 
## God, I've Got a Problem

### Ben Ferguson

Published by:

Ben Ferguson

1244 Rosalia Avenue

San Jose, CA 95117

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

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Scripture quotations in this publication are taken from:

_KJV—King James Version_ , Authorized King James Version.

_The Message—The Message._ Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group

_NASB_ — _New American Standard Bible®,_ Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972,1973,1975,1977,1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

_NIV—The Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV_ ® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

_NLT—Holy Bible, New Living Translation,_ copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

First Edition Copyright 1974 and 1987 by Regal Books

All rights returned to author March 2006

New Edition Copyright 2013 by Ben Ferguson

All rights reserved

Any omission of credits or permissions is unintentional. The publisher and author request documentation for future printings.

Ebook ISBN: 9781301541041

#  DEDICATION

"Writing a book is a long, exhausting struggle, like a long bout with some painful illness." _George Orwell_

When the struggle is over, writers will recognize the usual suspects who encouraged them in the endeavor—family, friends, and editors who intimate the book is destined to be a New York Times best seller.

Orwell's observation resonates with anyone who has ever written or rewritten a book. It takes more than encouraging words to block out the distractions and keep focused on the task—it takes inspiration. This rewrite is dedicated to a group of men and women who have been the source of daily inspiration:

Military chaplains deployed to combat zones.

It's been an honor and privilege to serve hundreds of them in their walk through the valley of the shadow of death with their warriors. In my role of "chaplain to the chaplains" with the Adopt-a-Chaplain ministry, each day brings fresh inspiration when my inbox has emails from downrange—some upbeat with ministry stories, some with the news of one of theirs who has fallen in battle and the emotions they struggle with while ministering to the living, some needing a word of encouragement, and some just lonely and missing their family.

This book was first published in 1974. Several years ago I began the process of rewriting and updating this book as a small token of appreciation to our chaplains who have deployed with our warriors. Their service and sacrifices provided the inspiration to see the project through to completion.

Chaps, thank you for your ministry of presence to our warriors on the field of battle and your ministry of inspiration to me.

### Contents
Preface

1 – Forgiveness, It's a God Thing

Experience teaches us the most pressing need of humanity is that of forgiveness. Can we forgive someone who has wronged us? YES!

2 – A Thief Named Guilt

Like a handful of sand in a piece of delicate machinery, unresolved guilt will make a mess of our lives and restrict our usefulness.

3 – God Where Are You When...?

Disappointment can disable our effectiveness in life, but it is possible to overcome its debilitating effects.

4 – I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up

Depression is devastating, crippling a person's life and drawing him into his own tiny world of introspection.

5 – What, Me Worry?

God does not promise to remove the pressures that cause worry. He does make it possible for us to face the pressures of life with inner peace.

6 – Solitary Confinement

We were created by God with a need for fellowship and feel isolated and alone when those we care about don't include us in their plans.

7 – The Devil Made Me Do It

Ever since the first failure when Eve fell prey to the temptation and persuaded Adam to eat the fruit, temptations are an everyday part of life.

8 – Same Song, Second Verse

Boredom is one of the major problems infecting society today. It's the emotional fatigue stemming from the sameness of daily life.

9 – Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

Pride has a way of making us think we're pretty special, capable of operating independently of God.

10 – This World Is Not My Home

Most people, even Christians, express uneasiness at the thought of dying. How we feel about death can be a litmus test of what we profess to believe.

Appendix

A summary of how to deal with problems

# PREFACE

"God has promised us a safe landing but not a smooth journey." I don't know who uttered those words, but they express a central truth of the Christian life—Christians aren't immune from the problems associated with being human.

Even a casual reading of the Bible reveals a lot of promises God has made, but nowhere does He promise to insulate us against the daily problems humans face or place us in a _Witness Protection Program_ to keep us safe from the emotional dangers of living.

Problems, like the rain, fall on the just as well as the unjust. At one time or another worry, guilt, doubt, loneliness, or depression will knock on our door and invite itself in. Unfortunately we can't hit "control, alt, delete" and start over. We have to deal with them, but there's good news. The Bible provides tools to help us overcome daily problems and God's solutions to life's problems are a lot less complicated than the _experts_ would have us believe.

Most of the problems we face do not stand alone. Each has relatives among the other problems; they overlap each other. As a result, some of the tools may appear to overlap as well. We'll look at some of the problems we face and the tools God has made available so that being human does not break our spirit or rob us of the joy of being a child of God.

As you read this book, I pray God will bring healing to your heart and mind, giving you renewed hope and joy to face each day.

# CHAPTER 1:

# FORGIVENESS: IT'S A GOD THING

Two brothers were fighting with each other just before bedtime. When their mother put them to bed, she told them it wouldn't be good to go to sleep holding a grudge because Jesus might come during the night. Reluctantly one of the brothers said, "Okay I'll forgive him, but if Jesus doesn't come tonight I'm going to sock him in the nose in the morning."

Conditional forgiveness, as the brothers illustrate, is more common than most admit. Have you ever said "I'm sorry" but didn't really mean it? Welcome to the club! You did it for less than noble reasons and had your mental fingers crossed. We've all said "I forgive you" but revisit the hurt the next day, week, month, or even years later.

Forgiveness, real forgiveness, nips a lot of problems in the bud. We have to ask ourselves: "Why is it so hard to forgive?" The Bible has a lot to say about forgiveness. It says our humanity is a major roadblock to forgiveness.

TO ERR IS HUMAN

Finding forgiveness is a lot like encountering barricades while driving down the street. The barricades say you can't get there from here. Our emotions and attitudes put up barricades, making it difficult, if not impossible, for us to travel the road to forgiveness.

The first emotional roadblock is anger or wrath. Anger is an emotional outburst caused by an injury or injustice, accompanied by a desire for corrective action. Wrath is an extension of anger indicating fierce anger or deep indignation. Anger is to be mad; wrath is to be really, really mad. Both emotions are prompted by an event.

John McEnroe, a great tennis player in his prime, demonstrated both anger and wrath. When the chair umpire made what McEnroe considered a bad call, he exploded, running to the umpire's chair, complaining loudly about it. His protests usually became increasingly loud, occasionally punctuated by some not-nice words and throwing his racket. He was angry, and everyone knew it.

Anger is normal, necessary, and not a new emotion. Moses spends forty days in fellowship with God receiving the Ten Commandments. When the last tablet is chiseled, God tells him to get down off the mountain for "your people ... have corrupted themselves." (Exodus 32:7, NLT) Approaching the camp, he hears singing and sees the people dancing around a golden calf and his "anger burns." He throws the tablets down, burns the golden calf, grinds it into powder, pours it on the water, and makes them drink it. (Exodus: 32:19-20)

When Jesus sees the temple being corrupted He becomes angry and "...made a scourge of cords and drove them all out of the temple, with the sheep and oxen; and He poured out the coins of the moneychangers, and overturned their tables," (John 2:15, NASB) telling them they have made the temple a "Robbers' Den." (Luke 19:46, NASB)

When the fuse of anger is lit, bystanders have little time to get out of the way before it explodes. Anger is the opposite of apathy. Paul tells us to "Be angry..." (Ephesians 4:26) Without anger, injustice and wrongs grow and prosper.

However, uncontrolled anger produces problems. Get angry, but get over it; "don't let the sun go down on your anger." (Ephesians 4:26, NASB) Get rid of it so you "don't give the devil an opportunity." (Ephesians 4:27, NASB) Harboring anger, even overnight, is playing on the Devil's turf, giving him home field advantage. It's much easier for him to take you out of God's game plan when you play the anger game on his turf. Get angry, but get over it quickly. Kiss and make up before you go to sleep. Deal with it, then let it go!

The second emotional roadblock to forgiveness is an extension of the first. Allow anger to hang around and it becomes a grudge—a feeling of ill will or resentment for some real or imagined wrong. Unlike anger which is aimed at some event, a grudge looks for someone to blame.

Sibling rivalry isn't new. Abel was a rancher and Cain a farmer. In an effort to honor God, each brings an offering: Abel an animal from his flock and Cain some fruit from his field. God is pleased with Abel's offering but Cain comes in second. "This made Cain both dejected and very angry, and his face grew dark with fury." (Genesis 4:5, Living Books of Moses) His beef is with God, but his anger is directed at Abel.

Jacob joins his mother, Rebekah, in a plot to cheat Esau out of his rightful position as the first born. (Genesis 27) When Esau learns he's been cheated he cries out bitterly, seeking to reverse the decision. (Genesis 27:36-40) When he realizes it's a done deal, "Esau bore a grudge against Jacob." (Genesis: 27:41, NASB)

John the Baptist speaks truth to power, telling Herod and his wife they're living in sin. Herod is amused but "Herodias had a grudge against him." (Mark 6:19, NASB)

The person with a grudge wants payback! In time Cain invites Abel to go for walk in the fields, where he attacks and kills him. (Genesis 4:8) When Esau realizes Jacob's cheating can't be undone, he says to himself, "The days of mourning for my father are near; then I will kill my brother." (Genesis 27:41b) Herodias wants John dead in the worst way and when her daughter seeks advice on what to ask from Herod, she says, "The head of John the Baptist." (Mark 6:24, NASB)

The third roadblock to forgiveness is bitterness. Bitterness is a grudge on steroids! It's characterized by intense hostility. It's a malignant disposition, a spirit simmering underneath the surface, refusing to be reconciled.

Looks can be deceiving. After the dust and smoke cleared following the collapse of the World Trade Center towers, it looked like a big pile of smoking rubble, but it was more than that. As workers picked their way through the debris looking for survivors, the soles of their boots were melting. Beneath the surface, fires continued to burn, generating temperatures of fourteen hundred degrees. Rescuers couldn't see the fire, but they felt the heat. So it is with bitterness.

You can't always tell a person is bitter by looking, but you can by listening. The poison of bitterness usually exits through the tongue. When Paul talks about bitterness, he follows it with words like "clamor," "quarreling," and "slander." (Ephesians 4:31)

A man asked to see me, and we set a time for a meeting. Knowing I wasn't his favorite person, I invited someone to sit in with us. The meeting began with a recitation of wrongs the man perceived I had done. The list was long, very long. As he went from wrong to wrong, I began thinking someone this bad should be executed before sundown. But I listened intently, saying nothing, and wondering if he would ever reach the end of his list. Abruptly he stood up and shouted "You're incredibly insensitive" and stormed out of the office. My friend said, "My, he's bitter, isn't he?"

Bitterness is dangerous. It's destructive, and we're warned, "Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many." (Hebrews 12:15, NLT) Bitterness is a roadblock to forgiveness. A malignant disposition, like a cancer, destroys long friendships and marriages and leaves a trail of destruction in the church.

Anger, grudges, and bitterness are barricades on the road to forgiveness. "I'm sorry" sounds like a foreign language to many.

TO FORGIVE IS DIVINE

Three words tell the story of our history with God—wrath, love, and grace.

Wrath is God's reaction to sin. "For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men." (Romans 1:18, KJV) Paul continues with a long list of the acts of unrighteous and ungodliness God saw. Conclusion: we're in deep trouble and worthy of death. (Romans 1:32)

Love is God's answer to His wrath. His love is focused on the need of the sinner, not the sin. "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that when we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8, NASB) That's a love worth talking about, experiencing, and singing: "Amazing love, how can it be, that thou my God shouldst die for me." God's love is directed toward our need as sinners.

In one _Star Trek_ movie, an explosion in the reactor room endangered the crew of the Enterprise. Mr. Spock wouldn't allow Captain Kirk to open the door to rescue him, as that would spread radiation through the ship. They put their hands together on opposite sides of the glass, and Mr. Spock said, "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few." That kind of love kept Jesus nailed to the cross.

Grace is how God's love removes the barricades to His forgiveness. Forgiveness of sins is possible because of God's grace in accepting Jesus as our substitute. His grace accepts us because of the death of Christ. "Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me, I once was lost but now am found, was blind but now I see."

The three most powerful words in any language are "I forgive you." Hearing them from God—whose forgiveness is complete, unconditional, and undeserved—is beyond imagination. When God forgives us, He forgets our sin. He never says, "Remember when you...." He doesn't remember or remind us of past sin.

FORGIVENESS: IT'S A GOD THING.

Experiencing God's forgiveness doesn't make us perfect or divine, but it will make us better at forgiving and receiving forgiveness. Four basic truths help remove the barricades on the road to forgiveness.

First: _IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU!_ It's good to have a positive self-image, but get over it; the world doesn't revolve around you. We have no reason to assume our feelings are more important than anyone else's.

We all do stupid or hurtful things—and we do them well. It's been said age has its advantages. But it also has its disadvantages. The longer we live, the more stupid things we do or say. Some of us do them so often we need to have "I'm sorry" on speed dial.

When someone is hurt by what we said, did, or didn't do, we can ignore them, get defensive, or make amends. Getting hurt or offended when someone points out a wrong only makes it worse. I was teaching a class and thought something I said was quite clever until a member of the class spoke up, bringing the class to a halt. After a few tense moments, things settled down and class continued. The next day we talked on the phone, and he told me he thought my remarks were out of line. I agreed and said, "I'm sorry."

It's one thing to be offended, but something else to join the perpetually offended crowd. No matter what is said or done, someone will be offended. When Jesus began teaching in the synagogue in His home town, "they took offense." (Matthew 13:57, NASB) Someone said, "The most flammable material in the world is a chip on the shoulder." Are you easily offended?

Forgiveness would be a lot easier if it didn't involve people. The Chief of Navy Chaplains visited the Naval Air Station at Lemoore, California. During an interview he observed, "Most of our problems are human problems. Eliminate people, and we'll eliminate most of our problems." Simple, but no one moved to implement it.

Some pretty weak excuses why people won't forgive are floating around. Have you ever heard, "He hurt my feelings?" Of course! Do you think the biting words Jesus heard from His critics hurt His feelings?

Try "I didn't do anything wrong? Really!" Prisons are full of _innocent_ people. Did Jesus do anything wrong? Even though innocent, He said, "Father, forgive them."

And then, "I can't forgive him for what he did to **me."** Do you think it was easy for Jesus to forgive those who beat Him, spit in His face, and nailed Him to a cross? Did He forgive? The hardest thing I ever did was to apologize to someone for something I didn't do. My apology was accepted and a potentially divisive problem was avoided.

My all-time favorite excuse is, "I'm not going to apologize, because he won't accept it." My responsibility is to apologize; the response is his responsibility. God says, "I will forgive you." Some reject it, but He offers it anyway.

Second: _IT'S NOT ABOUT WHO'S RIGHT OR WRONG_. Have you ever been to worship service and left wondering why God didn't attend? Could it have something to do with forgiveness? Jesus said,

So if you are standing before the altar in the Temple, offering a sacrifice to God, and suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there on the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God. (Matthew 5:23-24, NLT)

We don't offer sacrifices in a temple, but the principle is valid. If you approach God for a time of worship when there's a problem with a friend, reconcile with the friend first. It's not about who is right or wrong—"if a friend has something against you," worship will be hindered.

Be careful how you pray. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus gives guidance on prayer. Most have read it, some have memorized it, and all have recited it at one time or another. But have you ever noticed forgiving is linked with being forgiven? "And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors." (Matthew 6:12, NASB)

Following the prayer, we're reminded Christian forgiveness is based on the realization we've been forgiven. We can't be in fellowship with God while refusing to forgive others.

For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions. (Matthew 6:14-15, NASB)

Jesus then tells a story illustrating the principle. A king comes to audit the books. One slave owes a lot of money he's unable to pay. The king orders him jailed and everything, including family members, sold to settle the debt. The slave begs for mercy, the king has compassion, and the order is rescinded.

The forgiven debtor then goes after one who owes him a pittance by comparison. The debtor's pleas for mercy fall on deaf ears, and he's thrown in jail until the debt is paid. The king hears this and throws the one who had been forgiven much in jail because he shows no mercy to his debtor. The moral of the story: Forgiveness requires us to forgive also. (Matthew 18:23-35)

Third: _IT'S ABOUT HAVING A JESUS APPROACH TO LIFE_. Have you ever thought how human Jesus was? We focus on His deity and often overlook his humanity. He wore diapers, dealt with brothers and sisters, and hit His finger with a hammer in the carpenter shop. Hebrews says He was human in every respect.

We all know He did not come as an angel but as a human being—yes, a Jew. And it was necessary for Jesus to be like us, His brothers, so that He could be our merciful and faithful High Priest before God, a Priest who would be both merciful to us and faithful to God in dealing with the sins of the people. (Hebrews 2:16-17)

He's criticized for hanging out with tax collectors and sinners. He explains His associations by saying healthy people don't need the doctor, but the sick do. (Matthew 9:12) He casts out a demon and is accused of getting His power from the ruler of demons. He doesn't defend Himself but explains the foolishness of their logic, saying, "Any kingdom divided against itself is laid waste." (Luke 11:14-17, NASB) He's accused of treason and leading a rebellion against Rome. When questioned, He offers no defense. Finally, Pilate asks "Are you the king of the Jews?" He replies, "It is as you say." (Luke 23:3, NASB) Insults are hurled at Him as He's hanging on the cross, and He responds by saying, "Father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing." (Luke 23:34, NASB)

Jesus had ample opportunities but never responded to wrongs as we might. His life modeled God's love and compassion for people who need forgiveness. We're instructed to:

Follow God's example in everything you do just as a much loved child imitates his father. Be full of love for others, following the example of Christ who loved you and gave Himself to God as a sacrifice to take away your sins. And God was pleased, for Christ's love for you was like sweet perfume to Him. (Ephesians 5:1-2, NLT)

Jesus' life experiences provide a worthy example to follow when we're treated badly by other people.

Fourth: _IT'S ABOUT LIVING AS FORGIVEN PEOPLE_. Forgiven people behave differently. What does that mean? Forgiven people make it a priority to control malignant attitudes. "Stop being mean, bad tempered and angry. Quarreling, harsh words, and dislike of others should have no place in your lives." (Ephesians 4:31, NLT))

Forgiven people don't keep score. Peter asks, "Master, how many times do I forgive a brother or sister who hurts me? Seven?" Jesus replied, "Seven! Hardly! Try seventy times seven." (Matthew 18:21-22, The Message)

Forgiven people think before they speak. "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is wrong. Words can hurt even more than sticks and stones. Someone once told me, "Sometimes my mouth is faster than my brain." Paul says, "Don't use bad language. Say only what is good and helpful to those you are talking to, and what will give them a blessing." (Ephesians 4:29, LNT)

Forgiven people look before they leap. We're to "be kind to one another." (Ephesians 4:32, NLT) Kind deeds, like kind words, bring a blessing. My oldest daughter made a late night trip to the Emergency Room. In the early morning hours, a friend called to inquire about her. When she told him she would be okay, he asked, "Can I come and just sit with you?" That's kindness!

Forgiven people are forgiving people—"forgiving one another, just as God through Jesus Christ has forgiven you." (Ephesians 4:32, NLT) The Greek for forgiving is a participle indicating continuous action. That's appropriate since we frequently need to be forgiven for treating someone badly. We're to continue forgiving until we surpass the amount of forgiveness and tenderness we've received from God.

I heard of a project called "Sorry Works." (www.sorryworks.net) The thesis of the project is that an honest apology by someone who made a mistake can often prevent the filing of a lawsuit. The offer of apology is to include a disclosure of what went wrong and an offer to make restitution. The number of lawsuits dropped dramatically. If "I'm sorry" works to reduce lawsuits, it'll work to reduce hostility between us.

Forgiven people let it go. When God says, "I forgive you," He doesn't have His fingers crossed. Once forgiven, He never brings it up again.

Forgiveness is a persistent problem in counseling. A counselor may convince a person to say "I forgive you" and think it's real progress. However, illusions of progress are shattered the next session when the same hurt is revisited. When the same issue continues to resurface, forgiveness hasn't taken place. Recalled offenses are not forgiven.

Every event is etched permanently in our memory, making forgetting hard, if not impossible. The Devil, not God, brings past hurts to our minds. We may not be able to totally forget, but we can let it go. A good friend has given me some practical advice on this. When he sees me stressing out, he holds up an open hand and quietly says, "Let it go."

In Summary:

A mother is a good picture of God's forgiveness. A child, especially a teenager, can get pretty angry and at times explosive, verbally abusive, and hostile. Does a mother have a malignant disposition and plot how to even the score with the rotten child? No. She forgives, never believing the child really meant all the nasty things he said. Even though a mother is hurt deeply, she loves enough to forgive.

