  Teleportation is a cornerstone of quantum technologies, and has played a key
role in the development of quantum information theory. Pushing the limits of
teleportation is therefore of particular importance. Here, we apply a different
aspect of quantumness to teleportation -- namely exchange-free computation at a
distance. The controlled-phase universal gate we propose, where no particles
are exchanged between control and target, allows complete Bell detection among
two remote parties, and is experimentally feasible. Our
teleportation-with-a-twist, which we extend to telecloning, then requires no
pre-shared entanglement nor classical communication between sender and
receiver, with the teleported state gradually appearing at its destination.
