Today we will examine "Scherzo à la Russe" by Igor Stravinsky, which translates (Italian scherzo=joke, French Russe etc.) into English as "Ding Dong, The Witch is Dead" by Harold Arlen. If we listen carefully, we will detect cadences and snatches of melody that evoke happy Munchkins, but the discerning ballet aficionado will immediately see the story is about American football.
The action takes place at the 50-yard line, which we are invited to imagine bisecting center stage, front to back. As a demonstration of Cold War Detente, an American Football team is invited to compete in an exhibition game in Russia. The athletes arrive in Moscow but their luggage is held up at La Guardia, so they are given tiaras and nightgowns. Meanwhile, upon realizing their country has no football team, Russian officials secretly place a 160-foot-long mirror on the 50-yard-line.
The American team tries everything to intimidate the opposition. They stand on tiptoe to appear taller. The ruse is instantly copied by the team in the mirror, as are all their tactics. Strangely, this causes little concern because nobody can find the football either. They dance around looking for it but nobody gets upset. It becomes obvious the contest will be a draw and captains of both teams will receive bouquets. Which is precisely what happens.