When a person is codependent they are unable to define and meet their own needs in a relationship. This individual “loses” their sense of self because they are completely absorbed in the needs of the other person in a relationship, who often is struggling with addiction or illness. This intense focus on the other person can jeopardize one’s health, safety, and success in life.
Codependence is commonly seen in romantic relationships, although any relationship can take on the negative traits of codependence. You can see evidence of codependence in parent and child relationships, between siblings and among coworkers.
How do people become codependent?
No one is born codependent. A newborn baby is completely dependent on a caregiver, whereas a codependent person learns this behavior. It can be passed down through the generations by observing other family members and modeling their codependent behavior. Codependent people are sometimes known as “relationship addicts” because the connection is unhealthy, destructive, and one-sided.
People who have addiction (drug, alcohol, food, gambling, etc.) in their family history are more likely to become codependent. Additionally, when physical, sexual, or emotional abuse has occurred the risk of emotional dependence escalates. Mental illness is also a commonality among codependent people.
Characteristics of Codependent People
Codependent people struggle to define who they are and what their purpose is in life. They see their place in this world solely through the lens of their codependent relationship. Despite their genuine care and concern for the other person in the relationship, they will take on the role of a martyr or victim and are drawn to others with the same mindset.
Codependents are inclined to do whatever is needed to erase or minimize the consequences from their partner’s destructive behaviors. This keeps the codependent individual on a damaging course. Codependents use others’ addictive behavior as an excuse to avoid communication and closeness with those who could help them.
There are many emotional characteristics of codependent people. A person may not exhibit all these traits, but there will be some signs of imbalance such as:
Help for the Codependent Person
The following helpful tips can help you or someone you know step away from codependent tendencies:
If you or your loved one is struggling with codependency, be courageous and seek help. A licensed counselor or therapist can help you explore how you began to act this way. They can guide you to see healthy and unhealthy patterns in relationships. Together, you can establish a plan to change your life’s direction and move from a codependent relationship to a mutually satisfying one.