Why preschoolers use bad languageYour preschooler isn't happy about going to bed, so calls you a "poo-head". Like many adults, he's finding it difficult to find words to express his frustration.
Or perhaps his best friend at playgroup has just expanded his vocabulary and thought it funny to share a few choice words - which your child is now eager to try out at home.
In almost every case, you're watching a thoughtful experiment on your preschooler's part. He's clearly heard someone else say something with a level of intensity or distaste, and wants to see what happens when he gives it a go.
No matter where this language comes from though, it's never too early to teach your child that it isn't acceptable.
What to do about swearing and potty talkBe matter-of-fact
Try not to wrinkle your nose every time you change your preschooler's pull-up. Whispering the words for the contents of his nappy isn't a good idea either, as he'll quickly realise that naming bodily functions guarantees a reaction. Remind yourself that it's normal for a child who's in the process of potty training to be fascinated with his body and everything that comes out of it.
Keep a straight face
When your preschooler says something rude, resist the urge to laugh, as he will take that as a great reinforcement to keep doing it. The ability to get such a reaction out of an adult is enormously satisfying when you're small.
Come up with fun alternatives
If your child's just trying a new word out, you can probably persuade him to substitute it for another exciting phrase that he hasn't heard before. "Abracadabra" and "shazam" work well. If the problem is that he's short of acceptable words to express his anger or frustration, it may help to encourage him to say loudly, "I'm cross" or "I'm angry", when relevant.
If your preschooler has latched on to a serious profanity or two, he needs you to teach him that saying those words is wrong. It's crucial to do this calmly, otherwise each time you lose your temper you'll just remind him how much power he has to make you pay attention to him quickly. If it's a made-up insult, tell him that there's no such thing and you don't understand what he's saying. For adult swear words, don't explain what they mean or why they're unacceptable. Just make it clear, in a matter-of-fact and disinterested voice, which words are off-limits.
If your preschooler won't stop being rude even after a warning or two, then it's time for disciplinary tactics. Stay calm, respond swiftly and be consistent. If time-outs alone don't work, you may need to start withdrawing privileges, such as stopping him watching his favourite television programme. At this point, you may want to give some thought to why your preschooler is being so resistant to your rules. Perhaps his use of foul language is a sign that something else is bothering him.
Don't let swearing get results
If your preschooler's swearing because he wants something, make sure he doesn't get whatever it is he's asking for.
Swear words and potty talk won't be looked upon kindly at nursery school, in the playground, at a friend's house or at Grandma's dinner table. Explain that these words make people uncomfortable and hurt their feelings. Also point out that it makes no difference if other children are using the same language. Your preschooler is still learning to be empathetic and won't always remember to think of others, but he still needs to know that his actions have an effect on them.
Watch your own mouth
Of course, there are different rules for adults and children, but if your youngster hears you casually swearing on a day-to-day basis, it'll be a lot harder to convince him not to talk that way himself. If he mimics something you said, admit that you shouldn't have said it either. And, if you have older children, make sure you monitor their use of bad language too, as young children love to copy their older siblings.
Monitor his TV viewing
Small children absorb information from television programmes so make sure that he watches shows that are appropriate for his age and, whenever possible, watch the television with your child.