Debra Hasbrook, M.Ed.
The day I gave birth to my twins began a great adventure of raising two babies at once. I was a home provider, so my children were together for preschool yet they also had opportunities to develop peer relationships. They were unique individuals from birth, with different personalities and needs. Though they were fraternal they looked identical, and still do. I did not dress them alike, as I wanted them to have their own identity. Upside, when we look back at their pictures it is easier to tell who is who.
As luck would have it my daughter also gave birth to twins. They are also fraternal, but do not look alike. She has embraces their twin-ness and dresses them the same. They are currently in care together, with the decision yet to be made about separate classrooms. They are unique individuals with different personalities and needs.
When my daughters began kindergarten I was given the choice of keeping them together or separating them. I chose to separate them because one twin was dominant and one twin was passive. This gave both an opportunity to make different friends and gain an individual identity. There is research on both sides of the separate or don’t separate twins in school. But this decision belongs to the parents or guardians.
More and more twins and multiples are born every year. Having or caring for twins is not like caring for two children close in age. Initially twins have a very unique and special bond and relationship. They may develop their own language. Twins are individuals and may present different developmental needs and pass through developmental milestones at a different pace. Do not compare them with each other, this can be very damaging. We must work with them as individual children not as pair, yet understanding that their relationship to each other is unique. Here is some information about working with twins.