  I solve the problem of nomenclature of planets, stars, and moons, and in
doing so repair two of the IAU's blunders. Drawing and improving upon
foundational work by Chen & Kipping, I describe a single, physics-based
taxonomy that christens all objects in hydrostatic equilibrium as "stars," a
category that contains several subcategories based on the relevant pressure
terms in the equation of state. I also acknowledge dynamical considerations,
which allow me to describe a single designation scheme for all "stars"
following the Washington Multiplicity Catalog convention. Under this unified
scheme, what we used to call "Planet Earth" is now the moon rock "star" Sun Da.
