Self-confidence is an important asset for our mental and physical health and a necessity for a good life. Building self confidence is not something that one day falls from the sky, or a lottery that a lucky person wins. Self-confidence is build and maintained day by day with simple everyday things.
Did you ever ask your self these questions: Who am I; What I know; what can I do; do I deserve it; how can I do that? Those who can answer these questions in a positive way, they stand in fairly strong legs. Those who don’t they lack one of the most important, priceless assets of our lives: self-confidence.
Self-confidence is not a gift of nature to some people but it is something that we all deserve to search for; and nonetheless we own it our selves.
What is the real meaning of self-confidence?
Confidence, self-esteem, self-respect, self-image, self-confidence, self-acceptance, and self-improvement: All these words are more or less the same: a good understanding of our selves and appreciation for what we are. Not for a picture of our selves corresponding to what others expect. It is for our self that has weaknesses and abilities, moments of desperation and moments of joy and euphoria.
Self Confidence means that we accept every moment as it is and appreciate the good and the bad from it. This gives us strength and it is an important condition for us to be satisfied with our lives and to feel confident that we can achieve at least some of our objectives.
Lack of self-confidence: a vicious circle
The lack of self-confidence, on the other hand, can create many problems and leave us a permanent bitter taste for life because:
We doubt about our capabilities and therefore we are often reluctant or we completely avoid what seems difficult. The failures discourage us, because we almost always attach them to our own inadequacy and incompetence (“I cannot manage anything!”). This leads to easily give up and not to trust us for anything.
We prefer to be «popular» instead of being really appreciated and liked, so we do not show what we are and what we can do. We do not think that we worth admiration. We do, however, make others often ignore our abilities and underestimate us.
We are constantly questioning ourselves and we need constant confirmation from others, which is tiring especially for our own people. We even come to the point were we doubt their confirmation even for their love and that makes relationships very difficult and painful.
Anyone who denies himself and undermines its capabilities and abilities, remains in “shadow”, unnoticed, and has a more rare opportunity to witness successes. In this way, it does not give himself the opportunity to feel recognition, satisfaction and admiration, so the self confidence is still low: this vicious circle in the long run can lead to serious psychological problems.
The recognition is one of the key «vitamins» of the soul. When missing, the soul suffers. Scientists suggest that apart from disturbances that have biological background, lack of self-confidence and self-esteem is the main reason for psychological problems.
Self Confidence does not have a price
It is not as important to have big self confidence as we have a big car, but to drive smart and well with what we have in order to go where we want when we want. We can have a fragile self-esteem often hit and questioned but nevertheless to live quite well with it. The how much self-confidence we have is not so important as having stability in our self-confidence that emerges from key elements of our lives:
- Our appearance and relationship with our body
- Our professional path and satisfaction
- Our relationships with others
- Any talents we may have.
It is important to base our judgement on a personal assessment: We need to feel that we are moving and growing, and not always comparing ourselves with others. Our goal is not to stop making mistakes but to avoid converting the inferiority feelings in obsessions. We need to be able to see our weaknesses without blaming and punishing ourselves but trying to calmly and slowly improve without forgetting our “strong cards” (we all have one).
Exercises on building self confidence
The road to the conquest of self-esteem and positive self-confidence is no magic way, we do not just wake up one day and we have succeeded. There is a set of small daily exercises we can easily follow; in regards to the relationship we have with our selves and in our relationship with others that can help us improve our self-confidence.
Keep clear attitude in misfortunes and difficulties of daily life (contingencies, delays, bad luck). Do not experience them as injustices or evidence about how incapable you are, but as natural phenomena that nobody can avoid in his life.
Remind yourself that these are problems that you need to resolve, not bad luck that you have to deal with or things that you should feel sorry about.
Look for solutions, consider: “How can I solve this problem?” instead of constantly looking for who is to blame.
Put yourself the question: “What will be left over from this unhappy situation in one, two or five years? Putting this in the future, many times you will find that almost nothing is worth the confusion caused you at the beginning.
There is no reason to magnify the problems. Try to solve them, rather than feeling disappointed and desperate.
Not everything is laid out “in your hands!”
When you feel that you lose ground and that you cannot control a situation, remind yourself of the reasons to continue to have faith. The fate, the unpredictable, what we would like is often closer than we imagine. Remember the day when you thought that you missed the plane but eventually it was delayed. Remember the time that you though you could not achieve a task but you finally did it. Keep these moments of your life alive and revoke them in your memory when you feel that things did not turned out as you would like. Relax and take control of the situation.
Believe in your strengths, move ahead and accept that some things are not «in your hand». You cannot control them but you can follow them as they come. This makes them more interesting.
Ask and listen
When you have concerns or doubts (after a presentation, a dispute, a decision), then make it a habit to ask others their detailed view: what they consider to be good at what you did, and what in their opinion you should have done otherwise (Just think about it). Try not to start immediately to justify yourself, but listen and leave little time to think what you hear.
Learn to ask the opinion of others, which is necessary to understand yourself better. We do not need others only to confirm us when and where we want. The criticism is very useful even if sometimes we don’t like what we hear.
Build your self-confidence
Believing that self-confidence is a characteristic that brings dynamism, openness, impressive presence, and that is something that is generally consider ‘extra ordinary’, many people come to the conclusion that they have no confidence and so they feel miserable and unhappy. Yet all of us without exception have self-confidence in things we do in our lives as irrelevant they may seem.
Experiment with your limits
Make every day an effort to try things you want, even small and not so important without the need to be successful. If for example you prefer another table from what they gave you at a restaurant, get it.
If you believe that they should make you discount because you find the price a little too much, tell them and ask for a discount. If they give you a discount then that’s even better, if not never mind, the important thing is that you asked what you wanted.
A «failure» does not degrade you, just shows the limits of others to satisfy your desires. This can teach you something. To deny trying these simple things, this does not show you anything else but your own limits.
The purpose of your actions must be experience, discovery, expansion of your understanding, «Look, this can be done too». Not the success. Do not put yourself under the pressure of success, except in exceptional cases when necessary.
It’s the journey that counts
Each time you make a mistake, each time you start doubting and having negative thoughts try not to be disappointed and especially not to blame yourself about it. Show your self-mercy, as you would do for a good friend who came to ask for your help when he is experiencing a difficult situation.
In such a case wouldn’t you try to stand by him and to encourage him? Tell yourself that it is not easy thing to do and that you are an apprentice. What is the reason to punish someone who learns and has difficulties?
To believe in your self is like a long journey. You will be many times lost in the way, you will wonder if you are made about this and sometimes you will lose your faith. But do not give up, continue to go and for sure you will find the front end of your trip.