Dictionary.com defines assertive as “confidently aggressive or self-assured; positive: aggressive; dogmatic”. They define aggressive as “vigorously energetic, especially in the use of initiative and forcefulness”. Being aggressive and being assertive are often confused because of different points of view. Being assertive can be healthy and positive, but being aggressive definitely is not. Continue reading →
You know the drill: Your child is screaming at you, ignoring you, being irresponsible or hurtful. Suddenly, you’re yelling at the top of your lungs, matching him decibel for decibel. Later, you think, “Why did I fly off the handle again? I’m so tired of letting him push my buttons so easily.”
Yelling is a natural response when your kids are rude, not listening, engaging in irresponsible behavior or treating you poorly—or in any other situation that triggers your emotions. Even though you know it would be better if you could stay calm, it’s hard to always do that emotionally. Or you may even argue that yelling and making our kids afraid of us worked when we were growing up, so why shouldn’t we do that today?
Teenagers come with a unique set of issues, many of which are related to experiencing puberty and the emotional tribulations of adolescence. Resolving teenage problems centers on figuring out the issue and the core cause behind it, and instilling in your teen some conflict-resolution or problem-solving abilities that teach the teen how to overcome these types of obstacles in life. This kind of assistance can help the teen become stronger and learn how to overcome problems on his or her own, which can carry into adulthood. Continue reading →
Want to be a great parent? Want to raise a happy, healthy, well-behaved kid? Want to live in a home where discipline becomes unnecessary? The secret is to create a closer connection with your child. “What do you mean? Of course I love my kid, and I tell him so all the time. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t need discipline!” It isn’t enough that we tell our children we love them. We need to put our love into action every day for them to feel it. And when we do that our kids need a lot less discipline!”But what does that mean, putting our love into action?”Mostly, it means making that connection with our child our highest priority. Love in action means paying thoughtful attention to what goes on between us, seeing things from the our child’s point of view, and always remembering that this child who sometimes may drive us crazy is still that precious baby we welcomed into our arms with such hope.”Doesn’t that take a lot of energy?”It takes a lot of effort to fully attend to another human being, but when we are really present with our child, we often find that it energizes us and makes us feel more alive, as being fully present with anyone does. Being close to another human takes work. But 90% of people on their deathbed say that their biggest regret is that they didn’t get closer to the people in their lives. And almost all parents whose children are grown say they wish they had spent more time with their kids.”Being fully present? How can I do that when I’m just trying to get dinner on the table and keep from tripping over the toys?”Being present just means paying attention. Like a marriage or a friendship, your relationship with your child needs positive attention to thrive. Attention = Love. Like your garden, your car, or your work, what you attend to flourishes. And, of course, that kind of attentiveness takes time. You can multi-task at it while you’re making dinner, but the secret of a great relationship is some focused time every day attending only to that child.”This is all too vague for me. What am I supposed to actually DO?” Continue reading →