During a visit to a public school in Vancouver, a week before classes started, a discussion regarding those students who had an internal drive to push themselves, be accountable to themselves and others, and those who had a natural desire to help the classroom community as whole ensued. Then from across the room I heard a teacher talk about students who made their own lunches. This teacher was recalling an impromptu survey that she conducted with her students last year: “How many of you make your own lunches?” What she found surprised her. Those students who made their own lunches were more aware of the needs of the class, and were also the students who naturally and happily helped out with classroom chores. They did not have a sense of entitlement, expecting others to do their work. When I challenged her regarding her observation, she very adamantly stated that there was a direct correlation.
Often the advice that is given to parents to help their children succeed in school revolves around how to help their child with homework, and how to keep up with the work focusing on developing their knowledge in different subject areas. This is important, however, our children will be the world’s future leaders and they live in a world that is already very different than when we were young, and will be massively changed by the time they reach adulthood. Today, technology has provided a whole new approach to impart knowledge and skills to an individual. The development of the interactive, social platforms has allowed for collaboration, nevertheless, the skills that are required for a rich collaborative experience have yet to be developed enough in young children for them to participate and learn in a meaningful way. Part of that collaborative experience requires the ability to determine what is needed for the group as a whole, and to give what a person can to the group, without looking for something in return. So how do you teach this to your children? It needs to start in the home and be strengthened by the rest of the community.
There are many things that parents can do to strengthen this, and it has to be consistently supported with a clear way for the kids to personally experience the results. One example is what our family decided to do. When my two children were in high school, the family shared the responsibility of making supper. Each of us had a specific night to make supper for the entire family. Kirsti chose Monday and Nathan chose Thursday. Darrin and I had Tuesday and Wednesday. Each person decided what they wanted to make each week and were responsible for creating a shopping list with a budget in mind, making, serving and cleaning up from the meal. It was an interesting and fun experience. I can remember once when it was Nathan’s turn to make supper, when at 9:30 at night he announced that he was hungry. We all replied with “we are hungry too!” He had not made supper and we were not going to make supper for him as it was his to do. He very quickly realized that he had to do something about it as his decision to delay making supper was affecting more than just him. Teaching this insight is based on fundamental values that focus outwards. Imparting and modelling these values cannot be done by one group of people alone: it is a responsibility of all members of the family, of the education community, of politicians and the community as a whole.
The future of our world depends on the ability of our future leaders to see and understand the needs of their communities. They will also have to figure out what the solutions are and be willing and able to help with the process of providing the solutions. Knowing their math will be important, but those who will rise to the top who will make a difference, will be those who have developed a higher-order compassion for others. Those are the people who I would like to see lead our world into the future.
It starts at home.
Do your children make lunch for themselves? Do they make lunch for you?