Week 2, The Spread Will Save the Seahawks, Exactly Like It Did Last Season

Okay, so you know when you put that swear jar out and you told yourself every time you swore you would put a quarter in the jar and then, one day, you would be able to buy yourself a new flat screen TV? Well, congratulations, after Sunday’s game, you’ve earned yourself a month-long, Price Is Right-esque European vacation highlighted by a week in Paris, a weekend in Venice, and the running with the bulls in Pamplona, Spain—all because the Seahawks lost in the most gut-wrenching way possible. Remember when the Nazis faces melted off during Raiders of the Lost Ark? That is my sense-memory of this game. It was traumatic. Like, Saturday night, I went to bed after seeing the girl I liked cuddling on the couch with another guy, had a text conversation with her the next morning where she told me if we dated she would do it again and I should get used to it, but still the worst thing that happened to me this weekend took place exclusively on Sunday between 1:00PM – 4:00PM PST.

A Mr. Miyagi moment really helped me here.

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There will be limited analysis of this game.

Every week, I strive to bring a unique perspective to the Seahawks. I’m a huge fan. If you’re ever at Nickerson Street Saloon in Fremont during a game, I’m the guy who screams “Sea-” to the whole bar after a touchdown. My favorite thing is football and the Seahawks. All I want is to make people like football more. It sounds corny and foolish but it motivates me to do this blog.

Because I want people to love football and the Seahawks, I will write zero analysis on this game. Okay, I lied. Mike Morgan is no longer allowed on the field. Beside that, all I will say is that football is a tactical game. It’s the supreme-example of organized-conflict. 22-players line up, each having a specific job, and then for a few seconds they do those jobs. Once they are done, 22-players take a breather before lining up again. Due to the nature of football, one cannot always depend on superstars like in basketball. If the game plan is bad, the schemes are weak and the half-time adjustments are poor—week 2 will happen.

RIP, week 2 of the 2016 season.

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Respect.

This guy is on Medicare and is eligible to receive Social Security benefits. Keep that in mind.

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So are the Seahawks a bad team?

No, they are not. But, while football anxiety eats at our bare souls, let’s consider a few things. The Huskies football squad is 3-0 and averaging 49 points/game. They are currently 9th in the AP rankings. And I was fortunate enough to have a roommate—no, not the one who was cuddling eyes-closed, all-up-in-each-others-shit with the girl I like—who invited me to tailgate with his family and provided a ticket into the game. Let me tell you, this Husky squad looks promising. Husky fans have a lot to be hopeful for, and non-Husky fans have the potential to take their hatred to a new level. Also, the Mariners are on a 9-2 stretch since August 8th. At this time of this writing, they are 2 games out in the wild card race. Oh, and they are 9 games above .500! This team is surprisingly formidable, and of course it’s just in time for Felix Hernandez to discover mortality as an athlete.

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How Can the Hawks Beat the 49ers?

Setting aside week 2, the Seahawks have some legacy problems.

One, Kam Chancellor’s pass coverage is regressing. Kam is popular so I treat him with kid-gloves, but this dude is on the decline and the ride is getting steeper. Kelcie McCray’s fill-in role for Kam in 2015 was solid, definitely an above-average performance. Maybe in this defense, surrounded by these athletes, given the right opportunities, he might elevate his game up a notch or two. Right now, I think he’s the smarter football player. In passing situations, I want him in there every time. The secondary is smash-mouth, but when the pass rush disappears, the squad gets toasted.

Two, Christine Michael is playing above his head. He’s so much better than I ever expected, even considering the fumble. But, man, if he could learn how to blitz pickup and set a real-man block…

Three, Darrell Bevell won me during the 2015 season. I still like this guy, but he turns from Dr. Jekyll into Mr. Hyde at times. When a rush is getting to Russell, Bevell’s play calling falls apart. He gets predictable, using similar formations in successive plays. He calls to the edge, hoping space will create breathing room, but it rarely works, and too often our smallish receivers get lit up, including Doug Baldwin. My back hurts for him. (Wow, I swore I wouldn’t talk about week 2. By the way, the guy who was cuddling with the girl I like, he told me an hour before he did this that we were family and I was his brother. I’ve known him less than a month, and I already have a family).

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Good Work.

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Five Pass-Catchers Can Save the Offense

The Seahawks two-minute, spread-offense is fantastic! With Wilson’s ankle in tape for the foreseeable future, the spread is exactly the way to use him. Just stretch those defensive-backs across the field, let Russ read the defense from the shotgun, he’ll decide where to go pre-snap—boom! It’s a simple, elegant solution. Also, the offense throws a lot of north-south in that package and the results are usually promising. This sideline garbage is Mr. Hyde-Bevell. It’s him reaching into the cookie jar. As a play caller, he sabotages himself by refusing to take the easy out. Hey, play to a defense once-and-a-while. Sometimes it’s okay to dink-and-duck. Sometimes it’s okay to win the war of a thousand paper cuts. [Enter third analogy]. If the running game is broken, then let it break. Don’t run on 1st down. Don’t run on consecutive plays. Target your possession receiver—again and again. Play some real cowardly shit, lose the dick-measuring contest, but get the W, and come out full-throttle next week.

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I kid you not, not only did the girl I like obnoxiously cuddle with another guy (in front of me, no less, so it was intentional) on the couch, not only did the Seahawks lose this game, but Microsoft Word crashed when I was trying to spellcheck this document and I had to do some deep Google searches to locate my temp folder and get this whole thing back. (And this was the third time I had to Google search how to do this in the last few years. Why don’t I bookmark the webpage already?) During the game, one of my closest female friends told me, “This girl is exactly like I was when I was young. Don’t talk to her again.” Sooooooooo… Tomorrow, I’ll be burning bridges. Tonight, I’m heading out to karaoke to introduce myself to a few females and get my confidence sorted out. Thanks for reading. This really helped me through week 2.

BRING ON WEEK 3!!!!