When I saw three crabs climbing a tree, it was clear this was somewhere unusual. And that was nothing. If you go to Christmas Island during the breeding season, you will see 120m bright-red land crabs on their annual migration to the sea, swarming up the walls of the houses and clattering over the tiles as if crabs had every right to be on roofs. It is one of the world's natural wonders, and one of several that are unique to the island.
Christmas Island is a tiny Australian speck in the Indian Ocean, somewhere between Darwin and Indonesia, so named because it was discovered by Captain William Mynors on December 25 1643. There is no Santa industry here, although I saw Christmas Island Christmas Puddings on sale (in the bank of all places) and Australia Post always does a series of Christmas Island stamps that sell well, and there is also a Christmas postcard showing those ubiquitous crabs pulling Santa on his sleigh.
It is 600 miles from any other land, and is serviced by only two flights a week, one from Perth and one from Jakarta. Fewer than 2,000 people live there. Because it is one of the Earth's far-flung corners, it has a host of wildlife all its own, and a few oddities that make it like another planet.
The first and foremost oddity is the crabs, found nowhere else in such numbers. They are liberally distributed everywhere but the beach, for they are land-dwelling and, except in the breeding season, prefer the forest to the sea. As it happens, they are also very fond of the golf course, where players are begged not to take a pot shot at the hapless creatures, and the road, where they are not so protected, although "crab crossings" are being constructed on some of the main routes.
You may swerve to avoid one crab, but when your journey is peppered with thousands of them the odd crunch is inevitable and no environmental disaster. However, there is another kind of crab on the island, the monstrous robber crab, huge, ugly and frankly terrifying, which is a less ubiquitous beast due to a small but persistent enemy.
The locally dubbed "crazy ants" were carelessly imported sometime between the wars and found their perfect island with no predators. So they have indeed gone crazy. To walk through the jungle is to be permanently harassed by the little beasts trying to crawl up your legs. If you keep moving, you can just about outwit them, but stop for a few seconds to rest and admire the untouched rainforest and you will soon find yourself hopping about swearing and trying to brush off unseen insects. A walker in boots and trousers - rather more prepared than myself in flip-flops and shorts - might last a little longer, but it would not take long for the nasties to reach arms and other bare bits.
So walking in the jungle seems like a good idea but isn't. And if the ants make life in the jungle uncomfortable for a walker, pity the giant robber crabs. They appear impenetrable, with their heavy armour and terrifying pincers that can crack coconut shells, but they are no match for the crazy ant. The ants may not be able to get through the crabs' thick shell, but they crawl up the stalks of their eyes and eat them.
The local scale insects that feed on rainforest trees have been luckier, forming a symbiotic relationships with the ants. The ants eat the honeydew they produce and in turn protect them against local predators such as wasps, spiders and parasites.
You don't even have to go to the jungle to see rare wildlife. Queuing outside the bank, I saw a fabulous gold pink bird with a long sweeping tail plonk itself idly in the car park and pick at the dust for a minute with the aplomb of an inner-city sparrow; this was the magnificent golden bosun, which you will find nowhere else in the world, and which along with red crabs (also to be found in the bank's car park) adorns the stamps and souvenirs of the island.
You might imagine that the island was also inhabited by angry, out-of-breath dragons - a sound of roaring and puffing comes from the cave-riddled cliffs and jets of steam spurt out of the rock like dragon's breath. Actually, it's the Indian Ocean pounding the porous volcanic rock, causing spray to spurt out of the clifftops hundreds of feet above and making the area grumble and roar with a life-like rhythm.
The Blowholes lie in the south-west of the island. Gentle swell causes spray and heavy dragon's breath; bigger swell results in thunderous reverberations and sudden high fountains of water that drench anyone standing nearby.
The razor-sharp cliffs are as dangerous as they look, treacherously pocked with sinkholes that could drop you fatally down to the ocean, or cause you to trip and gash yourself on the vicious rocks. A wooden walkway prevents nasty accidents, although it is no insurance against a soaking when a big wave rolls in a couple of hundred feet below. But set against an Indian Ocean sunset, the view is worth any number of soakings.
The dragons are an illusion, but real monsters lurk close by, ascending from the endlessly deep waters just metres from the shore. The island has only a small ledge of shallows before the seabed plummets to the deepest depths of the Java Trench. Whale sharks like to come here, especially between November and April, and divers from all over the world come, too, for the experience of swimming with these vast beasts.
You can't have an idyllic Indian Ocean island without beaches, and Christmas Island has plenty of secluded hideaways, most of which are a short hike from where you leave the car - an essential - after you have driven it miles from the road down a rough track. Christmas Island is remote enough to have few visitors, so that there is a good chance you can get the best beaches to yourself. Flying Fish Cove is the most accessible because it is on the road, and even here the snorkelling is top quality and the waters crystal clear.
But yet another of the island's monsters hides in the shallows, and this one poses a real threat. With its potentially lethal sting and perfect camouflage, the stone fish is a problem on many Indian Ocean beaches. You would be very lucky and sharp-eyed to spot it and, while it isn't out to get you, it doesn't like being trodden on, protectively sticking up poisonous spines which administer a very painful and dangerous venom. There is an antidote, which most hotels and public services have available, but your foot will swell to the size of a melon and you will be distinctly the worse for wear. The wise paddler wears shoes.
The outlandish creatures of Christmas Island bring out the naturalist in you. Don't be surprised to one day find yourself kneeling in the leaves and softly commentating on the world around you. There's a would-be David Attenborough in all of us...
Way to go
Getting there: Travelbag (0870 8901458, travelbag.co.uk) sells tickets from London Heathrow to Jakarta on Garuda-Indonesia from £437 return for travel between January 1 and June 30, and to Perth on Royal Brunei for £499 for travel between January 16 and March 22 (must book by February 28). Flights from Jakarta to Christmas Island and back run every Saturday and cost A$400 return. Flights from Perth to Christmas Island run on Fridays and return on Sundays and cost A$1,680. Tickets can be booked through CI Travel (+89164 7168 on Christmas Island or +89481 1200 in Perth, Western Australia), Island Bound Holidays (+89381 3644 in Perth, Western Australia) or PT Wabiru in Jakarta (0062 21 392 6966, firstname.lastname@example.org). Perth-based Coate's Wildlife Tours (PO Box 64, Bullcreek, 6149 Western Australia (+89455 6611, coates.iinet.net.au) is offering an eight-day tour from December 1 2002 to coincide with the crab migration for A$2,975 (two sharing) including flights from Perth.
When to go: The temperature is fairly steady 22-28C year round. The rainy season from December to April is slightly hotter and more humid. February and March are the wettest months.
Where to stay: Mango Tree Lodge (+89164 7189, email email@example.com) double rooms A$105. Christmas Island Resort (+89164 8888), near Lily and Ethel beaches, from A$140. Sunset (0+89164 7500, email: firstname.lastname@example.orgX), in town but with ocean views, A$90-100. Christmas Island Lodge (+89164 8288, email: email@example.com) A$75.
Flight times: Jakarta to Christmas Island: 1hr 15 mins, Perth to Christmas Island: 4 hrs.
Time difference: GMT +7hrs.
Country code: 0061.
£1 = 2.64 Australian dollars.