A strong sense of self can be born of many circumstances. Whatever the combination of factors, we help our child and the situation most when we acknowledge and respect that each child is a separate being, with their own thoughts, needs, and ways of processing life.
We can better set rules, boundaries, that our children comply with when we are clean and clear about the boundaries we place around ourselves. What are we going to follow-through with when they do something? What are we going to collaborate about with them?
This perspective of young Trevor’s is widespread among gifted children. They have highly sensitive radars for picking up hypocrisy and the source of the rule. They know when the rule is focused on meeting the parent’s need and perspective without consideration of the child’s need and perspective. These children trust themselves before they trust the parents. They won’t be disregarded. They go into survival mode for their identity as a sovereign being. No consequence is going to change that for some of them. For others, it will break them.
Collaboration on rules that are negotiable builds self-efficacy and connected relationships.