  Stellar cooling arguments place strict restrictions on a wide variety of
models of new physics. In this paper, we argue that mechanisms to evade these
constraints are restricted by thermodynamic arguments, then present a minimal
model extension that allows new particles to evade all stellar constraints. In
doing this, we demonstrate that interesting parameter space can be reopened,
using the EDGES signal and Xenon1T excess as examples. This mechanism
highlights the importance of laboratory experiments in a well-controlled
environment to search for new physics, complementary to astrophysical searches.
