How to care for your boundaries? 10 steps to help you build healthy boundaries in relationships
What comes to your mind when you hear the word “boundaries”? Perhaps you are thinking about the state border or plot. The boundaries indicate where the area belonging to one reality ends and the other begins. Boundaries in relationships have a similar purpose: they help in understanding where one person ends and the other begins. In short, defining the limits is about telling yourself to what level of closeness to another you feel at ease. This allows you to set the rules that you require from other people. This applies to all your relationships: with your loved ones, friends, family members, and with everyone else who appears in your life. Establishing and maintaining boundaries is a skill that allows you to enjoy healthy, equivalent relationships. How to care for your boundaries? Lets see:
1. Set your boundaries
Identify your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual boundaries. Think about what you can tolerate and accept, what stresses you in relationships with others. Remember the repetitive, unpleasant situations.
2. Feel what you do not allow
The internal compass of feelings is helpful in determining the boundaries. Signals that you allow to cross boundaries are discomfort and resentment. They appear when you are used or someone does not appreciate you, and you agree for that. Feeling guilty is a sign that you are blaming yourself.
3. Be directive
Maintaining healthy boundaries requires direct and unambiguous dialogue. In a gentle but firm manner, say that you do not agree to …
4. Let the maintenance of the boundaries be a priority for you
When we start to protect us, changing our usual behavior, old patterns have their 5 minutes. Sometimes we may experience high level of fear, anxiety and guilt, doubts, whether we are doing well. Look at this phenomenon as a runny nose that will pass and do your part.
5. Practice self-awareness
Be mindful of your feelings in the process of learning to set boundaries. Ask yourself the questions: What has changed? What do I feel in response to my new behavior? How do I react to others now?
6. Consider the balance between giving and taking
Consider your past relationships (including those in the family when you were a child) in terms of balance in giving and taking. Can you give and receive? Is this happening in an equivalent way? Maybe you ignore your needs at the expense of others? Think about how it looks at work, at home, in a love relationship, in friendship. Or maybe others accuse you of not noticing them?
7. Recognize that your feelings are in the first place
When you accept such an assumption, it will be easier for you to function in relationships. Limits on their own will keep up and you will know how to maintain them. What you feel will be the best guideline. Contact with feelings results in a calmer mind, because this one has no doubt about what to think about a subject. Thanks to this you will be more present in relationships that will deepen.
8. Search for support
If you have trouble maintaining your own boundaries, seek help from a loved one or therapist.
9. Keep relationships
Learning to set boundaries usually ends with the fact that part of the relationship ends. They remain the most valuable. If you will be assertive towards someone and this will not destroy the relationship, the relationship will be maintained, you will have a gift. You will be able to grow in social interactions.
10. Recognize your small successes
Healthy boundaries like any new skill require courage, time and practice. Start gradually. The most difficult to set boundaries in close relationships, especially when they have been disturbed for years. Therefore, start with, for example, someone unknown like salesman. Enjoy every success and follow step by step.