The road of forgiveness is traveled one hurt at a time. If you hope to forgive and be forgiven as God does, remember:

  * It's not about you;

  * It's not about who's right or wrong;

  * It's about having a Jesus view toward life;

  * It's about living as forgiven people.

What have you learned about forgiveness?

Have you ever found it difficult or impossible to forgive someone for hurting you? How did you handle the situation? What would you do differently based on what you've learned?

# CHAPTER 2

# A THIEF NAMED GUILT

I was watching TV when my wife called. In even tones she said, "When I get home, we need to talk." I spent an uneasy afternoon trying to figure out what I'd done to warrant the call. She had to know something, or else she wouldn't have called with that tone in her voice.

When she came home, we sat down to talk, and I braced myself to hear what I had or hadn't done. When she told me what prompted the call, it turned out I wasn't at fault—this time! It was serious, but it wasn't my fault. Inwardly I was jumping for joy.

We've all been there. Your spouse has _that look_ , but you're afraid to ask why, for fear it's prompted by something you've done. You finally screw up the courage and ask, "What's wrong?" The reply: "Nothing." Now you know you're in BIG trouble.

Why do we instinctively react like that? It's an internal mechanism called conscience. When we step out of bounds, it lets us know. Most of us have things in our past we wouldn't want posted on the web. Because we have a conscience, we experience guilt.

CONSCIENCE: A PRELUDE TO GUILT

Conscience is a prelude to guilt. Without a conscience, we wouldn't have a sense of guilt. But we do suffer from guilt. Someone said, "A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory." Understanding the meaning of conscience gives insight into the relationship between conscience and guilt.

Conscience is the inner sense of what is right or wrong in one's conduct, impelling one toward the right action. It's also the complex of ethical and moral principles that control or inhibit the actions or thoughts of an individual. Finally, it's an inhibiting sense of what's prudent. Interesting! Wired into every human brain is a set of ethical and moral principles designed to notify us when we approach an imaginary line, thus prompting a change in behavior.

These descriptions of conscience represent a common sense understanding of conduct in the everyday world of human interactions and weren't imposed by some Church Council with a religious axe to grind. How did we come to have a conscience?

Conscience didn't come from the Devil. He has nothing to gain and everything to lose by prompting us to avoid bad behavior. He's on the sidelines encouraging bad behavior. During the discussion following the forbidden fruit incident in Eden, he falls silent. Adam and Eve offer a defense for their behavior, but the Devil has nothing to say.

Conscience comes from God and has been called the voice of God within and rests on divine law and authority.

Dagwood is making one of his famous mile high sandwiches. In the first panel his _conscience_ is telling him sandwiches like that will ruin his health. The next panel shows a different _conscience_ indicating how yummy that sandwich is. In the final panel when he's about to take a big bite, the _conscience_ tells him to go ahead and enjoy it. He says, "You've gotta love a conscience that'll work with you." Dagwood may say it, but conscience won't work with you. It's beyond our control.

Contrary to popular myth, conscience wasn't given by God to make us miserable. Its first purpose is to serve as a warning when we're considering an action that violates a basic law of God or even common decency. We've all seen signs that say, "Warning: speed checked by radar." The sign notifies us of the presence of a patrolman who will be using radar to see if we're obeying the posted speed limit. When we see the sign, we generally take a quick look at our speedometer and ease up on the accelerator if we're speeding. The sign warns of a potential danger to our wallet and driving record if we're going too fast. Conscience is God's caution sign alerting us to proceed carefully. It's enough to warn us, but not enough to make us do what is right. It simply says, "Do you really think that's a good idea?"

Ignore the "speed checked by radar" sign, and the next thing you might see is the flashing red lights of a police cruiser in your rear view mirror. The red light will continue to flash until you drive away with a summons to appear before a judge and pay a fine. You ignored the warning and didn't change your behavior before driving into a radar trap. It can get worse. Skip the appointment with the judge—you will be charged with failure to appear. Ignore that and a bench warrant will be issued, and you could find yourself as a temporary guest at the local jail. Ignoring a summons creates additional problems. Each time you fail to address the initial ticket, the penalty increases.

Ignore the warnings of conscience, and you will get a similar result. Your conscience says, "You ignored the warnings, did it anyway, and now you've got a problem." Someone said, "Conscience is not enough to keep you from doing wrong, but it keeps you from enjoying it." Fail to address the initial failure and the problem gets worse—guilt rears its ugly head to accuse you.

Before David becomes king of Israel, he spends a lot of time running from King Saul who sees him as a threat and wants him dead. A Philistine raiding party attacks Saul, temporarily diverting his attention from his pursuit of David. Once the Philistine problem has been handled, intelligence reports say David is at Engedi. Saul, with a posse of three thousand returns to his main passion—the pursuit of David.

When the posse arrives at Engedi, David and his men are hiding in a cave. Saul goes into the cave alone to relieve himself. What a stroke of luck! David's men tell him it's an opportunity to exact revenge on Saul, but David convinces his men it's wrong to kill Saul. Instead he secretly cuts off a portion of Saul's robe. That was, as we might say, a moral victory over his nemesis. But then we read, "It came about afterward that David's conscience bothered him because he had cut off the edge of Saul's robe." (1 Samuel 24:5) He knew it was wrong to raise a hand against God's anointed but did it anyway.

To understand the problem posed by a guilty conscience, we need to understand guilt. Guilt is to be greatly troubled by the knowledge of having acted wrongly. It produces a sense of responsibility or remorse for some offense—whether real or imaginary. That's what David experienced.

A guilty conscience occurs when we haven't dealt with our wrong. Guilt is the prosecuting attorney when we're summoned to the court of conscience for a hearing. It reminds us we have done wrong, need to confess it, and make amends. Ignoring it, like a traffic citation, makes it worse.

Adam and Eve have no sense of right or wrong until they eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Afterward their response is an effort to hide from God. When confronted, instead of confessing, they make excuses. Eve suggests, "The Devil made me do it." Adam blames his behavior on the "woman you gave me." Guilt says you did wrong—now you have a problem.

Suppose you have confessed and made restitution but you continue suffering feelings of remorse. Why is that? You haven't let it go after accepting God's forgiveness. The wrong we did is buried in our subconscious, but we keep digging it up.

I had a Golden Retriever for many years and enjoyed giving her rawhide bones to chew on. Each time I showed her a new bone, she was beside herself with excitement and whimpered until she had the bone. She would lie on the floor chewing on it for a while, but soon she would be at the door whining to go out. After being outside for a while, she would come to the door without the bone, wanting back in the house. The next day I would see her on the patio chewing on her bone, and then it would disappear again. She was burying the bone in the yard and then digging it up for another chew. When the bone was gone, I gave her a new one and it started all over again. When we confess, our _bone of wrong_ is buried in our mind. But like my dog, we keep digging it up for another chew.

Seldom has a day passed without the warnings of conscience. Ignore its warnings, and a thief named guilt pays a visit.

GUILT IS A THIEF

A thief breaking into your house takes an emotional as well as a physical toll. The loss is far more than the value of items that were taken. The idea of a stranger going through your personal things leaves you feeling violated and vulnerable. Guilt does the same to conscience. It nags us daily, telling us we're no good because of what we've done. When guilt is nagging our conscience, happiness goes into hiding.

Guilt steals our confidence. Most of us send and receive emails each day. Assume you were to receive the following email: "WE KNOW EVERYTHING!" The thought of someone knowing all our secrets is unnerving. Would it heighten the sense of vulnerability if the message came from the Internal Revenue Service?

A guilty conscience robs us of a desire for fellowship with God. We think He might be holding a grudge, and we don't want to hear about it. For many years I had no desire for fellowship with God or His people. The lack of desire continued until I dealt with the guilt caused by an earlier failure. If you don't have a desire for fellowship with God, check the closet; guilt is likely to be hiding in a dark corner.

Getting our way isn't always a good thing. David wants a census to find out how many soldiers are in his army, but Joab protests, saying it's a bad idea. After a discussion, "the king's word prevailed against Joab and against the commanders of the army" (2 Samuel 24:4, KJV). Imagine that—the king got his way.

It takes almost ten months to complete the census. The report of over one million valiant warriors should warm David's heart, giving him a sense of security and satisfaction.

But when it was all done, David is overwhelmed with guilt because he had counted the people, replacing trust with statistics. And David prayed to God, "I have sinned badly in what I have just done. But now God forgive my guilt—I've been really stupid." (2 Samuel 24:10, The Message)

David does a lot of foolish things, but when he did what he wanted to instead of what was right, his conscience is wounded. Instead of ignoring his conscience, he confesses it to God and finds forgiveness.

The Devil's a master thief, hacking into our memory, searching for forgiven sins that are buried in our mind. When he finds them, he torments us with them daily. It's been said that "time heals all wounds." But time can never heal a guilty conscience. Only God can do that.

GOD HAS A CURE FOR GUILT

We live in a complex world with complex problems. When seeking a solution for a problem like guilt, we expect it to be complicated, but God sees it differently. In reality, God's solution for a guilty conscience is quite simple—affirmation of three basic truths.

The first truth to reaffirm is: _THE FORGIVENESS OF GOD_ _._ For some, God's forgiveness is a revolutionary concept. In the Old Testament they understand the idea of covering but not forgiveness.

The old plan was a hint of the good things in the new plan. Since that old law plan wasn't complete in itself, it couldn't complete those who followed it. No matter how many sacrifices were offered year after year, they never added up to a complete solution. If they had, the worshipers would have gone merrily on their way, no longer dragged down by their sins. But instead of removing awareness of sin, when those animal sacrifices were repeated over and over they actually heightened awareness and guilt. The plain fact is that bull and goat blood can't get rid of sin. (Hebrews 10:1-4, The Message)

If anyone had reason to experience guilt, it was the Israelites. The Day of Atonement, literally Day of Covering, was a reminder that sins were covered—not forgiven. It was an annual guilt trip. When they made their way to Jerusalem to make the annual apology for sin, it was like making the annual interest payment on a balloon note. Interest was paid, but the debt of sin remained until Calvary.

Jesus presents a dramatic change in the approach to the problem of sin. John begins talking about forgiveness. When Jesus comes to be baptized, John announces, "Behold the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world." (John 1:29, NASB) The audience understood the imagery of the sacrificial lamb. But the idea of taking away sins was revolutionary, covering they understand, but not the forgiveness of sins.

Following the resurrection of Jesus, forgiveness of sins becomes the central message of the church. In the synagogue at Antioch, Paul reviews that message and concludes with, "Let it be known to you, brethren, that through Him forgiveness of sin is proclaimed to you." (Acts 13:38, NASB) The message of forgiveness makes no exceptions of sins too great to be forgiven. During His ministry Jesus spends a lot of time with, and is criticized, for associating with _bad people_. He reminds His critics, He came to seek and save the lost—bad people.

Forgiveness of sins is available for the asking; Jesus died to forgive us. It doesn't matter what we've done, He forgives when we ask. A husband asked me to call on his wife because she was having serious problems, and he didn't know what to do. When I arrived, I was shocked. The woman, normally neat and vibrant, was, to put it mildly, a mess, still in her bathrobe at 3:00 p.m.

It took some time to learn what was bothering her because of the weeping and sobbing. Eventually she managed to say that in a moment of weakness she had been unfaithful to her husband. But that wasn't her greatest anguish. The man was her boss, who continued to show interest with winks and secret notes as the affair continued. But then he turned cold and distant, refusing to talk to her. Her romantic fantasy crumbled when he began openly showering attention on another woman in her office.

We talked about God's forgiveness, and I prayed with her. We had several other appointments, and each time we talked about forgiveness. I finally realized that, even though she was tormented by guilt, forgiveness wasn't on her agenda. She wanted revenge on the man who had played with her and then tossed her aside in pursuit of someone else.

Forgiveness was available, but she wasn't interested. She lost her family, not because her husband, a gentle and caring man, or God was unwilling to forgive her, but because revenge, not forgiveness, was what she sought.

I find it liberating to know God has forgiven me. Have you asked Him to forgive you for the sin that continues to hammer you with guilt?

The second truth to reaffirm is: _THE FORGETFULNESS OF GOD_ _._ When God forgives, He forgets. "And their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more. Now where there is forgiveness of these things, there is no longer any offering for sin." (Hebrews 10:17-18, NASB)

God chooses to forget our failure when we confess it and make any needed restitution. We remember. Why? God doesn't remind us, and the Devil won't let us forget! He constantly goes through the trash in our subconscious, looking for garbage to renew our guilt.

The Devil can dig up trash from our memory because of how our mind is constructed. Everything we see, do, or say goes into our memory and stays there — permanently. Our conscious memory contains events, usually of recent origin, or things we deal with on a regular basis. Into our subconscious memory go things we've forgotten. Have you ever had someone talk about an event you'd forgotten? The mention of the event recalls it from the subconscious. The subconscious mind is the Devil's playground. He digs around until he finds a wrong that has been forgiven long ago. Once found, he stirs it up into the conscious memory and hammers us with it, bringing fresh feelings of guilt for what's been forgiven.

Ask God to deny him access to the areas of your memory where forgiven and forgotten sins are buried. He won't delete it from memory but He can deny access to it. When He does that, it remains forgotten, buried in the subconscious.

My dog consumed her rawhide bones so quickly that I bought her an extra large one. We went through the same excitement when she saw the bone, chewed on it briefly, and then wanted to go outside. The next day she was at the door whimpering, but the bone was nowhere in sight. Together we searched the yard looking for the bone but didn't find it. About six months later, I was digging by the edge of the deck when the shovel hit something—her big bone. She had buried the bone and forgotten where, but I found it. God wants to bury our bones of failure in our subconscious so they can't be found. When God forgives, He forgets and wants us to do the same. It's important to remember God has forgotten my failure.

The third truth to reaffirm is: _THE FAITHFULNESS OF GOD_ _._ He is faithful, never reneging on His promise to forgive and forget. Because of Jesus, God sees me without age spots, wrinkles, or sin. To Him, I am beautiful. Have you ever known a mother who had an ugly baby? No! A mother's love allows her to look at her baby and see the most beautiful baby in the world. She doesn't see imperfections a stranger might see. The Devil sees our imperfections, but God doesn't. All of His children are beautiful and perfect in His sight.

When I look in the mirror the first thing each morning, my hair is a mess, going in all directions. Before leaving the house, I attempt to bring my unruly hair under control. To do otherwise would be uncivilized. Looking into God's mirror, we may see something out of place in our life. We can bring it into place: "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (I John 1:9, NASB) See the sin, confess it, make needed restitution, and you will be ready to face the world. He forgets it and pushes it into our subconscious.

I'd been working on a very important document for days and always saved it before turning off the computer. One morning when I went to open the folder it wasn't there! The document had disappeared into the recesses of my computer. All my searching didn't find it. I know the document is somewhere in the "subconscious" memory of my computer, but I can't access it. Some expert might find it, but I can't. The Devil is an expert at finding lost memories in our subconscious.

When we confess a sin, God stores it in the depths of our mind where we can't readily access it. If the Devil finds it and dredges it up, tell him, "God is faithful; I am forgiven." On a sticky note, write "I am forgiven" and put it on a mirror, over the kitchen sink, or on the computer monitor at work as a visible reminder.

In Summary:

Has guilt stolen your joy and confidence? Want to escape the torment? To combat the thievery of guilt, reaffirm three powerful truths:

  * God has forgiven my sin;

  * God has forgotten my sin;

  * God is faithful. He'll never renege on His promise to forgive and forget.

What have you learned about guilt?

Has there ever been a time when guilt has stolen your joy and confidence? How did you handle the situation? What would you do differently based on what you've learned?

# 

# CHAPTER 3

# GOD, WHERE ARE YOU WHEN....?

Growing up on my father's farm in Texas, I frequently looked at magazines depicting the beauties of California. I pictured California as one long sandy beach bathed by warm sunshine every day of the year, and I dreamed of living there one day.

My opportunity came after high school when I enlisted in the Navy. Following boot camp, I was elated to learn my first duty station was in California. Anticipation was high as I boarded my flight from Dallas on a hot sultry July afternoon. Soon I would be in California–the land of sunshine and beaches.

Six hours later the plane touched down in Oakland. It was 53 degrees and raining—in mid-July! As I rode along the Bayshore Freeway, there were no beaches in sight. I was crushed, chilled to the bone, and disappointed! That cold wet summer day taught me things aren't always what we expect.

Disappointment is one of the frustrating problems that plague us. If we take an honest look around, we realize everyone encounters disappointment. It's a fact of life and can't be ignored. Have you ever heard someone say, "He really disappointed me?" Have you ever said, "I'm really disappointed?"

WHEN BAD THINGS HAPPEN

When we say we are disappointed, we mean we've been made unhappy by the failure to realize our hopes or expectations. Disappointment is that sinking feeling we get when things don't turn out the way we'd hoped. The question is not _who_ experiences disappointment, but what to do about it.

Disappointment is caused by two things—circumstances and people. The book of Job is a case study of someone who is blindsided by both his circumstances and his friends and gives guidance for dealing with disappointment. Job's encounter with disappointment says more about his friend's behavior toward him than about how Job deals with his situation. Rather than focusing on our disappointment, let's learn how to help someone who's fallen under the wheels of disappointment. None of us are likely to experience the crushing disappointments Job experiences, but his story gives some dos and don'ts for helping others deal with disappointment. It suggests the key to defeating our disappointment is helping someone else with theirs.

Job is blessed with great wealth, a wife and ten children, power, and community influence. He is also a man who honors God with his life. Life is good until tragedy pays a visit.

People stand in line to bring him bad news. (Job 1:13-19) During the course of one day, his wealth, livestock, and servants are gone, and a storm blows down the house killing his ten children. It's a tragically disappointing day. Losing his wealth and children is bad, but it gets worse—much worse. Boils break out on his body from the top of his head to the soles of his feet. Sitting in a pile of ashes Job is scraping his sores with a piece of broken pottery. (Job 2:7-8) Circumstances have stripped him of his family, wealth, health, and influence. It can't get worse, can it? Yes, it can. He hasn't heard from his wife and friends yet.

Have your children ever disappointed you? Job's expectation is that his children will honor God. But just in case they inadvertently sin, he offers sacrifices on their behalf.

We have dreams and expectations for our children. Even before birth, we dream of their success in some career field of our choosing. We support _our_ _dreams_ fo _r them_ with a college education, only to learn their dreams differ from ours—they run off to join the circus or enter some other non-approved profession. When they do, we're disappointed.

Have you ever been disappointed by family and friends? When bad things happen, we naturally look to our friends for support, but sometimes they're unresponsive or unsympathetic. Job is glad when his friends show up uninvited until they attempt to comfort him.

Job's wife weighs in first. Seeing how pathetic he looks as an outcast sitting in a pile of ashes scraping his sores, she says, "Still holding onto your precious integrity are you? Curse God and be done with it." (Job 2:9, The Message)

His three friends, Bildad, Zophar, and Eliphaz, come to "sympathize with and comfort him." (Job 2:11-12, NASB) Even from a distance, they're shocked by how bad he looks. They sit in silence with him for a week—a good start. But then they open their mouths, and things go downhill fast. What follows isn't comfort but a series of criticisms and condemnations.

Finally, Job's three friends now fell silent. "They were talked out, stymied because Job wouldn't budge an inch—"wouldn't admit to an ounce of guilt" (Job 32:1, The Message)

His friends are critical, not comforting. It's little comfort to be told by friends and family that you're getting what you deserve.

A younger man, Elihu, watches the proceedings and becomes angry, both at Job "for pitting his righteousness against God's" and at his three friends because "they had neither come up with an answer nor proved Job wrong." (Job 32:2-3, The Message)

His long speech concludes with:

All right-thinking people say—and the wise who have listened to me concur—'Job is an ignoramus. He talks utter nonsense.' Job, you need to be pushed all the way to the wall and called to account for wickedly talking back to God the way you have. (Job 34:37, The Message)

When our friends face crushing disappointment, what kind of friend are we? Do we ignore them, blame them for their situation, or bring comfort? Job's friends add to his misery and push him further down. The helping hand his friends extend holds a club. The way we treat a friend either eases their pain or adds to it.

WE ASK, "GOD, WHERE ARE YOU?"

When disappointment grips our life and God seems distant, we ask "Why is this happening to _me_ **?"** We're the center of our universe—everything revolves around us and nothing exists outside our pain. We may become paranoid and think, "They're chasing me and they're gaining ground." Given time alone, we'll wallow in our disappointment and ask, "God, where are you?"

