

**GO TO:www.VirusCoach.net to get a free list of additional ways to reduce stress, boost your immune system, and connect deeply with people over the Internet.**

"Copyright (C) 2020 by Jonathan Robinson

All rights reserved. No parts of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the copyright owner.

**Author:** Jonathan Robinson

**Title:** Pandemic Survival Guide: 101 Ways to Thrive Physically, Financially, and Emotionally Despite Current Chaos

Printed in the United States of America.

**Design:** Interior and E-book Design by Amit Dey | amitdey2528@gmail.com

**Cover designer:** Zizi Iryaspraha Subiyarta (ziziiryasse@gmail.com)

First Printing: 2020
DEDICATION

**To all those going through**

**a difficult time now...**

**... may this book help get you back to  
a better place...and assist all of us in recognizing  
our common humanity**
TABLE OF CONTENTS

Introduction

1. A Whole New World

2. Quick FAQ re: the Virus

3. Physical Prep for You and Your Loved Ones

4. Taking Care of Your Health

5. Mental and Emotional Thriving

6. Helping Those You Care About

7. Financial Survival and Flexibility

8. Financial Planning and Investing

9. Overcoming Trauma and Depression

10. Taking Action Consistently

Acknowledgments

About the Author
INTRODUCTION

With the coronavirus pandemic upon us, we are entering into a whole new world. In this age of fear and uncertainty, I'm confident this little book will help you and your family stay healthy, feel more peaceful, and be better prepared to handle all the changes that lie ahead. Unless a person sensibly prepares for the emotional, physical, _and_ monetary fallout of this pandemic, they will have a very difficult time dealing with all the challenges they are likely to face. So congratulations on picking up this book and giving yourself this gift of over 100 practical ways to thrive during this global disaster.

Before going into what this book covers, let me just say a few words about my background. By profession, I am a psychotherapist and executive coach. I've written 12 books, ranging from how to find happiness and inner peace, to how to invest wisely and prepare for a terrorist attack. I've been a frequent guest on shows such as _Oprah_ and _CNN_. But what most qualifies me to write this book is that I specialize in helping people through tough times--whether that be psychological, physical, or financial challenges. Since I'm a very practical guy, you won't find much "fluff" in this book. Instead, you'll find a lot of practical suggestions, techniques, and ideas to make your life better during these difficult and highly stressful times. Of course, on occasion I will throw in a little humor because, in times like these, a sense of humor can be a helpful survival strategy.

In this book, we'll cover an important range of topics. In Chapter One, I'll discuss what we know about what's to come, and how to psychologically adjust to a whole new world. In Chapter Two, I give brief answers to some of the most frequently asked questions about the pandemic and its effect on our daily lives. In Chapter Three, I talk about all you need to know to physically prepare for this pandemic. In Chapter Four, I discuss simple ways you can boost your immune system and take great care of your health. In Chapter Five, I explain many powerful ways to quickly boost your mental, emotional, and spiritual resilience in this time of great stress. In Chapter Six, I include important information on how you can help your kids, your pets, your friends, and elderly parents stay sane and safe.

In Chapters Seven and Eight, I consider all the financial aspects of this global crisis. Where to put your money? What opportunities might show up? How to intelligently deal with financial panic and a lack of business? Then, in Chapter Nine I talk about how to deal with potential feelings of trauma and depression as this crisis lingers. I conclude the book with a guide to how to set important goals and stay motivated to take needed action in the months ahead. Feel free to skip around to the chapters that are most relevant to your current needs and interests.

By the end of the book, you will be better prepared, feel more in control, and have a specific plan of action you can follow so you can thrive in a world of complete chaos. So, buckle up. It's going to be a wild ride...
Chapter One

A WHOLE NEW WORLD

Pretend you could go back in time to a week before the terrorist strike in the United States of September 11th, 2001. Knowing what you know today, what would you do? First, you'd probably make sure all the people you knew were out of New York City. Then, you'd likely do whatever you could to mentally prepare yourself and the people you love for the coming difficult times. Finally, you might consider moving some of your money to more "favorable" investments in light of what was about to happen. Although the events of the 11th would still be a disaster, you'd be better prepared--both psychologically and financially. Well, you can't travel back in time, but with the information in this book, you can better prepare yourself for the challenging times that lie ahead in a world suffering from a major pandemic.

As a psychotherapist, I'm well versed in how people react to trauma. In general, people often bounce back and forth between blame, denial, and complete panic. As I write this in April of 2020, you can see that happening. But blame, denial, and panic are not effective strategies for dealing with a crisis. My job is to show you how to intelligently prepare yourself--and your loved ones--for the inevitable emotional, physical, and financial roller coaster ride ahead.

**Just the Facts**

What follows is a list of information that might surprise you. My intention is not to depress you, but to help you prepare for what may be a global disaster like you've never experienced before. Although no one knows how bad things will get, and no one can accurately predict the future, it's important to at least be aware of what experts say is their best guess of what is to come. So...according to many experts:

  1. Worldwide, Covid-19 could kill anywhere from 35 million to 200 million people. Of course, if an unforeseen "cure" happens sooner than expected, those numbers could go way down.
  2. The Covid-19 virus kills somewhere between .7 and 2.3% of people who get it--mostly older folks and people with underlying health issues.
  3. It will likely take at least a year to 18 months for a vaccine to be created, and even when it is created, it will take a while for enough of the vaccine to be made for everyone to be inoculated.
  4. Once people are vaccinated--like the flu vaccine--they may only experience partial immunity to the virus. You could still get sick and die from the virus even though you've been vaccinated.
  5. A financial recession or even a depression is likely. Millions of people will lose their jobs. Financial markets are already in a panic, and there's not that much that governments can do to stem this panic.
  6. It is unlikely that the world's health care systems will be able to adequately handle the influx of sick and dying people. Doctors and hospitals will have to make difficult choices about who lives and who dies.
  7. While a "miracle treatment" could happen at any time, the more likely scenario is that people will get sick in "waves." The first wave of Spring and Summer of 2020 will be severe. Then, once people are no longer sheltering in place, additional waves of people getting sick are likely to occur until an effective treatment or vaccine is created.

So that's what experts' best guesses are as of the day I write this. Of course, as I mentioned, that could quickly change. The good news, if any, is that once an effective treatment/vaccine is created, financial markets and jobs will likely come roaring back at breakneck speed.

In this "new world" we are now part of, the best defense you have is to get psychologically, physically, emotionally, and even spiritually prepared as best you can. Human beings normally do not handle uncertainty well. When the normal rules governing daily life are disrupted (think September 11th or the 2008 financial crash), people get panicky and financial markets go crazy. However, once we have good information, tools, and some perspective, we can quickly learn to adjust to a world operating by new rules.

While most of the information in this book will be up-to-date no matter what happens in this pandemic, some information about the virus and the latest recommendations in your area will change daily. To get the most up-to-date information and recommendations, I suggest this website by the Centers for Disease Control. You can find that here:

<https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/index.html> or you can simply Google "Centers for Disease Control."

On this website, you can find such things as ways to protect yourself, what to do if you're sick, a section for frequently asked questions, and the latest CDC recommendations and updates.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt once famously said, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." Fear and panic can lead people to do reckless things. For example, last week a fearful friend of mine bought a bottle of hand sanitizer on Amazon for $50. Meanwhile, I went to the local dollar store and bought 5 bottles for $5. Fear can lead to bad financial decisions, unwise ways of treating mates and kids, and a lowering of one's immunity by wallowing in stressful thoughts.

So, despite the glut of bad news going around, the first thing you want to do (besides reading this book!), is lessen your fear. In chapters 4 and 5, I talk about a lot of ways to do that, but for now just realize that you are not in this alone. Not only is the whole world dealing with this pandemic (so you're in good company even if you're home alone), but historically we have gotten through tough times before.

History shows us that the human race is a very resilient species. After some initial fear and panic, we tend to adjust to a new normal surprisingly quickly. Then, at some point we resume our routines of a pre-crisis world. Life goes on. Often, the hardest phase of a crisis is not knowing what lies ahead--what I call "living with uncertainty." In later chapters I will discuss specific methods for handling fear and uncertainty, but if you want some help with that right now, I have a 9-minute guided meditation that can be of help. It's called, "Overcoming Stress by Befriending Uncertainty," and you can find it on Youtube by clicking here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9tv6K6-IEg&t=454s

...or you can put in the Youtube search box "Awareness Explorers Befriending Uncertainty Meditation."

So, welcome to this new world with new rules for thriving. Now let's get into the specifics of how to best handle the unusual time ahead...
Chapter Two

QUICK FAQ RE: THE VIRUS

The coronavirus pandemic is always changing. Therefore, the answers to some frequently asked questions written below may be out of date by the time you read this. However, for convenience, I've written out answers to common questions that are likely to apply for a while. For the most up to date suggestions, I recommend that you periodically submit your question to Google, or go to the FAQ section of The Centers for Disease Control Website, which is: <https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/faq.html>

**Is it safe to shop for groceries if my area has the coronavirus?** Experts suggest wiping down the handle of the shopping cart with a disinfectant wipe before use; using a credit card to minimize the handling of cash; or even shopping at off-peak hours to avoid a crowded marketplace. It's also a good idea to wear a mask when you shop, and wash your hands with hand sanitizer soon after you touch grocery store items.

**How do I know if I need to self-quarantine?** The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends that if anyone in your house has tested positive, everyone in the house should self-quarantine for a minimum of 14 days or longer until the patient has no more symptoms and tests negative.

**Who is most at risk?** Young people, senior citizens and those with immune deficiencies could have an acute reaction if exposed to the virus.

**Is there a cure?** No. Health agencies recommend patients receive supportive care to relieve coronavirus symptoms. And despite rapid progress towards a vaccine and helpful medications, even if a vaccine is proved safe and effective against the virus, it will not be available until at least 2021.

**Do pneumonia shots protect against it?** Former CDC Chief Medical Officer Dr. Robert Amler told Fox News that a pneumonia shot will not be effective in staving off pneumonia caused by coronavirus.

A negative test doesn't always mean the patient is free of the virus.

**What about my pets?** While the veterinary community is still dealing largely with unknowns amid the novel coronavirus pandemic, most of what they do know might come as a relief to pet owners. It seems that dogs and cats can't get the coronavirus, but it can live on their fur for an undetermined length of time.

**How worried should I be about getting sick?** Everyone should be concerned about contracting the new coronavirus -- if not for yourself, then to protect others who are at risk of becoming severely ill. As with the flu, the virus is more dangerous for people who are older than 60, people who have a weakened immune system, and people with an underlying condition, like diabetes, asthma or another chronic illness.

**What should I do if I feel sick?** If you've been exposed to the coronavirus or think you have, or is you have a fever or symptoms like a cough or difficulty breathing, call a doctor. They should give you advice on how to get tested and how to seek medical treatment without potentially infecting or exposing others. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says that if you're sick or think you're sick, but only mildly ill, you should isolate yourself, and you shouldn't leave your house except to go to the doctor.

**What if somebody in my family gets sick?** If the family member doesn't need hospitalization and can be cared for at home, you should help him or her with basic needs and monitor the symptoms, while also keeping as much distance as possible, according to the CDC. If there's space, the sick family member should stay in a separate room and use a separate bathroom to minimize contact with healthy family members. Any shared spaces should have good airflow, such as an open window or an air conditioner, and you shouldn't allow any visitors except for those who need to be in the house.

Your family member should wear a face mask when he or she is around others, and if he or she can't because of difficulty breathing, you should wear a mask.

Make sure not to share any dishes or other household items with your sick family member and to regularly clean surfaces like counters, doorknobs, toilets and tables. Don't forget to wash your hands frequently.

**How do I get tested?** If you're sick and you think you've been exposed to the new coronavirus, the C.D.C. recommends that you call your healthcare provider and explain your symptoms and fears. They will decide if you need to be tested.

But keep in mind that, across the country, sick people say they're not being tested. The obstacles range from a lack of testing kits to being rejected because you're asymptomatic. In other words: There's a chance you can't get tested, even if you think you need it. And despite the rapid progress, even if the vaccine is proved safe and effective against the virus, it will not be available for at least a year.

**Should I wear a mask?** A face mask won't prevent getting the coronavirus unless it is an N-95 respirator mask. However, wearing a mask can help you from touching your face, and the virus is often transmitted by touching one's own face with one's own hands.

**How is it different from the flu?** The flu and the coronavirus can cause similar symptoms -- a whole-body malaise, with a fever, a dry cough and a noticeable shortness of breath -- but there are differences. Because the symptoms are so similar, doctors will sometimes rule out the flu first.Spring allergy season tends to trigger many of the same symptoms in many people, adding another diagnostic wrinkle.

**Can I go to the park?** Yes! Getting exercise outside is a great alternative to going to the gym, where touching high-contact equipment can pose a risk (if your gym is even still open). A study last year found infectious germs on about a third of the surfaces at 16 different fitness facilities. Exercise boosts our immune systems, and even a single workout can improve our ability to fight off germs, according to the latest research.

**My kids are scared. What can I tell them?** Before you talk to your children, it's important to understand your own anxiety and keep it in check. If your child is worried about the coronavirus, listen to him or her, rather than respond with comments like, "It'll be fine." Dismissive reactions can make children feel like they're not being heard. Emphasize the importance of washing hands after using the bathroom and before or after meals. Children (and adults) should sing "Happy Birthday" twice to make sure they've been washing their hands for at least 20 seconds. You should also frame school cancellation as positive -- more time to have more fun at home! -- and encourage your children to get exercise.

**Is it ethical to order delivery in a pandemic?** It's a complicated question, right? Officials are telling us to stay indoors and away from others. At the same time, you need food or, as importantly, medicine. But what about the health of the delivery workers who come to your door? How do we keep each other safe? For older Americans and those with health problems who are most at risk if they contract the coronavirus, having goods delivered makes sense. The bottom line is this: Online deliveries are a boon for those who cannot leave their homes, as well as small restaurants who fear going out of business. But at the same time, it comes with a risk to drivers and delivery workers who fear the loss of income if they get sick. At a minimum, everyone should generously tip their drivers for the service.

**How does it spread?** It seems to spread very easily from person to person, especially in homes, hospitals and other confined spaces. The pathogen can be carried on tiny respiratory droplets that fall as they are coughed or sneezed out.

**Should I get on the subway? Go to the grocery store**? This decision is personal and depends on your tolerance for risk. Many places around the world have ordered -- or strongly urged -- residents to stay indoors, unless they absolutely need to be outside. If you can avoid the subway, that may be smart, but if you can't, there are things you can do to minimize your risk. Avoid jam-packed cars. If you need to hold onto a pole, use a disposable glove that you can throw away when you leave the subway. Avoid touching your face. At the grocery store, wipe the handle of the grocery cart with a disinfecting wipe and wash your hands as soon as you get home.

