  One or more new heavy resonances may be discovered in experiments at the CERN
Large Hadron Collider. In order to determine if such a resonance is the
long-awaited Higgs boson, it is essential to pin down its spin, CP, and
electroweak quantum numbers. Here we describe how to determine what role a
newly-discovered neutral CP-even scalar plays in electroweak symmetry breaking,
by measuring its relative decay rates into pairs of electroweak vector bosons:
WW, ZZ, \gamma\gamma, and Z\gamma. With the data-driven assumption that
electroweak symmetry breaking respects a remnant custodial symmetry, we perform
a general analysis with operators up to dimension five. Remarkably, only three
pure cases and one nontrivial mixed case need to be disambiguated, which can
always be done if all four decay modes to electroweak vector bosons can be
observed or constrained. We exhibit interesting special cases of Higgs
look-alikes with nonstandard decay patterns, including a very suppressed
branching to WW or very enhanced branchings to \gamma\gamma and Z\gamma. Even
if two vector boson branching fractions conform to Standard Model expectations
for a Higgs doublet, measurements of the other two decay modes could unmask a
Higgs imposter.
