When just thinking positive doesn’t seem to cut the mustard!
When anxiety feels like it’s taking hold of us, and everyone around us is saying “try and stay positive”, it can sometimes feel, despite our best efforts, like we are trying to push a rock up a hill.
Continuing to hold onto negative emotions can get in our way and hold us back. Imagine if those negative emotions were heavy rocks that were continually weighing us down. Before we can begin to think positively, we first must clear these negative emotions and figuratively let go of those heavy rocks.
We may want to hide away from negative feelings, as understandably it can feel truly uncomfortable to address them. But, bringing out these emotions, by talking about how we feel, can actually be the most important step towards feeling positive. We might feel nervous about showing these vulnerabilities; it may take great courage, bravery and strength to share with others that we are not invincible. However, we must recognise that nobody is invincible. Every one of us will have to face our own ‘kryptonite’ at some point in time.
Reaching out and asking for someone to listen can help us begin to face our negative emotions. The power of a good listener is understanding what we are saying and recognising that our fears are unique to us. We all experience things differently, no two people will manage a situation in exactly the same way. And so, having someone to acknowledge that our feelings are understandable and valid can be really significant.
We may recognise that our negative emotions are not serving our best interest, but ensuring these emotions are validated is still vital. We need to feel that our concerns are important, before ‘solutions’ are offered to ‘fix’ them. Otherwise it may feel like we are not truly being heard and that our worries are irrelevant. If we are offered ‘solutions’ before we are ready to receive and accept them, it can result in us rejecting them – this can then lead to conflict or upset.
After expressing our emotions and receiving validation of our worries, we can begin to change our perceptions. We should now be in a position that is more accepting of helpful suggestions from others. We can now be thankful for those suggestions and start to consider what is right for ourselves.
So, hearing from someone who is supporting us, “it is okay to not feel okay” is a crucial stage in moving forward. However if we really do want things to change, we must also accept the message: “…….but it’s not ok to stay there.”
Our unhelpful emotional state may be reinforced by continuously repeating the same worries in our thoughts and conversations – we just keep on repeating the same old record.
If we are to feel differently, we need to play a different record!
It is important to remember that whilst other’s ‘solutions’ may have worked for them; our situation is unique. Therefore our ‘solutions’ need to fit to our world in a way that makes sense to us.
So, when others greet our anxieties with offers of a solution, be mindful of their good intention. Try politely asking for a listening ear as the first supporting step on our journey into a more positive place. We are then able to put our attention and focus to the action that can change how we are feeling.
In doing so we are releasing those heavy rocks and negative emotions; we are creating that new record…
those new thoughts, new feelings and a different result.
We hope you have found this blog helpful, but If you need more help to shift away from anxiety please consider signing up for a free Transforming Thought consultation session, we are here to help.