**What makes this outbreak so different?** Unlike the flu, there is no known treatment or vaccine, and little is known about this particular virus so far. It seems to be more lethal than the flu, but the numbers are still uncertain. And it hits the elderly and those with underlying conditions particularly hard -- not just those with respiratory diseases.
Chapter Three

[PHYSICAL PREPARATION FOR YOU  
AND YOUR LOVED ONES](toc.html#chapter3)

In a disaster such as this global pandemic, it's important to be prepared for what you will physically need to survive and thrive. You may have noticed that when the fear of this pandemic really "hit," there was a run on things like hand sanitizer, water, Lysol, toilet paper, and pasta. One day toilet paper was everywhere, and the next day people were stealing it from the hands of old ladies at Costco. Things can change fast. The good news is that based on what happened in China, it looks like shortages of supplies do not last long. Somehow, even in the Wuhan province where the virus began and a complete lockdown happened, people still managed to get food and water and toilet paper. So there is no need to hoard such items. On the other hand, there are many common-sense things you can do to physically prepare you and your family for the challenging times ahead.

While food and water will likely be widely available, it's always a good idea to prepare for the worst. According to experts, having at least a short-term supply of all the basics is a smart move. Below you will find some guidelines for how you can prepare in case things get really bad in your area.

**Home Preparation:**

When preparing for a possible emergency situation, it's best to think first about the basics of survival: **fresh water, food, clean air, medications, and warmth**.

**Water:**

While water will almost surely be easily available, just to be safe, follow these guidelines...

  * Keep _at least_ a three-day supply of water per person. A week's supply is better.
  * Have one gallon of water per person per day, for drinking and sanitation.
  * Children, nursing mothers, and sick people may need more water.
  * If you live in a warm-weather climate more water may be necessary.
  * Store water tightly in clean plastic containers such as soft drink bottles.

**Food:**

  * Store _at least_ a two-week supply of non-perishable food for each member of your household. This is in case you get sick and need to self-quarantine.
  * Select foods that require little preparation or cooking, and little or no water. Get a manual can opener if you don't already have one.
  * Choose foods your family will eat. Ready-to-eat canned soups, beans, fruits, and vegetables are best, such as: 
    * Protein or fruit bars
    * Oats or other grains
    * Peanut butter
    * Dried fruit
    * Nuts
    * Beans and lentils
    * Canned Juices and Coffee (optional)
    * Non-perishable pasteurized milk
    * Rice
    * Fresh frozen veggies and fruits
    * Food for infants
    * Comfort/stress foods

**Nose and Mouth Protection:**

You may have noticed that a lot of folks are wearing some kind of mask. Depending on what you read, these masks are either not helpful or potentially life-saving. Here's the deal. Masks labeled as N-95 can in fact keep you from getting the coronavirus if they are worn correctly. Yet, they are uncomfortable to wear for long periods, are currently hard to find, and are best saved for health care practitioners. So-called "surgical masks" do not keep the virus out, but they can still be useful. Their main advantage is that they keep you from touching your hands to your face. This can be a huge advantage. Hand to face contact is perhaps the most common form of transmission of the virus.

The average person touches their face about 22 times each hour. Who knew? In trying to stop this habit, I quickly learned that my hands are absolutely in love with my face. Therefore, if you go outside and have any contact with potentially sick people, please consider wearing some kind of "facial protection," as well as some kind of gloves. Since surgical masks can also be hard to find, consider other options like wearing a bandana around your nose and mouth. A bandana can work just as well as a surgical mask to keep your hands from touching your nose or mouth. In addition, if you don't wear glasses, consider wearing sunglasses as a way to avoid touching your eyes.

**Soap and Hand Sanitizer:**

Fortunately, after a brief period of panic buying, soap and hand sanitizer are now pretty easy to get. If you have a hard time finding hand sanitizer, you can simply buy 91% rubbing alcohol and mix it with some Aloe Vera gel to create your own hand sanitizer. The important thing is to get in the habit of washing your hands thoroughly with warm water for 20 seconds several times a day. Twenty seconds is the equivalent of singing "happy birthday" twice. Consider singing it out loud just to make you smile at what the world is coming to.

A great way to use hand sanitizer is to get a little bottle of it and clip it or string it directly to your belt or pants. Especially when you go out of your house, you will want to keep hand sanitizer with you at all times. The latest research is that the coronavirus can live on many surfaces for several days. Therefore, you'll want to sanitize your hands immediately after touching purchased groceries, counters, or just about anything outside your house. In addition, your smartphone can easily get contaminated, so wiping down your smartphone periodically with rubbing alcohol or hand sanitizer is also a good idea.

**The Air You Breathe**

Air purifiers that use a HEPA filter can lessen the chance of you getting sick if the virus is airborne in your house--but it does not eliminate the risk. The coronavirus can stay airborne (for example if someone sneezes) for a half-hour or so. (Another reason to wear an N-95 mask if you go to the grocery store--if you can find one). Air purifiers with HEPA filters can lessen the virus, but no filter is 100%. Yet, air purifiers also make air healthier in your house in general. So, if you have the money, an air purifier with a HEPA filter can be a good investment.

**First Aid Kit:**

In an emergency, a family member or you may be cut, burned, or suffer other injuries. If you have a basic First Aid Kit, you are better prepared to help your loved ones when they are hurt. Also, if hospitals and doctors are overwhelmed with people with Covid-19, it can be safer to treat minor injuries at home--since hospitals and doctor offices will be rather unsafe places. Remember, many injuries are not life-threatening and do not require immediate medical attention. Knowing how to treat minor injuries can make a difference in an emergency. Consider taking a first aid class online, but simply having the following things can help you stop bleeding, prevent infection and assist in decontamination.

Things you should have:

  * Two pairs of Latex, or other **sterile gloves** (if you are allergic to Latex).
  * **Sterile dressings** to stop bleeding.
  * **Cleansing agent** /soap and antibiotic towelettes to disinfect.
  * **Antibiotic ointment** to prevent infection.
  * **Burn ointment** to prevent infection.
  * **Adhesive bandages** in a variety of sizes.
  * **Eyewash solution** to flush the eyes or as general decontaminant.
  * **Thermometer**
  * **Prescription medications** you take every day such as insulin, heart medicine, and asthma inhalers. You should periodically rotate medicines to account for expiration dates.
  * **Prescribed medical supplies** such as glucose and blood pressure monitoring equipment and supplies.

**Non-prescription drugs:**

  * Potassium Iodide
  * Aspirin or non-aspirin pain reliever
  * Anti-diarrhea medication
  * Antacid (for upset stomach)
  * Syrup of Ipecac (use to induce vomiting if advised by the Poison Control Center)
  * Laxative
  * Activated charcoal (use if advised by the Poison Control Center)

**Prescription Drugs:**

Have at least a month's supply of prescription medications on hand for all family members.

**Special Needs Items:**

Remember the special needs of your family members. **Infants** , the **elderly** and **persons with disabilities** need the same planning as everyone else, and sometimes a little more, to be prepared for prolonged illness.

**For Baby:**

  * Formula
  * Diapers
  * Bottles
  * Powdered milk
  * Medications
  * Moist Towelettes
  * Diaper rash ointment

**For Adults:**

  * Ask your doctor about storing prescription medications such as heart and high blood pressure medication, insulin and other prescription drugs.
  * Denture needs
  * Contact lenses and supplies
  * Extra eyeglasses

**Additional supplies for Seniors:**

  * List of prescription medications including dosage in your supply kits. Include any allergies.
  * Extra eyeglasses and hearing-aid batteries.
  * Extra wheelchair batteries or other special equipment in your supply kit.
  * A list of the style and serial numbers of medical devices such as pacemakers in your emergency supply kits.
  * Copies of medical insurance and Medicare cards.
  * List of doctors and emergency contacts.

**People with Disabilities:**

  * Create a support network to help in an emergency.
  * Tell these people where you keep your emergency supplies.
  * Give one member of your support network a key to your house or apartment.

Last, but not least, get a battery-operated radio. In case of a prolonged power outage, that's your best way of getting needed information.

...If you take all the common-sense preparations just discussed in this chapter, you'll be pretty well prepared to handle your physical survival needs. In addition, you'll be better mentally and emotionally prepared because you'll know that you have done what you can to handle physical emergencies.
Chapter Four

TAKING CARE OF YOUR HEALTH

To be at your best and maximize the chances of not getting sick with Covid-19, you'll want to take excellent care of your health. Besides, you'll want to make sure that any people dependent on you (kids, mates, parents, pets) also take good care of themselves. While I am not a doctor, I know a lot about preventative health care and have written a book on the subject.

Stress, fear, and uncertainty will be our daily companions for a while. In this new era, it's important to realize that the coronavirus is not our only enemy. According to the American Medical Association, 80 to 90% of all disease is stress-related. Stress is another word for fear....So, if you don't want you or your loved ones to get sick, become better at handling stress and fear.

As with eating, managing anxiety and fear is not something you can do one time and then say it's forever handled. You may need to manage your worrying thoughts and fearful emotions several times each day. As a psychotherapist, I've seen that the most effective way to combat stress is to interrupt your worrying thoughts at least once an hour. Therefore, I've come up with a couple of powerful ways to manage stress that take just a minute or two each to do. By doing either of these simple methods, you can quickly feel better, boost your immunity, and tap into a clearer state of mind so you're better able to handle this crisis. In the next chapter, I go into more lengthy ways to combat fear, but for right now, these quick and easy methods can be of immediate help...

**One Minute Stress Reduction:**

A first simple method that powerfully helps overcome stress is to simply stand up and shake your entire body. Begin by vigorously shaking both your arms, then each leg--one at a time. Proceed to move your shoulders--where we hold a lot of tension, then relax your jaw and quickly shake your head back and forth for a few seconds. Finally, "bounce" up and down on your toes for 30 seconds while your body shakes loose. This motion will help to boost your immune system, get your energy going, and quickly help you overcome feelings of fear and overwhelm. It works surprisingly well.

Another quick method for overcoming stress is something I call "The Two Minute Love Meditation." In this technique, all you do is think of a person, child, or favorite pet who you have great affection for. Although I love my wife very much, I often focus instead on my Golden Retriever because she is adorable, and I have no emotional "baggage" with her. I simply remember special times with my Golden girl and tap into my feelings of heart-to-heart connection with her. As I visualize and feel into our love for each other, I sometimes imagine holding or hugging her to feel even more connected. By moving my energy from my head (where anxious thoughts take root) to my heart, I feel calmer and more clear-headed.

Besides quieting your mind, according to the Institute of HeartMath, in less than two minutes this simple method can reduce your stress hormone level of cortisol for up to five and one-half hours! To simplify learning it, here are the four easy steps:

  1. Close your eyes, take a very deep breath, hold it for 10 seconds, then exhale with a sigh as you focus on the sensations in your heart area.
  2. Picture or think about someone you really care about. It could be a mate, friend, child, or a pet (babies and pets can be especially good). Imagine them giving you a look that reminds you how much you care about them.
  3. Think about how much you appreciate this person or pet; think of good times you've shared, and how grateful you are that they're in your life.
  4. If you want, you can imagine holding or hugging the one you love. After a minute or two, slowly open your eyes and enjoy the feeling of peace and calm.

This simple method, if practiced regularly, can help you go from stressed-out to blissed-out in under two minutes. Studies show that it actually changes your brain waves and heart rhythm, effectively interrupting the momentum of anxiety people can get caught up in. When faced with the immense stress and uncertainty of disasters, this simple tool can help you to keep your sanity.

Besides handling stress, you want to do whatever you can to easily maximize your health and your immunity to disease. You've probably heard the basics a hundred times, but for easy reference, here are the common-sense ways of making sure you stay in good health:

  * Eat a good diet mostly consisting of fruits and vegetables
  * Get 7 to 9 hours of sleep each night. Very important!
  * Avoid processed foods and high amounts of sugar which all lessen your immunity to disease
  * Take supplements as you see fit, especially if your diet isn't ideal
  * Exercise a minimum of three times a week for a minimum of 30 minutes each time (or if doing high-intensity workouts, you need only do 7 minutes)
  * Avoid the consumption of dangerous drugs, and if you choose to drink alcohol at all, do so sparingly

**Immune Boosters:**

Besides these basic and widely accepted approaches to good health, I can make a few specific recommendations that are not so widely known. First of all, you may want to add some immune-boosting supplements to your diet. Vitamin D3 is considered an immune booster, and most people are deficient in it. Current recommendations are that you should take between 2000 and 4000 international units per day.

I also recommend you try a product called "Epicor" that is known for boosting immunity. While I can't point to science that proves it (as with vitamin D), I know a lot of people who swear by it. In addition, "Oil of Oregano," good probiotics, and zinc lozenges all have studies that show they have immune boosting properties. All of these products can be found at a great discount at Vitacost.com. (I have no financial tie to this company, but their prices and selection are unsurpassed). It's always a good idea to check with your doctor to make sure such supplements are not contraindicated by your specific health condition.

**Exercise:**

Studies show that exercise helps people to avoid getting sick, and when they do get sick, lessens the severity of their symptoms. Unfortunately, I don't like to exercise. Damn. To overcome my tendency to sit on a couch all day, I have come up with some great tips that can make exercising (without going to a gym) a lot more fun, effective, and briefer.

To begin with, let me ask you a question. What is the best exercise to do? A lot of people think it's walking, but the truth is the best exercise to do is whatever form of exercise you will do _consistently_. If you don't exercise consistently, it really doesn't matter what you do--it won't help much. That being said, if you're lazy like me, you may find doing highly efficient forms of exercise is the preferred way to go--since you needn't do them for very long to get major benefits. For example, on Youtube.com you can find many workouts that last only 10 minutes or less, but studies have shown they can give you a truly valuable and immune-boosting workout. For example, you can try this 7-minute workout that is really great for your entire body and requires no special equipment other than a chair: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmq5zZfmIws&t=2s

Or simply type into the Youtube search bar "7 minute workout."

Or, if you're more motivated, you can exercise along with this 20-minute high-intensity workout: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q20pLhdoEoY>

Or simply type into Youtube "HIIT Home Workout"

Whatever you choose to do to exercise, try to make it part of your weekly routine. If possible, even make it fun. In my case, I have someone wake me up every morning at 7 am and insist on going for a walk by repeatedly licking my face. Yep, my Golden Retriever girl is a great exercise companion and motivator. If you don't own a dog, perhaps a friend can become a regular walking partner (as long as you keep social distance).

