We are already frozen in pay - no cost of living, no step increases. This year we saw furloughs. Those of us on 10 month contracts were furloughed 4 days. Those on 11th month contracts were cut to 10 months - that is the equivalent of 21 days of furlough. Many stipends were eliminated - for teaching special education, for having a doctorate, for being National Board Certified.

And now the pensions.

The best we seem to be able to hope for is the Governor's modification of the proposal that came from the budget commission. Anyone not vested at the end of this year - and currently that takes 5 years of service - would need a minimum of ten years. And everyone, vested or not, would have to make a choice before the start of next year. Currently we contribute 5% of our pay, in return for which the state pension provides us 1.8% of the average of our three best years earning for each year we have in the system. Those continuing to work we have to choose between raising their contribution to 7% for each additional year we work to maintain the 1.8% for each future year we work. Or else we could continue to contribute 5% but the ratio for each future year would be only 1.5%. In either case, it will be of the average of our 5 highest years. Remember that for some of us, the current year already hurts us, with the loss of stipends (the $5,000 we receive for National Board Certification) on top of our furlough days. We do not yet know the structure of next year's pay, only that we will not got pay increases or cost of living, even as our own expenses continue to rise.

That's the best we can expect. It already has teachers in my building attempting to calculate whether, if they can retire now, they should, given the possible long term economic implications.

But apparently the President of the State Senate, who in some ways is as powerful as the Governor, want to put back on the table the proposals from the budget committee. That would include raising the contribution by 3%,to 8%, to keep the 1.8% match. It would eliminate for some period of time any Cost of Living adjustments in pensions.

And it would include a rule of 92. Right now one is fully vested in one's pension after 5 years, but at 1.8% for each year served, it is not much money unless one works a significant number of years. One is eligible to retire after 30 years service, or when one reaches 62. The rule of 92 would say you are not vested until the combination of age and service totals 92. That falls especially heavily on those of us who are career switchers. Let me use myself as an example.

As of May I will be 65, with 15 years of service credited. That totals 80. In order to be fully vested - if I work one day after this year - I would need to work until I am 71: that would give me 6 years more of service and 6 years more of age. Otherwise, it is not clear yet what if any portion of the pension I have been earning I would receive. That we will not know until a final bill is drafted, which might not be until late May. If we plan to retire, we are contractually required to put in our papers by June 15.

I have often said I hope to teach at least until I am 70, if I am capable of doing so with integrity. But what if my health begins to fail? Under the current system I could retire at any point with what I have earned. If I wish to continue to earn pension benefits at the same rate as I have been doing, I have to effectively take a 2% pay cut (the additional contribution to the pension) to get a benefit that will be lower than it is this at the end of this year - that is in part because we did not always have our National Board Stipend included in our pay for pension calculations. I would need at least two more years to be certain, with the additional years at 1.8% of five years average to get what I would currently get with the average of 3 years. That's hard enough.

But if I have to continue to work until I am 71 to be able to be assured a pension, am I not almost forced to consider retiring this year and doing something else, which will at least contribute towards Social Security while I work, and whose income I can apply towards a 401K?

My situation is difficult. It pales compared to the choices some of our teachers have to make. I think of some who came to teaching in their mid-30s. I think of a woman with a Ph. D. in mathematics who teaches at another school. She makes far less than she could in the private sector. She began at age 38. She is now 45. She is considered vested, except there is that troubling issue of the rule of 92. At age 60 she will have 22 years of service, for a total of 80. She will need to work to 66 in order to be sure of her pension benefits. Should she continue, or - not even knowing if that rule of 92 will be part of the final legislation - should she be looking for other employment now, as the economy begins to recover?

What happens to our focus on our students if we are having to consider looking for other employment? Last night my wife asked me if we should consider moving to some place in Virginia out of the Northern Virginia suburbs, where if I reinstate my Virginia certificate, what I would be paid with the pension I am already guaranteed might enable us to survive. That is but one of many possibilities I will have to explore.

I will also have to be going through all of this with many of our teachers. We have teachers who are in their third or fourth years, who may decide the uncertainty or even the changes that will be coming to the pensions are such that they will not continue in the classroom - they have to think of themselves for the long term. We have more senior teachers who may feel as if they need to retire now because of the economic impact for them of any of the changes that will be forthcoming. As union rep I am going to be spending a lot of time walking people through the scenarios, only even when I asked senior members of our legislative delegation what is likely, they don't know.

Some of our legislators are willing to consider raising more revenue. Taxes on the wealthy, on alcohol, even on gasoline. But they doubt there is a majority in the House, as some Democrats worry about what they saw in the last election, where their margins were far narrower than they were used to, in part because of the Tea Party movement. It is not clear there are the votes to raise any taxes. The last few years there has been federal money that has helped close the gap. This year that is not forthcoming.

