CORPUS CHRISTI - Any kid can become a bully and pick on others. Even the good ones.
So said psychologist and educator JoAnn Deak on Friday afternoon at St. James Episcopal School during the school's H-E-B Lecture series.
But bullying can be stopped. It takes parents. It takes educators. It takes a little conversation with an adult and a little encouragement to accept others, she said.
"After we are taken out of our comfort zone," Deak said, "we can learn to accept others and stop the bullying."
Bullying and its effects have made national news recently when a 15-year-old hanged herself in January after enduring the taunts of bullies at her Massachusetts high school.
Deak said a person's emotional memory is created within the first 20 years, and girls especially can be sensitive to bullies' attacks.
"Kids get upset easily and don't use their judgment, they get angry very fast," said Deak, who has spent more than 30 years in education and psychology in Ohio. "We need to understand that and accommodate it."
Often, kids who bully others are in need of special attention, she said. Many times bullies can be hypersensitive and deal with their self-esteem issues or troubles at home through the shield of mean actions, Deak said.
"When kids are unjustifiably mean to others they might as well be wearing a sign that says 'Something is wrong with me,'" she said.
Whatever the cause, bullying can be damaging on both sides, she said.
"Put-downs and contempt erodes a child's self-esteem, not only of the victim, but of the bully, too," Deak said.
Carla Hoffman brought her two 11-year-old daughters to the lecture.
"I feel like I've been given a road map to try and steer my children in the right direction," she said.
Hoffman tries to intervene when she can when her kids experience bullies. Every parent has dealt with bullying at some point, whether in a school or social situation, she said.
"And we can all remember from our own childhood a situation where a bully affected us," she said.
Hoffman bought one of Deak's books.
For educators and parents to deal with bullies, the most important thing is creating a dialogue, Deak said.
"Don't close the door on communication with your child," she said. "It's our job to help mold them, to teach them it's OK to have missteps because that is the best way to learn."
To take kids out of their comfort shells, Deak recommends changing up the seating chart in a classroom every week or two. She calls it the "Baskin Robbins Friendship."
"Expand your tolerance to expand all of the flavors, all kinds of friends," Deak said.
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