Developing Cultural Intelligence (CQ) is not easy. It is a never ending process that requires as much 'unlearning' as it does 'learning'.
We start by thinking that having good CQ comes from understanding other cultures - only to realise that the culture we really have to figure out is our own - by understanding what is and isn't Core to us. And if something isn't Core, then we have to be able to Flex it. To break across boundaries of culture we have to 'unlearn' and refine all of the habits, beliefs and behaviours that hold us back.
It is precisely the 'unlearning' that many adults struggle with. Biases, especially, can remain in a person's Core - requiring constant self-assessment. But for children, with the right guidance, developing CQ can be completely natural. So how can we be good parents to them? How can we encourage the development of their Cultural Intelligence and bestow them with the inspiration and experiences to carry on becoming culturally intelligent in the future?
Some of the other parents at Common Purpose have helped me to compile a list. Let me know what you think in comments below.
The number one way to get children interested in other cultures is for them to experience those cultures first hand. And it is now easier and cheaper than ever to see the world (although we should beware places that are just mirror-images of our own culture.) And we may not even have to travel very far in order to experience a different culture - most cities and towns nearly always have centres, festivals and traditions which, at least in part, belong to other cultures. Explore them and encourage interest.
2. Staying at home
If we give children a good understanding of their own culture it will allow them to develop a strong Core. Telling them stories is a great way to introduce the idea of culture in an engaging way. Of all the leaders featured in my book, I think Reuel Khoza best sums up the benefits of a strong Core: 'As I grew up, my Core anchored me. And the anchor then allowed me to move further. You know that you can float; and the anchor means that you know that you won't float too far.'
3. Sensory learning
More so than at any point in their life, young children respond to sensory learning. Anyone who has ever had a toddler will know that they explore the world through their mouth! So whatever age, introduce your child to new foods, and culturally diverse games (games from different generations too), music and even dancing. It will also teach them that learning can be emotional or physical - not just mental.
People with great Cultural Intelligence nearly always have a deep interest in other people. Reading is a great way for children (and adults) to encourage empathy in characters and situations completely unlike their own. Reading teaches us that there is more than one way to become a hero.
Many children can be incredibly shy, but if we can tempt them to come out of their comfort zone they will be more likely to become interested in other people and other cultures. Activity groups such as sports teams and after-school groups are a great way for children to overcome that initial awkwardness and build relationships with children unlike them.
6. A mixed dinner table
Don't separate children and adults at the dinner table. It sends the message that generations have nothing to learn from each other and that social occasions are for 'sticking with your own'. Seating everyone indiscriminately will help to break down barriers between generational cultures and will probably also result in a few more interesting and unexpected conversations!
7. Make their friends feel welcome
Your children will naturally want to bring home friends (and eventually boyfriends and girlfriends - as scary as that may be). Do your best to make your home a safe, welcoming space - especially if their friend is unlike them - and even for the ones you know won't stick.
8. Nip cultural intolerance in the bud
If you witness your child speaking or acting in a culturally intolerant way then it is up to you to immediately pull them up on it. Remember that the first time a child is likely to be intolerant is on issues of gender - especially if they have brothers and sisters.
9. 'The problem with young people today is...'
Never start a sentence that generalises their age group - in the same way we would never expect them to generalise based on race or gender. It may isolate them and burden them with a sense of injustice, or worse still, it could teach them that generalisations are acceptable.
10. Don't act like a child
It can be tempting to 'come down to a child's level' and to talk like a child ourselves. Interacting with people who speak or behave differently is a key test for anyone who is developing their CQ (of all ages) and their own home is the perfect place for a child to start learning this. Worse still, talking like a child often means they start imitating us back!
11. Most importantly, lead by example
The likelihood is - and although it may not always feel like it - we are our children's role models. They will look up to us to know how to act and what to believe. Be honest and admit biases - explain how you are working to address them. And don't be afraid to show that you are still learning too - do an activity with your child where you know as much as they do and can have fun making mistakes and learning together. Ultimately, if we want our children to grow up to be thoughtful, questioning, culturally intelligent young people, we must exhibit those qualities ourselves.