Listening creates a relationship and relationships are important for health. There are a number of studies that show how they impact our physical and mental well-being. Even in the movie ‘Cast Away’, Tom Hanks’ character – stranded on an uninhabited island – creates a face on a volleyball and talks to the ball, which he names ‘Wilson’, as if it were a person. And Hanks clearly seems to believe Wilson is listening to him.
But with the growing convenience of technologies that demand our attention, fewer people are taking the time to really listen and create or sustain important relationships – whether it is doctor-patient, employer-employee, parent-child, or husband-wife.
What is it about truly listening to another person’s story – pain, sadness, joys and fears – that results in being better able to help someone find health? In one way, it seems so obvious. If a person does not feel listened to, how can he feel cared for, valued, and important enough to be worth the time and attention of a valued loved one, much less a physician who might have a limited appointment time to try to help him find better health?
Connection matters. Relationship matters. Love matters. These are all the dynamics that stem from listening and being listened to. Sir William Osler, often referred to as the father of medicine, pointed out ‘The human heart has a hidden want which science cannot supply.’
So in the pursuit of health and well-being, it is increasingly important not to ignore the heart, not to ignore the spirit, not to ignore the patient’s story, including their spirituality. It’s also important not to think that human sciences – no matter how biologically and technically fantastic – are all a patient should listen to.
Listening is often likened to gaining a deeper intuition about a situation and a greater understanding of what we hear in consciousness. For some it stems from a practice of listening for divinely inspired ideas and following them.
At a time of great tribulation, the wandering tribes of Israel found great comfort from knowing God was listening them to. Isaiah says: “And it shall come to pass, that before they call I will answer; and while they are yet speaking I will hear.” (Isa.65: 24) Each one of us can, in silent listening, hear spiritual intuitions and divine comfort and direction.
Dr. Ted Kaptchuk, Director at Harvard Medical School cautions ‘The pill has become known as the treatment, and the relationship – the respectful, careful listening – has become everything else.’ Wise doctors and nurses, he avers, have found their ‘everything else’ – respect, attention, comfort, empathy, touch – often does the lion’s share of medical care.
The art of listening – so important to any healthy human system – is increasingly finding its way into many fields.
Author and management consultant, Meg Wheatley is known for sharing insights about our relationships and health. She says, “Everybody has a story, and everybody wants to tell their story in order to connect. In the English language, the word ‘health’ comes from the same root as the word for ‘whole’, and whole is from the same root word as ‘holy’. Listening moves us closer; it helps us become more whole, more healthy, more holy.”
And that, of course, is the aim of any individual’s search for health, as surely as it underlies any physician’s desire to provide care that results in health.
Wendy Margolese is a self-syndicated columnist and writes regularly on the relationship between thought, spirituality and health, and trends in that field. She is the media liaison for Christian Science in Ontario. Contact her at Ontario@compub.org. Follow on Twitter: @wmargolese