here are some of the funny stories from my dungeons and dragons game when i was GM-ing
that couldnt make it into the main (*= Mel-eh-kar) storyline
i guess you could call this a prequel to that video? Enjoy!
prior their confrontation with Malakar the
players had gotten information from their elderly turtle friend oogway (It's not oogway????)
now they were chasing down a piece of the Mourneblade
which had fallen into the hands of a pharaoh and his dastardly cult.
his lair was a massive temple that was protected by a turtle sandstorm
that circled around it and only by displaying his insignia
would the sandstorm part, allowing people to enter.
once inside the group split up, two wanted to
try to talk to the pharaoh in the upper chambers while the other two were down stairs in the kitchen
snooping around. it wasn't long before
the downstairs duo got caught but sneakily killed the guard
and stashed his body in one of the cupboards (cabinets). as they tried to leave
another guard came in through the door, "Grr I thought i heard some thing"
the duo murdered him and hid his body. as they tried to leave...
AGAIN! another guard came in, so they stabby-stab,
stashed him  and repeat.again... and again...
and again. it was lunch time so the temple guards were entering
into the kitchen one by one. we cut to the upstairs where the cleric
and the sorcerer were having some nice tea
peacefully waiting to talk to the pharaoh and discussing what to do;
the cleric was like, " we need to reach these people..."
"...lets just talk to them and ask them, 'hey, could you...'"
"'...stop being evil and murdering innocent people, and taking slaves?'..."
"... and who knows, he might say yes."
"hmm, yea, that'll probably be fine"
"but just in case i'm going to be working on a back up plan, in case it... "
"... doesn't work out, quite the way you're imagining it."
"It Involves A Fire Ball."
and we cut down stairs to another stabbing  and another murder taking place
as a new gurad kept coming in to replace the one that had been killed
the rogue and monk had murdered over a dozen all ready
and were starting to run out of space for the bodies.
so they began having to get creative
hacking the bodies into pieces, and stashing the severed heads
in grain baskets, and legs and arms in shelves and torsos
in the cupboards and still...
people,one by one ,were coming into the kitchen
meanwhile... upstairs, the cleric and sorcerer get seen in by the pharaoh
who gives them his big... evil... speech
and the cleric decides to take him on in a fight.
for all of one round before he realizes they are
WAY out numbered and they
book it out of the room in the kitchen, the rogue and monk
completely worn out, tired, have
killed well near a hundred guards and stashed their
bodies everywhere they could think of until
they are just out of room. FINNALY, they get a chance to escape and book it
out of there
as the cleric a sorcerer enter onto the lower floors
its, AWFULLY quiet down there,
and notice that, many of the guards aren't around.
"QUICK, lets hide in the kitchen." "thats a good idea." "we'll hide in the grain basket."
horrified, he pops it open to see all the severed heads in them
and just like a horror movie the other person opens up a closet and
all these arms and legs fall out. horrified
they realize "OMG! THESE CULTISTS..."
"...WERE EATING THEIR OWN PEPOLE!"
" THOSE SAVAGES!"
the two players run from the kitchen, with LIVE guards behind them.
and they hear " OMG HOW'D THEY KILL SO MANY..."
"... GUARDS SO FAST!?!" "
" THOSE MONSTERS!!!"
the players fled the temple with the blade in tow from the vault while they have the handle
and the blade they still needed to get the thing forged back together
instead of taking it to the dwarves, they decide to bring it to the local black smith
because he was closer. "hm.. sure, i can reforge the sword..."
"... but what about these black tendrils of evil..."
"...radiating off of it?" " Don't mind those its fine!"
the black smith smacks it with his hammer but
gets hit with backlash retaliatory  necrotic attack that causes some bleeding
"it looks like it caused a little bit of a cut, but it doesnt seem that bad"
"His hand... cut it off" the rogue whiped out his sword and sliced off the
blacksmiths hand
" OOOH!!! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!?!"
"it could have given you a disease or curse or something,  you know..."
"... i probably just saved your life there"
"You're Welcome"
"Anyway, Could you try hitting it again?"
"LOOK!!"
"LO AH WER MA HAN WAS!?!
"YOU THINK I CAN DO IT AGAIN!!!"
"well you have two hands, Don't you?"
.......................
What?
coincidentally, later on in the story line, the war forged player needed to get armor remade
but they forgot that the only blacksmith
in town didn't want to talk to them and was injured
so they had to get the job done by the blacksmith's apprentice instead
"Do you think you could repair adamantium?"
"OH totally yea, oh don't you worry, gee wizz
I could fix it up for you in a jiffy!"
