Perfection is defined as “conforming absolutely to the description or definition of an ideal type.” Perfectionists believe they can attain what they consider ideal, regardless of how tangible it actually is. They interpret the world around them with all-or-nothing logic, labeling things either “perfect” or “unworthy.”
To measure the pathology of perfectionism, Paul Hewitt and Gordon Flett, professors of psychology in Canada, and their colleagues created the Perfectionist Self-Presentation Scale. The scale rates three aspects of perfectionism: advertising one’s own perfection, avoiding situations in which one might appear to be imperfect, and failing to disclose situations in which one has been imperfect. In their research, described in an article in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in 2003, they found that perfectionists agreed with statements like the following:
- If I seem perfect, others will view me more positively.
- I must appear to be in control of my actions at all times.
- Failing at something is awful if other people know about it.
- I will do anything to cover up a mistake.
- I should always keep my problems to myself.
- Admitting failure to others is the worst thing possible.
In the Roeper Review, David Burns, noted psychologist working in the field of perfectionism and self-esteem, defined perfectionists as “people who strain compulsively and unremittingly toward impossible goals and who measure their own worth entirely in terms of productivity and accomplishment.” This level of straining and obsessing has negative impacts on many aspects of a perfectionist’s life. While it seems intuitive that perfectionists would be more productive than nonperfectionists, in fact, because they fear performing poorly, they often procrastinate.
Perfectionism, like any obsession, can create problems with relationships and intimacy. Perfectionists cover up failures, fears, and perceived flaws. This secretive behavior gets in the way of loving others and being loved. Sometimes perfectionists project their rigidity onto others, expecting the people around them to adhere to their ideals of excellence. As a result, intimacy is compromised as loved ones are held hostage to an impossible standard.
“Rather than experiencing a full and healthy range of emotions, a perfectionist often vacillates between two emotions—dread and relief. The roller-coastering pattern of dread and relief endlessly repeats itself in the life of a non-recovered perfectionist,” wrote psychologist Shauna Springer, a relationship and lifestyle researcher, in a blog post on the Psychology Today website. She further explains that the perfectionist lives mostly in a state of dread, fearing mistakes, failure, or being “found out” as an imposter. Completing a task in a “perfect” way creates a sense of relief. This relief, however, is short-lived, and the cycle begins all over again.
This pattern creates a high level of anxiety. Combine anxiety with a secretive mindset and all-or-nothing thinking and it’s easy to understand why perfectionists exhibit impoverished decision-making abilities compared to the general population.
This trait, which is often culturally applauded, can be self-abusive and toxic. Perfectionism has been linked to depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and suicide. In fact, recent research suggests that the link between perfectionism and suicide has been greatly underestimated. Due to their impossible standards, perfectionists tend to experience more feelings of hopelessness and are less likely to reach out to others. When they reach a decision to end their life, they don’t speak about it and are precise in their actions.
“The unchecked striving for more, for endless growth, is a dysfunction and a disease. It is the same dysfunction the cancerous cell manifests, whose only goal is to simply multiply itself, unaware that it is bringing about its own destruction by destroying the organism of which it is a part,” wrote Eckhart Tolle in A New Earth.
Perfectionists crave a thing they can’t have. On the odd chance they get it, they feel relief. When they don’t have it or can’t get it, they feel duress. Most perfectionists in the cycle understand that something is wrong, but they can’t stop “straining compulsively.”
When a perfectionist practices yoga, she is likely to measure her asanas against those of other students. She believes there is one “right” way to do the posture regardless of individual anatomy. She creates rules of yoga so she can pass or fail a class, and has difficulty finding her edge because she fears floundering in front of others. At the end of class, in savasana (relaxation pose), she does not relax but anxiously tallies good (relieving) and bad (dreadful) moments.
Just like the rest of us, perfectionists have thoughts, opinions, and beliefs that cycle through their minds over and over again. In 2013, University of Pittsburgh researchers found that the practice of mindfulness could disrupt such mind chatter and indeed alter the structure of the brain. Researchers Adrienne Taren, J. David Creswell, and Peter Gianoro used Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), a technique developed in 1979, with study participants who learned specific stress reduction techniques as a group and practiced meditation and yoga on their own for eight weeks. Brain imaging before and at the end of the study showed that the participants’ amygdalas, the flight-or-fight center of the brain, shrank and the prefrontal cortex, the area of the brain associated with decision-making and concentration, increased in size. These results are an astounding demonstration of our ability to change.
Mindfulness is an exquisite tool for the perfectionist. By focusing on the present moment with acceptance and compassion, perfectionists begin to detach from their obsessive, circular thinking. Their awareness is directed to the senses, and they begin to feel the sensations of the subtle body that have been closed down. Eventually, by stepping outside of the perfectionism cycle, they let go of their rigid standards and learn to accept themselves and others as they are.
Some people may find their minds are too busy to delve right into quiet time on a meditation cushion. They may live in a high-stress environment, struggle with anxiety, or simply be strongly culturally conditioned to always be doing and thinking. Yoga, qi gong, tai chi, or taking a silent walk are all ways one can be mindful while moving. Mindfulness is a way of life, not a mere moment in a day, and there are many ways to practice. Mindfulness helps perfectionists, and everyone else, to move past their ego, their fears, and their “unchecked striving for more” into the beauty and, dare I say perfection, of each moment.