

AMANDA MARTIN

TWO-HUNDRED STEPS HOME

VOLUME SIX

Amanda Martin was born in Hertfordshire in 1976. After graduating with first class honours from Leeds University she wandered around the world trying to find her place in it. She tried various roles, in England and New Zealand, including Bar Manager, Marketing Manager, Consultant and Artist, before deciding that Writer/Mummy best summed her up. She lives in Northamptonshire with her husband, two children and labradoodle Kara and can mostly be found at http://writermummy.wordpress.com or on Twitter or Facebook.

_Two-Hundred Steps Home_ is her latest work. Amanda is writing the novel in daily instalments on her WriterMummy blog as part of her 2013 365 post-a-day challenge. This ebook is Volume 6 and contains the 30 instalments from June. To catch up on earlier volumes visit Smashwords.

COPYRIGHT

Published by 3AD Publishing at Smashwords

Copyright © Amanda Martin 2013

Amanda Martin asserts the moral right to be  
identified as the author of this work

Also by Amanda Martin:

Two-Hundred Steps Home: Volume 1

Two-Hundred Steps Home: Volume 2

Two-Hundred Steps Home: Volume 3

Two-Hundred Steps Home: Volume 4

Two-Hundred Steps Home: Volume 5

Two-Hundred Steps Home: Volume 7

Two-Hundred Steps Home Volume 8

Dragon Wraiths

Baby Blues and Wedding Shoes

This novel is entirely a work of fiction although based loosely on the YHA Hostels of England and Wales. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author's imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved.

Thank you for downloading this free ebook. Although this is a free book, it remains the copyrighted property of the author, and may not be reproduced, copied and distributed for commercial or non-commercial purposes. If you enjoyed this book, please encourage your friends to download their own copy at Smashwords.com, where they can also discover other works by this author. Thank you for your support.

http://www.amanda-martin.co.uk

http://writermummy.wordpress.com
TABLE OF CONTENTS

Title

Copyright

One

Two

Three

Four

Five

Six

Seven

Eight

Nine

Ten

Eleven

Twelve

Thirteen

Fourteen

Fifteen

Sixteen

Seventeen

Eighteen

Nineteen

Twenty

Twenty-One

Twenty-Two

Twenty-Three

Twenty-Four

Twenty-Five

Twenty-Six

Twenty-Seven

Twenty-Eight

Twenty-Nine

Thirty

About the Author
ONE

Claire sat, cradling her phone, and stared at the scuffed vinyl floor. She waited for relief to come, but it didn't.

I have a place to stay until my wrist gets better, why doesn't that make me feel better?

Her mind churned with turbulent thoughts, until she couldn't distinguish which was most urgent _._

How am I going to get to Kim's? I need to collect my things from the Snow dome and the hostel, collect my car – assuming it hasn't been towed – and get to Cambridgeshire. All I want to do is sleep.

Aware that the helpful nurse was watching her from behind the reception desk, Claire raised her phone and pretended to read messages. It was amazing how easy it was to look busy, holding a phone. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the nurse turn away to deal with a new arrival.

Solutions refused to surface from the choppy sea in her head, and Claire was about to admit defeat when the phone began to vibrate. Startled, she looked at the screen, wondering who would be calling late on a Friday afternoon.

_Kim? Please don't let her be ringing to tell me I can't stay._ Claire swallowed, aware of the dryness of her throat, and put the phone to her ear.

"Hi, Kim, what's up?"

"It's not Kim, it's Jeff."

"Jeff? Why are you calling? Is Kim okay? I only spoke to her a minute ago."

"Whoa, steady." Jeff's deep voice exuded calm. "Kim's fine. She says you're coming to visit. I'm glad she'll have company while I'm away this weekend."

"I hope that's okay? I don't want to intrude."

"Don't be silly." Jeff chuckled, an unnervingly sexy sound. "Kim was worried that you'd try to drive the Skoda, when the docs have told you not to. I called to ask if you have Breakdown Cover?"

"Er, sure, yes. Since the Skoda overheated. I don't think it covers injury though."

"I wouldn't be so certain. Some policies cover you for illness, if you're unable to drive. And you're only coming fifty miles. If not, I can talk you through disabling the car so that the breakdown guys won't be able to get it going. You have Relay, I take it?"

Claire tried to process Jeff's words. He sounded so assured and in control that she didn't want to question what he was saying. Something niggled at her, though.

"Isn't that fraud?"

Jeff laughed, a deep, rolling sound, like a timpani drum. "Yes, I suppose so. But you've paid for your cover, and you are stranded, even if it's you that's broken rather than the car."

"Well, when you put it like that..." Claire tried to think through the pounding in her skull. She wished she had someone smart and competent to sort out her problems. As the thought drifted traitorously through her mind, another yelled out, _Don't be so pathetic. You're a Twenty-First Century Gal. You don't need a man to bail you out._ A third voice - quieter, more thoughtful - said, _Need, no. Want, yes._

Claire murmured her thanks to Jeff and promised to call if she needed to resort to disabling the Skoda. She hung up the phone and flicked through her emails until she found the Breakdown policy. A quick scan lifted her spirits, and she called the helpline number.

"Yes, Ms Carleton, we do offer Compassionate Relay, in some circumstances. Can you explain why you are too ill to drive?"

"I'm currently sat in A&E, my car is on the other side of town and my clothes in a third location. I have a sprained wrist, wrapped in heavy bandaging, and I've been informed I am not allowed to drive for 48 hours at least."

There was silence as the Customer Advisor processed Claire's impassioned words.

"I see. Please wait."

Claire ran her hand through her hair and yearned for coffee. Her breathing felt shallow as if there was insufficient oxygen in the room. Eventually the phone clicked and she heard the sound of the line reconnecting.

"Ms Carleton? I've checked with my supervisor and we are prepared to offer assistance. We're not able to help you collect your possessions, but if you can gather them and wait with your vehicle, someone will arrive to take you to your destination within the hour."

Claire hung up, and surged into action. She felt like Annika Rice with a new challenge.

I'll get a taxi to run me to the hostel and back to the snow dome. Carl will have to just suck up my expenses this month.

With a fresh lease of life, Claire strode from A&E and flagged down a vacant taxi.

***

TWO

Claire looked at the bright green numbers on the dash and scrunched her eyes, as if to block out what they said.

It's nearly midnight. Kim is going to be livid. She's pregnant, the last thing she needs is her mate turning up on the doorstep like Cinderella's pumpkin.

Outside the window the streets became familiar, as the breakdown truck finally neared its destination. Rather than anticipation, Claire's stomach knotted with tension and her eyes itched with unshed tears.

Despite the Customer Advisor's assurances that the Skoda would be picked up within the hour, it had been over two before assistance arrived. Time enough for Claire to check out of the hostel, track down a security guard to retrieve her belongings from the Snow Dome lockers, and unstick the parking ticket from her windscreen.

Relief that the Skoda hadn't been towed was short-lived as Claire watched the time tick past on her smartphone clock, like she was in some low-budget movie. She didn't dare venture in search of coffee in case the breakdown driver arrived in her absence. As a result she greeted him with a tongue-lashing when he did arrive, to which he merely shrugged and said, by way of explanation, "Friday night, love."

They were the last words spoken between them. The relatively short journey to Kim's house had taken much longer in the breakdown truck and Claire had been torn between trying to make conversation and risking a nap that might result in her slumped, slack-jawed and drooling, against the driver's shoulder. In the end she opted for silence.

Now, with Kim's house around the corner, Claire wondered if she was doing the right thing.

Do I want to be in a house of hormones and happy families? At least I won't have to listen to them shagging endlessly, if Jeff's away.

She tried to recall something from Ruth's pregnancy with Sky, so she could offer support if required. With a start, Claire realised she didn't even remember her sister being pregnant.

I guess I was too busy climbing the career ladder to have time for babies. Poor Ruth, no wonder she feels Robert and I neglect her. Mind you, she was still with Chris then: she didn't need me.

At last they were parked outside Kim's house, and the silent driver climbed down to release the winch securing Claire's Skoda to his lorry. With a, "Where do you want it, love?" he followed the gestured response, handed Claire some paperwork to sign, and left.

Poor bloke, I wonder if he'll get it in the neck from the Missus, being out late on a Friday night? Tough job.

Claire shouldered her rucksack and headed for the porch, praying Kim wasn't already asleep. Before she reached the door it was flung open and Kim bustled out, her face split in a wide grin.

"Claire, you're here at last! Let's see your wrist, you poor thing. Come in, come in, I've just been watching Graham Norton. How was the trip? Was Jeff useful? He was glad he managed to catch you before he had to leave. I saw the breakdown truck – did you have to disable the car, or did they take pity on your poorly arm?"

While the words spilled forth, Kim ushered Claire in and walked her to the spare room to dump her bag.

_Waddled is probably more accurate._ Claire watched her friend's progress through the house and marvelled that she seemed to be so much more pregnant than when she'd seen her two weeks earlier.

How is that possible? It's like the baby has doubled in size in a fortnight.

Eventually, Kim paused to catch her breath, and Claire was able to speak. She wasn't used to this garrulous version of her oldest friend, and keeping up was using the last of her energy. After the long silence of the last few hours, her throat felt dry and her mouth unable to form words. She swallowed, searching for something simple to say.

"You look well."

"Do you think so? I feel completely haggard, but Jeff says I've reached the blooming stage – you know, with the flawless skin and glossy hair. Just about makes up for the swollen ankles and the weird dreams and the endless need to pee. Plus I've suddenly started to sway like an elephant when I walk. How embarrassing is that? It's like I suddenly got super-pregnant overnight. So much for trying to get married without it being obvious. Mind you, I tried on a gorgeous dress this week that's perfect and, with a bit of breathing in, I should be okay. The wedding's only two weeks away, can you believe it?"

Claire's brain drowned under the deluge of words. The last sentence shone through her murky mind like a ray of sunlight. Her face must have revealed her shock, because Kim suddenly clapped both hands to her mouth.

"Oh crap, I didn't tell you yet, did I? One of the hostels we've been investigating had a last minute cancellation – seems the groom got cold feet and went to warm them in Barbados – so we've been able to book it. We're begging friends and family to try and come, though we know it's short notice. And it's the bank holiday weekend. You'll be able to come, thought, won't you, Claire?"

Kim looked at her properly for the first time since her arrival, and Claire saw that her face did look smooth and radiant, although marred by a frown as she waited for her friend's answer.

A wedding. Lovely. Just what I need to confirm my spinster status – to attend a wedding on my own and field a hundred questions about my love life and all I've achieved since school. It'll be worse than a reunion.

Kim's face became taut with tension and Claire realised she hadn't responded to a question that should have elicited an immediate answer.

"Of course I will, Kim. You're my best friend, of course I'll be there."

***

THREE

"Morning, sleepy head."

Claire turned towards the noise and prised open sticky eyes. Kim was standing beside the bed, a cup of tea in one hand, a plate of toast in the other.

"I thought you might be hungry, as you said you didn't eat dinner yesterday." Kim slid the cup and plate on the bedside table, then perched on the edge of the bed.

"How are you feeling this morning? How's the wrist?"

Claire wriggled upright, blinking her eyes into focus. "How are you so fresh and awake? What time is it?"

"It's around 11am."

"What?" Claire jerked, as if to leap out of bed. Kim held out a restraining hand, and smiled.

"Shhh don't get up. It's fine, you needed sleep. Sleep is the best healer."

"Kim, I haven't slept in until lunchtime in years." _Well, not without an incentive to stay in bed at any rate._

"You've had an accident, you need to rest." She tilted her head, and grinned. "Besides, I need you awake to discuss wedding plans with me later. My concern is purely selfish."

Claire looked up at her friend, noticing for the first time the blonde roots showing through the bright red hair. As if sensing her scrutiny, Kim put a hand to her head and smiled sheepishly.

"I had to stop dying it, when I found out I was pregnant. Looks like I'm going to have to wear a wig after all. Not sure what I'm going to do for the wedding. I can't decide whether to get a blonde wig and look like me, or get you to pin it up so the roots don't show." Kim stopped abruptly. "Sorry, I'm wittering on again. I talked your ear off last night, when you arrived, didn't I?"

Claire shook her head, hoping it seemed sincere. She reached for her tea, to mask any expression on her face that might give her away.

"I did, I know. I'm sorry. It's just I seem to be bottling words at the moment. There's so much going on in my life, in my head, and Jeff isn't here all that much. We're in rehearsals stage at work, so there's no time to chat..." She trailed off, as if unwilling to explain her need to talk with yet more words.

"What about your Mum, can you talk to her? Not that it isn't nice to talk to you." Claire's words slurred with tiredness, and she took another gulp of hot tea.

"I don't really feel comfortable talking to Mum. I know she isn't thrilled about the pregnancy, and the wedding being all rushed."

"I thought it was Jeff's parents insisting you get married before the baby arrives." Claire cradled the mug and let the steam warm her face.

"They didn't insist, we guessed. No one has really said anything, it's all just dark looks and sharp intakes of breath."

Claire tried to remember Kim's parents. From what she could recall, Kim had a great relationship with them. Much more open and loving than hers. She remembered hearing Kim's mother call, 'I love you' as Kim ran in to school. Kim would yell her answer over her shoulder, long hair flying, face bright with joy. _I don't think I've ever told my parents I love them, or heard them say it to me._

"Maybe you need to sit and have a good chat with your Mum. She doesn't seem the disapproving type. Perhaps she's worried about saying the wrong thing, or getting in your way, over-stepping the mark. It must be tough for her, too."

