Why Things Don't Work
A major research institution has announced the discovery of the heaviest
element yet known to science. This new element has been tentatively named
"Administratium." Administratium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75
deputy neutrons, and 111 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass
New Element Discovered: ADMINISTRATIUM.
These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Administratium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
detected as it impedes every other element with which it comes into contact.
A minute amount of Administratium can cause one reaction to take over 4 days
to complete when it would normally take less than a second.
Administratium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay but
instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Administratium's mass
actually increases over time, since each reorganization causes some morons
to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion
leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever
morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. Such quantity is referred
to as "Critical Morass."
You will know it when you see it.