Archaeologists in Turkey have made a discovery which could settle a century-old debate … and disappoint millions of children around the world.
They have unearthed what they say is likely the tomb of the original Santa Claus, or Saint Nicholas, beneath an ancient church in Demre, southern Turkey.
Demre, previously known as Myra, in Antalya province, is believed to be the birthplace of the 4th century bishop.
Around the church strange deer eat the high grass. “They shouldn’t be this far south, they are native to Finland. So we think this herd was brought here but we don’t know why”
In nearby fields corn grows and some of the corn is multi-colored like lucky charms. “We don’t eat that corn, it is strange” A chemist examined the corn and deer relationship and concluded that the deer that ate the corn were losing weight, becoming lighter and lighter. “It could be the new diet drug we have been looking for”
“He was father Christmas, he was the best” said high priest DiMitris. “He would put a coin in childrens shoes so they could buy toys, and he purchased women who were sold into islamic slavery so they wouldnt have their virtue sacrificed. He was a good man.”
Where did all the wealth come from? Apparently he made his money hauling grains to market using a team of deer and a large sled. In the winter time he was the only one who could reach the markets in bad weather so he charged the higher prices and made a fortune.
A dark figure from behind a bush whispered at us “It was the corn… the cooooorn”
The remains include decayed threads which they believe was his red robe, large black leather boots, a shiny silver belt buckle, and beside him a large bag and pipe. But there was no body or bones in the crypt. The white fur on the cap and suit was unmistakable – santa claus.The
“He is still with us, he left to the north pole these are just his old suit from when he was thinner” said the high priest of the temple, “The corn, if you know the secret, makes you live forever, but you have to eat so much of it to do that you put on a lot of weight. His glasses aren’t here… he took them with him of course”
We stood and watched the beautiful idylic place as deer pranced in the fields, seeming to leap higher and higher as if they would jump off into the sky.