  We consider the physics and collider phenomenology of quirks that transform
nontrivially under QCD color, SU(2)_W as well as an SU(N)_{ic} infracolor
group. Our main motivation is to show that the recent Wjj excess observed by
CDF naturally arises in quirky models. The basic pattern is that several
different quirky states can be produced, some of which beta-decay during or
after spin-down, leaving the lightest electrically neutral quirks to hadronize
into a meson that subsequently decays into gluon jets. We analyze LEP II,
Tevatron, UA2, and electroweak precision constraints, identifying the simplest
viable models: scalar quirks ("squirks") transforming as color triplets,
SU(2)_W triplets and singlets, all with vanishing hypercharge. We calculate
production cross sections, weak decay, spin-down, meson decay rates, and
estimate efficiencies. The novel features of our quirky model includes:
quirkonium decay proceeds into a pair of gluon jets, without a b-jet component;
there is essentially no associated Zjj or gamma+jj signal; and there are
potentially new (parameter-dependent) contributions to dijet production,
multi-W production plus jets, W+gamma, gamma+gamma resonance signals, and
monojet signals. There may be either underlying event from low energy QCD
deposition resulting from quirky spin-down, and/or qualitatively modified event
kinematics from infraglueball emission.