Kim stared at the floral duvet cover, a crease between her brows. The girls sat silent for a few moments, the only sound the slurp of Claire's tea.

"You're right."

Kim's sudden words made Claire jump, and she was thankful the mug was empty.

"I need to call her. I don't want to plan this wedding, or have this baby, without my Mum. Will you excuse me?"

Claire nodded, envious of Kim's decisiveness. Her friend disappeared from the room, leaving Claire to eat her cold toast alone.

***

FOUR

"How's your Mum?"

"She's great. Thank you so much for suggesting I talk to her. You were right – she's been so worried about being the pushy parent, she's been biting her tongue. Now I've given her the green light she can't wait to get stuck in. I wouldn't be surprised if she came to stay next week. What is it with mothers and weddings?"

Claire shrugged, unwilling to answer.

I can't imagine what mine would be like with a wedding to plan, and I doubt she'll find out. She didn't get a look-in on Robert's and, from what I remember, Ruth's was a paltry registry-office affair.

"You didn't tell me what venue you managed to book for the wedding."

"Wilderhope Manor, in Shropshire. It's not too far from Mum and Dad, and the building looks amazing. We're having to accept a sub from Jeff's parents, as it isn't dirt cheap, but even they must approve of the building, if not the bunk beds. Have you been?"

"No. Milton Keynes was the furthest south I managed to get to, and look how well that turned out."

Kim pouted. "Oh, I was hoping you might be able to have a word with the manager, make sure everything is perfect."

Claire's laughter rang loud in Kim's kitchen. "Kim, none of the YHA managers in the hostels I've visited even know I'm doing the assignment. The more places I stay, the more I know Carl is making the whole thing up. I haven't had anything to do with Happy Cola either."

Kim's expression made Claire snort with laughter again.

"What are you laughing at?"

"You. You look so shocked."

Kim shook her head. "Well, I am. I can't imagine a boss lying to me on that kind of scale." She gave her friend an accusing stare. "I can't believe you're okay with it, either. It's not like you."

Claire took a sip of coffee, then put her mug back on the table, while words churned through her mind. "I'm not okay with it." She looked up at Kim. "I'm spitting mad, if you want to know the truth."

Kim's face became serious. "Then why do you put up with it? I hate to see you being taken advantage of."

"Being taken for a fool, you mean? No, don't apologise: you're right. It must look like that from the outside."

"But..?"

"But, I don't think I'm doing this assignment for Carl anymore." Claire sat back in the chair and laced her fingers, careful not to pull at her sprained wrist. "Can I tell you a secret?"

Kim nodded, sitting forward to give Claire her full focus.

"I had no intention of sticking it out. I was going to travel for a couple of weeks and then use my holiday and the salary they're still paying me to jet off to Maldives. I'm not sure what I planned to do then, I never thought that far ahead. Send Carl a rude email, probably."

"What stopped you?"

Claire sighed again, and ran her fingers through her hair. A scent of daffodils wafted in through the open window and somewhere a blackbird was singing.

"Josh, I guess. To begin with. He made travelling fun. Then it all went wrong, and I got mugged. I wanted to leave at that point."

"I'll bet!"

"But, somehow, there was always something stopping me. I had to look after Sky, and now, with Ruth sick..." She stopped, but Kim's face showed her understanding. Claire couldn't leave the country not knowing whether Sky might need her again.

"What will you do, then? Will you finish the assignment?"

Claire gazed out the window at the clouds scudding past, foretelling the arrival of another rain shower.

"I don't know, Kim, I really don't. I'm only on hostel number thirty or thirty-one. That leaves so many still to do. Plus the stupid activities Julia keep sending me. Did I tell you, she emailed me to suggest I learn to windsurf? She has no idea. Stuff like that isn't for an idle afternoon. It takes time and commitment. It's all very well trying to make the blog interesting – not to mention humiliate me – but it does hurt." She looked at her wrist as if the pain was entirely Julia's fault.

"Maybe you could sell your story to a newspaper, have them sponsor your blog. It's a great adventure. I can't be the only one loving it."

Claire was going to dismiss the idea as foolish, but something stopped her.

_That's actually not entirely crazy. What if I approach the YHA myself? Or a paper could work. Get a travel column._ Claire looked over at her friend and wondered when she suddenly had all the answers.

***

FIVE

"Will you have a hen night, do you think?"

Claire looked over at Kim with one eye-brow raised, a forkful of pasta halfway to her mouth.

Kim shook her head, her mouth full of Carbonara. When she could speak, she said, "No, what's the point? You're the only real friend I have. If I go out with the theatre crew they'll expect me to get wrecked, and I can't exactly tell them why it's orange juice all the way."

"You haven't told them you're pregnant?" Claire's voice rose in surprise.

Kim shook her head again, more emphatically. "Lord, no. Remember what I said, about the Director being less than impressed? He's already made some smart comments about me laying off the cakes. If I tell him I'm pregnant he'll give the role to the understudy."

Kim's face twisted, as if her pasta was suddenly soaked in lemon juice. "Silly, jumped-up cow, she'd just love that."

The girls laughed, but Claire felt heat rising from her stomach. "I think it's outrageous. If Carl tried to sack me because I fell pregnant, I could take him to court."

"So, it's okay to try and force you to resign by making your life miserable, but sacking you unfairly would be illegal?"

Claire gave a wry smile. "Trying to make me resign is illegal too. It's called Constructive Dismissal." At Kim's searching look, Claire nodded. "Yes, I spoke to an employment lawyer. I wanted to know where I stood. I do have a case against him, but it comes at a cost."

Kim tipped her head to one side in mute question, her mouth too full to talk.

"You get a reputation, if you rock the boat like that. And it's an incestuous industry. Oh, no one would ever say anything, but it might make it harder to get another job, if word got out."

"Really? Now, that's outrageous."

Both girls chewed their food and sat considering the difficulties of their separate careers.

"Makes you think our grannies had it right, when they stayed home to raise the kids." Kim's face was thoughtful, and Claire wasn't sure if she was serious or not.

She has to be joking. Spending all day with nothing but a couple of ungrateful brats for company and no money to call my own? Reliant on a man to feed and clothe us all. No, thank you.

"What will you do, once you're on maternity leave? I'm guessing you don't get maternity pay?"

"I'm self-employed, so I get statutory. Which actually works out not far off the pittance I'm being paid currently. It will be tough, though. I wonder if I could make some money as a live model?" She struck a pose, and they both giggled. "Or maybe the baby will be cute, and I'll get her registered with a model agency."

"Her?" Somehow giving the baby a gender made it all too real.

"Hopefully. I have this strange feeling it's a girl. We find out in a couple of weeks. I can't wait." Her face lit with excitement, and Claire had a strange sensation that her friend was slipping away from her.

We've lived completely separate lives; different schools, different careers. This isn't going to change our friendship. It's just another alternative life choice, that's all. She'll still be Kim, even when she's a mother.

The words rang clear in Claire's mind, but there was something about the look on her friend's face that gave rise to doubt. Motherhood was such a definite thing. A school could be changed, a career-path altered. But, once you became a mother, that was something you were forever.

A shiver ran down Claire's neck, and she put her fork down on her plate, no longer hungry.

***

SIX

Claire looked at her friend and swallowed the hard lump in her throat.

Don't cry, that's too much of a cliché.

She reached into her bag for her phone to take a photograph, blinking hard.

"You're not going to put a picture on the blog, are you?" Kim's voice was low with concern.

Claire shook her head. "Don't be silly, of course not. I might post pictures from the day, if that's okay? But more of the venue than you and Jeff. It'll be a great advert for the YHA."

Kim twirled in her floaty frock and beamed. "You can fill the entire blog with pictures once Jeff has seen it. I want it to be a surprise, that's all." She smoothed the bodice over her bump. "I hope this doesn't get any bigger in a fortnight."

"I'm sure you'll be fine. Are you going to buy it then?" Claire looked round the charity shop, sure everyone must be watching Kim's performance. They had the room to themselves, however.

I guess closing time on a Saturday isn't their busy period.

"I can't believe you managed to find the perfect dress in a charity shop. You're so jammy."

"Research, my dear. People on my salary learn to be frugal. I get most of my clothes from these shops. If you visit the right town then other people's cast-offs are as good as new. Good labels, too. My coat is Boden and those jeans are from Marks & Spencer. Besides, you don't get an item of clothing that's less worn than a wedding dress."

She gave one last twirl then reached round to try and free herself from the dress. "Can you unhook me, I think I'm going to pull a muscle if I try."

Claire walked over and helped Kim take off the ivory dress. It _was_ beautiful.

_I can't imagine being that lucky, to find the perfect dress in a charity shop. Never mind one that doesn't even need altering._ She sighed. _Kim gets all the luck. Fun job, gorgeous fiancé, understanding mother and now the perfect budget wedding._

"What are you going to wear?" Kim's voice shook Claire from her reverie.

"You want me to get something from here?" Claire didn't quite manage to keep the horror from her voice. Realising how rude that was, her eyes raised to Kim's, concerned that she might have offended her friend.

Kim was smiling, but there was a faint line between her brows. "Of course not. If you can afford to buy something that costs more than I earn in a month, then that's your prerogative."

Claire bristled at the sarcasm laced through her friend's words. It was unlike Kim to care about the difference in their salaries. It had been that way for so long, it was more a joke between them than a cause for bitterness.

_I've never flouted my money. Have I?_ Sudden concern that she had been insensitive hit Claire, and she felt tears prick at her eyes. _Bugger. Have I? Have I made her feel bad for earning less than I do? Her job is just as hard, it's not my fault it isn't as well paid._

With a glance around the charity shop, and another back at her friend, Claire made a decision.

"If it's good enough for the bride, it's good enough for her maid of honour. Show me the frocks!"

Kim shimmied out of the wedding dress and pulled her jeans back on. Carefully arranging the dress back on its hanger, she laid it over the counter and then took Claire's hand, leading her to the rail of gowns sparkling at the back of the shop.

***

SEVEN

"Where are we going?"

Kim looked over at Claire, who had her eyes on the road. "You could at least let me drive. The doctor told you to rest your wrist for 48 hours. I _can_ drive, you know. Just because we can't afford a second car."

Claire bit back a sigh.

_When did Kim start worrying so much about money? I'm driving a Skoda, not a jag._ She kept the words unspoken.

Who knew what hormone-induced turmoil was churning in her friend's mind.

Maybe all the stuff with the wedding and the baby has made her realise that money is important. I doubt Jeff earns a fortune working for a charity and I know the acting doesn't pay. Well, at least there's one thing I can do without hurting her sensitivities.

"So, where are we going?"

"You'll find out when we get there."

"You sound like my mother."

Claire laughed. "You sound like Sky."

Kim tilted her head to one side and said in a sing-song voice, "Are we there yet?"

Claire turned the car into a side street and killed the engine.

"Yes."

Kim looked around the residential street, perplexed.

"And where are we, exactly? I thought you said this was exciting." She pouted. "I don't call visiting someone at 10am on a Sunday morning exciting. I could be reading the paper over coffee and croissants. Or toast at least."

"Well, seeing as you've given me no notice of your impending nuptials, time is of the essence. Sharon was free to see us. Remember it's early on a Sunday for her too."

"But who is she?"

Someone I used to work with. Well, she headed up Compliance, but we got on well."

"I don't need a Pre-nup you know." Kim went pale. "Jeff would kill me. Besides, neither of us owns anything. If I ever make my fortune on the big screen I'll be happy to share."

"She's not in Compliance anymore, silly," Claire said, as she led the way along a path of nodding daffodils to ring the bell.

"Well, what does she do?"

"You'll see."

"You're being horribly cryptic."

"I know." Claire giggled. "I'm getting my own back for your little bombshell."

"You fiend. I didn't mean to keep it from you."

"Well, you're about to be put out of your misery."

Footsteps could be heard approaching the door, which was opened by a fresh-faced woman with short dark hair. She was wearing an apron.

"Claire! Lovely to see you, you look marvellous. I've been following the blog, travelling suits you. And this must be the bride. Come in. Only two weeks to the big day? You must be excited. I do love a whirlwind romance."

Kim raised her eyebrows at Claire, before following the chatty woman down a corridor. "Actually, I've been engaged for ages. Call it a shot-gun wedding."

"Oh." The lady turned to face her, eyebrows raised, and her eyes twinkled. "Do you need a christening cake too?"

"Cake?"

"I assume that's why you're here. I don't do flowers." She laughed at her own joke, while Kim scowled at Claire.

"What?" Her voice was a whip.

"You said yesterday you were going to buy a cake from Tesco."

"What's wrong with that?" Kim hissed at her friend. "They do three-tier iced cakes for thirty quid. I can't afford anything else."

"You don't have to, this is my gift. Look, come and see Sharon's scrap book. If you don't like anything, you can have your supermarket cake. And I'm sure it will be lovely," she added hurriedly, seeing Kim's expression. "I'm not saying Sharon's cakes are better, only more personal. I thought you could have something incorporating the theatre and birds, you know, unique to you and Jeff."

