Conservation Corner: What's in a name?
While reflecting on some of my previously written columns this year, I noticed that the names of the plant or animal being discussed could either give the reader no clue as to the type, size, or shape of the animal or conjure an image very close to reality for even the most novice nature-minded.
Adding even more confusion are the cases where multiple common or colloquial names are used to describe the same creature, as was the focus of a months-old submission on the vase-vined leatherflower. Or just leatherflower, or leather vasevine, or leather flower depending on who you are. Bottom line: names in the biological world can be tricky, but they can also be interesting and, oftentimes, entertaining.
Gary Larson is a famed cartoonist who created the quirky and clever Far Side comics. Gary also seemed to have a soft spot for science, specifically biology and botany, and this passion often appeared in his creations. I mention this only because his style has led to my frequent imagining of what shenanigans and childish jokes might ensue if a classroom full of various animal species were thrown together and had to answer a roll call. So, today, you get a glimpse into what passes the time for someone who loves nature and has, according to my wife, a peculiar sense of humor.
In the front row of desks, we have the citrine forktail. Citrine forktails are the smallest member of the damselfly and dragonfly order and despite their diminutive size, they are quite colorful pieces of eye candy. The males have a brilliant green, almost chartreus, thorax fading to a bright yellow abdomen. The females emit a much warmer vibe with their flame-orange coloration interspersed with black barring. I picture the citrine forktail as the wildly frocked and dyed punk student, wearing a black leather jacket and chewing gum loudly. After school, citrine forktails hang out in small groups outside the arcade carefully avoiding their bigger and more boisterous dragonfly cousins.
In the back corner of the room is the northern hog sucker. This medium-sized fish, with dark brown, mottled coloration and a very prominent snout, is present in many Ohio streams but gets somewhat of a bad reputation because it’s membership to the sucker family. Suckers and carp are often considered similar fish by the general population, but where carp are non-native and generally degrade habitat with their presence; suckers are native species and require a surprisingly high level of water quality to survive.
Their main foods are snails, worms, and other small animals found between the rocks and gravel of a creek bottom and aren’t, as many assume, just sucking in the bottom muck for food. Today’s hog sucker has her head down to hide her renowned facial feature, oblivious to the fact that her luxurious skin tone looks like something off the cover of a romance novel and that a future as a famed sommelier is in the cards thanks to her knowing nose.
Lastly, right in the middle of the room, is the fatmucket. Fatmuckets are a variety of freshwater mussel found in relative abundance in Fairfield County streams. Freshwater mussels are one of the most threatened groups of animals in Ohio, and over half the species found in our state are listed at some level of conservation concern. Strict laws in Ohio were put in place forbidding the possession of any type of freshwater mussel, alive or dead, and were enacted to try and stop the practice of harvesting them and grinding their shells for use in the cultured pearl industry.
Our fatmucket stands up on his desk loudly and proudly announcing his presence in the room. He is a lineman on the football team who owns his moniker and has already heard every joke you can possibly think of, and even some you can’t. Today he’s wearing cowboy boots, jeans, a huge gold belt buckle and a stained white t-shirt with “Fatmucket from Nantucket” printed across the chest. He will surprise everyone after graduation by eloping with the gorgeous longear sunfish who lived next door.
I wonder, sometimes, if the scientists responsible for coming up with wildlife names sat around a card table and just threw out words, Mad Libs style, and picked what made them laugh the hardest. Judging by the words on the pages of my field guides, this might just be the case.