For years Dalrock has been one of my favorite writers. Though I rarely miss an article, I haven’t looked at the comments section in eons because nowhere else in the manosphere is there a greater chasm between my respect for an author and my utter disdain for his readership.

I had a very fortunate encounter with a young virgin Christian girl the other day, and this is the feedback I received after sending out (tasteful) photos of the encounter and sharing the story.

Said Nate: “Dalrock’s readers would fucking kill you if they saw this.”

Said Bronan: “She’s like a Dalrock reader’s wet dream. Bang of the century man.”

Said [redacted]: “Don’t send this to Dalrock. His readers would burn you at the stake lulzoloz.”

A few weeks later, Dalrock dropped this post about virginity, and as usual, he was dead-on in his assessment from a Christian perspective. Having recently found repeat success in this area, I decided to check out the comments section for the first time in ages and offer a few just the tips. Heh.

But before I could deliver my worldly wisdom, a pontificating little feller who goes by the name of “Frank” caught my attention. Writes the proud 36 year old virgin about marrying a non-virgin girl:

Yes, that’s my dream marriage, to perpetually and subconsciously be compared to former “lovers.”

Yeah, ok. Everybody knows that virgins make better wives. I get where he’s coming from. But then in another comment, Frank got a little preachy:

How about it’s best to save sex for marriage because to do anything otherwise is to disobey God’s word?

You may be tempted to argue with a guy like this – I know I sure was – but there’s really no point in even trying. It’s actually easier and more productive to argue with a feminist than a Christian, because there ain’t no hamster like a Holy Ghost hamster cuz a Holy Ghost hamster don’t stop.

Now you’d think that if premarital sex was that big of a deal, God would have put it in the Big Ten. But alas, as if some great Hebrew Twitter character limit had been imposed on Mt Sinai, it seems Moses had to condense the commandments down to ten, and premarital sex didn’t make the cut.

But that doesn’t matter. The bottom line is that guys like Frank and I would never see eye to eye on anything even though we were both arguing from the same bible. All that would happen if we engaged in biblical debate is that we’d end up slinging Gospoo at each other forever while some brown kid in Uzcrapistan died and went to hell after drinking the parasitic water we neglected to baptize him in.

God moves in mysterious ways.

You can’t win when you argue with Christians, so for the remainder of this article let’s forgo biblical debate and just use Frank’s comments as a shining example of why Christian men like him in no way deserve the virgin church girl they desire. The comments section from the Dalrock article linked above sets the stage perfectly.

We open with a whiney comment from a virgin chick named alcestiseshtemoa:

The first post is News Flash: You Probably Won’t Marry a Virgin. This is going to get me slapped, or disdained, but why? Why? Why?

Frank embarrasses himself with a stunning display of White Knightery:

Not me. My heart hearts your virginity. Don’t ever let anyone treat you like something less of a human being because of it.

Then the virgin chick, overcome by the stench of beta, slaps him down:

Thank you Frank but don’t repeat the compliment. I don’t need a beta orbiter.

Frank promptly acknowledges his beta orbiter status through an act of compliance with a side of butthurt:

Duly noted. *puts alcestiseshtemoa on ignore*

I decided to be rude. Not my best work, but I was distracted by Family Guy reruns on TBS, so cut me some slack:

Oh, and Frank, you’re a fag dude. “I don’t need a beta orbiter.” Hahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahaha. Called out by a chick in your own corner of the web. Priceless.

In response, Frank gets overly theatrical and snarky in a way that’s only manly when I do it:

Whatever I said to offend you, I’m sorry and I promise I’ll never do it again *he says in his best beta/delta/gamma/omega voice* Hugsies? *holds out arms*

I decided to point out the obvious:

If the body of Christ has a vagina, it’s you, bub.

Then the virgin girl made another appearance – but this time in defense of Frank. It was clear to her that Frank couldn’t handle his own battles, so she lowered her wings like an old mother hen does when her biddies are in danger and offered him shelter:

Edward Thatch, that was disrespectful of Frank. He’s not a fag (virgin men are not fags). Just leave him alone.

Now here comes the lulz. Frank, after scurrying under mother hen’s wings of protection, supplicated again. Then in a failed attempt to balance out his betaness, he followed it up with a poorly delivered alpha retort that he probably lifted from ROK or le Chateau. As his comment fell flat, Jesus wept:

Thanks for the defense, dear sister. Now shut up and go get me my sandwich. Don’t forget the pickles either! You ALWAYS forget the pickles.

Frank’s all-too-common toxic blend of Christian beta and horribly delivered alpha try-hard nonsense is the kind of thing that awakens the virgin church girl’s inner Nero. Shit like this is why the Romans built coliseums and bred lions. Then again, guys like Frank leave the door wide open for men like me to swoop in and capitalize on the situation after they’ve rendered every virgin vagina within a three pew radius drier than a popcorn fart.

How did I approach my latest virgin girl? I left the cocky and aloof game in the bar where it belongs and conducted myself like a gentleman who’s not ashamed of his dick. I took both of her hands, looked her straight in the eye and said:

“I’m going to kiss you now.”

She responded “Why do I have the feeling that I’m going to be kissed even if I say no.”

This is where the Christian beta would second-guess himself and try to convince her that he’s not the kind of guy who would ever in a million years force a kiss on her.

Amateurs.

I smiled, pulled her in close and planted a big one on her.

In the church foyer.

During a missions conference.

