So far, 2012 has been an awesome year for me! Not not so much in terms of Dream Corner’s growth (which has been amazing and I’m thankful for!), but more for my personal journey and growth. I tell people that Dream Corner is a gift to me – personally, because it has allowed me the opportunity to rediscover who I am.

At the start of this year, I was determined to deal with my issues – confront those things I didn’t want to. There’s something about being in your 40s – in my case 46, that makes me feel that I may not have done ‘great’ up till now, but I can do so much better with the rest of my life – however long it may be.

Incredibly I have found my inner voice and recognised who I have always wanted to be; and acknowledging that I’m childfree is one of them. It certainly wasn’t one of the things I put on my list of things at the start of the year. I guess subconsciously it bothered me I couldn’t talk about it without offending anyone.

Last month, I stumbled across Jody Day and her business Gateway Women; and as soon as I saw what she did, I knew I wanted to meet and interview her. I immediately requested for an introduction; and to my delight, Jody was happy to connect with me. When we spoke for the 1st time, I knew this was another piece – another part of my journey I wanted to address.

Looking through her website stirred up so many issues, thoughts I had…and felt I couldn’t talk about because I don’t have any friends who are childfree – (Childfree is deciding not to have children by choice; while Childless is by circumstance).

As a Nigerian by heritage, deciding to be childfree is un-natural – at least of my generation. As someone put it to me – ‘What’s the point of being a woman if you don’t want to have children’ Ouch!

You see I haven’t arrived at this decision lightly. Growing up, I guess I felt I would have children – that was what everyone did – aimed for. But as I think back twenty years, I was never particularly excited at the prospect of having a baby – perhaps my childhood experiences contributed to that. But I loved/love babies, but ALWAYS happy to hand them back to their parents. In 2003/4, I worked in the nursery in my then local Church – changing diapers for over a year, and did that with joy. All the toddlers wanted to be sit on me and be my friend; so at least there wasn’t an aversion to it.

As the years went on, with the ‘b-clock’ ticking, I felt the pressure to be in a relationship that would end in marriage and then a child – it was expected of me. I didn’t want to be a single parent by choice, so felt this was the way to do it. I dated, but never met anyone who really got me or who I wanted to be with – enough to marry.

When I got back from New York in early 2006, and turning 40 later on that year, I decided that I wasn’t going to put myself under any pressure to be in a relationship for the sake of marriage and/or children. I was strangely okay with my conclusion – not in any way sad. I think I was more relieved, but of course I couldn’t say this to anyone then – who would believe me? That I was honest about it. Had I really contemplated what ‘old’ age would be like without children?

The other issue I faced was finding a man who would accept that I didn’t want children. I wasn’t going to win either way it seemed. As the years have gone on, every time I have mentioned (quietly I might add!), I wasn’t going to have children, I got the same response – ‘oh you haven’t met the man who’s going to change your mind’ or ‘God has a different plan for me’! I think this in particular annoyed me – why would God who loves me (as he does everyone!), ‘force’ me to have a child against my wish or desire? That’s not the God I know and love!

It seems all of a sudden in my 40s, I am unable to make rational decisions for and by myself! What’s wrong with being child-free? What’s wrong with being okay with it? I should be accepted as me – Viv!

Society and different communities within society, place too much emphasis on being a Mum rather than being a woman! I have been ignored, disrespected on numerous occasions because I’m not with child and in some cases because I am not married – which is a whole different subject altogether!

I have a lot of sympathy for those who have unfortunately not conceived after years of trying to. I know how much being a Mum means to them – there’s an underlined grief they feel which breaks my heart for them. A friend of mine has more or less ‘removed’ herself from society because she unfortunately hasn’t become a Mum after nearly 20 years of marriage. Should she have to feel this pressure? Isn’t she enough as she is?

You can probably tell, I have been bursting to ‘come out’ and come out I have! I am happy to be childfree! And thoroughly thrilled I met and interviewed the amazing Jody Day – who is childless; but we shared so much in common in our amazing interview which you can listen to here – Interview with Jody Day