Yet many psychologists argue that there’s a major and compelling difference between the two states. According to Louis A. Schmidt, director of the Child Emotion Laboratory at McMaster University, “Though in popular media they’re often viewed as the same, we know in the scientific community that, conceptually or empirically, they’re unrelated.”
So what’s the difference? It has to do with choice.
According to Dr. Jonathan Cheek, professor of psychology at Wellesley College, there are actually four different types of shyness. While a lot of people call themselves shy, that’s only a problem if that person also has a strong need to socialize. According to Cheek’s research, the four sub-categories of shyness are:
So what’s the main difference between shyness and introversion? Basically, it’s whether you can choose to be social (without anxiety).
Introverts can choose to be social and interact with others; they often just don’t want to. Shy people—depending on the level of shyness—can’t make that same choice without a high cost. For them, a party isn’t just a drain (as it can be for an introvert); it’s a struggle.
Sophia Dembling, author of The Introvert’s Way and Introverts in Love, puts it more succinctly: “[Introversion and shyness] get confused because they both are related to socializing—but lack of interest in socializing is very clearly not the same as fearing it.”
In other words, an introvert may skip a party and read a book, but it’s not because they’re afraid of socializing; they just don’t want to go deal with people. A shy person may actually want to deal with people but experience so much anxiety that they don’t go to the party at all, or that person will go but not talk to anyone out of fear.
According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA), 15 million Americans are impacted by Social Anxiety Disorder (which many would argue is the extreme end of shyness). The good news is that overcoming social anxiety is doable. There are a lot of smart and creative ways to get there, and it’s an intelligent goal if it impacts your life in a limiting way. After all, being able to be socialize freely serves you in more than just your personal life; networking depends on your ability to successfully interact with others on an ongoing basis.
Plus, the irony of social anxiety is that when you think you’re the only one feeling nervous, you’re usually wrong—and helping someone else who seems shy can actually pull you out of your own shell.
The fact is, connection, belonging, and bonding are human needs. Whether you’re introverted or extroverted, shy or outgoing, you need—and deserve—attention, affection, and love.
It’s part of what makes life worth living.
“We are like islands in the sea, separate on the surface but connected in the deep.” —William James
Originally published at www.inc.com.