Job's circumstances seem to suggest it's all about him. His friends confirm it; "Yes, it is all about you, and you're getting what you deserve." Logically, he might think it's all about him, but it isn't.

People experiencing disappointment look to their friends and family for help and comfort. If we treat them like Job's friends treated him, they'll conclude we don't really care about their hurts and respond like Job.

To his wife he says: "You are talking like an empty-headed fool. We take the good days from God—why not also the bad days?" (Job 2:10, The Message)

To his friends he says: "When desperate people give up on God Almighty their friends, at least, should stick with them. But my brothers are fickle as a gulch in the desert." (Job 6:14-15, The Message)

As his frustrations increase he says:

I'm sure you speak for all the experts, and when you die there'll be no one left to tell us how to live. But don't forget that I also have a brain. (Job 12:1-2, The Message)

You're a bunch of pompous quacks! I wish you'd shut your mouths—silence is your only claim to wisdom." (Job 13:4-5, The Message)

Well, you've certainly been a great help to a helpless man! You came to the rescue just in the nick of time! What wonderful advice you've given to a mixed-up man! What amazing insights you've provided! Where did you learn all of this? How did you become so inspired? (Job 26:1-4, The Message)

With friends like that he doesn't need any enemies. The way we treat a friend in distress says more about us than it says about their problem. Job's friends illustrate how _not_ to help friends when they look to us for compassion, understanding, a kind word, and a touch. They need our help, expect it, and deserve it. They don't need Job's counselors! Ask yourself: "What would my friend say about my efforts to be a comfort when trouble comes? Do I help or hurt?"

With self-doubt and criticism from our friends, we might begin to wonder if God actually knows what's happening to us. If He does, then what did we do wrong to warrant such pain? Job's first recorded response concludes it would have been better had he died at birth—and that's before his friends pile on. (Job 3:1)

Focusing on the circumstances and people who bring them to us short circuits what God is trying to tell us about breaking the grip of disappointment.

GOD SAYS, "I'M RIGHT HERE WITH YOU"

With due respect to Norman Vincent Peale, it takes more than the power of positive thinking to break the grip of disappointment. The Bible outlines three truths necessary if we hope to break disappointment's grip.

First, recognize: _GOD IS IN CONTROL_. _"He's got the Whole World in His hand_ **"** reflects an understanding of God's control over circumstances. Life isn't an accident looking for a place to happen, nor is it a string of coincidences. It's been said a "coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous." Job has no idea what's going on in the background with Satan's challenge to his motivation for serving God. As far as we know, God never tells him why. In spite of miserable friends and circumstances, Job says "Though He slay me, I will hope in Him." (Job 13:15, NASB)

When all the talking between Job, Bildad, Zophar, Eliphaz, and Elihu is done, God weighs in with a question, "Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?" (Job 38:4, NLT) He continues with a discussion of how He controls his creation. Isaac Watts captured this truth in 1719 when he wrote:

Before the hills in order stood,

Or earth received her frame,

From everlasting thou art God,

To endless years the same.

God doesn't watch the evening news and say, "Wow, I didn't think they'd do that!" He's never surprised and nothing happens without His permission. That's made clear in the beginning when limits are set on what the Devil could do. (Job 1:10)

Second: _GOD IS IN CONTROL OF OUR LIFE_. _"He's got you and me brother in His hand"_ is a reminder we're held in the hand of the creator and controller of the universe. Does it include disappointing circumstances and friends? Yes! Is He still in control when tragedy strikes? Yes. Imagine Job's friends saying, "God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life but only if you are righteous." Job might say, "But Bildad, I'm penniless and in great pain; is that a part of His wonderful plan?" God never loses control, never makes a mistake, and is never surprised by things that invade our life.

God allows people and circumstances to enter our lives for a purpose even when we don't understand. Jesus said our lives are in His hand. Comparing believers as His sheep Jesus said, "And I give eternal life to them, and they shall never perish, and no one is able to snatch them out of My hand." (John 10:28, NASB) Even when bad things happen, His grip remains firm. Nothing can rip us from His protective hand.

When my children were small and we walked along the street, I put my hand out and asked them to hold daddy's finger. They would wrap their little fingers around my finger as we walked along feeling very big. When their small fingers were gripping my finger, I wrapped my big hand around their tiny hands, holding them firmly. They couldn't pull away and run into the street; their life was in my hand. When bad things happen, remember God has a firm grip on you and nothing can break it.

It's comforting to realize His plan for us was drawn up in eternity past and isn't being revised or updated as we go along. From God's perspective there are no emergencies, no redrafting of plans, no unintended consequences.

I know a dear godly woman who puts problems in perspective. She will listen as someone tells of a difficult health or personal situation. After listening to the story, her response is, "Look for the blessing." It was a long time before I grasped the depth of her wisdom. Regardless of how difficult the problem, God has a blessing for us. We need to look beyond our pain for His blessing.

Third: _GOD IS OUR FRIEND_. _"What a friend we have in Jesus_ **"** reminds us He's our friend, even in times of pain. Jesus welcomed those who came from afar and touched them where they hurt. He was a friend to those in distress and pain

But He isn't here. We're here, and it's our job to be His hands to those who're hurting. As His representative we're to be a friend in Jesus' place. Instead of bearing Job's grief, his friends added to it.

How can we be a friend like Jesus? Watch a group of small children at play. Invariably one will get an "owie" and fall down crying. Most of the children will continue playing, but one will come to his fallen playmate with a hug and helping hand. Being a friend like Jesus may interrupt our activities.

A mother exemplifies the meaning of friendship. Most people put their own interests first, but a mother never puts her interest ahead of her child. She sacrifices, denying herself a trip to the beauty shop, a new dress, or new pair shoes if her child has a need. Come between a mother and her child and it'll get ugly—fast! A husband will occasionally complain that his wife cares more about the children than she does him. DUH!! It's a foolish husband who thinks his needs are more important than a mother's child. Asking a mother to choose between her child and her husband is a losing proposition!

Friends don't let friends "drink and drive" or suffer alone. Sometimes the best thing we can do for a friend in pain is to just be there with them. Sitting in silence with Job for seven days was the best thing his friends could do. Their silence is comforting but their words condemning. A little girl came home from kindergarten and told her mother that her friend's mother had died. She said her friend was very sad. Her mother asked, "What did you say to your friend?" The little girl replied, "I didn't say anything. I just sat at her desk with her and we cried together." Being a friend like Jesus may mean we just sit and cry with someone in pain.

A need seldom arises when it is convenient. Taking the time to help someone may interrupt our plans. I read a story about a race at the Special Olympics when six young runners lined up for a race. When the race began one runner fell down at the starting line while the others headed for the finish line. One runner stopped and came back to help the fallen runner. Soon the other runners stopped, came back, and joined the two. They all held hands and walked together to the finish line. When a friend falls on hard times, do we charge ahead toward our goal or do we come back and walk beside them? Being a friend like Jesus may require us to interrupt our plans.

True friends aren't _sunshine friends_. After Jesus' first miracle people are singing His praises, but He doesn't commit Himself to them because He knows what is in man. (John 2:24-25) Some of these same "friends" were possibly part of the crowd who later shouted "crucify Him." Job's friends love him when he is rich and powerful but condemn him when he's hurting and no longer in a position to help them.

Friends understand circumstances are beyond our control and don't condemn us. We can't control our circumstances, but we can control our reactions when bad things happen. Job doesn't understand why he was in such a mess, but knows he's in God's hand. When his wealth and children are gone, "Not once through all of this did Job sin; not once did he blame God." (Job 1:22, The Message) When he's sitting in ashes scraping his sores, "Not once through all this did Job sin; not once did he blame God." (Job 2:10, The Message) He doesn't blame God; neither do his friends—they assume he's getting what he deserves and blame him. Do you blame a friend when circumstances blindside them?

When the day for my cancer surgery arrived, my wife accompanied me to the hospital. She stayed in the waiting room while the medical team did the pre-operation procedures. When the procedures were completed, she came in to wait with me. She said all my adult children and one grandson from Arizona came to be with her during surgery. But that's not all. Three of my friends had taken time from their work day to be with my family for prayer, support, and encouragement. Later my oldest son said, "Dad, you have some great friends."

A friend won't let a friend hurt alone; rather than add to his hurt, he will comfort him. A friend will help, not with condemnation, but with compassion and understanding, because he knows God's in control of circumstances.

Job's self-righteous friends miss an opportunity to say, "We don't know why. How can we help you—put some medicine on your sores, bring you some clean clothes?" They earn Job's scorn and sarcasm. Do you ask, "How can I help you?"

John tells us we are to "walk in the same manner as He walked." (I John 2:6, NASB) God has a purpose for our life. Simply put it is to "know God and honor God." That's the big picture. We aren't put on earth just to "cumber the ground." The words of the hymn "I walked today where Jesus walked" give us an example to follow.

Jesus was always available to people who were hurting; He never turned down a side street to avoid them, and He touched their hurts. He felt compassion for the multitudes because they were "distressed and dispirited like sheep without a shepherd." (Mathew 9:36, NASB) Job's friends see his distress, but it produces condemnation, not compassion. Jesus wept with the family when their friend Lazarus died. Job's friends also wept when they saw how pitiful he looked, but their tears didn't bring comfort. When a woman was caught in adultery, she was condemned by everyone around her, except Jesus. (John 8:1-11) When a cross lay across His path of obedience to God, He didn't complain about His lot in life. Jesus did everything Job's friends failed to do.

Our disappointments are God's appointments. It may sound strange, but disappointment can be a good thing. Several people missed their morning flight. No doubt they were disappointed but soon realized missing the flight was a blessing upon learning the missed flight crashed into one of the World Trade Center towers on September 11, 2001. The circumstance that caused initial disappointment prevented a personal tragedy.

Job's disappointment was God's appointment for his friends to be a blessing to their friend. They focused on what they thought was the problem and missed their appointment to be a blessing. I know a lady who earns her living cleaning other people's homes. She told of meeting a lady who had recently lost her husband and was in emotional and financial distress. She befriended the widow and started cleaning her house for her at no charge. The widow's disappointment became God's appointment for her to be a blessing.

Have you ever considered where you live isn't a result of your choice but God placed you there to be His hands? We know all our neighbors by sight and some of by name but don't really know them. Close to ten years after living across the street from one family we began to learn why God placed us where we are. Life was good until a series of Job-like events occurred—Chris contracted a rare, incurable, and near fatal lung disease; Dave underwent a series of major back surgeries and the complications of Parkinson's makes it impossible for him to stand upright or walk without a walker; their daughter died as a result of a tragic medical mistake; Chris began having a series of small strokes and additional health problems add to their heartache. I check on them frequently and help take care of things when needed. One afternoon their number appeared on my cell phone but when I answered no one was there so I walked across the street to check on them. Dave had lost his balance and was lying face down in a large planter box of fresh soil and couldn't get up. We were able to get him up, put him in his walker, get him inside, and after making sure he was okay, I returned home. After I left, Dave asked Chris, "How did Ben know to come when he did?" Chris said "God sent him—he's our guardian angel." Someone in your neighborhood may need a guardian angel; could that be the reason you live where you do?

In Summary:

We may never know why bad things happen to us or our friends. When they do we have an opportunity to be a friend and help them break the grip of disappointment by remembering:

  * God is in control of circumstances;

  * God is in control of our life;

  * God is our friend.

What have you learned about disappointment?

Have you ever been caught in the grip of disappointment? How did you handle the situation? What would you do differently based on what you've learned?

# CHAPTER 4

# I'VE FALLEN AND I CAN'T GET UP

I was returning to the office one afternoon when my car was rear-ended by a semi. When I got out of my car, the rear end was crunched like a coke can; I was dazed and in shock.

A myleogram revealed crushed discs in my neck and back. Surgery was done to remove the disc fragments, and my surgeon said I'd be back to work in a few months. But months passed with little improvement. After a year, I had a second back surgery. Again my surgeon was optimistic, but the major symptoms persisted.

A neurologist was consulted to evaluate my condition. A second myleogram revealed scar tissue on the network of nerves surrounding my spinal cord, restricting the flow of spinal fluids. The neurologist suggested another surgery, but with only a 10% chance of success, I dismissed it.

My orthopedic surgeon said additional surgery could be disastrous. He said my condition wasn't likely to change and that I needed to learn to live with the pain and limitations. That wasn't the good news I'd been hoping to receive. But he saved the really bad news until my next appointment—the likelihood of returning to gainful employment was remote at best. The light at the end of the tunnel I'd been hoping for turned out to be a second truck slamming into my psyche.

As I drove home, a dark cloud settled on me like a dense fog. For three months I did little more than sit in my chair looking out the window, watching television, and brooding. I was depressed, REALLY DEPRESSED!!!!

Depression, the mother of all problems, is perhaps the most widespread and debilitating problem we face. Once in its grip, we want to cry, "I've fallen and can't get up." At times like this, it's okay to ask: Does God care? Can He help me? The answers are yes and yes. Elijah experienced depression and his experience provides insights to help us up after we've fallen into depression.

DEPRESSION: A BIG PROBLEM

Depression has been described as a general emotional dejection and withdrawal—sadness greater and more prolonged than warranted by any objective reason. Dr. Thomas Insel, Director of the National Institute of Mental Health, says it is "an utter sense of hopelessness." Someone said, "Depression is anger without enthusiasm."

Listed among the symptoms mental health professionals use to identify depression are a constant sadness, lack of motivation, irritability, trouble concentrating, feelings of isolation, loss of interest in favorite activities, hopelessness, feelings of worthlessness or guilt, thoughts of suicide, fatigue, low energy, trouble sleeping, and significant weight change. These symptoms, alone or in combination, are indicators of depression.

Many factors can contribute to the onset of depression. It may be triggered by physical illness or injury. Our bodies are marvelous pieces of divine engineering comparable to the workings of a delicate piece of machinery. If the physical, physiological, or chemical balances within the body are out of balance, neither the body nor the mind functions properly.

Our bodies weren't designed to run nonstop without periods of rest to allow us to recuperate and regenerate energy needed for the day. Pushing our body nonstop to the point of physical exhaustion can trigger a number of problems, even depression.

Environmental situations or lifestyle changes such as death of a loved one, divorce, aging, or serious injury weigh heavily on our psyche and may trigger depression. As a general rule, men receive validation of their worth through work while women find theirs in family and relationships. For most men, being unemployed or, worse yet, unemployable, is devastating. On the other hand, women are generally more troubled by family problems, divorce, or the empty nest syndrome.

As strange as it sounds, success may trigger depression. Someone said, "There's nothing more disillusioning than having arrived." A socialite in San Francisco experienced nothing but success from early childhood. Yet depression stalked her daily until she escaped by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. The most successful day of Elijah's ministry on Mount Carmel is followed by deep depression.

DEPRESSION IS DESTRUCTIVE

The _San Jose Mercury News_ did extensive reporting on a six-year, thirty-five million dollar study on depression by the National Institute of Mental Health. According to the study, depression is more common and destructive than we might think. It affects fifteen million Americans each year and has been called the common cold of mental health.

It's an equal opportunity problem. It doesn't check our doctrinal statement, confession, credit score, bank account, or Zip code before it comes calling. Professor Seligman of The University of Pennsylvania said, "The epidemic of depression seems to be completely democratic. It hits the Harvard kids, the rich kids, and the poor people at about an equal rate." Becoming a Christian doesn't immunize us against depression.

It's a major pain in the checkbook. Each year one hundred eighty-nine million prescriptions for anti-depressants—costing billions of dollars—are written. It's the leading cause of disability among those between the ages of fifteen and forty-four and accounts for eighty-nine billion dollars in lost productivity annually.

It's emotionally destructive. A television commercial for Cymbalta, an anti-depressive drug, begins with these words: "Where does depression hurt? It hurts all over." Dr. Gerald Klerman of Harvard said, "It paralyzes the will, saps energy, and drives some to suicide." Thirty thousand suicides annually are attributed to depression. Among those suffering from depression, the suicide rate is thirty-six times greater than the general population. Surprisingly depression is twice as common among married people.

I know how emotionally destructive it can be. The three months I sat looking out the window, watching television, and brooding were the darkest three months of my life.

It leaves us spiritually paralyzed. When depression strikes, we wonder where God is hiding. We question if He knows or even cares about our emotional pain.

DEPRESSION AND MEDICINE

Depression is so widespread and destructive it has the attention of the medicine men. Enormous amounts of energy and resources are focused on the problem. Are they close to finding a cure?

Some depression has underlying physical causes. Physiological or chemical imbalances shouldn't be overlooked. On a radio program I listened as a lady described the terrible behavior of a mother toward her daughter. Apparently the mother was taking refuge behind the fig leaf of Postpartum Depression. When asked the age of the daughter, she responded, "Eighteen." The counselor was speechless—almost. Postpartum Depression is real—but for eighteen years?

A psychologist, when discussing depression, said the first step in treating depression is a COMPLETE medical work-up, including blood work to rule out any physiological, chemical, or hormonal causes. The saddest counseling case I ever encountered involved a woman exhibiting symptoms of deep depression but who refused to see a medical doctor.

"Take two and call me in the morning." Frequently the doctor listens to the complaints briefly, and then reaches for the prescription pad and orders anti-depressants. The findings of the NIMH suggest that when one drug doesn't work, change drugs or add a second or third drug. Dr. John Rust of The University of Texas opined, "Hang in there...for the depressed person it may not matter so much what drug is prescribed, but that the person moves forward and keeps trying."

When I was struggling with the pain and limitations of my disability, someone suggested a pain clinic. Reading an article on their approach to pain, I learned 75 percent of the treatment involved anti-depressant drugs. At that point I was angry and in a great deal of pain, and I didn't need any more drugs!

The "Take two and call me in the morning" approach has several drawbacks. The study said 20 percent of the patients dropped out because of side effect from the drugs. What do you say to the millions of people who are depressed but can't tolerate the drugs? There was also an increased risk of suicide in those who were able to tolerate the drugs.

Drug dependency is a major concern. The first course of drug therapy usually lasts six to nine months, with some taking the drugs for much longer periods. Have you ever seen someone who's trying to break addiction to prescription drugs? It isn't pretty! Dispensing drugs so freely makes about as much sense as handing a child a loaded gun.

The biggest problem is that drugs usually treat the symptoms and not the cause of depression. As long as the drugs are taken, the symptoms are held in check, but the underlying cause of depression remains. Stop the drugs and the symptoms usually reappear.

I learned a lot on the farm. Johnson grass was a major problem in our fields. The root system went deep below the surface so chopping the grass off at the surface made the field look better for a time, but it was only temporary. Until we dug out the roots, the grass kept coming back. Drugs may make you feel better temporarily, but they generally don't treat the root problem.

DEPRESSION AND THE BIBLE

In spite of the amount of money and energy invested, researchers haven't found a magic pill for depression. That's the bad news. The worse news is they continue to look for one—in the same spot.

When medicine fails, try God. What do you have to lose? The story of Elijah in I Kings 18-19 is a case study in dealing with depression from a Biblical perspective. His story gives four simple guidelines.

First: _GET SOME REST_. As the story unfolds, Elijah has a very busy and successful day. He calls Israel to Mount Carmel for a public showdown between God and the false prophets. When he prays, fire falls from Heaven and devours his offering. As an encore, he prays and it starts raining, breaking a long drought. He finishes his day by running ahead of Ahab's chariot to Jezreel—about 25 miles. It was a success, a big success.

"No good deed goes unpunished" becomes more than just a saying to Elijah. One would think he'd be welcomed into Jezreel with a parade and a News Alert on the Weather Channel. Instead, soon after arriving in town, he receives a message from Jezebel, "The gods will get you for this and I'll get even with you! By this time tomorrow you'll be as dead as any one of those prophets." (I Kings 19:2, The Message)

Instead of calling on God who answered his prayers with fire and rain, he runs for his life—a hundred miles south to Beersheba. Ditching his servant there, he goes into hiding. After traveling for another day, he settles down under a broom tree and says "Enough of this, God! Take my life—I'm ready to join my ancestors in the grave." (I Kings 19:4, The Message) Later he walks for another forty days to the southern tip of the Sinai, putting as much distance between him and Jezebel as possible. He wasn't looking for God, rather for a place to hide.

