(Part 2) Again, we thank you and we hear you.
"Not knowing where I came from has been a huge hardship on my psyche and life.
"I'm a huge, hot mess.
"Struggle in personal relationships, but that could be down to how I was raised too.
"Adoptee should have access to health information, information why the adoption took place, nationality, etc. Fear of the unknown is worse than not knowing anything.
"After 58 yrs I found my bio family but both bio mom and dad had passed away. So I still feel a little empty inside even though I have a biological sister with these same parents.
"Growing up in a closed adoption has had a dark under current that has rippled throughout my being my whole life. Growing up, I was told never to talk about it. Yet, when we would see distant family they would ask, "Which one is yours?". My father would point out my brother and say, "He's our real child". Growing up, I felt as if I could never be enough, these feelings became core beliefs that echoed through my life. When I first started menstruating my mom made a point of telling me to stay away from guys because I did not want your end up like the woman who gave me away. I went onto search for my bio parents and found my mom-she was deceased from a hereditary type of cerebral aneurysm. She died at 46. I have a relationship with one of her daughters (1/2 sib), all of her children suffer from some sort of mental illness. Stories from my birthmother's siblings and friends paint her as such a warm and loving person. They all mention when something changed in her. It was at the time of my birth. Not one of them knew about me. I was the big secret. My heart goes out to the women who were forced to give up their babies and told never to speak about it again. They not only gave up their babies, they gave up a part of themselves. Many of them were not able to go on and have " happy lives". So, for me I see closed adoption as a big negative all the way around.
Having true biological and medical information would have made the experience better!
"Very early on, I internalized the message that there must be something wrong with me. I have intense feelings of shame and inadequacy. I feel guilty for taking up space and struggle to believe I deserve anything good. I've always felt unlovable and unforgivable.
"Made me feel lucky I was adopted by wonderful parents that lives me very much.
"its been very difficult not knowing who or where I came from. Only through AncestryDNA did I find out who my birth family is, finally after 57 years!!!
"I was ill prepared for how consuming search and reunion would be, before my 14 year search was concluded and I only had "one family" I had a more complete sense of belonging. A year into reunion, I question more than ever with which family I "belong to".
"Knowing the awful truth about my biological parents was better than not knowing anything at all. Every human being deserves to know the identity of their birth parents.
Fear of many things, realationships, trust, failure. Always had a deep sense of grief.
"Closed adoption always made me feel different in my "own" family. I knew my adoptive parents wanted me to be a happy child, so that's what I gave them. Closed adoption taught me it wasn't ok to be myself, it taught me how to lie like an expert. It taught me that I couldn't trust my own feelings and ultimately set me up for failure as an adult.
"Social chameleon abilities that I do not want. Great when it's a group of people who need a positive member in a group but so painful when the group needs a negative.
"Adoption will always affect an adoptee in one emotional way or another. I think the best way for an adoptee to live a full and happy life, is through closed adoption. An open adoption could be confusing for the child, and I'm sure upsetting for the biological and adoptive parents. An open adoption would not give the chance for either parties to heal.
"It was a huge mystery for 45 years. Thank goodness for DNA!
"I think I have some great qualities because of what I've had to deal with in life, but overall I think closed adoption is terribly damaging for children, families, and society.
"I have always had trust issues. My adoptive mother was verbally abusive and neglected some basic needs. She had a gambling problem which contributed to the situation. I grew closer to my adoptive father, and then she made us feel guilty about that so he then pushed me away. I moved out of the house 3 weeks after graduation- never went back. I moved 2 1/2 hours away 2 years later to distance my self even more. She died 8 years ago, and I honestly didn't even cry. I found my birth mother when I was in my 20's and we have a very superficial relationship- talk maybe once a year. I have recently been reunited with her son and we have become somewhat close. He told me that I was lucky she gave me up- he had a very difficult childhood too. I went through a time of depression after my adoptive mom died, and realized with therapy that I was not mourning her, but the fact that I would never have a real "mother daughter" relationship with anyone. I also know that I spent my first 6 weeks in hospitals, then adoption agencies before finally going home. I truly believe that I missed out on the chance to bond with anyone in that time. When I had my son, I literally spent every single minute with him in his first 2 months, because I never wanted him to feel that way.
"Lonely just never got close with any relatives. Lots of friends just always wanted family.
"Criminal and inhumane. It is dehumanizing and it degrades a person. Should be illegal to keep a persons original identity a secret. It is a permanent injury that you can only try your beat to live with while everyone who supposed yo care about you treat you like your feelings and experience are not important. Adoption should be called invalidation.