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Tradwives vs. Feminists: Who Needs Glass Ceilings When You've Got Freshly Baked Pies?
It's crucial to foster a brand of feminism that champions actual choice, where every woman feels seen, valued, and supported, regardless of her chosen path.
What exactly is a tradwife? She voluntarily embraces traditional marital roles, often choosing to be a submissive homemaker. While not inherently political, they're often linked with conservative culture. Simple concept, right? No room for controversy at all! This seemingly simple and benign lifestyle has set off a thunderstorm of emotions. Before delving into the traditional vs. feminist debate, it's helpful to understand social conservatism for context. Because for feminists, the personal realm is deeply political.
Conserving Conservative Values
Are you surprised that most people can’t define what conservatism is, much less a social conservative? Even people who profess to be right of center struggle with words to describe it. Conservative family values mean a set of beliefs and moral codes that conservatives uphold as ideal for the family unit and society. The traditional family structure emphasizes a nuclear family – a mother, father, and their children with extended family members who may also play a significant role in upbringing and family decisions. Traditional gender roles are emphasized, where the father is often seen as the breadwinner and protector and the mother as the primary caregiver and homemaker. There's a strong belief in the sanctity of marriage as a lifelong commitment between a man and a woman. Divorce might be viewed as a last resort, but most times, it isn’t an option. Many values are rooted in religious beliefs, and spiritual teachings can influence views on family, morality, and societal roles. Abstinence before marriage and monogamy within marriage are commonly upheld. Pro-life, based on religious or moral reasons, is a staple. There's a strong belief in parents' rights to raise their children as they see fit, including decisions about education, discipline, and moral upbringing. Many conservatives emphasize the importance of families being self-reliant and not dependent on government assistance. This ties into broader conservative principles about limited government intervention in personal lives. Simply put, conservatives seek to conserve traditional values.
Conservative Values Are (Racist)?
The claim that conservative family values are inherently racist towards black people is complex and controversial. Some argue that social conservatism excludes black communities and other minority groups. Historically, black families faced tremendous challenges. Slavery did tear families apart, but it's noteworthy that black families were largely intact post-slavery and before the 1960s. The 60s shifted the black nuclear family, followed by the drug epidemic of the 80s and 90s that severely impacted urban black communities. With these evolving dynamics, some critics have quickly highlighted that black communities do not fit the "ideal" family image. They believe the emphasis on the nuclear family is racist because the prototype is middle-class and heterosexual. Families, particularly many black ones, that don't align might be subtly labeled as less than ideal or even problematic. Many black conservatives reject this assertion and believe social conservatism could heal the problems in our urban communities.
The Black Tradwife recognizes the importance of the nuclear family:
“The focus of the Black Tradwife is to give a voice for women like myself. Women who look at these numbers and the state of black America with dismay. We are women who are inspired by a more traditional and simple life when it comes to the family we create. We are dedicated to breaking generational trauma that has majorly lent its hand to the destruction of marriage, and healthy relationships between black men and black women. We are women doing the personal inner work to course correct and to overcome unfortunate situations we’ve dealt with in our own lives. Whether we were responsible for them or not. We are women SICK of the ‘strong, independent, don’t need no man or nobody’ black woman trope. And we are working hard to be the OPPOSITE of that. Resilient women. Feminine women.”
Social Media Explosion: Tradwife
The emergence and growth of the tradwives movement cannot be pinned down to just one reason; it's a complex interplay of factors. At its core, the deterioration of society has left many looking back at the stability and simplicity of past eras. This nostalgia, magnified by portrayals of traditional roles as steadfast and uncomplicated, provides a comforting counter-narrative.
Social media platforms like Instagram and YouTube amplify this sentiment. These platforms allow tradwives to broadcast their lifestyles and offer a haven for those seeking community and affirmation. The visual nature of such media, filled with beautiful moments of domesticity, makes the lifestyle alluring. Economic realities further feed into this trend. With fluctuating job markets, the stable breadwinner model becomes appealing to some women seeking security.
Religion and cultural norms, too, play undeniable roles. Many major religions and cultures extol the virtues of traditional gender roles, emphasizing the woman's role as a homemaker and caregiver. Beyond all external influences, many women derive intrinsic value and satisfaction from the position. Whether it's the joy of raising children, the art of homemaking, or simply the alignment with personal beliefs, the tradwife movement meets a genuine need for many.
So What’s the Problem?
