“Yes, Michael Bloomberg, former New York City mayor and world’s richest house elf is on the verge of jumping into the Democratic primary because he doesn’t think any of the current candidates can beat Trump. And you have to admit, that’s such a billionaire thing to do, right?” — TREVOR NOAH

“Like, why do billionaires always do this, you know? It’s not just him — look at Bruce Wayne. Gotham’s crime was out of control. Instead of complaining about the cops, he was like, ‘Alfred, build me a car that shoots grenades — I’ll do it myself!’” — TREVOR NOAH

“And I see what Bernie and other Democrats are saying. The only reason it’s even possible for Bloomberg to jump into the race so late isn’t because he has like a groundswell of popular support behind him, it’s that he has $53 billion to spend. Yeah, $53 billion. With that amount of money, Bloomberg could keep cloning different versions of himself until he finds the most electable one. He could be like: ‘How about a tall Bloomberg? Or how about a buff Bloomberg? What about a black Bloomberg? Oh no! Now I have to stop and frisk myself!’” — TREVOR NOAH

“Why doesn’t he just tell everyone if they vote for him they get $20?” — DESUS NICE

“You’ve been watching the rampant corruption of the Trump presidency, the catastrophic failure of the Trump administration and the destructive influence the wealthy have had on politics and you’re saying to yourself, ‘You know what can fix this? A different rich guy.’ Because if we’ve learned one thing from the past decade of politics, from the financial crisis to the Trump presidency, it’s that rich people, with zero exceptions, know what they’re doing. That’s why they always do smart, sane things like leaving all their money to their cats or going on a podcast and smoking weed like Elon Musk.” — SETH MEYERS