Trans sexuality and sex is not a mainstream topic, one discussed on the ever so hip on point trans friendly mainstream media. Indeed, it is rarely, if ever, discussed outside of porn communities or queer focus groups. It seems that trans people, sex, and sexuality is a taboo that even the trans community is afraid to discuss opening for fear of being seen as sexual monsters, deviants, or objects of lust.

As a trans woman I have no inhibitions talking about my sexuality, which in case is that I like who I like regardless of gender. For most trans people, and the overwhelming majority of cis folk, trans sex and sexuality remains forbidden fruit, the questions hanging there ready for the serpent to goad you into picking them. This mystique, taboo, and stigma originates in the otherness of the trans experience, as outsiders are curious about how trans people fuck, and trans people are uncertain about how to frame their fucking so that others do not get a head fuck.

I make no assumptions for other people’s personal experiences, all I can do is speak from my own. Personally I have never felt pressured to defend my sexuality, feel ashamed of the people I love and share intimacy with, and not once have I had to apologise for the way my brain and body react to arousal and sexual stimuli. I thoroughly enjoy the intimate experience with all genders and bodies, I love the touch, the taste, and the feel. Yes I am trans, but I am also chemically wired to enjoy intimate moments, so why should my gender transgression change that?

The vast majority of people can relate to how the human mind and body work sexually, as cis sexuality is easy enough to describe. When it comes to trans bodies the clear cut definitions of what makes a body sexually tick start to mush and squish together. A woman with a penis, or man with a vagina, is an odd concept to both conceive and not to feel dissonance over, so to begin to have a matter of fact discussion of any of the other myriad trans body combinations out there is a tough one for most people to get there head around.

Not that this is a bad thing; rather, it is something that needs education and patience with. I would much rather an honest and frank discussion of trans sex and sexuality than a prurient through the curtains snicker. I am not ashamed of my body, and no person, trans or cis, should be either. If you are a sexual being, then you have the innate right to enjoy and revel in your intimate moments. If you like to fuck, then fuck. If you make love in the most tender ways, then go with the flow. If your kinks and chains make you glow, then all the power to you. Gender transgression should never be a barrier to being free and comfortable with your sexuality and sex.

Alongside this there are those who love trans bodies, however those lovers define their own sexualities. Society searches for the right labels to pin to these people, not quite sure if to love and fuck a trans person is a deviance, fetish, or a darker perversion. There is also the chaser, fetishiser, and closet fucker of trans bodies, the type of person known in the trans community to avoid and stay away from. This milieu of trans lover and chaser distorts and twists the trans sex narrative, as it becomes something more than simply two or more people sharing a moment or a lifetime. It becomes about them above and beyond the trans body they adore, leaving the elemental questions of trans sex and sexuality on the sidelines.

This is a very long and broad topic, one in which this post can only scratch the surface. There are more eloquent writers than me who have described their own trans sexualities and sexual journeys in franker and fuller terms, yet the one thing that always stays with me is how outside the mainstream their voices are, how unreflected in film and television the panoply of trans sex and sexuality really is. If barriers are to be broken down, and trans sex moved from porn towards the mainstream, then there needs to be more written, spoken, and discussed, without fear or prejudice on anyone’s part. Sex and sexuality are wonderful things, and I believe it is time trans sex and sexuality moved out of the deep shadows and was seen in a fair and honest light.