Apps are constantly being developed that allow people to communicate their thoughts and feelings with others. In most cases these social networking tools help bring people together and promote positive interactions. Unfortunately, many of the newer ones encourage anonymous communication. This opened the option of posting negative, demeaning and threatening content while believing the author was anonymous. The result is an increase in aggressive cyberbullying that is far-reaching.
The development of new social networking sites and apps is rapid, which makes it difficult for parents to remain informed. For instance, a new app called Burnbook has gone viral recently among high school students. It is based on the Burn Book from the movie “Mean Girls.” Posts to this app are believed to be “anonymous.” In addition, you choose a “community” to follow. Therefore, students can choose to follow posts from their high school “community” or other high schools in the area, making the posts very personal. The anonymous premise of the app has led to cyberbullying, inappropriate pictures and, last week, a very violent threat toward a San Diego high school. This led the school district to take a proactive stance.
The superintendent of the Poway Unified School District sent a video to all families in the district informing them of the app and encouraging parents to talk with their kids and other parents about it. The district took the stance of educating the community about the troubling usages of the Burnbook app and made clear the consequences if someone decided to use the technology in a negative or threatening way.
Some apps have something in the description cautioning people about using them inappropriately. Many apps also have age ratings. But, really, what teen reads the disclaimers? Ask your children or teens if they read the legal disclaimer in the description of an app before using it and you will get a quick answer to that question.
Parents can’t stop these apps from being developed, but there are things they can do.
- Have regular and open conversations about cyberbullying with your children. Ask them if they know what constitutes cyberbullying.
- Ask about the apps your children are using and have them show you on your phones and devices so you can see firsthand how they are used.
- Check in regularly with other parents about what apps they have heard about. New apps will continue to be developed. Work together with other parents to keep each other informed.
- Have the password to your children’s phones so they know you will be checking apps. Children and teens are often one step ahead of their parents, so it might not prevent them from using apps they really want to use. However, it will put your voice in their heads and, hopefully, make them pause and think.
- It is important to remind your children that numerous kids have been arrested and expelled from schools recently because of posts they made that were thought to be anonymous. Let them know there is no such thing as a completely anonymous app.
- Regularly talk with your children about what they have observed or seen other kids experience. Usually, they are more open when talking about others than themselves.
- Don’t be lulled into a false sense of security because your kids say they don’t use them or you told them they couldn’t. Posts are passed around and discussed among friends innocently, and not so innocently.
- If children are cyberbullied, they should be advised not to respond back. They should tell a parent who should determine if the post needs to be shared with school administrators or counselors, and they should save the evidence by printing or taking screen shots of the threatening posts. Finally, children who have been cyberbullied should be assessed to determine if they need counseling, therapy or other support.
Children today are similar in many ways to kids of past generations. The difference is that cyberbullying is not done face-to-face, which lowers inhibition. In addition, it is much farther reaching. A post can reach hundreds of peers in minutes. This can feel devastating for any child. Parents and educators need to take the lead to prepare and protect children.
Sweetland, Ph.D., and Stolberg, Ph.D., are child and family psychologists who are raising two children of their own. Their new book is “Teaching Kids to Think: Raising Confident, Independent, and Thoughtful Children in an Age of Instant Gratification.”