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This term has been misused so much that it has lost its original meaning. It now means misbehaving, doing something illegal, breaking hospital rules, or annoying one’s therapist. It’s a pretty good bet that if somebody says you are acting out, they are not happy with your behavior.
It wasn’t always that way. It was Freud, I believe, who coined the term, and he meant something very precise by acting out. He meant showing in actions something that couldn’t be said in words. There was no value judgement attached; it was simply a description of a non-verbal method of communication.
In this sense, artwork is acting out, but journaling is not. Children’s play is acting out, adult games can be acting out, and so can strange or even quite ordinary behavior.
As survivors, we have to act out a lot because we have a lot to say about our past. Perhaps the information is held by a non-verbal alter or by a part that is too terrified to speak. Since the pressure to communicate is unbearable, we do the best we can to show what we are feeling and remembering.
Take self-injury, for example. I would bet dollars to donuts that when we self-injure we are re-enacting something we saw or were forced to do. Or we are following instructions that one of our abusers gave us verbally. We are communicating a memory that we don’t consciously remember.
Acting out often has a different “feel” to it than freely chosen actions. Sometimes we feel like we are in a trance, sometimes we watch ourselves doing something without engagement or emotion, sometimes we just feel compelled to do something without knowing why. Usually there is little consideration given to the consequences and little rational forethought. Sometimes there’s an internal argument beforehand – “Should I?” “Shouldn’t I?”
Some acting out comes from programmed instructions, which are like post-hypnotic suggestions. Other instances have nothing to do with programming. Acting out is a normal human way of coping, and there probably isn’t an adult on earth who has not experienced it at some time or other. It’s not crazy, it’s not abnormal, and it’s not even unusual.
It’s not helpful to blame and scold that part of you that doesn’t yet have the words to say what needs to be said. It’s far better to empathize with how frustrating it is not to be able to express yourself and to reassure that part that sometime soon they will be able to tell in words. Explain that the “don’t talk” rules no longer apply and offer the opportunity to try and tell with pictures, little figurines, or dance. It’s worth a try!
from Survivorship Notes, Vol. 2, No. 3 March 2000