Being assertive does not mean being demanding or aggressive, but rather freely expressing your thoughts and not letting other people get you down or demean your opinions. If you learn how to be direct and know how to defend yourself, you will automatically become a more self-confident and successful person, who knows what they want to achieve in life.
Value Yourself and Your Opinions
Never put yourself down in favor of others. Someone else may have bigger experience or knowledge, but you are entitled to your own opinions. As long as your opinions do not invalidate another person’s opinions or existence, they have the right to exist. When you communicate with others, make sure to state your point clearly and do not hesitate. You will be surprised to find out how many people will find courage in your thoughts, or be able to resonate their opinions with yours.
Know Your Needs and Wants
If you know exactly what you want, no one will be able to persuade you to change your mind in their favor. Of course, there is no harm in trying different things, and see what suits you, but if you listen to your mind and learn to discern what you really want from what other people want for you, you will immediately notice your self-confidence grow. Think about the smallest things: you decide what you will have for lunch today, what will you wear, what music you will listen to on your way to school or work. No one can take these choices away from you, why would you let them decide other things for you?
Express Negations in a Positive Way
In the process of communication, sometimes it is hard to be assertive and maintain your dignity. If the waiter misunderstood your order, if your classmates are rude to you, if someone is trying to outsmart you in an argument, there is no need to get angry. If you lose control, it will be hard to regain balance and self-confidence. That is why, learn to be respectful and persuasive even in the smallest things. Instead of accepting the food, calmly tell the waiter that you ordered another choice from the menu, and you will see them bring you your order faster than they would if you were to get angry.
Receive Feedback Positively
The harshest wounds to our self-esteem are those inflicted by others. If you are sensitive to criticism, it means that you do not have enough self-confidence. Learn to be grateful for reasonable criticism and learn from it, but at the same time do not pay attention to spiteful comments. Sometimes being assertive is not only about negative feedback, but also about the positive one. How many times have you said, “No, it’s not that good” when someone complimented your work or your appearance? Instead of being humble and demeaning the words of someone who expressed their opinion, graciously accept the compliments you are given, and you will learn to believe them with time.