In the society, we might not find any family which has only peaceful and happy condition in daily living. Of course, peace and happiness exist in any family, but it does not maintain always. The root causes of violence have already been mentioned above in order to seek out the certain point of problems. The Teachings of the Buddha guides every family to live with harmony, peace and happiness no matter how difficult things fall apart in their daily living.
I would like to set a few questions here. How much do you love your family and society? How much do you wish your parents, children, family and society to be peaceful and happy? Do you know you are responsible to everything you have done? If not you, then who? When will you take your responsibility to your family and society? If not now, then when? How do you admonish yourself to be a good citizen in your family and society?
To get these questions answered, is quite easy if we have looked the Teachings of the universal teacher, Buddha. In Uggha Sutta, the Lord Buddha gave His instructions to the girls who were going to get married soon. But here I would like to quote duties of both husband and wife because they play important role their family.
Five duties of a wife:33
1. To perform/discharge household duties
2. To keep things/possession spick and span,
3. To avoid sexual misconduct,
4. To distribute provisions appropriately, and
5. Not to be indulged in indolence.
Five duties of a Husband
1. Not to show disrespect,
2. To surrender one’s earnings to her,
3. Not to commit sexual misconduct,
4. To provide her with food and clothing,
5. To cherish her.
These duties are the great things which will bring peace and happiness to families and society. If one of two, husband or wife pays respect to his/her duties as a householder, the environment in his/her family is going smoothly and everyone lives in harmony, peace and happiness with one another. Each of them must perform one’s own duties for the sake of his or her family and their children.
Of course, every couple must keep in mind that you have to understand each other and live together until your dying day. No matter how difficult situations in your own family are, but you have to discuss and find the resolution together. You are responsible to everything. Please don’t find any outsiders to solve your own family problems. Here, Uggha Sutta, there are the great instructions which every society has to pay attention, note and put these into daily practices.
A father’s instruction to his daughter Visàkhà34
1. Not to let the internal fire be carried outsides,
(Not to leak out the household secrets)
2. Not to let the external fire be brought inside,
(Not to bring in gossips or rumours from outside)
3. To give (loans) to those who give (repay),
4. Not to give (loans) who never give (repay),
5. To give (loans) who repay or not (to relatives),
6. To sit well (not right in front of one’s parents-in-law),
7. To eat well (only after one’s parents-in-law),
8. To sleep well (only after one’s parents-in-law),
9. To tend the fire (to take care of one’s husband and parents-in-law),
10. To pay homage to the internal deity (to respect one’s husband and parents-in-law).
The first and second instructions are very great to the modern couples in these days. As what has already been mentioned earlier, husband and wife are separately two bodies, but they should have only one heart which is the compassionate heart between one another.
Another thing I would like to mention is patience. Every couple should be patient to every situation in family because the nature of family life cannot be gone smoothly always. You have to be patient whatever anyone (husband or wife) has done something wrong or she/he has shown unsuitable behavior to you. Patience is never bad, but it is great deal with the greedy, hatred and deluded persons in your family and outsiders. When anyone, for example, gets angry because of her/his bad emotions, you have to be clever enough to know the circumstances. Knowing the time is also really important to everyone. You should know when this word is talked to this person or that person.
In short, if you wish to bring peace and happiness to your family for the sake of your innocent children. You must be determined yourself not to challenge each other in the name of husband and wife. You should understand each other and try to be patient as much as possible. Please remember and keep in mind the word, ‘not let internal fire to outside and not let external fire be brought inside’.
33. Siægàla-Sutta, D-III, p.154-155
34. Dh, A.I., p.254-255