Be brief and reassuring. A grade-schooler may ask a question that seems only tangentially related to the specific disaster, such as "What happens when we die?" You can use his question as a springboard to talk about death, but in this case his underlying concern is really, "Am I safe?" Reassure him that he's in no danger, and that you and the rest of the family are safe too. "We're all okay, and we're going to be okay" are important words for him to hear.
Validate his feelings. Resist the urge to say, "Don't be sad/mad/worried." (Do you feel any better when someone says this to you?) His feelings are real and he needs to be able to express them. Instead, you can say, "I know you might feel worried because you've heard so much about that bad flood. Luckily we don't get floods here, and no water can come up to our house."
Use the event to teach empathy and tolerance. A child may have heard that a terrorist attack was prompted by "bad people getting mad." Remind him that people shouldn't use violence to express anger. "Everybody gets mad sometimes, but we try not to hurt other people. We try to use words to work out our problems."
Tell him adults are working to keep him safe. As adults, it's sometimes hard to be reassuring in the face of our own anxieties about flying, or even living in earthquake territory. But you can tell your child (and remind yourself) that lots of people are working to keep him safe, from the President to the police to you, his own parents. A disaster may prompt a child this age to lose some confidence in the abilities of the adults around him, but you can tell him, "I look out for you whenever I know there's danger. Sometimes we learn about new dangers, so we start to look out for you in those situations too."
Remember that he may not understand as much as he seems to. Grade-schoolers often appear to be more sophisticated than they really are. "If he sees pictures of bombs falling in Kabul, a child living in a desert community — say, in Arizona — might not entirely understand that the TV images are of Afghanistan, a long way away from his home," says Garbarino. Try to gently probe his understanding of current events so you can clear up any misconceptions.
Use plenty of nonverbal reassurance. Some of your best clues about your child's anxiety level will come out nonverbally — through play, sleeping and eating patterns, and whether or not he becomes whiny or clingy or regresses in other ways. It's important to respond to him nonverbally as well. If he seems worried, give him extra hugs and kisses. Above all, try to stick to normal routines to bolster his sense of security in his familiar daily life.
Help him take concrete action. For many children and adults, responding concretely to a disaster helps lessen anxiety. Your grade-schooler may want to sell lemonade and send the proceeds to the Red Cross, contribute to a food drive, or send a letter of thanks to firefighters and police forces. These actions can be extremely therapeutic, according to Flemming Graae, director of child and adolescent psychiatry services at New York Presbyterian Hospital in White Plains, New York. "They help kids develop a sense of belonging to a community beyond their immediate surroundings, identify in good ways with people they've never met, and develop a sense of empathy. There are important developmental positives in translating kids' anxiety into good deeds."
Have confidence in your ability to help. As the parent, you have the challenge of helping your child feel secure when you may be feeling insecure yourself. Remember that limiting the focus on repetitive and scary news reports, sticking to comforting routines, and finding concrete ways to help victims will reassure you as well as your child. And when you help yourself cope with trauma, you're helping your grade-schooler as well. "Kids are wonderfully resilient," says Graae. "With good support, most children will do fine."