We have been discussing nannies and au pairs caught in the middle of a sandwich generation family.
For today's discussion we will assume that the elderly grandparent requires assistance, but does not require a nursing home environment.
The challenge for the nanny is that the kids and the grandparents have different needs, and sometimes those needs conflict. Consider a simple scenario: The parent and the nanny agree that the 20-month old boy and the five-year old girl are allowed to play in the yard, but are not allowed to watch television.
The elderly grandmother is afraid of falling, so she does not go to the yard. Instead, she spends most of the day watching her shows on cable. Grandma wants to see the kids; the kids want to see Grandma but she will not turn off the television and the kids want to stay to watch soap operas with her.
To follow the parents' wishes the nanny tries to divert the children to do more productive activities and simply ignore the whining of the children when they are asked to stop watching television. Nannies are used to handling these type of situations with children all day long. But it is more difficult to ask an elderly member of the employer's family to follow the house rules.
The bigger challenge for the nanny is the different goals in the care for the kids and the elderly grandparent. The contrast is subtle and difficult to sustain.
The children need everything done for them. And the nanny has to provide it all. Grandma may need assistance but the nanny must be certain not to do so much for her that the elderly grandparent becomes dependent on the nanny. Instead, the assistance should be tailored so the grandparent retains or increases the ability to be independent.
Therefore, the challenges of caring for both generations can make it seem as though nanny has two full-time jobs while being paid for one.
Plus, nannies are hired and trained to work with children. They are not typically trained in geriatric care.
Nannies are expected to be an expert in childcare, a chef, tutor, maid, psychologist, and physical therapist. But in the sandwich generation family, the definition of 'nanny' can expand to mean everything to everyone all the time, which can create much resentment for the childcare provider.
Do you have any advice for nannies stuck in the middle of a sandwich generation family?