Where Creative Writings Collide

I really enjoy the phrase “phoning it in.” It really epitomizes my approach to life lately. *Sarcasm 6 inches deep*

Here is a 10 minute free write I did awhile ago that still manages to make me chuckle every time I re-read it. Don’t worry – it isn’t supposed to make any sort of narrative sense – it really is just word vomit.

Meep eep cachunk kaboom ka-crash. Ello sue, Do you like bread? I’ve got French loaf *whack* “Bye!” I love you” In between the sheets of paper your words revolt and revolutionize the carefully planned thesis dissertation you sweated blood over into a mockery of skill and knowledge and tomorrow they will have reaped their vengeance upon you in front of the entire graduate studies committee. And when Professor Erding looks snidely down his long beaky nose at you with the air of “I was correct when I disapproved your acceptance” you are going to feel a most degrading sense of foreboding that this is just a taste of what’s to come. I like pansy wansy tooka toos and kangaroos and sunofabitch I swear to god she never pressed start on the freaking timer and I’m gonna write and write till my poor little fingers are so worn down they’re gonna call me “Brandy Nubbins!”

P.S. I wrote this more than 2 years before I ever heard the Baby Nubbins story, but the funny imagery invoked by the comparison of the two is not lost on me. *heh*

Used in a sentence, “from here to there is about 3 miles and a bittock.”

What a useful word! Why would this be leaving the dictionary?!
Here are three random examples of how this could be used:
“Its really just a bittock to the store from here!”
“I’m not walking there- its like a hundred miles AND a bittock!”
“Google maps said we should turn left in a bittock.”

I’m worndering if this word is the father of “bit.” As in “I’ll be with you in just a bit!” Seems plausible!

Your regularly scheduled word of the day and other such inanity cancelled due to a bad case of the Dizzy Nauseous Zots.

If you’ve never had the zots, lucky you. They are an electrical malfunction of the brain caused be ceasing a powerful mood altering drug or hormone treatment that sounds & feels like “zot zot” in your ear canal/entire brain. As I’m currently quitting both an anti-depressant and a hormone regimen, the Zots have claimed a victory over my day. I will now lie about my bedroom and whine childishly to my fiance about how everything is spinning, the zots are nauseating, and things are bound to end badly between us as a result of my many and varied medical ailments.

Excuse me now as I weeble wobble feebly towards the bathroom to pay homage to the porcelain god…