 
Pick-Me-Up

# By Cecilia La France

Published by Cecilia La France at Smashwords

Copyright 2014 Cecilia La France

Visit and comment at <https://www.facebook.com/pickmeupbycecilialafrance>

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Table of Contents

Chapter 1: Things Got All Messed Up

Chapter 2: A Big Mistake

Chapter 3: 9 Months, 27 Days Earlier

Chapter 4: Little Sister

Chapter 5: Act II

Chapter 6: In School Suspension

Chapter 7: Fatherly Advice

Chapter 8: Grounded

Chapter 9: Paying Debts

Chapter 10: Waiting For A Call

Chapter 11: The Date

Chapter 12: Summer Break

Chapter 13: In the Dark

Chapter 14: Making Up

Chapter 15: Sophomore Year

Chapter 16: Anniversaries

Chapter 17: A Study

Chapter 18: Seconds

Chapter 19: Secrets

Chapter 20: Hanging Out

Chapter 21: Another Day

Chapter 22: Full Circle

Chapter 23: Cycles

Acknowledgements

Chapter 1: Things Got All Messed Up

The lawns on his street looked clean, no toys or tools spread out on the yard. Tulips pushed up in his neighbor's small gardens skirting the fronts of the small ranch houses. From the outside, anyone passing by might think these people lived the clean, simple lives associated with small town Iowa.

These yards didn't look like Katelyn's, and, more than ever, her life felt the farthest from clean and simple. She stood at the corner on Tim's street and looked at his house. No clean and simple life lived behind his doors, either.

Before she took another step, Katelyn pulled out her phone and reread Tim's message from this morning: "I want to see u. Things got all messed up. Let me explain. T."

The text broke five days of silence since his last one. It was the first to sound sober and kind. Katelyn didn't want to think about the other ones right now. Katelyn wanted to know the truth about what happened last week. She wanted to hear Tim apologize. She wanted to forgive him, again. But, mostly, Katelyn wanted her boyfriend back.

She stuffed the phone back in her jacket pocket and shivered. The sun came through new buds on the trees, but spring was still fighting the winter chill. Katelyn looked at the empty houses and wondered if people were away for their spring break. Envy crept in. Vacations weren't part of her life.

For the fourth time in the two-mile walk to his house, Katelyn questioned if she should come. Her mom was going to be livid if she found out. Katelyn's would likely now be grounded until the end of school rather than the month she already had in store.

Katelyn stopped at the corner. She could turn back before her mom found out. But questions would remain. She wouldn't have the apology she deserved. And, Katelyn wouldn't have her boyfriend back.

Tim didn't deserve to see any of her hopes. For what he did, they were over. They should be over, unless.

Katelyn had texted Tim to say she'd come get her stuff. Her cheap MP3 player and a few shirts she'd left in his room weren't that important, but they gave Katelyn a reason to come over, not just because he asked to see her.

She was still mad. Tim couldn't expect that she would so easily be over what he did only a few days ago. Katelyn wasn't about to forget the threats from Mona, the girl who called from Tim's phone claiming to be his new girlfriend. She was just the start of Tim's betrayal. He had a lot of explaining to do.

Katelyn went over her plan again. She would not go into his house. Tim would want her to go down to his room, but she didn't want to be reminded of all the hours they spent there together. No, she would stay outside and ask for her things, outside--where she was safe. If he didn't say what she needed to hear, she'd turn around and get on with life, even if it would be without him.

Katelyn's eyebrows pinched together and her head started to ache. She reached up and pushed her long bangs back into her hair. She took a fresh breath of air and shook her head as if it would make memories fall away.

Katelyn turned her head and forced her feet to take the last steps to his house. Next week would be their 10-month anniversary. Katelyn had a "Top ten things I love about you" poem drafted. She was not ready to let him go. Please, she thought, please let this all be a big mistake.

Chapter 2: A Big Mistake

Tim's mother answered the door and instantly looked disappointed when she saw Katelyn. Tim's mom crossed her arms in front of her chest and leaned into the door frame, protecting entry into a house where Katelyn had spent countless days and nights. His mom had never cared for Katelyn, but then Katelyn wasn't sure of anything the woman did care for other than her own interests. From the first time Tim introduced them, his mom eyed Katelyn sharply, even blowing her cigarette's smoke somewhat purposefully in her direction from across the kitchen.

"What do you want, Katelyn?" His mom didn't move from the door frame. For a moment, Katelyn wondered what Tim had told his mom to make her act this way.

Katelyn didn't shift from her spot on the small front porch. She wasn't scared of this woman. In fact, Katelyn didn't care for her either. If Tim had a better mother, maybe he wouldn't have turned to drugs in the first place. And, it was her ex-husband and, later, another one of her live-in boyfriends that physically and mentally abused him. Maybe Tim wouldn't have been violent himself if she cared more about him.

"Tim called me," Katelyn said with a sneer of her own. "Don't worry, I'm not coming in."

Tim's mom gave her a once-over look and turned into the house. She yelled Tim's name down the hall. Her fake tan, low rise jeans, and strap tank top were too revealing for both a woman her age and the early spring weather. His mom turned back to Katelyn and shook her head. Then, she disappeared back into the house.

Katelyn shuddered with nervousness, but took a couple deep breaths to calm herself. She went to one edge of the porch and leaned against a railing. She bit at her nails. Tim stepped into the door frame timidly and stopped. Right away, Katelyn was thrown off from what she expected. She thought Tim would have been worrying all day about her visit, but he looked like he had just dragged himself out of bed. His black T-shirt was wrinkled, his black shaggy hair tousled, and he wore his flip-flops he used as slippers when he woke up in the morning. His face looked pale and his eyes were puffy and red. A red flag went off in her head, but she ignored it. Katelyn wanted to believe he was sorry.

Tim's eyes gave his only greeting as he stuffed his hands into his baggy jeans. He just looked at her, acknowledging her presence, but nothing more.

"Hi," she offered softly.

His face turned into more of a question. "Wussup?" he answered almost rudely. They'd known each other too long for her to not recognize his approach. She'd seen him like this with others he didn't trust. He'd stay silent to set the other person on edge. Why was he acting this way? How could he turn so quickly against her?

"You said you wanted to talk, remember?" Katelyn said, growing impatient.

He leaned back on the door, and his eyes narrowed on her. His head twitched back to the house occasionally like he was trying to remember something he'd been doing inside. He brought his hand to his neck and rubbed. More silence. His head jerked again. Something wasn't right. Tim still didn't say anything.

Katelyn didn't want to leave, but he obviously wasn't going to explain. Katelyn regretted coming over. Tim was still trying to hurt her. "Fine." Katelyn pushed herself off the railing and crossed her own arms. "Just give me my stuff and this will all be over."

He didn't change except to step down off the door jam onto the porch, one step closer toward Katelyn. He leaned in and his words came out in a snarl. "You'd like that, wouldn't you, you slut."

The last word sliced through the air as if to cut off Katelyn's air. She felt hot tears making their way through her veins. Her throat burned and her lungs refused to take a breath. She was so foolish to think the past week could be wiped away; here she was back again being insulted by the person she trusted most. Katelyn wasn't about to go through this again.

Embarrassed and hurt, Katelyn turned quickly to the steps, her long hair whipping behind her. She began to run down, but her foot only reached the second step. Her head snapped back. She had only a moment to comprehend that she'd been grabbed by the hair and pulled sharply. Tim had grabbed her hair to stop her, to hurt her. The force of his pull brought her backward and she lost her one-foot hold on the stair. As she fell, her butt hit the concrete step and she felt the crack of her rib cage as it hit against the edge of the wooden porch. Her head was the last to hit, smacking back against the porch platform.

Her vision faded like a movie ending. Ringing filled in her ears. She gasped for air, coughing as her lungs expanded in pain.

It was an accident, she thought. It had to be. He wouldn't. He wouldn't. Within seconds she felt his hands on her. He grabbed her shoulder, cupped her face.

"Katelyn, Katelyn! Oh my God, I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he cried, the tone of real concern now in his voice. "I love you. You know that. I love you. I didn't mean it. You can't leave."

Katelyn's vision started to clear and she saw him over her, saw his own eyes wide in fright at what just happened. She also saw the Tim she loved, the boy who trusted her.

She tried to lift her head but a sharp pain shot through her back. She moaned.

"You have to get up," Tim said in a panicked voice now. "Come on, Katelyn. You have to be okay. Get up."

She felt her arm being pulled and opened her eyes again to see Tim standing to get a better hold of her. His eyes scanned the neighbor's yards anxiously in worry.

"Wait," Katelyn said, feeling like she was going to get sick. "Don't."

Tim let go of her arm and jumped back inside the door. He seemed to hide back in the door frame like he was scared to come out. He grabbed his arms as if holding himself back from coming out the door again. The next moment he scratched at his neck and then his arm. She heard him muttering to himself, but couldn't understand. His voice grew in volume.

"Get up!" he hissed from his perch. "Get up, you fat bitch."

His words were too much to handle at the moment. Katelyn felt a danger she hadn't before. Tim did this. Tim did this to her.

She tried again to lift herself and managed to get turned onto her knees, but she couldn't push herself up yet. She looked to the neighbor's yard, looked for help, but saw nothing but colorful tulips she'd taken joy in only minutes ago.

"Help," she cried. "Help me," she aimed in the other neighbor's direction.

"Shut up! Shut up, you whore," Tim threw his words at her and suddenly she felt the sharp pain of her hair being grabbed once again. She screamed as she felt hair rip out of her head. Tim held his grip and yanked her up the last step. Now, in a fury, he flung her over the door jam into the house. Katelyn's sweatshirt caught and tore on the edge.

Panic filled her now and she tried to get up, but Tim began to kick her. His foot landed in her stomach and she instantly vomited on her hands in front of her. Katelyn's head pounded, the blood heating her whole face and filling her ears.

Katelyn heard new yelling and looked up to see Tim's mom alarmed and trying to confront Tim. "What the hell is going on?!" Tim moved back a step from Katelyn, like a child in trouble. His mom stopped halfway down the hall.

"Help," Katelyn cried out to her, but the woman made no move toward her.

Hatred and anger surged through Katelyn. Pain pierced her sides as she moved, but Katelyn managed to get to her feet. "I hate you!" she yelled at Tim. She held the wall as she backed up. "I hate you!" she yelled louder and she turned to stagger out the door.

Tim snapped out and jumped her from behind. Katelyn collapsed down onto the front porch face-first. Tim jumped on her back and pinned her. "You bitch," he cried repeatedly as he slapped her again and again in the head. Tim's mom screamed hysterically at Tim to stop, but he reached a rhythm.

Katelyn couldn't feel the hits individually any more. From beneath him, Katelyn struggled. She put all her strength into making it end. Finally, she was able to get a knee up and get leverage. With a heave upward, she threw him off guard and Tim fell against the porch railing in surprise. With all her strength, Katelyn raised her beaten body and struggled down the steps. She kept going when she made it to the yard and didn't stop until she reached the end of the block. She fell to her knees on the cold sidewalk. She turned around expecting him to be in chase, but he remained on the porch of his house, his mom's curses reaching across the neighborhood.

Katelyn's body hurt and she bled from several cuts. She felt dizzy and broken. The tears came freely now, but fear made her keep going. She pushed herself up. She had to get away. This just couldn't be real, couldn't be happening. Not to her. Not by Tim.

Chapter 3: 9 Months, 27 Days Earlier

"Jenny, don't drink it all!" Katelyn yelled from the cramped living room into her sister's even smaller kitchen. Yelling wasn't really necessary in Jenny's small two-bedroom apartment. Katelyn, Jenny, and two of Jenny's friends were quite close amid the highchair, dollhouse, toy kitchen, and an array of other toddler furniture that filled up the space. Katelyn didn't really want another drink. She just didn't want Jenny to have another drink.

Jenny, Katelyn's 19-year-old sister, was pouring the rest of a bottle of neon blue Vodka into a plastic toddler's cup; some spilled out and down the sides of a fading Elmo decal. The last drops fell from the bottle as Jenny shook it. Jenny let it clatter to the countertop where she grabbed an open lemonade carton. Jenny filled the rest of the cup. She turned to Katelyn with a wicked smile before she tipped the cup to her lips and took a mighty drink. "Ahh," she exaggerated, "you'll just have to buy another."

"Jennieee," Katelyn whined. "I don't have any more money."

"You like coming over here? Want to go home. Should I call mom?" Jenny turned to her two friends who were watching a reality show on the screen; they had turned to watch the sisterly spat. "Katelyn is mom's fav'rite," she slurred.

Katelyn looked down at her own drink to avoid the obvious threat; her sister was drunk and she was a mean drunk. Jenny, even though she was four years older, was the only sister Katelyn considered a friend. Even a mean Jenny was better than going home.

Katelyn forked over her allowance or whatever she could skim from her mom's wallet so Jenny could buy booze. And, Jen let her hide out and drink with her. It was a give and take deal, but she'd take it. Her mom and dad were fighting in full force again. Her mom thought he was back on drugs. So, whenever her dad made it home, all they did was fight until he left again. Listening to it all was painful, but even more painful was the truth. Her dad wasn't acting right. Katelyn didn't want to believe he was back on drugs. Katelyn couldn't deal with that again. Her sister, on the other hand, she could handle.

"Sure, Jen, let's call mom and let her know I'm with you. Let's call her so she can really know that you're still a drunk instead of just suspecting you are." Katelyn got up from the worn sofa while she talked. "Let's call her so you can wish your kids goodnight." She knew she'd hit a nerve with the last jab and strode quickly to the bedroom.

"You can leave now!" Jenny yelled at her.

Katelyn ignored her as she stepped into the dark bedroom and slammed the door behind her. Through the thin door, the TV show was only slightly muffled and her sister's words were only masked by the room's darkness. "She may have them, but they're my kids. They're my kids!" A commercial filled her short silence.

Katelyn couldn't help but picture the plump cheeks of her niece and the baby blue wide eyes of her youngest nephew. Kayla was almost three and Jacob was at that cute, smiley six month stage. Katelyn's mom took custody of the kids after Jenny went missing for a week the previous month. When Jenny came back, without the dirtbag she left with, their mom wouldn't give Kayla and Jacob back until Jenny went through an alcohol treatment program. Jenny still hadn't signed up. This month, Jenny was going to lose her welfare payments, but even that didn't seem to worry her.

"Let her take care of them; it's more she ever did for me." Sadness mixed in with the bitterness in Jenny's voice, but Katelyn knew better than to play into her pity party.

Katelyn moved away from the door after she was sure her sister had moved on. She heard Jenny complain to her friends and, shortly thereafter, wicked laughter from her friends. Katelyn threw herself on the unmade bed; her eyes had adjusted to the dark and she kept the lights off. She checked the time on her cell phone: 12:36 a.m. It was too late to walk anywhere; the stupid city curfew was at 11:00 p.m. on weekends and the cops loved to stop her. Her last name might as well be stamped on her in reflector neon. Thanks, Dad, for the legacy, she thought. Katelyn had already been stopped and escorted home twice by the police. Luckily for her, after the cops left, her parents ended up cussing about the crooked cops rather than punishing her.

She leaned back on the bed, knocking over a laundry basket full of clothes onto the floor in the process. She didn't bother picking the clothes up. They were probably dirty anyways. Jenny hadn't asked her to borrow money for laundry lately.

On the ceiling she could see the outlines of stick-on, glow-in-the-dark stars and planets. They didn't glow. The lights had been off for too long. Some previous tenant had put them there to amuse their children, probably someone like Jenny, a single mom on assistance. The apartment complex was for single moms; the rent was super cheap because the Iowa Department of Human Services paid most of it while moms found jobs or went to school. The State must not have found out about Jenny's custody issue yet. If Katelyn needed to, that was something else she could use as leverage against Jenny. Katelyn hated fighting dirty, but kind just wasn't how her family played anymore.

She checked her phone again. The screen's light momentarily blinded her in the dark. No calls, no messages. She ran through recent texts and sent a few "wussup" probes to a few people from school. Emily, a sophomore Katelyn met in Foods class last trimester, said she was going to a party tonight on a junior's farm outside of town; Katelyn wasn't invited. No freshmen were ever formally invited to the upperclassman parties. But, Emily didn't even ask Katelyn if she wanted to go. Suspicion crept into Katelyn's mind.

She started a new text to Emily: "where r u?"

She watched the message send, and the screen went to black. Her eyes slowly adjusted to the dark again. The room had a stale, dirty smell to it. It's good the lights are out, she thought. She didn't want to look at stains in the warped carpet or on her sister's clothes. Now that she centered on the smell, she couldn't shake it. She pushed the window up with her foot, but it only rose a few inches. The early May evening was considerably warm already and the air wasn't stirring.

Katelyn pulled her t-shirt collar up over her nose. The familiar laundry soap fragrance was traceable under the smell of secondhand smoke. Her mom had started smoking again when her dad came home. He already burned through more than a pack a day on his own. She hated smoking. She had grown up her whole life breathing cigarette smoke; the thought of putting a cigarette on her lips on purpose grossed her out. Still, the smell was familiar, almost comforting. There was another scent today; she closed her eyes to concentrate on it. The baby smell of Jacob still lingered from where she had patted him to sleep earlier.

Vibration and light announced the new message on her phone: "Leaving lame party. Going to RD. Wtf r u?"

Yes, a way out, thought Katelyn. RD: Emily was headed to Rollins' Dam, not so much a dam, but a pile of logs and rocks in a creek that dwindled to a trickle after the spring rains finished. It was on the edge of the Rollins Acreage, off a gravel road accessed through a rarely-used county road. Emily's friends had turned it into a hangout complete with cheap plastic lawn chairs and a homemade fire pit. It was outside of town limits and therefore out of the jurisdiction of Northrup's PD. The County's Sheriff Department didn't have it on their radar, either. Emily had her driver's license and must have been able to borrow her dad's car tonight.

She sat up and typed. "Fun. Can u pick me up a@ Jenny's?" Before she could push send, the screen flashed a red warning "Battery Exhausted" and then switched to the fatal "Turning Phone Off" message. Katelyn moaned and slumped back on the bed. "Great," she muttered, and she felt her eyes start to brim with tears.

Katelyn didn't cry in the open, not where anyone could see. She didn't dare let her family see that they could hurt her. Crying never brought words of comfort. Even now, with her nieces and nephews running around the house, their tears and cries only brought angry shouting from her sisters and her parents. Tears didn't earn sympathy in the Wells household.

In the dark, though, sometimes. When she couldn't sleep, long after her mother stopped coughing in the living room, tears just slid out of her. And now, tears trailed slowly out of the corner of her eyes to run into her hair.

Minutes passed, maybe a half hour. Katelyn seemed to come out of a trance when she heard the deeper bass of a male voice in the next room. Then, a second male voice said hello. She heard her sister's friendly-flirt tone, an over-compensating pitch that girls instantly recognize as fake but that boys seem to believe.

"Now the party can begin!" Jenny screamed, "Ladies, we're back in business." The new arrivals must have come bearing gifts, the 40% proof kind. More greeting sounds and friendly insults were thrown around and now music accompanied the rising noise. She heard Jen say, "Sure, right back there." The bathroom, right next to this bedroom. She looked to see shadowed forms under the door as they stopped in front of the bathroom. She heard the door open, saw new light—the bathroom—and then the light fade as the door clicked shut. Katelyn pulled herself upright to focus on the problem. The shape of the visitor's shadow still cast against the carpet through the space under the door. No one had gone into the bathroom. The person was still standing outside the door.

Next, the door handle to the bedroom turned. Katelyn jumped back into the corner of the bed, crouched and still. The door swung open briefly and the shadow quickly sneaked into the room and closed the door behind.

Katelyn didn't mean to, but she sucked in air. The intruder instantly turned her way. There was just enough moonlight outside to make everything in the room have enough its form. The moisture of this boy's eyes reflected a small enough amount of light to reveal that he was looking straight at her. His body didn't move, but his head tilted to the left.

"What do you want?" Katelyn finally managed.

His body relaxed; he didn't move away from the door. "I didn't know anyone was in here."

Katelyn was still on guard. "Are you lost? This isn't the bathroom," she snapped.

The mystery guest leaned back against the door, his hands casually found his pockets in jeans that hung low on his narrow hips. "Well, we're all lost," he paused. "Aren't we?" His voice was playful, tempting her to relax and play along. He clearly wasn't leaving. "That is," he said deeply, "until we find what we're lookin' for."

Katelyn didn't know whether to be bothered by this boy's evasive talk or to play along with her own. She didn't recognize him as anyone she'd met at her sister's before. Most of the boys that came to Jenny's were somehow linked to a familiar troublemaker group—friends of one of the kids' fathers or some seniors from Jenny's former grade, some still in school, some not. Jenny's friends were rough; some had been in trouble with drugs and others busted for some misdemeanor theft crime like Jenny. Katelyn didn't mind this crowd, though. They were more real than most of the people in this town. She felt a bond with them because with every strike against them, it only made them have more in common with her family. Still, it didn't mean Katelyn should let her guard down. She decided to play along.

"What are you looking for, then? And why do you think you'll find it in my sister's bedroom?" she added, swinging her feet off the bed and sitting upright to add more of a challenge in her posture.

"Your sister, huh?" He took his time in reply. Katelyn instantly wondered if she'd given away some bit of knowledge she shouldn't have. "Well, sister, what are you lookin' for? And why are you lookin' for it in the dark?" He followed up his words with a quick reach out to the light switch. Halogen light instantly flooded the room from the overhead bulb. The light shade had been taken down at some point and the bulb burned directly into her eyes. She quickly shut her eyes and turned her head, but she had caught a quick glimpse of the boy.

"Don't! Turn them off!" she yelled at him. Self consciously, she wondered if she looked like she had been crying and if he could have seen it within those brief seconds.

The room went dark again.

"Sorry. Thought I'd shed some light on the matter," he joked. She could now picture a face to go with the words. His face had been friendly, amused and slightly smiling. His face looked like a man's face, not like those of the boyish features of her fellow freshmen classmates. He couldn't be that old, though. He still looked playful, despite a scruffy head full of dark hair. Combined with his lanky, lean frame, he was attractive—not cute, but decidedly masculine attractive.

Suddenly she became timid. Katelyn wasn't as carefree in talking to boys as her sisters or her friends. Katelyn envied her girlfriends at school who knew how to come up with funny lines or comments that would get the boys' attention. The only boy Katelyn felt at ease talking to was her cousin or J.R., her first and only boyfriend back in sixth grade when the term "boyfriend" meant nothing more than giggles at the mention of his name.

"What gives, sister?" the dark shape asked from his position by the door with a voice free of mockery now. In fact, he seemed genuinely curious, concerned even.

"I duhhno," Katelyn quickly mumbled, instantly regretting the grunting sound. "I guess I don't want to be around anyone right now."

"Well, that makes two of us," he said. "Do you mind if I hang out here with you? Or, is this a one-person hideout?"

"No," Katelyn started, already at a loss for the right words, "I didn't mean no to you. I mean, I don't know you, so it's not you," she began to ramble nervously. She gave up and sighed, slumping back against the wall, "Just, I don't want to be out there."

The stranger moved away from his lean on the door. "Look," he said, "why don't I start out again. I'm Tim."

Katelyn struggled momentarily with a remaining doubt of caution. "Hi, Tim," she surrendered. "I'm Katelyn."

# *****

"Mom, I'm going to go apply at Scoop's," Katelyn yelled down the basement stairs to the laundry room. It was Sunday afternoon and Katelyn had already finished a list of chores her mom made for her.

Her mom appeared at the bottom of the steps, mismatched socks in each hand. "Be home by four. I'm taking an extra shift tonight and need you to watch the kids."

Katelyn put her hand on her hip. "Can't Brianna watch them?" It was already two o'clock and two hours was cutting her plans short. Katelyn did intend to go to Scoop's, the local ice cream shop, but not to apply for a job. Tim said he'd meet her there.

Her mom answered from back in the laundry room. "I said she could go to a movie." Katelyn knew that complaining wouldn't do any good, but she still rolled her eyes even though no one would see it. Her little sister, Brianna, didn't have to do nearly as much around the house as she did. Brianna was always running off with her friends. Katelyn tried to remember if she had as much freedom when she was Brianna's age three years ago. She opened her mouth to argue the point with her mom, but the sound of the dryer slamming shut made her change her mind. She wanted to stay in a good mood for Tim.

Katelyn left the house and walked faster than usual in the surprisingly warm spring afternoon. By the time she reached Scoops, Tim was waiting on a bench out back of the store. He bought her a cone and they walked over to Timber Park, the town's new sports complex still under construction. Acres of woods had been stripped in order to make more fields and parking lots for moms to park their SUVs and yell at their soccer brats. A little league team was holding their first practice on one field. Katelyn and Tim walked on toward the aquatic center at the corner, which wasn't open yet for the season. They ended up at a picnic table behind the buildings, out of the view of any traffic.

Being outside, in public, and during the day with Tim was new for Katelyn. Since meeting Tim on Friday night, they talked on the phone and met up again at Jenny's apartment Saturday night. Katelyn felt comfortable talking to him. Tim wasn't pushy and didn't act nervous to talk to her. Plus, he would come up with the strangest questions that would lead to even more interesting stories as answers. She was learning a lot about Tim, but Katelyn wasn't sure of one thing—What did he want with her? Katelyn didn't have a history of boyfriends, so she felt like an amateur. Tim hadn't tried to touch her or kiss her. At Jenny's, he sat on the floor instead of on the couch next to her.

She wondered, Am I just a fun person to talk to? Does he like me, or does he just want to be a friend? Good God, does he already have a girlfriend?

Katelyn sat backward on the seat, leaning back against the table, but Tim surprised her by sitting right next to her. He straddled the seat facing her. She laughed nervously as the table lilted with his added weight and her ice cream bumped against her chin. Great, now I look like an idiot, too, she thought.

Katelyn began to wipe it off with a napkin, and Tim reached out to touch a spot she missed. He pushed gently into her skin and smoothed his finger down and away. The movement left her speechless and frozen in place. She watched as he brought the finger back to his mouth and licked it. He paused briefly and then moved closer, returning his finger to her chin to gently run its calloused tip along her jaw line and then down her neck to her collarbone. His whole hand slipped behind her neck then, pulling her gently to him; his eyes never left her face, flitting briefly between her eyes and to where he touched her.

She closed her eyes as she watched his close and their lips met just after the tip of his nose slid into the side of hers. He was taller than her, like most people, and she turned her head up to meet his down-turned face. He pressed his lips softly, but firmly against hers, loosely closed. She felt the thumb of his hand move in a caress along the pulse of her neck and her lips opened as if told. He seemed to guide them with his, sliding his slightly lower where she felt his tongue tease along the sensitive flesh.

When it was over, he drew her to him and held her around the shoulders, her head resting on his lean upper shoulder. Katelyn relaxed. She had her answers.

Chapter 4: Little Sister

The next morning, the lights came on in Katelyn's small bedroom without warning.

"Mom says to get up," her younger sister's voice mocked with corrupt authority from the door. "You're late for school again," Brianna teased. "You're gonna be in trouble."

Katelyn rolled her head out from under the pillow where she hid from her alarm clock 20 minutes ago. She squinted at her sister who stood with a smug look on her face. Brianna started rummaging through Katelyn's things, which were scattered across the top of her dresser. The door stood wide open, and the crying of her nephew, Jacob, made its way to her ears.

"Get out!" Katelyn yelled. "Get out of my room!" Her head flopped back on the bed.

Brianna didn't seem bothered and even took another step into the room, her eyes attracted to the stack of clean laundry on the desk chair. Katelyn was several sizes bigger, but Brianna still "borrowed" her printed t-shirts. "Dad didn't come home last night. Mom's pissed. I had to wake her to take us to school. She doesn't know where he is, either."

Katelyn heard the news of her dad's absence and closed her eyes tighter. Her head took on more weight than just lack of sleep.

Brianna grew quiet, which only made Katelyn suspicious. Even in her foggy state of mind, she knew to not trust that Brianna had left on her own accord. She opened her eyes to see her sister's back toward her, her head bent in concentration on something she held in her hands.

"Leave my stuff alone. Mom!" she yelled.

Brianna turned around with a big smile on her face and her eyes still glued to Katelyn's mobile phone screen. "'C u tomorrow.' 'Now I have something 2 look forward 2.' 'Maybe u will find what u r looking 4 after all.'" Brianna rattled on with her mocking tone, reading Katelyn's chat messages from the night before while making her escape from the room. Katelyn was on her feet now, lunging at her sister and her phone. Suddenly, she was wide awake.

"Give me my phone, you little brat!" She hissed at her sister, who had turned and was making a full run down the hall into the living room.

"Katelyn's got a boyfriend," Brianna taunted as she ran toward the kitchen and around to the other side of the table. "Katelyn's got a boyfriend."

Katelyn rounded the kitchen in her oversized t-shirt and put on the brakes when she caught sight of her mother sitting on the other side of the table. One hand gripped a coffee cup and the other perched upright like a mannequin's to keep the cigarette smoke from her eyes. Katelyn instantly checked herself, recognizing her mother's fragile mood. Her mom's eyelids drooped, and dark shadows hid in the lines under her tired eyes. Her mouth was set firmly in a partial frown; her whole body slumped. Katelyn usually didn't mess with her mom when she was in this state. She felt bad for her most of the time, and tried to give her space. No one else seemed to, though.

Brianna waved the phone in the air behind her mom's head and stuck her tongue out at Katelyn.

Katelyn crossed her arms in front of her. "Real mature," she said in a snide voice. Brianna, despite being eleven, only three years younger, still acted like a spoiled little kid. Maybe it was because she was the youngest, she just wouldn't grow up. Of course, Brianna hadn't been allowed to be the youngest in the past few years. There always seemed to be nieces and nephews from one of their two older sisters staying at the house.

As if on cue, a crying toddler waddled in, saw Katelyn, and headed her way. Kayla was still in her pajamas, and, from the looks of the dirt on her bare feet and the Kool-aid stained mouth, she hadn't received her bath last night. "Kate'n," she cried with a new burst of tears generated to gain attention.

Katelyn turned away from her niece to face her mom. "Mom, make her give it back. She's got my phone," Katelyn demanded.

"Come and get it," Brianna teased.

Kayla had reached Katelyn's legs and pulled on the bottom of her t-shirt. Her niece's whine took a small break while she sucked in new air. Before she started again, instinctually, Katelyn picked up Kayla and perched her on her hip, which she shifted to one side to counter her weight. Kayla instantly stopped her crying and cuddled into Katelyn's shoulder.

"Mommm," Katelyn whined, turning her attention back to her stolen cell phone.

Her mom took her time rubbing out the burned-down cigarette butt in the ashtray without responding. Katelyn's mom shifted slightly in her chair and drew in a deep breath. Irritation leaked through her every move, but she wouldn't yell, Katelyn knew. Years ago, when her parents made her see a "family therapist," Katelyn was asked what she most wanted to change in her home life. Amazingly, with only a few exceptions, her mom gave in to her request: no yelling.

Katelyn and her mom had always had a special bond. Katelyn knew she was cared for differently than her older sisters had been. It was in the motherly actions. Her mom took Katelyn shopping in the petite section, helping her find clothes to fit Katelyn's short frame and still look like a teenager. And, there were other gifts Katelyn received that were more personable than what her mom bought the other girls. Plus, her mom was always in her business, which was annoying, but showed she cared.

Once, in seventh grade, Katelyn gave her mom a poem she wrote about mothers. Her mom had it framed and hung it just outside the kitchen. Even now, Katelyn would sometimes catch her mom staring at it with a faint look of pride in her eyes.

But, her mom could yell. And, the whole neighborhood knew it. When her mom was mad, her voice boomed and she found words Katelyn knew never to utter herself. The moments of greatest fear in Katelyn's childhood were those when her mother was yelling at her. The second scariest moments were when her mom yelled at her dad.

Since the family counseling sessions, part of a patch when her parents had separated for a while, her mom made a conscious effort not to yell, at least not at the kids. So, Katelyn was used to her deep breaths and the counting before her mom would respond.

After a smooth exhale without coughing, Katelyn's mom extended her free hand and held her palm open. She didn't even have to say a word. Brianna seemed to deflate in front of Katelyn's eyes and the cell phone was slapped gently into the waiting palm.

"Go get Jacob and Kayla in their car seats," her mom said to Brianna in a deep, firm tone that left no room for argument. Brianna didn't look up to see Katelyn's victory smirk; she stomped down the hall to her mother's room where Jacob slept in his crib.

Katelyn put the sleepy Kayla down gently. "Go with Auntie Bri and get some clothes. We'll go on a car ride, okay?" Kayla nodded and left down the hall.

She stood back up to end the morning drama. Katelyn reached an open hand across the table for the mobile phone and humbly said, "Thanks, mom." But, instead of giving her the phone, her mom held it still and stared at Katelyn.

"Who's this boy?" Her mom asked.

"He's just this guy," Katelyn evaded as best she could.

"What's his name?"

"Tim," Katelyn said shortly. "Can I have my phone?"

"Tim who?"

"Felske," and Katelyn fielded the next question, growing impatient. "You don't know him. He moved here with his mom from Des Moines last year." Her mom still stared at her, waiting for more. "What? He's not my boyfriend. I just met him, and," Katelyn looked for safe words, both for her and for her mom's understanding, "and he's nice. That's all."

Still, no movement from her mom. "How old is he?"

"Mom," Katelyn whined. She was now treading on dangerous ground. Both of her older sisters had hooked up with older boys when they were her age. They were both knocked up by sophomore year. So, Katelyn had to suffer new rules. Katelyn was not to date anyone over 16. Tim was a few months shy of 18. "He's 16."

The lie was out of her mouth too easily, like all the lies she'd been telling her parents lately. They'd believed all of them: staying over at a friend's house, a sleep-in at the Recreation Center, and, most recently, her professed innocence at the missing $20 bill out of her mom's wallet Saturday before she left for Jenny's.

"Where did you meet him?" Her mom persisted.

Katelyn walked around the table and grabbed the phone out of her mother's hand. Her mother didn't resist.

"Geez, mom. Not everything is your business. Can't I live my own life?" She knew she was being dramatic as she tossed her blonde hair and turned down the hall, but she was uncomfortable about the lie. She turned back as another concern took precedence. "Oh, you'll have to call school. Gorman said I'll get in-school suspension if I'm late again."

Her mom threw her voice after her, "Maybe that'd be a good thing."

Chapter 5: Act II

In English class, Katelyn slouched low in her desk chair with her feet propped up on the back of the seat in front of her. She was having a hard time keeping her eyes open, let alone trying to focus on the script of Romeo & Juliet open on the desk next to hers. She'd lost her textbook months ago. She thought it might be in the back of Jodi's car. Jodi was Katelyn's oldest sister. Great, Katelyn thought, I'll never see that again. Jodi was banned from the house since her boyfriend, Brandon, stole her mom's ATM card and withdrew over $600 before her mom caught on. Jodi was the one who had given him the pin number.

Katelyn stifled a yawn. She had stayed up late sending messages back and forth with Tim. After meeting him Friday at Jenny's apartment, Katelyn hadn't gone more than a few hours without contact from him. Today was quiet, though. Tim went to the alternative school in Ames nine miles down the highway. Katelyn wondered why she hadn't heard from him. She heard the alternative school had a freer schedule and let kids use phones and email during classes.

"How many of you believe in love at first sight?" Katelyn wasn't the only student stirring from a near drooling state at the change in voice. The teacher stood at the front of the room, a short, dark-haired, overweight woman who failed to energize the classroom full of students. Her hand was still poised over the pause button on the CD player. The previous day she had made the students fill character roles and read the lines, but most of the words came out butchered. The teacher had corrected so many lines, so she might as well have read them all herself. Instead she impatiently kept looking at the clock. There were less than three weeks until school was out for the summer. What a shame if we don't finish this retarded play, Katelyn thought. What is the point in reading it. Everyone knows how it ends. They die. Who cares? Now, the class was supposed to follow along in the book while a cast of British actors blasted from the CD player's crappy speakers.

"Okay, get out a piece of paper," Teacher Woman announced as a punishment. In response, several students groaned. "If you don't want to talk about it, we can journal about it," she said, but a couple of students came to the rescue and raised their hand.

"What are we supposed to write about? Love?" said Tommy Turner, a state wrestling champ, who probably couldn't write his own name let alone a journal entry. Somehow, he was passing this class, whereas this made the third class of the semester that Katelyn was failing.

"Romeo and Juliet just met. He was in love with another girl just hours before, and now, all of a sudden, he's in love with Juliet?" Teacher Woman stared out at the students with disbelief. "He just saw her and fell in love?" she added with a touch of condemnation.

Gee, thought Katelyn sarcastically, I wonder what she wants us to say. Why did she bother asking?

Quickly, the brainiacs of the class came to the rescue.

"Romeo just likes her for her beauty. He said he's never seen true beauty until now," chirped one valedictorian candidate.

"Yeah, but it doesn't say what he finds beautiful. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder; maybe he recognizes her soul and that's what is brighter than everyone else." This response came from the girl who wore lots of hemp material clothing and long skirts. More than a few moans came from around the room.

"He just wants in her pants," Tommy threw out and achieved the laughter he was shooting for. He was always performing, whether on the wrestling mat or not.

"That's enough," Teacher Woman intervened, but held her own smile, obviously satisfied with the brief discussion as proof of her students' attention. "Now let's skip to the balcony scene. Notice the concerns Juliet voices in her monologue." With her discussion duty completed, she pushed play on the CD player and the heavily-accented lines resumed. Teacher woman went back to her desk, looked the class over for problem students, and then became absorbed again in her computer screen.

Katelyn tried briefly to glance at the textbook, but she noticed her neighbor wasn't even on the correct page. In fact, behind his shaggy hair, his eyelids were already closed again. Katelyn glanced at the clock. Thirty minutes to go and she was done for the day.

Her hoodie's pocket vibrated with a text alert. She looked to the teacher, who was visibly amused by whatever she was reading or watching on her monitor. She'd chance it.

"Lites on or off today?" It was from Tim. Katelyn contained her smile.

She didn't know about Romeo's love at first sight, but she was feeling something she never had before. Only two days after meeting him, she felt like he was supposed to be in her life. They had so many things in common. They liked the same music. He introduced her to songs from bands she'd never heard of. She made a point to download them. He was funny. He was interesting. And, he liked her.

He had told her how he couldn't do regular high school anymore because of all of the idiots—other kids and teachers. After his third fight, he was expelled from his high school, so now he went to the alternative school in Ames. Even though Katelyn still sometimes fumbled her words when she talked to him, he must not think her a total idiot. He agreed with her about her opinion of grades in school, about cheerleaders suddenly lacking individual thought once they made the squad, and about how wrong it was that the local police seemed to target the poorer neighborhoods for their patrols.

