The terrible yet oddly brilliant Netflix Christmas movie is as festive a tradition as mince pies and rowing with your parents over a game of Trivial Pursuit.
It started last year with the baffling yet amazing A Christmas Prince, and in 2018, we have been gifted The Princess Switch – a film that has nicked from The Princess Diaries, The Parent Trap and The Lizzie McGuire, chucked on some fake snow and created a kinda sorta masterpiece.
The Princess Switch sees Vanessa Hudgens of High School Musical fame playing the dual roles of Chicago baker Stacy DeNovo and Margaret Delacourt, Duchess of Montenaro, who, for some reason, decide to switch places after meeting at a baking competition in the fictional Kingdom of Belgravia.
Hijinks and romance ensues, and none of makes any sense, but we will most definitely watch it roughly ten times between now and new year's.
But that might just be to figure out what the hell was going on. Upon watching The Princess Switch, we have been left with some burning questions that we're really gonna need Vanessa to answer ASAP.
Who is the Kindly Old Man and is he magical?
Stacy/Margaret repeatedly run into the Kindly Old Man throughout the movie, with the man popping up in both Chicago and Belgravia to tell Stacy that Christmas wishes do come true and to rescue Margaret from a potential disaster at the toy shop.
We assumed he was magic – but then no explanation is given as to how he was in so many places at the right times and why. Was he a wizard? Was he Santa?
Did he even exist at all?
Why do Stacy and Margaret, two different people, have the same tattoo?
Yeah, ok, make-up just forgot to cover up Vanessa Hudgens' wrist tattoo, but how are we supposed to believe this case of mistaken identity with such an oversight?
Why does Stacy wear a Chicago hat everywhere she goes?
We know you're from Chicago. It's mentioned every ten minutes. Why would any resident of Chicago wear a Chicago cap while walking home from their shop in Chicago? Chicago residents, answers on a postcard, please.
How does Margaret, the Duchess of Montenaro, get away with her wardrobe?
Now, we are all for body confidence, and Margaret was killing it, but we are rooting this film in reality, and there is no way that a Duchess who was brought into an arranged marriage and not allowed to be 'normal' would be permitted to wear mini-skirts and multi-coloured stilettos on official royal engagements. Can you imagine if Kate Middleton rocked up to a charity opening in a mini? There'd be actual riots.
And don't even get us started on playing Twister in public in a dress.
Why does Olivia want a new mother?
Kevin's daughter Olivia asks Santa for a new mum, leading us to believe that she has no mother at all. But then, it turns out Kevin and his ex Karen were just not meant to be.
Where is Karen, and why are we not given a full backstory?
How did Stacy and Kevin make their cakes without noticing their mixer was broken?
The crafty Brianna (a very unnecessary character with pretty much no plot or worth) snipped the plug off Stacy and Kevin's mixer to sabotage her rivals, leaving Stacy freaking out about how they were going to puree the berries for the filling.
But the cakes are already out of the oven, meaning the pair didn't notice their mixer was broken before… er, mixing their cake mixture. Yes, they could have done it by hand, but why would they have done that if they had a KitchenAid on their bench?
Also, the puree was for the cake filling, when the cakes were already made. And why the hell did they not just ask for a new mixer, instead of risking a lumpy puree? Mary Berry would be shook.
Why did Margaret and Stacy reveal their big trick in front of a nation?
Margaret and Stacy tried to keep their big switcheroo a secret, with a whole lot riding on it for the Duchess in particular. So why oh why did they decide to 'fess up in front of the cameras on a nationally televised baking competition?
How did all of this happen in two days?
We know you can fall in love quickly, but Prince Edward falling for Stacy in two days, despite not even knowing it was Stacy, and then proposing marriage is a bit mad. Same for Kevin and Margaret, also confessing to being in love after a weekend. Pace yourselves, people!
And boys, you've been totally duped, it's maybe worth having a conversation about what the hell is going on before professing your devotion.
Why aren't Stacy and Margaret more freaked out?
Imagine running into your actual twin, when you, to your knowledge, have no twin. You would not be calm. Yet after a moment of 'woah, we look a bit alike', Stacy and Margaret are totally chill about the situation and go along with their whole ruse just so the Duchess can overuse the word 'super' and wear jeans.