Im not okay. Is it depression that makes me think that way? What is the effect of depression on thinking and behaviour?
People who are depressed tend to view the world in an excessively pessimistic or hopeless light; there is no expectation that things will improve and often this dismal state of affairs is perceived as being their own responsibility.
Most generally the individuals judge themselves harshly and underestimate their own positive attributes in favour of this self-disparaging and critical view. Such thoughts may range from a scarcely noticeable pessimistic tainting of normal statements and opinions to unpleasant and unwelcome preoccupations which make life a misery. These might include ideas of sinfulness and wickedness, ideas which are quite out of proportion and which may reach delusional intensity (i.e. be perceived by others to be obviously false). Such preoccupations may logically lead individuals to thoughts of delivering themselves from such a shameful or tormenting situation by ending their life, and suicidal behaviour and the danger of self-destructive acts as well.
More about the cognitive-behavioural model of Depression