Guest post by Jane Smith
Many parents still yell at their kids. To a large extent, it’s still socially acceptable to do so today. At one point in Western history, it wasn’t a big deal to hit children, deny them food, or wash out their mouths with soap as forms of punishment but in reality, shouting is not the answer.
As of the present time, these practices are all rightly regarded as abusive. However, there is still a widespread belief that the only genuine abuse is physical in nature. Most people today would agree that hitting someone is abusive. The notion that yelling at a person could be abusive is less of a mainstream idea. But it seems that the psychological research on the subject is turning against the notion that yelling at kids is effective or harmless.
1. Many children can’t put shouted statements in context.
A lot of adults understand the fact that a person who is shouting may just be having a bad day. Adults have learned that anger might not be directed at them. Shouting at adults is still not something that should be done, of course, but it’s particularly negative when it is directed at children.
According to clinical psychologist Dr. Deema Sihweil, children will almost always internalize parental anger. Kids assume that they are the reason why their parents are angry. This can make shouted messages seem much harsher than they would otherwise while adding a new layer of subtext to certain interactions.
2. The effects of shouting continue to get worse as parents shout more frequently.
Parents, who yell at their kids, tend to do it frequently. They will lose control of their temper often enough that kids are more or less exposed to this sort of anger all the time. This means that the psychological stress that kids will experience increases at the same time. This is not a form of conflict resolution that parents should rely on because the negative consequences of using it will multiply.
3. Parents who yell are relying on force to create order in a household.
Yelling is an aggressive act, whether parents want to admit it or not. Parents who yell will always have to rely on aggression in order to make a household function. As kids get older, taller, and larger, a yelling parent will not seem as frightening anymore. Parents who have set up their household this way will lose control of their kids, leaving the kids vulnerable.
4. Yelling at kids can make them aggressive later.
All parents should find a way to actually get kids to behave using methods that make them useful in the society. Parents are more or less teaching their kids how to function without them when they’re adults. When parents solve conflicts through aggression, they teach their kids to be aggressive as they grow older.
5. Yelling at kids has a wide range of different consequences.
There are serious consequences or effects that yelling does to kids. When they are exposed to too much shouting at home, children experience fear, poor academic performance, developmental delays, insomnia, heightened emotional stress, social problems, behavioral difficulties, and generalized anxiety.
Parents are asking children to sustain a lot of damage just to give themselves a temporary catharsis. They will have to seek and spend a lot of money on therapies just to solve the problems that they have unknowingly caused. Yelling is clearly not something that solves any problems.
6. Parents will not help themselves feel better by yelling at their kids.
While yelling will offer a brief catharsis, parents are often still angry after a while. The yelling did not really help them feel better. Parents are also neglecting one of their most fundamental responsibilities as parents, according to Dr. Laura Markham of Aha! Parenting. She emphasizes the fact that parents must find a way to regulate their own thoughts and feelings, and that this is a fundamental part of being a parent.
7. Yelling only escalates the conflict.
Many of the most destructive familial conflicts happen because someone started yelling, and everything eventually gets worse. Yelling is an energetic expression of anger. Parents who resort to hitting their kids start their fit by raising angry voices. Shouting matches can cause everyone involved to become angrier and less controlled, which can lead to even more spectacular displays of emotional abuse.
Yelling helps no one. It does not help parents feel better. It does not help kids become more disciplined. It makes familial conflicts worse, not better. It gives kids more problems that need to be addressed later. Yelling also teaches kids all the wrong lessons about conflict resolution.
Parents need to recognize that yelling at their kids is a form of emotional abuse. It is important that they need to find healthier ways to address or show their anger without hurting their children to ensure that they grow into well-rounded individuals.