job as the parent to put an end to any crap that endangers your family. It is past time to put your parents in a timeout. If you feel the need to do so, you can text them the following: Mom and Dad - you mistakenly believe that DH (dear husband) and I need or want your advice on our parenting choices. We do not. Further, we see any suggestion by you to involve CPS because you disagree with us to be outrageously overstepping of our boundaries. We will be taking some time to decide how and when to continue a relationship with you. Until then, you may wish to consider that grandparents have privileges, not rights. And you've just lost any privilege to my family.
Then why do they know every detail of your life?
These people are discussing getting government agencies that could possibly remove your children from you and youre worried about hurting their feelings? Regardless of the ridiculous reason they think is CPS worthy.
Well, I say let them call. Let them look like the idiot's. If the worst thing you do is let your daughter stay out of preschool a 2 days a month when attendance isn't state mandated, let them call. Then when the caseworker shows up and basically laughs about the situation, maybe they'll realize how ridiculous they're being.
Also, I say at least a TO from them. You need to set boundaries and they need to follow them. If not, proceed further.
This is just my opinion and I'm not a seasoned DWILer, so take what I say with a grain of salt.
She threw a temper tantrum, letting your dog run out to possibly be killed. They're talking about taking your kids away. They don't care if they destroy your life. Are you really worried about hurting their feelings?
I would send a text message saying "I overheard your phone call. I won't have anyone telling me what's best for my family. I'm taking a break while I reconsider our relationship." Then block their numbers and give yourself a few months of peace while you recalibrate your normal meter with lots of therapy.
Echoing PP... Why in the world are you giving them so much information? And you claim your mom is one of your best friends? Wrong. Your best friend would not entertain the thought of calling CPS on you for this. You've mistaken control for friendship and caring.
I'd be done with them for awhile.
Little remnants of DuH show with ILs, how to procede?