Modern feminism has an emphasis on choice and autonomy. While it has empowered women to seek careers and shatter glass ceilings, it's also inadvertently spotlighted the choice some women make to prioritize home and family. Yet, when women freely enter traditional marriages and expose conservative values, they are lambasted because feminists revert to “personal choices are political.” Tradwife women push back that it’s NOT a “movement” and lean into their right to make an individual choice for their family. This is very different from the 1950s when women had no choice. For the most part, social media tradwives aren’t bashing modern feminists. They are simply showcasing an alternative lifestyle that is growing in momentum. But feminists are triggered. It's tough to nail down a clear-cut reason, but it feels as though feminists are throwing everything at the wall to see what actually sticks. It feels patronizing to say that women shouldn’t champion traditional lifestyles. In “Why the Tradwife Movement is Toxic and Scary,” the writer states the following:
“The tradwives say that their lifestyle is a choice and no one forces them into it, but are internalized beliefs really a choice? OK, nobody puts a gun to their head and tells them that they have to be a tradwife, but they’ve subconsciously been brainwashed by society and fundamentalists. What enlightened woman would really want to spend her life blindly serving a man and offspring, sacrificing her own needs and interests?
I don’t agree with a woman staying at home when she doesn’t have children or when her children are old enough to start nursery or school. A woman is more than just a wife and mother. Enforcing these ideals that a woman’s sole role should be to serve her man and children is dangerous. It undoes all of the changes that feminists have fought for. It reverts back to the days when women were financially dependent on men and had scarce opportunities in the job world. Tradwives believe that women should be financially dependent on their husbands and they claim that their husbands give them ‘an allowance.’”
Feminists claim that tradwives are dangerous because “being a housewife is akin to modern-day slavery.” The fact that there is no room for some feminists to allow traditionalists the ability to choose their outcomes is a common trend.
Another criticism is the connection between tradwives and religion.
“These women are proudly submissive wives, do not work outside of the home, and focus on motherhood (often with as many children as possible, aka as many as ‘God plans’). They might not identify as fundamentalist Christians but many/maybe even most are. They’re modest, ‘pretty’ but not focused on ‘beauty,’ quote a whole lot of scripture and talk about God’s will…and almost certainly homeschool…Sometimes they’re ‘Christian’ in the very MAGA, identity-sorting way that has far less to do with any amount of actual churchgoing or theology and everything to do with being different than liberals.” - Author Anne Helen Petersen
Feminists assert that women who boast about being submissive are a danger because they are helping men eradicate women in the corporate world, put women at risk for domestic violence, reinforce toxic gender stereotypes, and perpetuate aggressive and unfaithful. The preservation of conservative culture has been linked to racist organizations. The knock on tradwives is that they are a front for white supremacist ideology. The New York Times published an opinion article, “The Housewives of White Supremacy” which read in part:
“Over the past few years, dozens of YouTube and social media accounts have sprung up showcasing soft-spoken young white women who extol the virtues of staying at home, submitting to male leadership and bearing lots of children — being ‘traditional wives.’ These accounts pepper their messages with scrapbook-style collections of 1950s advertising images showing glamorous mothers in lipstick and heels with happy families and beautiful, opulent homes. They give their videos titles like ‘Female Nature and Advice for Young Ladies,’ ‘How I Homeschool’ and ‘You Might be a Millennial Housewife If….’
But running alongside what could be mistaken for a peculiar style of mommy-vlogging is a virulent strain of white nationalism. One such advocate who calls herself ‘Wife With a Purpose’ made international headlines last year when she issued something she titled ‘the white baby challenge’… The seemingly anachronistic way they dress is no accident. The deliberately hyperfeminine aesthetics are constructed precisely to mask the authoritarianism of their ideology.
Again, “everything and the kitchen sink” is what modern women claim is the problem with traditionalists. In every movement, there will be outliers. But most traditionalists seem content to wear pretty retro clothes, bake pies, and showcase their homemaking skills on social media (where they are likely making a pretty profit).
The tradwife phenomenon can be viewed as a boomerang effect of feminism. As modern feminism reaches new heights and breaks through long-standing barriers, it has, for some, felt like feminism on steroids, often pushing a singular narrative of what an empowered woman should look like. The rise of tradwives might indicate some women feeling alienated by the aggressive modern woman.
Studies have shown a trend of increasing unhappiness among women over the past few decades despite many societal advancements. While reasons for this are multifaceted, it's plausible that the pressure to "have it all" has left some feeling overwhelmed or unfulfilled. In this light, the tradwife movement can be seen as a pendulum swing, a yearning for simplicity in the face of perceived chaos.
As society grapples with these tensions, it becomes ever more crucial to foster a brand of feminism that champions actual choice, where every woman feels seen, valued, and supported, regardless of her chosen path. It’s pivotal that the dialogue around this doesn’t dissolve into a tradwife vs. feminist battleground. Each represents a choice, and neither should be universally idealized or demonized. Just as some men might be drawn to the allure of a tradwife, others might seek a partner who embodies modern feminist ideals. What’s imperative is that every woman’s choice is respected and that the broader definition of feminism champions the autonomy of all women, irrespective of the paths they tread.