Children's temper tantrums can be spectacular, ranging from hitting and crying to thrashing about, screaming and holding their breath.
While it's not uncommon, it can leave even the most patient of parents feeling frazzled.
Mums and dads of kids having a strop are not alone though, says mother-of-four Sarah Ockwell-Smith, founder of ToddlerCalm, which offer classes and advice for parents.
'Temper tantrums in small children are completely normal and occur because toddlers have immature brain development and so can't regulate their emotions and behaviour the way we do as adults,' she says.
What is a tantrum?
A tantrum is really about your child realising that he or she is a separate person with his or her own voice and views who doesn't want to be told what to do.
For this reason when your child feels pushed or that they have no control in a situation, they experience a flood of emotions, which can then trigger a tantrum.
Are there signs that a tantrum is coming?
Some of the signs are basic, for example your child is hungry or tired; and some signs are down to increasing stress.
Rushing your child or pushing him to go faster than he can, can cause an emotional meltdown in much the same way it does when we're under pressure as adults.
Growing frustration and distress are other triggers.
'Often, tantrums occur because we're not being consistent as adults,' says Claire Burgess, childcare lecturer at Norland College, which focuses on childcare.
'One day we'll let him put his shoes on and jump into puddles, but on another day when we're rushed we'll say no – and children can't understand this because they have no understanding of timing.'
How to cope with a tantrum
There are many schools of thought on how to cope with a tantrum, and which method you choose depends on your child's age, your parenting style and your child's personality.
There are certain rules of thumb, however.
'Hard as it may be, the best approach is to ignore the behaviour and let your child get bored, calm down and regain their composure,' advises Dr Lin Day, founder of Baby Sensory.
'Arguing, getting angry or trying to reason will only prolong an outburst.'
Sarah Ockwell-Smith, on the other hand, feels empathy for your toddler can be eye opening.
'Try to comfort them, giving names to what they're experiencing,' she says.
'Tell them ''I can see that you're angry'' and never ever care what other people think.' Claire Burgess agrees,
'You need to remember your child does not know what's socially acceptable, and he's not doing it to embarrass you. So don't worry about other people judging you especially in public.'
What shouldn't I do?
Hard as it may be, don't get angry. Adding your emotions to the mix will just make the situation worse.
'Your toddler is absolutely not doing this to manipulate you or wind you up, even if it feels like that,' says Sarah Ockwell-Smith.
Most experts agree that you should not punish tantrums because it won't solve anything.
The key is to understand what has triggered the rage and deal with that.
'Above all, always remember to comfort your child post-tantrum,' says Dr Day.
'A physical hug provides your toddler with reassurance and comfort and allows you to 'make up' and move on from the situation.'
When to be worried
A new study from Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine looked into when parents should worry about temper tantrums and found that if a child threw a tantrum when they were tired, this was normal behaviour.
However, if they threw the tantrum out of nowhere on a regular basis, this may need further investigation.
Interestingly the survey also found that although temper tantrums among preschoolers are common, less than 10 per cent of young children have a daily tantrum.
If you're worried about any aspect of your child's behaviour during a tantrum (even common ones, such as breath holding, hitting themselves or others), you can see your health visitor or GP for more advice.
What to do if your child is biting or hitting other children
'Toddlers hit, bite and push when they feel threatened, angry, frustrated or insecure,' says Dr Lin Day.
However, although these behaviours are common and linked to the inability to communicate, children need to learn that this is unacceptable.
Dr Day's advice is not to get angry or copy the behaviour but to respond in a consistent way every time.
- Instantly say 'no' in a firm voice.
- When things have calmed down, explain in a brief way (a lengthy explanation will lose their interest) why they can't hurt others.
- Go down to eye level and encourage them to hug and/or apologise to the victim.
- Lastly support the victim and involve your toddler in the child's recovery. These actions can help diffuse the situation and teach caring skills at the same time.
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