My goodness, Alola is Beautiful!
I'm so glad we moved here from Kanto.
Now we're finally in a land with even more new and beautiful Pokémon.
Aren't you excited meowth?
(Eerie stuff)
*Me when i have nightmare* (Weird Noises)
AAAAAArgh
Why don't you wake up Cam.
He should be up and at 'em by now.
*Grumbling*
???
 
*tiptoe*
 
Who the fuck sleeps with thier shoes on?!?!?!!?
DYAA! GAAH!
JESUS CHRIST
AAAHAHAHHA MEOWTH?!?!?!?!
What are you-
What are you doing in my bed?
Oh my God.
W-We didn't you... you didn't.
Oh, how drunk were we last night?
 
Cam~~ Come help your mother
move large boxes around.
No one needs to know anything,
whether it happened or not.
MMRRRRHIIIIURHURRR
Oh good, you're up.
Put this box over there in the counter
so we can go meet some Alolan Pokemon.
All right.
Look, we're not going to cause any problems with the locals.
Are we, mom?
What do you mean?
I mean that we're going to condone ourselves properly around all the new Pokémon.
Of course.
And we're not going to stuff them into boxes and hide them in our closet.
No promises.
And we're not going to spend the wee hours of the morning
plotting how to come up with the perfect crime to murder a pokémon's owner
so we can steal it.
Adoption is not stealing Cam.
And Pokemon with dead owners
Need new ones!
Can't you just be satisfied with meowth?
[heavy, guttural breathing]
Meowth's fine for now.
Oh, that's probably professor Kukui.
Cam, why don't you go let him in.
And he just walked into a stranger's home on his own.
Never mind.
Muscles...
Chest...
Nipples....
Hey there cam.
How do you know my name?
I mean, hey there cousin.
Cousin?
That's what I call everyone so they feel as though they're family.
It also helps alleviate any sexual tension caused by my sensuous masculine form.
[guttural] AAAABDOMINALS
The hell--
Mom! We were just talking about how we're going to condone ourselves!
It's okay Cam, this happens more often than not, if we're being honest.
I haven't had to sleep alone for seven years.
And I haven't had to sleep with a pokémon in two.
Professor Kukui, are you thirsty?
No, thanks. I'm good.
What about now?
Maybe we should talk outside Cam.
Oh, I forgot what they looked like.
Your loss.
Let's get you started on your dangerous adventures for which there will be no parental supervision.
Hell yeah!
We're gonna go meet the island Kahuna.
who gives literally anybody who shows up on the island a pokémon for free.
Uh, why does he do that?
Haha! Why do any of us do anything?
Fulfillment and happiness?
Rhetorical question, Cam.
So, I'm gonna go on ahead a few feet or so
And then you can catch up to me
Why don't we just want togeth-
Just...
catch...
up...
to...
me.
Okay...?
Alright, you made it!
Yeah?
Oh, hey, little guy.
Cam, This year is another trainer on the island.
You got there more of the weed bro?
Haha.
He's kidding.
Unless you're looking for a buyer.
Only call this number after 9 p.m.
You see that?
Yeah.
That's tall grass.
If you had a pokémon,
you could go in there.
Why can't I go in there if I don't have a pokémon?
[The souls of lost pokémon searching for a victim]
I don't make the rules, cousins.
Alright, we're here this is where everyone comes to worship the pokémon deity.
It's not weird.
It's a...
Pretty empty.
Weird. We were supposed to all meet here.
Maybe the Kahuna is back on Mahalo trail.
He sometimes sleeps in the ruins of the deity. Totally normal.
So, are we gonna wait for him or...
Hey! Here's an idea! You go look for him.
But I don't know where I am
or my way around
or who he is
or what he looks like
think of the most stereotypical
elderly native islander you can.
Okay?
That's... that's him.
That's what...
No one has ever called him out for flipping the script,
if you know what I mean.
Welp, I'll go find him,  then.
Uh... Who is that?
[Quietly] Quiet.
You'll be safe and sound, too.
Oh, my God!
She's got that rare duffle bag pokémon!
Wait, I want to know if it evolves into a backpack!
Nebby! NoOOoOooOOOo!
Hey, there!
WAHH!
Quick, You gotta save my pokémon!
Uh, looks good to me.
Not my bag! My pokémon!
Oh.
That thing?
It doesn't look like he's in danger though...?
Hey, you guys hear that?
Huh?
I just got the sense a weak and defenseless pokémon was just released from the protection of its owner.
Oh, hell, yeah!
[In unison] GET THAT LITTLE BIIITCH!
Peck! Peck! Peck! Peck! Peck!
Ah.
Well, on the bright side,
it doesn't seem like it's the slowest most painful way to die.
You've got to help Nebby!
Please!
Wait, why can't you?
I don't think you understand how susceptible to bird bites my tender, light skin is!
Okay, no need to make this a race thing...
I-its not...
Look, you're right. That's so great. Thanks for the reminder.
I'm coming, Nubbs!
Or whatever the hell your name is!
WAUAAAAAAAA!
[Plop] Ughhh...
What the- what was that?
[Divine music]
Whoa
What kind of pokémon are you?
[Gasp] Mysterious, majestic, and sensual! Just how a deity should be!
[Burp]
You can have that if you want!
