US Customs and Border Protection agriculture specialist uses a magnifying glass to look at a bug he found while inspecting flowers at the Miami International Airport on February 3, 2011 (Photo by Joe Raedle/Getty Images)

Have you ever tried to get something that you shouldn’t through US Customs? Frankly, I don’t know how people summon the nerve. Whether it’s illegal drugs, exotic animal meat, or counterfeit purses, people will try to smuggle just about anything. And everyone seems to have their own favorite hiding places. But if any of your favorites are on the list below, you might want to rethink your life choices.




Gizmodo has obtained a list of items confiscated by US Customs and Border Protection (CBP) over this past summer at the 23 different ports of entry in Florida. The list contains over 4,100 items, and while it appears some were confiscated by travelers at airports, others were coming in from commercial shipping vessels.

The two lists below are a non-comprehensive collection of things that people used to conceal their illicit items, along with the items themselves. Unfortunately, CBP didn’t match up the items that were being smuggled with the way they were being transported, but it certainly provides a fun guessing game. Did someone try to smuggle brass knuckles... in... bags of marinade? Probably not. But again, this was in Florida. So you never know.


Just kidding, Florida. But seriously, please don’t give us a President Trump. We promise to stop making fun of you with all the “Florida Man” jokes if you just make sure we don’t get a neo-fascist in the White House.

Methods of concealment (May 25, 2016 - August 25, 2016):

Airbags



Bags of marinade [flavor unspecified]



Baseball caps

Birthday card



Books



Box of Legos



Candles



Candy



CD case



Comic book



Computer bag



Computer part



Cooling fans



DVD case

Father’s Day card

FedEx envelope

Hair gel jars

Jamieson Omega 3-6-9 bottle

Jeans

Laptop computer bag

LED light

Lego set

Lighter as a gift

Louis Vuitton bag

Malta drink can

Metal handicraft

Mickey Mouse satchel

Mug

Napkin holder

Pair of boots

Perfume bottle

Porridge packets

Portable gas grill

Printer cartridges

Puzzle

Small toys

Socks

Talking Genius speakers

Talking Logitech speakers

Toner laser cartridge

Undergarments

So what was seized? There’s the stuff you might expect, like weed, cocaine, and prescription drugs. And the stuff you might not, like DVD box sets of the 1972-1985 British sitcom Are You Being Served. And 48 pounds of cheese. Which are things US Customs agents actually seized. They also took something listed simply as “poem books.” Were the poems too racy for America?

Customs and Border Protection also seized cars, from a 1985 Humvee to a 1999 Rover Mini. There was also a 1998 military truck in there. And ammunition. Like, a lot of ammunition. And pork. So much fucking pork. It’s incredible how many people tried to bring pork into Florida from all over the world this summer and US Customs, for one reason or another, wasn’t having it.

I completely understand why Customs seized some of the items. But others I really don’t get. Like a single turkey sandwich? Or a lone Pokemon ball? Or, again, “poem books.” I reached out to US Customs and Border Patrol in Florida to ask about why seemingly innocuous things like “Disney Collector pins” or “Ham sandwich” were confiscated, and was told that I’d have to get those answers from the Freedom of Information office where I got this list. So (hopefully) look for a follow-up to this post in a month or two.


When I compared Florida’s list to other states (with admittedly far fewer ports of entry) from this past summer, it seems like Florida’s 4,100 seizures, for just May 25 to August 25, was pretty high. By comparison, Oregon had just 47 seizures. Utah had just one. Arkansas had zero seizures this summer, based on the results of other Freedom of Information Act requests filed by Gizmodo.

There’s also a listing that just reads “Captain America” as one of the things that was confiscated in Florida. It feels like someone should probably check on that. Did Captain America get held up at Customs in Miami, or what?


I’ve listed items that sound both strange and mundane to make the list below a fairly representative sample. And if you see Captain America on the street, ask him why he was confiscated by Customs in Florida.