He needs rest. After asking for life to end, "Exhausted, he fell asleep under the lone broom bush." (I Kings 19:5, The Message) An angel wakes him from sleep twice (1 Kings 19:5, 7) telling him to eat. The rest and refreshment enable him to make the final two-hundred mile journey. Arriving at his final destination, he crawls into a cave and falls asleep. (1 Kings 19:8)

It's been said "Life is like a roll of toilet paper—the closer you get to the end the faster it goes." We live in a 24/7 world with all sorts of electronic gadgets so we'll always be in touch. Does it seem strange we work harder and harder to acquire gadgets designed to make life easier? It doesn't matter whether you wear a Rolex or a Timex; it'll only run continuously for so long before it needs either rewinding or a new battery. Periods of rest are essential to maintain mental and physical health.

"An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure." The principle of rest was established when God created the universe. "And by the seventh day God completed His work which He had done; and He rested on the seventh day from all His work which He had done." (Genesis 2:2, NASB) Was God tired? Did He need a rest? No. He established a time of rest from work for all His creation. The pattern of rest for people, livestock, and even the land that began at the dawn of creation was later codified in Old Testament law.

Society recognizes the need for rest. Employers give employees their weekend and vacation time. The number of hours a truck driver can drive without rest is set by law. When a University professor gets a break from teaching it's called a sabbatical. During World War II after soldiers had been in continuous combat they were "pulled off the line" for rest. Now it's called rest and recreation, but the official military term is Environmental Morale Leave.

Preventive maintenance is needed to deter depression caused by physical weariness. Make it a practice to take regular beaks away from the stress of daily life. It doesn't have to be a world cruise, just a few days away from the pressures. When we had a house full of teenagers, we needed to get away frequently. As we were leaving the city limits, we could feel the tension lift. Rather than tell the children where we were staying, we would call home to check on them.

A sabbatical from some ministry may be necessary. You may be saying, "But I can't!" Rest assured the ministry won't collapse without you. If God doesn't provide a replacement, the ministry should cease. My mother-in-law was working at her church office two days a week. Before long it increased to three days over our objection. Then they wanted her four days a week. We told her not only was she not going to work four days a week, we wanted her to quit the job and enjoy her golden years. She objected, saying, "They can't find a replacement." We asked. "If you were to die, do you think they would find a replacement?" Of course they would—a replacement was found quickly. She quit her job, and everyone was happy!

Second: _TALK TO SOMEONE_. Talk to God, a trusted friend, or a professional, but talk to someone. Did God want Elijah to stay in Jezreel to face down Jezebel? We don't know; it wasn't discussed. He's alone hundreds of miles from home hiding in a cave and that's what God talks to him about. In his dark hour God comes to him and opens the conversation with, "So Elijah, what are you doing here?" (I Kings 19:9, The Message) The " **why** are you here?" question isn't asked. God invites him to say what's on his mind.

Responding to God's question, Elijah replies:

I've been working my heart out for the God-of-the-Angel-Armies...The people of Israel have abandoned your covenant, destroyed the places for worship, and murdered your prophets. I'm the only one left, and now they're trying to kill me. (I Kings 19:10, The Message)

His response sounds like someone whose depression is causing him to believe death is preferable to living. Earlier he said it would be better if he were dead. God's invitation is to open up and say what's eating at him. God is interested in what's bothering us.

God invites us to talk to Him about our concerns. When depression strikes, we need to lie on His couch and tell Him what's on our minds. Appointments aren't necessary. He's available 24/7, He always listens, and He never sends a bill.

If you aren't comfortable talking to God about your problem, find a friend who will allow you to vent. When I was going through the months of deep depression, I didn't want to talk to God about it, but I spent a lot of time talking to my wife. She listened; allowed me to vent my anger, frustrations, and fears; and never criticized me for what I said.

It may be necessary to visit a mental health professional. It's been said a psychologist is a friend you buy to listen to your problems. They are trained third party professionals with no personal or emotional axe to grind.

Third: _GET A FRESH SENSE OF GOD'S PRESENCE_ **.** God is present, even when depression drives us into hiding. We have no idea how long Elijah spends alone in his cave, wrapped in his blanket of self-pity. The text says "He came there to a cave, and **lodged** there." (I Kings 19:9, NASB) Elijah is alone, miles from home, suicidal, depressed, and estranged from God.

God comes to his cave and, instead of scolding him for being there, tells Elijah He wants to show him something. The display of His power in the fire and rain on Mount Carmel are distant memories. God displays His power with a windstorm, earthquake, and fire. Following each display of His power, we read "But the Lord was not in the... wind...earthquake...and fire." (I Kings 19:11-12, NLT)

Elijah sees the power of God, but it takes "a gentle and quiet whisper" (I Kings 19:12, The Message) before he senses God's presence. The power of God he sees, but what he needs is the presence of God. When he senses God's presence, he hides his face in worship.

It doesn't matter where we are in our journey, occasionally we need a quiet reminder of God's presence—the "gentle and quiet whisper." When we're in the midst of depression we want God to **do** **something** to lift the cloud, but what we need is the realization of His presence. He is doing something—feeling our pain.

Fourth: _GET BACK TO WORK_. After experiencing God's presence, Elijah renews his complaint. (I Kings 19:14) God ignores the complaint and gives him something to do. He isn't sent back home to face Jezebel, but to Damascus. In addition he's to anoint three people—Hazael as king of Aram, Jehu to replace Ahab as king of Israel, and Elisha as prophet in his place. (1 Kings 19:15-17) Oh, and by the way, God tells him, you're not alone. There are 7,000 more just like you. (1 Kings 19:18) Elijah takes his marching orders and "departed from there." (1 Kings 19:19, NASB) He completes his assignment and then fades from the record as a known force for God.

Our purpose is to glorify God with our life. It's impossible to bring glory to Him when we are hiding and complaining. Having spent time in my own cave, wrapped in my blanket of self-pity, I know His presence is the power we need to accomplish the work He has for us. He may want us to return to our prior work or He may have something else in mind. It's not a question of "what" it is; it's a matter of doing it.

After my injury and surgeries, I wasn't able to return to gainful employment, but God gave me something else to take the focus off of myself and my pain. I discovered He had given me a desire and ability to work with wood. Making sawdust in my garage didn't lessen the pain in my body, but it lifted the cloud of depression, giving me something productive to do.

In Summary:

Should you find yourself under the cloud of depression, you have a choice. You can do nothing, use anti-depressant drugs to mask the symptoms, or turn to God for relief. Elijah shows a pattern for defeating depression. With God's help, depression can be defeated when we:

  * Take time for some rest;

  * Talk to someone about what is bothering us;

  * Become aware of God's presence;

  * Get back to work.

What have you learned about depression?

Have you ever felt the cloud of severe depression hanging over your head? How did you handle the situation? What would you do differently based on what you've learned?

# CHAPTER 5

# WHAT, ME WORRY?

_Mad Magazine_ , an irreverent publication, enjoyed a large readership in the 1960s and was very popular among the younger generation.

The most enduring and endearing character in the magazine was a young man—Alfred E. Neuman. He was the loveable guy with reddish brown hair, big ears, freckles on his nose, a missing front tooth, a skinny neck, and a sly expression on his face.

His famous line "What, me worry?" touches on one of the most universal and persistent problems we deal with on a daily basis—worry. Some might say Neumann wasn't bright enough to know he should worry. If he worried, it never showed on his face. For those of us who live in the world and not in the pages of a magazine, worry is a very persistent problem—even for Christians.

We aren't cartoon characters, so we all face worry. What are you worrying about today—health, kids, employment, money, friends, or payday? Have you ever confided to a friend, "I'm really worried about...?" If you have, you have admitted your humanity and insecurity.

WORRY HAS MANY FATHERS

Worry has been defined as "to feel uneasy or anxious; torment oneself with or suffer from disturbing thoughts." In the New Testament, it means "anxiety"( _merimna)_ or to be "mentally torn apart" ( _merizo)._ It's a state of being uneasy or anxious about problems we face—whether real or imaginary.

The more we worry, the more we'll find to worry about. It's easy to become what is called a _worrywart_ —one who worries habitually and often needlessly. In that sense, worry is powerfully addictive—try as you might, you can't stop worrying.

The tendency to worry is natural and part of being human. The ability to worry isn't a learned behavior; we're born with it. You can find a lot of self-help books for overcoming worry, but a thorough search won't turn up a single book on how to worry. It's part of our DNA. Both men and women worry, but because women are usually more sensitive than men, they tend to be more accomplished worriers.

Worry arises out of a sense of helplessness. We want to be in control of life. It doesn't take many trips around the block of life before we come to an inescapable conclusion—we aren't in control and never will be. As a result we worry about things beyond our control.

Worry is fed by the "culture of worry" around us. We're bombarded daily in the print media and television with stories of gloom, doom, and disaster. Pay attention to the newspaper headlines and the promotions for the evening news, and you'll realize we're constantly being given reasons to worry.

We see the "Billy Goat Syndrome." Frequently a story tells of a disaster which has been averted, but it doesn't stop there. Either in the headline or in the story you'll find a "Yes, but" line. The addition of words like **"Yet," "But,"** and **"so far"** reminds us our reprieve from disaster may only be temporary. It hasn't happened, " **but"** —don't relax; the danger is still lurking nearby. An old saying has been turned around to say, "For every silver lining, there is a cloud." When reading the newspaper, notice how many headlines and stories are written to promote worry.

Interest groups also promote worry. An interest group exists for just about every circumstance that may come our way. In California the annual rainfall brings these disparate groups out of the woodwork. When rainfall is below normal, we're bombarded with stories about "water rationing," "increased water rates," and the danger of "out-of-control forest fires." The only thing we can be sure of is an increase in the water bill.

During years when we get above normal rainfall, different interest groups tell we need to worry about mudslides, broken dams or levees, more insects, more vegetation, and, of course, terrible forest fires. We're not told to worry about a reduction in the water rates that were increased during the dry years—that won't happen!

When none of the dire predictions of the worrywarts come to pass, the old standard worry producer surfaces—"The big one is coming." The big one, of course, is an earthquake of Biblical proportions. Every time a minor earthquake happens in California, we're subjected to gloom and doom predictions of the "big one" that will come sometime during the next thirty years. I've been hearing that one for better than forty years and we're still waiting!

The constant call to worry leaves us feeling like we're swimming in a pool filled with alligators and snakes. The cynic begins to suspect the headline writers are a wholly owned subsidiary of the American Psychiatric Association. Lily Tomlin once observed, "I worry that the person who thought up Muzak might be thinking up something else." If you can't find something to worry about today, you're just not paying attention.

CASUALTIES OF WORRY

The first casualty of worry is peace of mind. Part of the definition of worry is to be "mentally torn apart." Worry tears at any peace of mind we might have. When peace of mind is disturbed, it produces efforts to combat the underlying events, generating more worry. How many problems have you ever solved by worrying? None! Try as we might, we can't work our way out of worry. Jesus asks the question about a specific worry. "Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch?" (Matthew 6:27, The Message) If that were possible, every man would stand over six feet tall.

Personal relationships suffer when we worry. A worrywart is miserable, and he makes miserable company. When we greet someone, we normally ask, "How are you?" But we all know people we'd rather not ask about their welfare. When we make the mistake and ask how they're doing, we hear a litany of aches, pains, slights, and hurts. A chronic worrier is not pleasant company, and even friends will avoid him. I know some people who will worry if they don't have something to worry about!

Fellowship with God suffers when we worry. In the Parable of the Soils, Jesus illustrates the damage done by worry:

The seed cast in the weeds is the person who hears the kingdom news, but weeds of worry and illusions about getting more and wanting everything under the sun strangle what was heard and nothing comes of it. (Matthew 13:22, The Message)

God's message can't flourish in a garden of worry. When the mind is preoccupied with worry, the word of God becomes a casualty. If you're worrying about something as you read this, God can't speak to your heart.

Worry confuses priorities. A dinner party in the home of Martha makes the point. Jesus and twelve of His closest friends were welcomed into Martha's home for dinner. He was talking with the men and other guests in the living room. The protocols of hospitality require a meal, so the hostess is busy in the kitchen preparing dinner for at least fifteen people—Jesus, the twelve disciples, her sister Mary, and herself. Customs and etiquette would have Mary and any other women present in the kitchen helping the hostess make preparations. But Mary wasn't helping with the preparations—she was in the living room listening to what Jesus had to say.

Imagine Martha scurrying around the kitchen alone while her sister is in the other room doing nothing to help. Couldn't she at least set the table? Finally Martha had enough. She interrupts the proceedings. "Master, don't you care that my sister has abandoned the kitchen to me? Tell her to lend me a hand." (Luke 10:40, The Message) He answers that listening to Him is a higher priority than preparing a meal. "Mary has chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." (Luke 10:42, KJV) The two women had different priorities.

The length and quality of life suffers when worry continues. Dr. Alex Carrel noted, "People who don't know how to fight worry, die young." Kaiser Permanente strives to promote healthy living among its members. In one issue of their health quarterly (Fall 2005) they wrote, "Health anxiety is a real condition that can get in the way of enjoying life."

Worry can distract us from normal activities. The doctor, after doing a series of tests, told me I needed surgery and the tumor was probably cancer. My wife and I talked about the possibilities that evening. She usually gets up before I do and makes a pot of coffee. When I got up the next morning, she was in the bathroom getting dressed. After going into the kitchen, I went back to where she was and asked, "You didn't sleep well, did you?" She wanted to know why I asked. Her concerns about my health had distracted her, and instead of the pot of coffee she usually makes, she had made a pot of hot water.

A doctor friend once told me, "Don't worry—you're not going to get off the earth alive." Someone said, "Worry is like a good rocking chair. It will give you something to do, but it won't get you anywhere." Worry is addictive and destructive.

KICKING THE WORRY ADDICTION

A medical insurance contract tells what medical conditions and procedures are covered under the terms of the policy as well as the limits of the insurer's obligations. It also spells out any procedures, such as cosmetic surgeries, that are excluded. God has entered into a contract with us, and His policy provisions are covered in His policy document—the Bible. In it He spells out a three step program to help kick the addiction to worry.

The first step in breaking the grip of worry is: _KNOW WHAT GOD HAS PROMISED._ His promises are contained in the Bible, not the newspaper, the latest best seller, or the evening news. Anyone who worries needs to read our Maker's Manual.

In the context of Philippians chapter four, Paul talks about what the believers in Philippi had done on more than one occasion to provide physical support for his ministry. He also reminds them he had learned how to be content regardless of what he did or didn't have. Nearing the end of the book, he writes: "And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:19, NASB) That's a bold promise concerning our needs.

A brief analysis answers "who," "what," and "how" of the promise. Who is the source of the promise? "My God." What will my God do? "He **will** supply," not **might** supply. How many of our needs? **All** , not some. What needs are excluded? None. How will He supply all our needs? "According to His riches...."

Big promises require a big checkbook. Insurers are rated according to their financial ability to pay claims made under their contract. The higher the rating, the more secure we feel in relying on the promises made. The promise to supply our every need is backed by the full faith and credit of God! Think about that for a moment.

Net worth is determined by subtracting all liabilities from all assets. Take a look at God's financial statement. What's the value of all the gold, silver, and precious stones that He owns? Our finite minds, even with a super computer, can't begin to calculate the value. We're told He owns the cattle on a thousand hills—and more. Can we calculate the dollar value of all the livestock He owns? No. How much real estate does He own? He owns it all, and scientists are discovering more all the time. Calculating the value of all His real estate would cause even the most advanced computer to crash. His assets are beyond calculation and far exceed His liabilities. God's financial statement boosts our confidence in His ability to meet all our needs because of His high net worth.

Paul is not talking about the "prosperity gospel" some promote. It goes something like this: God wants to give you wealth. If you're willing to trust God by making a contribution to keep this television broadcast on the air, He'll give you what you want—or words to that effect. That's a pretty enticing offer, but is it true?

We must make a distinction between needs and wants. Remember, He has promised to supply our "every need." No such promise is made concerning our "wants." Family expenses fall into one of three categories—needs, comforts, and luxuries. I might think I "need" a new luxury automobile, but that doesn't make it a need in God's eyes. His promise is to meet all my needs. Nowhere does He promise to provide all my wants. Anyone who buys the prosperity gospel message can expect disappointment. God is concerned about our wellbeing—not our wealth.

Jesus addresses the issue of our needs in the Sermon on the Mount. The discussion of needs is cast in the framework of a father-son relationship. He said, "Your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things." (Matthew 6:32, NASB) The needs He discusses are the basics—food, drink, clothing, and the future.

The birds of the air "do not sow nor reap, nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?" (Matthew 6:26, NASB) The birds may work, but they never worry because God feeds them. Since God feeds them, we need not worry about food, because we are worth more to Him than the birds.

We shouldn't worry about what is or isn't hanging in our closet. "The lilies of the field grow; they do not toil, nor do they spin," (Matthew 6:28, NASB) but they are clothed with more beauty than Solomon in all his glory. God dresses the flowers with beauty even though they are here today and gone tomorrow. He will do the same for us, His children.

Many worry about the future. He addresses our future when He said, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:34, NASB) We need to focus our energies on today and not get ahead of ourselves. When tomorrow comes, He will be there.

He sums up a Father's instruction for His children by saying: "Don't be worry then... (Matthew 6:31, NASB) instead "...seek first His kingdom and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added to you." (Matthew 6:33, NASB) That's His promise. If you're worrying, perhaps it's because you don't know what He has promised. Read, read, read!

The second step in kicking an addiction to worry is: _CLAIM THE PROMISE._ When you have a medical problem, you visit the doctor. Once the condition has been diagnosed, the doctor usually writes a prescription designed to treat the problem. How much good will the prescription do if you don't go to the drugstore and have it filled? That's a silly question—or is it?

It does absolutely no good to know what God has promised unless the prescription He gives is filled. Paul tells us how to "fill the prescription" or claim the promise when he says:

Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life. (Philippians 4:6-7, The Message)

We claim his promise to displace worry with praise by praying, asking God to do what He has promised. Replacing worry with prayer is not a suggestion; it is a command.

Little children enthusiastically express this truth in song:

Why worry when you can pray,

Trust Jesus, He'll be your stay.

Don't be a doubting Thomas.

Just take Him at His promise.

Why worry, worry, worry, worry

When you can pray?

When we, through prayer, claim His promise, we experience a sense of inner peace. He's promised to meet the need. Claim His promise and replace anxiety with peace.

When I was a young pastor, I was visiting with a mother of two small children on the morning of surgery. The surgery was quite serious, and the chance of a successful outcome was fifty percent at best. Naturally the mother was worried about her husband and two small children should she not survive the surgery. We shared together God's promise in Philippians 4:6-7 and then prayed with thanksgiving for God's care and peace for this mother. As the nurses were wheeling her toward the Operating Room, she told me a peace she had never known settled on her. God honored her prayer when she claimed His promise. Claim His promise for yourself.

The third step in kicking the worry addiction is: _ALLOW HIM TO FULFILL HIS PROMISE_ _._ When the doctor gives you a prescription, you take it to the pharmacy and have it filled. The pharmacist as required by law gives written instructions detailing the possible side effects of the medication.

You take the new medicine home and place it on a shelf in your medicine cabinet along with all the other full bottles of medication. Will it do anything for what ails you? Again, that's a silly question—or is it? The medicine was designed to be taken, not decorate a shelf in the medicine cabinet. Until it is taken, it has no chance of improving the medical condition for which it was prescribed. Taking the medication as prescribed is the hard part.

Peter tells us we need to take the medicine when he said, "casting all your anxiety upon Him, because he cares for you." (I Peter 5:7, NASB) If Peter knew the load of worry I'm carrying, he wouldn't tell me to throw it on Jesus. But that's not what he's saying. The word translated "casting" means to "leave" or "release." It's not throwing, but rather releasing our anxiety into His hands.

A football team has eleven players on offense, each with a specific assignment. The action begins when the ball is snapped to the quarterback. On the other side of the line, the defensive linemen are ready to charge. Their objective is to disrupt the play and crunch whoever has the ball. Once the ball is in the hands of the quarterback, he has three options: 1) He can keep the ball, but when he does, it can get ugly. 2) He can throw the ball to one of his receivers. This is better than keeping the ball, but the receiver might drop the ball or a speedy defensive back might intercept the ball and run it back for a touchdown. 3) His safest option is to hand the ball to a running back trained to carry the ball.

"Take your burdens to the Lord and leave them there" expresses what we are to do. We are to hand off our worry to Jesus because He cares for us. When we release our grip on worry we won't hear, "You have obviously mistaken me for someone who cares." He cares and is reaching out His hands to receive our ball of worry. God doesn't need our help. He's quite capable to carry the ball of our burdens. All He asks is that we release our grip. That's what is meant by releasing our worry.

