How many times have you heard: life is so hard; people are selfish; trust no one; it’s his (her) fault…? Very often, for sure. It’s the victim mentality in action. For some people, there is always someone or something to blame.
Almost all of us carry within the victim mentality, regardless of gender, profession, age (except for small children), or any other determinant. Taking the form of victim identity and behavior, this mentality very often surfaces in everyday life from the depths of our subconscious minds, bringing us numerous troubles or reinforcing the already existing ones.
The victim identity is detrimental to our mental and physical health. However, like every other part of our being, it plays an important role in our maturing and spiritual development.
Identifying the Victim Identity
Perhaps the most difficult part of the process of getting rid of this identity is recognizing it first. How does it manifest? How can we immediately recognize the appearance of the victim identity in everyday life? Here are the most important indicators:
Therefore, the core attribute of victim identity is blaming.
The “victim” typically says to himself or others:
The core attribute of victim identity is blaming.
Subconscious Causes of the Victim Mentality
So, the person with a strong victim mentality often talks about their difficulties and blames other people for causing all their problems. In that way, they are trying to gain the sympathy of others for injustice and suffering in their life. This behavior seemingly eases their pain. They often lament that life is difficult and unfair, that people are evil, selfish, and that no one should be trusted.
The person uses these claims to justify his or her behavior. Sometimes the “victim” can also state that in this way they are able to more easily recognize malevolent people and to better prepare for adversities in the future, to protect themselves on time. Of course, that is also the wrong way to find a justification for the obvious psychological problems that plague them.
Accordingly, a person who is in the victim identity seemingly gets:
Notice that I used the word seemingly here. What a person wants to gain by entering into the victim identity is temporary at best, and completely false at worst.
Usually, the victim mentality is implanted in a person during early childhood. A small child is like a sponge - they absorb everything from their parents, siblings, friends, grandparents, teachers, and other authorities. All their beliefs, identities, attitudes, patterns of behavior - all this easily become part of the child's mental structure, remains deeply ingrained in him/her, and continues to act from an unconscious level throughout life.
Consequences on Everyday Life
Sometimes very traumatic or significant events in adolescence or adulthood can have a strong impact on a person's future life and behavior patterns. For example, if someone experiences a hurtful divorce, it can create in her or him the belief that members of the opposite sex cannot be trusted, that they are “all the same,” etc. In this way, the person will put themself in a victimized position and thus greatly complicate all their subsequent love relationships.
What the person in the identity of the victim really loses is the following:
On a subtle level, a person in the victim identity becomes susceptible to the influences of various negative energies, including even foreign and malicious entities that can cling to their energy body or aura, exhaust them and instigate aggression and other negative events in life.
How to Overcome Victim Identity?
Do we really want to lose such important, immeasurable blessings, and in return gain only “crumbs” on the table of life in the form of temporary consolation or false compassion from others?
Of course, I too have been dwelling in the victim identity from time to time. I used to blame various people and circumstances - parents, friends, acquaintances, colleagues, work, school, social system, people's mentality, “pulling the connections,” injustice, life, even God ... Like any other person which sometimes resides in that identity, I too was gaining a sense of temporary comfort, a false intimacy with others, a deceitful sense of avoided responsibility… On the other hand, I would always lose some of my precious peace of mind, further closing my heart, and unconsciously giving up my inherent power and control over life.
Forgiveness leads to immense relief!
Perhaps now I can say that I have overcome all that pretty much. I have forgiven a lot, and my victim-ness almost isn’t appearing anymore. And, believe me, I have experienced very clearly on my own skin that forgiveness leads to immense relief.
Really, how to get rid of the victim identity? Here are some suggestions:
When you are permanently liberated from that subtle, but deeply ingrained, victimized attitude, a great burden will fall off your heart. Deep peace will pervade your being. Love and compassion for both yourself and others will blossom in your heart and new vistas of freedom will open up within your being.
Happy inner work! :-)
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