This past year has been a season of intentional living. I’ve been taking inventory of things that were just the norm, and asking if there’s something better; challenging the status quo.

I started riding my bike to work, began paying attention to the food I eat, and revamped much of my spending habits. I created this blog to share my thoughts along the way.

The most recent area that’s been receiving some close inspection and reflection is my spiritual life. It makes sense that I’d feel the urge to examine what I believe about God and religion.

My faith has looked different at various points in my life. There’s been apathy, and enthusiasm. It has spanned a Catholic upbringing to an Evangelical rebirth.

For a while, I naively understood this as the spectrum of Christianity: that you were either a Protestant, or a Catholic Christian. I didn’t know what I didn’t know.

Now, I’m at least aware of the other groups of Christ followers who don’t neatly fit into these two categories. To be fair, I was still a teenager when I had this line of thinking.

Six years later, I find myself moving away from the Evangelical world. I haven’t felt it truly fits me for quite some time. I suppose if Evangelical only meant spreading the good news, I might still be one. But people within and even outside the Evangelical world agree that it includes more specific characteristics. I’m realizing that I can’t check many of those boxes.

You don’t have to be an Evangelical to be a Christian, though. Unfortunately, many people don’t have this understanding. For a long time I didn’t either.

What is a Christian?

To be honest, I have some days where I don’t know what Christian really means to me. I still want to follow Christ. For now, that’s enough for me. That’s mostly what I wanted to do in the first place when I started down this Evangelical path eight years ago.

Some will say one must land on the correct side of a certain issue to be a Christian. And yet, there are faithful people following Christ on the other side of said issue. The people on both sides of the coin might actually fall under the umbrella of Christianity despite their disagreement.

What often follows is the policing of the Christian label by saying, “but they aren’t Christians!” or, “but a Christian wouldn’t believe that!”. Sometimes both parties are pointing fingers at each other. They want their group identity to remain intact.

I used to be the person that passed this labeling judgement on others. I would effectively say, “you can’t be a Christian unless you pick this side.”

Sometimes these judgements were kept to myself, other times they were said to the person’s face. I always thought or convinced myself that I had good intentions. But it’s taken years to realize how much baggage this has built up.

I felt superior for having the “right” conviction. I thought I was doing better for taking my faith “more seriously” than others I knew. When someone had an opportunity to take their faith “more seriously” and didn’t, I looked down upon them.

But now I’m in that other person’s shoes. I’m coming to the same conclusions that I excluded people for in the past. I’m realizing the pain and feeling of isolation that comes from drawing a dividing line. Even if it isn’t said in this way, it can feel like, “you don’t get to be a part of this.”

An Ongoing Process

So while I can relate to the other perspective now, I haven’t really been on the receiving end of the judgement very much. I might be asking for it with this blog post, but I’m prepared.

The past several months have been extremely humbling. I’m recalling interactions and feelings from my past that I owe apologies for. I’m doing my best to make amends. And I’m still not perfect.

But I’m not abandoning faith. I trust God. I want to follow Christ. Even if, day by day, those things begin to look different. It’s been hard, but also life-giving. I’m more uncertain about my spiritual path than I’ve been in a long time, but I’m also more comfortable in the uncertainty.

I’ll share more over time. I’ve had apprehension with sharing about my spiritual life here for a while. I believe it was rooted in fear of being deemed wrong by the people who are in my in-crowd. I’m not concerned about being in the in-crowd now.

I’m not concerned about whether someone else thinks I’m a Christ-follower, or an Evangelical, or an agnostic, or a spiritual person, or a Christian, or an atheist, or just a dude.

I’m going to keep following and loving and doing.

From my mind to yours,

Quinn