Your first choice should always be to meet and discuss the disagreement in person. Seeing and hearing the other person can convey more than just words on a screen. The same message spoken out loud carries more meaning through its tone, execution and natural linguistic cues. A harsh-seeming text message can sound thoughtful and logical when spoken.
“Because another person's mind cannot be experienced directly, its quality must be inferred from indirect cues," the study's authors write. Those indirect cues, involving the many characteristics of the human voice, are absent in written communication.
As technology advances, it becomes easier than ever to connect with people, even those who are far away. Take advantage of your computer or smartphone cameras. If you cannot meet in person, ask for a quick video chat or phone call. When a person sees and hears your face and voice, communicating arguments can be more impactful than you may have thought. Use an e-mail or written message as a last resort.
If presenting your side in writing is your only option, though, pay close attention to the details of how your words might be misconstrued. Check your syntax for simpler sentences to avoid confusion. Avoid using extreme words like “never” and also emotionally charged words. Try to stick to fact-based statements that are clear and straightforward, and you'll find that other parties are more receptive to your ideas.
Elle Kaplan is the founder and CEO of LexION Capital, a fiduciary wealth management firm in New York City, serving high-net-worth individuals. She is also the chief investment officer and founder of LexION Alpha.
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