It's knowing those things, knowing where you
are, knowing who you are in your nature that
you can then become very curious about what
can you do with this?
What can you do?
How can you transform what you were given
into something better?
Whatever that is.
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We often hear this argument about nature versus
nurture, so nature of being whatever we're
born with, however we are and our natural
instinctual tendencies and then nurture being
not just the things that we do for ourselves,
that feels good.
A lot of times people think of nurture as
that.
What you nurture is not just what you do that's
nice to yourself.
Nurture is also how you challenge yourself.
So nature versus nurture, which is more powerful,
which is more important and why is it even
important to understand this at all?
I want to start this conversation by talking
about a documentary that actually inspired
this video and got me thinking about this.
The name of the documentary is Three identical
strangers that came out in 2018.
It's an incredible documentary.
I'm going to try to talk about it without
ruining the end of it.
So, uh, so that you can go and see it.
And it really explores this argument about
nature versus nurture.
It's about three or, or rather a set of triplets
who were separated at birth, raised in completely
different homes.
They didn't know each other and they happen
to meet each other later in life when they
were adults.
And one of the uncanny and bizarre things
is that they had a lot of parallels, um, and
the, and their lives, they, they like the
same type of women.
They had the same kind of hairstyle, they
smoke the same brand of cigarette.
It was quite extraordinary.
And this is uncomfortable for some people
depending on what side of the argument you
find yourself on because we don't oftentimes
want to believe that our life is so predestined
and controlled by our nature.
Now, some people are all about this.
Some people were all into like, no, this is
our nature defines us, our nature tells us
or is basically guiding us and directing us.
The problem with that is, and this is one
of my pet peeves, is when people hold nature
so high and sacred, now we've got to respect
nature.
We can't pretend like nature doesn't exist
or that it doesn't matter.
It definitely does.
You push too hard against nature and it will
push back.
Uh, we see that in the environment.
We see that in, uh, whether, you know, so
nature is a powerful thing.
And I'm not saying that we should gloss over
it and pretending like it doesn't matter.
It does.
But when we go too far into this, when we
say, oh, it's natural, therefore it must be
good, or everything's about nature and nature
is what we should aspire to.
Well, how committed are you to that argument?
Really?
Because if you are, then you shouldn't be
using a toilet.
You should be going out in the woods and using
the woods as your bathroom and modern medicine.
That's not natural at all.
You know what animal uses medicine.
So there's all these things that are not natural
that we benefit from greatly.
So we don't want to go too far into the nature
argument or think that nature solves everything.
And as the answer to all problems, it has
a lot of answers.
And I think we can look to nature, uh, to
find solutions.
But overall it's okay to, to not go the way
of nature and to go the way of, in this case
nurture.
We're intelligent beings.
We, we have, we can innovate, we can create
things, we can create technology.
And not all of this is harmful.
It doesn't necessarily have to go against
nature.
So the argument then becomes, well, what,
what controls our life more?
What we nurture our, our own nature.
By the end of the documentary, after creating
what looks like this argument to showing how
powerful nature is and determining who you
become, your tastes, your relationships, they,
the documentary kind of flips to the other
side and exposes the power of nurture and
determining your life.
So I'm not going to give away the end.
Um, that's about it.
That's as far as I'm going to go.
I've been pretty open and honest about how
much I suffer in life.
Not only that I have suffered, but that I
continue to suffer and that I continue to
work through that suffering to be the happiest
I can be and to be the best version of myself.
This is, uh, considered maybe death for a
lot of people, a lot of teachers and coaches
and personal development that to, to be vulnerable
and to expose myself that way, that, that
I'm willing to admit that I suffer.
I suffered depression.
Um, I continue to work through this.
A lot of people would think that that's not
a good idea to, to tell people that at least
in in public, but I'm okay with that.
And here's the reason why, if I didn't use
nurture, if I didn't come to the understanding
at a very early age, that I am not stuck with
my nature.
I am not stuck with just the way things are.
And I've told this story before, so if you've
heard it, I apologize.
But, uh, my father was very religious and
pushed Catholicism on me a lot and I didn't
really enjoy it.
I didn't like it.
I didn't like going to church and eventually
I found myself not believing in it.
But what he didn't push on me was personal
development and self improvement and positive
thinking.
And when he would go to, or when everyone
would go to bed, I could hear him listening
to cassettes in his bedroom.
