“How do you feel when someone slams the door at you, or someone overtakes you in a long queue, or someone bangs your vehicle and honks loudly?” It is but obvious for anybody to experience the emotion of anger in all these situations.
Anger is a completely normal and to an extent even a healthy emotion, characterised by annoyance and displeasure towards someone or something you feel has deliberately wronged you. While it is important that anger, amongst other emotions, doesn’t get bottled up, the control of anger is crucial to maintaining calmness and also to take care of relationships. Hence it is important to deal with anger in a positive and healthy way, as uncontrolled anger can take a toll on your physical, emotional, as well as mental wellbeing.
Tasneem, Integrative Psychotherapist at Seraniti, describes seven ways to deal with anger in a healthy way:
1. Acceptance: As you cannot change the mishaps of the past, it is better to gain an acceptance of the same and move on to better things in life. Although we can never change the past, our understanding and feelings of the past can always change. And that is where healing can take place, since your anger disappears when you make peace with your past
2. Understanding and compassion: When you feel someone has wronged you, get into the other person’s shoes and see how they feel. Try to understand the other person’s pressures and concerns, and what factors might have lead him/her to behave the way he/she did. Gaining this powerful understanding and compassion for the other person can go a long way in subsiding your anger.
3. Forgiveness: Yet another powerful tool towards managing anger is forgiveness. Try to understand the vulnerability and helplessness of that person who has wronged you, and you will be able to forgive that person. By holding a grudge against someone, you are only harming yourself more. Learn to forgive easily for your own benefit and internal peace.
4. Humour: Humour can always diffuse tension and help deal with your anger. However, avoid sarcastic humour, as it can also hurt people and make things worse instead.
5. Problem solving: Try to resolve the issue in hand, rather than just focusing on what triggered your anger. If your partner comes home late, learn to have your meals on your own sometimes. If your wife’s cooking doesn’t trigger your taste buds, try new recipes on your own at times. Or take her out for dinner sometimes to break the monotony. Remember anger cannot be used as a tool to fix anything. It can only make things worse.
6. Catharsis: Share your feelings with other family members and friends who genuinely care for you. The release of bottled up emotions can also help you deal with the situation with more calm. Sports, Yoga & other physical activities are also a form of release of pent up emotions.
7. Consult a mental health professional: Despite everything, if you still find it hard to control your anger, consider taking professional help. Better late than never, as you may end up doing things you may regret, when your anger goes out of control.
Anger is a manifestation of helplessness, when you lose the confidence of solving the problems of life in a particular situation. Therefore, one should come to terms with the situation, control one’s emotional outbursts and channelize the anger into a more productive form.