Any prescription a doctor gives comes with a limited number of refills. At some point, we'll need to call the doctor if we need additional refills. We may even have to make a visit to the doctor's office before more refills are prescribed. God's prescriptions may require additional visits to His office, and His office is always open.

When God gives us a prescription for worry, we don't have to be concerned about possible side effects—there are none!

IN SUMMARY:

My father was a sharecropper on a small Texas farm when I was growing up. By most standards we were poor, but we didn't know it. Although we didn't have some of the things my city cousins had, we never considered ourselves poor. Whenever I needed anything, I said, "Dad, I need...." It never occurred to me he wouldn't take care of what I needed. It was his responsibility to provide what I needed. I saw him work, and work hard, to meet our family's needs, but I never saw him worry.

God our Father has promised to meet all of our needs. God has made it possible for us to kick the worry addiction. We can break the grip of worry by:

  * Knowing what He has promised;

  * Claiming His promise;

  * Allowing Him to fulfill His promise.

What have you learned about worry?

Have you ever been in the grip of worry? How did you handle the situation? What would you do differently based on what you've learned?

# CHAPTER 6

# SOLITARY CONFINEMENT

Putting prisoners in solitary confinement as a form of punishment has been practiced for centuries. During the Vietnam War, many of our airmen were kept in solitary, locked in a black hole for weeks, months, and years at a time. Former prisoners describe a sense of absolute loneliness, a longing to see or touch another human, and a feeling that the walls of their cell were closing in on them. Some called solitary a trip down that lonely street to "Heartbreak Hotel."

Have you ever wondered why solitary confinement is such a powerful tool of punishment? It's really quite simple. During creation, animals were created in pairs but Adam was a single. Following creation Adam went to work for God, as Head Groundskeeper of Eden and the Head of Animal Husbandry. His compensation package included free housing and all the fruits and vegetables he could eat. But at the end of the day, he came home to an empty house. He was alone and had no one to talk to about his day. Viewing the situation, God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone." (Genesis 2:18, NASB) The remedy—Eve was created as a "helper suitable for him." (Genesis 2:18-20, NASB)

We were created with a need for companionship. That's why loneliness can be so debilitating. Have you ever felt so completely alone that solitary confinement would seem like an improvement? Have you ever confided to a friend, "I'm so lonely I could die?" In moments of honesty we must admit, at times we feel completely alone, living in a dark solitary cell of loneliness.

LONELINESS VISITS EVERYONE

Loneliness is a universal problem. Even _good_ Christians experience times of loneliness. To be lonely is to be destitute of sympathetic or friendly companionship. When one is lonesome, he's depressed or sad because of the lack of friends or companionship. Solitary confinement is a vivid picture, helping us understand the meaning of being lonely.

Loneliness can be caused by many things in our experience. The death of a loved one, especially a spouse, probably produces the most profound and lasting feelings of loneliness. I was sitting in the funeral car at the cemetery with my sister-in-law as other family and friends were making their way to the gravesite ahead of us. As we watched, she commented, "This is the hardest part."

I told her, "Yes, this is hard, but it's not the hardest part. For the past few days you've been in a fog and have been surrounded by family and friends offering comfort and support. But in the coming days and weeks, they'll all go back to their lives, leaving you truly alone to deal with your loss. That's the hardest part."

Have you ever confided a deep personal struggle to someone you considered a close personal friend? Most of us have. Sometimes the one you trusted with your personal secrets start telling their friends. When that happens you feel betrayed, and you should! The betrayal causes further withdrawal into your cell of loneliness.

But probably the most common cause of loneliness is the depersonalization and _cubicle mentality_ in our world. In years past, offices were open spaces with rows and rows of desks. We could look up from our work and see everyone. Now everyone is herded into individual cubicles (work stations). Look up from your work now, and all you see are the walls of your cubicle a few feet away. At the end of the day when we escape our little _cells_ and enter the commercial world, we aren't recognized by our face or name, but by a number. They want our number, not our name.

Frequently our trips into loneliness result from lifestyle choices. The world of commerce promotes, through advertising, a gadget mentality. We're always on the lookout for the latest gadget with a "need" to acquire them before anyone else. Our pursuit of gadgets keeps us on a carousel chasing the latest item, and just when we snare it—up pops a new gadget and the pursuit continues. When we're lonely, snuggling up to our latest acquisition offers little comfort.

Some adopt the Greta Garbo "I vant to be alone, dahling" mentality. The reasoning goes, if I withdraw, others won't know my hurts and can't hurt me anymore. Sounds plausible, but it doesn't work. Private introspection and analysis may be good for some things, but not for loneliness. The more we withdraw, the lonelier we become.

Men, in general, suffer from a variation of the withdrawal approach—a macho mentality. Men struggle with verbalizing their concerns to another person. It doesn't really register in our peaceful brain that it's helpful to share our struggles with someone else. Verbalizing to God or another person how we feel is a prelude to recovery.

Another contributing factor to loneliness is the feeling God lives far away, in a different zip code. We can think of any number of neighborhoods where He lives, but if He lived in my neighborhood, He would know I'm lonely—He would step in and end my loneliness. Do you feel like God lives in your zip code?"

Leadership can cause loneliness. The heroes of our faith experienced times of loneliness. Joshua spent forty years as Moses' Executive Officer. He'd been handpicked, trained, and set apart by God to succeed Moses, but when the time came to lead, he was alone. The book of Joshua opens with the words "Moses my servant is dead." The mantle of leadership has fallen on Joshua's shoulders. He's alone, and God speaks to his loneliness.

When I arrived at my first pastorate after seminary, I experienced some of what Joshua felt. I had a Master of Theology degree so I "knew everything!" But I wasn't prepared to deal with the loneliness of leadership. I had spent four years in a classroom environment where no one expected me to have any answers that weren't on an exam. Now I was the "go-to guy" in town. People were looking to me for answers to their questions, and they expected answers. I had textbook answers for everyone else but few for myself. My professors weren't available to answer my questions. I was alone.

Elijah is given the task of calling Israel back to God. The nation is in the midst of a long drought and has drifted away from God. He calls them to Mount Carmel for a showdown. (I Kings 18) To say he has a good day is an understatement! The odds against him are 850 to 1. On one sideline stands 450 prophets of Baal plus 400 prophets of Asherah. On the other sideline stand Elijah and God. The smart money will be on the 850 prophets. Before the sun sets, with God's help, the false prophets lose the showdown in a shutout, and 450 prophets lose their lives. As an encore Elijah prays, and it begins to rain. He finishes his day by outrunning Ahab's chariot down the mountain (about 25 miles) to Jezreel. Yes, he had a good day!

When we next catch up with Elijah, we find him running again. Jezebel, instead of rejoicing because of the rain, puts a price on his head. He ends up in a cave near Mt. Horeb, a long, long way from the palace. In a conversation with God he cries, "I alone am left; and they seek my life to take it away." (I Kings 19:10, NASB) Do you think he feels alone?

The last night Jesus is with his disciples, a mob comes to arrest Him. After a brief discussion and a little sword play by Peter, Jesus is led away. Then "...they all left Him and fled." (Mark 14:50, NASB) He's left to face trial alone.

We can take comfort in knowing others of faith have had times of loneliness. We can learn from them, because our attempts at escaping our solitary confinement frequently fail. Some of the methods we try are socially acceptable; others aren't.

Some think success will cure loneliness so they take off in hot pursuit of success. As long as they're making progress, loneliness is kept in check. Regardless of how high they climb, there is still another rung on the ladder. But the pursuit itself can add to our loneliness, especially when we slip and fall off the ladder. Success, or the pursuit of it, isn't an antidote to loneliness. Toward the end of his life a successful writer observed he had "lived in a vacuum as lonely as a radio tube when the batteries are dead and the current is off." Ernest Hemingway was successful, but he was lonely.

Barbara Streisand was only partially correct with the idea "people who need people are the luckiest people in the world." Often we fall victim to the common misconception that people will keep us from feeling alone. Surely if I have enough people around me, I won't be lonely. But we can be lonely in a crowd. We've all attended parties, watching as other people laugh and talk. They seem to be having fun—why can't I? Just being around people won't lift the cloud of loneliness.

Watch teenagers, as painful as it is, and see them pursuing popularity. Most teens have a deep desire to be popular and will do almost anything to attain it. When popularity eludes them, they become jealous of those who are. Popularity is fleeting and when it fades, a deeper sense of loneliness comes.

We've read of men escaping from prison, but I don't recall ever reading of an escape from solitary. No one in solitary can "bust out" on their own; they don't have keys or accomplices, and the lock is outside the cell.

WE DON'T HAVE TO BE LONELY

God is our accomplice; He has provided three keys and put the lock within reach so we can escape our cell of loneliness. Want out?

The first key to the cell of loneliness is: _WE ARE NEVER ALONE_. It may surprise you to learn loneliness is self- imposed, the result of a choice, because we're never alone—God is with us _._ Ignoring His presence is our idea, not His.

When Joshua assumes command of Israel, God addresses his loneliness of command. "Just as I have been with Moses, I will be with you; I will not fail you or forsake you." (Joshua 1:5, NASB) These are comforting words because Joshua has seen Moses in God's presence.

Shortly after Judas leaves the upper room on his traitorous mission, Jesus turns His attention to the eleven, telling them He is going away and they can't follow. He repeats His travel advisory two more times in short order. (John 13:33,36, NASB) The disciples are going to be alone. Jesus ministers to their anticipated loneliness by saying, "And I will ask the Father and He will give you another helper that He may be with you forever", and "I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you." (John 14:16,18, NASB) Even though He is going away, they won't be alone. God's presence will be with them and us in the person of the Holy Spirit until Jesus returns.

It's reassuring to realize we have the presence of God living in us. Take inventory—God does indeed live in our zip code, on our street, and even in our house. We have a roommate.

His presence is an antidote to loneliness. In his letter to Timothy, Paul is facing problems and notes that when it was tough, no one came to his defense. "But the Lord stood with me and strengthened me." (2 Timothy 4:17, NASB) Do you sense His presence when you need strength?

Regardless of what we're doing—standing at a sink full of dirty dishes, caring for sick children, sitting in the doctor's office waiting for a lab report, sitting in a traffic jam, sitting in an office cubicle, or attending a memorial service—God is there with us. Our burdens are lighter when we recognize His presence. He's with us; we're never alone! Don't go anywhere you would be embarrassed to take God along because He goes along, invited or not.

An eight-year-old girl's explanation of God included, "If you don't believe in God...you will be very lonely, because your parents can't go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can. It's good to know He's around you when you're scared."

The second key to our cell of loneliness is, as the telephone ad says, to: _REACH OUT AND TOUCH SOMEONE_. Jesus touched people in their need before He preached to them. When we take the focus off ourselves, we'll see others around us who have problems; some make ours look small. It's hard to see others over the walls we build to keep them away. If they can't see our problems, we can't see theirs. The walls we build to keep people away are often posted with "Do Not Disturb" signs.

Standing in the shadow of the Berlin Wall, President Reagan said, "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall." Those six words that no one wanted uttered and no one wanted to hear changed history. When the wall came down, millions from East Germany experienced freedom for the first time in their lives. They could see the other side. Tearing down our walls is a prelude to an escape from loneliness.

Tear down the walls between you and your neighbor. Looking beyond yourself will change lives, beginning with your own. It's easy to be busy or preoccupied. Like the bad boys in the parable of the Good Samaritan, we can become so preoccupied with our own issues we don't really see people who are in need. When we see someone in need, we may make a note of it. We may even take the time to discuss his plight with a friend, but then, like Dagwood, we hurry along our way—lunch is waiting and the special today is spare ribs!

We may not change the course of history. But if we reach out to a lonely neighbor, the waitress at the coffee shop, or the person sitting in the seat next to us at church, their lives will be changed and so will ours. We encounter people who are "wounded and lying in the ditch." We can pass on by or stop to bind up their wounds and help them along in their journey. Helping them helps us.

When I visit a church for the first time, I conduct an experiment. At the end of the service, I stand by the center aisle near the back of the church and watch as people leave to see if anyone will stop and speak to me, an obvious stranger. For all they know, I could be on the verge of suicide and in need of a smile, a word, or a touch. Sadly, no one has ever stopped to talk—their schedule doesn't include stopping and talking to a stranger. When we see a stranger in church, we never know why they're there or what burdens they are carrying. Reach out and touch them.

A young man spent Saturday morning driving aimlessly around town. His life was in shambles and he was looking for a tree to slam into, ending his misery. He drove by a church and saw lots of cars, stopped, and went in. Inside a lot of people were milling around waiting for the start of a memorial service. The pastor was busy with final preparations, but he talked with the young man briefly before introducing him to a man nearby who spent time with him and made plans for a follow-up get together with some other men. Had the men he encountered been too busy, a troubled life might have ended tragically and prematurely. The story had a happy ending because two busy men took the time to touch his life.

Reach out and touch someone with His presence. They need you and you need them. You may be entertaining angels unaware and you may save a life.

The third key for escaping our cell of loneliness is to: _BECOME AN ACTIVE PARTNER WITH GOD_ _._ Did you know you're in a partnership with God? Paul says "we are God's fellow workers." (I Corinthians 3:9, NASB) Sounds like a partnership arrangement, doesn't it? By faith, we become God's partner, but what kind of partnership is it?

In the business world there are two basic types of partnerships—limited and general. In a limited partnership you pay your dime and take your chances. You invest your money, then sit back and hope. By contrast, in a general partnership you pay your dime and put on your tool belt. You follow your money with work in the business of the partnership.

Paul's words "we are fellow workers with God" describes a general partnership. God is looking for working partners, not silent or limited ones. Serving as a limited partner is a ticket to loneliness.

What does it mean to put on our tool belt? A working partner takes the presence of God into ministry by serving, supporting, and speaking. Our ministry involves every aspect of life, not just organized church activities. God is looking for servers. Have you ever tried to change a light bulb with your hands in your pockets? It can't be done. Our hands are needed for His service. Solomon advises, "Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might." (Ecclesiastes 9:10, NASB)

He is also looking for supporters—partners, not advisors or critics. I've heard people say, "I don't go to church because I don't get anything out of it." Do you come for what you can get or what you what you can give? Jesus said, "It is more blessed to give than to receive." (Acts 20:35, NASB) Give and you will receive.

He is looking for speaking partners, not silent partners. Don't be a Moses, claiming to have a speech impediment! When someone asks you about your work, do you say, "I'm a silent partner so I can't talk about it?" Not unless you're doing something illegal or classified. When someone asks about your hope in Jesus, don't be a silent partner.

Your job description includes investing time and treasure in God's work, and that investment comes with rewards. You'll find it rewarding to invest time with Him, for Him and others. Some of the happiest and most fulfilled people I know are actively partnering with God in His work.

A woman I know illustrates the three keys for breaking the grip of loneliness. She lived in a large house, drove expensive cars, traveled the world in first class, stayed in four-star hotels, ate at exclusive restaurants, shopped at expensive stores, attended the opera, and had influential friends. To outside observers, she was living the American dream.

But the dream became a nightmare. In spite of all the things in her life, she was lonely. While enjoying all the comforts life had to offer, she had turned aside from her Christian heritage and its tenets of helping the hurting.

One day she said "enough" and moved out of her spacious house into a tiny one bedroom apartment with her daughter and a few of her most prized possessions. Her cramped apartment began to feel like her home, not just a house where people lived.

Something was still missing, but she didn't know what it was. On a whim, she attended church one Sunday morning. At the worship service, she sensed the presence of God she hadn't known for years. Soon she noticed others around her were hurting and lonely, and she reached out to them with her caring and compassionate spirit. Soon God awakened a desire to become involved in ministry to give back some of the blessings she was receiving through her church.

She no longer has the things she once had, but she has something more. She's enjoying the daily presence of God in her life, touching others who are hurting, and giving herself in ministry.

In Summary:

God provides three keys for unlocking our cell of loneliness:

  * Realize we are never alone;

  * Reach out and touch someone;

  * Be a working partner in ministry.

What have you learned about loneliness?

Have you ever been locked in the cell of loneliness? How did you handle the situation? What would you do differently based on what you've learned?

# CHAPTER 7

# THE DEVIL MADE ME DO IT

The Flip Wilson Show was one television program I seldom missed. Prior to starring in his show, Wilson hosted a variety show, and in one opening monologue while explaining an extravagant purchase by the minister's wife, he said, "The devil made me buy that dress."

Looking for someone to blame when caught with our hand in the cookie jar of temptation isn't new. Eve was first to blame someone else when she said, "The serpent deceived me and I ate." (Genesis 3:13, NASB) It's convenient to do what we want to do and then duck responsibility.

We don't have to go looking for temptations; they appear, unsolicited, in our inbox daily. Our problem isn't how to get into temptation, but rather how to deal with it when it pays us a visit.

Experience, especially someone else's, can be a good teacher. Adam, Eve, and Jesus are the only three perfect people to face temptation. We can learn about this persistent problem by examining their experiences and how differently they responded to temptation.

TEMPTATION: A CLEAR AND PRESENT DANGER

What do we mean when we talk about temptation? Temptation entices or allures us to do something regarded as unwise, wrong, or immoral—holding out the probability of gratification or advantage. A temptation is enticing, risky, and offers personal gratification or gain **.**

The attitude "If it feels good, do it" has been around a long time, eroding the once-clear distinctions between right and wrong. For many in our Post Modern world, an individual's own reality becomes his guide to what's right, wrong, unwise, or immoral. A Congressman was videotaped taking a bribe, and a search of his home turned up $90,000.00 of the bribe money, wrapped in foil in his freezer. When questioned by reporters about the video and the _cold cash_ , he replied, "I didn't do anything wrong." Really!

A local City Councilman, running for re-election, repaid a substantial sum of money he'd received for questionable personal expenditures on his expense account. In his defense, he said there was no specific standard or policy guideline regarding his spending of taxpayer's money. He felt free to make up his own rules until he got caught.

God's standards of right and wrong are clear, specific, and not subject to individual interpretation. Leave God out of the equation, and the cultural degeneration we're experiencing isn't surprising—nor is it new. Ancient Israel wrote God out of their daily lives, and each man followed his own reality. Their behavior eventually led to captivity by their enemies.

A refrain in the Book of Judges says, "Now the sons of Israel **again** did evil in the sight of the Lord, so that the Lord gave them into the hands of the...." (Judges 13:1, NASB) Finding themselves enslaved, the Israelites cry out to God, and He rescues them—over and over again. Why didn't they learn? There was no collective conscience or authority. Judges ends with "In those days there was no king in Israel; everyone did what was right in his own eyes." (Judges 21:25, NASB) Sound familiar?

Temptations are invitations to ignore God's standards and do our own thing.

TEMPTATIONS INVOLVE:

Temptations involve choices. Each temptation appeals to one or more of our five God-given senses—sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell—inviting us to make a choice.

Imagine Eve strolling through Eden, a basket on her arm, shopping for dinner. Smell the pleasant aromas of ripening fruit. Stopping by one tree, she engages in conversation about its fruit. During the discussion she observes the fruit is "a delight to the eyes," "good for food," and "desirable to make one wise." (Genesis 3:6, NASB) What to do?

Marketers recognize the power of temptation in product promotion. Stores frequently set up tables offering samples to shoppers. They hope a small taste will tempt us to buy the product. Market research firms study the buying habits of consumers searching for the bait that will tempt us to buy a given product.

Temptations are tailor-made to appeal to our weaknesses, not our strengths. I've never been tempted to buy an expensive dress or any dress for my own use. Likewise my wife has never been tempted to buy any hand tool for her use. I've been tempted to —never mind! Eve's temptation is practical—food for dinner.

Football coaches spend many sleepless nights poring over game film. Individual players also spend hours in the film room studying the moves of an opponent. The purpose of the hours of film study is to identify weaknesses and develop a game plan to employ against an opponent. It shouldn't surprise us to learn that our enemy studies us and knows what appeals to one or more of our senses. Imagine Satan in his film room poring over game film of your life looking for weaknesses.

Every temptation involves risk and reward. Focusing on the reward is only half of the equation. While Eve is considering the fruit, she thinks anything that looks and smells so good can't possibly be bad. Before she reaches out and takes the fruit, she's convinced there's no risk.

