Lotus has issued an urgent, all-models recall following the recent Top Gear Patagonia special which appeared to suggest that its cars are reliable.

‘What we saw on television involving that Esprit V8 was extremely worrying,’ said Hethel executive Ethel Hexecutive. ‘The car was shown tackling terrain that should instantly cause a Lotus to malfunction, such as gravel tracks, rocky beaches and perfectly smooth roads.’

‘We must stress that this was probably a fluke,’ Ms Hexecutive continued. ‘But as a precaution we are recalling every car we’ve made in the last 25 years to ensure that some part of it is not working quite as it should or is about to fall off, just as it was the day it left the showroom.’

‘We must stress again that the Esprit shown on Top Gear was almost certainly a one off,’ Hexecutive concluded. ‘However, we want to give our customers the reassurance of knowing that they should probably think twice before using their Lotus because it’s raining. Or cloudy. Or Thursday.’