Wisdom lies in finding your own truth – series 3
When you hear a voice inside say that ‘he or she’ doesn’t love you, ask yourself – do you love you?
When you hear a voice inside say that ‘he or she’ doesn’t respect you, ask yourself – do you respect you?
Entitlement – so much of our communication and interaction with others is based upon this belief. There are two sides to this coin – both impact upon our behaviour, relationships and feelings of happiness and self- worth. When I refer to relationships, these can be adult relationships with anyone including friends, parents and life partners.
Observing people discussing conflict in their daily life, it’s often over the simplest of things. For example, contention that one does something for another but the ‘other’ does not do ‘something’ for them in return. Feelings of indignation are expressed and arguments may ensue. These feelings often stem from expectation – arising from entitlement.
Conversely, we’ve all experienced how it feels to do something we do not want to do, but feel we have to, due to emotional pressures put upon us. Others believe they are entitled to determine how we should behave.
Both scenarios create an active mind with negativity and confusion. Much time is spent in negative relationships, preoccupying the mind – the heart and mind in conflict, trying to discern the issue. The mind is not clear and the situation is difficult to observe and understand – a lifetime of confusion, conflict and unhappiness may pass by.
Try to remove entitlement from your life. This will help you to achieve clarity, understanding and peace in your relationships. This means both doing things because you want to do them and also allowing others the freedom to behave how they wish to do so – without judgment.
Do things for others, not because you expect anything in return – but simply because you wish to do it from within. It is expectation that creates judgment and feelings of indignation when others have not responded how you feel entitled that they should.
BUT – before you begin, you will need to have a good understanding of your own boundaries and behaviours that are important to you in relationships – your core values. For example respect, kindness and love. Take time to sit with yourself, reflect and determine what your core values are. Write them down in a list – so you may come back to them, perhaps frequently to begin with and then as needed. This is your hardest task. Observe how your mind may try to sabotage this process. It may take several attempts to find the quiet and connect with your truth deep within. With perseverance it will come.
What I have found is the list that you write, often relates to what it is that YOU should be giving to yourself. For example you should respect yourself, love yourself and treat ‘you’ with kindness. So often we are looking outside to others to fulfil our needs – creating a sense of entitlement from the outset – this is not a foundation to begin a positive relationship upon.
This process will help you to better understand any feelings of unease that you experience in a relationship, but are unable to grasp why. It will help you to build confidence and self-belief. Relationships may be manipulative and finding perspective can be difficult. When you are aware of your core values, you can better observe the root of conflict in your relationships.
The mind is now empty and clear for you to observe the relationships you have and how others behave and interact with you – not because you are placing emotional demands upon them as to how they must behave – but because they have freedom to behave in a manner true to them – it’s how they choose to behave.
Reflect upon your list of core values, trust them – trust in you. This clarity of observation will help you to understand which of your relationships are and are not in harmony with your core values. Let go of anything that does not serve you.
We don’t own other people or have entitlement over them. Let go of entitlement and look within to fulfil your needs. This is not an easy process and next time you find yourself in conflict in a relationship, reflect on whether entitlement plays a part.
I am sharing this from a lay perspective of life experience, from understanding and determining that a simpler life is also a happier one. As with all things, life is about balance. Let go of conflict.
Peace and love