  Leptoquarks with mass in the region of $550-650$ GeV are a possible candidate
for the recent excess seen by CMS in the $eejj$ and $e \nu jj$ channels. We
discuss models where leptoquarks decay primarily to dark matter and jets,
thereby giving a branching to charged lepton and jet final states that can
match data. The confluence of proton decay constraints, dark matter indirect
and direct detection data, and Higgs invisible decay bounds results in a
handful of predictive models that will be conclusively verified or excluded in
upcoming direct detection experiments. Along the way, we present robust limits
on such leptoquark models stemming from the muon magnetic moment using current
and projected experiment sensitivities, as well as from $K$ and $B$ meson
mixing, and leptonic and semi-leptonic meson decays.
