Let's face it, chemistry is complicated! How do you spot it? What do you do when you feel it? Is it a trust worthy sign of real compatibility, or can chemistry—even instant chemistry—lead you astray? What if you have great chemistry with someone, but they aren't your usual type? What if you have physical chemistry with someone, but not emotional? In this article, we explain the mystery of chemistry so that, next time you find yourself asking such questions, you will be prepared to answer them confidently.
The search for that "wow moment" when you feel instant chemistry with someone seems impossible at times. Think about it. You go on a date, you have a great time, but you just don't feel motivated to ask the person out again. It isn't that the other person did anything wrong or that you didn't enjoy their company, something just seemed to be missing from the moment you laid eyes on them, heard their voice or smelled their natural door. That something is instant chemistry.
Clicking, experiencing a connection, or maybe just feeling like someone just "gets" you is powerful stuff. It is that elusive, intangible, exhilarating, wonderful, and sometimes confusing element that controls your emotions. It makes it possible for someone you have only met for a moment to stay engrained in your head for days. No matter how you describe it, chemistry is, above all, about two things: the ability to connect beyond a surface level and the intense desire to do so.
Is it Emotional, Physical, or Both?
Though some may not always realize it, there are actually two types of chemistry that are vitally important to romantic relationships, and it is important to recognize both. Ideally, they would always occur together, but this is not always the case.
Emotional chemistry draws people together. It's that special connection that convinces you that someone truly understands you. It's that feeling that you could easily talk to someone for hours and hours and never get bored. When you have great emotional chemistry with someone, interacting with them just feels so right that you find yourself wanting to spend as much time with them as possible (even if that means doing things you'd normally be uninterested in). Thus, emotional chemistry helps people to be more open with each other and to get to know each other more intimately and more quickly than they might otherwise. For this reason, emotional chemistry is often seen as a good sign that you should pursue a romantic relationship with someone.
Also, if you find yourself in a situation where you have great emotional chemistry with someone but just aren't feeling any more physical fireworks, don't be quick to give up hope. Instead, use the connection to build something truly special with them, and a more physical connection is likely to follow.
Physical chemistry often accompanies the emotional variety, but it doesn't have to. Whenever physical chemistry occurs on its own you may not be able to stop thinking about a certain person, but you may not really be interested in talking to them either. Physical chemistry is, at times, more exciting than the purely emotional variety, but it is often more short lived. Also, even though physical chemistry is an important part of building a romantic connection with someone, it is not always the strongest foundation for building a long-lasting relationship. This isn't to say that love can't follow sexual attraction, it just doesn't happen as often as we might like to think.
While strong chemistry is an exciting and powerful feeling that many look for in a new relationship, a spark of interest doesn't always turn into a blaze of passion—at least, not overnight. Life isn't a movie. Things that seem to happen in an instant on screen, may take days, weeks, or even months to occur in real life. So, even if you aren't overwhelmed with sparks right away, it doesn't necessarily mean you need to turn and run. If you feel like you could be compatible with someone, and want to make it work, give it time to develop slowly. Remember: there are lots of paths to romance.
And the flip side…because there is ALWAYS a flip side! While the romantic chemistry between two people isn't always immediately evident, you don't want to waste too much time hoping for chemistry that simply doesn't exist. Trying to force chemistry after being receptive to the other person, and giving the budding relationship your best effort, is a bad idea.
Chemistry isn't something you can fake.
If you do try to fake it, you'll only be able to do so for so long, and you may needlessly hurt someone in the process.
One of the beautiful things about chemistry is that it can take you by surprise by leading you to people you may not have pursued on your own. If you feel chemistry with another person, be honest with yourself. You don't have to date everyone you have chemistry with, but don't ignore chemistry just because you have it with someone who you never would have pictured yourself with. Chemistry can open our eyes to new romantic possibilities by getting us to consider relationships with a wider range of people than we would have otherwise imagined.
Also, while you can't really predict, control, or force chemistry there is something you can do to intensify it and to increase your chance of feeling it with the right person: be open and be sincere. Remember, a big part of chemistry is being able to communicate easily and feeling comfortable with someone. Chemistry helps people to connect, but those connections don't mean much unless both parties are genuine.
Don't be afraid to embrace and to take advantage of the chemistry you feel with someone, but don't do so blindly. Having fantastic and instant chemistry with someone can be a sign that you are compatible and could build a long-lasting and fulfilling relationship together, but it is no guarantee. Don't stay in a relationship that isn't working just because you had great chemistry with someone at first. Also, while it is certainly possible to start a relationship based on chemistry, don't expect to maintain one that way. Great chemistry can certainly make sustaining a relationship easier, but, no matter how great your chemistry is with someone, relationships take effort.
You Have Instant Chemistry — Now What?
• I really felt something special with you tonight. It's almost as if I've known you for years.
• You just get me so well. Let's get dinner again soon.
• We just seem so in sync. I can't wait to see where this goes.
• Things just seem so much brighter when I'm with you.
• There is such a spark between us. Tell me you feel it too.
• I know we just met, but I can't wait to see you again.
While it certainly can be confusing, disorienting, and hard to explain, chemistry is a good thing, and life wouldn't be quite the same without it. And, no matter how hard it may seem to find, you will certainly know it when you feel it. Like most things in romance and relationships, chemistry tends to take you by surprise when you least expect it, and it is often best when allowed to develop as naturally as possible. Also, while chemistry isn't everything in a relationship, it does provide a great foundation for one, and it makes interacting with your partner much more exciting and fulfilling. Be open to chemistry, be honest with yourself when you feel it, and next time you feel instant chemistry with someone, remember the advice in this article, and you'll be just fine! Read to take your texting to the next level? Sign up for our Free 30 day Texting Club trial!