As indicated in the merry-go-round story, partners of alcoholics develop a coping and management style of caring for the alcoholic. This style is drawn from the natural human nurturing trait mainly evident in mothers and other carers – especially nursing.
There is nothing wrong or pathological with caring for another person. However, partners of alcoholics may reactively develop nurturing to a degree that can be detrimental to both themselves, the alcoholic and, often, their families
The following properties of partners of alcoholics have been deliberately phrased in the extreme. Of course not every partner has such extreme life views. People can discern the continuum of nurturing attributes from the healthy to the following.
Self-sacrifice; I always put the needs of the alcoholic before my own needs.
Responsibility; It is my responsibility to devote my energies to helping the alcoholic solve their problems.
External focus; In order to get along and be liked and loved, I always need to be what the alcoholic wants me to be.
Reactivity; My life is controlled by the alcoholics Behaviour. I could manage things properly if only the alcoholic would change
This over concentration on ‘other’ focus has the potential for playing into the alcoholic’s demands.
And of course the alcoholic wants to drink so the partners Behaviour tends to enable drinking.
This style of caring has been labeled caretaking.
See also; The Dynamics of an Alcoholic Family
From the BriefTSF manuals