PLYMOUTH, MA – Confused NASA scientists obliterated Plymouth Rock with a laser-guide missile.
NASA announced yesterday that they would be launching a manned asteroid mission by 2025, seeing their plan as a way to explore the asteroids as stepping stones to Mars. They named the new mission the “Plymouth Rock Killer” because of the potential to learn enough about asteroids so that we could destroy them if they threaten to devastate our planet.
The Obama Administration endorsed the manned asteroid mission.
But, because of the massive cut-backs at NASA, communication between NASA and the Defense Department got confused and NASA scientists inadvertently ordered the U.S. Air Force to destroy Plymouth Rock. Within ten minutes, the small rock that was resting peacefully in Plymouth Harbor, Massachusetts was obliterated with a laser-guided missile.
At the time, several tourists were taking pictures of the small rock, which had been in its location since 1920. “My brother was making faces at me when I was trying to take the picture, and then all of a sudden, there was a flash of light and the rock disappeared, ” said twelve-year-old Jimmy Burton. “The rock was gone.”
Other tourists thought it was a terrorist attack, but NASA quickly shed light on the situation. “Oops. Sorry, we made a mistake,” said one NASA official.
Plymouth Rock had been a national treasure since 1620. During the rock’s many journeys throughout the town of Plymouth numerous pieces of the Rock were taken, bought and sold. There was only 1/3 of the top portion left. that was until NASA got there signals crossed and turned it to dust.
“Houston, we have a BIG problem,” was the response from Plymouth Mayor Lori Bazmotti, who couldn’t believe that NASA would take out the cherished national rock. The Mayor said that NASA could never replace the iconic rock but that if the Obama Administration sent the town $100 million dollars and 5,000 jobs, “all will be forgotten.”
The top NASA executives were unavailable for comment. They were all busy at an Islamic outreach summit in Copenhagen. Under orders from President Obama, NASA leaders were telling Islamic leaders about all the wonderful scientific achievements that Muslims have accomplished over the centuries. In turn, the Islamic leaders were telling NASA about all their wonderful accomplishments. “It was like old friends getting together and telling each other how proud we were of each other. It was a lovely day,” said NASA Administrator, Charles Bolden.
Speaking about the destruction of Plymouth Rock, White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs told reporters that “It was just a little old rock. We need new symbols in the country anyway.” Gibbs then held up a golf ball. “This is the first golf ball President Obama hit after being inaugurated. We’re going to send this to Plymouth. They’re gonna love it!”