According to many who practice the art of positive psychology, there are seven specific habits that happy people have. It is through the practice of these habits that these people achieve a sense of peace and purpose within their lives, despite facing many of the same challenges that sad and depressed people face. I’ve decided to take these seven habits and break them down one by one – giving an intense and in-depth explanation of not only the meaning of the habit, but also how you can make those habits work for you. Positive psychology states that the following are the seven habits happy people engage in:
- Spiritual Engagement and Meaning
- Strengths and Virtues
- Positive Mindset – Optimism, Mindfulness and Gratitude
Let’s start today with relationships. Relationships form the foundation of human life – we all have relationships (whether they are good or bad is another story) in our life. We have relationships with close friends and family, with our co-workers, we even have relationships with people we only see on certain occasions – the mailman, the grocery store clerk and the Starbucks barista. However, having bad relationships is going to be counterproductive to our quest for happiness, while having good relationships is going to put on the right path. It’s all a matter of balance.
According to a variety of studies, people who have at least one close friendship in their life seem to be happier than both those with no close relationship and those with many “friendships”. I put friendships in quotes to make a point – those many relationships tend to be superficial or based on some inequality. For example, a person might be “popular” at work but still doesn’t feel very connected to anyone in particular. That person is probably going to be unhappier than the quiet secretary who has a very close relationship with another co-worker. Studies demonstrate that it is not the quantity of our relationships, but rather the quality within the number of relationships we do have.
So, take a minute to assess the relationship you have within your own life. Would you classify these relationships as healthy and positive, or are those relationships out of balance, negative and unhealthy? Most studies suggest that having one, just one, close relationship, along with a system of support, is enough to help alleviate loneliness and combat depression. And the support piece isn’t just about receiving support; providing support to others is just as crucial to those feelings of well-being. Think about your current situation – are you lonely even when so-called friends surround you? Do your relationships tend to be one-sided, that is, do you provide all the support and care, only to be left high and dry when you need it most? If so, you need to start reassessing the relationships you have in your life, particularly for your own life satisfaction.
There tends to be three distinct ways to look at friendships – those based on a need, those based on fun, and those based on unconditional love and trust. It is perfectly okay to have those first two kinds of relationships within your life, as long as you have at least one of the third. Generally speaking, the first kind of friendship, based on need, only lasts as long as the need does. Once that need has been met (or you figure out how to meet that need for yourself), the relationship tends to dissolve. The second kind of friendship, based on fun, might last for many years, but it lacks the closeness and trust of a truly intimate relationship. No, it is only those third types of relationships, the ones based on love, trust, and honesty, which seem to stand the test of time. Those “true” friendships in which you’ve seen the person at their lowest (and they’ve seen you), and you’ve been there to help pick up the pieces. The types of relationships where you can go months (maybe even years) without seeing or speaking, but you pick up right where you left off. That’s the kind of relationship every person needs in his or her life.
If you aren’t quite there yet, don’t despair. These relationships, since they generally last a lifetime, take years to develop. It’s about learning to slowly trust and open yourself up to another person as they do the same with you. It’s about finding two special personalities that “click” and work together in harmony; it’s the yin to your yang. It might take a while to find it, but when you do, hold onto it and nurture it like you would your own child. Because, in the end, that relationship will be there to get your though the tough times, keeping you sane and happy.
Image Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/eflon/4408159729/