He paid attention to her. Even Katelyn's friends only seemed to give her part of their attention when she talked to them. He would look at her without turning away, and, if possible, link into her thoughts through his olive green eyes. And, there was the way Tim made her feel when he kissed her.

Katelyn had kissed other boys, a friend of Emily's last boyfriend at the Rollins Dam and then, regrettably, some guy at Jenny's last month after drinking too much. That guy was gross. He would have put his tongue down Katelyn's throat if he could have. Plus, he instantly started to run his hands all over her and groped her breasts before Katelyn was able to push him off.

Tim's kiss, though, was more like what she imagined kissing should be. Katelyn touched her neck, remembering his lips softly leaving a trail along its side.

She tried to come up with a clever reply to his message. The Shakespeare CD recording grabbed her attention briefly with some famous lines. She smiled at the timing and her idea for a response.

"Soft, thru yonder window lite breaks." She hoped she didn't sound like a tool. Katelyn added "and I wish I could break out".

Within a minute his reply came: "Do it! I'll meet u outside."

She responded, shifting in her seat to lean over her phone. She looked around the room and saw at least two other people texting. "lol, but that would seal my coffin at NHS."

Another two minutes and she looked up in amazement after reading his reply. "Tim is (choose one): A. friend material B. creepy, I wish he'd leave me alone C. all I want in a man D. a geek."

Katelyn screamed inside. No Fair! She was sure she was blushing. She wondered about what she meant to him, but she didn't have the guts to ask him. Now, he was putting her on the spot. He was obviously wondering about how she felt, too. She wished she knew what he thought of her. They'd only known each other a few days.

When in doubt, Katelyn turned to humor. She crouched over the phone again, beginning a joke about her history of failing multiple choice questions, but she snapped the cover shut quickly as Teacher Woman appeared right in front of her desk.

Damn, thought Katelyn, no one gets caught by her. Now the preps in class would have something else to laugh about.

"Give me the phone," Teacher Woman said firmly, holding out her hand.

Might as well try the standard replies, Katelyn thought. "I was checking the time; I can't see the clock from here."

"Do you think I'm stupid?"

Why do teachers open themselves up to ridicule like that? Katelyn couldn't help herself; she cocked her head and shrugged her shoulders.

Teacher Woman's eyes widened for a second before narrowing. "Give me the phone right now."

"I'm expecting a message from my mom," she said in a pleading voice. "My aunt is having surgery and she's supposed to let me know how it went." Katelyn tried to make her voice crack, but she hadn't mastered the art, yet.

Teacher Woman didn't even flinch. She just stayed set in front of her and gave her that look that teachers and parents have mastered, one that says BS and I Have More Power Than You all in one.

Katelyn knew her game was up. She brought the phone out from under the desk, flipped it over, opened the back and removed the battery. She put the powerless phone into the teacher's hand and gave her a smug look.

"Go to the office."

"What!?" Katelyn yelled in disbelief, "What for?"

The whole class had turned in their seats to watch the altercation. Some had obedient fear in their eyes. Most were amused, reveling in her punishment. Tommy pointed at her and mocked a noose being hung around his neck.

Teacher Woman tilted her chin in the air and said, "You're being insubordinate; you haven't done a thing today in class."

Katelyn steamed. She hated this place. She defiantly turned back to the teacher, looked down at her desk and pushed herself up. Almost eye level with the teacher, she said, "Well, that makes two of us." She heard the snickers of students and the gasp of the teacher as she grabbed her notebook and walked out the door, her head held high.

Chapter 6: In School Suspension

Katelyn sat outside Mr. Gorman's office waiting for Teacher Woman to finish her case against her in the next room. Katelyn sat in one of the two plastic seats bolted to a metal frame. Slouching wasn't an option as it blocked the narrow path from the opposite side of his secretary's desk to his door. She couldn't get comfortable, so she took to chewing her nails. Katelyn swung her knees back and forth just to relieve some of her anger. The secretary looked up at her, barely disguising her annoyance. Katelyn returned her gaze, but didn't stop swinging her knees. The secretary gave her a practiced smile, and looked back down at her work.

Katelyn dreaded seeing Gorman. He personally came to her lunch table today, embarrassing her in front of her friends. Katelyn was already being ignored by Emily anyway. Emily and Maci had been bragging about being at some senior boy's house after they left the bonfire at Rollins Dam Saturday night. Maci was making sure to be loud enough so Katelyn would hear every juicy detail.

Gorman had stepped up to the table and gave a grin, surveying the whole table twice until he said, "Miss Wells, come with me." The rest of the students at the table relaxed at being off the hook. A few of them glared at Katelyn for being the cause of Principal Gorman's presence at their table.

Gorman escorted her to "Study Café," the school's dumb name for a half hour tutoring session during lunch. Only those who made the "F" list received the honor of mandatory attendance. Sometimes Katelyn got away with skipping, but Gorman must have had extra time on his hands today to play cowboy and round up students.

A different teacher manned the classroom each week. Mr. Brooks, her math teacher, happened to be on duty today. So, it wasn't a punishment, really. Brooks was young, just out of college, and not bad looking. But, he truly helped her. She'd always given up in math, but the way he explained things seemed to match how her brain worked. Katelyn was actually getting an B+ in his class; who cares that it was "Fundies", Fundamentals of Algebra, the dumbed-down class.

Principal Gorman had a long standing reservation in the Wells household's shitlist. Not only was he principal when Katelyn's mom graduated, he also held the role of head asshole for both of her older sisters. He was a big-bellied man with gray hair slightly combed over, which more often than not, resulted in an involuntary spike waving over his head as he bounded down the halls of the school. His bulky shoulders were probably caused from holding up his belly. With his thick, hairy arms, he was as close to an image of a sloth that Katelyn could imagine. He would also grin a wide denture smile, which sometimes looked like a grimace. A monkey grin. A sloth monkey man.

Gorman was a creep. Jodi, Katelyn's oldest sister, said he put his hand on her bare leg as he "counseled" her in school options after she found out she was pregnant. With Jodi and Jenny, he didn't try to keep them in school. In fact, it meant fewer calls and incident reports he had to make. But, with Katelyn, it seemed he was trying a new approach: being nice. "How's things at home?" he'd ask, or "What's new in your day, Miss Wells." He always referred to her as Miss Wells. Maybe he was purposefully connecting her to her dad. Everybody in town knew Brian Wells. She was just another one of the Wells Clan to Gorman.

Gorman's office door handle turned and the door cracked so that Teacher Woman's voice came through as more than a muffled rant. Katelyn caught the last bit, ". . . where she's headed, just like her sisters."

Katelyn's face flushed red and she jumped to her feet. She was momentarily shocked at her own reaction, but didn't sit back down. In fact, she faced Gorman's office door, waiting for that woman to come out so she could defend her family to Teacher Woman's face. But, the door closed upon itself, and she heard Gorman's voice continue in murmured debate.

"Katelyn," came the icing-laced voice of the secretary, "have a seat."

Katelyn didn't dare turn around; her eyes stung and her throat tightened. She didn't know what to do. She was so tired of the things people said about her sisters, her dad, and her. What do they know about our lives?

"Katelyn," the secretary repeated, "you need to sit down."

Katelyn forced herself to take a deep breath and exhale. "No thanks," she said, and turned and headed out the open outer office door. She didn't look back as she turned right in the hallway and headed for the school's small atrium decorated with a million glass cases holding years of trophies and senior class photos. Occasionally, she'd see people looking up their relatives. She had found her mother's photo once, but that's as far as she had to look. None of Katelyn's sisters made it to graduation from good ole' Northrup High School.

The secretary had called after her and then had called to Mr. Gorman in a troubled voice. Katelyn made it around the atrium's corner before she heard his labored voice. "Miss Wells, just where do you think you're going? Get back here, young lady."

The obedient side of Katelyn turned. She had never been in trouble at the elementary school, and her only issue at the middle school was attendance. This school just seemed to have it out for her. And, it was only freshman year.

"You're already in a spot of trouble. Don't make matters worse," Gorman said as he closed the distance between them.

Make matters worse? What, should she stick around here and let them tell her how much of a problem she is? She thought. Just then, the last period dismiss bell went off and a stampede of voices and shoes made their way into the halls. Katelyn felt free to leave. She turned away from Mr. Gorman, but he reached out and grabbed her left arm above the elbow.

The shock of his touch sent her anger flaring again. Katelyn looked from his hand and up to his face, which had sprung into his monkey grin. His arm vibrated with tremors of fear or anger. He doesn't have control, she thought. She realized the grin was an empty gesture, a disguise.

She whipped her arm from out of his grasp and let her anger take over. "Fuck off," she threw at his face, which turned to a look of momentary shock. She took the chance and quickly walked out the front doors with the stream of students eager to get out of school.

Chapter 7: Fatherly Advice

Katelyn didn't dare stick around looking for a ride home. Instead, she beat a path off school grounds as fast as she could. School was two miles away, and since Katelyn had been kicked off the bus too many times, she had to find rides. Walking home was humiliating. Only the younger kids walked. But today, walking was just the thing to help Katelyn sort out her thoughts.

The rhythm of her steps and breathing calmed her anger. Now, anxiety competed for attention. He deserved it, Katelyn thought. Gorman shouldn't have touched me.

A moment of panic hit her as she felt her pocket and only found her phone's battery. She felt naked without her phone. Worst of all, she lost her phone before she pushed send on her text. Tim never even had his reply. She hoped he didn't think she was ignoring him.

When she reached her street, a cul-de-sac just past one of the town's four mobile home parks, she was calm until she looked at her house. Katelyn could tell who was home based on the cars parked in her driveway and in the street. Today, the line up would prove an interesting drama inside the house. Besides her mom's car, Jacob's dad's car was there and he never came alone. He had to bring a friend along when he visited his son. He was too scared to visit by himself.

But the biggest flag was the heavy duty Dodge Ram truck out front, which meant her Dad was home.

As Katelyn neared the house, she saw Kayla climbing the broken down four-wheeler parked by the side of the shed. Her dad had tried to fix it one afternoon this spring, but the job didn't get finished. Its brake cable and gear shifting parts still lay dismantled, some deeply imbedded in the drying mud below.

Chevy, her dad's Pitbull, barked and jumped against the backyard chain link fence as Katelyn approached. Kayla turned at the sudden noise.

"Kayla, what are you doing out here?" Katelyn asked, finishing her sweep of the yard to confirm she was unsupervised.

"Kate'n!" she yelled and lost her footing on the four-wheeler's step. Kayla slipped and ended up sliding down its side. Her little body plopped on the footrest of the sport vehicle. Her face momentarily registered shock and then crumpled into the beginnings of a cry.

Katelyn reached down and picked the girl up. She placed her on the seat, but Kayla tried to hold on to Katelyn. "No, you're okay. You just scared yourself. That's all," she said comfortingly. "Look, now you can be a big girl." She guided Kayla's hands to the handles. Her attempt at diverting Kayla's attention momentarily found success.

Katelyn made mock motor noises, but, as with most activities, Kayla quickly lost interest.

"I missed you," Kayla yelled and grabbed Katelyn around the neck in a tight embrace.

"Sorry, K.K., I had to go to school."

Kayla pulled back. "I want to go to school!" Katelyn looked at the excitement in her niece's face. She remembered wanting to be grown up, to read, to add, to get the answers right when the teacher called on her. Isn't that what it was about? School was where we supposedly achieve something greater, right? When Katelyn was young, she too believed that unlimited possibilities would come with school.

Katelyn grunted in a laugh to herself. All school was bringing her was insults.

"Be careful what you wish for," Katelyn said in a harsher tone than she intended. She squeezed Kayla to her again and added, "Don't worry, you'll get your chance soon enough."

The screen door's metallic click behind her was followed by her dad's gruff voice. "There you are." Was he referring to Kayla or Katelyn? she wondered. Katelyn turned around to survey her dad, to see what state he was in and what was in store for her.

"Hey," Katelyn offered her dad as a greeting, her voice and face free of emotion. From his uncustomary silence, Katelyn clearly understood that there were words he wanted to say. He looked down at her from the top of the three steps leading into the house's side door. He made no move to come down to her level. The height was false authority, though.

Katelyn received the height genes, or failed to receive height genes, rather, from her father. He stood five feet, four inches tall. She had only an inch to go before she'd see him eye level. She hoped she'd at least get to his height. But, despite the other physical developments of her freshman year, she hadn't gained much in altitude. Katelyn had gained weight—and not just in the addition of C cup breasts. Her hips had pushed out and cushioned themselves with a couple layers of solid mass. Her dad didn't have much of a backside, so her ample buns were gifts from her mom's side.

Sometimes Katelyn stood in front of the mirror and would will her body to stretch itself out. In fact, after a trip to the House of Mirrors at Adventureland, a theme park near Des Moines, Katelyn often recreated the slimming effect by warping her own mirror. She'd fit the cap of her toothpaste between the door and her door mirror to make the glass bulge out near her waist's reflection. She'd stare at the anatomically pleasing body in the mirror and wish for a genie. I'll take four inches in height, a million dollars, oh, and a normal family, please. She had it all planned out.

Her dad positioned his bare feet at the edge of the step, his hands firmly lodged into his jeans pockets. His face was rough with beard growth, maybe three or four days' worth. His face looked tired, too, his eyes red-rimmed.

"Kayla, go in to see Grandma," he commanded.

Katelyn put Kayla down on the ground, but she was already reverting to a whine. "I wanna stay with Kate'n."

"Go in and get a snack, Kayla," Katelyn encouraged her. "There's Oreos by the toaster."

Kayla perked up a bit and scrambled up the steps. She left a new smudge of grease on the inside of the screen door's glass window, her little hand pushing off and disappearing into the kitchen beyond. Katelyn noticed the other dirt and grime, mentally filing the mess for a later chore proposal. She needed to earn more money for this weekend. Jenny's booze fee ate up more than her allowance, and she wanted to have gas money to offer Emily. Maybe then Emily would take her instead of Maci to Rollins Dam or whatever party she was going to crash.

First things first, she thought, and turned her attention to her dad.

"Gorman called," her dad started with a stern, but steady voice. Katelyn could tell from two words that he hadn't decided his own tactic yet. He was playing the role of upset father, the disciplinarian, but the part of him that always wanted her to like him was competing with the role. Katelyn knew her dad couldn't stay mad at her, at least not for long.

She decided to let him bring it up and she'd play the victim. Katelyn leaned back on the four-wheeler's seat and let her shoulders slump in a sigh.

He broke. "Want to give me your version?"

She didn't look up at him as she went into her own defense. "Everyone is so unfair!" She started out with the special targeting from the English teacher and ended with a slightly exaggerated version of Gorman grabbing her arm.

By this time Katelyn had turned her face to her dad and let the hurt really show. The anger was working her way back and she felt her face start to flush. She remembered too clearly how the teacher so easily classified her into a history of failure. She finished explaining and grew quiet, but her mind went on with private thoughts. When do I get a chance to be more than what my family is in this town? If not here, where can I have my chance? Certainly not at that school, not where my sisters have already dropped out.

She looked at her dad. He was partially to blame. School had its own separate history in her family. But, even the family name was impossible to escape. Often when people heard her last name, they instantly followed with "Brian's kid?" Katelyn and Brianna were Brian Well's children. Katelyn's older sisters, Jodi and Jenny, were from her mother's previous marriage and had a different last name, Hoffman. At least they escaped the association by name judgments. When people heard Katelyn's last name, they most likely were recalling her dad's latest listing in the crime reports, the local paper's most popular feature.

Suddenly Katelyn wished she wasn't home. Every day at school she would watch the clock, waiting for her freedom so she could go home, but lately there wasn't much "home" at her house.

Her dad squatted and then sat in a perch on the front steps; he was at her level now, her buddy. "That man had no right to touch you, Kate," he said as if he were presiding over a trial. "I'll be giving him a call in the morning."

Katelyn didn't reply. The pity act was no longer needed. She felt truly pathetic.

"Your mom's awful upset, though."

Katelyn flinched a little.

"She says you've been acting up, too." He didn't stop. Instead, he started listing secondhand accounts of her grades, her mother's suspicions, and ended up with an awkward speech about how much trouble boys are. "Let me tell you, Kate, they've only got one thing on their mind and it ain't your feelings."

Katelyn had had enough. She now knew her little sister was a source in this inquisition.

"Are you done?" she bit at him, looking up to deliver a glare. How dare he pretend to know so much or care so much about her or her behavior? "Should we talk about you, Dad? Should we list what you've been up to, or who you've been up to?"

Her dad stood up suddenly and took a huffed breath before he pointed at her. "You," he started, "you shouldn't listen to all the lies coming out of you mom's mouth." He paced on the concrete step while he seemed to compose himself. "Jesus," he swore.

A small twinge of fear stirred in Katelyn, but just as freely as she told Gorman off, she dismissed the childish reaction. Her dad couldn't hurt her. She steeled herself against him.

"Listen," he stopped pacing and leaned forward extending one hand toward her while the other went to his hip. "You have to start doing better at school, Kate. You have to." He shook his hand in the air in front of him as he searched for the correct words. "You have to act better. You may not think so, but you're going to need school in the future. Look at your sisters." He stopped, knowing not to go that route. "You have to grow that brain of yours." He picked up confidence in this new strategy. His voice took on a coaching quality.

"Forget about those teachers and their opinions. It's not about them. It's about you. You want to end up living off welfare? You want to be stuck working dead end jobs? Look at me. I didn't like school. Hell, I barely made it. But, I tell you what, I took what I needed from it. I own my own business, Katelyn. I hire people to work for me. I make more money than teachers."

Katelyn started to bite her nails. She was too mad to listen to her dad's message, but she let him continue until he brought the topic back to her. She wondered if he would be delivering the punishment, whatever her mom had decided. Or, was she in for another speech when she walked inside?

"You're not going to like or get along with everything or everyone in your life, Katelyn. You're just going to have to get through it. It may seem hard, but that's what makes you stronger." He measured the logic of his own words for a moment, satisfied with his thesis.

Katelyn was tiring of the sermon. She knew what he needed. "Alright, dad," she muttered. "You're right."

"That's my girl," he said as the blonde, short frame of her mom stepped behind the window frame of the screen door. Katelyn's insides sank as she read the stern expression on her mom's face. Her dad turned around to register the new presence and he seemed to shrink inside himself, too. He turned from the door and stepped off the steps, heading to his truck for a cigarette.

The door pushed open just enough for her mom to deliver one line. "Get in here." Somehow, Katelyn guessed, the no-yelling contract would be broken tonight.

Chapter 8: Grounded

Grounded. Katelyn lay on her bed with her stereo blaring heavy rock music. Brianna had already been the messenger once. "Mom says to turn that crap down." Katelyn had turned it down a few notches, only after slamming the door in Brianna's face. She wanted it loud. It was her protest against her punishment, a month grounded—no friends over and no staying at friends' houses. Katelyn had to be home at 5 p.m. everyday, allowing for after school study hour, which she never attended anyways. There was no loss in not having friends stay. She never brought them home anyway.

Now she truly was imprisoned.

The song pounded through the room. The singer ripped into the scream of the chorus. She was tempted to scream along. She knew it was late, past 10 p.m. She was told to do her homework and clean her room. This, of course, was demanded after her mom ripped into her about her behavior with Gorman.

_I can't believe Gorman made an issue about getting cussed at_ , she thought. What a baby. She could understand his reporting her walking out and the office referral from Teacher Woman, but to make a big deal about being told to F-off was wimpy, not to mention called attention to his action of grabbing her arm. Katelyn smiled wickedly when she remembered her dad saying he'd call him. Katelyn wished she could see Gorman's face when her dad let loose on him.

She wasn't quite sure which part her mom was most upset about. "Disrespect" had been a high frequency word in her mom's sermon. She did, however, throw in guilt about all the problems Katelyn was creating for herself and everyone else. Her mom had almost started crying after she said, "What's happened to you? Why are you acting this way?"

Katelyn laid on her bed and wondered about that question herself. Something was burning inside her, like there was an animal clawing its way out. So many things seemed to be going wrong.

Katelyn didn't get the things the teachers were talking about. They were so boring. Katelyn couldn't care less about the periodical table, and when she tried to memorize any of the symbols, her mind just couldn't hold on to them. Her tests were a disaster; she would spend most of the exam chewing on her nails as her she stared at the words in front of her. Science was the worst, but she was also failing PE and English. PE was the first class of her day and being late all the time didn't help. Plus, she was not athletic.

Katelyn had failed math in eighth grade, the first class she had ever failed. She didn't do most of the homework. Then, the work just grew harder, and she bombed the tests. Still, the F was a shock, a punch in the gut.

Failing came easier now. Last quarter she had failed two classes. Now, she was targeted for Study Café and her schedule had been automatically changed to switch her to an easier math class..

Katelyn sighed. She could try harder. Science was a lost cause, but she could do some PE make up sessions. She wasn't that far behind in English, either. She needed to turn in an essay, a poem, and about a million grammar worksheets. The Romeo & Juliet journal was worth 100 points in itself and they had just started that. Katelyn perked up. I could do a couple entries tonight, she thought.

She turned to look at her dresser where she usually put her books if she brought them home. Nothing. That's right, she remembered. She left her few school supplies in Gorman's secretary's office. They still had her phone, too.

Katelyn reached into her hoodie pocket and took out the phone battery. She went over to the dresser and put it on top with the loose change. Her phone charger sat uselessly.

_What was Tim thinking?_ she wondered. He never received her last message, so that left him without an answer to how she felt about him. Katelyn flared again. Finally, a boy liked her and now it was all messed up.

She flopped back on to the bed, face down buried into the pillow, and held her breath. The world was still and her ears began to ring with lack of oxygen. She arched up and took a deep breath, turning her head to lie sideways. She caught her reflection in the mirror and instantly became self conscious. The look on her face was hard, ugly even.

Katelyn released her face and examined her reflection. A white line was exposed above her nose where the skin had previously been pinched. So, that's where mom's wrinkles come from, she thought.

Katelyn massaged her face muscles and looked again. Better. She practiced a smile, but it looked cheesy in the mirror. Yet, her dimples, which everyone used to make such a big deal about, took over in her cheeks. They always made people say, "She's so cute." She never heard "beautiful." She shook her hair forward, its blonde length falling forward in one clump. She ran her fingers through it and it instantly flowed better as she swayed back and forth.

_Am I attractive?_ she wondered. She tried to see what she must look like to Tim. Even in the two occasions that they'd spent together, she could pull from memory now how he would look at her. At first Katelyn had been uneasy about his confidence and had to look away from his direct look, but when she looked back up at him, he'd be watching her still and welcome back her gaze with a soft smile.

The CD had ended with one of its softer songs, a ballad on pain. Katelyn noticed the quiet now. She went to her pocket automatically to check her mobile for the time before she remembered again that she didn't have it. That was priority number one tomorrow, she thought. Get the phone back! She rolled over to the other side of the bed and unearthed an alarm clock on a night table barely distinguishable from all the wrappers, empty soda cans and glasses, and other strewn about objects. It's time to clean the room, she thought. The clock read 11:34 in digital red numbers, but then she remembered it was set 15 minutes fast, a trick intended to help her get up in the morning. It didn't work.

Katelyn should sleep, but she couldn't. She was tired, but her mind was restless.

Katelyn grabbed all the wrappers and old papers and stuffed them in the small garbage bin by her door. She picked up the cans and empty glasses and carefully maneuvered her way to the door, oddly turning the knob with the sides of her hands, which were cradling her load. The door released and she nudged it open with her knee. She paused and listened for sounds of her parents. The TV was on in the living room. A laugh track came in steady doses from a sitcom. She didn't hear her mom.

Katelyn crept down the hall in her bare feet, the carpet muffling her approach. She could see into the living room where the glow from the TV flickered over the floor where Kayla had fallen asleep on her favorite blanket. She crept around the corner, peeking to see the dining room table vacant and the adjoining kitchen just as empty. She put the cans in the garbage and stacked the glasses in the dishwasher.

She hadn't eaten any supper, so she opened up the fridge to see what she could get. The top shelf held the remains of a weekend pizza in its cardboard box. The few slices looked petrified. A lower shelf had her mom's assortment of the latest diet plan shakes. She tried the freezer only to find more frozen "lean" meals and some frozen pizzas. But, barely visible was a package of ice cream cookie sandwiches, the non-diet kind. Mom's stash, Katelyn thought. She grabbed one from the already open box and pushed the box back into its hiding place.

While she ate, she went to the living room and looked at Kayla. The TV remote stuck out from under her leg. Katelyn moved it and grabbed a light blanket from the couch. She should put her bed, she thought, but that would run the risk of waking Brianna, who may not even be asleep. More than likely, Brianna was in her room instant messaging or chatting on her web page. The second computer used to be in Katelyn's room, but her mom moved it as one of her previous punishments for her failing mid-term grades. Now, if Katelyn wanted to check her page or email, she had to sign on in the living room computer where she had no privacy.

She looked over to the computer now. Its screensaver image bounced from side to side. She could check to see if Tim had maybe looked her up. But, before she could get up, she heard the side door open and her dad's voice following her mom's stomping feet.

"Are you happy now?" he said. They were in the kitchen, still divided off from where Katelyn stood frozen. "Is there any other place you want to search? Jesus, Karen, what do I have to do? What's going to make you happy?"

Katelyn realized her mistake. She had thought that her mom was in bed and her dad gone, but it was too early for her mom to be asleep. Her parents must have been outside. She could guess what her mom was searching for. Now Katelyn was trapped in the living room, caught if they came far enough into the dining room or into the living room itself. Katelyn wouldn't be in trouble, but she'd be dragged into their fight. Plus, she didn't want to see either of them yet in case they decided she hadn't had enough "talking to" earlier.

"You're not right," she heard her mom say in a tired, firm voice.

"You've got nothin'," her dad snapped. "You're just full of ideas, full of things to make me out to be some sort of fuckin' criminal. Get off your high horse, Karen."

Katelyn heard them take a few steps and then her mom's voice came closer, but turned while she talked, back into the kitchen. "You disappeared for four days only two weeks ago and then you don't come home last night!? What am I supposed to think?" she paused. "What are your kids supposed to think?" There was momentary silence, but Katelyn could hear her dad sigh. She wondered what if he was thinking about her after that.

"I checked the account today, Brian," her mom accused. "Where did a thousand bucks go since last week?"

"There you go. It's my money too, right?"

"Yeah? Where do your paychecks come from, Brian? Where is 'your money'?" Even Katelyn cringed after this low blow. Her dad had been laid off as a construction foreman before Christmas. Since then he had to take odd site jobs, either by himself or assemble a crew for the few bids that were rarely accepted.

Her dad didn't respond, but she heard the sound of a lighter. Fresh tobacco smoke filled the air. She didn't know if it was his or her mom's cigarette.

"There's enough shit going on around here. There's bills stacking up," her mom said. "The bank's coming for the truck."

"I'll get the money."

"The baby costs a lot, his formula, diapers. Katelyn's birthday's in three weeks."

"I said I'll get the money."

"How? By spending it on drugs?" her mom hissed. "Or on some whore?" The volume level of her mom's voice was rising.

"That's bullshit!" Her dad yelled back. "Don't go getting started on that again. You don't know what you're talking about."

"I know it wasn't you who answered your phone last week and you don't have no secretary. I know you've been high. Look at you, all shaking and washed out. I know there are bills to pay and I'm the only one paying them!"

Katelyn didn't need to see her mom to know how mean her face looked right then. She heard something hit the counter hard and then heard keys as they were swiped up from the top of the microwave.

"So pay them," her dad said simply, and then the door swung open and shut. Chevy barked a few objections in the backyard.

Katelyn exhaled from her frozen pose and watched out the thin curtain as the truck revved to life and headlights swung into the street. The motor roared with the anger of her dad's escape.

Katelyn scooped up the sleeping Kayla, who moaned lightly but cuddled into her body. Katelyn rounded the corner. She paused as she passed the dining room, looking back over to the kitchen. Her mom stood with both arms extended on the counter support herself. She turned her downcast head to meet Katelyn's eyes. There were no words exchanged, just an understanding. Katelyn did not judge her mom, and her mom didn't expect anything from Katelyn. She just registered that Katelyn heard the argument. Katelyn held the look until her mom turned away, returning to an empty stare at some unknown answer between her and the countertop.

Katelyn went down the hall and put Kayla in her small bed. Brianna was on her bed turned toward the wall, but Katelyn could tell she wasn't sleeping. Then, Katelyn retreated to her own room again.
Chapter 9: Paying Debts

Unbelievable! Unfuckingbelievable! That's all Katelyn could think. The situation was too unreal. Katelyn sat in a standard school desk that had been positioned directly across from Principal Gorman's wide oak desk. The fronts of the desks touched, face to face. Gorman sat in his desk going about his business.

Her mom barely talked to her this morning, but made sure Brianna woke her up early. The car ride was quiet. Katelyn knew her mom was still mad at her about the incident with Gorman, and her dad hadn't come home again. Despite wanting to beg for her phone back, Katelyn didn't want to add to her mother's bad mood. But, when they reached school, Gorman walked right at their car as if he was waiting for them. Katelyn turned to her mom and instantly understood the personal greeting was intended for her. Gorman waved politely and was met with an obligatory smile from her mom.

Katelyn turned in her seat to look at her mom. "What's this?"

"Do what he says," she said and then steeled her eyes forward. The conversation was over. Katelyn slammed the door, and her mother drove away without looking back.

Katelyn was escorted to her locker to get any materials she needed and then was brought into his office. Gorman explained that she was a "guest" in his office for the rest of the week, or more if needed. All the while, he kept a monkey grin on his face. "We'll be great acquaintances by the end of the week, Miss Wells, won't we?"

Katelyn couldn't respond. That was two hours ago. In that time, office helpers delivered a stack of late work from each teacher, courtesy of special request by Gorman himself. The papers sat undisturbed on her desk. Katelyn sat in protest. Her arms were crossed over her chest and she bounced her knee up and down. She made a point to keep the bouncing or toe tapping up to annoy Gorman. He gripped his pen and took deep breaths several times like he was trying to hold himself from yelling at her.

He left the room a few times to hold private phone calls, but the door to his office would then be propped open to where the secretary was under strict orders to guard her.

Katelyn felt powerless. Her mom was definitely in on this, but she hadn't said a word. Gorman even called her mom right in front of her. "Yes, Mrs. Wells. Let's keep the line of communication open between us. Uhuh. Yes. I want there to be no misconceptions or misinterpretations of actions. (pause). She'll be my guest this week." He gave her another monkey grin as he hung up.

"I have to go pee," Katelyn blurted out at him now.

He took his time signing whatever important form was in front of him, then he looked up at her, shifted his eyes down to the stack of papers on her desk, and then looked back up at her. "Which assignment would you like to finish in order to earn that privilege, Miss Wells?" Again, the monkey smile.

Katelyn sighed and glowered at him. She was beyond caring about trouble. "When you look at me like that," she said in a growl, "I want to punch you in the face."

He didn't even flinch. Dead eyes and monkey grin. "Which assignment, Miss Wells?"

She didn't move. Another ten seconds they held the silent glare, and then he slightly shrugged and dropped his attention back to his stack of papers, picking up the next form. Katelyn huffed. She grabbed the top worksheet, a science packet, and opened her science book. Her work was sloppy, and she skipped over questions she couldn't find. Her teacher rarely used the book, so she'd have to get notes from another student. The problem was she wasn't friends with kids who took notes.

Less than thirty minutes later, she had completed most of the packet. Katelyn threw it on Gorman's desk after he walked back in from wherever monkey-grinning assholes went for ten minutes while knowing a girl they are keeping prisoner has to pee.

"Mrs. Wilson, when you have a free minute, will you please escort Miss Wells to the restroom?" Gorman rewarded her.

A few minutes later, Katelyn walked into the girls' bathroom by the cafeteria. Mrs. Wilson had ended up talking to another faculty member in the hall. She now had a few minutes of freedom. Once in the privacy of a stall, the tears surfaced, but she forced back the urge to cry. She would not let her guard down, even here. Gorman was already winning. Katelyn wasn't kidding herself, either. There was going to be no call from her dad. She was on her own.

The bathroom door opened and Katelyn saw feet go into the stall next to hers. She thought she recognized the leather thong sandals. "Emily?"

"Katelyn? Is that you?"

"Oh my God, yes."

"I saw Wilson in the hall. What happened to you? There are rumors and stuff, ya know."

Katelyn came out of her stall and waited for Emily to do the same, relaying the nasty details of Gorman's punishment to her in the meantime.

Emily came out and touched Katelyn's arm. "That totally blows. He's such a creep." She went to the mirror and turned her head looking for imperfections in her hair. She turned for a profile view and analyzed her back side. "These totally make my hips look like a hooker." Emily smiled and switched her inspection to her eyeliner. Finally, she looked up at Katelyn. "You told him to fuck off?" Emily laughed as she freed a cell phone from her back pocket.

"Yeah," Katelyn said proudly, "he had it coming." Emily had turned her attention to sending a text. All students used the bathroom as communication central. Teachers hardly went into the student bathrooms, so it was safe from all the rules in the dumb school. Katelyn didn't want to lose Emily to whoever was on the other end of the message. "I have an hour and a half after school before I'm back to being grounded. Wanna go to McDonalds or something?"

"Ummm," Emily didn't look up, but suddenly looked uncomfortable. "I have other plans."

"Oh, okay." Katelyn tried again, "How about tomorrow after school?"

Emily finished her message and then sighed as she seemed to come to a decision. "Listen, Katelyn. People are saying, like, you freaked out and you're way out there. Don't get me wrong. Rage against the machine, fight the system and all, but, um, how do I say this?" She paused. "I can't get into that much trouble. I mean, I can't risk being with you and, like, being seen as a serious trouble maker."

Katelyn looked away from Emily toward the floor.

"Look," Emily started, then stopped. She turned toward the door and said softly, "Sorry" and walked out.

Chapter 10: Waiting For A Call

Day two of no cell phone. Katelyn was going nuts. She wondered if Tim had called; she worried that he'd take her silence as lack of interest. Besides the Tim problem, she had no way of keeping up with her other friends. After Emily's rejection in the bathroom, she suddenly wanted to check with her chat friends and see if they were still talking to her. She had to do some damage control. Katelyn lost plenty of friends in the past. Some were not allowed to hang out with her anymore after her dad was arrested and spent time in jail. Others just seemed to fall away over some spat or had grown too materialistic. They worried more about make up and calories than real life. So, she panicked at the thought of losing the few people who still talked to her.

The cell phone was still at school. Gorman just grinned when she asked for it at the end of the day. "We'll see how it goes tomorrow," he said. She couldn't believe how much of a pushover her mom was being. Her mom wouldn't dare try to keep the phone from her. She let Gorman do her dirty work. If only Gorman knew the things her mom had said about him. She was sure his teeth would break if he tried to grin his way through her curses.

When Katelyn reached home after walking the two miles again, her mom was at work. She worked as a second shift assistant manager at a convenience store in nearby Ames. The title meant little more than that she had to do twice as much as other employees. But, her mom qualified for health insurance and that covered the kids, too.

Brianna was home when Katelyn walked in. Brianna still rode the bus, another reason Katelyn did not. Brianna had the TV blaring and was eating a gigantic bowl of cereal on the couch.

"Turn it down," Katelyn yelled.

"Make me," Brianna sneered, almost loosing half of her mouthful in the process.

"You are so gross," Katelyn threw her bag on the living room floor. Gorman supervised her exit from the building, including deciding on two assignments that had to be completed when she walked in the next morning. If Gorman didn't have possession of her phone, she would have told him off again.

Katelyn brightened momentarily. The computer was on and right in front of her. Brianna, however, was going to be a problem—a total nark. Katelyn's punishment included no computer for the month, too.

"You're late. You're supposed to get Kayla and Jacob at Grandma's by four," Brianna nagged from the couch. Katelyn's mom had to leave at 2 p.m. each day for work, so she'd drop them off at her grandma's, two blocks over, until her dad could pick them up on his way home from work. Lately, however, in her dad's absences, it had become Katelyn's job.

Katelyn plopped down on the couch and closed her eyes. She changed her tone, "Brianna? Would you please go get them today?"

Her response was what she expected. "What's in it for me?"

"Please?" Katelyn looked at Brianna, trying to remember a time when she could stand her little sister.

Brianna chewed another spoonful of cereal and looked away from the television. "Dishes," she offered.

Katelyn dragged herself off the couch and looked into the kitchen to survey the amount of work. The dishwasher needed to be unloaded, the sink was full of lunch and baby dishes, but it wasn't that bad. Her dad hadn't been around today, so there were no pans from his omelets or late night snacks to clean up. "Fine. Take the stroller for Jacob."

Within a minute after Brianna walked out, Katelyn had her web page up, logging in. Her page had a few notifications and she quickly went to a friend request pending her approval. Yes! Katelyn rejoiced. He found me. She quickly approved Tim and linked to his site. A heavy metal band icon served as Tim's profile picture, and there were no other photos of him. She breezed through his friend list, noting the heavy ratio of female versus male friends. She recognized only a few of the girls, some from her grade, but mostly upperclassmen. Most of his contacts were from Des Moines, his last hometown. Is one of them his exgirlfriend? She wondered.

She noted the time and gauged another five or ten minutes before Brianna returned with the kids. She quickly wrote a cheerful note on Tim's Wall. Let those other girls know there is a new girl in his life, she thought. Then, she wrote a more detailed email briefly explaining why she hadn't called.

A chat box popped up. It was Olivia from school. Katelyn didn't consider Olivia a close friend, but she was friendly to everyone. Olivia also seemed to know everyone's business. And, that's what her chat message was trying to get from her. "Hey, how r u? Why r u in Gorman's office?" Katelyn decided to tread lightly.

"Hey, thought I'd spend some time in the zoo and feed the monkeys."

"Lol, hope u don't get bit."

"I'll have him doing tricks by Fri."

"That long? Ouch. Seriously, did u really steal stuff from PE lockers?"

"WTF?" Katelyn's mouth still hung open in disbelief as she typed.

"IDK. I heard it at lunch? Money and iPods missing."

"No way! Just a fight with Gorman."

" good to hear."

Katelyn overcame her shock and suspicion crept in. She swallowed the urge to outright ask the source of the rumor. Katelyn threw out some bait. "Tell your hotty boyfriend he'll have to buy u another iPod."

"Not mine. Maci said hers was taken."

Ah, Maci, Katelyn understood, even though she couldn't prove it yet. Maci was the type to capitalize on Katelyn's misfortune. Although she was offended, Katelyn felt better having confirmed Maci as an enemy. She'd no longer play along and be nice to Maci for the sake of offending Emily. This meant war, and Katelyn knew how to be tough.

The dog's barking made Katelyn look up. Out the window, Katelyn saw Kayla running up the short driveway and Brianna chasing after her with the umbrella stroller. Little Jacob bobbed around in his seat.

