Mourning and Grieving.
This is a lifetime of good-byes.
As the years go on, you’ll be saying good-bye to both people (through moving, change or death) and things (youth, that slender body of youth, you once possessed, hair, prized possession, etc ).
Eventually you’ll say good-bye to it all with your own death!
The-art-of-small-talk Team will share some important Tips on how to ease the mourning and grieving process.
When a loss takes place, the mind, body and emotions go through a process of healing as natural and as miraculous as the healing of a physical injury.
Know that feeling lost, sad, angry, hurt, fearful and tearful at good-byes is a natural part of that healing process.
Human beings recover from loss in three distinct but overlapping phases;
First . Shock/denial.
Third . Understanding / acceptance.
This ability to deny and go numb is a true blessing from our Maker.
Catastrophic losses are too hard to take all at once.
It has been suggested that the reason some people have slow terminal illnesses as their method of dying is because it’s going to take them a long time to say good-bye, and they want to do it right.
Grief and Mourning.
The next stage, anger/depression, is the one most commonly associated with loss. We wail against the situation, people, things and unkind fates that “caused” the loss. ( Anger ). We cry. We feel sad. We hurt.We don’t want to
go on.( Depression.)
When you’re ready to throw in the towel, don’t blame yourself! And the blame game is totally useless!
But know that to feel angry art someone for dying, or angry at yourself over your own immortality ,is perfectly normal.
In fact it’s a normal stage of recovery that one must pass through. Pass through, DO NOT STOP, collect your new life-goes-on ticket when you pass! Keep on living!
Finally we come to understanding/acceptance. We accept what is. What is, after all , is what is! We can feel miserable about it or not. If we don’t feel miserable, what is still is. If we do feel miserable, what is still is! We grow to understand that our misery isn’t going to change what happened; it’s only making us miserable. And what’s the point in that?
Mourning and grief are positive human traits. They allow us the flexibility to adapt to change. It’s not “ sinful’ to feel pain, anger and loss. It’s natural, human response. The “sin” enters when the process of healing-which is, in fact a God-given gift- is denied!
Accept the process. Accept the numbness, the pain , the anger, the sadness, the tears and, eventually, accept the acceptance. Accepting the acceptance can often be difficult. People may expect you to mourn through grief, longer than you find necessary, or they may want your mourning to “hurry up.” People often offer comfort out of their own discomfort. ”There, there” they say,” everything’s all right,” when, in fact , everything is not all right.
Grieving must be done in its own time. To deny the human reality that pain hurts only delays the final process. Take time to grieve, to mourn, to say a good good-bye.
At the point of genuine understanding and acceptance of your own death ( not just a mentally constructed understanding and acceptance) lies the ability to understand and accept the entire process and meaning of life.
A final true story from Kings Cross, Sydney.
Many years ago, while working with street people, through Baptist Inner City Ministries,Kings Cross,Sydney.(See
"All About Us" ,
and our early days,From Denmark To Australia.).
I came across a Trannie or a transvestite from New Zealand, who worked the male prostitution strip,at Kings Cross, unfortunately he overdosed on smack (heroin) and died.
At the funeral I sat Behind an elderly couple, who had adopted this wonderful kiwi son, raised him through the church, but went terribly wrong in his rebellion, when he grew up.
This gracious older farmer gave me the best advise anyone could ever have given me, he said ” All is forgiven and when you lose someone close, you must do three things" he said,:
"LAUGH, CRY AND SHARE YOUR LOSS WITH SOMEONE GENUINE,who will listen!”
What wisdom, from a faithful man, who knew all aspect of mourning and grieving, for he had a son who took him through
Hell for many long years! See The Amazing Interview with the devil!
Please Return From Mourning To Our Home Page.