Sharon, who had discreetly left the girls to their muted discussion, now came back in with a tray, laden with coffee, tea and pastries.

"At least have your Sunday brunch." Claire smiled and Kim shrugged in defeat.

All through coffee she maintained a polite flow of conversation but Claire could tell she was itching to open the scrapbooks on the table. At last, Sharon passed them over, and Kim grabbed at them like a child reaching for a Christmas gift.

Sharon caught Claire's gaze and winked.

***

EIGHT

"Oh, Kim, it looks gorgeous."

Claire flicked through the pictures on her iPad, as the two girls pored over details of Wilderhope Manor. Jealousy twisted in her chest as she took in the traditional beams, the four-poster bed, the wooden floorboards and immaculate bathrooms of the refurbished hostel.

"I can't believe this fell into your lap at short notice. Just goes to show, one person's heartache is another person's lucky break."

Kim beamed. Then her face fell. "I hope it isn't a bad omen, that the groom got cold feet and ran off overseas. It feels wrong, somehow. What if some of their guests turn up to our wedding by mistake?"

Claire giggled, "That could be quite funny. It would be ages before they figured it out – you don't see the bride and groom for hours at a wedding."

"Don't! I'd be mortified. I don't know that I would recognise all of Jeff's friends without their rugby kit on. What if I welcome them in, only to discover we didn't invite them?"

Realising that Kim was serious, Claire stopped laughing and turned to face her friend. "Kim, you just need to put a big sign out front, declaring it to be the wedding of Kim and Jeff. Two signs, three if it makes you feel better. Send out special passes with your invites, that people have to present on arrival. Don't worry! It'll be fine."

Kim ran her hands through her two-tone hair and tried to smile. "I'm sorry. There are so many details to think about and mostly I just want to sleep. I'm growing bones inside here, you know." She stroked her belly, and her face changed imperceptibly. Claire felt a chill, as her friend disappeared into a world containing only her and the baby growing inside her.

"Did you know the baby can already hear? Isn't that amazing?" Kim looked up, eyes alight with joy.

Claire wasn't sure how she felt about it. _I guess it is incredible, to think there's a little person growing in there._ She hadn't really talked about the pregnancy with Kim during her stay. It wasn't that she didn't want to, it was just hard to find anything to say. The wedding was a neutral ground they could both have opinions on.

_I might never get married, but what little girl hasn't scribbled a design of her wedding dress in a school book, or draped a net curtain over her head._ One of Sky's apps came to mind. _Of course, these days, little girls can create it in colour animation with a few taps of a screen. It's a different world. By the time Sky gets married, they'll be able to 3D-print her dress to her exact specification._

"What else can I do to help with the wedding preparations?" _Ouch. That wasn't the most subtle change of subject._ If Kim noticed, she didn't comment. She sat forward and reached for her camomile tea.

"Mum's sorting the flowers, as she's local to the venue. She's going to get them from the market and do the arrangements herself. She arranges for the Church, you know."

"Are there any other bridesmaids?" Claire couldn't remember if Jeff had sisters or nieces that might be invited, or if Kim would include some of her acting friends.

"No, no bridesmaids. Jeff's nephews might be page boys, but we haven't decided anything. We can't afford to hire suits – Jeff's borrowing his brother's, if it fits."

"What about your sister? Will she come back for the day?"

Kim frowned, losing some of her new-found glow. "I don't know. We Skyped the other day, but she's really busy and of course the flights are expensive."

"I'm sure she can afford it. I don't suppose she earns a pittance, teaching English to Chinese businessmen."

"Living in Hong Kong isn't cheap though." Kim bristled in defence of her sister.

Claire smiled inwardly. _Blood's thicker than water. Funny how we can be as critical as we like of our siblings, but bare our teeth and growl if anyone dare say anything bad about them._

"Have you and Jeff agreed an invite list? I'm happy to help you write invitations or place settings if you like?"

"We've invited most people digitally. Thank god for Facebook, Twitter and all that jazz. We don't have to worry about seating plan as we're having a buffet. The hardest part is going to be sorting the bedrooms." She giggled mischievously. "We get the four-poster, that's easy. But deciding who to put in the six-bed dorms is going to be fun. Do we go for chaste or racy?"

Claire giggled too, and suddenly they were both sixteen again, huddled under the duvet at a sleepover, discussing who had snogged whom, and all the other teenage gossip.

***

NINE

Claire hugged her friend tightly, feeling already that pregnancy was putting some welcome flesh on her thin shoulders.

"You take care. If there is anything, _anything_ , I can do in the next couple of weeks, please call. It's important you don't overdo it."

"I know: happy pregnancy, happy baby. Mum tells me that all the time."

Claire hadn't meant anything of the sort – it sounded like hippy nonsense – but she nodded. Kim and her mother were in a much better position to know what might affect a growing foetus. She'd merely been worried that Kim wouldn't enjoy her wedding day if she was so tired she fell asleep at 9pm in front of the fire.

"Sorry I have to rush off. I would stay longer, but I'll have Carl on my case if I don't start blogging again soon. I'm heading over towards Ludlow, so I won't be far away. Blogging about a wedding at a hostel is going to be my trump card to keep the bastard off my back for a bit longer."

"Did you tell him about your wrist?" Kim looked in concern at the still-bandaged hand.

Claire shook her head. "It's the weekend. Carl has to be home with the kids or his wife will divorce him. That's why he works such long hours during the week. I'll email him tomorrow, not that there's much point. Except I suppose I can write a post on how not to hurt yourself when learning to snowboard."

Kim reached forward and hugged her friend again. Something in the embrace brought a lump to Claire's throat. There was too much understanding in her hold. _Trust Kim to see beneath the façade. She always did, damn her._

"Where is your next destination," Kim said, when she eventually let go.

"Stratford-Upon-Avon."

"Claire, that's miles away! In Sunday night traffic too. You're crazy."

"It was the only hostel with a bed. Besides, it's only a couple of hours and, once I'm over in the west, or The Heart of England as the YHA calls it, there are loads of hostels to stay in. I'll be fine. It was that or some eco lodge in the National Forest. I'll take a lovely Georgian Mansion any day. Maybe they'll even have a last-minute seat at the theatre."

"Okay, now I'm a bit jealous. I've got rehearsals first thing, all I'll be doing this evening is sleeping. Well, as long as Jeff lets me." She gave a knowing smirk. "He'll be home soon. I'm sorry you missed him."

_I'm not._ The thought escaped before Claire could squash it. It wasn't true, not really. She loved Jeff. She'd even come to terms with how gorgeous he was, and no longer had to have a cold shower every time she saw him. But ten minutes of happy families was ten minutes too much.

"I'll see him at the wedding. Give him my love."

She reached forward for a last, quick, hug, and shouldered her rucksack. _Time to hit the road._

***

TEN

Claire's wrist throbbed by the time the Sat Nav announced her arrival.

I had to sprain my left hand, didn't I? It doesn't really matter, these days, hurting the hand you write with. Who writes with a pen anyway? I can type as quick with both hands. Changing gear, though, that I can only do left-handed.

She curled her good hand around the swollen wrist and wondered if the hostel manager would be able to procure her some ice.

_What did the Doctor say? Something about rest, ice and elevation_. _Well, I've buggered the Rest part, let's see what we can do about the other things._

Raising her wrist across her chest, Claire kicked the car door shut and headed into the building. As she took in the wide, white walls, the geometric lines and tall sash windows, Claire felt some of the pain ebb away.

I might indulge myself and stay a day or two. What is it about these old buildings that exudes calm? Maybe I was born in the wrong century. I hope it's as nice on the inside.

She walked through the door, and her soul lifted higher. _It's a refurb. God bless the YHA for investing in their properties._ All through the building to her room it felt like a new hotel, not a Georgian mansion or a youth hostel. Everywhere she looked there were new fixtures and bright colours.

_A bit too bright_ , she thought, as she headed for the bunk-beds, with their lime-green duvet covers and pillows.

She gave the frame a rattle, as she claimed the last available bed. _I'm glad I'm on top. It'll be like sleeping on a boat, but I pity the poor person beneath me. This is going to shake like a bouncy-castle if I have a restless night._

With a look round the empty room, Claire decided it was time to ignore doctor's orders and visit the bar. A whole weekend of wedding planning and baby talk had left her in dire need of a drink. _At least it'll help me sleep soundly. That should please the girl underneath._

"What'll it be?"

"Gin and tonic, please."

Claire looked round the lounge, surprised to see it so full. "Busy, for a Sunday night?"

"It's quiz night. Most of these are locals."

Claire scanned the tables again and realised most people were huddled in groups, whispering together. A young Asian man caught her eye, and grinned. "Come and join our team, we could use some fresh blood. Then we might come better than last!"

There was a ripple of laughter from the surrounding tables, and Claire felt herself smile in response. She turned as the barman placed her drink on the counter and told her how much. As she retrieved some money from her purse, she tried to think of a polite way to decline the man's invitation, should he renew it. For some reason her brain seemed unwilling to come up with an excuse.

Sure enough, as she turned, G&T in hand, the man gave a small wave and patted the seat next to him. Not for the first time, Claire's feet moved of their own volition, and she found herself hovering in front of the man's table. He was sat with two other men and a young girl who looked like she might faint if asked to speak.

"Hi, name's Mizan." The man who had invited her over half-rose from his seat and held out his hand.

Claire shook it quickly, unsure what to make of the greeting. _Is he trying to chat me up, or just being friendly._ Deciding it didn't really matter either way, Claire perched on the spare seat.

She smiled round at the group and was relieved when the others nodded in greeting. Clearly inviting random women to join them wasn't an unusual occurrence.

"What's your topic then and, more importantly, what's your name?" The man next to Mizan spoke, in the soft burr of the Scotsman.

With a flush, Claire ignored the heat generated by the sexy voice, and replied a little too loudly, "Claire, my name's Claire. I don't have a specialist subject, I've never been to a quiz night before."

There was a babble of words as all three men exclaimed at her confession. She wondered if she would be ejected from the team, but her value now seemed to be as a curiosity, rather than a participant. _Really, is it so amazing that I've never joined in a pub quiz? They don't have them in wine bars and pubs aren't really my thing._

She sat back, as the quiz master arrived at the front of the room, and supped her drink. The alcohol fizzed its merry way to her brain and spread warmly through her body, carrying with it a wave of contentment.

I won't be able to contribute, but it beats talking about babies.

***

ELEVEN

The steel light of dawn crept in through the curtains and lit the room. It took Claire a moment to realise where she was and what had woken her at such an ungodly hour. Loud, rasping snores resonated through the room. They sounded as if they were coming from behind her, which wasn't right.

The acoustics in this place must be crazy. That woman needs to consider getting a single room; I feel like something's sawing at my skull.

The next thing Claire noticed was how narrow the bed was. She felt precariously close to the edge of the bunk, with only a short rail separating her from a four-foot drop. The third fact permeating her foggy brain, seeping through the thudding pain, was the arm around her waist.

_Bugger_.

Like a movie on fast forward, the events of the previous evening sped past her eyes in brutal clarity. The gin. The quiz. The random questions she'd got right, to much applause. The congratulatory hugs from the group when they came third.

The Scotsman.

_Bugger_.

The weight of the arm pinned her to the bed. Claire tried to work out if either of them were naked. As far as she could tell, she was still wearing her t-shirt and pants from the day before.

Phew, that's something at least.

A brush of warmth against her back informed her that the Scot wasn't so well clad.

Oh, Christ. This is a single sex dorm. I'm going to be in so much trouble.

Slowly, Claire lifted the heavy arm and slid it behind her, holding her breath as the man murmured something unintelligible and rolled over to face the wall. Claire clung on to the foot of remaining bed, not wanting to fall in a heap and wake her room mates.

She peered over the bunk, looking for the ladder, and saw a girl asleep on the floor.

What?

Remembering how unsteady the beds were, Claire flushed as she imagined being in the bottom bunk with any sort of shenanigans going on above.

Crap. Poor woman.

Fully awake, adrenalin pushing the alcohol from her fuddled mind, Claire surveyed the room below. She hadn't unpacked, so that helped. All she had to do was climb down from the bunk and retrieve her bag and clothes, without waking the girl on the floor or the naked man hogging most of her bed.

With the stealth of a ninja, she moved, one limb at a time. A loud creak filled the room and she stopped, breath held, listening. Ever nerve zinged like a live wire under her skin. She felt she might hear a mouse breathing or the trees growing outside the window. No sound of censorious women could be heard.

Deciding all or bust might be the better option, Claire flipped down from the bed, narrowly missing the sleeping woman. In one movement she grabbed her jeans, handbag, rucksack and shoes. Anything else would have to be marked up as lost through misadventure.

Cheeks flaming and ears ringing, Claire fled the room. Pausing only to pull on her jeans and shoes, she strode along the clean, silent, corridors and headed for the car park.

So much for an extended stay.

With her phone confessing that it was only 5am, Claire was behind the wheel and on her way.

***

TWELVE

Claire tapped some commands into the SatNav and continued driving. Her throat begged for water, dry to the point it was hard to swallow. Inside her pulsing brain, her thoughts raged through the pain.

What is wrong with me? My best friend is practically a wife and mother, and I'm still doing the walk of shame at 5am.

