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Thursday, August 12, 2010

There are so many days that I think--this is it? this was my day? what did I do? what was it for?

I get so frustrated by the day-to-day monotony of life. When does it start? I was told after high-school that college life was just around the corner and my life would really start. Then after college--well thats when the real world hits and thats really life. And now its, well when you get married, when you have babies, when you buy a house. When does life "start"?

I've been reading the book Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist and the first chapter is simply entitled "Waiting". I love reading people's perspectives on waiting, mostly because on a daily basis I feel as if I am waiting. Waiting for life to REALLY start, waiting for my future husband, waiting to do something awesome for God, waiting to make a difference, waiting on God.. just waiting. So when I was looking up her book and saw the first chapter was entitled "Waiting", I was sold.

I want to share two paragraphs from that chapter:

"But this is what I'm finding, in glimpses and flashes: this is it. This is it in the best possible way. That thing I'm waiting for, that adventure, that movie-score-worthy experience unfolding gracefully. This is it. Normal, daily life, ticking by on our streets and sidewalks, in our houses and apartments, in our beds and at our dinner tables, in our dreams and prayers and fights and secrets--this pedestrian life is the most precious thing any of us will ever experience.
I don't want to wait anymore. I choose to believe that there is nothing more sacred or profound than this day. I choose to believe that there may be a thousand big moments embedded in this day, waiting to be discovered like tiny shards of gold. The big moments are the daily, tiny moments of courage and forgiveness and hope that we grab onto and extend to one another. That's the drama of life swirling all around us and generally, I don't even see it, because I am too busy waiting to become whatever it is I think I am about to become. The big moments are in every hour, every conversation, every meal, every meeting."

Ever since I can remember people have talked about how precious life is, don't take life for granted, each day is a gift from God. I don't think I ever really got it. I knew life was short--too short. I've seen several friends pass at too young of an age and the heartache and paralyzing of other's lives that comes with it.. including my own! But to realize and fully comprehend that this is LIFE, every single moment of every single day.. is really difficult for me to grasp. For months I have wondered, what next? When am I going to really do something with my life? When will my dreams start coming true? And then I think about the big, huge important moments that were so small at the time that I never really comprehended.

College now is such a blur to me and sadly I don't have pictures of Capture The Flag (girls vs. guys) my freshman year, or the countless hours spent watching TV and movies in my dorm room with 20+ people piled in there till 6 am the next morning. I don't have videos of my roommate and I singing and dancing to get ready to go out to eat and then come home and put on sweats and talk until 2 am. I was there, but I took it for granted.. I completely missed the magnitude of the fact that I was living my life.

I went on a mini-road trip last night to Nashville with two of my best girl friends and while we were listening to my favorite musician, eating an expensive dinner that was worth every penny, and having deep conversations about God working in our lives--I thought of the words from Cold Tangerines. I immediately took mental snap shots of those moments--the truly, significant, major yet tiny moments that make up my life. It truly is a gift from God. These small moments that we miss because we are wondering what God is up to are so precious and so wonderful.. don't miss it because you're waiting. We are here and now.

I'm not sure what the heck is going on with my life--I feel God moving and feel something headed my way, but until then I'm soaking up every single moment of my LIFE that I can. Waiting is the adventure because we spend the majority of life in waiting.

I fully believe in journaling, scrap-booking, writing, picture taking and anything necessary for you to remember the tiny moments of life. I'm big on quotes (in case you didn't know) so here is one that I came across that I have paired in the front of my day planner along with those two paragraphs, to remind me that EACH AND EVERY DAY is honestly a gift and is life. So soak it up. Love to the fullest extent you can, let go of your anger with forgiveness, laugh so much your stomach hurts the next day, and don't ever--never, ever, ever-- forget to thank God for His grace and awesomeness that is this life He gives us. Because this is it!

"Write something down: the lyrics to that song, the people that you love, the one moment today that was worth hanging on to, a conversation you want to remember, something you want to do tomorrow, a list of places you would like to see. Something that is beautiful in the middle of chaos. Write it down. Because it is real."