  A wide variety of celestial bodies have been considered as dark matter
detectors. Which stands the best chance of delivering the discovery of dark
matter? Which is the most powerful dark matter detector? We investigate a range
of objects, including the Sun, Earth, Jupiter, Brown Dwarfs, White Dwarfs,
Neutron Stars, Stellar populations, and Exoplanets. We quantify how different
objects are optimal dark matter detectors in different regimes by
deconstructing some of the in-built assumptions in these search sensitivities,
including observation potential and particle model assumptions. We show how
different objects can be expected to deliver corroborating signals. We discuss
different search strategies, their opportunities and limitations, and the
interplay of regimes where different celestial objects are optimal dark matter
detectors.
