By Jamie Lynne Grumet of I Am Not The Babysitter
Allowing your child to browse the internet can be a terrifying thought for a lot of parents. However, as children get older and can assume more responsibility, most of us will agree that the benefits outweigh the potential risks as long as a plan is created with your child to keep him or her safe.
- Open Communication – Talk to your children about your concerns. This may be the single most important thing you can do to protect your child from potential dangers online. Demanding that a child follow specific rules without explaining the reasons behind the rules makes them less likely to be followed. Some things to address may be
- While you are the parent and have the ultimate say, you want to hear from them regarding why they want to use the internet and help you come up with clearly defined boundaries
- Explaining that you are implementing the guidelines because you care and you want to utilize knowledge and lessons learned over the years on why certain protective measures work better than others.
- Cybercrime -Teach your children about spyware and other potentially hazardous computer viruses. If they know why they need to avoid clicking rogue links (and also how to spot them), they will be much more likely to stay aware of their internet surroundings. This doesn’t need to be an in-depth, technical explanation, but general rules regarding downloads and links. Also, explaining how to use a strong password that is openly shared with you for all of their devices is another way to avoid outside crime to creep in via the Internet.
- Cyberbullying – Pre-teens and teens with social media accounts often fall victim tocyberbullying from one of their peers. It is so common now that there are classes taught to give teens the tools to respond appropriately. Some of the best advice from these services seems to be
- Reporting cyberbullying to the parents and then from the parents to the police if it includes threats (even vague threats).
- Screen shot/ keep a record of all messages to and from victim.
- Avoid engagement when possible (if it looks like the child isn’t around, then the perpetrator often loses interest).
- Get in the habit of logging out of every computer (even at home).
- Never share passwords. If it already happened, go in and change all passwords to something new.
- Remind your child that anything sent via the internet is likely permanent, even if you think it has been deleted, that is often not the case. Private conversations are better left to phone calls, and photos and text messages should be images and words that may be private, but the child could understand the possibility of everything they produce and place in the hands of a friend could very well be left online.
- Strangers Online – I used to work with a group that would partner with Law Enforcement to catch online predators. I was one of the decoys on the phone. What I learned from that experience was that these men (they happened to all be men in my case) often came across as totally normal. Many even had successful jobs (one of the most severe cases I ever dealt with was a family law attorney). It was easy to see why unsuspecting teens could easily be persuaded by these individuals without any red flags coming up.
With that being said, I was also free to roam the internet freely at age 9. This was in the 90s when chat rooms were popular and I would often partake in some dorky AOL chats. What I have learned from my experience is that, while it can be fun and exciting for children/teenagers to socialize with strangers online, there always needs to be a cloak of anonymity. Make sure your child’s username for forums does not give any detail as to who they are, don’t accept friend requests on social media accounts which reveal even minor personal information unless they know the person “in real life,” do not give out personal phone numbers or addresses online. (Teens in forums with similar interests often do make phone calls to each other. If this is going to be done, make sure mom and dad are included).
5. Parental Controls– These are put in place to avoid children inadvertently seeing anything questionable, rather than policing their online time. The goal isn’t to force issues and create “forbidden fruits,” but rather, to make the environment less stressful for everyone. There are multiple software options out there, with the most popular probably being NetNanny, among various others. Other websites that can help include background checks, like this one at Radaris.com.
These tips are just a starting point for establishing a safe online environment for your kids. All parents should think seriously about the individual child’s maturity level and how they handle responsibility before giving them access to the internet. The reality is that we live in a world where everyone is connected and that means potential connections that are unsafe. Establishing transparency and boundaries without becoming a 24/7 police officer is a challenge for parents that isn’t just limited to the internet. Opening a dialogue and communicating with your child can be the biggest asset when coming up with a plan for your family’s online