Jenna: "Buxom lash mascara [...]
This is what I am looking for! [...]
This is: My Husband Left Me...
...for...
Julian: "another man"
Jenna: "Another Man!"
Bree: *stares in remembrance*
Jenna: *demonic "Beetch"*
*fade-out sound from TV's "Arthur"*
Bree: "Let us begin.
Normally we would prepare our face with some primer,
but seeing as how you are in no way going to be
prepared when your husband leaves you for a man...
*Clattering*
we're gonna skip it.
Don't skip the moisturizer, however, because you're going to need all the hydration that you can get
once those tears start cascading down your face.
It's really important
that when you're applying the moisturizer,
you need to push your skin
as much as physically possible in order
to get that "I Just Sobbed for Three
Years" look.
Next comes foundation.
Now, be sure to choose a foundation that at first, you think is one-hundred percent reliable,
and would never do you wrong,
but then will later
cake up and break up worse than your
doomed sham marriage.
As you can see, this foundation is very poorly suited to me
much like my ex-husband.
Not only did I choose a shade that was much darker than I am,
[but] I also chose a shade that is a lot
tanner than I am, because this is, of
course,
a tutorial based on [inspired by] the lovely
Jenna Marbles, who is WAY tanner than I am.
And I kinda wanted to stay as true to that as
possible.
Now, you've got to choose a
concealer that will trick everyone into
thinking that you're fine
Katy Perry: "When you're not really fine but you just 
can't get into it-"
Bree: "And just hide all of those dark circles that
you acquired [all] the nights staying up wondering
why your husband was out 'til four A.M. with his new "bar buddy."
Now, at this point, I bet you're noticing
that my skin is still a little red.
Normally, that would be a problem;
in this case, however, it is a GREAT thing,
because the look you're going for is
"I have been weeping into a carpet
uncontrollably - my legs don't work any more because of
how sad I am, and naturally, all the blood has
rushed to the bottom of my body,
which at this point would be my face,
because I'm pressed into the carpet."
...talking for a friend.
Now, you're just gonna bake like a
poorly designed wedding cake,
and then we will move on to the eyes.
Today we're going to be using Urban
Decay's new palette called "Born to Run."
Now, normally we would prime our eyes, 
however we're not going to do that this time
because we really want this whole look
to just run...
away from its commitments the moment things get difficult.
*Scoot scoot sound of chair*
Now, we're going to go into [the shade] "Weekender."
No joke there, just need to set my lids.
And then taking one of these little brushes,
we're going into "Riff."
As I riff on my sad past
life circumstances.
And then, we're gonna take one of these and
go for a "Hell Ride."
And now we're gonna get "Good as Gone,"
like the trust that you once had in humanity.
Which you might be saying, "Bree,"
(that's my name by the way)
"Why are you putting that on your lid when you just did all of that hard work?"
Because...
Deformed Augustus Waters: "It's a metaphor-rr."
*Chair scooting sounds*
Now we're gonna take some of that
concealer on our hand a little bit, and take a
flat brush, in the center of the eye.
And then,
You're gonna get "Stranded."
Then once you've found out about the "Double Life," you're gonna use it.
Kinda tap it all together to blend it
["Drift"]
This'll really add to the effect once it begins to
cascade down your shell-shocked face.
Do what you want,
Do what makes you happy
And then you can ascend to your true B-YouTuber form
by taking a makeup remover wipe
so that you can clean up your edges.
Then, you gotta make like Kelly Clarkston
and "Breakaway"
from the ties that bind.
Then you're gonna wipe away your bake,
like you wipe away the memories
of the past
["Hell Ride"]
*Uncomfortable eyeliner noises*
["Good as Gone"]
*weeping and gnashing of teeth*
And then,
we gonna "Jet"
and line 'em [eyes] a little bit,
or a lot, that's really up to you.
And then, just for the hell of it, put
some more "Drift" in there.
Now this look is a LOT dramatic,
but so is the situation where 
your husband leaves you for another man.
I'm gonna take a little bit of bronzer, here
And don't bother blending it 
into your hairline,
it's fine, you'll be fine.
Now you're gonna fluff away
Fluff it away
Normally we would put highlighter on, however:
Tears
Tears are
Tears are nature's
Tears are nature's highlight
Now, [time for] the best mascara to cry in.
You can choose to do
your lower lashes or not
I feel like that is a personal decision.
We're gonna go back into "Drift"
And gonna smudge it
all under the waterline
Then you're gonna drag it down,
all the way.
And then get some "Good as Gone"
and rub it in some "Jet"
Create the falseness of depth
And just because I'm
feeling a little avant-garde, get some more
"Good as Gone" and just poke it into your eyebrows
that you forgot about until just now
And there we have it:
the look of
"My Husband Left Me For Another Man"
As I honestly don't have any feelings left
about that situation,
I'm gonna rely on this spritzer to give me that
"teary" look.
*Spritzer sounds*
*heavy sigh*
*Sniffle sniffle*
It's just been so difficult.
*Sad violin music and weeping*
Truly a tragedy.
*Spritzer sounds*
*Boo-hoo h-h-hoo*
*Actual tears from mascara burning eyes*
[sad narcissistic montage]
*Spritz and sob*
*sigh*
Welp...
it's been an
experience.
Thanks, Jenna, for unknowingly giving me
the idea to share my story in the
weirdest way possible
[💛]
Tub Gremlin: "Whaaat? I'm leisuriiiin'...
