Hickeys!!??!!??!!

Hickeys are freakin’ weird. Seriously, think about it. A guy sucks on your neck until you have a bruise the size of a silver dollar, and somehow it’s “sexy” and “romantic”?
Under any other circumstances, a guy giving you a bruise is reason to press charges. What makes hickeys the exception? And why must he insist on giving them?
Granted, I’m not just blaming the guy – nine times out of ten, hickeys are complete accidents. Most people understand that nothing screams “I’M A SKANK!!” more than a giant red disfigurement on your neck. But what about the ones that are just a little toooo obvious? Two days ago, my friend Megan came home so hickey-ed that she may have very well been mauled by a small dog. What compelled Mr. Let’s Make Out Behind the Stadium to burden her with such a mark?
Reason #1: Branding. Not gonna lie, I’ve been the culprit of the tricky hickey. In high school I was hooking up with this guy on the basketball team that insisted on keeping it a secret. When he pulled off his warm ups at the biggest game of the season that year, it was definitely not a secret anymore. This may be a reason why guys give hickeys – they’re marking their territory. Hey, at least he’s not peeing on you.
Reason #2: Flashbacks. Most of us like to think we’re past the innocence of “necking” a la 1950’s high school prom. To some, hickeys are still a playful little blast from the past. I don’t know about you, but a guy’s desire to relive the glory days really doesn’t justify the pain of wearing weather-inappropriate clothing for a week.
Reason #3: Because they can. Jerks.
Reason #4: Pure Enjoyment. The object of your affection may enjoy the feeling of receiving a hickey, which can transform into two separate motives. Firstly, he may just think you enjoy them as much as he does, and wants you to experience that enjoyment. On the other hand, he may just be giving you a hint that he wants it to be his turn. Avoid the whole situation altogether – give the eager beaver a 7 day sex-mark and see how much he enjoys it.