The SSP is a portal to the Social Engagement System and it can have powerful impacts on how your child interacts with you and the world. Resulting new behaviors reflect an increased sense of safety in the world, but they are fragile and can be disrupted if not recognized and responded to in a positive manner. Essentially, the SSP is opening the system for greater engagement. What comes after the SSP can cement and extend the gains. It is the repeated and consistent responses from the people around your child that will enhance the new sense of safety and reinforce the new behavior.
The following guide can help you and the other people in your child’s life know what to look for.
Look: Your child may now be making more eye contact with you, family, friends and teachers. Eye contact is a sign that your child is feeling safe and receptive to social behavior. Eye contact should not be forced or bribed, but when you see it, respond with a smile and encouragement. When children attempt eye contact that is not reciprocated, they may stop trying or feel like the other person does not want to engage. Reciprocal eye contact and smiles will help the child identify other “safe” people that are part of a “safe” environment where the child can relax and be friendly and loving.
Listen: Your child may now start understanding speech better. You may not have to repeat yourself when you ask the child a question or ask the child to do something. Your child may stop complaining about loud noises or stop covering ears when loud noises occur. By completing the SSP, your child’s ear muscles are now better able to “ignore” loud noises, and allow them to focus on speech instead.
Regulate: Your child may now have better emotional control and expression. Temper tantrums and outbursts are typically a sign of dysregulation, or uncontrollable feelings. Temper tantrums can occur for a lot of reasons, some of which are addressed by the SSP. For example, if a child has a temper tantrum because he/she wants to leave the park NOW, but feels like the parent is not listening to him/her because parent does not leave the park NOW, these feelings may be calmed now that the child can make eye contact with parent, and listen to parent, and feel like he/she is part of a reciprocal conversation about when it is time to leave the park. When your child does experience a tantrum, try to keep a calm demeanor – soothing voice, eye contact. After the intervention, the child will be more responsive to social cues and learning how to control temper by watching you!
Play: Your child may now have better play behaviors with other children. Play involves reciprocal interactions, and communication between the players is eased by eye contact and listening to each other. For now, take a more active role in playdates or sibling play so you can support the interaction and talk to your child afterward about what you noticed.
Love: Your child may now be more expressive of love to other people, including more smiles and hugs. Do your best to reciprocate those behaviors when they occur! This will be easy. Be aware though of the child’s personal space; unwanted hugs (or hugs from unfamiliar people) can make child feel defensive instead of relaxed.
Keep maintaining a safe and pleasant environment for your child. Things that parents find comforting may not be the same things the child finds comforting, so talk to your child about what things help him/her feel relaxed. Some ideas: soothing environments; vocal music; gentle lighting; soft surroundings and fabrics; pleasant fragrances; and avoiding loud or abrupt noises.
The SSP is only one way to help your child improve looking, listening and regulation. Other ways that you can continue to help your child include:
- playing woodwind instruments (exercises breathing control and ear muscles)
- singing alone or in a choir (exercises breathing control and ear muscles)
- yoga (exercises breathing, posture and self-control)
- meditation (exercises breathing, posture and self-control)
Working with Your Child’s Therapist
The SSP is designed to work with treatment, not to replace it. By providing a means for children to feel calmer and be socially more engaging, it will allow the therapist/clinician to better engage your child in intervention, and will help your child to respond better.