Oh, hey, Cam I see you and my assistant are coming out of the woods without any parental supervision!
I'm sure nothing dangerous or remotely sexual happened in there!
[Hushed] Professor!
Can you please try not to embarrass me in front of my new friend?
I'm just teasing you, cousin.
Besides!
I believe it was Eleanor Roosevelt who once said: "No one can embarrass me unless they've seen me naked-"
Stop!
I just realized that I never told you that my name was Lillie!
Didn't even get her name yet? Damn, player.
The Kahuna is back! He is like a father figure to us all!
He's the strongest pokémon user on the island and [inaudible]
THIS IS A PERFECTLY NATURAL TIME AND PLACE TO YELL THESE THINGS!!!
Sorry that I'm late, everyone! I'd give you an excuse, but I am the Kahuna, and fuck you!
Kahuna Hala! This is Cam! I was wondering if you could give him a pokémon like you do literally anyone who asks.
No.
No?!
Fuck you!
Fuck me?
Kahuna Hala, this boy saved me!
He did?!
Well, he tried and screwed it up. But then Tapu Koko saved us both!
Oh, well, that changes everything! If you try to be a hero and fail, that means that you are still a hero!
It's like Abraham Lincoln used to say: "Try, Goddamn you, try! Try, Goddamn you, try! For the love of God, try!"
Everyone is certainly into quotes from historical figures on this island...
All right, let's get you a pokémon.
[Muffled cries] Wait, hang on you didn't see that!
[Muffled] Wait! Help!
Sorry, that's a pokémon for, uh, more advanced types...
There we go. And for this... That'll stop any further confusion...
Cool I get to pick any of these three that I want!?
You bet, cousin!
And whoever you pick will be the one that will be your best friend until you die, so be sure to pick wise--
I want the one that looks like a cat!
Or pick the cat. Yep, everyone picks the cat.
I haven't had to catch a new Popplio in fifteen years...
What?
It's the original Popplio?
[Flies buzzing]
[Strained] Kiiilll meeee...
Ooh, I'm so pumped for my first pokémon!
Well, hang on there, cousin because the ritual isn't complete yet!
Your pokémon still has to pick you!
Guh! No! This is where I always lose people!
Come, now! I'm sure it'll be just fine!
So... what am I supposed to do?
Woo him!
Woo him?
Woo him!
Quick! Woo him!
What do I do?
Wooo hiiim!
I'M FREAKING OUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!
Woo him!
HOW DO I WOO HIM?!?! WHAT DO I DO?!!?
Woo! Him!
HE'S LEAVING!!!
Woo him!
Woo him!
JUST LIKE MY DAD ALL OVER AGAIN!!!
Woo hi-
Oh! He's gone... Wow, well, that's never happened before...
[Sad, quiet piano]
[Defeat]
What do I do now?
Oh! Wait a second!
[Rustling grass]
[Cat yowling]
[Thud]
Oh my God, he just came back!
YAY!
He chose you!
Yes! This was meant to be!
He went: "I want to be Cam's Pokemon forever" right before he took a nap.
He's so cute when he sleeps...
Also, take this potion for when he wakes up.
Oh, thank you!
And I know I said WHEN he wakes up, but actually the potion is TO wake him up!
And you need to wake him up because I knocked him unconscious because you're a terrible person
this has never happened before and I panicked.
I think that's a Thomas Jefferson quote.
I love you Litten!
You're the greatest starter pokémon ever.
You deserve to be loved and cherished and kissed and massaged... And this'll wake you up!
[Strained] Liiiiiteeeen...
I've got a little something for you, too, cousin. It's called the Pokédex.
This little device has all the information about every pokémon in existence and will let you know about a pokémon once you encounter it!
Why can't it tell me about all the pokémon now?
I don't make the rules, cousin.
Didn't you make this pokédex?
Not now, Lillie!
And here's a trainer Passport I put together for you. It'll help you travel from island to island!
Why is this a picture of me sleeping?
I took it last night when you first got here.
Wait, is this in my room?
Yes, also you should clean your windows a bit better. There's only so much a guy can do from the outside.
Well, at least you were outside.
Which is why I had your mom let me in!
Of course....
Yeah! Your mom sure let me in...
Stop.
Over and over.
Quit.
She's a wonderful woman, Cam. You'd better give her the goddamn respect
she deserves.
Please stop.
[Whispering] Go to her again. Go to your mother.
Hi! Let's battle!
Uh... I don't know if I'm quite ready for that?
It'll be fun!
I don't care if I lose! let's just do it!
Wow...
You're really into being alive, aren't you?
Probably too much.
Well, I guess if it'll speed things along... Go, Litten!
[Cough, cough, cough]
Go, Rowlet!
Hoot! Hoot!
Wait, you wanted to battle me and you had a Rowlet?
This will be great!
Do you-
Do you know how types work?
This is going to be so much fun!
Yep, that's the guilt settling right into my stomach right now...
Hey lads, thanks much for watching today's video
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Let us know in the comments below
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