Q: We have a 2-1/2-year-old who used to be a good eater. She was always fussy but still ate a pretty healthy diet. That's all changed over the last few weeks. She now only eats potato chips, cookies and ice cream. We have tried bribery, punishment and even starvation. That is, we let her go through breakfast and lunch some days with no food because she refuses to eat anything healthy. So then we'll give in and give her some of the junk food she insists on eating so she won't starve as she's crying and crying that she's hungry. It's heartbreaking and we're worried about her. Is this just a stage? Any suggestions?
A: This really isn't about diet; it's a power struggle. Your daughter has learned that if she doesn't eat healthy food, she will get junk food. Yes, it takes a while, but she's willing to wait you out as she knows you'll eventually give in.
She's trained you very well.
Toddlers have so little control over their lives that the stubborn ones often use food as a way of controlling their parents. If the parents give in with food, it can soon spread to other issues, like bedtime, potty training, etc.
She's very young but can understand that if she eats something healthy, she will get a small treat.
Don't bother trying to educate her on the importance of a healthy diet. Just keep it plain and simple: "If you eat your fruit and yogurt, you can then have a cookie."
The more negotiations and dialogue you allow yourself to be pulled into, the weaker you will appear to her. You've already explained yourself, she knows what's going on, and it's now up to her.
Stay calm and in control and if she starts crying, offer her the yogurt (or whatever you've chosen as her healthy food).
If she doesn't want it and starts throwing a tantrum then that's her choice. She'll soon realize you mean business and will start eating healthy food again.
In the meantime, don't worry about her starving. Toddlers do not starve themselves to death. They may starve themselves to get their own way, but once they realize that's not an option, they will give up and eat.