"NO nope... that's fine never mind, I take it back..."
"Don't you worry gosh golly, I'm new and I'm learning but...
rduyg I'll try my best and it will be just righto"
"I immediately regret this"
the players met up afterwards with his newly made armor
"Did you jus-"
"I don't wanna talk about it"
Ever since then our war forged had this gnarly armor that he wore
with some parts attached with duct tape and when ever he ran
his arms went straight up and down because the young apprentice blacksmith
didn't give his armor any elbows...
later on in a town they were getting attacked by enemies and discussing what to do
"What if someone come up the back door?"
"dont worry, I gave Bernard a dagger and put him out back to guard it-
-and keep enemies away. we're safe for now :)"
they were discussing a potential fight with an illithid they had coming up
which one of the players was not having and everyone was else was just ignoring him
"We can't just leave this problem here and run away, can we?"
"well, it seems like the problem we're having here is being in the
same town as the illithid, perhaps if one of those two
parties were to leave that would resolve the  problem"
"idk, it sounds dangerous if we were to fight it"
"Well you see, explaining this mathematically, there is a distance between us
and the illithid, if this value falls to zero
we're dead, but by increasing this value between the two of us
as much as we can, we maximize our survivability"
"what do you guys think we should do?? how can we kill this illithid?"
"hmmm, they eat brains, perhaps we could kill it
by starving them out perhaps by depriving them
of brains and removing our brains from the area!"
They had another encounter deep in the mine with several ogres, orcs, and goblins
The ogres have been fitted with these wooden barricades
which allowed the goblins to ride on them and fire down on the players
They're from Mordenkainen's Tome of Foes
and they're pretty kewl, i rweally like them
The players ended up setting an ambush in the clock tower
It wasn't until the orcs burst into the tower then the players realized something very important about the plan
while they were waiting to jump them
"idk, something about our plan, it just doesn't seem right"
"Don't worry, they won't stand a chance
that's why we filled this entire floor we're standing on with explosives!"
"so...whats-what's gonna happen?"
"First, we lure the orcs into the building-
-second, when they come up the stairs, that triggers the trap
and detonates all of the explosives in the room
which... we're in....
and then..... we....
uahhhh
RUUUUNNNNN!!!1!11!!
The next round, several of the players ended up jumping
out of the window to the street below
and broke their legs as the entire church detonated
A few didn't make it out of the building in time
and were discovered in the rubble after the thing collapsed
well...
i guess... you can call that a success?
Later on, the group had gotten jumped by a band of drow and spiders.
Our gnome monk had decided to talk to one of the spiders
and see if he could convince them to switch sides.
Hey, could you help us out? We'll give you stuff!
Well, sure, yeah! I just love helping people.
It'll be great! We'll give you money, fame, special spider privileges!
Spwecial spider pwivileges!
Yeah! We'll give you holidays, days of the week off for only spiders
We'll give you spider treats, spider houses!
There'll be special spider laws
Spwecial spider laws!
Yea, it'll be great!
OK! What u need?
Can you talk to your friends and see if they'll switch sides?
Ohhkay! I'm on it
He went up to talk
Heyy, whats up?
Hhhhgmmmm, I'm just salivating over my next meal of man flesh
while they cry in agony unable to run away
I can't wait to sink my fangs into their skin
and boil their blood from the inside out with my venom
Okey! guud talk..
What did they say?
Umm, I talked to them, they seem, uhhh, interested..
bu-but they didn't say yes exactly, uhh
the-they didn't say no either so I think
they are going to think about it and I'm pretty hopeful!
Eventually bitey ended up going with the group
Part of the mythos with him is that only our Gnome Monk can talk to him
and if anyone else tried to speak to him, what they get was this
Hey Bitey, can I ride you?
Haaaa, well sure, yeah! Of course you can!
Bitey says it's okay!
Haaaa
That sounds like fuun!
Eventually the group made it back to the capital with a reforged Mourneblade
From their heroic deed, their group became well known!
And started getting some name recognition
Do these nobles know who we are?
We're kind of  a big deal now
Hang on second, let me roll
You know what? Actually , I think they do!
Oh, of course I recognize this group! Your'e the turtle f*ckers, aren't you?
Me too! I'm very familiar with f*cking tturtles!
Oh yeah... I forgot that was the name
heyy, uhh Ben
You gonna tell a story of how we got that name?
yea see, about that...
this story is one which is not gonna get an animation
BUT THATS THE BEST PART
I SAID IM NOT ANIMATING IT!!!
