7/14/2011

I got a job at a sporting goods store. A few days ago, I got my first paycheck in 6+ months.



I'm so pumped, I pull the car onto the lawn and sprint inside. Skyler pauses his COD game and is like, "What's the deal?"



I'm like, "I got paid. We're going on a road trip."



He's like, "You should probably help out with rent first."



I'm like, "New Orleans."



He's like, "One second."



Skyler goes to the kitchen, grabs a case of LS and his tub of protein powder and is like, "Ok, let's go."



Jeb crashes out of the bathroom, pants around his ankles, issue of Redbook in hand and is like, "I want to go, too."



I don't give him a verbal response but he winds up coming. Whatever, I guess.



We arrive in New Orleans 8 hours later with no hotel reservation, basically no money, and nowhere to park the car.



I convince Jeb to let me out in front of the Hard Rock cafe so I can "scope things out". By "scope things out" I mean "forget they exist, get trashed, and grind on ladies."



I make my way though an ocean of hotties, when I realize that I am really thirsty. I remember that not getting enough fluid reduces muscle mass. I dive into this place, Mango Mango, which basically looks like the crappiest convenience store in the world.



I'm like, "Which slushy is the cheapest?"



The cashier's like, "They're all $8.50."



I'm like, "Fine. Give me blue."



I chug it in like a minute. I'm like, "More."



$17 dollars later I'm feeling better than I have in my life.



Half way through number 3 I'm like, "What do you put in these slushies? They're freaking amazing."



She's like, "They're not slushies, they're daiquiris and they're highly alcoholic."



I'm like, "Hold on."



I get up and find the nearest ATM. I use the maximum cash withdrawal on my credit card. I walk back into Mango, Mango.



I'm like, "Let's get started."



I come to 16 hours later. I'm in the car, we're outside of Houston. Jeb is nuzzled into my armpit and snoring. I am wearing an XXL t-shirt with "Poo Dat?" printed on it. It is liberally encrusted with daiquiri syrup and body fluids.



Mango, Mango.