Items seized in Florida (May 25, 2016 - August 25, 2016):

1985 AM General Humvee



1995 Rover Mini1300



1998 ST&ST M1088 Military Truck



1999 Rover Mini



2014 Toyota Camry



2016 Polaris Ranger UTV (Pink)



2016 Polaris Ranger UTV (White)



$10 bill (counterfeit)

Acetaminophen with codeine

Altered passports (Honduras, Guatemala, Sierra Leone, South Africa Venezuela)

Apples

Apple chargers

Apple headphones

Apple iPhone 6 (counterfeit)

Apple LCD Screens

Apple Macbooks

Are You Being Served DVD box sets

Assorted starfish

Avian skull (Peru)



Avocados

Balancing scooters

Bass Pro Shops cap

Beach Body DVDs

Beats by Dr. Dre headphones

Beef empanadas

Belkin car chargers

Ben Nye Banana powder

Birth control pills

Blood sausage (2kg)

Bodybuilding supplements

Botox

Brass knuckles

Brazilian passports

Brownwells AR15 30 round magazines

BSA 22 Riflescope

Burberry shirts (counterfeit)

Buttstock

Cannabis infused coconut oil

Captain America

Captopril (25mg)

Caterpillar nozzles

Cellphone jammer

Chanel gold earrings

Chanel iPhone case

Chanel necklaces

Chanel purse

Chanel wallets

Cheese (30lbs, over USDA quota)

Cheese (38lbs, over USDA quota)

Cheese (48lbs, over USDA quota)



Clomid (50mg)

Clonazepam

Cocaine (62lbs)



Cocaine (Black bag)

Cocaine (Brown bag)

Cocaine (Shoes)

Cocaine concealed in HP Pavilian laptop

Cocaine concealed in steel bars

Cocaine in box

Cocaine vaginal insert

Cocaine (carry on bag)

Coca Cola

Cockfighting spurs

Cojiba Cuban cigars (25)



Collapsible steel baton

Conch meat (12lbs)



Cuban cigars (Diplomaticis el Embajador)

Cuban cigars (Petit Piramides)

Cuban cigars (Cohiba)

Cuban cigars (Juan Lopez Seleccion No. 1)

Cuban cigars (Por Larranaga - Opera)

Crystal methamphetamines

Dell laptop

Denver Broncos SB 50 Championship Ring

Diazepam (5mg)

Dimethyltryptamine (DMT) powder

Disney - Baby Einstein DVDs

Disney Collector Pins

Disney Frozen character costumes

Dunhill cigarettes

Drum magazine

DVDs - MASH TV series

DVDs - Star Trek, Next Generation

DVDs - Star Trek, Voyager Series

E-Cig vapor cartridges with residue

Ecstasy (1.38lbs)

Ferrari phone cover

Fish bladder

Flying fairy

Florida driver’s licenses (counterfeit)

Ford Motor Co auto parts labels

FUB-AMB synthetic cannabinoids marijuana

Girl shoes

Glass pipes - black and clear 9 1/2 inch

Glock 19 9mm

Glock 9mm 30 round firearm magazine

Glock barrel 23, 40 cal conv to 9mm

Goat meat

Gucci belts

Gucci purses

Gucci sneaker

Gucci watch

Ham

Ham and cheese pastries

Ham sandwich

Ham sandwiches (0.5kg)

Hatching eggs from Brazil

Hatching eggs (16EA) Thailand

Hatching eggs (30EA) NL

HDMI cables

Hello Kitty earrings (counterfeit)

Holographic weapon sight

Honduran birth certificates

Huawei cellphone faceplates

Humanitarian release

Ibuprofen

Iguana meat (o.31kg)

Iguana meat and eggs

Illinois drivers licenses (counterfeit)

Jeep/ Fuel tank cap

Ketamine (10ML)

Lacoste bags

Lacoste shirts (counterfeit)

Lacoste sneakers

Lacoste wallets

Laser sight

Lego set

Levis sweaters

LG HBS-800 headphones

LG HBS-900 headphones

Liquid cocaine

Louis Vuitton bag

Louis Vuitton belts

Louis Vuitton eyeglasses

Louis Vuitton footwear

Louis Vuitton leather belts

Louis Vuitton necklaces

Louis Vuitton phone covers

Louis Vuitton rose gold earrings

Louis Vuitton wallets

LSD

Mac lipstick (counterfeit)