And I was curious about what the people were
saying on those cassettes in, and this is
like old cassettes of the sound quality wasn't
good, but I could hear it through my door
and then through his door.
And it turned out later that these were people
like Zig Ziglar, Jim Rohn and Tony Robbins.
And what I was hearing over and over, the
message I kept getting was, you're not stuck
with who you are.
You are not.
Your destiny is not set that you can change
things, that you can do something different,
you can become better than what you are, whatever
that means.
And I heard that message enough times and
big probably because it wasn't pushed on me.
I wanted to know more about what those people
were saying and I, and I really believe that
that's, that helped determine this direction,
me doing this.
So if I only accepted what was natural, well
I would be probably very overweight right
now.
I'd probably be in very ill health.
I would probably be very depressed and on
antidepressants and uh, and probably various
other mood stabilizers and whatever medications
to make me feel better.
I'm on no medication.
Uh, I have a very healthy lifestyle.
Um, I'm strong, I'm fit.
None of this stuff came naturally to me.
In fact, it's hard for me to even imagine
anything that I've done in my life that has
come naturally to me.
I had to challenge my body, I had to lift
weights, I had to do yoga, I had to exercise,
to challenge my body.
And this is what I would call the nurture
into becoming healthier.
As a result, I believe that affects my mood
and that affects my mental health.
It makes it much better.
It stabilizes it.
And then all of the practices that I have
and all of the NLP that I've done and the
coaching and the therapy, all of this is part
of the nurture that has helped me become a
very happy person and to become very successful.
And the way that I define success that is,
that is the nurturing, that is the power of
nurture.
And I came face to face with this just yesterday
because my son who's 10 years old, I was having
him do some homework cause he has a lot of
catching up to do and he has some, I'll just
say he has some special needs, I'm not going
to go into all the specifics of it, but he's,
he's high functioning and he's very intelligent
and he kept crying and usually sure he cries
because he, I'm having them do something he
doesn't want to do.
But this was different and I knew something
was different and he wanted to call his mother
and I let him call his mother and he didn't
want me to hear what he was telling her.
And so I talked to him long enough to, I finally
got it out of him.
He was feeling really bad about himself.
And this was the first time that I recognized
that how he was feeling is pretty much the
same way that I've felt since I was a kid.
And this got me to realize that my own depression,
the things that I've struggled with, a lot
of it probably is biological.
A lot of it probably is hereditary because
I've raised my son so much different than
how my parents raised me and he appears to
be suffering from a lot of the same things
that I suffer from.
So of course this really touched my heart
and I took, I had a whole different perspective,
a whole different understanding of what he
was dealing with.
So I sat down with them and I started helping
him nurture this nurture, getting him to not
focus on the bad stuff, but focus on what
he wanted instead.
So the nurture, I believe, can overcome the
nature.
Like I said, I would be weak muscles overweight.
Um, I would be depressed and I'm not the only
one.
Most people to some extent, their nurture
has made them better.
Their nurture were how they'd been nurtured,
has helped them overcome some of the, some
of the nature and just be, like I said, just
because it's nature doesn't mean it's good.
There are people who are naturally depressed.
There are people who are naturally overweight,
but the thing to understand here is that you're
not stuck.
There is a way out of this.
You can make a decision.
You can make choices to nurture out of you
are to nurture and overcome your nature.
If you look at elite athletes, which you're
probably looking at him.
I'm talking to like the top 1% of athletes
in the world, what you're looking at when
you see these athletes is probably a combination
of both nature and nurture because they're
their barn gifted, they're born talented,
and they've worked really hard.
So some of us who weren't born with the natural
talent, we can work as hard as we want, but
when we come up against someone who has worked
just as hard and they have the natural talent,
we're just no match for it.
But here's, here's the beautiful thing about
this, and you may be thinking, why?
Why are you telling me this?
This doesn't, this doesn't sound good.
You're basically saying that if I work really
hard at something, I may never achieve what
I want.
Stop comparing yourself to other people.
If I compared myself to Tony Robbins, someone
who probably is both naturally talented and
who has, who's worked really hard, I'm going
to feel terrible about myself, but that's
not what this is about.
What this is about is what did you, what were
you given by nature, what were you given to
work with and what are the possibilities that
you can do with that?
What are the possibilities of what you can
do to transform your nature and what drives
me?
