How to Argue
Every couple fights sometimes, it’s normal. But why is it that some couples can bounce back from an argument while others end up full of resentment and eventually break up? It’s simple, like everything in life, arguing has rules. Here are a few basic things to remember when you’re mad:
No personal jabs
This should be obvious, so why do people result to personal attacks in heated moments? Yelling out “you’re just like your mother” won’t help to resolve anything. If you know your girlfriend well, you know what will hurt her. In a moment of anger you might want to take that jab, but you might be opening a wound that will never properly heal.
Again, this should be obvious. It doesn’t help anything, and can only make your argument worse. Don’t go there.
Don’t bring up past arguments
The key to resolving an argument is to stick to the issue at hand. Re-opening past wounds doesn’t help heal present ones. If you’re upset about something, talk about that. Everything else is irrelevant.
Instead of approaching your girlfriend with an attack about her behaviour, why not just tell her that your feelings are hurt, and why? There’s a big difference between “you always do this” and “it hurts me when you do this, it makes me feel like you don’t care.” In the first instance she will respond defensively, denial and anger will ensue. In the second instance she will be more open to listen to what you have to say, and more willing to change her behaviour.