Friday, April 12, 2013

Retroactive post - first trimester

FYI, this blog post was written in the past. It was written during those first three months of pregnancy that you feel like death, but haven’t told anyone your secret, so you suffer in SILENCE. I saved it for you all because, well not much about me is silent, let alone the suffering.
First Trimester is the WORST. Why oh why did I decide to do this again? All I did this weekend ( was lay around. I still haven’t told anyone, so I’m even lying to people about how productive I wasn’t.

It’s SO EARLY – I’m only 6 weeks. HOW AM I going to manage another MONTH of this? I remember telling Meg that the first trimester was the WORST, while she tried to argue that it the third trimester won the award. No, this is the worst, THE WORST!

I decided to pretend blog about it, so once I’m past this stage and telling people, I can post this and scare myself out of having a THIRD laugh at it when I’m feeling better.

Instead of knowing why you’ve suddenly become a crazy person, people just think you’re having a bad day dropping things in the driveway, forgetting your phone, going to bed at 8PM and crying while watching the evening news.

Headache – it is right behind my eyes and makes everything foggy. It makes my eyes heavy and thinking is hard. It reminds me of the beginning of a migraine.

Exhaustion – It doesn’t ever go away. Luckily Caroline sleeps 12 hours a night, because I’ve needed every hour of that time to try and sleep. I say TRY because as exhausted as I am, I’m having fits of insomnia. I wake up EVERY TWO HOURS. Last pregnancy I would sneak to my car to nap. This time it’s hovering around 15 degrees outside. That means no sneaking when you have to adorn a winter coat, hat and gloves just to hide in your CAR. Plus, have I ever mentioned how much I HATE the cold? No? Maybe you haven’t been READING MY BLOG. Sorry, hormones….

Dizzy spells – stand up too fast and see spots/black out

Nausea – OH THE NAUSEA. Even the saltines started to make me nauseous. The problem with the Nausea is that being hungry made it worse. Oh the irony. I would choke down crackers, dry bread or some candy, then belch for an hour and start the battle all over again.

Dehydration- I wake up in the middle of the night and it is like someone put a dusty vacuum attachment in my mouth to suck out all saliva and leaving a trail of rancidness. Today a friend recommended coconut water. Gonna buy some of that on the way home. I’ll try ANYTHING. (UPDATE, the coconut water was a FAIL)

Weight gain – YEP GAIN. Already 5lbs. That is probably the transition from a lean protein to a high carb, sugar laden diet. Those are the only foods that don’t make me nauseous. Oh and that extra weight? It’s not a pretty round bump either, instead lumpy rolls of belly fat that pull at my clothes, making them cling in all the wrong places. I’m so pretty.

GUILT – The last time I was doted on and pampered. But really no one noticed that I didn’t do much. This time I feel like the worst mother on the planet as I turn on the TV. I even find myself putting her to bed before her bedtime. I keep telling myself ‘this can’t last’ and I will make it up to her. I feel so bad that I don’t have the energy to play with her. She is so happy and all I want to do is lay on the couch.

Google “working through first trimester” and it says things like “shut your office door and take a nap” Office? Yeah right. How about working in a giant maze of cubes? Take naps during the day – oh sure, no one’s gonna notice me cozied up under my desk.

In the morning I wake up feeling like death. I go through the routine of getting dressed. I think there is NO WAY I’m going to make it through the day, and then I get the baby girl up. She really brightens my day. I want to give her my best, so I smile and sing to her each morning, despite internal misery.