Victim Blaming Manipulation, A Form of Psychological Violence
One of the signs that indicate that a person has suffered from victim blaming is that they constantly apologize for everything. They ask for forgiveness before even speaking, they apologize for laughing, or feel like they need to make excuses for asking a question. All of this indicates that a latent, unfounded guilt gravitates over their world.
This type of attitude doesn’t come from thin air. What normally happens is that someone has rejected this person because of what they say or the way they act. In any case, this is definitely victim blaming manipulation.
A victim of this manipulation basically feels that they do everything wrong. The manipulator points out their mistakes and failure isn’t tolerated, nor any “incorrect” behavior. They have a hard time figuring out what they’re doing right or wrong.
Victim blaming manipulation tactics
In the life of someone who feels guilty about everything, there’s always someone who uses or used victim blaming manipulation tactics. It’s usually someone who has a history with the victim. Someone loved, admired, or who has authority over that person. The way they act is subtle, and sometimes even violent.
These are the main tactics used in victim blaming manipulation:
- Rejection (usually passive-aggressive). These actions may include not talking to the other person, looking at the other person in a defiant way, or making fun of them, without saying directly what exactly is bothering them about the other person.
- Preventing certain subjects from coming up. In this case, when some subjects come up, they respond in an aggressive way and essentially ask the other person to shut up. They never explain why; they simply tell the person to stop talking.
- Destroying trust. They use intellectual or emotional means to make the other person believe they aren’t intelligent or able to say, do, or think a certain thing. They talk about the other person’s flaws constantly.
- Refusing to accept or solve a problem. If something is questioned, the manipulator will do everything possible to avoid talking about this. This includes attacking the other person to try to get everything out on the table. They will say or insinuate that the other person’s intention is to harm them.
In short, victim blaming manipulation consists of one person violating the other person psychologically so that they aren’t questioned. Their main weapon is minimizing them through various means.
Getting out of this deadly cycle
In order to get out of this sick victim blaming manipulation game, the first thing you need to do is recognize your feelings. Do you feel guilty frequently? Do you constantly apologize for actions that don’t need to be forgiven? If so, it’s vital that you admit that someone is manipulating you. Sometimes this isn’t easy, because this person could be your mother, your partner, or someone you really love or admire.
The most important step is actually recognizing the situation. This person generally gets angry with you, or with the world. You normally feel as though you’re going to unleash this anger even more. You overcome this fear in order to move on.
Also, you need to understand that, if you’ve done something wrong, you shouldn’t hold on to guilt. Just identify what you’ve done wrong, take responsibility for it, and try to fix it. After that, there’s nothing more you can do.
Confronting the manipulation
What you should do next is stop the victim blaming manipulation. You have to very observant to do this, but also keep your cool. Here are some good methods:
- Avoid over-thinking it. Don’t submerge yourself in endless thoughts about what happened, its causes, or implications. These things are just manipulating you and you need to put a stop to it.
- Ask for clarification. Ask the manipulator to clarify exactly why what you said or did bothered them. They need to tell you what is negative about it. Try to show them that what you’re doing isn’t wrong and that they shouldn’t be angry. It may not work at first, but you’ll get good results in due time.
- Take back your right to express yourself. Remember that you have the right to express yourself and your ideas to the manipulator. Your beliefs and points of view shouldn’t bother anyone unless you try to impose them on someone else.
It’s not easy to undo victim blaming manipulation, but it’s not impossible. The secret is adopting a new attitude and being perseverant. You’ll see results in no time!