Scientists working on research into the effects of Global Warming have said that they believe the climate of the Earth is being altered due primarily to the excessive use of toilet paper.
The astonishing claim was made yesterday at a conference in Brussels of the world's leading experts on the phenomenon. Delegates were told that, as well as depleting forest stocks, toilet paper also accounts for 685mllion tonnes of CO2 gases being released into the atmosphere each year.
Even this, though, pales into insignificance when one realises that, each day, toilet paper is responsible for blocking more than 12 million toilets worldwide. When these blockages have been cleared, rivers and waterways become polluted with the paper wadding, causing widespread illness when this water is then drunk.
Chief medical officer Dr Reginald Crapper, told the conference:
"One square of paper is usually enough; two at most. Using more than this is asking for trouble. However, if you're out at a restaurant or round at your neighbour's house, you could always use the bathroom curtains."