Our jurisdiction, Prince George's County, is especially hard hit. For one thing, we cannot raise taxes except by a referendum, as the result of a previous referendum. No one expects our struggling tax payers to be willing to agree to raising any taxes within the competence of the County Council. The state is cutting back money that would normally go to districts with significant numbers of students in poverty - while we have wealthy parts of our community, we are a school jurisdiction with a high rate, and as the second largest school district (after Montgomery County) that falls on us especially heavily. We have high numbers of English Language Learners and Special Education students, each of which costs far more to educate.

I cannot in good faith urge young people to consider teaching at this point. Some years ago Maryland's teachers increased their contribution to the pension plan, which was badly underfunded through no fault of our own. Through what is called corridor funding, the state cut back its employer's share of contributions below what the actuaries urged because the investments of the pension fund were doing so well. That eliminated any cushion. Even before the market collapse in 2007-2008 we were facing a situation where the state had insufficient reserves to pay the pension obligations already incurred. The market collapse made it worse. While the market has recovered, the state pension fund is still well short of having the resources to be able to meet future pension obligations. It is not the fault of teachers, of other state employees. But we will suffer consequences.

On the one hand we are lucky. We still have a pension, of some sort, if we are vested. Many of us have a choice to make at the end of this year. From the standpoint of school districts like ours that are still struggling to balance their budgets, if senior - meaning higher paid - teachers opt to retire at the end of this year, that helps them balance their budgets - they might be paying replacements only around half of what they pay teachers like me.

But for the students? What happens if 20% of the teachers in a building leave? Or more? What if those are the senior teachers who not only shape the culture of the school, but mentor the younger teachers? What if those teachers are the only ones qualified for particular courses? Next year I could have even more AP Government students than the 112 I currently have. No one else in the building is qualified to teach AP, not yet. Someone would need training during the summer, if they were willing to take on the burden of the course. What if I don't announce I am retiring until the beginning of June? How does the school hire a competent and qualified replacement? I am just one example. In some case it could be the only teacher of a foreign language.

The terrible reality is that our schools are only one example where the financial profligacy that led to the economic collapse of 2008 is going to have an effect for years - in schools, to be sure. But in other government services.

To balance our budgets, we have a Hobson's choice - do we cut media specialists, counselors, or do we furlough everyone? Do we increase class sizes by as many as 4 students per? Hos many elective courses must we be forced to eliminate? We don't know.

My situation is not as dire as that of others here. I understand that. I have a job, even though my pay has been cut 10% this year. I have the option of continuing to work, whereas some teachers will lose jobs, not just in our district but around the country.

The terrible reality is that even continuing the Bush era tax cuts for middle class people like me jeopardizes the long-term well-being of our nation. So do Afghanistan and Iraq. The combination of these means that we will not rebuild our infrastructure, we will not be educating our children as we should, because in a time of crisis only the federal government has the ability to spend through deficits to make up for the lost economic activity that would normally fund state and local governments.

How much effort will I be able to put into persuading policy makers on appropriate reforms to help our students when I have to devote time to helping my fellow teachers figure out the financial implications of the choices they face, that I face?

It is Tuesday. Normally I would write about the words of one of three brilliant writers. Today Herbert's words are especially appropriate. They speak to my condition. They speak to the condition of many of the parents of the students I teach.

Perhaps it is selfish of me to focus on myself and my fellow teachers.

Riding home on the bus last night the reality hit home - for economic reasons, this could be my final year in the classroom. I may have no choice but to seek to find other means of employment, not easy to do when one is approaching 65.

It is not the difficulty of finding other employment, but the thought of leaving the classroom - I was very depressed. I wanted to nap during the 40 minutes on the busfrom Annapolis back to union headquarters, but I could not. I don't remember any of the music on my radio during the 35 minutes from headquarters to my home. I was depressed, saddened.

I sat down, opened up a computer to 300 messages since I had last signed on 5 hours before and found myself deleting many without reading. I could not easily go to sleep, so this morning I am tired.

My problems are mild compared to those of many people. I know that. The problems of most of our teachers pale in comparison to the 99ers, or those completing their educations yet unable to find jobs. I know that as well.

The stock market may have recovered. Corporate profits may be up. But too many people are already suffering. Too many more are beginning to confront what the teachers of Prince George's County confront - the severe diminution of our economic futures.

This is America. This is our nation, our society.

It is a loss of hope.

It is struggling to figure out how to minimize the damage to what is left of hopes and dreams.

This is what it is for far too many Americans:

A terrible reality.