Feel your feelings
Before you can stop thinking about someone, give yourself time to feel angry, sad, mad, or any other emotion.
“Acknowledging your feelings in a healthy way is part of the healing process and will help you feel better in the long run,” Dr Hafeez says. “Once you have had time to grieve and feel all types of emotions, this will mitigate your sadness, leave you thinking less about the person, and leave you with nothing left to replay in your head.”
Release those feelings
Let go of any anger or resentment you may have towards the person.
“Holding onto anger is not good for your mental health because you extend the pain you felt from your ex or a particular situation, which adds more stress to your life,” Dr Hafeez says.
Letting go of anger and offering forgiveness allows you to live in the present moment, ease your pain, and set yourself free from someone else.
Write it all down
Get ready to start a journal.
Writing your thoughts and feelings down can help you understand them more clearly, gain control of your emotions, and help you figure out how to feel better, according to Dr Hafeez.
“Getting all of your built-up emotions out of your head can heal your broken heart, thus help you stop thinking about someone,” she says.
Hokemeyer says putting pen to paper moves the experience out of the primitive part of your brain, your limbic system, and into the most sophisticated part of your brain, your prefrontal cortex.
He suggests listing why the relationship, friendship, or connection didn’t work and listing what hurts.
“Allow these feelings to flow unedited,” he says. “Don’t be ashamed to list things like hurt pride or a bruised ego.”
Finally, make a list of the lessons learned and what you can do better in the future.
Once you’ve completed these three lists, keep them in a place you can revisit them daily. Then give yourself 90 days to focus on the list and make sense out of the experience, Hokemeyer recommends.