Self esteem is the capacity to see ourselves as lovable, capable and valuable. It grows out of experiences of being known and loved for who we are. It grows out of experiences of unconditional love.
Many things can threaten our self esteem. If we were raised in homes where we experienced abuse, neglect or criticism, we may not have had a chance to grow healthy self esteem. If we experienced significant rejection from our peers for some physical, emotional or academic disability we may not see ourselves as valuable or capable.
If our self esteem is already fragile, the experience of cancer can be a significant threat. The diagnosis may make us feel less valuable. Surgery and treatment may alter our appearance and decrease our productivity, making us feel less lovable. Health care professionals and friends may make patronizing remarks that leave us feeling less capable.
Strength to live with cancer comes, in part, from a healthy self esteem. We need to know that we are valuable and that our lives are worth fighting for. We need to know that we are loved and lovable so that we have a reason to keep living.
No matter what past or current threats we face, we can begin to repair our self esteem.
We can pay attention to the negative messages we give ourselves and begin to replace those negative messages with positive messages of affirmation. We can replace our negative messages with affirming messages from God, reminding ourselves that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, that God delights in us, that we are God’s children.
We can also listen for the many ways people around us tell us that they love us and value us. We can teach ourselves to listen to these messages and encourage ourselves to believe them.
Finally, we can meditate on God’s unconditional love for us. God knows us. God loves us. God seeks a relationship with us. In God’s eyes we are valuable, lovable, capable.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful.
Psalm 139: 14
Exercise for Discussion – Session 1
1. What past events (before cancer) may have threatened your self esteem?
2. How has cancer (or its treatment) threatened your self esteem?
3. What specific things have helped you to know that you are loved by God?
Questions for Discussion – Session 2
1. What negative messages do you give yourself?
2. How can you change those negative messages?
3. How have other people helped you to feel loved and valuable?