Bullies who leave no bruises
Cyber bullies ... anononymity is leading to a rise in harassment.
Photo: Rodger Cummins
The real dangers of the internet lie in what our children are
doing to each other.
"Imagine Chloe, 14, coming home from school ... Her bedroom door shuts and her parents don't see her until she is called downstairs for her evening meal. Like hundreds of thousands of parents across Australia, Chloe's parents are blissfully unaware of what is transpiring behind her door. They may assume that she is deeply absorbed in reading this year's set text for English or labouring over a hot computer in preparation for tomorrow's French test.
"Wired child Chloe is most likely surfing the net and using social networking sites such as MySpace to stay in touch with myriad people - some friends, some new acquaintances and some strangers. She will be using instant messaging programs to chat with friends and may be joining some open discussions on blogs or chat rooms to express her opinions.
She might have a window open with some schoolwork on the go, too."
This image, taken from child psychologist Michael Carr-Gregg's book, Real Wired Child, will resonate with many parents. Parental obliviousness to their children's online activities is also playing heavily in the Federal Government's advertising campaign to promote its internet safety initiative, NetAlert. "[The internet] is one of the few things parents haven't experienced themselves as teenagers," says NetAlert education trainer Greg Gebhart. "Most parents really haven't kept up to speed with the new technology."
Most of us are concerned that our children's internet use may expose them to predators or unsavoury websites. But the reality is more prosaic. The real dangers of the internet lie in what the children are doing to each other.
The cyber revolution has seen an explosion of bullying, with an alarming 25 per cent of school students reporting they've been bullied in some way online (Carr-Gregg's research, conducted through Girlfriend magazine, put that figure at 42 per cent).
Only about 4 per cent of respondents to surveys on cyberbullying will admit to having bullied themselves. But what's dawning on parents and educators is that much of the behaviour has become normalised. Our children are bullying because everyone else is doing it, unaware that it's profoundly damaging to the victim - and it's illegal.
"The anonymity of the internet bestows upon these young people a sense of power and disinhibition that really has created a whole new level of cyber harassment that we have never before experienced," Carr-Gregg says.
"No one admits that they are a bully. But if 42 per cent of kids are being bullied it's a fair bet there is a significant and similar proportion doing the bullying. There may be an argument that there's a thin line between the kids who are being bullied and the ones who are doing the bullying. They actually cross over and feed on each other."
It's easy to be a bully in the new cyber world. Harassment via email, instant messaging or SMS, posting upsetting replies in chatrooms, using defamatory material in blogs, spreading rumours or sharing private information online and uploading embarrassing photos or video clips onto websites are all behaviours that constitute bullying. Quite often the bullying is inadvertent. Teenagers might exclude friends from a chatroom, for example, or forward photos taken of unsuspecting friends on mobile phones. Children who have poor impulse control and don't think through the consequences of their actions may bully because they can, because it's being done to them or because they think it's a prank.
The thug waiting behind the bike shed has been replaced by the anonymous bully who can reach his or her victim 24 hours a day from just about any location. The bully needs no time to reflect and plan - cyberbullying is instant and the invisibility it affords reduces the level of empathy for the victim. For the first time, bullies can be younger and weaker than their victims. Many of them are girls.
Chris Webster, a 19-year-old UTS student who has studied cyberbullying through his website www.cyberbullying.info for three years, says it's evolving. "When I first started the website in 2004 the only things you heard of were instant messaging, Windows Live, AOL and Yahoo. The big thing at the moment is MySpace - [the bullies] are assuming other kids' MySpace pages or creating false pages about other people and about teachers as well," he says.
Often the first thing parents learn of their children's behaviour is when the school principal or the police turn up on the doorstep. And then things can get very serious.
Federal and state legislation covers many elements of cyberbullying and the penalties can be stiff (see box, far right). NSW Police say they are increasingly being called to deal with cyber bullying complaints.
"We do take it seriously," says Superintendent Rod Smith, acting police spokesman for youth. "We are in the 21st century and the use of all forms of electronic communication is becoming more prevalent. The statutes reflect that."
Cyber bullying can be devastating for the victim. Unlike a thump in the playground, a stream of abusive text messages can be stored and obsessed over. You can protect your children from bullying (see box, right) - but how do you stop them from becoming bullies?