Large companies have risk management departments whose job it is to conduct risk/reward analyses. They may say something is risky, but it's worth the risk because of the potential rewards. At other times, they might say the risks far outweigh the potential for reward. We do the same thing with temptations. We sometimes conclude the risk is greater than the rewards. Other times we ignore the risks and "go for it."

Following their first training flight in the movie _Top Gun_ , Maverick and Goose are proud of their performance until they are summoned to Viper's office. They won their engagement with Jester but violated a rule of engagement by flying below the stated minimum altitude. When asked why, Maverick explains, "We were only below the hard deck a few seconds. There was no danger. I had the shot and I took it."

When tempted to violate one of God's basic rules of engagement, like Maverick, we attempt to rationalize our behavior, trying to convince ourselves God will understand. A teenage girl wanted to move in with her boyfriend in spite of her mother's strong objection. During the course of a heated discussion, the daughter blurted out, "If God could rewrite the Bible today, He would say it's okay."

Another kind of self-justification is minimizing the seriousness. We think, "It was only a little mistake—it's no big deal." Following Maverick's attempt to minimize the seriousness of his violation, Viper looks at him with cold steel blue eyes and says, "Gentlemen, Top Gun's rules of engagement are for your safety and are not flexible. Neither am I."

Like it or not, God's rules are for our safety and aren't flexible—and neither is He! The issue in Eden isn't the fruit, but who you believe. It's a "He said, he said" situation. God says, "You will die if you eat that fruit." Satan says, "You won't die." Eve chooses to believe Satan rather than God.

Jesus provides a different approach to temptation when "He was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil." (Matthew 4:1-11, NASB) Each temptation appeals to His humanity. Central to each temptation is the word " **if**."

The first temptation is practical. After fasting forty days and nights He "then became hungry." (Matthew 4:2, NASB) Food is a basic necessity, especially if you haven't eaten for forty days. " _If_ _you are the Son_ _of God,_ command that these stones become bread." (Matthew 4:3, NASB) Could He do it? Yes. Should He do it? The temptation isn't the food! Jesus is where God has led Him. The temptation—don't trust God but take care of your own needs, and prove you're the Son of God. Prove it—to whom? He **is** the Son of God. He knows it, the Devil knows it, and no one else is around. Food is the bait.

The second temptation is psychological. After taking Jesus to the pinnacle of the temple, Satan says, " _If_ _you are the Son of God_ throw Yourself down." (Matthew 4:5-6. NASB) When the angels catch you before you hit the ground the crowds will say "WOW! How did He do that?"

The Devil then adds a quote from Psalm 91:11-12 (KJV). "He will give His angels charge concerning you; and on their hands they will bear you up, lest you dash your foot against a stone." (Matthew 4:6, KJV) Surprised to learn the Devil knows and uses the Bible? "Not only will you wow the crowds, you'll validate the Scriptures." Jesus is being asked to prove what He already knows—God's promises are true. Jesus knows it, the Devil knows it, so what's to prove? The Bible is the bait.

The third temptation is spiritual. (Matthew 4:8-9, NASB) Jesus and the Devil both know Jesus' destiny is to rule the world. The only question is when? The temptation is to go to the head of the line. After showing Him all the kingdoms of the world, Satan says, "Why wait? You can have it all now; take the short cut." "All these things I will give you **if** you will fall down and worship me." (Matthew 4:9, NASB) The bait is instant gratification.

Be aware of the slippery slope. Temptations begin with simple things. When tempting Jesus, the Devil didn't begin with what he really wanted but worked his way up to it. He started with something simple like food, hoping to get agreement on small human things before going for His spiritual jugular. We can expect the same.

What's the catch? Every temptation, regardless of how appealing, is wrapped around a hook. A temptation may seem innocent, but there's always a catch. We're not likely to be tempted to turn stones into bread or jump from a tall building. The temptation to have that second or third tasty desert may seem innocent, but is it? The temptation to excuse a behavior by saying the Bible was written too long ago to speak to my life sounds innocent, but is it? The temptation to grab what you think you deserve may seem innocent, but is it? Take the bait and the hook will be embedded deep in your physical and spiritual insides.

Imagine a trout swimming peacefully in his water world when he notices a tempting morsel at the end of a string. He studies it briefly and concludes it is just too tempting to pass up. He swallows the bait, but as he starts to swim away, the fisherman yanks the pole, embedding the hook in his mouth. Suddenly what looked so good doesn't feel good and becomes deadly. Always look beyond the bait for the hook—it's there.

Temptations have price tags, and they're never on sale! When I see something in a store that interests me, the first thing I do is look at the price tag. If it's more than I'm willing to pay, I walk away. That same process should be applied to temptations. Every choice has a price tag—look for it! Is it worth the cost?

When Adam and Eve taste the forbidden fruit, the consequences are swift and far reaching—guilt, fear of God, eviction from Eden, a hostile environment, sweat for food, pain in childbirth, and condemnation to death. Never has so much been lost for so little. It wasn't worth it!

In the wilderness, Jesus resists three overtures from the Devil. The results are far different than in Eden. We read, "Then the devil left Him and behold, angels came and began to minister to Him." (Matthew 4:11, NASB) It was worth it!

Consequences today may not seem as swift or as severe as those experienced by Adam and Eve, but consequences are certain. Ask any teenager who comes home late after ignoring his curfew.

TEMPTATION CAN BE HEADED OFF

Three things are necessary to remember if we hope to turn back the enticements of temptations.

First: _RECOGNIZE TEMPTATION FOR WHAT IT IS_. We know "Jesus was led ... into the wilderness to be tempted by the Devil," (Matthew 4:1, NLT) but James says temptation comes from within.

"And remember, when someone wants to do wrong it is never God who is tempting Him, for God never wants us to do wrong and never tempts anyone else to do it. Temptation is the pull of man's own evil thoughts and wishes. These evil thoughts lead to evil actions and afterward to the death penalty from God." (James 1:13-14, LNT)

Temptations appeal to our natural desires. The Devil may fan the coals of desire but is limited to making suggestions; he has no command authority. Flip Wilson was wrong! The Devil can't make you do it.

Some say temptations are to strengthen you. That's false! The Devil's intention is to make us fail; he has no interest in making us stronger. Resisting a temptation may make us stronger, but from the Devil's perspective that's an unintended consequence. The Devil studies us, knows our strengths and weaknesses, and attacks a weakness, not a strength! A football coach who, after studying game film, draws up a game plan to attack the strengths of an opponent is foolish. The Devil is not foolish.

Temptation is a master of disguises that aren't always obvious at first glance. Eve sees nothing in the fruit to arouse her suspicion. It looks good and appeals to her senses. In her innocence, she has no reason to fear the tempter disguised as a snake.

How might a temptation be dressed today? Has a sales clerk ever given you too much change? At tax time, have you ever been tempted to claim a few nonexistent deductions to reduce the tax bill? Have you ever gone to the Home Shopping Network just to see what's on sale? Have you ever taken that long look at a beautiful woman walking down the street? Have you ever had the opportunity to take advantage of someone who doesn't know better? Have you ever been tempted to purchase something you don't need or can't afford? Honestly, the answer to most of these questions for all of us is YES! In each case the tempter asks, "Why not?" and then provides a rationale for saying yes.

The question isn't can you do it, but should you?

Second: _UNDERSTAND GOD HAS ESTABLISHED BOUNDARIES_. The saying "There's nothing new under the sun" applies to temptation. A friend once told me, "The ancients have stolen our originality." Any temptation we face isn't unique or new, and we're not the first one to face it.

Paul says:

But remember this—the wrong desires that come into your life aren't anything new and different. Many others have faced exactly the same problems before you. (1 Corinthians 10:13a)

No temptation is stronger than our ability to resist. God knows our breaking point and won't allow the pressure to exceed it. It may not be easy, but it's manageable because God sets limits. The Devil's complaint to God about Job was that God had "made a hedge about him and his house and all that he has, on every side." (Job 1:10, NASB) As He did for Job, God limits the amount of pressure the Devil can apply against us.

And no temptation is irresistible. You can trust God to keep the temptation from becoming so strong you can't stand up against it, for He has promised this and will do what he says. (I Corinthians 10:13)

God won't allow any temptation to paint us into a corner with no way out. Paul says, "He will show you how to escape temptation's power so that you can bear up patiently against it." (1 Corinthians 10:13) He provides an escape hatch, but we must use it.

Military fighter aircraft are marvelous pieces of engineering. The designers hope that they'll never get in trouble or crash but experience shows something else—planes do crash. What to do? During WWII, pilots strapped a parachute on their backs. If the plane got into trouble, the pilot bailed out to avoid death or serious injury. In modern aircraft, the parachute is part of an ejection seat. When a plane is in trouble, the pilot can either go down with the plane or pull the ejection handle and be catapulted to safety. When temptation has us in trouble, we can give in or reach for God's ejection handle.

Third: _USE YOUR RESOURCES_. We're never without resources. When temptations come, God doesn't hide, cover His eyes, or leave us to our own resources. The most powerful resource we have is the mind of God—the Bible. The Psalmist said: "Your word have I treasured in my heart that I may not sin against thee." (Psalm 119:11, NASB) Knowing what God thinks about a situation is a prerequisite for defeating temptations when they visit. The more we know, the better equipped we'll be to say no. We need to read the Bible to know what God thinks about any temptation we face.

Interactions between husbands and wives illustrate how the mind of God helps. Couples who've been married for many years frequently know what the other thinks and can often finish each other's sentences. A wise spouse knows what will hurt the other and avoids it. Knowing what God thinks about any given situation has the same power.

Accountability to someone other than God is a valuable resource. How would you react to temptation if you thought no one else would know? A military chaplain on deployment in Iraq was traveling between bases when he had to share a two-man room while staying at one base overnight. Their flight was early in the morning. He and his roommate awoke later than planned and were frantically getting ready so they wouldn't miss the flight. The chaplain didn't want to leave anything behind so he gave the guest room one final sweep. Lifting the mattress of his bed, he saw a solid layer of porn magazines. The temptation to pick up the magazines was very real. What to do?

"I know I would have been tempted if my roommate weren't there. Fortunately, he was right there, and we just sort of stared at each other. He was thinking, 'I can't take this stuff while the chaplain's here,' and I was thinking, 'I can't take this stuff while I'm the chaplain and he's here.' Then we both burst out laughing, and I said, 'Well, I guess that's going to have to stay here for the next guy.' And we raced out to meet our commander, who was waiting for us."

"Just Do It." Information without application is just that—information. It does no good to know what God thinks unless we're willing to act on what we know.

Some ask, "What would Jesus Do?" A better question is "What **did** Jesus do?" Three times He's tempted; three times He responds, "It is written." When tempted to prove He is the Son of God by making bread from stones, He replies, "Man shall not live by bread alone, but on every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God." (Matthew 4:4, NASB) When tempted to validate the Scripture by jumping from the temple roof, He replies, "You shall not put the Lord your God to the test." (Matthew 4:7, NASB) When tempted to preempt God's plan, He replies, "Go. Satan! ...You shall worship the Lord your God, and serve Him only." (Matthew 4:10)

Each temptation comes with a deadly hook. Jesus avoids the bait and the hook by using the Word of God. "Then the devil left him; and behold, angels came and began to minister to Him." (Matthew 4:11) It worked for Jesus, and it will work for us.

In Summary:

Since Eden, temptations approach us daily. With each temptation we can either believe the lie of the tempter or the truth of God. Regardless of the temptation, God promises help for defeating it. Why not let Him do what He says? We can turn back temptation when we:

  * Recognize it for what it is—an attempt to get us to rebel against God;

  * Realize God has provided a way to avoid failure;

  * Use the word of God as a resource.

What have you learned about temptation?

Have you ever been tempted beyond your ability to resist? How did you handle the situation? What would you do differently based on what you've learned?

# CHAPTER 8

# SAME SONG, SECOND VERSE

When I was growing up, the highlight of my week was a Saturday afternoon trip to the movies. I saw cartoons, newsreels, and a cowboy movie where the good guys wore white hats, sang songs, and always won. The bad guys wore black hats, didn't sing, and never won.

Frequently the hero, while chasing bad guys, got stuck in a pool of quicksand. He was always alone and the more he struggled to free himself, the deeper into the quicksand he sank. When the quicksand was about to swallow him, he managed to escape and continue his pursuit of the bad guys.

Life is a lot like the old Westerns. We're surrounded by emotional quicksand. Riding through life, like the good guys of Western lore, we often find ourselves up to our necks in the quicksand of boredom. Once in it, the more we struggle, the deeper we sink.

Jesus said, "I came that they might have life, and have it abundantly." (John 10:10, NASB) Would you say abundance describes your life or do you get up each day thinking it's the same song, second verse?

BOREDOM—A SINKING FEELING

Boredom is easier to describe than to define. It's been defined as weariness caused by dullness and repetition—tedious and tiresome. It's that weary feeling we experience with someone or something dull or uninteresting, emotional fatigue stemming from the sameness of daily life, living each day in a rut with nothing to look forward to but more of the same. A rut has been called a grave with both ends kicked out. As Yogi Berra said, "It's _déjà vu_ all over again."

Teenagers often complain "I'm bored" or "I have nothing to do." They have 24/7 television, cell phones, the Internet, iPods, and video games to occupy their time. They're _connected_ yet bored!

Any number of things can trigger boredom. People are bored with their jobs. A survey by the Conference Board reported job satisfaction has fallen below fifty percent and continues to decline. The study found forty percent of workers feel disconnected from their employers; two thirds don't identify with or feel motivated to drive their employer's business goals and objectives, and twenty-five percent are showing up just to collect a paycheck.

Common complaints about jobs are that they are uninteresting, unrewarding, monotonous, tedious, and insignificant. People complain about doing the same thing day in and day out—whether it's sitting in front of a computer screen doing data entry, making sales calls, assembling parts, or answering the phones. It doesn't matter how good a job they do, tomorrow they'll be doing the same thing. They crave excitement or a sense of importance in what they do. A Navy fighter pilot once told me, "Flying consists of hours of boredom punctuated by moments of stark terror." A chaplain in a combat zone said his soldiers volunteered for hazardous patrols just to fight boredom.

Family life can produce boredom. Couples begin marriage expecting an exciting life together. In time the newness wears off, excitement wanes, and marriage becomes routine.

By accident or design, a baby is on the way, bringing a new sense of excitement and anticipation to a routine marriage. When baby arrives the sense of excitement is soon replaced by the realization the parents have signed up for permanent servitude. Parenthood brings sleep deprivation, dirty diapers, spilled milk, skinned knees, and visits to the doctor or emergency room. As the child grows, _Mom's Taxi_ is constantly on the go. Parents say, "I can't wait for the kid to get a driver's license." Are they nuts? When the inexperienced teen pulls the family car out of the driveway, boredom is replaced by feelings of anxiety and terror.

The family schedule is filled with recitals, school plays, teacher conferences, little league, and soccer. Parents become bored with the seemingly endless routine of keeping up with the kids' schedules and their own, hoping to make it through another day. Then they have another baby. What are they thinking? Bill Cosby, the father of five children, said, "My wife and I just hope to live long enough to get all the kids out of the house." In addition to getting them all out of the house, we now hope they become self-sufficient.

Another part of the equation is the increasing number of working moms—an oxymoron if there ever was. All moms are working moms! Being a "working mom" means the mother has taken a second job outside the home. The weariness accompanying her second job adds to the sense of being trapped on a permanent treadmill.

Raising children requires the brains of a rocket scientist, the patience of Job, the strength of Samson, and the wisdom of Solomon. It's no job for sissies!

Friends can add to boredom. Pay attention to the conversation with your friends. Generally they talk about themselves and what they have or what they are doing. Few talk about ideas. Most people probably have fewer than five friends who are interesting. The rest are boring.

FROM THE FRYING PAN INTO THE FIRE

Like the heroes of the old Westerns, we feel we've stepped into the quicksand of boredom and are struggling to escape. Conventional wisdom suggests the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. When boredom strikes we try to escape it by doing more of what we know.

The job is boring? No problem. With your resume, finding a new one should be easy. When the new job begins, everyone, including the new employer, is happy. You have a new location, new co-workers, and new bosses, but soon you realize little has changed. At the new job you find office politics and cliques; your skills aren't appreciated; and the new employer, like the old, thinks you should actually show up and work for the paycheck! Boring!

In the movie _Arthur_ , Dudley Moore plays the part of a spoiled, very rich drunk who never worked a day in his life and is pampered by Hobson, his personal butler. In one scene, Hobson takes Arthur to his father's business. While waiting outside his father's office, Arthur appears nervous and uncomfortable. Finally he leans over and says to Hobson, "I don't like it here." Hobson replies, "Of course you don't. People work here."

Solomon asked:

What's there to show for a lifetime of work, a lifetime of working your fingers to the bone? One generation goes its way, the next one arrives, but nothing changes—it's business as usual for old planet earth. (Ecclesiastes 1:3, The Message)

A new job isn't the solution to boredom.

Some think a new house will relieve the boredom. The neighbors are boring so a new house with new neighbors is just the ticket. The purchase is made and the moving vans come to take you away from the old boring neighborhood. In time you discover weeds grow in the lawn, the new house gets dirty, boring neighbors live next door, and the mortgage still has to be paid. It's more of the same in a new neighborhood with a bigger mortgage.

Solomon had the new house itch.

I enlarged my works. I built houses for myself, I planted vineyards for myself, I made gardens and parks for myself, and I planted in them all kinds of trees; I made ponds of water for myself from which to irrigate a forest of growing trees. (Ecclesiastes 2:4-6, NASB)

A new house won't cure boredom.

In an effort to escape the monotony of a marriage, some seek a new spouse. Surely that will cure boredom. But will it? In time the thrill, newness, and excitement wears off and it's back to the routine, only worse. Now there are uprooted children, an ex-spouse, and increased financial pressures. It's like jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Solomon said, "I provided for myself...the pleasures of men—many concubines." (Ecclesiastes 2:8, NASB) On a school paper a young student wrote, "Solomon had seven hundred wives and three hundred porcupines." Concubines or porcupines have the same effect on boredom.

A new spouse will not cure boredom.

Leisure-recreation is a multibillion dollar industry. Television, for many, is an escape. They come home from work, sit in front of the television, eat dinner from a TV tray, and watch TV until bedtime. Beautiful people engage in exciting adventures and solve world problems in every episode. What the viewers see on the screen only heightens a sense of the sameness of their dull existence. For entertainment Solomon "provided for myself male and female singers." (Ecclesiastes 2:8, NASB)

Many live for the weekend. The work week is endured until the weekend arrives so they can pack the car and head out of town for some fun. On Monday and Tuesday we hear tales about the exciting things they did over the weekend. By Thursday they're talking about what they're going to be doing come Friday night. The freeways are packed with cars, SUVs, RVs, and trucks towing boats, all heading out of town for fun. On Sunday evening the process is reversed as people return home tired and dreading Monday morning when it's back to the grind for another five boring days.

When my oldest son was four, as we were driving down the freeway one Sunday morning, he noticed a number of cars were towing boats. He asked, "Dad can we get a boat?" I asked "What would we do with a boat?" He replied, "We could pull it behind our car like everyone else." That made perfect sense to a four-year-old.

Solomon never said no to himself or pleasure.

I said to myself, "Let's go for it—experiment with pleasure, have a good time!" But there was nothing to it, nothing but smoke. What do I think of the fun filled life? Insane! Insane! My verdict on the pursuit of happiness? Who needs it? (Ecclesiastes 2:1-2, The Message)

Everything I wanted I took—I never said no to myself. I gave in to every impulse, held back nothing. I sucked the marrow of pleasure out of every task—my reward to myself for a hard day's work. (Ecclesiastes 2:10, The Message)

You can't play yourself out of boredom.

One woman said she had to shop because "shopping and buying things gives me something to look forward to." In the stores and on television, we see products designed to cure athlete's foot, acne, body odor, frizzy hair, intimate male and female problems, and bad breath. Of all the available cures, none is sold to cure boredom.

I bought male and female slaves, and I had home-born slaves. Also I possessed flocks and herds larger than all who preceded me in Jerusalem. Also I collected for myself silver and gold and the treasure of kings. (Ecclesiastes 2:7-8), NASB)

You can't buy your way out of boredom.

