A few months ago my three-and-a-half-year-old daughter started school.
Although she likes it, she will not interact with the other children.
She is incredibly shy, as am I, but I try to be as confident as I can around her.
If two of her classmates come to the house for lunch, she takes the more domineering role. When she sees them the next day at school, she reverts to being shy.
What can I do to help her to be more confident and outgoing?
I can identify with your problem because one of my own children behaved in the same way, although he was a little older, at four-and-a-half.
Three-and-a-half is very young an age to expect any little person to socialise confidently and fearlessly in a crowd of people.
Separation anxiety is what psychologists call the normal desire for a small child to crave the presence of their mother or father.
Without the parent, the child becomes apprehensive and fearful in an unusual or challenging situation. Shyness will manifest itself even more than usual.
I'm not surprised that she can happily handle and enjoy a quite well-controlled environment where you are around and there are only two other children.
Her domineering role in these circumstances is reassuring that the confidence is there lurking in the background, it just needs to be nurtured and drawn out.
I would encourage her to enjoy socialising in these small groups as much as possible, either at your house or at her friends' houses. Gradually, she will gain confidence.
I wouldn't be worried that she is apprehensive at school – I would be surprised at that age if she was not.
In fact, I'm rather surprised she has started school already because most children in the UK do not start mainstream school until they are four.
I think you should talk about her behaviour with her teacher, and it might be appropriate in your daughter's case to withdraw her from mainstream school until she is four and a little more independent and mature.
It wasn't so long ago that children didn't start school until they were five, so at three-and-a-half your daughter really is still very young and vulnerable.
The NetDoctor Medical Team