Conversation has very little to do with “talking”.
Conversation is more about listing. Actually, it is not only about
listening. It’s about understanding what your partner is trying
to say and how he/she is saying it! Once you understand this, you can
understand what your partner likes to talk about. If you understand
this, you will be able to have a “beautiful conversation”.
Now, let us try to explain a few techniques that you can use. First one is called “cherry-picking”!
You see, when people talk, they choose words and phrases, even in
normal conversation, that tell you what they are interested in. You
basically have to listen very closely to what people say, the phrases
and words they use. If you listen carefully, you will be able to pick
on the clues that people give when talking.
You then have to act on these clues and have to make the conversation interesting by talking to the person about what they are interested in…
Here is how it works. Let us assume that you have come into talking range of your partner. How did you get here? Well, you will have to use all the information provided on the previous pages to get here.
Now, here is an example:
Imagine that you get into a hotel and it is raining heavily outside.
You say something like, “My God, it’s raining heavily
Your partner says, “Hmm, at least that’s good for the plants!”
You have to immediately pick your cherry here. Why would some one say, “good for the plants” if they have nothing to do with plants? You get a clue from this statement that your partner is interested in plants or has something to do with plants. So, your next question should be about “plants” because that is obviously a subject that interests him/her!
So, you might ask something like, “Oh, do you have a garden?" If he/she does have a garden, you hit gold! You have to then listen to the answer he/she gives and you have to respond to that! This way, you keep the conversation going!
Now, the problem is that your partner might not always give you a cherry easily. For example, consider this conversation:
You: “My God, it’s raining heavily outside?”
(Now, what you going to do? No cherry! So, you will have to try something else. For example…)
You: So, do you come here often?
Partner: No! Just got in so that I don’t get wet in the rain!
(Still no cherry! Well, you will just have to keep poking with something else!)
You: It’s poring really badly now!
Partner: Well, at least it’s good for the plants!
Wohoo! You got your cherry. So use it. Make the next question about
“plants” and get your partner interested. The initial
conversation will be a little boring but once you find your cherry you
can make things interesting.
Few tips to help finding topics your partner will be interested in:
First: When your partner is talking, DO NOT interrupt! Let your
partner talk. He/she is giving you useful information about what he/she
is interested in. The more he/she talks the more he/she will tell you
about what he/she is interested in. So, let your partner talk. You must
listen! You must listen very carefully!
Besides that, if you do not interrupt your partner while he/she is talking and you do all the eye-contact tricks, this tells you partner that you are interested in what he/she has to say! This is a very good compliment that you can give your partner without saying anything. This will make your partner instantly like you. So, do not interrupt your partner, LISTEN and listen carefully!
Besides that, when talking, it is always better to ask “open ended questions”. These will get your partner to talk more. What are “open ended questions”? Open ended questions are basically questions whose answer cannot be given in a just one or two words.
Suppose you ask someone, “Do you live in Delhi?” the person will probably respond saying “Yes” or “No”!
But, if you ask a question like, “Where exactly do you live?” the person is forced to say more than a few words. For example, the person might say, “Well, I live in…..” (Basically, a longer answer with more scope for cherry picking!)
So, you should try to ask open ended questions that have a long answer so that your partner will give you an elaborate answer and you can find out what is interesting to him/her. Never ask a “yes” or “no” type question. It will never give you any information about what the interests of the person are! You need to ask “open ended questions” and then listen intently for “cherries”!
So, that is what “conversation” is all about. Using the tricks we have mentioned above, you can keep a conversation going for hours! If you have a long interesting conversation the very first time you meet your partner, there is a good chance you can make your partner fall in love with you! However, when you are doing this very first conversation, make sure to maintain eye contact and use all the other eye-contact tricks from the previous sections.
Now, let us assume that you have had a very good first conversation with your partner. Now the question is, “How do you get your first date?”…
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