"Gotta go." Katelyn quickly typed and shut the Internet window. She ran down the hall to appear as if she was coming from the bathroom when the kids came bursting in.

"Kate'n!" Kayla enveloped her legs with a hug. The innocent, love-filled action instantly warmed Katelyn's heart. She put Maci from her mind and decided to plan her revenge later. She scooped up the girl. "Wanna play with me?"

Katelyn thought about the cleaning and work around the house and dismissed it. "Sure, kiddo. Let's go outside." Then, she walked over to where Brianna was giving up on pulling her nephew from the stroller straps. "Actually, let's take Jacob to the park."

"Yeah!" Kayla screamed and bounced on Katelyn's hip.

Brianna quit her attempt to care for Jacob and left him in the stroller. "You're not supposed to go anywhere," Brianna nagged while grabbing the last of the Oreos from the package on the counter. "You're grounded."

Katelyn resisted the urge to tell her to shut up. She took a deep breath and looked at her sister without any ill intent. "Wanna go, Brianna?"

Brianna rolled her eyes, stuffed an Oreo into her mouth and walked toward the living room. "I'm telling," she managed to mumble through her chocolate mess.

"Aren't you always," Katelyn replied, but refused to be bothered. Instead, she grabbed the end of Kayla's nose and gave it a little tug. Kayla giggled and smiled a smile that would burst off the little face if it weren't held down by the same dimples Katelyn knew so well.

# *****

By 10:30 p.m., Katelyn had the kitchen clean, Jacob and Kayla bathed, gave Jacob his last bottle, and had both tucked into their respective beds. The kitchen was relatively clean; the dishes were done and she straightened up all the papers and junk laying around. She even made a plate for her mom with the leftover Mac & Cheese and peaches she'd made for dinner; it rested neatly on the main shelf in the refrigerator covered with plastic and with a post-it note simply reading "Mom." Brianna ignored the cleaning spree by disappearing into her room.

Katelyn took the garbage outside to the bin. Chevy barked and rattled the chain link fence behind her. Katelyn grabbed a scoop of dog food from the shed and dumped it over the fence into his bowl. The headlights of her mom's car pulled forward into the drive. She withdrew her hand before it was also eaten and latched the shed door.

Her shoulders tensed as she watched her mom park the car. Katelyn's good mood suddenly vanished. She went back into the house.

Inside, she retrieved a fresh garbage sack from under the sink and shaped it into the kitchen garbage can. Her mom came in behind her, and Katelyn heard the keys drop on the microwave. She imagined her mom surveying the kitchen.

"Kids asleep?" Her mom asked.

Katelyn put the lid on the garbage can and walked away. She went into the living room and picked up the last of the toys, including the dolls she and Kayla had played house with earlier, and threw them into the overflowing toy bin by the wall.

Her mom walked farther into the kitchen and lit a cigarette. Katelyn could then hear the shuffling of paper and the opening of mail.

Katelyn picked up her back pack off the floor and headed for her room. She had just reached the hallway when her mom called to her.

"Katelyn." It was almost a plea.

Katelyn turned around slowly and with a straight face looked at her mother. Katelyn noticed the drooping shoulders and sagging jaw. A momentary twinge of compassion filled Katelyn, but she didn't let her face warm.

Her mom shifted and, more with her eyes than words, asked, "Did your dad call?"

Katelyn's compassion turned into bitterness. Her mom wasn't even thinking about the hell she'd agreed to in her pact with Gorman. She didn't even notice the housework, the lack of screaming kids. And, now she wanted Katelyn to be part of her drama? Hell no, she thought.

Katelyn cocked her head and narrowed her eyes at her mother. "As soon as I get my phone back, mom, I'll sure check." She went to her room and quickly shut the door. A little part of her glowed with satisfaction. If her mom wasn't going to think about her, then she wasn't going to worry either.

# *****

For the first time since she'd come home, she was in her room. Katelyn fought to keep it hers when Kayla and Jacob moved into the house. She was not giving up the only place in the house that she could be alone. The room definitely needed some style. It didn't have much space left after fitting in her bed, dresser, night table, and desk and chair. She considered rearranging the room. Maybe once her mom stopped being a bitch she could be talked into buying some curtains instead of the cheap mini blinds.

Katelyn was still wired. She looked at her book bag and sighed at the thought of homework. She threw her back pack on the unmade bed, but then picked it up and dropped in on the floor while she fixed the sheets and straightened the comforter. A new comforter would help the room out a lot. She could even buy it herself if she could get some money. She made a mental note to start searching for jobs tomorrow. Not many places hired 15-year-olds, but there were two fast food places in town that would. Mom will let me out of my grounding for work, she thought.

She took out the two worksheets Gorman assigned for her to complete. She shuddered to look at them, but she grabbed a pen off the clutter on her desk and hit play on her CD player--and stopped before she even made it back to the bed. The song playing was one Tim had played for her on his MP3 player. She didn't own the CD. She had only downloaded it onto her player. She double checked the stereo and confirmed it was the CD playing. She stood over it looking absolutely puzzled.

"It's about time."

Katelyn jumped in fright and clutched her arms to her chest. She sucked in a great gulp of air, but was unable to breathe as she watched the closet door push the rest of the way open.

She nearly exploded in relief when she saw it was Tim that was emerging from her closet.

"Oh my God," she was finally able to say, combined with shocked laughter. "Oh my God," she said in a shouted whisper. She looked to her bedroom door and quickly went to lock it. She turned back around to see Tim throw himself casually on her bed.

"We seem to spend a lot of time in the bedroom," he said slyly. "And I usually like to get to know a gal first."

Katelyn was still in shock at his presence, but jumped down beside him and punched him playfully in the chest. "You scared the shit out of me!"

Tim blocked her light hits with his arms.

"How did you get in here?" Katelyn asked in absolute awe. "How do you know where I live?"

Tim grabbed her wrists to end her half-hearted punches and with little effort was quickly over her, lightly pinning her hands on either side of her head. Katelyn found herself momentarily breathless again. "I've come to rescue my lady," he joked. He kept his green eyes intently on her blue eyes. Katelyn willed herself to return his look, to answer the intensity in them. "It sounds like you've had a rough day," he continued softly. "I thought I'd kiss it and make it better."

He lowered his lips onto hers, his eyes closing in the process. Katelyn closed hers and let her other senses take over. His kiss was light and lingering, enough to warm her whole body, which was already quite warm with his body stretched out over hers. They'd never been this close. She could feel the length of him extend over her and the strength in the muscles of the one leg thrown over one of hers.

His lips pulled away and she opened her eyes to find him looking at her. She searched them now, looking into them for the assurance words could not provide, but what this moment was offering as truth. Both Katelyn and Tim stayed silent, and then Katelyn felt his hands spread out along her wrists and gently smooth out her own palm, aligning his fingers along hers. He put the slightest pressure on her fingertips, the smallest caress.

She answered back by weaving her fingers into his and lifting her head up to kiss his lips. She shut down the doubts about whether she was reacting correctly and just obeyed her body. She wanted his kiss again, but stronger than before. Her breathing became urgent. He let her take a kiss and followed her exhale with a stronger kiss. She gripped his hands, and together they explored the different feelings of each kiss.

He drew his mouth to her cheek and kissed gently. She inhaled as if for the first time and then relaxed into his new attention, gentle touches down the side of her chin until he reached her neck. There he began to trace gently with his tongue. Katelyn felt a sensation stronger than any she'd ever had before. It was beastly and sexually charged. It scared her and she turned her head into him, forcing him to stop.

He pulled back slowly, coming out of his own passion, somewhat reluctantly. "What's wrong?" he asked after a moment.

Katelyn felt awkward suddenly. She didn't know exactly what to say, what words that would make him understand that she loved these feelings but didn't trust them. She wasn't familiar with this new power. She had never felt so willing before. It was easy to just kiss other guys and never let it go any further. Now, there was an unspoken urge to know more, but fear came with it.

She didn't have to say anything.

Tim gently pulled off her and sat up on the bed. He held his hands out to her, and she gave him hers. He pulled her up into a sitting position facing him and then he leaned in and kissed her gently again. Then, he pulled her into an embrace, her head turning to rest on his shoulder. "It's okay," he whispered into her hair, the warmth of his breath causing a small longing. "I didn't come here to maul you. We've got a date."

Katelyn pulled back with a question clearly outlined in her expression. "What?"

At this he sprung from the bed and positioned himself next to the window where he extended his arm out in great dramatics. "Behind curtain number one, a glorious evening awaits you." He pulled the cord to lift the blinds, and Katelyn saw his mode of entrance, a window now missing a screen. He smiled slyly at her. "Thank God you fed that beast out there; I didn't think I'd win that fight."

Katelyn laughed as she imagined Chevy snapping off portions of Tim's jeans, maybe even getting one of the coveted shoes the dog loved to rip to shreds.

"Shall we?" he asked although it was more of a cue than a question; he fully expected her to go.

Katelyn hesitantly looked to the locked door and then back to him. She was thrilled by the unexpected and didn't want him to go without her. "Yeah," she said, and then smiled beyond control. "Yeah." She grabbed a jacket off the back of the desk chair and took his extended hand.

"Ladies first," he said.

Katelyn poked her head out the window and looked down. Kayla's tricycle was propped up next to the house just under the window. She brought her head back in, and Tim was holding her desk chair. She moved, and he put it under the window. She stepped up and his hands held hers firmly as she put first one leg through and then the other. He helped her as she guided herself back, bracing herself on the windowsill. "Got it," she registered as her toes finally located the tricycle below.

Chevy gave out a lone bark as he woke from his position by the opposite side of the yard and trotted over. Chevy quickly recognized her, and she pet him while Tim came out and warily stood next to her. Chevy sniffed him over, more than once in the crotch. Katelyn held on to his collar just in case the inspection turned sour. But then the dog's stub of a tail began to wag, its fierce jaws breaking open into a harmless pant. "See, even my dog finds you all the man he ever wanted."

Tim gave her a champion smile and then took her hand, leading her the rest of the short distance to the side of the yard. They snuck out the fence and headed down the dark street.

Chapter 11: The Date

Katelyn giggled nervously as they ran down the street and then slowed to a walk around the corner. Sneaking out would award her another level of punishment if she were to get caught. But, Tim held her hand and led the way. Because of her excitement, she was able to keep up with his quick stride. Normal height people didn't understand that shorter people had to walk faster to keep up with them, but, at the moment, she wasn't about to complain.

Tim led her into backyards and across open fields as they neared the edge of town. It didn't take long. Northrup only had 7,000 people. Katelyn wondered where Tim was taking her and asked. He just smiled and said, "It wouldn't be a surprise if I told you." He waited a moment and added, "Not much farther."

They were coming to the highway that ran through town. The cops made a fortune in speeding fines here. Commuters coasted into the outskirts after speeding through the miles of cornfield-lined roads, never suspecting the beehive of cops here.

Tim stopped short and pressed Katelyn back behind the bushes they were about to clear before crossing the sidewalk. A Northrup Police cruiser made its way slowly down the road. She was violating the eleven o'clock curfew.

Once the squad car was out of sight, they made their way across the street and ran down the walk which connected with a short recreational trail through a prairie. Katelyn knew it well; one of her friends from seventh grade used to live on the other side of the prairie. She used to ride her bike through the trail almost daily during the summer to see her. The girl barely talked to her anymore now. Katelyn felt a small tug of sadness and her step slowed momentarily. Tim noticed.

"What's up?"

"Nothing," she replied.

"Don't be like that. Don't be like everyone else." He dropped her hand and jumped out in front of her, walking backward in pace with her slow steps. She could make out most of his features in the light of the moon. As usual, his attention was fully tuned to her. "Everyone's so private and scared to talk to other people."

"Well, sometimes there's a reason, maybe." Katelyn searched for the words she needed. Tim still stayed in front of her, his lanky walk awkward in reverse, but still keeping pace with Katelyn. He stayed quiet, but from what she could make from his expression, he expected her to say more. She continued, "Okay, like, sometimes a person can talk to someone, thinking that there's no harm, but later wish they hadn't."

"What does it matter?"

"A lot. It matters a lot. I mean, when you talk to someone, you trust them in a way." Katelyn added, "Sometimes they don't deserve that trust. So why not be a little scared to talk to someone?"

Tim slowed gradually so that Katelyn merged naturally into his body and was quickly embraced. He held her by the sides of her arms, his head tilted down to meet hers. "Katelyn, you can't live that way. Life's all about risk." He leaned in closer and gave her a lingering kiss. He pulled away slowly and she could see his grin, a feature becoming expected and familiar to her. She found herself smiling in return. He touched the dimple on her right cheek. "Besides, you'll never know if you can trust someone until you try."

Katelyn opened up to him then. They walked along the path with the insects and frogs silencing ahead of them as they neared. She talked about Emily and the rumor Maci was spreading. She talked about her family—her sisters dropping out and the reputation they'd left her at the school. About their kids who were often left in her mother's care.

Katelyn held back telling him her dad's full history and her feelings about it. Somehow it felt like a bigger chapter, a whole separate addition to a house of pain.

He let her talk. He sympathized with losing friends—his mom had moved around a lot after her divorce, and being the new kid didn't win him any popularity contests, especially when kids quickly judged him.

"What is the goal of homework anyway?" he agreed with her after she told him about the stack of work in Gorman's office.

"Yeah, I know how to open a book and find bold print. Big deal." Katelyn joked and then frowned. "I don't see why he's even making an issue about me anyway. He never did with my sisters. I don't think he ever called home when Jenny quit."

Tim asked, "How long ago was that?"

Katelyn thought about Kayla's age and did the math. "Over three years ago."

"Well," Tim said like he won a bet, "that explains it."

"What?"

"Ever heard of No Child Left Behind or Race to the Top?"

"Um," Katelyn didn't want to appear dumb. Tim had been interested in everything else she'd talked about so far. She opted for humor, "Is it related to why I have to change my sister's kids' diapers?"

He laughed, and she felt a small victory inside.

"It's full of shit, for sure." He paused and then went into explanation. "Schools are under pressure for kids to pass. Schools that don't make the grade get in trouble. You are their homework."

Katelyn frowned.

"Plus, Chiquita, you cost that school district some money if you leave."

"Huh?" She wished she could take back the expression and say something more intelligent, but she was struggling to understand all he was saying. How does he know so much about this? she wondered.

"Schools get a certain amount of tax money for each student in their enrollment. I may be somewhat new in town, but I don't see a line at the door of people dying to go to school here."

"So, how do you work. I mean, who gets your money's worth?"

He laughed. "There's the kicker." His voice turned wicked in tone. "Your school has to pay for me to go to my school." He let the thought sink in. "They contract with the alternative school for kids like me."

"What do you mean?"

He didn't respond immediately. He shrugged and in a dismissive voice said, "They can't leave me behind, but they can toss me off to someone else."

Katelyn sensed he didn't want to talk about it, and she didn't push. She switched the topic, asking about his old school and which classes he liked. They continued talking about likes and dislikes, funny stories and embarrassing moments, and anything that popped up because of each other's stories.

But, he always ended his side of the conversation with a question or inquiry into her life. It was strange to be questioned so directly, but it was welcome. Katelyn wasn't used to someone who thought she had this many things to talk about. He wanted to know about her, and Katelyn found herself willing to share.

The trail met up with a bridge near the county fairgrounds. Tim let go of her hand and ran up under the bridge, concealed momentarily in the shadows. He emerged with a small cooler bag. He opened it, removed two beers and handed her one. Katelyn saw two more in the pouch before he zipped it closed and slung the strap over his shoulder. "I'd have more, but my mom is starting to believe how much of an alcoholic she really is." He laughed at his own joke, grabbed her hand again, and headed off the trail. "Come on." They were back on street sidewalks. Both stayed quiet and alert, but no headlight ever announced an oncoming car.

He pointed down a side street as they passed by. In a tour guide voice he announced, "And just eight houses east is Casa Felske, a humble two-bedroom, full basement ranch." Katelyn made a mental note of the street. She wanted to see it in the daylight.

Another five minutes of walking brought them to the south railroad line. Trains were second nature to people who lived in Northrup. On a busy day, 64 trains passed through the town, blaring their horn at each of the eight intersections as mandated. The south railroad line wasn't as busy, but it also had fewer intersections, so trains would often speed through faster.

Tim took another long drink from his beer, finishing it off. He shook the can to confirm its emptiness in a show to Katelyn and then threw it onto the tracks where it hit a rail and dropped down between the rocks and wood rail ties. Katelyn lifted hers and took another drink, but it was still over half full.

"Ready for another?" he asked as he unzipped the cooler.

"Um," Katelyn considered. She didn't really like beer, but drank it because her friends offered. "No, I'm a slow drinker."

He smiled and opened his new beer. He took another drink and then started off, except he turned onto the railroad tracks instead of following the sidewalk. He turned back to her. "Come on," he beckoned with a coy invitation and his sly smile.

Katelyn looked to the road and then back to him. She hesitated. "This is railroad property," she warned from a fear burned into her as a child through multiple safety talks at the school. "If we get caught, . . ."

Tim cut her off. "Come on," he said with an exaggerated impatience. "I'll hold your hand, little girl," he mocked and held his hand out to her.

For the third time of the night, she threw her caution aside. She shrugged her shoulders and quickly caught up with him.

"There's my girl," he said as he gripped her hand. And they walked, aiming their steps to land on the ties instead of the jagged rocks in between. Katelyn prayed that no train would come while they were on the tracks. Someone in Northrup always ended up on the news each year in some near tragedy or tragic accident related to a train. Life may suck, but she wasn't ready to die.

They didn't go far when the sloping rock began to transition into a small bridge over a creek. Katelyn looked ahead with a feeling of dread. The bridge was short, but it was still a bridge, still empty underneath and fully reliant on the steel supports.

"We're here," Tim stopped and stepped off the track and started to descend the hill to the creek. He turned to her. Momentary relief flooded her, releasing her anxiety of any possible bridge crossing. She followed him to the creek bed. The spring rains had filled the creek and it spilled by with a healthy flow.

The sound of the water amplified her senses, and Katelyn felt cold. She hadn't needed her jacket earlier that day when playing with Kayla at the park, but was glad for it now. She pulled its zipper higher.

Tim noticed and stepped back to put his arm around her. "I'll keep you warm." She leaned into him, and he turned her to give her another kiss. Goosebumps traveled up her neck and she shivered involuntarily. He hugged her close. She shut her eyes and gave herself over to the moment.

This is like a romance scene in a movie, she thought, except she was the star for once. She didn't want to move, didn't want the moment to end. She breathed into his shoulder, smelling a combination of both the moist earth smell of the night and his body. A faint cologne lingered with a day's worth of wear, a salty, male scent. She breathed it in, linking it to the rest of what she knew of him in her mind.

Katelyn heard a familiar rumbling sound. She pulled away from him when her suspicion was confirmed by the horn of an oncoming train.

She looked up to Tim to find him grinning at her like he was about to deliver a punch line. "Come on," he said. He grabbed her hand and pulled her so she couldn't hesitate. They headed up the bank, not to the tracks, but under the bridge! Katelyn started to protest, but he said louder, both for authority's sake and to be heard over the increasing noise of the approaching train, "Come on! Trust me!"

She ducked after him now as he crawled underneath the darker shadow of the trestles of the bridge. Time pulled her up to the highest point. Larger rocks met with a concrete base, so they could go no farther. He sat down on the cement and pulled her down to sit between his legs in front of her. She could do nothing else. The noise of the approaching train and darkness under the bridge caused a fear that robbed her of self-direction. With her back to him, he easily reached his arms around her middle and held her close.

The train was speeding. This late at night, the engineers didn't have to contend with much traffic. Within seconds, the lights from its engine filled the spaces of the exposed tracks and frame above them, looking like a ladder fallen flat, only feet away. The ground rumbled around them; the vibrations shook the flesh of her legs. The light grew narrow and brighter. With a deafening roar, the engine burst onto the bridge above them. In that instant, Tim pulled himself and Katelyn back so that they faced the underside of the bridge, the underside of the crushing train. A blast of wind hit her face.

Katelyn's yell lost out to the powered scream of the train until the engine cleared and continued its way into the town. The horn whistle blew and died out just as Katelyn's lungs emptied the last of her sound. She felt Tim's body shaking below her. He still had her pulled tightly to him. She realized it was laughter that was causing him to shake. His face was beside hers now and he said loudly so she could hear, "Open your eyes."

Katelyn didn't realize her eyes were closed, but she had automatically pinched them shut as the engine had passed over her head. Katelyn slowly released her eyelids, squinting up until she was sure the sight wouldn't cause her death. The train was a running black shadow now. Its shape was only fragmented momentarily by indirect light from the moonlit sky. The bridge creaked in answer to the clanging sways of cars. An occasional metallic scraping pealed from the wheels, causing Katelyn to wince.

She concentrated on separating the shadow, making the darkness a train rather than the optical snake racing above them. It didn't work. She closed her eyes again.

Finally, after another minute or so, the bridge was silent. The earth was still, and the train cars' rhythm grew distant. Katelyn let her mind release, and her body followed. It was then that she realized she had been gripping Tim's arms like an animal strangling its prey. The chewed edges of her fingernails popped from his skin. Her heart pounded in her chest.

She jumped up and ran out from under the bridge. Tim was quick to follow. She heard him laughing, a fun amused laugh. Her hands turned to fists and she turned and pummeled him. "You asshole!"

Tim laughed and grabbed her hands. She pulled them away and took a few determined steps away from him.

Katelyn started laughing. Relief, excitement, and anger surged through her. Thrill. Thrill was the only word she could use to describe the experience. Blood pulsed with fresh energy and she shook with excitement. She jumped forward to Tim and grabbed him. He played into the move and braced himself to counter her force. In a move more forward than Katelyn ever though herself capable, she grasped his head in both hands and brought her own up to kiss him. She let his hands run the length of her back and leaned into him as he brought them around the sides of her torso, eventually cupping her breasts. She didn't pull away, but caution crept into her conscience. She slowed her kisses and turned her head into his shoulder, signaling a limit of how far she was willing to go.

Finally, she spoke. "That was . . . totally insane!" She laughed.

"A rush, huh?" he said, holding her and rubbing her back with one palm. "Better than drugs."

Katelyn stiffened, unsure of what he meant and how to reply. Did he do drugs? Or, was he against them? "Yeah," she agreed, "I mean, not that I know or anything."

Tim moved her back and gave her a quizzical look, making some judgment in silence. "Trust me," he said.

But, the trust Katelyn had felt moments ago wasn't as strong. She didn't want the evening to change, so she ignored a question she couldn't find a way to ask, one she wasn't sure she wanted to hear the answer.

A small splash in the creek behind them made her jump. She laughed at her own edginess. The creek's running water caught her attention. Its sounds were hypnotic, and she stifled a yawn.

"What time is it?" she asked, still annoyed that she didn't have her phone to check for herself.

"Aw, is my girl tired? Don't tell me, you have to get up for Gorman, right?" Katelyn didn't respond, but smiled at the teasing. Tim pulled out his own phone and turned it to face her.

"Holy crap!" Katelyn burst out. "I gotta go." By the time she'd get home, she'd only have three hours of sleep, four if she could manage to fall asleep right away.

They headed back on the tracks and made it to the trail without seeing any cars. She tensed, hoping he wasn't going to leave her to walk through the dark prairie on her own. But, he didn't even slow. Tim turned without pause with her into the prairie.

They made the trip quicker and quieter than before. At the corner of her street, he stopped her under the darker shadow of a tree and pulled her to him. "Just in case," he said, glancing down the street toward her house. She understood that this was goodbye. He pushed her hair behind her shoulders and then cocked his head slightly. "You're alright, Katelyn Wells." Then he leaned down to kiss her.

Katelyn pulled her head back, dodging his kiss. "Alright?" she acted offended. "Just alright?"

He smiled, "Yeah, you're worth keeping around." And he kissed her. Katelyn contented herself with his teasing.

They said goodnight and she walked into the street, turning around twice to see him watching her. When she reached her yard, she turned once again, but she could no longer see Tim.

Once back safely in her room, she confirmed her door was still locked before she fell into bed. She didn't bother changing into pajamas. Instead, Katelyn inhaled her sweatshirt and smelled the lingering scent of Tim. "Worth keeping around," she mumbled to herself before she fell asleep.

# *****

"Please, Mom?" Katelyn slid into the chair next to her mom at the table. "I've been grounded for almost two weeks. This is the second weekend I've been stuck at home."

Her mom didn't respond, but looked up from her stack of mail she was reading to give her a careful look. Katelyn had pleaded to go to a movie with Tim earlier in the day, but her mom said no. Katelyn was trying again, but this time asking for Tim to come over to watch a movie.

"You said you wanted to meet him," Katelyn built her case. "It's just a movie and technically Romeo & Juliet is homework." The silence was a good sign, so Katelyn continued. "Tim could help me understand it since he's already had to read the play," she paused. "Please, Mom? I'm doing everything right with Gorman. I'm almost done with my late work."

Katelyn had spent eight days total with that bastard. Every day, they both smiled at each other with disguised burning hatred. But, she played the game and put on a fake voice to accompany her smile. "Here you go, Mr. Gorman," or "Anything else, Mr. Gorman," and always "Do I have your permission, Mr. Gorman?"

The pile of work on her desk seemed to grow at first with end of the school year work rather than shrink, but she managed to get it cleared off, finally. Katelyn should be back in classes just in time for the next week's final exams.

Her mom caved in. Tim knocked on the door within the hour. During introductions, Tim played the polite, kind boy. Her mom raised an eyebrow when Kayla came into the room and went to Tim without hesitation. "Tim! Want to play?"

Tim turned out to be more of a distraction than a help to focusing on the play. He made up jokes and mocked the love-struck characters. Katelyn couldn't help laughing at his reenactment of Juliet's death scene. Tim flipped imaginary hair and exaggerated his gestures, clutching his chest and slapping his hands to either side of his face. "What?! The only decent guy I've met—well, actually, the only guy I've ever met—is dead?" Here Tim put his hand to his forehead in great dramatics. "Bummer. I can't go on."

While Katelyn laughed, Tim mocked confusion as he looked around for a prop to use as a weapon. He grabbed one of Kayla's dolls from the floor, naked except for one boot, and began to strangle himself between the doll's legs. He feigned strangulation while he dropped to the floor. He sat up, lifting one eyebrow and smirking. "Hey, this isn't such a bad way to die," he said and held the split legged doll away from his neck for a moment.

Katelyn blushed. Their sexual exploration had gone farther than the kisses and touching of their first meeting. It was getting more difficult to tell him to stop.

Tim had been coming over after school on the days when Katelyn's mom worked. He was patient with Kayla, even playful. Brianna threatened to nark, like always, but Katelyn made deals. Brianna took advantage of the situation and started going over to friends' houses. Tim would leave half an hour before Katelyn's mom was supposed to come home. Brianna would sometimes show up minutes before her mom, and they'd clear their stories with each other. Surprisingly, it was the most civil Brianna had been to Katelyn in years.

Katelyn's dad never showed back up. Her mom told them a few days after he disappeared that he had called. He had taken a job in Utah as a foreman for a construction company. Katelyn had answered the phone once last week when he called. He made a big production about the details of the job—framing new residential houses in a subdivision. He wanted her to come out for a few weeks after school let out.

As far as she knew, her parents had patched things up. She'd hear her mom at night, after she came home from work, talking on the phone. From her bedroom, Katelyn had only heard her mom's voice raise a couple times within the past week. Plus, her mom was in a much better mood.

"It was nice to meet you, Tim," Katelyn's mom said after the movie and the last slice of the pizza they ordered was eaten.

Katelyn walked Tim out to the side of the house where no window would let her mom spy on them. Tim kissed her, and they contented themselves with just an embrace rather than the hours they'd spent in the past week in her bedroom holding each other.

Katelyn came back in to find her mom right in the kitchen waiting for her.

"He seems like a nice boy, Katelyn. You really like him, don't you?"

Katelyn tried not to blush, "Yeah, Mom. I do. I really do."

Chapter 12: Summer Break

Katelyn sat down in English class and ignored the judgmental looks of a few students around her. She'd been gone for two weeks, held in Gorman's office on lock down. He apparently had had enough of his guest and put her back in classes just in time for semester exams.

Class began and Teacher Woman droned through the test instructions while passing out materials. She failed to pass out enough for her row, so Katelyn had to raise her hand and ask for another copy. "Thank you so much," Katelyn used the same fake polite voice she'd become accustomed to using with Gorman, but Teacher Woman actually seemed to lose her edge when she saw Katelyn wasn't going to give her trouble.

"Hmm," Katelyn let out in amazement. I'll have to try this more often.

"And I'll be handing back your poems after the test begins. Some are quite original and their authors should consider submitting them to the poetry contest." Teacher Woman droned on until she realized most students had already completed the first page of the test. Their impatient turn of the page whipped through the air.

Katelyn turned to her booklet. She should be able to do well on this test. She read the play. There was not much else to do in Gorman's office after she finished her work. Other than the thou's, thee's and other language she'd never heard of, she understood where Romeo and Juliet were at—their fear, their hope.

Twenty minutes later, the test loomed in front of her, throwing some fastballs at her. Tragedy structure? Dramatic irony? Allusion? Why did school have to ruin a good story by testing stupid stuff? She wondered.

Teacher Woman had been walking around the classroom sliding papers face down on student's desks. When she came to Katelyn's desk, Katelyn couldn't help be a little surprised. She didn't always get things back like most kids because she didn't always hand things in.

Teacher Woman placed first the journal and then a paper face down on the corner of her desk. Katelyn knew she should keep working on the test, but couldn't resist seeing what she earned on the assignments. Somehow, she always held out hope that she'd be good at something at school. Plus, she'd worked hard on this assignment, the poem.

Katelyn waited until Teacher Woman walked down another isle and then she picked up her poem. She turned it over and her eyes widened at the A-minus at the top of the page. A couple of grammar corrections were noted, but the comments under the grade brought even more awe. "Nice work. Your poem reflects the innocent passion of young love. Adding the required couplet would make this assignment complete."

Katelyn looked around. She saw that Melissa, her desk neighbor, had already looked at hers and put it down on her pile of books on the floor. It was face up. "B+" stood out on the top of her paper. Melissa was slouched over her test, absentmindedly pushing her pencil's eraser into the depression of her chin while she read a question.

Katelyn knew she should get back to the test, but she decided to reread her poem.

Good Night

By Katelyn Wells

By day the promise hides

Charting its shape in light's shadow.

The sun, burning with a parent's force, steals the shine of stars.

Only at night,

Desire driven by need's own orbit,

Will a pulsing pattern perfect itself and intersect another.

Together they reflect their secrets like questions:

Are you brighter than me?

Do you know me?

What shape do we take together?

Do you love me?

Will you stay?

And each night, after day's distance,

Across the laced sky, they burn toward each other again.

# *****

The poem was already a week old, but so many of the emotions were still true. She still questioned herself, still felt uncertain about her place with Tim. But, she still felt the rush of feelings, the attraction and need to know more, to be more with him.

One of the brainiacs walked to the front of the room. He put his test booklet and answer sheet on the front desk and looked up at the clock before he turned back to his desk. Katelyn looked at the clock, too. She cringed. She had 18 minutes left. She looked over at the "test race winner" with a begrudging frown. He didn't notice because he had already picked up a novel and was leaning back comfortably reading.

She took a deep breath, straightened, and skipped to the character matching. When the bell rang, she had completed all the questions she felt good about and was finishing up with guessing on the others.

Since it was the last day of class, a couple students went up to say goodbye to Teacher Woman. Suckups, thought Katelyn, and she slid past them into the hall.

# *****

"Hey, Katelyn. Need a ride?" Emily said as she came up behind Katelyn just as she reached the doors of the school's main exit.

Katelyn looked up from her phone where she had been reading her last texts that came during English class. She hadn't dared to read them in class. She finally had her phone back; she wasn't going to blow it now.

"Oh," Katelyn said with genuine surprise. Emily had been ignoring her since the bathroom scene. There were no messages on Katelyn's phone from Emily when she checked it after Gorman handed it over. Besides a couple of messages from Jenny and many from Tim--sent before he knew she was grounded, there was only one from the friend category. Even though Katelyn knew most people probably heard that her phone was taken away, she couldn't help feeling disappointed that no one tried to contact her.

Emily fell into a slow walk after pointing into the back rows of the parking lot. "I'm parked over there. Got here kind of late this morning."

Katelyn wasn't going to turn down a ride, especially since it was Thursday and her mom would be at work. Tim would be over in an hour. That would give her some time to study for her last tests tomorrow. "Sure, thanks," she offered to Emily and followed her out to the mob of activity in the parking lot.

"How were your finals?" Emily asked.

Katelyn questioned Emily's sudden acceptance again. "Not too bad. I might pass a few classes," Katelyn joked.

"What do you have tomorrow?"

"Science and math," Katelyn slightly groaned.

Emily turned her face into a wince. "Oh, yuck. I remember that test. Beef up on your elements."

"Yeah, I don't have a prayer in science, but I should do okay in math." Katelyn had been able to catch up on a few late assignments during her in-school suspension, and Mr. Brooks came in at least 10 minutes during his prep period each day to get her started on the daily lessons.

They reached Emily's car, actually her dad's car. Emily had gotten her license this year. Katelyn had to wait another year, but her dad let her drive on the highway sometimes, when he was around.

Katelyn looked around. "Is Maci coming?"

Emily didn't look up, but opened her door. Just before she ducked in, she said, "I don't think so," in a disgusted voice.

During the ride to her house, Emily dished out the latest fight between herself and Maci. It involved a boy, of course, and Emily hadn't come out as the preferred party. She was just finishing her accusation that Maci had told lies about her in order to hurt her chances. Katelyn played naïve.

"Maci doesn't seem like the kind of person to do that."

"Oh, I should know, she's the biggest liar." Here, Emily reached her hand over to place it on Katelyn's arm. "Um, like, you know that iPod she said you had stolen?" She paused for effect. "Well, it turns out that her older brother pawned it for pot money or something. She actually thought that she'd get a new one from the school or insurance or something if she reported it stolen." Emily's eyes were wide in disbelief and offense.

"Is that so?" Katelyn tried to calculate which bit of information Emily knew first, the iPod truth or the disinterest of the latest boy.

"Yeah, she's something else." And just like that, the topic was over. Emily pulled into Katelyn's driveway and changed focus. "Anyway, what are you doing tomorrow night? Jake, JT, and Collin Sawyer are throwing a big end of the year party, bonfire and everything out at Rollins Dam. You don't know Jake, but he's a junior like JT and Collin—oh, I guess their seniors after tomorrow," she exclaimed with a high pitch laugh.

"Oh my God! I can't believe we're going to be Sophomores." Emily was already off topic. "We should come up with some mean things to do to freshman.

"Anyway, it's not until nine or ten and there's going to be a lot of people there." Emily was finally silent.

"Um," Katelyn considered. Katelyn glowed inside from having her friend back, like being fed after a hunger strike. And, Emily was choosing her to come with her to a party. Katelyn could meet so many other people there and could set things right after the rumors of the past two weeks.

But, Katelyn was hoping to spend the evening with Tim. Maybe he could go, she thought. "Can I bring my boyfriend?"

"Katelyn, you've been holding back on me," she said in mock offense. "Tell me all about him."

Katelyn told a brief version of meeting him and that they'd spent the better part of two weeks together. Emily was all questions, but Katelyn stayed brief, aware of both the time left before he'd show up and the caution she couldn't help feel in talking to Emily again.

"Have you done it with him?" Emily boldly asked with a sly grin on her face.

Katelyn blushed and laughed. "No," she protested. "Not yet. Geez, Em."

"What did you say his last name is? Where does he go to school?"

Katelyn hadn't, but she figured there was nothing to hide here. "Felske, and he doesn't go to Northrup. He goes to some alternative school in Ames."

"No shit. Why?"

"I dunno," Katelyn grunted her reply, dismissing the topic. "Listen, I have to go. What do you think?"

"Well," Emily considered, "we'd already be kinda crashing Collin's party. He didn't really invite me personally, but he kind of smiled at me in the hall this morning. I guess if Tim showed up out there, then it wasn't necessarily us who brought him. Does he have a car?"

"No, but his friend does. I'll ask him tonight and let you know, okay?"

Emily looked slightly put off, sitting expectantly in the driver's side. She obviously expected Katelyn to jump on the chance. "Oh," she blinked hard. "Okay, um, text me tonight." Emily gave one last plea. "It'll be fun, plus you need to help me with Collin. I think he really likes me. Come on, Katelyn."

Katelyn hated to say no or to leave her without an answer. Emily seemed to actually need her. But, things were different. It hit her then. She was now part of a couple. She didn't want to make a plan without Tim. She wanted him to be there with her. She was used to him being a daily part of her life now.

"I'll text ya later, Em," Katelyn said more solidly, and closed her door. She leaned back in through the open window. "Thanks a lot for the ride."

# *****

Katelyn dropped her books off and ran over to get the kids from her grandma's house. She gave them a snack and looked over her math study guide. No worries, she thought. She could pass this one. She tucked it back into her bag and checked the time. Tim should have been there by now. He only had to go to school in the afternoons and they weren't forced to take finals at the alternative school, just finish their work.

She was excited to see him, though. After thinking about how accustomed she'd become to him being in her life, she felt happy about it. He was a new, welcome part of her life. She thought back to just a month ago and how she seemed like a different person—young, alone, her parents' daughter. Now, she felt different, more in control, like more of her life belonged to her. Was that because of him? Yes, she thought. I'm becoming someone new with him.

She had flipped open her science packet, a 12-page manual more than a study guide. Katelyn sighed. Besides the directions, the first page contained words she couldn't pronounce let alone define. She looked the first term up on the Internet. "Homogeneous: composed of parts of elements of the same kind." She sighed and gave up on terminology. Who cares?

"Kate'n, let's go to the park," Kayla was behind her.

Katelyn looked back once, but turned back to the study guide. "Sorry, kiddo, I have to do homework."

"I'll help," Kayla cheered and tried to come around to sit on her lap.

"No, Kayla, go watch your movie, alright," and Katelyn gently pushed her back from her leg. Katelyn checked the time. Tim was officially late now.

Kayla had gone back to the cartoon movie without much trouble. Katelyn switched browser windows to check her Web page. Nothing from Tim. She sent a text on her phone and then checked his page. He had added a couple new song links since last night, but there was no reported activity today, except a wall post from someone named Christian. "In town for awhile—hook me up."

She linked to Christian's site, but it was limited access. She could see Christian had a lot of Des Moines friends and his profile picture was a crossbone. Tim never talked much about his former city. She never pushed it either, scared to have him close off or see her as snoopy. It didn't matter, really. What mattered was who he is now, but she wanted more of him, wanted to expand the identity she already had of him.

Katelyn browsed through Tim's friend's links. There were mostly girls. She couldn't help feeling a little jealous. How many of them were friends and how many were girls who wanted more from him. She posted a note of her own on his wall. "Save me from studying!"

