AJAX -- Despite parents’ good intentions, they could be assisting in their child’s mounting anxiety without knowing it, says a Durham District School Board psychologist.
Dr. Larry Danilewitz spoke to parents at Duffins Bay Public School on April 17 about recognizing and addressing anxiety in their children, as part of an event organized by the school’s parent engagement committee.
He explained anxiety as being “fear in the absence of real danger.
“Severe anxiety can affect three to five per cent of children,” he said.
It’s really important for parents to show your children that you can handle the situation, that you can cope with the situation. Dr. Larry Danilewitz, Durham District School Board psychologist
While some worry “keeps us on our toes,” severe anxiety signs in children that should be addressed include headaches, obsessive worrying and trouble sleeping, such as continuously sleeping in their parents’ bed.
Parents can influence anxiety in a number of ways, said Dr. Danilewitz. For example, modelling anxious behaviour, or being anxious themselves, can be hazardous.
“It’s really important for parents to show your children that you can handle the situation, that you can cope with the situation,” he said.
To buffer anxiety, parents should model coping behaviour, and discourage avoidance or escape behaviour.
Dr. Danilewitz said many wonderful parents will keep a children home when they says they have aches and pains, but clearly they are avoiding something they’re anxious about. Unless there is a good medical reason to keep a child home, they should go to school.
“If you keep them at home you are beginning that cycle of avoidance behaviour,” he said.
Parents have to encourage their children to take on the necessary brave steps such as going to school, writing tests or competing in sports.
“Dealing with anxiety is no different than getting fit, but it’s emotionally fit,” he said.
To change anxious behaviour, it’s important to change automatic, anxious thoughts to helpful thinking (not to be confused with wishful thinking).
“You need to change the channel,” said Dr. Danilewitz.
For example, if a child is very anxious about a test, he needs to think logically and remember he has studied for the exam and is prepared, rather than simply thinking the worst.
“We need to think logically with perspective,” he said.
He also suggests deep breathing and exercise as ways to cope with anxiety.
Dr. Danilewitz said to help an anxious child cope, it’s important to approach the anxious behaviour. For example, if a child has a fear of giving presentations, she should start by giving a presentation to her parents, then perhaps to some friends, and finally to the teacher before the big event.
It’s also important to praise a child for small achievements, he said.
Dr. Danilewitz said a team, including school staff, tutors and parents, can help children with severe anxiety. This is often the case if a child has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder or another learning disability.
Principal Charmyn Clement said the presentation was very practical, and agreed with the importance of partnerships in helping a child succeed.
“We’re all working together in partnership,” she said.
Tricia Henery, a member of the parent involvement committee, valued the presentation. She said while mental health is now a hot topic in schools, it’s important that parents themselves know the signs to look out for in their children and ways to address it.
For information on building resilient children, visit durham.ca./kidscan and psychologyfoundation.org.
SIGNS OF ANXIETY
• seeking reassurance
• giving up/helplessness
• negative self-talk
• expecting the worst
• bodily distress
• checking behaviours
• avoidance/escape behaviour