NUMBER 993 • 30 JUNE • learning to care for others
Finally, parallel to learning to deal with conflict, children require assistance in learning to demonstrate caring (Kobak, 1979). Children in group care, as probably their contemporaries anywhere, not only need love and affection, but also want and need to love others. Learning to care for others is acquired first by experiencing this care oneself; secondly by having care giving modelled by esteemed persons; and ultimately by opportunities for providing some care for others. As so much of the residential program is geared toward the provision of care, residential settings have to be vigilant in seizing opportunities where children or youth minister to others. Special opportunities have to be created, such as an individual child fixing a mug of cocoa for him- or herself and a friend; sharing the concern of an unhappy roommate by trying to do something for the other not necessarily to elicit a change in mood but as an expression of compassion.
Learning to care is also fostered by having opportunities for personal enmeshment in the care of dolls, stuffed toys, plants, and pets, and by volunteering for attending to others in distress in and away from the institution. It is amazing how children, severely in want of attachment themselves, can get absorbed by the plight of children in heart-rending distress in distant places. Caring as an expression of love for others (humans, pets, or objects) has to be anchored in individual desires to do something and delivery of the care themselves. In learning to care, the caring process is the central issue. A child becoming concerned over another child in the home community, a frequent occurrence with many young residents, deserves a worker’s follow-up. A call, visit, or note by the child to this real or assumed friend, regardless of whether the child’s message can effectively offer comfort, is an important opportunity to experience reaching out to another human being. Some children are apt to express their affection to peers, others to younger children, and not surprisingly, many can share with their elders the very kind of care for which they themselves long: All require their respective opportunities (Wrenn, 1972).
Maier, H.W (1987). Developmental group care of children and youth: concepts and practice. New York: The Haworth Press. pp. 75-76