In my hero, Jake’s, language, b’trk means something like poise and decorum. It is considered both an innate skill and a learned behavior. Like many cultures, Jake’s country holds good manners and courteous behavior in high regard. Those who cannot behave with the proper level of b’trk are considered lower class, and not worthy of the rights and privileges of citizenship.
When I was young, my friends and I attended classes, not just concerning manners, but how to make others feel comfortable and how to be comfortable ourselves in the presence of our elders. These classes do not quite equate to the level of b’trk valued in Jake’s country, but they are the sort of training young people in Jake’s country and the older generations in ours received and value. Perhaps our youth need a few hints in this direction. Creativity in dress and speech is one thing. Self-destructive rudeness is another.
The idea of behaving with poise and decorum even in the presence of your enemies might be more valuable than modern western people think. I am well aware of conflicts among my friends, business associates and church congregation that could have been avoided if individuals had exercised a little b’trk in their rhetoric. There may well be times when getting in someone’s face and dressing them down may be appropriate. It is usually more fun to do so than stepping back and returning a mild and courteous response. However, most of our conflicts do not require near the level of confrontation westerners put into topics such as political differences, pet ownership, diet, clothing, books, movies, the meaning of a word, misuse of their- there- they’re, and a million other details of life that get blown out of proportion.
I think, subconsciously, we do value some level of poise and decorum. The person who flies into a rant on Facebook may soon find himself without so many friends. We condemn and shun public figures, who step outside the boundaries by publically criticizing a child. I hear cries of outrage when a representative of either political party steps outside the boundaries of poise and decorum. Of course those cries of outrage are not expressed with any respect for the beliefs of their friends and associates. And, my cousin could not help but wonder what kind of parent shows up for a meeting with the principal wearing pajama bottoms for pants.
I’m certain it is the inability of some of our social movements to treat those who disagree with them with courtesy that will cause their movement to fail. I occasionally find myself in the position of agreeing with what someone says but disagreeing violently with how they say it. Being able to present yourself and state your opinion with poise and decorum makes the difference between your opinions and statements being respected or dismissed as foolishness or being shunned by your allies.
Thus, life is easier for those who practice b’trk. Our communities and movements for social justice are more successful if the proponents practice b’trk. Think of Dr. Martin Luther King. He is respected for his role in the civil rights movement because he spoke with respect and poise. Ronald Regan won more respect than many other presidents mostly because of his poise and decorum. Either side of the aisle, the respected winners know how to behave with b’trk, so it is with us in common life.