Her cheeks burned as the events of the last twelve hours ran through her mind in unwelcome clarity. _While Kim has a career, a man who loves her and a baby on the way, what have I got?_ She glanced around the inside of her car. _A rusty old Skoda that's my only travelling companion, a boss that wants to sack me, and a daily blog that needs more attention than a new-born brat._

Following the monotone instructions from the small plastic box attached to her windscreen, Claire tried to ignore the stream of self-loathing pouring into her mind. It didn't work.

_I wanted to stay at that gorgeous hostel for a few days. Visit Stratford, maybe take in a play._ She thought about the programme to _As You Like It_ tucked into her handbag, picked up from the hostel reception. The manager had informed her that she would probably be able to get a Monday night ticket, if she didn't mind where she sat.

Instead I go and ruin it by getting semi-naked with a complete stranger. Not to mention bouncing on a bunk-bed in a single-sex dorm. I'll be lucky if they don't revoke my YHA membership.

Attempting to stop the torrent of thoughts with rationality, Claire tried to put the incident into context. Shacking up with total strangers and frolicking with them back in the bedroom was closer to her original impression of what hostelling was all about. But, then, she had pictured flea-infested bedding and filthy facilities. All her initial preconceptions had been proven to be rubbish.

Motorway lights paraded past in a blur, as the dawn dragged the darkness from the sky. Claire willed her eyes to remain open, and concentrated on the road ahead. Her eyes ached from staring out of the alcohol-induced fog filling her skull. At last The SatNav announced her favourite words.

"You have reached your destination."

Claire looked up at the services. She chose not to think about the fact that she had passed one Starbucks only minutes from the hostel and travelled an additional 20 miles to find one that might be open. Her phone said 5.30am. _Please be open._

Collecting her bag and phone and, checking the keys were in her hand, Claire pushed down the lock and slammed the car door.

The services were quiet, with only a few lorries parked in neat rows, and a handful of cars dotted around in careful solitude. The sun was only just thinking about hitting snooze on the alarm, and the sky remained steel-grey. Trees and shrubs added life to the paving and tarmac, and the services building reared up ahead in glass and tile. The words Claire longed to see emblazoned the building to the right of the entrance. All around was an air of peace.

Stratford might be a beautiful, ancient town, steeped in history. But service stations offer promise: journeys, moving on, respite and refreshment. They're soulless, yes, but wonderfully anonymous with it.

The doors opened with a quiet hiss and Claire headed towards Starbucks. It was closed.

"Opens at 6am, love," called a voice from behind the counter. "You can always go to the Coffee Nation."

"I'd rather drink from the toilet," Claire muttered quietly. She checked her watch. 5.35am. Taking her iPad, Claire found a seat and opened her book. The important things in life, like husbands, careers, good coffee, were worth the wait.

***

THIRTEEN

"So, the eco lodge it is."

Claire sighed and sipped at her second latte. Her side-trip to the Motorway Services to buy coffee had made her next destination inevitable. Although, with nothing to fill her day except getting to her next location and finding an activity, there was no real reason to go to the nearest hostel.

_I could be in Scotland by tea-time if I wanted to._ But she knew her brief was to travel as a visitor might, and that meant hopping from hostel to hostel, with one eye on the petrol-gauge and the other on the budget.

The National Forest hostel held little appeal. Any place that sought to _reduce the effect of her stay on the environment_ screamed lack of creature comforts in too loud a voice. It ticked another one off the list, though, and that meant she was one step nearer freedom.

Claire looked at the building ahead of her through tired eyes. It wasn't what she was expecting. Where were the trees, for a start. _This is the National Forest. I expected a building hidden by dark pines, with no sight of the sky. Not this blank-faced brick pile on the edge of a field._

The building itself looked like a Travelodge. It was so far the other end of the scale from Stratford-Upon-Avon's Georgian mansion it made her soul ache. _Well, Claire, this is what you get for letting gin rule your life. If you'd kept your clothes on you would still be surrounded by historic grandeur._

With a heavy heart, Claire swung her car into the driveway. _At least it's new and clean, I guess. Not the straw-bale and lime building I expected an eco hostel to be._

Claire's expectations were further stretched as she parked and entered the building. Modern furnishings, bright décor and clean lines spread out around her. It wasn't dissimilar to the interior of Stratford. _I guess that's the YHA brand. Bland and clean._

In her room the bunks had drawers underneath for belongings, and there was an ensuite wet room. No hole in the ground or shack out back with cold showers.

_You'd think by now I would learn not_ _to give in to expectations._

The manager had let her leave her bag in the room but, as it was only 10am, she needed to vacate for the day. His recommendation was that she go llama trekking. Claire managed to swallow her immediate response and nod, as if that might be the perfect way to spend the day after waking at dawn with a strange man in her bed.

Locating the rather small self-catering kitchen, Claire made herself a mug of earl grey and curled up on the sofa, prepared to spend her day with Katniss. She didn't want time to think.

"Claire! It is Claire, isn't it?"

With a thudding heart, Claire looked up at the sound of the voice. Memories of the night before intruded without permission and her stomach tightened. She didn't recognise the woman approaching her across the room, but the smile on her face was encouraging.

"Don't you remember me? It's Maggie."

Claire recalled the woman who had tramped with her to buy gingerbread, and felt her face respond in a mirroring grin.

***

FOURTEEN

"What brings you to the National Forest, Maggie? I thought your heart belonged to Cumbria."

Claire looked across at the woman over the top of her tea. She caught a flicker of consternation, before Maggie's customary smile shone out.

"A group of garrulous girls!"

Claire raised an eyebrow, and Maggie laughed. "I'm here with some school children. They've come on a two-day visit."

"Oh God, are they staying here?" The words were out before Claire could stop and think. She exhaled in relief when Maggie's smile didn't waver.

"They are, but don't be concerned, I make sure they don't cause any disturbance after hours. It isn't the quietest hostel, I'm afraid. These new-builds don't have the sturdy thick walls of a Victorian structure. You hear a lot of doors clattering; it seems to echo through the woodwork."

Claire took a mental note to ensure her headphones were close at hand at bed time although she was so exhausted, sleep was unlikely to be a problem with even a hundred girls tramping along the corridors.

"Where are you taking them? I would have thought you'd be out and about by now?"

"The girls are. We arrived yesterday and I was on duty for the journey and settling in. Thankfully they've given me the morning off to recuperate. I'm only a volunteer. The teachers aren't so lucky, poor things."

"What marvellous activity are you missing out on?" Claire's eyes twinkled in mischief.

"A visit to Conkers." In answer to Claire's questioning glance, Maggie added, "It's the adventure play centre next door. They'll be quite happily driving their teachers crazy, getting lost and falling off the climbing frames."

"What exciting activity do you get to do then?"

Maggie sank her chin onto her hands. "Llama trekking," she said, her voice low. Claire laughed.

"The manager tried to get me to do that today!"

Her friend's head raised and she met Claire's eyes. "Why not join with us tomorrow? The more the merrier, as long as you don't mind doing the odd headcount and taking them to the toilet?"

Immediate words of denial formed on Claire's lips. She swallowed them. _I have to do something crazy soon, otherwise I'll have Julia on my case again._

"Okay, why not?"

Maggie grinned. "What about you? What have you been up to? The last time I saw you, you were taking that charming Australian man to the airport. And how is your sister?"

Claire was impressed at Maggie's memory. "Josh is happily back in Australia with his wife and children. Ruth is okay, we hope. The cancer had spread further than we thought, but she's responding well to treatment." _I must call her,_ Claire added privately, realising she hadn't called home in a few days.

"And what about you, Claire? Are you happier in your skin?" Maggie's words wormed into the ebbing hangover-fog in Claire's mind.

"That's a strange thing to say."

"Please don't be offended: I'm not prying. I got the sense you were unhappy, particularly when that lovely young man came to meet you." There was a pause, as if Maggie was considering her words. "Was he... Did you know he was married?" She looked around the hostel lounge, not meeting Claire's eye.

Claire' first reaction was to put the interfering woman in her place. But it was hard to see Maggie as anything other than sincere.

"No, I didn't know he was married. But, in answer to your other question, no we weren't lovers. He tried to kiss me once, but I pushed him away, and he never tried again."

"You sound disappointed."

_Damn._ Claire laughed reluctantly. "I guess. He is charming. But I look like his wife, that's all."

Something in her tone put an end to Maggie's questioning. It hurt to talk about Josh, more than she would have expected. The realisation crept in slowly through the haze.

I miss him. Damn him.

***

FIFTEEN

"This isn't a trek; this is just taking the bloody thing for a walk." Claire looked up at the creature trying to eat her hat. "Cut it out!" The llama smirked at her down its long nose, and chewed insolently.

Claire caught sight of Maggie, her expression somewhere between amusement and disapproval. She held her finger to her lips and Claire looked round guiltily, realising there were children in earshot.

She tugged on the lead and the animal trotted on behind her, like the twisted off-spring of a dog and a giraffe.

The children laughed and giggled, as they walked the llamas along the country lane. At the front, a guide chatted about the local plant and animal life, although the children paid little attention. Maggie paused to let Claire catch up.

"Not what you were expecting?"

"Well, no. I went pony trekking in the New Forest. I was _on_ the pony, not pulling it along behind me."

"This is for the children, not you! They're only 8 and 9 years old. Grooming and walking a llama is just their level. Plus we don't have to worry about the health and safety paperwork if one of them were to fall off! Anyway, the fun comes later." She threw a cheeky glance at Claire, who felt a heavy feeling in her stomach.

"Why did I let you talk me into this?"

"Because you were bored and wanted some company, some fun? Admit it, you're having fun?"

Claire shook her head, her lip stuck out in a pout.

"Now you look like a nine-year-old." The women laughed. "So, where to next, Claire?"

"Ironbridge Coalport, wherever that is."

"Ah, that's over in Shropshire. Lovely. Visit the Blist Hill Victorian Village, it will give you something different to write about on that website of yours. You can go for a ride in the horse and cart, if you're tired of walking!"

With a nod, Claire tugged the lead of her llama and followed the giggling children back for lunch, wishing that Maggie could come with her to her next hostel. There was something infectious about the woman, something warm, that made her happy.

"Come on, Miss Carleton!"

Claire looked over her shoulder at the girl behind her and resisted the urge to swear. She gripped the rubber handles tightly in sweaty hands and willed her creaking knees to try harder. _I will not lose to a nine-year old_. She glanced over at the blonde-haired girl to her right, who was giggling so hard she didn't hear the instruction to go.

Pulling hard on the handles, Claire bounced the space hopper along the grass towards the marker. Behind her she could hear her other team mates yelling and urging her on. Her thighs burned. _I'm going to kill you, Maggie._ She couldn't see the woman, but she knew she was grinning, just as she had been when she volunteered Claire to take her place in the races.

_I've seen her tramp along the road quicker than I could run. Playing the old-age card, so that I have to endure sack races and space hoppers: That's just low._ She scowled, but somewhere deep inside a sensation bubbled. Claire didn't need to analyse it, she didn't want to. Maggie would be too smug.

The feeling bubbled up higher, until the words were in her mind.

This is fun.

***

SIXTEEN

Claire hurried forward and slid onto a wooden chair at the back of the gathered audience.

I hope Maggie wasn't having me on, telling me to come here. I wonder if she knew it was St Georges Day?

Claire looked around at the people hemmed in on either side. A flutter of panic rippled in her stomach. After a morning spent with small children, what she needed was quiet repose and coffee. Her internet search on Blists Hill after lunch had revealed the St George's Day activities and it had been too good an opportunity to miss.

She'd arrived at the hostel to be informed by the manager that she had five minutes to get across to the location before the performance began.

Inhaling deeply to control her ragged breathing, Claire felt as if every eye was on her, judging her for her frizzy hair and the sweat trickling down her neck and chest into her bra.

The set in front of her didn't looking inspiring. _A wooden board with the English flag painted on it and a tatty basket in front isn't exactly West End theatre._ Claire tried to remember that Shakespeare's plays hadn't been big on set design either.

A hush fell over the gathered crowd and a person came onto the stage. Claire sat enthralled as she watched the rendition of St George and the Dragon, enacted brilliantly with a handful of actors and a dragon costume. She was no longer aware of the uncomfortable chair or the drying sweat on her forehead.

As the play finished, Claire looked around at the clapping crowd. Even the children seemed to have enjoyed the performance. Part of Claire felt pleased to know that modern children weren't above being entertained by something that wasn't 3D animated with surround sound and a bucket of popcorn. She wondered if Sky would have enjoyed it.

Thinking about Sky brought to mind the long-overdue call to Sky and Ruth. With a quick look at her phone she realised Sky would still be on her way home from school. Instead she changed some money into pounds, shillings and pence, and wandered through the Victorian streets, buying bottles of curiosity cola and other knick-knacks to send home to Sky.

The cola bottle reminded her about her assignment. _I wonder if I could weave it into a blog post. Hmmm maybe Happy Cola wouldn't be too impressed if I wrote about a rival brand._ It seemed strange thinking about work in this old-fashioned location. Her shiny glass office and life of travelling to client meetings seemed a world away now.

"Hello, Sky, it's Auntie Claire. How are you?"

"Auntie Claire, hello! We learned about fossils at school today. Did you know they're hundreds and millions of years old?"

