As human beings, we strive to master our world and to be competent and independent. Children are naturally driven toward independence. How many times have we heard, “I want to do it by myself” declared adamantly by a child?
This can bring about a dilemma for parents in deciding how much curious exploring to allow and when to set limits. Even deciding when to step in when a child is frustrated with a given task can be hard for parents to discern. Eliminating unnecessary obstacles is important when learning something new and different, but eliminating all obstacles is not advantageous to developing problem solving skills. What about safety? Wouldn’t it be great if children came with a manual?
There is an area in the Montessori curriculum that is called “Practical Life.” It encompasses useful activities that build fine and gross motor skills, concentration, and independence. These activities have to be created and placed in the prepared environment of a classroom, but they are readily abundant in the home with a little thought about safety and preparation. For example, they include pouring water, setting the table, brushing the dog, brushing one’s own teeth, food preparation, polishing silver, and the list goes on.
Sometimes it is just easier for parents to do these tasks themselves. Sometimes they are, for instance, too attached to the table being perfectly set and haven’t the patience to allow their children to set it correctly. Sometimes a lack of knowing what children are capable of doing at different age intervals prevents parents from fostering independence. However, sometimes it may be misguided acts of love. Love often takes the form of serving and giving, and parents have to transition from caring for the infant who is totally dependent to letting go and applauding baby’s first steps.
It is helpful to know what is developmentally appropriate for children to do for themselves at different age intervals and how to prepare safe activities that minimize frustration while calling to the child. Care of the environment and care of the self will provide the most appeal and opportunity to build independence. Anything with water, need I say more? The everyday activities are the most appealing to children, and mastering them allows children to adapt to society and develop orderly thinking.
Developmentally, preschoolers are capable of putting away toys and clothes. If there is a “home” for each item, then the items are naturally returned to their spots after use. Children have a deep sense of order, and shelves for toys are much more appropriate than big toy boxes, where everything is thrown in—maybe even upside down like in a pot of stew. Install hooks and hangers at a low level so they can hang up their clothes and have access to them.
Preschoolers are also capable of chores, and they need to feel that they are contributing to the family. They also don’t view chores the way adults do. They are content to sweep the floor even when it is spotless, and they will tirelessly repeat activities until they master them.
I will always remember Rachel at age three doing the table washing activity. She carefully selected her table (a perfectly clean one by the way) then set everything out on the mat: soap, scrubbing brush, sponge, pitcher, basin and drying towel. Then she began the process of cleaning the clean table. After she applied the soap, scrubbed the table with circular motions, removed the soap foam with the sponge using top to bottom strokes, she poured the entire pitcher of water on the top of the table. I gasped. The water cascaded over the edges of the table on to the floor. Without a word, she went and got the little mop and bucket and mopped the entire classroom. The whole event took well over an hour. She didn’t break her concentration the entire time.
Give your children enough time to do a task. Allow them to make mistakes and wait—they might self correct or see the spot of dirt that was missed by the broom all by themselves. If you present a task to your children, break it down into easy steps. Try not to give verbal instructions while demonstrating a task. Lastly, remember that a dish of rice spilled on the floor by your child is an opportunity for him or her to use a sponge or a dustpan.