Besides Youtube videos, there are also a lot of great exercise apps you can download for free or very inexpensively. Mossa Move is a popular one. Find whatever works for you.

This global pandemic may go on for a while. Taking great care of your health will boost your immunity, make you feel better, and decrease the likelihood of you getting sick. By doing simple exercises several times each week, you can feel calmer, be better able to handle whatever you need to do, and be more available to support others in need. So, take excellent care of yourself. Even now would be a good time to try out one of the methods you just read about.
Chapter Five

[MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL  
THRIVING](toc.html#chapter5)

In Chapter Four, I discussed various ways to take care of your physical health. In this chapter, I go into detail about how to maximize your mental, emotional, and even spiritual well-being. Of course, all parts of yourself are interrelated. For example, if your physical health is good, you have a better chance of feeling better emotionally. So, be sure to do tips that apply to each aspect of your being: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. You may be asking, "How do I have time to do all of this?" Good question. Fortunately, I'm both busy and lazy, so most of my methods take under three minutes a day to do.

First, let's talk about what can lead to overwhelming feelings. You may remember that after the events of 9/11, there was a wide range of reactions from people around the country. Some people were literally incapacitated and depressed for many months, while others seemed absolutely fine a day or two later. Why such a difference? Well, having a sense of humor can help. A sense of humor is a major defense against major pandemics. Yet, realize we may be in for some really tough times ahead. You may have loved ones die. You, or people you know may become sick or financially destitute. I don't mean to frighten you (there's plenty of _that_ going around nowadays), but it's important to realize that these tools and ideas can save you from being incapacitated by fear or grief.

It's perfectly natural to have feelings of fear, sadness, frustration, and anxiety come up during times of global and personal upheaval. When you feel such emotions, use effective outlets for releasing them--rather than taking them out on your household--or stuffing them down. At times, you may need to scream loudly to some favorite rock music, or hit your bed repeatedly to get your anger out. You may need to let tears flow, or handle feelings of overwhelm with slow, deep breathing.

Remind yourself in such moments that this pandemic will pass. In fact, painful moments will pass more quickly if you accept your feelings rather than make them wrong. Unfortunately, what you resist tends to persist, so try to be accepting of whatever comes up for you. As best you can, find _safe_ ways to discharge uncomfortable feelings so you don't startle or upset those around you. That may look like going for a run alone, crying in your room, or perhaps writing your feelings down in a diary.

While this pandemic plays out, having a bigger perspective can also surely help. Think of the bright side--if you're reading this, you're probably not dead!...Along with my lame attempts at humor, I want to give you a metaphor as to why some people respond to crises better than others. I'll use the metaphor of a table-top to help you understand the varying reactions that people experience to crises. If a table has a lot of legs underneath it, it'll likely be pretty stable. For a table to be stable, it needs a minimum of three legs; four is better, and any additional legs will simply add to its stability. If a table has only four legs, and two break, the table falls down.

People who have a lot of mental balance and psychological "legs" to stand on do better than those who don't when the crap hits the fan. What is a psychological "leg?" It's anything that helps you to feel **C** alm, **C** ared for, **C** onnected, and/or in **C** ontrol--the four C's. Think about it for a moment. The people who do well when dealing with life's stresses are those who have the four C's.

Let me give you an illustration. My father had both cancer and heart disease during the last years of his life. The doctors would periodically give him increasingly bad news about the progress of his diseases. Yet, because my Dad was skilled in finding inner calm, feeling cared for, and taking charge (a sense of control), he felt little stress about it. On the other hand, when visiting my father in the hospital, I saw some people were clearly in better health than my Dad, but they were desperately unhappy and stressed. They lacked the ability to feel calm, cared for, connected and in control.

Since feeling the 4 C's is so important for effectively handling crises, let's discuss how you can bring each of these more into your life right now. First, there are many ways to feel **c** alm. The important thing is that you find a method that works for you--and do it consistently. Yet, the good news is that you probably already know of methods that work for you. Common ways of finding calm include Yoga, Tai Chi, massage, playing with pets, connecting with friends (perhaps over the Internet!), listening to music, playing music, doing a creative project, reading sacred books, taking a bath, and meditation. Which of those ways of feeling calm have worked well for you in the past? Well, commit to doing them again!

On my podcast website: www.AwarenessExplorers.com, you'll find over 30 brief guided meditations under the "meditation" heading in the navigation bar. Each of these guided meditations, ranging from 3 to 15 minutes long, can help you to tap into feelings of calm. Also, I will give you the instructions for a couple of highly effective calming methods later in this chapter.

Think of your ability to tune into a feeling of peace and calm as an emotional bank account. If you frequently "invest" in such practices, your account "balance" will be high. When a tragedy such as Covid-19 comes along, you'll have "savings" in the bank so you can make a withdrawal. If you have little or no practice at tapping into your "calm account," you could become emotionally bankrupt. Some people have so little invested in their skill at being calm that almost anything can get them to fly off the handle. Do you know someone like that? Hopefully, it's not you--because it ain't a pretty sight.

The second "C" that will help you in times of great challenge is the ability to feel cared for. There are several aspects to feeling cared for. First, to feel cared for, it helps to have people who care about you (excuse me for stating the obvious). Studies show that people who quickly recover from trauma tend to have a lot of close ties with friends and family. People who have a variety of people they love also report being happier, healthier, and living longer than people who have few close relationships. With the Covid-19 situation, many people are now sheltering at home all alone and feeling lonely. Give your friends and family members, even co-workers who've been sent home, a call. It will help to heal both of you. If possible, do a Zoom or Skype call with them so you can feel even more connected.

One good thing that resulted from the events of 9/11 was that people realized how much their friends and family meant to them. For many months, there was a lot of attention to how what really matters in life is _people_ --not possessions. Unfortunately, people in the U.S. work more hours than in almost any other country on Earth. Of course, this has resulted in a high standard of living. However, studies show that true happiness comes much more from our relationships with people than how much money we have. No one on their death bed has ever said, "I wished I'd spent more time at the office." The more you invest your time and energy in people you care about, the better you'll likely do when the poop is hitting the fan.

The third "C" for helping you in times of crisis stands for **C** onnection. What I mean by this is your connection to something bigger than yourself. Typically, that would be your connection with your Higher Power, but it could also refer to your connection to your Higher Self, your **c** ommunity, a particular **c** ause, or a **c** harity. After 9/11, many people realized the importance of some kind of faith or spiritual connection in their lives. Through their spiritual practices, countless people were able to feel cared for by their Higher Power. As with your "investment" in feeling calm or enjoying people you love, your relationship with your Creator can be something you draw upon in times of need.

When people feel connected to something bigger than their own ego, it gives them a sense of purpose and meaning. This "leg" has also been shown to help people deal with stress more effectively, as well as recover from trauma more quickly. While there is no simple technique for developing this sense of connection, if you see the need and have the desire, you can make it happen. On my podcast, _Awareness Explorers,_ I discuss many methods for finding inner peace and spiritual connection. In fact, my co-host and I interview many of the leading spiritual teachers in the world. In our interviews, we discuss with them _their_ favorite ways to tap into a satisfying spiritual experience. (The podcast is available for free on iTunes, Google Play, or your favorite podcast app).

Besides spirituality, a sense of connection comes from being able to make a valuable contribution to others. If you aren't already doing this, you might start by exploring what your unique personal gifts are, and what charity or causes you feel inclined to help out. It feels good to contribute to an important cause. In this age of uncertainty, it's easy to feel overwhelmed and helpless. Doing something to actively better the world can help you feel a greater sense of connection, as well as help some organization in need.

The last of the four C's stands for **C** ontrol. Some people manage to feel a sense of control in almost any situation, whereas other people feel completely out of control even when their TV doesn't work properly. What's the difference? It partly depends on how big a sense of perspective you have. Little kids often cry when they slightly bump their heads because they have little sense that their pain will ever end. Yet, as adults, we know better. We have some sense that everything changes and nothing lasts forever. The more you remember that everything is temporary, the less likely you'll feel completely overwhelmed.

Another aspect of feeling in control is to have a specific plan for gaining control. With a good plan, you can develop unshakeable confidence that you can handle whatever comes up. Once again, little kids don't have a plan for how to handle a bump on their head. Nor do they have much past experience to draw upon to help them feel confident they can handle their pain. Yet, as an adult, you can create a plan for handling life's disasters--which is largely what this book is about.

I teach workshops to corporations on how to effectively handle stress, as well as how to create plans for achieving important goals. In the corporate environment, there is nonstop stress. By having executives come up with clearly written plans for dealing with likely future problems, I can greatly reduce their stress and instill a sense of unshakeable confidence. The same method will work for you. In times like these, I encourage you to create a file on your computer and type some simple, short-term goals you want to achieve. When disaster strikes, the human mind tends to go a little crazy. By writing a brief list of what you need to do and how you plan to do it, you can quickly go from a feeling of anxiety to one of confidence.

No one likes to write down goals, but I think you'll find this exercise so easy and beneficial that it'll be well worth the five minutes of effort it takes. Take out a piece of paper or create a document on your computer that says at the top, "Action Plan for Increasing the Four C's. Then, write down the following questions, leaving a little space in between each question:

  1. What small thing can I do this week that will help me develop the ability to feel calm, peaceful, and at ease during this stressful time?
  2. What small thing can I do this week that will help me further develop a caring, intimate connection with my friends and family?
  3. What small thing can I do this week that will help me feel connected to some cause or being greater than myself?
  4. What small thing can I do this week that will help me to feel more in control of my life and/or my finances?

Once you've written these four questions down, take a couple minutes to answer them. You can do this. Just come up with a simple task that can _easily_ be done within the time frame of one week for each question. Then, once you have it written down, place this piece of paper where you'll see it every day, such as on your desk or bathroom mirror. As you consistently take small steps towards increasing your ability with each "C," you'll feel happier, healthier, and more in control of your destiny.

**The Power of Gratitude:**

In my workshops, I like to provide people with a visual way of understanding how we lose a sense of perspective, and how getting in touch with what we're grateful for can help. First, I draw a black dot, about the size of a dime, on a large whiteboard. I then tell my audience to imagine that this black dot represents their biggest current challenge or problem, and that we all have a "relationship" with our biggest problem. Then I say, "For most people, their relationship with their biggest problem looks like this..." (I proceed to put one of my eyeballs _directly_ on the black dot.) As my eye continues to be directly on the black dot, I wail, "All I can see is darkness! It's all black, and it seems to go on forever. There's no light at all. It's hopeless!"

People generally laugh at my histrionics--because we've all been there. We all lose our sense of perspective at times by focusing exclusively on our problems. In such times it's important to remember that the "black dot" is actually surrounded by a large number of things we could feel grateful for. Gratitude is a great emotional tonic, and it can help you overcome great stress and financial worries--even when disaster strikes. In fact, a _truly_ grateful person doesn't even get upset when a bird poops on their head. Instead, they're grateful that dogs can't _fly_! (...It might take you a second to really get that).

Several years ago, a friend of mine came back from seeing a guru in India who, according to him, gave him a magical mantra for feeling overwhelming gratitude. I asked him what this mantra was, and he told me I'd have to go to India to get it directly from the guru. Well, I knew the importance of gratitude, so I flew all the way to India so I could ask this guru about his amazing mantra. After a couple of days of flying and traveling, I finally got a chance to talk to the guru.

In his Indian accent the guru said to me, "Ah yes, my mantra is the most powerful mantra on Earth." He leaned in to whisper in my ear. He said, "Whenever possible, repeat the following words. The mantra I give you are the words...thank you."

I looked at him in bewilderment and said, "Thank you? That's it?!"

He said, "No, _That 's it_ is the mantra you _have_ been using and that makes you feel like you never have enough. My mantra is _thank you_ , not _that 's it._ _That 's it _will take you nowhere!"

Well I was pissed off, so I gave him a sneer and sarcastically said, "Well then, thanks for nothing!" He sneered back at me at said, " _Thanks for nothing_ is _not_ the mantra. You must say _thank you_ from your _heart_ many times a day, so when you eat good food say thank you from your heart. When you see your child or a sunset or your pet say thank you from your heart and soon you will be filled with overwhelming gratitude."

You know what, as long as you say "thank you" from your heart many times a day for the little things in life, this technique actually works. You can feel grateful for little things, like access to clean water, the Internet, or a friend or a pet that you love. Just take five seconds to actually feel your gratitude for something good in your life , then silently say, "Thank you." Try it for yourself and you'll see its power. After all, many of the best things in life are absolutely free--and worth every penny.

**The Three Minute Emotional Miracle:**

As you know by now, I like to give people methods that don't take long to do, but are still very powerful. In my workshops, I've often taught a method that quickly alters how you feel and has the added benefit of boosting both your energy level and your immune system. I call it, "The Three Minute Emotional Miracle." The first two steps are like the "shaking" method I described in the last chapter, but with an additional "kick" in the last two steps. Here's how to do it:

  1. Step one is to stand up and simply shake your body for one minute. Our bodies were not meant to sit for long periods of time. It makes our joints hurt, and our muscles tighten. By shaking your shoulders, arms, legs, and hips for a mere one minute, you can stimulate energy and blood flow throughout your body. During your minute of shaking, make sure you vigorously move both your arms, shoulders, and legs. Pretend you're a rag doll, and you're able to shake the tension right out.
  2. The second step is to imagine you're on a trampoline, and "bounce" up and down on your toes for thirty seconds. By doing this, you help to counteract the force of gravity that can make you feel tired. Bouncing in this way also helps to stimulate your lymph glands and immune system. It's like giving your body an internal massage.
  3. The third step is to vigorously massage your ears and scalp for another thirty seconds or so. Your ears and scalp are loaded with acupressure points that help to relax, energize, and balance your entire body.
  4. Once you're done massaging your head, the last step is to take a very deep breath, tighten your shoulders by bringing them to your ears, and hold your breath for ten seconds. When you let go of your breath, exhale with a loud sighing sound as you feel the release of your shoulders. Focus for a moment on the feeling of warmth in your shoulders and face. Finally, think of something or someone you feel grateful for. It could be your pet, your child, your health, your house, virtually anything. Feel a sense of gratitude in your heart for having this person, animal, or thing in your life. For a few moments, imagine you can breathe through your heart and have your gratitude expand with each and every breath. When you're ready, slowly open your eyes and notice how relaxed and energized you feel.

If you'd like to download additional free healing guided imagery meditations and other effective stress reducing methods, you can go to: www.DrMiller.com/COVID Dr. Miller is a world renowned physician and creator of Mind Body Medicine who offers free content every week to help people avoid and combat the virus.

