There are many times in Couples Therapy in Omaha, the male is described as insensitive. It isn’t always the male that gets called this name, but it is more often the male. Usually the term “Insensitive Man” ends up to mean that the offending partner pulls back and stops talking.
John Gottman describes this as “stonewalling,” and it is problematic for couples when one of the partners stonewalls, or stops talking for a length of time. And why does this partner, regardless of gender, stop talking so strongly, in essence become a “stone wall?” In couples therapy in Omaha, it usually is revealed that the stonewalling insensitive person is actually, when we dig down deeply enough, sensitive, not insensitive. So could it be that the insensitive partner, when faced with who they are, are hiding their sensitivity? Are actually over-sensitive?
Many times this is exactly the case. The insensitive partner is using a strong (often damaging) tactic of stonewalling to cover over to stop the pain. And there are individuals that yell to cover their sensitivity. But what is sensitivity?
The person that is sensitive as it unfolds in couples therapy is one who gets hurt and withdraws, regardless of gender. There are individuals that hide their sensitivity with bluster, anger and yelling, and being controlling also. And usually the sensitivity is that the partner gets hurt and doesn’t know how to express the sensitivity or the hurt (or, sometimes, any weakness) in a direct fashion, and, instead, this type of person developed a pattern of stonewalling (or bluster, or anger, or control, etc.).
One of the ways to begin to deal with the Sensitive-But-Hiding-It partner is to recognize that this is what is happening. The partner of the sensitive individual may have tried in many ways in the past to work with this issue, but, most likely was not sensitive enough with the partner’s sensitivity. It might be more accurate to say that one has to work more carefully with someone that is over-sensitive. A partner has to become more careful and use different ways that what hasn’t worked before. And the over-sensitive person has to begin to look at who they really are.
Many times it takes the help of a couples therapist in couples therapy in Omaha for both sides to get the help they need to deal with over-sensitiveness.
Dr. Robert G. Kraft is a career psychologist in Omaha, NE. He earned his doctorate, as well as his bachelors and masters before that, from the University of Nebraska at Lincoln, and has practiced in Nebraska ever since.
As well as maintaining his practice, Dr. Kraft is an Associate Clinical Professor in the Department of Psychiatry at the Creighton University School of Medicine, where he teaches residents about psychotherapy.