Do you know someone who gets angry, does something others view as inappropriate and, later upon reflection, realizes the inappropriateness of their actions and attempts to deny, justify, avoid, or apologize for their actions?
The following post may help you (and maybe them) get a better understanding of what is going on.
Ready, Aim, Fire
As a boy scout, learning to fire a weapon (rifle, bow and arrow, cannon), I remember the commands to prepare the weapon to be used (and myself to use it), take aim on the target, and (when authorized), fire the weapon.
This progression from preparing to execute a response (ready), to focusing your attention on the task at hand (aim), and, finally,taking effective action (fire) makes sense intuitively.
In other contexts such as project management, the same progression might involve brainstorming (ready), goal setting or gathering resources (aim), and starting a project (fire).
Okay, I think you get the idea.
Ready, Fire, Aim
But, what if a person got an idea (ready) and jumped right in to the implementation phase (fire)?
If the result turned out badly, we wouldn’t be surprised. The failure to focus one’s attention on all the issues (aim) before rather than after the fact would lead to unwanted results.
We would describe the above process as– Ready, Fire, Aim.
For people who believe that their anger controls them and who tend to take action too quickly when they experience anger , this is exactly what they are doing. Their regret and subsequent reflection come later when they experience unwanted consequences from their behavior.
In other words…
Ready: the subconscious reaction to a situation which is initially perceived as a threat.
Fire: a disproprotionate angry response.
Aim: the consideration, after the fact, that one’s behavior was not proportionate to the perceived threat.
Those who react in this way to a perceived threat are often described by others as “having an anger problem”.
While, as I have noted in previous posts, that there is no such thing as an “anger problem”, revisiting the Anger Mastery Cycle should be helpful in teaching someone a more adaptive way to interact with their anger.
Ready, Aim, Fire and Anger Mastery
Ready: This is the subconscious reaction to a situation which is initially perceived as a threat. We are on alert status.
The Anger Mastery Cycle (a free copy of which is downloadable above) notes that we subconsciously scan for, and react to, perceived threats (injustices, our values being ignored or challenged, our beliefs being infringed upon or our boundaries being violated, our security at risk being put at risk, etc). This scanning is both hard-wired and ancient and prepares us to go into battle.
Aim: The mastery process of assessing and validating the situation to determine whether the initial perception was accurate.
When we master our anger, we S.T.O.P the process from moving to a response from our reaction.
S.T.O. P. stands for stopping or pausing the anger, taking a physical and psychological step back from the perceived threat, observing what is happening and practicing emotional intelligence.
Fire: The expression of anger proportionate to meet the perceived threat.
Using “ready, aim, fire” as a metaphor
If you have ever attempted to “explain” anger to a person whose anger is perceived by them as more powerful than they and as controlling them, you have discovered that it is difficult to get their attention.
Metaphors tend to cut through defenses because they approach an uncomfortable subject indirectly.
The effectiveness of a metaphor stems from…
- You are talking about firing a weapon or planning a project and how ready, fire, aim is not productive. You are not talking about “managing anger”.
- The person knows that the actions they have taken while angry have elicited unwanted consequenses.
- You are putting their actions (and anger) in a different context than others who have tried to address this issue.
- You are implying that they can learn a different approach (ready, aim, fire).
Once you have their attention and they are interested in what you have to say, you may be able to address their anger directly.
Please note that this post is intended only to raise some issues and is in no way comprehensive.
If you have additional questions about using metaphors to deal with “touchy” subjects or about anger, please leave a comment or email me.
TheEmotionsDoctor at gmail.com