In taking care of your emotional and mental health, the important thing is to try a bunch of methods and see what works best for you. Once you find something that works well and is something you like to do, you have a friend for life. Just keep doing it. Being able to tap into good feelings whenever you want to not only feels good to do, it's also great for your immune system.
Chapter Six

HELPING THOSE YOU CARE ABOUT

In the previous chapter, I mentioned that a great way to feel better and more in control is to care for and contribute to others. Of course, there are countless ways to do this. But before considering all the ways you may help your friends and family, please consider the advice you get on airplanes:

_" In case of emergency, air masks will drop from the ceiling. If you are traveling with a minor, please put on **your own** mask before helping the minor."_

Any parent knows that putting on their own mask, while their child gasps for air right next to them, would be close to impossible to do. So why do airlines make this suggestion? Because if you are sick (or pass out due to lack of oxygen), you can no longer help those around you. So, your first priority needs to be you. Your health, your stress, your exercise, your emotional well-being...you get the picture? Good. That being said, once you feel adequately taken care of, there are a plethora of ways to help those you care about.

First, and foremost, have people you care about purchase this book! Yes, this is a self-serving statement, but it's probably the most effective thing you can do to help others. In fact, I kept the price of this e-book low so people will be able to buy it no matter what their financial situation. Telling people about a couple of the tips presented in this book is not the same thing as them reading it themselves. The more people know, the better they're able to weather the current storm and thrive in the days and months ahead.

Next, to help the people you care about, think about creating new structures and routines. You may be in a situation in which your daily routines have been decimated. Perhaps your kids' school is closed; perhaps you need to work from home or are now unemployed. In general, people do not do well when they are suddenly presented with a lack of structure and routines. Therefore, you need to create them.

You may be wondering what that looks like, especially since you and your loved ones may not even be able to leave the house! Well, it will look different for every household, depending upon your resources, predilections, and creativity. Below is a list of a dozen helpful ideas for creating some structure for you and your family:

  1. Have your kids watch helpful educational videos at certain times of the day. You can simply Google "Educational videos for kids," ask your school for suggestions, or go to KhanAcademy.org for a long list of great video's.
  2. Create artistic projects for yourself or your family. Once again, Google can be quite helpful.
  3. Have a certain time each day where you go for a walk or move along with exercise videos on Youtube.
  4. Keep to your usual routine of when to wake up and when to go to sleep.
  5. Limit the amount of time each day where you do activities that can turn you into a sloth--such as an abundance of TV watching or focusing on the news.
  6. If you enjoy music or play an instrument, now is a great time to get in some practice.
  7. Have a daily routine of prayer, meditation, or some other spiritual ritual that you find nourishing to do.
  8. Decide on a certain amount of time and/or pages that you'll read from books each day.
  9. Play board games with members of your household, or watch movies together each night.
  10. If you're not working, have certain hours set during the day where you attempt to make some extra money or work on long term goals you've not had the time to work on before (Why do you think I began writing this book?)
  11. If you have extra time on your hands, consider learning a new skill such as how to cook, crochet, dance, or play an instrument.
  12. Set certain hours of the day to complete specific tasks like laundry, cleaning or cooking. As for me, I picked a hell of a time to have not learned how to cook for the past 60 years! ;-)

Besides creating structure and routines, it's also very important to attend to the emotional needs of those you care about. Your friends and family will likely be even more upset than you. (After all, you're reading this book and they have not). To calm people's upset, the most effective thing you can do is empathically listen to their troubles, reflecting back what they've shared without offering solutions.

As a psychotherapist, I used to think that when people came to me for help, what they wanted was a method for dealing with their difficulties. I was wrong. What most people really wanted was to be understood. By simply listening to the people you care about, you are doing them a great service. As human beings share their feelings and their troubles, they get to feel understood and "seen." Often, that is all they need to immediately feel better. Before you go trying to "fix" whatever difficulties a loved one is having, try just offering your compassion and empathy. Here's a hysterical 90-second video about the value of listening to someone versus trying to fix them:

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg>

Or you can put in the Youtube search bar, "It's not about the nail."

During the height of this pandemic, you'll likely find that you can't physically be in the same room as friends and family. Fortunately, there are free videoconferencing services such as Facetime, Skype, and Zoom. Zoom is particularly good. They offer a free version for 1 to 1 video calls, and free group meetings that last less than 40 minutes. Yet, for $15 a month, they offer a version in which you can video chat with up to 99 other people at once for an unlimited time, and a host of great services that go along with it. You can learn more at www.zoom.us

Another useful idea for helping people you care about is to ask them a daily question that gets them to focus on positive experiences. When a constant barrage of bad news is hitting us, it's easy to get depressed or overwhelmed. Yet, a good question can change a loved one's focus and dramatically alter their mood. Here are 10 questions I like to ask people to get them to focus on something other than loss, death, and ruin:

  1. Did anything positive or good happen to you today? If so, what was it?
  2. What could you feel grateful for despite all the things going on in the world?
  3. Have you been able to do any act of kindness or helpfulness to others recently? If so, what did you do?
  4. Have you seen any good movies or TV shows recently? If so, what was it and why did you like it?
  5. What have you learned about yourself during this unusual time?
  6. Is there anything I can do for you to help you during this challenging time?
  7. What is something you really appreciate about our connection?
  8. Can you guess what I most appreciate about you? (Let them guess, and if they're wrong, tell them what you most appreciate).
  9. Once this pandemic is over, do you think anything good will have come from it in the world?
  10. Has anything made you smile or laugh recently? If so, what was it?

You can ask someone all ten of these questions at once, or just a single question per day. Once your friend or a family member is done answering a question, you can answer the same exact question. If other questions or a conversation arises from each other's answers, feel free to pursue that as well. In this way, you can tap into increased intimacy between the two of you. Fortunately, the instructions for creating intimacy are hidden in the word: in to me see. When we share highly personal information with people, we create moments of intimacy. Such moments are both nourishing and healing.

It's important to do your best to maintain a positive attitude during this pandemic. A positive attitude has even been shown to decrease the likelihood of getting sick, as well as the severity of an illness once you are sick. Whether through books, movies, questions, stress reduction techniques or other methods, you want to feed your heart and soul some "good food" other than non-stop bad news. One easy place to begin feeding you and your family positivity is with inspiring movies.

If you get Netflix (and even if you don't), what follows is a list of the 15 most highly rated inspiring movies on Netflix. Each of these movies can lift the spirits of both you and your household members:

  1. The King's Speech
  2. The Pursuit of Happyness
  3. Moonlight
  4. Miracle
  5. Marriage Story
  6. Danjal
  7. My Life as a Zucchini
  8. The Theory of Everything
  9. Some Kind of Different as Me
  10. Her
  11. Room
  12. The Spectacular Now
  13. The Shawshank Redemption
  14. Ralph Breaks the Internet
  15. Silver Linings Playbook

Movies can be both a great distraction and a great way to connect with members of your household. If you live alone, you can still enjoy watching a movie or TV show "together" by having your friend on the phone while you watch the same show.

**In Case of Sickness:**

Despite you or your family's best efforts to stay healthy, there's still a good chance you or someone you're close to will eventually get sick. Currently, experts are predicting that about half the world's population may get the virus before a vaccine is created. Yikes! Okay, no need to panic if that happens. The good news is that in about 80% of cases of people catching the coronavirus, only mild or moderate symptoms are experienced. Common symptoms include:

  * Fever
  * Cough
  * Shortness of breath

If you or a family member have these symptoms, call your healthcare provider for the latest information as to what to do. If you or your loved ones have underlying health issues, are over 60 years of age, or have respiratory problems or diabetes, the Coved-19 virus can be much more serious. While the overall death rate from the virus ranges from .7 % to 3% (depending on location), it is much higher for those who are elderly or who have compromised immune systems.

As of this writing (April 2020), there are no known treat- ments for the virus other than plenty of rest, fluids, and things like aspirin or ibuprofen to reduce fever. But just because there are no proven medical treatments doesn't mean there's nothing you can do for those who are sick. Showing your care and support can help a lot, as can good distractions like movies, TV, or Youtube videos. However, if a person you care for is sick, try to obtain an N-95 mask, or at least maintain your distance and wash your hands like it's going out of style. Perhaps the best thing you can do for a loved one is to do your best to not get sick as well.

If you care for kids newly home from school or aging parents, my heart goes out to you. I'm sure you already had enough on your plate before this virus hit. To make sure you don't go into complete overwhelm, don't be shy about asking for help from friends, neighbors, or anyone you can. During times of crises, some people rise with the occasion, and you may be surprised at how generous some folks are.
Chapter Seven

[FINANCIAL FLEXIBILITY  
AND SURVIVAL](toc.html#chapter7)

As financial markets tumble, streets and restaurants empty, and you potentially lose your job, you may find yourself in a financial panic. Unfortunately, panic is not a good financial strategy. If it were, a lot of people would be very rich right now. Instead of panicking, you will need to quickly adjust to your new financial situation. Everything you've already learned in this book about taking care of your health and emotions is a good run-up to taking care of your finances. So, even as you go about taking care of your money situation, don't forget to take care of your stress as well.

First, you should know I'm not a financial planner or a stock-broker. Yet, I am the author of two books about money, and I have an online money course called, "Get Rich Without Selling Your Soul." It sells for about $11.00 and I think it's great (if I say so myself, which I do). If you're interested in watching over two hours of practical video tips on making more money, you can find that at: <https://www.udemy.com/course/get-rich-without-selling-your-soul/learn/lecture/14741966#overview> or simply go to Udemy.com and type in "Get Rich Without Selling Your Soul"

In my life, I've gone from living in my car at age 30 to a millionaire in a few short years. Along the way, I've learned that making money and dealing with financial stress is not just a "numbers" and investment strategy game. It has a lot to do with psychology. When people feel afraid or overwhelmed as with this pandemic, they often make foolish decisions. Previously we talked about ways to take care of yourself mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Yet, when it comes to finances, there's one more thing you can do: create some good plans.

Your original plan for having a stable income may have just gone out the window with this pandemic. Now you may need a new plan. Any plan is better than no plan. I suggest you create a new document on your computer, or get a piece of paper and write down these words:

**" What are three steps I can take in the next week that could potentially lead to more financial stability or income?"**

Meditate on that question. If no good answers show up for you, ask friends and family for their best answers to that question. When a good idea shows up, take immediate action. Only by taking a lot of action will you find what works. The important thing is to take consistent action and avoid overwhelm. If you do that, good things will eventually happen. In Chapter Ten, I go into more detail about how to create a plan and follow through on it.

Of course, don't take impulsive, unwise action. When dealing with financial stress and tumbling markets, a lot of people resort to panic selling or other unfortunate mistakes. In fact, if you can avoid making 6 common financial mistakes during this pandemic, you'll be doing better than most.

**6 Common Financial Mistakes**

One of the things I like about the world of money is that it gives you undeniable feedback. If you're foolish with your money, your bank account will reflect your lack of wisdom. Yet, if you're smart, you'll try to learn from your past mistakes with money. If you're really smart, you'll learn from other people's mistakes. Admittedly, I've done all of the mistakes I'm about to mention, and they've cost me many hundreds of thousands of dollars. Don't let this happen to you. If you can avoid making these mistakes, it will greatly accelerate your path back to financial stability. So, without further ado, here are six common mistakes people make with their finances and how to avoid them:

**Common mistake number one** : Getting into severe credit card debt. Once you owe a lot of money on your credit cards or a lot of money on student loans, it can be hard to claw your way back to being debt-free. Credit card debt is especially bad because the interest rates tend to be so high. The antidote: pay off your credit card debt as soon as possible, or better yet, don't get into debt in the first place by promising to pay off your credit cards each month. If you don't have the money to pay for something, then don't buy it. That feeling of lack can actually motivate you to work harder to make more money.

**Common mistake number two** : making loans to family or friends. If you have a big heart, it can be hard to say "no" to a family member or friend asking for a loan--but such situations rarely go well. If you _do_ decide to give such a person a loan, do it knowing there's a good chance you'll never see the money again, or at least draw up an agreement about when they'll pay you back.

**Common mistake number three** : pouring a lot of money into bad or risky investments. Hey, pssss, I got a great stock tip for you and a great start-up deal you're gonna want to know about. When you hear words like that, run in the other direction. We all want to be in on a ground floor deal that's going to make us millions. Unfortunately, this is a tried and true way to lose your shirt. Don't let the promise of great returns or get rich quick schemes lead you to the poor house. Deals that sound too good to be true are indeed too good to actually be true.

**Common mistake number four** : Paying too much for things that you can get a lot more inexpensively. For example, I know a friend who recently paid 10 thousand dollars for an online internet marketing course in which the same information was available in a 10 dollar book. That's 9990 dollars of wasted money. So my advice is to shop around and do things like buy an almost new car instead of a new one, or a book or a cheap online course rather than a super expensive alternative. Such shopping for deals can save you a bundle of money.

**Common mistake number five** : Falling for some kind of scam. You know, there are so many scams on the Internet these days.... but for $49.95 I can show you exactly how to avoid them. Just kidding. Seriously, you really do need to be careful to avoid someone ripping you off. If you're naive, you'll fall for things that will cost you big bucks. Before you give your credit card number to someone promising you eternal health or vast riches, be careful. Here's my way of knowing if someone really believes what they're selling. I always ask, "If I pay you for this and I don't get the results I want, will you give me a complete refund guaranteed? I've even asked my doctor this before having back surgery. If someone feels confident about what they're selling, a refund if not satisfied should be forthcoming.

**And lastly, Common mistake number six** : Not knowing how to invest properly and inexpensively. We'll talk more about this in the next chapter, and I'll provide you a simple way to maximize your investments. The truth is, if you invest your hard-earned dollars impulsively, you will likely end up with much fewer dollars.

For now, just know that there can be a huge difference in how rich you become simply by choosing a low cost and properly diversified investment strategy.

To avoid all of these mistakes, it's helpful to consult a Certified Financial Planner when making big money decisions. You can find one in your area by Googling CFP or Certified Financial Planner. At the very least, ask a knowledgeable and trusted friend for their opinion before making a big financial decision, or get a book that details more information about the topic at hand.

If you can avoid these six common money mistakes, it will be like giving yourself a substantial raise at work. Don't gamble with your money. By learning to avoid foolish mistakes, you'll get to your goals of abundance a lot more quickly and with a lot less heartache.

**Make Money Slowly:**

Perhaps you are now unemployed or have less money coming in than you did before the pandemic. I feel for you. Perhaps you lost your shirt in the stock market. What a drag. But now is not the time to complain or blame yourself. Now is the time to take consistent action to adjust to your new reality. You may be tempted to make a big bet to get back to where you were just a few short months ago, but my advice is to avoid such temptation. Instead, try making money slowly but surely. In fact, most people get rich slowly. They save 10% or so of what they make and invest it in stocks, real estate and other investments that grow over many decades. Surprisingly, if you work for close to minimum wage your entire life, but save 10% of what you make and put it in the stock market, on average you could retire a millionaire by age 65.