She kept clicking through Tim's pages, his groups—mostly bands and nonsense clubs. She noted a "Legalize Cannabis" group he had joined earlier in the year, but so many boys seemed to be bandwagon followers. She had put up with enough Bob Marley for a lifetime when Emily dated a junior a couple months ago. They hung out in his basement, decked out with reggae posters, and listened to the same tracks shuffle from his docked mp3 player. They'd smoked a couple joints, but mostly he and his friends would drink cheap beer and complain that they couldn't get any dope.

Jacob was crying. She went over to his jump up seat and picked him up. His diaper was heavy and the promise of a mess overwhelmed her nose. Resentment crawled at her conscience. Why am I the one to change his diapers instead of his own mom? She hadn't talked to Jenny in two weeks, but her mom said Jenny was supposed to come over on Saturday for a visit. Katelyn had overheard a phone conversation her mom had with her dad about it. Her mom actually thought Jenny was cleaning up her act.

After Jacob was cleaned up, she realized the time. She had to feed him and get Kayla some dinner. She grabbed a couple baby food jars—peaches and green beans. He'd hate the green beans, but she'd alternate them to get him to eat. She went to mix a bottle of formula, but found the can empty. She looked in the cupboards, but there wasn't any more. He could drink some juice now, but he'd need his bottle before bed.

"I want to go to the park." Kayla was beside the high chair now. Her voice was a full whine.

"We can't, KK," Katelyn said with little patience.

"Why not?" she pouted.

"I'm feeding Jacob, right? I have to get you something to eat, right?" Katelyn followed up, "I can't do everything."

"I want to go to the park!" Kayla was on the brink of a tantrum, her fists by her side and bottom lip pushed out under her crumpled eyebrows.

Without another response, she automatically referred to one of her mom's comebacks, "Sometimes you don't get what you want."

Kayla let loose. She started in a long, rising wail that sounded like an approaching siren. Her eyes squinted closed and she noisily sucked in more air. She put more power into the next cry, and the sound pierced through Katelyn's head.

Katelyn closed her own eyes and lowered her head, trying to shut out the noise. Then Jacob started to cry, too.

Katelyn dropped the baby spoon and jar on the table, picked Kayla up. Holding her away from her as Kayla continued to wail, Katelyn walked her down the hall, into Brianna's room, set her down in the center of the floor, and walked out. Kayla continued to wail. Katelyn turned just before she shut the door. "You can come out when you stop crying. If you come out still crying, there's no movie tonight."

Kayla just sucked in another breath and let it loose. Katelyn shut the door and leaned against it, but Jacob's cry called from the kitchen table.

# *****

Three hours later, after a couple more episodes of crying and complaining from the kids, Brianna came home.

"Where have you been?" The tone in Katelyn's voice couldn't disguise her impatience and frustration. Her younger sister led a carefree life compared to hers.

"None of your business," Brianna bit back and went to the stove to see what the dirty pans may hold. She gave up on finding food in them and then opened the refrigerator. She took out a packaged meal bar and began to eat it, kicking off her shoes in the direction of a pile of footwear by the door.

"Those are mom's," Katelyn shot at her.

"So," Brianna said through another bite. "There's nothing else to eat."

Jacob was still crying from his crib in her mom's room. Kayla heard Brianna's voice and had come from the TV to try get some attention. "Brianna," she greeted her with excitement and relief pouring from her voice.

Brianna over exaggerated her greeting to the young girl. She gave her a big hug, and Kayla ate it up with smiles and laughter. "What's the matter?" Brianna said, looking up to Katelyn in accusation, "Has Auntie Kate'n been mean?"

Kayla nodded, giving Katelyn her own glare of injustice. "Will you play with me?"

Brianna stuffed the rest of the diet bar into her mouth. "Sure, baby. Auntie Brianna loves you."

Katelyn turned away and sat down at the computer while Brianna dramatically made a show of caring for the girl. Katelyn flipped through her web page once again, but no new postings had been made. Tim hadn't responded to any of her text messages either. She didn't know what was going on. Rather than being worried something bad may have happened, Katelyn was now overrun with feelings of rejection.

The phone rang and she got up to answer, but Brianna beat her to the receiver.

"Dad," Brianna shouted after she answered. Katelyn stood behind her for a few moments, expecting her to turn over the phone to her. "Yeah. Okay. Yeah, only one more day of school. Yeah, that'd be great. Can we stay in a hotel." Katelyn listened to her sister's side of the conversation and filled in the questions and promises her dad was making on the other end of the line. She turned into the kitchen and started cleaning up the counter, trying to make Brianna believe she didn't care if she got to talk to him.

"No, she's still at work. Really?" Now she laughed her fake little laugh, "No, I wouldn't do that. I've been playing with Kayla," she lied. "No, she's been on the computer, but she's still grounded." Here she turned around to shoot Katelyn a snide glance. Katelyn caught the look, but turned away and ignored it. "Okay, yeah, I love you too.

"Dad wants to talk to you," Brianna said in a snotty tone contrasting the pleasant little girl tone she had just been using.

Katelyn grabbed the phone from her sister and whispered, "You are such a little bitch."

"Better than being a big one," Brianna shot back at her, and walked away.

"Hello," Katelyn said without much patience. She really wanted to talk to her dad. She missed him. Even though he and her mother would fight when he was around, he always had a way of making the house feel right. He always had big stories to tell. Without him, the days were just about the kids, full of Brianna drama, or, when her mom was around, kind of tense because he wasn't.

"Hey, Kate. How ya doing?" His voice was cheerful. Despite the horrible night she was having, it made her feel suddenly calmer.

"Hi, Dad. Okay," she responded. "How's Utah?"

She listened to the few stories he offered about the job and weather, trying to picture her dad filling his nights playing cards or watching the brilliant sunsets he was describing. He asked her about school and her final exams, stating once again how important they were.

"I think I passed English, Dad." And she really felt like she did. She'd check tomorrow to see if grades were posted. "I got an A on a poem."

"You did? That doesn't surprise me. Nope, not at all. You're a smart girl, Kate. You can do anything you put your mind to." She heard the words, but also dismissed them. It was what a dad was supposed to say. After a few more topics, she could hear his attention drifting.

"Dad, we're out of formula. I had to put Jacob to bed without a bottle tonight," Katelyn hated to sound like she was nagging.

"Well, have your mom get some on the way home. Just give her a call," he said as if the solution was too simple for him to be bothered with it.

Katelyn didn't want to call her mom about it in case it was what she suspected—that she was out of money. "Are you going to talk to her tonight?"

His voice took on an air of impatience. "Listen, that's why I'm calling right now. It's an hour earlier here, and there's a side job we're going to go do tonight. I won't be able to call your mom. You tell her for me, Kate, alright?"

After a moment, Katelyn sighed, "Yeah, okay."

He seemed to pick up on her disappointment. "Look, I'm making good money out here. I get paid tomorrow, so there'll be plenty for groceries and formula and whatever you want. Heck, you go pick out a great birthday present, you hear, 'cause you deserve it."

Katelyn couldn't get her voice to match his enthusiasm. "Yeah, okay." She'd been letting her birthday not take as much importance as it had in younger years. Her dad had promised her another horse for her fifteenth birthday. She didn't want to press it because of the hard year he was having.

"I gotta go, Kate."

"Okay," she said hesitantly through the phone. She pictured him holding up a hand to someone else gesturing that he'd only be a minute. "Love you," she said more as a hope that he'd say it back.

He didn't fail her. "I love you too, Kate. I'll talk to you later." The phone went dead. She hit the end button on the phone and let her surroundings sink back in. The TV still played Kayla's movie. She no longer heard the giggles and laughing from Kayla, but rather a whine about how Brianna wasn't playing fair. Jacob's crying had stopped. She pulled out her own phone and activated the screen. Still no calls. She put the kitchen phone back into its charger and looked at the mess of pans and dishes. Screw it, she thought, and shut herself in her room.

# *****

"Sure, I'll go." Katelyn said to Emily. They stood at Katelyn's locker where Emily had pounced on her as she came into school.

"Great," Emily said excitedly. "Collin totally likes me. He talked to Jack last night who told Jocelyn--you know, Maci's former locker partner--that he asked if I was dating anyone."

Katelyn was in a foul mood. Not only was she on her way to her dreaded science class, she still hadn't heard from Tim. To add to matters, Brianna narked to her mom this morning about Katelyn using the computer. Her mom hadn't done anything in front of Brianna, but after they dropped her off at the middle school, she said, "We'll talk when you get home" as she let her off at the corner of the high school.

Emily kept talking as they walked down the hall. "Okay, so I'll pick you up at nine, alright." Emily was veering off into the next classroom and turned around to face Katelyn. "Hey, you must not be grounded anymore?" She smiled. "How'd you manage that."

Katelyn rolled her eyes. "Just pick me up at the Gas N' Go. I gotta come up with something good."

Emily raised her eyebrow, but quickly lost interest in Katelyn as a boy tried to squeeze past her into the classroom. The tardy bell rang, and Katelyn picked up the pace to get to her classroom two doors down. The science teacher was already calling class to attention. He gave Katelyn a dismissive glance and then went right back into directions for a test Katelyn would most definitely fail.

Three hours later, Katelyn walked out of her math class and headed out the school doors. Since it was the last day of school, dismissal was at the half day. She had checked her English grade and she did pass—a C- even. Science was just as bad as she thought, so there was no helping her F. She gave up halfway through it and daydreamed, mostly about what she should say to Tim. Math was easy. She'd probably pull a B in that class. She didn't really care about the grade, even though the brainiacs couldn't talk enough about their GPAs and percentages.

Emily must have already taken off. Katelyn kicked herself for not asking her for a ride earlier. Before she left the school property, she opened her bag. She took out all the few folders and notebooks and threw them into the trash bin. If she had to walk, she might as well lighten her load.

When she reached home, her mom was sitting in her customary spot at the table. Jacob was contently grasping toys within his reach on his blanket in the living room. Kayla was coloring at the table across from her mom. When she saw Katelyn, she stopped to show her the drawing. "Look, Kate'n, I do homework too."

She held out an alphabet coloring page with the A somewhat still visible from under the painting of red crayon. "Good girl, Kayla. You're going to be great."

Her mom watched Katelyn interact with her niece with a small amused smile. She was poised over her own stack of papers, bills and letters. She had a checkbook out beside her, so Katelyn assumed she had been paid today. Her mom caught her looking.

"Brian deposited his paycheck today," she said in a throaty emotionless voice.

Katelyn looked away and busied herself in the kitchen, going to the refrigerator for something to drink. She noted two new containers of formula on the counter, one already opened. At least she didn't have to bring up that topic.

"How were your tests?" her mom asked.

"Fine." Katelyn didn't want to go into the details if she didn't have to. Her mom stayed silent. The silence begged for something else to be said. Katelyn thought of an explanation suddenly. "I studied online last night."

Her mom took a long pause before answering, giving her the stare. Katelyn swore her mom could gauge the real truth by careful inspection of every action she made. She hated being examined so closely, mostly because there usually was something for her mom to find wrong.

"You should have asked," her mom finally said and set her pen down, trading it for a cigarette. "But, it doesn't matter. You can use the computer again."

Katelyn was relieved. Her mom was going easy on her. "Am I still grounded?"

Her mom didn't answer. Katelyn sighed and picked up her bag from the chair intending to go to her room.

"Let's talk, Kate." It was not an invitation, Katelyn knew, but a directive. Her mom indicated the seat next to Kayla. Katelyn shrugged and sat down next to her niece, giving Kayla a new color to layer on the demolished page.

The talk started with school, and Katelyn told her mom about science. Her mom didn't take the failure badly. "I tried, mom. I'll do better next year. At least I don't have to do English again."

Her mom actually praised Katelyn for bringing up her grade and shocked her when she said, "Science was my worst subject, too. That doesn't make it right for you to flunk it, but I understand." And then she changed the subject, almost like she was the one to be uncomfortable now. "Your birthday's Sunday. Where do you want to go eat?"

Katelyn shrugged, "Pizza Palace, I guess, so the kids can play games." Katelyn's other niece and nephew were a few years older than Kayla. But, she didn't know if they'd be coming, didn't know if Jodi was welcome since Brandon had stolen her mom's bank card. "Are Sierra and Colton coming?" Katelyn tested the waters.

"I'll call them later. Brandon better stay clear though." Her mom paused to take a drag and exhaled. "Your dad won't be here, you know."

Katelyn didn't look up. She figured as much, "Yeah, I know."

"What do you want for a gift?"

She shrugged again. "I dunno," which was a lie. Her mom picked up on it.

"Money's still tight, Katelyn. I know he promised he'd get you another horse," her mom hit the sore spot as directly as she could. One thing about her mom was that she didn't mess around. "It was stupid to get you one when we didn't have property yet." Her mom was referring to the promised "home in the country" her dad was always talking about, especially when he was fed up with neighbors' complaints. "We had to sell it, Katelyn. The stable costs too much."

"I know," Katelyn glanced up at her.

Katelyn knew another horse likely wasn't going to happen, but she didn't want to admit it. It had been pure chance that she even had Sugar. Her dad's business had done so well at first that her parents had acted like lottery winners. There was her dad's new truck and a new car for mom, the four wheeler, new siding on the house, her horse, and one day her dad showed up with an old Harley Davidson. He'd given them rides all day long. After he lost his main contract last year, they sold Sugar with the promise that she'd get a new one for her birthday. Now, they were no closer to the home in the country or another horse.

Her mom's voice came out softer, "We could probably get you that MP3 player you were looking at."

Katelyn looked up, touched that her mom remembered her request of over a month ago. They hadn't done a lot of talking lately. The iPod was several hundred dollars, quite an expense considering the income conditions in her family right now. A huge part of her wanted to be greedy, wanted to cry out "Yes!"

"Are you sure?" came out instead. Her mom didn't answer. Katelyn sighed. "Naw, it's alright. My music player is fine. Maybe for Christmas." Her mom stayed silent, but had put out her cigarette and folded her hands over her arms in front of her. "I know the perfect gift!" Katelyn exclaimed. "How about not being grounded anymore?" she offered.

Katelyn's mom's mouth tried not to go into a smile, but the smirk grew and a smile won. A small laugh came out of her mom, an odd sound since Katelyn hadn't heard in a long time. "Nice try." Her mom's face softened. "Thanks, Katelyn. We'll go shopping and get you a new outfit. Or, how about a new pair of shoes?"

"Yeah," Katelyn conceded. "Sandals." She was about to get up, but tried again. "Mom, how much longer am I grounded for?"

Her mom went back to studying her, but the good mood held. Her eyes were softened. "Why? What do you want?"

Katelyn saw her window. "I want to do something with my friends for my birthday. Emily asked me to come over for pizza tonight and maybe I could stay? She got a new game she keeps bragging about."

It took a long moment, one where Katelyn held her face frozen so it didn't give away her lie. But, her mom caved. "Alright."

"Thanks, Mom!" Katelyn jumped up excitedly and was about to head to her room.

"But I want you home midmorning. Jenny's going to be here at noon. I want you around. And you need to ask her to the Pizza Palace for your birthday Sunday. I want her to be around as much as possible." Her mom indicated to Kayla, who having grown bored with the adult talk at the table, had gone down to the blanket to try make Jacob laugh.

Katelyn took the opportunity to be direct. Maybe she'd get an answer to something she often wondered. "Why are you bothering, mom? She--" she was trying to be careful of what she said in front of Kayla. "Jenny hasn't tried to get them back," she whispered.

Her mom just looked at Kayla for a moment and then turned with a penetrating look full of emotion. "I'll never give up on one of my girls." And then she turned back after a moment of looking at Kayla to the stack of bills in front of her.

Chapter 13: In the Dark

11:02 p.m. Missed Call from Tim

11:07 p.m. Missed Call from Tim

11:09 p.m. New Message: silence . . . click

11:10 p.m. New Message from Tim: "Where r u"

Katelyn sat next to the bonfire and read the new text. She was fully alert despite the several beers she had downed. Emily had left her to go talk to Collin, and from what she could see, Emily was making good progress. She was fawning over him as if she was really interested in the drag racing story he was telling a couple of his friends. He was eating up the attention.

Katelyn was as good as alone. Next to her was the class stoner, Josh Kramer. He and a couple other boys had led the smoking session a half hour ago, but only the three boys scattered around the fire were still passing a joint. Conversation had stopped and they all seemed to be entranced by the flames of the bon fire.

When the joint was passed to her, Katelyn held up her beer as a gesture that she'd pass, as if one substance was too much for her. Now she had been forgotten by them, and she didn't mind. She had to answer some curious questions about her Gorman incarceration when she first showed up. Amazingly, she had reached urban legend status, but her story was now old news. It only served to spur more stories and jokes at Gorman's expense. Her "record" gave her credibility. She hadn't necessarily graduated to "cool" status, but she felt more accepted than usual.

Katelyn relaxed in the dark of the night. The air was crisp, but not too cold. If she turned her head from the fire, the only light source for at least a half a mile, thousands of stars sparked in the sky. The burning wood, laced in puffs with the herbal scent of the pot, worked with the heat from the fire to fill her with an overall sense of warmth.

She was out of the house at night for the first time since, she sighed, since her night on the trail with Tim. She had sent him a few more messages. All went without a reply. She resolved not to call or text him anymore. If he did contact her, she would ignore him. Let him see how it feels, she thought.

Of course, she also held out hope that his lack of contact was due to something beyond his control. If he was hurt, she would instantly forgive him. But, she doubted that was the case. It made her sad, but she thought she knew exactly why he stopped calling. He moved on. It was only a matter of time, she thought, until he grew tired of me or found someone better.

When his calls came, Katelyn found herself getting mad. She ignored the alerts. She listened to the hang up message. Now she sat staring at the text. Her resolve was weakening. Behind her anger, she also felt hope.

She started a text in reply, but then cancelled. She bit a nail and wondered what Jenny would do. Jenny would reply. Katelyn started a new message, then stopped. Jenny didn't have any of her men still in her life. They had all left, even after Jenny gave birth to two of their kids. Katelyn shut the message down again. She didn't want Tim to think he could do this to her and expect her to take him back open-armed.

The phone lit up in her hand.

New message from Tim: "Kate, oh Kate, where4ru?"

She didn't want to laugh, but the message reminded her of his great dramatics during the Romeo & Juliet movie.

She choked down the familiarity and the instant trust he expected.

"What do u want?" she wrote.

New message from Tim: "You"

She blushed, but did not respond.

New message from Tim: "Where r u?"

She stayed simple in reply. "Out."

New message from Tim: "W/o me?"

She didn't reply.

New message from Tim: "What's his name?"

How was she supposed to interpret this question? Did he really think there could be someone else? Katelyn's mind raced through the past two days. Did she do anything to make him think she didn't like him, or that she liked someone else? The last night he was over at her house, there was one awkward moment. She had stopped the make out session in her bedroom. They had moved further toward having sex and she had stopped him as he tried to push her pants down over her hips. Katelyn knew they would eventually have sex, but so far he respected her when she wanted to stop.

Katelyn thought about anything that would make him suspect another guy. Ryan! Her cousin Ryan had posted a couple messages on her wall a couple days ago teasing her about being grounded. Tim wouldn't know Ryan was her cousin.

Another thought came to her. He was jealous. Katelyn never had anyone jealous over her before. Oh, she knew firsthand the feelings of jealousy, of wishing she was in someone else's life, home, family, town, and so many other things.

The phone sounded with a new call. The screen lit up with his name. She let the downloaded ring tone play a few more seconds and decided to pick up.

"Hey," she said softly. The stoners around the fire had glanced at her with the disruption, but quickly tuned her out, just as they had the other sounds of laughter and talk surrounding them on the hillside.

It was momentarily quiet on the other end. "Where are you?" he finally asked.

She was still mad and decided to play out her only card. If he wanted to know where she was, he'd have to answer some questions, too. "No, Tim, where are you? Where have you been and why didn't you call?"

"Something came up. A friend needed me," he said coolly. "Look, I didn't get home until about half an hour ago." He paused and she didn't fill in the silence. She was too busy trying to sort out missing details from his story. She couldn't decide what bothered her most—that he hadn't said what friend or their gender, or that the friend took priority over her.

"Home? Where were you?" she asked impatiently.

"Northrup, we had to go to Des Moines and things just got out of control, you know how it is. We stayed over at one of Christian's friend's apartment." She quickly picked up on the male friend reference in his story and felt momentary relief. At least he wasn't with another girl.

The silence must have told him that she needed more of an explanation because he continued, "Hey, I miss you. Where you at? I want to see you."

Just then, Collin's group burst into some loud insults followed by bellowing male laughter.

"Who's with you?" Tim's voice lost all its soft pleading tone. Instead he demanded. "Who is that?" he said impatiently.

Katelyn instantly wanted to calm him, wanted to get back to the point where he missed her and they could patch up the mess the few days of distance had caused. "No one. I mean, it's some guys from school. It's a school party out in the country," she tried to explain, but she was stumbling in a sudden anxious feeling.

"What? I'm out of the picture one day and you're already with another guy? Or should I say 'guys'? How many guys are there?"

"No," she cried in frustration. "It's not like that."

He interrupted her and she tried multiple times to break in as he continued. "What's it like, Kate? Are you there with guys or not? Are you not with me? Will you not tell me where you're at? You didn't answer my first calls. Why not? Were you busy? Am I interrupting?"

"Stop it!" she yelled at the phone, and the stoners all looked her way along with a few other people nearby. She was grateful for the darkness because she felt her face flush with embarrassment on top of her anger. She looked down at the phone in her hand and heard a slew of swearing and accusations. She hung up.

Katelyn had stood up during his rant and now she turned around and walked out into the darkness. Tears threatened, but she pushed them back. She was so shocked at his reaction that her body shook with tremors. About 50 feet away from the fire and the group of teens in multiple stages of drunkenness, she stopped. She was breathing heavily. The phone rang again, but she pushed ignore.

Her eyes adjusted to the darkness and she calmed slightly as she became more aware of the stillness around her. She stood on a rutted dirt path edging a field yet to be turned in preparation for spring planting. Last year's crop stubble jutted out in random patterns against the darker shadows of earth floor. The wind was subtle but enough to rustle the weeds to brush against her bare ankles. Without the fire, she felt the chill of the air now and she shivered.

She wanted to go home, or at least get away, but she heard Emily's exaggerated laugh in the distance. Katelyn knew she had little influence on when they would leave this party. The night bugs had grown used to her presence and started up again with their calls. She suddenly felt very alone.

The phone rang again. She once again pushed ignore. He didn't leave a message again.

Within a minute a message came: "Talk to me"

She immediately replied: "Had enuf of ur talking"

No reply came, and she wondered if that was it, if that was all there was going to be. The first guy she really liked, all those feelings they had, or at least that she had--It only took one fight and it was done. She didn't use the word, but must have heard it somewhere: bewildered. She felt absolutely bewildered.

But then the phone lit up again.

"I'm sorry. He won't love u like I do."

Time stopped. She reread it again, and again, and one more time. It did say "love," not "like." He loved her? She was pretty sure the rush of feelings she felt was love. In fact, she had wanted to say it to him so many times in the past week, but it was such a scary word. She didn't know how he would react. What if he didn't?

But, now, his admission made her feelings even stronger, affirming all the thoughts and feelings she had toward him in their close moments or when he was away.

Their fight, and that's what it was, was just fueled by love. He needed to know she cared for him just as much as he cared for her. It was all a misunderstanding.

And just like that, the world seemed to right itself and she warmed throughout her body.

A smile took over her face. Nothing else mattered.

She began her response: "so, u love me . . ."

Chapter 14: Making Up

The next day, Saturday, Katelyn sat through two hours of watching Jenny play the role of attentive mom during her visit. Finally, as a reward for passing English, Katelyn's mom let her leave the house. Katelyn quickly texted Tim: "Meet me on the trail."

The sun made the day warm, and Katelyn rolled up her sleeves as she walked. Tim responded right as she left her street: "On my way."

Katelyn felt silly for overreacting to Tim leaving with his friend, Christian. Really, Tim was only gone one day and she couldn't expect him to log on to see her posts. And, he said he forgot his phone at home when he went to Des Moines. He wanted to call her, he said, but her number was stored in his phone. He didn't have it memorized. She didn't want to seem obsessive, so she didn't mention that she had his memorized.

Tim met her more than the halfway mark on the trail. Katelyn saw him from a distance and instantly smiled. They slowed as they reached each other and ended up standing face to face in awkward silence. Katelyn bit her lip. Tim stuck his hands in his pockets. The new prairie grass around them stood still without a wind.

"So," Katelyn started, "do you still love me?"

Tim cocked his head and smiled at her. He took the one step left between them and wrapped his arms around her. Katelyn let herself sink into him, and they held their embrace until he pulled his head back to look her in the face.

"Yeah, yeah, I do." Tim lifted her chin lightly with one hand and kissed her softly, then deeply.

Tim came back to her house, and they hung out the rest of the afternoon and evening. Katelyn couldn't believe it, but her mom seemed to really like him, too. Her mom laughed along with Kayla when he told tall tales about giant fish he had caught.

Katelyn and Tim waited outside with the kids while her mom went for McDonalds to get dinner. Two dogs across the street rolled around on the ground together. Kayla laughed and questioned, "What are they doing?"

"They must be happy it's summer vacation, too," Katelyn had responded.

"Do dogs have vacations?" Kayla thought aloud.

"Only on their secret holidays," Tim started, clearly baiting her into asking more questions.

"But how do dogs know when it's a holiday?" Kayla asked in puzzlement, trying to fit the concept into what she knew about holidays like Christmas or Halloween.

"Well, you've seen dogs smelling each other's butts right?"

Kayla nodded and giggled.

"Sometimes they're not just sniffing, but leaving secret codes."

Kayla interrupted, "What's a code?"

Tim explained, "It's a message or a sign that only certain people can understand. Like a wink! Only some people can see the one eye close." And he winked at Kayla.

Kayla looked thoroughly amazed. "Kate'n didn't see it!" She said, pointing to his side of the face opposite from Katelyn.

"Right!" Tim continued. "So dogs sometimes leave a secret message. And do you know how they get to see it?"

"How?" Kayla was at full attention.

"They have to catch their own tail!" He waited a moment for effect and then spun around himself several times demonstrating the futile attempt. Kayla followed suit and the game continued. Even after dinner, while Katelyn and Tim were huddled up on the couch in front of the TV, Kayla was still fascinated by the story. She came to them with a drawing, proud of the silly scribble,s which she said was a dog reading his tail.

Later that night, Katelyn said goodnight to Tim in the kitchen with her mom listening closely in the next room. But, they only parted for a few minutes. When Katelyn went to her room, pretending to be tired in front of her mom, Tim had already snuck in her window and was waiting for her. They stayed quiet in the dark, holding each other and sharing whispered ideas. Finally, they heard her mother close her own bedroom door.

They did it as quietly as they could.

Katelyn had heard Emily talk about her sexual encounters, so she had a pretty good idea of what to expect. Katelyn was a little scared, but Tim was gentle and kind. "Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked as they lay naked in the dark. Katelyn had simply kissed him in return in answer.

It did hurt, but only at first. He had been so loving. He told her he loved her and he kissed her neck so tenderly afterward as he held her. Eventually, he fell asleep and Katelyn took pleasure in the closeness of him and of being able to please him. Even though her door was locked, she worried. Finally, when she had caught herself drifting off to sleep herself, she woke him so he could leave in the darkness of night.

# *****

Screams of laughter pealed throughout the game room of the restaurant. Sirens and bells sounded on top of each other. Katelyn grabbed Colton, her five-year-old nephew, around the waist and shook him in a bear hug. "Way to go, little man!" she cheered after he finished the next level of the driving simulator video game he was playing. Actually, he was sitting on her lap turning the steering wheel while she worked the foot pedals. Colton was good, probably from the practice he had on his own video games at his apartment.

Katelyn looked around as they waited for the next level to begin. Kayla was winding up to throw a ball up the skeezball ramp. Kayla released and the ball hit the divider. Kayla ran after it as it bounced back on the floor. Sierra, her other niece, was pointing a toy gun at a screen, and Katelyn heard the error noises for the missed shots. Katelyn's oldest sister, Jodi, stood behind her daughter offering advice.

"Press start, Katelyn! Let's start," Colton bounced on her lap in excitement.

"Hold on, Colton," she said patiently. "Take a drink of your pop, okay." He fell for her distraction, but she knew it would only be momentary. Katelyn craned her head farther and found her mark. Tim was with Jenny in what appeared to be a high stakes game of video boxing. He was putting his whole body into the jabbing of buttons and joystick motions. Jenny was actually smiling. She looked younger, like a high school teenager instead of a 19-year-old mother of two. Tim must have taken a winning jab because he shot Jenny a "ha-ha" and looked up in triumph.

"I'm still alive," Jenny shot back and then turned her attention to desperately hitting a button to revive her character. Tim looked Katelyn's way and locked in on her eyes. The effect was like an electric current, and Katelyn felt like she must be glowing. She smiled, and Tim smiled back, adding a slight pursing of his lips in a mock kiss. Katelyn blushed at his slight gesture, but she couldn't help herself. She was bursting with new feelings today, still unsure of how her and Tim's relationship would change because of the previous night. That one glance gave her momentary relief.

Jenny's video character must have recovered because she was back in action, and Tim turned reluctantly. Katelyn became aware of Colton's complaining, which she must have tuned out for a few moments. "Come on, come on, come on."

Katelyn turned back to the game and saw that it had automatically started. She pressed the gas and let Colton steer. Everyone was having fun. Her family was having fun and they were together. Her sisters had shown up for her birthday, and there hadn't been one argument yet. They ate pizza and ice cream and watched Katelyn open a few handmade cards, one from Kayla and another designed by Sierra with Colton's name scribbled at the bottom. Katelyn played up her response for the kids, complimenting their drawings and coloring.

It was Katelyn's birthday, and it was a great day. Her dad wasn't there, and while she missed him, it was calm. She laughed to herself. Actually, it was anything but calm with all the screaming and noise, but it felt right, full of joy. And Tim was a part of it. Katelyn had a guy who loved her and who she loved. Everything felt right.

On the way home, cramped with Brianna and Jacob in his car seat in the backseat of her mom's car (Jenny rode in the front passenger seat with Kayla sitting on her lap), Tim's arm held Katelyn even closer. Once home, all of them tired and finding their familiar places in the house, Katelyn and Tim made their way down the hall to her room. Her mom's voice followed, "I want the door kept open with you two in your room."

Katelyn smiled at Tim, choking a laugh at the irony of her warning. "Mommm," she whined in embarrassment, like the suggestion of their possible inappropriate behavior was ridiculous.

Katelyn pulled Tim into her bedroom and left the door cracked. He grabbed her and turned her against the wall behind the door, concealed from anyone who would walk by. She stayed quiet, but her whole body giggled until his hands slid to rest on the back sides of her hips. He kissed her long and more passionately with each second. He pressed up against her and she felt the hard outline of him below. She tingled inside as he increased the force by pulling her hips to his.

Katelyn came up for air and breathed into his neck. "You have to stop," she whispered.

He moaned. "I know," he sighed and loosened his grip, caressing the sides of her hips. "I want you, though."

She smiled, loving this new attention of being desired. "I know," Katelyn whispered back.

"When?" he asked gently into her hair. "I want to keep celebrating your birthday," he teased.

Now that Katelyn had been through her first time, fear of sex had left her. She, too, wanted to be close again. But, she didn't have an answer. Up to this point, he always decided when they'd meet. He would be the one to come over. Being grounded had limited her ability to meet him on his territory.

"Um, I could come to your house," she suggested meekly. "I could say I'm going over to Emily's or something. Mom will let me since it's my birthday."

Tim pulled back to look her in the face. He thought the scenario through and smiled. "Yeah, come over after seven. Ma'll be home, but she'll leave us alone, especially if she started early." He mimicked a glass getting thrown back in drink and laughed. "I've got a couple errands to run anyway," he added.

"Okay," Katelyn agreed, and after another session of kissing, she reluctantly walked him out of the house. She made sure to say loud enough in front of her mom, "See you tomorrow. Have fun with Christian. Call me later."

# *****

Katelyn crept back into the house as quietly as she could. It was later than her midnight summer curfew, but she was hoping her birthday gave her some extra privilege. Leaving Tim's house had been difficult. They had his whole basement to themselves, but spent the evening in his room, together, inseparable. He had walked her home through the trail and left her at the end of the street. The absence of his touch, his hand meshed with hers, or his arm around her waist, left a longing ache in her.

"It's late, Katelyn." Katelyn came around the edge of the cabinets into the kitchen to see her mom in her customary seat at the table, cigarette burning a swirling column of smoke toward the air. So much for a quiet homecoming, she thought. Instead she smiled at her mom and headed toward her.

"Sorry, me and Em kinda got caught up in a game and then her brother and his friend challenged us in bowling," she lied. Instead of meeting any scrutinizing look her mom was giving her, she looked down. By the time she sat, Katelyn moved into a new topic.

"Thanks for the pizza party, Mom, and for letting Tim come. I think everyone had a great time. I even saw Jenny laugh!"

Her mom took a drag off the cigarette and agreed. "Yeah, it was a good day." And then she grew more solemn. "I'm glad you liked it. Was it a good birthday?"

Her eyes drifted down in reflection. The past 24 hours had been some of the best in her life. Katelyn couldn't think of anything else in her life that could compete with how good she felt today. She took on her own reflective tone. "Yeah, one of the best."

Katelyn looked up to meet her mom's eyes and found her studying her. Katelyn grew uncomfortable, suddenly worried that she had some visible change that her mom could read as the loss of virginity.

"You really like Tim. Don't you?" she asked. Damn, thought Katelyn, her mom had some special power or something to pick up on her thoughts. But, she didn't want to hide her feelings or be ashamed. How could her love for Tim be bad when it felt so great?

"Yeah, Mom." She met her mom's intent eyes with her own confidence. "I think I love him."

Her mom didn't flinch, didn't shake her head, and didn't launch into a lecture about young love and foolishness. She held her gaze, finished her cigarette, and leaned back in her chair. "He seems like a nice boy. He's funny. And, he's crazy about you. That's for sure."

Katelyn blushed and didn't have anything to say, so she just nodded in agreement. She couldn't help smile at the confirmation her mom had given her—someone else noticing that Tim was into her.

"Kate," her mom stopped short. Katelyn looked at her, hearing a change in her tone. "If you two are going to have sex—"

"Mommmm," Katelyn moaned as if the idea was nonsense, but she had to look away.

"Kate," her mom insisted, "I'm not messing around. I have two daughters who've given me grandchildren before they reached the age of 18. I've got two of those grandkids down the hall there." Katelyn wasn't smiling anymore. Her mom didn't talk much to her about her sisters. "If I can help it, I'll do everything in my power to avoid the same for you. I don't care if it makes you uncomfortable."

Katelyn looked at the table, but nodded, accepting the talk as confidence in her rather than motherly interference. In her younger years, Katelyn thought her life would be totally different than her sisters, that she wouldn't make the same mistakes. But, she just had. She and Tim hadn't used any protection. She suddenly felt slightly ashamed, like she hadn't been true to herself.

"If you two are going to have sex, I want you to use protection. You just say the word and I'll take you to get on the pill. Or, they have shots now, too, that you only have to get once and awhile."

"I know, Mom," Katelyn murmured.

"Yeah? You know?" Her mom was turning slightly impatient in tone.

Katelyn interjected before she misinterpreted, "I have friends at school, Mom, and they, you know, are on it."

It was quiet for a moment. Then, in her direct fashion, her mom asked, "Should you be on it?"

Katelyn considered lying, but she was scared of her mom. And, she needed to admit the answer to herself, too. "Yeah," it came out softly, and she couldn't help disguising her recent sexual activity. "Yeah, just in case, Mom. You're right. I should be careful."

Katelyn looked up at her mom. Just for a moment, before her mom looked away, she thought she saw her eyes watering.

"We'll go to the clinic this week, before work one day. Jenny's going to start coming over in the day to watch the kids, so you and I can go. It'll be good for her to be alone with them anyway. Jen needs to get back in mother mode with them if they're going back with her." Katelyn got up from the table, taking the change in topic as a chance to distance herself from that of her sexuality.

Her mom looked back at her. "I think she's cleaned up her act, unless there's anything you know about." It wasn't a question, but her mom tried to catch her off guard. Since Katelyn hadn't been over to Jenny's in two weeks, she felt honest in her answer.

"Nope," Katelyn said, and pushed in her chair. "I don't know what she's been up to." She started to head around the table to go to her room, but stopped as she reached the side where her mom sat. She reached out her hand to touch her mom, but decided to make it a full hug. "Thanks, Mom, for everything."

Chapter 15: Sophomore Year

"Thanks for the ride, Emily." Katelyn rolled down her window after she jumped into Emily's car. Instantly, the car cooled ten degrees with the release of the hot air inside. Emily started the car and cranked the air conditioning. School started in late August when the temperature was too miserable in Iowa to do much else. At least some of the rooms at the high school had air conditioning.

"Mom said she'll give me some money, so I'll get you gas money."

"Great. I need it." Emily waved at people as she left the parking lot. "Gosh, Katelyn, I hardly saw you this summer."

"Yeah, um, work kept me busy." Katelyn didn't want to tell Emily that Tim didn't like her or want Emily with them when they went out.

"Are you still with Tim?"

"Yeah, four months now." Katelyn smiled slightly, proud to have a real boyfriend.

Emily grew quiet, but it only lasted for a few blocks. "Katelyn, I have to ask you 'cause you know I have your back. Is Tim a dealer?"

Katelyn was shocked. "What?"

"A dealer. Drugs. Crank or Coke or something?"

"No," Katelyn was offended. "Where'd you hear that?"

Emily sank back into an innocent role. "Well, Maci heard from someone that he was sent away for a drug problem, that he did time for something and that's why he goes to the alternative school." She didn't stop and rambled on with the energy of a puppy set loose from a cage. "Maci said Jacob Litner had a party last week and, like, everyone was doing something, snortin' or smokin'. I guess Tim was the one who hooked Jacob up. He wasn't there, of course, but Maci said Todd burned and was all whacked out. She was so pissed. And, he told her that Tim hooked up all sorts of people at school."

"She's so full of shit." Katelyn defended Tim, but she needed to think it through. "I thought you and Maci weren't talking."

Emily shrugged. "She's not a close friend or anything, Jeez." Emily pulled onto Katelyn's street. "You should just watch out, right? I thought you'd want to know, that's all."

"Thanks, I guess. But, I can watch out for myself." Katelyn opened her door before the car fully stopped in front of her house. She slammed her door without saying goodbye.

Emily didn't pick her up the next morning.

# *****

"She's a crazy bitch." Tim pushed up from his pillow. They were laying on his bed in the basement and Katelyn took the opportunity to ask him about Emily's accusations.

