  The microscopic dynamics of particle collisions is imprinted into the
statistical properties of asymptotic energy flux, much like the dynamics of
inflation is imprinted into the cosmic microwave background. This energy flux
is characterized by correlation functions $\langle \mathcal{E}(\vec n_1)\cdots
\mathcal{E}(\vec n_k) \rangle$ of energy flow operators $ \mathcal{E}(\vec n)$.
There has been significant recent progress in studying energy flux, including
the calculation of multi-point correlation functions and their direct
measurement inside high-energy jets at the Large Hadron Collider (LHC). In this
paper, we build on these advances by defining a notion of "celestial
non-gaussianity" as a ratio of the three-point function to a product of
two-point functions. We show that this celestial non-gaussianity is under
perturbative control within jets at the LHC, allowing us to cleanly access the
non-gaussian interactions of quarks and gluons. We find good agreement between
perturbative calculations of the non-gaussianity and a charged-particle-based
analysis using CMS Open Data, and we observe a strong non-gaussianity peaked in
the "flattened triangle" regime. The ability to robustly study three-point
correlations is a significant step in advancing our understanding of jet
substructure at the LHC. We anticipate that the celestial non-gaussianity, and
its generalizations, will play an important role in the development of
higher-order parton showers simulations and in the hunt for ever more subtle
signals of potential new physics within jets.
