Let’s face it, judging is easy. We often (un)consciously have an opinion about the other, especially judging another lifestyle towards ADHD. Although you have the right to have your own opinion, but it may be useful to consciously think about the judgments that you have and the judgments that you yourself have to deal with.
The image you have of another doesn’t have to be positive of course. But it’s on you how to deal with that. Judging doesn’t reflect that other person but it says more about your own attitude.
What options do you have dealing with negative judgements?
It’s way easier to be hurt by a (negative) judgement of someone else than a compliment. The things that hurt us tend to stick more than positive feedback. Did you know that Het is veel makkelijker om je te laten raken door een (negatief) oordeel van een ander dan door positieve aandacht. Opmerkingen die ons kwetsen blijven altijd veel langer hangen dan opbouwende feedback. Did you know that the positive versus negative feedback is around 4:1?
Everyone faces a negative judgement. But it’s good to realize that, that is subjective. Someone’s opinion doesn’t have to be your reality. Perhaps it contains some truth that you can use to improve yourself, but only you can be the judge of that.
Not everyone will understand your way of thinking and that’s okay. We don’t need to work the same way and people will have their oppinion anyway. Stay true to yourself and act how you want to be.
How to deal with your own negative thoughts?
When you feel that you are judiging someone else it is possible that this is because the other isn’t acting how you think it should. When you’re extremely busy and someone else with a lot less to do says that he or she doesn’t have time for stuff it can be very annoying.
But everyone has their own way of life and their own responsibility. The fact that others do stuff in a different way doesn’t make it right or wrong. If you’re not walking in their shoes, you’re not the one to judge it.
Another example is that if someone has something you dont have, but you really want that. It’s easy to feel intimidated by the other. It’s easy to quickly get insecure or jealous. Try not to look at it as a competition, but use it as an inspiration. Maybe you can learn from their way of life.
Besides we’re good at comparing with others successes. Everyone has their insecurities and issues, but often you don’t see those. Don’t compare yourself with others and start focusing on your own process.
So now what?
Most of the judgements that we have to face are related to a strategy to protect our ego. Of course you can have your preference and your own opinion, but it can help to take a moment and reflect on your own values and where they come from.
It can be good to reflect about those values when you notice that you have certain assumptions. We’re all human beings with our own feelings, insecurities, unique strenghts and weaknesses, dreams, goals and wishes. Be aware that we don’t have to life the same way.
To Bounce Back has many shapes and forms and is unique for everyone. Where focus goes, energy flows. Try to be the best you can be for yourself and let others do that as well!