Marijuana seeds

Marijuana - Kushy Punch Gummy

Marijuana cream

Marijuana grinders

Marijuana oil

Marijuana seed (0.01 gram)

Meth (bags containing 0.56 grams)

Mickey/Minnie Chain/Earrings (counterfeit)

Mickey Mouse pajamas

Micro SD (64 GB)

Micro SD (16 GB)

Micro SD (2 GB)

Micro SD (32 GB)

Micro SD (4 GB)

Micro SD (8GB)

Micro SD memory cards 128GB

Milwaukee Bucks cap

Mini flags

Miscellaneous documents

Monsters Inc phone covers

Mouse pads

NBA hats (counterfeit)

NFL jerseys (counterfeit)

Nike bag

Nike cleats

Nike Lebron James shoes

Nike shorts

Nike socks

Oakley gloves (counterfeit)

Otter box phone cases

Oxycodone

Oxymetholone 50

Pack of envelopes

Packing box

Packing tape

Padlock

Pamphlet

Peppa Pig earring (counterfeit)

Pistol

Plants for planting

Plastic piggy banks

Plastic vial with methamphetamine

Playing cards

PMAG 30 AR/M4 GEN M2

PMAG 5.56x45 AR-15 magazine

Poem books

Pokemon ball

Porcupine quills (0.03lbs)



Pork blood sausage

Pork meat tamales (2kg)

Pork meat tamales (8kg)

Poke pate

Pork rinds

Pork sandwich (0.5kg)

Pork sausage (1kg)

Pork skins

Pork (hot dogs)

Pork/beef sausages

Pork mortadella

Pot holder

Princess peppa sneakers

Pro mag .380

Pro mag 9mm pistol magazine

Psilocybin truffles

Pumpkin seeds

Puzzle box

PXP3 Gameboy with Spiderman image

Real Madrid hats

Red dot sights

Rifle stock

Ritalina (10mg)

Rolex Cellini watch

Rolex Day-Date Presidential watches

Rolex Oyster watch

Rolex watch Daytona

Rose apple seeds

Ruger trigger guard laser

Ruger 9E

Ruger LCR .38 SPL

Ruminant meat

S&W 9mm pistol magazine

Samsung cellphone faceplates

Samsung Galaxy 4 cellphones

Samsung Galaxy Note S7 cellphones

Shells

Shirt

Sim cards

Skittles bag

Skullcandy earphones

Slimming suit

Smith & Wesson Bodyguard .380

Smith & Wesson M&P 9 Shield

Smith & Wesson Model 66/357 Magnum

Smith & Wesson Revolver 38 special

Smoke grenades

Smurfs toy action figures

Soap set

Sodium chloride

Soft cheese

Sony MDR-1A headphone

Sony LT25 digitizers

Sony M4 cellphone digitizers

Sony PS3 wireless controllers

Sony Walkman mini radios

Stanozolol (10ML)

Stanozolol (25mg)

Stanozolol (50mg) steroids

Stanozolol vial (10ML)

Straw

Sterile needles

Steroids/dianabol

Stun gun

Sunflower seeds

Super Bowl rings

Sweet limes

Switchblade knives

Synthetic LSD

Syringes

Tag Huer watch (counterfeit)

Toyota emblems

Tulsky SVT40 rifle

Turkey sandwich (1kg)



Turtle meat from NK 434

Unknown beige rock

Unknown blue pills

Unknown blue tablets

Unknown leaves

Unknown pill

Unknown plant

Unknown seeds

Unknown white pills

Unknown white pills- with dividing line

Unknown white round pills

Unknown yellow pills

US currency concealed in G hand bag

US currency concealed in grey Guess bag

US currency concealed in LV purse

US currency concealed in Mickey mouse bag

Usain Bolt tee shirt

Viagra (counterfeit)

Viagra labels

Vitamin B6

Wells Fargo Cashier’s Check ($50,000)

Xanax

X-Box One controllers

Yam

Yellow bars with silver rings

Yellow colored watch

Zeiss rifle scope (counterfeit)

Zolpidem

Again, this is an incomplete list. But if you want to see the full list, I’ve uploaded it here.


Florida, seized items (May 25, 2016 - August 25, 2016)