In Alice Miller's book, The Drama of the Gifted Child, she states that we can accept admiration as a substitute gratification for our primary needs. Miller identifies our unconscious needs that may have been present since childhood as; respect, understanding and being taken seriously. When we do not understand and identify our true needs, we continue to struggle to find a symbol of what love is. We will accept a false sense of gratification that can come from admiration. Having another admire us and compliment us can feel like love, but if that admirer does not show us respect or attempt to understand us or take us seriously, we will begin to feel confused, frustrated and disappointed. We may also feel like we are less, which can be confusing. If someone is giving us admiration but not meeting our needs, it can be more difficult to identify and advocate for our needs. Admiration is nice to get, but we need to be careful that we are not calling admiration love, or accepting admiration as a substitute for love.
Take this week to try to determine if you are getting love from your relationships and if not, think of ways to set boundaries so that your needs can begin to be met.
Thanks for reading and take care everyone!