per·ceive [per-seev] verb (used with object), per·ceived, per·ceiv·ing.
1. to become aware of, know, or identify by means of the senses.
I recently had a discussion with a friend about something I have given a lot of thought to lately: perceptions. My friend had pieced together a few facts and decided to fill in the blanks on the rest to form a conclusion about me. This seems like coming up with a solution before all the parts of the equation are revealed. When I pointed out that just because she perceives something to be true does not mean it is, in actuality, fact.
“Well, perception is reality,” she said.
Perception is reality.
I have always had a problem with this phrase, regardless of how personal the context is. Many people perceive many things, and many times those perceptions are wrong. Someone may perceive you to be moronic, for example, so does that make it reality? Are you moronic? People perceive gay marriage to be immoral and wrong, but that’s not reality.
When my friend countered with “perception is reality,” all I heard was “I believe it, so it is the truth. There’s even this nice little phrase to prove my point. Case closed.” It made me feel hopeless and that it was out of my control, like someone had just rewritten facts about me and there was nothing I could do about it. My blood was boiling like a tea kettle resting on a blazing stove. I could practically hear the whistle.
But I didn’t fully understand all the connotations that come with this phrase. Thinking about what perception and what reality means to me helped me to understand my friend a bit. What I discovered is this: There are two types of reality. The first one is the reality that can be determined from the senses, as the definition above tells me. This reality is of the physical world, one that tells me when I touch the aforementioned boiling tea kettle that it is hot. I perceive it to be hot by touch, so it is. I perceive that my niece needs a major diaper change by scent, so she does. That’s reality.
The second type of reality is one that cannot be determined by the senses. This reality is subjective and is determined by experiences, knowledge, attitude, upbringing, etc. It is these things that affect someone’s perception on the intangible things, like, say, gay marriage. Keeping this in mind while thinking back on the conversation with my friend, I am able to gain another perspective on the phrase I once gave a stank eye to.
Perception is reality.
Just because one person believes something to be true to them, does not mean that that same thing is true to you. That is not my reality. And that’s OK, because conversations about reality and perceptions will be forever debated and can be looked at as a sign of growth. For example, I can get upset that a large percentage of people perceive gay marriage to be wrong, or I can be hopeful in the fact that the discussion has reached a national level. Is that enough? No, but it is growth.
Your perception is your reality. My perception is my reality. Case closed.