SO GM LINE-- AND IT'S A VERY
NICE BOTTOM LINE-- WE'RE NOT AT
WAR.
WE'RE SO NOT AT WAR THAT THERE'S
BIG NEWS ABOUT THE BRITISH ROYAL
FAMILY.
BRACE YOURSELF: PRINCE HARRY AND
MEGHAN MARKLE, THE DUKE AND
DUCHESS OF SUSSEX, HAVE RELEASED
A STATEMENT SAYING, "WE INTEND
TO STEP BACK AS 'SENIOR' MEMBERS
OF THE ROYAL FAMILY."
THAT'S RIGHT, HARRY AND MEGHAN
ARE STEPPING DOWN AS SENIOR
MEMBERS OF THE ROYAL FAMILY.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THAT
MEANS?
BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT
MEANS.
I HAVE-- THERE ARE SENIOR LEVELS
OF ROYAL.
>> Jon: THEY HAVE LEVELS.
>> Stephen: I THOUGHT IT WENT
KING, QUEEN, PRINCE AND
PRINCESS, JACK OF SPADES, BOY
WIZARD, DUKES OF HAZZARD, AND
THEN CARTOON MOUSE THAT
SEWS CINDERELLA'S DRESS.
 (  LAUGHTER  )
ACCORDING TO THE COUPLE'S
STATEMENT, THEY'RE WITHDRAWING
FROM SOME OF THEIR OFFICIAL
DUTIES AND NOW PLAN TO BALANCE
THEIR TIME BETWEEN THE UNITED
KINGDOM AND NORTH AMERICA.
I SAY, "WELCOME, MEGHAN AND
HARRY.
ON BEHALF OF ALL FORMER REBELS
AGAINST THE BRITISH CROWN,
YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE DECLARING
INDEPENDENCE.
IT COMES WITH FREE SPEECH AND
UNLIMITED BREADSTICKS."
 (  LAUGHTER  )
 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WHAT'S NOT TO LIKE?
>> Jon: YOU'VE GOT TOW LOVE
IT.
>> Stephen: DECROWNING
THEMSELVES WILL BRING SOME BIG
LIFE CHANGES, BECAUSE IT WILL
ALLOW HARRY AND MEGHAN TO WORK
FOR MONEY, SOMETHING THEY
CURRENTLY CAN'T DO.
THIS IS GREAT.
SHE'S AN ACTRESS.
THIS MEANS MEGHAN MARKLE CAN GO
BACK TO "SUITS!"
AND HARRY CAN SELL THEM AT MEN'S
WEARHOUSE!
 (  LAUGHTER  )
THIS CAME-- THIS CAME AS-- I'D
BUY A SUIT FROM HIM, SURE!
THIS CAME AS A SHOCK TO
EVERYONE.
ONE BBC JOURNALIST REPORTS, "NO
OTHER MEMBER OF THE ROYAL FAMILY
WAS CONSULTED BEFORE HARRY AND
MEGHAN ISSUED THEIR PERSONAL
STATEMENT TONIGHT.
THE PALACE IS UNDERSTOOD TO BE
DISAPPOINTED."
OH, DISAPPOINTED.
TRANS:
THAT MEANS HER MAJESTY IS
QUEEN ELIZA-PIIIISSSED!
