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Wednesday, December 13, 2006

My girlfriend quite likes the sausage

I've decided I want an MBE. How hard do you suppose it would be for me to earn one? What do you reckon I'd have to do?

For some odd reason I decided to read a load of American news today from local sources (sites of newspapers and television stations). It was very refreshing because it reminded me of why I was so eager to get out of U.S. journalism and the United States. Presently I feel like burrowing under a roadway, like one of those environmental campaigners: "I'm not coming out until you promise not to send me back!"

7 comments:

Anonymous
said...

No, you can't dunk Santa in your tea - it's true. But you can dunk snowmen in Cardiff Bay, it seems. There is something really quite mindlessly cruel about that which appeals to me more than it should. A better example than the cracker joke, I feel, of British humour - and of the base levels we are prepared to stoop to.

The MBE thing may cause you some problems, by the way. I've had my eye on one myself for quite some time now, as it happens. I think you've got to do something worthy, though, which is a bit of a bummer and a total deal-breaker.

Maybe do something for a deaf or a tramp or a homeless. Once you get your hands on the gong you can drop them like hot coals.

Bet the girlfriend is glad she's not with an Indian.And maybe the rest of us merely-average guys could move to India to be admired and feared by all. As they say, En el pais de los ciegos, el tuerto es Rey...

Astrid makes a very good point. If tea = dinner and dinner = something that Santa could conceivably be dunked in, then the whole thing falls apart. And so the joke is, in fact, no longer a joke - merely a mistake.

You might want to splash out a bit more on your crackers in future to avoid these misunderstandings. Cheap crackers are full of these inaccuracies and that just leads to upset.

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Who's writing this?

Hola. I'm Chris Cope, author of the books The Way Forward and Cwrw am Ddim. I'm originally from Austin, Texas, but through a series of terrible and wonderful events called "life," I now reside in Her Majesty's United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland -- specifically the bit that is Penarth, Wales. Occasionally I write things.