"I know," Katelyn said. "She just wants to feel important, like she's some authority on everybody's business. I'm done with her."

"I don't even know who Jacob Litner is," he pleaded.

She snuggled into him. "Sorry, Tim. I shouldn't have listened to her at all."

He sank back into his pillow, stroked her hair, and stayed quiet for a few minutes. They lounged propped up by pillows on his bed. On the screen in front of them, a chainsaw cut through an imprisoned man's leg in a movie they both had seen before. The actor's yell overpowered the saw. Katelyn shut her eyes at the gross display of blood. Tim loved these movies.

"It's none of their business," Tim said.

It took a moment for Katelyn to realize he was still talking about Emily's gossip. She pulled up from her position on his shoulder and looked at his face. He was clearly bothered, upset and sad.

She sat up and took his hand. "Tim, will you tell me what happened now?" She knew there was some charge, some reason he spent time in juvee, but he never wanted to talk about it. Katelyn never believed it could be that bad of a crime. He was a good person.

He looked at her without the slyness his eyes used to have when they first started going out. Katelyn knew his hesitation wasn't about trust. They had made it through fights. They had comforted each other after disagreements with parents. They stood up for each other with their family and their friends. Katelyn and Tim were their own team now.

Katelyn could see that he wasn't trying to keep a secret, but that he was embarrassed about a mistake.

"I messed up," he started. "After the divorce, Mom moved in with this asshole she barely knew, so I had to switch schools in Des Moines. I didn't know anyone. Christian was in one of my classes and let me hang out with him and his friends. They were a rough group, tough as shit and all thieves, mostly garage shit—bikes, tools, hunting stuff. You wouldn't believe how much that stuff pawns for, especially hunting gear. Anyways, these guys were nothing compared to some of the other gangs at East High. You either belong to some group or don't belong. And you don't want to not belong 'cause then you're a target.

"So, I drove for them, mostly." Tim seemed to be choosing his details now. Katelyn wished he'd tell her everything, but she didn't want to interrupt and mess up the moment. His eyes concentrated on some invisible spot near his toes. "Then, my mom's asshole boyfriend convinced her I had too much freedom, so they didn't let me take the car out at night anymore. Shit, I showed them and started making my own money, my own scores. I had a car within a month. A sweet 1972 Mustang I was gonna fix up. But I got busted." He shrugged. He looked up at her and blinked a few times. "It was stupid."

He seemed finished, but Katelyn was loaded with questions. "How'd you get caught? What happened? Was there an alarm? Did the police track you through a pawn shop, or what?"

"Ha," his comical tone crept back in, and he smiled knowingly. "I guess you could say there was an alarm. Some lady scared the shit out of me. I thought everyone was outta this house and this woman screams bloody murder coming back into her room from the bathroom."

Katelyn was puzzled, "But, why were you in the house if you took things from garages?"

Tim wasn't as quick with his answer, but the look on his face when he gave it seemed to hold a challenge for Katelyn. "No, Christian's deal was garages. People keep better shit in their house, especially in their bedroom." He looked at her, waiting to see her reaction. Katelyn could sense she was being tested.

"How many houses did you . . . rob?" The word was harsh coming out of her mouth. It was hard name the crime any softer. Tim wasn't scared of anything, and he was always aware of everything around him. He was probably really good at robbing houses. An image of him slinking through a dark house came to her mind. She thought about him in her room that first night, sneaking through the window. Katelyn's eyes widened and she gasped. "How many?"

Tim was done with his open confession. "Enough. But the saying's true. It only takes once to get caught. I had better luck than some, but mine ran out, too."

Katelyn had let go of his hand at some point within their conversation and became aware of it as his hand took hers again. "Look," he said, "it was almost two years ago. No one got hurt. Those people had insurance and probably made out better in the end. I did my time and now I'm a good boy. Mom ditched that loser and we moved here when I got out. It's safer in small towns, right?" He smiled.

She did the math and figured he did about four months in the boys' institution. Tim leaned in to get her direct attention. Quietly, he said, "Hey, do you hate me now?"

Katelyn shook her head. She didn't hate him. She couldn't. The boy he just told her about didn't match up with how she saw him now. "That's not you anymore," she said.

He looked at her with soft eyes. "No, it's not. When Christian got out, he wanted me to hit some properties with him, but I've got other plans. I don't need that game." He pushed himself up and into her. He kissed her softly and then held her chin lightly as he studied her.

She believed him, but the intensity of the information and the need screaming from his eyes was too much. Katelyn buckled and turned into the bed, burying her head into a pillow. She felt him slide his hands up and down her body and then he nuzzled her neck as he pulled at her clothes. She kept her eyes shut, but turned and let him love her. Screams and scary music muffled any noises they might have made, but Katelyn herself had kept quiet.

At the end of the movie, he walked her part of the way home as usual. The dark night gave her some courage to ask a question that had been bothering her since their talk. "So, where does the drug charge come in?"

Tim had been holding her hand, but he let it go and now he stood with both hands deep in his pockets. "Well," he paused, "that's the thing. I had a few grams on me when they busted me. The cops just didn't believe I found them in that lady's house." The line was humorous, but his tone was dead. She didn't have to see his face clearly to see the look he was giving her, the one that told her to back off. He turned around and headed back toward his house without another word.

# *****

"We're going to see your dad tomorrow," Katelyn's mom announced on the way to school, "so both of you need to get your homework assignments from your teachers today."

Katelyn looked up in surprise. "What?"

"Yes, a day out of school," Brianna rejoiced from the back seat.

Katelyn's dad had come home before school started. He had lost his job in Utah. Some of his crew were arrested for possession. Brian was arrested on the same charge, but the cops didn't end up proving anything other than use. The construction company fired him, and he came home.

The problem was that he skipped his court date in Utah, and he never reported the charge to his parole officer in Iowa. It would mean her dad's third strike and some serious jail this time.

It took about three weeks for the law to catch up to him. The cops stopped him for speeding. Her dad also happened to be high on a local batch of crystal at the time. His stay at the Story County Jail was brief because they shipped him off to a high security treatment facility about 100 miles away.

"But I'm supposed to work tomorrow night," Katelyn frowned. Her dad had fought with her nonstop when he came back from Utah. He didn't like Tim, nor did he like the idea of Katelyn having a boyfriend. When he was arrested, Katelyn didn't know whether to feel glad that he would be out of her hair or sad because he was messed up again. Mostly, she was mad.

"We should be back by 3 p.m. The counselor wants a family session at 10 a.m." Her mom's voice didn't reveal any emotion. It stayed hard like it had been for weeks.

Katelyn really thought it might be the end this time, that her mom wouldn't let her dad back in the house this time. But, he was at the treatment center. He'd never gone to one of those before. He hadn't even been allowed to call home the first week, and when he did finally, Katelyn caught her mom crying in relief.

Since then, Katelyn had her own phone conversations with him. They were brief, for the most part, about school, the kids, her job, Tim, or whatever he'd share about his daily schedule. Katelyn didn't know how she felt about visiting him.

The next day, after dropping Kayla and Jacob at Katelyn's grandma's house, she, Brianna, and her mom made the trip north. The treatment center was its own wing in a county hospital. Before being allowed into the center, they had to empty their pockets, and a guard searched Katelyn's bag. "You can pick this up on your way out," he said.

Katelyn scoffed at the bottle of Midol the guard took from her bag. "For real?" she said. She signed a form and waited in silence with her mom and Brianna in the stark waiting area.

"Mrs. Wells?" An unusually tall man looked up from a clipboard at her mom. "I'm Brian's rehabilitation therapist. Come with me, please." He led them to a slightly nicer room with cushioned chairs and shelves holding paperback books and games.

The therapist talked to them alone first. "Meth addiction doesn't just affect the user," the therapist said in calm confidence. "Family members suffer just as much."

No shit, Einstein, Katelyn thought. There's no money for food, crazy ass fights, lies, and, oh, no dad in the picture at random intervals of my life. But, she stayed silent and heard what he had to say about "this vicious poison" and how often so many people relapsed. Her ideas about choice and control were being asked to redefine themselves.

Maybe I'm too hard on my dad, she thought. It's easy to be mad at people, but maybe she was really mad at this drug.

The scariest part was the medical stuff the therapist told them. He gave them a pamphlet with some statistics laid out on glossy colored paper. Color photographs of gross teeth, skin sores, and messed up brain scans made her stomach curl. Katelyn tried to ignore the warning about increased risk for HIV/AIDS transmission, but her mom's jaw clenched when the therapist mentioned sexual behavior issues.

Katelyn followed the addict symptom chart in the pamphlet. She couldn't help but mentally circle some of the symptoms: sunken eyes, loss of appetite, sleeplessness, irritability, paranoia. But, the line that really scared her was that her dad was just asking for heart failure. All of this just for a high.

Once, she had caught Tim and Christian using when she stopped over at his house. A few burnt pieces of foil and a lighter were on the basement coffee table in front of them. She knew it wasn't pot. The smell was like a chemical burning instead of the sour grass smell of weed. When Katelyn asked him about it, Tim became really upset and shoved her off the couch. She was sure it was Meth. Tim didn't act mean when he smoked pot.

Katelyn folded up the brochure and put it in her pocket. Tim had to know about this. She would give the pamphlet to him. Maybe she could help him.

The therapist left. When her dad was ushered into the room with the family, he was quiet. His shoulders were more relaxed than normal. It was the closest she had ever seen her dad to being at peace.

And then he shocked them all. He apologized. He uncomfortably worked his way up to it, and then he said, "I'm sorry I'm hurting you." And nothing else. He didn't keep going. He didn't ramble on with excuses.

Seconds or weight couldn't measure the silence in the room. Katelyn looked around at her dad, her mom, and Brianna. Eventually, her mom reached out her hand and placed it on her dad's. Katelyn moved in a little closer and put hers on top of her mom's. Katelyn turned to Brianna and saw her sister's face streaked with tears. She reluctantly lifted her hand and then finished the stack to connect the family.

"I'm one month sober, Karen." He looked from her mom to Katelyn and Brianna, tears welling in his eyes. "Girls, I'm not going to make you promises." He looked down but disappeared into himself. "This time I'm making myself a promise."

Chapter 16: Anniversaries

Katelyn turned her head away from the heavy metal band on the stage. She tried to look beyond crowd jamming to the blaring music. She tried to see to the back of the lounge to the table and bar area, but she couldn't find Tim. All she could see was more people in different states of drunkenness.

The elbow of a college girl beside Katelyn rammed into Katelyn's shoulder. Katelyn turned back to face the band and glared over at the girl beside her. The girl ignored her and turned to yell something to her friend. Katelyn couldn't hear it over the beating bass of the speakers on either side of her. The beat was so strong she could feel it pulse through her skin. The girls were probably talking about her, trying to intimidate her into moving out of her prime spot in front of the band, only a few rows back.

The band was good, supposedly up and coming, according to Tim. Katelyn had been into the jam, even dancing in the jumping style of everyone around her. But that was when Tim was by her jumping like crazy. He was bouncing so violently that others had moved away. He and Katelyn claimed the space. The beating sounds pounding into her ears and her chest had felt powerful, like a huge magnetic force pulsing through her body. Now, she was getting crowded out and didn't know how long she'd be able to keep their spot.

Tim had left over 10 minutes ago to get something to drink. She checked her phone. She texted him for the second time. "Hurry up"

This wasn't the first time he'd left her alone, and Katelyn feared this time would turn out like so many of the others. She feared she'd be alone for much longer than 10, 20 or even 40 minutes. In his worst disappearing act, she'd been left alone in Ames at a party where she didn't know anyone. She didn't want that to happen tonight, especially since they were in Des Moines at some bar named People's. The bar had a whole separate section for concerts, so minors were able to come in. Still, there were a lot of drunks, both minors and legal drinkers. Some people in the crowd looked downright scary--more than just trying to look tough, they were tough. Katelyn saw tattoos and piercings on just about every body around her.

Some kids in Northrup had pierced lips, noses, and tongues, and some guys had barbwire tattoos, mostly upperclassmen. But, these people had the look to match painful puncturing. They returned Katelyn's look, if she was caught, without blinking until Katelyn looked away timidly. Something about them reminded her of her mom. They looked like there was nothing left in life that could scare them.

Growing more uncomfortable every minute, Katelyn bit her nails until she caught herself. Then she ran her hand through her hair and pulled it over to one side of her shoulders. She looked down to the black ends and was momentarily surprised. Her hair was now two-toned, like Angel's.

Angel was girlfriend to Tim's friend Christian. Angel was way into black and was rarely sober or clean. But, she was fun and nice. It was Angel's suggestion for Katelyn to die her hair. "It will totally rock. I love the concept," Angel had squealed. "Light and dark. Man, so badass."

So, Katelyn's long blonde hair went from virgin blonde to jet black from her neck down. The change drew the familiar disapproving glare from her mother. Her mom almost launched into a speech, but tiredly settled for a shake of her head. "You're the one who has to look like that."

Another elbow jab hit her, this time in the side of the head.

"Ow! Do you mind?" Katelyn shot at her dance floor neighbor. The girl barely gave her any attention, but shrugged her off with a slight toss of her head.

Katelyn checked her phone: nothing. Another text: "wtf".

Katelyn had had enough. She was scared to leave the spot. She didn't want Tim to get mad. She unconsciously touched her left ribcage. She shook her head in decision. She wasn't going to stay by herself any longer. Tim couldn't expect her to wait alone this long.

Katelyn purposely knocked the Barbie doll girl hard with her hip. The girl gave her a wide-eyed look with her mouth open in shock and then a sneer with her nose crumpled in disgust. Then, Katelyn pushed her way back through the crowd.

Katelyn felt smug with satisfaction. At least her hefty hips were good for something. She smiled, but only momentarily as she failed to see Tim anywhere. She found a place by the wall where she wouldn't draw much attention. She had a good line of vision to the door. Tim would have to go past her if he was coming from the restrooms. She waited.

A man left the table to her right and stumbled by on his way to the restroom. Katelyn's eye caught the green on his table. The drunk had left his cash on the table tucked under an almost empty glass. It beckoned to her. His companion across the small table was turned to the women behind him. He had their attention and was playing up his act with some topic that involved many hand gestures.

Katelyn looked around. Everyone seemed immersed in their own activity. The band was loud and into a ripping song. She eyed the money. It wouldn't be her first time she took someone's money, but this time she wouldn't have to lie to her mom when it came up missing. Katelyn took a last look at the bathroom. Tim would have done it by now, she thought.

Katelyn backed closer to the table until her hip bumped the stool. She had the bills in her pocket within two seconds. She was already back to her spot by the wall when the man passed her on the way back to his table. Katelyn made a point not to look his way.

She heard the drunk guy flag his friend and ask if he ordered more beer. Otherwise, he went on with his drinking and ordered more when the waitress went by. Drunks are easy, Katelyn thought. She pulled the bills from her pocket enough to make out the denominations. $16.00. She'd hoped for more, but this would be enough to pay Jenny off if she needed a ride home.

Time crawled on and the band took a break. Still, no Tim.

Several guys gave her lengthy stares as they made their way toward the restroom. One really intoxicated man fell into her, hitting her in her sore rib. Katelyn held her side and moved from the wall. She headed for the door. It was clear Tim wasn't in this side of the building.

Katelyn entered the entry that separated the concert hall from the dance bar. A bouncer stared at her after giving her hand a glance to confirm the status of MINOR stamped in black ink.

"Can I see if my boyfriend is in there?" She asked timidly.

"No minors allowed," he answered and looked above her, dismissing her.

Katelyn sighed and fought the urge to tell him off. She tried again. "Please, I just want to look in. He's my ride and I can't find him."

The bouncer's stance broke after a long moment and an exaggerated inhale. His chest filled and bloated even more under the t-shirt, and then he stepped back one step. Katelyn took the chance and gave him a small smile. She stepped in and peered around. The bar was not crowded compared to the concert crowd, but she couldn't see around standing groups to the inner room. The bouncer stepped back toward her. Her time was up apparently. She hadn't seen Tim.

She checked her phone again. Nothing. She sent another message.

"Thanks," she offered meekly to the bouncer and turned back to the concert hall. She stopped, though. She didn't want to go back in alone. She and Tim had gone to a few concerts together, usually in Ames. Katelyn loved the atmosphere at a live performance, just like Tim said she would, but she wasn't used to all the people. Christian and Angel had gone to the other concerts with them, but tonight was just Tim and Katelyn. It was supposed to be a special date for their five-month anniversary.

Katelyn knew Tim liked this band, so when she heard an advertisement on a radio station for the concert, she made the plan. She had worked over the summer at two jobs. One involved cleaning and exercising horses on Saturdays at a local stable and the other was a few nights a week at Scoop's, the ice cream shop. She saved two paychecks despite the urge to spend it. But, everybody always wanted money, even Tim. Now that the summer jobs were done, she didn't have any money to give. It was a miracle the money survived until October.

Tim said he couldn't get hired as easily as her, so the only money he could get was the odd $20 from his mom now and then. He always seemed to be spending more than $20, though.

Saving money around Tim was hard. He always asked about Katelyn's hours and looked at her pay stubs. So, he knew how much money she had.

Katelyn lied to him with the last two pay checks. She told him she bought some school clothes. Katelyn managed to save enough to buy the two concert tickets and take him out to a fancy restaurant beforehand. Dinner had been strange since they normally didn't eat at places with bow-tied waiters. And, the couples at tables near them seemed to look at them with disapproval. Katelyn and Tim had been the only ones wearing jeans and Nikes. And, Katelyn's new hair color often drew attention whether she wanted it or not.

Tim was edgy, too. He seemed uncomfortable inside his own skin. It was strange to think that he'd be bothered by the snobs at the restaurant.

After dinner, Tim drove to Des Moines, and they mocked the snooty couples.

"Can you believe youth these days, dear?" He picked at his teeth, pretended to examine a dislodged finding, and then turned his hand to study his nails.

Katelyn picked up quickly on the role playing, sitting up straight and stiff in her seat. "Why no, darling," Katelyn had taken on a proud nasal toned voice. "Certainly they lack the ability to look like a corpse."

Tim laughed and continued the game. "Yes, and, why, that young lady had just the most cleavage I've ever seen. Don't be jealous, love. That just would get us in trouble and raise both our blood pressures. Thank goodness you're flat as a board."

Katelyn finished laughing before her blush disappeared.

"Darling, I'm blessed with such a bore as you. I don't think you'd ever be able to keep up with that lad. Why, an original thought crosses your mind and you're likely to lose a handful of hair." Tim laughed, and Katelyn felt good that her wit was the cause. It had been awhile since she had heard his true laugh. "Now slow down, darling," she continued, "You know how you can't concentrate while you're talking and driving at the same time. You don't want to lose your license."

Katelyn cringed as she finished, knowing she made a slip even as she said it. Tim stopped laughing. They were in his mom's car, a newer Honda Accord, but Katelyn was pretty sure he didn't have permission to be driving it. His license had been revoked last year after he had tried to outrun a few cop cars. The license was a sore subject, but it linked to the greater crime of the stolen merchandise in the trunk when he was surrounded and stopped by nine squad cars. Tim didn't like to talk about his crimes or his time in juvenile detention.

Eventually, Katelyn had been able to switch the topic over to the band they were going to see, but the moment was ruined. It wasn't until the band started that he cheered up.

Tim left her in front of the stage 30 minutes later.

"What's your name, babe?" asked a deep voice beside her.

Katelyn looked over and up at a tall man who had come up beside her.

"Katelyn," she automatically replied and looked around him for any sign of Tim.

Her new friend moved in closer. "What's a girl like you doing out here all by yourself?"

"I have a boyfriend," Katelyn said shortly. She wished he would leave her alone. If Tim saw her talking to some guy, he'd go ballistic. The man beside her was much bigger than Tim, but that wouldn't stop Tim from defending some sense of honor he thought was violated. This guy would likely pummel Tim, but the problem was that she would also get her share of Tim's anger if he thought she was flirting.

Katelyn walked away quickly, heading down the stairs to the first floor and the door. She heard the man call, "Where you going so fast, Sugar?" But, she ignored him.

Outside, she took a few deep breaths. It was cold, but refreshing. She hugged her jacket to her body and put her hands in her pockets.

She was bumped from behind by a couple coming out of the bar. Katelyn jumped forward to avoid getting pushed over. Instantly, another body collided with hers as she entered the congested flow of people smoking on the sidewalk. "Sorry, sorry," she muttered again and again until she found herself up against the building.

She looked around, but didn't see Tim anywhere. Katelyn sighed and fought back an urge to cry. Instead, she became mad. If she headed into the busier cross street to look for him, she may miss him if he came out of the building. Her eyes followed the groups of people and couples moving down the street onto the busy main drag. If Tim had found someone he knew, she wouldn't put it past him to "have to talk to somebody" at one of the countless other clubs along the street. This often meant that he was doing something involving some drug or something illegal. He never told her about it, but sometimes he'd be messed up when he'd show back up, or there would always be a new "friend" he'd hang with for the next week or two.

Katelyn tried calling him on his cell, but he didn't answer. She tried again and left a hasty message. She texted for the eighth time since he went missing.

Options. She had to look at her options. She could call Jenny, but the blackmail and conditions for a ride home would be heavy. Katelyn could call her mom, but she didn't want to give her a reason to hate Tim. Her mom was having enough problems with her dad still in the treatment center. Better not add more men problems to her life, Katelyn thought. Emily was at her dad's this weekend and was barely talking to her anyway. Her sister Jodi didn't have a car.

The cool early October night chilled her. She pushed off from the building wall and headed toward where Tim had parked the Honda.

Two blocks away, the car still sat parked along a side street. Katelyn tried the door, but it was locked. A couple of guys were walking down the sidewalk toward her. Katelyn leaned against the car door and pretended to be on the phone. "Yeah, we're in Des Moines. We're all driving together. Uh huh, yeah." Katelyn kept up the fake conversation until they passed out of earshot. They had only given her slight notice anyway.

A concrete stairway was lit by a streetlight just a few cars away. Katelyn headed for it and perched herself on the top stair. She waited.

People had stopped paying her too much attention. Katelyn adopted the stare of the people from the bar. People looked away when she stared back at them. The trick was not to stare too much longer after they looked away because they'd look back eventually. She didn't want to start a fight, just be left alone. In between the random people walking by, she tucked into her sweater to stay warm. The night had cooled down and Katelyn was cold to her bones.

She gave up. Tim wasn't coming back. Katelyn hit Jenny's number on her phone. Jenny picked up on the fifth ring. "Look, it'ssmysisster," she slurred to someone with her. Katelyn couldn't hear very well, but it was clear there was a party going on at Jenny's.

"Jen, I need you to pick me up."

"What? I see. Now you need me." Her voice lacked control and the emphasis was all wrong. If she was trying to pull off being pissed, she wasn't doing it well.

"Come on, Jen," Katelyn said, a little of her panic seeping through. "I'm alone in Des Moines. I'm on some street downtown. I need you to come get me."

Jenny kept her righteous tone. "Where's your boyfriend?"

Tim and Jenny didn't exactly get along any more. He challenged some of the crazy shit she'd try pass off as fact. Once Tim found something to not respect in a person, he never wasted time trying to find anything else about them to respect.

"Come on, Jen. I have money."

"I don't have a car," she spit out.

"Borrow one," Katelyn whined.

"I ain't driving nowhere." Katelyn could hear how drunk Jen was. It probably wasn't a good idea to have Jen drive, but she was desperate. "Get yourself out of this one. Serves you right." And the phone went dead.

Katelyn paced the sidewalk in anger and realized she was warmer if she kept moving. She walked up and down the block until she was too tired. She perched back on her step and leaned into the shadow.

It was maybe an hour later when she recognized the lanky frame of Tim walking around the corner and toward the car. His walk was uncertain, like his mind was handling too many directions at once.

She stood up, expecting Tim to look her way. He didn't. She walked toward him and he finally spotted her before he reached the car. He stood motionless, except for his thumbs beating against the side of his leg. He seemed to be trying to decide what reaction to give her. He clearly was the one in the wrong, but he'd find a way to make it her fault that she was left alone for almost three hours in downtown Des Moines.

"Where ya been?" He started, but broke into laughter and fell into the side of the car. The keys rattled in his hand. Katelyn walked up and grabbed them from him, stepping back quickly to avoid any attempt on his part to get them back.

"I'll drive," Katelyn said dryly and walked around to the driver's side of the Honda.

"Gimme the keys," Tim slurred. "I'm fine to drive."

Katelyn looked over the top of the car at him and suddenly understood the glare her mother was able to give her father. It fit her own face too strongly. "Get in," she ordered and slid into the driver's seat. She slammed her door, found the ignition hole and revved the car to life. She hit the unlock button and could see Tim still standing outside the car. Katelyn would leave without him at this point.

The brake and gas pedal were too far away to drive comfortably, so Katelyn felt around and adjusted the automatic seats until she felt ready.

Tim still stood outside. This would be a draw. She knew he had to save face. No matter how mad she was right now, she knew she was treading on dangerous ground. He was high, but she didn't know on what for sure. He said he was done with Ice, but he wasn't acting consistently with drunk or stoned behavior. Drunk and stoned usually included her. The times he went missing was Ice. Those times never ended well for her. But, it was always "only a one time thing, really. I'll never do it again."

She put the car in drive and rolled down the window. She needed to get him home safely and not get him angry now. If he wanted a fight, she'd give him one tomorrow when he was clean. "Tim," she started in a surrendered voice, "come on. Let's go. I'm tired."

He leaned down and put his elbows on the frame of the open window. For some uncomfortable moments he studied her, his eyes squinted and his pupils widened in an eerie darkness.

She looked away and down. Why did he do this? If only he would be stronger against the drugs. This wasn't Tim. This wasn't the guy who cherished her, who would beam with pride when he made her laugh. This was some evil side. It's just the Meth, she reminded herself. That's how she always forgave her father.

Katelyn startled at the thought. She loved two men in her life, and they had the same disease. More than ever, Katelyn wanted to cry. She pushed it back and stared out the driver's window at the littered street. She didn't want to be here. She just wanted to be home. Without him.

She turned back to Tim, her eyes brimming with choked tears. "Please," she whispered, but didn't trust herself to say more.

The voice that came out was snake-like, and he punctuated each word. "You. Are. A. Complete. Buzz. Kill."

Katelyn looked away then and made herself numb. She steeled her face and stared forward. After a few moments, she heard a door open, but it was the rear back door. She felt the car lean with his added weight and turned around to see him shut the door and throw himself across the back seat. He turned on his back, his knees in the air, and threw one arm out toward her head. She turned just in time and only felt a swat on the back of her head.

"Make yourself useful, bitch," he threw at her. "Drive on."

Chapter 17: A Study

"Kate," her dad's voice came from outside her closed bedroom door. "Kate, come on. I need you to drive." Katelyn pushed herself up on her elbows and opened her eyes enough to grasp that it was still dark out. She groaned. "Five minutes," he said, and she heard his feet shuffle away.

Methodically, Katelyn threw her legs over the bed, found her jeans on the floor and threw them on. She pulled herself up off the low mattress and steadied herself. She didn't want to turn on the light, but she wouldn't be able to find a decent sweater in her drawer without it. The light blinded the room and she peeked through lowered lids to spot a fleece pullover. She opened another drawer to find a clean bra. Nothing.

The laundry basket across the room held some clean clothes and she lucked out. She grabbed a down vest, too. It was only the first week in December, but the winter freeze was in full force.

After a trudge to the bathroom to clean her face and brush her hair, she made her way to the kitchen. She looked into the living room and saw that Jenny had stayed the night. Her form made a big lump under the comforter on the couch. A smaller form on the floor slowly rose and fell with little girl breathing. Kayla was laid out in a sleeping bag rather than in her bed in Brianna's room. She wants to be with her mom, Katelyn smiled.

Katelyn trudged into the kitchen where her dad held a Pepsi to his mouth and another one in his hand for her. "Ahhh," he said after downing his whole can, and he pushed her can toward her.

"Thanks," she mumbled. She grabbed her bag and jacket. They left the sleeping house, passing the microwave clock that read 6:04 a.m.

Outside, the cold late November air woke her up enough to get her to quicken her step. "Shit, it's cold," she said and quickly ducked into the driver's side of an old Dodge Neon her dad had bought from a used car lot two weeks ago. "Quality cars under $1,000," the ad had said. The car had been $999, but quality wasn't the word Katelyn would use to describe it.

She turned on the car and ignored the rattling sounds. After a few minutes, between the full blast setting of the car's defrost and the wipers acting as a scraper, Katelyn had enough view through the frost on the windshield. Her dad finished his cigarette and hopped in. Katelyn backed up the car and headed down their street.

As they made the last few turns out of town, they spotted the familiar police cruiser parked just past the cemetery. Katelyn checked her speed without worry. The cop had no reason to stop them. That's why she was dragged out of bed in the first place. Katelyn was glad she hadn't protested. If her dad was the one behind the wheel, they would have busted him by now. The last thing Katelyn needed was for her dad to get locked up again. Everybody was finally getting along.

After her dad was released from the treatment center, the judge cut him a deal. Brian had to stay clean, participate in a medication study the State was running, and report in with his parole officer every week. Now, for the second week in a row, Katelyn was driving her dad to Des Moines as part of the bargain. He had to physically visit the participating clinic in Des Moines and do some sort of interview. Then, they'd give him a week's dose of pills and sign a document for his parole officer.

The county revoked his driver's license, and the local cops laid in waiting for him to try his luck. His truck had been repossessed right when he came home from Utah. So, he bought the used car and let Katelyn drive it as long as she gave him rides to the clinic in Des Moines every week. She had also agreed to play chauffeur to him if he found a job, but that hadn't happened so far.

Katelyn had taken driver's ed over the summer and now had a school permit. So, the driving deal with her dad meant freedom for her. She didn't have to rely on Emily for rides anymore. If Katelyn could find a new job, she could get a work permit, too.

"Those fuckers," her dad said and he flipped the squad car off after they passed.

Katelyn's yawn was cut off by a small giggle. "Daaad," she said and checked her rear view mirror.

As she turned onto the highway and sped up, the wind whistled through the poor seal around the driver's door. The door lacked an inside panel, so the noise of the wind began to drown out the rattles and loud muffler. Katelyn was fully awake now. The car's heater barely kept up with the cold air leaking in through the cracks.

She looked over at her dad. He was a bit uneasy in his seat. His hands rubbed his knees and he restlessly looked out to the dark fields. He caught her looking and gave her a smile.

Katelyn smiled and turned back to the road.

"Thanks for the ride, kiddo. Sorry about the hour, but this time you shouldn't be late to school. We'll be the first ones there when it opens at 7. No waiting today." He sounded optimistic. Katelyn knew the drive must be humiliating on some level for him. But, at least he wasn't in jail.

She didn't know how to talk to him about the drugs. Plus, she didn't know if she wanted to give him any room for excuses. He had left their family in a bad situation once again.

His apology at the treatment center stuck out in her mind. At the time, Katelyn had been sort of uncomfortable and wanted the whole thing to end, but now she wished they could have that honesty and peace all the time. If Mom wouldn't yell at him, maybe things would be better. Katelyn thought through the solution. Maybe all Dad needs is someone to have faith in him.

Katelyn slowed on the highway when she came up on the Interstate exchange and took I35 South. Even though she had made this trip the previous week and had driven this route before with Tim, her shoulders tightened with the higher speed as she joined early commuters and long haul truckers.

"Might snow soon," her dad said.

"I hope not." Katelyn tensed even more at the thought of driving in snow and ice.

Her dad tried another avenue of conversation. "Mom says you're doing better at school."

She didn't really want to talk about that either, but she played along. It was a chance to have her dad to herself while he was in a good mood. "Yeah. I didn't fail any courses first quarter and I got a B in Math."

"That's great, Kate. That's great."

"Yeah." She didn't have anything else to say about it. She could tell him what classes she was in and about how she really liked Mrs. Strait, her new English teacher this year. Katelyn had written two essays so far that she was pretty proud of. But, her dad never remembered about school stuff. Why bother tell him?

The lack of conversation gnawed at her, so she switched the topic to him. "Any luck on a job?"

She heard his sigh over the noise of the car. "Not you too?" She looked at him and he was shaking his head in defeat.

"Sorry, Dad. I didn't mean anything by it. I just," she gave up, "hope you find something. You must be bored."

He shrugged. "Oh, I'm keeping plenty busy." He gestured toward the interstate in front of them. "Besides, your mom will have me practically building a new house by the time I'm done with her fix up list."

She laughed, and secretly wondered what he had fixed so far. Hopefully he'd get to patching the drywall in the bathroom. The door handle had punched through the wall from someone in the house again.

It was silent for a few miles and they passed a sign announcing Des Moines 12 miles ahead. Katelyn thought about their destination again.

"So, is this working, Dad?"

He didn't answer right away, but she knew he understood.

"It has to, doesn't it?" He shifted in his seat, leaning his head back on the headrest. "Yeah, I don't know what med they have me on. It could be the placebo, the fake one, ya know. But, I feel different."

He didn't go on. "Like, how?" Katelyn asked.

He shrugged slightly. "I don't know. I guess I feel kind of live, more energetic, less edgy, ya know?"

She didn't know. Katelyn had only ever smoked some weed, nothing more. She took a chance at humor. "Not really, Dad."

He laughed one chuckle. "I hope not." He shifted again, this time more upright. His hands joined in the conversation. "You don't know and I hope you'll never know, but it's nasty how bad I used to want the stuff. I had no power over myself. It's like I was obeying something really strong that hid in me. Scares the shit out of me that some pill might be the only strength I have against that urge right now, but I'll take it."

Katelyn didn't say anything. She wasn't willing to give her dad her forgiveness or any sign of it. If she forgave him, he might think he was in the clear. Her mind had switched, though, to thinking of Tim instead of her dad's situation. She'd dumped him right after the Des Moines incident. He called for two days straight trying every possible way to say he was sorry. "Why'd you ever start, Dad?"

He considered his thoughts before he answered. "I could tell you it was someone else's fault, Kate, someone gave it to me or something. But, the truth is, I wanted to feel good. I needed a pick-me-up." He sounded done, but then added, lower, "Still do."

# *****

Katelyn pulled up to school just as the warning bell sounded. Dropping off Brianna at school had cost her a few minutes, but it was part of the bargain of driving the car. She wasn't supposed to have anyone else in the car while she was on the school permit, but her mom didn't seem to think driving her sister was a major violation.

Brianna took the bus for the most part. There was some new boy she was after who rode both before school and after. Apparently, Brianna was trying hard to get this week. When they pulled up to the school, Brianna wouldn't get out of the car right away because her new crush was standing outside of the school with another girl.

"Oh, too bad, Brianna. Looks like your plan backfired," Katelyn mocked.

"Shut up," Brianna said. "That skank is straight up ugly. She's doing me a favor."

"Come on, Brianna, get out. I have to go."

"One more minute," she mumbled, her eyes intent on the couple.

"Go on," Katelyn was impatient and tired. The long morning drive with her dad was taking its toll on her. "You're too young for a boyfriend anyway."

Brianna finally pushed her way out of the car. Before she shut the door, she leaned in. "You're just jealous 'cause I can get more guys than you." Brianna slammed the door and turned around to flip her off. Katelyn ignored her and turned the corner to go to the high school down the block.

Katelyn ran as best she could into the school. Her hips didn't agree with running and she was slightly self conscious about the rise and fall of her plumper parts. She skipped her locker and came up to her first class as the tardy bell rang.

"Shit," she muttered, but slid in through the door to try a stealth entry. No go. Mr. Montgomery didn't even turn around.

"Katelyn, assignment in the basket or go get a tardy."

Katelyn smiled. She flipped open her bag and pulled out her notebook. She turned to the page with last night's problems, ripped it out, and dropped it in the basket. They wouldn't be all correct, she knew, but she just had to pass. Montgomery taught the easy algebra class and he had a deal for his first period students. She wasn't the only one who had a problem with being late. As long as the homework came in, he wouldn't count a tardy within the first few minutes.

Math went by. Next, modular technology never seemed to be long enough for her to get bored being on the computer. Then, there was science, the doomed class. Luckily, she was seated next to Kristi McGuire, a girl she worked with at Scoop's in the summer.

"I always thought you tried to get in trouble, ya know, like you were some kind of rebel," Kristi McGuire said to her on break one afternoon before the dinner rush. "But, I think you're kind of misunderstood."

Kristi wasn't exactly a friend. She was one of those girls who didn't swear, went to church with her parents, and probably never had a beer, let alone went to a party. But, Kristi was nice to Katelyn and she took great notes. Any time Kristi wrote something down, Katelyn would make her own notes. After the first few weeks, Katelyn found she didn't need to wait for Kristi to write notes before she wrote her own. She didn't understand it all, but the open-note tests didn't come back with an F on them any more.

"Hey, Katelyn," Kristi said as she sat down at the table next to her.

"Hey," Katelyn replied.

"Wow, you look tired. You okay?" Kristi was the type to actual notice other people's well being.

Katelyn tried to perk up, "I'm okay, just tired." She wondered how Kristi would react if she told her she'd been driving her paroled father to his drug therapy all morning. Katelyn decided against confiding in her. In fact, she was surprised Kristi hadn't said anything about her dad. Everyone else knew about him.

Katelyn noticed Kristi's hair was different, shorter, more cropped. She didn't know how long it had been like that, but decided to still comment. "I like your hair cut."

"Thanks," Kristi said and for the slightest moment she thought she saw Kristi look to her hair before she looked away. The black dye job had faded and Katelyn hadn't had a cut in months. Money was tight again now that she wasn't working and her dad's income was gone. Her mom usually hated to have Katelyn get her hair cut. "Your hair is so pretty long," she'd claim. But maybe since she hated the dye job, her mom might pay for a cheap Great Clips cut.

The science teacher was apparently done with the conversation he was having with another teacher in the hallway and walked in sipping his customary cup of coffee.

"You all look so comfortable, but up out of your seats. New unit, new partners."

A collective groan went up except for one sarcastic "YES!" screamed by none other than Tommy Turner, who had front row seat assignment. He got up with a jump and almost skipped to the back of the room. He high-fived another wrestler like he had just made a takedown.

Katelyn looked at Kristi with a sad look.

Kristi shrugged and they joined the rest of the students in awkward silence waiting for their new seating assignment. All had their own thoughts—either hopes or worries. Katelyn's was more of a panic. She didn't want to lose Kristi. She didn't have much time to worry about her next partner since her name came up first.

"Katelyn Wells," the teacher said as he pointed to the corner front row seat. She made her way toward her new table as he called the next seat. "Tommy Turner." A few laughs came at the placement, some directed at his misfortune at being back in the front row, and some likely at him being paired with her.

