  I pose the question of maximal Newtonian surface gravity on a homogeneous
body of a given mass and volume but with variable shape. In other words, given
an amount of malleable material of uniform density, how should one shape it in
order for a microscopic creature on its surface to experience the largest
possible weight? After evaluating the weight on an arbitrary cylinder, at the
axis and at the equator and comparing it to that on a spherical ball, I solve
the variational problem to obtain the shape which optimizes the surface gravity
in some location. The boundary curve of the corresponding solid of revolution
is given by $\ (x^2+z^2)^3-(4\,z)^2=0\ $ or $\ r(\theta)=2\sqrt{\cos\theta}$,
and the maximal weight (at $x=z=0$) exceeds that on a solid sphere by a factor
of $\frac35\root3\of5$, which is an increment of $2.6\%$. Finally, the values
and the achievable maxima are computed for three other families of shapes.