Like many in their efforts to escape the downward pull of boredom, Solomon pursued work, new homes, women, pleasure. His conclusion:

Thus I considered all my activities which my hands had done and the labor which I had exerted, and behold all was vanity and striving after wind and there was no profit under the sun. (Ecclesiastes 2:11, NASB)

This seems a harsh assessment from someone who had everything he desired. Why does Solomon come to the conclusion he did? Every problem we face has a spiritual dimension; boredom is no exception. Few claim to live the abundant life Jesus promises. Some suspect God is distant and indifferent and our daily life is a cross to be borne while bravely singing "Jesus is the joy of living."

Solomon recognizes there's more to life than stuff. After declaring the futility of daily activity, he said:

There is nothing better for a man than to eat and drink and tell himself that his labor is good. This also I have seen, that it is from the hand of God. For who can eat and who can have enjoyment without Him? (Ecclesiastes 2:24-25, NASB)

Boredom has a spiritual component. Ignore it and all our efforts to break it by doing more of the same are doomed to failure.

AN ESCAPE FROM BOREDOM

Jim Rohn, a motivational speaker and author, developed a series of tapes and workbooks for training and motivating sales people. One line he said repeatedly is burned into my mind: "For things to change, you've got to change." Escape from boredom begins with changes in the way you think, not the things you do. "For things to change, you have to change."

First: _CHANGE OUR THINKING_. Boredom is not part of God's plan for our life. The Bible uses the familiar to illustrate the unseen and unfamiliar. It frequently uses family relations to illustrate God's relationship to and His responsibilities for those who are His children through faith in Christ.

Mothers give life to a newborn. The miracle of birth is just the beginning of her responsibilities to care for the wellbeing of the child. It's natural for a mother to want the best for her child regardless of the cost. No mother wants to see her child miserable, although some teenagers might disagree.

God's love and care don't end when He gives us new life in Christ. He doesn't abandon us, but promises a life described as abundant. He didn't say our life would be exciting, but that it would be "abundant." The Greek word _perisso_ translated abundant means "surplus" or "super abundance." Paul uses the same word when he said,

Now all glory to God who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. (Ephesians 3:20, NLT)

The gift of life we have in Christ isn't designed to be lived out in misery and defeat. He empowers us to face it with confidence, giving us the tools and abilities necessary to overcome problems—even boredom.

Jesus' promise of abundant life is made in the context of sheep, shepherds, and thieves. (John 10:8-15) When He says "I am The Good Shepherd," his audience understands the imagery.

The shepherd's responsibilities were twofold—to protect and to provide. A good shepherd wouldn't abandon his flock; he wouldn't lead them to an area of danger or out into the desert where there was no vegetation or water. It was to the shepherd's advantage to see his sheep were protected and well-fed. Failure to do so would ruin his reputation as a shepherd and affect his livelihood. Jesus is a good shepherd who cares for us.

A parent's role with their children is, like the shepherd, to provide for their safety and welfare. If a child gets into trouble, the law holds the parent accountable. Occasionally we hear of parents who physically or emotionally abuse their children. We're revolted and want to see that irresponsible parent punished.

God reaches beyond our circumstances and provides for us. He doesn't promise us a new job with more excitement, a new place to live where neighbors are friendlier, a new spouse who is more exciting and understanding, more money to buy things, or more fun. These won't solve the problem of boredom or relieve the pressures that squeeze the joy out of living.

God has no desire for us to be miserable or bored; we do that to ourselves. For things to change, we have to change our thinking.

Second: _CHANGE OUR ATTITUDE_. Boredom isn't caused by circumstances, but by our attitude toward circumstances. Paul gives a series of instructions dealing with our attitudes in personal relations. (Ephesians 5-6) He begins the discussion by outlining how we as Christians are to live. Specific instructions are then given to husbands (Ephesians 5:25-31), to wives (Ephesians 5:22-24), to children (Ephesians 6:1-3), to fathers (Ephesians 6:4), to slaves (Ephesians 6: 5-8), and finally to slave owners (Ephesians 6:9).

It's clear; attitudes in personal relationships are important. We see _attitude_ in the ideas which are repeated: "as to the Lord" (Ephesians 5:22, NASB), "just as Christ also does the church" (Ephesians 5:29, NASB), "in the Lord" (Ephesians 6:1, NASB), "as to Christ" (Ephesians 6:5, NASB), "their Master and yours is in heaven." (Ephesians 6:9, NASB) Repeated phrases or thoughts signal important concepts are being taught. The repetition tells us attitudes matter.

In the arena of work, know for whom you work. That seems obvious—you work for the person who signs the paycheck. Perhaps that's why so many are bored with their job and feel as though they're little more than slaves to the man with the checkbook. A slave in Paul's day might rightfully conclude he is "working for the man." But Paul suggests otherwise.

You slaves must always obey your earthly masters, not only trying to please them when they are watching you but all the time; obey them willingly because of your love for the Lord and because you want to please Him. Work hard and cheerfully at all you do, just as though you were working for the Lord and not merely for your masters. (Colossians 3:22-23)

For things to change, you have to change your attitude.

Third: _CHANGE OUR APPROACH;_ personalize what you do. Society has become impersonal, assigning everyone a number: Social Security number, credit card number, bank account number, employee number, medical records number. We're recognized by numbers, not our names.

When I pray, my _call_ isn't routed through a switchboard or a series of "if you want to speak to..., press 1 now" nor am I asked to "leave a message after the beep." My call goes through every time. In God's family, I am recognized as a person. Christ, my shepherd, calls me by name, knows me on a very personal level, and wants me to talk to Him about things that bother me—like boredom.

"And whatever you do or say, let it be as a representative of the Lord Jesus..." (Colossians 3:17, NLT) In our work, family relations, or recreation, doing it in Jesus' name makes a difference.

A job done in His name becomes more than a means to an end—making money to pay the bills. As you dress for work and on the drive, remind yourself, "I am His representative." Carry a mental business card with your name and title: "God's Representative." God says, "Do this for Me." Whether at work, at home, or at play, we represent Him.

The piles of papers on the desk are God's papers, that "impossible" document on the computer screen is God's document, the phones ringing off the hook are God's opportunities, the piles of parts needing assembly are God's parts, and the irate customer is God's customer.

"You can do it if you put your mind to it." That may be true, but unless both your hands and heart are involved, boredom will persist. Put your heart into any effort, doing it "willingly because of your love for the Lord." (Colossians 3:22) A willing heart makes a difference.

God's recognition and rewards for our work far exceeds what any earthly employer can afford.

"Remembering that it is the Lord Christ who is going to pay you, giving you your full portion of all He owns. He is the one you are really working for. And if you don't do your best for Him, He will pay you in a way that you won't like." (Colossians 3:24-25)

For things to change, you have to change your approach.

In Summary:

We can't escape the quicksand of boredom by following conventional wisdom or by doing more of the same. The more we struggle, the deeper we sink. Two people can be working side by side doing the same thing; one is happy and the other is bored. What makes the difference? Thoughts, attitude, and approach!

For things to change, we have to:

  * Change our thinking—boredom is not part of God's plan for our life;

  * Change our attitude—toward our circumstances;

  * Change our approach—make it personal.

What have you learned about boredom?

Have you ever been sunk in the quicksand of boredom? How did you handle the situation? What would you do differently based on what you've learned?

# CHAPTER 9

# MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs is a fairy tale with drama and a happy ending. We focus our attention on the merry band of dwarfs and Snow White's rescue by the handsome prince, but we overlook the cause of her dilemma.

The wicked queen consults a magic mirror daily, seeking reassurance of her beauty. Standing in front of her magic mirror, she asks, "Mirror, mirror upon the wall, who is the fairest of all?"

"Thou, O Queen, are the fairest of all," replies the mirror.

Snow White grows more and more beautiful until the mirror has bad news for the queen. "O Lady Queen, though fair ye be, Snow White is fairer to see."

Without seeking a second opinion, the wicked queen sets out to eliminate her competition.

The story of Snow White and the wicked queen is more than a fairy tale with a happy ending. While it illustrates the triumph of good over evil, it also illustrates the corrosive nature of a major problem in human relations—pride. The Bible has a lot to say on the subject of pride.

THE TWO FACES OF PRIDE

Pride has two faces—one good, the other not so good. The good side of pride is defined as a feeling of gratification arising from association with something laudable or good, as in civic pride. We often express it as "I'm proud of you for what you did."

The ugly face of pride, the side that is frequently talked about in the Bible, is synonymous with arrogance. It's a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity or importance, conceit, arrogance. In the Bible, pride means arrogant self-esteem, an inflated opinion of oneself. It comes from a Greek word translated in the KJV as "puffed up." A hot air balloon floats above the earth for all to see its beauty. Before it rises from the earth, it's filled or "puffed up" with hot air from the burner hanging beneath the opening. The more hot air, the higher it flies.

A young woman goes to confession. She confesses to the priest she's guilty of the sin of vanity. The priest asks why? She explains that each day when she looks in the mirror, "I think how beautiful I am." After a pause, the priest replies, "That's not vanity—it's a mistake."

PRIDE IN THE MARKETPLACE

Pride in the marketplace can be segregated into several different categories. Perhaps the most recognizable is pride of possessions. We unconsciously separate people based on what they own, where they live, what car they drive, what's in their stock portfolio, and where their children go to school.

A television commercial illustrates this drive for possessions. A man says, "I have a beautiful new house, a beautiful new car, and a beautiful family. I'm even a member of the country club. How do I do it? I'm up to my eyeballs in debt."

A bumper sticker says, "He who dies with the most toys wins." The sequel to that message is, "He who dies with the most toys still dies." The more we _own_ , the greater the temptation to be puffed up by our stuff.

Pride of position is a close relative of the pride of possessions. This speaks of our place on the human food chain. People work incredibly long hours moving up the ladder to gain perks of position. The higher the position attained, the greater the danger of thinking we are somebody special. Of the scribes and Pharisees Jesus said, they "love the place of honor at banquets, and the chief seats in the Synagogues, and respectful greetings in the market places." (Matthew 23:6-7, NASB)

Another member of pride's family is pride of accomplishment. Looking at life we tend to view our accomplishments as the reward of our hard work and effort. Each Christmas season some people send out their Christmas letters filled with stories of family accomplishments during the past year. Have you ever received a letter that talks about a child who flunked out of school, ran afoul of the law, or experienced some other unflattering occurrence? I haven't. And then we see "My child was student of the month at..."

Finally we see the pride of organization. It may be an effort to build _esprit de corps,_ claiming to be number one whether or not the facts support it. My youngest daughter played Bobby Sox softball for several years. At one game they were on the short end of a very lopsided score, but they were undeterred. Sitting on the bench they were clapping and chanting, "We're number one!" The scoreboard suggested their claim was exaggerated, but they proclaimed it anyway.

PRIDE IN THE CHURCH

We face pride in the marketplace daily so it should come as no surprise that pride creeps into the church. In his first letter to the Corinthian church, Paul identified three problems of pride in the church.

First he deals with the _superstar_ or _movement_ mentality. The church at Corinth falls prey to pride in the assembly by following _their man_. Paul says:

For when one says, "I am of Paul," and another "I am of Apollos," are you not mere men? What then is Apollos? And what is Paul? Servants through whom you believed, even as the Lord gave opportunity to each one. (I Corinthians 3:4-5, NASB)

Observing the church today, we see the movement mentality of Corinth is alive and well. It seems a new superstar bursts on the church scene about every ten years and becomes the poster child or _go-to guy_ for answers in matters of church growth.

When a new superstar emerges, the results are predictable. Delegations make pilgrimages to the scene in search of the magic elixir of church growth. How-to seminars are conducted complete with notebooks and visuals describing how your church can become a mega-church. Books are written about the church's growth, and many church leaders ask their board members to read the book. Copy-cat programs are launched seeking to catch the lightning in the bottle that catapulted the new movement to prominence. The superstar's name starts showing up in our conversations—"Dr.______ says...." Eventually the new superstar makes the rounds of the talk shows. When a new superstar outshines the old, the process starts all over again. Perhaps the most enduring superstar who isn't quoted regularly is Billy Graham. I don't hear people say "Billy Graham says..." because when he speaks, you hear "Jesus said!"

What's wrong with this picture? It ignores the basic reality of the differences in churches, geography, and personality illustrated by the letters to the different churches in the New Testament. The issues addressed in the Corinthian church are different than those in the Roman church or the churches at Philippi or Galatia. Discovering there's a difference between churches on the east and west coast today isn't rocket science.

The differences in churches makes it painfully apparent that _one size fits all_ —doesn't! Attempting to superimpose one church ministry as a template on other churches is an exercise in futility.

I'm involved in a ministry with several key people. We need to keep track of the frequent changes of our people around the world. To accomplish this, I developed a spreadsheet that works for me. It allows me to make changes in personnel movements quickly. I then sent it to another member of the group to aid him in keeping up with the changes. A couple days later, he returned a copy of my spreadsheet, and I hardly recognized it. His perception of information needs was different from mine. What works for me doesn't work for him. So it is with church templates and personalities.

The one-size-fits-all approach also makes the assumption that being a mega-church is high on God's list of priorities. Invariably, the focus settles on the superstar and the number of people attending his church. Before making a pilgrimage to the latest mega-star church, we should ask, "Does God want my church to become a mega-church?"

I once attended a meeting of pastors from my church's conference. During lunch and the breaks between meetings, a disturbing pattern emerged. Each pastor I engaged in conversation talked glowingly about two things—the number of people who were attending his church and plans for new buildings. None talked about lives being changed by the Gospel or the impact of his church on the local community. Is God impressed by our nickels, noses, and mortar? Don't think so!

Paul comes down hard on the Corinthians for the pride exhibited in following _their man._

I have used Apollos and myself to illustrate what I've been saying. If you pay attention to what I have quoted from the Scriptures, you won't be proud of one of your leaders at the expense of another. (1 Corinthians 4:6, NLT)

May I recommend a book that has been written about exceptional church growth? It's the first book written on the subject and recounts the amazing growth of a church that challenges the culture of its world. In short order it was said, "'Paul and Silas have caused trouble all over the world,' they shouted, 'and now they are here disturbing our city, too.'" (Acts 17:6, NLT) That book is the Book of Acts. What would happen if we put the current books and business models about church growth on the shelves and spent more time studying the principles of the first church that shook the world?

The second pride Paul addresses is "high crimes and misdemeanors" in the Corinthian church. Corinth was a city known throughout the empire for materialism and immorality. Much of the wealth and vice of the city centered on the temple of Aphrodite with its one thousand temple prostitutes. In that culture the church was born and began to prosper. Even before the age of the electronic communications, word comes to Paul at Ephesus concerning a problem, one so serious that even the heathens blushed.

Everyone is talking about the terrible thing that has happened there among you. Something so evil that even the heathen don't do it; you have a man in your church living in sin with his father's wife. (I Corinthians 5:1)

We don't know the identity of the offender or his position in the church, but we do know it was an open secret. The immorality, as bad as it was, is not what drew Paul's ire. Paul condemned the reason that keeps the Corinthians from exercising church discipline.

And you are still so conceited, so 'spiritual'? Why aren't you mourning in sorrow and shame, and seeing to it that this man is removed from your membership? (I Corinthians 5:2)

Discipline has virtually disappeared from the contemporary church. Why is that? Perhaps it is because we don't want to be accused of being judgmental—the pot calling the kettle black. Could it be we don't want to rock the boat? Maybe an offender is a big donor and has many friends who might leave if disciplinary action is taken. Or is it because we are proud of our church and do not want those outside to see our dirty laundry? Outsiders know!

Occasionally we hear of a pastor who is removed because of immorality, but when was the last time an elder or member was disciplined for the same offense? If it's wrong for the pastor, it's equally wrong for a member. A man I know was separated from his wife and living with another woman. When asked how he squared his behavior with his faith, he answered, "God wants me to be happy, and I wasn't happy with my wife."

Paul instructs the church to remove the offender from their midst and gives a practical reason for doing so—one bad apple spoils the barrel.

What a terrible thing it is that you are boasting about your purity, and you let this sort of thing go on. Don't you realize that if even one person is allowed to go on sinning, soon all will be affected? Remove this evil cancer—this wicked person from among you, so you can stay pure. (I Corinthians 5:6-7)

Discipline has a positive effect on the church. The first instance of church discipline occurred when Ananias and Sapphira lied and then died. After their deaths, subtraction resulted in multiplication.

Terror gripped the entire church and all others who heard what had happened. And more and more believers were added to the Lord, crowds both of men and women. ( Acts 5:11, 14)

The third pride Paul addresses is the freedom or right to _do your own thing_. Eating meat that had been sacrificed to idols was part of the culture. Some believers understood the principle of grace that gave them freedom to continue the practice. At the same time some believers were offended and hurt seeing other members eating meat sacrificed to idols.

Paul's reasoned response to the question of freedom begins with:

Next is your question about eating food that has been sacrificed to idols. On this question everyone feels that only his answer is the right one! But although being a "know-it-all" makes us feel important, what is really needed to build the church is love. (I Corinthians 8:1)

Books have been written and will continue to be written on the issue of our freedom or lack thereof when it comes to food and drink. Do we have any restrictions placed on our behavior? Yes! Love for another—not some artificially imposed standard—will alter our behavior. We are more than what we don't do!

If I can thank God for the food and enjoy it, why let someone spoil everything just because he thinks I am wrong? Well, I'll tell you why. It is because you must do everything for the glory of God, even your eating and drinking. (I Corinthians 10:30-31)

If you can eat the third desert to the glory of God, go ahead!

LETTING THE HOT AIR OUT OF PRIDE

The Bible gives directions on how can we be proud without being "puffed up." First: _RECOGNIZE THE SOURCE OF PRIDE_. Pride begins in the heart before its outward manifestation. The Devil had everything anyone could possibly want, except he was not number one. In his heart he wanted to be number one and went for it. Isaiah records the desires of his heart.

But you said in your heart, 'I will ascend to heaven; I will raise my throne above the stars of God, And I **will** sit on the mount of assembly In the recesses of the north. I **will** ascend above the heights of the clouds; I **will** make myself like the Most High.'" (Isaiah14:13-14) (Bold added.)

God says, "I AM." Five times the devil said, 'I WILL." Grasping for something beyond our reach is imitating the Devil.

Even if we're able, through hard work and effort, to make it to the top and are proud of our accomplishments, beware. Solomon says, "Pride goes before destruction." (Proverbs 16:18, NLT) We're instructed to avoid young believers when selecting church leaders because they might "become conceited and fall into the condemnation incurred by the devil." (1Timothy 3:6, NASB) Pride originates with the devil and is a bridge to nowhere.

Second: _TAKE A LOOK IN GOD'S MIRROR_. His mirror, the Bible, gives an honest appraisal of who we are and our capabilities for mischief. Take a look:

As the Scriptures say, "No one is good—no one in all the world is innocent." No one has ever fully followed God's paths, or even truly wanted to. Everyone has turned away; all have gone wrong. No one anywhere has kept on doing what is right; not one. Their talk is foul and filthy like the stench from an open grave. Their tongues are loaded with lies. Everything they say has in it the sting and poison of deadly snakes. Their mouths are full of cursing and bitterness. They are quick to kill, hating anyone who disagrees with them. Wherever they go they leave misery and troubles behind them. And they have never known what it is to feel secure or enjoy God's blessing. They care nothing about God nor what He thinks of them. (Romans 3:10-18)

Would you write something like that about mankind in general? God did. Those words are a powerful argument in favor of divine inspiration of the Bible. Many think God's view is a little harsh. No right-thinking person would write about himself in such an unflattering manner. A religious leader was asked how he defended certain practices in his church in light of what the Bible says. His response: "We wrote the Bible and we can change it if we want to."

In the movies and on television, actors look good, but they spend hours in makeup before appearing before the camera. If you ever see a movie star without make up, you would swear it is not the same person. Photographers also have techniques to hide the flaws before a picture is printed. When I look in the mirror each morning, I get a clear picture of what I look like. Washing my face and combing my hair may improve my appearance, but not much. Underneath, I'm really what I first saw in the mirror. Just like my view in the mirror, the picture of man presented in the Bible has not been edited or brush touched.

We are to make an honest appraisal of who we are. It's common practice in business for employers to conduct periodic performance appraisals of employees. The purpose is two-fold: to evaluate the employee's work and to determine salary adjustments. Some employers require the employee to do an evaluation of his own performance. The employee struggles with being honest—presenting a positive review of himself without bragging. The most painful part is where he's asked to list his weakness or areas where improvement is needed.