Claire sat back into the bench and let her niece's words flow over her. The jumble of images made her smile, as she pictured the blonde head bent in concentration over rocky fossils and pictures of dinosaurs. There was something very _real_ about listening to Sky talk about her day at school. Seeing the world through fresh eyes; feeling the youthful excitement at every discovery. A tired world felt and experienced anew

In turn, she told Sky about the Victorian town, with people in costume and old fairground games, and the rendition of George and the Dragon.

"How is your Mum?" she asked, when the conversation came to a natural pause.

"Sleeping. Nana says I mustn't disturb her."

"Is Nana there?"

Sky didn't answer, but Claire heard running feet and a call down the corridor. She waited, hoping her mum was in a good mood.

"Yes?"

"Hi Mum, it's Claire."

"Oh. Where are you?"

"In Shropshire. Kim's getting married next weekend, so I'm staying west to attend the wedding."

There was a pause, and Claire imagined her mum processing the information. She waited for the inevitable comparison to her own spinster-state. It didn't come.

"Well, about time. I never understood that long engagement thing. In my day if you wanted to get married you did, and had as grand an affair as you could afford."

Claire looked round at the Victorian town, thinking her mum sounded like she came from that era rather than thirty years ago, when she and her father had a pretty lavish affair, if the photos were anything to go by.

They talked some more about the wedding and Claire was grateful to her mum for not asking who she would go to the wedding with. At last there was only one question left to ask.

"How's Ruth?"

"Fighting. I wasn't happy when she told me you'd let Sky meet up with that good-for-nothing ex of hers. But it's given her something to fight for. It's good to see. The medication will only take her half the way."

Claire felt the knot in her stomach release at her mum's words. As long as her sister was fighting, that was the best to be hoped for.

"Give her my love," she said, before saying farewell. The clock said 5pm but, to Claire, it felt like bedtime.

***

SEVENTEEN

Claire wandered around the china museum without seeing it. Her mind whirred with unwelcome thoughts until her skin tingled, vibrating like a busy computer. Fear for Ruth and Sky tangled with vague dread about Kim's wedding. She was unclear whether it was the event that bothered her, or the fact that she would be attending by herself.

A memory presented itself at the door of her mind and asked to come in. Claire tried to deny it entrance, but it insisted. There in her head was a vivid image of Michael, with his ex-girlfriend Debbie, at Manchester airport. She could hear him speaking, although she wanted to block out the sound.

" _We were coming back from a wedding. An old friend of Debbie's. Debbie didn't want to go by herself and I said I'd go. As a friend."_

The words swirled in an eerie rendition of Michael's deep voice, like a sound-bite in a news bulletin heard on the radio again and again.

" _As a friend."_

She considered it. _But we're not friends, not like that. If I invite Michael to a wedding, he's going to get the wrong idea._

Claire followed the guide and tried to tear her mind away from unpleasant thoughts to concentrate on the here and now. She watched the spinning potter's wheel, the capable hands moulding and guiding the clay into a beautiful shape.

_I wonder if Kim would like a vase for a wedding present._ Glancing at the walls of delicate pottery, Claire remembered the baby growing in her friend's tummy. _Not such a good idea. A weekend away at Ragdale would probably be more useful._

Claire felt heavy, as she plodded after the guide and attempted to concentrate. Her limbs dragged down until they felt impossible to lift. With effort, she took pictures of the flickering light in the kiln, the fine china of the gallery, the conical chimneys, towering against a murky sky.

Coffee, that's the answer.

She scanned the area for café signs, but couldn't see any.

"Excuse me?" Claire approached the guide, unaware whether she had interrupted her or not. Her muffled ears weren't picking up sound as they should. The lady turned, a questioning look on her face.

"Is there a coffee shop here?"

The question was greeted with a look of bewilderment and Claire decided she probably had interrupted the guide mid-flow. It was too late to be embarrassed. So what if this stranger thought she was rude?

"There isn't, I'm afraid, but the Youth Hostel is a short walk away; there's a café there."

Claire nodded and turned to leave. She was halfway back to the hostel before she realised she hadn't even said thank you.

***

EIGHTEEN

Claire registered the name flashing on her phone, and the world went still. She searched the empty lounge for a place to hide. Finding nothing, she turned her attention back to the phone, her thumb hovering over the buttons: green, red, green, red. Selecting one without looking, she held the phone to her ear.

"Claire?"

"Hello, Michael."

"I, er, hello. How are you?"

"I'm fine, thanks."

The phone fell silent. Words came and went in Claire's mind, but none seemed the right ones. She waited for Michael to give the reason for his call. At last she heard him draw breath, and she unconsciously held hers.

"I saw on Facebook that Kim's getting married, weekend after next." He paused again, and Claire had time to curse the innumerable connections that meant he could still keep tabs on her life. He and Kim were not friends.

"Yes, they decided to Carpe Diem. I'm maid of honour."

She had a pretty good idea what he wanted, but decided to make him sweat. This time the silence lasted a beat too long, before words tumbled out.

"Do you have a date?"

Claire laughed. She couldn't help it; she hadn't expected him to be so blunt. What happened to the suave businessman, never at a loss?

"No, Michael, I don't have a date. I've been rather busy of late."

"Yes, I follow the blog. How was your week with Sky?"

"It was great, well, until the end anyway."

"Why, what happened?" Michael's concern buried deep into Claire's tummy, sparking warmth.

"Dad called to say Ruth had taken a turn for the worse. We had to leg it to the hospital."

"What's wrong with Ruth?" The sharpness in Michael's voice reminded Claire that he had met her family; that Ruth wasn't merely a name. She recalled, too, that she had yet to tell Michael of her sister's illness. Hard to avoid it now.

"She has cancer. Well, she had a tumour, in her brain. They removed it, but it seems to have spread."

"Oh, Claire. Why didn't you tell me?" He inhaled, and she could imagine him running his hands through his hair. "Why would you cope with something like that alone?"

"I'm not alone, Michael." The words were colder than intended. "I have friends, family. It's kind of you to be concerned, but I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself."

"But you shouldn't have to."

Michael's words triggered a memory. Sitting in A&E thinking that, even though she didn't need a man, it would be rather nice to have someone to take care of her. Then she remembered Michael's habit of treating her like a Royal Doulton figurine, and decided there was a fine line between caring and suffocating.

"Ruth is in good hands. Mum and Dad are nearby, Robert came over and dealt with the doctors, and I can mind Sky whenever she needs. We're fine."

"Well, I'm here if you need me."

"I know, Michael."

"And if you want someone to go to Kim's wedding. You know, as a friend." He paused, and Claire could imagine him replaying their meeting at the airport. She wondered if he regretted going to a wedding with Debbie as a friend.

The words of denial were on her lips, when another thought presented itself.

Maybe I should let him come. Maybe that's what we both need. What do the Americans call it? Closure? Maybe we need to see that we've outgrown each other. It's been months now. What harm can it do? It's not like it's a romantic weekend away: We'll be staying in bunk-beds.

She chose not to remember her encounter with the Scotsman in a top bunk.

"I'll have to ask Kim. You're not exactly her favourite person, you know."

"You dumped me, Claire. I'm not the bad guy in all this." The rest of her words seemed to register, as he stopped abruptly. "Wait a minute; _what_ will you speak to Kim about?"

"Whether you can come to the wedding as my plus one. As a friend." She emphasised the words. "You can make yourself useful as an usher or something."

"Whatever you want, Claire. I'll be the perfect guest."

Claire winced at the hope and excitement in his voice. _Damn, this was a bad idea._ Still, it was done now. She could always say Kim had vetoed it.

The idea of Michael coming to the wedding seemed to alleviate the dread she had been carrying round for the last few days. _At least I'll have someone to talk to, to distract me from all that romantic bliss. As long as Michael doesn't find out Kim's pregnant. That's a discussion I do not need to have with him._

"Okay, Michael. No funny business and no guarantees. I'll talk to Kim. If you do come, it will be purely to keep my glass full and stop me dying of boredom. I barely know any of Kim and Jeff's friends."

"Understood."

Claire hung up the phone. She felt like Pandora, wishing the box lid had remained firmly closed.

***

NINETEEN

"When did you last have your hair cut?"

The stylist lifted Claire's hair and let it fall again. Claire looked up at his face in the mirror and caught the faint sneer as he pulled his fingers roughly through her hair.

"I don't know. A few weeks." She did a quick tally in her mind. "Two months. I had it done before my leaving do. It's only been two months."

With a small tut, the stylist turned away and called to an assistant. "Wash this, please. Plenty of conditioner."

Claire allowed herself to be led towards the sinks, feeling abashed at the terrible state of her hair. It didn't seem fair. She hadn't straightened it or done anything more than brush it into a ponytail for weeks. It should be in excellent condition. Okay, maybe being out in the sun and wind didn't do it much good. And she often only managed to wash it with shampoo before the shower ran out of hot water. But still.

"Is that water okay for you?"

Claire realised the timid question was directed at her. The water was too hot, but she nodded and gritted her teeth. Attempting to relax into the chair, despite the sink digging into the back of her neck, Claire closed her eyes. The assistant massaged her scalp, digging deep with nails that were too long for comfort. As her head was pulled this way and that, Claire inhaled and admonished herself to relax.

A hair cut was a luxury she hadn't managed in a while. There hadn't seemed much point on the road. But that morning she had woken with a clear urge to have it done, and had phoned around the local towns until she'd found a salon with space.

The massage complete, Claire shuffled back to her chair, where the assistant asked her if she would like a drink, without quite meeting her eyes.

"Tea, please. Earl Grey if you have it."

The assistant glanced at a machine in the corner, and Claire braced herself for something more akin to dishwater than a tasty beverage.

"What are we doing with it, then?"

Claire winced as the stylist dragged a comb through her wet hair. She met his eyes in the mirror and tried a smile. It bounced off his tanned skin, as he continued to frown.

"Your hair is thick, isn't it?"

Stifling a sigh, Claire nodded. Every new hairdresser said the same. "Yes, it's thick and heavy, no it doesn't hold a curl or a style. I just need it tidied up, please. With some feathering around my face." She indicated the shorter sections that were meant to tuck under her chin but currently hung nearer her chest.

With a look of disappointment at the lack of challenge to his consummate skill, the stylist sectioned Claire's hair and clipped most of it up on her head.

"No highlights or lowlights? I can see some growing out."

Claire tried to shake her head, but he had it pinioned. "No thank you. Keep it natural, please." A tiny thought flickered in her mind, _Michael prefers it natural._ She ignored it.

An hour later, Claire's head felt gloriously light, as her hair bobbed above her shoulders, curling under in a way she knew she'd never achieve at home. It shone like polished mahogany. The stylist had cursed at how long it had taken to straighten her mass of hair, but it was worth it.

Claire swung her head a little on the pretence of shaking away the shorn locks clinging to her cardigan. She felt like a woman in a shampoo commercial.

With a beaming smile, she took her credit card back from the lady on reception and left the salon, head held high.

***

TWENTY

"Kim, it's Claire, how are you?"

"Hello, I wasn't expecting to hear from you so soon. How's the wrist?"

Claire looked at her bare arm, amazed that she had forgotten about it completely. It seemed months since her snowboarding incident, rather than just a week.

"It's fine. I took the bandage off a couple of days ago. I haven't exactly been straining it."

"Where are you, then?"

"Kington, Herefordshire."

"Where? Why? That's practically Wales. I thought you were going to stay near the hostel for the wedding?"

Claire laughed. "I have to move hostel more or less every day, and there are only a handful round here. Besides, I can't stay in Kington at the weekend, so I had to get to it and mark it off the list. Nice hostel, big red brick building, en-suite room."

It was Kim's turn to laugh. "You can take the girl out of the five-star resorts, but you can't take a need for luxury out of the girl."

"I'll have you know I normally stay in a dorm." She didn't add that Carl and Julia challenged her expenses if she didn't. "But this place is mostly small rooms and they happened to have a single free." That was her excuse anyway.

"No need to defend yourself, I'd be staying en-suite every night if I could afford it."

"Me too." Claire heard the wistful tone in her voice. There was no romance sharing a bedroom with strangers. _Not even Scottish ones._ She flushed. That particular incident wouldn't be shared with anyone.

"So, why are you calling? Mum has all the wedding planning under control. You just need to be there on the day, with whomever you manage to pick up as your plus-one." She giggled.

Claire resisted the urge to tell her what happened when you shacked up with strangers in a hostel. An unwelcome image of the girl asleep on the floor flashed into her mind and she shoved it away.

"That's why I'm phoning, actually." She took a deep breath. "Michael called me yesterday."

"Good God, what did he want? I thought you gave him the heave-ho months ago?" Kim kept her voice light, but Claire could hear the undercurrent of enquiry. They'd never discussed her break-up with Michael. It was too painful to revisit at the time, and other things had taken over since then.

"He wants to be my plus-one."

"He what? The cheek of him! He hates me. And Jeff."

"No, he doesn't. You're just very different, that's all." Claire winced at the memory of Michael meeting her best friend. They'd got on like dog and cat.

"You could say that. He's an over-bearing, over-protective, old-fashioned, chauvinistic prig."

Claire reeled at the litany of flaws. "Don't hold back, Kim, you say what you really mean." Her voice had a slight edge that was not lost on her friend.

"Are you defending him? Why did you dump him, if he's so marvellous?"

