Whenever you hear Christians talk about “living biblically,” it’s hard not to roll your eyes. Because anyone who’s read the Bible knows that it’s full of passages (that usually go unmentioned in churches) that ought to make anyone question why so many hold the book in such high esteem.

Now, “Horus Gilgamesh” and illustrator “Agnes Tickheathen” (Agnostic Heathen) have put out a book called the Awkward Moments (Not Found In Your Average) Children’s Bible documenting many of these little-known verses. The finished product is simply incredible. The book features beautiful/disturbing illustrations of several Bible passages that no Christians want to admit are in their holy book.

Searching for a gift to give your Reddit Secret Santa or atheist friends this Christmas Festivus? Look no further.

Just take a look at some of the pages:

This one quotes Exodus 21:20-21:

Anyone who beats their male or female slave with a rod must be punished if the slave dies as a direct result, but they are not to be punished if the slave recovers after a day or two, since the slave is their property.

Here’s Mark 5:9-13:

Then Jesus asked him, “What is your name?” “My name is Legion,” he replied, “for we are many.” And he begged Jesus again and again not to send them out of the area. A large herd of pigs was feeding on the nearby hillside. The demons begged Jesus, “Send us among the pigs; allow us to go into them.” He gave them permission, and the impure spirits came out and went into the pigs. The herd, about two thousand in number, rushed down the steep bank into the lake and were drowned.

And here’s 2 Kings 6:28-29:

Then he asked her, “What’s the matter?” She answered, “This woman said to me, ‘Give up your son so we may eat him today, and tomorrow we’ll eat my son.’ So we cooked my son and ate him. The next day I said to her, ‘Give up your son so we may eat him,’ but she had hidden him.”

If you have to read a Bible, this is the one to read. It gets right to the good stuff. It’s the equivalent of learning a new language and immediately looking up all the curse words.

The best part of the book? It’s only Volume One.