Many schools have cyber bullying on the radar but are fairly ill-equipped to deal with the issue. David Ford, a partner with law firm Emil Ford & Co, argues that schools have a duty of care to protect their students from cyber bullying, whether or not it's conducted during school hours. "Many school leaders are relying upon anti-bullying strategies of a previous generation," he says.
"I don't want to discourage the girls from experimenting with technology because it's second nature to them," says Judith King, principal of Riverside Girls High School in Lane Cove. "They can't access most of these sites at school. But in 18 months expensive phones with internet access will be cheaper and the Department of Education firewalls will prevent nothing."
Some responsibility should fall to ISPs and the tech companies, though it's hard to control what is normal human behaviour. Vinton Cerf, vice-president and chief internet evangelist for Google, which operates YouTube, recently told smh.com.au that censorship and legislation probably weren't the answers to controlling cyber bullying. "We should teach kids what is socially acceptable and what isn't. That's a very important part of growing up and learning," he says.
Ninemsn, too, puts the onus on parents. "Parents need to get involved with what their kids are doing online," says spokeswoman Amanda Millar.
It's a hard call when many parents know nothing about the online world inhabited by their children. The first thing to do, the experts say, is to clue up.
"The main thing we see is kids are extremely reluctant to tell anyone about it because they fear their parents and teachers wouldn't understand this technology so they are going to remove it," Webster says. "Learn what you can about the technology. Kids love nothing more than to teach their parents."
You should also have a conversation with your kids about the seriousness and potential criminality of cyber bullying, Carr-Gregg says. Make sure they know the consequences of misusing the internet, such as a period of time offline or suspension of other privileges, which should be immediate, enforceable and time limited. In his book, Carr-Gregg proposes every family draw up an internet safety contract, with specific rules about what is acceptable online. This should include parents' rights to supervise, safety procedures and a prohibition on bullying.
Installing filtering software and leaving your children to their own devices on the net is no longer enough, Webster says. "I think it all comes back to parenting your kids."
Real Wired Child, Michael Carr-Gregg, Penguin, $19.95.
Where to get more information
How to protect your child
Talk to your child: caution them about responding in kind.
Restrict the people your child communicates with. Remove cyber bullies from the buddy list. Monitor who your child is talking to.
Restrict others from adding your child to their buddy list - these enable people to track when your child is online. Restrict this in the privacy settings.
Google your child to see what has been posted about them. Also check their screen name, nicknames, address, telephone numbers and websites.
Block the sender. Most ISPs and IM programs have a blocking feature.
Warn the sender. Bullies can use other screen names to get around the block, so you can "warn" them or "notify" your ISP, which creates a record of the incident.
Notify the ISP. Report cyber bullying to the bully's ISP. If your child's account has been hacked or password compromised, you should report it to your own ISP.
Keep the messages as evidence and report them to the school or police.
1 Getting into someone's account and using it to send abusive emails.
Offence: Unlawful access to protected data, ssection 308H Crimes Act NSW.
Maximum penalty: two years.
Offence: Intimidation, s.545AB Crimes Act NSW.
Maximum penalty: five years and/or $5500.
2 Taking a photo of X in the shower and sending it to everyone.
Offence: Indecent Filming s.21G Summary Offences Act NSW.
Maximum penalty: two years and/or $11,000.
Offence: Use of Carriage Service to Menace, Harass or Cause Offence - Criminal Code (Cwth) s.474.17
Maximum penalty: three years.
3 Teasing, making fun of or spreading rumours about someone online.
Offence: Intimidation s.545AB Crimes Act NSW.
Maximum penalty: five years and/or $5500
4 Flaming (ridiculing people in chatrooms)
May give the aggrieved person grounds to commence civil action for defamation.
5 Harassing someone or making threats electronically.
Offence: Intimidation s.545AB Crimes Act NSW.
Maximum penalty: five years and/or $5500.
Offence: Criminal Code (Cwth) s.474.15 - Use of Carriage Service to Make a Threat.
Maximum penalty 10 years (for death threat) or seven years (for threat of serious harm).
Source: NSW Police