"Aw, man," Tommy protested and slumped back to the front row. Katelyn moved over as far as she could so he wouldn't be near her. Tommy sat down with a plop and didn't acknowledge her. Instead, he turned and watched everyone else get seated.

After the teacher went back to the front of the room and wrote more notes, Katelyn turned to look at Tommy. He looked her way for a moment and snorted before he sprawled his elbow between them and laid his head on his arm.

Katelyn looked back to see Kristi paired with another church girl. They were already chatting away, showing each other the contents of their pencil bags.

Katelyn sighed and sank into her seat. She took out her own paper and started on notes, but her mind quickly lost interest. Her mind went to thoughts of Tim like it often did.

Katelyn wondered if all the things her dad had said that morning about meth and addiction was how Tim felt. Maybe, Katelyn convinced herself, maybe Tim just needs someone to believe in him, too.

# *****

Science was finally over and Katelyn made her way to lunch. Just outside the cafeteria, Gorman stood guard and grabbed a few students who had Study Café duty. At least Katelyn hadn't suffered that humiliation yet this school year. As she passed Murray, he directed his monkey grin toward her.

"Miss Wells," he greeted.

"Mr. Gorman," she mocked his tone and passed him. Katelyn made her way to the back table where she usually sat and was grateful to see JT and his gang already there. JT was a friend of her cousin who lived in a nearby town. JT was practically a cousin himself.

Katelyn sat a few seats away. "Hey," she said and opened up her notebook to her math homework.

"Hey, Katelyn," JT greeted her and then went back to talking about his kills in an online game with the other boys at the table. JT and his friends didn't usually include her in their conversations unless they needed an outside opinion. But they didn't mind her sitting with them. Emily had the same lunch this semester, but she sat with Maci and other girls who Katelyn couldn't stand. Plus, sitting with the boys turned out to help her grades. Katelyn had started off occupying herself by pretending to do homework. That way, she didn't have to meet the eyes of other people who might have noticed her sitting alone. Sometimes her math homework was done by the end of lunch.

Today Katelyn was too tired to focus on the algebra assignment. She was hungry, but didn't have any money for lunch. She doubted her mom put any into her lunch account. She'd eat when she went home. She just had to make it through English. She looked in her bag for a piece of gum, but couldn't find one.

Katelyn checked her phone in the front pocket. No messages. Katelyn ran through her past messages. There wasn't many to sort through in the past month besides stuff from her mom, Jenny, and a few from kids at school. She found Tim's messages from after the Des Moines disaster, after she broke up with him. The messages bounced between "Luv u" and "I'm so sorry" to hurtful lines: "I never loved u" and "betraying bitch,"

"Leave me alone" she had responded and, when Tim sent "U r worthless", she couldn't resist. "That makes 2 of us" she bit back. She thought about getting a new phone or showing her mom the messages, but she didn't want interference. Katelyn didn't want to give her mom a reason to get overprotective or keep her in lock down.

Katelyn did call Tim after she received one text where he threatened to kill himself. He didn't actually say he'd kill himself, just that life wasn't worth living without her. The conversation was pretty much the same as the texts. He said how sorry he was and he didn't mean to leave her alone that night. It was just the drugs that made him act that way. He had never shot ice before, just snorted or smoked it. He'd never do it again. "You're the only girl I ever loved," he pleaded. "You're the only one who understands me."

Without intending to, Katelyn sighed loudly, and JT and his friends stopped for a moment to look at her. Katelyn blushed and tucked her phone back into her bag.

Her moments now felt empty. Katelyn couldn't get through a day without thinking about Tim. While making dinner, she'd remember their food fight while making spaghetti—noodles all over each other, the walls, the floor. Or, in her room, a song would play that he used to sing to her while he strummed her leg like a guitar. Watching any movie with a romantic scene was out of the question. They only made her remember how she felt when Tim kissed her.

It's just the drug. Without it, he is Tim. I still love him. Katelyn's thoughts were briefly interrupted as JT's voice rose above the others in argument.

"Man, you just have to give it a second chance," JT said. "It totally blows Grand Theft off the radar. You don't know what you're missing." He ended his plea for his new game and got up to clear his lunch tray.

Katelyn went back to studying her phone. She knew too clearly what she was missing. She hit new message and auto complete finished filling in Tim's number. "How r u?" She hovered over the send button. Second chances sometimes work out. Katelyn took the chance. "Message sent" flashed and also disappeared.

Katelyn chewed on her thumb. Her knee began to tap. She looked around at the students in the cafeteria. They were all busy talking to each other. The food was gone, mouths were empty, and people yelled to get heard over the rest of the talking. The lunch supervisors had started blocking the halls to prevent kids from breaking out before the bell.

Katelyn's pocket vibrated under her hand. She lifted the phone out and held her breath.

"Better now. I miss u."

"Me too. R u clean?"

Within seconds she saw what she knew he'd reply. "Yep."

Chapter 18: Seconds

"Wesley said to get my paycheck from you," Katelyn said to her new boss's back as she sat over a schedule in the cramped back office. The woman turned and eyed Katelyn, but then completed her writing. After a moment, her boss selected a key off the ring bundle hooked to the belt loop of her black polyester pants. She unlocked and opened a drawer to her right and took out a stack of envelopes. When she found Katelyn's she slipped it from the pile and locked the remaining envelopes back in the drawer.

Her boss turned to study Katelyn. "So, the first paycheck, right?"

Katelyn nodded.

"You seem to be catching on fine. Do you have any questions?"

"No." Katelyn shifted her weight to the other foot. "Well, maybe one."

"What's that?" the night manager asked in a kinder tone.

"How long, I mean, when can I move to the counter or maybe, ya know, cook or something?"

The manager smiled. "Everybody does their time as host or hostess."

The contradiction between the job title and duties made Katelyn shake her head. She wasn't greeting customers. She was their cleaning lady. She had to wipe tables, take out a gazillion bags of the most disgusting smelling garbage in the world, and mop, re-mop, and mop the floor again.

Katelyn stayed quiet and looked at her feet.

"We'll try you on line prep next Saturday," the manager finally said. "I've got you scheduled four nights this week. I'll put you in the kitchen if you can commit to the breakfast/lunch shift this Saturday and Sunday."

Katelyn mentally ran through her schedule. School was out for winter break beginning Monday. Christmas was Tuesday. Tim was talking about going to a band in Ames, but she couldn't remember if it was Friday or Saturday. Either way, she'd have to get up at 5 if she was taking the 6 a.m. shift. She was tempted to say she couldn't work one of the days, but she needed the money. The paycheck waved in the manager's hand.

"Okay."

"Alright," the manager made the note on the schedule. "Tuesday night I'll have Aaron train you on the back counter."

Katelyn's jaw dropped. "On Christmas?"

"We're open. It won't be busy, though. Mostly highway customers." The manager softened a bit, "It's only a four hour shift."

Katelyn missed the summer job at the ice cream store. They opened at lunch and closed by 9 p.m. While there weren't many holidays in summer, the owners were family people and closed the store.

"Oh, we're giving a $2.00 per hour holiday bonus, too." The manager seemed to think this was enough to compensate for working on Christmas. Eight dollars extra for the shift. Katelyn did the math, barely a third of a tank of gas.

Katelyn shifted again. "Can I have my check? I gotta go."

The manager started to hand her the check but pulled it back.

"One thing, Katelyn. Your boyfriend out there," she motioned to the restaurant floor with her head, "he needs to wait elsewhere from now on. He's bothering the customers."

Katelyn dropped her eyes again. "Okay. I'll tell him." She took the envelope then and clocked out on her way out the kitchen door. She had the apron and visor off before she made it to the lobby.

Tim was waiting. He slouched in a booth nearest the door, one lanky leg sprawled out into the isle, tempting a disaster for a tray-bearing customer not paying attention. He had empty paper ketchup cups in front of him turned over and he moved them around as if practicing a magic trick. Katelyn could see a mother behind him trying to redirect her son's attention and keeping him from leaving his seat to see the trick.

This wouldn't be the first time Tim was barred from her job. At the ice cream shop, Tim used to come in and talk to her while she prepped toppings, filling containers to the brim with crushed Oreos, candy bar pieces, nuts, and anything someone would dare put in ice cream. Tim didn't bother anyone on his first visits, but then he took up imitating some of the more annoying behaviors people made while in public restaurants: shoveling food into their mouths, chewing with mouths wide open, squeezing catsup onto French fries individually with the precision of applying super glue, and the many possible reactions parents and kids could have to spills.

Katelyn would end up laughing, because that's what Tim wanted, and he wouldn't stop until she did. He always tried to make people laugh. Unfortunately, her laughter had tipped off a few customers who in turn became upset at being mocked. Her manager said Tim could not come in anymore.

"Pick a cup, young lady," he said as she approached now.

"What do I get if I win?"

"Ahhh, you already have my heart. What more could you want?" Tim got up from the table and slipped his arm around her shoulder. Together they left the restaurant and, once outside in the December chill, they ran to the car in the back lot.

The Neon turned over a few times before it caught. The frozen gears took their time in sounding a regular, powerful rhythm. "Balls Cold!" Tim yelled and cranked the heater's blower up to full blast. Cold air shot out at Katelyn's face.

"Not yet!!!" She turned it down and threw the car in gear. She knew it would be over a mile down the road before anything resembling heat came out of the heater. In the meantime, she gave Tim news of his exile from the fast food restaurant. He took it pretty well—only a few curses.

In her driveway, Katelyn ripped open the envelope, excited to see her first wages from the new job. Her excitement was short lived. It wasn't as much as she hoped. The pay period only included her first week's hours and not this week's four nights of work. Plus, there were taxes deducted. No fair. The money would be enough to get each nephew and niece a small toy for Christmas and maybe a pair of earrings for her mom.

Katelyn wasn't worried about Tim's gift. She'd bring it home tomorrow from school. She wrote a poem about second chances. In her computer class, she used a text effect to make it look cool.

Second Chances

Gifts in life come wrapped in choices.

Second chances reveal another layer

Often lost to the trap of counting.

Love is so much more than a formula

And is always a solution.

The poem glowed from the background like it was floating. A couple of kids in class gave her compliments on the effect. Katelyn already had a frame picked out. She just had to bring the teacher the small fee tomorrow to print it out on the special photo paper.

Things had been great since she and Tim got back together. They spent nearly every night together. He swore to her that he wouldn't touch anything stronger than a joint or a beer every again. And, so far, he seemed to be staying clean. They hadn't had any serious fights and he was back to the funny, original Tim she loved.

It was Thursday night and the bank was closed. Tim had agreed to go shopping, but she was also on kid duty. Jenny never showed back up to pick up her kids earlier in the week. Disappointment dripped from her mom's eyes and her temper was short. Katelyn didn't complain about watching the kids on her nights off.

Katelyn turned off the car and they made a bolt for the door. Chevy barked at them from the back yard, his head poking out from the industrial sized dog house. Poor dog. He was only allowed in when the wind chill warnings were given. Katelyn had put her old sleeping bag in the kennel earlier that week out of sympathy.

Inside, the sounds of crying, TV, and her dad's impatience greeted them.

"Put that down, you hear me? Put that down right now," her dad was a comical sight with the crying Jacob tucked under one arm. Her dad's other arm weaved around the kitchen table looking for a place to land a hot pizza pan fresh from the oven. His comments were directed at Colton, who was taking a big boy initiative in standing on his chair balancing a full gallon of milk over Kayla's glass. Splashes fell everywhere but in the glass beneath.

Her dad gave up on finding a clear place for the pizza and put it on top of a stack of papers on the table, but he was too late. Seeing Grandpa Brian rushing for the milk only made Colton hurry his pouring attempt and he bumped the glass over with the container. The whole gallon of milk hit the table and spilled out. Colton pulled his hands back and his eyes went wide in surprise.

"Damn it," her dad yelled. "What did I tell you? Huh, what did I tell you?" He threw the words into the whole room at everyone and clutched at the carton and its remaining milk. "Jesus H. Christ."

Colton paid little attention to her dad's yelling, just like Kayla. Milk seeped across the table, but Kayla focused on the pizza slice she was picking up. The pizza was too hot, and Kayla dropped her slice into the spilled milk. Instantly she whimpered.

Katelyn stepped in, barely having taken off her coat. She grabbed a towel and soaked up the spill. She took Jacob from her dad and set him in his high chair. She gave him his favorite truck and the crying stopped instantly.

Tim stood back by the door with his hands in his pockets until her dad came into the kitchen to finish his yelling. "Christ, those kids don't listen to a single thing." He switched gears, realizing he had an adult audience to talk to. "I don't know why your mom puts up with those girls. You'd think she was raising those kids herself."

Katelyn knew not to get into the debate. She hated when her dad talked about her sisters like they weren't his family. He may not be their father, but her sisters were her family.

Brian registered Tim's presence and gave him a cold greeting. Tim said, "Hey" and crept around Brian to disappear into the living room to watch TV. Her dad followed him around the corner, but stopped between the rooms.

Her dad's dislike for Tim wasn't well hidden. He glared at Tim and looked to Katleyn. Katelyn dished out pizza to the kids and ignored him. His head swung between the living room and kitchen table. Eventually, he found another target for his sermon.

"Sierra, I told you to get in here for dinner." Sierra laid on the floor of the living room watching a Disney teen movie she'd already seen too many times.

"It's almost over," she muttered.

"Now!"

Sierra came out of the living room and sat. The TV quickly changed channels as Tim took over the remote. The sounds of a popular motorcycle design show came on.

Katelyn finally turned to Sierra. "Do you want some pizza?" She stopped short when she saw the girl's hair, or the lack of hair. Sierra's head was shaved to half an inch of hair, and the cut was done poorly. Some ends stood out a little taller than the others. On a closer look, Katelyn saw small scabs and didn't have to ask. It must be the lice again.

"Your hair's short again, Sierra," Katelyn said in a complimentary tone. "You look so punk. I'll bet you get all the other girls to do something cool."

Sierra didn't play along. This wasn't the first time her mom had shaved her head in desperate measures to rid her of severe lice infestation. The difference was that now Seirra was in second grade. Katelyn looked again at Colton and noted his head had a recent buzz cut, too.

Sierra took her plate and nibbled at the pizza.

"Get a job yet?" Katelyn knew the question wasn't directed at her. She looked up to see her dad in a challenger's stance, his arms flexed by his side and his weight leaned forward onto one foot. He still stood between the two rooms.

She heard Tim's answer from the next room. "No, sir," and a pause before his sarcastic reply. "Still have yours?"

Smart, Tim. Really smart, she cringed.

Luckily her dad ignored him. There wouldn't be a confrontation tonight. Instead, Brian turned to her. "Where's your sister?" Katelyn knew he was talking about Brianna, who was supposed to be home watching the kids until Katelyn came home from work.

"I don't know. I'm not her keeper. Thank God."

Her dad's temper was visible through his skin. Katelyn had just driven him to the clinic yesterday morning again, so he should be on his meds. Maybe the kids were too much for him.

"Dad, take a break. I've got them for a few minutes. I wanted to go Christmas shopping since I'll have to work all weekend. I didn't know Jodi was bringing Sierra and Colton over tonight."

Her dad huffed. "That makes two of us. They were here when I got off work. She's started selling some jewelry line or something, your mom said. She's got a showing or something tonight." He came into the kitchen and lit a cigarette. "Jodi's dumped $500 on crappy jewelry and thinks she's going to make it rich, win a car or something. Hell, maybe she can hire a babysitter. Where the hell is their father? Why can't he watch him?"

Again, Katelyn didn't dare answer. Most often the answer was jail or some correctional facility. Katelyn stuffed a bite of pizza in her mouth instead. She handed one over to her dad, but he waved it away. He looked thinner. Maybe the treatment drug was hurting his appetite.

"When's mom getting home?" She tried to throw the conversation in a different direction.

"Normal. Closing at ten." That meant she'd get home around 10:30 p.m.

"The mall's open late for Christmas shopping. Can I go?" she asked.

He instantly tensed. "Look, I can't handle all them kids."

She put her hand up to stop him, "I'll take them. They can pick out their toy. But, could Jacob say here? I don't have a car seat and he'll really slow me down." She saw him consider and hesitate. She added, "I'll put him to sleep first."

He relaxed. "Yeah, okay."

After a quick diaper change and sippy cup for Jacob, loading the kids into coats and into the back seat, and running interference to make sure Tim and her dad were never face to face alone, they finally left for Ames. After a quick stop at the grocery store to cash her check, they made the mall before 9:30 p.m.

The mall was crazy busy, something no one in town was used to. Stores were running last-minute holiday sales. Fake Santa still had a line of kids waiting to give their wish and their parents waiting for the photo they hoped would turn out better than the last years.

Katelyn ushered her two nieces and her nephew to the toy store. Just inside the door, each raced down a different aisle. Katelyn looked at Tim in desperation. He pointed after Colton and took off down the monster truck aisle. Katelyn warmed inside. Tim was so good with the kids.

Fifteen minutes later, Katelyn dragged a whimpering Kayla by the hand from the store and Tim was ignoring Colton's fists in his back, which swung wildly from his upside down body thrown over Tim's shoulder. The kids had picked out expensive toys. Katelyn tried to explain that she couldn't afford them and tried to show them the money numbers they needed to look for. But, when they didn't get their way, Colton and Kayla threw a tantrum. It was like the two kids tried to out perform each other. Kayla sprawled on the floor, and her thuds on the thin carpet could be felt by all the shoppers around her. The drama took place right in front of the check out counter where the rest of the customers in line had nothing better to do than watch.

Colton, seeing the attention Kayla was receiving, made his own spectacle by kicking the nearest tower of toys. When those boxes fell, he ran to another one and repeated the trick. Two boxes of Transformer figures landed on Kayla, which led to more cries, this time accompanied by tears. Her mouth was so wide in her cry, it looked like a port to hook up a fire hose. Tim raced to snag Colton before the expensive stack of mini robot pets were bowled over.

They ran from the store before a manager could make sense of the mess. Katelyn ducked into a department store and headed for the escalator. Better to get another floor between them and a mall security guard. At the top of the escalator, the jewelry department glistened with glass cases and mirrors. A couple of couches sat nearby in front of a piano not being played. Tim took charge and aimed all the kids for the couches.

A sale sign topped a display of silver earrings. Katelyn spun the case until she decided on a pair of small hoops with a little silver drop. The pair was simple, but classy. Her mom didn't have any earrings like these. The case was locked, so she walked around looking for a sales clerk. One was helping another customer and didn't even look her way. Another clerk, also with a woman who kept pointing at rings to view, gave Katelyn a sour look. Katelyn worked her way back to the jewelry case and hoped another clerk would show up.

A strange rubbing noise clashed with the soft music coming from the store's speakers. Looking around, Katelyn couldn't see anything. She checked to make sure her phone wasn't on vibrate. It came again, almost rhythmical. She leaned her head around the counter toward the piano area. Tim and the kids were gone. She'd find them. They couldn't have gone far. The sound came again, but louder now.

Katelyn stepped around the isle and found the source. At the top of the escalator, Colton stood at one side of the rubber hand grip as it rotated down into the ground on its cycle. His hips made slow motions forward and back so that his belly met the rubbing rubber. The sound of his coat brushing with the rubber warbled through the air. Colton's whole body vibrated for a few seconds. Then he pulled back.

Katelyn tried not to laugh, but had to cover her mouth. She looked around to see that no one was watching her nephew's misbehavior. Then she watched Colton wrestle the escalator once again. Katelyn stored the image in her head to tell as an embarrassing story someday when Colton was older. She had a feeling she'd get many more before that time.

"Colton," she crept up behind him and his experiment was instantly forgotten. "Where's Tim and the girls."

He pointed toward the store's exit into the mall area. She grabbed his hand, but he tore it from hers and ran toward the door. Katelyn was done with running for the night. By the time she reached the store's exit, Colton was already into mischief with the girls by the balcony railing. He grabbed rocks from a fake potted plant and dropped them to shoppers on the bottom floor. Katelyn was about to yell, but then caught sight of Tim ten feet away. Tim was standing with Angel.

"You should totally come back, man. Like, so what that you didn't pass that test. You get to take it as many times as you want." Angel was finishing her conversation as Katleyn walked up to them.

Colton was about to launch another handful of rocks. "Colton, put it down. Come here." Katelyn dug out a few quarters from her pocket and all three kids quickly ran to the rack of candy machines at the corner.

"Katelyn! Like, oh my God, I haven't seen you in forever." Angel gave her a one arm hug and Katelyn smelled pot smoke in her hair.

"Hey, Angel," Katelyn tried to sound happy to see her. She liked Angel, she just worried about her link to Christian. Tim had stopped hanging out with Christian as promised. It was part of his effort to never do meth again.

"So, wow, it's such a trip to see you guys together. That's great, you guys, together still." Angel looked between the two of them with genuine affection.

Katelyn couldn't help looking around. "So, is Christian here?"

Angel's face dropped a fraction. "No, man, we broke up. He's an asshole that doesn't know what's good for him. No, I've got a new man." She cheered up a bit. "He works over at Sears in the appliance section. We're going out after he gets off. You guys should totally come."

Tim had been keeping quiet against the rail. "Want three kids to come along?" He nodded in the direction of the kids stuffing their face with the small handful of candy they bought. Colton was busy turning the knobs of all the machines to see if he could get more candy to fall out.

Angel turned back laughing, "Shit, no. That's pure birth control right there. Thank God I didn't keep Christian's."

Both Tim and Katelyn were quiet in an awkward moment. Katelyn had never heard anyone openly announce an abortion, but she didn't put it past Angel to do so. Angel didn't hold back much, which was sometimes cool and sometimes not.

Angel broke the gap. "What you been up to, Katelyn?"

"Nothing much. Oh," she remembered, "I just got a new job."

"Yeah, Tim told me. Fast food. Rough. But everyone does it."

Katelyn didn't hide her confusion. "Tim told you?" She looked to Tim who was busy looking at his shoes.

"Yeah, man. Didn't he tell you?" Angel looked at Tim and swung an arm out to slap his arm. "We be at the Academy together. I totally decided to try this school stuff out. So, I'm shacking with my cousin here in Ames and takin' classes at the learning center." She laughed like school was a joke for her. "It ain't bad. It's all on the computer and I make my own hours. You can retake all the tests until you pass. That's why Tim needs to come back. For real, it's easy shit."

Katelyn couldn't act happy for Angel. Anger was rushing into her face. "Come back?" Katelyn's question almost came out as a yell.

Angel caught on that she was the bearer of unwelcome news. "Hey, uh, shoot. I did this. Sorry." She looked momentarily lost and stepped back as if to escape. Then she changed her mind. "Look, I gotta go, but, seriously, Katelyn, call me. I really want to hang out again."

Katelyn nodded. She really did like Angel, and she needed a girlfriend. "Yeah, Angel, give me a call. I have the same number."

Angel was already writing out her own number on a receipt. "It was in my other phone, and that's missing in action." She laughed at a situation only she knew. "Here's mine." She handed the receipt to Katelyn and a look of concern crossed her face. "Um, is that your nephew?"

Katelyn turned to follow her gaze. Colton had made it to the other side of the upper level to a display of overly decorated trees. One tree had a candy cane theme with red and white ribbons on an enormous frosted tree. The top half still held the candy cane treats, but the bottom had been cleared off, apparently by Colton. Colton was now standing on a giant wrapped box he had pushed up against the tree to act as a stepstool. He was grabbing the candies from higher up and throwing them down to Kayla and Sierra, who were running out of hands to hold it all.

"Oh my God!" Katelyn yelled and grabbed Tim's arm.

Tim was laughing, but tried to get serious when he saw Katelyn's embarassment. Tim broke into a run toward the kids, still laughing. "Save some for me, little man. Save some for me."

Chapter 19: Secrets

"So when were you going to tell me about school?" Katelyn finally said to Tim during the car ride home. Colton was quiet in the backseat except for the slurping noises from a candy cane he must have hidden. His hair had fake frost in it from landing in the tree when he tried to escape Tim's grasp. Katelyn thought they had put all the canes back, but Colton was resourceful. She had to hand it to him.

Kayla stared out the window trying to catch more sights of Christmas lights, but they were at the outskirts of Ames, and only farm houses lined the highway. Sierra's head was already drooping with early sleep.

Not one gift had been purchased. Katelyn decided against taking the kids to Wal-Mart. She'd had enough for the night. And, she didn't quite feel the Christmas spirit at the moment. Tim's secrecy tainted every thought.

"So?" she asked again. "And why didn't you tell me about Angel?"

Tim sat in the passenger seat, and Katelyn couldn't see his face directly since he was looking out his window. She heard him sigh.

"I didn't want you to do this," he finally said.

"Do what? Care? Make you face up to what you're really doing?" She realized she sounded like her mom when she fought with her dad. How could Tim actually respond with an answer to those questions. Katelyn tried again. "How long have you not been going to school?"

She saw him shrug out of her side vision. "A couple weeks."

"Why not go, Tim? What made you stop?" Real concern dripped with each question.

Katelyn turned to see him, his outline distinct in the low light. He rubbed his chin with one hand. She waited.

"School's not for me. Yeah, it may be easier, Kate. But, it's still crap. It's still stuff I'm never gonna use."

She stayed silent. Everything Katelyn wanted to say sounded too much like what her parents would say.

He started talking before she could come up with a decent reply. "I mean, at least when I was in regular school I could take shop and stuff. Hell, they had a whole automotive program that fed right into the community college down in Des Moines. This shit, this computer stuff, it's all know-the-answer-to-facts bullshit I'll never need."

Katelyn wanted to come up with an argument about needing a diploma or GED in order to go on. That's what her teachers and parents were always telling her. Never mind that none of her sisters were made to get their diploma or go back to school.

"A couple weeks ago a guy in class got an old Chevy GT, real bad shape, but we ditched school and worked on it all day. We did it again the next day. We had that thing running by the end of the week, Kate. It was mad perfect." Tim's voice was full of pride, but he barely talked louder than a whisper. "Anyway, his cousin has a shop in Ames and can get me some hours. I've gone over a couple times. I didn't want to tell you 'cause I was gonna surprise you with your Christmas gift."

She turned his way, but quickly turned back since the car veered with her. She steadied it out and looked over to him. Tim wouldn't look at her. She softened. "What is it?"

His voice took on a tease then. "You'll just have to wait. Christmas is five days away."

"Come on," she begged. But, he didn't answer.

They drove into the outskirts of Northrup. Katelyn slowed instinctively, knowing just where the cops hid at the bottom of the hill. The back seat was quiet. The girls were asleep. Colton was awake, curled up in the seat. His hands had disappeared into his pants.

In the driveway, before she turned off the car, she turned to Tim and grabbed his hand. "I won't nag you, okay. But, you can still go back to school." His eighteenth birthday was a month away. Katelyn wasn't even sure what the age limits were on attending the alternative school, but there was always the GED.

Tim squeezed her hand. "I know. Let me see how this works out. I could make some good money at the shop. You'll see." He leaned over and gave her a kiss. They drove in silence. The car's engine lulled the kids to sleep in the back seat.

"I wasn't trying to keep Angel a secret," Tim said out of the blue. "I didn't want you to worry. She's alright, ya know. You two should hang out."

Katelyn laughed. "Yeah, maybe."
Chapter 20: Hanging Out

The bathroom in McDonald's had one sink, and Katelyn leaned over it to look into the smudged mirror. The bad cleaning job wasn't her poor handiwork. Katelyn was working behind the counter now—in the kitchen actually. When she wasn't working the drive thru, she was filling in as a line cook on busy days. Bathrooms belonged to some other loser lower on the fast food seniority chain.

Katelyn finished adding a dark line of eyeliner and backed up to inspect it. She turned to each side to check her outfit. She pulled the back of her shirt down. Working at a fast food chain wasn't helping her figure. I'll have to stop eating the fries, she thought. She turned back for a front view. The black shirt fit tighter than she normally wore her clothes, but Angel had encouraged her to buy it. It also dipped low on her chest. Another half inch and the top of her bra would be showing. It was a good thing Katelyn was going to the party straight from work. Her mom wouldn't like this shirt, and Katelyn really didn't need to get into a fight with her dad, either. Lately, finding any reason to start a fight seemed to be his main form of entertainment.

Katelyn stuffed her uniform into the bag and leaned back into the mirror a final time. She stuck out her tongue and cringed. A silver ball sat on a mound of raised and flaring red flesh. Even the strain of pushing her tongue out made the piercing sear with pain. Katelyn moaned. Another good reason she wasn't going home first. There was no way she'd be able to utter any words in her defense.

Katelyn left the bathroom and went out the side door of the restaurant. She spotted Angel's enormous car at the back of the lot. A tinted window was cracked and smoke trickled out. It was Saturday night and they were headed to a college dance club in Des Moines. Valentine's Day wasn't actually until Monday, but the club was hosting some rock bands in a "Rock n' Riot Valentine" party. Angel's newest boyfriend ran lights for one of the bands, so she wanted Katelyn and Tim to keep her company while he was working.

Katelyn couldn't help feel a little worried about the trip. Tim's disappearing act from the last time they went to Des Moines was still clear in her mind. But, Tim said he wanted to go hear these bands. Besides, he hadn't left her alone anywhere since they had been back together. Second chances, she reminded herself.

Tim was working at a garage in Ames four days a week. He was mostly doing oil changes, but the manager was starting to let him do some brake work. Tim now talked about taking automotive classes to get a certification he wanted.

"It's about time, Girl," Angel yelled at her in mock anger as she threw her cigarette butt out onto the icy parking lot.

Since Tim was in the front passenger seat, Katelyn opened the back seat and climbed in. "Thut up," she managed over her swollen tongue. Angel and Tim both broke into a laugh. She ran red with a small temper, but stayed quiet.

"How's it feel?" Angel asked as she drove out of the parking lot. "Did it go down any? It should be better today."

Angel had wanted to get another tattoo on her back, so Katelyn went along on Thursday night to a parlor in Ames. She managed to sit through the hour of buzzing while Angel laid on her stomach as casual as if she were watching cartoons on a Saturday morning. By the end of the hour, Angel and Charlie, the heavily inked artist permanently staining Angel's back, had convinced Katelyn that a tongue piercing wasn't that painful.

Ear piercing hadn't hurt too much, Katelyn remembered, just the initial stick and a few days of soreness. But ear piercing was so boring. Everyone had their ears pierced. She wanted something different. Whenever she saw someone with their tongue pierced, she was in momentary awe. She couldn't tell outright who had them, except for those people who talked with a lisp or those that constantly played with their tongue. Those people looked like idiots in her mind. But, for those people who pulled off their secret until it shone through on its own, they were cool.

So, after Angel was bandaged and her permanent ladybug safely concealed by her pants, Katelyn sat in a stiff chair, had her tongue clamped, numbed, and then pierced. The pain hit on the way home, kept her up all night, and burned through school the next day. Katelyn wanted to go home, but her mom was there during the day. She had no intention of letting her mom in on her secret yet.

"Ih thinth ith infethed," Katelyn tried to pronounce.

Tim sprung over the front seat into the back.

"Hey," Angel swerved and protested. "How 'bout a warning next time?"

"Lem'me see," Tim said and turned on the car's overhead light. He stared at Katelyn expectantly.

Katelyn sighed and opened her mouth.

"Can't see. Stick it out."

"Ah am," Katelyn complained. She tried to stick it out farther.

"I can't tell, but it's ugly!" He drew out the last word with emphasis. He drew his arms up just in time to block a hit from Katelyn.

"Nogh funny," and she collapsed into him as he drew her in with one arm. Tim comforted her for a moment and then leaned forward into the front seat trying to reach something on the floor. He came back with his small cooler. He pulled out a piece of ice.

"Open," he said like a doctor. Katelyn obeyed, and he put it on her tongue. She moaned and tried to spit it out. "Keep it on. Be tough." He pulled out a can of beer, opened it, and leaned back into the seat.

She kept the ice on her tongue, but leaned into him for comfort. The ice quickly melted, but had numbed the feeling a bit. She reached over and grabbed a new piece. By the time they hit Des Moines, she was able to contribute to Angel and Tim's conversation, which mostly revolved around greatest guitar players. Katelyn had heard Tim argue his case several times before, so she was able to comment on a few of the artists.

They found the club after Tim and Angel argued about which exit to take. Angel took her own exit. Tim stayed silently amused while she drove through the empty business district, through a hospital parking lot, and finally pulled into a church parking lot.

"Okay, fine. It's either your directions or divine intervention at this point," she surrendered.

"You could have it both ways, baby," Tim teased. Katelyn laughed. She was glad Tim and Angel joked with each other. Tim was quick to find fault in other people she had tried to introduce him to. Katelyn didn't take him to any parties she heard about through school. Tim didn't even try to be social at those.

"Take a left." He directed Angel through Court Avenue. Katelyn saw the bar where she was left alone four months ago. She tensed slightly, but Tim didn't notice. They crossed the river and easily found the neon sign for Club AM.

"Jesus," Tim cursed with disgust as he saw a group of girls waiting at the door to get in. They were huddled together and their high-pitched complaints could be heard from inside the car.

"It's cold," they whined in turns, each out princessing each other with their complaints. The girls stood without coats in tight low-rise jeans and spaghetti tops. Plenty of skin was likely to get frost bite.

It wasn't their outfits, but what the girls represented that caused Tim's objections. Katelyn knew he didn't care for girls who worked too hard for popularity. "They're trying to get noticed but end up looking more like each other." Katelyn started paying attention to the popular girls at school. Just like these girls, the colors of clothes and hair were different, but there was no individual style. Needless to say, Emily made Tim's list the first time he met her.

Angel parked half in a regular street parking lot and half in a loading zone area. Angel always got away with stuff like that, so Katelyn didn't say a thing.

"Ih may noght be ahll bahd," Katelyn said, trying to cheer Tim up.

They filed in after the princesses paid their cover charge. Katelyn easily passed inspection as a 19-year-old when the bouncer looked at Jenny's ID. She had to give Jen $5 to borrow it, but Jen was at least being civil to her.

Inside the club, there was much more representation from the other categories of the lower 20s group: stoners, emos, hipsters, boy band wannabes, more princesses, and a strong showing of metal heads. The night was for rock.

A really horrible band was finishing up. Angel's boyfriend's band was third in the line up of five local bands. There was potential for sucky music since they weren't the featured band, but neither Tim or Katelyn would say anything negative in front of Angel. She'd had a bad run of men lately, and Oli, the lighting guy, was Angel's new hope.

Angel disappeared to find Oli. Tim had finished his scan of the club and motioned Katelyn along a crowded path toward the back. Up front, an open dance floor in front of an erected stage took up about half the club's space. A bar sat off to each side of the dance floor and both were crowded. The club served alcohol, but if there was a legal age drinker present, they had to be wearing a yellow band to order, hold one, or even have it in front of them. Bouncers were everywhere protecting the liquor license and preventing fights. There weren't many yellow bands.

Most of the tables were taken—not necessarily occupied, but taken. Coats, bags, or half-full drinks sat on some tables to indicate a group had laid claim to it. It was not cool to sit. As Katelyn was bumped by several girls on their parade route, she didn't care much about cool. One bump caused her to nearly bite her swollen tongue and she cringed. She felt Tim tug on her arm and she turned back around as he dove into the cushioned seat of a wrap-around booth. There were coats on the seat and cups on the table, but this didn't faze him. She took his lead and scooted in with him.

Within two minutes, a pair of highlighted and bronzed girls came up to the table with the obvious question on their face. "Um, this is our stuff," said one.

Tim surveyed the "stuff" and nodded. "Nice."

The girls looked at each other and the bold one tried again. "Like, we were sitting here."

Tim fed them bait. He moved over slightly, patted the seat, and said, "We don't mind sharing." And he gave them a very full, fake smile.

The Bold One shifted her weight to the other leg and her face couldn't hide her distaste at the idea. She looked at Katelyn, but Katelyn looked away. She looked back in time to see them grab at their stuff and walk away. The Bold One said loudly enough for Katelyn to hear it. "Let the asshole and his bitch have the table. It keeps her fat ass out of our way."

Katelyn tensed, wanting to get up and yell back. She immediately felt Tim's hand on her leg. "Please," he said in judgment, "you wouldn't waste energy on that, right." It wasn't a question. Katelyn went slack, but felt wronged. She didn't ask for the insult. It was his idea to steal the table.

Angel bounded up to the table and threw her bag on the seat next to Katelyn. "Great news, Oli's band is up next. The other band's singer is totally blowing chunks in the backroom, refuses to go on. I think you'll like Modeanna."

"You want something to drink?" Tim scooted out his side of the booth. Katelyn thought about how the ice felt and nodded.

"Sp-ite," she managed and automatically started to dig in her bag for some money.

"I got it," Tim said with a gracious tone. "One Sprite coming right up." He smiled at her before he turned into the throng of young adrenaline. Katelyn warmed with the kindness. It was nice not having to pay for everything now that Tim had a job.

Angel was digging in her purse and took out a small tin decorated in an oriental red pattern. Katelyn had seen it before, but usually ignored Angel's use of its contents. Angel slipped it under the table out of view and gave Katelyn a knowing smile. "Oli was handing out gifts." She pinched two small orange pills and popped them into her mouth after she was sure she wasn't being watched. Angel casually took a drink of an energy drink Oli must have given her, too. "Here's to being Generation Rx." She laughed.

Katelyn looked Angel over. She was skinny thin. It's not fair, Katelyn sulked. She eats like a pig and doesn't gain weight. It must be the pills. Angel's body was lanky and narrow, even her face. Her long hair hid her thin neck, a feature that didn't exactly scream beauty. But, Angel was attractive. Guys always checked her out.

Katelyn sulked. She bet Angel never had to deal with nasty comments and insults about weight. Angel had left her high school not long after her mom was diagnosed with brain cancer. Angel stayed home and cared for her--at least that's what Katelyn heard her tell people. But, Angel told her in private that she just couldn't care about school when she knew her mom was dying. Her mom died. Angel turned 18. And, with some of the Social Security money she received, Angel went to California to spend it. She came back to Iowa and moved into a temporary group home. One program encouraged residents to achieve their GED or try the alternative school. So, Angel was totally out of the drama and pressures of high school social life.

"What?" Angel caught Katelyn studying her.

"Are you goin' to be able hoo brive?"

Angel leaned in to Katelyn with wide eyes. "Drive?" Katelyn nodded. "On this?" Angel pointed to her mouth where she had just swallowed the pills. "To Texas and back, baby. To Texas and back." She laughed, and then looked at Katelyn as if seeing her mood for the first time. "Oh, girlie, no worries. It's just an Adderall boost. Your tongue bothering you that much?"

At the mention of it, Katelyn was reminded of the pain. She shrugged.

"Shoot." Angel dug back in her purse for the tin, "I got something that will make that feel better."

Katelyn instantly started shaking her head, but stopped to consider the offer.

Angel held two oblong white pills out to her on the booth's seat. "Want 'em?" Katelyn always passed on Angel's offers from her pill collection, and Angel had stopped asking. This was odd for both of them.

