When I’m manic I love myself so much it feels like I might burst into a thousand glittering pieces

I want to hug myself to death, rub myself to death, push and pull and tug myself to death

I would be fine dying in my own sparkling arms except I can’t sit still

My self-esteem is off the charts

A happiness that is unprecedented, unparalleled to any emotion that anyone has ever experienced

Ever

With each brilliant breath I’m the best there ever was and the best there will ever be

I’m so perfect I can’t sleep

It’s hard to put into words the surging joy that floods my veins

This dazzling radiation bleeding into my body

This divine realization that

Everything I do is amazing

Every thought I have is genius

Everything about me is undeniably magnificent

Everyone around me admires me, loves me, or else eyes me suspiciously because they’re jealous

Envious of my non-stop rattled chatter, my cracked shaking hands, my twirling shimmering thoughts, the light that blinds everyone but me

Anything is possible

I’m alive and luminous, energetic and iridescent, bedazzled with sharp edges

So painfully bright and viciously lovely

My smile takes up an entire room, my laugh overwhelms the neighborhood, the city can’t keep me under control

I’m in charge of the future

Listen and latch on to my glistening plans because I am always too shiny and right to be regular and wrong

I always forget how to be lonely and how to feel inadequate

My doubts dissolve into piercing colors and wild lights and the true blessing is that I see the beauty in everything

Especially in myself

Suddenly I own an exquisite body

A body that I usually hate

My self-loathing mercilessly drowned in insatiable desire

A body so unapologetically mesmerizing and electrifying that it doesn’t need to eat

I live on embers and bright ideas; I get my energy from the sun and the moon and the stars and the freckles playing patterns on my pale skin

I’m elated and ecstatic and all around exaggerated; I’m the embodiment of everything extraordinary

I’m fractured and blissful

To die in my own fire would be a breathtaking dream

My mind on mania is everything beautiful, indulgent, and sick

A love affair that leaves me broken and cursed and dangerously infatuated

It’s hard treating this disease when it feels like it’s the best thing about me

I guess I love bipolar more than I love myself