What gets me up every morning and when makes
me want to go for it is not, oh, someday I'm
going to be like this other person.
Someday I'm going to be as successful as this
other person.
No.
That, I've done that before.
That feels terrible when you try to aspire
to be like someone else.
Now what gets me up every morning is I have
a unique nature.
We all have a unique nature.
We all were given something.
What gets me up every morning would makes
me excited about life is what are the possibilities
of transforming that into something?
I don't even know where it is.
I want to see what I can do with this.
It's more my curiosity than my ambition.
Ambitious ambition is important, but what's
really driving the ambition there?
There's gotta be more to it than just like
an ambition in isolation.
Your curiosity tap into that curiosity.
You were given this unique nature and it,
it might not.
It is definitely not all good.
I was gonna say it might not be all good,
but it's definitely not all good.
Not all of our nature is good or how we would
classify as good.
It doesn't mean you're a bad person.
It just means that it's not all serving you.
If you're naturally depressed, naturally overweight,
naturally high cholesterol, that ain't good,
but it's knowing those things, knowing where
you are, knowing who you are in your nature
that you can then become very curious about
what can you do with this?
What can you do?
How can you transform what you are given into
something better, whatever that is, as long
as you don't compare yourself to others.
That's the big killer is when you compare
yourself to others.
Don't compare yourself to others and so you
think about some of the people who were born
without arms or without legs or with severe
disabilities and they go out and do these
amazing things.
Well, they can't compare themselves to other
people if there is no way.
They can't grow arms and grow legs or whatever
their disability is.
No, they have to take what they were given
and transform it and that can be as unique
as your individual nature.
My job, my business, what I do is personal
development and self improvement and I teach
it and I coach it.
Why should a person listened to me when I
say things like, I struggle and I suffer and
I have to work through this, why would you
come to learn anything from me?
When there's all these self help gurus and
all these personal development gurus who portray
an image, we don't know what's really going
on with them and I'm not going to pretend,
I'm not going to say they're all really suffering.
I don't know, but they definitely, there's
a lot of them who portray an image that they
don't struggle, they don't suffer.
They may tell you a nice story about how they
used to struggle, how they used to suffer,
but the image they're portraying now as they
don't struggle, they don't suffer.
If a person was genetically gifted, say they're
a bodybuilder and they were just born big,
they just were born with big muscles and all
they had to do is work out a little bit and
boom, they're huge.
Who would you rather go to get advice on how
to make your muscles stronger and bigger?
That person or someone else who is what we
call a hard gainer, who struggled for a long
time to find out what were the right eating
habits, what were the right dieting habits,
the right workout methods until he or she
discovered a whole new method to go from hard
gainer to strong and big, if that's what you're
into and muscular.
Who would you go to?
The person who was born with a 200 IQ, or
the person who added 100 points to their IQ,
say they had only had 100 points, but they
found methods and ways to strengthen, to strengthen
their intelligence to the point where they
added 100 IQ points.
Who would you go to?
The person who was born into money or the
person who was born poor and created wealth,
who created, who amassed a huge amount of
wealth?
They start a business they created.
Most of the people who are gifted don't know.
They can't tell you how they got it because
they were just born that way.
So how does that apply in your own life?
Because you may be saying, well, I'm not naturally
talented.
I'm not naturally gifted.
Even better.
Because when you take what you have and you
transform it, you start, you, you know what
your values are.
You have a vision, you set goals, and you
go after it and you achieve it.
Now you can tell not only a great story, but
now you have the how and people who are naturally
talented and naturally gifted.
They don't know how, because it was just they
were born that way.
So you may never be as successful, as famous,
as popular as people who have been, who, who
are naturally talented or naturally gifted.
But when you go from none of those things
and you go through that transformation and
to becoming the success that you aspire to
be, that says so much more about you and now,
and you can teach people in this, which is
so valuable because if you did it, then there's
going to be a lot of other people who want
it to, and you become an inspiration to them
and you become their, you can become their
teacher, their mentor, their coach.
And that's what makes that so powerful.
So it's not about wishing you were talented
or wishing you weren't talented, so you could
go through this process.
It's just about accepting who you are, accepting
where you are and transforming it into something
better.
Transforming yourself into someone even better
than who you are based on your terms, not
comparing yourself to anyone else.
Check out my website, lifemasterygym.com.
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