"I had my reasons. He's not as bad as you think, you know. You brought out the worst in him. You and Jeff, all over each other in the bar. He's more reserved, that's all." Certain memories flickered in her mind. "Well, in public anyway."

"You're still in love with him, aren't you?" The accusation stung for its veracity.

"No! No, but I don't want to be the single bird at your wedding. He'd only come as a friend. It would be good. Give us closure."

Kim snorted down the phone, but didn't say anything. There was a strained pause, and then they both spoke at once.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to be harsh–"

"I don't have to bring him, it's your wedding–"

They laughed and apologised. After a minute of, "After you," "No, After you," they resumed their conversation.

"Bring him, Claire. You don't know many of my friends and if it allows you to move on, find someone more suited to you, then that's a good thing."

Claire smiled at the barely-hidden barb. "Okay, I will. He can make himself useful, pouring drinks or ushering people around."

"Cleaning up vomit, looking after the drunks."

"Kim!"

"Sorry." She laughed, and changed to subject to the tricky question of red roses versus lilies.

As she hung up the phone, Claire replayed the conversation in her mind. She knew that Kim wasn't Michael's greatest fan, but the vehemence of her dislike surprised her.

_Is Michael all those things?_ She didn't remember him that way. He'd been a gentleman, in every sense of the word. Gentle, kind, thoughtful. Sure he opened doors and booked restaurants, but that didn't make him old-fashioned, just unusual. Compared with her previous boyfriends it had been wonderful. And of course there were other things he excelled at. She blushed and forced the thought away.

That's history now. He wants something I can't give him. The weekend will be good; we can part as friends and move on.

Claire gazed unfocussed at the bright yellow walls of the hostel lounge and let her mind drift, ignoring the sense of anticipation building in her tummy.

***

TWENTY-ONE

Claire swung her arms and tried to find a rhythm. The rucksack sat heavy on her back and she could already feel the beginnings of a blister forming on her left heel _._

It hasn't been that long since I went hiking, surely the body doesn't forget that quickly?

The sky spread low and grey above her head, making her want to duck. It was odd to feel claustrophobic out in the open.

She looked at the map and traced out Offa's Dyke, trying to work out her exact location. She was still a bit shaky at map reading but the hostel manager had assured her it was impossible to get lost. _That sounds like a challenge,_ Claire thought wryly, glad her phone signal was still strong.

She followed the path along a stone walk, where sheep huddled in its shelter, watching their lambs gambol in the grass, feet flicking behind them. Claire envied them their energy and decided she had more in common with the matronly mothers, or the wild ponies, standing with their faces in the wind, hair blowing wild.

At last her steps settled into a rhythm, leaving her mind free to wander. Overhead, buzzards wheeled and screamed, causing shivers to trickle down Claire's neck. It felt like the setting for a horror story _._

If this were a movie there would be a portentous sound-track, with a heavy beat and the full string section in crescendo.

Her phone rang and the noise made her jump, in turn causing the sheep to shy and flock together. She checked the screen and answered with a sigh.

"Dammit, Michael, you scared me _and_ the sheep. Why aren't you at work?"

"I am, I just wondered if you'd had a chance to speak to Kim?" As if realising he sounded too eager, he quickly added, "I need to know if I need a suit or to book accommodation."

_Right, of course._ Claire wasn't fooled. She knew she should be flattered by Michael's eagerness but in truth it irritated her.

"You spend your life in a suit, Michael, and if you saw news of Kim's wedding on Facebook, you know it's at a hostel. Accommodation is not a problem."

"I didn't want to presume," he murmured and Claire found herself thinking, _Well that's a first._

"If you meant you didn't want to presume about us sharing, you're quite right. You'll be in a bunk, same as the rest of us, and – take it from me – it's not the place for frisky business."

She realised the implication of her words and blushed, glad Michael couldn't see her face. Her heart thudded uncomfortably as she tried to decide whether she cared if Michael understood.

She could hear his breathing in the silence. Eventually he gave a brittle laugh.

"I'm sure. So, am I invited? I promise to let you choose top or bottom bunk."

He was a beaten dog whose tail still wagged. Claire frowned, annoyed rather than impressed by his tenacity.

"Yes, you can come. Any affair of Kim's should probably have a grown-up in attendance. I'll email you the details."

She hung up the phone and concentrated on her footsteps, making sure she avoided the gifts left behind by the sheep. The path opened out and began winding round the side of a steep slope. Claire felt herself dragged towards the drop as if there might be peace in oblivion.

***

TWENTY-TWO

Claire drove past the sign and smiled. "At last, I've left the country! What a shame it's only the border from England to Wales, rather than, say, France into Spain."

The small sign with the red dragon was the only way Claire knew she had crossed into Wales. The road wound on ahead of her, just the same as she had been driving on since leaving the hostel. Welsh countryside stretched around her in a myriad of green hues. Her destination was Brecon, the namesake town of the Brecon Beacons that nestled at their foot. Claire had skimmed through the town's website before leaving Kington, and had decided it would be the perfect place for lunch.

Before long, Claire could see the spire of the Norman Cathedral heralding her approach into town. She checked her phone: There was just time for a wander before her appointment at the Llangorse Activity Centre.

Claire experimented with the unfamiliar Welsh word, putting her tongue to the roof of her mouth in an attempt to repeat the _clu_ of the Ll sound. After three or four attempts she decided to make sure there was no need to ask for directions.

Gazing around her at the pretty shop fronts and historic buildings that made up Brecon, Claire realised she was trying not to dwell on her afternoon activity.

Come on, Claire, don't be such a baby. You've done this a few times now. It keeps the lovely Jules off your back and provides plenty for the blog in the way of high-adrenalin activity.

She shivered and felt an ache in her tummy, a sensation she realised brought with it a memory of Josh.

Claire closed her eyes, clenched her jaw, and stepped forwards.

"That's it, Claire. Well done. Try opening your eyes, the view is amazing." The deep voice ended in a chuckle, as Claire's face remained scrunched up.

Wind whistled past her face, brushing tendrils of hair away from her sweaty brow. Prising open one eyelid a fraction, Claire looked ahead. Some way beneath her, approaching fast, was a wooden platform with several people standing on it. Behind it she could see the blur of blue that indicated the presence of the lake, and two more wires zagging off to the right and down the hill.

Blood pumped in her ears, blocking out the whoosh of the wind and the cheers of encouragement from below. Despite her closed lids, perhaps through a change in the air, Claire sensed something looming up ahead. Before she could open her eyes, tree branches surrounded her face and she slid to a halt. Hands reached out to unclip her from the wire, before leading her forwards to clip her onto the next one.

_Not again._ Claire had done one zip wire before, as part of the Tree Trek. One was a challenge, for someone terrified of heights.

"How many have I got left to do?" Claire could hear the wobble in her voice. _Get a grip, girl._

"You're on your third, so you've still got a dozen left. Awesome, right?" Claire felt the enthusiasm emanating from the guide in waves, and resisted the urge to push him off the platform to the ground 20 feet below.

Swallowing the metallic taste in her mouth, Claire nodded feebly and managed one more nod when the guide gave the signal to ask if she was ready to go again.

Yes, go on, get it over with.

Scrunching her eyes shut once more, Claire felt the platform fall away behind her, and let gravity do the rest.

***

TWENTY-THREE

Claire gazed at the hostel nestled into the hillside, and smiled. The sprawling whitewashed farmhouse was much closer to her imagination of Welsh accommodation than the Victorian house she had stayed in the night before.

The sun shone overhead – a walk-on cameo role in an otherwise overcast morning – and its rays lit the white walls in sharp contrast to the backdrop of green. Eager to leave her bag and get her hiking boots on, Claire headed in to find her room. After her adventure at Llangorse, she intended to keep her feet on terra firma. The guidebook mentioned hill walks and waterfalls and, provided there was no abseiling involved in the latter, that sounded just fine.

Claire had decided to drive to the opposite end of the Talybont Reservoir from the Danywenallt hostel, to do a walk she'd found on the internet. It was only five miles and would hopefully be done by lunch, as she'd failed to pick up supplies when she left Brecon.

Looking at the trail now from the car park, Claire was wondering if she'd lost her mind. The path led steeply uphill, passing alongside a waterfall. She could see the path was wet and probably slippery. With her wrist only just healed, Claire wondered if she could blag a blog post from the online description, rather than risk the walk.

A blackbird hopped along the path, searching for grubs, its head tilted and its orange beak glistening against the dark ground. He seemed to be inviting Claire along on an adventure.

"Oh, go on then. But I'm blaming you if I fall and break something else. You have to go for help, can you manage that?"

The blackbird took off at the sound of her voice, and watched her from the safety of a tree branch.

"Great, now I'm talking to birds. I am losing my mind, it's official."

Claire followed the path along to a ridge apparently called Craig Fan Du, according to her map. It sounded like a kung fu master or a dish of melted cheese. As she reached the ridge, the path vanished and the sinking feeling returned to the pit of her stomach.

I do not want to get lost today, not up here.

She followed the ridge, scanning left and right for a path. Her tummy grumbled, as if reminding her that she'd come out without any food or water.

Idiot girl. I should know better by now.

Spotting the path, Claire headed to the right hand side of the ridge. The path ran along the edge of a cliff and she prayed the rain stayed put in the heavy clouds hanging above her head. It looked like it would be treacherous underfoot if wet. The path led along to a river, where a waterfall crashed into the water, filling the air with spray and noise. Claire looked round, trying to find a bridge over the river. There wasn't one. _Great, wet boots. Lovely._

The water wasn't deep, so Claire unlaced her boots and slung them round her neck. Tip-toeing through the icy water, trying not to slip and wet more than her feet, Claire was relieved to make the opposite bank.

_Okay, note to self: read the walk notes before heading off_.

She trudged on, unsure exactly where she was on the map. At last she reached the war memorial and plane wreckage which was listed as a highlight of the walk. Standing alone in an isolated valley, surrounded by debris, Claire suppressed a shiver. Ghost stories were exactly that as far as she was concerned, but out here, with only trees and sheep for company, it was easy to hear the cries of the dying airmen blowing on the wind.

The route gave her a choice now, as the path petered out into sheep tracks and patches of boggy ground. The rumbles in her tummy were getting louder and it was taking all Claire's effort to pull her feet free of the bog with every step.

Half way across the valley, her boot stuck fast. Pulling hard, Claire left the boot behind and toppled facedown onto the muddy ground. She lay, panting, her face coated with more mud than a Japanese clay mask. _I hope Welsh bog is as good for the skin._ Tears pricked in her eyes but she realised a different sensation was bubbling alongside hunger in her tummy.

Gradually the feeling rose, and she realised it was laughter. Claire rolled over on her back, the bog squelching as it released her. For some reason an image of Michael came into her mind. She imagined his reaction if he could see her now. Michael, who went hiking and hostelling with Debbie, but had never taken her on anything but five-star experiences.

Did he think I wouldn't enjoy it, or was it Debbie that dragged him into the great outdoors? Maybe he sees me differently; a china princess to be cherished.

She contrasted the image with Josh, who would be doubled-up with laughter and most likely would take photographs before offering to help her up. Shaking both images aside, Claire shuffled back to her buried boot and pulled it free.

So much for not getting wet.

Trying not to wince, Claire stuffed her soggy foot back into the boot and pulled the laces tight.

The map notes said she was only half way. Determined not to be disheartened, Claire crawled to her feet and set off downstream towards the woodland. The woods closed protectively around her, as a group of waterfalls provided surround-sound entertainment. The path wound alongside the river, with the cascading water chuckling and chortling, keeping her company.

This time a footbridge crossed the river and led Claire further into the woods. The waterfalls took her breath away, not just the noise and immensity of the water, but the glinting rainbows caused by the occasional shard of sunlight brave enough to break through the clouds. There was something passionate and untameable about the cascades of water, all white with fury and rushing with deafening noise, that resonated in Claire's gut. They possessed a freedom she was only now beginning to understand.

At last the end was in sight. Claire no longer cared about wet boots. She strode across the stream, following the barely visible path back to the car park. Stomping along the final yards, footsore and soaked to her underwear, Claire reached the car and wished she could give it a hug. She settled for sliding into the seat, resisting the urge to remove the sodden boots. That would have to wait until she was back at the hostel. All she wanted was a cup of tea and a hot shower.

Looking in the rear-view-mirror, Claire was surprised to see the grin beaming through the dried mud on her face. _That was fun._

***

TWENTY-FOUR

"Llwyn-y-celyn. Someone should introduce the Welsh to the vowel."

Claire walked up from the car park to the hostel and looked at the latest whitewashed farmhouse on her Welsh adventure. Something told her this one might be less luxurious than her previous night's accommodation.

Inside, sofas huddled round a blackened fireplace where a wood-burner held centre stage and long wooden tables crowded in the dining room.

I hope it isn't full. Could get a bit cosy.

She walked through the building to her dorm room, passing a tiny dorm that felt like a broom cupboard, with painted stone walls and a sink just inside the door. Her heart sank, and she hoped her dorm had a little bit more space.

When she reached her room, Claire felt her cheeks lift in a smile.

A bed. A proper bed, with no-one asleep above me. Glorious.

The room had a sloping ceiling, with a dark beam across the heads of the two single beds. Curtains framed a small window that might otherwise have been mistaken for a photograph. Claire went to take in the view, and felt herself relax. Wooded hills lured her out to explore. Flexing her sore shoulders and conscious of the bruise on her thigh from her tumble, Claire laughed ruefully.