Now, most people make significantly more than the minimum wage throughout their lives, so you'd expect them to retire with millions--right? Wrong. Unfortunately, most people don't save hardly anything each month, so at age 65 they don't have nearly enough to retire on. Don't let this happen to you.

The slow and steady approach to riches involves taking a certain amount of your income each month--usually 10 or 15%, and investing it. What do you invest in? Well, in the next chapter we'll go into depth about that, but for now all you need to know is that you need to save some money each month consistently. In fact, to make this work you'll want to open a separate account and, whenever you get money, immediately transfer say 10% of your income into that separate account.

The hardest thing about the slow and steady approach is starting it. To begin with, you have to open up a separate investment account, and then you have to get in the habit of living off 90% of your income. That isn't easy. Of course, living off 90% of your income is possible--no matter how much you make. You can always find ways to save money. For example, recently my wife said, "You know honey, _nothing_ would make me happier than a diamond necklace." So I bought her _nothing_ --and saved a bunch of money. ;-)

Seriously, many people around the world live off of just a few dollars a day--and they survive. But it does take discipline to save money each month and put it in an investment account. However, once you get into the habit of living off 90% of your income, you have a friend for life. Then you can sit back and watch your investments grow over time. It's a good feeling.

So, if you like the idea of opening up an investment account, and you'd like to watch that money grow over time, I suggest you take action today. If you don't take action today, it'll probably never happen because this is hard to begin and you'll just get caught up with other things.

If you're lucky enough to work for a company that somehow encourages a savings program such as a 401K, that can also be a great way to grow your money over time. However you do it, you want your savings program to be as habitual and automatic as possible. Every single time money comes in, you don't even think about it. You simply put 10 or 15% of that money into your account for future investments--no exceptions. If you're married, I suggest you talk to your mate about this possibility--because you will definitely need their support. It's a great gift you can give to your future self.

**Be Flexible and Creative:**

If you're needing more money right away, you'll need a plan to get a job or more business as soon as possible. In this day and age of too much information, nothing can beat word of mouth advertising. Whether you're looking for a new job or just more referrals for your business, your friends, family, and previous customers are your best asset. Tell people you know that you're looking for a new job or more referrals. That's how most new jobs and new businesses get born.

If you are self-employed, referrals are much better than advertising for getting new business. But even if you give great service, people are often too lazy or distracted to actually give referrals, so you need some way to goad them into action. I've found that the most successful way to do that is to send satisfied customers what I call a "time-limited personalized email offer."

Let's look at the term "time-limited personalized email offer," word by word. First, there are the words "time-limited." You want to make your outrageous offer to potential new customers only good for a limited amount of time--maybe two weeks. Why? Because if you don't, nobody will ever take you up on your offer. You know those infomercials that say, "...and if you call in the next five-minutes we'll give you free shipping and $20 off your order?" Well, you can call five years later and they'll still give you free shipping and $20 off, but they say that because they know if they don't, you'll put off calling them until...never. So any offer you make needs to be for a limited time to help spur people into action.

The next words in "time-limited personalized email offer" are the words "personalized email." We are all subject to too many emails nowadays from advertisers, so you want any email that goes out to be--or at least _sound_ --like it's personalized to the person who is reading it. So let's say you're a massage therapist and you are emailing an offer to past clients. You might start off with a personal note such as saying, "Dear Frank, I'm wondering how your back feels since the last time you came in for a massage? Have you been doing the back stretches I showed you?"

Then, once you've established some personal connection--so they don't think they're reading a mass-market email, then you can include paragraphs about your time-limited offer. You might say something like, "As a massage therapist, things have gotten slow due to the pandemic. Therefore, I'm reaching out to you to make an outrageous offer. For the next month, if anyone you know mentions that they were referred to me by you, I will give you a free massage. That means if three of your friends or family come in during the next month, you'll get three absolutely free massages from me."

Once you've mentioned your offer, if you want you can even say your rationale for making your offer. You might say something like, "Since you've had massages from me, you know how much they help people feel better and even overcome physical limitations. By getting referrals from past satisfied customers such as yourself, my hope is that, once people feel the benefits for themselves, they'll also become ongoing clients." By giving a rationale that makes sense, people are more likely to feel like you're being honest.

Then, to make it even easier for your client to make these referrals, say something like the following: "I know you're probably very busy, so I've made making these referrals as easy as possible. All you have to do is copy and paste what I've written below, throw in a couple of your own words, and then email that to a bunch of your friends and family. In three-minutes you could probably send that email to ten people that you know and maybe end up with a half dozen free massages. It's a win-win for everyone."

Then conclude your email with a reminder about the time limitedness of the offer, and your gratitude for them being your client and letting others know of your services. Finally, once you sign your name, have a template all written out for your client to copy and paste to send to their friends and family.

What should you put in this template? Well, of course you should write what works for you and your particular service, but it can help to have an example. I offer a template here so that you'll have a basic outline of what to say. Here's one possible approach:

Dear (friend or family member)

I'm writing to you because I have a friend who is an amazingly good massage therapist. Recently, she told me that she's offering new clients $15 off her normal fee of $80 for August. Of course, we've all had to deal with a lot of stress, so I thought you might want to know about her.

My massage therapist's name is Michelle, and she has truly made a major difference in my life. My body feels fantastic every time I leave her office, and by telling you about her services, I'm hoping she can make a difference in your life too. She can be reached at (805) 245-1234 or by emailing her at michellepowers@yahoo.com. You owe it to yourself to see what she can do for you. Remember if you want the $15 off, be sure to book an appointment by the end of August.

If you have any questions, feel free to call Michelle (or me), and either of us would be glad to tell you more. I hope you find her magical touch as helpful as I have...

Warmly,

Joseph

You may be surprised at how effective this is for getting new business. In fact, I warn you. Don't send an email like this out to 100 customers you have at the same time--or you may end up with a couple hundred people calling you during the next week and overwhelming your business. The great thing about this approach is that it works great, it doesn't cost you any money out of your own pocket, and it even cements the bond you have with your previous customers.

**Asking For Help:**

If your financial situation is dire (or even if it isn't), you may want to get good at asking for help from friends, family, or government agencies. Most people hate to ask for help. That's a shame because being able to ask for help is one of the greatest skills needed to succeed in life. If and when you get good at asking for help, you'll learn something pretty profound about human beings. Most people absolutely love to give help if asked nicely. By making yourself vulnerable and asking for help, you'll be able to achieve results that you could never achieve alone.

Perhaps you don't ask for help because you're afraid of possibly getting rejected. Well, I have three words for you--get over it. I did. When I was a freshman at UCLA I was so afraid of rejection that I had never asked a woman out on a date. Fortunately, a friend offered me a free trip to Hawaii if I would face my fear head-on by getting rejected by 10 women in one day. So, I took my friend up on his offer. I went to the University book store and, as beads of sweat dripped from my face and my body shook, I started a conversation with a woman. Seeing me shaking and sweating, her initial response was to ask me if I needed a doctor.

Well, after asking her out, she nicely said "no, I have a boyfriend," and I realized I could survive rejection. I kept asking women out, and it kept getting easier and easier--till the 7th woman I approached. By now, I was over my fear of rejection, and when I asked her to lunch, she said "Sure." It was at that moment I realized I didn't have a response to "sure." Long story short, the next 7 women all said yes to me. More importantly, I got over my fear of rejection in an hour, and that has led to both more love and more money in my life. So don't let your fear of someone saying no to you keep you from asking for what you want.

Another aspect of asking for help is knowing what your weaknesses are in the business world, then getting the help you need to take care of those things. If you're not a good writer, hire someone to write stuff for you. If you're hopeless at graphics, hire someone for that. You can often hire people in India for very little money through a website called Udemy.com. On that site, thousands of freelancers all over the world will put a bid in for the work you need to get done. Recently, I needed a new web site built. I got a bid from a firm in town that said it would cost $3500. I went to Upwork and found someone in India who was willing to do the same kind of website for $250. That's over $3000 in savings just because I'm good at asking for and getting help.

The last aspect of asking for help I want to discuss is the possibility of getting a coach who can help you move forward with your goals. A good coach can be a Godsend in overcoming obstacles, suggesting good resources, and helping you stay motivated. You can ask around for a good coach, or google for them, or you can even hire me to be your coach. Just email me at iamjonr@aol.com if you'd like to know more, or go to my website: www.VirusCoach.net for more information. On the site, you can sign up to get a free list of great ways to connect with family and friends remotely, reduce stress, and boost your immune system.

A final way of getting help from people during tough times is to get their honest feedback. As a psychotherapist, I've learned that sometimes people don't know themselves very well. Well, one thing you can do is ask for feedback from friends, mates, or co-workers that you trust. If you're brave, and if you want to save yourself a lot of time and money, have the courage to ask for pointed feedback from people you trust. For example, you could explain to a friend, "I'm trying to get a handle on what keeps me from making a better living, but I think I can't see my own blind spots. You're someone I trust. Would you be willing to tell me what you think keeps me from being more successful in my career and my ability to make money?"

Now I know this is not an easy question to ask a friend or trusted co-worker. But would you ask it if they immediately gave you 500 dollars? Probably. Well, the information you gain from this little exercise will likely help you make a lot more than $500.

I once asked this of a friend and he said, "You're not more successful as a speaker because you act immature and you dress like you're 14 years old." Ouch. At first, I fought back, saying, "It shouldn't matter how you dress," but truth be told, when I started dressing nicer and acting more mature--guess what? My speaking career literally tripled overnight.

While this exercise is not easy, it will give you very valuable information for free. If you want to save yourself years of hitting your head into walls, I suggest you do it with at least one person you really trust. After all, the only knowledge that can hurt you is the knowledge you don't have.
Chapter Eight

[FINANCIAL PLANNING AND  
INVESTING](toc.html#chapter8)

What normally happens in a crisis is people panic. Warren Buffett, the most successful investor of all time has famously said, "When people are fearful, get greedy, and when people are greedy, get fearful." What he's saying is that it's generally a good idea to do the opposite of what the masses do when times are stressful. Rather than get caught up in the mood of the day, good financial stewards stick to the basics. What are the basics of wise financial planning and investing? First, it helps to have a plan. Any plan is generally better than no plan, but a good plan is worth a lot of money. In this chapter I'll go over some of the basics you need to know for a good financial plan and investment strategy. Yet, if possible, I suggest you consult a Certified Financial Planner you trust to develop a full financial plan for your future.

**How to Invest Wisely**

Admittedly, I'm no _expert_ on investing, but I have done some excellent research on the basics, and most people know next to nothing--so this next chapter will be very informative. Before I go into some technical stuff, the first question is "Why should you _care_ about this?" Well, you should care about it because knowing how to invest your money can make the difference between living hand to mouth, living a financially stable life, or even getting rich beyond your _wildest_ dreams. Also, in an age of pandemics and financial meltdowns, smart money management is a survival skill.

So how do you invest intelligently? First, if you're employed and your employer offers a 401(k) plan, keep contributing to it! If you're self-employed, keep contributing to your SEP and ROTH IRA plans. Despite the wild ride the stock market is going through, over the long haul, these retirement plans are a great investment. As _The New York Times_ columnist Ann Carrns explained:

"If you have an employer that matches your retirement plan contributions, you are buying shares partly with "free" money. If you're not saving enough to get the match, you should increase your paycheck contribution now. If you are already getting the match, increase your contributions. If you are putting away 4 percent of your paycheck, go to 5 percent. It's a small step, so you won't miss the money much."

The second thing you should do is read a book or two about investing and financial planning. I like Suze Orman's books, but there are a lot of great books out there such as "The Little Book of Common-Sense Investing," by Vanguard founder John C. Bogle. Next, it's good to understand some basic _principles_ about investing. For example, if you put _all_ your eggs in one basket, someday you probably won't have any more eggs. That's why _diversification_ is the keyword you need to know when it comes to investing your money.

What is diversification? It is putting certain percentages of your money into different _types_ of investments. The six main different types of investments available for most people are:

  1. Stocks: both foreign and domestic
  2. Bonds: such as treasuries, municipal and corporate bonds
  3. Real estate--such as owning your own home
  4. Bank accounts or CD's
  5. Commodities such as gold and silver

Basically, you want to eventually put some of your money into _each_ of these types of investments. That way, if one or two of these investments are doing poorly, you'll still be okay because the other ones will likely be doing well. This is called investing in _uncorrelated_ assets. Studies show that investing in assets that are not correlated--meaning when one is doing poorly, the other is likely to be doing well, will help reduce your risk and actually increase your rate of return.

Now if all this is sounding like gobley gook to you already, you _especially_ need to become more educated. Admittedly, I avoided learning about this stuff for a long time, and it cost me a lot of money. But just by reading a single book about investing for two hours, during the next few years, I probably made an extra $200,000. That's a $100,000 an hour I made by reading a book on investing. You can't live on that, but it's a good start. ;-) So if you already have money to invest, I suggest you become even more educated on your own. If you can afford it, I recommend you find a Certified Financial Planner or CFP. CFP's are certified by at least two years of schooling and an exam to offer specific financial advice to meet your goals and particular financial situation. You can google a certified financial planner to find one near you.

Another key principle about investments is that the higher the risk of an investment, the higher the likely return you will receive-- _if_ it does well. Of course, high-risk investments can also do very poorly, so you want to be sure to _offset_ them with ___safe_ investments such as a bank CD account, or perhaps some bonds.

Whether you like it or not, you _are_ a money manager. If you don't know anything about money management, the chances are you will do very poorly with your investments. The good news is that you don't need to invest a lot of time to know how to do this right. In fact, studies show that people often get the best returns when they stick to a very simple investment strategy and _forget_ about it--as opposed to constantly buying and selling different investments. What has made investing much easier in recent decades are what are known as low-cost index funds. In the next section I'll discuss what these are and which ones I recommend.

Some people ask, "Why can't I just put my money in the bank or a CD account and forget about it? Well, you can, but over the long term that laziness will _cost_ you a lot of money. The reason is that most banks or money market accounts offer somewhere between 2 and 3% interest. On the other hand, over a long period of time, the stock market as a whole has averaged about a 10% return. That means that, on average, money doubles when invested in the stock market every 7 years, whereas if you're earning 2% at a bank, it would take 36 years--not 7 years to double your money. That's why learning how to invest properly is mucho important.

