Mobbing isn’t the same thing as bullying. It’s bullying run amuck, sweeping good people into an atmosphere of fear, rumors and lies, where group psychology takes hold. Bullying is an interpersonal conflict between two people, or one aggressive individual against a few. But mobbing is the aggression of a group of people against an individual. It’s not a fair fight. It’s not even a fight. It’s an execution. — Dr. Janice Harper, author MOBBED! A SURVIVAL GUIDE TO ADULT BULLYING & MOBBING
[UPDATE: an excerpt of this book has just been posted on Psychology Today] In my own past office horror show, I often defused the emotional impact of false accusations and worse that co-workers hurled at me by imagining the aggressors, in full carnival regalia and make up, trying to get into a clown car. More often than not, the instigator of this circus was nowhere in sight. But, while this delicious image helped me survive, it did NOT help me understand why this was happening in the first place. The question remained: why me? Just a few pages into Dr. Janice Harper’s new book, MOBBED! A SURVIVAL GUIDE TO ADULT BULLYING & MOBBING I was able to understand far more insightful ways to re-imagine co-workers. Dr. Harper is an anthropologist and her book is a vital and engaging read for anyone who’s tearing out their hair at work and/or sobbing under their desk and babbling incoherently in a futile attempt to explain the injustice of it all.
“The greatest damage from bullying comes from group aggression, when the good go bad and the bad step back and watch it all go down,” says Dr. Harper. And, to explain this horror, she’s even made the earliest research on this topic about the ‘mobbing’ tendencies of birds, and subsequent studies of chimps and rats and humans easy for the average target to understand. The connections Dr. Harper makes are fascinating and just might help tip the balance of power back toward a target who has suddenly found themselves shunned and isolated by the office pack. Here’s how…
Help For Survival & Healing
Workplace bullying has often been compared to Domestic Violence. However, chief among the differences is that during the healing process targets of spousal abuse are encouraged to understand their role in the dynamic. That doesn’t make them responsible for the outrageous actions of the perpetrator. Instead, it allows them to understand how they can recognize and avoid future situations — as opposed to avoiding all relationships. That involves contemplation of questions like: Why didn’t I recognize this sooner? What could I have done differently to protect myself? How can I fortify my boundaries? How do I stop ruminating about what happened to me and move on?
“I think it’s a very disempowering message to tell targets of workplace aggression that they had nothing to do with it,” Harper says of her approach to understanding mobbing. “It might be comforting to be told that, but it’s a comforting lie. We play an active role in all our relationships, even the dysfunctional ones, and bullying is no exception. The key is to take a long, hard look at our own roles in these workplace relationships gone bad, but to do so with tenderness and compassion toward ourselves, and toward everyone involved. Even the mean-spirited jerks. It doesn’t mean we have to forgive them. It means that the better we understand them, the faster we can heal.” Check out Part II, How to Stop – or at least survive – Mobbing, for tips on how to protect yourself emotionally & socially.
What Can I Do? Should I sue?
Harper’s book is an excellent resource for targets in any phase of their journey and covers choices and their possible repercussions that need to be made along the way: legal options; the EEOC; internal corporate policy procedures and — with a nod to the fact that HR reps are becoming far more enlightened — how to tell if an HR investigation is truly impartial or – worse – turning back on you. Chapter 5 acts as a guide to navigating “Investigations & Inquisitions.” The book is Kindle ready and available on Amazon for an affordable price ($7.99). If, like me, you don’t have a Kindle you can purchase it and read it online.
Related articles about other books that belong in your library
- New Workplace Bullying Book Offers Hope! (bullyinworkplace.com)
- Must Read Book About Workplace Bullying Legislation (bullyinworkplace.com)
- Animal Rites: What Animal Behavior Teaches Us About bullying (psychologytoday.com )