I know of Muslim women who, in an effort to preserve their virginity, have anal sex. Anal sex is not, after all, “real sex”. This is interesting because they seem to forget that doing the act of “the people of Lot” is expressly forbidden in Islam.

Before you start laughing at this appalling loophole, you should know that there is more to it than what might appear at first glance. Some women are actually coerced into undergoing a “virginity test” prior to being married off (I have discussed one such anecdote in a previous article). As ever, with the addition of just one fact, the way in which the asynchronous behavior of the faithful goes on is vindicated (if at least not understood).

The sad truth is that many of these women are often “liberal Muslims” or perhaps even outright unbelievers who are nevertheless controlled by societal standards. Less convincingly, I also know of women who actually believe this will preserve the wishes of God (never-mind the ambiguous definition of what “virginity” even is.)

Nor is this even strictly a “women’s-only” issue. Even men (who often have a much lower expectation of “sexual purity”) have deluded themselves into making up stories about what does, and does not, qualify as sex.

Now, before you go thinking that your religion encourages intellectual honesty and all that rosy nonsense, first look up the latest new-fangled Mormon guilt-fuck aptly called: “soaking.”

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Special thanks to Andrew Hall who runs the Patheos blog Laughing in Disbelief!