• From school shooting jokes in church to
a poorly timed Jew joke, the Planet Dolan
crew re-enact more of the best true stories
from our subreddit about our most awkward
bad jokes.
I’m Doopie – and today I’ll be your
narrator.
Number 10 was submitted by theGman5918 Grgak
When Grgak was young and stupid he was obsessed
with edgy Jewish jokes.
One time while hanging out with his neighbor
he told this joke, “What’s the difference
between a Jew and a bullet?
The bullet comes out of the chamber!”
Grgak thought this was hilarious – until
he later found out his neighbour was actually
Jewish!
This neighbor now goes out of his way to avoid
Grgak.
Number 9 was submitted by 1704626 Nixxiom
Nixxiom went to a convenience store to buy
some milk.
The shopkeeper asked how Nixxiom was doing
today and Nixxiom said, “Eh.
I’m fine.
My ex-wife still misses me… but her aim
is getting better!”
The joke was pretty bad on its own, but it
got even worse when the convenience store
guy started crying…
It turned out his wife had just left him and
Nixxiom had just rubbed salt in his wound.
It was just a bit awkward.
Number 8 was submitted by Pingulikesbananas
Hellbent
When Hellbent was fourteen he was talking
to his friend during church service.
They found a joke on Hellbent’s phone that
made them both burst out laughing.
The pastor overheard them and said, “If
something’s that funny you should share
it with everyone.”
So Hellbent went over to the front of the
service, took the microphone and said, “What
do you call a five-year-old with no friends?”
The audience stared at Hellbent nervously
awaiting the punchline.
“A Sandy Hook survivor!”
The entire audience gasped, and Hellbent and
his family were escorted out of the church
and told never to come back again.
Number 7 was submitted by kebab-town Emojie
Emojie was taking a walk down the street when
a charity worker came up to him collecting
money for guide dogs.
With great sadness, the worker said, “Did
you know that there are currently more than
30,000 blind adults on a guide dog waiting
list?”
Without thinking, Emojie smiled and blurted
out: “I guess it’s good they can’t see
the list then!”
The worker looked at Emojie like he had just
kicked a puppy…
Number 6 was submitted by ral365 Pandora
One time Pandora went to a restaurant with
her family.
Most of Pandora’s family was obese and she’d
recently lost her grandpa to type-2 diabetes,
so they were all a bit sad.
After finishing a huge meal, Pandora stuck
out her gut and said, “Hey Mom, you’re
gonna be a grandma to some chocolate cake!”
It seemed funny in Pandora’s head, but no
one at the table was in a laughing mood.
They looked at Pandora as if she’d just
made the most disgusting joke ever, and Pandora
had to practically trip over herself apologizing.
Number 5 was submitted by LuigiTime2 Cidius
One day Dolan invited Cidius over for Cidius’s
first-ever LAN party.
Cidius was nervous about being around so many
hardcore gamers, so he came up with a joke
to break the ice.
As he walked in, he shouted, “Hey guys!
Who knows what Mario’s overalls are made
from?”
When no one responded, Cidius raised his voice
even louder and shouted, “DENIM-DENIM-DENIM!”
The joke wasn’t just bad, but it had drawn
everyone’s attention from their intense
game of Starcraft.
So, it was annoying, in addition to not funny.
It took a while before Cid recovered from
that embarrassing first impression.
Number 4 was submitted by spiritoffelia Zaraganba
When Zaraganba was a teenager he was showing
off trying to impress his brother Dolan’s
young friends.
They thought Zaraganba was the coolest, so
Zaraganba got a little carried away and told
this inappropriate joke: “They say anal
sex is like spinach.
If you’re forced to have it as a kid you’ll
never enjoy it as an adult!”
Dolan’s friends found this hilarious – except
for one, who went strangely quiet…
Zaraganba later found out the reason for this.
It turned out that kid had been sexually abused
as a child, so the joke was a little too close
to home for him…
Zaraganba felt like a total asshole when he
found this out!
Number 3 was submitted by Mote-of-Lobross
Civil Spider
When Civil Spider was thirteen he told a joke
at school that landed him in some very hot
water!
He’d heard the joke from his dad.
“So, get this,” Civil Spider said.
“Barbara Bush was walking around the hospital
when she came across a patient jerking off.
The doc said the patient had prostate problems
and this was the only way he could find relief.
When they got to the next room Barbara saw
a nurse giving a patient a blowjob.
She asked what was going on and the doctor
told her it was the same situation as the
other guy – only this patient had better
insurance.”
Civil Spider’s friends all laughed their
asses off, but the vice principal sitting
behind him didn’t find it so funny.
Civil Spider ended up getting a week-long
suspension, which he spent hanging out with
his dad learning more dirty jokes!
Number 2 was submitted by tippy73 Danger Dolan
Every year Dolan’s parents force him to
go to church for Thanksgiving.
One year, Dolan was so bored in mass that
he leaned over and whispered this to his brother:
“Hey…
What’s the difference between acne and a
Catholic priest?
Acne waits until the kid is a teenager to
come on his face!”
As Dolan’s brother burst out laughing, the
woman sitting beside them shooshed him.
Then she stared at Dolan’s entire family
as if they were the scum of the earth.
Luckily, Dolan’s parents never heard about
it, as far he knows.
Number 1 – What’s the most awkward bad
joke I’ve ever told?
