Definition of Tween
A tween is a child between the ages of 9 and 12. A tween is no longer a little child, but not quite a teenager. While a tween is not yet in the midst of adolescence, he or she will face a variety of obstacles in the next few years including transitioning from elementary school to middle school, approaching puberty, increasing responsibilities, increasing amounts of homework, and exposure to dangerous behaviors by their peers including drugs, sex, and more.
Tweens have an enormous spending power in the United States and are targeted by marketers for their money. It was the tween market that made Hannah Montana, the Jonas Brothers, and Harry Potter household names. Many parenting experts believe today's tweens are growing up too fast, and are exposed to unhealthy doses of violence, sex, drugs, and other behaviors through television, video games, online games, and books.
Dramatic physical, mental, and social changes take place during the tween years. Many tween girls experience their first period around the age of 12, and brain development at that age is also dramatic for both tween boys and girls. Socially, tweens are under pressure to fit in and it is during these middle school years that tweens are most likely to face bullies and other social challenges.
Understanding Today's Tweens
Confident, savvy, and high-tech, they're followers of pop culture and know what social networking is all about. They're tweens, children between the ages of 9 and 12. These youngsters are no longer little kids, but they're not yet teenagers. Understanding your tween can be difficult at times, because tweens are in a constant state of transition.
The tween developmental stage is a difficult one for tweens and parents. In just under four years, most tweens will face middle school, puberty, and increasing responsibilities at home and elsewhere. These children also have to contend with changing friendships, changing family roles, peer pressure, drugs, and a whole lot more.
Parents of tweens can be just as confused about what is happening to their children as the tweens are themselves. Your daughter might snuggle up to you on the couch one day, the next day she's decided you're no longer needed. Your son may go out of his way to help you with the laundry, and then proceed to leave a pile of dirty dishes in the family room. Your normally polite child may add a few salty words to his vocabulary, and then try them out in front of your in-laws. Such is life with a tween.
What to Expect From Today's Tweens
- Your child's developing mind and sense of self is the reason behind all the confusion. As hormones kick-in, so do emotional changes. Expect your tween to scroll through emotions frequently and suddenly.
- Your tween may be negative about his or her appearance and body image. You might hear, "My eyebrows are ugly" or "I hate my nose".
- Your tween will be self-absorbed. As unattractive as that may be, it's perfectly normal.
- Your tween's tastes may change day-to-day. Don't be surprised if your tween suddenly announces that she's becoming a vegetarian, or is no longer interested in soccer. This is all a part of the self-discovery process for tweens.
- Your tween's self-esteem may take a nosedive.
- Your tween may be highly critical of himself (and you).
How to React to Tweens
- Be patient when your child is in a mood. He may only need a little down time to readjust.
- Remember what it was like to be a tween. Help your tween find ways to deal with the changes in a positive way, such as through music, reading, or time alone.
- Counter your tween's negative comments about himself/herself with positive remarks. Don't allow your tween to obsess over body image, and refrain from pointing out imperfections in your child's complexion or appearance. Keep your child focused on the importance of what's inside, not outside.
- Don't expect too much from tweens. Your tween may act like an adult at times, but she's not. She still needs your guidance and patience to develop a sense of right and wrong, and to make good, informed judgments.
- Be there to offer advice, but know when to back off. Tweens need to begin making their own decisions in order to learn from those decisions. Allow your tween some wiggle room, but not too much.
Getting to Calm: Cool-Headed Strategies for Parenting Tweens + Teens
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