Katelyn stared at them. "Wha is ih?"

Angel looked at them closer. "Vicodin, I think. Josie gave them to me at the Academy last week. For her dad's migraines." She paused, but continued as Katelyn hesitated. "Look, a doctor would prescribe you something, right?"

Katelyn took the pills and washed them down with a drink from Angel's energy drink. Her stomach twanged with a reminder that she hadn't eaten anything more than a strawberry shake on her break all day. Her tongue had hurt too much to add food to the problem.

"Thanks," Katelyn said to Angel, which came out more like "Hanks."

"You better take another," Angel said, and she sorted through her tin under the table until she handed another to Katelyn. Katelyn swallowed it with little thought.

The speaker's music was suddenly cut off as Modeanna began. "Check, check," the lead singer tested and turned to the bass guitar player with a smile before his joke, "I prefer cash." The band launched into a fast heavy beat. The first chords from each player clashed, but then they found their rhythm. A group of guys made their way to stand and nod in front of the band. A couple of girls ran out and began slutty dance moves. The dancing didn't match the music, but worked in getting all the guys' attention.

"I'm going to get a better view," Angel announced as she was already moving out of the seat. Angel never bothered asking Katelyn if she'd be okay alone. That wasn't her style. Angel was on her own mission.

Katelyn took a deep breath. She looked around and took some relief in that people were paying attention to the band or dancers instead of watching her. She looked around, but didn't see Tim. Not again, she thought. She started to bite her nail, but the simple movement sparked her tongue. Katelyn dropped her hand, but soon was twisting her hair absentmindedly.

Tim practically jumped into the booth across from her, like he was waiting for the right moment to scare her. Her shocked look was instantly transformed into relief. "Miss me?" He smiled and set an almost full glass of soda in front of her. She smiled and nodded. She moved closer to him and they watched the band for a while. Actually, they listened and mostly watched men watching the girls pretending to love the band.

"You alright?" Tim yelled over the noise.

Katelyn realized she was holding her jaw lower to make room for the swollen mountain in her mouth. It didn't feel any smaller, but she felt slow and far away. She shrugged.

"It will feel better, eventually." He rubbed her arm as he held his around her shoulder. "I think it will look great." He moved in real close for his next comment. "Can't wait to find out how it feels." His breath was warm in her ear. "Sexy."

Katelyn would normally blush, but she was too tired and couldn't act on a feeling at the moment.

Tim noticed her lack of energy. "Hey," he lifted her chin up. His concern was real. "Hey, I have something that might make you feel better."

Katelyn sighed and prepared herself for a perverted suggestion. Instead, he dug into his back pocket. "I was thinking to wait till Valentine's Day, but thought I might find a time tonight." He found what he was looking for and brought out his closed hand in front of her. After he knew he had her attention, her eyes waiting in question, he opened it. Katelyn saw a silver chain necklace and a pendant. She softened. She was expecting a joke, another one of his pranks to get a laugh. She wasn't expecting this, and she wasn't sure what to do. Katelyn's face warmed. She looked up at him as if asking permission to pick it up. He smiled and gave a slight nod.

She gently lifted the chain up to study the silver twisted circle that hung freely around the chain. The design was simple, a silver strip turned once before it banded in a circle. The effect was an ever turning path, a slow, single spiral that led into itself, never truly ending. Katelyn's day had been so crummy, full of work and a sore mouth. And, she had just been worrying and doubting Tim when he didn't come back right away. This kind gesture was a true surprise.

No guy had ever given her a gift of love. The CDs Tim gave her at Christmas were hardly a romantic gift. This gift meant so much more than the beauty in front of her.

Katelyn turned to Tim and melted into his eyes. "I love it, Tim." It didn't matter how the pronunciation sounded because he couldn't hear her clearly. Katelyn knew he heard her anyways.

# *****

Two hours later, Katelyn leaned heavily on Tim as he led her to Angel's rusty Caprice Classic. The bitter chill revived Katelyn a little, but she was content to be led and let her tired eyes shut. Angel had handed them the keys and said she'd be out soon. Anyone who knew Angel knew her version of "soon" meant anywhere from a few minutes up to an hour. Tim slid her into the backseat, went to the front to start the car and then joined her again in the backseat. The old car's heater was blowing cold air, but soon warmed. Katelyn had leaned into Tim and shut her eyes. She opened them slightly as he moved and she fell into his lap. She repositioned her head on his leg, tucking her legs up to curl on the remaining seat beside her. She shut her eyes again.

"Hey, while you're down there," Tim joked. Katelyn couldn't even raise the energy to slap his leg at the perverted comment. She felt his hand working at getting under her shirt. She didn't protest, but just ignored him. After getting no reaction from her, he gave up.

"Hey, what's wrong with you?" Tim sounded suspicious now.

An alert went off in her brain and she tried to focus in on it. The pills. She didn't want to tell him. What if I tell him I took something from Angel and he gets mad? Will he use this as an excuse for him to get high?

"Don't feel good," she mumbled. She didn't feel the sting of her sore tongue anymore, even though it still felt like a rubber ball in her mouth.

"Alright, little girl, you just go to sleep." He sounded satisfied.

Katelyn nodded off, only vaguely aware of his movements and the radio. Sometime later, she was pulled into consciousness when the car began moving. Angel's voice sounded angry.

Katelyn was semi-awake, but couldn't quite bring herself to sit up. She caught bits and pieces of conversation.

Angel: "Damn asshole, I could see what he was doing. Who the hell does he think I am? Like I owe him or something? Hell no."

Tim: "What did he do?"

Angel: lower talking and then "and that carpet whore was there when I got back."

Tim: "Maybe it wasn't his fault."

Angel: a lot of cussing and "I didn't see him making a point to get her out of my chair, even after I told her where to go. Hell, he probably asked her to be there tonight for all I know."

Angel continued to curse Oli, but Katelyn found she could easily block it out until she heard a car door slam. The car had stopped and was turned off. She opened her eyes and quickly shielded them against the rows of lighting beaming down from a gas station canopy. She heard the identifiable sounds of metallic bumping of a pump nozzle being placed in the tank and then the rush of liquid pouring into the tank below her. A few minutes later the pump stopped. Katelyn waited for the expected sounds of a nozzle being removed. Nothing happened.

She lifted her head, which was foggy and heavy. She blinked several times and rubbed her eyes. Her vision cleared and Katelyn looked ahead at the gas station. They were still in Des Moines. There were a couple of cars at the rows of pumps beside her, but more cars were in the parking lot just in front of the store. It looked like a hangout.

Outside the store, a few bums stood around, and the rest of the people coming in or out of the store looked rough. Katelyn suddenly didn't feel safe. Then, two men with pants sagging farther than she thought possible made a show of walking up to the store from the side parking lot. Katelyn looked closer at the cars parked in the lot and saw most were running, the exhaust causing a steam effect as the hot air hit the cold. There were people in all of them.

One of the thugs detoured and went to the back window of one of the cars. A tinted window rolled down, and a brief conversation ended with a loaded hand shake just outside the window. Katelyn saw the exchange. The thug's hand quickly sank into his pocket and came out empty. He glanced around, and Katelyn ducked.

Katelyn locked the doors. She peeked up to look at the store again. Angel came out the front. Katelyn relaxed. Angel had a pissed off expression on her face and took long strides toward the car. She halted midway and looked back at the same tinted window just vacated by the thug with the saggin' pants. Katelyn saw Angel's expression turn from slightly cautious to one of recognition. Angel talked with elaborate hand motions. Angel pointed toward the car and then past the parking lot. She nodded her head a few times slowly in agreement or in response to whatever was being said by the mysterious backseat stranger.

The glass door to the gas station opened, and Katelyn saw Tim walking out. He had a Sprite and a packaged burrito in his hands. He walked up to Angel and his face also registered recognition of the backseat stranger. Katelyn's curiosity peaked and she decided she would go see the mystery person. Before she could get up the strength to check her hair in Angel's rearview mirror, the mystery man came out of the car to greet Tim.

Tim switched his food to one hand in order to complete a hand grip greeting with an incredibly tall man decked out in street wear. His pants competed with the earlier guys in sag level. He held himself in front of his groin while he walked bull-legged to keep the pants up in the back. He had a blue handkerchief hanging from his back pocket.

Angel seemed to take Tim's presence as a chance to get away. She headed toward the car again, her face sinking back to a frown. Katelyn leaned back in the seat and tried not to appear concerned.

Angel saw her through the window as she came up beside the car. She vented loud enough so Katelyn could hear through the window. "Mother Fucker says I can't pay until the damn pump's put back." Angel completed the act with more force than necessary.

Katelyn rolled down her window. Even the task of turning the handle seemed too much. "Who is thah?" Her tongue still got in the way of her words.

Angel caught her glance at Tim's direction. "Oh, Manny. He's from East." She seemed to regret what she said next. "He's friends with Christian," the distaste dripped from her words. "Let me go pay so we can ditch this place."

Katelyn watched her pass Tim and say something to him briefly on the way in. The exchange triggered Manny to dig out his phone. Tim did the same, but he momentarily looked towards Katelyn in the car. Katelyn was sure he couldn't see her clearly. She hid behind the headrest just in case.

He promised. Tim promised he wouldn't have anything to do with Christian and his crowd. He promised he wouldn't use again. Katelyn lowered her eyes as Tim and Angel made it back to the car.

"Hey, look who's joined the living." Tim slid in beside her. "Balls Cold!" he yelled and put his cold hands on Katelyn's neck to prove his point. She cringed at his touch and shrugged him off. The feeling of the necklace chain around her neck remained. She reached up and found the pendant slightly off center after her nap.

The ride back to Northrup was relatively quiet as they listened to a CD. Angel kept cracking the window to vent the car while she smoked. Katelyn silently ran her finger around and around the pendant's circle as she stared out at the black fields dotted by occasional county road streetlights. She lost her thoughts in wondering where each of the roads went. She'd worry about the other stuff another day.

Chapter 21: Another Day

Katelyn trudged around the sidewalk corner to turn up her street. Her feet hurt. She hadn't had to walk home from school since her dad had bought the used car. Luckily, the sunny March day wasn't too cold. Looking at her house, Katelyn saw the rusty, green Neon right where her dad had it towed the night before.

"Piece of shit," she muttered. The car left Katelyn stranded at work the previous night. The ignition would turn over, but the motor refused to catch. She tried so many times, the car didn't turn over any more. When she called home, her dad yelled at her for not taking better care of the car.

"I give you a car and this is how you treat it. You got to take care of a car. It takes care of you, right? You got to take care of it." Her dad continued to rant about oil changes and other car maintenance she knew nothing about. Suddenly it was her car instead of the one he received rides in every time she was home from work. Katelyn had wanted to hang up on him, but she needed him. Tim was working on a friend's car in Ames. Angel wasn't answering her phone. And, Jen was without a car again since she broke up with the trailer park boyfriend. Besides, Jen was in Ames crashing on Jodi's couch while she waited on an opening at a new subsidized apartment complex. So, Kayla and Jacob were back sharing Brianna and her mom's rooms again.

At nearly 11 p.m. her dad drove out in her mom's car after she had come home from work. Katelyn listened to him complain while he failed to start the Neon, too.

"Dad, just call a tow truck," she had whined impatiently. And, eventually, he did, after making it quite clear she'd be paying for the tow. When she finally made it home, Katelyn was too tired to do her homework. She escaped to her room exhausted.

Sleep didn't come until her mom and dad's arguing ended with him leaving. "Thank God," Katelyn sighed to herself. Her dad was making home miserable. The small amount of guilt she felt at wishing him gone was overruled by her lack of patience. She was sick of her dad. All he did was find something to argue about. With everyone. It wasn't just her mom anymore. Even Brianna, who managed to escape every punishment, was getting a share of her dad's mouth.

Katelyn knew her mom thought he was off his meds and back doing drugs. The visits to the Des Moines were completed, but he was supposed to be taking a medication they had prescribed.

Warning signs were popping up all over. Her dad was home sometimes when he shouldn't be. He claimed his construction job was wrapping up and he would be back to full time when a new site opened. His story didn't add up. But, he'd argue for hours to make anyone who dared question him believe him.

Katelyn came closer to the house and did her usual survey of the parked cars outside her house. Her uncle's Mazda was in the driveway. He was probably over to borrow a tool or something. Katelyn hoped her cousin Ryan was with him. She used to be pretty close to her cousin when they were younger even though he was a few years older than her.

As she came up on the yard, her jaw dropped. "What the hell?" she mumbled to herself. Spread out on the edge of the driveway, tools and machinery dotted the soggy cold grass. Her dad's tools. Saws and other power tools, sets of wrenches, and some left over construction pieces—pipes and duct work--made her lawn look like a construction site. She slowly walked by each piece. Her dad came out of the shed in front of her with a cardboard box that clinked with metal noise as he passed her. Uncle Russ, with a beer in one hand and a smoke in the other, made only a few steps in attempt to follow.

"You ever used a laser-guided saw before?"

Russ gave a grunt reply, "Naw."

"I tell you what, it's a hell of a lot better. It's night and day. You'll never go back." Her dad dropped the box onto the lawn and turned to Russ to finish his pitch. "I'd give you a good deal on that one. It's in great shape."

Russ didn't answer but occupied himself with a drag on his cigarette followed with a drink of his beer, enough time for her dad to turn his attention on her. "Where you been?" Katelyn gave him a look like he should be able to figure it out on his own and even pointed at the curb-parked Neon. "Well, make yourself useful. Get those kids out here to pick up their bikes and those toys. Not unless they want them sold, too." He laughed.

"What are you doing?!" Katelyn made no attempt to hide her disgust from her voice.

Her dad looked over his display of tools and stated the obvious, "Why, I'm having a sale." He turned to Russ, "I've got so much shit I don't use, I might as well get something for it."

Katelyn yelled to his back as he walked back to the shed. "But it's March! No one has garage sales in March." He ignored her.

"Did you fix the car?" Katelyn yelled. He continued to ignore her, disappearing into the shed. "Arhh," she yelled and she stomped into the house.

Inside she threw her bag on the kitchen table and rounded the corner to see her cousin Ryan atop a mound of cushions on the living room floor. Beside him was Colton. The two were duking it out in a boxing video game on the TV. Colton was having a hard time staying on his knees and looked to be strangling the controller with his fists. Ryan was smiling and messing with the kid, totally kicking down Colton's character. "Say mercy. Say mercy. Say mercy," he kept repeating.

"Screw you," Colton said without being punished. So, he quickly added, "Kiss my ass, fartface."

"Hey," Katelyn warned. Colton gave her a one second surprised look before he went back to losing the game.

She wouldn't fight it. "Hey, Ryan."

"Hey, Kate." Ryan didn't turn from the screen. She let them duke it out while she opened her web page to check for messages or posts. Nothing from Tim. His text while she was at school said he was going to go work on his friend's car again tonight. She called his cell. The voice mail message picked up after only three rings. Katelyn didn't leave a message.

Where are the kids? Katelyn suddenly panicked. She forgot about Kayla and Jacob, and, if Colton was here, Sierra likely was too.

She turned to Ryan quickly. "Where are the kids?"

He turned and his face thought through the question. "What? Oh, um, they were out here. Try Brianna's room." He turned back to the screen. "Let's go again, boy."

Katelyn walked quickly down the hall and slowed quietly when she reached the cracked open door of Brianna's room. She listened as she peered in. She heard Jacob before she saw him banging the heat register grill against the floor, lifting the dirty metal to his mouth to taste it and then slamming it up and down again. Katelyn was about to go in, but heard Kayla complain. "When do I get to be the teacher? Sierra, you said--" Kayla didn't get to finish her whine.

"Stop," Sierra's voice was more assertive than Katelyn had ever heard it. "You will have extra homework if you say that."

Katelyn tried not to laugh. She pushed open the door. "What are you guys doing?" She took the register grate from Jacob and stuffed it back into the hole in the floor. She picked him up and put a new toy in his hands to stop his squirming.

Kayla immediately pleaded her case. "It was my idea, and Sierra won't let me be the teacher." She turned to Sierra, "She's a bad teacher!"

Sierra threw her pencil to the bed and pointed out the door. "That's it. Go to the principal. You are bad."

"I quit!" Kayla crossed her arms and hung her head.

Papers littered the floor, and Katelyn set Jacob down so she could pick them up. "If you two knew how long you'd have to be in school, you'd be playing a better game." The papers were from Brianna's folder, some marked with scores and some incomplete. The grades on the completed papers were poor. "See how hard it is? There's tests, too." Katelyn held up a paper marked "40%" for the kids, but they had moved away. Sierra went to Brianna's computer and opened a game. Kayla sat on the edge of the bed.

"What do the tests do?" Kayla always seemed to be fascinated with school.

"Nothing, you have to answer a lot of questions so they can see how smart you are."

Katelyn had Kayla's full attention now. "Are you smart?"

A laugh escaped Katelyn's throat and then she thought about the question. Katelyn never considered herself dumb. But, she sure felt dumb when she took those tests. School tested for the wrong kind of smart.

"What do you guys want for dinner?" She asked as she picked up Jacob and walked to the door.

"Mac and Cheese!" Kayla yelled, excited now, school easily forgotten.

"Sierra, Mac and Cheese?"

Without turning from the screen, Sierra mumbled, "Whatever."

Sierra's lack of interest momentarily bothered Katelyn. Sierra was a laid back kid, so Katelyn didn't expect an attitude from her. Katelyn waited for Sierra to at least turn and give her a familiar look. Sierra ignored her on purpose.

Sierra was eight years old. When did this start? Katelyn thought.

Katelyn made it to the living room in time to see Colton lose his temper at losing the video game. He threw the controller to the ground and stood to repeatedly kick the cushions under Ryan's back. Ryan shielded himself with one arm while he laughed. "Sore Loser!"

Colton ran outside without a coat.

"Why are they here?" Katelyn asked, referring to Colton and Sierra.

Ryan shrugged. "Iuhno. Jodi dropped them off with your dad before I got here." Ryan got up and followed her into the kitchen.

Katelyn set Jacob down on the floor to play with pots and pans. He was able to take a few steps but plopped down and resorted back to crawling away from the room. She began reading the dinner package and then decided to take a few more boxes down from the cupboard. If Ryan was hanging out, they'd need more. "Want dinner?"

He looked at the package. "Sure."

"I think you have time. Dad's trying to sell Russ pretty much the contents of the shed."

Ryan snorted, "Good luck, unless it says Bud Light on it, he ain't buyin'."

Katelyn rolled her eyes and switched topics. "So, are you gonna come back to school here?"

"To hell with school. Dad ain't enrolled me yet and isn't going to make me go. Grandma's fit to be tied, though. Says I ain't welcome under her roof if I ain't in school. Hell, I'm 16, almost 17, now. I don't have ta."

Katelyn poured water into the pan. "What are you gonna do?"

Ryan shrugged. "Iuhnno."

"I wish you'd come back; there's no one to hang out with there."

Ryan gave her a look that said "Hell no" and held up his hand as a warning for her not to try push him. "You're 16 this summer, right? You gonna stick it out."

Katelyn turned to him with a puzzled expression. "Yeah." Dropping out wasn't anything that had ever been in her plans. Sure, she didn't like school, but it was expected of her. Her sisters didn't stay in, but . . . _but what? What makes me different?_ Katelyn searched for the real answer. Sure, her parents were different. In fact, they were like a whole different family since her dad was not her older sisters' dad. Besides, her mom was always in her face about school. Then, there was the obvious reason: Katelyn wasn't pregnant like Jodi had been. As for Jen, well, school was just another thing she hated about life. No one was going to tell her what to do. Jen didn't get pregnant with Kayla until after she stopped going to school.

Ryan had searched through the cupboards and now chomped from a bag of chips. "I wouldn't ever get enough credits anyway."

"What do you mean?"

He laughed and Katelyn turned so she didn't have to look at the partially chewed mush in his mouth. "I think I only passed two classes. I'd have to frickin' start over as a Freshman in order to get enough credits to graduate."

So she wouldn't appear stupid, Katelyn didn't ask how many credits she needed. She mentally calculated how many classes she'd already failed versus how many she'd passed. She frowned. She ended up failing science and PE second quarter. Third quarter was finishing this week, and science didn't look good again.

"Where's Tim?" Ryan switched topics.

Making a point not to show she was bothered, Katelyn replied, "He's in Ames working on a friend's car."

"What kind?"

Katelyn shrugged and averted her eyes. Tim hadn't ever mentioned the car. Questions started to pop up in her head. She'd never met the friend either. Someone named Travis, a guy from work or something. Did he feed her an excuse?

The water for the noodles hadn't boiled yet. Katelyn didn't have anything to keep her occupied. She swirled her tongue around its piercing and absentmindedly turned the circle pendant hanging from her neck.

"Is Tim still working at the garage?"

Katelyn nodded. Now that she thought about it, Tim hadn't been telling her any stories about bitchy customers lately. He would tell me if he quit, she reassured herself. But, he didn't tell her about quitting the alternative school. Katelyn frowned.

"You think he could get me on there?"

Katelyn shrugged again and avoided looking at him by getting the butter and milk out of the refrigerator. "Maybe." Ryan was one of the most irresponsible people she knew. There was a fat chance of his getting hired. Tim may have a record, but he could fix anything with wheels. She wasn't sure Ryan would ever finish any job. Katelyn loved her cousin, but she wouldn't hire him.

"Next week is Spring Break. Are you going to be around?" Katelyn barely finished her question when the side door opened and Russ walked right past Katelyn like she wasn't there. She moved out of the way to avoid getting hit. Her dad followed close behind.

Russ threw his can in the garbage and gave Ryan a hard look. "We're leavin'."

Ryan didn't question him, but turned to grab his coat off the back of a chair. Russ turned to leave, but her dad blocked the way to the door. "Hey, man, I was just askin' a favor. Don't take it wrong."

Russ halted in front of her dad, which was comical because he could easily plow her dad over if he wanted to. Russ towered a foot taller than him. "That's fucked up, Brian. Don't drag me into that shit." Russ pushed her dad out of the way as he walked out the door. Ryan waited until her dad followed Russ out the door. Ryan gave Katelyn a sympathetic look and left.

Dread and panic crept over Katelyn. The water had started to boil. She had to finish making dinner. The kids needed to eat. She was stuck in the kitchen, in the open, and there wasn't a working car for her dad to escape with. Katelyn didn't know what her dad did to piss Russ off, but Russ didn't shake easily. She did know that she'd get to hear enough of her dad's side of the story, though, unless she could escape being his audience.

Katelyn had an idea and quickly retrieved her bag from the counter. After checking each pocket, she slumped. She had left her MP3 player at Tim's over the weekend. So much for acting like she couldn't hear him. That had worked before.

The water boiled over onto the stove. Katelyn quickly went back to task and dumped in the pasta. The door opened behind her and she braced herself.

"Mother fucker. Mother fucker." She heard the door slam and her dad's stomping around behind her. "Jesus, see if I ever help that fucker again." He continued to swear, but Katelyn didn't turn. The sooner she finished the dinner, the faster she could get away from him.

By the time she had the kids to the table, her dad had quit yelling about Russ. Instead, he was walking from room to room counting off every mess in the house. Sierra refused to come out of Brianna's room, so Katelyn just left her. Let her pull an attitude. I don't deserve it. I'm not her mother, Katelyn thought.

Jacob ate some cereal and made a royal mess out of his mac and cheese. Katelyn set him down without washing his face or hands. He tore off to the living room to play with the controllers left on the ground. Colton was helping himself to another plate, and Kayla looked content scribbling on some papers left on the table. Katelyn took the opportunity to dive into her room for a few minutes of silence.

She plopped on her bed and closed her eyes for a good minute. It was still light outside, but the shadows stretched across her room promising darkness soon. She grabbed her phone from her pocket. "Call me. I need u."

The house almost seemed peaceful while she waited for Tim's ring tone. Instead, the cell vibrated with a text.

"Busy. What's up"

All of her patience left and she filled with anger. "Call" was all she sent in response. Katelyn bit at her nail. Finally, the phone rang.

"What's going on?" he asked, obviously bothered.

"Where are you?"

"Working on Travis' car." Katelyn listened closely to try hear any background noises. He sounded like he was in a small room. His voice echoed like it would off bathroom walls. "What do you want?"

After a crappy day at school with a new detention for being late this morning, walking home from school, getting dumped with kids, and dealing with her dad, she really needed Tim. Katelyn couldn't help keep the hurt from her voice. "Dad's freaking out." And then she admitted aloud what she'd been scared to think, "I think he's tweakin'."

Tim stayed silent on the other end.

"Are you there?" she finally asked.

It was silent for another moment. "Yeah." And nothing more.

Tears welled in Katelyn's eyes and she bit her lip. Her face flushed with anger and an overwhelming sadness. A couple tears spilled and rolled over her cheeks. She wiped them away with her free hand, but they were quickly replaced. Katelyn didn't trust her voice and tried to keep her breathing from turning into a sob.

"Look, what do you want me to do?" Tim's words weren't laced with the earlier irritation, but were flat. Katelyn heard him let out a deep breath. "Travis is waiting. I gotta go."

Katelyn tried to get her voice together so he wouldn't hear her crying. Before she could say anything, the line went dead.

She heard a pan clatter to the floor in the dining room followed by Kayla's tired cry. Her dad began yelling at Kayla to shut up. Katelyn jumped from her bed and ran out of her room. By the time she reached the dining room, Kayla was screaming and crawling under the table.

"You come out of there right now. You won't make a mess in my house and get away with it. Get out here. Get out here." Her dad had lowered himself to the floor and was reaching after her. Colton was standing frozen at the end of the table. His mouth made a small open circle to match his scared eyes.

"Dad!" Katelyn yelled as she grabbed his shoulder to stop him from reaching Kayla. "Dad! She's three years old!"

He pulled back quickly, shocked at her touch. He stood up and stepped in to yell at her. "Excuse me?! Excuse me?! Are you trying to boss me around now, too? That's great. And who do you think you are?"

Katelyn cowered slightly and averted her face to the side, but she didn't step back. But, as she looked down, she saw his hands clenched in fists. She inhaled sharply and then clenched her own jaw in anger. Her dad would never hit her. He never had. Her dad didn't act like this, except . . .

His arm twitched. She looked back at his face. All she saw was sick. His eyes burned dark and mean, but the yellow around the black-beaded eyes were laced with red. His skin under the stubble of a day's beard growth was gray and blotched with low red bumps. A scream started to burn deep inside her.

"Leave her alone," she hissed in a voice she didn't recognize. His face tilted slightly in shock. She repeated herself louder. "Leave her alone."

Kayla's cry was a hyper barking now. Jacob had joined the crying, too, in long drawn out screams.

"Well, that's just great. Not one kid in this whole damn house—my damn house, for fuck's sake—not one of ya know how to show an ounce of respect."

Katelyn cut him off and took a small step into his face. "No, Dad. Respect! Do you see how you're acting?! Look at the kids—"

He cut her off, and she saw it coming but couldn't move. His face curled into itself in a snarl and his hands came up in what first appeared to be blocking her, but quickly switched to pushing. Katelyn took the full force of his slamming hands on her shoulders and didn't have time to get her footing. She fell back full on the floor and sat in shock.

The kids screamed.

She stared out in front of her until the screams sunk into a momentary shield around her brain. He hit me. My dad hit me. She turned her head from side to side and froze on the pain-filled face of Sierra in the hallway. Sierra looked down on her from her hiding place around the corner. She didn't look away as Katelyn held her gaze.

Movement caught her eye and she turned to see her dad leaving quickly through the kitchen. She heard the door open and then the storm door slam behind him. The glass rattled in its frame.

Katelyn picked herself off the floor and turned to the hallway, but Sierra was already gone and Brianna's door shut tightly against her. Colton pulled away from the wall and slid down to squat in front of Kayla. "Don't cry." He used a gentle voice Katelyn had never heard from him before. He sounded like a school nurse after a playground scrape. "It's okay now. Don't cry."

Katelyn followed her nephew's lead and scooped Jacob off the floor. "Shhh. It's okay. Shhh." She looked out the window to see her dad's stout frame marching down the street away from them and a mess spread out before her on the lawn. "It's okay now. Everything will be alright." Katelyn went into the kitchen and shut the entry door against the cold.

# *****

Three hours later, she saw the headlights of her mom's car pull into the driveway. She turned down the TV. Earlier, she made a deal with Kayla and Colton that they could pick a movie if they took a bath. Now, they were both asleep on the couch beside her. Colton had started on the floor, but as he grew tired, he moved up to the couch and eventually snuggled into her left side. Kayla had snuggled to her right side throughout the movie.

Katelyn carefully slid herself out from their grips, making sure to position their bodies comfortably with pillows and blankets. She met her mom in the kitchen as she came in from the cold night. Her mom looked hunched over inside her baggy coat, her face flushed red from the damp air. She lifted her head in slight surprise as she saw Katelyn patiently leaning against the counter.

"Hey, what's up?" she said in a soft voice both equally weak and concerned.

Katelyn let her mom put her purse on the dining room table. Katelyn didn't answer right away, so her mom took off her coat. After she peaked around the corner to confirm Kayla and Colton's sleeping bodies on the couch, she came back into the kitchen to head to the refrigerator. "Sierra in Brianna's?" She didn't look directly at Katelyn as she passed her, but could see her nod. "Jacob in the crib?" Again, Katelyn nodded. Her mom had to turn to see the answer, but Katelyn didn't meet her gaze. "Jodi ever call?" Katelyn shook no. She waited for the question her mom was scared to ask, the one already answered by the mess sprawled on the lawn and the quiet of the house. But, her mom didn't ask about her dad.

Her mom grabbed a kettle from under the stove and filled it with water from the sink. The rushing sound of water interrupted the silence of the room. "Want some hot chocolate?"

Katelyn couldn't switch from the words she needed to say, the words burning in her throat, so she nodded instead. Her mom didn't press her to speak. "I know I can nuke the water in the microwave, but there's something so right in boiling and pouring from a kettle that makes a perfect cup of chocolate." She stood in front of the stove for a moment after turning the burner to high. When she turned to Katelyn at her side, she crumpled when she saw her daughter's torment.

Katelyn's cheeks were wet and tears continued to pool over her cheeks and drop onto her sweater. When her mother reached her arm around her shoulder, a sob exploded out of Katelyn's throat. Her next breath hurt and came out in the same sob. Her mom put her other arm around her, and Katelyn hung on while she cried until her cries ran out. They sank to the ground and sat embraced on the scratched linoleum, Katelyn leaning on her mom.

# *****

Katelyn woke up the next morning to the sounds of kids crying. She stuffed a pillow over her head, but could still hear them. The situation crept into her mind: Brianna was sleeping at a friend's house; her dad left last night and hopefully wouldn't be allowed back in after her talk with her mom; and her mom probably didn't get to sleep until one or two. Katelyn was on kid duty.

Katelyn sighed and pulled herself off the warm bed. Her eyes hurt and she spent a minute rubbing them. It only made them worse. Her throat was dry and stung. She headed out to the living room to find the cries coming from Kayla on the couch. Colton was already awake and had an overflowing bowl of cereal in his hands. He was watching cartoons and ignoring Kayla with no problem.

"Kayla," Katelyn couldn't hide her irritation. "What's wrong?"

"Colton said my mommy's not coming back, that she left forever," she said between sniffle interruptions, then she went back into her full cry.

Katelyn went to her and picked her up, but the weight was more than she expected, so she landed on the couch beside her. "No she didn't, baby. No she didn't." She pushed the flattened hair out of Kayla's face. "She loves you very much. She'll be home soon." Kayla started to quiet, and Katelyn finished her off. "Hey? Hey? How 'bout we call her this morning and sing her a song?" Kayla's face calmed and she nodded.

"Colton, go eat that at the table." Katelyn grabbed the remote from under him and shut the TV off. She grabbed his bowl and a small amount spilled onto the carpet as he pulled against her. "Now!" she shouted.

Katelyn went to the kitchen to get something to drink and saw the time glowing from the microwave clock. 8:07. "Shit," she muttered under her breath. Three minutes wasn't going to be enough to get to school on time. The car was still broken. She thought about waking her mom for a ride, but didn't. Her mom had looked so tired the night before. Besides, Katelyn didn't feel like going to school. She hadn't studied for the two midterm tests scheduled for today.

Maybe mom will call me in for the morning classes, she thought, and dismissed her worry. The time might be enough to get something done with her car.

Tiptoeing down the hall, she went into her room to get her phone and returned to the kitchen. Colton was back in front of the TV, lying on the floor this time. Kayla had filled the couch with her dolls and there was no room for him.

After five rings, the call went to Tim's voice mail. "Hey, you must not be awake yet or maybe you're at work. Call me as soon as you get this. I don't know what to do with the car. Bye. Love ya."

Another hour later, after watching a cartoon, getting Kayla breakfast, and checking online notices, Katelyn left Tim another voicemail. "Hey, did you get my last message? I need your help. Call me, okay. Love ya."

Katelyn showered, woke Sierra up, made the kids change out of the clothes they wore the day before, and started a load of laundry. When she came up from the basement, her mom was in the kitchen. "Why aren't you at school?" Her voice was loaded with sleep and heavy with smoker's lung.

Katelyn pleaded her case. They argued. Her mom didn't come around to her side. "You're going to school," she declared in her "final decision" voice. It wasn't quite a yell, but it was the warning voice.

Her mom filled a coffee cup and turned her back on Katelyn, walking to her customary seat at the table. She hacked with a nagging cough.

"I'm not goin'." Katelyn stuck her chin in the air and braced for the fight.

Her mom looked up at her. Their eyes locked. Katelyn thought she saw a moment of sympathy, or maybe it was pleading, but her mom's voice was firm. "You'll get your butt to school."

Katelyn narrowed her eyes to a squinting glare. "Mom," she started, but didn't trust her words to come out without swearing. That would be the last straw before a true blowout.

"I'm taking Sierra over to Ames in about ten minutes. I'll drop you off. Sierra's already late for school. You should have woke me up."

Katelyn stomped down the hall in disgust.

In her room, she tried Tim again. Voicemail after two rings. Katelyn wondered if he was avoiding her now, sending her calls directly to voice mail on purpose. She went back out to the kitchen and grabbed the phone book. Her mom eyed her as she finished her first cigarette, but didn't say anything.

Katelyn was used to looking something up by searching the internet, so finding the shop Tim worked at took a few minutes. A few thin pages ripped with the force of her turns.

"University Garage and Tire, this is Jake. How may I help you?" The tone of Jake's voice did not match the polite intention of the greeting. Katelyn hesitated, not wanting to get Tim in trouble, but she continued.

"Is Tim Felske there?"

The line was quiet except for the background shop noises for a moment. "No. May I help you today?"

A sigh of her own impatience escaped and she found a better question. "Does he work today? I mean, will he be in, like, is he scheduled to work today?"

"Jake" on the other end seemed to figure out she wasn't a customer and his voice lost any attempt to be polite. "Look, he isn't here and he hasn't shown up all week."

"What?"

"Tim is no longer employed here, Sweetie, so don't be calling looking for him." The line went dead.

# *****

Her mom's car pulled out of the driveway with Jacob and Kayla in the back seat and Sierra in the passenger seat. Katelyn backed away from the window and figured she had at least 40 minutes before her mom would return. She had no intention of being home when she returned. Katelyn had refused to get in the car. Her mom finally left with a look that held a promised fight.

Katelyn called Jen's phone. It was still early, before 11, but maybe she'd answer. She did. "What?"

"Mom's on her way over to Ames to drop off the Sierra and Colton at school. She's got your kids, too. I think she's planning a drop in." Katelyn didn't know that for sure, but it was somewhat gratifying to put a little panic in her sister's life. For all that Katelyn did for Jenny's kids, Jenny deserved a little stress.

"Shit," Jen already sounded in action over the phone. "We gotta clean this place up."

"You and Jodi party last night?"

"Naw, hold on," Jenny turned her voice away from the phone and talked to someone harshly, but Katelyn heard it all. "Get up. You gotta go. Come on, wake the fuck up!

"When did she leave?" Jenny ended with a barely stifled burp.

"Just now. I think she's after Jodi. She never called or showed back up for the kids."

"She wasn't here. Shit, I don't know if Jodi's even here now?" Katelyn heard cans being cleared in the background.

"Um, Jen?"

"What? I gotta go. This place is a shithole."

"Jen, I need a place to go. Stuff's going on and mom's pissed because I'm not at school. I just don't need her shit right now. Do you have wheels?"

"Naw, man. Those was Jimmy's wheels. And that mother fucker Austin hasn't given me any child support in two months."

"Jen, please."

A few muttered curses filled the moments of decision. "Awright. Hold on." This time there was muffled crinkling as Jenny talked to whoever was with her. Katelyn bit her nail.

"Yeah, be ready in 15 minutes. We're getting' out of here before mom gets here."

Katelyn tried Tim two more times before Jenny and her driver honked in the driveway. Katelyn took a jacket and her handbag. She'd come back later for her uniform before her shift. Her books sat where she left them the previous night on the chair in her room. Katelyn didn't bring home the notes and books to study for tomorrow's exams. She knew she wasn't helping herself, but there was no way Katelyn was going to school today.

# *****

Rap music blared through the two-door coupe car driven by Jenny's friend, Jerome. Katelyn was glad for the noise so she didn't have to talk. They drove her to Tim's house and stayed parked in the street as she knocked repeatedly on the front door. The bass from the car echoed up to the house despite the windows being rolled up. The day threatened to snow even though spring break was only a few days away.

Katelyn tried the doorbell one last time. She turned to see Jen waving at her to get back to the car. Katelyn held up a finger to indicate one more try. Before she turned back to the door, she heard the lock being opened and the door followed. Tim's mom stood in the opening with one hand on the door and the other on the frame. Her wiry frame didn't block much, but the expression on her face stopped Katelyn momentarily.

"Is Tim home?"

Tim's mom appeared to ponder her answer. She never made any real effort at being nice to Katelyn, but she never made an effort to be mean either. His mom had to know what they did in his room in the basement. Katelyn had stayed over many nights, especially this winter when getting out of his bed to go into the cold was too mean of an idea.

Tim's mom seemed to have just woken up recently, either that or she had a rough night. Katelyn was surprised it was her that answered the door. She worked in a trucking office or something.

"You haven't heard from him?" Tim's mom studied Katelyn closely. Katelyn understood now that she had her own form of concerns. "Was he with you? Do you know who Manny is?"

"No, I mean, I don't know where he's at." Katelyn wanted to give her something more. "He won't answer his phone. I don't know Manny. Who's he?" A few seconds of silence followed. Tim's mom had no intention of answering her. Katelyn looked at her feet. When she looked back up, Tim's mom's eyes were looking beyond Katelyn to some understanding she'd reached.