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She rewarded my masculine confidence two nights later by giving me the virginity she had been saving for her future husband. But I can’t take all the credit, because there was a spread working in my favor. Her actions were not only to reward my masculinity, but also to punish the bipolar beta behavior of the “good Christian men” like Frank who had been orbiting her like little fairies since she was 14 years old.

These guys are sweet, but they’re too sweet. I want to be the girl in the relationship. But then their sweet goes away and they say really mean and hurtful things thinking it’s funny I guess, and then they go back to acting like a girl again. I can’t figure these guys out – I’m like, ‘can’t they just be a man for one minute?’

If you’re a red pill Christian man who isn’t all hung up on premarital sex, and you realize cocky is only intriguing to a woman when she knows there’s a cock at the end of it, then more power to you. Game on. But if you’re some 30+ year old Christian virgin whining about not being able to do what I did with the kind of girl who allegedly doesn’t exist anymore, here is a little advice for you:

Stop trying to be some Christian/player hybrid. You suck at both.

What do you think this is? This is the big leagues, man. We’re not dealing with some church virgin who is only a virgin because she’s ugly or not old enough to have consensual sex. We’re not talking about your typical church slut reclaimed “born-again virgin.” This is the crème de la crème; the seminary graduate who plays four different instruments; the young woman who somehow manages to be attractive in conservative apparel; the girl who loves and respects her mom and dad, wouldn’t say shit if she had a mouth full of it, never misses a Sunday service, is openly submissive, leans conservative, and wants nothing more than to be a dedicated wife and a good mother someday.

You better get your act together man, or you’re going to miss out. I swear that outside of cults and a few backwater farms, there can’t be more than 100 girls of this quality left in America who aren’t unfortunate looking, fat or acne-ridden social retards.

Would you like to know how you could have successfully cockblocked me and won the virgin girl? Well, here you go, pal. This advice is absolutely free since I wouldn’t feel right about charging you for something you’ll probably never use.

When men like me come around to poach your virgins…

I. Refrain from boasting about your Godliness in an attempt to make me look like a heathen.

Every time you say something boastful, I’ll look at her and wink while she grins from ear to ear at your expense. This will create a form of relationship between us which automatically excludes you.

II. Resist the urge to trash me.

Her natural reaction will be to defend me, and when I handle your criticisms with grace, tact, and a wee bit of dismissiveness, she’ll come to respect my judgment and follow my lead. Say what you will about me, but when my response is “Frank said that? Which one is Frank again? Nope, can’t place him.” you’re dead in the water. In one short statement, I will have labeled you in her mind as a man who feels threatened by someone who doesn’t even know he exists.

III. Don’t be a Frank-like dickweed Alpha/Beta/Christian/PUA/virgin hybrid mongrel with shit game.

While you’re White Knighting over her virginity, I’ll be the man who kisses her lips instead of her ass. While you’re negging her with stupid comments about sandwiches and pickles, I’ll be the man who realizes that a base-level of masculinity is all it takes to garner and keep her attention.

IV. Stop wondering why she wants a guy like me, and realize that she actually doesn’t.

She’d much rather have a Godly, non-whiney, less bitchy version of you. But since you can’t deliver, I’m her only option. What’s a virgin who wants to hold out til marriage going to do if there are no marriageable Christian men around and her clock starts ticking?

Me. The guy who only shows up to church once in a blue moon. The guy who does whatever the hell he wants. The guy who can quote more scripture off the cuff from memory while drunk than her pastor can with two hours of prep time. I’m the Christian bad boy extraordinaire; the irreverent backslidden black sheep with a heart of gold who treats her like a lady, loves his mother, and visits little old church ladies in the hospital.

As a woman with multiple years of proven strength of character to her credit, she could easily resist my charms. Yet she chooses not to resist because the alternative is you.

V. Don’t warn her about my past; it’ll just set me up to pass her shit tests like a champ.

She’ll expect me to deny my past or get defensive when she brings it up. You’ll be salivating in the shadows waiting for her to levy the critical blow that will thwart my attempt to gain access to her. But unfortunately for you, it’ll go down like this (verbatim):

“So I hear you’re some kind of a player man. Are you?”

“Thou sayest it.”

Oh yeah. I can kick it up a Christian bad boy notch by quoting Jesus vs. Pontius Pilate. She’s sharp as a tack, so she’ll get the reference and instantly appreciate the symbolism. Then she’ll laugh at me for comparing myself to Jesus, and I’ll go off on some comedy routine about how I’m pretty sure one of my ancestors was Jesus’ bodyguard – but he had to be let go because he clearly wasn’t very good at his job.

VI. Remember that a virgin is far more valuable than a guy who hasn’t gotten laid yet.

The word virgin literally means “maiden.” A man can be abstinent, but he cannot be a virgin because virginity entails the safeguarding of a womb to ensure paternity. Traditionally, it’s important for a woman to be a virgin, and it’s important for a man to marry a virgin. Women show value by keeping their virginity, men show value by taking it. Whether this happens before or after marriage for a Christian man is a personal choice or biblical mandate depending on his interpretation of scripture, but it does very little to build his value in the eyes of a woman. In fact, if a Christian male’s abstinence builds any value in a woman’s mind at all, it has more to do with his ability to stay true to his principles than his actual lack of sex.

Virginity is her honor, and her gift to a man in exchange for his protection and leadership. What many beta Christian guys like Frank will never understand is that they don’t deserve a virgin because they simply haven’t fulfilled their end of the bargain. Their lonely dick is not an acceptable substitute for the Alpha qualities she seeks.

“I know what we did last night was a sin, and I know I’ll regret it. But just so you know; I may regret the sin, but I’ll never regret you.”

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