Mothers Without Children
Many mothers do not have children to show they are mothers. Many more wish to be mothers but have not been able to become pregnant or give birth due to infertility or other health related problems.
International Bereaved Mothers Day was created to remind people about the true meaning of Mother’s Day. Do you know who started it? Anna Jarvis officially founded the traditional Mother’s Day to honour her mother Ann who experienced the death of 7 of her children and somehow through the years it has turned into a commercialized mess that corporate companies make millions of dollars from, but the worst thing is that bereaved mothers are completely forgotten. This day was created in honour of a bereaved mother. So I think it is time to take Mother’s day back to its roots. It is time to honour all mothers.
The traditional Mothers Day has proven to be an emotionally difficult day for so many mothers around the world. Mother’s Day needs to be healed and together we can heal it. International Bereaved Mother’s Day is a temporary movement. We take part in this day to use our voices to speak up and about what the true meaning of Mother’s Day. It is our greatest hope that sometime in the near future all mothers will be remembered and recognized.
Chances are that you are a bereaved mother or father yourself or that you know someone who is. There are lots of words written about what not to say in response to grief but not enough about how to respond to grief.
The three simplest things to say are:
- I am sorry for your loss
- I am here for you.
- I don’t know what to say, I’m lost for words.
Whatever you do or say, remember these things:
- Acknowledge the parents: Show them and tell them you care, accept them as they are, respect that they won’t get over the loss
- Listen but do not try and fix: Ask questions instead of telling someone what to do, listen to the parent’s stories, continue to interact, respect their space and beliefs without imposing yours
- Encourage and give them hope: acknowledge the baby, don’t be afraid to speak about the child and say his or her name
- Practice the Art of Presence: be there with tact and respect, allow time for healing, sit with the parent through painful emotions, should they wish that.
It is an illusion that in times of crisis people need space. Respect someone’s wish, if they tell you so. Otherwise, be present.
So, given we celebrate Mother’s Day today, why not remember International Bereaved Mothers Day was Sunday May 4th 2014. Connect with someone you know, who has lost a baby. Send them some encouragement. In remembrance of all mothers, a group of women held a event which is now available as a replay. Visit International Bereaved Mothers Day community on Facebook for the details.