Nowadays people make new friends through social networks and internet chat groups. Some people think this is good. Others think that face-to-face interaction is essential. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
With the proliferation
in of the internet technology, (Technology can’t proliferate. The internet can.) communication among people has now (Why use now? Has = present tense. Now = present. Unnecessary words hamper your LR score.) become easier than ever before. While some people argue that building new relationships friendships (making friends online) over online platforms is beneficial to them (Unnecessary words) since it opens up the opportunity to gain exposure of foreign countries, I believe , (Wrong punctuation.) physical meetings are essential as it brings they bring (Subject-Pronoun mistake.) transparency in a relation.
Note that there is nothing wrong in using the word friends as given in the question. This also prevents you from repeating the word relation. There are numerous LR issues in the introduction.
In online chat groups, (can you name a few groups? Make your response as specific as possible.) In Facebook, WhatsApp, and Baidu groups, people from all around the world are available under the same roof. Some groups are created to enable people to connect with people to connect people following the same profession in (use fewer words. Avoid word repetitions – people.) from different countries with the same profession. (Wrong object placement.) They transfer share useful knowledge among with each other and also share help in searching (offer) better job opportunities. (Knowledge can’t be transferred.) For instance, a friend of mine in India got connected with a software engineer from Singapore through Linkedin. He learned new programming tricks , and (wrong comma placement. Here, the comma is intended to create a modifier. AND is a conjunction. It is not a part of the modifier.) , with the reference of the same friend (I can see your friend, not any friend from Singapore.), he was able to secure an aspiring job in the Singapore office of Google. (1)
1. Why create a situation in which you have to worry about pronoun confusion? You can’t use one pronoun to refer to your friend and his Singapore connection. Let us re-build the example: For instance, I recently connected with a software engineer from Singapore through Linkedin and we soon became close friends. He not only taught me upcoming technologies such as Python but also referred me to Google’s Singapore office for the position of a developer.
Though you’ve made a nice attempt in developing the above paragraph, there are numerous LR and GR issues. The example could have been better constructed.
On the other hand, (2) physical meetings reveal the true identity of a person. Behaviour, way of talking, and body language
, which depicts that express (2) a person’s character identity, cannot be hidden in face-to-face meetings. In order to make a durable and long-lasting relation, one must be familiar with these personality traits of the other person each other. For instance, I made an online friend on Facebook. (Too simple structure.) She seems seemed polite and well-behaved in virtual interactions. (Too simple structure.) Then, afterwards, in a face-to-face meeting, I found her to be extremely rude by witnessing her behaviour with the waiter in the restaurant. This made me end up my relationship with her. (For instance, I once made an online friend who seemed polite and well-behaved during virtual interactions. However, during a face-to-face meeting, …..)
2. There is a weak connection with the previous paragraph. BP 1 – benefits of online chat. Your BP 2 (benefits of physical meetings) are built on the disadvantages of online chat. It is not independent of the first BP. So, you need to develop a connection. Despite these benefits of online interaction, it is a poor medium to judge a person’s character which can only be revealed through face-to-face interaction.
3. A, B and C – that. THAT is better than WHICH in this context and remove the comma after ‘C’. Discuss.
4. You could have developed the arguments in a better manner by additing the following issues to BP 2 – hiding gender, hiding age, credit card frauds, sexual harassment, online identity theft. A better example can be constructed on these issues.
To recapitulate, while social media has broadened the networking range of an individual by connecting people from around the world, meeting in person is an integral part of a relationship as it enables people to see the real image of the other person.