  Dark kinetic heating of neutron stars has been previously studied as a
promising dark matter detection avenue. Kinetic heating occurs when dark matter
is sped up to relativistic speeds in the gravitational well of high-escape
velocity objects, and deposits kinetic energy after becoming captured by the
object, thereby increasing its temperature. We show that dark kinetic heating
can be significant even in objects with low-escape velocities, such as
exoplanets and brown dwarfs, increasing the discovery potential of such
searches. This can occur if there is a long-range dark force, creating a "dark
escape velocity", leading to heating rates substantially larger than those
expected from neutron stars. We consequently set constraints on dark sector
parameters using Wide-field Infrared Survey Explorer and JWST data on
Super-Jupiter WISE 0855-0714, and map out future sensitivity to the dark matter
scattering cross section below $10^{-40}~{\rm cm}^2$. We compare dark kinetic
heating rates of other lower escape velocity objects such as the Earth, Sun,
and white dwarfs, finding complementary kinetic heating signals are possible
depending on particle physics parameters.
