LIFE IN BALANCE- Raising confident children Part 1Adeshola Ezeokoli
Raising Confident Children
Confidence is a state of being free from doubt and sure of oneself. Usually when we think of confident people we think of people who are bold, sometimes loud. We may think of extraverts. Confidence, however has nothing to do with this. There are loud people who are insecure and introverts who are confident.
Raising a confident child is about raising a child who is sure about who he is, secure in the love of God and in the acceptance of his parents. In this atmosphere children can be bold and be free to be whatever God calls them to be. Here are a few tips for raising confident children.
1. Do not belittle your children: To belittle someone is to lessen their dignity and make them feel less than they are worth. How do people belittle their children? By being harsh with them, using abusive words and statements; addressing a child’s misdeeds as though that is who they are. It is undermining a child’s sense of the good that is in him. For instance there is a difference between saying, “That was a bad thing to do”, and “You are a bad child”. The latter statement robs the child of his dignity. If statements like this are constantly spoken over a child, he or she may begin to internalize them. This can lead to a lack of confidence, ie low self esteem in the child. Children are very, very sensitive to harsh, degrading words and actions. When dealing with misbehavior address the behavior as though it were separate from the child herself.
2. Say positive things to them: Tell them you love them, that they are beautiful, that they are important to you. This is not telling them that they are better than everyone else. Tell them you are pleased with them, whenever you are. Do not only speak to your children when scolding them. Tell them they are blessed. Speak positive words over them. If they are dealing with an issue tell them it will be better. Encourage them. Be their cheerleader. Tell them that God loves them. Positivity is so scarce in our world today and a lot of children are teased and bullied and face so much negativity outside the home. At least, they should not face the same thing in their own house.
3. Refrain from negativity: As above . Now, by saying refrain from negativity, I do not mean, do not scold them for misbehavior. Even when disciplining a child it does not have to be accompanied with insults and name-calling. If you have to discipline your child and you are angry, take a time out. Return when you can be more objective.
4. Be confident yourself: In whom does your confidence lie? If it is not in God, you are on shaky ground. What does it mean to be confident yourself? Get to know you and be sure about who you are and what you stand for. Knowing who you are is key in raising a confident child. If you have low self esteem, body image issues, issues with timidity, chances are that you will pass these on to your children. Work on yourself, work on your issues.
5. Do not raise them with paranoia: Do not make your children paranoid about germs, about doomsday, about their friends, about other people. No one is out to get them. Do not transfer any irrational fears you may have, on to your children. Do not be overly suspicious of ordinary things or attach deep meaning to mundane issues. Do not live your life as though there are demons lurking behind every shrub. Living a life of fear does not inspire faith and confidence in a child.
Watch this space for part 2