Whether a child is starting primary school or in their final years at high school, supporting their growing independence is a key goal for families and schools.
On this page:
- Encouraging your child to speak up
- Many ways to give input
- Engaging your child through their interests
- Encouraging more motivation for learning
- Independence as a learning goal
- Secondary school and the transition to adulthood
Encouraging your child to speak up
As children and young people mature, the adults around them can offer them more choices, and more chances to have a say in decisions that affect them. This is a key part of their learning – the knowledge that they have rights, and the confidence and skills to speak up, and to seek support to do so.
- If your child is experiencing difficulties at school, it is particularly important to seek their input. Find out more in Raising a concern with school.
Sometimes you might need to model a greater degree of consultation with your child to their teachers and other staff:
“On the whole I find that [the school staff] don’t talk to Tom. They talk to me, and I turn to him and say, ‘What do you think about that?’ I’ve made a concerted effort, because he is 16, to give him more of a voice. There were some issues at school, and I said, ‘I’ll go and talk to the teacher about it’. And then I [reconsidered, and] said, ‘Well, you go and talk to the teacher about it, and I’ll go with you’. We made an appointment, and the Principal came in and said, ‘What are the issues Jane?’ and I turned around and said, ‘What are the issues Tom?’ So he told them in his own words. The Principal was really good, and we worked through it all.” – Jane
Many ways to give input
Even non-verbal children and young people can make their preferences known, in ways that their parents and carers understand. It’s important to ensure that all of the relevant school staff know how to offer your child choices, and understand how your child expresses their preferences. Digital tools like iPads and specialist communication aids are making it much easier for many children and young people to make themselves understood:
Sara: “It doesn’t matter that she doesn’t have much language, if she doesn’t want to do something, or she doesn’t like something … you know, definitely what it is that she wants, or what she doesn’t want.”
James: “Yeah, if Daisy has an opinion on something then she’ll make her feelings pretty well known. And I think you have to become good at reading the signs, as well. You think, why? … I guess its all about knowing your child.”
Sara: “Sometimes when its just a smaller thing, like, ‘Do you want vegemite or peanut butter’, we can help her make that choice. But when its like, ‘Do you want to go to a place?’ She lets you know that she doesn’t want to go there, or if she does want to go there.”
James: “If I’ve got any regrets it’s the fact that Daisy was not born later, because I think things like the iPad are amazing communication devices. I think that’s got a lot of potential for her as a communication tool, and to make herself more clearly understood.”
Engaging your child through their interests
Whatever your child’s abilities, encourage the school to explore age-appropriate interests or activities for your child, to engage them in learning:
“We got a new principal and he came to me and said, ‘Why isn’t Todd having speech therapy? He’s got the funding.’ I said, ‘I know, but he wouldn’t speak to his speech therapist’. So he said, ‘Well, we’ll just get him one that suits him’. Totally different attitude. He got a wonderful woman. She got him playing pokemon cards – what 10 year old boy nine years ago wouldn’t play pokemon cards? She came with these games. Before she even met Todd, she said, ‘What’s he interested in? Who does he barrack for?’ They would go through the newspaper, cut out pictures – he’s mad about St Kilda. And suddenly he had all these sentences.” – Lee
Many schools devote part of the day or week to individual projects, where students can pursue a particular interest. Encourage your child to think about what they’d like to explore, and encourage the school to extend this by encouraging your child, for example, to write or do a presentation about their project.
Through the SSG and individual planning, you can have input into your child’s learning goals. Explore ways to base your child’s learning on their interests or passions – many types of activities can be extended into different areas of learning, including organisational skills, literacy, mathematics or social skills:
“There’s always different ways for a child to learn. Whatever the child is interested in, work through that. Elijah’s interested in music. So through music we taught him maths, social skills. Because for him to play a song, he needs to talk to the other musicians to get results.
He had a person here at home, coming every Tuesday to do music therapy with him [but when] he started at Thornbury primary school they had piano lessons.
That would be good, because he would learn how to play the piano, but at the same time he would have had to be with other children, in the same classroom. And he had to communicate with those other children. So we had to re-do his plan, and ask if some of his funding could be used for piano lessons at school, in order for him to learn to be in a room with other children, and communicate with other children. And that was accepted. That worked amazingly well.” – Suzannah
Encouraging more motivation for learning
As Suzannah says, if your child is involved in setting their own learning goals, and can focus their learning on an area of interest or passion, they will be much more motivated to learn, and more willing to take responsibility for their learning. Sometimes it might take time to find their area of interest, but its important to give them space to try different things.
“Self determination also is to give the child the responsibility. Let them be passionate about it. Find out what they’re passionate about. Tell them how good they are. If the passion is there in the child, feed that and create the space for them, so they can strive.
And even if they don’t succeed at something, tell them – “you tried, that’s great! Maybe try something different.” You know? “It doesn’t matter, don’t give up, just try something different.”” – Suzannah
Independence as a learning goal
Developing independence is a strong focus in every school setting. Depending on their abilities, some children and young people might always need some assistance with certain tasks, but it is important that they are active participants in their learning. Adults assisting children with physical and intellectual disabilities need to understand the importance of providing assistance without creating dependence.
What independence looks like is of course very different at different ages. And every child’s needs will continually change, as they mature and gain new skills and attributes to their personality. Share your insights about your child’s emotional development and skills with their teachers and other staff. This will help ensure that their supports and learning goals are right for now. Reflect and review your child’s progress regularly, to ensure their goals and supports assist with their ever-growing independence, as learners and in everyday life.
Secondary school and the transition to adulthood
As your child moves from primary to secondary school, it’s a good time to reflect on how far your child and family has come, to think about achievements and any obstacles you have overcome, and to plan for your hopes and dreams for the future. It’s also a time to look forward and to start thinking about how you will adjust your thinking and planning for your child, and for yourself, as the parent of a young person becoming a teenager.
Going to secondary school is a big step for all students. It is a move into the teenage years, with less reliance on parents and increased independence. The teenage years represent a transition from childhood to adulthood, and with this comes many changes—to physical development, emotions, behaviour and attitudes.
All young people deserve the opportunity to reach their full potential and secondary school plays an important role in their development. Parents and carers constantly adapt to the developmental changes that occur from the time their children are babies, then toddlers, through to kindergarten, then as primary school children.
One of the biggest challenges for parents is adapting when their child becomes a young person at secondary school, with oncoming adolescence and the emergence of independence. While this time can be challenging, by teaching your child to develop skills that build independence you can increase their self-esteem and confidence in their own abilities. This can help your child as they adjust to life at secondary school with a new learning environment and larger numbers of students and teachers. As your child gets older, your role as a parent will become one of guiding and supporting them with their own decision-making, while still acting as their advocate.