The horn of Jerome's car broke the trance. His mom shifted her eyes from the car to look straight at Katelyn. "He's not here." She gripped the door and leaned forward before she shut it. "He was doing fine. He was doing fine before you." She leaned her face forward in accusation and then retreated behind the closing door.

Katelyn stood momentarily shocked. How is this my fault? She didn't have time to think about the answer. The horn blared in an unending noise and finally stopped as she walked down the front steps. Her situation hit her. Katelyn had nowhere to go.

# *****

Jerome dropped Jenny and Katelyn off at Ashley's apartment on the south side of Northrup. Ashley lived in the same apartment building as Jenny had lived before she was kicked out. Only single mothers on government aid could live there. Ashley had one child who was already four years old. She was one year older than Jen.

Ashley seemed happy that they showed up and used the opportunity as free babysitting. "I just have to run to the store and maybe the bank. Are you sure you don't mind?" Ashley's daughter, Anna, was home from morning preschool.

Right after Ashley left, Jen went to the couch and crashed.

Now, nearly two hours later, Anna was drawing pictures, and Katelyn was starting in on another fingernail. She looked at her cell phone for the time. Nearly 3 p.m. She was supposed to work at 4 p.m. The thought of going into work and dealing with drive thru customers, along with the assistant manager constantly looking at her order fill times, made her even more anxious. She'd call in sick.

Katelyn waited on hold while the manager came to the phone. It was Brett, the new store manager. Katelyn's stomach flipped as she told her lie. "You sure you can't work? You're leaving us in a tight spot. I can't get this shift filled with this short notice."

Katelyn apologized and stored her conscience safely away while he dealt out his disappointment.

She waited a moment after hanging up and tried Tim again.

His line picked up. Katelyn's momentary surprise changed into shock when a girl's voice asked, "Hello?"

Katelyn couldn't immediately answer.

The voice began again. "Hello? Is this Kate-lyn? The same Kate-lyn who keeps harassing Tim?"

"Who is this?" Katelyn's anger flared. "Where's Tim?"

"Don't you worry about who this is, unless you keep callin'. Then you better worry 'cause I'm gonna have to take care of your ass."

"Where's Tim?" Katelyn didn't let the threat throw her off.

"He doesn't want to talk to you. What part of that don't you get. You're history and it's time for you to leave him alone. He's left you behind. Move on."

Anger and confusion struggled against each other. "Who the hell is this? Tim is my boyfriend. I don't know who you think you are, but you better get the hell away from him. Put him on the phone."

"Listen, Bitch. Move off. Tim's tired of you harassing him. I seen it. I seen him not answer your calls, and you don't stop calling. Get it through your skull. He left you."

Katelyn didn't want to believe what she was hearing, but before she could respond, the girl found a way to make it hurt. "He don't care about your damn car and your problems. Hell, your calls woke us up this morning. Looks like I'll just have to get him into bed early tonight." A cruel laugh followed her words. "Now don't fuckin' call him again!" The call was over.

# *****

"Okay, girl. I'm off." Angel had just come out of the novelty t-shirt and gift store at the mall. The assistant manager pulled down the chained metal gate after her. "Stupid prick," she muttered. "He checks my bag every night to make sure I'm not takin' anything." She threw her head back at the trend store. "Like I want any of that shit."

Katelyn had been standing outside of the store for close to an hour. Angel grabbed her arm to pull her away from the store. They walked around the corner to the closest mall exit and Angel stopped to dig into an inner pocket of her bag. She pulled out some stud piercing jewelry and smiled wickedly at Katelyn. "They're my bonus for working so hard. Pick one. Try something other than that ball." She referred to Katelyn's tongue piercing.

Katelyn looked at the four studs she held out and picked out a black rubber pointed spade. "Thanks," she said unenthusiastically. They walked and Katelyn could see that it had rained since she came into the mall over an hour ago. When Ashley had returned, Jen convinced her to take her back to Ames. Katelyn rode along and walked the rest of the way to the mall from Jodi's apartment. Katelyn needed a friend, and Angel told her to meet her after work. Katelyn hoped Angel would have some answers.

Angel and Katelyn ran to Angel's car. She hopped into the passenger seat as soon as Angel leaned over and unlocked the door for her.

After she started the car and lit a cigarette, Angel turned to Katelyn. "So," she started, already looking uncomfortable. "Yeah, like, I don't know how to talk about this. Tim's definitely wronged you and, like, I'm not gonna say you don't have every right to be pissed and all. But, I like him, too, ya know?"

"Angel, I'm not asking you to take sides. I just got to know what you know. None of this," she threw her hands up, "makes sense."

Angel took a drag before she began. "Well, like, I'm guessing the girl is Mona Adams. She went to the Academy, I guess, before I started—didn't finish, though. She's way into crank and can't think right anymore. But, like, she's still friends with Tori who still goes to the Academy with me. Anyways, a couple weeks ago she said she was at a party with Travis and saw Tim there." Angel took another drag before she continued. "Hell, I thought it was kinda weird. I assumed you were with him and that's weird, right, because you don't like him running with those crankers. But, honest, I didn't think too much into it.

"Anyways, this week Tori was asking about you and how long you and Tim were together. Stuff like that. But, like, she was talking like you were his ex. So, I asked her and she said Mona was going out with him now."

Katelyn's jaw pushed out in anger and she shook her head in disbelief. Suddenly she was very warm.

Angel jumped a little in her seat and put one hand on Katelyn's top arm, which was crossed firmly over her chest. "Hey, hey, I didn't know it was a lie. I haven't talked to you in a couple weeks and all and, when Tori said that, I thought you were just, ya know, depressed or not talking to anyone. I don't know. I thought maybe you were mad at me."

Katelyn turned. "Mad at you?"

Angel shrugged and blew smoke out the cracked window space. "Yeah, well, that party Tori was talking about? It's one of Christian's old friends."

Katelyn couldn't worry about Angel's misconceptions. She was burning inside. "Do you know where Mona lives?" Katelyn's voice was cold and hard.

Angel threw her cigarette butt out the window and turned to face Katelyn. Her face held the answer, but also a question. "Yeah, but, Kate, girl, you don't want to mess with her. She's straight up mean and usually fucked up. Ya know, you got to stay away from them. Ya never know what people will do when they're on that shit." Her voice took on a personal softness of a secret memory. "They're on top of the world with you one minute and throwing it at you the next." Angel grew quiet.

"Take me there." Angel turned to object, but Katelyn cut her off. "Angel, please, do this for me. Take me there. You don't have to go in with me. I just have to. Please, Angel, please. If you're my friend, take me there."

Angel stayed frozen for a moment and then shut her mouth again. She settled herself in to drive and put the Caprice in motion.

# *****

Less than 15 minutes later, Angel pulled up to an apartment building on the far west side of Ames. They had passed nicer, newer complexes a few blocks back, but this building was smaller, a four-plex in bad condition. The paint was peeled in places and a ripped screen dangled down from a second story frame like a black flag.

"This one?" Katelyn asked.

"Yeah, the one on the lower left."

"Thanks," and Katelyn started to reach for the door.

Angel grabbed her other arm. "I'm not leaving, okay. I'm gonna stay out here until you either call or say what you're gonna say and get out of there." She grew quieter. "I can't go in there, Katelyn. I'm in the right now. I'm getting my diploma in two months. I can't be around them no more, ya know? I'm my only hope. They're going nowhere, and I ain't going with them. Ya know?"

Katelyn had never seen Angel ever look this way before. It took a minute for her to realize that Angel wasn't just sad. The look she saw in Angel's face was fear. Katelyn gripped Angel's hand, which still rested on her arm, and squeezed. "I know." She let a moment pass and opened the door. "I won't be long, and, Angel?" she paused and looked back at her friend. "Thanks."

# *****

The rain had made the walkway wet and a few patches of leftover snow never shoveled had turned to slush. Katelyn took small steps in order to not slip and to delay whatever was coming next. If Tim was back on meth, she had to try stop him. He promised Katelyn he was done. Her jaw was still clenched and sore from a day's worth of growing anger. But, who else would try stop him? Who else loved him? Who else did he really love? He'd snap out of it for her, she thought.

Katelyn dug into her jacket and toyed with the circle pendant at her neck. Her fingers were cold against the flesh-warmed silver. She shivered. She reached the outer glass door that led into the building's entryway. A cheap light fixture lit the landing and stairs. Katelyn looked back to the street where the exhaust from Angel's car made temporary clouds against the falling snow. Katelyn opened the building's door and stepped in.

Sounds of TV's and music escaped both of the first floor apartments. Katelyn took a step closer to the one on the left that Mona supposedly rented. Incense wafted up from a stick someone had jammed into a crack in the floorboard around the entryway. Remnants of spent incense sticks made a small pile on the floor underneath it. Katelyn took a deeper inhale and found the weed smell it was intended to cover up. I can handle weed, she thought.

At the door, she paused. She could hear the booming base from a high definition TV system past the door. A car's revving and screeching sound effects followed. Katelyn heard a male voice make a comment and then Tim's laugh in response. No other voices or words followed for what felt like a few minutes.

She knocked and stood back. Katelyn twisted her tongue piercing as she waited. Nothing happened.

Katelyn stepped forward and knocked harder. She thought she heard a murmur in the male voice and then felt the light vibration of feet walking toward the door. She imagined someone looking out of the peephole. Katelyn looked away from the door. In another moment, she heard the deadbolt and then the door lock click. The door opened minimally. A skinny guy, probably around 20 years old, looked out at her. His head stuck out the door a little. He looked like that scary creature in the Lord of the Rings movie, the pale one with big eyes always after the ring. His skin was dark under his eyes and he had some red bumps over his lip. Katelyn tried not to stare or show her disgust.

"Yeah?" the guy said, annoyed and suspicious.

"I'm looking for Tim." She tried to sound bossy, tried to add an element of tough to her voice, "Tim Felske?" She didn't mean for it to come out as a question.

The guy obviously didn't find her much of a threat because he loosened his grip on the door and it opened more. He slid his head around on his neck a little, "Who wants ta know?" He turned his attention back into the apartment. "Tim? Is this your delivery?" It was clear they were expecting someone to show up. Skinny Guy looked back at her, but still threw his voice to inside the apartment. "You didn't tell me she was stacked."

Katelyn felt her face burned with embarrassment and anger.

"Get your ass in here," Tim's voice playfully came from inside the room. Skinny Guy moved away and went back in.

Katelyn only hesitated a moment before she followed. She stopped just inside the door, which she left open. Her eyes found Tim slouched in an old recliner, the footstool extended and his head leaned far back. Tim flinched forward as he saw her, slamming the footrest into the chair as he sprang forward. "Damn." He stopped himself before he fully sprang to his feet. Instead he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and bent his head into his fists. If he were in church, he would look like a tormented sinner asking for penance.

"Tim," Katelyn said.

Skinny Guy seemed to figure out Katelyn was not who Tim had expected to show up. He stood back and clear of Tim and seemed to watch him carefully to see what he'd do next.

"Tim," Katelyn repeated. "Tim—"

"What the fuck are you doing here?" His voice was even and forceful. Tim lifted his head to look at her after he finished.

"Tim, I want to talk to you. I have to talk to you."

He sat frozen, his eyes somewhat concealed by the dark room. The movie had been put on pause and the chase scene froze on Angelina Joli with her hair whipping through the air.

Tim stood up and walked around a coffee table in paced steps. He stopped just in front of her. "How'd you get here?" The voice wasn't quite as strong, but held anger and panic.

Katelyn searched Tim's eyes. She cringed and braced for anger, violence, or a greater fear that he really didn't want her anymore. She refused to believe any of it. His dark hair was ruffled, and she longed to run her hand through it to smooth it out. She tried to say everything with her eyes.

"Tim, I want to talk to you. I have to talk to you." While she talked, his face softened. She grew in her resolve. "Come with me. Let's get out of here right now. Angel's—"

Behind her, she heard the building's outer door open. A girl's voice quickly moved from the entry way to the apartment as she pushed the door open all the way. A draft of cold air followed her in. "Who the hell left my door . . .What the fuck? Who the fuck are you?"

Mona, Katelyn guessed. She was tall, a head taller than Katelyn and her dark hair pointed out around her shoulders in thousands of angry spikes. Her wide face was out of proportion to her narrow, tall legs wrapped tightly in ripped fashion denim. Her eyes were etched in layers of black eyeliner and mascara.

No one spoke. Mona looked between Tim and Katelyn and repeated the motion. Her hand planted itself on one hip as she figured out Katelyn's identity. "What the fuck are you doing in my place? Who do you think you are coming over here?" Mona had moved a step closer, but stopped and reached one hand to the bottom of her black handbag that she took from off her shoulder. She brought her hand back out and let the bag drop to the ground. Katelyn's eyes quickly focused in on the switch blade Mona now held. Mona whipped it around with a turn of her wrist and now a blade pointed at Katelyn. She backed up as Mona walked toward her.

"You don't listen so good." Mona's voice had a snarl under the words. Her eyes didn't leave Katelyn's.

Katelyn stepped back again and again, the door getting farther away, until she ran into a chair behind her. She put it in front of her quickly, but had no more room to back up. Katelyn stood as tall as she could against the wall. She had been holding her breath and now could only take short gasps. Katelyn dared to look away from Mona toward Tim. She pleaded with fear. "Help me." Katelyn could barely get the words out. Tim seemed to be an audience to the event. He simply looked at Mona to see what she would do.

"You don't get it, do you, Bitch? Shit, I don't blame Tim for wanting something better. And now he's got it. Do you need some help getting that into your fat fucking mind, Bitch?" Mona curved the knife in front of Katelyn's face. "Huh? You think he wants to help out a whore like you?"

Katelyn couldn't respond.

Angel's calm voice startled everyone. "Hey, people," Angel stood just inside the door and acted amused, "this looks like a bad fuckin' trip." Mona changed position so she could see the new intruder. Mona still held the knife pointed at Katelyn. "Whoa! Shit." Angel held out her arms in surrender. She lowered them as she stepped in closer to Mona and Katelyn. "Hey, Tim," she said in a casual tone. Tim looked at her in puzzlement but didn't respond.

"Hey," Angel said to Mona as she came closer. "So, I thought maybe I could use your bathroom since Kate was takin' so long giving Tim his money and shit. But, hey, you all might want to chill out so you don't make a really bad Law and Order episode."

At the mention of money, Mona's eyebrows raised slightly and glanced at Tim. He still stood back watching the drama, but his face didn't give away Angel's lie. In fact, Tim looked down as he put one hand in his pocket. Mona lowered the knife to her side and backed off a step. Angel grabbed the chair Katelyn held and traded places with it to put herself in between Katelyn and Mona. "So, hey, sorry to crash your party. I think I'll hold it till I get home." Angel crossed her legs in humor and turned to Katelyn. "You ready?"

Katelyn had already taken slow steps to the side, rounding her way toward the door. She took bigger steps now as Angel followed her. Angel tried to divert their attention as they passed and pointed to the screen. "Gone In 60 Seconds. Great movie! Damn, I wish I had cars like those."

Katelyn was at the door now and took one last look at Tim. He looked away when she looked at his face. Katelyn looked at all of him then. He looked thinner. Why hadn't she noticed earlier. Tim wore a black, baggy t-shirt, so he easily looked pale, but his cheeks bones stood out more. Her eyes traveled down his arms, which were slightly bent. In the bent shadow of his arm, she saw the darkness of bruises.

"Okay, see ya all later." Angel pushed her out the door and shut it behind her. Katelyn didn't waste any more time.

# *****

Angel gave her a blanket when they got back to her cousin's apartment. "Don't even think about it. Kate? Don't even go there." Angel turned on the TV in front of her and stood pushing through the channels with the remote until she landed on a Family Guy episode. "I know it hurts, but you just got to let it go. Zone out and forget about it." She put the remote beside Katelyn on the couch and went to the closet to grab a pillow. Angel threw it on the couch beside Katelyn and then went to her bag. She was back beside Katelyn with her little tin of pills. She opened it and held out two little white pills. "Sleep, baby. Time will heal all."

Katelyn shook her head. She was incredibly tired.

"You sure? It's your favorite, Vicodin." Katelyn stared at them with disgust. She stuffed the pillow under her head and curled up on the couch. Angel put the pills away and threw open the blanket above her. "Alright, just sleep." The blanket settled around Katelyn's form, and Katelyn's eyes closed.

Angel was about to walk to her bedroom, but Katelyn's cell phone was on the arm of the couch. After a moment of indecision, Angel quietly picked it up and changed the ring setting to silent. Katelyn stayed still on the couch.

# *****

New message from Tim: "LYING BITCH."

New voice message from Mom: "Katelyn, where are you? That's enough of your games. Get home now. You have school tomorrow and you're going. Expect to be grounded for spring break if you don't."

New message from Tim: "Come on back. Dare ya"

New message from Tim: "Who do u think u r better than now! Cunt"

New voice message from Mom: "Katelyn, you're in enough trouble for leaving the kids with Brianna all night. Your dad didn't come home and she had to watch them by herself. (silent pause). McDonalds called. I know you lied to them. Don't make matters any worse. You need to call and let me know where you're at and get home. Now."

New message from Tim: "He's calling my name now"

New message from Tim: "Never loved u. Aint ever had it this good."

New message from Tim: "Fat bitch, fat whore, fat fat fat fat"

Missed call from Mom

Missed call from Mom

Missed call from Mom

New voice message from Mom: "Katelyn, I need to know you're okay. You can't miss any more school."

New voice message from Tim: "Hey, uh. I was pretty fucked up last night and don't remember it all, but I think Mona got a hold of my phone. Uh, well, thought you should know."

New voice message from Mom: "The school called. You didn't show up. I'm calling the cops if I don't hear from you within one hour."

# *****

On her way out the door, Angel shook Katelyn awake. "Hey, Kate. Katelyn."

Katelyn woke slowly and pushed herself up. After a look around, she recalled coming to Angel's place, the sharp point of Mona's blade in her face, and Tim's rejection.

"Hey, I've gotta be at the Academy by 1:00 today, but I can take you home first if we leave now. You can just crash here all day, too. My cousin won't be around till after 5. I don't have to work tonight and you can go over to Dave house with me. Hands off, though, he just might be my Romeo," Angel laughed, but then saw the poor timing of her joke. "Sorry."

On the ride back to Northrup, Katelyn read her messages and listened to her calls. Angel stayed silent as Katelyn reread each aloud. When Katelyn finished and sat in her own silence, Angel said, "Time, give it time, girl. None of this matters tomorrow anyway. Not really."

They pulled up to her house. Angel stifled a laugh. "What the hell's all over your yard? Did your basement flood or something?"

Katelyn shook her head in embarrassment. Tools and construction supplies littered the yard, leftovers from her dad's yard sale attempt. "Don't ask." Angel gave her a sympathetic look as Katelyn pulled herself from the car. She waved at Angel as she backed out of the drive.

Too late, Katelyn realized she failed to do a car check to see who was home. A construction truck was parked in the street. That meant her dad was home, riding with someone on a crew.

Angel's car was already pulling away. Katelyn considered walking away, but didn't have time.

"Get your ass in here!" Her mom had one foot out on the step and the other still in the house. Her red face reached out past the open screen door. Her blonde hair, the same as Katelyn's original color, scrambled together in a restless mess.

Katelyn didn't dare run. Early on in her childhood, the primal urge to escape lost out to the fear of what would happen if she did run. Out of obedient fear, she followed her mom back into the house. Defeat weighed down each of her footsteps.

Inside, Katelyn quickly figured out where everyone was in the house. Kayla and Jacob were in the living room watching the TV. She couldn't tell if her dad was in the bedroom or downstairs. Most likely he was downstairs.

Her mom didn't censor herself anymore or try to control her yelling. There were no deep inhales or silent counting measures to keep calm. Katelyn wondered if her mom would ever go back to the "no yelling" agreement someday.

The lecture went from one of Katelyn's wrongs to another. Sometimes her mom backtracked to hit the last one again, several times. "Irresponsible . . ." and "selfish . . ." and "failing . . ." and "count on you . . ." and "your future . . ." and "trouble behavior" made appearances amid a slew of her mom's favorite curses.

Even though the yelling hadn't been aimed at her for a few years, Katelyn automatically slipped into a silent slouch against the counter. She kept her eyes on the floor in front of her except for a brief glance up in response to "You look at me when I'm talking to you." Katelyn knew not to interrupt. Her mom had a long fuse when lit, but eventually she would burn out.

The next stage began. "I try . . ." and "only want . . ." and "expect from you . . ." and "Is that too much to ask?" came out ladled with guilt. Katelyn knew to look up a few times with humble expressions to make her mom know she was listening.

And then, it was silent. Or, at least, her mom had stopped. A cartoon blared from the TV. Kayla must have turned it up to try cover up the yelling.

"What are you going to do about school?" Her mom's voice was still serious and heavy, but back to normal volume.

Katelyn shrugged. "I dunno." She didn't know.

"Gorman called. You missed two days of midterm exams. He says you won't have enough credits to be a junior."

Katelyn shrugged, but her heart beat faster inside.

"Unexcused means the teachers don't have to let you make them up." Again, Katelyn stayed silent. She saw her mom look at the clock. There was no way Katelyn would make her last test today. "You better get your ass in there on Monday and talk to them."

"It's spring break," Katelyn muttered. "There's no school."

"You still better get over there and clear it with the office. You are grounded until you take those tests."

"Mom," Katelyn lightly protested, "they're all gone. School'll be closed."

A strong knocking came at the door and startled them both. Katelyn took the interruption as a chance to get out of her mom's lecture, at least momentarily. She went out into the living room and pulled back the sheer curtain to see a police cruiser in her driveway. She jumped back and faced her mom who had followed her from the kitchen. "Cops," she said.

"Damn it." Her mom said as she headed for the side door. "I called them this morning when you didn't show up." She threw Katelyn a loaded look of guilt and opened the door.

Two officers stood outside the door, one slightly back and on a lower step than the other. Both had one hand free and close to their unsnapped weapon holsters. Their black uniforms stood out sharply against the fresh layer of snow melting behind them.

"I'm sorry. I forgot to call." Her mom began as she opened the screen door. "She's home."

The first officer looked momentarily confused but quickly recovered. "Mam, we have a warrant for the arrest of Brian Wells and a warrant to search the premises."

# *****

Her dad went with the police after a verbal protest. They put handcuffs on him in the house and read him his rights. "You are charged with the intent to distribute methamphetamine." When they asked him if he had any drugs on his person, he acted offended and denied any drug use. They searched him and found nothing. More cops came and searched the house. They eventually found the fresh ounce of pure meth her dad bought from an undercover narcotics officer that morning. Within minutes, the street was filled with black and whites. Neighbors stood in their driveways. Katelyn saw a few take pictures with their cell phones as the cops led her dad to a marked car and ducked him in the backseat handcuffed.

The next day at the arraignment, the judge denied her dad bail. Her dad was a "high flight risk" based on his history.

Jenny had appeared before they left for the arraignment. She took Kayla and Jacob with her. Her subsidized apartment came through and she needed the kids to complete her role of single mother. Katelyn's mom didn't put up an argument.

Katelyn missed her shift on Saturday in order to go court with her mom. "Don't bother coming back to work," the assistant manager snidely informed her before she hung up.

So, the house was quiet for what turned out to be days. Her mom mostly sat at the table and smoked. Katelyn avoided her by staying in her room. Sometimes she could hear her mom mumbling into the phone, probably to her grandma or her aunt in Minneapolis. There were going to be some money issues to work out. It looked like her dad would be locked up for a long time, and a lawyer was going to be expensive.

Uncle Russ stopped over and there were hushed words after Katelyn was asked to leave the room. When Katelyn came back out, her mom and Russ were both silent, heads down in thought at the table.

"Uncle Russ, would you look at my car? I need to get it fixed."

"Sure, kid." He looked over at her mom and they shared a look that said its own sad apology without a word spoken. Russ wasn't in any shape to help out her family. The pale hurt of honesty was one Katelyn recognized now.

Brianna seemed to disappear. She came home after the police had left and quickly found a friend's house to stay the night. Monday morning she came back to get some more clothes. Her mom didn't try to keep her home. It was spring break.

Katelyn tried to fill the silence with her music. All her new CDs were from Tim. Listening to them, she realized they only triggered more thoughts and memories of her Tim, the one she loved, not the jerk she saw last week. She didn't want to think of him, not if she couldn't have him anymore. Angel was right. Each day without Tim made him more of a memory. But, each day seemed just as sad as the last.

Tuesday night, Tim's text lit up her phone.

"I want to see u. Things got all messed up. Let me explain. T."

She waited until her mom left for work Wednesday morning. She spent half an hour on the right words for her reply, and finally sent what felt right: "I'm coming to get my stuff. Explain if you can. I'll be there in an hour."

Katelyn threw on a jacket, locked the door to the empty house, walked past tools still in the yard, and headed to Tim's house with steps both heavy and light with mixed possibility.

Chapter 22: Full Circle

A beeping alarm woke Katelyn from a deep sleep. If she were in her own bed, she would have drifted back to sleep, but the hospital room instantly took shape as she opened her eyes. The beeping came from outside of her room, down a hall. Footsteps made their way past her door and the beeping stopped. A low hum from the dim light behind her hospital bed filled the silence.

Katelyn turned her head to look at the other side of the room and was met with pain. Her neck was stiff and her head throbbed. Tim, she remembered. Tim did this to me.

A hospital version of a lazy boy chair sat next to the bed. Her mom reclined in its blue fake leather upholstery. A white hospital blanket wrinkled over her frame. She was asleep.

_She stayed with me_ , Katelyn thought and turned her head back into her pillow and drifted into sleep again.

# *****

"Looks like you're getting out of here," her morning nurse came into the room with her chart and began turning off machines and taking off tubes. "I just need some last readings and the doctor will clear you." The nurse had Katelyn's arm in a blood pressure wrap before Katelyn could fully register what she was doing. The pain medicine had finally kicked in. The doctor didn't want her on any the previous night since she was being watched for a concussion. All she wanted to do after her mom took her to the emergency room in Ames was to sleep. The nurses didn't let her until after they took all their x-rays.

After she made it away from Tim's house, she found her phone in her jacket pocket, but it was in two pieces. It must have taken one of Tim's kicks. Katelyn had kept walking, aware that she was stumbling and was bleeding from her arm and somewhere on her head. At the end of the next street, an older man was pulling into his driveway ahead of her. He had wanted to call an ambulance and the police, but Katelyn convinced him she just needed to call her mom.

After x-rays and stitches, two police officers walked into the partitioned emergency room area where she waited for the next medical decision. Her mom had called the cops. Two of them came over from Northrup to take the report. She recognized one cop from her dad's arrest. Katelyn gave them the details, surprising herself with how mechanically she answered their questions and described the beating.

"Do you have reason to believe Tim is taking drugs?" one asked.

Katelyn stared beyond them. "Ya," she muttered, "Yes."

"What is he on, Katelyn? We need to know what we're sending police into when we pick him up."

Katelyn glanced at her mom, who had been in and out of her room all evening. "Maybe X. He does a lot of pot, too." She lifted a hand to find a fingernail to chew on, but the movement set off a pain in her rib cage. "Maybe, um," she hesitated.

"Katelyn, he put you in the hospital. He needs to be stopped. He needs help." The officer's voice was more authoritative than kind, but it unlocked the rest of her secret.

"Last week I think I saw track marks on his arm, but he usually smokes ice. Shooting is for hard cores. He had only done that once. And," she remembered Mona, "he might be snorting crank now." Katelyn finished softly and could feel her mom's anger without looking at her. Katelyn kept her eyes low.

The officers asked her a series of other questions about contacts and sources. Katelyn told them what she could about Mona, the apartment, Travis, and Christian's connections. She didn't talk about her dad. She could tell the cops assumed a connection, but they didn't ask.

Finally, after the cops left, an orderly transferred her to a hospital room for overnight observation. Katelyn managed to get some sleep in between vital checks.

"So, here are the instructions on changing bandages for your stitches on your arm. The stitches on the back of your head are fewer in number. No shampooing for a few days so the tape doesn't wash away." The nurse continued to hand her mom papers while she directed her comments at Katelyn. "The bruised pelvic and cracked rib are going to be quite sore. Limit movement and take the prescription pain medicine as needed. You need a waiver for school or PE?" Katelyn worked the words through her mind slowly, but her mom nodded.

"She's on spring break but will be back in school next week."

"Well, just ask the doctor."

The nurse paused for a moment and changed tone slightly. "Katelyn, there's a special nurse who's going to come talk to you shortly. Ms. Wells, it might be best if she could speak to her alone." It was almost a question, but still another instruction. Her mom nodded. The nurse continued, "Alrighty, doctor should be around soon and we'll wheel you out. It was a short stay, Katelyn, and that's a good thing. Good luck to you."

After 15 minutes of not saying anything to each other, her mom got up and grabbed her purse. "Be right back." Katelyn knew she was going outside to smoke.

Katelyn wanted her bedroom, but at the same time, didn't want to go home. Somehow, this place was a safe base, like in the hide-and-seek game, where no one could tag someone out. Here, Katelyn didn't have to think of what happened with Tim or with her dad. She didn't have to worry about anyone. Her next movements were decided for her by people with charts and a plan to follow.

The door opened while it was being knocked. A short petite woman walked in with what was either the same chart all the people walked in with or a new one. The woman also carried a thick folder. She was dressed in a darker blue uniform than the other nurses who Katelyn had seen in the past 24 hours. "Katelyn Wells? Hi, Katelyn. My name is Peggy. I'm a resident counselor here at Greeley."

"Hi," Katelyn simply said, even though it looked like the woman was going to go on whether she responded or not.

"In cases like yours—it seems you've had some violence against you?"

Katelyn stared at the woman. What did she say her name was? Katelyn gave up, assuming she would not really need to know in the long run.

"Well, in cases like yours, we want you to leave here knowing your options. You didn't report any sexual abuse. Is there anything you'd like to tell me?" The woman paused and looked at Katelyn expectantly, her chin stuck forward. "What you tell me is completely confidential."

Katelyn blushed at the question. Now that she thought about it, the last time she and Tim had sex was over two weeks ago. "No, nothing like that," she said softly.

"Well, you've been through a lot and have options if you want help sorting out your feelings."

The woman went on to bring out several brochures and point out hotline numbers as the main highlight of each. Katelyn couldn't bring herself to focus on any of them. Whatever pain medicine they had given her was way more powerful than the Vicodin Angel usually gave her. Finally, the woman in blue finished, but reached out to hold on to Katelyn's arm.

"Katelyn, it's important that you know this wasn't your fault." Katelyn wondered how many times the woman had to give her practiced speech each day.

Katelyn pulled her arm out from under the nurse's hand. How many girls end up on the floor getting beat by the one they love? If it's not my fault, whose fault is it? How can it be just Tim's fault? I should have seen this coming. I am the only one he listens to.

"You don't understand. No offense, but look at you." Katelyn did her own survey of this woman--straight laced, comfy shoes, no makeup, probably a church-goer with a newer car that starts every time. "You don't know my life, people like me. You probably love someone normal, someone without a real problem."

Blue Woman didn't flinch, her gaze never left Katelyn's face. Katelyn couldn't keep eye contact. "You think we're different. We are. But one thing we both have in common is the right to keep ourselves safe." Blue Woman took a moment for dramatic pause. "Love is a very powerful thing to learn. What does it look like, feel like, and act like? Loving someone is a gift, Katelyn. No one's asking you to stop. But what you got back wasn't love."

Tears built up in Katelyn's eyes and she turned away from the nurse.

"Love shouldn't hurt you, Katelyn. If it does, it's time to love yourself enough to leave."

Katelyn gave the blue nurse the understanding nod she needed in order for her to leave. It was enough.

# *****

The week finished quickly and with more developments. Her dad remained in jail. His case was to be heard within the month. They couldn't afford a lawyer, so they had to use the court appointed one. Katelyn heard her mom leave many messages for the lawyer, but rarely heard the phone ring in reply. Either way, best case scenario, Katelyn understood that her dad was not going to be home for a long time. If the judge followed the rules, her dad was looking at five years.

Kayla and Jacob were back at the house in the evenings by the weekend. Jenny had supposedly started a stocking job at a department store in Ames. Her mom agreed to watch the kids again since it was second shift. So, that meant Katelyn had to watch them. So far, Jenny had picked up the kids on schedule in the mornings. Secretly, Katelyn was glad to have them back to fill up the silence of the house.

Katelyn's mom bought her a new cell phone to replace her broken one. Katelyn accessed a string of voice messages. Katelyn shook her head as she deleted one insult or threat after another from Tim.

Katelyn's mom showed her the local paper that listed Tim's arrest and charge: assault in the first degree and illegal use of a schedule II drug.

Sunday night rolled around. Katelyn's stitches itched. Her rib and tailbone were still sore, but healing. Her black eye wasn't as swollen and she could mostly cover it up with makeup. Still, she couldn't face going back to school. Katelyn pictured the looks her classmates would give her, the questions the teachers would ask, the rumors Maci would start, and the amount of work and tests waiting to be made up.

"Mom, you have to call me in."

Her mom took a loaded inhale and then seemed to soften. "Katelyn, you have to go back." Her voice was firm, but also held sympathy.

"Mom, I can't do it." Her mom didn't say anything, but looked at her with quiet eyes. Katelyn's voice caught. "I don't fit there. No one's there for me and they'll all know about Tim. Mom, you don't know what it's like. They're mean. And, and . . . it's stupid. I don't need any of that shit anyways."

Her mom didn't change position, but seemed to grow firmer in her expression. Katelyn recognized the look and tried a new path of logic. "I missed all the exams. I'll probably flunk everything this quarter anyway." She saw her mom's eyes shift in calculation. "It's too much, Mom. I'll never get caught up."

"I'll help you, Katelyn." Katelyn turned to see Kayla standing just outside the kitchen where she and her mom were leaning against opposite counters. "You can be in my school, Katelyn. Everyone gets a gold star." Katelyn had to smile at her niece's idea and act of kindness. It took a moment for her to realize Kayla finally pronounced her name correctly.

"I want to see you graduate, Kate." Her mom pushed off from the counter and stepped up to her. She stopped directly in front of Katelyn. Katelyn lowered her head in submission. But, her mom reached out and lifted her chin. "Just once. At least once, I want to have a daughter graduate, have a daughter walk across that stage." Katelyn thought she saw her mom's eyes watering. "I want you to cross that stage."

Her mom's arms circled her shoulders and pulled Katelyn to her. Kayla joined them, grabbing one of each of their legs. Small parts of Katelyn's body protested in aching pain, but she knew those were just temporary. Katelyn could handle pain. So, she let herself be held by a mom that rarely trusted her own touch and a child still full of trust. Katelyn put one arm around her mom and reached the other down to cup the back of Kayla's tangled hair, completing the circle.

Chapter 23: Cycles

**Cycle of a Circle, by Katelyn Wells**

A circle is separate than its cycle.

The route is round:

Hands wind, numbers flip and time passes.

Yet time frees what is locked together by nature.

Each spin is hope, choice, and life.

Only the looping path is determined, each round is new.

Change your clothes, plant some flowers, bring a friend;

The alternate journey undiscovered begs another turn.

"Can we go now?" Kayla slouched next to Katelyn on the metal chair. Her whine made the woman on the opposite side of Kayla glance over in disapproval. Jacob sat content on Katelyn's lap playing a simple slashing game on her phone. "You said we could get ice cream."

Katelyn sighed and leaned down to whisper to her niece. "The good part is coming right up. I promise. We'll go to Scoops right after."

Kayla gave her own sigh and slouched down.

Katelyn didn't blame the girl for her whining. The current speech was bad, a smart kid talking about not closing doors to the future. All of that studying and racing to get to be Valedictorian and this was the best he could do? Plus, it was hot in the school gymnasium. Even from the back row seats, Katelyn could see the sweat shine on the principal's bald head. He was stuffed into a suit for the occasion, one that apparently hadn't aged with the health of his gut.

After a few minutes, a round of applause announced the end of the scholar's speech. A quick check of the crumpled Commencement Ceremony program confirmed that the awarding of the diplomas was up next. Others also pulled to attention around her as the first of the names were called and graduates lined up alphabetically next to the stage. Katelyn looked at the list of names. All of them were Ames High School students unknown to her. She didn't know Angel's last name and panicked as she didn't find even her first name within her second check through the list. She said she'd be here!

Katelyn watched a few more students cross the stage, one getting a round of laughs as he strutted a short performance in flip flops, took his diploma, and then addressed the crowd with a deep bow.

"Where's Angel?" Katelyn voiced her concern. Kayla, who had become curious as to the cause of the laughter now kneeled up in her chair to see above the heads in front of her.

"There she is," Kayla's youthful voice said with pride at having the answer. She pointed to a new line of students now walking to refill the alphabetical line up. Sure enough, Angel, her long dark hair curled to perfection extending from under her cap, was about 15 students back. Katelyn ran her finger down the list again.

Angelica Maria de Angelo

_Wow,_ thought Katelyn, _I guess just "Angel" seems modest now_.

Katelyn waited patiently as the students in front of Angel were called. The family members watching had started to loosen up, though. An air horn had made an appearance twice now and proud cheers from students and sometimes parents would burst out with pride.

"Angelica Maria de Angelo."

Katelyn stood to get a full view, dropping Jacob on the seat, and Kayla jumped up to stand on her own chair. From somewhere on the other side of the gym a hoot echoed. Katelyn added her own. "Go Angel!" And Kayla echoed her in a smaller voice.

"Go Angel!"

Angel paused at the top of the riser stairs, took a deep breath, and then held her head high as she sailed on three inch high heels across the stage. A smile stayed on her face as she shook the principal's hand and made her way off.

Katelyn picked Jacob back up and sat down, staying still until the goose bumps left her arms. Her niece's small hands grabbed her free one.

"Katelyn, can I do that someday?"

Katelyn turned to the beautiful wide eyes of her niece and smiled.

"Sure, Kiddo. You bet." Kayla beamed in response. Katelyn put her arm around Kayla and held her to her side. She turned her face into the top of Kayla's head and said her own words of encouragement to herself. "Me first, Kiddo, me first."

Acknowledgements

Katelyn's story, although fictional, is based on the determination I witnessed in the lives of youth I admired. Each of us is determined by our reaction to circumstances. As a teacher, I learned a great lesson from students who overcame adverse conditions or great traumas. They took on the challenge to change and succeed. Special thanks to Courtney, in particular, for your determination.

At the time of this writing, 25% of students in the United States drop out from high school. A story exists behind each of those cases.

Special gratitude goes out to all who encouraged the writing and publication of this story: Mike, for reawakening the words; my family, who read and encouraged me; and my friends, who critiqued and shared a belief in reaching goals.

Follow Pick-Me-Up on Facebook at <https://www.facebook.com/pickmeupbycecilialafrance>, or email comments to Cecilia LaFrance at pickmeupnovel@gmail.com.

