How I Met Adam, Part 13

Shortly after we got back to LA, I noticed a change in Adam. He loved me and was loving our life together but there was something missing for him and I could tell. When I asked him about it, he said that his career was just not what he thought it would be. He had studied hard to become a mechanical engineer and it was very frustrating to him that it hadn’t turned out like he’d hoped, but he’s not the kind of guy to just quit…so I made him quit the job he hated. Nah, just joking, he’s a big boy and I can’t make him do anything. I did start talking to him about my spiritual beliefs around money though. I don’t think God wants any of us to go out there and do something we hate just to get a paycheck. That’s money worship of a sort. I know in my heart that if we follow our bliss and do that thing that God gave us a special talent for, everything will be okay. I have long believed this and I have always landed on my feet, even through periods when I didn’t know where the next money was coming from…except that I knew it was coming from God. I told Adam that he should leave the “Shit Plant” (as he called it) and see what else was out there…so he did…through a lot of fear though and I have to hand it to him for walking through that fear and trusting God anyway. For a few months he worked in the entertainment industry. He got a job on the Showtime documentary about me so that was really cool having him on the set. He produced three runs of my play, the one in San Francisco, the one in Birmingham and the one in Kentucky. Those are great memories and I’m so glad we’ll always have them. I’m “showbiz folk” and I know that our lifestyle can drive the average “responsible” person nuts. I could tell he wanted something different. Adam likes security and that is one thing that is hard to find in the entertainment industry and almost impossible to find in the world of activism. Plus, I know that it must be hard to be part of the “Jeff Show.” I know he enjoys some of the red carpet moments, the more glamorous side of what I do, but each one of those moments represents an infinite number of very unglamorous moments; late night rehearsals, being on the road when all you want is to sleep in your own bed. To me, no one should even consider a life in the arts or of activism unless they are absolutely driven to do so. I knew that Adam had to find his own life’s calling. And he had to do it on his own. I had to stay out of it though. I am here to support him, not control him. I knew that he would come up with something that fulfilled him. Now if I were in that situation I would go to the meditation cushion, a vision quest, a sweat lodge or something like that. Not Adam. He went to the internet. It was a process of looking at what skill sets and interests matched what professions, how much certain degrees cost and what the job market looked like or was expected to look like in as many years as it would take for him to get that particular degree, what the level of job satisfaction was for people who did that job…you know, practical. In all fairness, I do believe he was praying behind my back. It wasn’t all numbers. Then one day he came in with a slight smile and a sense of resolve. “I’m going to be a doctor.” He had found his calling. That thing that he felt like served him spiritually, mentally and practically. I should have thought of it myself although it was right that he should come up with it on his own. He has a calm disposition that will serve his patients well and he is one of the smartest people I have ever met so there’s no doubt he’ll be capable. If I were sick, Adam is definitely the kind of person I’d want helping me get better.

Adam seemed to have some resistance to our setting the date for our wedding. He is more of a private person that I am. I love living my life in public. (Clearly.) I think he (like many men) wasn’t necessarily looking forward to the whole wedding thing. I had stopped pushing him to set a date. I had also noticed that he had sort of cooled off on the idea of kids. Both these things pissed me off a lot more than I let him know. To my way of thinking, he shouldn’t have accepted my proposal if he didn’t want to walk the aisle with me and I was very clear up front about the kids thing. Everyone who’s ever known me well in my life has said that the great tragedy of my life would be if I didn’t have kids. I have always had a way with them and, at the risk of sounding arrogant; I will make a great dad. Even the Iraqi kids took to me.

So along with the announcement of his future profession, Adam said, “And if you want, we can set the date for the wedding. I’ll have to go back to undergrad to take two courses before the MCAT and I’d like to do those at the University of Utah if you’ll come with me…and then we can start having kids.” Bam! Just like that. All at once. I couldn’t get to the bookstore fast enough to grab a handful of bridal magazines. (Kidding. Relax.) My life was changing fast. We had a wedding to plan and I was really looking forward to it. One day, we sat down to begin the process of planning the day I had looked forward to for my whole life. “I think it should be outside. We like the outdoors so much.” I started. “Agreed.” He said. Hey, this might turn out to be pretty easy. “And definitely a string quartet.” I added. “Can’t we just have like a boom box or something?” That was him. I just looked at him like he’s suggested we have Fred Phelps perform the ceremony. To my then future husband’s credit, he saw where this whole wedding planning thing could go terribly wrong if we tried to bring our two very different sensibilities to the process. He looked at me with those beautiful green eyes and said, “Look, you tell me what day and where and I promise to show up. Why don’t you do the planning? You’re better at this stuff than me.” I thanked him and kissed him and promised him it would be a completely painless experience for him. Then I set out, on our shoestring budget, to plan the wedding of the century.