  Ionization, hydrocarbon breakdown, and other exotic processes can harm
diode-pumped alkali laser (DPAL) performance and components. We develop a
physical picture of these processes, including those that drive a
non-Maxwell-Boltzmann distribution of electrons, and describe an efficient
approach to solve these kinetics while resolving trace species, and enforcing
conservation laws. Comparing the model to time-dependent experiments suggests
that recombination and supporting processes are weaker than na\"{i}vely
expected under relevant conditions, while methane seems to improve performance
in the lab more than it does in the model. Overall, this work highlights the
importance of tracking the true electron energy distribution, and how incisive
experiments with time-dependent driving are. We also use the model to emphasize
how ionization may pose more immediate heat loading problems in devices.
