I've enjoyed seeing an increase in new books written in first person.
While these stories have a knack for putting the reader in the shoes of the main character, this is a difficult, but not impossible way to tell a story.
Today we'll examine what makes a first person story successful and how we can make our first person manuscripts shine.
1. Trim the word "I" words.
Manuscripts written in first person often have the word "I" littered on the page. This is by far the most tempting word to use in this format. Including "I" nearly every sentence seems the only way to move the story forward--but it doesn't have to be.
Take a look at the opening paragraph of The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins:
"When I wake up, the other side of the bed is cold. My fingers stretch out, seeking Prim’s warmth but finding only the rough canvas cover of the mattress. She must have had bad dreams and climbed in with our mother. Of course, she did. This is the day of the reaping."
The tempting way to write the same paragraph:
"When I wake up, the other side of my bed is cold. I stretch my fingers out, seeking Prim's warmth, but I find only the rough canvas cover of the mattress…."
Let's dig a little deeper into the problem:
2. The same quality rules used for third person are also required when writing in first person.
One lesson we as writers learn is how to remove excessive uses of names, pronouns and other references to names. Do we really need a character's name/pronoun at the beginning of every sentence? Jenny opened the door. She walked down the steps and to her car. She looked at the backseat as was her habit after hearing recent news reports. Jenny…
Not a fun read is it?
It takes work to add threads of sensory clues and other story world to breathe life into the page! We polish our craft and learn--until we tackle a story written in first person and slip into bad habits.
For example look how this paragraph from Covenant Child: A Story of Promises by Terri Blackstock demonstrates flow with only essential and well placed identifiers.
“But these Billion Dollar Babies wore Goodwill hand-me-downs. We ate dry cereal most nights for supper, right out of the box, picking out the raisins to save for our school lunches the next day. In my memory, we never formally observed a birthday, because no one around us considered that day worthy of celebration. We were worthless no accounts to most of the people in town."
Blackstock sprinkles appropriate pronouns without disturbing the flow or weighing the paragraph with "I".
The biggest contributor to choppy writing is the bundling of events.
Here is what I mean:
"Really, Sarah. I walked to the store and picked up the next issue. I flipped through the pages and found his name in the title. I read the first lines. I couldn't believe he told the whole world what happened." I watched Sarah's face to see her response before continuing. "I picked up the stack of magazines and hid them behind other issues." I would have thrown them in the trash can if I saw one. I ran out of the store before an employee called me back.
While we can get a sense of the emotions and the setting in this paragraph, the list of the events creates a jagged feeling, not to mention violations of points one and two.
Take a look at this paragraph of events from Wildflowers from Winter by Katie Ganshert:
"He studied me over a pair of bifocals and clicked his pen against a clipboard, jotting mysterious notes whenever I talked or sighed or breathed funny. His name was Dr. Nowels, and he had a mustache the exact same shade as the dead mouse I found behind our trailer home the previous Easter."
Ganshert shows us not only a glimpse of the appointment, but also the doctor, and the MC's impression. Talk about a good example of flow and putting the reader in the moment 3-D!
The test of a well sounding story written in first person:
So, you've written your story, but crit partners and/or contest judges didn't seemed as impressed. What can you do when you're not sure what the problem is?
I know this may seem silly, but ride the wave with me on this one before shaking your head.
First, imagine a child retelling your story. Most likely she will stand in front of you to insure eye contact, move her arms as she speaks, and leave out "the boring" pieces. Her sentences will be short, but emphatic emphasis will be added for the explosive or other essential scenes. It will be a concise version of your story, shorter than a Reader's Digest version, but entertaining. At least you'll have the gist. As for story world…not so much.
Now, pull out a rocking chair and take a seat. Imagine your grandmother is the one telling the story written in your manuscript as it happened to her. Her back rests against the chair, she leans slightly to one side, and her eyes gaze off to the right. Before a word leaves her mouth she smiles and maybe laughs--not so much from the first scene, but at the overall story--because she is the only one who knows the ending.
You curl up in the chair next to hers and watch her expression. "What are you thinking?"
As Grandma walks through the pages of her past, she understands you were not there. She raises her eyebrows and retells her story. "The apple pie Mama made smoked up the entire house. I could barely breathe. Papa would never offend her with a scrunched up nose or utter a mean comment, but he didn't expect us to give up the ghost that afternoon, either. He popped out of his special chair and raced me to the living room windows."
Grandparents and seniors have an amazing way of spinning a yarn, and most of them are told in the first person. They tend to add interesting impressions, descriptions, dialogue, and sensory clues causing their story to flow and intrigue the listeners.
Your homework this holiday season is to listen to a first person story told by a grandparent or senior. (Not all grandparents are seniors, yet). Ask the person to tell you about their favorite Christmas or birthday or a positive even you know they've experienced. (If you need, there are oodles of seniors in nursing homes or even in your church who would love to help you with this assignment).
The second assignment is to ask a child or teen to tell you about their favorite Christmas or birthday. Key: you are not allowed to ask questions to help him say more than he first offers.
Observe the differences, including body language. What did you see and hear?
Writing first person is very difficult but not impossible.
Grab a rocking chair, and tell us your story in first person--like it's personal.
We love chatting with you here at the Writers Alley…here are some comment starters:
What do you enjoy most about stories written in first person?
What special ingredient is nestled in the pages of a first person story that isn't found in a third person story?
If you have written a first person story, why did you choose to write the story that way. And can you share any tips?
Last, answer one of the questions from the song Mary Did You Know, as if you were Mary. click here for lyrics
Mary has moved to Michigan with her husband, closer to her three college kids. She misses the mountains of Montana, but loves seeing family more often. She writes contemporary and romance Christian fiction and loves to pen missionary and Bible adventure stories on her ministry blog, God Loves Kids.