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nothing feels right nothing feels wrong with so many people around still feel so alone such is the situation with the confused heart and the chaotic mind.

with so many options and numerous floating situations everything seems simple and everything seems complex where I want to get away from all the bad but also desire to grab all the good from each option forgetting the fact good comes with bad rose comes with thorn.

why am I so confused? for all the good things I want to do or for all the bad things I fear to face.

why do I feel so chaotic? for the brainstorming going in my mind with all the mind maps I am trying to create.

whatever the outcome may be chaotic minds can bring a lot of change confused heart will figure out the option may have to travel a lot here and there to very distant place in search of peace the curiosity will never die the anxiety will try to dwell but the living situation will bring light and a way to go long way such is the situation with the confused heart and the chaotic mind.

At 9 AM, she used to come in driveway and smoke everyday. My arrival time was around 9:15 until I find out her timings, observing her daily going into lift for 15 days. I began to come at 8:55, keep standing besides my cycle and incessantly looking her. I liked the way she used to stand holding the smartphone in one hand and put the cigarette in her mouth. The way she used to take every puff and blow out the smoke out of her mouth, she seemed to enjoy each moment of her smoke. She was so calm and cool that she had to use lighter or matchsticks to smoke.

she was so cool

that

I used to feel icy

when I looked at her.

she was like the river

which is flowing

and also not flowing,

I wanted to be the wind

who would

synchronize with her flow,

disturb the calmness inside her pleasantly,

always remain in touch,

whisper softly in her ears,

play with the flow,

and get along with the stream eventually.

For a whole month I observed her every day at same place, while sitting at my bicycle or standing beside it, her whole act of smoking used to bring smile on my face. I wonder why they say “smoking is injurious to health”, it was very healthy for me and for her too as she seemed more beautiful and healthy with each day passing by. One day I went to her and asked for a puff, I took a blow and coughed and she began laughing. “why did you come if you don’t smoke ?”, She asked.

I said “I just wanted a puff”

“Liar”, she said.

“I like the way you smoke.

You are so calm.”

She laughed.

Our eyes met and we passed a smile. I asked her for coffee, she said yes and then we went for a coffee. We went to Starbucks for three days and thus, we began to hang out. This continued for a while. We played music together, ate ice creams and had had great time.

I asked why did she smoke ?

She replied “why don’t you shave?”

I remained silent.

I shut up and we kept hanging out the way we used to.

She was 29,

I was 21,

she used to call me, “the kid”

and I used to call her, “the lady”.

She never let me smoke

I never let her shave my beards.

One day we decided to go on an adventure in which we would board the first train we’d see and then go on traveling for at least 2 months. For continuous 7 days after we decided on the adventure, we began going to each other’s place. Everyday we drank wine, talk continuously until we slept. Then the day comes when we were moving our adventure. We were coming from two different routes to railway station. We took first train but different trains, she reached there first and took the first train. I got a letter from a kid along with our photo.

The kid,

I am here first and as per our promise, I am boarding the first train I will see. I read your diary when I came to your place last night. I am very much touched after I read those beautiful words. I am handing this letter to a kid with our photo, I hope he will be able to deliver this letter to you. Bye. Miss you.

Well as far as my experience, vigilance and speculations have tried to look out, I don’t find any. If you find any do tell me.

Well I can say somewhat I know whom to quote as friends and who doesn’t deserve to be.

Some of things I have observed about friends are:-

No matter how much they behave rudely to you, they will always be clear from heart.

It doesn’t matter how much you fight with them after sometime you will be talking to them or finding any reason to have a little chat.

Whatever be their way of presenting but they will always be trying to help you and improve you.

It may happen that you don’t be able to observe how they are provoking you to curb your mistakes or deal with your flaws and difficulties.

They will always think your good, no matter whether they show their care for you or not.

You will always miss them.

There is neither any definition of friends nor any type of friends.

There is only one statement about them

“They are just friends or not friends.”

They are like Krishna who ran barefoot the moment he heard his childhood friend has come to see him. He din’t care about what others think about him being so rich and Sudama being so poor and even clean his feet by his own hands. They don’t care about anything else they just care about the friendship. There doesn’t come anything like wealth,standard or something like that between friends. There lies trust ,love,care and forgiveness in the friendship.