"Thanks for the invitation, but I think I need something more gentle today. Kim won't forgive me if I turn up to her wedding covered in bruises or with a plaster cast on."

Boots laced onto sore feet, Claire decided to follow the footpath from the hostel to the glaciated crag and the Cerrig y Glesiad Nature Reserve. A few hours watching buzzards and admiring the view and she could cosy up on the sofa with her book. She hoped they still lit the wood-burner, even though it was nearly May. Huddling into her coat, Claire thought it didn't feel like spring, never mind halfway to summer.

Claire stopped, as the path turned from the horizontal and headed skywards. She looked up at the sharp climb and groaned. Time slowed, while she contemplated the path and tried to reach a decision.

After some time, her ears picked up a new noise in the near-silence. A scuff, followed by a cough. She turned her head, and saw a man walking up behind her. Trying to ignore the lump of ice that dropped into her stomach, Claire forced herself to breathe.

This is a footpath. There are bound to be other people walking. Not everyone is trying to mug you.

She made herself smile in greeting at the newcomer, and wondered if she could pretend she'd just come down from the hillside and was heading back to the hostel.

"Morning."

The man smiled, revealing even, white teeth. "Well, hello. I didn't expect to meet anyone along here. You coming or going?"

"Undecided." The word was out before Claire had time to consider.

The stranger laughed. "Bit steeper than you expected?"

Claire bristled at the hint of sarcasm in the man's rich voice, She took in his well-worn boots and hiking clothes and knew this man thought she was a tourist.

"Just aching from my hike over at Talybont Reservoir yesterday. It turned into a bog-trot and I have bruises on my bruises."

As she watched, his face shifted almost imperceptibly from disdain to respect. He gazed up at the climbing path and shrugged.

"View will be amazing. Why don't you just climb to the top and take some pictures? They serve excellent local beer at the hostel, assuming you're staying there? You can curl up with a bottle and ease your aches away."

Without waiting for an answer, the man gave her a nod and continued on the path, reaching out to steady himself on the rock as he began to scramble up.

_Oh, what the hell._ Claire ignored the screaming protest from her back and her thighs, and followed the man upwards.

***

TWENTY-FIVE

Claire peered through the hatch, trying to ignore the stench of body odour coming from the man next to her. Breathing through her mouth, Claire focussed her gaze on the pewter sky and resisted the urge to tut. Red kites were impressive, granted, but they flew regularly over her parents' house. She didn't need to wait in a dim shed just to watch a bunch of them being fed. Her mum's next door neighbour had a table at the bottom of the garden where she left meat for the kites. No big deal.

The numbers on her phone ticked over to 3 o'clock. _Come on, come on._ Claire tapped her foot impatiently, and then wondered what her hurry was. It wasn't as if she had a more pressing engagement. The morning had been spent wandering around a thirteenth-century castle, including stumbling through a damp limestone cave in the bowels of the fortification, with a hired torch.

The views from atop the castle mound had been breathtaking and she'd collected a batch for the blog, including a few with cows standing in the foreground. It was an incongruous place, but she couldn't face anything more strenuous, like canoeing or cycling. Kim's wedding gave her the perfect excuse, if not one she could offer to Carl. In an attempt to avoid intervention from the dreadful duo, she had decided some more spectacular photographs were the answer.

The hostel manager had suggested this trip to the Red Kite Feeding Station, for more stunning photographs. So far all she had experienced was an olfactory attack from the other hide members and a desperate need to pee.

Three o'clock arrived, as did a man with a bucket. Two or three dozen birds had gathered in the area without Claire noticing. They flapped their wings in anticipation as the food arrived and circled above the feeding station.

Everything seemed to happen at once. The noise of beating wings was deafening, even inside the hide. The dull grey sky filled with birds, wing feathers pointing like splayed fingers. There were so many it felt as if someone had photo-shopped the sky, overlaying the same two or three birds over and over in different poses of plummeting motion.

The birds swooped down and rose at speed, talons full of food. Even with her smartphone, Claire was able to capture a few incredible images. No longer conscious of the smell emanating from the person next to her, she focussed her entire attention on the writhing mass of birds. Nature, red in tooth and claw.

And then they were gone.

Her heart still hammering from the adrenalin of it, Claire followed the others out of the hide and strolled to the café.

I'm sure when Carl insisted on high-adrenalin activities, he didn't envisage they could happen without me breaking a sweat.

***

TWENTY-SIX

Claire gazed around Ludlow Castle with jaded eyes. She'd visited three castles in Wales, and now this one over the border. They were all starting to merge in her mind. Any novelty, if there had been any two months before, had long since worn thin. With Sky as a companion it had been just about bearable, but coming along, merely to say she'd been and take a picture, felt utterly futile. She could learn as much on the internet without leaving a hostel.

For that matter, I could talk about the hostels without visiting them. A few web pictures, a few visitor reviews, and I could write a convincing story in my sleep.

The hostels were all pretty much the same, anyway. All that varied was the colour of the decor, and the quality of the food.

And they don't change much. I guess it's like any convenience product, chain store or restaurant- the predictability is the selling point. Makes for a boring trip, though, if that's the sole purpose.

She thought about the rest of her assignment. _Of course, there's that._ Even that had become a bit predictable. Once you've climbed up a few things, jumped off a load more, what was so exciting about it?

I'd rather read a book, at least the character's names change, even if the plot doesn't.

With a gusty sigh, Claire pushed away the heaviness and trudged further into the castle complex. Her target was the tower, where she hoped it might be possible to climb up for an aerial photograph without scaring herself stupid.

When she reached the tower, she noticed a buggy at the bottom, by itself. Her heart picked up tempo as she approached it, searching all about for the parents.

Oh, God, someone's abandoned their baby. Crap.

She didn't know what to do. A closer inspection revealed a sleeping infant about the age of Sky's half-sister. The gnawing sensation in Claire's tummy grew stronger, until it dragged bile to the back of her throat. Her hands itched to hold the child and offer comfort, but it was sleeping.

Claire searched around again, expecting to see, what? She wasn't sure. Maybe a young mother, watching to be certain her baby would be cared for. Claire reached forward, about to grab the handle, when a sound intruded at the edge of hearing. Giggling. The sound got louder, nearer. And then she was no longer alone.

A couple, she guessed in their thirties, skipped out of the tower towards her. They looked surprised to see her. The man smiled in greeting, but the woman's forehead wrinkled in a suspicious frown. It took a moment for Claire to realise what it must look like. Not that she was rescuing an abandoned child, but that she was about to abduct their daughter.

Claire took a swift step back and raised her hands, as if to reassure them of her good intentions. For a moment she had an urge to berate them for leaving their infant unattended in a public place. The words hung hot in her mouth, but she swallowed them. It was none of her business. Instead she smiled as sincerely as she could.

"She's adorable. Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

She took another step back, relieved to see the frown ease on the woman's face. The couple closed in on either side of the buggy, both focussed on the child inside. Claire felt their bubble of exclusion as her presence was forgotten.

***

`

TWENTY-SEVEN

"Good afternoon, is that Ms Carleton?"

"Yes." Claire held the phone to her ear and looked around the tiny courtyard garden, trying to work out who would be calling her. She didn't recognise the voice.

"Ah, Ms Carleton, my name is Roger Hazleton."

Claire searched her mind for a clue, but none presented itself. He wasn't a client.

_God, I hope he doesn't work for Happy Cola or the YHA_.

Now was not the time to discover Carl's assignment was indeed a genuine one, only to admit she was spending the weekend at a wedding.

"You recently contacted our newspaper with regards to your blog, and the possibility of writing a regular column for us."

Claire's heart began to beat a little faster. She had forgotten about her impetuous email to as many editors as she could find, after Kim's suggestion that she try her hand at freelance journalism. She never expected anything to come of it, except the satisfaction of doing something that would irritate Carl if he found out.

"We have looked at your blog on the YHA and are impressed with your writing style. And your sense of adventure."

Claire tried to gauge whether the man was being sarcastic. Deciding he had to be genuine, if he was bothering to contact her, she bubbled with enthusiasm. Roger's next words stalled her.

"Unfortunately, we can't offer you anything for your existing journey. There isn't quite enough excitement to captivate our readers."

With a wry smile, Claire thought that he would have a different view if he knew the half of what had happened to her since she left home in a battered Skoda, two months before.

"However, I wanted to ask whether you had any intention of continuing your adventures overseas, for example the hostels of New Zealand or Australia?"

Claire's brain fizzed with the unexpected idea. Her skin tingled. With in-held breath, she asked the burning question. "Why, are you offering to pay for me to go?"

Roger laughed, as if Claire had told an entertaining joke. She laughed too, realising she would only look like an amateur if she confessed she was serious. Clearly that was not what was on offer.

"Wouldn't that be lovely? No, I'm afraid you would have to pay your own travel expenses, although we would, of course, pay you our standard freelance rate for your column. We can discuss the details later, if you're interested."

Claire felt like she'd been walloped with a wet flannel. _Leave the UK? Travel somewhere hot and sunny, with attractive surfer dudes and long sandy beaches._ It sounded even better than the Maldives. __ Then images crashed in on her daydream: The look of smug victory on Carl's face, if she were to resign; Giving up her salary, her career, for a short-term opportunity to earn peanuts; Another stretch of time sleeping in bunk beds. The appeal quickly tarnished.

"Roger, I am flattered by your offer. I'm glad that you believe my writing would appeal to your readers. Unfortunately, I'm not in a position to travel overseas at present, unless my expenses were covered."

There was a slight hesitation and Claire imagined Roger steepling his fingers, trying to decide how to respond. Would he shrug and tell her she was making a mistake, or would he be graceful. She heard him suck air in through his teeth, and prepared herself for rejection.

"Well," he stretched out the word, as if it were being pulled from him. "I suppose we could advance you a week or two's salary, if that would help?"

Claire didn't need solutions, she was already too tempted. Her mind crowded with all the reasons to stay. Ruth, Sky, Kim, they all needed her here. A thought popped into her head unbidden. Josh lived in Australia. With his wife and children.

"I'll have to think about it."

"Of course, I understand. I'll email you our terms. We'd want to get started as soon as possible."

Claire hung up the phone and dropped it into her lap. Looking round the raised beds and red brick walls of the hostel garden, she tried to imagine temperate rainforest and endless desert. Ayers Rock and the Sydney Opera House. Her lips twitched and she felt a smile light her face.

***

TWENTY-EIGHT

Claire drove up to the hostel and felt a sliver of ice slide into her chest.

Oh, God, I hope Kim isn't going to be disappointed.

The hostel didn't look like a dream wedding location. The building loomed stark against a grey sky. It looked like the setting for Jane Eyre, or the main building of a severe boarding school.

With a sinking heart, Claire parked her car and headed for reception. She'd managed to book accommodation for the Friday night, to ensure there was no last-minute panic to get there in the morning.

"Checking in, please."

The woman behind the desk dragged her hands through her hair and glanced up at Claire.

"Just a minute," she said, and turned to the computer. "Just one night, is it? There's a wedding here tomorrow." Her voice suggested this was not a good thing.

"Yes, I know, I'm invited. I'm the maid of honour, actually." Claire gave a grin. The lady nodded without smiling.

"You're not the only guest who has come early. It isn't making my job any easier."

Claire found herself wanting to apologise. "I suppose there's a lot to prepare, for a wedding."

"That's an understatement, although at least your friend hasn't opted for a Medieval theme or any such nonsense. Nice and simple, how we like it."

She retrieved Claire's key and silently pointed her in the direction of her room. With a shrug, Claire decided to be forgiving.

I wouldn't want to try and organise a wedding with the property still full of guests.

Now she was inside the building, her misgivings faded away. The recent refurbishment was obvious and, while the place still bore all the marks of a YHA hostel, it had been renovated sympathetically. Wooden beams and exposed walls helped retain the feel of an Elizabethan Manor, despite the steel-framed bunk-beds. She'd been allocated a bed in a twelve-person dorm and she was surprised that the room didn't feel crowded. Wooden floors and sunshine welcomed her in, and she chose a bed near the furthest window.

I wonder if I would get away with staying in here over the weekend, rather than sharing with Michael.

She'd had plenty of time to regret letting Michael invite himself. As she gazed round the large shared dorm, the difficulty of allocating guest rooms now hit her, and she giggled at Kim and Jeff's dilemma.

Rather them than me. It could be a rowdy event, if they've got it wrong.

Pleased to have the room to herself, Claire pulled out the paperback she'd grabbed at the last hostel and settled down to read.

Claire closed her book and decided to head to the lounge to complete her blog post. The phone call from Roger the day before kept echoing through her mind. On the surface, flying half way round the world seemed nothing but a crazy idea.

It's winter over there, too. May is a time to be in England, going to barbecues and sitting on wine bar terraces drinking G&T.

The beaches were unlikely to be hot or sunny, although somewhere in the back of her mind she thought maybe Australia didn't have harsh winters. She knew very little about either country.

Curling into the corner of the Chesterfield sofa, near the original stone fireplace, Claire found it hard to imagine what Antipodean hostels would be like.

They won't be in refurbished sixteen-century manor houses, that's for sure.

