Supersurvivors are individuals who not only rebuilt their lives, but also thrive and grow in ways never previously imagined.
One of the key characteristic of these people is their ability to forgive.
Forgiveness is still a phenomenon. The research shows a large representative sampling of American people on various religious topics found that 94% said it was important to forgive, but 85% said they needed some outside help to be able to forgive. A few years ago, I heard that there was another research project on forgiveness found that only 25% of the people polled had the capacity to forgive.
Apparently we believe in forgiveness, but don’t know how.
A new book entitled, Supersurvivors: The Surprising link between Suffering and Success, written by authors David B. Feldman and Lee Daniel Kravetz, illustrates this. Through interviews the authors were able to isolate five characteristics of these super human beings.
Supersurvivors all had a grounded sense of hope, which is described as “an approach to life involving building one’s choices on a firm understanding of reality.”
They were delusional in a good sense of the word. They were able to push back nay-sayers in order to try the extra-ordinary. Without some delusional thinking, Supersurvivors may find recovery intimidating or even impossible.
They were able to remain open to others who wished to support them. In other words they pushed through the natural response to trauma to isolate themselves, to remain open to others.
They were able to forgive. As Archbishop Desmond Tutu says, “Without forgiveness there is no hope.” These Supersurvivors do not hold grudges. It is their ability to forgive that enables them to fully accept what has happened and move forward.
And lastly they had faith. “Whatever their believe system, these people are able to tap into the power of connection with something larger than themselves.”
According to the book, two decades of research has revealed that on an average 50 to 80 percent of people who have lived through trauma say that they’ve grown in some way. Even in the midst of pain they’ve opened up to and embraced new choices. “This is an incredible testament to the power of the human spirit in the face of tragedy.”
Every situation in life- though disappointing at first – opens up new possibilities if we can forgive.
Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.
- Paul Boese
Couples Counsellor and Coach