Now to keep this as simple as possible, in my opinion you need at least 4 asset classes. They are:

  1. A US large stock index fund.
  2. A US small stock index fund
  3. A foreign stock index fund
  4. A short or medium-term bond fund

Depending upon your age, risk for tolerance, financial situation and other factors, you will need to put varying amounts into each of these asset classes. Once again, a Certified Financial Planner can help you with this, or you can read books on investing such as the one I previously mentioned. And if you _have_ the money, it's often a good idea to invest in real estate such as your own home. In the next section we'll talk more about how to easily find and grow your money through these types of investments.

**Stocks, Bonds, and Low Fee Funds**

For most people looking to invest wisely, other than buying a house, the best place to invest is in low fee stock and bond index funds. The good news is that, in general, the less time you put into the stock market, the better you typically do. People who try to pick individual stocks or who try to time the market almost always do worse than people who just choose an index fund and keep their money there for a long time. Why is that? Because 90% of professional money managers fail to beat the stock market over long periods of time. You're better off just putting your money in an index fund and letting it grow year after year.

In case you don't know what an index fund is, it's an investment that attempts to replicate a certain group or type of stocks--or some other type of investment. For example, if you want to invest in the 500 biggest stocks on the New York stock exchange, you can invest in a single fund called the S & P 500 index fund. The advantage of an index fund is that it offers much more diversification over individual stocks, and the fees to own the fund is very low. On the other hand, most mutual funds are managed by a person who guesses what will do well. The downside of managed funds is that they cost more to own than index funds, and as I mentioned before, they tend not to do as well as index funds.

There is so much you can learn when it comes to the stock market that many people devote their whole lives to it. Yet, if you're like me, that's not where you want to spend all your time or energy. So what do you absolutely need to know when it comes to buying stocks and bonds? Well, most experts will say it's a good idea to buy 3 or 4 index funds from a low-cost fund company such as Vanguard. By doing this, you lower your risk of losing money, and you raise your chances of making a good return on your money.

I will recommend 4 index funds to buy, but first I need to repeat that I am not a broker or Certified Financial Planner. I'm merely summarizing what many experts suggest. Second, your situation may be untypical, in which case what I say may not apply to your situation. For example, with the Covid-19 outbreak, you may be in a position where you have to sell stocks at low prices just to put food on the table. I understand that. Yet, whenever possible, you want to avoid selling when everyone else is selling. It can be reassuring to know that after the last 10 stock market drops of 20% or more, the market quickly roared back to as high or higher than it had been before the sell-off.

All that being said, here are three funds I can highly recommend:

  1. Vanguard 500 Index: I suggest you put the bulk of your investment money in this fund.
  2. Vanguard International Growth Index Fund: just so you have some global diversity--because sometimes other countries are doing well when the U.S economy is not.
  3. Vanguard Total Bond Market Index fund: Putting 20 to 50% of your money, depending on your age and other factors,in a bond fund like this is a good idea in case stocks aren't doing well, or interest rates are going down.

If you invest some portion of your portfolio in each of these funds, you'll have some diversity and an almost guaranteed good return on your money over the long- term. Of course, as they say, nothing in life is guaranteed except death and taxes. In the short-term (such as with the coronavirus hitting), all the financial markets have gone crazy and nothing makes sense. But history shows us time and again that things eventually settle down, and the basics of diversification and buy and hold strategies work well in the long-term.

By taking the very simple steps I've outlined in this section, you'll very likely do better than the vast majority of people who put money in the stock market. Remember, at a typical long-term return of 10% in the market, your money literally doubles in seven years. That means if you put in 25 thousand into the market and just let it sit there for 28 years, you'll likely end up with about 350 thousand bucks. Probably not enough to retire on, but not bad for doing nothing. So make sure you put some money into low-cost index funds whenever you can. There's no time like the present, even if you only have a little money to invest.

**Real Estate: The Road to Riches?**

It's always easier to become rich in a field or career where there is a lot of money to be had than in a field that has very little money flowing through it. For example, I had a friend who struggled for decades trying to make a living as a spiritual coach. Then, one day he decided he'd use his skills as a coach and apply them to entrepreneurs. Within a year, his income tripled--just by focusing on people who tended to have money, rather than people who did not.

Well, the field of real estate is one in which a lot of people both have money and make money. In fact, it has been estimated that 90% of the millionaires and billionaires in America became that way by investing in real estate. Yet, you can also lose a lot of money in real estate--especially if you don't know what you're doing.

This isn't a book on buying your own home or other real estate investments. You can find plenty of books and online courses in real estate investing. Yet, I _do_ want to give you some common-sense advice if you hope to make money by buying your own home or other properties.

First, it's important to consider why so many people make a lot of money through real estate. For one, you can often pay just 10 or 20% of the cost of real estate--such as when buying your own house and borrow the rest. So, let's say you buy a house that costs 300,000 dollars. You may put down as little as 60,000 to own that home. Then, over a decade or so as the home's value goes up to say 700,000 dollars, you've basically made 400,000 dollars on an initial investment of 60,000 dollars. That's pretty darn good, and that's exactly what happened to me when I bought my first home in the 1990s. There are virtually no other relatively low-risk investments where you can sometimes make 700% on your money in a decade. In addition to all these benefits, you can get great tax savings by deducting your mortgage payments when paying your taxes.

Obviously, if making that kind of money was easy and a sure thing, everyone would do it. So you should know that it's not easy and it's not a sure thing. Yet, the more you know, the more likely you'll get good results. Needless to say (but I'll say it anyway), the first key to investing in real estate is to have some money to invest with. That's why saving 10 to 20% of your income is so important. Of course, with the Fed newly cutting rates down to 0%, it will perhaps be easier than ever to buy real estate.

Another thing to consider when buying a house or a real estate investment is how is the "market" moving. Are houses going up in your area? Is the economy moving in an upward direction? While the pandemic is in full swing, prices will almost surely go down, but soon thereafter, it's anyone's guess. These are impossible things to know for sure, but the more you read, and the more knowledgeable people you talk to, the better your chances of finding a good investment. A knowledgeable mentor, a real estate investment seminar, or even a good real estate agent can help you along the way.

**Creating a Financial Plan**

Before discussing how to create a financial plan you can feel good about during uncertain times, it's important to understand a few things about the investment industry and how it operates. A lot of brokers and so-called financial planners make a commission off of your investing. They have an agenda, and that agenda is how they can make more money--and not necessarily how to create a plan that's best for you. Certified Financial Planners, on the other hand, have a legal obligation to do what's best for you--not their own wallet.

I think a bear market is God's way of telling you to go to the library. If you spend time learning about investing, even if pandemics strike or other disasters happen, you'll still improve your ability to handle your financial affairs. Managing your money is your second job. Think of managing your money as a permanent moonlighting job. You can't call in sick from money management. You can't delegate this job. You can't be fired from this job. You can't outlive this job. Money management will last longer than your "real" job because you will almost certainly still have to manage your money in retirement. The amount of effort, time, and money you put into your moonlighting job is up to you, but the old rule, "Efforts equal results" undoubtedly applies. If you know who you are, what your risk tolerances are, and what your retirement goals are, you'll manage your money better. In addition, you'll be less swayed by Wall Street's blandishments.

**Create Your Retirement Plan**

Everyone should have some kind of financial plan that includes retirement planning, insurance planning, and college funding. Why? Because a plan will help you handle your finances more effectively. In addition, in uncertain times like today, it's important to know where you stand. There is always a sense of insecurity and anxiety about finances when you are simply flying by the seat of your pants. The more you know where you are and where you're going, the easier it will be to make appropriate adjustments in case of a tragedy. If you don't have a comprehensive plan, at least calculate the lump sum and contributions needed for your retirement.

The Prudential company has said that less than 30% of the population has done the basic financial calculations for determining a secure financial retirement. This is 7th-grade arithmetic, not rocket science. Yet most people would rather endure a root canal than do the grunt work of investing. My point is to have you do s _omething_ and have that act as a starting point. Having a retirement plan lump-sum dollar amount is an act of goal setting. By reviewing a goal regularly, you are drawn to it. You become what you think about. It's how people accomplish things in their lives.

People don't plan to fail; they fail to plan. Instead of a vague retirement goal of "having enough money to retire," you should calculate specifically what you need and what it will take to get there. Long term financial procrastination certainly hasn't been a successful life strategy. You will feel more in control if you have a retirement plan that has been somewhat delayed, not destroyed, by the Coronavirus pandemic or other unforeseen disaster.

The objective of your retirement plan is to achieve financial independence when you've stopped working. Take your tentative retirement lump sum number today and refine it later. George Patton said, _" A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow."_ You'll probably have to update any plan every three years anyway. To get more details to support your retirement plan calculations, there are lots of web sites: (www.quicken.com, www.fidelity.com, etc.) as well as financial planning software or Certified Financial Planners. Financial planning is like food. No matter how good dinner was, in a little while you'll have to eat again.

Doing a retirement calculation for the first time sometimes creates nausea or mild depression. Don't worry. These pains are not fatal. You have begun to solve long avoided issues, and as you continue, your nerves will calm down. Doing even simple retirement plan calculations is a useful exercise in getting control of your money, and not having your money control you.

**Post Disaster Investing**

For some things, the best window into the future is past experience. We can look at the post-terrorist financial market experiences after September 11, 2001. The first reaction of the "authorities" was to freeze everything in place and let people calm down. Markets were closed quickly. Stock and bond markets reopened Monday, September 17th...at which point all hell broke loose. Individuals didn't have to panic when the New York Stock Exchange reopened; the professionals did it for them. And that downdraft wasn't a one-day wonder. The Dow dropped 14% for the week.

The Dow recovered half of its losses the next week, and that's what we should remember. Even after the financial collapse of 2008 and 2009, the market recovered in just a couple of years. Of course, markets do not go straight up or straight down; they bounce around for a while after a major event, then they find their way back to a long-term steady rise.

Even if you were fully invested at the time of the September 11th attack or the 2008 collapse, the prudent course was not to sell during the time of panic. That's easier to say than it is to do, but you must try. Selling during a panic always gets you low fire-sale prices. Yes, it can be wise to take some money off the table during the next several months as mini rallies occur. Yet, the important thing to remember is that, over the long-term, the stock market has always brought a good return on your money, and that panic selling is generally a bad idea. Yet, there are exceptions. If you're highly invested in a single company that is likely to not recover from this pandemic for a long, long time, do whatever you need to do.

**A Pandemic Depression?**

If the pandemic goes on longer than expected, or wreaks more damage than is currently expected, two possible scenarios could take place. The first (and more likely) is that we will experience a recession for a period of perhaps 6 months to a couple of years. However, the ultimate worst-case scenario would look like the 1930's with actual price deflation, double-digit unemployment, and terrible business conditions all over the world.

Although the news media may be saying the sky is falling, you will have to ask yourself, "Is the worst case actually happening?" You will most likely have to make that determination all by yourself. You should count on very little help from the financial industry or government spokesmodels. The media will likely say the financial markets are in complete meltdown, while Wall Street, the Fed, and the White House will try to "restore confidence" in the markets by delivering only "feel-good" news. They will say upbeat things and avoid truths that are unpleasant.

At times like these, you must find information or advisors that are trustworthy, and get straight answers. If you reluctantly conclude and that the worst case is the most likely outcome, and that many markets are going to be awful for a decade or so, you should move to an asset allocation that reflects that unpleasant reality. In re-allocating your assets under this scenario, " _Be quick, but don 't hurry_," as basketball coach John Wooden used to say. If your assets aren't spread out along the asset allocations I discussed earlier in this chapter--stocks, short term bonds, cash, and commodi- ties, you should strive to get there soon.
Chapter Nine

[OVERCOMING TRAUMA AND  
DEPRESSION](toc.html#chapter9)

Eighteen years ago, I got married. During the honeymoon with my wife, my house burned down. There was nothing left. We found out about it when we arrived back at the airport. Of course, I was initially traumatized by the news, but once I found out my beloved dog had escaped the burning house and was okay, I actually felt elated. When you come right down to it, even major things can look relatively small when viewed in a large enough perspective. Having a house burn down is a big problem, but suddenly losing a loved one is a tragedy.

Do you remember how you reacted to the events of 9/11? To some extent, your reaction depended on where you lived, and whether or not you knew people who died that day. Yet, a major part of your reaction was due to your interpretation of the event, as well as your psychological preparedness for such a tragedy. Some people ended up being traumatized and depressed for months. They viewed the strike as the beginning of the end of the world. On the other hand, other people saw it as a helpful wake-up call, and an opportunity to pull together as a nation. The difference wasn't necessarily the amount of trauma they each experienced, but their reaction to it. In this chapter, I plan to give you some suggestions and information that will help you better bounce back from whatever your reaction is or will be to this pandemic.

When a disaster strikes, one of the things a person loses is his or her normal sense of control. Much of the anxiety and emotional turmoil that occurs after a disaster stems from this feeling of being out of control. Fortunately, as I talked about in Chapter Five, there are many simple ways to regain a feeling of control. Once you feel more in control, you'll find it easier to better handle the range of feelings and challenges that may arise for you.

A first step in getting your bearings once disaster hits is to know that you'll likely go through a somewhat predictable series of reactions to the crisis. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, a psychiatrist, noticed that when people are told they have a short period of time before they are going to die, they usually go through five distinct stages. These five stages also apply to people going through almost any traumatic event, such as a pandemic or economic meltdown.

The first stage Kubler-Ross identified was that of "denial." When people first heard about planes crashing into the World Trade Center, they could hardly believe it. Yet, soon that stage was likely replaced by "anger and blame." The third stage is often referred to as "bargaining." In this stage, people often attempt to make bargains with God, praying that if they or their loved ones are all right, they will change their ways. The fourth stage is simply labeled "depression." When a person finds out that things aren't all right, it's typical for them to get depressed. Finally, the fifth and last stage is one of acceptance. Of course, people don't necessarily go from the first stage to the last in a linear order. Yet, most people pass through each of these stages at some point in their reaction to a major loss.

When a major disaster occurs, it can be helpful to remember that time eventually heals. Before a disaster happens, people often underestimate the threats they face. Then, once something occurs, they overreact--thinking it's the end of the world. David Creson, a professor of psychiatry at the University of Texas has long studied people's reactions to disasters. He states, "Reason gets set aside. We are surrounded by reinforcers of the emotional response." To break free of this emotional windmill, a couple of things are helpful. First, it's important to avoid exposing yourself to traumatic _images_ any more than is necessary. Once catastrophe hits, the last thing you need is more "reinforcers" of trauma, and watching the news or other fear inducing media can definitely do that.

