February 21, 2015 by Arwen McGilvra
By Arwen McGilvra-
Proactive- the British dictionary defines it in an interesting way, “
It sounds great right? But today’s hectic pace of life sometime gets in the way of being the kind of parent you want to be.
So let me help you get started… in order to be proactive the first thing you need to do is communicate your expectations and boundaries.
The 3 basic pillars of Clear Expectations is a good place to start. (Read more about them here.) They are Be Safe, Be Respectful, Be Responsible… Much better than setting rules for every situation you are setting an expectation for how they should always behave. This is the initiation of change that will lead to less reactionary parenting.
Boundaries are much talked about when it come to parenting. If fact there is a great book called Boundaries with Kids: When to Say Yes, How to Say No.
“Think of a boundary as the line you draw around yourself to define where you end and where your child begins,” is how empoweringparents.com defines it. Boundaries are not so much about saying do or don’t but setting up appropriate space. For instance most parents teach children that they should have a boundary around their private parts. We teach that their sexual organs are special, that they are not for playing with, showing off or for others to touch.
Boundaries will be different for each family. The older your children are the more you should seek their input when establishing a list of boundaries. Keep it short, if the boundary really falls under one of the pillars then discuss it, but there is no need to add it to your list.
Take the time to think ahead and communicate your expectations and boundaries, and with consistency, you’ll begin to see change.