Yuppie mom to daughter trying to pet duck: Melissa! The ducks don't want you touching their heads. Actually, as a rule of thumb, don't touch bird's heads, any heads… I don't want to get a complaint that you've been patting someone's head!

–Pond, Prospect Park

Yuppie clad in yoga outfit: Yeah, but here's the thing: I actually think coconut water tastes like shit.

–25th & Lexington

Overheard by: (me too, but I've never admitted it)

Yuppie girl: And I said to her, 'I'm not racist. My best friend is black.'

–110th & Amsterdam Ave

Overheard by: ROTIROLL

Yuppie guy: So I went back, but all there was was a door labeled "wc," and I assumed that meant women and children…

Foreigner: Excusa me, sir, I get the milk, yes?Barista #1 holding steamed milk: No. You ordered a Doppio. You don’t get no milk in a Doppio.Foreigner, holding drink out to Barista #1: But the milk?Barista #1, cradling milk: No! You don’t get no fuckin’ milk! Order a fuckin’ latte, and then I’ll give you some of this milk! You can pour yourself some of that stale shit from over there, but you don’t get none of this milk!

Guy #1: Dude, are you okay? You look exhausted.Guy #2: I am. My life is so weird right now.Guy #1: Still working on the divorce?Guy #2: That’s pretty much finalized, actually. It’s this girl I started seeing last week.Guy #1: Wait, you’re dating that hot Russian chick?Guy #2: Yeah, Svetlana*. She’s a total nympho — I haven’t slept in days. She won’t leave my crotch alone. Plus, whenever we’re going at it she keeps calling me ‘Master.’ It’s fucked up.Guy #1: You just lost any chance at sympathy, asshole.