When 9/11 occurred, many people found that every time they watched the planes hitting the buildings or the buildings falling down, they got very upset all over again. Yet, just as we all have the tendency to look at an accident on the side of the freeway, many people couldn't help but watch those terrible images. Well, my advice is DON'T! When the TV news displays their endless parade of coronavirus death and destruction, turn away. Better yet, use your radio to keep informed of what you need to know. It will save you from a lot of grief, nightmares, and self-imposed trauma. In addition, make sure your children are not exposed to such images. They don't have as many psychological protections as adults and are therefore even more susceptible to their negative impact.

Along with avoiding traumatic images, it's a good idea to stick with your daily routines as much as possible. Performing normal routine activities, such as cooking, laundry, housecleaning, etc. can all help a person to feel calmer and at ease. As I discussed previously, if there are things you need to take care of, write them down and come up with a list of short-term goals. Although you may feel overwhelmed emotionally, having a written list of things that you need to do during the day can help you to stay focused. In addition, having such a list can help you to feel more in control and less like a helpless victim.

**Controlling Meaning**

When a bad thing happens in anyone's life, one of the first things they do is try to figure out _why_ it is happening to them. Ultimately, we can't absolutely know such things. Yet, with the right method, we can influence what we make something _mean_ in our own head. For example, several years ago my wife experienced a tragedy. A crazy man walked into her office building and shot, killed, and injured several people. She was in the next office down the hall and heard the whole thing--but was physically unharmed. Of course, she was traumatized by this event. At first, this tragedy made her question why she was alive, why others died or were severely injured, and led to intense feelings of stress and guilt. Eventually, she deliberately focused on how her life was spared because her "mission" on Earth was not done. Rather than focus on an interpretation of this event that would continue to traumatize her, she concentrated on how this was a signal that she had a mission to complete.

The word "tragedy" signifies that something terrible has happened, but even in the face of tragedy, good things can result. When the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor, few Americans thought that was a good thing. Yet, looking back we can see that this attack led to the U.S. entering World War II more quickly and forcefully than we otherwise would have. Eventually, this led to the Allies winning the war and preventing even more destruction and loss of life. My point is that, when tragedy strikes, our reaction to it is based on the positive or negative meaning we give it and how big our perspective is.

Several years ago, I discussed the topic of dealing with great difficulty and trauma with a well-known spiritual teacher and author named Ram Dass. Twenty years earlier, he had experienced a massive stroke that had left him almost unable to speak and mostly paralyzed on his right side. Through daily therapy, he could now speak but was still largely unable to move his right side.

I asked Ram Dass what advice he had for people who had been through tragedy. He said that great difficulty can often help people realize the importance of having a spiritual connection in their life. He went on to say that, although suffering never feels good, it can also act as a positive wake-up call for many. He said that his stroke was a similar experience for him. When he "got stroked by God," at first he was devastated, but he had come to greatly appreciate how much closer to God he now felt as a result of this "fierce grace." Sometimes it's helpful to remember that the course of our lives is determined not so much by _what_ happens, but by how we interpret and make use of what happens.

To influence the meaning we attach to a pandemic, bankruptcy, or loss of a loved one, it's important to realize the initial meaning we come up with is neither necessarily "right" nor the "most useful." In fact, it rarely is either. Instead, when a tragedy strikes, we normally come up with the most disempowering interpretation possible. We say, "why me?" as if God is out to punish us, or we blame someone we can't influence and end up feeling like a victim. To avoid this tendency, it's possible to come up with your own positive--or at least more empowering--interpretation of an event. To do this, all you need to do is focus on the question, " _What good could ultimately come from this event? " _

When an unexpected disaster occurs, such a question can be a major challenge to answer. Yet, you must try. Another question you might consider asking yourself soon after a tragedy hits is, _" How can I respond to this event in a way that will lead to more inner strength, caring, and contribution to others?"_ As I've mentioned before, actively contributing to helping others is one of the best ways to overcome your own sense of powerlessness in the face of tragedy. By focusing on either or both of these simple questions, you can empower yourself to have the best possible perspective and response to events out of your control.

**Erasing Negative Memories**

After any disaster, whether it be a terrorist attack or a pandemic or hurricane, it's likely you'll have certain scary images or memories that linger in your mind. As I mentioned before, you can avoid some of this trauma by refusing to watch the endless parade of horror on the nightly news. Yet, for a major disaster like this Covid-19 pandemic, there will be no escaping a certain amount of unpleasant news and images. Fortunately, there is a simple technique you can do on your own that may prove to be very helpful to you. This method, called the "Erasure Technique," can help to neutralize frightening images and/or anxiety in just a few minutes. While it may not work for all people who experience trauma, most people find it to be surprisingly effective in helping them to recover from a tragedy.

To understand how and why this method works so well, it's helpful to have some background as to how the human mind works. Normally, our memories are stored in our brains in a similar way to how movies are stored on a DVD. Because precise information is encoded on a DVD, every time you play it, it plays back the same images. But what if you took a nail and thoroughly scratched up the DVD? If you tried to play it again, it wouldn't look the same at all. In fact, your player would probably simply reject playing it. Well, in the Erasure Technique, something similar occurs. Using a precise process, you take a "nail" to your unpleasant memories and distort them until they are largely unrecognizable. Then, if you try to "play" the same memory again, your brain will either refuse to do so, or the memory will be so distorted that it will no longer have any impact on you. Voila! Your previously traumatic memory or image is neutralized.

Let's say you saw on the news an image of a mass grave of newly deceased people in body bags, or you saw something in the town you live in that horrified you. Unfortunately, your brain thinks you need to replay these scenes as often as possible, but you'd like to move on. You decide to use the Erasure Technique. To do the method, you begin by creating a "movie" of the event in your mind. You imagine the disturbing scene from the beginning, all the way to the very end. Yet, instead of watching it the way you normally do, play the scene in _fast_ motion. The whole "movie" in your mind, from beginning to end should take just a few seconds to watch. When you get to the end of the "movie," play it in fast _reverse_. See all the characters moving very quickly backward, just like one of those early silent films.

Once you've watched the scene in fast forward and reverse, it's time to add a few props to the "movie." Imagine each and every person in the scene to be wearing a big pair of Mickey Mouse ears on their head. Then proceed to watch the unpleasant event in fast motion--forward and reverse--once again. Next, give everyone in the movie a gigantic red "Bozo the clown" nose along with their Mickey Mouse ears. If there is talking or screaming in your memories, make them sound like Daffy Duck or some other goofy character. See the whole thing again in fast motion, forward and reverse. Finally, watch it at least one more time, this time adding circus music in the background and whatever ridiculous things your imagination can dream up. The more ridiculous you make your internal "movie," the more effective this method will work.

Once you've distorted the scene in these various ways, try to play your inner movie the way it used to be--the way it had tormented you before. What you'll likely notice is that the ridiculous images keep "popping up" during the scene, even though you're not trying to create them. When you imagine the people in body bags you saw on TV with Mickey Mouse ears and a Bozo nose, and you imagine the gravediggers saying something that sounds like Daffy Duck talking, it'll be hard to take it all so seriously. Instead of a gut-wrenching feeling resulting from the memory, you'll feel pretty neutral about it--or you may even chuckle. Congratulations! You've just helped to heal yourself.

A client of mine named Linda came to me suffering from the fear of flying after the events of 9/11. A friend of hers was on the flight that went into the Pentagon, and she kept imagining what her friend's last moments were like. Now, whenever she got on a plane, those terrible images would resurface. As luck would have it, her job required a lot of travel. Occasionally she would "white knuckle" her way through a flight, but usually chose to drive--even if it was several hundred miles. I guided Linda through the Erasure Technique, focusing on her imagined images of her friend's experience. She had fun picturing Mickey Mouse's ears and a Bozo nose on the flight attendants, hijackers, and even her friend. She laughed as she imagined clowns strolling down the aisles on roller skates, tripping in time with the loud circus music--as the plane headed into the Pentagon. When Linda left my office, she was sure that such a simple process couldn't erase her recent terror of flying. Two weeks later, I got a call from her. After saying hello, Linda told me she could no longer "get into" her formerly frightening images. To her amazement, the method had worked! Soon, she was back on airplanes again without fear.

The Erasure Technique can be used for any sort of bothersome memory. In my private practice I've used it to help people who've suffered from flashbacks from accidents, embarrassing moments, and many other negative events and memories. In almost every case, after a few minutes of using this method a single time, the memory became much less bothersome. Occasionally, clients have had to use the Erasure Technique a few times to get results, but it has always managed to help people feel better.

If you have images that bother you from this pandemic, or memories from the past that seem to have a lasting negative impact on you, consider "erasing" them. In addition, if your kids have nightmares or other similar fears that crop up due to a recent unfortunate incident, try guiding them through this process. Kids have great imaginations and are especially receptive to a technique such as this.

**Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder**

When exposed to a life-threatening situation, many people develop signs of psychological trauma known as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD for short. PTSD has become a catch-all phrase for a somewhat predictable set of responses in reaction to major trauma. According to the DSM-V, a book that describes mental disorders, PTSD often leads to "recurrent and intrusive recollections of the event, or recurrent distressing dreams during which the event is replayed." For a person to be diagnosed with PTSD, their symptoms must last at least a month after the initial event. Perhaps you experienced some of those symptoms after the occurrences of 9/11. Fortunately, there are effective treatments for PTSD, ranging from the simplicity of the Erasure Technique I just conveyed, to complex psychological methods that require the expertise of a mental health professional.

PTSD can be both a physical and emotional response to a trauma that can last for many weeks or months after the event. The symptoms of PTSD can vary quite a lot but basically fall into three main categories: hyperarousal, re-experiencing the event, and avoiding triggering situations. In this short book, I can't go into detail about all the possible symptoms, but here's a list of some of the most common responses:

In hyperarousal, symptoms include difficulty sleeping, outbursts of anger, and lack of ability to focus. The signs that a person is re-experiencing the trauma include nightmares, intense emotional or physical reactions to reminders of the event, and flashbacks. Finally, the third category of symptoms, avoiding triggers, may include a person staying away from places, activities, people, or feelings related to the trauma, or feelings of detachment from people. Other frequent reactions to PTSD symptoms include suicidal thoughts, drug and alcohol abuse, and depression.

If you or someone you love displays lasting signs of PTSD, there are many things you can do. First, realize that such symptoms are normal for a person to have soon after a trauma. If your symptoms quickly lessen within a month, then there may be nothing else you need to do other than take good care of yourself. Second, many of the symptoms of PTSD can frequently be greatly lessened by answering and acting on the "four C" questions I discussed in Chapter Five. Third, keep to your usual routine as much as possible, and/or offer help to other people in need. It can help to make a written "to do" list each day to help you to focus on the tasks you feel are most important. And lastly, recognize that if symptoms persist for longer than you feel are acceptable, get help from a local therapist or online support group.

You can get helpful PTSD information from the following web sites:

  * www.nimh.nih.gov (National Institute of Mental Health)
  * www.ptsdalliance.org (Posttraumatic Stress Disorder Alliance) or call them at (877) 507-PTSD
  * www.ncptsd.org (National Center for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)

As a psychotherapist, I'm aware that there are many effective treatments for people suffering from symptoms of PTSD. If you feel that you need professional help, call several licensed mental health care providers and see who you feel most comfortable with. Ask each therapist what his or her experience is in treating PTSD, and for how long you can expect to be in therapy. Popular treatment modalities for PTSD include hypnotherapy and some new methods referred to as NLP and EMDR. You can ask the people you talk to if they are trained in any of these psychological methods. With the right treatment, the debilitating effects of PTSD can be effectively conquered. If you feel so inclined, you are also welcome to contact me at iamjonr@aol.com. I have a lot of experience treating people with PTSD, depression, and anxiety.

**Overcoming Depression and Anxiety**

Americans are experiencing an epidemic of depression. As people lose their jobs, stay at home for long periods of time, and loved ones die, the epidemic of depression is likely to get much worse. One out of four women in the U.S. are currently on medications for depression. Our fast-paced lives, personal struggles, and the daily stress we feel can often lead to symptoms of depression. Unfortunately, people who feel "down" or highly anxious often make the same three regrettable mistakes.

The first mistake people make is they think an antidepressant or anti-anxiety pill will solve all their problems. Yet recent studies show that antidepressants are basically just expensive placebos with some nasty side effects. For mild and moderate depression, they basically have no medicinal value for most people. So why do so many people take antidepressants? Well, pharmaceutical companies do their best to convince you that their drug is the answer--and antidepressants do seem to work for people with severe depression. Yet, for the vast majority of people who feel depressed, a pill is not a good long-term solution.

The second mistake people make is to think there is little else they can do to overcome their depression or overwhelming anxiety. Fortunately, there is a lot people can do. Many methods for handling depression and anxiety have been proven to work easily and more effectively than taking an antidepressant. In fact, going to an expensive therapist isn't even needed. Studies show that several methods that can be done in as little as two minutes a day can be extremely effective in helping people over the symptoms of anxiety and depression.

Finally, the third mistake people make is they don't realize that effective help is easily available. There are many ways to get help when feeling depressed. While self-help books that deal with depression can provide you with useful information, their suggestions can be hard to follow in daily life. Going to a therapist or life coach can be a good idea, but many people don't have the money or desire to go to therapy. So, what to do? I can make several practical suggestions:

  1. If you're suffering from depression or intense anxiety, consider getting help from the National Institute of Mental Health (listed previously), a therapist, book, or online course. For $54.00 I have an online course you can download called "Deeper Happiness." This course gives you a two-minute method to use each day for 30 days to help you to feel happier and overcome depression and/or anxiety. It's my best product. You can learn more about it by going here: <https://findinghappiness.com/audio-2/> Or simply going to my website FindingHappiness.com, and click on "Audio"
  2. If money is really tight, I also have a book you can buy on Amazon called, "Find Happiness Now" that is full of great methods, and only costs $8.50.
  3. Consider taking 100 mg of 5-HTP. Many people find this supplement helps alleviate mild depression and anxiety. Alternately, consider trying Saint Johnswort, also known as Hypericum extract. The recommended dosage is 300 milligrams of Hypericum extract, containing 0.3 percent of the active ingredient Hypericin, three times a day _. It takes between one and four weeks for_ _the herb to start working._
  4. Daily exercise has been shown to be even more effective than any known pill in overcoming symptoms of both depression and anxiety--so get exercising!

Finally, I want to tell you briefly about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or CBT for short. It is one of the most popular ways to help people overcome anxiety and depression. In CBT, you identify negative thoughts that lead to negative or anxious feelings, and by changing your underlying thoughts, you can change how you feel. Simply by writing down rebuttals to common negative thought patterns, you can overcome their effect on you. Below you will find some common thought patterns that might be causing you problems:

**COMMON THOUGHT "MISTAKES"**

**Overgeneralization**

You make a sweeping negative conclusion that goes beyond the current situation. You view a negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.

