Talking to your children about war isn't easy. But experts say it's a topic that's bound to come up these days, even with small children.
When deciding how to address a young person's questions and concerns, experts say parents should first consider the child's age -- and how generally prone she or he is to worry and anxiousness.
With preschoolers, for example, talk about war should be kept "short and sweet," says Mary Pat Wachter, a psychologist with the Institute for Trauma and Stress at the New York University Child Study Center, one of many institutions that is providing advice for parents on its Web site.
Ultimately, Wachter says, young children have one basic concern in times like these: "Are they going to have stability and security?"
That is, of course, a concern for older children, too.
But conversations with them, especially teens, generally need to be more in-depth, says Laurie Flynn, director of the Carmel Hill Center for Early Diagnosis and Treatment at Columbia University's Division of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry.
When it comes to teenagers, Flynn says, "There's not much that they don't hear -- and there's not much that would escape their attention. So they need to know that parents and other adults are going to be straight with them."
Another rule of thumb for talking with young people -- children or teens -- about war or any difficult issue: Let them guide the conversation. If they are asking questions, experts suggest responding calmly with solid facts, though not more than the child is asking for.
"It's important to create an open, supportive environment," says Dr. David Fassler, a clinical associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Vermont. "But it's better if parents don't push kids and force the issue."
Some experts say that, when it comes to being honest, it's OK for parents to be honest about their own fears, but to balance it with talk about efforts to make everyone safer.
In other words, don't offer guarantees but, rather, remind your children of ways they are being protected: by you; by police and airport security officers, who are on extra alert; and by the military at home and abroad.
It's also good to run through any safety plans your family has come up with -- and to make sure your children know your phone number and where to go in case of an emergency.
Most importantly, encourage your child to talk to you or a trusted adult when he or she is feeling scared.
Experts suggest that some children might take comfort in drawing pictures; writing poetry or letters about their thoughts and opinions; or collecting money or volunteering for a charitable organization that has some sort of meaning to them.
If the topic of war interests them, teens might also be encouraged to take part in discussions at school or with community or religious groups they belong to.
In the end, many experts say that staying connected, making time for fun, eating right and sleeping enough are all especially important at times like these -- both for children and adults.
Especially when younger children are present, they also suggest limiting the family's exposure to news reports, particularly those with disturbing images.
Lastly, experts say that, if your child becomes obsessed with war or terrorism -- to the point that it's affecting his or her daily function -- you should seek the advice of a mental health professional.
On the Net
NYU Child Study Center war page:
Martha Irvine can be reached at email@example.com
Read more Conflict with Iraq online