Promoting relational growth in young adults
Published 6:00 am, Sunday, March 16, 2014
Partnering with the Midland County Youth Violence Prevention Partnership, Midland County schools make a monthly effort to emphasize important life skills that enhance a positive lifestyle for students. Recently, they have been highlighting healthy relationships. This is a supplement for parents to use in enhancing that effort.
The ongoing evolution of relationships has young people running to catch up.
Technology, cultural attitudes, globalism and role erosion has expanded the landscape into a matrix of complicated interactions, inactions and behaviors. Many adults are running along-side their children trying to insert a foundation of values and behaviors, while other parents have simply thrown their hands in the air in surrender. The struggle that emerges is what to do with so much information. Along with this is the struggle to develop a foundation strong enough to weather relational issues such as stress, abuse, bullying and forms of harassment.
Breaking it down
and taking a closer look
Underneath the onslaught of interactions, relationships sprout. These relationships have the ability to succeed or fail based on the influence of several basic fundamental principals. These principals or “seeds” must be planted early and often in order to grow.
Without them, people struggle and many times gravitate towards negative and destructive relational values and behaviors. Therefore, to ensure that our children grow relationally and are able to have successful interactions at any level, parents and adult influences need to focus their energies into nourishing these basic relational principles.
They need to be introduced to children early and have “weight” added to them as a child grows. It is important to keep in mind two basic assumptions. First, all individuals strive to be competent relationally. Secondly, all people have a strong need to be included (feel a part of something, i.e yearn for healthy interactions). This means that parents and influential adults have the responsibility to make sure they are developing relationally savvy children. The following relational principles are strong building blocks to healthy relationships:
• Respect: Having admiration and making an effort to empower and uplift others as opposed to breaking them down. Respect is an understanding and validation of people’s personal boundaries as well as protecting one’s own boundaries. It involves behaving in a way that does not intimidate or manipulate.
• Encouragement/Support: Support and genuine enthusiasm towards another is very powerful for the mental, emotional and physical growth of people. In a society that saturates itself in destructive interactions, the momentum behind an encourager is priceless. People need to be surrounded by supportive individuals who help shape and strengthen the resolve of others.
• Trust: Having confidence in those around you in terms of honesty, reliability, emotional strength and acceptance, nurtures growth and confidence in a relationship. Trust is a strong bonding mechanism in relationships. It can seal closeness. The lack of it can drive a painful wedge that is not easily healed. Many strive for trust as the number one foundational entity of all relationships.
• Flexibility: In a world with diverse interests and so many opportunities, limiting one’s ability to be flexible and go in new or uncharted directions limits relational development. This does not mean compromising values or chasing behaviors that go against your personal safety. It does mean that energy and enthusiasm in a relationship, in part, comes from the flexibility to try new things and allow others’ ideas and interests to trump yours.
• Empathy/Compassion: Our world has an abundance of care and concern for people. Unfortunately, in our smaller circle of compassion we tend to not be as sympathetic or concerned. Many are quick to form opinions and judgments based on sight, smell, race, economic status and other factors. Being compassionate is loving unconditionally. It is a strengthening of the heart to show concern and care for anyone regardless of the “who” and “what” in the world. Compassion transcends any boundaries to include anyone regardless of their proximity to your life.
• Independence: Independence is the ability to grow closer in a relationship while maintaining a unique, positive and individual life experience. Individuals were not created as objects of manipulation or control. We were all endowed gifts and abilities to share with others. These gifts and abilities are not to be abandoned or shelved, they are to be celebrated, enhanced and shared. One of the most endearing qualities of a healthy relationship is maintaining an independent spirit while interacting and growing close to others. Independence, once lost, is deflating and repressive. Losing our independence robs people of their uniqueness and specialness that makes them who they are.
• Forgiveness: Forgiving someone and moving in a positive direction is tough in a relationship. Many times human nature trips people into making excuses, blaming others, retreating or quitting rather than forgiving or letting go. For some, the weight of resentment from a lack of being forgiven or by not forgiving creates a heavy burden. The inability to forgive creates a relational hurdle to healing for everyone involved. Without forgiveness, people set out on a path that will only end in broken relationships. Forgiveness is a hard skill to perfect. It is more a work in progress and takes a sincere effort. The ability to forgive is something that needs to be established early in a relationship. Just as important is being able to be forgiven, which rounds out a healthy step in the road to relational success.
• Intimate Communication: The ability to communicate without barriers and insecurities is a dying art. Fortified by technology, our apprehension to closeness has grown steadily. Young people, especially, struggle to interact significantly without understanding the long-term consequences of their lack of intimate communication. Personal communication is success; in the world of work, in long-term relationships, in helping others, in helping ourselves, in creating and strengthening friendships and in the athletic realm. It is essential to develop and maintain a strong skill-set of communication skills for all aspects of daily life. Examples of this include, face to face interactions, nonsexual touch, empathy, reflective listening, patience and respect.
• Servant Heart: A servant heart is a basic human understanding that we are to lift up people and put other’s needs ahead of many of our needs. It is empowering people to succeed and in return being empowered by our actions. A servant heart transcends unselfishness and is a reciprocal point of emphasis to love others and be loved back. As idealistic as it sounds, the proof is in the experience. Those who strive to achieve the servant heart walk taller, feel more confident, gain strength and experience a high level of relational success. Individuals with a servant heart are bold. They carry little or no apprehensions to interact with others.
In an ever-changing social climate, passing on the skills of effective communication and positive interactions ensure a solid foundation for social survival. We owe it to youth to equip them with the tools to succeed. While we cannot always keep up with their trends or match their energy (as much as we would like to), we can influence young people to gain a better understanding of positive human relationships. We can help them to be loving, interactive individuals who are respectful and compassionate in all levels of their relationships.
Kurt W. Faust of Midland represents the Midland County Youth Violence Prevention Partnership and is founder, STEP Up Coach Inc.