What does bereavement mean?
Bereavement is the process in which you feel deep sadness over the loss of a partner, family member, friend, neighbour or colleague. Bereavment effects us all in different ways and we express our bereavement through grief.
The symptoms of grief
Dealing with grief is a unique process and it can affect everyone differently. Grieving is a very private and personal matter; some people prefer to grieve by carrying on with their usual routine as soon as they feel comfortable, whereas others may seem withdrawn and may remove themselves from their daily social environment.
Understanding whether you are experiencing any of the following symptoms can often help you prepare for how you deal with bereavement. Recognising what these signs are is a good way to learn how to cope, taking your time to feel these rather than brushing them aside as if nothing traumatic has happened.
How to deal with bereavement
1. Let it all out
Coping with bereavement is not something you should expect to change overnight. To grieve is allowing yourself time to heal and let your pain out. When you feel sad, feel it, don’t hold it in. It is ok to feel sad and cry when you are grieving.
Whether it’s going for a long walk, or taking a trip away; whatever you feel is best to help let out your emotions is a fantastic first step to coping with loss, as long as you do not pose a risk to yourself.
2. Find a support network
Speak to friends and family members about how you’re doing, even if you don’t bring up the topic of loss, it’s good to keep engaged with people, and to be around people when you’re ready to socialise and process your feelings. Doing this can actually help make things seem ‘normal’. Sometimes withdrawing yourself can make socialising with others a bigger task than initially thought, as the longer you avoid it, it can build into a bigger task to face.
Keeping in touch with your support network can help alleviate these thoughts in a non-judgemental environment. Your support network can provide reassurance in keeping you motivated and at ease with continuing your usual routine. If you find yourself surrounded by people who don’t support you or aren’t understanding what you’re experiencing, there is nothing wrong with removing yourself from that situation.
3. Don’t feel guilty
People who are grieving can often feel guilty that they are continuing with their lives as to sitting at home and shutting themselves away from any source of happiness. This is completely normal. It’s only natural if you dwell on the fact you’re having a good time even though there has been a traumatic event in your life. The main thing is to share these feelings with your support network so they can provide reassurance and care.
4. Remember the good times
When you’re ready, remember the good times you had with the person you lost. It can be quite useful to reflect back on happy memories, which may feel sad, but can also motivate you and feel comfort by knowing that those memories will always exist and never go away.
5. Keep active
Keeping active doesn’t have to mean participating in sports. Tasks which you have always enjoyed or even trying new things, such as volunteering, is a positive way to distract yourself and keep you busy from dwelling on negative thoughts. Positive activities like this can be reassuring and give hope that life continues – you can do this! Although, understandably, it may seem very overwhelming at the time.
6. Surround yourself with good people
Spend time with good people who make you feel good about yourself and are understanding of your feelings. Make time with people who are fun and positive. Try not to put a time frame on when these social gatherings should feel ‘normal’. They may seem a bit awkward at first but they will soon become more enjoyable and help you to ease back into your usual social routine.
7. Give yourself time
Forcing yourself to seem ‘OK’ and ‘happy’ can affect how you deal with grief is a natural front commonly undertaken by someone who has experienced a loss. Throughout this process, you have to give yourself time to heal and take each day as it comes; whether that’s embracing a particularly upsetting moment, or taking delight in a lovely sunny day. What can seem tricky to comprehend at first, life does go on, grieving does get easier and you are entitled to continue your life and enjoy it.