We are to do the same thing in our faith walk. Following a glowing tribute to what men of faith accomplished, the writer to the Romans says:

As God's messenger I give each one of you a warning: be honest in your estimate of yourselves, measuring your value by how much faith God has given you. (Romans 12:3)

In our job performance evaluation, we are not to think more highly of ourselves or our accomplishments than the facts warrant. That pops any balloon of kidding ourselves into thinking God would be in serious trouble were we not so good. Do not over-think. Sound judgment helps keep things in perspective.

We aren't to think more highly (over-think) of ourselves than is warranted. But the reverse is also true. We are not to think less of ourselves than we should. Everyone is pretty special in God's universe, and no one need walk around with a hang-dog expression thinking, "I'm nobody special." Each of us is special because we have been created in the image of God. Even a cursory look at creation reveals that God does not make junk! Every part of His creation, including man, is good. Our value is not in what we have or do, but in who we are.

Third: _GIVE CREDIT TO WHOM CREDIT IS DUE_ _._ Have you ever worked long and hard on a project and when it was completed, someone else took credit for it? How did you feel when someone else got credit for your work? Who we are is a result of God's creation, not our own abilities, brilliance, or hard work. How do you think God feels when we get puffed up with our own self-importance?

What we have, be it little or much, is not the result of our brilliance, hard work, luck, good timing, or shrewd investing.

What are you so puffed up about? What do you have that God hasn't given you? And if all you have is from God, why act as though you are so great, and as though you have accomplished something on your own? (I Corinthians 4:7)

Who we are and everything we have comes from God. Give Him credit and thanks.

In Summary

It's appropriate to feel proud of who we are, but it's not appropriate to have an over-inflated opinion of ourselves. We can walk the fine line between being proud and puffed up and putting ourselves down when we:

  * Recognize the source of pride;

  * Take a look in God's mirror;

  * Give credit to Whom credit is due.

What have you learned about pride?

Have you ever puffed up with an over-inflated opinion of yourself? How did you handle the situation? What would you do differently based on what you've learned?

# CHAPTER 10

# THIS WORLD IS NOT MY HOME

" _Study: Religion linked to care for terminally ill"_ was the headline in _The San Jose Mercury News_ (San Jose, California, March 18, 2009), referring to an article in the March 2009 JAMA. Finally proof that religion helps terminally ill patients face death. But before saying, "I told you so," let's ask "What did the study say?" The Dana Farber Cancer Institute of Boston studied 345 terminally ill cancer patients regarding how religious faith affected end of life decisions. The study found people with strong religious beliefs were **three times more likely** to seek aggressive end-of-life treatment like ventilation and other life-prolonging medical care in the last week of life than those who relied less on their religious belief and were **less likely** to use of end-of-life planning, including do not resuscitate (DNR) orders, living wills, or healthcare power of attorney.

We sing "This World is not my home, I'm just passing through," but the study suggests some are behaving like permanent residents. How we face death is an ultimate reality check between faith professed and faith practiced.

My ninety-year-old mother-in-law was hospitalized with congestive heart failure when doctors told her they couldn't do anything for her. Later that day she startled her pastor with "I have good news—they can't do anything more for me."

A dear Christian friend called to tell me she was having emergency open heart surgery in one hour. I rushed to the hospital and was totally unprepared for the scene that greeted me. She was terrified, had the deer in the headlights look, and gripped my hands as though her life depended on it. After reading Scripture and talking about God's peace we prayed together. As we were praying her grip on my hands relaxed. When I left her room, I couldn't help but wonder if she really believed what our faith teaches about death.

The only complaint my mother-in-law had the last few months was, "Why am I having so much trouble dying?" Months after surgery, the other lady refused to accept the doctor's diagnosis, and the day before she died insisted, "I'm going to beat this."

Two Christians facing death react so differently; one behaves like she was a permanent resident and the other embraces the transient nature of life. Why? Jokes are made about the only two things in life that are certain—death and taxes.

A good accountant may help avoid some taxes, but it doesn't matter how good our doctor may be—death is certain. It may be an unpleasant topic most would rather ignore but it's one that we need to discuss.

DEATH—A FACT OF LIFE

Death frequently finds its way into our conversations. Someone very ill is "at death's door," a person weary from work is "sick to death of working," an exasperated parent says to a teenager, "You'll be the death of me yet."

But what is death? Simply put, it's "the end of life." Would it surprise you to learn the _Random House Webster's College Dictionary_ (p 343) says it's also "the loss or absence of spiritual life." Physical death is the absence of physical life; spiritual death is the absence of spiritual life so any discussion of death must address both physical and spiritual death.

A conversation about death is generally a topic that changes the atmosphere of any discussion because people don't want to talk about it and are uncomfortable or uneasy about death for number of reasons.

A leap in the dark: Curiosity about what's on the other side makes best sellers of books written by some describing their _heavenly visits_ during near-death experiences. Jesus knew more about Heaven than anyone and tells us all we need to know.

There is more than enough room in my Father's home... I am going to prepare a place for you. When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am. (John 14:2-3, NLT)

He says heaven is God's home and a place where Christians go. What more do we need to know?

A man worried about death scheduled an appointment with his doctor who was a Christian. After telling of his fears, the man asked: "What is Heaven like? When the doctor said he didn't know, the patient was upset. "You're a Christian and you don't know what Heaven is like?" At that point they heard a noise outside the exam room door, and as the door opened the doctor's dog came bounding into the room. The doctor said his dog had never been inside the room before but knew his master was there and he wanted to be with him. He then said, "All I know about Heaven is my Master is there, and that's enough for me." That's enough for me too!

The bucket list: Most of us have things we hope to accomplish before we kick the bucket, a to-do list. For some, it's short, and for others it's long. I once asked a businessman, "Do you have a will?" He answered "No." When asked why, he replied, "Because I'm not ready to die yet." Death doesn't check our bucket lists or our wills before it comes calling.

A day of reckoning: Instinctively we know at some point we'll have to give an accounting for our life. The Bible agrees "it is appointed for men to die once and after this comes judgment." (Hebrews 9:27, NASB) The last words uttered by Hugo Chavez, president of Venezuela, were "I don't want to die. Please don't let me die."

Running out the clock: The object of the two minute drill is to move the football down the field using careful clock management and score with little time on the clock. In a football game the 49ers were trailing the Arizona Cardinals but were moving the ball smartly down the field and using the clock wisely. With the clock running down, they were on Arizona's three-yard line and would likely score on the last play of the game. As the clock ticked down, the coaches were slow getting the play called, and as the team hurried to the line, the time expired—game over. The coaching staff admitted they thought they had more time.

Some push the envelope, hoping through smart clock management to make amends as the seconds are ticking toward zero. Problem is we don't have a clock in the end zone letting us know when our time will expire. A San Francisco call girl expressed the fear of many when she said, "I am in great fear of death. I could not face God unless I had a chance to reform before my life is up."

The certainty of death doesn't prevent us from going to great lengths to delay it. In time crow's feet show up around our eyes, and lines that can't be confused for smile lines show up on our face. Attempts are made to cover them, but eventually they can't be covered.

Gravity rearranges our shape as extra pounds are added, prompting searches for the perfect diet to help lose the weight. Problem is no quick fixes are available, and diet requires daily discipline to lose weight and keep it off. The second front in the battle of the bulge is exercise. At gyms people are sprinting, sweating, and straining on various contraptions, but none look like they're having fun and some probably think about death during their workouts. We continue the discipline of diet and workouts knowing the pain will be worth it when someone says, "You've lost weight."

Repairs and Replacement: During a storm a huge tree fell on the roof of the car, crushing it almost beyond recognition. The owner said he was willing to spend more than the forty-year-old Mercedes sedan was worth to have it repaired because "it has been better to me than three wives" and he didn't want to see his old friend "die." After months and large sums of money changing hands, he and his old friend were on the road again. Someday the car will end up in the bone yard but the inevitable has been put off—for now.

Like the customer's attachment to his car, most are willing to spend untold amounts of money to repair what is breaking down in our march to the cemetery. We hear of _new_ hearts, lungs, kidneys, arteries, and corneas but the parts are from people who couldn't avoid death and allowed their organs to be used to extend someone's life.

We're stewards of our body and should watch our diet and get regular exercise. We can run, hide, and fight a delaying action, but the clock will run out and death will find everyone. No one gets off this earth alive.

If no one is anxious to die, why are there so many suicides? A suicidal person doesn't want to die; he wants the emotional or physical pain to stop and sees suicide as an acceptable alternative.

LIFE AND DEATH—A RIDDLE

Some ask: "Why did God's plan include death?" It didn't. If it wasn't part of God's original plan, then why do people die?

Choices have consequences: Adam is in Eden where everything he could possibly want or need is at his fingertips. Food is plentiful and free, the neighborhood unrivaled, all creation subject to him. His menu includes fruit from every tree in the garden except one—"the tree of the knowledge of good and evil." (Genesis 2:17, NASB)

He's told eating from that one tree is a capital offense: "In the day that you eat from it you shall surely die." Adam and Eve choose to believe the serpent's lie rather than God. They eat the forbidden fruit and must face the consequences of their choice. What happened? Adam is no longer the keeper of God's garden; he's consigned to a life of hard labor and fear of the animals he once ruled. To prevent further damage he becomes homeless.

The Lord God sent him out from the garden to cultivate the ground from which he was taken. So he drove the man out...of Eden. (Genesis 3:23-24, NASB)

Didn't God say, "In the day that you eat from it you will surely die?" (Genesis 2:17, NASB) Adam **did not** die that day; rather he's evicted from his home. Physical life continues; he has children and grandchildren. Was God exaggerating?

_Dead Man Walking_ , a movie about a group of men on death row, illustrates what the scene might have been like in Eden. When the death warrant is issued and the condemned leaves his cell on his way to death, "Dead man walking" is announced in the cell block. As Adam leaves Eden, he's a "dead man walking"—the death clock begins to tick down. All succeeding generations carry Adam's DNA, and the birth of every child starts the life clock ticking toward "000."

The rest of the story: Physical death **did not** occur on the day of disobedience so there must be more to the story. God's honor depends on it. He didn't tell Adam the day he ate of the tree he would _begin_ to die. He said, "You will surely die." (Genesis 2:17, NASB) The words are clear, so what's going on here?

Remember death is two dimensional—physical and spiritual. One is the loss or absence of physical life while the other is the loss or absence of spiritual life. Since Adam wasn't carried out of the garden by six strong men, the death he experienced that day was spiritual death.

East from Eden: How long did the first family live in the idyllic garden setting before they were evicted. A day, a week, a month, a year, or 50 years? No one knows. They had daily interactions with God—imagine for a moment the closeness they shared. Now picture the scene as they're leaving the garden to live out the rest of their years in exile. They lose their home, and they're separated from God.

The way home: Does it seem a bit harsh that they were evicted for breaking one house rule? Many parents have had the heartbreaking experience of telling a disobedient teen to leave the family home. The teenagers think the parents are too mean. But even as the child is leaving, every parent's deepest desire is to keep the door open for the child's return. Even as Adam leaves the garden, God was preparing a way to restore the broken relationship. Did Adam have opportunity to reconnect with God? Probably. Did he? We don't know.

The principle of a sacrifice to cover sin was established in the Old Testament, and The Day of Atonement covered the people's sins for another year. When Jesus approaches, John cries, "Behold the Lamb of God that takes away the sin of the world."

The riddle of life and death: Have you heard, "Born once, die twice; born twice die once?" Jesus introduces a religious leader to this riddle: "Truly I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God." (John 3:3, NASB) That makes no sense to the leader so he's challenged to think outside the box. "That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit." (John 3:6, NASB) Clearly He's talking about two births.

It follows that if physical life ends in physical death, then the spiritual life can likewise end in spiritual death or separation from God. The difference is that physical death is mandatory while spiritual death is optional. It's the person born again or by the Spirit who enters the kingdom of God. Physical birth doesn't qualify one for heaven. You must be born again by accepting Jesus' sacrifice for your sins.

Jokes are told about famous people arriving at the "pearly gates" and having to answer trick questions for admittance. However, the only question that will be asked is, "What did you do with Jesus?" That's neither a trick question nor a joke. If you haven't accepted Jesus as God's answer to spiritual death you should be afraid—very afraid!

PUTTING THE FEAR OF DEATH IN ITS PLACE

Once a person accepts God's offer of spiritual life through Jesus, death isn't an enemy but a friend. Three basic truths make it possible to subdue fear of physical death.

First: _LIFE AS WE KNOW IT IS TEMPORARY_. James describes the transient nature of life when he says, "You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away." (James. 4:14, NASB) We are here today and gone tomorrow. Isaiah says: "All flesh is grass.... The grass withers, the flower fades. When the breath of the Lord blows upon it; surely the people are grass." (Isaiah 40:6-7, NASB)

Several expressions are used to describe the temporary nature of our body; "the outer man," "the earthly tent," and "our house." We are told "our outer man is decaying." (2 Corinthians. 4:16, NASB) The assortment of pills, ointments, and devices like glasses, canes, and walkers are reminders that we're dying by inches.

It doesn't matter how beautiful a tent may be, its purpose is temporary—not permanent. At the end of a campout, the tent is taken down in preparation for going home. Death is referred to as "tearing down" the tent which is our body. (2 Corinthians 5:1) Our body, like a tent, is temporary.

When my children were small, we enjoyed camping. Upon arrival at the campsite, we set up a tent as our home for the week. Sleeping on the ground was okay, but it seemed regardless of how careful we were, rocks or tree roots appeared under my sleeping bag at night. By the end of the week my bones ached, and I was ready to take down the tent and go home.

The older I get the better I understand Paul's words, "For indeed while we are in this tent, we **groan** and being burdened... that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life." (2 Corinthians 5:4, NIV) Think back to Eden, and you can begin to understand the wisdom and grace of God in evicting Adam and Eve from the garden. In addition to the tree of knowledge of good and evil there was a "tree of life." God asks: "What if they reach out, take fruit from the tree of life, and eat it? Then they will live forever!" (Genesis 3:22, NLT)

Does _groaning_ express what it's like living in your body? It describes what it's like living in my body. Facing each day with the aches, pains, and medications with no prospect of an end is a terrifying thought. It's good life is temporary.

Second: _DYING IS BETTER THAN LIVING_ , even though life may be good and productive. The birth of a baby is a cause for great joy and celebration of new life; phone calls are made, pictures taken, announcements are sent, and gifts bought for the new baby. A death, on the other hand, is a time of sadness and sorrow; no one wants to celebrate. Solomon suggests we are celebrating the wrong thing when he says, "The day of one's death is better than the day of one's birth. It is better to go to the house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting." (Ecclesiastes 7:1-2, NASB)

Paul gives us a clue when he said, "For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain." (Philippians. 1:21, NASB) Then in another place, he states the obvious: "While we are at home in the body, we are absent from the Lord." (2 Corinthians. 5:6, NASB) He continues: "We are of good courage, I say, and prefer rather to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord." (2 Corinthians 5:8, NASB) Why? As long as we're here, we can't be there with Christ. "But I am hard-pressed from both directions, having the desire to depart and be with Christ, for that is very much better." (Philippians 1:23, NASB)

My phone rang midafternoon on Christmas Eve. When I answered, it was news that one of my brothers had died quite unexpectedly. I spent some time absorbing the news and collecting my thoughts before calling his family. When I called, one of my nephews answered. We talked briefly, and in a moment of inspiration, I said, "We're singing 'I'll be home for Christmas,' but your dad is home!"

Seniors frequently ask, "Why am I still here?" Good question. The short answer is that if you have a pulse you have a purpose. While here we are "to be pleasing to Him" (2 Corinthians.5:9, NASB), continue "fruitful labor," and help others on their spiritual journey. (Philippians 1:22-25, NASB) A grandmother may not be able to teach a class or host a Bible study, but she can pray for her children and grandchildren by name each day. A grandfather may not be able to do the physical things as before but he can build into the lives of younger men.

Life is a stewardship until God says, "Enough." Dying is better than living, but that's no reason to play marbles in traffic, step in front of a train, jump off a tall building, or physically abuse our body. John gives a brief glimpse of what our future will be like:

Look, God's home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them. He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever. (Revelation 21:3-4, NLT)

Imagine no pain, no sorrow, no sickness, no medicine or doctors, no canes or crutches.

Third: _DEATH IS NOT PERMANENT_ **.** Everything in our limited experience suggests otherwise and the obituary page lists those whose dreams have been ended by death. The Normandy Cemetery and Memorial above Omaha Beach holds the white crosses of 9,387 young men whose dreams died on the bloody beach below. When the heavy stone rolled across the opening of the garden tomb, even the disciples thought their dreams were sealed in the tomb. Experience suggests the battle for life ends with a tombstone.

The battle for life as we know it may be lost, but the war against death has been won. Jesus went toe to toe with the enemies of life; the most formidable enemy was death. His body lies in a borrowed tomb, and it appears death has won. But three days later he breaks the grip of death—He rises! "The last enemy that will be abolished is death." (1 Corinthians 15:26, NASB) Jesus robbed death of its victory and became the "first fruits of those who are asleep." (1 Corinthians 15:20, NASB) On Easter Sunday the war against death was won. "Death is swallowed up in victory." (1 Corinthians 15:54, NASB)

During a trip to Israel, I visited the Garden Tomb, just outside the city walls, where many believe Jesus was buried. After standing inside the empty tomb, I sat on a bench just about twenty feet from the door. As I sat deep in thought, a tour group entered the park and started singing "He Arose." An indescribable flood of emotions rushed over me as the soft music floated through the morning stillness. He arose and defeated death. Because He lives we have resurrection hope when we're no longer in this body.

In Summary:

Death, the final stop of our journey, generates worry and fear for many, but three basic truths help us embrace death as a friend rather than an enemy:

  * Life as we know it is temporary;

  * Dying is better than living;

  * Death is not permanent.

What have you learned about death?

Have you been afraid of death? How did you it affect your life? How has your attitude toward death changed?

# APPENDIX

Summary of how to deal with your problems

Forgiveness

The road of forgiveness is traveled one hurt at a time. If you hope to forgive and be forgiven as God does, remember:

  * It's not about you;

  * It's not about who's right or wrong;

  * It's about having a Jesus view toward life;

  * It's about living as forgiven people.

Guilt

Has guilt stolen your joy and confidence? Want to escape the torment? To combat the thievery of guilt, reaffirm three powerful truths:

  * God has forgiven my sin;

  * God has forgotten my sin;

  * God is faithful. He'll never renege on His promise to forgive and forget.

Disappointment

We may never know why bad things happen to us or our friends. When they do, we have an opportunity to be a friend and help them break the grip of disappointment by remembering:

  * God is in control of circumstances;

  * God is in control of our life;

  * God is our friend.

Depression

Should you find yourself under the cloud of depression, you have a choice. You can do nothing, use anti-depressant drugs to mask the symptoms, or turn to God for relief. Elijah shows a pattern for defeating depression. With God's help, depression can be defeated when we:

  * Take time for some rest;

  * Talk to someone about what is bothering us;

  * Become aware of God's presence;

  * Get back to work.

Worry

God has made it possible for us to kick the worry addiction. We can break the grip of worry by:

  * Knowing what He has promised;

  * Claiming His promise;

  * Allowing Him to fulfill His promise.

Loneliness

God provides three keys for unlocking our cell of loneliness:

  * Realize we are never alone;

  * Reach out and touch someone;

  * Be a working partner in ministry.

Temptation

Since Eden, temptations approach us daily. We can turn back temptation when we:

  * Recognize it for what it is—an attempt to get us to rebel against God;

  * Realize God has provided a way to avoid failure;

  * Use the Word of God as a resource.

Boredom

We can't escape the quicksand of boredom by following conventional wisdom or by doing more of the same. The more we struggle, the deeper we sink. Two people can be working side by side doing the same thing; one is happy and the other is bored. What makes the difference? Thoughts, attitude, and approach! For things to change, we have to:

  * Change our thinking—boredom is not part of God's plan for our life;

  * Change our attitude—toward our circumstances;

  * Change our approach—make it personal.

Pride

It's appropriate to feel proud of whom we are, but it's not appropriate to have an over-inflated opinion of ourselves. We can walk the fine line between being proud and puffed up and putting ourselves down when we:

  * Recognize the source of pride;

  * Take a look in God's mirror;

  * Give credit to whom credit is due.

Death

Death, the final stop of our journey, generates worry and fear for many but three basic truths help us embrace death as a friend rather than an enemy:

  * Life as we know it is temporary;

  * Dying is better than living;

  * Death is not permanent.

