1. Boston Tea Party - December 16, 1773
During the Boston Tea Party, colonists dumped three shiploads of tea into Boston Harbor.
All they had left to drink was booze.
2. Paul Revere’s Midnight Ride - April 18, 1775
Paul Revere rode through the colonies to warn people that “the British are coming.” He carried a flask with him for sustenance and by the end of the ride it sounded more like “the, uh…the, um, British, man, they’re coming, so like…they’re coming.”
3. British Surrender at Yorktown - October 17, 1781
The British Army surrendered at Yorktown, leading to our nation’s independence.
The victorious American soldiers immediately began playing flip cup.
4. Great Seal of the U.S. Adopted by Congress - June 20, 1782
This day in #DrunkHistory: on 6/20, the Great Seal of the U.S. was adopted by Congress after Franklin, Jefferson and Adams opened up the good bourbon and started discussing how weird birds are.
5. George Washington Inauguration - April 30, 1789
George Washington was inaugurated as the first President of the United States.
He got so hammered celebrating that his powdered wig ended up in a tree.
6. Star-Spangled Banner Written - September 14, 1814
The Star-Spangled Banner was written by Francis Scott Key.
He got inspiration for his lyrics from multiple bottles of merlot.
7. Abraham Lincoln Inaugurated as the 16th U.S. President - March 4, 1861
Abraham Lincoln was inaugurated as president.
To get through the long ceremony, he kept a secret bottle of gin in his stovepipe hat.
8. Abraham Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address - November 19, 1863
Lincoln made his famous Gettysburg Address. During the speech, he drunkenly forgot the word for “eighty” and had to use the more confusing “fourscore” instead.
9. The Statue of Liberty Gifted to the U.S. - October 28, 1886
The French sent the Statue of Liberty to the U.S. The gift was sent around 2 a.m. with a message asking “you awake?” The French were full of regret the next morning.
10. Ellis Island Opens - January 5, 1892
Ellis Island opened, welcoming the tired, poor and yearning to be free,
but most of all the thirsty.
11. U.S. Orchestrates the Signing of the Treaty of Versailles - June 28, 1919
The U.S. orchestrated the signing of the Treaty of Versailles. While brainstorming names for the treaty they had a few too many and ended up saying, “Fuck it, we’ll give it the same name as eight other treaties.”
12. Prohibition Begins - January 16, 1920
When prohibition began, drinking was suddenly cooler than ever.
13. Wall Street Crash - October 29, 1929
The stock market crashed, marking the start of the Great Depression.
In the blink of an eye, $1.00 beer night became unaffordable.
14. Prohibition Ends - December 5, 1933
With the end of prohibition, Americans everywhere did what they’d been
doing for the past 14 years, but stopped being sneaky about it.
15. Sally Ride Becomes First Woman in Space - June 18, 1983
Sally Ride was the first woman in space and the first person to discover the secret to safely pouring tequila in zero gravity.
Drunk History airs Tuesday July 9 at 10/9c on Comedy Central.