People in general are emotionally vulnerable and can incur emotional wounds from various sources and experiences across their lifetime. Most of the time, these offenses are caused by an important figure in a person’s life (ex: parent, sibling, relative, mentor, etc.) and can involve things such as abandonment, abuse, residual effects of a loved one’s severe mental illness or a lack of support, guidance, love and emotional comfort. Some people are blessed with only encountering situations that cause minor scratches, but others’ injuries are often a bit deeper and require more time and effort to heal. If these wounds aren’t given the proper care and attention, they can continue to fester and have lasting negative effects across the rest of that person’s life.
When a person has a deep emotional wound that they haven’t treated, many symptoms and negative outcomes can result. Some of these include frequent anger/irritability and crying, ruminating thoughts about the event or source of the hurt, and dominating most social conversations with that topic. Sometimes, this untreated emotional wound leads to that person being distracted from other important aspects of their life, causing them to miss out on their present and future due to being focused on their past.
In order to prevent an injury from festering into something that could become all-consuming, there are many things people can do to move on after a negative life event in a healthier way. It is not a good idea to try to ignore it and pretend nothing’s wrong. It is necessary to address and process feelings surrounding the issue once it has been identified. Some options for exploring and processing feelings include journaling, talking to a trusted loved one or seeking a professional counselor. Consider whether or not something needs to be said to someone or if any action needs to be taken and then make that happen appropriately. Coming up with a symbolic way to let go of an issue can also be very useful once feelings have been processed and all necessary actions have been taken, such as writing about the injury and letting it float away in a balloon or throwing it into a bonfire. Once a person has processed feelings and thoughts and completed all necessary steps to address the problem, including addressing the issue of forgiveness, it is then time to plan ahead for how to move forward and live a free, happy life.
It is crucial that people don’t hold on to any unrealistic expectations that they will completely forget what happened. Brains are designed to remember things and regardless of how much a person works through their thoughts and feelings about an emotionally upsetting event and how genuinely they forgive the offender, the brain still has that event stored away. There is no getting around the fact that when a person is reminded of a way they were hurt by someone they trusted, that there will be some sadness. The good news is that after doing all the necessary work to process the issue, the memory of what happened can fade in intensity and be triggered less often over time. When the memory is triggered and sadness occurs, that person then has a choice of whether to keep focusing on it or choosing to acknowledge the hurt briefly, remind oneself this has been addressed and then set it aside and refocus on the present and the hopeful future ahead.
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Heidi Seals is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor at New Horizons Counseling Center, located at 34 N. Whistler Ave in Freeport, IL. She can be reached at 815-235-6171. You may also e-mail her at firstname.lastname@example.org. If you have a question or topic you would like to see addressed in this column, please call or mail in your suggestions and she will try to respond to as many as possible in the upcoming articles.