  At the tail of its velocity distribution, cold dark matter (DM) can
annihilate at finite temperature to states heavier than itself. We explore the
possibility that DM freezeout is dictated by these "forbidden annihilations" at
the electroweak scale. Demanding that annihilation products be Standard Model
particles, we find that for the forbidden mechanism to primarily set the DM
relic abundance, DM must couple predominantly, if not solely, to top quarks.
This can be arranged by invoking a non-trivial flavor structure such as Minimal
Flavor Violation. We avail two avenues to achieve the correct thermal
cross-section, requiring a mediator exchanged in the $s$- or $t$-channel. These
simplified models submit easily to direct detection and collider searches, and
necessarily hide from indirect detection signals. Viable supersymmetric spectra
involving the forbidden mechanism may be found if combined with
co-annihilation.