With a guilty feeling that she should be writing her post, or thinking about the following day, Claire loaded up the internet and typed in, "YHA New Zealand." She hovered over the hostels in the south, thinking they would be the warmest in the winter. The hostel in Catlins looked like a colonial house, sunny and inviting. Then Claire read the note saying the hostel was closed for the winter.

So, even in the south it's cold in the winter.

Then something murmured in her brain.

It's warm in the south here, but what about on the opposite side of the world. Would the north be the hot bit?

Geography wasn't a strong point, but her thought felt right.

Clicking on the northern-most hostel at Ahipara, her screen filled with pictures of long sandy beaches and royal-blue seas. A few more clicks revealed that the weather was still bearable, even in the depths of winter.

Lost in thought, Claire barely heard the footsteps approaching across the wooden floor. Shoes clicked, then came to a standstill next to the sofa. She heard a small cough, and a deep voice spoke.

"Hello, Claire. Planning a holiday?"

Claire flipped closed the iPad case, and turned to face the newcomer, swallowing a surge of irritation.

"Merely researching a writing project, Michael. What are you doing here?"

"Er, you invited me to a wedding?" Michael walked round and sat next to Claire on the sofa, relaxing into the seat with his right ankle pulled up on his left knee.

"I think you invited yourself, actually. And the wedding isn't until tomorrow."

Michael smiled, his face open, radiating sincerity. "I didn't want to be late. Besides, you said I was to make myself useful." He spread his arms wide. "Here I am."

Claire was conscious of a frown pulling at her forehead as she felt her peaceful evening slipping away. "Kim isn't arriving until tomorrow morning – she has rehearsals this evening."

"Yes, I wondered about that. How come they're getting married all of a sudden, when she is working so hard." Michael's face remained impassive, but Claire felt his curiosity. She had no intention of giving the real reason. Kim hadn't sworn her to secrecy, but she knew few people were aware of the pregnancy, particularly Kim's boss.

"This place came available at short notice." She gazed round at the period fixtures, the grandeur of the great hall. "Who wouldn't grab it with two hands?"

"You?" Michael met her eyes, and there was an intensity burning deep in his gaze.

Claire's stomach squirmed and she dragged her gaze away. Silence spread between them like dry ice, suffocating, using up the oxygen. She felt a strong urge to flee the room, get in the Skoda and keep driving. Then her tummy gurgled, the sound resonating like an angry monster growling in rage.

Michael sniggered, and the tension snapped. "Hungry?"

Looking up with a rueful expression on her face, Claire sighed and shrugged. "Starving."

"Then let's eat."

Michael led her to the dining room, with Claire following meekly behind

***

`

TWENTY-NINE

"Claire, thank God you're already here."

Kim ran across the terrace and threw herself into her friend's arms. "I'm so nervous. Find me gin, please. Tell me I'm doing the right thing."

Claire laughed and hugged Kim tight. "You're doing the right thing. The bar will open soon. Everything is going to be fine. The ceremony isn't until 4pm, and it's only 9 o'clock. Calm down."

"I've been awake since 5am. Poor Mum, I've been driving her bonkers. She didn't want to leave so early, but I insisted."

"You stayed locally last night?" Claire cursed under her breath. If only she'd known, it would have been the perfect excuse to escape Michael. "I thought you had rehearsals."

"I told them I couldn't make it and they should give the understudy a run through. The director didn't like it, but as they'll all be drinking at our expense this weekend, they can just lump it!"

Claire's brain reeled with the barrage of words. "I thought we were paying our own way? Wasn't that the point?"

"Jeff's parents are insisting on providing alcohol. They're horrified that we asked everyone to cough up the cash. Jeff's Mums says it's common."

The girls linked arms and walked to the edge of the terrace, taking a moment to appreciate the rolling hills spread out in front of them.

"What are you doing out here, anyway? Have you had breakfast?" Kim turned to face Claire.

"I'm hiding from Michael. I had breakfast early, and I've been out for a walk."

"Michael, what's he doing here already?" Kim frowned and pursed her lips, the sparkle in her eye fading.

"He came last night, the same as I did." She saw Kim's expression, and grimaced. "Not with me! I came to make sure I was here when you arrived. He had the same thought. Actually, I suspect he came to talk to me before I became caught up in wedding fever."

Kim made a face as if she felt sick. "And did he? Come over all mushy?"

"Didn't give him the chance. You've never heard so much relentless nonsense spilling from my mouth."

Kim raised an eyebrow. "I probably have. Poor Michael, I almost feel sorry for him."

Claire glared and swung out at Kim's arm. "Cheeky cow!" She laughed. "Come on, I need a coffee. Let's go and find the bridal suite and get you settled in. I want a bounce on your four-poster bed!"

"Oh, Kim, you look amazing."

Claire stood in front of her friend and felt tears well up. Brushing them away, she reached forward to tug at a ringlet and straighten Kim's string of pearls. Between them, she and Kim's Mum had curled the red locks and pinned them up carefully to hide any blonde roots.

The cream charity shop wedding dress fitted perfectly and contrasted beautifully with the red roses and stargazer lilies in her bouquet. Claire smoothed down the pink bridesmaid dress they'd managed to find for her, in the same shop. It didn't fit quite as well as Kim's, and she'd had to pin it to her bra to make sure it stayed in place.

Time had drained away like bath water, too fast for comfort. Claire had successfully avoided Michael, who'd been sent to put up signs, usher arrivals to their rooms and generally make himself useful. Every time they bumped into each other, he opened his mouth as if to speak, and Claire found a reason to escape. Flowers to be collected, the cake to be checked, hair to be dressed, make-up applied.

Now, it was ten to four, and everything was ready. Jeff had arrived and been whisked to the room allocated for the civil ceremony, while Kim hid in the bridal suite.

"Having it all in one building is genius," Claire said to Kim, as she whisked a final brush of blusher across her cheeks. "You don't need to worry about cars breaking down, traffic, parking or anything. I once knew a girl whose limo didn't turn up, and she was an hour late. No one told the groom: he thought she'd changed her mind. It was awful."

Kim shook her head, as if brushing off a pesky fly. "Don't tell me things like that. Knowing my luck I'll trip on my dress, fall down the stairs and break a leg."

"That's why you have a maid of honour. It's my job to hold your dress and, if need be, carry you to the altar to say your vows before the paramedics arrive."

Giggling, the friends linked arms and headed for the door.

***

THIRTY

"I, Jeffery Philip Westwood, take you, Kim Louise Jenkins, to be my lawful wedded wife..."

Claire stood next to her best friend and tuned out the familiar words. It was the first time she'd been part of a wedding, although she had attended a few. It felt different, standing at the front, with the registrar so close. She was almost scared to breathe, in case she interrupted the ceremony. Gazing at the side of Kim's face; her eyes sparkling, her lips quivering in a smile as she locked eyes with Jeff, Claire thought she could set off a firework and the bride and groom would be oblivious.

Her shoulder-blades itched. She could feel Michael sitting behind her; could sense his eyes boring into her back. It wasn't hard to imagine his thoughts, as she stood this close to an altar. Although they'd never discussed marriage, the fight that had ended their relationship gave her a pretty good idea where Michael's desires lay. People didn't want children without wanting the full family experience.

The formulaic exchange of promises droned on. Claire recalled the awful night, four months ago, when her rosy view of the future had ended. When she'd realised how desperate Michael was for children. Their discussion had confirmed for her how equally-desperate she was not to have them. There hadn't been anything to say after that.

And now, my best friend is married and with child. Wouldn't Michael have a field day, if he knew?

Resisting the urge to look behind her, Claire squared her shoulders and prayed for the weekend to be over.

The sun hovered low on the horizon. Dinner had been survived, and the free alcohol was going down a storm. Claire stood in the corner of the terrace, watching groups of friends mingling and separating in a slow, elaborate dance. Laugher echoed on the breeze, and through the people, the occasional flash of cream silk showed the bride at the centre of things.

Kim had managed to persuade some high school friends to turn up with their drums and guitars, and live music drifted out from the great hall. Claire had sent Michael for drinks, glad to get away from his pervading presence. Now the chores were done, he had taken to standing behind her shoulder like a bodyguard, scaring away anyone else brave enough to attempt to approach for a chat.

Claire mused that it would have been infinitely preferable to have come alone, and feel like the awkward spinster, rather than have the dark cloud of her past literally following her around, raining on her parade.

She felt a touch at her elbow and turned to see Michael holding out a glass of champagne.

"Have they run out of gin?" Claire frowned. Champagne made her giddy. What she needed was good, hard liquor.

Michael looked awkward for a moment, before saying, "Tonic. They've run out of tonic."

It was clearly a lie. Claire sighed, the pent-up frustration of four months gusting forth like a hurricane.

"Enough, Michael. Stop trying to control my life."

Michael's head jerked back, as if she had slapped him. "I'm not trying to control anything."

"Then why bring me champagne when it's obvious they have plenty of gin and tonic. This is a licensed bar, not a village hall party. Are you hoping I'll get drunk and you will get me horizontal? You can scrap that idea right now."

Michael's eyes hardened. "That's not fair, Claire. You asked me to come, and all you've done is avoid me. Now you're acting like I'm your father one minute, and some oik in a bar trying to get laid the next. I am none of those things."

"Then stop acting like it. What happened, Michael? We used to work, once. What went wrong?"

"Nothing." He took a step closer and she unconsciously stepped back, avoiding his outstretched hand. "Nothing went wrong. We had a misunderstanding, that's all. I still love you."

His words made her shiver. "If you do, then leave me alone. Please. I've moved on, Michael." She wanted to add, _I've out-grown you_ , but managed to hold her tongue.

"Is it still about the baby? We can talk about that. We never talked about it properly."

"There was no baby, Michael, except in your mind. I was late for my period, that's all. I wanted you to reassure me I could do what I needed to do, if I was pregnant. And you went all doolally on me, practically picking the baby names and decorating the spare room." She glared at him. "I wasn't ready for happy families, not then, not now."

"But, I thought... All that time with Sky."

"You thought because I had fun with my niece I was ready to be a mother? That's why you're here, isn't it? You want to start again?"

He didn't respond, but the shift in his expression told her she was right.

A boiling heat rushed through Claire, darkening her vision and causing her hands to tremble. "Get the message, Michael. I am not interested." Her voice rose. "I do not want a baby. Kim can go ahead and have one, if she wants. Get married, have the happy ever after, but not me. I'm not ready for that kind of responsibility."

"Kim's pregnant?"

Michael's voice rang out across the terrace, just as the band finished one song and were about to start another. His words caused a hush to fall across the assembled guests.

Claire felt the world close in.

Me and my big mouth.

She turned, seeking out Kim in the crowd. Her friend stood several feet away, her face white. Claire took a step forward, apologies on her lips. Kim gave her a furious stare and swept away.

Dropping her arms to her side, Claire prayed for the world to end.

Of course it was a secret. Now her Director knows, everyone knows. How much trouble is she going to be in? She's never going to speak to me again.

Michael reached out a hand, whether to blame or reassure her, wasn't clear. She shook him off, and ran from the terrace towards her car.

###

This story is continued on Amanda Martin's daily blog at http://writermummy.wordpress.com

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Amanda Martin was born in Hertfordshire in 1976. After graduating with first class honours from Leeds University she wandered around the world trying to find her place in it. She tried various roles, in England and New Zealand, including Bar Manager, Marketing Manager, Consultant and Artist, before deciding that Writer/Mummy best summed her up. She lives in Northamptonshire with her husband, two children and labradoodle Kara and can mostly be found at http://writermummy.wordpress.com or on Twitter or Facebook.

Also by Amanda Martin:

DRAGON WRAITHS

Dragon Wraiths, a Young Adult novel. Read the reviews:

4 out of 5 stars " **pacey and engaging** "

" _This is a wonderful romp for the YA audience that definitely crosses over to Adult (which is me!). Amanda writes in a wonderfully emotive and poetic yet also pacey style and I was at once absorbed and engaged with the central character. I wouldn't call myself a fantasy fan by any stretch (the work Tolkien just makes me want to snooze...) yet I was completely onboard with this parallel world and I found the transition between them, and the entire storyline credible. I found a Harry Potter-esque sensibility to the author's use of intriguing devices and methods for the real and fantasy worlds combining - but this is not to say there is any pastiche going on. Thoroughly recommend the book - and am hoping there's a sequel on the cards!"_

4 out of 5 stars **"** **Thoroughly enjoyable read** **"**

" _Thoroughly enjoyable read. Loved how dragons and humans worked together. Very original and entertaining._ _  
_ _It's a fast paced novel that any age with imagination could enjoy. I'm way out of YA age and still loved it. The ending really made me smile._ _  
_ _I'd read another by this author."_

BABY BLUES AND WEDDING SHOES

Amanda's latest release, the chick lit novel Baby Blues and Wedding Shoes is available now.

5 out of 5 stars **"** **Wonderful, engaging story** **"**

" _Wonderful, engaging story by a talented writer. Pleasantly surprising depth in a plot which one might have initially assumed would be a predictable meet-cute, boy meets girl, happily ever after. A more thought provoking story evolved than expected in the beginning. Author has a nice way with descriptive words which makes one feel nearly in the room. Readers with an appreciation for a bit of reality and a bit of hopeful romantic wishful dreaming will not be disappointed by this lovely tale. Well done."_