**Mental Filter**

You pay undue attention to one negative detail instead of seeing the whole picture. You dwell on the negatives and ignore the positives.

**All or Nothing Thinking**

You view a situation in only two categories instead of on a continuum. You look at things in absolute, black and white categories.

**Fortune Telling**

You predict the future negatively without considering other more likely outcomes (jumping to conclusions about events). You predict that things will turn out badly.

**Labeling**

You put a fixed, global label on yourself or others without considering that the evidence might more reasonably lead to a less disastrous conclusion. Instead of saying "I made a mistake", you tell yourself "I'm a loser", or "a jerk".

**Discounting the Positives**

You tell yourself that positive experiences, your accomplishments, or qualities don't count.

**Emotional Reasoning**

You think something must be true because you "feel" (actually believe) it so strongly, ignoring or discounting evidence to the contrary. You reason from how you feel: "I feel like an idiot, so I must be one."

**Magnification/Minimization**

When you evaluate yourself, another person, or a situation, you greatly magnify the negative and/or minimize the positive. You blow things out of proportion or you shrink their importance.

**" Should" Statements**

You have a precise, fixed idea of how you and/or others "should" behave and you overestimate how bad it is that these expectations are not met. You criticize yourself with "shoulds", "shouldn'ts" "musts", or "oughts."

Now that you are more aware of some of your "thought mistakes," try doing the following exercise. Below is some room for you to write down a few of your common negative thoughts. After writing them down, try writing a rebuttal to that thought which is both true and can help you to feel better.

**FILL IN THE BLANK REBUTTAL SHEET**

**Example:**

**Old Thought** : I should have been more prepared for this. I should have saved up more money for times like this.

**Rebuttal** : No one could have predicted this was going to happen. I've been doing the best I can financially, and that's all I can ever do. Everyone is going through a hard time; not just me.

**Old Thought** : This depression is just going to go on forever, and if I get the coronavirus, that will probably be the end for me.

**Rebuttal:** Nothing lasts forever, and if I get some help, I could feel much better quite soon. Also, very few people die of the virus. Getting sick is no fun, but in all likelihood, I'd recover within a week or two.

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I've given you a lot of information here. If you're going through a hard time psychologically, I hope you act on any of the suggestions I've given here that feel right to you. Reach out for help. Once you feel better, you'll be better able to handle both your financial and household situations. If you're having a hard time staying motivated to take the actions you need to take, I think you'll find the next chapter to be particularly help.

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Chapter Ten

TAKE ACTION CONSISTENTLY

You now have all the _information_ you need to create physical, financial, and emotional security for yourself and those you love--even during the dangerous times we live in. Since most people do not have this information, let your friends and family know about this book. That is perhaps the best way you can be of service to them, as well as to yourself. While information is a good first step, information without the ability to take consistent and appropriate action is essentially worthless. In this final chapter, I'll explore a variety of methods to help you take consistent action in ways that will improve your physical, financial, and emotional well-being.

There are three simple steps to success in any field. They are:

  1. Know your goal or what you're trying to accomplish
  2. Have an effective strategy for achieving what you're trying to do
  3. Do that strategy consistently over a long period of time.

...Sounds simple, but most people fail on all accounts, so let's look at how to successfully accomplish these 3 steps in more detail.

The first step is to know what you're trying to accomplish. It's good to have a _specific_ goal in mind because that gives you a direction and something to shoot for. If you have a specific goal in mind, that will also help you to stay focused and motivated to reach your goal. Perhaps more important than your level of schooling or level of skill is your ability to define what you're really after. I learned this lesson in college. It's a funny story.

In college, my roommate was a great basketball player. One day he challenged me to a game of one-on-one basketball. I first said "No thank you" since I knew he was a lot better than me, but then I decided to use my brain. I said, "I'll play you a game on one condition. I get to bring a one-ounce gadget onto the court and place it wherever I want." Well, he agreed. So we went out to the court and I got out my one-ounce gadget, which was a blindfold, and placed it in a strategic location--namely over his eyes. Then I said, "Let the games begin."

Admittedly, it was still close! Yet, I beat one of the best basketball players in Los Angeles because I knew where the target was, and he did not. The fact is, if you throw enough effort in the right direction, sometimes you'll score.

So, from where you are now, what are you most in need of accomplishing? What are your goals for the next week, the next month, or the next year? If you can define your target precisely, there's a good chance you can reach it. If you don't, there's little chance of success and a great chance of getting distracted by all the stress going on.

When making goals for yourself, it's a good idea to use what is called the "Smart" system. S.M.A.R.T is an acronym for **S** pecific, **M** easurable, **A** chievable, **R** elevant and **T** ime-based. When making goals for yourself, the more you can make them fit all the criteria of the SMART acronym, the better. To help you do this quickly, here's a little exercise:

Ask yourself these two questions:

  1. What are the three or four most important things I need to achieve by exactly one week from today?
  2. How will I know when I've done each of them? In other words, what are my exact criteria of success?

Although you may have lofty long-term goals, I suggest people make goals for just one week. Why? Because things are in flux so much nowadays that it's hard to know what exactly will be occurring or need to get done farther down the road. If you _do_ want to work on a long-term goal such as financial security, just come up with a way to break it down into what you can accomplish in just one week. For example, a long-term goal of financial security may be converted into a weekly goal by writing such things as:

  1. I will read at least 30 pages of a book on finances this week
  2. I will sell $5000 from my bond funds so I have cash for living expenses
  3. I will write an email to 10 previous clients to ask for referral business

Once you have a couple of weekly goals that have to do with your physical or financial well-being, consider also making goals that involve your emotional well-being. A SMART weekly goal for emotional well-being might sound like the following:

  1. I will meditate at least five days this week for at least five minutes each time
  2. I will go for a 20-minute walk or exercise along with a 7-minute workout video at least four times this week.
  3. I will connect with at least two friends this week over Skype

As you can see, all the tasks mentioned in these lists are quite doable and can lead you to take care of what needs to be taken care of. By typing or writing your weekly goals out like this, you greatly increase the chances that these items will get done. In fact, in one study that tracked people's success in implementing their goals, it said that most people never get past simply having an idea. The idea they have just collects dust in their brain and goes nowhere. Yet when people write down a specific thing they want to achieve, the chances of achieving that goal immediately goes up by a factor of five.

Once you know what your goal or target is, the next step to success is to come up with an effective strategy to get there. Don't assume you know the best way to reach your goal. Previously I talked about the value of interviewing experts or friends to help you know your blind spots, but they can also give you good advice as to how to move forward on what you need to do. So do your homework.

Once you have an idea of what to do to move you forward, the only other thing you need to do to guarantee success is to stay _consistent_ in your actions over a period of time. Easier said than done. Everyone can be motivated for a day, but can you stay motivated week after week and month after month? To do that, it helps to have a _system_ in place that will help you to stay motivated over a long period of time. Fortunately, studies show that there is a great method for staying consistently motivated: being accountable to a person--or a group of people. That's why AA and Weight Watchers are so successful--they keep people accountable.

**The ICAN Method:**

A basic rule of psychology is that people act to avoid _immediate_ pain and/or gain _immediate_ pleasure. I realized that, in order to have people make consistent progress towards their goals, they would need some form of immediate pain to occur if they _failed_ to take appropriate action. Based on this principle, here's the essence of the technique I created to keep myself highly motivated to do difficult things:

Write a contract with yourself that states all the precise actions you're willing to commit to do during the following week. Then write a statement that says, "For each of the items on this contract I fail to do by one week from today, _I agree to_ _rip up (or throw away) $2. "_ The threat of ripping up $2 can be an incredibly powerful motivator. In fact, it can change your life.

I call this technique the I. C. A.N. method, which is an acronym for Integrity Contract And Nurturance method. The idea behind it is to increase the power of your promise and turbo-charge your goals by consistently doing what's most important to you. There are several reasons why this method is so effective. First, there is a clear proclamation of what you intend to do, and by when you intend to do it. Normally, people have a lot of lofty _thoughts_ about what they could do to improve their life, but these thoughts soon slip away. With the ICAN method, you'll have a visual reminder of what you're _committed_ to do. Second, with this technique, you'll experience immediate pain--ripping up $2) if you fail to keep your word. Since your brain is always trying to avoid immediate pain, it will do its best to complete what's on the contract.

I know you don't want to rip up or throw away money. In fact, it's the _threat_ of doing that which makes this so effective. If you try to give the money to charity, this method doesn't work so well. After all, giving money to charity isn't painful. It's the threat of pain that gets most people into action. Even if you fail to complete your contract, it's money well spent. On average, I have to rip up about $6 a year, but on the other hand, that small amount of money has gotten me motivated to lose weight, make more money, and take really good care of myself.

What follows is a step-by-step account of how you can use the I CAN method:

  1. Sit in a quiet place and ask yourself, "What are the three or four most important things I need to do by exactly one week from today?" Write down whatever ideas you get.
  2. For the best ideas you come up with from #1, create simple, measurable tasks you can do within the course of a single week. For example, if your goal is to get more customers, you might write an email asking for referrals from previous customers. Or if your goal is to reduce your stress, you could put on your contract one or two stress reduction methods you think would help you feel more relaxed.
  3. Write down on a single sheet of paper all the specific things you plan to do by the end of one week. Then, state that for each item you fail to complete by the end of the week, you will rip up $2. Sign and date your contract. Below is an example of how such a contract looks:

I, Jonathan, agree to do the following over the course of the next week:

a) Email 10 previous clients asking for referrals

b) Read for a minimum of one hour a book about health

c) Ask a friend to read my latest article and get their feedback

d) Exercise at least 3 times this week for at least 30 minutes each time

e) Meditate at least 30 minutes 5 out of 7 days

For each of the above items I fail to complete by 5:00 p.m. next Thursday, I agree to rip up $2.

(date)________________________

(signature) ___________________

  1. Put the contract in a place where you'll see it daily, and email a copy of it to a friend, or give it to someone in your household who will keep you accountable. Make sure you write down the exact time you both plan to evaluate your contract. It's important that you schedule this. If possible, make this appointment exactly one week from the writing of the contract.
  2. At the end of the week, have your "contract buddy" simply ask you, "How did you do?" If you didn't complete any items on your contract, no matter what your excuse, tear up the appropriate amount of money (or throw it away). It may take a while to write contracts that work just right for you. Go through this process again for the upcoming week. Write a new contract that takes into account what worked for you in the previous week, and what did not. Feel free to write almost identical contracts week after week. After a while, you'll find you can write highly beneficial contracts in a matter of two or three minutes.

Think of how quickly you could turn your goals into a reality if you made progress on them each and every week. After a while, the ICAN method becomes like a fun game you play with yourself and your contract buddy. Remember, people who have the patience to slowly but surely make progress on their goals are the people who succeed in life.

From my experience of overseeing the ICAN process with thousands of people, I can say the single most effective way to ensure its success is to do it with a partner. When people try this process on their own, they frequently fail to rip up the appropriate amount of money if they don't complete their contract. Yet, when you're accountable to someone else, it's a different story. Partners keep each other accountable and honest.

When I get together with my partner to go over our contracts, we ask each other, "How'd you do this week?" On a typical week I might say, "I missed one item, and I already ripped up the money." Then I ask him, "How about you?" After he gives me his answer, we email our new contract to each other. When we complete this process by phone, it literally takes two minutes.

In the last twenty years, we've both increased our incomes and quality of life rather dramatically as we've practiced exercising the power of our word. If you can manage to make it through the first month, you'll likely become hooked because you'll be so pleased by the results you're getting. It's amazing, but true--the fear of ripping up $2 can keep you motivated to do all the things that you _know_ would make your life better. When you consistently do the specific behaviors that make your life work, the quality of your life becomes incredible!

If you can't find a contract buddy to do this with, but you'd still like accountability, you can join a group who will _assign_ you an accountability partner for a mere $6 a week. The group is called Action Coaching Team. If you'd like more information about exactly how they work, you can email them at: Act@ActionCoachingTeams.com

A final option for creating accountability for weekly progress is a website called **Stickk.com.** On this free website you simply list a goal for the week, and how much money you are willing to risk if you don't complete what you say. Then, at the end of the week, they ask by email if you completed your target for the week. If you didn't complete your goal, you lose whatever money you decided to "wager." If you _did_ complete your goal, you don't owe any money.

However you choose to create accountability for yourself, know that it is the key to lifelong success. Especially during stressful times, it's more important than ever that someone be looking out for you--and hold you accountable to staying sane and the goals you want to achieve.

The history of the human race is one of struggle. For the last 200,000 years we've had to struggle daily just to eat and survive. However, ever since World War II, we've only had to face occasional minor disruptions to our daily lives. Well, evidently things have changed. But the good news is we are also blessed to live at a time of unparalleled comfort, security, and scientific advancement. Sooner or later, order will be restored. When that happens, perhaps we'll better appreciate all the wonders the modern age has given us. As Joni Mitchell once sang, "You don't know what you've got till it's gone."

In times of world upheaval, our inner psychological world is rocked as much as our global society. In such times, it's more important than ever that we take excellent care of ourselves and those we love. I hope the many suggestions, tools, and techniques offered in this book make your ride through these stressful times both easier and more meaningful. I wish you the best on your journey...
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Iwant to thank several people for their editing skills and suggestions: First, Hitch McDermid who went beyond the call of duty. Also Kirsten Young, Tresa Yung, Cynthia Singleton, and Geoff Affleck were all kind enough to give me feedback. Thank you all.

Lastly, I want to acknowledge _The New York Times_ for letting me use some of their answers to Frequently Asked Questions.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR

**Jonathan Robinson** is the author of thirteen books, a psychotherapist and life coach. He has appeared numerous times on _Oprah,_ as well as on _The Today Show,_ _and CNN._ His books include _Find Hap piness Now, The Technology of Joy,_ _Conversations with Dog_ , and _Communication Miracles for Couples_.

As a professional speaker, Jonathan conducts seminars and keynotes for businesses, church groups, and corporations such as Google, Coca-Cola, and Microsoft. His topics range from overcoming stress and increasing productivity, to achieving life balance and effective communication. Jonathan is known for providing people with practical ideas and methods presented in an entertaining manner.

Jonathan co-hosts a popular podcast called "Awareness Explorers" (on iTunes and at AwarenessExplorers.com). In his free time, Jonathan enjoys coaching people to greater success emotionally and financially, as well as playing with his two dogs: Sophie and Bailey. His main website is www.FindingHappiness.com. His website about the coronavirus and this book is www.VirusCoach.net and his email address is iamjonr@aol.com.

GO TO: www.VirusCoach.net to get a free list of additional ways to reduce stress, boost your immune system, and connect deeply with people over the Internet.

