Primary school children need age-appropriate information about sex and reproduction. This is not one big talk, but lots of little conversations repeated. Puberty brings about dramatic physical and emotional changes that may be frightening to an unprepared child. Your talks will need to include topics such as the stages of sexual development, what to expect during puberty, sexual responsibility and relationships.
Explaining Sex To Children
Sex education for a primary school child mostly occurs in the way we talk about body parts and body functions, how we teach children to care for, respect and protect their bodies, and when we prepare our children for puberty. Choosing the right age to answer questions such as ‘Where do I come from?’ and ‘What is sex?’ is more about how comfortable your family feels talking about such topics, rather than there being a perfect time.
- Many children will have asked the question by the time they reach school. By Grade 3 they will have a keen interest and will have formulated some kind of theory. Many children will also have made the link between reproduction and sexual pleasure, and will be entering into schoolyard speculation and curiosity.
- Talking about these issues shows children that they can talk with trusted adults. Families lay the groundwork for children to feel OK about their bodies and body functions, and to feel confident to ask questions and seek help.
- School programs are vital to support this process. Developing good sexuality education programs shows that the community takes responsibility for this aspect of children’s growth and development. If families and schools won’t take the subject on, children will turn to other sources of information that may not be reliable such as friends, the Internet or the media.
General Suggestions To Talk About Sex
Suggestions on talking to your preteen about sexual issues include:
- Don’t wait for your child to ask questions. If they haven’t said anything to you by the time they are 10, it is likely that shyness or embarrassment will stop them from this point on.
- Some children may feel more modest by age six and might want privacy in the bathroom. This is a good chance to make sure they know that they can say ‘no’ to touching that they do not want.
- Masturbation is normal and healthy for children and may start long before puberty begins. Children just need to know that it is something to do in private.
- Many parents begin to talk about conception when their children are still pre-schoolers. Certainly it is important to start the conversation by the time they are eight or nine. If your child hasn’t asked, you could try starting with a question such as: ‘Have you ever wondered how you were born?’ Look for opportunities to introduce the conversation – for example, you may choose to use a book or to comment on a pregnant relative.
- Some girls will begin breast development and periods at age eight. By age nine, start a conversation with boys and girls about ‘growing up’ and changing bodies.
- Don’t assume that the lengthy talks you have already had have stuck. You will need to go back to topics (in fact, this is the best way to create open communication).
- Make sure your child knows who they can talk to about embarrassing personal ‘stuff’. Talk with them about who they would talk to if they needed an adult’s ear but were reluctant to come to you.
- Find out what sexuality education your child’s primary school provides and support them in the provision of age-appropriate information.
Basic Biology Of Sex
- Be honest and truthful. If your child asks ‘Why do men and women have sex?’, don’t just answer ‘To make babies’. Explain that people also have sex because they enjoy it and it feels good.
- If they ask about same-sex relationships, tell them that some people have sex with people of the same sex.
- Use age-appropriate materials, such as books, to help explain the issues.
- The Hormone Factory is a website aimed at 10 to 12 year olds that explains puberty, sexual intercourse and sexual issues in a clear, light-hearted way. You could browse through the website together, clarifying any questions your child may have.
Feeling Uncomfortable Talking About Sex?
You may have found that discussing sex with your child was OK in their preschool years, but the extra detail required as your child gets older feels too embarrassing to talk about. Perhaps you’ve been waiting so long for the ‘right time’ that you haven’t talked to your child about sex at all.
- Use materials to help you get started – find some age-appropriate materials, such as books or videos, and look through them with your child.
- Be honest if you feel embarrassed – if you can’t face talking about sex, provide the materials and let your child look through them alone. If your child has questions for you, try your best to answer them. If you are too shy, explain this to your child.
- Use the Internet – log on to a good website like The Hormone Factory. You could browse through the website together, clarifying any questions your child may have.
- Ask someone else – you could ask a trusted relative or friend to talk to your child in your place.
- Explain your own attitudes – keep in mind that your child won’t know about your morals, values and beliefs unless you tell them.