It is difficult to watch a friend in distress; it can be even more difficult deciding what to do to help them. If and when you find yourself in this situation, the Counseling Service offers brief consultations to help you better understand your concerns about your friend, the dynamics of the situation, community resources, and possible plans of action. The Counseling Service also offers more in-depth workshops for groups of students sharing common concerns.
Whether or not you choose to seek support from the Counseling Service in person, the following outline is offered to help you think about how to most effectively identify and engage with a friend in need of added support.
If you ever become concerned about a roommate, teammate, or friend, you may hesitate to do anything for fear of making things worse or simply because you don't know what to do. Below are some guidelines about what to do if and when that situation arises. We'll discuss what observable behaviors may signal concern, how to engage with a friend in distress, and how to connect both them and yourself with supportive resources on campus. In our experience, after having weathered a crisis, clients often identify a friend's genuine expressions of concern as having been pivotal in helping them to get the help that they needed.
Signs of Distress
Everyone experiences distress. It can be difficult to manage academic and athletic challenges, interpersonal relationships, and changing family dynamics. More often than not, the distress we experience is temporary and circumscribed. At times, we all exhibit one or more of the behaviors listed below. However, when several of these behaviors occur at once, if they become debilitating, or if they persist over time they may signal more severe difficulties that warrant professional help.
Approaching a Friend
It can be uncomfortable to approach a friend about their well being. You may worry about invading their privacy, making things worse, or you may simply not know what to say. If you are genuinely concerned about somebody, it is okay to express interest or concern – they can always decline to talk with you if they are uncomfortable. Whatever the case, your expression of genuine concern may be what your friend needs to seek help, if not from you, from someone else. Below are some pointers for initially approaching a friend about whom you are concerned.
Talk of Suicide or Violence
You should never ignore a student's comments or behavior regarding suicide or violence. Don't assume that these are only jokes, ploys for attention, or that they are just passing moods. If you are not comfortable talking directly to your friend or you feel he/she is not responding, bring your concerns to someone at counseling services, your dean, or your residence hall supervisor. While students who talk or behave in suicidal or in violent ways certainly need your sympathy and support, don't assume that this is all they need. Individuals who have difficulty managing their feelings and impulses may require professional counseling and/or medication.
Take Care of Yourself
Engaging with someone in distress, whether as their confidant or simply as their friend, can be stressful. In addition to feelings of sympathy and a desire to help, you may also feel stressed, helpless, fatigued and even angry or resentful. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by a situation, you can call Counseling Services and receive a confidential consultation regarding your friend. Remember, while you may play a very special role in your friend's life, there are other caring individuals on campus who may be able to offer them support that you can't. It is not your role to solve your friend's problem, but to help them access resources that enable them to solve it themselves.
Consultations and other services are free and available for all Bowdoin students. All information shared in counseling is kept confidential. The office hours are Monday - Friday 9 a.m. - 5 p.m. during the academic year, a counselor is also available for emergencies after hours.
Counseling Service: 207-725-3145
Health Service: 207-725-3770
Campus Security: 207-725-3314