The Trump Administration Coup Fanfic — Starring Johnny DeStefano

Featuring your favorite neocons like H.R. McMaster and democrats like Jared Kushner.

It was 3:30 in the afternoon and he was getting anxious. He ordered one of his interns to get him a caramel macchiato with soy from the Starbucks down the street. His phone rang as the intern poured his overpriced drink into a golden chalice. It was Reince and he motioned for the intern to leave.

“Hello President Priebus,” Johnny DeStefano said with a grin on his face.

“Stop calling me that, you know McMaster probably has our phones tapped. Only he is to be called President,” Reince said with a nervous tone as his voice cracked.

“I’ve almost completed my list of schedule C employees who are going to get the boot. It should be complete by tonight. I calculate about 800 will be gone,” he said with a nefarious look on his face.

“Excellent, our Lord John Boehner would be proud,” Reince said as he hung up the phone.

Just as he hung up the phone, Glorious Leader H. R. McMaster walked into the room with a manilla envelope in his hand.

“What do you have there, Glorious Leader?” Johnny asked as he took a knee.

“Get up, you dog. I have in here a transcript from the meeting with Lavrov and I plan to release it to the press. They love me so much I just can’t stop leaking. They’re even paying me $10,000 for big leaks! This is glorious. Petraeus would be proud of me,” McMaster said as a tear fell down his cheek.

He opened the envelope and he put down the transcript on Johnny’s desk. He smiled as Johnny looked puzzled. There was more information in the document than what was discussed in the meeting.

“This one is going to the New York Times. They love me there,” McMaster said and he drifted off into deep thought. I just wish Katie Walsh was still here. It was so much easier to have her pass leaked information to Maggie Haberman. Now? I have to do the dirty work. I don’t really mind having Dina Powell run “errands” for me but then she gets a cut of the money. Daddy’s got many expensive habits. I still owe a ton of money to Bill Clinton for getting me access to a certain island.

Johnny asked him if he had more information like this coming down the pipeline. McMaster responded by saying “don’t you worry” as he walked out of the room.